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ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

The Missing Scunt List


There’s a lot of lists in the scunt package this year, but they forgot to include this one. The items on this special list
should be forwarded directly to the Enginoods staff (or whoever happens to be at the Bar in Poets). Alternatively, they
can be judged by Sue Gooding or Wayne Short.
The statue of Liberty Lord Stanley Kaiser Soze
The TOOL Paul Stanley Real Montreal smoked meat
Porn Les Paul Someone who is mostly dead
The u of T Cannon Monkeys A Flaming Homer
The Lakehead Cannon The Monkees Salsa Shark
The Head of John the Baptist A friend with crabs Land Shark
Porn A friend with shrimp Tyler Durden
The shroud of Turin A friend with steak Tyler Morin
Stop Signs No friends with salad A space Monkey
Yield Signs The clap A sea monkey
A University Ave sign The clapper A code monkey
A 110 km/hr speed limit sign A new car! Chilled monkey brains
The cherries off a cop car Dave Johnston A still-beating human heart
Porn Dave Clegg The flying car
One cop (or just the bloody ear) A semi-competent EngSoc Prez Dante’s left foot
A 15 pack of beer The city of Atlantis A hat thrown over a wall
A 40 of 50 The city of Atlanta The letter FUCK (we haven’t said Fuck in a while)
A free beer for the editors Ted Turner The metric alphabet
Tits Ted Nugent Floor Wax/Dessert topping
King St. flush (a King st N,S,E, and W HBO Bag-o-glass
sign) Adebisi’s gravity-defying hat Johnny Switchblade
Illegal Drugs Meadow Soprano The Holy Grail
Illegal Sex Heavy water The suitcase from Pulp Fiction
Illegal Aliens U-238 The suitcase from Joe vs the Volcano
Legal Aliens A bomb casing The cat in the hat
Sigourney Weaver Blueprints of the white house A cat in a blender
The Stanley Cup A sled named Rosebud A blender in a cat
Thrill Kill
A Colecovision
A Commodore 64
Amiga
Amoeba
Alan Turing in a dress
J. Edgar Hoover
Zuul
The four bikers of the Apocalypse
A pan-galactic gargle blaster
A Screaming Viking
A little of the ‘ol Ultra-Violence
Milk Plus
A fire truck
An ambulance
A tank
A Mibatsu Monstrosity

“Leave the gun. Take the Cannoli.”


WHY THE CURRENT PROGRAMMERS SUCK BALLS
And you thought Dave Clegg was the only person we made fun of

Ten Reasons Why the Programmers Suck this Term


1) Programmers should NOT hoard PBD-you’re fucking programmers
2) Get your fucking shit together before Friday at 11:30
3) Frosh week is fucking over-we don’t want to see the fucking video anymore (it was shitty
anyway)
4) You do NOT turn off the Clerks cartoons-they’re funny (and better than Jay and Silent Bob
Strike Back)
5) NOT ENOUGH PORN
6) It IS possible to get a day of decent TV out of a week-FIND IT!
7) Cause they’re not us
8) Try showing some shit that we haven’t seen a billion times already
9) Insufficient Simpsons
10) More nudity, more violence, and more coarse language.

Poets Programming Bingo


Since they always play the same movies in Poets every term, play bingo with us! The first person to
get a bingo gets a free hat and P**5 points-plus you get to be the new programmers!

P O R N O

1 Braveheart The Usual Suspects Back to the Future Pulp Fiction Men In Black

2 Star Wars Lord of the Rings Gladiator Princess Bride Die Hard

Happy Gillmore
3 The Sixth Sense Starship Troopers (This is almost a The Matrix Animal House
freebe!)

4 Ferris Bueller's Day off Reservoir Dogs Fight Club Army of Darkness Clerks

5 Spaceballs Terminator 2 Toy Story Ghostbusters Indianna Jones

“It’s never just business-it’s always personal”


IT DAMMIT!
SUBM
SHIT THAT TAKES UP LOTS OF SPACE

24 2A Civ
PBD TOTALS If each person in your class had one beer, you’d have more than this
21 3B ComESutra Comps are in second-this is indeed a sad day
20 2A Mech (Long Wrench Big Nuts) Worst class name ever
9 Ringed My cat’s breath smells like cat food
7 4A Chem (FuCHEMmole) We thought the mech class had the worst name ever-we were wrong
7 Idiots Let me guess-Comps and Dum Fucking Frosh
6 2B Comp (Hard Booty) More fucking comps?
5 3B The Hype Why are there two fucking 3B comp classes?
5 1A Mech (8) 8? Is that a fucking name or something?
5 Managers We have five managers? Must be B-Soc
2 9Q Chen-Wing Two beers exclamation point
The Family Surecuss By Kill Beane
Bush at his Finest… which isn’t saying much.
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”
“I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy.”
“I think anybody who doesn’t think I’m smart enough to handle the
job is underestimating.”
“The French don’t even have a word for Entrepreneur.”
“Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know
it.”
“Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is-I’m not sure 80 percent of
the people get the death tax. I know this: 100 percent will get it if I’m
the president.”
“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
“Fucking Hangover. Where the fuck am
I? Was that my teacher who just walked
into the washroom? And why is my ass
sore?”

“Don’t ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever.”
THE ENGINOODS MAILBAG, OR, SHIT WE DIDN’T HAVE
TO MAKE UP OURSELVES!
Dave Clegg Limerick Contest Submissions!
Note-We’re actually printing all of the submissions exactly as we received ‘em. Not only does this mean that everyone
gets to see their shit in print, but it means that everyone else can mock your poetic ability, and we can fill a whole page
with shit that we didn’t have to write. We should do this more often-enjoy!

There once was a man named Dave Clegg There once was a man named Dave Clegg
Who thought he could make out with Meg Who’d often bend over and beg
He made his move, they started to groove On finding pictures at large
Only to find out she had a third leg Of his own putrid discharge
Score-meh He converted them all to .jpeg
Score: derivative
There once was a man named Dave Clegg
Who thought he could drink a whole keg There once was a man named Dave Clegg
He drank one or two, then started to spew For breakfast ate bacon and egg
And then he fell down on a peg For brunch he liked toast
Score: tepid At luncheon a roast
(submitted by Fanboy) Dinner he’d eat out this girl Meg
Note to fanboy-we don’t like typing your shit out- Score: noxious
email the fucking stuff next time.
There once was a man named Dave Clegg
Gentlemen, your limerick: Attended a party with keg
There once was a man named Dave Clegg He drank like a prawn
With his penis duct-taped to his leg. Then passed out on the lawn
The size of his erection And awoke with a man on his peg
Was too small to mention, Score: bloated
So he thought he could hide its true size by taping
it. There once was a man named Dave Clegg
Confused often his prick with his leg
What? You fuckers stopped putting effort into He went down to the cunt shop
making fun of Clegg long ago, so why should we be To engage in a cock hop
any different? Came once then jerked off using egg
Score: superfluous-and fucking confusing...
Sincerely,
Felter Snatch (Whining loser)
Score: contrived

This week’s contest-Limericks again (cause they’re fun!).


Since we’re equal opportunity offenders, your first line is:
A prez named Leanne had a duck
Again, sumbit to noods02@hotmail.com, blah blah blah free hat.

WERE YOU OFFENDED?


If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon.

“A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.”

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