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ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

Oktoberfest Spectacular!
Bad Dirty Jokes in English Translated to German, then back to English!
LITTLE BILLY ON ...GETTING OLDER
Little BILLY sat on a park bank, which is on a Suessigkeitstab after others munching. After 6. the one, a man in the bank said Son knowing
you over here of him, the meal of this whole sweet isn.t, which is good for you. It gives you acne, rots your teeth and forms you for fat.
Little BILLY answered, My grandfather lived, to be over old 107 years. OH -?. the manual answered. Your grandfather eat 6
Suessigkeitstaebe did one behind the other?. No., answered wenigem Billy, he worried about its own fucking business!!.

LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY


A teacher asks it that category, If there 5 of birds are, which on one fenceand sit, which you shoot one of them, how many? are left. It asks
for little BILLY. It answers, None, it becomes all fly away with the first Gunshot.. The teacher answers, The is correct answer 4, but I like
your thinking. Then little BILLY, I credit says a question for IT. It gives the ice cream to 3 women, who sit on a bank, has: One licks
tenderly the sides of the three-way shovel of the ice cream. The second devours down the top side and sucks the cone. The Third bit away
from the top side of the ice cream. Which one? one connects. The teacher, very much erroetend, answers, wave, take I that.s devoured
down the top side and sucked the cone on. To which small answered BILLY, The is on correct answer the one with
wedding the ring, but I like your thinking.

LITTLE BILLY ON...MATH:


Little BILLY decreases/goes back home from the school and says it received an F in arithmetic. Why?. asks the father.
The teacher asked, How, which is much 2x3? . I said 6th answered BILLY. But correct that.s!. says his dad. Yeah
however then asked it me, is How much 3x2?.. What.s fucking the difference? . asks the father. That.s, which I! said

LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:


Little BILLY goes to the school, and which teacher says, Today, which we will learn multi-syllable of words, category.
Does everyone have an example multi-syllable of a word?. BILLY says. Mas tur bate.. Ms Rogers smiles and says,
Wow, little BILLY, that.s a Mouthful.. Little BILLY says, you.re thinking NO, Ms Rogers, of blowjob.

LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR:


Little BILLY sat in the category one day. The whole sudden, he had to go to the bathroom. It kreischte out. Ms Jones,
I must take a Piss!!. Ms Jones answered, Now, BILLY, which is NOT the correct word to the use in this situation. The
correct word, which you would like to use, is urinate.. Use please the word urinate. in a sentence correctly and in me
permits you to go. Little BILLY thinks for a point, then, You.re says eight, but, if you had larger Tits, is you.d 10!.

LITTLE BILLY ON ....GRAMMAR AGAIN:


One day, while the lessons on correct grammar, the teacher asked for an appearance of the hands of those, which could use the word
beautiful. in the same sentence twice. First it asked for little Suzie, which with reacted, the My father, my nut/mother a beautiful dress was
bought and it looked in it beautifully. The good Very, Suzie. answered the teacher. It asked then for small Michael. Mine mommy planned a
beautiful flank and it failed beautifully. The teacher reacted, to Excellent, Michael!. Then it asked against-striving for little BILLY. Yesterday
evening, to evening tables, explained to my father my sister that it was more schwanger, and it said Beautiful, straight bumsen beautifully!.

THE ENGINOODS GOT A FUCKING WEBSITE!


Visit us online to read current issues and our archive! Plus, if you make it your homepage, you win a
FREE HAT! This isn’t just a normal hat, it got a feather and is free! Check out our webpage:

http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods/
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...

You’re not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays.
FILLER
Like the ash in your cat food,the water in your beer, and the meat in your burgers!

“Get her!” That was your whole plan. I like it; it was scientific.
THE BEER PAGE. NO FILLER!

2A Civ
PBD TOTALS 186 Pathetic this should be your score after 1 week!
1A Civ 165 Frosh... well it’s actually a normal score for frosh.
3B Civ (MaCiv Plumb Bobs) 102 Well.. at least you got 100... too bad it took 5 weeks
Ringed 47 Mmmm Beer
3B ComESutra 47 Clearly, Beer and Comps DON’T mix
3B Mech 34 Don’t you have a class name?
2A Mech (Long Wrench Big Nuts) 22 We wish you didn’t have a class name.
2B Comp (Hard Booty) 15 That’s not a bad class name. But drink more.
2A Software (SE-Xperts) 14 Prove it.
3B The Hype 13 We still don’t believe it.
12N A Gupta -27 Beer is the one running this school!

Quotations:
"Arguing with an Engineer is like mud wreslin’ with a pig, after a while, you begin to realize that they like it"
— Alan Smithee, Yesterday

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. — Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. — Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way
to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. — Dave Barry

All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with
beer. — Homer Simpson

Always store beer in a dark place. — Robert Heinlein

Good people drink good beer. — Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Drunk: Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?


Willy: No, but I’ve had several out-of-beer experiences that were just about as bone-chilling as you can get.
— Willy ‘n Ethel

Here we have grain, from which any idiot can make bread, but for which God intended a higher purpose. Gentle-
men, let us discuss beer. — Friar Tuck (paraphrased)

This is all thousands of years old. It’s the same the world over. Anyone who has ever walked upright has loved
beer, celebrated over it, told talks over it, hatched plots over it, courted over it. It’s what we do as a species. It’s
what makes us human. We brew. — Alan Eames (paraphrased)

I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.


THE ENGINOODS MAILBAG OR
STUFF YOU WROTE/STOLE!
Dean Contest Submissions!
Fan Mail
Peter North- Good Canadian boy richly deserves the honour after years of We didn’t write this, nor do we endorse it, nor do we perticularly understand
hard, hard work. Could go by Dean Matt Ramsey if feeling gay. what it means, but we do puclish it!

Darth Vader- Jedi throat crushing technique would be handy for uncoopera- Yo Nood-knobs,
tive faculty members. Fictional character status a drawback.
Your fag ass stinks like your mom’s cunt on the rag! You dirty FCuk lovers,
The Tool- Instant respect and adulation from undergrads a plus, but there douche before you queef next time! You guys couldn’t manage offensive if you
might be problems with unresponsiveness, general inanimate facade. Meet showed a german scheisse flick featuring your ugly asses getting reamed by
the Dean and Meet the Tool could be combined in frosh week to save time Martha Stewart’s army of the undead. I bet you baboon-assed jizz-lappers even
and effort. feel sorry for Clegg, don’t you? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU CRAZY! Clegg’s
an engsoc president. It has no feelings! Besides, it has a twin, who’s much
The Copy Centre Ladies- Is anyone in engineering more feared? Massive better! You need to make more fun of Clegg. As the for the new dean, I suggest
collection of Scottish postcards could be submitted in lieu of an actual one of the girls at the Badda Bing. The reason? They’ve got huge tits, give
engineering diploma. good head, and are a cagey bunch of bitches. If we’re going to whore ourselves
out for funding, it should someone who knows how do it right.
Clarence- Extensive experience with overpriced, under-utilized tools could
play out well in faculty relations. Relentless grouchiness ought to cow Now I’m done with you,
rambunctious administrators.
Ricky fuck-the-machine Roma
Saddam Hussein- Could throw a few skuds at other schools that give us
trouble. Biological weapons of mass destruction program could take the Did you take your medication today? If you did, can we get some, if you
chemical engineering department to new heights. Watching the full power of didn’t, please get us some! Even with all your ranting, we don’t think you
the American military overrun CPH would be kinda neat. deserve a FREE HAT.

Brad Pitt- Might finally put UW onto that damned Macleans cover. Could People who solved the Chemicals Puzzles:
provide weekly commentary when POETS plays Fight Club. Bonus:
Jennifer Aniston. Wet Feline
Stan Darsh
God- Why not eliminate the middle man? Anyone who caused problems
could safely be assumed to be an agent of Satan and eliminated. Forcing You both get FREE HATS!
Him to answer to President Johnson could destroy the holy order and cause
our world to erupt in Armageddon, but it’s a chance worth taking. FAT CAT, YES, YOU ARE A MORON!
A prez named Leanne had a duck
(Whining Loser) It decided to try out its luck
He picked up Dave,
How about Red Green? He’s crazy, and knows how to use duct Started to misbehave
tape… But when Dave tried to pull out he got stuck
(Fat Cat)
(Wet Feline)
Well, it actually rhymed, so you get a hat. Oh, and thanks for the compli-
ment!

This week’s contest: Write a joke with this as the punchline:


I don’t care what you dipped him in, bring him here.
Submit your FREE HAT to noods02@hotmail.com

WERE YOU OFFENDED?


If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon.

Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!

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