Please note that each of the voice-overs should be spaced with twenty seconds or so of silence that the

band will fill.The first monologue is pretty dense and pretentious, but intentionally so. The whole thing is meant to be an approximation of a moment of catharsis experienced at a rock show/club/bar. The main/only character is a young woman in relatively hip, affluent clothes, but don’t over-sex it. We have to take her seriously right from the get-go. The other people should be as wacky and Montréalais as you can be bothered to make ’em. Feel free to put the title somewhere in the film (maybe at the end on a black screen, or on the bum’s cardboard sign (see shot #2). LOSE ME IN TRANSLATION; FIND ME IN THE DOUBLE HELIX. Shot#1 The scene starts with a close-up of our heroine’s eyes. Zoom out/pan/whatever-you-see-fit to a crowd of young people at a bar. I’d use lots of close-ups of unusually-framed parts of people’s faces, like a cheek and half an eye as someone laughs, or two fingers tapping and figitting on a beer bottle. The voice over would presumably be the subject of the opening close-up. i.e., the girl in the shots will be presumed to be the speaker. Voice-Over #1: The filthy smoke and slick gazes of a cynical rabble tell me that I’m home. Their innocuous demeanors are just a sooty fog hiding all the narcissism and avarice that make us human. Where other generations and geopolitical demographics have purportedly found companionship in turmoil and circumstance, ours is defined by consumption patterns. Shot #2: Now we want shots overloaded with political insinuation. Maybe our heroine watching a computer screen with explosions in the Middle East or gesticulating politicians or whatever. Money changing hands might work. There should also be a bum in there somewhere. Try to include the heroine in the shot with the bum. Wide open shots. Contrast the close-ups of the first section. (MORE)

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Voice-Over #2: I have to ask myself for the eighty-sixth time whether I really identify with these people. Or any people. Like that guy bumming change or fifty-six million croaking Somalians, for instance. Stop me if this sounds stereotypical. Shot #3: Now we need shots of traffic (preferably a traffic-jam) and malls. Food courts. Consumption en masse. Feel free to have a fat guy eating in this shot ;). Then a church with our heroine sitting on the steps listening to an iPod. Voice-Over #3: Perhaps our cars and mp3 players have got more sway on our peer groups than our mettle. That doesn’t make any of us any less wonderful. But it does make for a lot of sifting. Commodity is identity. I don’t believe in Jesus Christ, you don’t believe in Yaweh, she doesn’t believe in Allah. Our grandparents did. Shot #4: More malls and urban consumption shots. Voice-Over #4: We believe in products and cultural capital. No one sees eye-to-eye on foreign policy, but we can all agree on Radiohead. Commodity is identity. Yes, I’m repeating myself. Shot #5: Now we’re back in the bar and the shots should be wider to reveal our heroine looking pensive amongst a bunch of people. We see that they’re happy and engaged, but she looks lost. Lost in thought and maybe a tiny bit disgusted. Voice-Over #5: So if everyone’s a fucking existentialist, what’s our direction?

Alienation? This isn’t the nineties, you know. We can’t wallow any longer. We’ve got global warming. A culture can only wallow if it isn’t staring down the barrel of radioactive decay and biodiversity collapse. Have I lost you yet? Finalé: Close with a portrait shot of the Heroine. Maybe she’s smoking or taking a drink of a beer: looking bemused as she consumes. In the final seconds she smiles and starts to talk to her friends (a happy ending).

EXT. SINGLE STORY HOME - DAY We slowly PUSH up a short, cracked cement walkway towards the front door of a suburban home. NARRATOR (V.O) There once was a boy who had problems seeing things for what they were. INT. SINGLE STORY HOME - DAY Close on a picture of three boys. A birthday party is in progress. Loot bags. Party hats. A glittery ’Happy Birthday’ banner strung from the ceiling. The BIRTHDAY BOY, thirty-ish, sits at a table surrounded by some elaborately wrapped presents. His FRIENDS, ELTON JOHN circa 1973, a TRICYCLE, and TWO BOYS IN BLUE and a KETTLE, watch in rapt attention as the BOY feverishly unwraps his present. He shakes the PACKAGE. BIRTHDAY BOY Welcome to my birthday party everyone. For those of you that don’t know everyone, to my left are my boys. The Boys in Blue. Boy in Blue number one, say hello. Hello. BOY IN BLUE #1

BIRTHDAY BOY Boy in Blue number two, say hello. Hello. BOY IN BLUE #2

BIRTHDAY BOY Boy in Blue number three, say hello. The Birthday Boy turns to the kettle. All eyes on the Kettle. Silence from the Kettle. BOY IN BLUE #1 Maybe he’s sleeping. BOY IN BLUE #2 Maybe he’s something.

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BOY IN BLUE #1 Maybe he’s wrong in the head. BOY IN BLUE #2 Or maybe he’s dead. BIRTHDAY BOY Boys, say hello to Elton John. BOY IN BLUE #1/BOY IN BLUE #2 (in unison) Charmed, I’m sure. BIRTHDAY BOY And you all know the lovely Trike. Say hello, sweety. Birthday Boy rings Trike’s bell. The Boys mumble their greetings. BOY IN BLUE #1/BOY IN BLUE #2 (in unison) Hello, sweety. Birthday Boy casts a glance at his watchless wrist. BIRTHDAY BOY Do you know what time it is? ELTON JOHN (sotto) Present time. BIRTHDAY BOY It’s present time. I love presents and I love present time. Let’s see what I got this year. Trike, why don’t we open your present first. He snatches a present from in front of Trike. And shakes it close to his ear. BOY IN BLUE #1 I hope it’s not a bomb. BOY IN BLUE #2 Or a tumor. BOY IN BLUE #1 Not another.

BOY IN BLUE #2 Or a brother. BIRTHDAY BOY That would be a very nice present wouldn’t it, boys? Wouldn’t it?! The Boys in Blue shut up. BIRTHDAY BOY Jeez, I really can’t guess. Give me a hint. ANGLE on the Tricycle, playing coy. BIRTHDAY BOY Okay, Trike. I’m opening it. He opens the box from the top (like a shoe box) without tearing wrapping paper and removes a TOY CAR. BOY IN BLUE #1 What is it birthday boy? BOY IN BLUE #2 I imagine it’s a toy. It’s a- aBIRTHDAY BOY

The Boys, Elton John, and the Trike watch with bated breath. BIRTHDAY BOY --a goldfish!! ELTON JOHN Actually, it’s a toy car. BIRTHDAY BOY Actually it’s a goldfish! And if we don’t get it in water soon, it’s going to drown. Boy in Blue #1 hands the Birthday Boy a nearby FISHBOWL filled with water. Birthday Boy reaches into the fishbowl and take out a couple of action figures. BIRTHDAY BOY Mom, Dad. I hate to do this, but it’s just for a little while. We need to save this goldfish’s life now.

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Frantically, birthday boy tosses aside the action figures and drops the car into the bowl. It splahes in and half sticks out the bowl. BIRTHDAY BOY How could you guys not put him in water? He could have died in that box. He could have died in that box. A beat. Bored now. BIRTHDAY BOY

BOY IN BLUE #2 Shh! We’re not allowed. ELTON JOHN Maybe-- we should hold off on the candles for now, it’s a littl-BIRTHDAY BOY (furious) It’s my birthday and if I want to light my birthday candles I’ll light my birthday candles and if you don’t like it, Elton John, you can just go to hell!!! ELTON JOHN But it’s not a cake. BIRTHDAY BOY It is what I say it is!! Now... ELTON JOHN (sotto) Oh boy. He reaches into the box with a lit match. Now, there is a more frantic mewing. BIRTHDAY BOY Now for my wish. I wish for a dolly. My own brand new dolly. He blows out the cake. And pushes it aside. BIRTHDAY BOY Boy number three, do you think my wish came true? Silence from the Kettle. BIRTHDAY BOY Wake him up. Boy in Blue plugs in the kettle and as the scene plays, the kettle starts to whistle. BIRTHDAY BOY Now it’s time to open Trike’s present. Birthday Boy takes the present in front of the Tricycle. Birthday Boy shakes the present one last time.

BOY IN BLUE #1 Why not open another gift? BOY IN BLUE #2 It may give you a nice lift. Birthday Boy opens the next present. This time he does not remove it from the box, but only looks down. We do not see inside. BIRTHDAY BOY Yay. Wow. A cake. I love cake. ANGLE on the Boys in Blue: they look at each other, then at Elton John, wondering if they should say something. BOY IN BLUE #1 (sotto) Did we get him a cake? BOY IN BLUE #2 (sotto) I’m not sure I know how to bake. BACK ON Birthday Boy looking into box. BIRTHDAY BOY Let’s light the candles. He strikes a match. SFX MEOW! BOY IN BLUE #1 The cake just meowed.

6. BOY IN BLUE #1 What can it be? BOY IN BLUE #2 I don’t think I want to see. Kettle whistles. Birthday Boy opens the gift. It’s a blender. BIRTHDAY BOY It’s a- a- what is it? sock? Is it a

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BIRTHDAY BOY Daddy always said I’d amount to nothing, but now it’s not true. I’ve got my dolly, my baby china dolly, my wish came true. BOY IN BLUE #1 What can it be? BOY IN BLUE #2 I’m way too scared to see. An infant’s wail comes from inside the box. BIRTHDAY BOY Thank you, Thank you boys in blue. You made all my dreams come true. Let’s all sing happy birthday now to celebrate. All stand, quiet. Kettle whistles. Baby wails. BIRTHDAY BOY Sing, Elton John, Sing! Elton John stumbles awkwardly back from the table setting unplugging the Kettle. The Boys in Blue start to sing "Happy Birthday." Elton John joins in. The Baby cries. BIRTHDAY BOY No more singing. You’re upsetting the dolly. Time to put the dolly to sleep. Sleep time for dolly. Birthday Boy reaches into the box. FADE TO BLACK SFX Baby crying. Blender whirring. Crying stops. THE END.

Birthday Boy goes to put the blender on his foot. BOY IN BLUE #1 He doesn’t see what it is. BOY IN BLUE #2 He’s running out of guesses. ELTON JOHN Finnegan, that’s not a sock. BOY IN BLUE #1 Or a clock. Tick tock. Tick Tock. BOY IN BLUE #2 And it’s not a frock. Birthday Boy sizes up the blender. Staring at it intently. For the first time, we see the object as he sees it. It is blurry, then comes into focus: First as a sock, then it FLASHES, changing into a blender for a split second, then into a baby carriage. He looks up, around the room. The Boys in Blue stare back at him, but instead of being two, where the kettle was, there is a THIRD BOY, whistling. And beside him, there is the Tricycle and Elton John. BIRTHDAY BOY It’s a carriage, a baby carriage!! We turn back to our original POV. Birthday Boy stares at the last remaining unopened present. BIRTHDAY BOY What is it? What’s the gift inside? Birthday Boy opens the gift and looks inside. His face lights up. The Kettle now whistles furiously.

Title: The Rougher the Better

TRAFFIC JAM Cindy and Lois stuck in a car. Cindy looks a little desolate. The traffic jam is caused by a bunch of bikers (they can either be shown, or simply heard). CINDY Son of a bitch. LOIS I didn’t think they’d be crazy enough to come after us. CINDY (choosing not to pick up on Lois’s joke) They’re bikers. You think they’re scared of us? LOIS (huffily, as opposed to menacingly) They should be. CINDY (placating) Tell me why. LOIS I’m not most people. CINDY Neither are they. LOIS What’s the worst that could happen to us? CINDY We could get the shit beat out of us. No, let me restate: at this point we’re almost certainly gonna get the shit beat out of us. The worst that could happen to us is worse than that... (trails off). LOIS The rougher the better, baby. What, you wanna deal with them?

2. CINDY I don’t think we have a choice. We’re surrounded. LOIS Fuck that. It’s not the end of the line yet. Listen - sirens. Bikers start to disperse. LOIS Floor it, right now! Turn left when we get to the intersection. FIRST TIME INSIDE THE CLUB The space could be industrial looking, maybe an old factory. Or could be an out-of-use bar. It is dusty, maybe cobwebby. If previous bar, possibly a few overturned barstools, etc. Cindy and Lois stand in the entranceway, then as they are talking they walk into the bar. They start cleaning things up slowly, mechanically, as they talk. LOIS It doesn’t look like much right now, but it’ll be great. CINDY It’s fucking great already. I can see it: a big movie screen on the back wall there. Some whips and chains hanging along the walls. Shirtless bartenders. LOIS isn’t it funny how you say shirtless for men and topless for women? CINDY Yeah. I’d like to have shirtless and topless bartenders, but I think for the second one you need a special licence or something. Not sure. LOIS Honey, you’d better not start worrying to much about what we need licences for. Some of the things you wanna do here they don’t give licences for. CINDY Anyhow, right now I’m more worried about the bikers. What are we gonna do? Do they realize that we literally cannot afford to pay them what they are asking for? LOIS Well they should. I mean, how do you make money off closing people down because they can’t possibly give you what you’re asking them for? CINDY Hey, maybe they’re waiting for us to negotiate.... LOIS Yeah but right now we have nothing extra to negotiate with, if we’re hoping to actually open this place up at all. CINDY Mmm. After this morning, I think it’s clear they’re not just gonna let it slide.

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The two of them walk around for awhile, maybe one of them cleans glasses behind the bar while the other one sweeps the floor. They’ve opened the blinds or torn down the paper that was blocking the windows, and the place is starting to look better. CINDY There is one thing we can do. LOIS (brightly) What’s that? CINDY I haven’t been wanting to bring it up. LOIS Oh. Yeah, I haven’t wanted to bring it up either. Maybe you shouldn’t. CINDY He might be our only way out of this....

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LOIS But you hate him. CINDY Yeah, and so do you, I know. But this is our dream. It’s our baby. That’s gotta be worth a little discomfort? LOIS I guess. God, I can’t believe you used to sleep with that jerk. CINDY (laughing) Hey! I can’t believe you used to sleep with him. LOIS Whatever, man. I never had sex with him. CINDY Oh, sorry. You’re right, as a future sex club owner I should be more precise with my language. I can’t believe you used to dry-hump him in your parents’ basement. LOIS Say what you will, - and by the way I’m gonna hate having him around at all - but you’re the one who’s gonna have a hard time of it. At least he hates my guts. CINDY If only.... (dreamy look - turns into less dreamy, more concerned but still far-off introspective gaze). Wait a minute, what if we’re wrong? What if we let him into our lives and he can’t even take care of this problem for us? LOIS Don’t worry about that. It’s possible, I guess. But it’s likelier you just want to think that you never went out with a big-league scary man. I never dated a big-league creep, but I saw Richard grow up, and I know his (MORE)

LOIS (cont’d) family. What I think is hopefully we won’t have to know how he does it. But we’ll be left alone. CINDY Yeah, I guess. Well, that’s what we want, so.... Hey, I have an idea. Remember how we were gonna have those themed nights? What if once a week we have a movie-makers’ night, and then the rest of the week we can run our very own house-brand pornos? OPENING NIGHT. Some background people are talking to each other in the club. BAR GUY The rougher the better... Switch to foreground: LOIS This music sucks. CINDY Yeah, don’t talk about it. In any case, it’s the least of our problems. She’s indicating Richard, who is headed their way. RICHARD I-I brought you this stuff you needed. CINDY What stuff? A case of whiskey? You think I opened a club without figuring out how to supply my own booze? RICHARD I wanted to come, I wanted to see it for myself. I want you back, baby.

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CINDY Aaargh. Go away. I don’t want to deal with this tonight. This is a big night for me. RICHARD One that wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for me. CINDY I know that. And of course you should stay, enjoy the night. Just don’t talk to me too much, alright? Switch back to what’s going on in the bar for a minute. BAR GUY Son of a bitch. Attacked me from behind. He wanted to kill me. Conversation between Cindy and Richard has been going on meanwhile. RICHARD I know you’re uncomfortable with what happened. But instead of facing it you just lied and kicked me out. You want me. I know you do. Just loosen up and admit it. CINDY For chrissake, I run a sex club. You think I ain’t loose? It didn’t work, you weren’t good enough today, get over it, it’s a no. Okay? Sorry. Thank you. RICHARD You’re still so hot. CINDY And you’re very good-looking, but.... Back to bar guy... BAR GUY I’m afraid of the weirdest things. By the way, where am I? the conversation between Cindy and Richard has ended. She starts working the room. Maybe tries to listen to Bar Guy’s

paranoid ranting for a few seconds, keeps walking. She knows a lot of people, is shaking hands, etc. She’s also looking very sexy, obviously - hooker boots, plastic skirt, I don’t care what it is as long as it’s very sex-clubby and not street-appropriate. RICHARD (to bar chick) I don’t get why she has to flaunt it. BAR CHICK She’s pretty much of a freak, I think.

A Night At The Mecca

by Pat Buckley & David Schultz

-a few notes about this script, just to explain what we envisioned: * indicate (follow) elements that tie in with the rock opera, therefore, even though they seem trivial, do not eliminate them. Thanks. N.B.: The visual representation of these characters involves cartoons, photos from the internet, and food. Therefore, we suggest all characters are played by puppets (except the sex scene which will involve closeups of real human features), and that the sets are constructed in miniature. And now.... A Night At The Mecca STRIP CLUB "THE MECCA" INTRO (EXT) SHOT "The Mecca" -shot of a windowless building with a pink neon sign that says "The Mecca" with motorcycles* parked outside INT. SHOT: A strip club (Soundtrack throughout strip club /champagne room scenes: cheesy strip club dance music -slow and kinda geeky horny and makes you want to throw up, like ’Tiny Dancer’) -Mohammed stands inside, he’s the owner -Jesus is sitting in perverts’ row (in front of stage) -Candy is dancing on stage (a pole would be great if you could find one) (Candy is dressed like a belly dancer: open slot w hotlips face between hijab and blouse & another open chicken flesh ’midrift’ above leg bone -legbone covered by skirt)

2. -after sermon, Jesus talks to Candy with Moses present (soundtrack: sinister spy movie music) JESUS Candy, I’m glad you came. I need your help. There is an evil force afoot here. Kitler and the Qatzi Party -that’s the Quebec National Socialists- are threatening to take power. Will you help me fight the good fight and save your soul from eternal damnation? CANDY Sure, that sounds like fun. (ditzy) JESUS Good. Let me introduce you to my right-hand man, the Hebrew heavyweight, the Judean Giant, the original Israeli Defense Minister, the... MOSES (interupting) Oh, gosh, the things you tell this pretty goil (girl)[fake modesty)]. Did you mention I parhted the Red Sea? JESUS I was getting there (sighs). Anyway, Candy, Moses... Moses, Candy. You’ll be going undercover together. Your first mission is to infiltrate a Qatzi Party rally. If you can bring me Kitler’s head, great. But I warn you, he’s more than happy to give you some. QATZI PARTY RALLY

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CHAMPAGNE ROOM -Jesus brings Candy to champagne room (no dialogue, no time I figure, just show them walking to side wall of club); Mohammed watches them go with nasty look on his face CUT SHOT -cut shot to climax of lap dance between Cindy & shaving cream customer (shaving cream can in a business suit) -shaving cream blows (make sure its foam) BACK TO JESUS & CANDY JESUS Candy Floss*, have you accepted me as your personal Lord and Saviour? CANDY (skips a beat)...So you’re saying you like to (be the) dom? JESUS I want to save you, Candy. Here’s my card. And twenty bucks, so that swarthy looking fellow doesn’t beat the tar out of you. -Jesus gives her card and some cash, Candy leaves (and shrugs, if a chicken leg can make shrug gesture) -Jesus puts sticker of Ten Commandments on wall of champagne room on way out SERMON ON MOUNT ROYAL INTRO SHOT: the tam-tams (use a few secs of clip from youtube to intro the setting, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7mLgfZLItM -the way the cameraman moves thru the crowd could represent Candy’s p.o.v as she gets closer to Jesus) SCENE: (soundtrack not necessary, but I guess hippie stuff) -Jesus is standing in front of followers preaching, ’the meek shall inherit the earth, blah blah’ (not important which part of sermon, just a few seconds to establish scene) (outdoor park set, mini mountain with cross in background would be great)

INTRO SHOT: youtube clips (5 secs. of each to set scene, in the order below) -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcpVE-05jWI -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIyF3B1_0bk SCENE: Rally -Kitler’s at a podium saying bad things about Jews

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(soundtrack: patriotic, pompy sounding music) KITLER We’re not talking about fighting Jews, we’re talking about fighting for social justice, about exposing who really ’as de money and power in society.... l’argent, pis le vote ethnique... Unless the ethniques are Lebanese. -Moses and Candy are on floor, disguised in fleur-de-lis garb. MOSES Can you believe this schlemiel? What he’s saying, it’d be funny, if it wasn’t so mental. To think they named a road after a guy like this. I don’t even have a puddle to my name. BACKSTAGE AT QATZI RALLY Kitler greets new ’followers’, Candy and Moses in schwanky lounge (soundtrack: cheesy French lounge music) KITLER Bonjour. Soon we will kill the Jews. But first, pleese, have some cocaine... (he gestures at a gigantic pile - as tall as the characters’ bodies- of cocaine (icing sugar)) -Candy dives right in; Moses is stand offish KITLER (putting arm around Moses) What’s de matter, mon ami? Not into blow? Come upstairs, I’ll give you blow you’ll like alot more... MOSES No! My mother wahrned me about people like you! (tears himself away, ripping off the hat part of (MORE)

MOSES (cont’d) his disguise, exposing his yarmukle) KITLER Mon dieu! Un Juif! Seize dem! -Moses tears Candy off the cocaine, and they run for it ESCAPE & SEX

(soundtrack: crazy police caper action music, eg. Hawaii Five-o theme, Dick Dale stuff)

-Moses & Candy escape into alley -Moses rants about Jesus being full of himself MOSES That was close! Do you believe the stuff I’ve done for that Jesus? Who on earth does he think invented monotheism anyway? Oh sure, he sermons on the mount, but I had to climb the damn thing to get the Ten Commandments. He’d be a hippie schmendrick without me! But heee’s the power and heeee’s the glory, for e-ver and e-ver! I’m such a schmuck! CANDY Um, I thought he was your friend? MOSES Friend, please. He thinks he’s the Messiah of my people?! He thinks kosher is a Polish variety of pickle. He thinks Yom Kippur is the name of a writah, and the holy day is Mordecai Richler. He thinks I wear this hat [yarmuckle] for fashion. He couldn’t even tell you that my dreidel, dreidel, dreidel is made out of clay. Buut he hid me in his attic. (shrug) Otherwise, the Qatzis would’ve deported me to Auschwiztario. I might’ve even ’disappeared’ in Toronto. (he shudders)

6. (soundtrack: porno music starts slowly, builds up thru end of scene) CANDY Oh, Moses, you poor thing... (touching Moses)(spoken slowly) y’know, cocaine does strange things to me sometimes... (breathy) makes me... wild! -Moses & Candy (stripper w heart of gold) have cokefueled animal sex in alley (cuz Candy feels sorry & strangely attracted to him) (sex visually represented by close shots of man’s teeth biting chicken skin; chicken leg wrapping around man’s rocking ass cheek -real, live human man, that is) -then Candy lays an egg TAM-TAMS -again, use brief youtube clip to establish setting -Moses & Candy return to Jesus at Tam-Tams -Jesus is preaching to a whole bunch of chicken leg dancers turned hippie potheads JESUS Let those who took rippers to the champagne room cast the first bone! MOSES (TO CANDY) Wha...? How does he know? Could he be right afterall? Does he see everything? I thought my God was angry, hoo boy... -suddenly, they are surrounded by Kitler & Qatzis KITLER I’ve got you! Soon the trains will be here to take you to Alberta! And we will turn Schwartz’s into yet another poutine stand! Goodbye, ’ostie de criss de maudite canadiens! -then Mohammed walks in the middle

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MOHAMMED This will teach you to save in The Mecca, Jesus! You may have stolen my whores, but I will own 72 fresh pussies! Mohammed blows up his suicide bomb turban KABOOM!!!!! (Visuals: stock footage of huge explosion; then ground beef (bodies) splattering on Quebec flag, Islam crescent flag, Israeli flag, then white background with cross (or maybe Jesus painting); then Jesus rising (see dialogue below), then fade to black for several seconds while crazy shredding metal music still plays) (Soundtrack is key here: Explosion noise and, as explosion is still fading, loud rock music comes in. PLEASE have lyrics with ’hell’* in first line! eg. The Darkness ’One Way Ticket To Hell’ or AC/DC’s ’Highway To Hell’)

JESUS [bloody & rising to heaven] Forgive them, Lord, for the lapdancing, the cokebinging, the antisemitism, the gay sex, the alley sex, the unplanned eggnancy, the suicide bomb... *sigh, shakes head* Silly Mohammed, I’ll be back at Easter... just in time for tam-tam season. [lower the volume of music for Jesus’ lines, then turn up again and fade to black] D.C. POSTSCRIPT INTRO SHOT: again, youtube clip below http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2e6-N0oINg

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-when camera zooms towards the steps of the Supreme Court (Roman looking building), that would be good time to cut to Bush -I figure it looks like crowd could be rallying FOR Bush, and against Zara) -Emperor Bush stands on a balcony (sounds: crowd murmuring, cheering, roaring as appropriate) EMPEROR BUSH What we have here is an outlaw, a rebel. She claims to be hatched from the egg of Moses and, hah [the way Bush chuckles smugly], a stripper. Zarathustra Christ and her Chickentian followers are a menace to our way of life! SHOT: Zara is crucified on a cross being lifted upright. ZARA CHRIST -(to sky) Forgive them, Mother, they know not what they do.... nor how to cure avian flu. (Final shot: fireworks over D.C. on 4th of July -it’s the Americans’ world, we just live in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MdCj3assqg) THE END

OUT TO SEA By Anurag Dhir & Roseanne Harvey FADE IN Horizon, waves, as seen from the enclosed pool room deck of a cruise ship. Little table with a glass top, and a newspaper. A manicured woman’s hand (strength, beauty, grace) places two pina coladas on the table. Zoom out to see the SERVER (32), who wears a white fitted golf shirt, black shorts, tennis shoes and socks. She takes the cruise ship money card. SERVER: Will this be for both? Zoom out more to see a MAN (28) and WOMAN (29) sitting at the table beside a pool, with a bar to the right. He is wearing swimming trunks and a band t-shirt. She is wearing a one-piece swimsuit. He nods at the server and takes his drink. There’s nobody else beside the pool. WOMAN: What should we eat? MAN: Are you hungry? WOMAN: I think I will be. MAN: They don’t have food here. WOMAN: Well, when we’re finished, let’s go to the French buffet. It opens at six. All right. MAN:

He takes a sip of his pina colada. They sit in silence for a moment, looking at the ocean. WOMAN: The waters look a bit rough.

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MAN: Because we’re heading west, that’s why. WOMAN: So we’re heading towards the storm. Isn’t that dangerous? MAN: The storm is heading north, that’s why we’re heading west. We’ll have to take it on for a little bit. WOMAN: Well, at least we have the pool to ourselves. MAN: That’s because everybody is at the casino. I’m glad we’re not there. I don’t think I could walk into that place without wanting to destroy something. WOMAN: It’s too bad we can’t be there. I like watching people lose everything. MAN: You know, once we finish this honeymoon and go back home, you’ll never have to worry about money again. WOMAN: Then we should get another drink! She calls over the server and scans the menu. MAN: Two more pina coladas? WOMAN: We’ve been drinking pina coladas all week. Let’s try something different. She concentrates on the menu, and then looks at the server. WOMAN: Two mai tais, please.

They wait for their drinks and lean against the table, facing in different directions. WOMAN: That’s all we do isn’t it? Look at things and try new drinks? The waitress sets the mai tais in front of the man and the woman. MAN: What else is there to do? The woman shrugs and looks out towards the ocean. They both take a sip of their mai tais and he flips open the newspaper, scanning the pages. WOMAN: The waves look like they’re getting bigger. I can feel them. MAN: You can’t feel them. This ship is too big. There’ll be smooth sailing until those waves get a lot bigger. And they will. They sit in silence. WOMAN: (sighing) So what are we going to do? MAN: (Closing eyes) I just think we might have made a mistake. WOMAN: I guess that’s what we’re here to find out. On our honeymoon. We’ve only been married for a week. MAN: At the same time, I don’t think this is the time to get out. I’m an established artist now. WOMAN: What does that mean?

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MAN: It means that I can get any Canada council grant I want. I’m finally doing what I promised I would. What I said would become of us. She looks at him. MAN: That I would be paid to be an artist... WOMAN: Does that mean you’re happy now? MAN: It doesn’t have anything to do with being happy. It’s about doing what I’m supposed to do. With what I was meant to do. WOMAN: You make it sound like I’ve outlived my use in your life. A OLD MAN and OLD WOMAN in their 60’s sit in the nearby deck chairs. OLD MAN: You mind if we sit here? WOMAN: Yeah, go for it. There’s lots of space. OLD MAN: That’s true. We just tried to go to the casino but the place was packed. OLD WOMAN: You still managed to lose 50 dollars. OLD MAN: At least I got out while the gettin’ was good! He gives his wife an affectionate slap on the ass. She jumps and smiles, playfully swatting him on the shoulder.

OLD MAN: You just got married there, son? The man looks at his left hand and twirls his ring. MAN: How did you know? OLD MAN: That’s a pretty new looking ring. Old man shows his ring. It’s more dull with scratches and scuffs. OLD MAN: See this? That’s 35 years right there. OLD WOMAN: 35 years and 2 days. WOMAN: Oh, happy anniversary! OLD MAN: We never been on a cruise before and I guess it’s something we’ve always wanted to do. WOMAN: It’s our honeymoon. OLD WOMAN: Congratulations! WOMAN: We’ve never been on one either and I have to say I feel very spoiled. OLD MAN: Well that’s the idea I guess. MAN: Don’t feel too spoiled having to stay on this ship for three days. OLD MAN: We should be out of the storm soon and then we can have all the sun we want. Old man rolls his eyes. Man and woman look at each other.

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OLD WOMAN: We don’t take to the sun too well. We both turn red as lobsters. OLD MAN: Yes, but you’re a sweet and juicy lobster! Old woman smiles at her husband. Woman smiles, man shifts in his chair. OLD WOMAN: Let’s go for a swim, Mr. Lobster. OLD MAN: Back to our natural habitat. See ya kids. Old man and woman head to the pool, leaving the young couple in their deck chairs. The woman sips her mai tai. The man twirls his ring, watching the older couple. MAN: I wish being married was that easy. WOMAN: (sigh) Nobody said it was easy, and I bet if you asked them, they’d tell you the same thing. Man continues to stare. Woman looks at him. WOMAN: What is it? Why can’t you even enjoy our honeymoon. MAN: I am enjoying it, but I wish I felt better about us. I think I made a big mistake. WOMAN: O.K. you’ve said this twice already. I told you before, if you want to end this then it’s your decision. MAN: Why is it mine? I thought we were a partnership. You’ve been putting this on me the whole time.

WOMAN: And I thought you made a decision. Listen, I love you, and I just want to help you through whatever it is you’re going through. MAN: You mean you still don’t know after all this time? I’ve tried to explain it to you many times but I guess you never understood. WOMAN: I tried to understand. I just don’t know if I can help you. MAN: You say you want to help me and now you say you can’t help. Which is it? WOMAN: You know what I mean. I can’t change how you feel, but I want to understand...oh this is ridiculous. We’re talking in circles again. MAN: I thought getting married would fix things. WOMAN: How would it fix things? MAN: I don’t know. I just thought that if I made a commitment then things would be clearer between us and I could just move on with you. And now? WOMAN:

MAN: The pain won’t go away. Woman turns in her chair to face man. WOMAN: Honey, what’s hurting you?

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MAN: Why don’t you just let me go? WOMAN: It’s not that easy. The old couple are splashing around in the pool. OLD WOMAN: Come join us in here! The water is amazing. The man waves at them and shakes his head. The woman pushes her chair back from the table and stands up. WOMAN: We’ve been sitting by this afternoon. I need a change scenery. I think I’m going the casino. I haven’t been yet, and I just want to be environment. MAN: I’m going to stay here. Woman leaves and man looks at his feet resting on the deck chair. Old man and old woman splash around and stop. OLD MAN: Looks like the storm is passing. MAN: (lost in thought) What? OLD WOMAN: All I want to do is sink my toes into a sandy beach. THE END pool all of to go to there in a new

MARCH Setting: Residential street, quite a bit of space between the houses. nearing the end of winter, but frost still on the windows. early morning quasi-light. still dark for all greater purposes. camera focuses on front door of one particular bungalow. faint glow emerges from inside, as if only one light is on in the house. camera slowly narrows in on door. we begin to see vague movement behind door, the dark silhouette of a figure emerges. as camera draws closer, we see that it’s a woman standing behind the screen, shivering in the cold. she is wearing a thick housecoat over pyjamas. and fuzzy slippers. her eyes are trained intensely on a specific spot somewhere (behind camera) on her front lawn. her eyes flick quickly between spot and back and forth along street, as if afraid of something approaching. she is visibly nervous, face contorted as if turning over something significant in her mind. finally we see her draw in a deep breath, and charge out of the door. camera pans back to show her running down her front steps, and out to the base of the large tree at the sidewalk-end of her front yard. she stoops down to gather up what appears to be an injured pigeon. with her attention trained entirely on the bird, she doesn’t react to the low rumbling we begin to hear. after a few seconds, we see the glow of headlights appearing around the corner. it’s a truck with a plow attached to the front, and it heads straight for the woman’s house. close-up on her face, she looks up into the glare of the headlights, eyes wide, terrified. camera cuts to view from inside truck, approaching the crouching figure of the woman. we see the back of two men’s heads. Pete and George are driving towards Jan’s house. Pete is finishing a sandwich, George is drinking tea from his thermos. GEORGE (leaning forward, squinting) What the ...? (spills tea on himself) ow! PETE (also leaning forward, tries to de-fog winshield with his gloves hand) You gotta be kidding me...

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GEORGE It’s her! It’s really her. What’s she doing outside?! PETE (looking apprehensively between George and the crouching figure) Damned if I know, man. GEORGE (shakily fumbling for the car door handle and exiting the vehicle) OH my God Camera cuts back to outside, shot of woman staring at car door opening. She straightens up with a bundle cradled in her arms. JAN (as she straightens up) OH my God camera pans back to show george and jan standing about 2 feet apart, staring at each other, not speaking. jan looks down at the bundle in her arms, then back up at george. george (at same time) follows her gaze down to her arms, and then back up to his face. a small smile creeps slowly onto georges face. jan looks unsure how to react, but then, almost in spite of herself, she smiles back. DECEMBER (THREE MONTHS EARLIER) Jan’s bedroom: we see a figure tossing and turning in bed. the bedside light is switched on. jan can’t sleep. she’s shivering with cold. she sighs loudly, and gestures exasperatedly. she darts out of bed and into her closet, fishes out a big wool sweater, and puts it on over her pajamas. she dives back under a massive duvet, and turns the light back out. about 5 seconds pass. then the light is turned back on, and she sits back up in bed, sleepily rolling her eyes. she looks at the clock, it reads 4:30. rolling her eyes again, she gives up and gets out of bed. she puts on big fuzzy slippers and shivers as she walks into the kitchen. she turns on the light, and puts the kettle on. she stands and drinks her tea absentmindedly until we hear the sound of a truck approaching. ------

Cut to Pete and George. They are in the truck outside Jan’s house, taking a break. Pete is finishing a sandwich, George is drinking tea from his thermos. PETE What a joke. All this snow will be melted by the time we get to the last house. GEORGE Yeah, it’s pretty fucking warm. ----Back to Jan: frowning, she parts the kitchen curtains to see the source of the noise. she watches as two men pull up in a truck with a plow attached to the front. she nods to herself, and is about to turn away, when george gets out of the passenger side door, and looks straight at her. she gasps, and pulls the curtains shut tight. she stands there paralyzed for a few seconds, and then opens the curtains only enough for her left eye to peep through. ---Back to Pete and George: GEORGE Hey, look up at the window. (cut to Jan as she quickly draws the blind). PETE What, another crazy old lady? GEORGE She’s gorgeous. Really? PETE

GEORGE Yeah man. Nothing fancy - like she had just gotten up - a bathrobe or something, but she looked beautiful. PETE Yea yeah...

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GEORGE Let’s put some salt down here, do a real nice job. Get all the snow along the sides, too, there Pete. PETE There’s barely nothing here, jeez. No snow at all. Let’s move along. GEORGE (motions to get out of truck) We’ll, I’m gonna put some salt down. PETE You’re in the clouds, man, in the clouds. GEORGE You’re wrong. I can see through the clouds. PETE This talk again? Jesus... GEORGE Yeah Pete, I can see through clouds. I can see stars. I’m waiting for my gi- (Pete joins in) gantic massive star. PETE Just put the salt down, and let’s get moving for chrissakes... ---Back to Jan: as the truck is driving away and the light of dawn is beginning to creep over the horizon, jan lets the curtains fall open as she exhales long and audibly. her gaze is caught by some movement outside, and she turns to see two pigeons on a tree branch in her front yard, flapping their wings as they’re roused from sleep. they stare at her, heads tilted, drawn by the movement of the curtains. JAN (to pigeons, defensively, as if they’re judging her for spying on the plow guys)

jan slams closed the curtains, but has a smile on her face. she walks over to the stereo and puts on an elton john record. shedding her massive wool sweater, she begins to dance around the kitchen (still smiling) as she starts to make breakfast. JANUARY - INSIDE JAN’S HOUSE alarm goes off in a dark room. it reads 4:30am. we see a groggy jan hit the snooze, and then get out of bed. she throws on a worn housecoat, over top of absurdly thick fleece pajamas. she has slept in huge socks as well, and slides her feet into big fuzzy slippers. she shivers as she walks into the kitchen, turns on the light, and puts the kettle on. she then turns to the window (which looks out the front of the house) and opens the curtains. we see two pigeons huddling together for warmth on a treebranch on her front lawn. JAN (sleepily to pigeons) good morning, my dears. d’you think they’ll be on time today? jan smiles contentedly to herself and turns away from the window. she takes three mugs out of her kitchen cabinet and places them in a row on the counter. she pours hot water into one, and then hesitates, frozen over the second cup. she sighs loudly, and then puts the kettle back onto the stove. she turns back to the window, cradling the cup of tea in her hands. her face looks sadder now. JAN (to pigeons) WHAT is WRONG with me? (sigh) JAN (as though rehearsing in her head) it’s cold out here! would you like a cup of tea? would you care for a cuppa? spot of tea for you gents? here, i brought you some tea. you’re doing a fantastic job. JAN (frustrated) WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA! SAY it, you dolt!

what?

just

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JAN (turning to pigeons again) what do you guys think? (another sigh) am i crazy? it’s not that weird, is it? "hi, i’m jan. i can’t stand the cold". <feigning conversation> "hahaha, i know, everyone hates it. but really. i don’t leave my house. i get my groceries delivered". (pause) "ha. yeah. no actaully, i’m not crazy at all. i just talk to pigeons and stalk snow plow guys." Jan is broken from her reverie by the sound of their truck approaching. she suddenly dives behind the cover of the curtain, and peers sheepishly through the thin fabric. JANUARY Pete and George, outside of Jan’s house: George is seen painstakingly cleaning the cracks between the flagstones with a toothbrush. Pete is sitting inside the warm truck, looking incredulously at George, and generally exasperated. George finally climbs into the truck. He shivers and blows on his hands to warm them. He looks over at Pete, smiling. Pete looks back, stone-faced. What? GEORGE

GEORGE (cont’d) a second) Naw. No way. But I just can’t get her out of my brain, y’know? Why’s she so shy? Why does she hide like that? It’s like she’s afraid of the world.

PETE (rolling his eyes) This is getting ridiculous, man. GEORGE (sheepishly, unconvincingly) Whaddaya talking about? PETE A TOOTHbrush man!? You’re holding a fucking toothbrush! GEORGE (grinning uncontrollably) She was watching me the WHOLE time, man. I could feel her eyes on my back. She was right behind the kitchen curtain. D’you think she knows we can see her? (Thinks for (MORE)

We Assemble By jcs DARKNESS. THEN A FAINT LIGHT. WE SEE A HUMAN FIGURE FROM A DISTANCE AND UNFOCUSED. THE FIGURE COMES INTO FOCUS WE CAN’T SEE THE FIGURE’S FACE; LIGHT IS STREAMING FROM IT. THE FIGURE The watchword reiterated by sentinels A thousand times, the message whispered from post to post, A beacon burning on a thousand citadels, A call of all the hunters lost in the great forest. For is this indeed, Oh LORD, the best witness That our dignity can render to Your pity, This time of tears which age after age gathers, To fail and fall on the shore of Your eternity? FADE TO BLACK. THEN A BRIGHT SUMMER’S (I’M KIDDING I MEAN WINTER’S) DAY ON THE TOP OF MOUNT ROYAL SARA IS SITTING ON THE GROUND NEAR THE CROSS SARA If had I listened to my second mind. Oh if I had listened to my second mind. Then I wouldn’t be here now people Down on the killing floor A COFFEE SHOP. SAM AND ALEX ARE TALKING. ALEX So she says "My favourite band is the Velvet Underground" and I’m like umm me too. And she’s like "so what’s your favourite song of theirs?" And I’m like ummm "The one about heroin?"

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SAM LAUGHS. THE CAMERA PULLS WAY BACK AND WE’RE GREETED TO A SHOT OF THE COFFEE SHOP. THE TWO MEN CONTINUE TO CONVERSE BUT WE CAN’T HEAR THEM. TIME PASSES. THEY PAY THEIR BILL AND LEAVE. OUTSIDE OF THE SHOP IS A BEGGAR. ALEX GIVES HIM SOME CHANGE HE AS SAM PARTS THEIR COMPANY. ALEX ADDRESSES THE CAMERA. ALEX Once he had a wife. He yet has a son. Flesh of his flesh blood of his blood spit of his spit seed of his seed. Can you hear his heart beat? beat pump beat beat beat parumpa parumpa roll-a crash parumpa listen! THE BEGGAR If you ever change your mind about leaving, leaving me behind oh, bring it to me bring your sweet loving bring it on home to me THE CAMERA BEGINS TO RUNAWAY FROM THESE TWO TO CATCH UP WITH SAM. SAM He thinks I don’t care let truth be told I need the change. as payday is three days away and 86 cents will buy a can of chick peas or a box of cheese and macaroni. Let truth be told. a recent study has stated the majority of middle class women. have a secret fear of becoming bag ladies. At night. dark merciless merciful night. at night. is my mother visited by these thoughts? does she darkly dream of begging and shelters and Lysol lunches. (MORE)

SAM (cont’d) Is this the future fear of my possible future wife or mistress or of my hypothetical daughter? At the stroke of ten past midnight is my sister visited by visions of Lysol lunches? He thinks I don’t care let truth be told will the day come where his pocket change will end up in my mother’s twisted palm? THE CEMETERY NEAR MOUNT ROYAL. SAM AND SARA SARA [Points to a grave] to know know know him is to love love love him and I do yes I do oh I do A crow flies over head SARA "over and over the crow cries uncover the fields". Tell me again about the crows. SAM and at the end of every day as dusk approaches all of the crows from miles and miles around gather at the park near the water. You can see them coming in murders from each of the cardinal directions for their twilight gathering. They all gather on the largest couple of trees and turn them into a black tangle of motion. They caw and caw and caw and finally dissipate but not in murders. They slowly drift from their parliament. SARA tell me again about the crows.

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SAM and at the end of every day as dusk approaches... FADE CUT TO THE SILHOUETTE OF A MAN GAZING UP AT MOUNT ROYAL MAN: If I then if I then MAN should forget you oh Zion I’ll cut off my own hand should forget you oh zion i’ll cut off my own...

THE HARBOUR. A YOUNG WOMAN IS POURING A BOTTLE OF WATER INTO THE ST. LAWRENCE YOUNG WOMAN oh! for what is this fluid that i have left as a humble sacrifice what is this humour is it blood? or bile? sweat? spit? it’s liquid for sure. THE COFFEE SHOP. SAM AND ALEX ARE SPEAKING SAM So how the hell did he ever ... you know, become this gigantic massive star? ALEX It all began with a traffic jam. SAM A traffic jam? ALEX Yes. A traffic jam. Well sort of. Actually the there was a road blockade. The police were in a shootout with the Hells Angles or there was car crash or something. I’m not sure how the story goes but it was dramatic and the road was closed and all these cars were backed up and people were getting surly. People were getting out and milling around and getting upset. So he climbs out of his car, gets on the roof and starts singing. no shit SAM

DISSOLVE. CLOSE UP OF THE MAN’S HAND WRITING A LETTER. WE HEAR WHAT HE WRITES IN VOICE OVER MAN I don’t know when this will reach you but the god’s only know when the internet will be back up. it’s hot and dry today. As it was yesterday and the day before and so forth back to the solidification the earth from a gaseous state. Today I inoculated 6 people. That’s 6 out of a village of 94 as the other refused due to rumour that the shots will make one either infertile or give them the aids. But can you blame them, if some stranger showed up at your door and wanted to jab you with a needle for some disease.... you never heard of... would you say yes? FADE TO THE ENTRANCE TO THE METRO SARA IS SPEAKING TO SAM SARA I am going down If I do not come back after three days Beat a drum for me. Make a loud noise. Yes raise a loud noise. Cut your face with mourning, cut your eyes and your nose and your ears cut your ass and rip up your best clothes

ALEX no shit. You know, he starts singing to calm everyone down. And everyone’s like spellbound and like one of the dudes in one these cars is like a hotshot agent.

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and and

SAM ALEX

SAM AND SARA ARE IN THE WOODS. SARA IS PERCHED IN A TREE WITH A SNOWBALL BEHIND HER BACK. SAM "Come away with me and be my love" SARA You come with me. "I know a place where the wild thyme grows" SAM Is it under milkwood? Does it grow near the blooming heather? Maybe I will come away with you, after all "My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun". Sara throws her snowball and hits Sam SARA Come live with me, and be my love; And we will all the pleasures prove That hills and valleys, dales and fields, Woods, or steepy mountain yields. ALEX IS DRUNK AND YELLING AT THE STATUE OF NORMAN BETHUNE (AND THE PEOPLE AROUND IT) IN FRONT OF CONCORDIA ALEX Wake up!!!! WAKE UP!!! You too (pointing to the statue). I’ve read my Wilde. I know you can hear me. Come back from China for us. Come back from the Spanish front and bring the famous battling canucks back with you. The Fascists are here. The fascists are here. I can’t remember do you. Can you remember? How the poem he wrote about you goes but I can’t so I’ll quote some others. "I shout love in a land muttering slack damnation"! "Love and Hate!! Love and Hate are companions in this age!" Haven’t (MORE)

ALEX (cont’d) you heard "Soviet Canada is the Only Way Out for the Labouring People". No you didn’t hear you were long in your dirt nap. Long supper for carthay worms.Worms, verms, vermin. Come back because the fascists are here. The worms, the verms, the vermin, the dragons. "From the sea came a multifaced beast" Even worse. The swiss are here. Every one is weeping by the rivers of Babylon yet we dare to sing new songs. Us the swiss. As they watched the Nazis we watch ours. Us with our cuckoo clocks, we with our cheeses, and chocolait A women walks by and Alex yells after her. I’m talking to you, you swiss bitch. That’s right. I’m drunk. Take that. Security guards arrive and start to close in Ahhh "this is how the world ends, this is how the world ends, this is how the world ends. Not with a bang but a whisper" SAM AND SARA ARE RIDING THE METRO SARA IS STANDING BEHIND HIM AS HE LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD. THEY GET OFF AND WITH GREAT EFFORT SAM KEEPS HIS HEAD STRAIGHT WHILE SHE TAILS BEHIND. THEY GET TO THE ESCALATOR START TO RIDE IT. SAM PEEKS BEHIND HIM. SARA IS GONE WE SEE HER RIDING THE NEIGHBOURING ESCALATOR DOWN BACK INTO THE METRO SAM Shitfuckdamnasscuntmotherfuckerdamnasslickingshitpissfuck!!!! THE COFFEESHOP ALEX AND SAM ALEX If there really was something to this geek chic thing then I’d get laid more than once every couple months. SAM Amen brother.

8. IT’S DUSK AND ALEX IS RUNNING AROUND WESTMOUNT PARK ALEX Laurence! Laurence where are you lets smoke stolen cigarettes by the stream. Laurence lets resuscitate the dead frog, he can be saved I tell you. Where are you because we need you. Tekakwitha! Come back we need you! Show me sign and I’ll pray for your saint hood. Show me a sign. Two women are walking down the street talking WOMEN 1 ...and they converted due to the poetry not the actual message. Some of them were so wowed by the flow of the poetry they became muslims on the spot. Muhammed could have been preaching anything but the excellence of the quranic verse convinced some people it came from God. Who else could have written such poetry but the top man? WOMEN 2 did you know that when people speak in tongue it’s not gibberesh. I mean when they have religious fits and fall down and spew out these sounds scientists have taped it and found it has patterns. But it never matches up with any known languages. They bump into Sam SAM Tell me about loss. WOMEN 1 I feel loss. For the life I skipped out on Sometimes I dream Of my blond haired daughter. The one I should have had. If I had stayed in the country. And married one of my cute cousins. Bought some land. Started a honey farm. Had a daughter with hair the yellow of clover honey

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ALEX (raises his coffee cup)Shanith shanith shanith Sam (raises his coffee cup and cheers him): Shanith shanith shanith ALEX So are you really going to do it. SAM I’m really going to do it. SAM IS IN THE FOREST. HE SETTLES DOWN UNDER A TREE AND SPEAKS TO SOMEONE OFF CAMERA SAM It’s not a pipal tree but it’ll do. There’s too much snow to touch the ground though. He puts his hand down on the ground. I swear by the earth to sit here until I no longer return. Sara from off camera SARA Isn’t this a pine tree? When I was a child I heard that if you sit under a pine tree on Christmas eve at midnight you’ll hear the angels sing but you’ll die in the upcoming year. So I snuck out and tried it but I didn’t hear anything. SAM Christmas is still a month away. I’m cold So am I Lets go. Okay SARA SAM SARA SAM

Sam gets up and leaves

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Of the fields of flax. I feel loss. WOMEN 2 Tell us about sadness. SAM I’m sad That my hypothetical daughter Will be scared of... FADE OUT TO THE COFFEE SHOP SAM AND ALEX TALKING SAM I swear to god I’ll punch out the next person who quotes Dylan at me. Why do people do it. I mean why? ALEX Fucked if I know. Will you really punch them out? SAM I swear it. How’d last night go? ALEX funny story. See "Jackie is a punk judy is a runt They both went down to berlin, joined the ice capades And oh, I dont know why oh, I dont know why Perhaps theyll die, oh yeah perhaps theyll die, oh yeah Perhaps theyll die, oh yeah perhaps theyll die, oh yeah" A BAR. ALEX WALKS IN WITH JUDY. JACKIE COMES UP TO THEM Uh-oh ALEX

ALEX Hey watch it. JACKIE and it does tricks, how cute. Speak rover. Speak again. I’ll give you a treat. Jackie takes out a dog treat Judy starts crying. The scene freezes. In voice over we hear: SAM She had a dog biscuit. ALEX She definitely planned it. Cut to Sam and Alex driving around. Pull over. SAM

ALEX what, where? SAM here. This parking lot. Alex pulls over to the parking lot. People are milling around. SAM I feel good about this. It worked for him Wha? ALEX

Sam gets out of the car and climbs onto the roof and starts singing. People pelt him with snowballs and rocks. THE END

JACKIE I though you’d be here tonight. And you brought your pet. How cute. Alex JUDY