Or Why the fuck are we still doing this shit Welcome to volume 3 of the Noods. This will be our second time doing this shit on A Soc (or B soc-we lost track of this shit years ago), and like that energizer fucker, we’re still going. Actually, since they quit running those fucking commercials years ago, we have no idea what the bunny is doing these days, but we’re pretty sure that he’s off somewhere making little bunnies (and that’s where AAA batteries come from). Anyhow, here are some of the things to expect this term:
-Lots and lots of fucks
-More of Maria’s Pussy -Cure for cancer (hint: it involves beer and a cow) -Comics, cause they take up lots of space -{Insert Random Funny thing here} -Directions on how to steal a gazebo -A bruise on someone’s upper left arm (but whose arm will be left a mystery) -mocking anyone and everyone who isn’t us -Angry rants and lots of them -Porn -Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits -Less Clegg-mocking…more Lil’ Levitz bashing -A new serial: Ryan Walker, Texas Ranger -More stolen photocopies (brought to you by the number 1) -Dirty Jokes -Filthy Jokes -Sloppy Jokes (the only way to make hot beef between buns funny) -11 herbs and spices -Random mafia hits -90 Sea shantys on two CDs -Inside jokes that none of you will understand -Random Trivia -A lot less motherfucking swearing -and many Free Hats
THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!
http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles... If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you! “Don’t fight it son. Confess quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating.” POETS Why the FUCK was Sex in the City on in POETS this week?
PBD TOTALS Mechs on the Beach 433 Garrett saved your sorry asses once again Full Tilt 314 Not quite on the level. The Civs 296 How’s life on Welfare? Mechrophiliacs 233 Making up most of next term’s Exec SYaniDE 220 Suicide is Painless 12" Floppies 112 Clegg’s gone! Thank Jeebus! Garrett 113 As an aside: Bardon got 139 in Fall ‘98 - you suck Chemadians 96 You drink like Americhems Chemical Bondage 72 Next term’s project: learn how to make alcohol Transformers 71 Holy shit. Matan’s finally done (maybe)! BeerBarons 49 No You Won’t!
Answer to stupid question of the week
Why do they throw Octopusssys on the ice at hockey
games?
Well Timmy, it all started many years ago in Detroit when the NHL and Toho Sushi Corporation decided on an ill-fated cross promotion. After the success of events like free puck day and free hat day, they attempted to introduce a whole new audience to their food via free octopus day. The entire fiasco could have been avoided if the Michigan state legislature hadn’t banned all sharp objects beginning in 1914, however this one shortsighted decision to end organ theft changed hockey forever. With no knives to portion out the octopus, combined with the fact that nobody actually wants to eat that shit, one fan decided to rebel by throwing his octopus on the ice. With mob mentalities being what they are, and the fact that throwing shit at things is fun, the ice was soon covered with not-so-giant squid.
“Faces are a doddle compared to tits and ass. No hairline”
HEY KIDS-COMICS Dysfunctional comics for fucked up children
He Eats, He Sleeps, He’s
Cement
Next Issue: Puffy Discovers
Taxidermy
“This is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt” PAGE ThreEVe $ Texas
Things overheard while writing this issue of the Noods
“Source of two essential nutrients: beer and head. I like em both!” “Fuck the noun, not fuck the verb” “So that’s why I have a deviated septum-Gotcha” “I need my spread back!” “I guess it’s not pornography to show a girl’s breasts on TV if she’s in diapers” “Blue cheese blizzard” “I’m more than willing to give the bottle head to hit you” “Since you’ve got my hand pinned down, how am I supposed to reach my ass” “The giraffe is a nice touch” “That is one gigantic ass. Well thank you” “I want a brain in her head. Why-you’re just using her for her body. Yeah, but there’s pillow talk-and then more fucking” “After that, pillow talk’s irrelevant: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” “Who the fuck is my blonde-this is going to piss me off” “She was really cute in Popular Mechanics for Kids” “This is really going well towards your pedophile portfolio Micah” “Hold on, didn’t you call yourself a hooker?” “I think that hot dog and hooker are two sort of opposites” “No, it’s a subset of random animal” “We’ve all come to expect me flailing body parts.” “The only good thing about tonight is that I made 50 bucks out of it’ “He is the only one who I don’t have contempt for-except for purple” “How long has it been since you had a girl on top of you Bram?” “I am bush woman!” “We’re not a dystopia-we’re a fruitopia” “There is a way to hold somebody and remove their clothes without needing 5 people to help you.” “DESTROY!” “Micah is an idiot.”
THIS WEEK’S CONTEST: SEND IN PROF QUOTATIONS!
You could win a FREE HAT! HINT: THEY DO NOT HAVE TO BE REAL! Submit your professors’ souls to noods02@hotmail.com
WERE YOU OFFENDED?
If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:
noods02@hotmail.com If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Isn’t street-meat just a euphamism for Hookers? Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon. Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? If you did catch this, you might just have won a free hat! Bottem of Page Quotations Brought to you by: J Jonah Jamison, Darth Randall and The Letter ‘J’
