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Anna Reid and Charlie Falla

Assessment of Student Writing


Writing Samples: The writing samples I scored were from the fourth grade, fall 2012 Leap
English Language Arts tests. The writing prompt asked students to, Write a composition for
your teacher telling which invention, flying cars or helper robots, you think would be more
useful. Provide reasons and use details from both passages to help you explain your opinion.
Student #1: no title (pg.28)
Ideas: 6
Justification: I gave this student a six because their writing is very focused and has a strong
argument for why flying cars would be better than helper robots. Also, the student addressed both
the flying car and the helper robot and gave us examples as to why he thought the flying car
would be a better invention. In this students writing, there were many references back to the two
passages which was one of the requirements in the prompt. The writer painted vivid pictures in
my mind and had my attention throughout the entire piece.
Examples: Right from the beginning, this student had grabbed the readers attention and stated a
question that let the readers know what the topic of their paper was by saying, Zoom! Beep!
Beep! Which invention do you think is more useful? A flying car or a helper robot? This ensures
that the writer is holding the readers attention and that their writing is compelling. Also, the
student shows an in depth knowledge of the topic by stating, One flying car, the X-Hawk, is to
be used as a rescue vehicle. The writer took information from the given passage to back up his
opinions and thoughts. The writer also takes the reader on a journey of understanding by first
stating why he thought flying cars would be better, and then continuing to let the reader know his
thoughts on the helper robot. One thing the reader says that shows he is not a fan of the helper
robot is, All the kids and parent that have or will get a. helper robot would probably lay on the
couch and watch TV and not stay active or do the chores!
Organization: 5
Justification: I gave this student a five in organization because his thoughts are very clear and
easy to follow. Also, the writers lead and conclusion are strong. However, I didnt give this
writer a six because they could use some work on transitions. The transitions in this piece are
either very weak, or nonexistent.
Examples: The writers lead is very strong because he uses an onomatopoeia to grab the readers
attention, Zoom! Beep! Beep! and then continues to pose a question to his readers, Which
invention do you think is more useful? A flying car or a helper robot? Also, this writer has very
good organization in his writing because he includes an opener, then continues to state his
opinions on both the flying car and the helper robot in separate paragraphs, and then finishes
with a strong conclusion. His conclusion wraps up his ideas well by stating, What I think the
most best thing about the flying car is that the firefighters and the military would be able to save
many peoples lives!! This leaves the reader with a clear idea of what his opinion on this topic is.

Voice: 4
Justification: I gave this piece a four in voice because there are occasional moments when you
can clearly hear the writers voice, but it isnt all throughout his writing. However, because this is
an opinion piece the writer is definitely present and you can tell he is very sincere about his
choice between the flying car and the helper robot. The writer also does a good job showing
awareness of his readers.
Examples: In the beginning the writer states that, firefighters will be able to rescue people
quicker without having to stare at a red light 10 to 15 minutes until it turns green. I think this
shows the writers voice because he is very sincere about the flying cars being able to help
people much quicker, both in burning buildings or in the military. The writers voice is also very
present when he says, All the kids and parent that have or will get a helper robot would
probably lay on the couch and watch TV and not stay active or do the chores! This sentence
shows the writers concern about how people may get too lazy if they get a helper robot. Lastly,
the writer shows his awareness of the reader when he says in his conclusion, I would rather
spend my money on a flying car than a helper robot. But thats just my opinion! This shows that
he is making it clear that this is just his opinion and if the reader has a different opinion that is
okay!
Word Choice: 4
Justification: I gave this writer a four in word choice because it was easy to read and
understand, and there were few moments were word choices were repeated. However, the writer
could have expanded some of his word choices to get his opinion across more efficiently.
Examples: One sentence where this writer had very strong word choice was, because of its
gigantic size and the way it moves rapidly, firefighters would be able to rescue people who are
trapped in areas high above the ground. The words, gigantic and rapidly paint a clear picture in
the readers mind of what the X-Hawk looks like and how it moves. One example of where the
student could have expanded his word choice is where he says, Flying cars would be way more
useful. Instead of saying useful he could have listed his previous arguments for flying cars
because this sentence was located in his conclusion paragraph.
Sentence Fluency: 4
Justification: This student received a four for sentence fluency because it is readable without
rehearsal and sentences are clear and connected. The writer does lack a rhythm, but because it is
so easily readable it doesnt draw attention away from the piece. The writer does have some
sentence variety, but he could improve in this area.
Examples: One example that shows very strong sentence fluency is when the writer says, One
flying car, the X-Hawk, is to be used as a rescue vehicle. The placement of the commas after car
and Hawk are correct and make the sentence very clear and easy to read. Another example is,
Also, it places toys in a toy box. Im pretty sure kids and parents can do those chores. These

sentences show how the writer does a good job at connecting his sentences together to build
fluency.
Conventions and Presentation: 5
Justification: I scored the writer a five on conventions and presentation because he did a very
good job at placing commas in the correct places, which shows he has good control over
conventions. Also, the writer does not have many mistakes in his spelling or punctuation. The
only thing that I could notice in his conventions were random periods or commas which may just
be a fault of the copied piece and not actually the writers mistakes.
Examples: One place where the writer shows strong control over conventions is when he says,
For example, firefighters could use it to save people from burning buildings. He uses for
example a few times in this piece, but never fails to include the comma after example. The only
mistake I could find in grammar in this piece is when the writer says, What I think is the most
best thing about the flying car is Here the writer included most to emphasis that the flying car
is the best, but for grammar reasons he would need to eliminate most.
Student #2: Its for your own good
Ideas:
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Student #3: no title (Pg. 36)
Ideas: 4
Justification: I gave this writer a four in ideas because his story line is generally easily to follow
and understand. Also, the writer does a good job of providing knowledge to the reader about the
two different inventions that might be present in the future. However, this author could have
added more details to make his piece more compelling and interesting to the reader.
Examples: The author does a good job of creating his story line because he first tells us about
the flying car and the helper robot, and then tell us which one he prefers. He says, The idea
scientists made I liked the best was the helper robot because I hat cleaning my room and he will
do it for me. Another thing this author did well was providing the reader background knowledge
about the two inventions. One example of knowledge from this piece was, The X-Hawk is
about the size of a large can and it looks like a boat with weels. Here the author shows that he
knows what the flying car is named and the size and shape of the car.
Organization: 3
Justification: I gave this writer a 3 in organization because there is some organization to the
piece, but it could be strengthened in areas. The writer does a good job of first providing
background knowledge and then stating his opinion. However, the writer needs to work on the
introduction and conclusion, as well as the transitions.
Examples: A few examples of the transitions used in this paper are, One other thing The
idea the scientists made I liked the best is The student could have made the transitions
smoother by saying something like, Even though both the flying car and the helper robot seem
like good inventions, the one I like the best is Also, the student doesnt exactly have a
conclusion, rather he just poses another question asking his readers, Do you know what you
want there to be in the future. The author could have summed up his paper by once again saying
what his favorite invention is and why, only furthering his argument for the helper robot.
Voice: 2
Justification: This piece gets a two in voice because the author could be anyone. There is little
to no voice in this piece and I feel like there should be a lot of voice present because the paper is
opinion based. The piece is rather boring and it doesnt grab the readers attention as much as it
should.
Examples: One part in this piece that could have included more voice is when the author says, I
would not have to miss my show on tv to get a snack if he did it for me. The author could have
expanded and allowed us to get to know him better by telling us what show he might be missing
or what other things the helper robot could for him. Also, instead of just listing off different facts
about the inventions from the passage, the author could have expanded on what it would be like
to have these inventions in the real world.

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Conventions and Presentation:
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