The Fighter - The New York Times

2016/12/30
TheFighterTheNewYorkTimes
http://nyti.ms/2iDkjRt
SamSiattawasdeepinatequilahaze,sostaggeringlydrunkthathewouldlater
sayheretainednomemoryofthecrimehewasbeginningtocommit.
Itwasafewminutesafter2a.m.onApril13,2014.Siattahadjustforcedhis
wayintoasinglestoryhomeinNormal,Ill.,acollegetownontheprairieabout
130milessouthwestofChicago.AMarineCorpsveteranofthewarin
Afghanistan,hewasa24yearoldfreshmanstudyingontheG.I.Billatthe
universitynearby,IllinoisState.Hehadarecordofvalorininfantrycombatand
nocriminalpast.Healsohadnoclearreasontohaveenteredsomeoneelses
home,nomotivethatprosecutorswouldbeabletopointtoattrialnointention
torob,noindicationthathekneworhadevenseenbeforeanyofthethreeyoung
femaleteachingstudentswholivedinside,ortheboyfriendswhowerewithtwoof
them.
Twoofthewomenandoneofthemenhadawakenedminutesearlierwhen
theythoughttheyheardsomeoneopeningandclosingthefrontdoor.Ithadbeen
anunnervingsensation,thefeelingthatanintruderhadsteppedintothehome.
Theytriedtosettlethemselvesandreturntobed,onlytobejoltedbyahouse
shakingbangthesoundofSiattahittingthebackdoorwithsuchforcethathe
splinteredthejamb.
Thedoorswungopenintoadiningarea.Siattastrodeintotheunfamiliar
space,justaroundtheblockfromthesimilarlysizedhomewhereherenteda
room.Alittlemorethansixfeettallandweighingabout175pounds,hewasa
thoroughlytrainedveteranofasmallunitgroundwarandheavilytattooed,with
redtallymarksonhissternumindicatingsevenTalibankillsfrom2009and
2010.Hisformercompanycommanderwouldlatertellatrialjudgethatofthe
388troopsheledinAfghanistan,Siattawasthemanthemilitantsfearedmost.
Thewomencoweredbehindaflimsybedroomdoor.Oneofthemdialed911.
Anotherclutchedastubbykitchenknife.
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Sinceleavingthecorpsin2012,Siattahadbeenunabletoswitchoffthe
habitsofwar.Hewashypervigilantandstruggledtorelax.Hewatchedpeople,
sizingthemupandscanningforthreats.Inthevaryingsituationsofeverydaylife,
heconstantlyrepositionedhimselfsonoonegotbehindhim.Muchofthiswas
appropriateforcombatpatrols.Someofitdrewfromhistraining.Allofitwas
mentallyandemotionallyexhausting,unsuitedforapeacefullife.Goingtoa
restaurant,movingthroughknotsofpeopleataparty,visitingthemall,findinga
seatinaclassroomrelativetootherpeopleandwindowsanddoorseachwasa
challengerequiringeffortandwill.
Siattahadbeeninadeepeningfunkformonths.Formorethanfouryearshe
hadbeenstalkedbymemoriesofcivilianshisplatoonhadkilled,peoplewhose
liveshadabruptlyendedforareasonasunforgivingasitwassimplebeingin
thewrongplacewhentheshootingbegan.TheDepartmentofVeteransAffairs
wouldlatersayhesufferedfromdepression,alcoholdependencyandPTSD.But
untilthismoment,hehadadaptedwithbehaviorsallowinghimtopassasless
troubledthanhewas.Heavoidedcrowds.Hedrankprodigiousamountsof
alcoholtodimhisheightenedalertnessandtomufflehissorrows.Hesocialized
rarely,oftenonlywithhismotherorbrother.
ThediningareaSiattahadenteredgavewaytoalittlekitchen,whichopened
intoasmalllivingroom.Inthatadjoiningroom,perhaps25feetfromSiatta,
stoodoneoftheboyfriends,anotheryoungformerMarine.Inanynumberof
situations,thetwomenmighthavebecomefriends.Buttheyhadservedin
differentplacesandjobsinthecorps,andthemaninthelivingroomhadnoidea
hehadanythingincommonwiththemaninthekitchen.Hepositionedhimself
betweenhisgirlfriendandtheshattereddoor.
HewasshorterthanSiattabutmoremuscular,withabuildhintingatyears
ofweighttrainingandcompetitivewrestling.Hewasalsosober.Helookedacross
thekitchenatthebrokendoor.Thedeadboltwasstillextended.Whoeverhad
forcedthedoorwasstrong.Heheardmovementaroundthecorner,arustling
fromthebackofthehouse.Heheldasteakknifewithaserratedeightinchblade,
theweaponhemanagedtomusterinthesecondshehadtothink.
Siattasteppedintohislineofsight.Hewaswalkingtowardthelivingroom,
deeperintothehouse.
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Onlyonemanknowsexactlywhathappenednext.Knifeinhand,he
identifiedhimselfasaformerMarineanddemandedthatSiattagetout.
Youdontbelonghere,hesaid.Youneedtoleave.
Siattakeptwalking,themansaid,andliftedafryingpanoffthestoveashe
passedby.Youhavebeenbad,hesaid,raisingthepanbyitshandle.Andthis
willdo.
Whateveroptionshadexistednarrowedtoone.Thefightbegan.
ThefirsttimeIsawSamSiattawasinApril2016attheShawnee
CorrectionalCenter,amediumsecuritystatepenitentiaryinsouthernIllinois.He
wasbroughtbytheguardstoadrearyconferenceroom,awayforthemoment
fromacellblockforseriousoffenders.Beforehearrived,acorrectionalofficer
askedmeandtwomembersofthelawfirmrepresentingSiattawhetherwe
wantedaguardstationednearby,incasetheinmateactedup.
Siattawalkedinwearingblueprisongarb.Hehadthelightfeetandmuscular
shouldersofayoungfighter.Hisshortsleevesofferedglimpsesofgrimtattoos
askullrestingonanhourglassonhisrightforearm,amongotherscommonto
manygrunts.Helookedtough.Healsolookeddeflated.Hecameoffasnervous,
scaredandalmostpainfullypolite,amanoverwhelmedbyhiscircumstances.
RichardR.Winter,theattorneywhodaysbeforehadfiledanappealof
Siattasconviction,askedhowhewasdoing.AnypretenseofSiattaasathreatto
visitorsfellaway.Hewasnotdoingwell.Shawnee,hesaid,wasrunbygangs,
whichhehadtotakecarenottocross.TwocellmateshadbeenLatinKings,and
anotherwasasexoffenderwhohadalmostdrawnSiattaintoafightoverapetty
cellblocktheft.TheagingpenitentiaryinPontiac,wherehewasheldwhile
awaitingacourthearing,wasworse.Theretheinmatesshoutedandwailed
throughthenight,hesaid,andtheplacewasthickwithrodents.
Siattaseemeddistraught.Hewantedtogohome.DidWinterhaveanynews,
hewantedtoknow,abouthisappeal?Wintergentlysaiditwouldtaketime,
perhapsafewmonthsbeforetheycouldexpectahearing.
IhadheardofSiattainFebruary,whenT.G.Taylor,arecentlyretiredArmy
officer,contactedmeaboutaMarineinfantryvetwhohadforcedhiswayintoa
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houseinhisneighborhoodandbeenstabbedrepeatedlybyanotherformer
Marine.Afterahelicopterflighttoatraumacenter,theinfantryvetSiatta
waschargedwithhomeinvasion,foundguiltyattrialandsentencedtoprison.
TaylorhadtakenajobatHolland&Knight,thefirmhandlingtheappeal,which
wasbroughtonthegroundsthatSiattadidnotintendtocommitthecrime
becausehewasalmostcatatonicallyintoxicatedatthetime.Siattascase,Taylor
said,wasaboutPTSD,asubjectheandIhaddiscussedovertheyearsaswetried
tohelpfriendsstrugglingwithlifeafterwar.Iwasinterestedbutcautious.I
servedintheMarineinfantryinthe1980sand1990sandknewwhateveryone
whohasmovedpasttheslogansknows:ThatasmallfractionofMarinesare
troubleproblemchildren,inthegentlestconstructionofthecorpsotherwise
profaneslang.SomeoftheseMarinesturncriminalanddeserveeverybitof
punishmenttheyget.ItoldTaylorthatIwouldhavetoreviewthecasecarefully
beforeconsideringcoverage.
Bychance,IknewMaj.ScottA.Cuomo,whocommandedSiattasrifle
companyinAfghanistan.Cuomoisdrivenandserious.Hehadledtheschoolthat
trainsallMarineinfantrylieutenants,apostreservedforestablishedstarsinthe
gruntofficercorps.Icalledhimwithtwoquestions:WasSiattaaproblemchild?
Ifnot,whatwasgoingon?CuomosaidSiattawasasolidMarineincombata
giftedmarksman,trustedbyhispeers,invaluableinfirefightsanddeservingof
gratitude,notincarceration.Hesaidhewasperplexedbyeverythingheheardout
ofIllinois.
Readingthecasefileraisedmorequestions.Theprosecutorshadtakena
hardstanceagainstSiatta,firstwithchargesandinpleanegotiationsandlaterin
adepositionandincourt,whereaprosecutorbelittledtheideathattheaccused
mighthavebeendrunkasacopingmechanismforpostcombatillness.Not
everyoneinthecourtroomseemedtoconcur.Attheend,whenSiattaslifehad
finallytanked,thetrialjudgeallbutapologizedforsentencinghimtoprison.
IagreedtomeetSiattainShawnee.Overafewhoursofconversation,he
toggledbetweenbeingmarginallyexpressiveandalmostpoetic.Atthislatedate
hehaddevelopedacleareyedviewofwhatailedhim.Hedescribedhisanxiety
anddrinkingasconditionsthatgrewalmostimperceptibly,finallyovertakinghim
in2014.Untilthenthesymptomshadbeeneasyforhimtoplaydown,evenif
otherswereconcerned.Youdontnoticewhenyougrowhalfaninch,because
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youseeyourselfeveryday,hesaid.Butifyouseeyourlovedones,theysay,Oh,
youvegottentall.
Onceherelaxed,SiattatalkedofthekillinghehaddoneinAfghanistan
hesitantlyatfirst,thenthoroughlyreplayingthecoolmechanicsofprecision
riflefire,describingfatalmistakes,tracingwherehismindtraveledafter.Hiswar
hadbeendarkerthanhisnewlawyerandfamilyknew,morebrutalthanhe
expressedincourt.Itwastoolatetoexpectanythingtocomeofit.Morethanfive
yearsremainedonhissentence,andSiattawasunlikelytoreceivehelpfrom
Illinoissoverburdenedcorrectionalsysteminthattime,notevencounselingor
medication.Hisfatewoulddependonalongshotappeal,whichfocusedona
narrowandnotfirmlyestablishedmatteroflaw.Inthewasteandshameofa
respectedvetbeingwarehousedinapenitentiaryforacrimehecouldnotrecall
waspartofthefootsoldiersexperienceoftheAfghanwar,includingthereturnto
acountrycontenttothankthemwithoutunderstandingthem,orwhythey
sometimesstandapart.
LanceCorporalSamuelJ.SiattaarrivedinAfghanistaninOctober2009,
oneofthousandsofMarineswhocycledthroughtheefforttodefeattheTaliban
inHelmandProvince,thecorpsambitiouspieceofPresidentObamasfirstterm
rebootoftheAfghanwar.HewasariflemaninFoxCompany,SecondBattalion,
SecondMarines,amemberofFirstSquad,ThirdPlatoon.
AshesteppedofftheaircraftatCampLeatherneck,abaseonthesteppethat
servedasahubforMarineoperations,hewasanalmosttimelesscharacter,a
youngMarinefromtheprairiewhomighthavefitintothelonglinesofriflemen
volunteeringforhisservicespreviouswartimecampaigns.Anadoptedsonina
RomanCatholicfamilyinIllinois,hewashandedtothecouplewhoraisedhimon
theFourthofJulyin1989,whenhewas3daysold.Hismotherseldestbrother
foughtasaMarineinVietnam,andhismaternalgrandfatherwasaMarinein
WorldWarII.Bythetimehewasinthefourthgrade,hewastellinggrownups
thatheintendedtobeaMarine.
HisfatherfellillwithcanceranddiedwhenSiattawas12.Siattahadalways
beenaquietchildandwasmoresoafter.Asixthgradeclassmate,AshleyVolk,
foundhimapproachableandkind.Thetwodatedthatyear.Hewasmyfirstkiss
onthecheek,shesaid.Volkmadeacondolencecardfortheirclasstosignand
puzzledoverhowhecontainedhisgrief.Samnevercriedinfrontofus,shesaid.
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Italwaysmadeusscaredforhim,becausewedidntknowhowhewasdealing
withitinside.
Byeighthgrade,Siattahadstartedliftingweightsandhangingoutatthe
gym.Volkworkedoutasanexcusetobenearhim.ThewarinIraqwasraging.
ThePentagonsearlysuccessinAfghanistanwasunraveling.Anyonecouldsee
therewasmuchmorefightingahead,andagainstfoeswhoseharassingandoften
darktactics,emphasizingambushes,improvisedbombsandsuicideattacks,were
exactingabloodytoll.Siattaletitbeknownthathestillintendedtoenlist.
SiattaandVolkwereanoffagain,onagaincoupleinhighschool,years
duringwhichshetriedtotalkhimoutofbecomingaMarine.Hegaveher
nicknames,includingprettyladyandgypsy,andresistedhereffortsto
dissuadehim.Asaseniorhewasoldenoughtosignontheline.Volkpleaded
withhimagain.Hisdecisionwasfirm.Hehadanurgeforactionandasenseof
duty,andseemednottocarehowhardorriskyitwouldbe.Itwasntabout
enjoyingit,hetoldme.ItwasabouttheideathatourConstitutionisntabunch
oftoiletpaper,likemostofourgenerationthinksitis.Heenlistedwhilestillin
schoolandrequestedaplaceintheinfantry,thecorpstoughestjob.
Withfouryearssignedaway,SiattabeganseeinglessofVolk,thinkingthatit
wouldbeunfairtoleaveherwaitingwhilehewasgonetowar.Hedepartedfor
bootcampinSanDiegoonthedayhegraduated,inMay2008.Volkremembers
feelingscared.Butshehadnoargumentlefttomake.Hediditforourcountry,
shesaid.Thatsanoldsoul.
AtbootcampSiattafollowedthefamiliararcoftransformationfromcivilian
toMarine,althoughasweekspassedhedisplayedaskillthatsethimapart:He
wasanexceptionalshot.TheMarineCorpsisbuiltarounditsrifles.Itexpects
everymembertomasterwhatitconsidersthebasictoolofmodernwar,via
thoroughtrainingandannualrequalificationonshootingoutto500yards.Siatta
outshotalmosteveryonearoundhim.Thiswasnotreadilyexplicable.Siattawas
raisedinahouseholdwithoutfirearmsandwasneitherahunternoraweapons
buff.Hehadneverfiredariflebefore.
Instructorsinthecorpsoftensaythatrecruitswithnoweaponsexperience
canbecomeaccomplishedshotsbecausetheyhavenobadhabitstounlearn.
Siattaoffersthisastheexplanationforhisownsuperiorskill.Butwhenhetalks
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ofhowheshot,itisalsoclearthatwhenhelookeddownthebarrelofariflehe
wascapableofextremepatienceandcalm.Eveninfirefightshecouldsweepaway
distractionandfocusonthehabitsthatmakeprecisionmarksmanshippossible.
Inlate2008,aftercompletingbootcampandaninfantrycourseinwhichhe
demonstratedaknackformixedmartialartsandahighpaintolerancetogowith
hisfinemotorskills,SiattacheckedintohisbattalionatCampLejeune,N.C.In
manyways,twoofhissupervisorssaid,hewasnotamodelMarine.Heworehis
uniformsloppily,couldbeinattentiveingarrisonanddidnotshowthe
enthusiasmandinitiativeofsomeofhispeers.HewaspeggedasafieldMarine,
agruntsuitedforbattlebutnotforthecorpsbroaderinsistenceonperfection.
SometimeswedsaythatifSiattadidnotshootaswellashedid,wewouldnt
knowwhattodowithhim,saidhisformersquadleader,Sgt.JosephM.Perez.
Siattaacceptsthisreputationeasilyandsaidhechafedatthespitshine
requirementsofMarineCorpsbaselife.Theydsay,Yourbootsaredirty,he
toldme.AndIdbelike:Ofcoursetheyaredirty.Imafuckingrifleman.Ijoined
todoadirtyjob.Allagreethathisskillwitharifleassuredhisplace.Ashis
platoonreadiedforcombat,itscommander,SecondLt.TylerP.Kurtz,selected
himforaparticularlydifficultrole:designatedmarksman.
TheD.M.,astroopscallthisposition,wasarecentadjustmenttothecorps
smallunitorganization,arolebetweenthatofregularriflemenandsnipers.It
wasmadenecessary,inthecorpsview,bythearidenvironmentsofAfghanistan
andIraq,whereadearthofvegetationoftenmeantthatgunfightsoccurredat
longranges,andconventionalunitsneededMarineswithskillsandequipmentto
hittargetsoutsidethereadyrangeofstandardM4sorM16s.RareistheMarine
whodoesnotwishtoshootbetteraculturethatcelebratesriflerybestows
credibilityandrespectonthosewhoshootbest.Siattasselectionwasanhonor,
themoresobecausehewasotherwiseuntested.Kurtz,nowacaptainwho
commandsaMarineinfantrycompany,saidhechoseSiattanonethelessbecause
heexudedmaturitywhenbehindarifle.Hewasanatural,hesaid.
Siattasselectionbroughtpressureshehadnotcontemplatedbefore.In
Afghanistanhewouldbecalledontodotheshootingthatwouldmakegunfights
stop.Throughthelensofatelescopicsight,hewouldalsobeexpectedtowatch
overandprotecthisplatoon,whichmeanteyeingciviliansthroughcrosshairs,
oneafteranother,andlookingforindicatorsapartlyhiddenweapon,the
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remotedetonatorofabombthatmightgivehimamilitaryjustificationtokill.
Thiswouldrequireaconstantcommitmenttodiscernmentandadisciplined
senseofrestraint,balancedwithawillingnesstotakeotherslives,sometimesin
theintimatefashionthatcancomewithaneightpowerscope.Eventhe
nicknamefortherole,GuardianAngel,wasfreightedwithapresumptionof
unerringperfectionandrighteouspower.
Siattahadshotonlypapertargets.Hewonderedwhetherhewasgood
enough.Whatwouldhappentohisfriends,heaskedhimself,ifhechoked?
TheprewarpreparationsofSecondBattalion,SecondMarinesleftlittletime
forrest.SiattalivedinFoxCompanysbarracks,whereunderagedrinkingwas
forbiddenandpolicedbynoncommissionedofficers.Hewastooyoungto
purchasealcohollegallyorenterbarsanddidnotshowmuchinterestinalcohol
inanyevent.HisfellowMarinesrecallhimhangingback,unlikesomeofthe
louderpersonalities.Hewasveryquiet,veryinternal,oneoftheguyswhodidnt
saymuch,Perezsaid.Whenhespoke,itwasprettycomical,becauseitwaslike,
Whoa,wheredidthatcomefrom?
InlateOctober2009,thebattalionlandedinAfghanistanandquicklymoved
intotheruralbadlands.Inkeepingwiththecorpslatestwayofwagingwar,its
Marinesweretospendasevenmonthtourcharacterizedbyanunrelentingpace
ofsmallfootpatrols.AtCampLeatherneck,FoxCompanywasgivenitsfirst
mission:tosetupinpatrolbasesnearthevillageofLakari,driveofftheTaliban
andhelptheAfghangovernmentextendsecurityandservicesintothearea.
Itwasanambitiousorder.HelmandProvince,Afghanistanslargest,hadhad
alightWesternmilitarypresencesince2001.Muchofithadtakentheformof
Britishunitsinfortifiedoutpostswithlimitedinfluenceoverterritoryaround
them.AfterabloodycampaigninIraqsAnbarProvince,theMarineCorpsshifted
attentiontoHelmand,turningtheprovinceintothecorpsowncornerof
Afghanistan.ThevillagesaroundLakari,nestledamidirrigatedcroplandalong
thewindingHelmandRiverabout90milesfromPakistan,formedaTalibanand
drugrunnersstronghold.OtherMarinesraidedLakariinthesummer,butthey
left,andthearearemainedbeyondtheAfghangovernmentsreach.Thelocal
bazaar,ondustylandeastoftheriver,wasanogozonefullonenemyturf.
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OnNov.1,thecompanysFirstandThirdPlatoonsarrivedatPatrolBase
Lakari,acrudeoutpostbuiltweeksbefore.Littlemorethantentssurroundedbya
13foothighdirtberm,ithadthehastilyconceivedandtemporaryfeelofmuchof
theMarineinvolvementinAfghanistan.Itwasreachedthroughagateand
watchedoverbyfourraisedbunkerswhereMarinesrotatedturnsonpost,onein
eachbunkerbyday,twobynight.
Frombehindsandbagsandbulletproofglass,theMarineslookedupona
desolatevistaandcouldfeelmenaceawaitingthem.Likethebazaar,aboutamile
tothesouth,thepatrolbasewassituatedjustoutsidetheirrigatedcropland,at
theedgeofthesteppe.Vegetationandamazeofdriedmudwallslaytothewest
andsouthwest.Theyearspoppycrophadbeenharvested.Astubbleofcorn
stalksdottedthelandscape.Thefarmersbetweenthebaseandthebazaarwere
presumedtobespotterswhowatchedtheAmericansroutineandsignaledtheir
movementstotheTaliban.Nopatrolcouldleavethebasewithoutbeingseen
beforeitreachedthefields.
WheneverMarinesventuredintotheneighboringpatchworkoffarmland,
canalsandhomes,theywereenteringanetworkofinterconnectedtraps.Small
slitshadbeencutinthemudwallsMarinescalledthemmurderholesfrom
whichtheTalibancouldfire.Bombshadbeenburiedinthedirt.Ambusheswere
laidbyfighterswhotypicallykeptacanalbetweenthemselvesandtheirtargets,
preventingtheMarinesfromemployingtheirpreferredtacticofrushing
attackers.Thepatrolbasewasatargetforrockets.TheMarineunitthathadlived
initforthepastfewweekswasleavingAfghanistan,endingitstourandpassing
toFoxCompanyamissionthatwouldrequiresmallunitgunfightingonsomeone
elseshomeground.Inhisjournal,Siattarecordedhisfirstimpression,in
standardgruntspeak:Thecoffeeheretasteslikeshit.
By2009,theeighthyearofitsAfghanoccupation,theUnitedStateshad
repeatedlyreshapeditsreasonsandpracticesforfightingitspostSept.11wars.
Underideasinfavoratthismoment,nicknamedCOIN,themilitarysinelegant
shorthandforitsoptimisticallyconceivedcounterinsurgencydoctrine,troops
wereexpectedtofollowathreestageprocesstodeclawanddisplacetheTaliban:
clear,holdandbuild.Thismeantsweepingthroughanareatoweakenopposing
fightinggroupsbyforceandthenholdingthegroundandtryingtosecureitover
time,allintheserviceofallowingthecentralgovernmentslocalprojecttotake
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rootandgrow.Atthesametime,MarinesweretoldtocoachAfghanforcesand
befriendvillagers(inpartbyhandingoutcash)andurgethemintoroles
(informants,contractors,localofficials)thatwouldmakethempartnersinthe
newway.Theywerealsosupposedtoencouragefarmerstoabandonthe
cultivationofopiumpoppy,theregionsmostlucrativecashcrop.
Thatwasthetheoryandthehope,oftenofficiallyexpressed.Inpracticeit
meantdestroyingafirmlyestablishedlocaleconomyandbringinginruleby
outsiders.Andthefirstphaseclearingwasaeuphemismforviolence,
repeatedlyappliedviasmallgunfightsandsupportedbyAmericanartilleryand
airpower.Acorollary,oftenunstatedbutunderstoodbythosedoingthepatrols,
wasthatanygroupofAfghanswillingtofacetheMarinesheadtoheadwould
graduallybethinned,whileeverysevenmonthstheAmericans,bloodiedand
madejumpybyfirefightsandbombs,wouldbereplacedwithfreshtroops.Itwas
smallscaleattritionwarfare,withheartsandmindsjive.
Siattasturncamequickly.OnNov.2,hisseconddayatthepatrolbase,
ThirdPlatoonwasgatheringtomeettheMarinestheywerereplacingwhentwo
rocketsroaredinandexploded,oneinsideandanotheroutsidetheperimeter.
Siattaranforhisequipmentflakjacket,helmet,firstaidkitandtherestand
stoodwithhisriflewaitingforagroundattackthatnevercame.Hewasatwar
now,heartracin,handsshakinbuthadasmileonmyface,hewroteinhis
journal.IdontknowwhyIwassmilinmaybeitwasbecauseIcouldhavegot
blownthefuckupanddidnt.
Tostopincomingrockets,thepatrolswouldhavetomaketheTalibanthink
twiceabouttakingsuchrisks.Thatnight,SiattawasissuedaMark12Special
PurposeRifle,themoreaccuratedescendantoftheM16,whichhewouldcarry
throughouthistour,alongwithopentipmatchgradeammunition,adeparture
fromthemilitarysstandardfullmetaljacketroundsthatsacrificedarmor
penetrationbutcausedmoredamagingsofttissuewounds.Theriflewas
equippedwithasuppressortomuffleitsreport.Siattawasahunternow.Clearing
thefieldsaroundLakariwashisjob.Hewas20yearsold.
OnasectionofsteppetheMarinescalledtheeasterndesert,Siattaadjusted
theriflesscope.Hispracticerange,anemptyexpanseofcompactedsoilandtiny
tuftsofdriedgrass,wassafe.Thelocalfightersdidnotleavethesecurityoftheir
hometurftofightintheopen.Likeanathletestretchingonasidelinebefore
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competition,Siattamadehislastpreparations.Methodicallyfiringintorations
boxes,hedeterminedandwrotedownthedataforexactdistances,thensetthe
scopefor300yardsandtapedthecharttohisriflesstock.Hewasready.
Thesquadwasgreen.Itsleader,SergeantPerez,wastheonlyMarinewho
hadbeenincombatbefore.Thefirstpatrolpassedwithoutincident.ButFox
Companywasaggressive,andwithindaysitsMarineswerepushingbeyond
wherethedepartingunithadregularlygone.Theywerelookingforfights.
AtthelowerranksoftheMarineCorps,thePentagonsairbrushedlanguage
ofwarcanfadeaway.Tacticalslanghewsclosertobattlefieldfact.Marinestalkof
baitpatrols,inwhichonegroupofgruntsheadsofftoacontestedareatryingto
drawfire,whileotherswait,hopingthatoncetheTalibanshowthemselvesthey
canattacktheirflanks.Andtheytalkofthemoststraightforwardmissionofall:
movementtocontact,whichmeansexactlythat.
OnNov.7,Siattassquad,accompaniedbyLieutenantKurtzandamachine
gunteam,headedjustoveramilesouthandstoppedbesideahousetotalkwith
whoeverapproached.Siattasjournalentrythatdaywasunequivocalaboutthe
purpose.
Nowletmebeclearourmissionwasnottotalktothelocalesandshotthe
shit.OurmissionwastogettheTalibansatentionandhopefullyhavethem
attachuseandgivetherepositionaway.
ThebattalionleavingAfghanistanwasopposedtothemission.Kurtzfaced
contradictoryorders.Hiscompanycommanderwastellinghimtopushsouth,
whiletheoperationsofficerinthecommandcenterwasorderinghimback.The
Marinesheadedback.
Onthereturnwalk,theywereattacked.Gunfireopensupoutofatreeline,
Siattasjournalreads.Roundscrackingandsnapingthroughtheairandskipin
acrosstheground.
Thesquadreactedasinfantryunitsintheirfirstfirefightoftendo.Mostof
theMarinesopenedupwitheverythingtheyhad.Siattafoundapositionalonga
mudwall,firedafewshotsandthenstopped.Throughhisscopehesawnothing
toshoot.
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Aroundhimotherscutloose.ThesquadsM249automaticweaponsand
M240machineguntorethroughbeltsofammunition.Thefireteamleaders
lobbedonehighexplosive40mmgrenadeafteranother.LanceCpl.DustinJ.
Hagglund,wholedthemachinegunteam,describeditafterwardasanammo
dump,basically.Twocows,hesaid,werecutinhalf.Thefirefightwasofa
familiartype:aswiftandferociousclashbetweencombatantswhoscarcely
glimpsedoneanother.Beyondsignalingtoughnessandaneagernesstofight,it
accomplishedlittle.Wedidthesuppression,weclosedwiththemandwepulled
back,LanceCpl.JeffreyRatliffsaid.TheTalibanalsowithdrew.Noone,it
seemed,hadbeenstruck.
TheMarinesstrodebacktotheirpatrolbase,exuberant,ridingtherushof
havingbeenunderfireandcomingoutalive.Thisisoneofwarsexhilarating
drugs.Itfueledbackslapsandshouts.Everyonewaslikehighfivingand
everything,Hagglundtoldme.Wewerethefirstsquadinthecompanytogetin
afirefight.
AfewminuteslaterHagglundwasinabunkerwhenaToyotapickuprushed
towardthegate.Itstoppedshort.Itsoccupantshoppedoutandretrieveda
wheelbarrowfromthebed.AfewAfghansoldiersrantomeetthem.Inthe
wheelbarrowwasasmallboywhohadbeenshotthroughtheskull.
Thebullethadstruckabovehislefteyebrowandblownoutthebackofhis
head.Butithadhithighenoughthatthechildwasstillaliveunresponsive,
breathingfitfully.Themanpushingthewheelbarrowwashisfather.Siatta
watchedastheMarinestookthechildtotheiraidstationandrestedhisshattered
skulloverastainlesssteelbowl.Acorpsmantriedtokeepwhatwasleftofhis
headintactbycuppingitinhishands.Asandstormhadblownup,groundingthe
helicopterfleet.Itwasafewhoursbeforeanaircrafttookhimaway.Notlong
after,theradiobroughtword.Theboyhaddied.
Hagglundthoughtthechildmightbe4yearsold.SiattaandPerezthoughthe
mightbe6.Noonewasexactlysurehowhehadbeenshot.Ratlifffiguredhewas
hitwhilerunningthroughthegunfighttosavethecows.Thecorpsmanwho
examinedthewoundsaiditwascausedbya5.56millimeterbullet,which
matchedweaponsthattheMarinescarried.Pereztriedconsolinghissquad.This
ishowitworks,hesaid.Roundsgoeverywhereinfirefights,andashardaswe
trytopreventciviliancasualties,thisisgoingtohappensometimes.He
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remindedthemthattheyhadnotshotfirst.Theywereambushed.Butwords,he
knew,hadlimits.Myguysfeltguilty,hesaid.
Afterthefirstnight,theMarinesbarelydiscussedtheboysdeath.Wejust
kindofdidthemanthing,andwedidnottalkaboutiteveragain,Perezsaid.
Hagglunddescribedacollectivereticence.Noneofustalkedaboutourfeelings,
hesaid.Weweregungho.Weweretakingcareofbusiness.Theybleachedthe
stainlesssteelbowl,ateoutofitandwentbackoutonpatrols.
Siattawasshaken.Histraininghadnotpreparedhimforwhatitfeltlike
tolookdownafteragunfightuponachildwithpartofhisheadgone.Duringall
ofourworkup,shootingtargets,throwinggrenades,doingallthat,younever
oncesawkidsmangled,hetoldme.Theboyremindedhimofhisniece.Hewas
onefirefightintotheonlylineofworkhehadeverwantedandwasconfronted
withoneofthosesightsitwaslikematurityovernight,asobering.
FoxCompanyintendedtocleartheareaaroundLakariquickly.Thenext
weekwasablur.Nothing,Siattawroteinhisjournal,butfirefight,rockets,
ambushes,postresuplymissionsandjustchaos.
Andthenhetookhisfirstclearshot.
OnNov.17,theplatooncommander,Kurtz,accompaniedthesquad,
reinforcedwithamachinegunteamandAfghansoldiers,onamissiondeepinto
Talibanturf.Hehadnoticedapattern.Aftereachgunfight,theTalibansfighters
seemedtowithdrawtothesamefieldsandbuildingswestofthebazaar.Kurtz
wassickofitandplannedtowalkstraightintotheirarea,summonthemtoafight
andkillasmanyofthemashecould.Itwasapureandsimplemovementto
contact,andnothingelse,hesaid.
Thesquadsetoffinmidmorning.ToKurtzssurprise,noTalibanfighters
showedup.Basicallywehumpedallday,hesaid.Thesquadcontinuedafew
mileswestofthebazaar,intoanareawherenoMarineshadbeenbefore,whenan
ambusheruptedaroundpartofit.OneteamofMarineswasfilingacrossafield
whentheTalibanopenedfire.Therangewasshort.Theambusherswereabout
200yardsaway.Followingtheirtraining,theMarinesinthekillzoneturned
towardthegunfireandcharged.Thoseinthestripofvegetationbetweenthe
fieldsalternatedbetweenshootingandrushing,tryingtoenveloptheattackers.
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AnAfghansoldierfiredarocketpropelledgrenadenearthelieutenant,and
thebackblastnearlydeafenedhim.TheTalibanwasfiringwithaPKmachine
gun,rocketpropelledgrenadesandrifles.Thesquadwasspreadout,withPerez
andSiattamovingwithateamafewhundredyardsoff.Perezlookedbehindhis
Marinesandsawamanonaroofabout300yardsaway,partlyhiddenbyawall.
Heraisedhisfourpowerscopeforacloserview.Themandidnotseemtobe
holdinganythingbutwaswatchingthefight,perhapsdirectingtheTaliban.
SiattawasbesidePerezwithaneightpowerscope.Undertherules,Marines
wererequiredtohavePIDpositiveidentificationofacombatantbefore
firing.Evenwarningshotswereforbiddenwithoutanofficersapproval.Another
platoonhadrecentlyshotanAfghanwitharadio,onlytodiscoverthattheradio
wasaharmlesstransistorforlisteningtothenewsandthatthemanhadamental
disability.TheMarineshadbeenwarnedaboutavoidingmoremistakes.
Siattakepthissightontheman.Hedidnotseeaweapon,aradioora
cellphone.Buthewassuspicious.Pereztoldhimtofireawarningshotandchase
themanoff.ItoldSiattatoshootundertheguy,hetoldme.
Siattafired.Themancollapsed.PerezloweredhisM4andlookeddownat
Siatta.Didyoujustshootthatman?heasked.
Siattanodded.
Perezwasastonished.Buttheyweremidwaythroughagunfight,with
Marinespinneddowninafield,andheunderstoodthatSiattacouldhavehitthe
manunintentionally.Hedecidedtowaittoconfronthim.
Thesquadfoughtsouthforabout600yards,clearingseveralbuildings.At
onepointtheyweretakingfirefromacompound,andasKurtzwasorganizingan
airstrike,hesaw,throughagapinthewall,awomaninside.Shewasholdinga
baby.KurtzthoughttheTalibanmighthavepushedherintoviewasahuman
shield.Hecalledofftheairstrike.SomeoftheMarineswatchedseveralunarmed
mensprintingawayfromabuildingtheywereclosingonandaskedfor
permissiontoshootthem.Kurtzthoughtthefleeingmenwerecombatantswho
hadditchedtheirweapons.Butagain,hesaid,hefollowedtherules.Heordered
thesquadnottofire.Itwasamaddeningfight,underanornatesystemof
restrictionsthattheTalibanknewhowtoexploit,astyleofwarthatcouldenrage
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thosewhofollowedit.Alotoftheguysinthesquadwerepissedatmethatday,
Kurtzsaid.
Backattheirbase,PerezaskedSiattatoexplainhisshot.Wereyousighted
onthatguy?hesaid.
Siatta,hesaid,answered,Yes.
Hetoldmehewantedtofeelwhatitwasliketokillsomeone,Perezlater
recalled.
Perezwasangryandconcerned.HereportedtheincidenttoKurtz,andthe
companybeganinvestigatingSiatta.Kurtz,too,wasdisturbed.Hesensedtrouble.
Villagershadbeengatheringatthegate,complainingabouteverymistakeFox
Companymade.Kurtzexpectedtheywouldsoonarrivewithabody.
HewarnedSiattathathestoodtofacecharges.Wellseehowthisplaysout
foryou,bud,hetoldhim.Kurtztookawayhisrifleandsuspendedhimfrom
patrols.Siattawasneartears.Perezsupportedthelieutenantspositionandsaid
hewonderedaboutSiattassuitabilityforwar.Thereisadifferencebetween
wantingtokillapersonandkillingtherightperson,hesaid.Ourconcernwas
thatSiattawouldfallintothetrapofkillingforpleasure,whichhehadtheability
todo.
Yearslater,theshotremainsapointofcontention.Siattasaidheunderstood
thereprimandbutsteadfastlydefendshisactions.Thisisoneofthestressorsof
beingadesignatedmarksman,hetoldme.Youhavetomakethatcall.Thatguy
wasbadnews.Thatwasashadyguy.Inthesamecircumstance,hesaid,he
wouldtaketheshotagain.Youcouldsaveyourbuddieslives,hesaid,atthe
expenseofyourownass.Perezsaidtheseanswersareunacceptable.Hecansay
theguylookedshady,butthatdoesntgiveyoutherighttoshoothim,hesaid.If
Iletmysquadshooteveryonewhowasshady,wecouldhavekilledanentire
village.
Forafewdays,ThirdPlatoonpatrolledwithoutSiatta.Everyonewaited.The
villagersdidnotappear.Apatroltothebuildingfoundnosignofanyone
wounded.Noblood,nobandages,noonemakingaccusations.Abodynever
turnedup.PerezreturnedSiattasrifleandreinstatedhim.
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Thefightingintensified,alongwiththefrustration.Ononemission,the
platoontriedtocaptureaTalibancommanderaboutsixmilesaway.Theman
escaped.Siattawassoannoyedafterlisteningtoabullshitspeechabouteven
thoughwefoundnothingwestillcameoutontopfromCuomo,thecompany
commander,thathewroteinhisjournalthathewantedtopunchhiminthe
face.
Notyettwomonthsintohistour,Siattawasnolongeranavekidfromthe
prairie.Hehadhardened,andwasbothangryandmorealert.Hewasharboring
doubtsaboutthewar.Marinesweredoingthemostdangerousworkandwere
toldthatAfghanforcesweregoingtobuildontheirsuccess.Afterwatchingthe
Afghansoldiershisplatoonworkedwith,Siattawascertainthatwasnotgoingto
happen.Whenhevisitedthemintheirtents,hesaid,theydbeinthereontheir
rugs,makingchai,smokingdope.Idbelike:Youguysarefuckingturds.Were
heretodoshit,andyourehighasfuck.WhenMarinespatrolled,manyofthe
Afghansstayedback.
Alwaystherewasanotherpatrol.
OnNov.22,theMarinesinanotherplatoonwereattacked,andwhenThird
Platoonwenttohelptheywereambushed,tootrappedbygunfirefrom
multipledirections.Attackhelicopterscametotheiraid,forcingbacktheTaliban.
Oncetheambushwasbroken,FirstSquadwasorderedtosweepacompound
fromwhichtheTalibanhadbeenfiring.Abuildinginsidehadbeenhitwithtwo
Hellfiremissiles.Thesquadcrossedacold,waistdeepcanalandstackedatthe
entrance.Siattawasonpoint.Theythrewafragmentationgrenadeoverthe
compoundwall,thenfolloweditinside.AsSiattapushedthroughthegate,hesaw
theremainsofanAfghan.Hisgutswereexposedthroughdisheveledclothes.He
wasmaybe14.
hisstomachhadbeenblownopenandhisintestensehadspilledoutonto
thegroundandhisbodyhadbeenpepperedwithpiecesoftherocket.It
wasafuckedupthingtosee.butIcontinuedtoclearintothefirstroomon
theleftofthebuildingandthefirstthingIseeisanoldmanwhowas
prettymuchblowninhalfandhislegswerehangingonbyjusttishuesof
skin.hewasstillaliveifyouwanttocallitthatbuthewasstillconsious.it
soundedlikehewaschokingonhisblood,hediedminuteslater,andthe
restofthefamilywholivedtherewerecutupbyfraganddebre.
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Siattawatchedthefamilyfileoutbereaved,terrifiedandcoveredinfine,
powderydust.Theywerepowerless,unabletocommunicatewiththeAmericans
whostoodintheirhome.
TheMarinesweregrieving,too.LanceCpl.NicholasHand,fromFirst
Platoon,hadbeenshotthroughtheheadandkilled,perhapsbygunfirefromthat
house.AnotherMarinehadbeenhitintheleg.Kurtzsaidtheplatoonalready
sensedthattheplansforHelmandweredestinedtofail.Itwasobviouseven
thenthatthiswasntgoingtowork,hesaid.Ithinkeveryoneunderstoodthat
thiswasjustgoingbacktotheTalibanagainassoonasweleave.Hecouldsee
thatsomeofhisMarineswerehavingdifficultyprocessingitall.Themisdirected
carnage,thefeelingthattheirsacrificesandriskswereconnectedtoacampaign
thatcouldnotsucceedallofit,Kurtzsaid,preyedontheirminds.
Siattakepthisfeelingsinsidebutdescribedtheepisodebluntlyinhis
journal:Boydidwefuckthatup.
Soonafter,onThanksgiving,hiswritingcapturedthefunkintowhichhewas
descending.
Todayisjustanotherdaywithoutmyfamilyholiday.Justdontmean
anything.andreallyeversincemyDadpastawayholidaysslowlyevery
yearlosttheirmeaning.Imsittingherebehinda240Bravomedium
machinegunandImsuposttofeeltheholidayspirit,Ithinknot.Ithurtsto
thinkabouthowholidaysusedtobeandthattheyusedtomeansomething
whenIwasakid.butImremindedeverydayoutherethatImnotakid
andyesterdaysnottodayandneverwillbe.
SiattasbreakoutmomenthappenedonNov.29,asFirstSquadwas
attackedwhilecrossingafield.Thiswasbythenafamiliarevent.Thesquadwas
spreadout,andSiattaandthreeMarineswereseparatedfrommostoftheothers,
whotookcoverbyabuildingandreturnedfire.Siattaandtheexposedteam,
includingPerez,werealoneandunprotected.Theyscrambledforaditchthatwas
perhapsafootdeep.Bulletsthuddedallaroundastheyhuddledthere.
Theonlyconcealmentwasshortgrass.Theytriedtoreturnfire,buteach
timetheyinvitedmorebullets.Theydecidedtodashacrossabout50to75yards
ofopenground,totheruinsofanabandonedbuilding.Onaquickcountdown
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3,2,1,gotheystoodandbolted,sprintingforthebetterplace,gamblingthat
theTalibanwouldmiss.
Theyreachedthebrokenbuilding.Siattapressedhimselfchestdownbehind
amoundofdirt,extendedthebipodsonhisrifle,lookedoverthetopandfired
about10shots,roughlytowardwherethegunfirewascomingfrom.Thenhedid
whathehadbeentrainedtodo.Heslowedhisbreathing.Hefocused.Asthe
bulletscrackedby,heputhiseyetotheglassandconsideredhisoptions.He
wondered:Wherewouldhebeifhewerethem?
Therewasabuildingacrossthefield.Siattahadagoodfeelingaboutit.He
hadsettledinnow,asifhewerepartoftheearth.Hepointedthescopetoward
thebuildingsleftsideandplacedthecrosshairsatthecorner.Hebreathed
slowly.Hewaited.
Amansteppedintothecrosshairs.Hewasyoung,maybeinhis20s,wearing
awhitetopandadarkvest.HeheldaKalashnikovrifle.Siattawasntsureofthe
range,butthoughtitmightbe250yards.Hisscopewassetfor300.Expectinghis
bullettostrikeslightlyhigh,herestedthecrosshairsbelowthemanschest,
slowlyexhaledandeasedthetriggerbackuntilhefelttherifleslightkick.
Thebulletstruckthemannearhisgenitals.Siattawatchedhimdrop.It
happenedasPerezcalledaceasefire.
Ijustshotsomeone,Siattasaid.
Ishedead?thesergeantasked.
Siattalookedthroughthescope.Themanwrithedintheconfusedagony
Marinescallthekickingchicken.Siattafiguredtheopentipbullethadtornout
hisbuttocks.Hefiredafewmoretimes.Themanwentstill.
Heisnow,Siattasaid.
Asecondyoungmansteppedout.NowSiattaknewthedistance.Thepuzzle
wassolved.Hisfirstshotlookedasifithitsquarelyinhischest.Theman
collapsed.
Siattafeltrelaxed.Hekepthisscopetrainedonthecorner.Athirdman
steppedout,reachingforoneofthedownedmen.Siattafired.Themanspunand
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stumbledaway.Siattathoughthehadhithisarm.
Perezwatchedthroughhisfourpowerscope.Itwasalmostlikeavideo
gameIknowthatsoundsridiculous,hesaid.Butoneguysteppedintothe
open,andSiattashothim,andhedroppedviolently,andthenanotherguy
steppedintotheopen,andSiattashot,andthatguywentdownviolently,and
thenathirdguycameout,andSiattahithimtoo.Siatta,hesaid,wasbasically
themaineffortoftheentiresquad.
AsthesquadwaitedforSiattatotakeanothershot,thecornerexplodedin
fireanddust.OtherMarineshadseentheTalibanfighters,too,throughthesight
onaTOWmissilesystem.Kurtzhadclearedthemtoshoot,endingthefight.
Siattanowhadundisputedcombatkills.Atfirstitfeltgood.Hisdoubtshad
beenerased.Idwondered:CanIdeliver?AmIjustatargetshooter?WillIlet
myguysdown?Thecloudoverthepreviousshot,forwhichhehadriskeda
criminalcharge,wasevaporating.
Hissatisfactionwastemporary.Warplaysonthemind.Marksmanshipcan
seemsimpleonemomentandcomplicatedthenext.Siattasdoubtsnaggedhim
anew.Hewonderedifthekillswereluck.Wasitafluke?heaskedhimself.Was
Iagoodenoughshot?Otherthoughtsplumbeddarkerdepths.Siattahadbeen
curiousaboutwhatitfeltliketokill.Hisjournalshowshisuneaseuponfinding
out.
ItwasagreatdayandoneoftheworstdaysIvhadsofar.TodayIthought
myfamilywasgoingtogetafoldedflagandbullshitlettersayingwata
greatMarineIamandshitlikethatbutImadeit.
IhopemyfamilyrecognizesmewhenIgetback.andIhopethey
understandIvechangedbutonlythroughtheactsofselfpreservation.My
mindcannotbehealedfromthehorrorsofwar.Ihopetheyunderstand.
Inthenexttwoweeks,Siattashotatleastsixandperhapsasmanyas10
morepeople,accordingtohisdiaryandMarinespresent.
OnaDec.10patrolthatwouldbecomethemostsignificantmissionofFox
Companystour,theplatoondepartedonaraidtocaptureaTalibancommander
whomSpecialOperationsforcesweretryingtoarrest.Theweatherhadturned
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bad,noaircraftwereflyingandthecommanderwasreportedtobeina
compoundwestofthebazaar.
TheMarinesseizedthecompoundbutdidnotfindhim.Theysettledinside,
listeningwithaninterpretertointerceptedTalibanradiochatter.Theirfoeswere
sayingtheyhadfoundtheAmericansbootprintsinthefieldsbutwerenotsure
wheretheyhadgone.SoontheTalibanfigureditout.Theplatooncameunder
attackfromthreesides.
Kurtzwasorganizingthefightwhenhereceivedanunexpectedorder.The
Talibanbosswasnowsaidtobeinabuildinginthebazaar.ThirdPlatoonwasto
gothereandcatchhim.Untilthen,thebazaarwasconsideredsodangerousthat
theMarinesweretoldnottoapproachit.Theplatoonhadassumedthatwhenthe
timecametoclearit,theentirecompanywouldbeinvolvedinalargeplanned
operation.Nowtheplatoonabout40Marines,alreadyunderfirewastorush
thereimmediately.KurtzdrylycallsthemissionOperationSantaClaus
becauseyouhadtobe8yearsoldtobelieveit.
Itwasduringthisconfusion,hesaid,thatSiattasolidifiedtherespectofhis
peers.HehadclimbedontoashedroofwithanotherMarineandwaswatching
overtheplatoonsmovementswhentheTalibanstartedshootingagain.Theroof
wasflimsy,madeofthinbranches.ThetwoMarineswereexposed,withonlya
sackofgrainandanempty55gallondrumtohidebehind.
Kurtz,overwhelmedandunsureabouthowbesttoorganizetheplatoons
movementwiththeTalibanseemingtoswarmaroundthem,watchedfrombelow
asSiattascannedthefarmland.HeheardthedistinctsoundofasuppressedMark
12,somethingbetweenametallicclickandthesnapofawhip.Siattahadseen
twomen,hesaid,andwithafewshotskilledthemboth.Itsdone,hesaid,and
slippedtotheground.Theplatooncrossedthefield.
Thefightinggrewintoarollingbattle,withlullsfollowedbyfreshclashes.
Anotherplatoonjoinedin.Duringoneskirmish,Siattasaid,hehitaTaliban
fightercarryingamachinegunashehustledacrossabridge.Itwasalong,
difficultshot.Hejudgedthedistancebeforekillingthemanbywatchingthearc
ofmachineguntracersasanotherMarinefiredburststhatmissed.
Later,Siattawaswithanothersquadasithurriedacrossyetanother
dangerousarea.TheMarinestookfirefrombehind.Mostofthemranforacanal
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andsliddownitsbank,butSiattaremainedintheopen.Kurtzwatchedashetook
aknee,assumingapositionMarinespracticeonrifleranges.Alone,underfire,
withneithercovernorconcealment,Siattawasvisiblyrelaxed.Throughhisscope
hespottedafighterwitharifleabout250yardsaway,lurkinginashadowbya
wall.Siattafiredtwice.
Thefirstroundmissed,strikingthewalltothemansleft.Siattamovedthe
crosshairsright.Thesecondshothit.Hesdown,sir,Siattasaidtoan
incredulousKurtzasherejoinedthesquad.Kurtzdescribesthemomentwith
somethinglikeawe.Thesmallarmsfireweweretakingjustended,hesaid,
andneverstartedupagain.
AftertheoperationtheMarinesheldthebazaar.Thepaceoffighting
subsided.KurtzfinishedOperationSantaClauswithanindeliblesenseofdebtto
Siatta,whohesaidkepttheplatoonsafeduringtheworstofitstour.Iddo
anythingforSammy,hetoldme.Allofusowehimalot.Hekilledpeoplewho
wouldhavekilledotherpeople,includingsomeofus.HealsosaidthatSiattas
controversialshotearlyinthefighting,atthemanontheroof,mayhavebeenthe
rightcall.Heprobablyhadagoodgutinstinct,inretrospect.
Nomatterthesefeelings,KurtzspeaksofhisformerD.M.withsadness.
Siattastransformation,hesaid,waswelcomedonthebattlefieldbutispainfulto
thinkaboutnow.WatchingSamevolvefromthatsweet,innocentkidtothat
killerhebecame,thekillerweneededhimtobe,hesaid,itbreaksmyheart.
Siatta,ashefought,hadnarrowedhisthoughtstobasicimpulsesandsimple
goals.YouarenotfightingforAmerica,hesaid.Youarenotfightingforthe
MarineCorps.Youarejustabunchof19yearoldstryingtomakeittochow.His
journalentryafterthefightforthebazaardescribedtheselfloathingofawarrior
disgustedbyhisownsuccess.
TheMarinesinmyplatoontalkuptomelikeImsumthinspecialtheysay
IvgotagiftbutthisisonegiftIdgladlyreturn.Theseguystalkaboutkillin
asifitwereasport.Killinisjusttheartofsurvival.
Afewdayslaterhewroteofguilt.
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IgotosleepeverynightknowingIhavethebloodofsomanyonmyhands
andnoamountofsoapcouldeverwashthesestainsaway.
OnChristmas,asFoxCompanywaitedforavisitfromageneral,Siattawas
smokingasmuchasanentirepackofcigarettesonasixhourpost,and
contemplatingsuicide.
FucktheGeneralhedoesntknowadamthingaboutwatwevedonehere.
Theonlythingheknowsaboutwhatwevedonehereisthereportshereads
fromourLt.Hedoesntknowanythingaboutcombatortoloseagood
friend.
ItriedcallingmyMomforChristmas,Igotthroughbutthephone
disconnected.FuckitImusedtogettingfuckeddownheresoIwasntto
disappointed.
ImonpostritnowandIvbeenonpostsince4amIts10amIvbeen
lookingatmyRifleandwaswondering.Watdoshotbrasstastelike.I
meanreally,rackingaroundaroundinthechamber,stickingthemuzzlein
yourmouthandblowingthefillingsoutthebackofyourdom.Itkindof
mademecurious,butneitherherenorthere.IguesswatImtryingtosayis
ImhavingamarryfuckingChristmasandjoytotheworldpeacetowards
manandallthatbullshit.
InlateDecember,whilepinneddownbesideacanal,Siattawasalmostkilled
byaburstfromaTalibanmachinegun.Abulletstruckthegroundnearhishead.
Hisfacewascutbyfragmentsandbitsofstone.Hisballisticgogglesweregouged.
Perezrantohimandfoundhimwithbloodstreamingdownhisface.Siatta
appearedstunnedandthenpanicked.Perezassuredhimthewoundswerenot
seriousandtriedtogetSiattatoshootapairoffleeingTalibanfighters.The
distancewaslong.ItwastheonlytimePerezsawSiattahavedifficultymaking
shots.Hefired,andfiredagain.Hekeptmissing.
ThesquadcapturedawoundedTalibanfighter,shotthroughtheknee.When
amedevachelicoptercame,PerezoptedtoevacuatetheprisonerandnotSiatta.
Heregretsthechoice,becauseitdeniedSiattathemedicaldocumentation
necessaryforaPurpleHeart.AcorpsmancleanedandbandagedSiattasface,and
theyhikedbacktotheiroutpost.PerezsaidhetriedtosubmitSiattaforaPurple
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Heart,butthecompanyblockedit,sayingthewoundswerenotseriousenough.I
wasupsetaboutthat,becauseifhedidnthavehisgoggles,hewouldhavelostan
eye,Pereztoldme.Ifeltpersonallyresponsibleforit.Ididntmedevachim.I
feltpersonallyresponsiblefordenyinghimwhathedeserved.
Afterthatfight,thepaceofcombatfurtherslowed.Justshyof100daysin
Afghanistan,Siattahadtimetoreflect.
Sittingonpostandnotinfirefightsisreallystartingtofuckwithme.Its
makingmerethinkallthedisitionsIvemadehereandmakingmequestion
iftheyweretherightonestobeginwith.ThemenIvekilledwell15year
oldboyswithGunsismorelikeitbutdidIdeservetokillthemdidthey
deservetodie.
ImeanIm20yearsoldIknowdamnwelltherisksofjoinintheMarine
CorpsintimeofwarButdidtheseyoungboys,BoysthatIvekilledknow
whatthefucktheyweredoinorevenfightingfor,thesearethequestionsI
askmyself.
Inspring2010,beforethebattalioncompleteditstour,Kurtzrecommended
Siattaforamedalrecognizinghisvalor.Lakariwascalm,andSiattawouldbe
goinghome.Heseemedtohavebeenspared.Hisdiaryhintedatlooming
troubles.
ThelastpersontogethitbyanIEDwasCplNicelyandhelostBothhislegs
andBothhisarms.IvseenanddonealotofBadthingssomegoodbutIm
suposttojustforgetthoughsthingsandjuststartbackupwritewhereIleft
offwhenIgetbackhome.HowcanIdothat?Noresponse.
WhenSecondBattalion,SecondMarinesreturnedtoCampLejeune,
Siattasmother,Maureen,andhisbrother,Tony,flewfromnorthernIllinoisto
meethim.Maureenhadbeenalmostentirelyoutoftouchwithhimthroughout
histour.Siattahadwrittenhomerarely.Hiscallswereinfrequentandshort.
Maureenbookedaroomnearthebaseandspentaweekendtryingto
reconnectwithherson.Siattadidnotsleepatnightanddidnotleavehisbed
mostoftheday.Hespokeverylittle.Maureenwatchedhim,saddenedand
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concerned.Shesettledonanaccommodatingexplanation,tellingherselfhewas
exhaustedandjetlagged,stilllivingontheAfghantimezone.
Severaldayslater,inMay,theMarineCorpsgrantedSiattapostdeployment
leave,whichhespentathismothershome.PresidentObamawasvisitingIllinois
forMemorialDay,andSiattawasinvitedtoapresidentialceremonyata
cemeteryinElwood.Itwasashortdrive,andhewouldhavebeentheperfect
prop:theinfantryMarinefreshlyreturnedfromObamassurge.Herefusedto
attend.Athistrial,whenaskedwhyhedeclined,hedismissedanyinterestin
publicritual.MaybebecausemyexperiencesinAfghanistandidntfeelsogreat
forme,hesaid.Idontknow.Idontthinkaparadewasthemostfittingthing.
Maureennoticedthathestillkeptnighthours.Shelivedinatwobedroom
apartmentandworkeddaysatapharmacy.Atnightshewatchedhimbrood.
Siattahadneverbeenadrinkerandwasallergictobeer.Nowhewasdrinking
heavilyandforhoursonend.Manynightsheleftforbars.Sheaskedhimhow,at
20,hewasabletobuyalcohol.Hetoldherthatwhenheshowedmilitary
identification,hehadnotrouble.Whenhecamehome,hewasawakealmostuntil
morning,pacing,gettingdrunkeronliquorhepouredhimself.Shesatinthe
livingroom,askinghimtorelax.
No,hedsay.
Wantsomethingtoeat?
No.
Wanttogotothestore?
No.
Severaltimesthatweekheblackedout.Maureenwasunsurewhattothinkor
do.HetoldhernothingofAfghanistan,ofthekillinghehadseenanddone.She
didnotintervene.Ijustthoughtmaybehehadtoclearhishead,shesaid.I
figured:Lethimgo.Hesgottoclearhishead.
ReturningtoCampLejeuneafterhisleave,Siattafellintoasimilarpattern.
Thecorpsconsideredhimtestednow.Hereceivedhismedal.Thebattalions
ScoutSniperPlatoonrecruitedhim,andheleftFoxCompanytojointhem.He
loadedupontattoos,includingaswordwieldingLadyJusticeonhischestand
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abdomen,toppedwithsevenhashmarksformenheclaimedaskills.TheMarines
hedeployedwithwerecomingofage.Therehadbeenlittleopportunitytospend
moneyinAfghanistan,andmanyreturnedwithsavings.Someboughtcars.They
wereturning21andcouldlegallyvisitbars.Onweekends,groupsofthemwould
taketrips,sometimestothebeach.Siattararelywentalong.Hekindofwentinto
ashell,Ratliffsaid.Idinvitehimout,andhewaslike,No,Ijustwanttostayin
myroom.
SiattawrotetoAshleyVolk.Shewasacollegestudentandaerialdancernow,
withanapartmentinChicagosWestHumboldtParkneighborhood.Heflewto
meether.Theirfirstnighttogetherwassurreal.Siattawasquieterthanusualand
emanateddisciplineandselfcontrol.Volkhadalwaysbeenoutgoingand
talkativetheyhadjokedforyearsthatshewashisopposite.Lookingathimafter
theirlongseparation,shesensedthatsomethingtroubledhim.Shetrieddrawing
himout.
Whatswrong?sheaskedhim.Tellme.Whatareyouthinking?
Itsnothing,prettygypsy,hesaid.
Thatnighttheymadelove.Ifeltouroldconnection,shesaid.Immediately
after,Siattawithdrew.Asshelaybesidehim,hereachedforablanketand
wrappedittightlyaroundhisbody,withallhislimbstuckedinside.Hewaslikea
Marinesleepingonhardground,plankstraight,selfcontained,cocooned,alone.
Shepassedthenightuneasily.Nocontact,nocuddling,nopillows,Volksaid.
Hewasthere.Buthewasgone.
Thenextnighthedidthesamething.
Thebattalionjoinedthe22ndMarineExpeditionaryUnit,andinspring
2011,asLibyasankintocivilwar,theMarineswereorderedaboardamphibious
shipsheadedfortheLibyancoast.OnhislastvisittoChicago,SiattagaveVolkhis
Afghandiary.Hehadthoughtofdestroyingitbutdecidedtoentrustittoher.She
readthefirstpageandstopped.Theyhadadayandahalftogetherbeforehe
shippedout,andshewasemotionallystretchedasitwas.Iwashugginghim,
tellinghimIwasgoingtokidnaphim,shesaid.
Afterhewasgone,shestartedreadingagain.Whenshecametohisaccount
ofthechildshotthroughtheheadinSiattasfirstfirefight,shefeltpanickedand
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stopped.Forweeksshereadhischronicle,sectionbysection,againandagain.No
matterthekillorbekilledmentalitySiattahadbeenreducedto,shecouldsee
himthere,thegrievingboyshehadknownsincesixthgrade.
Day34Lakari
Thisentryhasnothingtodowithwatimdoinhereinafghanistanbutits
justbeenonmymind.Icallthisentrycoffeeandmemories.
WhenIwasasmallboynothinmorethan4Iwouldwakeuparound5
orsointhemorningtowatchmydadgetreadyforwork.Hewouldshave,
brushhisteethandyounotheusual.Butwhenhewasdonewiththathe
couldgettheNewspaperanddrinkhiscoffee.Hewouldletmesiponhis
coffeeanditwouldjustbemeandhim.NowIdidntreallyknowmyfather
towellbecausehediedwhenIwassoyoungbutthoughsmemoriesIhave
ofhimdrinkingcoffeeiswatkeepshimaliveinmymind.
NowwhatmademethinkofthoughsmemoriesofmydadDrinkingcoffee
washereinafghanistanwestandalotofpostsandalotofpartrols,so
usuallywereverytiredandwedrinkalotofcoffee.EvercupIdrinkIthink
ofmydadsoIvebeenthinkinofhimquitabit.andifIeverhavekids,when
ImgetinreadyforworkIwantthemtosiponmycoffee.
Volkwroteletterstohimandmailedthemtohisship,theU.S.S.Bataan.At
firstSiattareplied.ButlifeasaMarineontheship,withitsclaustrophobic
berthingareasanddullroutine,wasmindnumbing.Asseatimedraggedon,he
closedhimselfoff.Hestoppedansweringherletters.
ThewarinLibyadidnotrequirehimtogoashore.Theshipsmadeportvisits
inEurope,whereSiattaandhisfriendsweregiventimeoff,muchofwhichwas
spentbingedrinking.Wheneverwehadfreetime,weallgotlitup,hetoldme.
InFebruary2012,thebattalionreturnedtoCampLejeune.Histimeinthecorps
wassoonup.HelefttheserviceunceremoniouslyanddrovehometoIllinoisina
usedChevyheboughtwithhiscombatpay.HedidnottellVolkhewasback.She
begandatinganotherman.
Siattasoughtanevenquieterlifethanbefore.Hisfamilynoticedhisanger,
hissocialwithdrawalandwhattheynowacknowledgeashisalcoholism.He
seethedathismotherforputtingawelcomehomemessageonasignatalocal
McDonalds.Idontwantanybodylookingatme,hetoldher.Heseemedintent
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onnearanonymityandonavoidingdiscussionofthewar.Hewantednooneto
knowthathehadbeenthere,shetestifiedathistrial.Hedidntwantanyone
saying,Thankyouforyourservice.Hewantednothing.Hewantedtobeleft
alone.
Siattaspentmorethanayearlivinginhismothershome.Hedidnotcontact
Volkandassumedshehadmovedon.Formonths,hewaslistless.Howdidyou
spendyourtime?oneofhislawyersaskedattrial.Ididnt,Siattareplied.I
wouldsayIprobablysatinmyroom,nothing.Insidehisbedroom,hismother
said,hedrankandplayedvideogames.Shewouldrestonacouchnearhisdoor,
listeningthroughthenight.Iusedtohearhimhittingthewall,shesaid.
AsateenagerSiattahadcutthelawnofLarryStonitsch,aformerMarine
whoownedRovancoPipingSystems,amanufacturerofinsulatedpipeinJoliet.
NowStonitschofferedhimajobatthefactory.Siattawasreliableandquietand
didnottalkabouthiscombatservice.Stonitschunderstood.Ihadastepdadwho
wasintheBattleoftheBulgeandneverwasrightafterthat,afterthethingshe
sawanddid,hetoldme.Hedranktoomuch.SoIhavesomeempathyforthat.
OutsideRovanco,Siattawasbarelyfunctioning.Heshrankhissocialworld
eversmaller,tothepointofskippingfamilygatherings.In2013,convincedher
sonhadstagnated,Maureensuggestedheconsidercollege.Hewaseligiblefor
G.I.Billbenefits,shetoldhim,andshouldtakethem.Hereiswheremyguilt
comesin,becauseIamtheonewhotalkedhimintogoingtoschool,Maureen
said.Ikindofwonder,ifhehadstayedhere,ifwewouldhavefiguredoutthathe
neededservices,andhewouldhavegottentreatment.
SiattaenrolledinJolietJuniorCollegethatsummerandtransferredto
IllinoisStateinthefall.Hehadnoacademicfocus,noplanbeyondenrollingin
theminimumnumberofcreditstoreceivetheG.I.Billsmonthlyhousing
allowance.Schoolbroughthimneithersanctuarynorinspiration.Classroom
environmentsmadehimanxiousthebustleofstudentskepthimvigilant.He
couldnotrelatetomostclassmates,whohadlittlesenseofwherehehadbeen.
Oftenhespentweekendsathismothershouse.
Byspringhewasonatrajectorytofail.Hestoppeddoinghomework,then
stoppedattendingmostclasses.Manydayshestayedintheroomrentedwithhis
housingallowance,inbed.Hesleptuntilafternoonanddidnoteatuntilalmost
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evening.Whenhedidsocialize,hewoulddrinkfirst,heavily,todullhisanxiety.
TwoyearsoutoftheMarineCorps,Siattawasdoinglittlemorethanstayingalive.
OnSaturday,April12,2014,Siattawasinvitedbyayoungwomanhe
hadmettheweekbeforetoahousepartyablockfromwherehelived.Around10
p.m.,aloneinhisbasementbedroom,heopenedabottleofDonJuliotequilaand
startedpouringshots.BythetimeheleftforthepartywithMarkKramer,aNavy
veteranfriendwhodroppedby,thebottlewasalmostempty.
Siattahadbeenatthepartyafewminutes,hangingoutonthefrontporch,
whenhethoughtheheardanotherguestsaysomethingrudetohishost.Without
warning,orevenspeaking,Siattasuckerpunchedhiminthefaceandknocked
himtothefloor.Theman,acoachataCrossFit,wasnotseriouslyhurt.Butthe
hostsandguestswerestartled,andSiattawasaskedtoleave.Kramerwalkedhim
home,whereheencouragedhimtoapologizeandaskedifhewassufferingfrom
PTSD.Thetwomenreturnedtotheparty,onlytobetoldagaintoleave.Thistime
thewomanwhoinvitedSiattaescortedhimbacktohishouse,leavinghimoutside
hisdoor.
Siattatriedtocallortextthewoman.Fromthere,hesaid,hismemoriesstop.
Whathedidnext,stepbystep,isnotclear.Butatsomepointhesetoutintothe
neighborhood.Shortlyafter2a.m.hesmashedthroughthebackdoorof706
SamanthaStreet,wherethefemaleteachingstudentslived.Itwasperhaps100
feetawayfromtheparty.
AtfirsttheformerMarineinsidedidnotseeSiatta.Hegrabbedtwoknives
fromthekitchen,dashedbacktothebedroom,handedthesmallerbladetohis
girlfriendandtoldhertolockherdoorandcallthepolice.Hereturnedtothe
livingroomandstood,backtothewall,knifeinhand,facingtherearofthe
house.
Foraminuteorso,nothinghappened.Themanlatertoldthepolicethat
Siattamighthavedescendedtothebasement,whichwasaccessiblethrougha
doorinthediningarea.Ifthatiswhathappened,itmighthavemeantthatSiatta
thoughthehadenteredhisownhomeandwaslookingforhisbed.Ifhedidgo
downstairs,hedidnotstaylong.
Hesteppedintotheothermanslineofsight.
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Thefightwasswiftitwentbylikeaflash,theothermansaid.Siatta
struckhimontheheadwiththepan,andhecounteredwiththeknife,stabbing
Siattaintheshoulderorchestandthengrabbinghiminabearhug.Thetwomen
grappledtothefloor.Siattalosthisholdonthepan,themansaid,andgrabbed
himbythethroat.ThemanrolledontoSiatta,tryingtoforcehimtoreleasehis
grip.Hestabbeddownwardseveraltimes.Siattaletgo.
Iquit,Iquit,hesaid.
Anothermaninthehome,whowasdatinganotherwomanwholivedthere,
emergedfromthebackbedroomandhelpedholdSiattadown.
Thefirstpoliceofficertoarrive,Sgt.RobertCherry,pulledupinapatrolcar.
Hesawtwowomenwavingfranticallyatawindow.Theyweremouthingwords
throughtheglass:Hesinside!Thereissomebodyinsidethehouse!
Cherrycalledforbackup,drewhispistolandsteppedthroughthebackdoor.
Hesawtwomenatopathird.Heaskedthemtobackawayandlookeddownat
Siatta,whowasgasping,bleedingfromastabwoundtohisneck.Hisplaidflannel
shirtwassoakedinblood.Thesergeantputonlatexgloves,kneltandaskedhis
name.
Sam,Siattaanswered.
Cherrysmelledalcohol.
Iamgoingtodie,Siattasaid.
Youarenotgoingtodie,Cherrysaid.
Siattaseyesrolledinhishead.IfIdie,youaregoingtobemyheroes,he
said.
Hehadninewoundsfourintheneck,twointheleftbicepsandoneeach
totheleftcheek,rightshoulderbladeandbackofhishead.Bloodpooledonthe
floorandsplatteredthewalls.Atthehospital,hisdisorientationwastotal.How
didthishappen?heasked.
ALifeFlighthelicopterrushedhimtoPeoria.Theknifethathadplunged
intohisneckmissedhiscarotidarteryandjugularvein.Asurgicalteamrepaired
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damagetosmallerbloodvesselsandleftbehindthinplatinumcoilsfroma
catheterprocedureunderhischin.
Siattawokethenextday.Hisfirstthoughtwasthathehadbeenmuggedor
struckbyacar.Twodetectivesenteredhisroom,turnedonadigitalaudio
recorderandreadhimhisrights.Siattawasonpainmedication.Heaskedthem
toleave.
WhetherSiattaremembereditornot,hehadcommittedaserious
crime.Thecasegainedmomentumswiftly.InlateApril,agrandjuryindicted
SiattaonchargesofhomeinvasioncausingharmaClassXfelony,thesecond
mostseriouscategoryofcrimeintheIllinoispenalcode.Thechargecarrieda
mandatorysentenceofsixto30years,puttingSiattasoffenseinthesameleague
asaggravatedkidnappingorthepredatorysexualassaultofachild.Barringaplea
dealoranacquittal,hewasonapathtoprison.
ThenewstooktimetoreachSiatta.Thatsamemonth,hehadentereda
residentialsubstanceabuserehabilitationprogramataV.A.hospitalwestof
Chicago,wherecombatbasedPTSD,depressivedisorderandalcoholuse
disorderwerediagnosed.TheV.A.prescribedhimXanaxandhydroxyzinefor
anxietyandapprovedroughly$1,300amonthindisabilitybenefitsforservice
connecteddepressionandPTSD.Sixweekslater,Siattatransferredtoafederal
healthcarecenterinNorthChicagoformoreinpatientcounseling.
WhenSiattacheckedoutofthehospitalinJuly,heturnedhimselfinfor
booking.Theevidenceagainsthimwasstrong.Hismotherretainedaprivate
criminaldefenselawyer,HalJennings,whoapproachedprosecutorsaboutaplea
toalesserfelonyandasentenceofprobation.Siattahadnopreviouscriminal
record.Themanhehadfoughthadnotbeenseriouslyhurt.GivenSiattascombat
serviceandapparentpostcombatillness,Jenningsconsidereditareasonable
request.ButKristinAlferink,theassistantstatesattorneyhandlingSiattas
prosecution,wasfirm.InSeptember,sheofferedapleatotheoriginalchargeand
a10yearprisonterm.Jenningsrejectedit.Iwasnotunderanycircumstances
goingtopleadthatkidintoprison,hesaid.
Thestatesinflexibilityinpartreflectedthewishesofthemanwhohad
foughtSiatta.Sincethestruggleinthekitchen,hehadsufferedfrominsomnia
andwashavingdifficultiesincrowdsorwhenpeopleapproachedhimfrom
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behind.Imcompletelyparanoidofeverything,hetoldme.Hetriedtomakehis
housefeelsafer,hesaid,byhavingitwiredtothegillswithsecuritycameras.
HesleptwithaloadedWaltherP38pistolbyhisbed.Hestillfounditdifficultto
relax.Theheatergoesoff,hesaid,andIjumpbackfivefeet.Itwasasifsome
ofSiattasPTSDsymptomshadbeentransferredtohim.Heenteredtherapyand
startedtakingantianxietymedication.Butheremainedangry.Heknewlittleof
SiattasserviceintheMarineCorps.Itmightnothavechangedhisfeelingsifhe
did.HecouldhavebeenJesusincarnate,hesaid,andIstillwouldhavewanted
blood.
Jenningsandapartner,CareyJ.Luckman,preparedfortrial.Theygathered
militaryrecordsandcharacterrecommendationsfromSiattassupervisorsinthe
Marines.Theyalsoarrangedforhimtoundergoasecondpsychological
evaluation.InMay2015,hewasreviewedbyDonR.Catherall,apsychologist
specializingintraumadisordersandaMarineveteranofVietnam.Catheralls
reportechoedtheV.A.sdiagnosesofPTSDandseverealcoholusedisorder,and
notedthatSiattahadnothadadrinkinmorethanayear.This,hewrote,
officiallyconstitutesremissionofthesubstanceusedisorder.Headded,As
longasheremainssober,heisunlikelytorepeatthebehaviorsthatledtothis
unfortunatesituation.
Thatsummer,notlongafterSiattasevaluation,AshleyVolkcalledhim.She
wasangryabouthowhehadcutheroff,woundedbyhissilence.Hesaidhehad
beenhurtandwasgettingittakencareof.Shewasworried,butheassuredherit
wasnotserious.InJuly,sheaskedhimtomeetforburgersattheLockdownBar
&Grill,aprisonthemedbarinChicago.Uponseeinghim,shesaid,she
immediatelyfellbackinlove.Afterthreehoursoftalking,theykissed.
Theyspentthenighttogetherinherapartment.Shesawthenewscarsonhis
neck,shoulderandarmandassumedsomethingelsehadhappenedtohiminthe
Marines.Theybecameacoupleagain.Siattawasstillclosedofftomostpeople,
buthebegantotellheraboutAfghanistan.Maybe,shethought,hewasfinally
openingup.Hedidnottellheranythingofthehomeinvasion,orthathewas
awaitingtrial.
Siattasprospectsforavoidingprisonwerelikelytoriseorfall
dependingonwhetherajudgeandajurywouldbewillingtoviewhiscombat
experience,andhisselfmedicatingwithalcohol,asfactorsinthehomeinvasion
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andfight.InSeptember2015,JenningsandAlferink,theprosecutor,traveledto
NorthChicagotodeposeSheilahC.Perrin,apsychologistsupervisingSiattas
treatmentfortheV.A.UnderquestioningbyJennings,Perrinlaidoutherviews,
notingthatSiatta,whowasalsopresent,hadentered30to40compounds
containinginsurgents.Shedescribedcommonbehaviorsforveteranswithsuch
histories:reclusion,avoidingcrowds,unceasingvigilanceandusingalcoholasa
copingtechniquetoescapefromtheirpainandfromtheirmemories.Shelisted
SiattasdiagnosesandsaidthatonceSiattaenteredastrangehomeandwas
confrontedinside,theknifewouldhavebeenahuge,huge,hugetrigger.Her
assessmentwasunambiguous.Heneedstreatment,shesaid.Bytheendofthe
questioning,shehadtearedup.
Alferinkpushedhard,inquiringwhyPerrinhadbeenemotionalandasking
whethershehadthesameempathyandthankfulnessforthemanSiattahad
fought,whowasalsoaveteran.Duringahalfhourofoftentestyexchanges,
AlferinkproposedthatSiattasPTSDwasnotrelatedtohiscombatserviceand
suggestedthathisuseofalcoholwassimilartosomebodywhojustbrokeupwith
theirboyfriendorwhocouldntcopewithlosingajob.
Jenningsstillthoughthehadastrongdefense.Thecharacterreferencesfrom
Marineswereglowing,andhewasreadytoarguethatthefightinthekitchenwas
aconditionedreflexforatroubledmanwithSiattascombatrecord.
Afewweeksbeforethetrial,JenningswasdiscussingthecasewithSiattas
mother,Maureen,whenshementionedthathersonhadkeptajournalin
Afghanistan.SiattahadrecentlyretrieveditfromVolk.Jenningsaskedtoseeit.It
wasasmalltannotebookonwhichSiattahaddrawnahumanskullwitha
crackedforehead.WhenJenningsstartedreading,hecouldnotstop.OnOct.22,
2015,lessthanthreeweeksbeforethetrial,heenteredacopyofthejournalinto
thecourtrecord.Thisisthekey,hetoldMaureen.Thisiswhatcouldwinyour
case.
BythenSiattahadgraduatedfromasubstanceabuseprogramandbeen
soberforayearandhalf.Hewasincounseling.Hesufferedfromanxiety,butless
acutely,allowinghimtostoptakingXanaxandhydroxyzine.Hewasexercising,
takingupmartialartsandweightliftingagain.Ithelpedhismoods.His
relationshipwithVolksoftenedhisantisocialside.JenningsaskedAlferinkto
readthediaryandconsiderSiattaslastnightofdrinkingandthehomeinvasion
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inlightofhiscombatserviceandPTSD,andhisapparentprogresssince.He
hopedthestatewouldconsiderabetterpleadeal.IfSamdidnthavethebest
mitigationpackageintheworld,whodid?hesaid.
Alferink,inkeepingwiththewishesofthemanwhohadfoughtSiatta,
declinedtochangetheoffer.Tenyearsinprison,ortrial.
ThetrialopenedonNov.9.JenningsandLuckmanhopedthejudge
wouldallowjurorstoconsiderSiattasactionsaresultofinvoluntaryintoxication.
ThisdefensehadprecedentinIllinoisamongdefendantswhohadbeendrugged
byothers,butnotwithdefendantstryingtodrownPTSDwithalcohol.Thestate
triedtoquashtheargumentoutright.Alferinktoldthecourtthatthereasonwhy
heconsumedthealcoholhasnothingtodowiththiscase.Sheadded:Hecould
haveconsumedthealcoholbecausehewassufferingfromPTSDandwantedtobe
abletogotoaparty.Again,hecouldhaveconsumedthealcoholbecausehewas
tryingtogetoverabreakup,becausehejustlostajob.Thereasonforthe
underlyingalcoholconsumptiondoesnotmatter.
Ateachopportunityforsympathy,thestatemovedagainst.Injuryselection,
Alferinkaskedwhetheranyofthepotentialjurorshadmilitaryexperience.Two
saidtheydidaformerNavypettyofficerandaMarinereservistwhohadbeen
injuredinanaccidentinAfghanistan.Alferinkhadthemexcusedfromservingon
thejury.ThisdeniedSiatta,inJenningssview,atrialbypeers.Sheexcludedthe
onlypeoplewhohadanychanceofunderstandingthisdefendantandwhathe
wentthrough,hesaid.
Siattaslawyersdidnotdisputethecentralfactsofthecase.ButCatherall,
thepsychologist,offeredaprofileofSiattaasaMarineutterlyunmooredbywar.
Seeingthesechildrendieastheresultofwhathewentovertheretotryanddoin
apositivewaywaskindofshatteringforhim,hetoldthejury.
AlferinkcounteredbyaskinghowmuchCatherallwasbeingpaidasa
defensewitnesshesaidhisratewas$300anhourandsketchedhimasa
shill.
Thetrialwasoverintwodays.ThejuryfoundSiattaguiltywithinhours.
Siattaspenttheholidaysathome,awaitingsentencing.Abouttwoweeks
beforegoingtoprison,hefinallytoldVolkofhisproblems.Butheinsistedthathe
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hadagoodlegalteamandthattheconvictioncouldbeworkedout.Volkmadea
dinnerreservationattheSignatureRoom,theluxuryrestaurantonthe95thfloor
oftheJohnHancockCenter,forthenightofhissentencinghearing.Sheplanned
tocelebrateagoodending.
Thedaybeforesentencing,shesawhimofffromherhome.
Youpromise,youpromise,Illseeyoutomorrownight?shesaid.
Ipromise,hesaid.
Siattaknewhisoptionshadrundown.Hereturnedtocourtandapologized
inastatementleadenwithresignation.Ihavenomemoryofthatnight,hesaid.
Icantexplainwhathappenedthatnight.IwishIcould.Youknow,Imgetting
treatmentformyillness.IthinkImdoingbetter,butIvegotalongroadaheadof
me,andthatsallIgot.
ThecaseofthePeopleoftheStateofIllinoisv.SamuelSiattathentookarare
turn.Thetrialjudge,ScottDrazewski,expressedgratitudetothemanhewas
sendingaway.Mr.Siatta,asanAmericancitizen,Ithankyouforyourserviceto
yourcountry,hesaid.Yourpatriotism,yourvalor,yourcourageandyour
heroismaccordingtothoseyouveservedwith,youwereanexceptionalsoldier
wholedbyexample.
ButDrazewskiaddedthathewashearingthecaseasajudge,notjusta
citizen,andbecauseofmandatorysentencingguidelineshehadnooptionof
assigningSiattatoprobation.Althoughitiswithregret,hesaid,Imstill
requiredtofollowthelaw.HesentencedSiattatosixyearsinprison,thelegal
minimumfouryearslessthantheprosecutorshadofferedintheirpleadeal.
SiattapassedthenextmonthattheStatevilleCorrectionalCenter,
awaitingtransfertotheprisonwherehewouldservehissentence.Inmatesin
receptionstatushavefewprivileges.Siattawason24hourlockdownand
receivednovisitors.Hiscellblockseemedtohimlikeanenormouswarehouse,
withinmatesincellsstackeduponcells.Theairfilledwiththeirdin.
During28daysthere,hesaid,herarelylefthiscell.Mealsweredeliveredto
thedoorandeateninside.EveryTuesdayhewasallowedoutforashower,ina
stallwherethewaterwasscaldinghot.Hiscelldidnothaveawindow,andthe
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lightswereneveroff.Betweenthenoiseandtheincessantbrightness,heslept
fitfully.Ashelosthissenseoftime,hewasnotsurewhenhewassupposedto
rest.Heremembersseeingaclockonce,duringagrouporientation.Itsaid9a.m.
Byhisestimate,hehadeatenbreakfastsevenhoursbefore.Hisanxietyrose
again,andwhenheaskedformedications,nonewereprovided,hesaid,though
hehadadiagnosisandprescriptionsfromtheV.A.
Ascheduletookshape.Hewouldlieonhisbunkuntilbreakfast,theneatand
getbackonthebunkuntillunch.Afterlunchhewoulddosquatsandpushups,
thenreturntothebunkuntildinner.Eachdayhereceivedacartonofmilk.A
previousinmatehadaccumulatedenoughcartonstomakeacrudedeckof
playingcards,whichhehadleftinthecellforothers.Siattadidnotusethem.He
felthimselfslidingintoamentalhibernation.HemanagedtosendVolkashort
letter.
Iloveyousoverymuchmylove,hewrote.Youaremyoneandonly,andI
promise.Iloveyousososomuchandwewillhavealifefilledwithloveand
happiness.Tomyprettygypsy,fromyourlove,Samuel.
Hedidntknowwhatelsetosay.Thelegalsystembewilderedhim,andhe
foundithardtothinkinconcreteterms,beyondthathehadtoleave.
Outsidetheprison,hisnewlawyer,RichardWinter,waspreparingan
appeal.WinterhadagreedtorepresentSiattainlate2015,betweentheconviction
andthesentencing.ApartneratHolland&Knight,aninternationalfirm,he
specializedincommercialandantitrustlitigationfromhis30thfloorofficein
downtownChicago.HehadnoexperienceincriminallawandhadtakenSiattaas
aclientviaapeculiarimpulse.Holland&Knightoffersprobonorepresentation
toclientswhocannototherwiseaffordit.Overtheyears,Winterhadhelped
autisticchildrenincourtfightsagainstschooldistrictsinandaroundChicagoand
hadworkedonHagueConventioncases,tryingtoreunitechildrenwithparents
ininternationalcustodydisputes.InNovember2015,hehadjustreadRogue
Lawyer,anovelbyJohnGrishamaboutSebastianRudd,abourbondrinking,
guncarryinglawyerwithabulletproofvanwhofightsforjusticeforunappealing
clients.WinterwasamusedbyRudd,acartoonishfigure.Hewasalsoimpressed
byhislegaltactics,whichhethoughtwereable.Soonafterfinishingthebook,
WinterreceivedanofficewideemaildescribingSiattascaseandaskingifanyone
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wantedtostepin.HefiguredthiswasacaseforsomeoneofRuddstalents,andit
lookedinterestingonthemerits.Hevolunteeredtotry.
Twoweekslater,hemetSiattaandhismotheratareststoponInterstate
294.Siattaimpressedhim.Hewasinhislastweeksoffreedombeforean
expectedprisontermandwasonhiswayhomefromPTSDcounseling.Winter
readthecasefile,lookingforabasisforappeal.Heattendedthesentencing
hearinginJanuaryandwatchedhisnewclientdepartforprison.Thejudge
allowedSiattaaboutaminutewithhismother,andafterhewasgoneMaureen
lingeredinthecourtroom,theninthehallway.Shelookednumb.Wintertoldher,
IllseewhatIcando.
Winterknewtheappealwouldconsumemuchof2016.Healsofiguredthat
whilehemightpersuadetheappellatecourttoconsideraretrial,allowingajudge
toinstructjurorstoconsideraninvoluntaryintoxicationdefense,thechances
wereprobablyslim.Andevenifthejudgesgrantedanewtrial,heknew,Siatta
wouldstillneedtoprevailbeforeajury,ofwhichtherewasnoguarantee.
WintersbackupplanwastoseekapardonfromtheIllinoisgovernorafterthe
appealsprocesswasexhausted.Eitherway,Siattawasnotcominghomeanytime
soon.
ByMarch,thestatehadmovedSiattafromStatevilletoShawnee,where
inmateslivedintwostoryXshapedbuildings,calledhouses,eachwithacentral
stationfromwhichguardswatchedoverthepopulation.Siattawasassignedtoa
cellin4House.Itwasadrabandmustyplacewithmissingfloortiles,anupper
andlowerbunk,atoiletandasmallsteelsink.Hiscellmate,amoodymanwitha
thinmustache,wasdoingtimeforfailingtoregisterasasexoffender.
Earlyeachmorning,thelockswouldclickopen.Inmatescouldstepintothe
cellblockcorridorandfileintothedarknessandcoldforashortwalktothe
cafeteriaforbreakfastandacupofwater.Theroutinewasrepeatedforlunchand
dinner.Theschedulealsoallowedforaboutanhourofdayroomtimetolift
weightsintheopenairyard,usetelephonesinacallcenterorbuyfoodand
toiletriesinthecommissarywithmoneytheirfamiliesaddedtotheirprison
accounts.
Buyingextrafooddrewattention.Inthecashfreeecosystemofprison,
purchasesbecamecurrency.ATshirt,acoffeecup,apackageofcookiesthese
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couldbetradedorgambled.Theyalsoattractedthieves.
Theguardstendedtoclusterinthecentralsectionofeachhouse,andthey
venturedonlyoccasionallyintothecellblockcorridors.Thismeantthatwhenthe
lockswerereleased,therewasamomentinwhichinmatescouldfurtivelyenter
oneanotherscells.Siattareturnedfromonemealtofindabout$50worthoffood
stolen.Hiscellmatewasenragedatthebreachofturf.Hetoldotherinmatesthat
hewouldfindthethiefandpunishhim.
Siattahadprobablyseenmoreviolenceinhislifethananyoneelsein4
House.Butheunderstoodthatfightingasaninmatecarriedspecialrisks,andnot
ofinjury.Iftheguardsdiscoveredafight,everyoneinvolvedcouldbetakento
solitaryconfinementcalledsegforsegregationandhavetheirprison
recordsmarkedup.Thiscouldpreventanearlyrelease.Siattascasewason
appeal.Hecouldnotaffordtrouble.Hetriedtalkinghiscellmatedown.Igota
lotofstuffgoingon,hetoldhim.Igotagoodcase.Icantbegettingintofights,
goingtoseg,gettingnewchargesoversometunapacket.
Onedayduringdayroomtime,afewgangmembersappearedinthe
corridorneartheirdoor.Siattascellmatehadheardwhothethiefwasandhad
beengivinghimangrylooks.Themanwantedtoknowwhy.Imcomingtothe
conclusionyoustoleourstuff,thecellmatesaid.
Siattadidnotwanttobeinvolved.Heslippedoutofthecell,andthegang
membersteppedin,whilehisfriendsstoodcasuallyinthehallway.
Thefightlastedmaybe15seconds.Onegangmemberwatchingfromthe
corridorlookedintothecellandpronouncedthefightover,andthegroupbroke
upanddriftedaway.
Siattascellmatewasleftonthefloor.Hehadbeenbeatenbadly.Hehada
gashinhishead,whichhadbeenslammedagainstthesteelbunk.Hewas
bleedingalloverthetiles.Siattaexaminedthewoundandknewitneededmedical
attention.Butthemanrefusedtoapproachtheguards.HetoldSiattahewould
stayinthecellforafewweeksandeatcommissaryfooduntilthebruisesandcuts
healed.
Theplandidnotlastlong.Theguardsopenedaninvestigation.Sixinmates
weresenttoseg,Siattasaid,includingthetwowhohadfought.Siattawas
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transferredtoanotherhouse.
HisnewcellmatewasamemberoftheLatinKingsamonghismanytattoos
wasthegangssymbol,afivepointcrown.Helaiddowntherules.Inhere,this
house,itsourhouse,andwerecool,hesaidoftheircell.Butoutthereyouare
notaffiliated,andifyougetintroubleIcanthelpyou.SiattaleftShawneefora
courtappearancerelatedtohisappealandwasheldatthedecrepitPontiac
CorrectionalCenterbeforereturningtoShawneeandacellwithanotherLatin
King.Thesamecodeapplied:Wegetalonginsidethecell.Outtherewedont
knoweachother.
Siattaneverquitefoundafriend.Hetriedparticipatinginaveteransupport
groupbutsawitasasham.Inhisfirstsession,wheninmateswereintroducing
themselves,anattendeeclaimingtobeaformerMarinemangledMarineCorps
jargon.Thecounseloraskedtheman,wholookedtobeinhis30s,whatrankhe
hadheld.
General,theinmateproudlyanswered.
Siattahadheardenough.Heneverattendedagain.
EachdaySiattahadphoneprivileges.Butcallstohismother,whichhe
yearnedfor,usuallylefthimdisappointed.Hewouldaskiftherewasnewsabout
hisappeal,hesaid,anditwasalwaysjust,No.Thecounselinghehadattended
attheV.A.withatherapistwhoknewhimwasreplacedbyaonceamonth,15
minutementalhealthcheckup.Itwasbasically:Doyouwanttohurtsomeone?
Doyouwanttohurtyourself?andAllright,seeyounextmonth,hesaid.
Depressiongrippedhimagain.
Hetriedexercisingduringhisyardtime,knowingitsoothedhissymptoms.
Someweekshemanagedtoworkoutincommittedbursts,thoughthreeorfour
inmateswereusuallylinedupateachpieceofequipment,waitingaturn.Butas
hisdepressionsettledoverhim,hepassedhisweekspassively,unabletopush
throughthepack.Mostlyhesleptanactivityhewasassuredof,becausehis
cellblockwasonlockdown21hoursaday.
InApril,asSiattabroodedinprison,IwrotetoScottDrazewski,the
judgewhohadnotwantedtosendhimthere.Hedeclinedtodiscussthecase.
Staterules,hesaidbyemail,prohibitedjudgesfromcommentingonmatters
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underappeal.ButaftervisitingSiattainShawnee,ImetwithDonaldD.Bernardi,
aretiredstatejudgeandformerpeerofDrazewskis,whounderstoodhow
mandatorysentencingruleshadforcedDrazewskitoincarcerateSiatta.
BernardiknewtheoutlinesofSiattascriminalfile.Ishareddetailsfromhis
combattour:theboyshotthroughthehead,theciviliansstruckbyHellfire
missiles,Siattasrunofmethodicalkillinginlate2009.Itwasallnewstohim.We
talkedaboutthefrustrationandangermanycombatveteransshareastheirwars
havedraggedonwithnovisibleend,andhowSiattasdepressionandPTSDwere
notunusual.WediscussedthewordsofsupportfromCuomo,Siattasformer
commander.Havingwatchedandfought,upcloseandpersonal,withMr.Siatta,
Iremainhumbledbyhisincrediblycourageousactions,hehadwritten.Wealso
talkedabouttheseverityofSiattascrime.Amanofhisbackgroundsmashing
intoanyoneshomewasafrighteningprospect.
Bernardisreactionsurprisedme.Helookedatmynotebookonthetable,in
awaythosefamiliarwithreportersdowhentheyareabouttosaysomething
quotable,andsaid,Ifthiscasedoesnotcallformitigation,thenmitigationhas
nomeaning.
Thecountyslegalcircleissmall.Bernardisaidtheelectedstatesattorney,
JasonChambersAlferinksbosshadpracticedinhiscourtroomearlyinhis
career.Hesagoodguy,hesaid,areasonablelawyerwhocouldseemorethan
onesideofanissue.
Afewhourslater,ImetChambersinhisofficeforaconversationwithhim
andAlferink.WereprisedtheconversationwithBernardi.Alferinkpolitely
excusedherselfforascheduledcourtappearance.Chamberswaspleasantbut
inscrutable.ItoldhimIplannedtovisitthecrimesceneandtalkwiththepeople
whowereinthehousewhenSiattabrokein,andwouldgetbacktothe
prosecutorswithquestions.
IwasinNewEnglandtwodayslaterwhenChamberssentmeatextmessage.
HeaskedforaphonenumberforRichardWinter,Siattasattorney.That
afternoonhecalledWinterandmadeanunsolicitedproposal.Hewasreadyto
vacateSiattasconviction,hesaid,andallowhimtoleaveprisonandpleadtoa
lesserchargewithasentenceofprobation.Andhewaswillingtomakeiteasy.He
wantedWintertogetdocumentationfromtheV.A.confirmingthatSiattawould
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beenrolledinmentalhealthcare.Oncehehadit,thestatewouldaskthe
appellatecourttoletSiattaoutofShawneeimmediately.Theywouldworkout
thenewpleadeallater.
SiattawasasleeponhisbunkontheafternoonofMay19whenheheard
avoiceontheintercomsayinghisdoorwastobeunlockedandheshould
approachtheguardsstation.Aguardtoldhimthatheneededtogofor
fingerprinting.ThismadelittlesensetohimtheDepartmentofCorrections
alreadyhadhisprints.
UntilthispointSiattahadlittleinklingofhisshiftinfortunes.Winterhad
kepthismotheruptodateonChamberssplans,butshedidnotwantherson
crestfalleniftheystalledorwererejectedinappellatecourt.Shehadtoldhim
onlythatWinterwasworkingonhiscaseandthattheremightbesomenewsone
ofthesedays.
Thatafternoon,afterlawyersandtheappellatecourtclerkrefinedthe
languageandconditionsforacourtorder,theappellatejudgesissuedanorderto
releaseSiattaona$10,025bond,pendingdispositionofhisappeal.
Aguardescortedhimtoaprisonoffice.Siattawasunsurewhatwas
happening.Theyaskedme,Wheresyourproperty?hetoldmelaterthatday.
AndIwaslike:Why?WhydoIneedmyproperty?Andtheysaid,Becauseyou
aregoinghome.
Siattawasescortedbacktohiscellwithaplasticbintocollecthis
possessions.Theguardgavehimthreeminutesbarelyenoughtimetohandoff
acoffeecupandabout20packagesoframennoodlesandchocolatechipcream
piestohislatestcellmate,whowasserving12years.
Imgoinghome,Siattasaid.
Whatdoyoumean,youregoinghome?heasked.
Iguessmylawyerisworkingonsomestuff,andImgettingoutofhere,
Siattasaid.
Thecellmate,whoseprospectiveparoledateisin2022,shookhishead.
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Minuteslater,Siattawasgone,walkingdownthecellblock,carryingthebin.
Theprisonofficialsinventoriedhispossessionsahotpot,afewbooksand
magazines,apairofplasticflipflopsandhandedhimanenvelopewith$63.90
incash,thebalancefromhiscommissaryaccount.Someonegavehimapairof
graysweatpantsandawhiteTshirt,andSiattachangedoutofhisprisonblues.
Hekeptthewhitesneakerswithhisinmatenumber,Y11107,handwrittenonthe
side.Helookedverymuchaprisonerstill.Aguardtoldhimtositandwait.His
possessionsweretransferredtoacardboardbox.
Afteranhourortwo,Siattawasledthroughaseriesofheavydoorsto
Shawneesreceptionarea,whereT.G.Taylor,theformerArmyofficerwhofirst
toldmeofSiattasincarceration,waswaiting.Hey,Siattasaidandsmiled
lightly.TaylorexplainedthathewouldbedrivinghimtoamotelinMarion,
wherehismotherwouldmeethim.Theyspokeintheclippedlanguageoftwo
gruntsreadyingforapatrol.
Areyougood?Taylorasked.
Iamgood,Siattasaid.Hewalkedacrossthelot,pasttheguardscars,with
anexpressionlessface.Inthecar,hewassubdued.Heateacheeseburgeras
Taylortriedtoexplainwhatjusthappened.Ihadnoidea,Siattasaid.
TaylorcalledMaureen.Wehavehim,hesaid.Maureenhadpostedhis
bondinBloomingtonandwasenroutetomeetthem.Siattatookthephone.
Hey,Mom,howyoudoing?Imgood.What?Idid,yeah.Whereyouguysat?An
hourand10minutesaway.YouveseenShawneebefore.Itsnotgreat.Yeah.
Yeah.Me,too.
Hehungup.Behindthewheel,Taylorhadawadofsnufftobaccobehindhis
bottomlip.Therehadbeennotobaccoinprison.You,uh,wouldnthaveapinch
ofthatCopenhagen,wouldyou?Siattaasked.
Taylorsharedwhathehadandpulledintoaconveniencestoretobuy
anothercan.HeaskedSiattatowaitinthecar.Hehadbeenreleasedsoquickly
thatheriskedbeingmistakenforanescapee.
Inthemotellotbesidethehighway,Tayloropenedaduffel,foundaworkout
shirtandtossedittohim.Siattanowlookedlikethefreemanhewas.Heheaded
tothemotelcoffeebar,madeatallcupandpositionedhimselfwithhisbackto
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thelobbywall,watchingtheentrance.Foranhour,hepacedbetweenthelobby
andTaylorsroom,untilMaureenshowedup.Sheandhersonwalkedslowly
towardeachotherandlockedinasilentandalmostmotionlessembrace.
Whensheletgo,sheaddressedTaylorwithneardisbelief.Thankyou,she
said,overandover,softly.
Siattaborrowedherphone.Hehadacalltomake.
AshleyVolkwashomeinherkitcheninChicago.Shehadbeenworking
graveyardshiftstendingbar.SheknewthatWinterhadbeentryingtogetSiatta
outbutdidnotknowaboutChamberssoffer,orthatareleasewasimminent.She
sawMaureensnumberandanswered.
Siattasvoicewasontheotherend.
Love,hesaid.
OhmyGod!shescreamed.Shefellagainstthekitchencupboardandthen
tothefloor,whereshecurledup,sobbing.Throughthephoneshecouldhear
Siatta.Hewascrying,too.
Thenextday,ImetChambersinacoffeeshop.Everyonewassurprised
bythestatesabruptchangeinposition.Therewasaquestiontoexplore:Whydid
Chambersproposeexactlytheresolutiontothecasethathisofficehadresisted
fortwoyears?
Chambersdescribedacriminaljusticesystemthatresembledanoverworked
mill.Hisofficehandlesalmost5,000casesayear,hesaid,anditwasnotpossible
forhimtofolloweachofthemclosely,muchlessreadallthecasematerials.In
Siattascase,hesaid,thejournalthatilluminatedhiscombathistorywasnot
availableduringthepleanegotiationphase.Itshowedupjustbeforetrial.
Afterwemetthefirsttimethatspring,hesaid,hereviewedthefileand
foundthejournal.Bythetimehewasdonereading,hesaid,hewasnotsurprised
Siattahadendedupinhandcuffs.Youtakea19yearoldandyouputthemin
thisextremesituationwheretheyarebeingaskedtodothingsormaybenot
asked,butarechoosingtodothingsthatarecontrarytothevaluestheyhad
growingup,andtheU.S.governmentpatsyourbackandsays,Goodluck,he
said.Idontseehowthatisnotarecipeforsomethingtogowrong.
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Fromhispointofview,Chamberssaid,thepleadealintheworkswasnot
actuallyalargeshift.SiattahadreceivedtheminimumsentenceforaClassX
felonyandwouldsoonpleadtomorethantheminimumsentenceforafelonyone
classdown.Fromapracticalstandpoint,itisabigchange,hesaid,because
Siattawasoutofprison.Fromalegalstandpoint,itisahairswidthapart.
Andforsociety,Chambersadded,thenewarrangementwasprobablysafer.
IfSiattaweretobehavewellinShawnee,hewouldbeeligibleforreleaseinless
thanthreeyearsandwouldreturnwithvirtuallynocounselingorcareforhis
PTSD.NowSiattawouldbeunderstatesupervisionforseveralyears,receiving
carethroughout.Therationaleformebecame,Whatmakespeoplesaferover
thelongterm?hesaid.Isittreatmentorjustgettinghimoffthestreet?
ThemanwhohadfoughtSiattainthehouseinNormalfoundthathis
feelingshadchanged,too.Thoughhehimselfdidnotserveincombat,theMarine
Corpsremainedcentraltohislife.Heservedfouryearsasaclerkandwas
honorablydischargedasanoncommissionedofficer.G.I.Billbenefitshelped
underwritehiscollegestudies,andhisbrotherwasonactiveduty.Havingbeen
sequesteredasawitnessduringthetrial,hedidnotheardetailsofSiattas
combattouruntilJanuary,atsentencing,andashelearnedmorehecametosee
SiattaasadrunkenMarinewhodidsomethingstupid.Thehomeinvasionwas
notpersonal.Attheendoftheday,itwasjustarandomact,hesaid.When
ChamberscalledhiminthelatespringtodiscussvacatingSiattasconviction,he
listenedtotheprosecutorsnewproposal.Afterhethoughtaboutit,hetoldme:I
wasntangryanymore.Iwasreadytoputitpastmeandtoforgive.
AftertalkingwithVolkonthephonetotellherhehadbeenreleased,
SiattawentwithhisbrothertoaTargettoreplacehisprisonsneakers.Whetherit
wasthesuddenchangefromShawneetothebigboxstoreortheeffectofthe
food,caffeineandnicotinehehadconsumed,hewasoverwhelmed.Hevomited.
ThenextdayheregisteredwiththebondofficeinBloomington,andinthe
summerheappearedincourtandpleadedguiltytothelessercharge,attempted
homeinvasion,andbeganfouryearsofprobationwithweeklycounselingatthe
V.A.
Hefeltsluggish.HedidlittlemoreinthefirstweeksthanvisitVolkandgoto
thegym.Hisenergylevelwaswaydown,shesaid.Volkwasstrugglingaswell.
ThemonthsSiattaspentinShawnee,Volksaid,hadpassedforheringray
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procession.Everydaywastastelessandcolorless.ButsheunderstoodthatSiatta
haditworse.Nowthathewasback,shewaspatient,willingtolettherapyhaveits
effectsandallowinghimtosethisownpace.Shewasthrilledbyhisshiftin
fortunewhenIsawhim,itwaslikebeingreborn,shesaidbutwasnot
expectingafairytale.Whenheseemedwithdrawn,sheinvitedhimtowalk.We
tookthedogsaroundtheblock,shesaid.Thenexttime,wewalkedafewmore
blocks.
Bythefall,Siattawasmakinghisappointments,ingoodstandingwithhis
probationofficerandgoingoutmore.Hewasphysicallyfit.TheV.A.reducedhis
disabilityratingfrom70percentto50percentashiftsuggestingthatdoctors
therefelthisPTSDhadlessofaholdonhim.WhenIvisitedhiminlate
November,weatethreemealstogetherinrestaurantsoverfourdays.Eachtime
hewasamiablewiththestaffanddidnotappearvigilant.Twicehesatwithhis
backtothedoor.Hehadnothadadrinkinalmosttwoandahalfyears.Hiseyes
seemedbright,hisvoicelight,hisdemeanorrelaxed.Hewasalsolookingfora
job,althoughitwashardasafelononprobationtogetpastabackgroundcheck.
Hewasalmosthiredbyamovingcompany,hesaid,untilhetoldthesupervisorof
hisconviction.Hehadnotgivenup.Volkthoughtshemightsoonhavesomething
linedupforhimtocheckIDsatthedoorofthesportsbarwheresheworked.
Whilehewaited,hewassplittingtimebetweenhismothershomeandVolks
place,andspeakingofmarriage.Volkknewwherehehadbeenandwhathehad
done,andsheaccepteditall.Familiarity,Siattasuggested,wasrelief.Explaining
isexhausting,hesaid,andwevegotmostofitdone.
Onemorningaftermeetinghisprobationofficer,Siattawasinthebasement
ofhismothershouse,hittingaheavybag.Upstairsinascrapbookwere
photographsofhislife,includingonetakendaysbeforehelefthomeforthe
Marines,whenhisrecruiterhadbroughtthefamilyacake.Hewasashykidwith
acneandmusculararms,abletodo28pullupsevenbeforearrivingatboot
camp.Hedidnotlookmucholdernow,inthebasement,workingthehanging
bag.Hehadwrappedhishandswithtape.Hislegsandfeetwerebare.Sweat
beadedonhisshoulders.Theaircarriedthesmackofeachimpact,followedbya
pause.Hewasstrikingthebagsteadily,resistingtheurgetoacknowledgethe
sharppulsatinginhishandsashetriedtobuildpaintoleranceandtoughenhis
fists.Youdontwanttobreakyourhandonsomeonesface,hesaid.
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Siattawastrainingtomakeanamateurmixedmartialartsfightcardand
breakintotheMidwesternclubfightingscene.Hisregimenincludedsparring
withapoliceofficerfriend.Hehadonlyoneproblemsofar.Helackedfull
controlofhisleftarm.Thestabwounds,itseemed,hadcausednervedamage.He
jabbedthebagwithhislefthandthwackandfrowned.Itfeelsoff,myhand
eyecoordination,almostlikemytargetingsystemhasbeensevered,hesaid.
Iaskedhimwhetherenteringtheringwithonegoodarmtoexchangeblows
withatrainedfightercarriedmorerisksthanhemightwant,especially
consideringthedelicateplatinumcoilsinhisneckthatcouldbedislodged.He
seemedtiredofthequestion.Itwasthetypeofdiscouragementhehadheard
sincetellingfriendshewasenlistingintheMarines.Ifmydreamwastobea
lawyerordoctor,somethingthatwassociallyacceptable,theneverybodywould
behappy,hesaid.ButwhenItellpeopleIwanttobeafighter,theyarelike,
Ooh,youregoingtofuckyourself.
Peoplewarnhimthatheisgoingtogethurt,hesaid,andImlike,Well,itis
fighting,sothatsalmostadefinite.Hehopedtoearnenoughmoneytopaythe
hospitalbills.Handsthrobbing,faceblank,hisleftsidetargetingsystemnot
quiteright,SamSiattahitthebag.
C.J.Chiversisawriteratlargeforthemagazine.HehasbeenareporterforThe
Timessince1999andcoverswar.
DevinYalkinisaphotographerbasedinNewYork.Herecentlypublishedthebook
IllSeeYouTomorrow,UntilICant.
SignupforournewslettertogetthebestofTheNewYorkTimesMagazine
deliveredtoyourinboxeveryweek.
TheFighter
AversionofthisarticleappearsinprintonJanuary1,2017,onPageMM30oftheSundayMagazine
TheMarineCorpstaughtSamSiattahowtoshoot.ThewarinAfghanistan
withtheheadline:TheFighter.
taughthimhowtokill.Nobodytaughthimhowtocomehome.
ByC.J.CHIVERS
DEC.28,2016
2016TheNewYorkTimesCompany
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