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As promised in the last issue, we
staged a mass lie down, based on
a ridiculous law. The one that sta-
tes: Publishing photos and lying
down on the Grand Place is an il-
legal practice. It was however the
worst day we could have chosen
as a parade of fucking hippies al-
most flummoxed our carefully or-
chestrated plan.
Eventually at around 4.15pm we
managed to get enough people to-
gether who were prepared to break
the law.
So Here it is!
Big thanks to everybody that came
along. Especially those who helped
out by standing on crates of beer
shouting FUCK YOU! Now lets see if
we get arrested!
Further stupid laws in Belgium
also include:

1. It is against the law to insinuate
that someone is Swedish.

2. In Antwerp: It is illegal to wear
a red hat while walking down the
main street.

3. Women must not be taller than
5ft 6 inches.

4. A girl must have written permis-
sion from her father before she can
wear a mini skirt that is more than

4 inches above her knee.

5. It is still legal to throw Brussels
sprouts at tourists.

Feel free to try any of the above, but
make sure to send in some photos!
We got really drunk at the Belgian launch of Parisian brand Still Good with Brodinski. We didn’t talk to him that
much, but did ask the all-important final question.
We love Still Good because of all the technical details, with simple graphics. Like RRL or Kapital, this is a Desig-
ners brand. i.e. it doesn’t look like much at first (in this case clean & simple), but the depth of detail, workman-
ship, and fabric sets it apart from anything in its price range. We liked it so much, that we put it on the front

FUB: So who the fuck are you? FUB: But?
CT: My name is Clement Taverniti. CT: There’s no but, it’s just not my style. I discovered
FUB: And what the fuck do you do? Faffy in Toulouse. She painted walls in Toulouse. It’s
CT: I live in Paris. I moved there from the South of graphic art, it’s not for clothes.
France near Toulouse like four years ago. FUB: What is your brand called?
FUB: And you don’t know Jack of Hearts? They’re CT: It’s called Still Good. In the 80’s my father had his
from Toulouse. own brand, Jimmy Taverniti. He developed the iron
CT: No, I don’t know them, sorry. dry technique for jeans.
FUB: Jesus, they really are only big in Brussels. FUB: You mean sta-prest? That was developed by Le-
CT: So when I got to Paris I studied fashion business vis in 1964! Don’t lie.
and then I decided to create my own brand, cause I’ve CT: (Laughs) Their first ad was a homeless guy who
always loved graphics. takes jeans out of the trash and it’s still good.
FUB: What do you think of Faffy? FUB: Like in Zoolander? Did you see it? Did you like
CT: I love her work. She’s really interesting and im- it?
pressive. CT: Yeah.

FUB: Tell us about your plans for three triangles that stand for trinity
Still Good. FUB: So you’re religious?
CT: When I started I really wan- CT: It can be a message of religion.
ted a t-shirt brand with minima- FUB: Don’t bullshit me. It’s fashion. If you are reli-
listic graphics but with some de- gious you can fuck off and we’ll end this interview
tails on it. now.
FUB: You should check out the CT: I learned an important lesson in the fashion
band Salem from New York. They world and that is to make clothes with a message. I
also have these minimalistic gra- don’t like to make clothes just to make clothes. I de-
phics going on. The music is this velop my own message on every t-shirt.
slow new wave. FUB: Would you like to do a collaboration with FUCK
CT: Heroin addicts must like it. YOU BRUSSELS? A Fuck You Brussels t-shirt? That
So I worked with this brand Hun- would be fucking cool. We really like your collection,
ker that is very famous in Paris. honest & innovative.
They give a very important mes- CT: Yeah, I would love that.
sage through all the clothes they FUB: So what’s the deal with Brodinski? Are you do-
make. ing some kind of collaboration?
FUB: Sorry I just flicked a ciga- CT: I contacted him on Facebook. I showed him some
rette at someone’s ass. I actually stuff and wanted him to wear some of my clothes.
hit them and they got really an- Like a sponsorship. He contacted me back very fast
gry … So what is your most recent and loved it. So we met at Social Club, a very cool
collection? Or what are you doing club in Paris and gave him some clothes. So now I
tonight at Street Teaser? have pictures and film of him wearing Still Good clo-
CT: I was the winner of the fa- thes.
shion designer contest of the FUB: This is quality shit. From the fabric to the de-
Who’s Next fashion blog. sign, everything. This is a genuine piece of design.
(Who’s Next is a fashion trade fair CT: And it’s a unisex brand.
in Paris. It’s like Bread and Butter FUB: Where are you producing?
but not as cool.) CT: In Morocco. In a little studio in Casablanca and
CT: So you were in the new brand we pay a lot of attention to the quality.
section? FUB: How much do you produce?
FUB: Yeah. CT: 200 pieces per style.
FUB: Did you have to pay for FUB: ... and in how many stores do you sell ?
that? CT: 3 stores in Paris and one in Nice, Cannes, Tou-
CT: No because I won the contest. louse and here at Street Teaser in Brussels.
I posted my creations on their FUB: So many people come out of college and start
blog and after facing the judges a brand but don’t think about the important stuff.
they told me … Your collection reminds me of Play by Comme des
FUB: ... “You’re a fucking genius, Garçons. What do you do apart from t-shirts?
we love you”? CT: For now I’m just doing t-shirts but for next sum-
CT: So I won the contest and had mer I want a complete collection with t-shirts, car-
the opportunity to show my coll- digans, pants. And I am going to collaborate with a
ection to the fashion world and French sneaker brand to create a sneaker.
stores all over the world. FUB: What kind of sneaker? Do you remember the
FUB: I used to go to New York Fred Perry sneaker for Comme? It looked really cool.
every few of months and I noti- You’re not gonna do this bling bling Nike type are
ced last time, that everyone was you?
dressed in black and white. They CT: It’s going to be the same style as the t-shirts.
have gone away from that nu rave Very simple and clean. Where can I read the article?
multi colour shit. Are you riding FUB: We’ll send you a copy of the magazine and you
the black and white wave? can always check it out online at www.fuckyoubrus-
CT: Yeah, I love the black and Can I get a free t-shirt?
white style. All my t-shirts are CT: Yes, sure, but you have to ask Clemence.
black and white but the graphics FUB: Cheers Clement! We’re going to go & ask Bro-
are in colour. dinski the final question.
FUB: Do you know Mandarina We headed over to the decks to ask our last question.
Duck? In the early 90’s they had FUB: So Brodinski, what’s your worst sexual expe-
this iconic yellow square. Do you rience?
have some logo that does the same Brodinski: (pause) I never had a bad experience.
thing? Or a plan to do that? Ha ha ha
CT: The logo of the brand are D-B
You‘ll have to agree, there’s
nothing more annoying than
hanging out with try hard hips-
ter.   I‘d rather spend my after-
noon getting sucked off by a
Hare Krishna!

Over the last month we‘ve noti-
ced that hipsters are getting so
desperate to stay on top of their
game, that they’ve even turned
to raping their own grandpa-
rents for authentic clobber. Even
rummaging through skips, and
shunning vintage stores in an
attempt to find the single gem
that no one else has.  They have
taken it so far, that we can‘t even
tell who’s a genuine hipster and
who’s just a bum on the street.
Can you?

1. At least skater dude can laugh
at himself, and so can we, cause
he‘s our no.1 bum.

2. We thought this guy at Flagey
was a total bum, but when we got
closer we realized he‘s probably
the coolest guy in Brussels

3. We met this guy during our re-
search on the Lumberjack Para-
dox (issue 1). We thought he was
totally sideways, but realized he
was also totally homeless.

4. You may well row row row
your boat, gently down the
street, but get a fucking house!

5. This bum just robbed a 13 year
old and is celebrating it with a
bloody marry.

6. This is taking method acting
way too far Nick Nolte, or are
you preparing for the sequal!

1 2 3

4 5 6
PHILIPP E G ON AY, C o i f fe u r
LILLE; 15, R ue du Curé S a i n t -E t i e n n e . Té l . ; + 3 3 ( 0 ) 3 2 0 2 1 1 2 1 1
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MARCQ EN BAROEUL ; 551 Aven u e d e l a R é p u b l i q u e . Té l . ; + 3 3 ( 0 ) 3 2 0 39 3 0 3 0
BRU X ELLE S; R ue Antoin e Da n s a e r t , 5 2 . Té l . ; + 3 2 2 5 1 3 0 0 65
We wanted a valid reason to stare at naked chicks without looking like perverts.
This was the best we could come up with!
Chaussures italiennes artisanales & accessoires made in U.S.A.
Rue des teinturiers 11, 1000 Bruxelles
Tel : 02 511 08 40

Chaussures italiennes artisanales & accessoires made in U.S.A.
Rue des teinturiers 11, 1000 Bruxelles
Tel : 02 511 08 40
Matière Agencement Design - bureau & showroom sur rendez vous rue César Franck, 46 - 1050
+32 261 466 69 -

We love the summer! Even in Belgium.
For some reason it seems, that all the hot
girls emigrate or hibernate during the
dark winter months. So, by contrast, as
soon as the sun comes out in late spring,
they all flock back to show off their sum-
mer plumes. Drinking and fucking like
Brits abroad.
Summer 2010 we’ve noticed, has also
produced another mystery with the la-
dies. Mainly the trend toward sporting a
Now whether this has anything to do with
the end of the winter sports season, or be-
cause the suns out, drinks are flowing and
heels on cobble stones almost guarantees
a swift visit to ER, we’re not 100% sure.
What we do know, is that more girls than
ever are rocking crutches. And the more
you look the more you see, from celebri-
ties such as Brook Shields, Lady Ga Ga
and Gwyneth Paltrow, right down to lo-
cal hipsters like Ulrike Bietnik & Natalie
Wood (see the W**D magazine – accor-
ding to them she’s cool, but how cool is it
to be thrown out of a party at new year
for dry humping the sofa? No hard fee-
lings Nat :)
Anyway back to the point.
Crutches are sideways! They’re our hot
fashion tip for girls this summer! Not
only is it a cool accessory, but also pro-
tection when you are walking home alo-
ne at night. One whack from a crutch is
enough to make the most accomplished of
rapists think twice! Also, If you’ve ever
been to a club, after 4 hours your feet are
killing in those heels and there’s nowhere
to sit other than the skanky beer covered
dance floor. You’re not going to destroy
that new skirt. You’ll just bare it and sue
that bloody Party Feet company for lying
to you.
FUCK THAT! Crutches baby! Problem sol-
Of course, you will need to pimp your
crutch and remember 1 crutch is always
cooler than 2, otherwise you might actu-
ally look like a cripple.
Crutches are available at all prices. From
15 Euros at your local chemist right up to
4000 Euros a pair for the Chanel solid sil-
ver ones with diamond reflectors.

Fixie Polo
Brakeless Idiots or Technical Geniuses?

We rocked up in a taxi at the ING bank around 9pm on With the first couple of games done, more Fixters
Friday night to check out what the fuck all this bra- started drifting in. Fashionably late, the cooler-loo-
keless, 70’s, customised, racer action was all about. king ones arrived all pimped out in skinny jeans, le-
Fixed gear bikes aren’t new (remember the first time ather jackets & flipped up bike caps. We were down
round when they were called pedal-back brakes and with that shit. Especially when one dude rolled in
attached to BMX’s?), but fixie polo? We were interes- with an 80’s NYC Ghetto-blaster on his shoulder. To-
ted to find out how and why street kids, were sudden- tally sideways!
ly taking to what has always been an elitist sport. After a couple of high fives and cracked beers, they
We were first greeted with much suspicion and told plugged the boom box into ING’s foolishly placed, out-
we couldn’t take portrait photos because one of the door mains supply, stealing the fuckers’ juice to bang
fixie guys (this is a guys sport. Out of 10 people, there out Crystal Castles. Sweet!
was only one bikeless girl and she looked terrified) Although these guys had style, they were still REAL
was taking photos that night for an exhibition and Fixters & not Fashion Fixters. Now this is where
thought we would steal his thunder. Not quite the things get interesting. It turns out that polo & fixie
same thing, but fair play, we were the outsiders. polo (or hardcourt bike polo) have more in common
So we chatted a bit and found out some of the rules: than just the stickball riding game thing. There is
(See opposite page) a certain detest for Fashion Fixters; those who buy
Of course there is more skill involved than stated abo- their bike as an accessory. Buying a readymade bike
ve, but you get the gist. Games normally last about 10 isn’t necessarily bad, but (hence the name FIX-IE)
minutes and the sequence is started over and over. it’s certainly frowned upon. This is a clique like any
Total play? Around 3 hours. The guys here looked a other, with unwritten rules & regulations that only
bit nerdy and one dude even had full riot gear with the insiders fully understand. No wonder they were a
a Ralph Lauren Fixie polo shirt (you know? With a bit edgy when we arrived by taxi.
bike in place of the horse on the logo). We were told This sport appears to be the antithesis of traditional
that one of the players that evening was a champion- polo and its ideals (money, wealth & titles). However,
ship player and off to Amsterdam & Paris for tour- when scratching the surface, we found it reinforces
naments. It must have been the Ralph guy, although and encourages this elitist attitude, all be it in a more
from the way everyone played, there was no one indi- stylish way.
vidual that stood out above the rest.
FUB went on to interview one Polo Fixter and one Street Fixter to see who was the coolest. We know who our
choice is, but we will leave it up to you!

(See top right photos) This guy was definitely a con- easy. It’s like a skateboard, it’s very similar.
tender for “bum or hipster” - about 6ft 4’, massive, FUB: What’s the longest you’ve ridden backwards?
with a big beard & lumberjack shirt. He’d obviously SB: I kind of….I …I… forever ha ha
fit into the hipster category, for the chilled attitude & FUB: Are drinking, smoking & drugs an important
the shit hot fixie alone. part of the fixie scene? (After every Game that night
FUB: You’re the biggest bear-looking guy around everyone stopped for a cigarette break)
here, but you don’t play polo. You’re not a polo-bear? SB: I only drink water.
SB: No, I don’t play polo. FUB: So you‘re on drugs?
FUB: Why is street better than polo? SB: Yeah, but I mean…(fades off)
SB: Because I think for polo you need a specific bike, FUB: Insert in quotes “taking a line right now” ha ha
you need a smaller cog/hub at the back - it’s a totally FUB: What‘s your worst sexual experience?
different gear ratio. Also I don’t like the idea of being SB: Sexual experience?… ah man…’s always… err
in contests. I mean not always with a condom is the worst.
FUB: So it’s the same mentality as street skaters? FUB: And on that note we will leave you… Without
SB: Yes there’s a connection there somewhere. protection.
FUB: How long have you been riding? SB: I’m sorry about that.
SB: 1 year
FUB: The Fixie scene is really big in London & Paris,
how come it’s not big here yet?
SB: You’re from London?
SB: It’s really super big over there. Here (in front of 1. Chuck your polo sticks in the middle.
the ING) you have everybody. 2. One guy picks up the sticks, holds them be-
FUB: Everybody from the entire Brussels scene? hind his back, and chucks an equal number
FUB: Yeah, yeah yeah. to either side of the pitch to decide the teams.
SB: Do they have anything happening in Antwerp? 3. Ball is placed at the centre of the pitch.
FUB: We met some guys from Antwerp, they came 4. Teams assemble at their respective goal
here, but there were only three, but I don’t know. lines.
FUB: Did you build your own bike? 5. Race to the ball as fast as you can and start
SB: Yeah for sure yeah.
whacking, crashing & smashing into each
FUB: How much did it cost you?
SB: It’s difficult to say. My wheel’s old … like ten ye- other until the ball is in the back of the goal.
ars old, but there are really expensive bits like the 6. First to five goals, wins.
crank and the forks… I mean… maybe 1000 euros, so-
mething like that.
FUB: That’s a pretty pricy piece of equipment that
you seem to just throw around? POLO FIXTER
SB: It’s really stupid, some tiny little pieces are really FUB: Who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you
expensive, like the hub. It can be 300 euros here?
FUB: Is that the whole point? Everyone builds their MS: My name is Maxim Sobodech, and I’m an ar-
own bike? If you go out and buy one are you looked at chitecture student and I come here to play polo three
like “you fucking wanker, you’ve just bought a bike” times a week.
it’s not cool? FUB: How long have you been playing for?
SB: That’s the whole point of fixed gear bikes, it’s easy MS: Since… since… since, 6 months
to fix it & build it. Before I had this kind of big bike FUB: And you’re still wearing a helmet? Are you just
with lots of parts, and for me it was a nightmare to crap, or is it actually dangerous?
change the tyres and things. This kind of bike is super MS: Yes, for my head.
FUB: So every Friday night you drink a few beers,
listen to some music, and play polo?
MS: Yeah, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays till
three in the morning.
FUB: Why is it cool? It looks cool, but why is it cool
for you?
MS: Because it’s brutal but also very technical. Then
you’ve got the material side of it, optimising the bike,
fixing & repairing it.
FUB: Does anyone ever cheat and bring a bike with
MS: No, but I used to have brakes. Some play with,
some without.
FUB: What’s the fixie music?
MS: I don’t know (Vampire Weekend is playing in the
FUB: What’s your worst sexual experience?
MS: With a Belgian.
FUB: A girl or a guy?
MS: A girl.

We still think this scene is cool & support it fully! So, if you’re going to get a bike, make it a fucking Fixie & build
it yourself! We are definitely going to do one. A FUCK YOU FIXIE!


0032 2 502 47 87

Kapitan Korsakov
More often than not scarily abbreviated to KKK, Ka- Underworld, A Place To Bury Strangers and Baro-
pitan Korsakov is a noise rock trio from Ghent. They ness. Not bad for a first! Cutting Edge named them
released their debut album “Well Hunger” (Kinky “Belgium’s own Fucked Up!” Definitely, though
Star) last autumn. Straightaway, Studio Brussels pi- younger, skinnier and prettier!
cked up their first single, “When We Were Hookers”, I met them in a bar in their hometown where they
and selected it as Best Riff of 2009, leaving behind were drinking away time waiting for the party people
some amazing (inter)national talent like The Hickey to arrive …

Doris: You’re playing Manor Grunewald’s goodbye Jonas: But they’re much prettier!
party tonight… Doris: And are you guys going to miss Manor?
Manor: Indeed, we couldn’t find anyone else and the- Pieter-paul: Yes, of course, but luckily there’re so
re are construction works in front of the bar ... No, many ways to keep in contact these days. Thank god
I’m bullshitting, they’re a great band, what more do for the internet, we will exchange gossip, recipes, ...
you want? Doris: Manor, you’re going for your art I assume.
Pieter-paul: Artistically we’re on the same level and Manor: Yep, it’s a three-month residency in Frank-
we’re trying to attract the same stars within the cos- furt. I’ll be working hard towards our plans for 2012.
mos. He made our t-shirt and we play for him, it’s a vAnd we’ll work on the soundtrack in the meantime.
symbiosis. Doris: I’m looking forward to it, but will we able to
Doris: And in 2012 everything comes together and listen to it before everything goes to shit?
our universe explodes… Pieter: Yes, you get 1 day, until midnight January 1st
Pieter-paul: Yes, that’s our work of art, forget about 2012.
the Mayas. We… Play… Doom. Doris: Right. You’re playing a bunch of festivals this
Doris: Ok, try to use the right mushrooms for your summer… which one are you most looking forward
mushroom sauce next time… So Manor made your to?
new t-shirts. Do they sell better than the old ones? Pieter-paul: We got a nice list for the coming months:
Pieter-paul: I don’t know really, think it’s about the Rock Herk, Dour, Pukkelpop, Schippersweekend, De
same. Gentse Feesten, … I’m stoked to play Pukkelpop but
Doris: Are they more expensive? I’m actually really chuffed with all of them because
Pieter-paul: No, they cost the same too.
the line-ups are amazing. At Rock Herk we’re playing Pieter-paul: Yuri Landman was doing a workshop
with Part Chimp and at Dour with Fucked Up. there. This guy is pretty amazing, he made stuff for
Jonas: For me it’s Rock Herk. The big festivals have Sonic Youth, Half Japanese, ...
so many stages, people don’t really come for us. Rock Jonas: And Lou Barlow, his Landman is pictured on
Herk is small and free, and I think we’ll have to work the new album.
harder to convince the audience. I like that challenge. Pieter-paul: It’s pretty cool, a little in the atmosphe-
Doris: There’s talk about you and And So I Watch You re of “Sex and Confusion”, the third bridge principal.
From Afar doing something together. It’s rather technical but it comes down to putting an
Pieter-paul: We supported them twice a few months object, like a screwdriver for example, inbetween
back at Domino Festival in the AB and in the MOD. It your strings and create a third bridge.
just clicked. We’re playing on the same day, so it’s the Jonas: That way you can make an amazing amount
perfect opportunity to get together and that’s what of noise.
we’ll try to do. It’s actually supposed to be a surprise, Doris: I’m curious to see what you do with the gui-
damn… shhhh! tars on stage and I’ll make sure to bring my earplugs.
-phone rings- Pieter-paul, your bleached hair is a consequence of an
Doris: Mam, can I call you back in a minute? I’m do- alcohol-induced bet for even more alcohol… Is it going
ing an interview… Okay, bye. to stay?
Jonas: I wonder what your mum looks like, do you Pieter-paul: Erm, I don’t know, haven’t thought
have a picture? about it to be honest.
Doris: No, I don’t, certainly not on me so keep wonde- Doris: You get compared to Mister Cobain even more
ring. Next question: Pieter-paul, you trash quite a few now.
guitars on stage… Pieter-paul: Cobain? Who’s that?
Pieter-paul: I haven’t trashed that many though. We Pieter: That guy from Queen?
frequently throw stuff around but usually things can Jonas: Yes, the one with the moustache!
get fixed. Doris: One last question: what’s your worst sexual
Doris: That’s where your paycheque goes… experience?
Pieter-paul: Yes, otherwise I would be a slacker, I Pieter-paul: AIDS
would be on the dole. Pieter and I both made our own Doris: I should have known, yes, that must have been
guitar at Gideon Festival in Groningen last week. hard. Thanks Freddy, Pieter and Jonas. Have fun and
Doris: What? You can build a guitar in one afternoon? fingers crossed the cops are too lazy to come and shut
Pieter: In the afternoon? At 10 o’clock in the mor- you down tonight.
ning, with a massive hangover. But it was great! D-V

playing this summer at…
10 Juli, Wortelkermis, Wortel
17 Juli, Rock Herk, Herk-de-Stad
18 Juli, Kinky Star, Gentse feesten
27 Juli, 7am show at the Charlatan,
Gentse Feesten
19 Aug, Wablief, Pukkelpop
27 Aug, Zandrock, Oostende
11 Sept, Schippersweekend, Lauwe
19 Sept, Breda Barst, Breda
Metal hand

If you‘re into music but way to white to be able to look good while rocking out, then you‘re probably the guy
next to me everyone is making fun of. Sadly I can‘t teach you how to dance. What I can do is give you a simple
manual to show you what to do with your hands during which type of concert, so that at least you won’t look
like a fool while trying to impress a hot chick at the next Fouck Brothers Gig.
This actually applies to girls as well, although if you‘re a hot chick there‘s a whole set of different hand gestures
which we dont have room to put here

Techno hand

Jazz hands
70s Glam hand

Techno hand

Hip Hop hand

Electro hand
After returning from a disappointing Graduate Fa-
shion Show in Antwerp, FUB headed back to Bxhell
to check out that invitation from the Boups to Vert
Pop. Our friends had been waiting outside for the last
couple of hours as the place was packed! On entran-
ce, our nails were painted with a fluro green polish
(Chanel green I‘ve since been told). Nice touch!
We blagged our way into the VIP area, which we were
told “didn’t exist”, to find what looked like a huge
bowl of coke, and about 15 or 20 fucked musicians
& groupies. Of course I was first to dip my finger into
the bowl, only to find out that it was Sherbet and not
Charlie. What a disappointment! Then over to the
bar, which was empty. To be fair it was about 3am and
we had managed to miss most of the DJs & bands.
We had originally planned to interview Nick Zinner
from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but his manager said he
didn’t have 5 minutes.
Technotronics Eric Martin, writer & producer of dou-
ble gold & US platinum selling record, “Pump Up The
Jam”, on the other hand, gladly gave us an exclusi-
ve interview (apparently he never does interviews).
We were told to keep it short & sweet. It’s defiantly
short, but more like saccerine:
ERIC: People in Belgium love house and love dance
music of all kinds. It’s a lot easier to deejay in Belgium
FUB: who the fuck are you? than it is to do shows. DJing seems to be a little more
ERIC: Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you? appreciated. So I am having a good time tonight.
FUB: We’re Fuck You Brussels. FUB: Is this your First time in Brussels?
ERIC: I am Eric from Technotronic. I am one of the ERIC: No, it’s not my first time. My son’s mother is
three original members of Technotronic. Ya Kid K from Technotronic and she lives in Belgium,
Last year we did a world tour to celebrate 20 years in Antwerp. So I always come over for Christmas and
of the record Pump up the jam. Now I am DJing and Easter.
fucking around. FUB: Kids ? That leads me swiftly and conveniently
FUB: DJing is your main thing now? on to my last question. What is your worst sexual ex-
ERIC: It’s not the main thing; it’s one of the things. perience?
One of many. ERIC: My worst sexual experience? Wauwww. Pro-
FUB: Are you still in the studio working on new bably, I slept with this girl that I shouldn’t have and
tracks? when I pulled my dick out, the condom looked like a
ERIC: Always, always. I have just done a couple of wedding ring. It was fucking broken.
albums with Jeff Beck. So I am working all the time. FUB: HA HA HA THATS GENIUS
FUB: So lots of fingers in lots of pies ERIC: It did man, a fucking wedding ring.
ERIC: Yeah yeah, lots of fingers in lots of pies. Spoken
like a true Londoner. After a brief warm-down, it turned out that the Welsh
FUB: What the fuck are you doing in Brussels? Do born DJ and I used to live just round the corner from
you find the crowds good here? each other in Wood Green, London.

Name: Sander Meisner
Sex: Male
Birth: August 18, 1979
Hometown: Amsterdam
Special Ability: Gurning

Sander is a musical ge-
nius, who‘s taste we
trust; So should you! Artist: Holy Ghost
Each month he will be Track: On Board Cover
passing down a snipit Label: DFA Records
of his infinite wisdom. VS: Friendly Fires
The FUCK YOU BRUSSELS Luchador mask can be used for many different occasions such as attracting
bulls, scaring off hippies or simply posing as a mexican.

Unlike most things that the Belgium government do, Mustard Grass (sounds suspiciously like the Mustard
killing gypsies (or “two birds with one stone” as Brus- Gas used in Auschwitz) is being planted throughout
sels councillor Mampaka put it) has been a formula- Brussels. This grass is a thick and leaves no space for
ted, quick and un-bureaucratic process. Lets face it; weeds (or gypsies) to grow between. The government
no one likes the lucky heather sucking, land pirates. it seems is using the term “Greater Biodiversity” as
And we at FUB salute the government for putting the argument for spraying the gas, err, I mean “laying
into affect “Mustard Grass” around parks and green the grass” seeds around the Village.
spaces around Brussels – the intent, keeping the thie-
ving gypsy bastards out of the capital! We liked their plans so much that Fuck You Brussels
talked to the council. We are, currently working in
collaboration with the government on an extermina-
Now some libertarian fucks might think we are going tion plan for hippies. We’re even using hippy adver-
too far with this one, but when you see a delivery boy tisement to fund the project. Now that’s intelligent
getting mugged on his moped for pizza, by a bunch of advertising! Look out for “Hippy Grass” coming soon
fucking soap dodging travellers, then you really need to a park near you!
to re-evaluate your social ideals. D-B

We are not talking about the Gypsys of Romany ori-
gins, this is not a race issue. This is a personal issue of
dodgy mother-fucking pikies who bring no meaning-
ful contribution to society; rape and pillage an area,
then leave. These fucks make Dole bludgers, look like
upstanding citizens. Yet still the cries come for accep-
tance into a society that they actually don’t want to
be a part of.

Belgium only officially recognises 6 religions, so perhaps
creating Shallowism in this country was not the greatest
idea! However, we at FUB are not so close-minded, and took
a world view when hand picking the Worst religions of all
time, in a veritable hit parade of idiot bashing.
Now if you’re a white, fascist, racist, homophobic Tom
Cruise-a-potamus, with an amoeba-sized brain and a pen-
chant for explosives, then look away now, you WILL be of-

Family of Philiponeons deep in prayer

4. The Prince Philip movement
THE Yaohnanen tribe from the island of
Tanna in Vanuatu (that’s a hot place, in
the sea somewhere between Hawaii &
Australia), believe that the bumbling,
racist, fascist & general bitch to Queen
Elizabeth II, is actually a god!
Apparently the legend goes: the pasty
son of a mountain spirit & brother of
5. Mormonism john frum* travelled to distant lands,
When the founder of your religion goes by the almighty name to marry a sugar mommy and would re-
of Joe Smith, then you’ve got to ask questions. Further more, turn with wealth. When hearing of the
when the original book took only 6 weeks to create 500 pages respect given to Lizzy, the people deci-
you would ask yourself: how much thought actually went into ded that her husband Prince “Nazi” Phi-
it? Ok so Kerouac wrote “On the Road” in three days, but he lip must be their god.
wasn’t planning divinity and to be honest, it’s not the greatest Formed in the 50’s, the cult gained reco-
piece of literature ever written. gnition & was encouraged by the Queen’s
There are 14million Mormons in the world today. That’s more visit to the south island. Since then, they
than the entire population of Belgium, that believe the Jaredi- continue to revere Philip with deity re-
tes (commonly mistaken for jews) sailed to America in wooden gard.
submarines, 2000 years before Christ. Now this may not sound bad enough to
In the 1960’s John Lennon, confirmed and expanded on the sto- make the top 5 until you find out that,
ry, by noting that the wooden submarines were in fact yellow. the egocentric fuck, now makes regu-
Wanna be a black Mormon? Better get out that Michael Jack- lar visits to the religion’s leaders & ex-
son makeover case otherwise you aint getting in. “The Negro, changes gifts with the tribe at the Bri-
evidently, is receiving the reward he merits” (Joe smith – doc- tish taxpayers’ expense. No wonder the
trines of salvation). country’s fucked.
“errr… Joe, I’ve just counted we’re a page short for the book” *John Frum or John From was a pasty
“Damn it!...go …with……err….Cheaters never prosper!... but do white WW2 serviceman, from The Sta-
some elaboration on it… make it …..err…ethereal.” tes, who encouraged the tribes people to
Cheaters never prosper? For fucks sake, this guy even uses pri- stick 2 fingers up at the colonial catholic
mary school philosophy for religious text. Apparently Polyga- churches & return to tribal living.
my can make you a god!
Even when they started no one liked Mormons, they were com-
monly burned from 1830 right up to the present day. That’s the
reason they only come in at number 5 on our list.

3. Scientology
Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, a failed sci-fi
writer got so pissed off & skint, because
no one wanted to publish or read his
work, that he created a self-professed
“religion for profit.” Who’d a thunk it
would work?
Using an E-meter (or the leftover bits of
a broken car stereo as I like to call it),
Hubbard extracted the pin numbers
of all his clients/followers, then emp-
tied their bank accounts, leaving them
with the first chapter of a second hand,
1950’s, sci-fi novel.
“Give me your car keys and I’ll send you 2. Islam
the next chapter” Ron heartily laughed. I think we all know why this is in the list. So instead
And so with 10 or more chapters, sci- of insulting this religion, which could end up with a
entology rapes its victims out of their jihad on our asses, we decided to show you a photo of
every last penny. Such a simple idea. Mohammeds previous position as a traveling meat-
Throw technology & some religious text extract sales person. We leave you with a Ross Nobel
together and in the 50’s you were bound link that made us laugh.
to create a stir. watch?v=sOORvpiu4co
Who would fall for such an obvious scam?
Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze, John Tra-
volta, Kristie Alley, Lisa Marie Presley, Bible Bomb, 1998 - Gregory Green
Chaka Khan, and Demi Moore? Yes! Courtesy of Torchgallery, Amsterdam
But this list isn’t too surprising. The-
se guys aren’t exactly the intellectual
crème de la crème.
However, William Burroughs, Leo-
nard Cohen, Charles Manson and Dave
Brubeck? Shame on you!
Christopher Reeve had no chance!
Wheelie bin Superman was rolled into a
dark room for the process of “auditing”
(or mugging as it’s known outside the re-
But don’t worry: the fucking idiots didn’t
get the better of spastic Superman. Of
course he manipulated the “auditors”
1. Christianity
mind with his x-ray vision, quit the re-
Jesus titty fucking Christ! Would you Adam & Eve it?
ligion, and left to save a hot chick from
Well of course Christianity hits the number 1 spot!
a burning building in downtown, Cripo-
Who else has killed as many throughout history?
That’s right, this supposed pacifist religion has inspi-
red leaders around the world, from kings and queens
sending crusades to massacre “less advanced” cul-
tures, right down to just the generally nasty Bush &
Hitler. We all know that if you have god on your side,
then everything’s OK.
Why? All because some fucking hippy went into the
desert for 40 days without food & water, started hal-
lucinating, and returned with delusions of grandeur.
Quelle sur-fucking-prise! I’m like that after a line of
Charlie but the next morning I always come to my
Ask a Christian to explain the Holy Trinity! Ask
them to explain dinosaur bones. Ask them to exp-
lain anything and their “God of Gaps” (see Richard
Dawkings’ The God Delusion) falters at every hurdle.
Somewhere between the Laura Ashley florals & tea-
cakes with cream, lies something very VERY dark
The most technologically advanced piece
of equipment the 1950s have ever seen.
Christianity, you are by far, our number one worst re-
We bring you the e-meter.
ligion of all time.
In order to culturally engage with its inhabitants, the Village
of Brussels hasn’t found any better way than adorning it with,
well, a load of shit. Not the actual dog shit that you see scattered
around this filthy Village, but various forms of visual faeces. And
who pays for it? I know we don‘t! However, if you do happen to
have a real job and pay taxes, then you‘ll be pleased to find out
this is where your money goes!

Firstly, a tourist will quickly spot a national hero on the walls of
Brussels Village: Tintin. While we probably all loved to read the
comic book when we were kids, no one asked for the Village to
become a giant comic strip. Let’s put it this way: who wants to
see Mickey Mouse on every other street corner when they go to
New York? (Ok well if you do, then go back to your Fucking shan-
tytowns, you inbred philistine fuck). It may work with kids, but
Euro Disneyland was built for a reason. First and foremost to spa-
re tacky murals from other cities. Further reading for idiots: if
you look carefully you’ll also find the highbrow art of the Smurfs/
Most of you have enjoyed a few drinks on Place Flagey. Sitting in
the sun and soaking up the last hour or two of summer rays. Well,
actually that’s a lie - the only reason people go there, is to admire
the piss yellow telephone antenna erected in the corner under the
guise of public art (see front cover). Everyone comes to look at it Another fine example of bad public art
in awe and wonders what the hell was going through the head of is the temporary exhibition taking place
the “artist” when he made it. Probably something like: “I know near Louise metro station which con-
how I’ll make this place more friendly and cosy: I’ll put two sticks sists of a bunch of Egyptian-looking sta-
of metal together and cover them with some piss-yellow paint”. tues aligned in a row. It is called “nuest-
It’s yet to be revealed, but this might be an intelligent govern- ros silences” and it sure doesn’t seem to
ment initiative. It may just be that yellow metal antennas have be attracting a lot of noise. Now this “po-
the property to attract hippies, travellers, bums & their shitting werful social message: the need for free-
dogs. And hopefully, once assembled onto the square, they‘ll na- dom of expression” must cut deep into
palm the lot. the blood pump of street artist Bonom,
who, in the same month was arrested
for exactly this expression. But what do
you expect from a Village, Country and
People that run on indecisiveness?
To travel around the city you might want
to use public transport (at your own
risk). That‘s where many other artistic
surprises lurk, just like a sneaky fart
that comes unannounced. Take Porte
de Hal corridors for example: they have
been graced with artworks of metro
trains and “futuristic” cityscapes... Or
Albert, where what looks like a gigantic
stuffed insect welcomes you and might
leave your children with nightmares for
the next decade. In fact, it seems that
the whole Village has a thing for uncan-
ny animals. Yet, whether a pissing dog
on rue des Chartreux or a giant zebra
eating a sandwich at Gare du Midi, they
all seem to lack… purpose?

But to be the honest, the best form of
public art in Brussels lies in the vari-
ous scaffolding and cranes which seem
to blossom on every other street. They
may not be the most aesthetic things
but if they help to destroy the city, we
give ’em the thumbs up.

Now that’s what I call a coalition! Who would have thought that Spider- Bet there would be prob-
From left to right; Churchill, Roo- man would have been the first one to leg lems when Fidel found out
sevelt, Stalin, Vadar. it from the gooks in Nam? Certainly not Batmans true identity! A
me, but here’s the proof. trustafarian with a butler
doesn’t quite hit the com-
munist ideals.

Agan Harahap, illustrator & photographer from Jakarta. D-B

What do you get if you cross a helicopter with a dinosaur? It
sounds like a joke, but the result is possibly the coolest form of
transport ever built! The tricerecopter! Ok so it doesn’t really fly
and is only a sculpture by patricia renick made in 1977. But fuck
me this is brilliant!
We are buying one for the office as soon as we get the cash to-
gether! Damn it more advertising moe!

Writers Editor-in-chief
Photography / Illustrations
FIDEL Hair & Make-up
MASKOT Stylist


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