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Funny car one liners


I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car.
One-liner has 78.25 % from 1809 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, sarcastic

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Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
One-liner has 77.56 % from 669 votes. Vote:
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Tags: car, life, sarcastic

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage
makes you a car.
One-liner has 76.71 % from 402 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, christian

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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
One-liner has 76.62 % from 258 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, kids, men

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My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys
jumped clear.
One-liner has 75.02 % from 112 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, women

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Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
One-liner has 74.05 % from 351 votes. Vote:
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Tags: car, life, motorcycle

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Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of
cars cause children.
One-liner has 73.76 % from 619 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, kids, sex

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I work to buy a car to go to work.


One-liner has 70.11 % from 162 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, work

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What's the di erence between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and
the other is a great year.
One-liner has 68.84 % from 209 votes. Vote:

Tags: car, dirty, sex

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What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to
let you know they are coming.
One-liner has 68.42 % from 386 votes. Vote:

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Tags: car, sex, women

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