THE

ENGINOODS
“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

Reality Shows... Noods Style Reality Style
LA Survivor (Bloods vs Crips)-Each week, one gang has to elect one of its members to go over to the rival gang’s turf in an “exchange”. Joe Engineer-An Engineer who, despite his millions of dollars, can’t seem to get a date. The Weakest bladder-We put 50 contestants on a long bus ride to nowhere with lots of that McDonalds fake orange drink. Celebrity Mole-We bury 10 celebrities 200 feet underground. The first one to make it to the surface wins. We nominate the full cast of Dawson’s Creek and Jennifer Lopez for the premiere. American President-Open tryouts across the country look to find the next president of the United States. Competitions include debate, lobbying, singing, bribery, gun firing, intern training and the swimsuit competition. Lesbian Temptation Island-Not real lesbians-fake movie lesbians. We think this one will be a hit! Ron Popeil vs Godzilla-Pasta maker vs a giant fucking lizard. Hilarity ensues. Tagline: Try and set and forget this fucker! Cannibal Iron Chef-This weeks special ingredient is Chen Kenichi. The Hunter S. Thompson Hour-Cameras follow HST around and capture the crazy fuck at work. Mr Beastiality Atom Hockey-This is just really funny to watch. Trust us. The Bachelor Party-Take 10 people and put them in a perpetual bachelor party with a full room of cocaine, hookers and beer nuts. Last one standing wins. Blind Date-Set people up with Ray Charles. So I’m Dating an Axe Murderer-This could be a side splitting experience! Win Ben Stein’s Blood-If you can answer more questions than Ben, you get to extract a pint of his blood however you want. If he wins-he does the same to you…and he’s a sick fucker. Beer Factor-Same as Fear Factor, but all the contests have something to do with beer. Some examples: “Chug the Keg”, “Make Her Pretty”,“Outdrink Andre the Giant” and “And Drink the Beer.” The prize for winning... another beer!

THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!
http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods
And you thought that the internet was safe for children, Clegg and pedophiles... If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!

“Now, now, the Canadian Government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!”

Where if there’s grass in the field, play ball.

POETS

PBD TOTALS
1B Mech ‘Noods 2B Civ BeerBarons 2B Mech 2B Softies Idiots 4A Comp (C) 4A Elec Deck 3B Mech 24 10 9 8 5 5 5 4 3 2 2 Ooh whoop-dee-shit - who the fuck are you?! Full of beer-y goodness You’re all a bunch of flaming donut holes. No You Won’t And you’re letting the 1Bs beat you... sad Tied with the I-Dots, you sad, sad fuckers Tied with the 2B Softies, how appropriate You couldn’t even get 5.... No more comments until you fuckers reach 10 It’s like beating a dead fucking horse Did I say horse? I meant Deck.

Answer to stupid question of the week How do they get the soft flowing caramel into the Energizer Bunny?
Well Timmy, it’s actually a very complicated process involving osmosis, genetic engineering, and lots and lots of strong coffee. Some people might try to tell you that it has something to do with sodomy, but nothing could be further from the truth. Now Crème Eggs-that’s a different story, but I digress. The joint Cadbury/Energizer/Hyperdyne Defense project known as project “fluffy bunny” was begun in the height of the cold war to create caramel based electricity. Rabbits, bred with a special “flavour” gene began to secrete caramel in place of bile, creating an electric current stronger than anything ever seen before. The coffee, of course, kept the scientists (and the rabbits) awake through the long nights of this process, as well as providing the Brownian motion catalyst for the kinetic energy input. Or they just use a huge fucking needle…but that’s another story.

“I love it when you get all Biblical, Satan! You know exactly how to turn my crank!”

HEY KIDS-COMICS
Now with vitamin fuck!

Cement

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING:
In nearly every test of this product, subjects experienced severe hemorrhaging in the bladder, causing severe death in 90% of the test subjects. “Damn” is not only unsafe for human consumption, but whoever came up with this drink should be dragged into the street and shot.

“This is worse than the night I fell asleep, and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture!”

MOVIE WISDOM
“Extras’ Tits are Cheap.” -Bardon

rather, We got Submissions! (Or rather, A submission)
Prof. Phil Istein - Phil 069 (while masturbating) “ahhhh... if only hunger could be cured this easily” Prof. Phil Istein - Phil 666 “if god is truly omniscient, not only does he know what it’s like to be fucked up the ass by a donkey; he also knows what it’s like to enjoy it” Prof. Prick - ME 219 “hey baby, check out the anti-plastic curvature of my cantilevered beam in bending” Dr. Normal R. Ball P. Fucking Eng Self proclaimed high emperor of all that is engineering practice - STV 202 “duhhhhhh... I hate engineers... engineers suck... why aren’t engineers taking more of my courses... engineers should learn to communicate better” Bob St. Cyr - STV 202 “what he (Ball) said” Diogenes Interesting. It seems like you have some pent up rage. I suggest releasing that rage... with guns.

THIS WEEK’S CONTEST: WE GIVE YOU THE PUNCHLINES, YOU GIVE US THE JOKES! You could win a HAT trick for FREE! Submit your bodies to noods02@hotmail.com This week - Mathie Jokes:
“That’s not the integral of a four dimensional hyperbolic cube” “So I said, it’s either you or Fermat’s last theorem” “You can’t have a nonzero imaginary component and be a lesbian!” “Simple, it’s a local discontinuity!” “In mother Russia, function integrates you!”

If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

WERE YOU OFFENDED? noods02@hotmail.com

If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Diogenes: Mass Murder = FREE HAT! Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon. Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? If you did catch this, you might just have won a free hat! Bottem of Page Quotations Brought to you by: J Jonah Jamison, Darth Randall and The Letter ‘J’

“Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole, Barbra Streisand!”