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" SHOWS Okay, here are my reviews of two popular televisions shows currently running in these United States. The Two Coreys (A&E)--A reality t.v. show, soi-disant, placing Corey Haim in the Corey Feldman household. Menage a trois it ain't. Corey F. is married and his wife (a rather charming, sensible young woman) really doesn't take to Corey H. One soon feels she is completely justified, as Mr. Haim is a horrible house-guest, inconsiderate and though he may be momentarily free of his addictions (one wonders after watching certain behavior) he pretty much has the manners, metabolism and neediness of a meth-fiend. He makes a shambles of their home and (nearly) their marriage. What's really sad is Corey Feldman seems to have a good marriage and to be supporting himself with his marginal status in the acting biz (the house looks to be a 3 or 4 million dollar property to me) whereas Corey Haim seems to be a likely candidate for a relapse from recovery, a likely candidate to end up screaming obscenities at 3 a.m. from a cardboard box with ice crystals beginning to form white fur on it. One can see that Corey Feldman and his wife are "good people" and that the friendship between the two Coreys is real...the usual sinister machinations to produce drama seem to be mostly the work of nefarious producers, etc., and though they happen offscreen you can easily smell them. I think the series may be over as the last episode in the marathon ended with Corey Haim being kicked off the premises, full of self-pity and self-righteous fury, all this clearly masking the self-loathing that you just know lies below the surface of his thin, twitching skin. It's a shame. A shame making money for lots of people, so you just know no one will get help until it's over. So let's hope it's over soon. I liked the young Corey Haim (hey, I even watched Roomies when I was a kid!) and Corey Feldman was always good for a laugh or two in Goonies and other crappy but cute movies. So I hope both these guys find something to make them and their audiences happy. This won't be it. It's just the kind of reality t.v. that makes you feel guilty that you're assisting in delaying someone needing therapy from getting it. Hell Date (B.E.T.). Okay, this show is da bomb, to give an old skool endorsement. Very simple premise: they interview a young man or woman who will go on a filmed blind date, ferret out their pet peeves and then send an actor on the date who will act out precisely what this poor soul hates most, thus creating a "hell date." This show varies considerably in quality, and it's usually dependent on which actor is sent out on the hell date. Some are considerably more gifted than others (the young lady Phareal (sp?) is quite good!) at creating a hell date. When it works it's hilarious; when it doesn't the show drags horribly. It's best when the real dater is a hothead or has serious issues, as last night when the young lady ended up uttering the immortal line "If you lick her, I will cut you" while seriously brandishing a knife. She then climbed over a beautifully set table and several diners in a restaurant to make her exit. Awesome. But she was stopped (as all the daters are) by a little devil about three feet tall clad in red satin who came running out with his pitchfork to announce "You on HELL DATE!". My favorite moment on this show so far was when a young lady who was portraying a ho (the pet peeve of the dating gentleman was loose women) reached up under her skirt and applied genital salve while riding in a taxi with her date, telling him "don't pay no mind to me" then began rubbing her hands all over his face. She also asked him to examine imaginary herpes sores on her lips. Sweet! This one's a keeper if you catch it on the right night. If you catch the one with the virginal foxy daughter plagued by the slutty mom all through her date you're in for a treat! Raw as hell and a lotta fun.