Eigo Enshu Ted Talk: February 23, 2017

Name: Shiori Yonekura

Topic: Friendship/Why we hate

Scoring out of 5= 5: Excellent 4:Very Good 3:Good 2:OK 1:Needs Improvement

CRITERIA SCORE

Opener (first 30 seconds): Grabs audiences attention with a story, question, etc. (topic is not clear) 5 /5
Clever story used to open up audience to your topic personal stories are
always good

Body (middle 60 seconds): Information is clear, focused, and interesting Your research was a bit 3 /5
unclear, and your Paul Newman quote seems to contradict your message?

Closer (last 30 seconds): wrap up and state your main idea clearly and inspirationally 3 /5
**give us something to think about or some action to take
you didnt clearly tell us what to doonly think about improving ourselves
vague

Vocabulary Usage: Simple, natural, easy to understand. If difficult words are used, the speaker explains them 5 /5
Good! Your word choices were natural and not too obscure
Grammar: Grammar is correct, simple & clear 5 /5
Natural speaking grammarvery easy to follow

Voice Inflection: clear emotion, strong intonation, charisma 4 /5

You spoke effectivelyalthough a bit stiffrelax
Gestures/Eye Contact/Posture: connecting to audience 4 /5
Good gestures and posture, but again, stiffrelax and slowly pace around a bit

ELI5: Speakers speech is easy to understand, speaking slowly, small pauses between phrases 5 /5
Yes! Well doneonly need to clarify the topic a bit more concretely, and sharpen
your closer

Memorized: Speaker doesn't use notes, speaks with confidence and memorization is complete 10 /10
Well done! You were able to engage your audience with a memorized speech

Time: 2:10 Total speaking score: 44 /50

Total writing score: 50 /50

Notes:
Your speaking and presence were marvelous, but I felt your content could use some
improvement. I wasn't entirely sure what your main point was. If we could condense
your speech to one sentence, how would you describe it? If Paul Newman says having
enemies gives you character, why should we follow your advice to get rid of our
enemies? A crucial part of writing is to cut out any parts of our speeches that don't
contribute to our goal. Instead of using this quote, Id like to hear more about what
resulted with your two friends. You said lets get back to the story but didnt explain
what happened in the end. It seems like a missed opportunity.
All told, very impressive speech and focus next time on concise writing.