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this Way In


In this issue, we continue our long-standing tradi-
tion of celebrating Hollywood mavericksthose cou-
rageous, unorthodox, and truly independent-minded
spirits of the industry such as Dennis Hopper, whose well-
earned maverick status spanned his career, from Reb-
el Without a Cause to Easy Rider to Blue Velvet. I dont
want to read about experiences, Hopper told Esquire
(below) in 1970 while filming his cult classic The Last Movie.
I want to have them; you know, go out in the street,

man, get it on. For more great moments from our archives,
go to


36 Editors Letter

39 The Big Bite

This spring, enjoy luxury travel at budget prices;
feast your eyes on stylish statement lighting;
meet the woman stealing the show on Noah
Hawleys trippy new superhero series; and ask
yourself, can you stomach sushi with a side
of politics at Trumps D. C. hotel restaurant?

65 The Code
Prada gives gear a digital edge; Nick Sullivan
advises care less, look better; the Wallabee
steps back into the spotlight; Hermss mens-
wear artistic director tells all; automatic
watches for the people.

82 Unconventional Wisdom
By Dwight Garner
How the occasional well-targeted, slightly
excessive gratuity can change your life.

89 The Mavericks of
Hollywood 2017
Twenty-five men conjuring a brave new era
in entertainment.

134 What Ive Learned

Wit and wisdom from Britains greatest
living painter.

160 My Favorite Thing

Judd Apatow on his multipurpose
ON PAGE 89 Top: BR126 Officer Brown watch ($4,500) by Bell & Ross.

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 2 5
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100 In the Drivers Seat

By A. O. Scott
Two years after taking over The Late Late Show,
James Corden is the new King of the Night.

108 An Uncensored Guide to

Quality Smut
The writers who flirt, seduce, andin spite
of the sniggeringtry to turn their readers on.

114 Stand Out in Camo

Narcos Pedro Pascal is hard to miss in this
seasons sharp new takes on camouflage.

122 This Is the Story of Americas

First Penis Transplant
By Josh Dean
When Tom Manning lost his penis to cancer in
2012, a team of doctors was working on a new
procedure. All they needed was a volunteer.

136 The Passion of Daniel

By Jeff Gordinier
Eleven Madison Park is the best restaurant
in America. So how did Daniel Humm do it?

142 Hard Corps

By Alex French
The Marine Corps says Raheel Siddiqui
committed suicide, but some think more
sinister forces led to his death.

148 Your Airport Security

The belts, bags, shoes, and shades youll want to
travel with this spring.

Fact: Motorcycles hit peak styling in the 70s only to
devolve into hyperaggressive plastic bodywork. BMW
changed all that with its new R nineT Racer. Taking its
design from BMWs Nixon-era R90S superbike, the
retro-inspired sled pairs an air-and-oil-cooled 110-hp
flat-twin-boxer engine with modern tech such as stan-
dard ABS. The resulting ride can rip through back roads PHOTOGRAPHED BY CEDRIC BUCHET FOR ESQUIRE
on weekends but would get a nod of approval from all your Left: Sweatshirt by Dolce & Gabbana. Right: Jacket by Boss;
shirt by Burberry. Produced by Tommy Romersa for Joy
favorite antiheroes. Jon Snyder Asbury Productions. Styling by Matthew Marden. Groom-
ing by Jason Schneidman for Solo Artists. Set design by Bryan
Starting at $15,095; Porter for the Owl and the Elephant.

28 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

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Suit ($3,275)
and shirt ($675)
by Brunello
Cucinelli; sneakers
($70) by Vans.




Does this
dude even have
a job?

3 0 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog ra ph : Doug I ngl i s h

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6 11

23 8

22 13 26

3 18 10

4 16

24 19 14

Editor in Chief
Executive Director of Food and Drinks Editor
Editorial ART
Creative Director Deputy Art Director
Editorial Director Senior Designer
IOUKHNOVETS Design Assistant
Design Director REBECCA IOVAN
6 NICK SULLIVAN Digital Imaging
Fashion Director Specialist
Style Director 20 STACEY PITTMAN
8 JOHN KENNEY Photo Editor
Managing Editor 27
9 KEVIN SINTUMUANG Assistant Photo Editor
Culture and Lifestyle Director FA S H I O N
Articles Editor Market Editor
Editor at Large Fashion Assistant
12 ERIC SULLIVAN Senior Copy Editor
13 ADRIENNE WESTENFELD Associate Copy Editor
Assistant to the Editor RESEARCH
14 JULIA BLACK Research Editor
Assistant Editor 26 KEVIN MCDONNELL
15 TYLER CONFOY Associate Research Editor
Editorial Assistant
Editorial Assistant Our Man

H. RICHARDSON, MIKE SAGER D I G I TA L : MICHAEL MRAZ Director of Content, Hearst Mens Group JOHN HENDRICKSON Deputy Editor MEGAN GREENWELL Executive Features
Editor JONATHAN EVANS Senior Style Editor RENATA SELLITTI Senior Editor, Sponsored Content BEN BOSKOVICH Social Media Editor TYLER COATES Culture Editor MATT MILLER
Associate Culture Editor JACK HOLMES, SARAH RENSE Assistant Editors ELENA HILTON Editorial Assistant, Social Media KEVIN PERALTA Designer SAMMY NICKALLS, PETER WADE
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questions, please visit or write to Esquire, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. Printed in the U. S. A.

3 2 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph: P hi l i p Fr i e dma n


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Senior Vice-President, Publishing Director
& Chief Revenue Officer
JILL MEENAGHAN Associate Publisher/
Group Marketing Director
LAUREN JOHNSON Integrated Advertising Director
SAMANTHA IRWIN General Manager, Hearst Mens Group
DEIRDRE DALY-MARKOWSKI Executive Director, Digital,
Hearst Mens Group
CARYN KESLER Executive Director of Luxury Goods
JOHN WATTIKER Executive Director of Fashion
MARK FIKANY Integrated Automotive Director, Detroit
JUSTIN HARRIS Midwest Director
ANTHONY P. IMPERATO Integrated Account Director, Southwest
SANDY ADAMSKI Southwest Fashion Director
BRIAN KANTOR Account Director & New England
JOE PENNACCHIO Eastern Automotive Sales Director
SARA SCHIANO Integrated Account Director/
BRYCE A. VREDEVOOGD Midwest Account Manager, Detroit
MIA S. KLEIN Digital Sales Manager & Spirits Manager
JOHN V. CIPOLLA Sales Associate
BRETT FICKLER Account Manager
NINA FROST Digital Sales Manager
Athena Media Partners, 415-828-0908
Wisdom Media, 214-526-3800
I TA LY : ALESSANDRO CARACCIOLO, (011) 39-02-6619-3142
MARY JANE BOSCIA, Executive Assistant to the Group Publishing
Director & Business Coordinator JAKE FRIED,
JASON GRAHAM Executive Director, Integrated Marketing
JANA NESBITT GALE Executive Creative Director,
Group MarketingHMG
WILLIAM UPTON Director, Integrated Marketing
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DREW AMER Associate Director, Integrated Marketing
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MICHAEL B. SARPY Art Director, Group Marketing
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ANGELIQUE TYREE Digital Marketing Manager
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PETER DAVIS Research Manager

WILLIAM CARTER Consumer Marketing Director


TERRY GIELLA Advertising Services Manager
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ANDREW M. JOYCE Operations Account Manager
DEIDRA ROBINSON Premedia Account Manager
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3 4 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re ph otog raph: P hi l i p Fr i e dma n

this Way In

viral-video lab that is upsetting the current hierarchy

of the late-night lineup. Cordens charm is broadly in-
fectious. He attracts not only both husband and wife
but, as my two singing daughters have reminded me ev-
er since they saw him play the Baker in Into the Woods,
well, that coveted demographic who live free at home.
That might be exaggerating a little on my part, since
Eliza and Clara are, respectively, eleven and eight.
Nonetheless, Im convinced Cordens Broadway-wor-
thy voice and zaftig charisma are chief among the rea-
sons the two of them know by heart and often reenact
at the dinner table the famous 360-word scene between
his character, whose father stole a handful of legumes
from a witch played by Meryl Streep, and the offend-
ed party, an accomplished gardener who, unlike my
children, loves her vegetables. Greens, greens, noth-
ing but greens, she sings, parsley, pep-
pers, cabbages, and celery. Asparagus and
watercress and fiddleferns and lettuce! F R O M T H E VA U LT

and so on until, a good two minutes lat-

er, she lands on a final string of horticul-
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR tural couplets:

UPSIDE DOWN, ON So theres no more fuss

And theres no more scenes

THE CEILING And my garden thrives

You should see my nectarines!
But Im telling you the same
I tell kings and queens:
Few days go by that I dont steal a few minutes away Dont ever never ever
at my deskalong with millions of other people Mess around with my greens!
around the globeto watch the latest installment of Especially the beans.
Carpool Karaoke. My wife got me hooked more than a
year ago, when I walked into the house one night like When it therefore came time to de-
a man who needed a swig of something strong to stay cide who should be the frontman of this The previous King of
standing. This is even better, she said. Youve got to issueone that unveils a full redesign the Night, David Letterman,
see it! She quickly pulled out her iPhone to cue a video of the magazine, including a larger trim September 1991.
of Rod Stewart and James Corden tooling around L.A. in size and a new logo, inspired by Esquires
a Range Rover with suitably flash white leather interior. classic era but recut to give it a feel for the
Stewart, wearing a louchely knotted kerchief around nownot just any personality would do. We wanted
his neck, appeared to be as yet unaware that this was someone who has an upstart sensibility like our own,
worth his time. Then Corden flipped on the radio and and who, through sheer originality and fearlessness,
The First Cut Is the Deepest began to blare. The next has become a face of the future.
three seconds captured the pick-me-up, endorphin-rush Though more timely than ever, these traits have long
effect a great pop song has on listening ears, as the mu- distinguished Esquire. As far back as 1973, Tom Wolfe,
sic took control and the seventy-year-old gamely sang a longtime contributor, remarked admirably on the
along with his thirty-six-year-old voice, transported sheets perverse streak, which keeps their readers and
from the monotony of the road to that air-stage many their critics off-balance, adding that if such-and-such
of us have played in front of a totally packed stadium. is the right thing to do . . . so . . . lets do something upside
What about Carnac
In between tracks, Corden helped Stewart locate a down on the ceiling! the Magnificent?
few debauched memories. The fertilizer mix weve put together for your brain He would have been great
Whats the most rock n roll experience of your this month includes topics like the art of bribery (timed on Snapchat.
life? Corden asked. to a Trump administration); the most polarizing restau-
Oh, I dont know, mate, Stewart said with a sly rateur in the country, whom leftist gastronome An-
smile. Theres been so many . . . just drinkin and shag- thony Bourdain holds in utter contempt; camo style;
gin, and a-drinkin and a-shaggin, basically. Judd Apatows workout secret; the firstget ready to
illustration: Danilo Agutoli

From then on, I was hooked. I confess to watching wincesuccessful penis-transplant surgery in Amer-
even the one with Lady Gaga. Madonna, too. ica; and, timed to the release of the most unanticipat-
If this surprises you, it shouldnt. As A. O. Scotts ab- ed movie among men in decades (Fifty Shades Darker),
sorbing profile of Corden points out, theres good rea- an uncensored guide to the sexiest prose ever written
son this unlikely bloke without any former talk-show aboutto borrow a phrase from Sir Rodshaggin.
training has turned a post-midnight time slot tradi-
tionally watched by potheads and college kids into a Jay F I E L D E N

3 6 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog ra ph : A l exe i H ay

NORDSTROM.COM 1.888.282.6060


the Big Bite A Cultural Guide to Just Enough of Everything


Vacationing in between seasons
can mean luxe for a lot less
By Sara Clemence
I used to take pride in being a crafty budget traveler
booking a seat on the overnight train instead of a
hotel room, that kind of thing. But grown-up me really
likes clean pillows. Now the ultimate victory is paying
three-star prices for a five-star triplike my recent
stay at Sheen Falls Lodge in Ireland, a stately old place
where I could do things my younger self thought only
guys with G6s did, like hawking. Really. Like getting a
bird to hunt for you. Crazy. Your time off should be bet-
ter than real life, right? For a taste of the rarefied, I paid
about $180 a night.
How? I went during whats called shoulder season
those weeks between high and low when the weathers Talk about
still fine and there are fewer tourists but its not so going
empty that it feels like the badlands of Westworld. granular.
On top of that, the dollar hit a 14-year high at the
end of 2016, making many international destinations
cheaper for Americans. So if youre thrifty but have a
jet-setters heart, its time to listen to it. Here are five
places to explore that will make you feel like youve
hacked the system.

p hot o g ra p h : Hen r i k Pu rienne Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 3 9

the Big Bite

1. Empire Diaries E s k y Wisdom
Marrakech With its skyline of spires,
Budapest has the ma-
Shop the Kasbah jestic air of a Bond-film
In the 60s, Marrakechs location. Indulge your
mystique drew the likes cultured side with seats
of Yves Saint Laurent at the Hungarian State
and the Rolling Stones. Opera (for as little as $2)
Today, its easy to live and a meal at a Miche-
like bohemian aristoc- lin-starred restaurant
racy, bedding down in a (at Tanti, a three-course
posh riad or wandering dinner is $40). The regret of not buying
the souks. The Big Steal: Lszl something you had
The Big Steal: Every- Vass has been hand- your eye on when in a BUDAPEST
one is amazed at the Old making highly coveted foreign country is Contemplate last nights opera at the Szechenyi Baths
World skill sets that still classic shoes since the equal to the time youll (above). A dish at Tanti (below).
exist in the Moroccan 70s. A bespoke pair in waste back home
artist community, says calf leather will set you scouring Alibaba for it.
Michael Diamond, a Mo- back about $700a lot,
rocco expert at Heritage but still half the price of
Tours Private Travel who ready-made John Lobbs.
sends guests to buy intri- The Stay: The Four
cate custom-made lamps Seasons Hotel Gresham
for less than half of what Palace actually was a
theyd cost back home. palace. In April, rooms
The Stay: Riad de Tar- start at around $300.
abel, in the old city, is
small but refined. During
the slower season (June to
September), rooms start

at less than $200 a night.
among the best in the

Bangkok world, a two-hour Thai

massage costs just $125.
Serenity in Chaos The Stay: The apart-
Amid the canals, tem- mentlike quarters in the
ples, and markets, the just-opened 137 Pillars
city has an upscale Suites & Residences
sidejust check out all Bangkok are contempo-
the luxury hotels. But rary but homey. In April,
you dont have to pay a studio is available for
dearly for meals. Bang- less than $170 a night; a
kok is a top street-food two-bedroom suite runs
city, so you can feast on around $300.
curry, noodles, and more

for a few dollars a pop.
The Big Steal: Head
to a five-star hotel for
a massage. Even at the Los Cabos
Mandarin Orientals spa, The Shore Thing
The tip of the Baja Pen-
insula has gorgeous
desert-meets-sea scen-
ery, plus a split personal-
ity. Cabo San Lucas is the
touristy party town; San
Where theres a find Jos del Cabo is a mellow
around every corner. A Bangkok tuk tuk is enter- cobblestoned village.
tainment and transport in one. Between Cont inued

40 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re
the Big Bite

Cont inued them lies ENEMY MINE

miles and miles of ritzy CABO SAN LUCAS
beach resorts. Charter a boat and take TRUMPS RIGHT
to the water.
The Big Steal: Cabos
waters are so packed with
tuna, marlin, and other ALT-RIGHT HAND
fun-to-catch fish that its
considered one of the

great sport-fishing desti-
nations. You can score a
full-day four-guest char-
ter for around $500.
The Stay: Hotel El
Ganzo is like a cross
between Ace Hotel and
a beach club in one of the
Official title: Official title:
areas few swimmable Chief of staff Chief strategist and
stretches and rooms that senior counselor
start at just $240 a night
this spring. Unofficial title: Unofficial title:
Mr. Switzerland The Leni Riefenstahl
(per Trump) of the Tea Party
(per Andrew Breitbart)

Rsum: Rsum:
Chair of Wisconsin Naval officer, investment
CARTAGENA Republican party, banker, Breitbart executive,
A crab cake and claws at RNC chair Trump campaign CEO
Carmen (above). Local color
in the streets (left). Personal life: Personal life:
Married to high school Divorced three times,
sweetheart contentiously

Style icon: Style icon:

Alex P. Keaton Nick Nolte

Bitch-slap the
Broaden the GOP base
Republican party

Motto: Motto:
I havent started pouring Honey Badger dont
Baileys in my cereal yet. give a shit.

5. The Big Steal: Eat

Cartagena and drink in elegant

yet modern spots. The
Colonial Chic seven-course tasting
Forget everything youve menu at the seafood-
seen on Narcos. This so- focused Carmen, one of
phisticated Colombian the finest restaurants in
port city still feels like a the city, rings in at $65.
find despite the influx of The mojitos at El Coro
jet-setters. During the Lounge Bar are legend-
The Lexus of boats: Were not joking. This impossibly luxurious sea-
day, roam streets lined ary (and inexpensive).
craft is the recently unveiled Lexus Sport Yacht, which is powered
with candy-colored The Stay: In May, the by two of the same V-8 engines found in the marques RC F coupe. The
mansions that have door high-ceilinged white- exterior is made from carbon-fiber-reinforced plastic, just like its sports-
knockers as big as ket- on-white rooms at the car brethren. Its a one-off concept (meaning its not for sale), but parent
tlebells. At night, hit a petite Casablanca start company Toyota does manufacture boats, so seeing your next Bond villain
live-music joint. at around $200 a night. in one isnt a complete maritime fantasy.

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 41
the Big Bite


This years coolest statement
lamp brings your space to life
whether its on or off
So youve been wanting
to give your digs a more
unbuttoned vibe, and youve
already added bits of rough-
hewn wood, played up patinated
metals, used earthy textiles. But
something feels off. What gives?
Our guess is the problem
isnt your decorits your
lighting. Heres a universal
truth of design: No matter how
beautiful the objects in your
space may be, only light and
shadow can pull it all together.
Which is why Floss Serena,
available stateside this
month, is so transformative.
Sure, this energy-efficient
table lamp is sculpturesque.
(Designer Patricia Urquiola
intended to evoke a pistilso,
yeah, the female sexual organ
of flora.) But its true crib-
enhancing power lies in how it
spreads and focuses light. The
reflector has two positions:
upright for a broad mellow
wash or angled downward for
a focused yet graceful beam
that you can dim. Reflectors
come in black, aluminum, or
copper (as shown). Which one
to get? Dont sweat it. Like the
soft, unifying light the lamp
brings to a space, your choice
of color is largely immaterial.


42 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph: P hi l i p Fr i e dma n



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Left to Right: Patterned Ring in Sterling Silver $400, Woven Leather Bracelet $175, Patterned Cuff
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the Big Bite


A new wave of independent,
eclectic Internet-only
RADIO STATIONS are the best
source for great music
By Ben Ratliff
Some of the best listening experiences Ive had
in the past weeks and years have come from the
English radio station NTS. Every morning, I go to nts
.live, look at the set lists from the previous days
archived programs, and take in the wisest and most
unruly of them, podcast-style, throughout the day. (Cer-
tainly you can listen live, on your computer or Sonos want to know what youre comfortable with or what
or your phone. I prefer the Christmas-stocking effect.) mood youre in, and they dont care. Theyre not main-
This is not commercial AM/FM or satellite radio, nor stream, and theyre not specialty. They are informed
is it a corporate loss leader like Apples Beats 1. It is on a hundred fronts at once.
shoestring, free-form Internet-only radio, mixed in A sample of recent NTS highlights: a full hour of
the moment by human beings. the grime MC Jendor, freestyling over blastingly hard
I am partial to NTS, based in London, but I also pay UK dance music chosen by the DJs Blackwax and
attention to the Lot, in Brooklyn; Red Light Radio, in Lost Japan on the Circadian Rhythms show; Lorraine
Amsterdam; and the oldest of the bunch, Dublab, in Petels trawl through 30 years worth of enraged hard-
Los Angeles, which started in 1999. These stations are core punk the day after the presidential election on
both globalthey reach everywhere at onceand her show, Yesterdays News; and the glorious Opera
local. Collectively, they are the most effective coun- Show, programmed monthly by the musician and
terforce I know to the onslaught of streaming-service scholar Hannah Catherine Jones, whose November
algorithms and managed listener passivity. They dont 29 broadcast connected music by the C o n t i n u e d

46 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re illu stratio n : Ma u L e nc i na s

Jim Beam Black Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 43% Alc./Vol. 2017 James B. Bea Distilling Co., Clermont, KY
All trademarks are the property of their respective owners.
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Breitling reinvents the connected watch firmly geared towards performance. Every inch an instrument of the future,
the Exospace B55 multifunction electronic chronograph pushes the boundaries of comfort, ergonomics and efficiency.
The titanium case of this compendium of innovations houses an exclusive SuperQuartzTM caliber chronometer-certified
by the COSC and featuring a range of original functions tailor-made for pilots and men of action. Welcome to the
world of precision, feats and high-tech sophistication. Welcome to the vanguard of instruments for professionals.
the Big Bite

Continued recently departed Pauline Oliveros with

that of Verdi, Strauss, Lauryn Hill, Billie Holiday,
Philip Glass, and Shostakovich. My kind of woman.
NTS, now five years old, is based out of an open-
front studio in Hackney, set among a Somali social
club and a barbershop. It can be understood as an out-
growth of Londons pirate-radio tradition and the
accessible version of free-
form radio practiced by
Five of the Best BBC 6though with sat-
Internet radio shows to ellite studios in Manches-
stream now ter, Shanghai, and Los
1. Bradley Zero Presents: Angeles, its perhaps no
Rhythm Section (new longer strictly a London
and old grooves) thing, or even an English
2. Radio Fenriz thing.
(extreme metal) NTSs unpaid DJs arent MUSIC
radio people per se and
3. Strange Sounds from
Beyond (ambient, disco, dont hew to any house KEEPING IT WEIRD
film soundtracks) style; some barely talk on the mic at all. They may be WAYNE COYNE ON THE FLAMING LIPS
4. The Banana Question musicians or producers or LATEST ALBUM, MILEY CYRUS, AND HIS ODD
(electric funk, 70s biker club DJs or just highly dis- READING HABITS
metal) cerning weirdos. Funded
5. Look Both Ways by merchandise, pub- Being a Flaming Lips fan can be exasperating.
(soulful dance tracks) lic events, and some gov- For every transcendent live show, pioneering pop ernment grant money, song (She Dont Use Jelly, Do You Realize?), and
which helps cover the cost instant-classic album (The Soft Bulletin, Yoshimi Bat-
of online licensing, NTS tles the Pink Robots), you have to indulge the odd detour
has a monthly listenership thats risen to half a million, (With a Little Help from My Fwends, anyone?). Fortu-
though it doesnt seem outwardly concerned with mar- nately, the bands newest album, Oczy Mlody, falls into
ket growth. the instant-classic category. But this being the Flam-
The Lot, run by Franois Vaxelaire, a Belgian trans- ing Lips, they took the, um, scenic route to get there.
plant to Brooklyn, has the most distinctive physical Miley Cyrus worked In 2015, they collaborated with Miley Cyrus on
with the Flaming Lips Wayne
presence. Inspired by NTSas well as Red Light Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz. Which, predictably,
Coyne on Oczy Mlody.
Vaxelaire rented an empty triangular lot in Green- didnt go over too well with longtime fans. But front-
point in 2015 and installed a shipping container just man Wayne Coyne says working with Cyrus, who also
big enough for a coffee kiosk and a radio studio; a appears on Oczy Mlody, gave the Lips just the creative
school bus parked next to it features caf-style seating jolt they needed. Any-
and three speakers for listening to the broadcast. (Like body that wants to put
Clock it in: The smooth-sounding, bedside-
NTSs, the Lots musical range is wide, if a bit more friendly Como Audio Solo has six Internet- Miley down, theyre just
dance-oriented.) When I stopped by one night in De- radio presets so that you can avoid pulling out not trying, Coyne says.
cember, the omnivorous musician Sinkane was nearing your phone to stream music in bedyou know Theyre not listening.
the end of his monthly show, playing a Bobbi Humphrey thatll just lead to Facebook-induced insomnia. He found the title for
flute-funk record and saying hello to a stream of friends. $299; the album while read-
The Lot is cool but seeks to ing a Polish translation of
be normal: not a rootless im- Erskine Caldwells 1962
primatur of avant-gardism in novel, Close to Home,
the cybersphere but a locus during breaks in the re-
for neighborhood parents cording sessions. Coyne,
and priests from the church by the way, does not
across the street. I wanted speak Polish. But, he says,
the place to be public, and the rhythm and cadence
more than that, for people to of the unknown words
feel unimpressed by the proj- opened his mind and
ect, Vaxelaire says. Hes ap- pushed his songwriting
plied for nonprofit status, in a new direction. We
isnt looking for advertis- stumbled onto something
ing, and wouldnt tell me his and thought, This is a re-
numbers. Its organic or noth- ally cool vibe, Coyne says.
ing, and hes ready to wait for And that vibe spurred
the audience to come to him. us, right from the very
I suspect it will. first track. Jeff Slate

5 0 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re

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the Big Bite

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5 2 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph: P hi l i p Fr i e dma n

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the Big Bite


Before she became the More Fascinating
superhumanly guarded Syd
Than Fiction
Barrett on Legion (2017) . . .
Two new documentary
offerings break the
In PBSs five-part Nature
miniseries Spy in the Wild,
camera-equipped robot
creatures are sent into
various habitats to interact
. . . Keller played with their living-and-
seductive crime-family breathing kin. The result
TV scion Simone Gerhardt on is a level of up-close-and-
FXs Fargo (2015) . . . personal access that even
KELLER INSTINCT Planet Earth cant promise
and endlessly entertaining
third-party footage of animals
FARGO CREATOR NOAH HAWLEY sniffing and engaging with
MOST TALKED-ABOUT NEW SERIES doppelgngers. Stoner nature
enthusiasts, set your DVRs!
Its not until the second episode of Legion, FXs
trippy new superhero series, that you can expect to . . . and a possessed Sister
Mathias on The CWs
get your feetor at least a few toeson the ground. Supernatural (2015).
And thats no accident: Its all part of creator Noah
Hawleys plan to have your experience mirror that of
his bewildered protagonist as he discovers that what Day-Glo-tripper: Triboro Designs
he thought was schizophrenia might actually be a Wrong Color Subway Mapavailable in RGB
superpower. Its a leap of faith made much easier by and CMY (seen here)may be slightly more
the presence of Rachel Kellers Syd Barrett, a young geographically accurate than the famously
woman with a set of supernatural intimacy issues (lets distorted official one. But mainly its way cooler.
just say shes got a magic touch) and an inconvenient $180; Too often, documentaries
attraction to the title character. Hawley first cast the that take on the darkest
Minnesota native on Fargo when she was just a year topics are demoralizing
out of college, appreciating how grounded and real at best and exploitative at
worst. Without skirting the
she is while still having a glamour to her. Since then,
issue, the Jessica Chastain
hes come to rely on her as a creative collaborator. The narrated I Am Jane Doe
story is loosely based on a character from the X-Men (now playing in select
universe, but Syd herselfbeyond the Pink Floyd ref- cities) upends the familiar
erenceis made from scratch. Thats given Keller an narrative surrounding child
enormous amount of leeway in defining Syd, from her sex trafficking to become a
Brigitte Bardotinspired look to her Bollywood dance gripping legal thriller. The film
moves. (We told you the show was trippy.) Because of follows a scrappy coalition
her powers, Keller says, Syd still doesnt have a safe of families, politicians, and
space to express herself. She sees her chronically small-time lawyers as they
take the multimillion-dollar
suppressed character as a metaphor for untapped
corporation behind the
female potential. All the women in my life have Craigslist of prostitution to
moments when they feel completely trapped, she the Supreme Court in a case
says. I dont know that [the world has] seen women that questions where First
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the Big Bite



The sushi joint in TRUMPS D. C. hotel comes with a side of politics
By Jeff Gordinier
5 6 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph : Jeffrey We st brook
Nakazawa is the most controversial new restau- Borgognone offered a variety of points in his
rant that will open in the United States of Amer- defense. He said that revenue had not slipped even
ica in 2017. slightly at his two best-known properties in New York,
Had it arrived two years ago, with the same sushi, Sushi Nakazawa and his upscale revival of Chumleys,
in the same placethe grand Old Post Office build- the literary-progressive landmark in the West Village.
ing on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D. C. He described himself as a registered Democrat whos
you can be sure that tantalizing pictures of chef Daisuke socially liberal, fiscally conservative and a believer
Nakazawas hay-smoked skipjack and still-alive-and- E s k y Wisdom in climate changealthough it became clear over
wriggling tiger shrimp would have graced the Instagram the course of two hours that he is no hater of Trump
feeds of every food-media mandarin in the country. (I dont think hes as stupid as everybody says). He
After all, the restaurants New York City forerun- noted that his business partner is an immigrant from
ner, Sushi Nakazawa, received a rare four stars from Japan and his own parents are immigrants from Italy.
The New York Times in 2013. This is nigiri at its most He winningly let it slip that Sushi Nakazawa had once
exciting and exquisite. failed to provide a seat for Ted Cruz, even after receiv-
Instead, Nakazawa and the streetwise 36-year-old ing four beseeching calls from the thenpresidential
entrepreneur behind it, Alessandro Borgognone, candidates team.
might just get the silent treatment from more than a We didnt turn him
few gastro-influencers. Sushi lover and gonzo food sage Acceptable: a down because he was Ted
Anthony Bourdain has already declared that he plans to manhattan in a rocks Cruz, Borgognone con- The Best Secret
boycott the place; he has a low opinion of Borgognone. glass. (No ice.) tinued. We turned him Sandwich in Our
I will never eat in his restaurant, Bourdain told the Iffy: a martini in down because we had Nations Capital
blog Eater at the end of 2016. I have utter contempt a rocks glass. no space. See? Its just Please dont Instagram
for him, utter and complete contempt. Nope: an appletini business. this funky deep-fried
There is a reason for this vitriol: Borgognone and his in any glass. But as those who have goodness on a bun
team have leased the space for Nakazawa from none absorbed the timeless
other than Donald J. Trump. Trumps company took lessons of The Godfather
over the post office in 2013 and announced plans to know, business is never
convert it into a luxury hotel (pictured below right). It just business. Even the
was originally supposed to house restaurants by chefs simplest transaction
Jos Andrs and Geoffrey Zakarian, but they backed I love sushi! getting a drink at your
out after Trump gave his presidential campaign a back- I get it favorite bar, filling your
alley injection of toxic juice by categorizing Mexicans well-done! tank at your preferred
as rapists. Lawsuits started flying back and forth. Into gas stationsignifies a
this hostile breach swept Borgognone, who, on the face world of relationships
of it, did only what businessmen have done since the and values. (During our
dawn of time: He saw an opportunity and he grabbed conversation, Borgog- Theyre not going to tell
it. (That said, Nakazawa will appear in a different part none flashed a literary you about it, so we will. Go
to the Dabney in Washington,
of the building from where the other restaurants would reference that seemed
D. C., befriend the server,
have been. We didnt want sloppy seconds, Borgog- to undermine his own order a drink. Get some
none told me.) In doing so, he has guaranteed that hell line of defense: Machi- oysters, the quail, the pork-
be taking a whole lot of shit for a long time. avelli once said you cant belly biscuit. Let them know
I met with Borgognone right after Christmas, inter- be neutral. You cant be you mean business. Once that
ested to hear how he was faring. The curious case of Mr. in the middle. When it has been established, ask
Nakazawa Goes to Washington struck me as a prime comes down to it, you quietly, politelyabout the
example of how political allegiances can affect (and have to pick a side.) In fried pheasant sandwich. It
infect) the optics in this wildly divisive age of Trump. defending the entrepre- does not appear on the menu,
The guy must have known that his saying yes after neurial prerogative, he because if it did, people
A RAW NERVE might order too many, too
Andrs and Zakarian said no would generate a fair sounds like no one so
The food at Alessandro often, and that could send
amount of blowback, but he still seemed surprised that much as his landlord, the kitchen into a tailspin
Borgognones Nakazawa
the move couldnt be accepted as a fundamental entre- may be sublime, but the 45th president of the and blind customers to
preneurial transaction. You cant fault a businessper- can you stomach the Trump United Statesa man Virginia-bred chef Jeremiah
son, he said. Our decision was based on that. If people affiliation? who, we should point out, Langhornes full range
dont walk in and were dead, then it was a bad business doesnt seem to have the you should eat as much of
decision. Im man enough to live with that. We didnt stomach for raw fish. The his cooking as you can. But
have a political agenda. We didnt want to kiss Trumps I will never old political duality boiled save room for this sandwich,
eat in his
ass. We fell in love with the building. restaurant. down to the tedious intri- which will be surreptitiously
He dismissed Bourdain as a glorified line cook on cacies of right versus left. slipped in front of you, crispy
nubs of game bird (like the
CNN who, in spite of his travels around the world, has The blunt new national
McNuggets of the gods)
basically learned nothing. The two have never met, ethos? Get it while you glistening with sweet sorghum
but, naturally, they share a New York mode of conver- can. What used to be syrup and stuffed into a
sational combativeness. Having contempt for someone known as a Faustian bar- featherweight bun. Dont say
you dont know is pretty childish to me, he went on. gain is starting to look like a word. Youll want to keep it
I wouldnt say it hurts because he doesnt know me. the art of the deal. to yourself. J. G.

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 5 7
the Big Bite

A Revolutionary
Artist Joins
the Bauhaus
Los Angeles celebrates
Lszl Moholy-Nagy

Brush up on your
fellas . . .


Long before a thousand

gallery poseurs rendered ET TU, MURRAY?
the term meaningless,
an interdisciplinary artist. MUSICAL: FUNNY WITH A CHANCE OF JAZZ HANDS
Designing, he once wrote,
is not a profession but an Stephen Sondheim once considered adapting
attitude. But he created so
the 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day into
much work across so many
different mediums that his
a musical. Ultimately, he decided it could not be
reputation can sometimes improvedan opinion that Danny Rubin, who adapted
seem muddled, as though hes his own screenplay for the London production now
some kind of Bauhaus B-lister headed to Broadway, chose to ignore.
compared with peers like A modest hit when it first came out, Groundhog
Kandinsky and Klee. Day has, like the titular rodent, burrowed deeply into
Future Present, Moholy- American culture. It turned up on AFIs list of the
Nagys first major American greatest film comedies (number 34, after Chaplins
retrospective in 50 years, Modern Times) and among Bergman and Buuel in a
shatters this misconception.
MoMA film series on faith. Forget whether it could be
The show, which opens on
February 12 at the Los Angeles
improvedjust trying to re-create the magic of the
County Museum of Art, original would be risky. My mantra the whole way
assembles almost 300 works through was Dont fuck this up, Rubin says. Which is
across the pathbreaking artists why he decided to spend two years working with com-
career. Its highpoint is Room Knives out: How do you make something as poser Tim Minchin and director Matthew Warchus
of the Presenta dazzling iconic as the Swiss Army knife better? By giving it before bringing in a producer.
walk-in installation designed in an ergonomic curve. Now you can open the blade
I wasnt proprietary, Rubin says of their collabora-
1930 but never built in Moholy- without using your fingernail. Made by Swiss com-
pany Malvaux, the knife features a handle milled tion. I took the best ideas from everybody. And there
Nagys lifetime. are a couple of lines that made it in the end that, I dont
Steven Heyman from aluminum, so it has a substantial heft that
you wont find with the classics plastic shell. Alas, know for a fact who wrote them, Bill or Harold, but they
it doesnt have a toothpick, but whoever used the felt Bill-like. (Murrays line I wish we could all live
toothpick? $245; in the mountains, at high altitude was an inside joke
about Rubin, who had just
moved to Santa Fe.)
In its five-star review,
E s k y Wisdom the London Telegraph said
Did you know? the show was an instant
Danny Rubin started his career as a screenwriter classicand could be
by making a list of movie ideas. Number 10 better than the movie.
became Groundhog Day. Number 8 was titled Good thing nobody lis-
We Love Our Idiots. The plot? An idiot is tened to Sondheim.
elected president. Ash Carter

5 8 March 2 0 1 7 _ E squ ire illu stratio n : Ke l s ey D a ke

I spy, with my little eye,
something beginning with S.
Who knows what youll see in the backup camera1 of your new 2017 Corolla, but thats
kind of the point, isnt it? Thats why it comes standard, along with Toyota Safety Sense P.2
Because, even though you might see almost anything, one thing we think you should
definitely see is safety. How many things can you spy that start with the letter S? Toyota Safety Sense Standard

Prototype shown with options. Production model may vary. 1. The backup camera does not provide a comprehensive view of the rear area of the vehicle. You should also look around outside your
vehicle and use your mirrors to confirm rearward clearance. Environmental conditions may limit effectiveness and view may become obscured. See Owners Manual for details. 2. Drivers should always
be responsible for their own safe driving. Please always pay attention to your surroundings and drive safely. Depending on the conditions of roads, vehicles, weather, etc., the system(s) may not work
as intended. See Owners Manual for details. 2016 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.
the Big Bite


Turn your living room into a CINEMA with a PROJECTOR, and leave your puny
screens to Snapchat By Kevin Sintumuang

Is there anything as meta as watching Black Mir-

ror on your phone? For the uninitiated, its a Netflix
show about a not-so-distant dystopian future in which
technology, as wondrous as it is (the title refers to lifes
ever-present screens, like the one in your pocket), can
subject us to subpar human experiences. Our problem
is trivial compared with what the characters on Black
Mirror grapple withcan artificial intelligence pro-
vide love?but it still sucks: Binge-watching anything
on a screen small enough to fit into your backpack eats
away at our humanity, dammit. Cont inued

6 0 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph : Rowe na Wa a c k


the Big Bite

Continued There are more TV shows and movies

to absorb than ever, yet weve never been more time-
strapped as a society, so we end up watching things on
our phones during the commute, on our computers
at the office, on our iPads before bed. Were always in
the thick of some kind of video, but were never fully
engrossed. Fine for Snapchats or Facebook videos,
but anything longer than 22 minutes deserves more
attentionand real estate.
The antidote to small-screen-itis? Go big by getting
a projector for your home.
You may be thinking, My 65-inch TV is plenty huge.
Im here to tell you: Not really. Many of us have our faces
buried in large high-resolution screens at work; coming
home to a marginally bigger one isnt a game changer.
Truth: I gave away my traditional TV more than seven
years ago, got a projector that creates a 120-inch image
(many go bigger), and never looked back. You know that
feeling you have in a movie theater where its just you,
the darkness, and the Death Star blowing up (when will TV
they patch up that tunnel)? Thats what its like at home
now, except the popcorn doesnt cost $12. The world MY FIRST RIDE:
around you melts away and youre transported for an
hour or twoassuming youre not live-tweeting. You T-PAIN
just cant get that from a 65-incher.
The latest projectors dont need much distance to IN WHICH THE RAPPER LEARNS ABOUT FUEL
cast a big screen. The short-throw LG PF1000U, in PUMPS THE HARD WAY
fact, can create a 100-inch image when positioned
only 15 inches away from your wall. Place it on a cre- I was turning 16. I had just gotten my learners
denza and youre done. Others can be ceiling-mounted permit, so I was driving my dads Suburban
or simply set on a shelf on the opposite side of the around, but he wouldnt let me go out in it at night.
room. Many are equipped with wireless HDMIor So I bought our next-door neighbors first-generation
you can buy a separate wireless transmitterso your Ford Taurus for $300.
clunky cable box or Apple TV can be tucked away else- It was shit gray. I added tons of stuff to it: a new ste-
where. Although they work best in darker rooms, a reo system; strobe lights, which were not meant to be
number of new models do just fine in brighter envi- in a car; and TVs, because that was the new thing to
ronments. You can buy screens that descend from the do. It was pretty experimental.
ceiling, or special paint for your wall, but if the wall is The fuel pump started acting up once. A lot of peo-
white, youre all set. E s k y Wisdom ple were telling me I needed somebody to repair it. I
Thats the real advantage of projectors: When Q: Are there any tricks was like, Well, it sounds pretty simple to fix. I went
to convince my wife to
theyre off, theyre gone. There isnt a black void star- under the car to remove it and went into the house to
ing you down, saying: Give me life, human. When watch what I want to get the new one. When I came back, the car was on
watch on Netflix tonight?
theyre not in use, you get your living room back to, I fire. I dont know how it happened. I mean, it was a hot
dunno, read a book or a magazine. Because if theres A: No. Learn to love day, so that didnt help. I put the fire out.
one safe space in our screen-filled dystopian present, Gilmore Girls. Thats what actually got me into cars, seeing how
shouldnt it be the couch? everything worked. From then on, I started pay-
ing a lot more attention
to what I was doing. I
BEAM ME UP: 3 PROJECTORS TO GO BIG ON learned that there were
three bolts right next to
the battery, and if you
touched two of the bolts
together, you could crank
it up from the outside.
I used to lose my keys a
lot, so I would just start
it from under the hood.
As told to Tyler Confoy

T-Pain is a host of the

The compact BenQ W1070 delivers Short on space? Get the LG The intense colors and rich blacks
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6 2 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re


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In the past, rain jack-
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p hot o g ra p h : C l m ent Pa s c a l Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 6 5

the Code: the NIck

True style is about TIMESHARE
around the edges The list of watches
I covet far outstrips my
budget. Fortunately, Eleven
At Esquire we often
James lets you borrow what
use reference photos
you cant buy outright. For
from the past as guide- a minimum monthly outlay
posts in our attempt to of $149, subscribers can
define dressing well. In wear the Rolex or Audemars
these candid moments, Piguet of their dreams (or
movie stars and rock in my dreams: the Jaeger-
gods are shot casually LeCoultre Memovox Tribute
in their own clothes. No to Deep Sea). Later, ship it
stylist cajoled a subject back, check it off your list,
and wait for the next gem
into wearing the latest
to arrive at your door.
label or poked a shirt
collar into place. What
you see is unalloyed per-
sonal style.
Not so these days,
when theres an over-
whelming temptation to waistband. A tie clip
preen ourselves to per- was anathema. The knot O F F- C E N T E R
fection. The explosion of would skew an inch to ELVIS COSTELLO
street-style photography the side, exposing the top APPRECIATED SUBTLE
has only exacerbated button of his shirt. Shirt IMPERFECTION. IN
that urge, causing an collars showed signs of SLEEVES, CROOKED
epidemic of men trying fraying; one collar point COLLAR, AND SLAPDASH
to selfie their way to sar- refused to lie flat. His
torial nirvana, one pre- clothes were of the best
cisely cuffed pant leg and pedigree, but the person-
puffed pocket square at ality was all his own.
a time. It takes a while to dis-
A former colleague of cover that dressing well
mine was always a stick- does not demand perfec-
ler for a navy Savile Row tion. Instead, get the in-
portrait illustration: Joe McKendry

suit, light-blue shirt, and gredients right and learn

plain navy tiethe pic- to let things go (even if M A K E YO U R S E L F
ture of reserved mini- you do so on purpose). C O M FO R TA B L E
malism. Sharp. But he Looking great while LEFT: YOUR COLLAR MAY
also made sure things looking like you dont ITS OKAY TO IGNORE
didnt look too perfect. give a monkeys about it THEM. ABOVE: WEAR AND
The ends of his tie hung is the ideal to which we TEAR ADDS CHARACTER,
loose and separate, and should all aspire. THAT SPORT COAT.
they never, ever hit his Nick Sullivan

6 6 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re illu strat io n s : Ul i Knr ze r

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the Code: Trending

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Spare, graphic, and a little
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the Code: the Steal


SMOOTH MOVE Jacket ($595), shirt ($99),

trousers ($168), loafers
($235), and pocket square
($60) by Michael Bastian
MICHAEL BASTIAN debuts a new line Gray Label; belt by
Michael Bastian. On her:
Sweater and shorts by
Michael Bastian.

Michael Bastians to make stuff you actu-

namesake collection ally see people wearing
landed like a bomb ten on the street, he says.
years ago. Here were the That was new for me.
clothes wed always Its about to get a lot
wanted: rakishness and more familiar. His new
all-American classicism collection, Gray Label,
combined for a Holden offers the Bastian look
CaulfieldmeetsDon at a gentler price point
Draper effect. You could (between $79 and $899).
wear them right away The chambray shirts,
without leaving your unlined blazers, and slim
comfort zone. trousers should become
That is, if you had the office staples, but there
means. A luxury label are casual pieces
like Michael Bastian graphic polos, clean-cut
came with a luxury price cargo pantsthat will
tag, which shut out a lot take you right into the
of prospective custom- weekend. Make them the
ers. So Bastian cracked backbone of your ward-
the door a little wider, robe and itll be that
collaborating with more much easier to splurge
affordable brands such as on a big-ticket item down
Uniqlo and Gant. Guys the road. Youll be the
ate it up and Bastian no- only one who knows the
ticed. Its so much fun difference. J. R.

70 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph : Davi d Ur ba nke


Hes going to remember your face, one way or another.

Our lubricating molecules enhance razor glide for a smooth shave with less irritation.

2016 Edgewell.
the Code: Sole Searching

The WALLABEE steps back
They Can Kick It
From left: Reggae
singer Christopher Ellis,
Apple design guru
Jonathan Ive, and the
Thin White Duke himself
put their own spin
on the shoe.

Few shoes have more

counterculture cred than
the Wallabee. David Bowie
wore them during his Thin
White Duke phase. JFK Jr.
kept them in heavy rotation
for years. Ditto much of
Jamaica, where dancehall
pioneers like Dennis Alcapone
made the Wallabee a fetish
item for rude boys across the
country. Basically, they are
the official shoe of the cool
kid, having been embraced by
everyone from Wu-Tang Clan
to Wes Anderson, and this
season theyre back, whether
the classic model from
Clarksthe suede upper,
stitched toe box, and crepe
sole have barely changed
since 1967or Vuittons
reimagined version, a zebra-
patterned creeper hybrid. No Shoes ($1,150)
matter your style, youll be in by Louis Vuitton.
good company. J. R.

7 2 March 2 0 1 7 _ E s qu ire ph otog raph : Be n Gol dste i n




A L L - S TA R D A D C O N T E S T
Do you know a dad who is a real all-star to his children,
f a m i l y, a n d c o m m u n i t y ? D o e s h e d e m o n s t r a t e i m p o r t a n t a t t r i b u t e s
such as dedication, love, encouragement, and goodwill?
If so, nominate him today!

Te l l u s , i n 2 5 0 w o r d s o r l e s s , w h y t h e f a t h e r y o u r e n o m i n a t i n g
should receive this honor and earn a chance to win a trip for four to
NYC, to see your AllStar Dad honoredalong with a group of
d i s t i n g u i s h e d f a t h e r s a t t h e 7 6 t h Fa t h e r o f t h e Ye a r Aw a r d s ,
o n T h u r s d a y, Ju n e 1 5 , 2 0 17.

the Code: Secret Service


From deadstock DENIM to a Milanese HOTEL makeover, heres what has us TALKING

A Print with Art-History Cred: A Cure for

The artwork from Diors summer show is by Toru Kamei, the Common
a Japanese artist who riffs on the vanitas style. This Moth: The number of
type of painting originated in the seventeenth century, prized garments in my
when Dutch artists created still lifes with wilted flowers cellar that Ive lost to
or skulls as a reminder that life is short. Kris Van Ass- the dreaded moth would
ches lines are sharp, and his design is strict; contrast- make a grown man weep.
ing those qualities with lush, almost spiritual artwork is Fortunately, and just
truly smart. Plus, it all looks cool. M atthew M a rd en in time for spring stor-
age, a friend at Brunello
Cucinelli told me about
Nuncas, an Italian brand A Smaller
of moth repellent that Carbon Foot-
doesnt smell like moth print: Ive been
repellent. Available in looking at eco-friendly
spray form or sheets of lines for years, and this
cellulose, this product is the first one I actually
alone is worth a trip to want to wear. Double
Italy. Eleven makes jeans,
N. S. shirts, tees, and jackets
from deadstock textiles
(cloth thats been fab-
ricated but never used)
to reduce waste. And
everything is sourced,
cut, sewn, and finished
within a 15-mile radius
of Los Angeles. Its like
farm-to-table but for
M. M.

A Magic Japanese Pen: Around the

Esquire offices, weve all come to appreciate the
Pentel Sign Pen Brush Tip. And thats not just because
it is the only pen that our editor in chief, Jay Fielden,
uses to edit copy. No, its really about the flow it
gives any handwriting, instantly elevating it from A Hotel Upgrade: One of the benefits of
chicken scratch to something that looks more like Milans Expo was that it forced the city to up its hotel
Japanese shodo. game. For a place that sells style, the rooms were
always strangely . . . out of style. Among the best im-
provements is the Gallia. For too long it languished,
outdated, in the shadow of the train station, but after
a dramatic multiyear overhaul, it has joined the citys
top tier. Mi c ha e l H a i ney

74 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

the Code: Designers


As artistic director
of HERMS mens
understands theres
an important
difference between
trends and TASTE
Its time we paid
attention to the
woman behind the
curtain. Youll find her
in Paris, in a fitting
room on the fourth floor
above the famed Herms
store on Rue du Fau-
bourg St.-Honor and
Rue Boissy dAnglas.
There stands a petite
brunette whos been
driving mens fashion for
the past three decades as
chief designer for mens
wear at Herms.
Vronique Nicha-
nian designs suits, jack-
ets, shirtsanything she
thinks will help a man
express himself better.
To her, a mans wardrobe
should be an extension of Shirt ($1,250), trousers ($570), loafers ($1,125), and bag ($11,900) by Herms.
his personality.

76 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re ph otog raph s: C l me nt Pa s c a l

Hermss DNA comes clothes on the street?
from its origin as a har- MASTER CLASS Thats my day job. It
ness and saddle work- doesnt carry over. I pre-
shop. Its a low-key house
GET A HUE fer bad taste and fash-
with nothing to prove Nichanians latest ion failures because I
and nobody to impress. collection features sun- find them supercharm-
Within this environ- soaked, saturated tones, ing. Its like a crooked
ment, Nichanian has but this isnt her first trip nose or a knocked-out
around the color wheel.
thrived. She doesnt tooth. Its the expression
Bold shades are a corner-
believe in la mode. I of oneself.
stone of the Herms look.
make clothes, she says. How do the French dress
Its different. compared with Ameri-
Here, she pulls back the cans? The French have
curtain a little further. a free spirit. I always
think of Serge Gains-
Its gloomy out there bourgthat nonchalant
is it tough to create when chic. I find that less with
the worlds on fire? Its the Americans, but then
tough. Here we are mak- the Americans invented
ing clothes and peo- sportswear, which is a
ple are outside killing superintelligent way of
each other. When I living. Comfort is essen-
first started at Herms, tial in mens wear. As
around the beginning of a woman, I can wear a
the Persian Gulf War, I tight-fitting dress and
had a conversation with its okay, its sexy, and Ill
Jean-Louis Dumas, the live. With a man, its not
head of Herms, and he the same. If you dont
told me, Only beauty feel like yourself, thats
can save the world. a real problem. A man is
Thats whats going to seductive when hes feel-
pull people back up. ing good about himself.
How do you do that? And Americans are very
This season I wanted to good at that.
change the discussion, to Do you worry some men
talk about light, positive are intimidated by the
things. Thats why I went brand? Maybe they have
with really bright colors. an old vision of Herms,
Something that wakes or the stores intimidate
you up like the sun. them, but thats the great
What do you aim for with thing about the Inter-
your designs? I want netyou can visit these
my clothes to talk to clothes without feel-
the person wearing ing intimidated. I think
them. Thats my signa- Americans like stuff
ture. For example, a lot with a sense of humor,
of my clothes have this and thats exactly what
glovelike leather inside I like doing. To have fun
the pocket. Its a secret around the clothes.
detail. Nobody knows Have you ever thought of
theres expensive leather working somewhere else?
inside the pocket except I could have gone else-
for you. Its my way of where, but this is like a
talking softly to men. long, beautiful relation-
Do you try to anticipate ship. Herms gives me
trends? No. Im more the luxury of time. Here AGAINST
interested in cultivating we say, Time makes THE GR AIN
a style than trying to cap- things. And nowadays NICHANIANS DESIGNS SEEM Top: Belt ($910) by Herms.
IMMUNE TO THE PENDULUM Above: Suit ($3,635),
ture a look in the future. especially, its import- SWINGS OF FASHION,
shirt ($770), loafers ($1,125),
I like when men mix stuff ant to have time to try AND SHE KNOWS IT. IM
NOT INTO LA MODE, SHE and scarf ($185) by Herms.
from two years ago with things, to express one-
stuff from five years ago. self, to innovate. ITS DIFFERENT.
Do you analyze mens Joh n von Soth en

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 77
the Code: Complications

Four WATCHES that punch ABOVE their price

Its the easiest thing in the world to make a crazy-ex-

pensive watch. But labor and material costs make it nearly
impossible to find oneparticularly a high-quality automatic,
the kind that winds itself just by the movement of your wrist
from a reputable Swiss brand for less than $3,000. You cant
exactly call that cheap, but a great investment? We think so.
Fortunately, many Swiss companies see entry-level watches
like these as a vital commitment to the common customer. You
may have to sacrifice a complication or two (every doohickey and
function adds dollars to the end price), so start simple, with just
hours, minutes, and seconds. You can always work your way up
to a tourbillon when you have a spare 100K lying about. N. S.

Clockwise from top left: Clifton 10052 watch ($2,850) by Baume & Mercier; Black Bay watch ($2,525) by Tudor; El Hierro Limited Edition watch ($2,100) by Oris;
Freelancer 2754 Pilot watch ($1,695) by Raymond Weil; notebook ($230) by Smythson.

78 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph otog raph : Be n Gol dste i n



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the Code: How I Got My Style


Villa Savoye.
Interior designer and architect, 43, France


APPROACH, Dirand has designed flagship
stores for RICK OWENS and BALMAIN,
as well as restaurants and hotels. His latest,
MIAMIS SURF CLUB, opens this month.
How he found his style:
I went through some
weird stages I dont want
to tell you about, but
now I just wear things
that are sober, comfort-
able, and fitted. I am
always in colors like
navy, gray, and black.
At one point, I was wear-
ing some Balmain, and
then some Rick Owens,
but you cannot identify
with one brand. It has to
be anonymous.
Style icon: James Dean
had something extremely
easy about his attitude.
Just jeans and a navy I travel all year just
sweater and his hair all to get inspired. You need
over. Its great style to see things differently
by having no style. or you wont feel the
Keep it simple: Every same excitement.
time a man overdresses, On luxury: We cannot
you know he has a prob- be satisfied with the
lem somewhere. Some- fast-paced industrial
one whos relaxed, who A wooden approach. Its important
likes who he is and what Chair
to give things the time
he does, doesnt have to by Jean Prouv, they need to be done
express himself so much. circa 1940. well. This is luxury to
First big purchase: Ive me as a designer: collab-
always loved architec- strong decision. Whats Bleu, orating with clients and
ture, so as soon as I had most important is dress- a Dirand- craftsmen to create the
money, I bought archi- ing for yourself. designed absolute best we can.
tectural furniture. At 17, Elements of style: My restaurant in Know your type: Fit is the
Pariss Palais
I started buying chairs inspiration is all over. If I most important thing.
de Tokyo.
p h o t o g r a p h : P a u l W e t h e r e l l / Tr u n k A r c h i v e

by Jean Prouv and talk about the architects, You have to follow the
Pierre Jeanneret. They Le Corbusier comes first. shape of your body. Im
were cheap at the time He was a visionary. Then skinny, so only a few
and theyre crazy expen- there is this Belgian art- brands really fit me. My
sive today, and I never ist, Thierry De Cord- shirts are Thom Browne,
sold anything. I love ier. He paints in a classic, my jeans are Acne. All
them like characters. dark way that reminds my jackets are from
Go all in: Bad taste is me of Turner. And Im Band of Outsiders. If you
more ignorance than very attracted to arte put me in the clothes of
eccentricity. Anything povera, especially the another person, I would
is possible if you make a work of Jannis Kounellis. look like a clown. J. R.

8 0 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re
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Dwi g ht G a rn e r: U n convent ion a l W is dom

The T I P P I N G Point

No one likes tipping. Its a social tax that

afflicts us when eating out and makes us
feel, at hotels, like a villain for not having
five-dollar bills on tap to hand anyone who so
much as nods in our direction. The liveliest
contemporary case against tipping appears
in Reservoir Dogs, the Quentin Tarantino
movie. Before a jewel heist, eight men are
finishing breakfast at a Los Angeles diner.
One of them, Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi),
wont throw in a buck for the waitress. I
dont tip, he says. Collective outrage en-
sues. Waitresses are just doing their jobs,
he says. If they dont like their pay, they can
work somewhere else. Mr. White (Harvey
Keitel) tells Mr. Pink he has no idea what
hes talking about. Waitressing is hard. Mr.
Pink scornfully repliesand no one does
scorn like BuscemiSo is working at Mc-
Donalds, but you dont feel the need to tip
them, do ya? Why not? Theyre serving you
food. But no, society says dont tip these Part of me applauded Mr. Pinks argument
guys over here, but tip these guys over here. despite the fact that when I first saw Reservoir
Thats bullshit. The scene ends shortly after Dogs, my wife-to-be was working as a wait-
Mr. Orange (Tim Roth) declares, Hes con- ress at a popular breakfast place near Burl-
vinced me. Gimme my dollar back. ington, Vermont. (Members of Phish, then
just a local band, could usually be found lin-
gering there over eggs Benedict and home
fries.) Even then it was obvious that tipping
is racist; nonwhite employees, generally kept
in the back, benefit little if at all. Its sexist,
too. Women learn that an undone shirt but-
ton and undue deference bring bigger tips and
sometimes harassment, in the form of a paw
on the bottom or worse. Its good news that
some restaurants, notably several of Danny
Meyers in New York City, have begun to abol-
ish tipping and pay their servers a living wage.
Danny Meyer is a mensch. I hope Steve Bus-
cemi is a regular at his plush canteens.
Money will always be an enzyme, however,
that converts indifference into attention
especially when were eating out and travel-
ing, and sometimes when something simply
needs to get done properly and right now.
This is the time when small and well-timed
acts of, well, lets call it generosity rather
than bribery, need to be part of ones social
Trademark close-ups grammar. I am not talking about paying off
from GoodFellas public officials or committing a criminal act
(1990), a movie that fea- of any sort. Im talking about the twenty, the
tured some guys who knew fifty, or occasionally the hundred dollar bill,
how to spread it around. slipped to a matre d or a hotel manager,

8 2 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re


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Dwi g ht G a rn e r: U n convent ion a l W is dom

that can change your night and, once in a

while, even your life. Sometimes you need
to spread a bit of what Bingo Little, in P. G.
Wodehouses novels, called the stuff.
Let me give you two examples from my life.
When my wife and I were dating, the only va-
cation we could afford, in order to escape the
claustrophobic Vermont winter, was a cheapo
package deal to Cancn. When we arrived
at our enormous beachfront hotel, the scene
was an omnibus rat fuck. Dozens of unhappy
people stood in line for rooms, and the staff
was harried. We quickly real-
ized that if we were assigned
a room overlooking the park- How to
ing lot in back, our week would Grease a Palm
be a slow calamity of the soul. Its all about attitude and
So we sweetly explained to need. You have to have the
the desk clerk that we had not attitude. You must discern
seen the ocean in a very long the need. If you are the least
time, slipped her a twenty bit hesitant or apologetic another, how a small key can side. You hand him a thank-you card with
along with our credit card, for offering the money, you unlock an imposing door. One your business card inside and one hundred
and asked what she could do. are doomed. No one likes friend, who goes to a lot of con- dollars or so. You ask him what he can do.
Within ten minutes, we were to take money if he feels certs and basketball games, of- The writer Jason Tesauro, who has pub-
as though the person is
installed in a third-floor room ten finds himself stranded in lished several books about manners, agrees
stretching himself to give it
in which, when you opened away. Remember, the more the nosebleed seats (the Brits with Niccolini. The one hundred dollars
the tall glass doors, all you saw public the favor, the more call these the gods), bewil- you are going to spend to get that table is a
was water, as bright as one of private the pass. Whip out dered that multitudes of bet- lot cheaper than the therapy youll require
David Hockneys swimming the bill, move swiftly. Fold it ter seats below him are empty. because you let your girlfriend or your boss
pools. We got engaged three in quarters for discretion. Heres what he does: He walks down. If you do need a table at the very
months later. This was perhaps Use the right palm. Smile down to a lower section and has last minute, Tesauro says, pull the matre
the best-spent twenty dollars of knowingly. Wave it flat, like a brief conversation with the d aside and have a conversation. People
my time on this planet. a flag, when youre after stadium employee who is tend- want to say yes to you, so you need to find a
Fast-forward twenty years. more favors, more fealty. In ing the flock in that bit of real way to the easiest yes, he says. Tell him you
this case, use the fingertips.
Our vacations have improved. estate. He shows the employee will take a stroll and come back in an hour.
Either way, its really just a
Were traveling on the Queen sort of greeting. Treat it like a his terrible ticket and includes Tell him you are willing to take a table near
Mary 2 from New York City how-do-you-do and nothing a folded twenty-dollar bill. He the door. Hand him your business card, per-
to England. On the first after- more. From Esquire, explains that his eyes are not haps with a pat of financial butter, and say,
noon, we check the location of March 2003 what they used to be and asks Heres my number. Often enough, Tesauro
our dinner table, because you if the man can help him out. says, you will get the call. If you dont, you
have the same one each night. Nine times out of ten, the man can console yourself with the knowledge
It was a bleak eight-top in the overlit cen- is happy to do so. that Thoreau would have been on your side.
ter of the dining room, far from the intimate When you talk to the experts about this Do not be too moral, he wrote. You may
tables by the ships windows and their dra- kind of thing, the first lesson you learn is cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above
matic views. It might as well have been in an style counts. You cant barge into a highly morality. Be not simply good, be good for
Olive Garden. So a few hours before dinner, regarded and popular restaurant as if you something.
my wife slipped down and had a conversation own the place, slap down a fifty, and behave Several well-known restaurateursin-
with the matre d. She told him this was al- as though youve just purchased the matre cluding Amanda Cohen, the owner of the
most certainly the last time wed ever be able d. At best, you will get a Steve Buscemi Manhattan vegetarian restaurant Dirt
to make this crossing on the QM2, handed level sneer in return. Theres a slow dance Candy, and Ren Redzepi, the chef/owner
him an envelope with sixty dollars inside, and that must be done, a tango. The best thing to of Noma, the culinary mecca in Copenha-
asked him if another table, closer to a side of do, if its a special night and youre looking gentold me that cash will get you nowhere
the ship, might be available. One was. For to impress your girlfriend or your boss, is to in their restaurants. One time, the owner
six nights, we ate and drank as the winter- visit the restaurant ahead of time, ideally the of a gold mine sent me a piece of gold, and
time Atlantic Ocean raged eighteen inches day before, says Julian Niccolini, the the message was If I get a table, theres
from our eyes. We suddenly felt we were in colorful co-owner of the Four Sea- more of this, Redzepi says. Alas, no
an Evelyn Waugh novel, by way of Melville. sons in Manhattan. You come in, Just another day tables were available. As for the gold,
in D. C. . . .
Most of my friends have stories like these. you have a chat with the manager we put it in the staff-meal stew.
Ive begun to collect them, because theyre during the daytime, you tell him They may be right. Your modest ef-
instructive. Its surprising how a tiny amount how important this night is for you, forts may get you nowhere. But you are
of grease can unstick a mighty wheel or, as a he says. You tell him what a good table going to kick yourself if, a few times a
literary critic once put it about one opus or will mean for you. You win him to your year, you dont at least try.

8 4 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

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Cant wait to see it. Weve been saying
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2017 Ma rch 20 17 _E s q u i re 8 9

Finding beauty
where no one thought
Photo: Aaron Feaver

In 2008, a small, well-received

indie film titled Medicine for Mel-
ancholy premiered at SXSW,
prompting festivalgoers to won-
der what its young director would
do next. What he did next, as Barry
Jenkins tells it, was five years of
nothing. Of course, by noth-
ing he means cofounding a suc-
cessful commercial-production
company, but never mind that.
No matter how much you try to
convince yourself, he says, that
kind of work is purely about mak-
ing money. It wasnt a fulfillment
of my dream.
So in 2013, he finally said,
Im going to go to Brussels and
write this black, gay coming-of-
age art-house drama. Im going
to just do exactly what I want to
do, and Ill fucking figure it out
after. Three years later, Jenkins
debuted Moonlight, a sub-$5 mil-
lion film shot over twenty-five
days that features a protagonist
at three different stages of his life.
Drenched in rich, tropical colors
and achingly honest about life in
crack-ridden Miami, the film ren-
dered audiences speechless. It was
transcendent yet rooted in an ur-
gent, deeply personal tale of being
black and vulnerable in America.
If Jenkins does take home a
certain gold statuette for Moon-
light, he will be the first black di-
rector to do so in history. His eyes
flash a warning when you men-
tion this fact, not so much be-
cause hes afraid youll jinx it but
because awards are beside the
point. Whether we win or lose,
its not going to fundamental-
ly change the film, he says. But
whether he wins or loses, the film
is going to keep changing people.
J ul i a Bl ack Jacket by Burberry; shirt by Beautiful Fl.

90 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

The Duffer (think Lost) mixed with meticu-
lously nostalgic art direction that ADA M
could only come from Taranti-
no-level pop-culture nerds. Those Anchorman
would be the Duffer brothers, aka
thirty-three-year-old twins Matt ACTOR

Televisions (left) and Ross (right), who, as is

clear from the Stephen King Giving hope to
auteurs of novel typeface and Vangelis-style
synths in the opening credits, came WEIRD
nostalgia of age watching eighties-era hor-
Talladega Nights
ones everywhere
Photo: Christian Anwander ror and vintage Spielberg. When
youre that young, they make a par-
ticular impact on you, says Matt
about the films the brothers grew
up on. Its almost like a drug. Its a When Adam Driver first came to
The Big Short
high thats really intense and then the door in the pilot of Girls, he was
you chase it all through adulthood. blustering, with a terrible haircut, a
Sometimes you get itjust a re- A DA M pitchy voice, and a set of limbs that

ally, really good movie. But it be- didnt quite seem to fit with the
Its not easy to categorize Net- comes harder and harder. Theyve rest of his body. In that moment,
flixs Stranger Things. Sci-fi hor- cracked the code, however he became the mascot for millen-
ror is accurate but inadequate, try not to binge-watch it. And PRODUCER, WRITER, AND DIRECTOR nial weirdness, but the actorwho
because even if that isnt your
thing, youll love the show any-
based on the reactions to the an-
nouncement of season two alone, Shooting the complains about his generations
expectations of instant gratifica-
wayits an Easter-egg-filled
mystery made for the Internet age
it looks like well still be hooked.
Kevin Sintumuang
unfilmable and making it tionis actually more of an old
soul. His own sense of discipline
hilarious traces back to stints in the Ma-
rines and at Juilliard, and it recently
helped him shed fifty pounds from
his six-foot-three frame to portray
a seventeenth-century Jesuit priest
in Martin Scorseses religious epic
Being an instigator is nothing Silence. He can play the unassum-
new to Adam McKay. Hes been ing (a poetry-writing bus driver in
pointedly opinionated since his Paterson) and the larger-than-life
early-nineties improv days as a (the moody Star Wars Dark Sider
founding member of Chicagos Kylo Ren). And this year well get
Upright Citizens Brigade. Sure, to see the actors silly side in Ste-
you probably know the Funny or ven Soderberghs Logan Lucky, af-
Die cofounder best for his absurd- ter Drivers hysterical 2016 SNL
ist comedies with Will Ferrell like appearance. Hollywood has a tra-
Anchorman; their 2009 Broadway dition of atypical leading men
show, Youre Welcome America: A Dustin Hoffman, for instance
Final Night with George W. Bush, and Drivers transformation is
was closer to their goofball mov- nearly complete. J. B.
On Matt: Coat and sweater by Boss; scarf by Ermenegildo ies than scathing social satire. But
Zegna. On Ross: Sweater, T-shirt, and trousers by Michael Kors. McKays adventurous 2015 adap-
tation of Michael Lewiss seem-
ingly unfilmable book The Big
Short proved to be a perfect ves-
sel for his improvisational talent:
Roy Price Head of Amazon Studios a whip-smart, fourth-wall-break-
ing tour de force that certain-
Game-changing projects: Paterson, Jim Jarmuschs meditative tale ly let you know where he stood.
of a bus driver/poet; Transparent, Jill Soloways groundbreaking story His next movie, tackling Dick
of the antics of a transgender woman and her family; The Man in the Cheney, is one of the most antici-
High Castle, a series based on Philip K. Dicks dystopian novel; and Manches- pated releases of the year, and hes
ter by the Sea, Kenneth Lonergans heart-wrenching drama about a small-town set to direct Jennifer Lawrence in
New England familys trauma. Industry giants with new Amazon projects
Bad Blood, about the controver-
coming soon: Woody Allen, Matthew Weiner, David O. Russell, Jill Soloway.
sial blood-test company Ther-
International expansion and original shows: Japan (a series with come-
dian Hitoshi Matsumoto), India, Germany, the UK (inspired by the discov- anos. We cant wait to see who
ery of Fleabag and Catastrophe). Key to success: Putting together a great he pisses off next. Check his Twit-
studio is like putting together a great dinner partyyou just want to find a ter feed; it wont be long now.
bunch of geniuses who are at the top of their game. N A T A S H A Z A R I N S K Y A l ex Bel t h

Got a bold idea for

a movie? BRING IT
to these guys.

Room. The Lobster. The Witch.

All ambitious visions. All suc-
cesses. All A24 films. So just
what is the formula thats given
this indie distributor turned pro-
duction company founded by
Daniel Katz, David Fenkel, and
John Hodges such a formidable Suit by Dries Van Noten; shirt by COS.
batting average? For one, it likes
its filmmakers young and hungry.
Many have made no more than
one or two feature films, some-
times just a handful of music vid-
eos. The company has also capital-
ized on an era in which every actor

Spring Breakers

Ive always been interested in project for four years, until Sum-
that basic binary of dreams ver- mit Entertainment came around
sus reality: How do you hold on to to his vision (and sweetened the
the dream when realitys telling you deal with a $30 million budget).
not to? Thats what Damien Cha- La La Land is deeply imbued

Damien Chazelle and Riz Ahmed photographed on location at Palihouse Santa Monica.
zelle tells us about his musical La with Chazelles passion for jazz.

American Honey Damien La Land, but its as good a line as

any to define the directors bur-
The actors resemble improvisers
in an ensemble, their energies

geoning career thus far. To have bouncing off one anothers, and
seems to be cashing in their super- 2014s Whiplash ready in time scene after scene is propelled by
hero-franchise checks for their pas- for Sundance, Chazelle helped the brisk rhythm of a hi-hat. La La
sion projects, landing A-list head- WRITER-DIRECTOR
teach Miles Teller, who starred Land is a love letter to art, Los An-
liners for a near pittance. This as a jazz prodigy, how to play the geles, and love itself, yet anyone
year, A24 will produce Chance the What do you call it when drums in a matter of days before who interprets it as a shot of pure
Rappers first film; a thriller star-
ring Michael Fassbender; a seven-
youve made only two studio a manic nineteen-day shoot. (The
film went on to become a Best Pic-
optimism is underestimating
its auteur. Like Whiplash, it re-
ties shoot-em-up flick with Brie filmsand both get ture nominee.) La La Land was veals something dark about
Larson; and many more. In order nominated for Best Picture? initially met with resistance from the tension between love and
to keep the focus on the films, the studiosa throwback to the practicality, art and ambition.
companys founders maintain an
Living the dream. Technicolor musicals of the fif- In a way, it was a vehicle for me
Photo: Aaron Feaver
opaque wizard-behind-the-cur- ties and sixties?which insisted to talk about my own experiences
tain presence. And as much as wed on total compromise, from the of trying to make stuff in L. A. and
love to know more secrets to their opening number to the melan- feeling isolatedand all those
success, were okay with just letting choly ending. But Chazelle dug in things sort of wound up on the
the magic happen. J. B. his heels and kept developing his page. J. B.

92 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re
Creating the A FU NNI E R P LACE ,
soundtrack of the future one wacky video at a time
(literally) The Revenant
Photo: Marcelo Krasilcic

The epiphany upon arriving in President Obama sent Farah a

Hollywood was practically imme- personal thank-you note after his
True Detective
He is, of course, Icelandic. diate: Artists need someone to or- appearance on the show boosted
That the composer of some of Hol-
lywoods most otherworldly music STEV E G OL I N ganize things. I can do that. In an
age when more and more of Holly-
traffic on But Far-
ahs own unconventional climb
comes from one of the most other- CEO AND PRODUCER woods creative decisions are being from food services to self-produced
worldly places makes total sense. made by suits in boardrooms, Mike YouTube videos to the executive
Jhann Jhannsson, an avant-garde The Farah focuses on enabling talent suitehas left him with a soft spot
composer nominated for Os- low-profile rather than reining it in. And its for the underdog. [Ferns host]

cars for his work on Sicario and paid off. With his help, the comedy Zach Galifianakis and an unknown
The Theory of Everything, has es- website Funny or Die has won a UCB performer receive the same
tablished himself as a creator global audience of more than 70 treatment, he insists. I remind
of singularly unconventional million through a strategy of high Farah of a statement he once made:
soundtracks. Case in point: For Ar- output, lean operating costs, and Once money gets involved with
rival, he made use of human voices Spotlight . The Revenant. The viral publicity. Actors who miss Funny or Die, its gonna go down-
singing wordless vocal patterns, End of the Tour. Steve Golin and the DIY attitude of low-budget hill. He laughs and says that de-
repeating vowel sounds in staccato his team at Anonymous Con- productions (and who dont mind spite the influx of investments and
figures. The result is an utter de- tent were, astoundingly, behind a self-deprecating PR boost, ei- partnerships since his new role, the
all of them. Its that rare produc- ther) have their agents chase un- site is committed to staying true to
tion company thats also a man- paid cameos in Funny or Die orig- its roots. [Money] just allows us to
agement agency for actors, direc- inals like the antitalk show talk double down on the things that we
tors, and writers, and within that show Between Two Ferns. Even do well.J. B.
hub lies what Golin calls the se-
cret sauce. The whole business
for us is about being storytellers,
he says, and being in the middle of
all of that talent gives them a shot
at the best material, like an eight-
hour version of Joseph Hellers
novel Catch-22, plus more than
parture from what youre used to fifty other projects. How does he
hearing in the theater. This year, do it all? By mentoring young pro-
Jhannsson has been enlisted to ducers, and by keeping things in
take on the daunting task of scor- perspective when theres creative Jacket by Boss.
ing Blade Runner 2049. I am a friction. When I was younger, I
huge fan of the original, he says. put up with a lot more because I
One feels humbledbut Im also felt like I needed the success; you
someone who relishes challenge. need that thing. Then you get a
Expectationsand scrutiny little bit older and you realize,
are high. You might say out of this You know what? Its all good, one
world. John Kenney way or the other. N. Z.

John Landgraf CEO of FX

Big proclamation: In 2015, he said, There is simply too much TV.
Which might explain why: He runs FX as a bespoke brand, making
fewer than twenty shows a year. Including: The Americans, Atlanta, The
People v. OJ Simpson, and Fargo. An approach that paid off when: FX won eigh-
teen Emmys in 2016, a record for a basic-cable network. Key quote: TVs weak-
ness is that we tend to give people what we think they want. T Y L E R C O N F O Y

Mo n t h 2 0 1 7 _ E s q u i re 9 3

He doesnt need your writing class

The Unusuals
Photo: Marcelo Krasilcic

His stare
alone deserves
Taylor Sheridan took two things project had clear-cut heroes, or
from his years as a journeyman TV villains, or anything resembling
actor. Number one: a paycheck. a moral. (At some point in the
Sort of. Acting on a cable show eighties, everyone decided they
doesnt pay very much, contrary needed fucking closure.) They
to popular belief, Sheridan says. revealed themselves slowly and
And number two: a deep familiar-
ity with conventional, by-the-num-
followed no formula. Somehow,
though, both got made within a H AW L E Y Michael Shannon has been one
of the hardest-working actors for
bers storytelling, which proved year of each other. In both cases, WRITER AND SHOWRUNNER more than a decade, but last year
surprisingly handy when he decid- they shot the first draft. And both was busy even by his harried stan-
ed to start over as a screenwriter. became sleeper hits. Building dards: ten movies, including Lov-
I saved every script Id ever
worked on as an actor, he says. I
Sheridans latest is Wind River,
which he also directed. The third in- universes in ing and Nocturnal Animals. He
has a remarkable, haunted face
reread em. Reread em all. And I stallment of his thematic trilogy books that can look both ghoulish and
said, If I just dont do that, thisll
probably turn out okay. (Sons of
exploring unsettled history on the
American frontier, it concerns a
and screen beautiful. Shannon can do more
with a deadpan expression than
Anarchy excepted.) Sheridan sat rape on an Indian reservation. any American actor since Buster
down and wrote a clear-eyed story I spoke to a screenwriting class Keaton. There is an uneasy ten-
of drug-war realpolitik that did not recently, Sheridan says, and af- sion lurking just beneath the sur-
shy away from implicating its audi- terward the professor said, I just face, yet he manages surprising
ence in the monstrous violence on- want to thank you for contradicting Want to learn every kind of rangea romantic side as the
screen. He titled it Sicario. everything Ive been teaching them storytelling? Emulating Noah lead in Frank & Lola, a light co-
Next he wrote a neo-Western all year. He must be doing some- Hawley is a good place to start. medic touch as the King in Elvis
called Hell or High Water. Neither thing right. Ash Carter The best-selling author (hes & Nixon. This year, hell costar in
working on the screenplay for
his fifth novel, Before the Fall) is
also a prestigious television show-
runner (Fargo, entering its third
season) and soon-to-be film di-
rector (hes set to helm the sci-fi
thriller Man Alive). I have this
sense that I should never stop, be-
cause the minute you do only one
thing, that thing owns you, notes
Hawley. As a result, his creative
instincts seamlessly bridge the
worlds of books and the screen,
and he delivers unexpected and
unpredictable experiences, par-
ticularly on his latest series, Mar-
vels Legion, a thinking mans su-
perhero show with shades of One
Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest and A
Clockwork Orange. Up next, Haw- Guillermo del Toros Cold War
ley will bring to life an adaptation thriller The Shape of Water and
of Kurt Vonneguts Cats Cradle, play George Westinghouse op-
along with a miniseries based on posite Benedict Cumberbatchs
Don DeLillos Zero K. What else Thomas Edison in The Current
can I get away with? has become War. Shannon never appears to
a kind of motto for Hawley. So far, need the audiences approval,
it seems like the answer is Pretty yet we cant take our eyes off him.
Suit and shirt by Boss. much anything. N. Z. A. B.

Always outspoken,
from script to mic
Photo: Aaron Feaver

Riz Ahmeds first big break

also happened to be his first black-
listing. In 2006, his satirical song
Post 9/11 Blues, released under
his rap moniker Riz MC (sample
lyric: Post 9/11 I been getting
paid / Playing terrorists on telly,
getting songs made), was swiftly
banned from the radio by the Brit-
ish government. It took him a de-
cade to elbow his way into Holly-
wood, going from vaguely familiar
face to leading man in the course
of one dizzying year with 2016s
Jason Bourne, The Night Of, and
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.
But at no point did Ahmed hold
back on getting out his message
about being brown in the West-
ern world. In 2014, he wrote and
directed the short film Daytimer,
which draws from his own expe-
rience code-switching between
a traditional Pakistani house-
hold, a predominantly white
upper-middle-class private
school where I was on scholarship,
and cutting class to go hang out on
the streets. But Im not here on
some kind of tribalism trip, he
adds. Thats what got us into this
mess. He loves looking out into
the crowd at one of his concerts
and seeing girls in hijabs mosh-
ing out with white hipster dudes
and gay Latinos. Being type-
cast can be frustrating, but great
things can come out of every chal-
lenge. When there isnt a paved
sidewalk for you to walk on, its
hitting the bushes with a machete
in your hand and trying to slash
out a path. And the path of most
resistance turns out to be a hell of
Jacket, T-shirt, jeans, and shoes by Boss.
a lot more interesting. J. B.

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 95

funniest polymath
Photo: Marcelo Krasilcic

For many, Bill Hader was the

only reason to watch SNL from
2005 to 2013. He had that Phil
Hartmanlike ability to salvage
a show with trademark charac-
ters including Stefon and elderly
reporter Herb Welch. But it was
his performance opposite Amy
Schumer in Trainwreck that
showed his depth as an unlikely
leading man. Haders easy mid-
western charmreminiscent of
Jimmy Stewartmade the movie
work; hes an understated Every-
man, not too handsome, not too
goofy. He can be sidesplittingly
funny doing shtick on Conan and
Kimmel, thoughtful and unpreten-
tious talking about Kurosawa for
the Criterion Collection. He does
drama (The Skeleton Twins) and
writes (South Park, Documentary
Now!), but what hes really always
wanted to do is direct. Ive been
movie-obsessed my whole life,
says Hader. All of which makes
Barry, an HBO series he cocreated
with Alec Berg (Curb Your En-
thusiasm), all the more intriguing.
Hader, who directed the first three
episodes, stars as a Marine turned
hitman who follows a target to an
L. A acting class run by Henry
Winkler and ultimately signs up.
The only thing Hader doesnt
love about directing is having to
watch himself act. Then again, it Coat by Hugo; sweater and jeans by Boss.
took five seasons at SNL for him
to feel like he wasnt audition-
ing every weekend. Thats when
Lorne Michaels told him, You
know you dont have to worry.
Have fun. A. B.

96 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re

Making franchises
Brolin ACTOR

way better
than they need to be Hes more than this
generations John Wayne

When their MTV series Clone

High was canceled (following a
DONALD hunger strike in India over the

shows horny teen-Gandhi char-
acter), Phil Lord and Christopher
Miller found themselves looking
ACTO R, WRITER, AN D P RODUCE R for work at a moment when the Sometime after The Goonies Prescott, Arizona, fires. See them

Our new film industry had become a fran-

chise delivery system. Or, as they
and before No Country for Old
Men, Josh Brolin took up stock
all. If theres one thing you can
guarantee from a Brolin role, its
Renaissance man saw it, a land of opportunity. trading from home. He secured that hell inhabit the character so
Turning unpromising material himself a big enough nest egg to deeply that itll be worth the price
a childrens book (Cloudy with a guarantee that hed never again of admission. J. B.
Chance of Meatballs) and plastic have to take a role he didnt want.
Im trying to make people feel Danish toys (The Lego Movie) Though maybe it was that kind of
black, Donald Glover has said of into funny movies full of soul be- gritty self-determination that at-
his critically acclaimed and sub- came a Lord and Miller specialty. tracted directors to him.
tly philosophical TV comedy Low expectations equaled freedom. He is movie-star attractive,
Atlanta. The FX series, which But their next project, direct- born into showbiz (yes, James
stars Glover as an Ivy League ing a Star Wars spin-off starring Brolin is his father) yet some-
dropout and young father at- Alden Ehrenreich as Han Solo, how an all-American throwback
tempting to manage his cousins comes with more responsibil- to a time when actors were grit-
rap career, has an all-black writ- ity. Were trying to approach tier. Hes a man men want to be,
ing crew featuring mostly Atlanta it in the same way, Miller says. evenif not especiallywhen
natives. I studied a lot of black Were pretending it isnt some- hes the villain. He can play the
iconography, Glover has said. thing people will murder us over if broadest roles (see: W.) with the
The show is me trying to make we do poorly. Hopefully, Lord most surprising nuance and turn
something iconic. Its working. says, there wont be a hunger the most insignificant line into an
Atlanta broke viewing records strike anywhere. A. C. epic comedic riff (see: the MOTO
with its premiere and won two PANUKEIKU! scene in Inherent
Golden Globes. Raised as a Je- Vice). This year, hell be in Subur-
hovahs Witness in Stone Moun- bicon, directed by George Cloo-
tain, Georgia, Glover got his start ney; the sequel to Sicario; and
when he was hired by Tina Fey as Granite Mountain, about the 2013
a 30 Rock writer while still in col-
21 Jump Street
lege, and he later spent four and
a half seasons playing jock-nerd
Troy Barnes on Community. Hes Ryan Murphy TV writer and producer
also released three albums un-
der the alias Childish Gambino. Known for: Focusing on characters who feel less than and turn-
Next hell play an as-yet-unre- ing projects in niche genres (horror, musical) into mainstream hits.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs To name a few examples: Nip/Tuck, Glee, American Horror Story.
vealed character in Spider-Man:
Offscreen chops: He started the Half foundation, aimed at mentoring peo-
Homecoming and Lando Calris-
ple of color and women. Which he explains simply: Half the population is
sian in a new Star Wars film while women, so half of the storytellers should be women. Next up: The first sea-
continuing to produce Atlanta. I son of Feud, centering on the tumultuous relationship between Joan Crawford
dont want to give people the slow and Bette Davis. About which he admits: I thought it was going to be the
drip of the same thing. Its safe to hardest sell of my career. But: Luckily, people dont really say no to me any-
say hes not. T. C. The Lego Movie more if I show up and say, Im going to die if I dont make this show. T . C .

The fanboy
provocateur giving
movies a nerds
Photo: Aaron Feaver

Max Landis writes movies al-

most as fast as you can watch
them. Since the surprise 2012 hit
Chronicle, his found-footage su-
perhero origin story, Landis has
added four more features to his
rsum, one of which (Me Him
Her) he directed. Last year, Netflix
won a bidding war for his super-
natural police procedural Bright
and doubled down with a $90 mil-
lion budgethello, Will Smith
making it the streaming ser-
vices most ambitious project yet.
Landis is also writing and direct-
ing An American Werewolf in Lon-
don, a remake of the 1981 original
directed by his father, John Landis.
Its easy to criticize things,
Landis says. I know that because
I criticize things all the time on
Twitter because Im a jerk. He
Jeans by Topman; shirt, his own (clearly). gleefully dives into online fanboy
brawls. Some people find his an-
tic deconstructions of pop culture
hilariously on target (e.g., Landiss
seventeen-minute whiskey-fueled
YouTube opus, The Death and
Return of Superman), while oth-
ers, not so much. But few armchair
critics are brave enough to expose
themselves to criticism by actually
making things, and even fewer
Hollywood insiders are crazy
enough to broadcast their uncen-
sored opinions without a care for
their long-term career prospects.
Landis is both. A. C.

98 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

BOSS 0882/S

In the
When he took over T h e L a t e L a t e S h o w in 2015, J a m e s C o r d e n was
a l a r g e l y u n k n o w n b l o k e a U K i m p o r t w i t h a p a r t - d a d , p a r t - l a d v i b e . Tw o
y e a r s l a t e r, h es b e c o m e t h e n e w K i n g o f t h e N i g h t , c r e a t i n g c o m e d y
s ke t c h e s t h a t r i c o c h e t a ro u n d t h e g l o b e . A l o n g t h e way, h e d i s c ove re d o n e
s i m p l e t r u t h : We love to watch famous people sing k a r a o k e i n a c a r .


Suit, shirt, and
loafers by Gucci.

p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 101

They are overlapping categories, of course,
and in a way they amount to more of the same.
Less than two years after Corden took it over,
The Late Late Show has established itself,
against low expectations and amid stiff com-
J a m e s C o r d e n w a s b a r r e l i n g t o w a r d a n e d i t i n g petition, as the most visually inventive, argu-
ably the most ambitious, and surely the silliest
r o o m t o c h e c k o u t a r o u g h c u t o f t h e l a t e s t C a r p o o l specimen of the after-hours talk-show genre.
K a r a o k e (t h e o n e w i t h B r u n o M a rs , re s p l e n d e nt i n In the context of what may be the most tra-
dition-bound television format in existence,
b r i g h t l y c o l o r e d s i l k ) w h e n s o m e t h i n g c a u g h t h i s e y e . Corden and Ben Winston, his longtime friend
and one of the shows executive producers,
Two things, really: a bowl of candy and a of 2016. Well put it on the show. Thats one insisted on novelty from the start, propos-
twenty-five-foot tape measure haphazard- for the Emmy reel. ing innovations that were initially met with
ly deposited on a credenza in an office full I was not born yesterday. I am prepared to skepticism, even alarm, among publicists and
of members of the Late Late Show staff. The believe that the Whopper spectacle was ar- celebrity handlers. Guests on The Late Late
candy was Whoppers, small chocolate-cov- ranged for the benefit of a visiting journalis- Show dont enter from the wings but through
ered malted-milk spheroids nestled three to a tic fly on the studio wall. How else to account the banked rows of audience seats. They arent
sleeve for easy snacking; the tape was a coiled for the suspiciously serendipitous proximity interviewed one at a time but together, and
ribbon of yellow metal encased in a chunk of of confection and tool? Why not Jolly Ranch- their conversations range far beyond the usual
aluminum, the kind that clips onto your belt ers and a pair of pliers? Maybe the real gag plugging of new projects. It always had to be
and retracts with a satisfying whoosh. was pranking the profile writer. a show where the guests are doing things,
Hang on a minute, Corden said, to ev- But Im also prepared to believe that this Winston told me, and some of those things
eryone in the office and no one in particu- kind of thing might be a regular occurrence include eating disgusting foods, sharing child-
lar. This could be a bit, dont you think? It around the Late Late Show studio, which oc- care tips, and reenacting highlights from their
was an hour before lunch on a two-episode cupies a suite of spacious rooms and a cav- own careers. Sometimes the interviews hap-
taping day in early December. Chris Pratt, ernous soundstage on pen in peoples houses;
Olivia Munn, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Stephen the rooftop level of the or, most famously, in a
Fry were expected in a few hours. The writers sprawling CBS com- moving car, with sing-
were in the writers room polishing monologue plex in Hollywood. A ing. The bandleader and
jokes until their poke bowls arrived. Corden, short time earlier, we sidekick Reggie Watts
fashion-forward and show-business casual in had been drinking cof- makes up tunes on the
black jeans, a black cowl-necked cardigan, and fee in Cordens office, spot and ad-libs lyrics
black slip-on Gucci sneakers stamped with a cozy room decorat- about whatever has just
tiny gold bees and flowers, grabbed the props ed with pictures of his happened onstage.
T h e m o s t - w a t c h e d Yo uTu b e v i d e o o f
and explained what he had in mind to the peo- wife, Julia Carey, and 2 0 1 6 : A d e l es C a r p o o l K a r a o ke . The host, for his part,
ple in the room with the least investment in their children; a signed doesnt sit behind a desk
looking busy. He popped open the Whoppers Banksy; and a drawingpossibly Cordens when he talks to his guests; he conducts his
and indicated through brisk dumb-show ges- favorite piece of artof a rabbit recoiling in interviews from a swivel chair, which is posi-
tures that his first volunteera guy in a fad- horror while reading Watership Down. Cord- tioned to the left of the couch, reversing the cus-
ed T-shirt and glasses with a receding frizz of en had talked about his plans for the coming tomary American setup. Even just having the
light-brown hairshould open wide and place year of his show. Im always keen to try new seats the other way around, Corden recalled.
the blunt hook at the end of the tape against things visually, with openings and sketches. I mean, the intake of breathhe acted out a
his bottom lip. Corden extended the length Id like to film the show somewhere else for sharp, disapproving inhalationIt just isnt
to seventy-seven inches, raised it to a 30 de- a week. He popped up from his chair and done! I was like, Are you fucking kidding me?
gree angle from the mans mouth, and placed padded over to the desk. This is what I was Some late-night hosts are notorious intro-
the candy atop the resulting ramp. writing just this morning, he said, smooth- verts, grouchy misanthropes fueled by insecu-
Collective breath was held. It was a mo- ing out a handwritten note-to-self. Visual- rity and self-loathing. Corden, at thirty-eight
ment fraught with potential. A Rube Gold- ly better. More ambitious. And also sillier. the youngest of the current crop of post-
berg variation. A test of the laws of physics. Those three things. prime-time network-television yakkers, is the
Which, at least at first, did not cooperate.
The candy rolled halfway down the chute,
hit a wobble, dropped onto the floor, and

Some late-night hosts are grouchy

bounced under a desk. Corden, his deter-
mination undimmed, adjusted the incline,
tension, and torque. The second attempt
was successful. Four out of six Whoppers
ultimately made it onto the tongues of two misanthropes fueled by
insecurity and self-loathing. Corden
employees. Corden was visibly delighted,
though it must be said that visible delight
seems to be his default setting. A triumph!
he declaredthe same word that he used to
describe the pop diva Adeles post-beehive,
post-baby hairdo on her edition of Carpool
is the other kind.
Karaoke, the most-watched YouTube video

102 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re

Jacket, shirt, and bow
tie by Ralph Lauren;
p hot o g ra p h s: Tk Mo n th sunglasses byu iRay-Ban.
2 0 17 _E s q re 103
Robe by New &
Lingwood; sweater and
loafers by Burberry;
sunglasses by Tom Ford.

104 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k

other kind. A compact teddy bear of a man explanation of it, delivered to a captive audi- Corden and his counterparts continue to
with a shock of blond hair and a less-than- ence of me and Rob Crabbe, his other exec- battle for slices of that ever-shrinking ratings
daily commitment to shaving, he conducts utive producer, was almost as funny as the pie. The numbers, in Moonvess old-school
himself with an impish ebullience somewhere thing itself. James is as enthusiastic as he parlance. Thats the job, and the tradition.
between goofy kid brother and awesomely seems, Crabbe was telling me when, as if on There is still money to be made selling ad
fun dad. (He and Julia, who were introduced cueor, for all I know, precisely on cue minutes against the real-time attention of
by a mutual friend and married in 2012, are Corden knocked at the door. non-cord-cutting viewers. There is also still a
the parents of a six-year-old son and a two- The questions will be written during the certain stubborn cachet attached to the spec-
year-old daughter.) When he discussed his first ten minutes of the show, he said. And tacle of a hostnearly always, even now, a
ideas for the show with CBS, Corden prom- then during the bit later on, theyll be asked white man in a suittelling jokes, banter-
ised all-out fun, and light, and positivity. something like, What was Stephen Fry ing with the bandleader, and schmoozing
And that is what he has tried to deliver. holding in his hand in the dressing room? If with actors and singers plugging their lat-
Which is not to say that they get it right, theyll est projects. But the more valuable (if less
Corden is one of those be given a gift card or easily monetized) currency of visibilityof
comedians who are al- something. If they get it what Crabbe, Moonves, and Corden all call
ways and frantically on, wrong, they get kicked relevancenow circulates elsewhere, in the
deflecting seriousness out of the audience. 24/7 digital bazaar where skits, monologues,
with endless clowning. Perhaps unintention- and snippets of deskside interviews circulate
Talking to him one-on- ally, this illuminated an endlessly and compete to go viral.
one is more like convers- unacknowledged anxi- The hosts and their staffs hustle to
ing with a writer or an ety about television, and come up with repeatable, detachable dig-
The one that started it all: Mariah
actorboth of which he C a r e y i n t h e h o t s e a t , M a r c h 2 0 1 5 . after-midnight shows in ital candyideally involving famous peo-
was long before he start- particular: Who is pay- ple doing unlikely or mildly embarrassing
ed hosting a talk show. An inclination toward ing attention, and what kind of attention is thingsthat will hook web surfers and turn
humilitya tendency, British as well as ac- being paid? them into fans. Kimmel has Mean Tweets.
torish, toward self-deprecationsometimes In effect, Corden has two jobs. Four nights Fallon has Classroom Instruments. Corden,
seems to do battle with an impulse to reject a week he hosts The Late Late Show, the hour- late to the scene and behind them in the rat-
false modesty. He can seem a bit dazzled by long broadcast he inherited from Craig Fer- ings, is outflanking both on the web. Within
his recent success, and also not the least bit guson, which airs on CBS affiliates at 12:37 our first week or so, Ben Winston told me,
surprised by it. Onstage and on camera, he is a.m. and attracts (according to the latest rat- we had created some major viral moments,
a master of the emotional quick-change, shift- ings figures) around 1.4 million viewers per with fourteen or fifteen million hits. These
ing within a single sketch from mock chagrin episode. In traditional programming terms, included a six-minute recap of Tom Hankss
to dumbstruck awe to pure mirth. In person his network competition at that hour is NBCs film career and the epochal Mariah Carey
he is no less animated but much more earnest, Late Night with Seth Meyers and ABCs Night- Carpool Karaoke. Were working on the
taking an analytical view of his work and fall- line. But really, Corden said, our competi- 279th episode. If we just did a chat show,
ing back on a verbal tic that is also a real ques- tion is people choosing to be asleep. And so wed be devastatingly disappointed.
tion: Do you know what I mean? he and his staff must manufacture sketches You look at the numbers, Moonves said,
When I met himfirst over dinner at that dont depend on the news cycle or the and theyre fine, theyre fine. (They were, in
an aggressively on-trend Brentwood steak- publicity requirements of visiting celebrities; the week of our conversation, a few hundred
house and then for a long day of meetings, that can be shared on social media; and that thousand below Seth Meyerss and around
rehearsals, and tapings at CBSCorden can, if the stars align correctly, find a semi- half a million below where Craig Fergusons
was showing a bit of fatigue. He had just permanent spot in the general publics over- had been ten years before.) But you look at
returned from Miami, where he had hosted stuffed entertainment memory bank. what hes doing online and its phenomenal.
some Art Basel events and looked for art to Ive been doing this a long time, said Les- And that has become, in the late-night world,
add to his small but serious collection. After lie Moonves, who has been running CBS since more important than anything.
the taping wrapped, he was due to introduce 1998. We were in his office, perched high One measure of this changeand also, in
Steven Spielberg at a Hollywood soiree. above midtown Manhattan. The a way, of its incompletenessis
Then he would fly to London for a You- evolution of late night has been re- B r i t i s h i n v a s i o n : that Cordens digital triumph has
Corden and his
Tube thing and back to Los Angeles to tape ally fascinating. One guy, Johnny w i f e , J u l i a , m o v e d fueled persistent rumors about an
the last shows of the year. His debut as host Carson, was dominant for all those t o L . A . i n 2 0 1 5 . imminent shake-up in CBSs line-
of the Grammys loomed on the horizon, and years, and the othersthe Dick up, with him taking the 11:30 slot
shortly after that he would begin his third Cavetts, the Joey Bishops, Chevy from the floundering Colbert. Late
season of a most unlikely gig. Im so scared Chase, Joan Riversdidnt even night is one of the last old-media
of waking up and six months has gone by and make a minor dent. Then, sud- battlegrounds in a disrupted land-
weve just done shows, he said, rather than denly, because NBC gave The scape, and the habit of sniffing
seeking out wilder, crazier gambits. What Tonight Show to Jay Leno out intrigue dies hard.
would be the fun of that? and CBS got Letterman, It just seems sort of silly to
it became a much broad- me. I really love him, Corden
er business. ABC found said, referring to Colbert. So I
T h e a f t e r n o o n o f m y Jimmy Kimmel. And then always find it slightly embarrass-
visit, a bit called Were You Paying Atten- came the cable networks ing. I really dont think theres any
tion? was being assembled, for which mem- the Comedy Central folks, substantial evidence at all. I real-
bers of the audience would be quizzed Conan going to TBSand ly dont think it exists.
midway through the hour about what had you go from one to two to Moonves noted that Colbert
happened earlier on the show. Cordens seven or eight of these guys. has started to find his voice

Ma rc h 2 0 1 7 _ E s q u i re 1 0 5
and build up his ratings in the wake of the sitting at Cordens desk. ford and talked about
2016 election. Look, Im very fortunate. He didnt even notice, Carson, no one would
I got two very successful guys, and theyre Corden stage-whispered have a clue about who
very successful in different ways. after I sat down, glanc- you were talking about.
I asked Moonves how much the time slots ing mock-discreetly in Corden studied acting
mattered. In 1993 and again in 2009, when my direction. Maybe as a teenager at a school
the great late-night wars were fought, the he just thought Id tak- in High Wycombe, a
11:30 slot mattered more than anything to en off my Spanx. town halfway between
Letterman, Leno, and Conan. The Internet Rob Crabbe said that E v e n u n r u l y m a n - c h i l d J u s t i n B i e b e r London and Oxford,
strapped in for a sing-along.
has changed all that, Moonves said. By and in the run-up to the and soon found parts on
large, the guy whos better known gets the show they had considered forgoing the tradi- stage, in films, and on television. He appeared
11:30 slot, but for Jamess success it doesnt tional monologue. James does so many things in Alan Bennetts The History Boys in the West
matter. Its almost an old way of thinking. well, Crabbe told me. But ironically, some of End, and on Broadway, and in the film adapta-
For Corden, there is no almost about it. the things hed never done before are walk out, tion. American audiences tuning into his early
The only time I get really like, What are hit a mark and tell jokes, and interview people. broadcasts might have recognized him as the
you talking about? he said over dinner at And those are kind of the major components Baker from Into the Woods. But he was frus-
the Brentwood steakhouse, warming up to of being a late-night television host. The trated with the narrow range of opportuni-
a fine mini-rant, is when anyone will talk monologue stayed in, but it can feel a bit stiff ties his early success seemed to offer. When
about time slots. Which is like telling the and self-conscious; Corden has a tendency to The History Boys became the hottest play in
time with a sundial. Just the very notion of lean into the jokes with his right shoulder, his London, he recalled, there were eight boys
a television schedule for a show like this is left hand jammed in his pocketof, more of a similar age, and they were all getting these
massive film scripts. And I would get the one
page of a script for a guy who drops off a tele-
vision to Hugh Grant, or who works at a news-

Im so scared of waking up and six

stand and sells a paper to Julianne Moore. And
I was like, None of this is based on ability or
charisma. Its only about how I look, and about

months has gone by and weve just done the assumption that people who look like that
dont fall in love in as nice a way as others. Peo-
ple who look like that are not as interesting.

shows, Corden said, rather than seeking In part to counter this assumption, Cord-
en and the Welsh actress Ruth Jones created

out wilder, crazier gambits. the slice-of-life sitcom Gavin and Stacey, on
which they played the title characters best
mates. A winning mixture of sweetness, ab-
surdity, and kitchen-sink realism, the show
ran on BBC for three seasons and was fol-
lowed by The Wrong Mans, a sillier, more
absurd to me. I got really cross when we did likely than not, a made-to-measure suit from thrillerish comedy. Both shows were hits
that Carpool with Adele and someone wrote, one of the luxury brands he worshipsas if and made Corden something of a sensation
How did a 12:30 talk-show host get Adele? playing a role that doesnt quite feel natural. in Britain. He and Winston, who had met
And Im like, What world are you living in? That may be because unlike most of his on the set of a Channel 4 drama in 2000 and
That clip has been viewed 129 million times. peers, who grew up idolizing Carson and had remained close friends, worked togeth-
Those are Super Bowl numbers. Letterman and cut their teeth in sketch er on awards shows and television sketches,
and stand-up comedy, Corden did not pass including a 2011 bit with George Michael
through the usual apprenticeship of fan- that was the prototype for Carpool Karaoke.
Backstage, The Late Late dom. I feel very fortunate that I grew up In 2012, Corden was a sensation in the
Show is full of the usual rituals of comedic without those tropes, or those influences, West End and on Broadway with One Man,
craft. The morning of my visit was dominat- he said at the steakhouse as we tucked into a Two Guvnors, a madcap, madly British farce
ed by a meeting in Cordens office in which feast of halibut and broccolini, washed down (loosely adapted from an eighteenth-century
the segment producers talked through gags with mineral water. (Though hes in no risk Italian play) that was a perfect showcase for
and sketches and another in which the writ- of going L. A. skinny, Corden seems to have his skills at vocal mimicry and knockabout
ers stared intently and silently at printouts adapted to the local dietary norms of carb slapstick. One night Les Moonves had a tick-
of monologue jokes inspired by news stories, avoidance.) The people who influenced me et. I was captivated, Moonves told me. Id
weird ads, and other familiar fodder. were Chris Evans, Jonathan Ross, Graham never heard his name before, but I said, We
The mood was relaxed Norton, and Wogan and gotta do something with this guy.
and genial, with time for a Parkinson. Names that Accounts diverge as to what happened next,
few more bits of journal- will mean almost noth- when Winston and Corden were in Los An-
ist-pranking. During one inghe looked around geles pitching a sitcom in 2014. Moonves re-
of the writers meetings, at the sea of tanned and called that Corden was so eager to do a chat
I took a bathroom break toned nibblersto show that he joked about doing it for no mon-
and returned to find that most of the people in ey. Corden remembered being a little more
everyone had changed this restaurant. In the skeptical. I said I felt like Colbert was a
seats, with the tallest, We d i d nt k n ow M i c h e l l e O b a m a same way that if you brilliant appointment, and that it opened a
bulkiest guy in the room c o u l d b e a n y m o r e p e r f e c t . S h e i s . went into a pub in Brad- door for something ( conti nued on page 154)

106 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re

Sweatshirt by
& Gabbana.

Suit and shirt by Giorgio

Armani. Opposite: Suit and
shirt by Bottega Veneta;
sneakers by Vans.

p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 107

108 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re ph ot o g ra p h s: T k

Fifty Shades Darker aint exactly a guy movie. Its barely even a movie. If you want to get turned on, read these books.

E X I N F I C T I O N , like sex on a beach, ought to be a

no-brainer. On the one hand, theres, well, sex, a
source of mystifying pleasure and profundity
that for most people rarely elicits any artic-
ulation other than a contented grunt, groan,
or gasp. On the other hand, theres the novel,
an artistic enterprise devoted to making ver-
bal sense of mute experience. In theory, the setup
seems the perfect illustration of the Reeses princi-
ple: two great tastes that taste great together.
But theory is not practice, and life, friends, is not a
peanut-butter cup. We all recognize that the boy who
develops certain notions about the compatibility of
sand and skin from the swimsuit issues stacked next
to his grandfathers BarcaLounger must soon discover
the rough reality of forty-grit lovemaking. A similar les-
son awaits the young litterateur who insists that a good
book should move not only the head and the heart but also
the loins. Not for long will he be able to avoid an abrasive
encounter with this sort of thing:
Are these
She raised one foot onto the sink and held the doorknob to her mouth, the breast books
warming and wetting it with her breathing. She parted the lips of her ever?
pussy and pressed there, gentle at first, then less so, starting to spin the
knob. She felt the first wave of something good go through her, and her
legs weakened. . . . Then she re-wet the knob with her tongue and found
its place between her lips again, pressing tiny circles against her clit, then
just tapping it there, liking how the warm metal began to stick to her
skin, to pull at it a little each time.
That hackneyed little hymn to domestic ingenuity comes from
Jonathan Safran Foers Here I Am, published this past fall. If the
judges of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award are to be trusted, it was not
the most flagrant example of writing in flagrante to appear in 2016.
(The Italian novelist Erri De Luca scooped up that honor, for a new
translation of The Day Before Happiness: She opened her legs, pulled
up her dress and, holding my hips over her, pushed my prick against her
opening. I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were
ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers
hovering en pointe.)
Once upon a time, of course, even bad fictional sex had a rough-
and-ready social purpose. Not a few leather-bound classics stood
prepared, if we may borrow a metaphor, to offer a doorknob to the
lonely, the frustrated, and those in the throes of desperate inexpe-
rience. But today, what chance does Delta of Venus or Lady Chat-
terleys Lover stand against the HD pornorama we keep pouched
within inches of our groin, the palm-sized box of wonders that
would make a shah blush with modesty?

By the Dirty Men and Women of Esquire

Illustrations by Milo Manara
There are so many per- north so that the icy wind did an endearing hustler he pays
ils awaiting sex in serious not blow directly on his dick for sex. Their relationship ulti-
fiction these days that you but still he had to remove one mately reveals how helpless
could almost forgive a writer of his gloves to jerk off success- desire is outside its little the-
for playing it safe and stick- fully, and sometimes the glove- ater of heat.
ing to the merely suggestive. less hand would get so cold
Almost, that is, until you re- that he would have to put that There wasnt a lock on the
member that prudence, no less glove back on and switch to the door, we could have been inter-
than prudery, is the enemy of other hand. He came on her rupted, and maybe the risk
art. (Consider this your obliga- grave many nights. heightened my pleasure as
tory reminder that Ulysses, the Mitko pressed his whole length
preeminent anglophone novel against me, placing his feet

of the twentieth century, takes beside mine and leaning his
place on a date that commem- torso into my spine, his breath
orates the first handjob James hot on my neck. This was real-
Joyce ever received from his fu-
By Mary G A I T S K I L L ity, I felt with a strange relief,
ture wife.) Make Degradation Sexy this was where I belonged.
All credit, then, goes to the fol- Againor Bad Behavior, as
lowing twelve writers, who press the cover has itproves that
forward in spite of the snigger-
ing. And a special shout-out to
Gaitskill is still our foremost lit-
erary authority on whips, bond- A SPORT AND
those whose devotion to litera-
ture has not rendered them too
age, and sadomasochism. Her
landmark collection resists fac- A PASTIME
stingy to flirt with their readers, ile sermons and cartoonish kink. By James S A LT E R
to seduce themin the end, Her men are brutal and unre-
even, to try to turn them on. deemable, her women hell-bent When George Plimpton and
on absolution through annihi- his circle of rich young Amer-
lation. If that setup leaves you ican expatriates founded The

craving a walk on the (very) wild Paris Review, in 1953, Salter
side, we hope the dungeon mas- was still a fighter pilot in the Air

ters and dominatrixes you Force. But his third novel,
encounter arent half as cruel published fourteen years
as Gaitskills. later, reads like the ultimate
By Philip R OT H erotic fantasia of Plimp-
Obviously Portnoys Com- I shouldnt be doing this, tons louche postwar set. The
plaint is the easy choice here. he thought. She is actually a books hero, a Yale dropout
But Roth connoisseurs know nice person. For a moment in possession of nothing but
that Sabbaths Theater is where he had an impulse to a convertible that he may
the real action is. The novel embrace her. He had a stronger not even own, seduces a young
opens not long before Mickey impulse to beat her. woman in a small town in cen-
Sabbath, a sixty-year-old pup- tral France. After a slow start,
peteer, loses his Yugoslav lover, the narrative follows their affair

Drenka Balich, to a pulmonary in terms explicit enough to still
embolism. The book is Roths count as startling.

great song of rage: rage at life,
rage at death, rage at the mores He is determined to per-
that get Sabbath fired from his form the most gentle act, but
college teaching job after he has
By Garth G R E E N W E L L he doesnt know exactly where
phone sex with an undergrad. (A In W hat Belongs to You, to enter. He tries to find it.
footnoted transcript of the call the narrator reminisces about Plus haut, she whispers. His
goes on for twenty-one pages.) an early sexual encounter: As a arms are trembling. Suddenly
Self-aware enough to diagnose youth, he was forced to watch a he feels her flesh give way and WHAT
itself as the discredited male boy he loved fool around with then, deliciously, the muscle CHANCE DOES
polemics last gasp, Sabbaths
Theater is also furious enough to
a girlfriend. The narrator, hurt
but aroused, recalls the com-
close about him. He tries not
to press against anything, to
Delta of Venus
keep up the fight. bination of exclusion and desire go in straight. She is breathing OR Lady
I felt in his room, beneath the quickly, and as he withdraws Chatterleys
Even dead, Drenka gave him a pain of exclusion the sat- on the first stroke he can feel Lover STAND
hard-on; alive or dead, Drenka isfaction of desire. Some- her jerking with pleasure. AGAINST THE
made him twenty again. Even times, he says, I think its Its the short movements HD PORNORAMA
with temperatures below zero,
he would grow hard when-
the only thing Ive sought.
Now teaching in Bulgaria,
she likes. She thrusts herself
against him. Moans escape
ever, from her coffin, she enticed the young American finds her. Dean comesits like POUCHED WITHIN
him like this. He had learned the exclusion and desire he a hemorrhageand after- INCHES OF OUR
to stand with his back to the was looking for in Mitko, wards she clasps him tightly. GROIN?
110 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re
By Jeanette
Keats longed for a brighter
word than bright; Written on
the Body calls for a more lus-
cious word than lush. This reve-
latory crossbreed of prose poem,
erotic ode, and philosophical text
unspools like silk and offers sur-
prises at every turn. What begins
as the story of an affairthe
gender-ambiguous narrator falls
for a dying married woman
hurtles into an arousing dream-
scape of exaltation and loss.

She arches her body like a cat

on a stretch. She nuzzles her
cunt into my face like a filly at
the gate. She smells of the sea.
She smells of rockpools when I
was a child. She keeps a star-
fish in there. I crouch down to
taste the salt, to run my fingers
around the rim. She opens and
shuts like a sea anemone. Shes
refilled each day with fresh
tides of longing.

By Martin A M I S
Here come the sexy bits.
By design, Amiss debut novel
is a comedy about late adoles-
cence, not a humid sump of lit-
erary erotica. But when Charles
Highway finally wins the good
graces of Rachel, whom hes been
lusting after for a hundred-plus
pages, hes kind enough to warn
us about what is soon, ahem, to
come. How nice to be able to
say: We made love, and slept.
Only it wasnt like that; it didnt
happen that way. What we get
instead is an insane, grueling,
blow-by-blow obstacle course
narrated by the hyperarticulate
Highway in pore-revealing prose
that culminates, no joke, in a T.S.
Eliotassisted climax.

Move my hand over her bronze

tights, tracing her hip-bone, cir-

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 111
cling beneath the overhang of her tions on the nature of love, sex, several feet. She hated that dis- Ribcage turned into two paral-
buttock, shimmer flat-palmed and desire. Oh, and a few crude tance. She wanted to merge with lel rollercoaster tracks. Rump
down the back of her legs, drawings of penises. him. That is why, looking him puckered. Youre not supposed
U-turning over the knee, mean- straight in the eye, she insisted to hold your breath when you
der up her thighs, now dipping He has convinced her that she had not had an orgasm even have an orgasm. Jade learned
between them for a breathless the penis twitching in the air though the rug was fairly drip- that in a book and taught it to
moment, now skirting cheekily above her face is the size and ping with it. me. Youre living, not dying,
round the side. It hovers for a full color and warmth that it is she said, then.
quarter of a minute, then lands, entirely because of what he
soft but firm, on her cunt. has recognized in her. When
he enters her, when this throb- COUPLES HOUSE OF HOLES
bing, cyclamen-headed, silken, By John U P D I K E
By Nicholson B A K E R
apoplectic fifth limb of his
reaches as near to her cen- David Foster Wallace once
ter as her pelvis will allow, quoted a friend whod described The House of Holes is a lot
By Susan M I N OT he, in it, will be returning, she Updike as a penis with a thesau- like Westworld: a landscape
Minots 1984 short story believes, to the origins of his rus. And fair enough. But when staged by an enigmatic genius
chronicles the coming of age of a desire. The taste of his foreskin youre searching for a story of and designed to fulfill your neth-
boarding-school coed. Boys and of a single tear of trans- sexual indulgence, is a the- ermost desires, where few
and girls in thrall to heady parent first sperm which saurus really so unwelcome? rules apply and the customer
new hormones make out has broken over the cycla- Cue Couples, Updikes tale of is always right. In the House
in empty swimming pools, men head making its surface confession, lust, and melo- of Holes, you can have sex
in cars, on couches, and at even softer to the touch than drama within a circle of scan- with anything youd like
parties. As Minots searing before, is the taste of herself dalously adventurous friends (other humans; unripened
vignettes roll through and made flesh in another. This in small-town Massachu- bananas; sentient, stand-
across the decadesthe can never stop, she whispers, setts. Written soon after the alone arms; screwdrivers; a
rockabilly jives of the fifties, the slowly and calmly. advent of birth control, it offers tree; a pornmonster with one
camping trysts of the seventies, an enthralling celebration of the hundred penises). Every man
the strobe-lit fraternity baccha- sexual revolution. is hung like a Clydesdale, every

nals of the eightiesthey form woman has oxbow curves, and
a tableau that can feel timeless. She crouched and whimpered everyoneeveryoneis primed

But in an era of murky sexual pol- above him, her nipples teasing to shag. At first you might think
itics, this gutting deconstruction his lips. She went down on him that Bakercelebrated author
of what is politely called young
love, in which each affair hurts LIGHTNESS purring; she was a minx. This
was new, this quality of prosti-
and seemingly well-adjusted
family manhas been the vic-
more than the last, has never felt
more contemporary. OF BEING tution, of her frankly servicing
him, and taking her own plea-
tim of identity theft at the hands
of a thirteen-year-old horndog.
By Milan KU N D E R A sure as a subdivision of his. Her Then you realize only a mind
In bed, I didnt dare look at slick firm body was shameless like his could come up with so
him. I lay back with my eyes Set against the backdrop of yet did not reveal, as her more many synonyms for human gen-
closed, luxuriating because he the Prague Spring, The Unbear- virginal intercourse once had italia. House of Holes isnt arous-
knew all sorts of expert angles, able Lightness of Being examines done, the inner petals drenched ing, but who says sex always
his hands never fumbling, going the relationships of four flawed, in helpless nectar. has to be sexy? Sometimes it can
over my whole body, pressing capricious lovers. Sex, adultery, just be fun.
the hair up and off the back of and intimacy appear in terms

my head, giving an extra hip both romantic and realistic. In Jerk after jerk of Jasons
shove, as if to say There. one instance, youre awaiting artisanal come filled her
an impending orgasm during a rejoicing twathole. Now
characters ill-advised tryst with
By Scott S P E N C E R quick, hop on this cockbranch.

a stranger. In another, youre Spencers hypnotic novel She grabbed it and held itit
contemplating the mechanisms not to be confused with the two was still warm from its accel-
of sewage systems as she takes sappy screen adaptations by erated growing. And then
By John B E R G E R refuge in the nearest bathroom. directors who clearly stopped she heard the summer wind
This extraordinary novel, a The pain and beauty she and reading after the titleinsists begina warm wind that
retelling of the Don Juan story, the other characters encounter that the sort of love that knows made a different kind of rus-
follows a rakes progress through offer a master class in sensual no bounds is the most danger- tling in the leaves because
Europe on the eve of the First metaphysics, one that stimu- ous of all. Two doomed young the leaves were drier now
World War. Written by the Brit- lates more than just the physi- lovers share sex so intense and the light that snuck
ish art critic, essayist, and nov- cal senses. it borders on the surreal, in between the boughs and
elist Berger, who recently died culminating in a marathon boles was splaying and scat-
at ninety, its shot through with The reason she refused to get fueled by grief, mania, and tering, half of it reflected off
rich visual language, ominous down on all fours was that in menstrual blood. the water, hailed direct from
invocations of the social and that position their bodies did the setting sun. Fuck me
political forces about to tear the not touch at all and he could Her muscles were rigid deep, tall, strong penis tree,
world apart, and erudite medita- observe her from a distance of and she held her breath. she said.

112 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re


p hot o g ra p h s: Tk Mo n th 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 113
Jacket ($2,495) by
Giuseppe Zanotti
Design; trousers ($895)
by Bally. Opposite: Jacket
($2,595), T-shirt ($395),
and trousers ($1,250) by
Valentino; shoes ($1,245)
by Valentino Garavani.



114 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re





Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 115
Shirt ($60) by Banana
Republic; trousers ($1,060)
by Dries Van Noten;
sneakers ($415) by AMI
Alexandre Mattiussi; 123
Golden Heritage watch
($3,500) by Bell & Ross.

116 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re

Jacket (part of suit, $2,395)
by Dolce & Gabbana;
sweater ($79) by L. L. Bean.

p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Ma
Mo rch
n t h 2 0 17
1 7 _E
_ E s q u i re 117
HIDING Pe d r o P a s c a l i s g o i n g
through an identity crisis.
first, Pascal says.
When he arrives at the
Pascals character confronts
a new adversary, the Cali
casts the violent, drug-
fueled story in a softer light.
IN On the street, I get either coffee shop in Chelseas Cartel. I have no idea what People watch this and say,
Are you the Red Viper? High Line Hotel, Pascal is a Im allowed to say about the I cant fucking believe it,
PLAIN SIGHT or Are you Javier Pea? little harried. Hes wearing next season, Pascal admits. and I actually believe it was
he says. He is neither, a sweater from our photo But then, you can look it up. worse, he says. I think
but those two characters shoot the week prior, and he All the major events, you can Escobar was probably
give a nice summary of suspects he left his phone find them online. scarier and more violent
the forty-one-year-old at home. The Chilean-born, Thats the thing about a than whats depicted.
actors recent trajectory: American-raised actor is true-life series: There may His latest project likely
first as Oberyn Martell, in New York last minute be colorful deviations, but wont be held to the same
the bisexual heartthrob between Chile and London, the tentpole events must be historical scrutiny. In The
on HBOs Game of Thrones, enduring a few travel-heavy accurate. Pascal, who met Great Wall, out this month,
and now as the real-life DEA weeks before his return to with the real Javier Pea he helps defend the titular
agent hunting Pablo Escobar Bogot. There hell shoot the before filming and even went barrier from an army of
on Netflixs Narcos. third season of Narcos just through some actor-friendly monsters back in a. d. 1100.
If anyone knows my name, as the series pivots: With training at Quantico, argues The Chinese-American
they probably Googled me Escobar dead (spoiler!), that if anything, the show project was directed by

118 March 2 0 1 7 _E squ i re

Left: Jacket ($1,585),
shirt ($480), and trousers
($1,190) by DSquared2;
shoes ($940) by Santoni.

Below: Shirt ($750) by

Bottega Veneta; trousers
($140) by Calvin Klein.

Zhang Yimou, whom Pascal rience what isnt familiar to

has idolized since the eight- them in the Western world.
ies (hes like the Steven Just then a woman
Spielberg of China), and interrupts us. Excuse me,
also stars Matt Damon, she begins, iPhone in hand.
Willem Dafoe, and Chinese I think you left your phone
actors Andy Lau and Jing over on the counter. It is
Tian. The film weathered Pascals, and he thanks
early accusations of white- her profusely. Which raises
washing, but Pascal asks the question: Does he want
that audiences not judge a to finally be recognized by
book by its cover (or in this his own name?
case, its trailer). Miss this Whatevers next, thats
and youd be denying your- what I want to hear, he says.
self exposure to Chinese Are you the guy from Great
masters of the form, he Wall? As long as people see
says. I think its important it, I dont care if they know
that people see it and expe- my name. Jon Roth
Jacket ($1,105) by Moncler;
shirt ($600), trousers
($1,100), and shoes ($1,100)
by Dior Homme.

12 0 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re
Suit ($2,445) by Canali;
sweatshirt ($1,495) and
sunglasses ($405), Givenchy
by Riccardo Tisci.

For store information see

page 159. Set design by Jim
Gratson for Atelier Manage-
ment. Grooming by Kumi
Craig for Starworks Artists.

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 12 1
12 2 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re




henever Tom Manning began to feel bad, he digging graves in Jewish cemeteries with a friend, and running a
thought of the young woman in her twenties with small trucking company. He had brokered wholesale fish deals for
terminal brain cancer he met at the rehab facility a time until regulators came sniffing around and shut down the
in Boston where he spent nearly a month recover- operation. He always managed to get by, a skill his mother, Flor-
ing after his penis amputation. Her resolve was a encewhod worked full-time while raising Tom and his three
reminder of how things could be so much worse, siblings alone in the rough neighborhood of Dorchesterhad
a slap in the face. Sometimes, that memory wasnt taught him by example.
enoughhed need a little more help. So when For the next two months, Manning self-treated his wound with
Manning would feel the slightest itch of self-pity, hydrogen peroxide to disinfect and aspirin to dull the pain. But his
hed look in the mirror and slap himself across the cheek, hard penis remained crushed, his colon was still located in the wrong ZIP
enough to feel the sting. Stupid jerk, hed think. Dont do that again. code, and the unrelenting agony of his pulverized testicles made it
Still, it was nearly impossible not to sometimes ruminate on how hard to sleep more than a few hours at a time. He still workedhe
he ended up at that point. On a cold morning in January 2012, the hadnt taken a vacation in four and a half yearsbut he hobbled
sixty-year-old bank courier was easing a hand truck loaded with around and sometimes had to ask coworkers to help him move the
heavy boxes down a slushy ramp behind his companys office in heaviest loads.
downtown Boston. His legs slipped out from under him and Man- Finally, in Marcheight weeks after his genitals were pan-
ning went down hard. The cart, loaded with a hundred pounds of cakedManning finally sought help at Massachusetts General
paperwork, toppled onto him, forcing a portion of his colon through Hospital, Harvard Universitys renowned teaching affiliate in
his lower intestinal wall and steamrolling his genitals. downtown Boston. This is where the Saudis come to be treated, Man-
The impact felt like an explosion, but shock muffled the initial ning thought. Theres no better place to get help.
pain. A water deliveryman who had heard the crash and Mannings Over the course of twelve hours, waves of doctors came through
howl rushed over to help him back on his feet. He thanked the to ogle, poke, and image Mannings crotch. The verdict was that
guy, told him he was fine, and trudged up to the employee he needed surgery. Doctors would return his colon to its rightful
restroom to assess the damage, grabbing clean clothes from his place and reconstruct a portion of his genitals. Though the pro-
locker on the way. cedure sounded deeply uncomfortable, having a prognosis after
Once he was behind a locked door, Manning carefully peeled off weeks of worry gave him hope of a return to normalcy.
his military-style cargo pants, long johns, and underwear, each layer Before his surgery, Manning returned to
soaked through with Boston slush. The impact had caused the button meet Adam Feldman, one of the hospitals The
fly of his pants to rake across his genitals, and as the shock wore off, best urologists. After a careful examina- Patient
his entire groin began to throb in time with his heartbeat. There was tion, Feldman sat back, lines of concern Tom Manning
blood, but Manning couldnt tell where it was coming from because creasing his forehead. I think you have a spent four
years penis
his penis had swollen to more than twice its usual size. Everything tumor on your penis, he said.
less due to
looked wrong. A biopsy confirmed Feldmans suspi- cancer. After a
Manning, usually an unstoppable chatterbox, was the sort to cion. Manning had penile cancer, a rare and groundbreaking
suffer in silence, so he downplayed the severity of the fall to his aggressive disease that affects about two fifteenhour
coworkers. The company had recently laid off several employees, thousand men in the United States each surgery in May
2016, he woke
and the one guy who knew Mannings routes was tied up at another year. Cancerous cells had already invaded up with a new
site. Manning didnt want to leave his boss in the lurch and get fired a substantial amount of his penile tissue member. He was
in the process. Besides, he figured the problem would correct itself. and could soon spread to his lymph nodes pleased with
After half an hour of damage assessment, he threw on a dry change and beyond, at which point Manning would the outcome.
of clothes and went back to work. be as good as dead; hed last six months if
Manning loved the job. His main account for ten years running he was lucky. Radiation couldnt slow the
was one of the largest asset-management corporations in the world, spread, Feldman told him. The best path
the type of place that counted Fortune 500 companies among its forward was to cut off his penis.
clientele. He was responsible for transporting some of its most sen- Manning was blindsided. Would he look
sitive documentsthe guts, as they were calledaround Boston. like a Ken doll? Would he be the only man in
His career prior to that had been a mishmash of jobs that brought Boston who had to pee sitting down? Would
him little satisfaction: overseeing the cleaning crew at Fenway Park, he ever have an orgasm again? Maybe it

124 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
would be best to let the cancer run its course, he The South African case was both better chronicled and
thought. After all, every guys got an expiration date. Surgeons a lasting success. Surgeons at Tygerberg Hospital
Manning went home to the two-bedroom on in Cape Town transplanted a donors organ onto
Beacon Hill where hed lived for the last thirty-two a twenty-one-year-old whod lost his penis three
years, to think alone. He was used to figuring through years earlier after a botched circumcision resulted
problems on his own. He didnt want to worry Flor- in gangrene.
ence, his brother, Charles, or his two sisters, Edna Manning had read about both cases after his
and Debra, all of whom had kids and jobs and wor- amputation, but he had no idea that the very
ries of their own. Nor did he want to tell his buddies hospital where he had lost his manhood was
because theyd probably just crack jokes. He wasnt laying the groundwork for surgeons to attempt
dating anyone at the time, and besides, hed never Americas first-ever penis transplant.
been one for commitment, favoring the type of girls DICKEN KO, M.D. The projects origin dates to late 2012, after
his mom called trashy womenmodels, strip- Urological and multiorgan-transplant a presentation on hand transplants by Curtis L.
pers, a Rockette. It didnt take him long to decide surgeon who directed Mass Cetrulo, a plastic- and reconstructive-surgery
Generals kidney-transplant program;
that he didnt want to die. He told his doctors he researches tolerance models
specialist at Mass General. In the post-lecture
was ready to give up his penis to save his life. and economics of transplantation. scrum, he and his friend and colleague Dicken
So in the spring of 2012, he walked into Mass Ko, a celebrated urological surgeon, struck up
General for what he thought would be the last time a conversation with an attendee, a former Mass
as a whole man. Over the course of several hours, General surgical fellow whod served as a U. S.
as Manning lay unconscious, Feldman removed Navy surgeon. The man detailed the epidemic
all but a tiny stub of his penis, less than an inch in of lower-body blast injuries in Iraq and Afghan-
length, and created an opening through which a istan. Improvements in field-trauma surgery, as
catheter would allow him to pee. well as Kevlar body armor, were allowing soldiers
When he came to, groggy and hopped up on to survive injuries that would have easily killed
pain meds, Mannings mind started whirring. them in the past. In effect, this meant that more
Doctors could reattach hands; they could trans- CURTIS CETRULO, M.D. patients than ever were arriving at military hos-
plant faces. He recalled a news report about Plastic and reconstructive surgeon; pitals with injuries to the face and the extremities
scientists whod grown a human ear on a mouses performed Mass Generals first hand- andbecause of the prevalence of improvised
back. Why not try to grow a penis in the same transplant procedure; conducts explosive devices, which blast upwarddev-
research on eliminating need for
way and sew it on? Later that day, when Feld- immunosuppressants post-transplant. astating genital-urinary wounds. Injuries to the
man visited him in recovery, Manning said, with groin, the former fellow pointed out, are partic-
the thick Boston accent of an extra on Cheers, ularly insidious because they have no fix and are
Hey, doc, if you guys ever do a penis transplant, Im your guy. often suffered in silence.
Cetrulo and Ko had already been discussing the possibility of penis
At that time, surgically removing an intact transplants for months. They long understood the impact such a pro-
member from a donor and attaching it to a recip- cedure could have for men whod lost their penis, a population who
ient had never been performed in the United States. Until last year, are at risk for suicide, Cetrulo says. Theyre despondent patients
it had been attempted only twice worldwide: once in 2006 in China, who really see themselves as having no hope. The conversation with
and again in 2014 in South Africa. The first case is poorly docu- the former fellow served as Cetrulo and Kos catalyst. They both had
mented; the most common version of the story is that the surgery the same thought: There has to be a better way.
went well and the organ seemed to take, but the wife of the forty- The best medicine could offer a man whod lost his penis
four-year-old recipient panicked at the idea that he now had some- whether he was a blast-damaged infantryman or a cancer
one elses penis. They apparently demanded that it be removed. The patientwas a crude reconstruction, Cetrulo says. You take a
piece of tissuefrom the thigh or forearmand roll it into a
tube of skin to make it look like a phallus. The resulting penis
resembles tubed deli meat and is prone to infection. Though
many recipients do experience the return of erotic sensation, they
cannot achieve an erection without a prosthetic implant. Patients
often have difficulty urinating while standing. Theyre rarely able
to have intercourse.
Cetrulo and Ko were not the only ones in the country to reach
this conclusion. In 2015, a team at Johns Hopkins announced
that they planned to attempt a penis transplant for one of the
nearly fourteen hundred soldiers whod experienced some form of
devastating groin injury, virtually all of them in Iraq or Afghan-
istan. Which of the two institutionsHopkins or Mass
Generalwould perform the transplant first was simply a matter
of who could first clear their hospitals approval process and match
a patient with a donor.
The technology for such a procedure was already in place, thanks
to advances in face- and hand-transplant surgery. These procedures
are known as vascularized composite allografts, or VCAs. While
a kidney or liver is basically plug-and-play, made up almost entirely
of a single tissue type and installed with only a few attachments, a
VCA comprises different kinds of tissueskin, muscle, nerveand

illu stra ti o n s : Ky l e H i l ton

requires the hookup of blood vessels. A penis transplant is a VCA. transplant using tiny stentseven smaller than the straws you get in
When it comes to vital organs, the known risks of transplants cocktail drinks, he thoughtto ensure healthy blood flow.
are outweighed by the benefits; a patient will die without, say, Until he could once again move around comfortably, Manning
a functioning heart. But a missing hand, a mangled face, or an was out of work. He gave up his apartment and moved in with his
amputated penis wont end a persons life. So doctors need to mother, who was now retired, forty-five minutes south of the city.
consider that the patient will endure an arduous surgery with a The amputation site healed quickly, but the pain from the acci-
not-insignificant risk of failure that, if successful, will require a dent wouldnt abate. Mannings testicles throbbed as if every day
lifelong course of kidney-damaging immunosuppressants. Whats hed been kicked in the groin anew. The only thing that helped was
more, transplanted organs are also not as durable as the originals. nerve medication that he took three times daily, but a dose didnt
They wear out. last long enough to allow for a full nights sleep. Doctors were
Despite these concerns, Cetrulo and Ko believed that a penis happy to give him stronger meds for the pain, but Manning had
transplant was a risk worth taking. They worked for more than been sober his entire lifehed never so much as smoked a ciga-
three years to develop their protocol, consult with peers, and nav- rette. He took the oxycodone in his medicine cabinet only on the
igate through the ethical reservations. They helped raise funds for worst days. All the while he yammered on to anyone whod listen
researchwhich included practice sessions on cadavers at the that he hoped to someday get a transplant.
New England Organ Bankand taught counselors how to speak When Feldmans number popped up on his phone again in Feb-
with donor families who might have difficulty understanding why ruary 2016, Manning was sure something was wrong. The cancer
a hospital would want their loved ones penis. mustve returned; hed have only a few months to live. He took a
Finally, in December 2015, they got the green lightand the deep breath and answered. Are you still interested in that trans-
funding for two transplantsfrom higher-ups at Mass General. plant? Feldman asked. This time, Manning had no trouble with
Before they could begin the search for their first patient, Adam words: Lets do it, he said. Lets get it done.

Feldman told them about Tom Manning.
First came a lengthy screening process to
t this point, Manning had been living for nearly make sure that Mannings body and mind were
four years without his penis. Those early days able to handle a VCA. The surgeons and psychologists were cautious;
were a blur. He endured five surgeries in quick there wasnt any long-term data or substantial body of literature they
succession: to repair his colon and diaphragm, could pull from to understand all the risks Manning might endure.
to amputate his penis, to repair a blockage that They knew from Feldman that Manning had a tendency to keep his
caused him to go two days without urinating, and symptoms and complications to himself. In the case of a novel proce-
to deal with a hematoma that caused his testicles dure such as this, that alone could be the difference between success
to blow up to the size of softballs. At times, he joked to his friends, (new and improved penis!) and failure (no penis at all). Not all pre-
it felt as if he had wandered into some twisted Groucho Marx rou- vious VCA surgeries had gone to plan: The New Zealand man who
tinefirst a guy gets his Tic Tac lopped off; then his Milk Duds received the first hand transplant, in 1998, had it removed three years
inflate like balloons. later because he had become mentally detached from it; a Virginia
The fifth procedureto see if the cancer had spreadwas man who had had the most substantial face transplant to date in 2012
particularly nasty. Feldman peeled apart skin and muscle on Man- was, two years later, injecting whiskey into his stomach via a feeding
nings upper legs and groin to biopsy his lymph nodes. The surgery tube until he fell unconscious.
was invasive and bloody and required Manning to stay at a rehab Once Mannings mental stability was confirmed, Cetrulo and Ko
facility for weeks afterward. The pain didnt bother him so much laid out the risks in unvarnished terms: The surgery might fail. It
as the waiting: The results took nearly two
weeks to process. He lay in his bed for
days, wondering if hed given up his penis
only to die of cancer.
When Manning saw Feldmans number
pop up on his phone, he answered the call
as quickly as his fingers would allow him.
Youre clean, Feldman said. Manning sat
silent for almost a full minute before mus-
tering the coherence to say thank you.
Now he was free to focus on his new real- Welcoming the New Member
ity. All that remained of Mannings outward A (simplified) chronology of
reproductive machinery were testicles and Mannings fifteen-hour surgery .M
a stub. He had to sit down to pee. There 6:0
T-Minus Day
were no orgasms, by himself or with some- One Day of A team from Mass
one else. Manning accepted his fate. What Doctors Surgery General goes north
choice did he have? And yet one thought learn that to retrieve penis
kept pinging around his brain: Someone, a match from cadaver, which
somewhere, is going to try a penis transplant The
for Tom is then filled with
Manning preservative and
in the United States. Team will be placed on ice.
Manning bought a medical textbook and Part of the mur- taken off life
in his free time learned all he could about derers row of sur- support
the internal structure of the phallus. Star- gical staff who in Maine the
conducted the gru- next day.
ing at renderings of the honeycomblike eling procedure to
tissue punctuated by vessels and nerves, he attach Mannings
thought up his own crude way to connect a new penis.

12 6 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re
could turn out to be much more complicated than LADIES, I Mannings procedure. Cetrulo had traveled to
anticipated. And even in the best-case scenario, COULD Maine with a team of surgeons from Mass General
Manning would be on antirejection drugs for the BE THE MOST to procure the penis, along with the heart, lungs,
rest of his life. The most likely worst-case sce- DANGEROUS liver, pancreas, intestines, and kidneys. The young
nario was that the surgery wouldnt work and hed MAN IN mans organs would go on to save six lives and
go back to who he was before: a man sans penis. improve the quality of one moreTom Mannings.
Manning wasnt dissuaded. He thought, Youve got The donors parents asked that no information
one shot, and youre going to take it. At least youll
RIGHT NOW, about their son be provided, but released a brief
be able to look in the mirror and say, I did every-
SAYS statement at the time saying that the donation had
thing I could.
MANNING. been helpful through a difficult time.
The surgeons established three recovery
A SIXTY- Back at Mass General, a team prepped Man-
goals at the outset: appearance, ability to pass FIVE-YEAR- ning and wheeled him into the operating room.
urine, and sexual functionality. They couldnt OLD MAN Thirteen surgeons took part in the fifteen-hour
promise that any of them would be success- WITH A procedure, a different specialist stepping in to
ful. Manning could tell that Cetrulo and Ko YOUNG MANS painstakingly attach each of five blood vessels and
were concerned about how hed react if the sur- PENIS! two major nerves that run through the phallus. A
gery failed. He assured them that if that was catheter was strung through the urethra, and the
the outcome, he wouldnt hold a grudge. This wound was sewn up.
wasnt something he wanted to do; it was something he had to. He woke up in the ICU midday on Mothers Day to find his arms
Florence had worried for four years that all her sons talk about tied down so that he wouldnt reflexively reach for the surgical site.
transplants was only setting him up for disappointment. When The wound wasnt yet dressedit needed exposure to air to help dry
she heard the news, she was excited but also realistic: Stay it outand all that separated Mannings new penis from the threat
positive, Tommy, she told him. But dont get your hopes up. Man- of bacterial infection were a few layers of gauze. For several days, he
ning set about scheduling the hospital visits for an array of medi- was scared to look down. When he finally did, it appeared to him
cal tests, which meant taking time off work, which also meant that as though his groin had been mangled in a car wreck. The new area
he needed to tell his bosses what was going on. Mostly, they were was so badly swollen and discolored that it was unrecognizable as
surprised that hed been living and working for the last four years male genitals. Doctors kept telling him it looked great, but they were
without a penis. obviously working with a very different definition of the word. He
Transplant medicine is a waiting game. It can take months or didnt look again for a full week; by that time, the swelling had sub-
years for an organ to surface; the timing depends on the death sided and the surgical site was healing. Still weird, but better. The
of someone who matches the patients needs, which is no small member, he was pleased to see, was just about the same size as what
matter. An acceptable organ needs to meet several requirements, hed had before.
including skin tone, blood type, and a laundry list of disease Surgeons were optimistic from the start: Blood flow appeared
screenings. Plus, this was the first time anyone had ever gone look- to be normal, and there were no early signs of rejection. The next
ing for one. It was, in the words of the New England Organ Banks recovery goal was urination. Ko removed the catheter three weeks
CEO, an unusual ask. after the surgery, and Manning was able to pee freely, though sit-
In May 2016, the families of two potential donors were approached, ting down and into a bottle. A couple of weeks later came the real
marking the first time any U. S. organ bank had asked relatives to con- test, something that Manning hadnt done in four years: pissing
tribute their loved ones penis. To everyones surprise, both said yes. while standing up. To accomplish this, hed have to control when
One donors organ wasnt viable, but the otherbelonging to a young the stream began, how quickly it came out, and in what direction it
man on life support in Mainewas a perfect match. headed. Ko put a plastic target over the toilet in his office bathroom,
told Manning to hit it, and stepped out.
Transplants typically happen with little As Manning lowered his pants and prepared to fire, he thought,
noticea donor with viable organs dies and doc- I came out here to hit the bulls-eye, and Im gonna hit the freaking
tors need to act immediately. Ko was at a urology conference on the bulls-eye. The urine started flowing, and Manning blasted the tar-
West Coast when he received the news; he rushed to the airport to get, unleashing a stream with the vigor of a guy whod been holding
catch the next flight home but didnt get back until the tail end of it in for hours. All right! he shouted, loud ( c ontinued on page 157)

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Manning Procedure Donor organ Reconstruction Microsurgeons The two All vessels and Blood flow Manning is
prepped begins. arrives at of the eight- connect five nerves are nerves are sewn is normal. brought out of
for Mannings Mass General; millimeter-wide blood vessels; reattached up; there are no Incisions are the operating
surgery. groin is urologists urethra begins. each one is by neuronal signs of bleeding. sewn up. room and into
dissected to warm it back Surgeons start just two to four microsurgery The final step There have the intensive-
remove scar up. Manning with what they millimeters specialists. is to restart the been no care unit
tissue from receives call a scaffold across and blood supply to significant for recovery.
his previous antirejection a sturdy piece of is extremely the organ and complications.
surgeries, medications firmament delicate. assess if it is
which exposes intravenously. to build around vascularizedin
healthy tissue and work other words,
suitable for out from there. capable of
connecting to cycling blood.
the new penis. Without this, the
transplant will fail .
This page: Jacket
($2,250), shirt, and
trousers ($790) by
Bottega Veneta; sneak-
ers ($60) by Vans;
sunglasses ($200)
by Ray-Ban. Opposite:
Jacket ($1,895),
shirt ($1,045), and
trousers ($925) by
Giorgio Armani; sun-
glasses ($150) by
Polo Ralph Lauren.


12 8 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re ph ot o g ra p h s: T k

p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Mo n t h 2 0 1 7 _ E s q u i re 1 2 9
It Out
The right texture
is key to a
dressing-down like
this. The fabrics
on these pages run
the gamut (mohair,
cotton, linen), but
theyre all fine,
flowing, and
superlight. And look
for unlined options
they add more
breathing room,
and theyll keep
you cooler, too.

Jacket ($4,995), shirt

($695), and trousers
($895) by Ralph
Lauren; sneakers
($60) by Vans;
sunglasses ($150) by
Polo Ralph Lauren.

13 0 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re ph ot o g ra p h s: T k
Yo u r F i t
This isnt about
going up a size; its
about changing
proportions. Your suit
should still hang close
to your shoulders
and waist, but leave
some extra room in
the body of the
jacket, the sleeves,
and the thighs.
(Youll be exponentially
more comfortable.)

Suit ($3,440), shirt

($300), and tie
($190) by Salvatore
Ferragamo; sunglasses
($200) by Ray-Ban.

Pro skater Dan
Lutherans career is
up in the air
My style is pretty free
range, Dan Lutheran
says, referring to his
clothes, not his style of
boarding. I like to mix
up all the stuff I see other
people wearing. Experi-
ment a little, you know?
If there were a skate-
boarding Spicoli, it
would be this guy. Hes
got the sun-bleached
hair, the lazy smile, the
hazy SoCal vocab. (He is
stoked, he catches vibes,
his tastes are free range.)
Hes disarmingly chilled-
out for an extreme ath-
lete, too. That may be
a symptom of the Cali-
fornia bud (he has been
known to partake)but
either way were pretty
sure he wont be shilling
for an energy drink any-
time soon.
Hes made for Long
Beach, where he lives
now, but the twenty-
seven-year-old grew up
in Albuquerque, where
p hot o g ra p h s : Tk
Suit ($3,695)
by Ermenegildo
Zegna; sneakers
($60) by Vans.

he picked up skating from his

older brothers. I just wanted
to copy them because theyre
cool, he says. He did that, then
surpassed them and, oh, found
himself a career along the way.
How do you make it as a pro-
fessional skateboarder today?
Like everybody else, you build
your brand. In Lutherans case,
that involves a carousel of design
gigs, skate films, and photo
shoots that keep him visible,
keep his sponsors happy, and
keep him comfortable enough to
get on his skateboard every day.
Not that hes complaining.
Hes excited about the designs
hes created with Vans and
Stance socks. (One pair features
a sloth doing yoga and a hang-
loose hand sign.) Projects like
Vans Propeller, a feature-length
skate film highlighting the
brands deep bench of athletes,
got him out of the country for
the first time and put him in the
company of greats like original
Z-Boy Tony Alva and Thrashers
Skater of the Century, Steve
And photo shoots like these
where he trades in chinos and
white tees for Ferragamo and
Armanithey just make his
free-range style that much freer.
Jon Roth
13 2 March 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k
Yo u r M i n d
We know youve been
told the suit is your
office uniform, but that
doesnt apply to these
suits. They look better
in a casual setting
wherever a jacket isnt
required. Thats the
new thinking behind
tailoring today:
looser physically, but
mentally, too.

Suit ($2,200) by
Etro; sneakers ($50)
by Vans.

For store information

see page 159. Produced
by Joe Daley for A+
Productions. Grooming
by Diane Da Silva for
Atelier Management.
Skateboard courtesy of
Toy Machine. Grip tape
courtesy of Shake Junt.

p hot o g ra p h s: Tk Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 13 3
You need critics because you
need publicity. Thats all theyre
doing, really. Serious criticism
isnt done in newspapers. But
then I remember Goethes com-
ment when critics started at the
end of the eighteenth century.

He said, Would Shakespeare
be able to develop now? Be-
cause there wasnt any criticism
in Shakespeares day. He just
did another play and another. If
hed been analyzing all the plays,
what would that have done?
Wars are for the upper class-
W H AT I V E L E A R N E D es. Why would a peasant fight a
war? The First World War was
started in 1914 because every
government in Europe was aris-
tocratic. Now, with all these
iPhones, the individual has more
power. Would you have had the
slaughter of World War I if ev-
Ive smoked for sixty-two The painter who ty-four people who get it, so I eryone had an iPhone? I doubt it.
years, so why stop now? thought I might as well. But it Theyd be sending their messag-
Picasso smoked, died at nine- bucked every doesnt mean much to me. es: Dont come to the Somme!
ty-one. Matisse smoked, died at trend of his time The past is edited, so it always Artists are not that good as
eighty-four. Monet smoked, died looks better than the present, parents. Ive known a few. They
at eighty-six. What are they go-
gets a blockbuster which is a jumble. But most of to- think about their work too much.
ing on about? show in the days art is going to disappear. We So I have missed out on some
In L. A., no one asks you where country of fog only keep the cream, and thats as things, I would say that. But you
youve been, where youve come it should be. Otherwise wed be manage in life, dont you? I re-
from. Theres all kinds of people and rain he up to our necks in rubbish. member once at Glyndebourne,
here; everybodys from some- abandoned for L. A. Cocaine was a lot of fun. This was The New York Times had an ar-
where else. It suits me. in the eighties, when everybody ticle about the social scene, the
Im just a worker, always have in New York was on it. But I nev- picnics and things, and they
been. Im happiest when Im er took that much. I was never a asked the press secretary, What
working. So I work every day party boy, really; I was a worker. do you do if it rains? And she
weekends make no difference. As I didnt like Studio 54 because I said, We manage. Thats a
an artist, Im driven. Always have couldnt stand the sound. very good answer. Thats what
been, really. I can still stand up The price of art is so ridicu- Ive done.
for seven hours a day, painting. lous now, I just assume its drug I experienced one of those vir-
Artists dont retire. They go on. money. Because that moneys not tual-reality headsets. And I dont
I have the vanity of an artist sitting in cardboard boxes in Co- think it will catch on. Its isolating.
in that I want my work to be lombia; its being invested. Itll be good for pornography but
seen, but I dont like to be seen Im not really a depressive. not much else, because with por-
myself. Im quite shy, really. I When I had some episodes, I nography youre alone. It needs
would prefer you didnt use a thought it was because of deaf- volume, tits and assyou need
photograph of me but stuck a PA I N T E R ness, really. Mind you, there was to feel the volume. But where is
painting in there instead. one time twenty years ago when the shared experience going to

Ive always had enough money I just slept for three days. And come from?
to do what I want to do, for the the doctors told me I was prone If longevity is your aim in life,
last fifty-five years, even when I to pancreatitis, so I had to give its life-denying, I think. There
didnt have much. And thats all up alcohol and caffeine. I said, used to be a jokethough no-
Im interested in. Whats money INTERVIEWED BY Well, as long as I can smoke. bodys laughing todaywhere
for if not that? And Ive never experienced that a man goes to the doctor and the
Nobody knew I turned down
SANJIV since. So now I realize it was al- doctor says, I want you to give
the knighthood until The Sunday B H AT TA C H A R YA ways after a drink. up smoking, drinking, rich food,
Times printed it. And I thought New York is boring now. The and sex. The man asks, Will I
that was terrible because I LOS ANGELES rents are too high for bohemia. live long? No, but it will seem
didnt tell anybody, I just quiet- Young people must be able to that way.
ly did it. I didnt want to be Sir IN LIVING COLOR move there. Thats what hap-
David, frankly. But I accepted The artist in 1988, pened in Paris. If the young cant David Hockney is at the Tate
the Queens Order of Merit be- photographed in his studio by David go to a place, then in the end, its Britain from February 9 through
cause, well, theres only twen- Montgomery. going to die. May 29;

13 4 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 13 5
13 6 March
Mo nt h 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k


P h o to g ra ph s b y He n r y LEUTWYLER
p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Ma
M o rch
n t h 2 0 17
1 7 _E
_ E s q u i re 1
I told him, I cant hang out with you any-
more, because it makes me feel bad about
myself, says Christopher Kostow, the chef

at the three-Michelin-starred Restaurant at
Meadowood in Napa Valley. Humm hired
Kostow back when both worked at Camp-
ton Place in San Francisco, although in age

theyre only a few months apart. From the
very outset, he knew what he wanted to be,
Kostow says. More than anyone Ive met in
this industry, he had an unmitigated confi-
The road down the mountain snaked I thought about was How am I gonna get to dence in his ability to be successful.
through an icing of whiteness. Daniel the market? The restaurant would not func- At Eleven Madison Park, Humm and
Humm, the young chef whose cooking had tion if I didnt have the ingredients. After Guidara are proponents of a vein of
brought a Michelin star to this patch of the extracting himself from the shattered hull white-tablecloth grandeur that supposedly
Swiss Alps, had crawled into bed around of the Mercedes, Humm hiked back up the went out of style a long time ago. When
three in the morning. Now he was up again, slope to Gasthaus zum Gupf, borrowed an- people talk about the food there, they
two or three hours later, his bones aching other car from a friend, and hauled ass to Zu- talk about a delirium of pleasure, a rush
and his eyes bloodshot. rich to make it to the market in time. of extravagance thats usually associated
Humm had to make it from his kitchen at Only on the way back did things start to with the Old World. Hes not only cook-
Gasthaus zum Gupf in Rehetobel, Switzer- settle in, he says. I realized that I could ing for himself, says Bo Bech, an influential
land, to the market in Zurich, about ninety have died. chef from Copenhagen who has befriended
minutes away. He needed to buy the best Humm over the past few years. Hes actu-
lettuces and herbs from the countryside, the DUDE, ITS BEEN HARD. ally cooking for people. He wants them
best lemons and oranges trucked in from Humm says this seconds after he tells me to be happy. Hes not trying to fuck your
Italy. His dishes relied on these ingredients, the story about the sliding Mercedes. Its a mouth with things youve never heard of.
and his dishes were so good, so revelatory, Monday evening at I Sodi, a restaurant in Danny Meyer, the man who originally con-
that wealthy customers had started flying to New Yorks West Village where he retreats vinced Humm to move to New York City
the restaurant via helicopter to eat them. when he wants what a lot of chefs want on a and conjure up dishes that could match the
He made this trip to the farmers market night offa bottle or two of good red wine high-ceilinged majesty of the dining room,
three times a week. Hed grown up doing the and a few comforting bowls of cheese-dusted praises Humm for dodging a self-satisfy-
same thing with his mother, arriving at the pasta, still hot from the boil and just the right ing intellectualism that obscures any kind of
market at dawn so that she could score the amount of chewy. This is my favorite place pleasure. Meyer goes on: He can actually
freshest treasures from the Swiss landscape. in New York, he says. I come here when- satisfy my mind and my hedonistic needs at
Being a great chef depends on cooking well, ever I can. Its really honest, you know? the same time. Very few people can be a vir-
sure, but a lot of it comes down to shopping Hard is not necessarily a word that peo- tuoso as well as a pop artist.
well. Having been raised to revere ingredi- ple associate with Daniel Humm. At forty, Eat at Eleven Madison Park and a bar-
ents, Humm couldnt imagine sleeping in and he is the head chef and one of the owners of tender will wheel a cocktail cart alongside
settling for less. So he put Eleven Madison Park, a restaurant in Man- your table to make you a manhattan as
Knockout on his boots, stepped into hattan that is celebrated around the world deftly balanced as Philippe Petit on a tight-
Chef the cold, and got behind for a casual clockwork opulence. Symboli- rope; a snowy globe of celery root will come
the steering wheel of a Mer- cally, Eleven Madison Park also serves as a hot and tender out of an inflated pigs blad-
Humm cedes SUV that belonged to sort of Buckingham Palace: the heart and der before being bathed in a truffled sauce;
holds his his boss at the restaurant. focal point of an aggressively expanding em- a sommelier will open a bottle of wine by
celery-root Even in his exhaustion, pire. Humm and his business partner, Will firing up a pair of tongs with what looks like
dish, which Humm recognized the Guidarathe two men work so closely that a Bunsen burner and then squeezing the hot
is braised
moment that he lost con- theyre always talked about in tandem, like tongs right below the cork to melt the glass;
in an inflated
pigs bladder. trol of the Mercedes. I the Glimmer Twins of gastronomyoversee for dessert, a torrent of blue flame will pour
Boxing realized I was going way a renowned restaurant, the NoMad, in the down the white slopes of your Baked Alaska.
is one of the too fast into this curve, he eponymous Manhattan hotel, and a warren These acts are performed with an unflap-
sports in his remembers. He also real- of bars and nooks in the same space. Theyre pable happiness that can, at times, seem be-
rotation. ized, as the vehicle slid planning to open a branch of yond human. To describe the
downward through the ice the NoMad in Los Angeles in protocol at Eleven Madison
and snow, that he was heading straight for a the coming year, as well as a Park as service with a smile
steep alpine drop. He was about to go over new fine-dining sanctuary in is to force it into the company
a cliff. He spotted a single tree that looked a luxury tower at 425 Park of the flair-wearing fast-casu-
like a cinnamon stick rising from a bowl of Avenue. They also intend to al behemoths. But Make It
cream. I was steering toward that tree, roll out a group of fast-casual spots under the Nice is more than just a hashtagged corpo-
trying to hit it, he says. rubric Made Nice. To observers who murmur rate slogan for Guidara and Hummits a reli-
The tree in the snow stopped his slide to- enviously about the duos seemingly effort- gion. They take niceness to extremes. A friend
ward doom. It also wrecked the SUV. The less march to power, it can all be a bit much to of mine once dined at Eleven Madison Park
car was totally fucked, Humm says. At that bearthe money, the air-kissy acclaim, the and offhandedly mumbled something about
moment, though, the state of his employers unsinkable Disney smiles. Theirs is the kind Game of Thrones and mead. Before his meal
Mercedes was not his primary concern. All of success that makes mortals smirk. was over, a cup of mead had been brought to

13 8 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re illu stration s : St ua r t Pat i e nc e

his table. The job of the staff member known as doesnt disagree with that assessment. rises up the ranks back home in Switzer-
the Dreamweaver is to acquire stray threads of Maybe I feel like in all this time, no one land; moves to San Francisco and gets four
conversation from waitstaff and to act on that really knows who I am, he says. Hes not stars at Campton Place (the brightest star
information (quickly, before you depart with exactly taciturn, but his manner of speaking to land in Northern California since Thomas
the customary jar of Humms handmade gra- is measured, careful, slow, stereotypically Keller opened the French Laundry, wrote
nola for the morning after) to make a fantasy Swiss. When people in the food world talk Michael Bauer in the San Francisco Chron-
come to life. Youve always wondered what it about him, they usually talk about the cavi- icle); gets noticed by the likes of Danny
would be like if you could return to your apart- ar-and-cream luxury of his cooking (his roast Meyer and Daniel Boulud; moves to New
ment on the bare back of a snorting snow- chicken at the NoMad, stuffed and speckled York and gets four stars all over again
white stallion? Be careful what you wish for. with truffles and foie gras, is one of the great (Eleven Madison Park, which opened in
All of this, paired with Humms relent- New York City indulgences of our time) and 1998, now ranks among the most allur-
lessly delicious neoclassical cooking, has the epic ambition of his bromance ing and impressive restaurants in
elevated Eleven Madison Park into the with Guidara. Wylie Dufresne, the New York, wrote Frank Bruni in
ranks of the worlds most revered restau- boldly imaginative chef behind the The New York Times); and then just
rants. Announced every spring, the Worlds defunct wd-50 (who has collabo- basically rides a ski lift all the way
50 Best Restaurants (like the Oscars and rated with the pair by bringing back to Valhalla. Make it nice, indeed.
the Grammys) exerts enormous influence, some of his most famous dishes Thats the image of Daniel
even though there is no shortage of grum- for customers at the NoMad Bar), Humm, but its only part of the
bling about the list having bogus origins and points out that in the eyes of many observers, story. The real story is Dude, its been
dubious value. (When Noma, Ren Redze- Humm and Guidara are practically insep- hard. Slash through that blank white canvas
pis pioneering restaurant in Copenhagen, arable. Its not like theyre stuck with each and youll find a world of hurt.
surprised a lot of people by being named other, he says. But the rise of each of them As we finish our meal at I Sodi, Humm
the best restaurant in the world in 2010, the has been linked to the other. That relation- tells me that hes got a passion for food, a
impact on global cuisine, and on Redzepi ship has helped to define a lot of decisions passion for cooking, and I barely pay atten-
himself, could be compared to that moment hes made. Its not totally clear where one tion to this, at first, because it seems like a
in 1992 when Nirvanas Nevermind knocked starts and the other ends. generic thing to say. Then he puts down
Michael Jacksons Dangerous off the top of What fills in the blanks can sound a lot a glass of wine and explains that when he uses
the Billboard album chartsboth conveyed like the stuff of a charmed life: Talented kid the word passion, hes referring to a German
a sense that everything word: leidenschaft. Break
had changed overnight.) down the word and it means
Eleven Madison Park has something more along the
risen high and fast on the lines of enjoy suffering.
Worlds 50 Best Restau- That would be my trans-
rants list in recent years; lation, he says. Passion is
last year it landed at number not something pleasant. Are
three, two spots beneath you willing to suffer for this?
chef Massimo Botturas Thats when you have pas-
idiosyncratic Osteria Fran- sion. Otherwise, its a hobby.
cescana in Modena, Passion is not a hobby.
Italy. Many chefs and Zen
restaurateurs say that and Chaos BY T H E T I M E of his near-
its only a matter of death experience on that hill-
Humm in the
time before Eleven kitchen at
side in the Swiss Alps, when
Madison Park hits Eleven he was twenty-five, Daniel
number one, and it has Madison Park. Humm had already endured a
been clear for at least Its head chef decade or so of serious leiden-
half a decade now that since 2006, he schaft. He dropped out of
also became a
Humm and Guidara co-owner school when he was fourteen
would very much like in 2011. and moved out of his familys
that to happen. house soon after. He never
When it does, Humm will got along with his father.
get to savorat least for Emotionally, he just wasnt
a whilethe weirdness of there, he says. I never did
being called the greatest chef what he told me. The more
alive. (If you give the list cre- he was against it, the more I
dence, he is already the great- went the other way. I moved
est chef in America.) But away from home when I was
compared with magnetic, fifteen. Ive never asked for
charismatic raconteurs such one more thing.
as Redzepi and Bottura and Books such as Anthony
David Chang and Eric Rip- Bourdains Kitchen Confi-
ert and Ferran Adri, he dential, Bill Bufords Heat,
has always come across as Eric Riperts 32 Yolks, and
something of a mystery. He Gabrielle Hamiltons Blood,

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 13 9
Bones & Butter have taught us all about the
burns and humiliations that go hand in hand ARE YOU WILLING tor, Lisa Rotell, is elfin in stature, especially
when standing next to the leaning tower of
with the romance surrounding the restau-
rant stove. Many of Humms scaldings have
TO S U F F E R Humms six-foot-four frame, but her mus-
cles suggest that she could probably hoist
been of the emotional variety.
As a teenager, Humm fell in love with an
FOR THIS? THATS him on her shoulders.
In some ways, an Iyengar yoga session
older woman; she became pregnant when he WHEN YOU serves as a useful expression of the pain-and-
was seventeen. Looking back, I was a child
myself, barely eighteen, when my daughter HAVE PA S S I O N. pleasure dynamic that constitutes Humms
own OS. With Rotells guidance, we go
Justine was born, he writes in an early draft
of Eleven Madison Park: The Next Chapter,
OTHERWISE, through a series of stretches, a few of which
involve dangling from ropes that are fixed to
a cookbook/memoir that he plans to pub-
lish in October. Her mother, Elaine, was
ITS A HOBBY. the wall. At each point that we hover on the
edge of agony, she pushes us a few centime-
the love of my life. Those early years were a ters farther. Each instance of pain seems to
blurI was working so much, exhausted on He has a rotating schedule. Some morn- produce a concomitant sensation of eupho-
my few days off, salvaging what little energy ings he goes for a run; other days he trains riaboth of us leave the room feeling high.
I had to spend time with my baby. with heavy gloves and punching bags among But if you get an endorphin rush in pro-
He still has vivid memories of a four-day the fighters at Mendez Boxing, on East portion to the pain produced by each pose,
vacation to Brittany in his early twenties Twenty-sixth Street. In his Humms has to be more
during which the trio chilled out in a beach- youth, he trained for years to intense than mine. The guy
town rental and feasted on French seafood. be a competitive bicyclist in has an intimate bond with
He has even sharper memories of the moment Switzerland, and he regularly pain. Im very comfort-
when Elaine told him that the relationship was returns to that times rhythms able with pain, he says. My
ending; she was leaving him for another man. for a bike ride up and down cycling career has taught me
If Humm had been too young to start a family, the hills along the western that. Its all about pain. Its
he was too young to lose one. He wouldnt see bank of the Hudson River. (Hes often joined about endurance. Whoever can push them-
his daughter again for years. (She is twenty- by Aldo Sohm, the Austrian-born wine selves harder is going to go farther.
one nowtall and stunningand the two master at Le Bernardin.) Twice a week he He recently pushed himself to do hand-
have become close. He also has two younger makes time for yoga. His personal instruc- standsno mean feat for a man of his
daughters from a subsequent heightand when we get to
relationship, although he is now the end of the Wednesday ses-
single.) I was destroyed, he sion, I find myself conked out
says. Without that experience, next to him on the floor as he
I wouldnt be where I am today. twists himself, with Rotells
It made me selfish. I knew that help, into a move that seems
the only thing that couldnt be more suited to a contortion-
taken from me was my career, ist than a top chef who needs
so I nearly lost myself in it. It to let off some steam. This is
was like my therapy. In a the moment in a yoga prac-
way, she gave me a gift. Edible Art tice when most of us revert to
To get to this point, you shavasana, or the corpse pose,
need to dig deep. Really lobster with which might also be described
deep. You need to be will- rutabaga and as lying on the mat and chill-
ing to give everything. pear. The ing out and maybe even falling
You even need to be self- plating may asleep to that Jeff Buckley ver-
be modern,
ish at times. but Humms
sion of Hallelujah. Humm,
techniques instead, opts for halasana, or
I LO O K TO my left and are classically the plow pose, in which he
I see Daniel Humm tan- European. lies flat on his back but lifts
gled up like a pretzel. his legs up and then over his
Its a Wednesday morning face so that his toes are some-
in New York, and the chef where in the vicinity of the
and I have met at the Iyengar crown of his head and his legs
Yoga Institute on West Twen- hover parallel to the floor.
ty-second Street. Humm ex- He does this with an extra
ercises at the start of every wrinkleincorporating a
day. It has been that way folding chair. His torso lies be-
since he was a kid. I need neath the bottom of the chair
it, he says. Otherwise, I feel but his legs squeeze through
completely lost in my day. If I the place in the chair where
would ever let this go, every- the small of your back would
thing would fall apart. Even if normally go. When he has bent
I sleep three hours, I want to his sizable body into this posi-
do this. tion, Rotell places weighted

14 0 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
bags on the backs of his thighs. Then he just in 2006, lured by Meyer, who would later By then, though, there had been casual-
sits there for a while. All of this helps reju- sell Eleven Madison Park to Guidara and ties. Humm may have a high threshold for
venate the body and mind like youre taking a Humm. At the time, the restaurant had pain, but not everyone shared his willing-
nap, which is why he likes it so much, Rotell two stars from The New York Times, which ness to suffer for perfection. His wrath could
later tells me. What looks painful is in fact a Frank Bruni would soon increase to three, scorch skulls. He had earned his stripes in
source of pleasure. but three stars wouldnt be enough to help European kitchens where chefs made the
many high-end chefs survive the Great drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket look like
BY T H E T I M E he was twenty-one, Humm Recession. By 2008, the New York restau- a softy. Public humiliation, abusethis is
had become such a skillful bike racer that rant scene reflected a disaster movie, with how we kept order, he says. This is how we
he got a chance to compete in the Swiss massive investments evaporating in sulfu- led. Governed by an uncontrollable pas-
Championship. The competition took place rous puffs of smoke everywhere. sion, Humm in those days reacted to even
during the warmer months in Lenzerhe- Dude, we had nights when we did ten the tiniest instances of tardiness and care-
ide, a mountainous resort town. Humm was covers, Humm recalls. We thought, lessness with a pent-up alpine avalanche of
determined to kill it, and he launched into Maybe this is not the time when the world rage. One night, a young cook did some-
the race at a much faster speed than he nor- wants a restaurant like this. We lost money. thing wrong, he writes in his forthcoming
mally would have gone in practice. Looking We werent sure we were gonna make it, book. I do not even remember what it was;
back, he remembers a very steep downhill honestly. And then Frank Bruni came in. but I do remember impulsively flinging a
stretch, followed by a sharp left. The track We were like, He didnt come here to quart container of avocado roulade into his
was gravelly. The momentum over- give us another three stars. He face. Will happened to be in the kitchen and
whelmed him. He wheeled too far came four or five times. He put us see this. After months of allowing me to
out and got caught in the fence through the wringer. They cut behave as a terror in the kitchen, he had had
that marked the race course. His costs. They waited. They sweated enough. He dragged me into our office like
bike went airborne, and his body it out. They listened to the clinking a child and proceeded to absolutely demol-
catapulted upward. He doesnt of silverware in a half-empty dining ish me. I was actually scared. He told me
remember the rest. Unconscious, room. Bruni bestowed four stars that sort of behavior no longer existed in the
he had to be airlifted to a hospital. He had on Eleven Madison Park in August 2009. restaurant or everything was over.
broken ribs, punctured lungs, a broken arm. Weve never had an empty seat since that At Eleven Madison Park this past Novem-
He spent six months in bed. day, Humm says. Unbelievable. It was a ber, I was standing next to Humm, listening
Around the time of the accident, Humms very emotional moment for us. to him talk about the evolution of a lob-
passion for cooking was ster dish, when we heard, a
surging, and when he looks few yards away, the sleigh-
back, he sees the crash bellish jingle and crash of a
like his crushing breakup wineglass falling to the floor.
with Elaineas something A silence came next. You
of a twisted gift. Had neither could almost feel jaws and
happened, he may never shoulder muscles clench-
have pushed himself as hard ing up all over the kitchen.
as he did in the kitchen. Humms mouth kept mov-
Lying in the hospital bed, he ing. He tried to con-
realized that he was squan- No Pain, tinue the conversation,
dering his time and leiden- No Gain but then he trailed off.
schaft on bike racing. I was Storm clouds passed
Humm at the
good, but I was never going Iyengar Yoga over mountain peaks in
to be Lance Armstrong, he Institute in his eyes. Without shift-
says. I decided to put all my Manhattan. ing his gaze, he called
energy into cooking. I made I need it, he out to Dmitri Magi,
says of exercise
cooking my sport. every morning.
Eleven Madison Parks
Otherwise, I chef de cuisine.
IF ANYTHING IS ultimately feel completely Dmitri, he said.
bound to nudge Daniel lost in my day. Yesterday something
Humm into that top spot on fell. Its gotta stop.
the Worlds 50 Best Restau- Magi acknowledged this.
rants list, its his sheer ath- Humm lowered his eyes. My
leticism. Plenty of chefs old me would have gone over
work hard. Hes willing to there and yelled at everyone,
work harder. From the out- he said.
side, Humms accomplish-
ments at Eleven Madison L AT E LY, AT FO R T Y, Humm
Park may seem to have been has begun to feel as though
written in the stars, but the he has finally found himself
reality is that his early years as a chef. Its as if he is just
in the kitchen were night- starting out. He used to get
marishly touch and go. The inspiration from cookbooks,
chef arrived in New York ( c ontinued on page 154)

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 141
14 2 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
Raheel Siddiqui was a young Muslim
who dreamed of becoming a Marine. At twenty,
he started basic training at Parris Island,
where barking drill sergeants transform callow
recruits into elite killing machines. Less than two
weeks after he arrived, Siddiqui suffered
a mysterious and fatal fall. The Marine Corps says
he committed suicide, but some think
more sinister forces led to his death.

Alex French investigates.

Photo illustration by Justin Metz

ance, and he will surrender his personal belongings. Before any of
that, however, he calls home. When his mother answers, he reads
from a script: This is Recruit Siddiqui. I have arrived safely at Par-
ris Island. Please do not send any food or bulky items to me in the
THE MOTTO OF THE MARINE Recruit Training Depot at Par- mail. I will contact you in seven to nine days by letter with my new
ris Island is We make Marines. Nineteen thousand recruits pass address. Thank you for your support. Goodbye for now.
through the place each year, including every male would-be Devil The words Siddiqui recited to his mother were the last she ever
Dog from east of the Mississippi and every female recruit from any- heard him speak. Less than two weeks after that phone call, he suf-
where. The base is a monsoon of perpetual motion. Recruits with fered a fatal fall from the third story of his barracks. The Marines
buzz cuts and earnest tan lines are up at 0400, standing at attention ruled the death a suicide, but Siddiquis parents insist their son would
in front of their racks while drill instructors in short shorts and snug never have taken his own life. And while the exact details of what hap-
T-shirts crank the Lion King soundtrack on the duty huts computer. pened in the days, hours, and minutes leading up to Siddiquis fall re-
The recruits bellow Good morning, sir and Aye, sir and hustle to the main obscurehidden behind redacted government reports and the
head before a predawn march to the mess hall. After swallowing down militarys unofficial code of silencethe investigations that followed
their morning chow, theyre off to PT, the first ordeal in a day that his death have revealed evidence of a hazing scandal unlike anything
wont end for another sixteen hours. Parris Island has endured since the 1950s.
The depot at Parris Island occupies a peninsula on the South Car-
olina coast, not far from Port Royal and Beaufort. Its eight thousand
acres of flat, shadeless terrain are punctuated by frizzy palmettos and RAHEEL SIDDIQUIS decision to enlist in the
oaks dripping with Spanish moss, which appear to be melting in the Marines shocked everybody he knew. At the time he
heat of the great American South. The depots streets are named for signed up, he was living with his parents and younger
sites of historic leatherneck sacrifice and triumph: Yorktown Street sister in Kensington Courts, a low-income project
and Cuba Street and Boulevard de France. Soissons, Corregidor, in Taylor. His father had been a T-shirt exporter in Karachi, Paki-
Guadalcanal, Okinawa, Inchon, Bataan. Everywhere you can hear stan, before immigrating to the United States in 1990. Now he made
the thunder of bootheels striking the pavement, the husky tones of three hundred dollars a week hand-assembling glove-box components
the DIs cadences, the crackling of rifle fire on a distant range. for an auto-parts company. Taylortucky, as Siddiquis hometown is
Basic training lasts twelve weeks. Not counting Sundays and pro- known, is a white working-class community whose main thorough-
cessing, thats seventy days to establish esprit de corps and learn basic fare is an inglorious six-lane lined with old discount-furniture out-
combat skills. Seventy days to get the moral compass back to north. lets, fast-food joints, and shuttered used-car dealerships.
Seventy days without television or junk food or girls sliding by on Siddiqui was a playful teenager with a wispy mustache, a
Instagram. Seventy days during which the only music is John Philip high-wattage smile, and a taste for brightly colored dress shirts.
Sousas greatest hits as performed by the Parris Island Marine Band A stabilizing force within his family, he had a job at Home Depot
and that damn Lion King soundtrack. For seventy days, recruits live and no time for girls or mischief. After graduating as the valedic-
life from chow to chow. In no time, their personal mantra becomes torian of his high school class in 2014, he took a full scholarship at
Semper Gumby: always flexible. the University of Michigans Dearborn campus, just fifteen minutes
When Raheel Siddiqui stepped aboard the depot at Parris Island, from home.
in March of last year, he thought he knew what to expect. Siddiqui Siddiqui studied mechanical engineering and robotics and thought
was a twenty-year-old Muslim from Taylor, Michigan, a city of sixty- he might like to join the FBI someday. Midway through his freshman
two thousand a short drive from downtown Detroit. Hed first visited year, he went to his local Marine Corps recruiting office and was sold
his local Marine Corps recruiting office in March 2015, during his a vision that promised a more direct route to the future he dreamed
freshman year in college, and enlisted in the Marines delayed-entry of than the one on offer at UM-Dearborn. In July 2015, he commit-
program that July. After quitting school, he spent the next six ted to four years in the Marines, went full-time at Home Depot, and
months in a program of rigorous physical training and watched dropped out of college.
hours of basic-training clips on YouTube. During the 2016 presidential campaign, the public fight between
The routine for receiving fresh recruits at Parris Island never Donald Trump and the parents of Humayun Khan, an Army captain
changes, so its not hard to imagine Siddiquis first moments aboard killed during the Iraq War, brought national attention to the dis-
the depot. Around ten oclock at night, the bus that brought him from tinguished service of Muslims in the U. S. military. But Siddiquis
the Savannah airport pulls through the security gate and halts before enlistment, more than a year earlier, had nothing to do with politics.
a broad brick administration building. A howling DI rushes onto the He saw the corps as a way to build a rsum that might interest the
bus and instructs him and the other tenderfoots that theyre no longer FBI and, especially, as a means of pulling his family out of poverty
to use words such as I, me, and my. Instead, they will refer to them- and into the middle class.
selves as this recruit, a reminder that they henceforth exist only as Siddiquis mother, Ghazala, told me that his decision worried her
part of a team. At the DIs urging, Siddiqui grabs his shit and hustles from the start. She still saw Raheel as her plump-cheeked little boy.
off the bus to a set of yellow footprints painted on the pavement. The With his easy demeanor, he was more of a diplomat than a warrior.
DI tells the recruits that tens of thousands of Marines have started He didnt play sports. Hed never been in a fight. Hed never even
their military service standing on those same yellow footprints. The been away from home before. Ghazala feared that he wouldnt be
recruits learn three crucial articles from the Uniform Code of Mil- able to keep halal. But her son calmed her. Dont worry, mama, Ill
itary Justice. One says they must be where they are supposed to at find something else to eat.
the proper time. Another says that disrespect will not be tolerated. Siddiqui knew he had all the intangibles of a good Marine. He
A third instructs the recruits to do what they are told without ques- was obedient, loyal, smart, a natural leader. Seventy-one percent
tions. After this lesson, Siddiqui and his busmates are rushed through of prospective recruits ages seventeen to twenty-one fail to meet
a set of steel hatches that bear the inscription Through these portals Marine Corps standards, but hed scored well on his aptitude tests
pass prospects for Americas finest fighting force. and his muscle tone was deemed sufficient. Still, he weighed all of
In the coming hours, Siddiqui will have his head shaved, he will 146 pounds. To prepare for boot camp, he spent whatever time he
undergo medical and dental exams, he will choose his life insur- wasnt at Home Depot working out. He joined a gym, did pull-ups in

14 4 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
Marine drill instructors me that the young recruit was naive to think that his reli-
gion wouldnt matter. He was too trusting, Khan said.

have one of the most demanding He thought he could walk into boot camp and even with
the political climate, theyd look at him not as a Muslim

jobs on this green earth. Upon

but as another recruit.

their shoulders rests the success or DURING HIS FIRST five days as a new
recruit, Siddiqui completed the receiv-
failure of each platoon in the U. S. ing portion of basic training. There was
paperwork and blood tests and a lot of

Marine Corps. Everything about waiting in line. On the morning of March 12, he and fif-
ty-eight other recruits were picked up by his new senior

the DIstheir cuffed sleeves and drill instructor. Siddiqui was assigned to training platoon
3042 and billeted on the third floor of the barracks that

wide belt, their boots, their

housed Company K of the Third Recruit Training Battal-
ion, the so-called Thumping Third.
As Siddiqui was about to learn, drill instructors are
campaign cover tilted to a severe the heart of Parris Island. Each Marine platoon has at
least three DIs: a senior drill instructor and two or more
angleis meant to communicate numbered hats. The more experienced hat is called
the Knowledge. He teaches the ins and outs of being a

a wrathful-God sort of Marine. The junior hat is the Heavy; he brings the pain.
DIs are enlisted Marines, not officers, and most are

authority. But with this power around twenty-nine years old, with eight or nine years in
the service behind them. Each is brought to Parris Island

comes the occasionally irresistible after exhibiting exemplary leadership and then schooled
in the craft of molding soft boys into warfighters.

temptation to abuse.
Marine DIs have one of the most demanding jobs on
this green earth. Before their first contact with recruits,
they receive eleven weeks of academic and administra-
tive instruction and pledge to demonstrate the highest
standards of personal conduct, morality, and professional
skill. Once on the job, they go go go sixteen hours a day,
seven days a week. They run everywheresometimes
nearly thirty miles a dayand holler so much that their
his doorway, and assembled an elliptical trainer in his basement. He vocal cords swell to the thickness of a twelve-strand rope. Down-
bought vitamins, took swimming lessons, and built a set of Marine time is scant, maybe a few minutes set aside each day to huddle in the
Corps pugil sticks to exact specifications. He drove a handful of family minivan with their wives and little ones. Upon their shoulders
other recruits to the workouts at the recruiting office. In time, he rests the success or failure of each platoon in the U. S. Marine Corps.
filled out. A few days before his departure, he reassured his mother Everything about the DIstheir cuffed sleeves and wide belt,
again. Dont worry, Ive been training six months and basic training is their boots, their campaign cover tilted to a severe angleis meant
just a little harder. Im a strong boy. I can do it. to communicate a wrathful-God sort of authority. But with this
The week before leaving for Parris Island, Siddiqui rushed around power comes the occasionally irresistible temptation to abuse.
town saying his goodbyes and making final preparations. His friends In 1956, a drunk and frustrated Parris Island DI led seventy-four
at Home Depot threw him a farewell party, presenting him with a recruits into the gray waters of Ribbon Creek as a disciplinary train-
monogrammed wallet and an orange Home Depot work apron theyd ing exercise. Six of his men drowned. A court-martial led to an
all signed. Siddiquis sister would turn seventeen while he was away, involuntary-manslaughter conviction as well as a set of servicewide
so he bought her a necklace and hid it at the end of a scavenger hunt. training reforms. In 1976, another DI threatened to kill a recruit
On the afternoon of March 6, 2016, Siddiqui and his family went and shot him in the hand with an M16. In 2007, a DI was convicted
out for a celebratory lunch at a Middle Eastern restaurant in Dear- of assault after he used a tentpole to beat a nineteen-year-old recruit
born. They enjoyed plate after plate of salad, fried fish, and lamb. who couldnt remember the combination to his footlocker.
From the restaurant, they drove to nearby Sterling Heights, where In an effort to curb such abuses, the Marine Corps Recruit Train-
recruits from the Detroit area sleep before heading to Parris Island. ing Order explicitly states that all personnel are prohibited from
Siddiqui advised his parents to make hotel reservations a full touching recruits, either personally or by use of a material object.
month and a half in advance of his graduation ceremony. He was Contact with recruits is allowed only for a few specified reasons,
already thinking about the ten-day leave hed get after basic train- including corrective actiontweaking the angle of an elbow during
ing wrapped. Hed have time to come back to Taylor, time to pay sur- a drill, for instance. Punching, kicking, swearing, and administering
prise visits to all his old friends in his new uniform. excessive incentive training (push-ups, crunches, and the like) are
The next day, exactly a year after hed first visited the Marine all forbidden. Despite these regulations, however, nearly four hun-
recruiting office, Siddiqui became one of just four hundred Mus- dred hazing incidents were reported to the Marines between January
lims to train at Parris Island since 2012. (Muslims make up less 2012 and June 2015. A third of these allegations were substantiated
than a fifth of 1 percent of Americas 294,000 active- and reserve- by later investigations.
duty Marines and about 1 percent of the U. S. population.) Shiraz Until June 2015, when she was relieved of duty, Lieutenant Colo-
Khan, the attorney the Siddiquis hired after their sons death, told nel Kate Germano served as the commander of the Fourth Recruit

Mo rch
Ma n th 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 14 5
Training Battalion, Parris Islands all-female train-
ing outfit. She told me that physical abuse was tacitly How does this kid go
approved at Parris Island: Theres an undercurrent
that its okay. Germano also said that DIs have nearly from graduating at the top of his
class, being beloved by his
complete control over the recruits lives during the
twelve weeks of boot camp. For the most part, she said,
officers assigned to Parris Island have been reduced to lit-
tle more than safety monitors. The DIs created a culture
that says, Officers have no place in making Marines. This
friends and the people he worked
is our world, and we run it the way we see fit. Germano
told me that an unofficial rule at Parris Island keeps offi-
with at Home Depot, and being
cers out of the squad bays, where all that crazy stuff hap-
pens when it comes to hazing. thrilled about becoming a Marine,
to being a suicidal jumper
with no other inside or outside
THE MARINE CORPS has been stingy
with the details of what happened to
Raheel Siddiqui after he was billeted
to the 3042s squad bay. But to under-
stand what he was exposed to when he was picked up by
factors? says Kate Germano,
his SDI, its worth considering the experience of Thom-
as Weaver, a twenty-year-old who trained with a platoon
a former training battalion
in the Thumping Third a few months earlier. Weaver left
the Marines in December 2015 with an other-than-honor- commander. How is that possible?
able discharge. He is currently appealing that status and,
on the advice of his lawyer, declined to comment for this They dont break like that.
story. But he gave interviews to The New York Times and
The Wall Street Journal this past September, before he
began his appeal, and his father, Troy, spoke with me at
They just dont.
length on several occasions.
Weaver grew up in Interlachen, a rural Florida town
four hours south of Parris Island. Hed been a soccer
and track star in high school and joined the Marines
delayed-entry program after graduating. Things took a
dark turn when Weaver was called into his recruiters office the day at his promotion ceremony. Weaver never formally reported any of
before he left for Parris Island. The recruiter was frank: Got some bad these incidents. He knew better than that. Snitches get stitches.
news. Youre going to the Third Recruit Battalion. Worst one you could The most grievous offense Weaver observed involved a drill instruc-
have got. Its tough. They have a reputation. But its going to make you tor who would later serve in Siddiquis platoon, whom Ill call Dan-
a better Marine. iel, and a Muslim recruit from Brooklyn, whom Ill call Ahmed.
Weaver said that hed been at Parris Island for only a few days when (The Marines have not released Daniels real name, and Ahmed
he saw a DI slam a recruit to the ground, grab him by the throat, and declined to comment for this article.) Weaver said that the Third
cuss him out. When the incident was over, the DI allegedly stood Battalion DIs had been messing with Ahmed since day one. Twice hed
and addressed the rest of the group: Was I hurting that recruit or been sent to medical after punishing rounds of incentive training.
making a corrective action? Then, one day in July 2015, a DI told his platoon that Ahmed was
Making a corrective action, sir, the group responded. probably a Muslim terrorist who is going to kill us all one day.
We were all too scared to say anything else, Weaver later told That night, according to a later investigation, Daniel and another
the Times. Third Battalion DI entered Ahmeds squad bay. Stinking of cinna-
Every DI in his platoon, he said, cited corrective action as an mon whiskey, they pulled the recruit from his bed and brought him
excuse for using excessive force. Often they didnt even attempt to back to the shower room. Daniel and the other DI ordered Ahmed
justify their abuse. One day Weaver accidentally bumped into a DI to march around with the water on and then to do push-ups, high-
from another platoon. The DI responded by bashing Weavers head knees, and crunches. Once Ahmed was drenched, the DIs brought
into the barracks doorway until other recruits pulled him off. When him to the laundry room and commanded all six feet and 157 pounds
news of the assault reached Weavers SDI the next day, he reasoned of him to get into one of the industrial dryers.
that the absence of red marks on Weavers head meant that nothing Were you part of 9/11? The Marine Corps pays me to weed out
had happened to him. spies, one of the DIs told him. According to statements that Ahmed
The SDI then smashed his own head against the cinder-block wall. gave after the incident, a DI shut the dryer door and turned it on for
He turned to his trainees. See? he said. Those are red marks. roughly thirty seconds.
Weaver has alleged that he and his mates were abused with impu- The DI opened the door. Who are you working for?
nity. One recruit was brought into the woods and beaten bloody. Nobody, sir!
On another occasion, the DIs ordered the trainees to form a human The DIs turned the dryer on for another thirty seconds. They
wall to hide a whooping. A later report into abuse in the Third Bat- opened the door. One of them asked, Whats your religion?
talion cites allegations that members of Weavers platoon were Islam, sir!
forced to crawl through thorn bushes with their blouses off, choked The DIs turned the dryer on even longer. When they opened the
to the point of unconsciousness, and kneed in the face. One recruit door again, Weaver said later, he could hear Ahmed crying.
reported having his rank insignia pinned into the skin of his chest You still Muslim?

14 6 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re
Yes, sir! Ahmed cried. Kissoons command offered several explanations for inadequately
When the abuse finally ended, Ahmed had burns on his shoulders supervising DI behavior in their battalion. They claimed that the
and back. A DI from his platoon told him, Its fucked up what hap- steady presence of an officer would undermine the DIs; that the
pened to you tonight, but youre going to say nothing. officers avoided squad-bay decks because their appearance forced
Nothing, Ahmed repeated. recruits to stand at attention, thereby interrupting training; and that
The next night, Ahmeds toes were crushed with a guidon. A belt there was no way of knowing what was really going on because the
looped around his neck was used to walk him around the squad bay DIs are with recruits 24/7.
like a dog on a leash. A DI threatened to violate Ahmed with the gui-
don and to mount him in front of the other recruits to show how he
felt about Muslims. ACCORDING TO A HEAVILY redacted inves-
Weaver finished at the top of his basic-training class but hardly tigation report, Raheel Siddiqui had been at Par-
made it through the month of combat training that followed. He had ris Island for six daysand with his platoon for
trouble sleeping, spent time at the chaplains office, and was so vis- barely twenty-four hourswhen he first threat-
ibly disturbed that a staff noncommissioned officer allowed him to ened to jump from the squad-bay window. Such threats were not
call home. At specialty school, after his depression deepened and he especially surprising in the early stages of boot camp, since it was
began thinking about buying sleeping pills, he found his way to the well known that claiming to have suicidal thoughts was just about
mental-health unit. In September, he was hospitalized and put on the only way for a recruit to quit basic training.
suicide watch. A DI tried to motivate Siddiqui: How would your family feel if
Weaver told his father about the abuse hed seen and experienced, you returned home without becoming a Marine?
and one sleepless night, while considering his sons troubles, Troy When the pressure didnt work, the DI reported Siddiquis sui-
realized: This was freaking Parris Island. Its come back to get him. cide threat up the chain of command. Siddiqui told the DIs hed
The next morning, Troy told me, he phoned Thomass commanding had suicidal thoughts in the past, which hed never mentioned
officer and explained that his son had spent three months listening to his recruiter. The admission was grounds for administrative
to lectures about core USMC values such as honesty and integrity separation from the Marines, but not even the possibility of
while his DIs encouraged him to lie about being battered and humil- being booted from the service for fraudulent enlistment changed
iated. After the call, Weaver was summoned to the COs office to Siddiquis mind.
supply a statement. Ahmed and a third Marine from their unit also The future doesnt matter, he told the DIs. This recruit is going
gave statements. to kill himself.
Those complaints prompted an investigation, which resulted, Siddiqui was ordered to remove his belt and shoelaces, and emer-
according to a Marine Corps communiqu that circulated internally gency medical services and military police soon arrived in the squad
this past September, in sufficient evidence to corroborate allega- bay. Then and there, according to the report, Siddiqui told the MPs
tions of unauthorized incentive training and hazing because of reli- that hed been screamed at and hit by his DIs and couldnt take it any
gion and ethnicity, as well as assault. The investigation also found longer. His DIs dismissed these complaints, describing their actions
evidence that the DIs were drinking on duty. Daniel was suspended as normal drill corrections. Since Siddiqui hadnt actually tried to
for a few months, but ultimately he and the other accused DIs were hurt himself, he was not taken to a hospital. Instead, he was cross-
allowed to keep their jobs, free and clear. decked: confined to a bed in the squad bay of an adjacent platoon
and monitored by a shadow watchanother recruitwho was
under orders to alert a DI if Siddiqui tried anything.
THE TROUBLE IN the Thumping Third went all Before long, Siddiqui made a more specific threat to kill himself.
the way to the top. The commander of the battalion He was brought in for an interview with one of the higher-ups on
was Lieutenant Colonel Joshua Kissoon, a twenty- base. The interviewer knew about Siddiquis claims that hed been
six-year veteran who started in the corps as an en- hit, but he never bothered to ask for details.
listed man. The Parris Island brass had long been aware of the Thirds Kate Germano told me this was the usual practice at Parris Island.
troubles, and when Kissoon took over, in 2014, he considered stop- All of these people fall under the regimental commanders, and all
ping recruit abuse a priority. Soon after assuming command, he began of the regimental commanders for a long time have had a rule that
relieving DIs of their jobs. He also ridiculed, belittled, and threat- you dont ask hard questions. Officers tend to be hands-off, she said,
ened his subordinates, often reminding company commanders that because DIs think making Marines is their territory. Period.
they could easily be fired. (He declined to comment for this article.) After his interview, Siddiqui was brought to Recruit Liaison Ser-
Then, in the summer of 2015, Kate Germano vices, an office that evaluates struggling
was relieved of her command. She had overseen ^- Raheel Siddiqui was one of recruits and helps them return to training.
an improvement in the performance of the re- just four hundred Muslims to train at Among other responsibilities, liaisons make
cruits in the Fourth Battalion, which saw none of Parris Island since 2012. sure recruits understand that the conse-
the physical-abuse allegations that affected the quences of threatening suicide are irrevers-
Third. Nevertheless, an investigation conclud- ible. To foster an atmosphere of openness,
ed that she had created a hostile, repressive, the office has two waiting areas: one for
and unprofessional command climate. Ger- recruits, the other for the DIs who bring them
mano told me that she believes she was done in in. While Siddiqui provided his statement,
by DIs who resented her insistence that officers however, his escort lingered in the recruit
have a presence in the squad bays. Whatever the room. Siddiqui told the liaison, This recruit
case, Kissoon appears to have taken the lesson thought threatening to kill himself was the
to heart. He became much more lenient with his only way to quit. This recruit is 110 percent
DIs and acknowledged to more than one person motivated to return to training. His threats,
that he did not want to suffer Germanos fate. according to the investigation, were treated as
After the alleged hazing of Ahmed and little more than the magic words that would
other incidents came to light, officers under send him home. ( c ontinued on page 156)

Mo rch
n th 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 147
B A G S, S H O E S,



Weave In Worth the

A braided belt Tassel
is both rugged Loafers are
and elegant, the ideal way to
and youll never breeze through
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kilted details
Blue belt make them a
($720) and black
smart choice
belt ($930) by
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Loafers ($725)
by Tods.

14 8 March
Mo nt h 2 0 1 7_E
7 _E s qu i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k


p hot o g ra p h s : Tk M o n t h 2 0 1 7 _ E s q u i re 1 4 9
150 Mo nt h 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k
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Bags ($1,980 Sunglasses ($250

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p hot o g ra p h s : Tk Ma
Mo rch
n t h 2 0 17
1 7 _E
_ E s q u i re 15
152 March
Mo nt h 2 0 1 7_E squ i re ph oto g ra p h s : T k
Holding Let Loose
Pattern Sandals can
Vuittons be a dicey
Americas Cup proposition,
print comes in but this sporty
bold (the duffel), pair is a
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supersubtle optional.
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Sandals (price
Bag ($2,085), upon request)
passport cover by Prada.
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belt (price upon
request) by
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For store
information see
page 159.
IN THE DRIVERS SEAT surprises his duet partners. (Just look at THE PASSION OF DANIEL
(c ontinu ed from page 106) Adeles face when she hears his harmony on (continued from page 141)
Hello.) They, like his viewers, find the way
he combines a fans unabashed delight with
serious professional chops to be irresistible.
Even within the confines of the drivers seat,
he exhibits an improbable physical grace and
a disciplined actors ability to convey nuances
of feeling. The thing is antic, ambitious, and
sometimes genuinely moving. Corden has
staged an impromptu wrestling match with
Anthony Kiedis, indulged Madonnas pas-
senger-seat twerking, and chopped it up to
different at 12:30. Otherwise it would be like Get Ur Freak On with Michelle Obama and but he has stopped flipping through them. He
having a hospital drama from eight to nine and Missy Elliott. His eyes filled with real tears as spends his free time in art galleries and museums.
another from nine to ten. With the same dis- Stevie Wonder crooned, I just called to say He has become obsessed with minimalism.
eases. Winstonwhod ultimately move to James loves you over the phone to Julia. He keeps going back to the calming, meditative
Los Angeles without much hesitation to work Each of those moments has attracted tens grids of Agnes Martin; he also returns com-
on the showwas in Brazil with One Direc- of millions of viewers. Even if those eyeballs pulsively to Lucio Fontana, who created his
tion when Corden called late one night to won- dont convert into traditional ratings-based signature works by preparing blank canvases
der if hed talked himself into a job. Winston advertising dollars, they have helped turn and slashing through each one with a knife.
didnt think much of it. James often comes Corden into something that Carson, Leno, Much of the menu at Eleven Madison
back from meetings with offers for things hes and Letterman, in spite of their long careers Park reflects a similar aesthetic in spite
never going to do, he said. as ratings magnets and profit engines, never of its opulence. Unlike many of his culi-
Besides, Cordens career seemed to be quite managed to become: a global brand. nary contemporaries, restlessly fermenting
pointing in every direction other than late The job of those storied hosts was to go to and foraging in a quest for new flavors and
night: He was a proven sitcom star with two bed with as many Americans as possible each ingredients, Humm fixates on the same
hit Broadway shows and a Tony Award under weeknight, which called for a certain kind of oneswhite ones, pale ones: apples, fennel,
his belt and plans for a revival of A Funny generically American appeal, and also a cer- lobster, parsnips. He wants to go painstak-
Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. tain detachment. Most of their successors ingly deeper into each ingredient. He wants
He also had a growing family and didnt like are trying to run that old game in new ways. to come back to it season after season and
spending his childrens birthdays on faraway Corden is different: a family man, a fan, and make it taste even more like itself. In his
movie sets. The more I thought about it, a pal; a working-class Brit transmitting his mind, he keeps going back to that market in
he said, the more I realized, Heres some- blend of whimsy and sincerity to every cor- Zurich, hunting for the most perfect head of
one offering me a chance to be at home every ner of the world at every hour of the day. lettuce, the most exquisite fig.
night with my family and try something that He can play a role, Ben Winston said of He chronicles every torturous step in a
I might do quite well. So the familyJulia his old buddy, act in a sketch, sing a song, dishs evolution. There is even an archivist
was pregnant at the timeprepared to make perform in any way you can imagine. Hes at Eleven Madison Park who takes photo-
the move from London to Los Angeles. comfortable with who he isthis warm soul graphs of each dish as it morphs from week
with talents that hes very willing to show to week; those pictures are organized with
WHEN THE INEVITABLE question is asked off. People like him. They feel like hes their monastic devotion in a series of R&D bind-
how did a pudgy British actor, virtually friend. He is their friend, and that more than ers. Curious about that pear dessert? You
unknown in America when CBS hired him, anything else is why the show works. can open one of the binders and watch how
become a dominant figure on the pop-cul- The Late Late Show is now carried in more the dessert changed, just like watching an
tural landscape, host of the Grammys and than 150 markets. In Los Angeles, its host is embryo in a sonogram. Maybe it goes back
the Tonys, within a twelve-month span? a local celebritysought after at dinner par- to his Swiss roots, or that snowy mountain-
its tempting just to say Carpool Karaoke ties, doted on by the staff at the Brentwood side that once almost sent him hurtling to
and call it a day. The segment has helped steakhouse, recognized on the street. After his death, but Humms obsession lately has
The Late Late Shows YouTube channel sur- dinner, we made our way to the valet line, past been whiteness. His most distinctive dishes
pass nine million subscribers; it is becom- a small knot of youngish Wednesday-night at Eleven Madison Park have become, like
ing its own stand-alone show on Apple Music revelers. Is that Mr. James Corden? one of certain passages of Moby-Dick, veritable
(Corden wont be hosting the series, but hell them asked me as the man in question made studies in whiteness.
make an appearance in one episode); it has his way to a nearby ATM. The celery root is the most important
caused people who, in Rob Crabbes words, This fan, a large fellow with a neat goa- dish for me, he says. For years he had tried
havent been in the passenger seat of a regu- tee, summoned the nerve to ask Corden for to figure out how to present dishes in a min-
lar car in forty years to fasten their seat belts a selfie. Corden asked where he was from. imalist way, but he couldnt quite pull it off.
and loosen up their vocal cords. Kuwait, the man said. We watch you all Then it clicked: the bland, pallid bulb of
Theres no question that the segment has the time there. Corden was delighted to hear celery, transformed through classic French
beento quote a song he will surely get it. The manager, who was keeping a discreetly technique into a luxurious orb. On the plate
around to covering somedaythe wind protective eye on his celebrity patron, was sur- it looks like nothing muchcoming across
beneath Cordens wings. It plays to his prised. You watch him in Kuwait? he asked, almost like a golf ball that has splashed into a
strengths, after all. He looks cool-dad sporty and the two of them continued the conversa- muddy puddlebut it tastes like everything.
in his trademark buttoned-up polo shirts. He tion in Arabic. The only words I could under- Im not afraid of making everything all one
has a terrific voice, full of timbre and expres- stand were Michelle Obama and Carpool color, Humm says. I like extremes. I live in
sion even in the falsetto range, which often Karaoke. What more did I need to know? extremes. I always have.

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HARD CORPS falling 38.5 feet. He landed on a short flight of cial story requires us to hear in Siddiquis
(c ontinu ed from page 147) concrete access stairs. suicide threats, which he later recanted, a
Siddiqui was alive when the paramedics sincere intention to end his life, even though
arrived five minutes later. They ruled out those same threats were originally treated by
an airlift to a Savannah hospital on account the Marines as nothing more serious than the
of the weather and decided on an airlift to weasel words of a recruit who wanted out.
Charleston, which would take about a half Perhaps most important, the suicide deter-
hour. The paramedics transported Siddiqui mination obscures the Marine Corps own
to the Parris Island parade deck to meet the judgment that several factors contributed to
helicopter. Then they changed their minds, Siddiquis death, including maltreatment by
instead sending Siddiqui to Beaufort Memo- his drill instructor team, leadership failures
rial in an ambulance. at multiple levels of command, and admin-
Siddiqui arrived at the hospital more than istrative and process failures that, if avoided,
Later, when Siddiqui visited the mental- an hour after he went over the railing. His could have reduced the risk of his death.
health unit, an attendant reported no evi- injuries were grave. The doctors determined Khan also suggested that the condition
dence of any disqualifying mental-health that he needed to be transferred to the Medi- of Siddiquis body told a far more insidious
condition. Siddiqui was sent back to the cal University of South Carolina in Charleston story than the one presented in the Marine
3042. Daniel told the other DIs to go easy on after all. Siddiqui was admitted to the Medical Corps report. An autopsy found that Sid-
the recruit for the time being. University at 8:42 a.m., three hours after his diqui died of blunt-force trauma sustained
fall. The doctors gave him blood transfusions during his fall. But it found other injuries as
THE REDACTIONS IN the command investi- and performed emergency surgeries, but they well. There were ligature marks around Sid-
gation make it difficult to know precisely what could not save him. Raheel Siddiqui was pro- diquis neck that looked like a pattern of rope
happened to Siddiqui over the next couple days, nounced dead at 10:06 a.m. ridges. He had bondage marks on his wrists
though it is clear that some recruits in the pla- and ankles. His toes were crushed. And there
toon were choked, beaten, and manhandled A FEW DAYS after a Marine casualty report was evidence of petechial hemorrhaging and
during training. Its also clear, thanks to a report called Raheel Siddiquis death a suicide, the bronchial mucosacommon signs of an air-
in The Island Packet, a local newspaper, that at young mans corpse was returned to his par- way obstructed by manual strangulation,
some point Daniel called Siddiqui a terrorist. ents in Michigan. His mother spent that night smothering, or hanging.
On March 18, five days after Siddiquis ini- in the funeral home with her boy. She didnt For these and other reasons, Khan disputes
tial complaint, Siddiqui woke his bunkmate believe the corps story and hadnt since two the Marines characterization of the young
after lights out. Im really hurting, man, he uniformed Marines arrived on her door- mans mental state at the moment he went
said. My bodyIm in pain. step to deliver the news. Her son had always over the railing. To say that Siddiqui commit-
His bunkmate tried to settle him down. been devout, and for Muslims theres no more ted suicide, Khan said, precludes the more
Were all hurting, Siddiqui. Go to sleep. grievous sin than taking your own life. likely possibility that the young recruit top-
The next morning, just as the 3042 was Around Taylor, folks went to pieces pled over the railing while fleeing for his life.
scheduled to leave the squad bay, one of the teachers and staff at his old high school; And what about witnesses? Fifty-eight other
DIs gave Siddiqui a hard time for not sound- employees at Home Depot; residents of Kens- recruits were in the squad bay that morning.
ing off. Siddiqui pointed to his throat and ington Courts. After prayers one Friday in Several invoked their right to silence when
handed the DI a note: This recruit has to late March, members of the American Mus- the investigators asked them for a statement.
go to medical. This recruits throat has been lim Society mosque in Dearborn performed Others claimed they hadnt watched what
swollen for a few days and is getting worse. the Salat ul-Janaza, the traditional funeral happened because observing a fellow recruit
This recruit cannot speak. prayer. They asked Allah to forgive Siddiquis receive incentive training could get you in
The DI promised postprandial medical shortcomings and to grant him a place in trouble. But as Khan reminded me, the scene
attention. After breakfast, Siddiqui was called the highest reaches of paradise. His casket between Siddiqui and Daniel played out in the
to the DI hut to fill out a form to get treat- was planted in the ground later that day, in squad bays center aisle, right in the middle of
ment. But Daniel became angry when the the AMS section of Woodmere Cemetery in everything. The report mentions someone who
recruit failed to greet him properly. Siddiqui southwest Detroit. The crowd included Sid- heard Siddiqui hit the ground, but the unre-
was ordered to run from one end of the squad diquis friends from Home Depot, as well as dacted portions of the investigation dont men-
bay to the other, roughly 144 feet, again and Debbie Dingell, the congresswoman who rep- tion any eyewitnesses who saw his feet become
again. While running, he grabbed for his neck resents the Siddiquis district. Many people tangled when he went over the railing.
and began crying. He fell to the deck. Some of from the mosque were conspicuously absent. Khan told me that the Marines have refused
the other recruits thought he was faking. Some of these old friends called the Sid- to allow the Siddiqui family to see the full,
Daniel screwed down on Siddiqui, screaming, diquis at home: On the news they say Raheel unredacted command investigation. Nor has
I dont care whats wrong with you, Siddiqui! was a suicide. Was he weak? Mentally ill? the family been given 223 of the command
Youre going to say something back to me! Others were more direct: We cant be seen investigations 243 enclosures, including pho-
When Siddiqui didnt respond, Daniel with you anymore. tos and witness statements. (A spokesman for
slapped him in the face between one and Certain that Raheel didnt take his own life, the Marine Training and Education Com-
three timesso hard that the sound echoed the Siddiquis hired Shiraz Khan. This past fall, mand, which conducted the investigation into
across the bay. Siddiqui stood, clutching his in the drab mustard conference room of his Siddiquis death, declined to comment for
face, and allegedly ran through the squad-bay office in Southfield, Michigan, Khan laid out this story.) For Khan, and for the Siddiquis,
doors. Once outside, according to the report, the case against the Marine Corps for me. For every part of this story stinks of negligence
he approached the stairwell, placing his one thing, he said, we know that Siddiqui had or foul play. It all points to one conclusion,
hands on the railing and attempting to pro- dared to accuse his DIs of physical abusea Khan said. The best cover-ups are the ones
pel his legs over. His feet got caught in the dangerous allegation in a place where retribu- carried out right in front of your face. This boy
railing, and he tumbled down the other side, tion is common. For another thing, the offi- didnt jump. He was killed.

156 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re

Kate Germano doesnt buy the official now required to conduct private interviews PENIS TRANSPLANT
account of Siddiquis death, either: There with each recruit during training, and alleged (continued from page 127)
was physical proof that recruits were being violations of the Recruit Training Order must
discharged and broken because of the train- be reported by the first officer in the recruits
ing mechanism in the Third Battalion. She chain of command. Brigadier General Austin
scoffs at the idea that Siddiqui became sui- Renforth, who took command of Parris Island
cidal just eleven days after arriving at Parris after Siddiquis death, has instituted a policy
Island. How does this kid go from graduat- that any hazing violationhitting or even
ing at the top of his class, being beloved by swearing at a recruitwill get a DI at least
his friends and the people he worked with temporarily suspended.
at Home Depot, and being thrilled about Recent news out of Parris Island suggests
becoming a Marine, to being a suicidal that the reforms cant come fast enough. In
jumper with no other inside or outside fac- early November, Zachary Boland, an eigh-
tors? How is that possible? They dont break teen-year-old recruit with the Second Recruit enough that Dr. Ko and his colleagues outside
like that. They just dont. Training Battalion, died after being found the door burst into laughter.
unresponsive in his bed. Just a week earlier, The recovery goal that remained to be
S H O R T LY A F T E R Siddiquis death, the a nineteen-year-old recruit named Kristian metand still doesis sexual functionality.
Marines started firing people. First up was Gashaj went over a second-story railing and Whether or not Manning ever has another
Lieutenant Colonel Kissoon, who was relieved is currently in a coma. erection will be determined by a number of
of his command of the Third Recruit Train- Gashaj is from Sterling Heights, Michi- complex physiological factors. An erection
ing Battalion on March 31. (The Marines gan, not far from Debbie Dingells congres- occurs when blood rushes into the minuscule
have said that the decision was made a few sional district. The congresswoman told me vessels of the penis. Mannings flow remains
days before Siddiquis death, and had been that shes been pressing the Marine Corps good, his surgeons say. What maintains the
prompted by earlier incidents.) Two months for more answers about the tragedies at Par- erection, though, is a series of muscle and tis-
later, Kissoons immediate superior, Colo- ris Island. I cant bring Raheel back, she sue interactions that constrict the blood so it
nel Paul Cucinotta, was also relieved of duty, told me. Ive watched his family being torn doesnt drain away. Years without erections
along with Sergeant Major Nicholas Deabreu, apart. What I can do for them is try to get can leave these tissues inflexible, making it
Cucinottas right-hand man. the finding of suicide changed. I understand difficult to achieve and maintain a hard-on.
In May, the hazing allegations made by that we need to make Marines, but target- This is common in men whove had prostate
Thomas Weaver and Ahmed and the investi- ing people because of their religion is not surgery, and its a major concern in Man-
gations into Siddiquis death were joined by okay. When people hear about the kid being nings case.
a third: After receiving an anonymous let- burned in the clothes dryer, that raises con- Manning began taking Cialis shortly after
ter alleging further abuse at Parris Island, sciousness. I am going to fight hate crimes in the surgery to encourage his blood flow, and
President Obama called for an investiga- the military. one of his immunosuppressants promotes
tion of the Third Battalion. The findings of In Michigan, Shiraz Khan told me that the nerve regeneration in the hope of regaining
that investigation were terrifying. Recruits Marines reforms are entirely insufficient. sensation. We call it penile rehabilitation,
had been beaten by DIs and encouraged Are we supposed to just say, Oh, all good. Feldman says. The results so far are encour-
to fight one another. They were deprived Theyre going to make changes? No. This aging: Manning occasionally feels sparks in his
of meals and forced to exercise until they young man is dead. His family is left with penis, a tingling akin to a foot falling asleep. A
went unconscious and then denied medical nothing. . . . He was going to take care of them. few times, hes felt what seems to be his penis
attention. They were also taken to the dun- Theyve been boycotted by the community. swelling, though it hasnt done so. The sensa-
geon, an unoccupied squad bay, and forced We want the government to show these peo- tion is there, Manning says, but its nothing
to do illegal incentive training while a look- ple that it loves them as much as they love the like it was before.
out kept watch for roving officers. When the government, not to cast them aside. If the Cialis doesnt lead to reliable erec-
DIs involved were replaced and order was Meanwhile, the Siddiquis await justice. tions, there are other measures available
restored, the investigation found, recruit Raheels sister will graduate from high school pumps, for instance, or implants. They have
performance improved dramatically. this spring and attend UM-Dearborn in the fall all kinds of things that they can give me,
In the wake of the abuse allegations and the to study nursing. Shes now the familys last and Manning says. When he was in the recovery
investigations that followed Siddiquis death, best hope. Nevertheless, her brothers memory ward postsurgery, the nurses would often joke
fifteen DIs were stripped of their duties and looms large. One of the neighbors who has not with him, asking if he had any idea how many
reassigned to different jobs on the base. By abandoned the Siddiquis screwed a sign into women would want to sleep with the recipi-
September, that number had grown to twenty. the cream-colored vinyl siding of their house. ent of Americas first-ever penis transplant.
At the time of this writing, the Marine Corps It reads, if love could have saved you, He hopes to one day return with a warning:
had identified four DIs who will face court- you would have lived forever. Ladies, I could be the most dangerous man in
martials for abusing recruits at Parris Island. Siddiquis room remains exactly as it was America right nowa sixty-five-year-old man
Daniel has not been charged, and the Marines last March. Prayer rugs on the top shelf in the with a young mans penis!
did not make him available for comment. closet. Certificates of achievement, gradua-
The internal communiqu sent to Marine tion photos, diplomas, his valedictory medal. MANNING IS HONEST AND UNGUARDED,
public-affairs officers in September suggested An embroidered passage from the Koran. A but hes not inclined toward deep self-reflec-
several additional ways in which the corps is handmade tapestry depicting the Kaaba in tion. When asked to explain why he didnt
reforming its training procedures. The com- Mecca. His mother hasnt touched anything, feel like a whole person without his penis, he
muniqu says that Parris Island leadership except for the clock on the wall above his bed. tends to deflectImagine how youd feel,
must engage in regular discussions and ensure She removed the batteries and fixed the hands hell say and leave it at that. Often, hell com-
that any allegations are being treated seri- at 3:30 p.m.when her son left their house pare the feeling to another situation by point-
ously and objectively. Series commanders are for the last time. ing out, for example, that women who have

Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 15 7
mastectomies often receive reconstructions next surgery would be scheduled this time, These days, Manning is finding sturdy
not because they need them but because they not for his groin but for his heart. Back when ground as a penis-transplant spokesman. He
dont feel complete once their breasts are Manning went in for the battery of pretrans- was recently invited to present at a gathering
gone. plant tests in May 2016, he failed one: a heart of retired CEOs, at a restaurant on Bostons
He takes forty pills a day to help protect his stress test that revealed a calcified aortic valve. affluent South Shore. His surgeons have told
new penis from his body, and his body from He was allowed to proceed with the transplant him that as soon as hes 100 percent func-
infection. Because of the side effects and his so long as he promised to address the cardiac tional, they hope to visit Walter Reed hospi-
lack of physical activity, hes put on some problem shortly thereafter; doctors warned tal, outside Washington, D. C., to meet with
weight. Pain from his once-crushed testicles he could have a heart attack at any moment. the injured veterans who might one day ben-
still wakes him in the middle of the night. He Before this story is published, surgeons will efit from a similar procedure. They may even
has difficulty going down staircases. He feels cut into his chest to replace the damaged lobby Congress to allocate funds for the ser-
foggy. He forgets things. He used to read The valve with a new one, probably from a pig or vicemen. While Manning plans to be honest
Boston Globe front to back every day, but now a calf. Open-heart surgery is a brutal proce- with the vets about the downsidesdifficult
hes lucky if he can focus enough to get through dure for any patient, but its even more risky surgery, painful recovery, the pills, the side
the front section. Hes desperate to work again for Manning. Hell have to stop taking some effects, the boredomhe wants these men to
but knows thats impossible for now. of his antirejection meds, and its likely that know that the potential benefits are enormous.
Mannings biggest complaint, though, is the hell need at least short-term dialysis during Maybe a young man will once again feel com-
shakes, a result of the immunosuppressants recovery. fortable being naked in front of others. Maybe
that will eventually be scaled back but never For Manning, its just another hiccup. Once hell pee standing up. And maybeif all goes
eliminated. Hes developed some tricks to con- the surgery is completed, he expects to be back wellhell have sex, and even father children
trol them, such as keeping his hands clasped to full strength. Hell drop the added pounds, without medical assistance.
together or gripping the arms of a chair. But resume a more active life, and, he hopes, go The South African surgeon who conducted
when he puts a hand out and attempts to hold back to ferrying bank guts around Boston. the first successful transplant told reporters
it flat, it vibrates badly. The meds beat me Manning knows he is one of the unluck- at a press conference: If you dont have a
up really bad, he says. He picks up a pen and iest men in America, and also one of the penis, you are essentially dead. If you give
slowly writes his name. The result looks like luckiest. If I didnt have the accident, they a penis back, you can bring them back to
the readout from a Geiger counter. wouldnt have found the cancer, he says. I life. Manning never felt dead, but he imag-
Shortly after last Thanksgiving, I sat with go for a transplant and they realize I have a ines things might have been different if this
him at the kitchen table in Florences home heart problem, which I never would have had happened when he was younger. Hes
in Halifax, a short drive inland from Plym- found, either. His life was savedtwice lucky hes so old: Hes had many decades to
outh Rock. Florence and her son share a dou- by happenstance. Theres no doubt in my sow oats, and he wont need to take immu-
blewide trailer in a tidy mobile park shaded mind I wouldve died, but I didnt, he laughs. nosuppressants for as long as a thirty-year-
by fir trees. He spends much of his days in a Mustve disappointed a few people. old would. A younger man will endure more
recliner, trying to read the paper and watch- hardships because of the meds and will face
ing cable news. At least once a week he heads M E N W H O D E V E LO P penile cancer often potentially greater psychological challenges.
to Mass General for blood tests, and to visit need to undergo amputation. Factor in the Still, Manning hopes that men who are on
with his ever-growing menagerie of phy- wounded soldiers and those whove suf- the brink of giving up will find inspiration in
siciansCetrulo, Ko, Feldman, and Cori fered freak accidents with heavy machinery, his story.
Tanrikut, a reproductive specialist whom and the number of males walking Americas He tries not to think about sex, because its
Manning refers to as my penis doctor. streets with no penis is higher than one might not an option for the time being. That doesnt
Florence is eighty-three but looks ten years expect. You just dont hear about it because mean Manning has resigned himself to a life
younger. She does her best to minimize stress thats the last thing a man wants to tell the without orgasms; he looks forward to dating
and anxiety in her older sons life. Because world, says Ko. again. Hes already been propositioned once,
Manning is under strict orders not to strain But Manning felt differently. He did his first but he politely rebuffed the womans offer,
himself, she plays the role of housekeeper, interviews from his hospital room five days telling her, Right now youd just be disap-
cook, chauffeur, and nurse. She wants to know after the surgery. (We were floored, says Ko. pointed. If and when he has intercourse, he
everything about his recovery, no matter how We did not count on Tom.) Four months says hell first call Ko and Cetrulo, then hell
uncomfortable the specifics. At first Manning later, he took the train to New York City to run to the nearest window and, like Young
had trouble talking to her so frankly about his tape The Dr. Oz Show and hasnt stopped Frankenstein, yell, Its alive! Sometimes he
penis and its problems, but it no longer both- talking since. His new name, he likes to joke, wonders if a woman he sleeps with will, in a
ers either of them. You lose your vanity real is Thomas J. Penis. way, be having sex with two menhim and
quick, Manning says. I wasnt shooting for number one, he says. the donor.
The only time they argue, Florence says, I was shooting to be normal. Hes wary He thinks often about that man, whose
is about food, because Manning is on a strict perhaps overly soof being turned into name hell never know. He cant help it, espe-
diet to limit his potassium and doesnt always the butt of someones twisted joke, but he cially when he sees pubic hair growing in jet-
want to follow it. But he tries. He starts five accepts that its a by-product of being honest. black, several shades darker than what hes
mornings each week with a bowl of corn- When I talk to people about this little jour- had his whole life.
flakes, and has scrambled eggs on the other ney Im on, they say, Oh, wow, man, congrat- Tom Manning will never know for sure if his
two. He can have fish, chicken, and vegeta- ulations, he says. But behind the scenes a new penis is a keeper. Rejection could come at
bles, but only in small servings, and very lit- lot of them think, What a fucking freak. The any time. But so could death. And at least he
tle fruit. Occasionally, Mannings allowed problem, he believes, is that most men cant tried. He reminds himself all the time: Youre
a small bowl of ice cream, his favorite food. envision what its like to lose a penis, let alone never going to be who you once were. Youre
Most often, dessert is sugar-free Jell-O, like need a new one. But you ask every guy, of never going to forget what happened. But you
Im still at the hospital, he says. every ethnicity, What makes you a man? I didnt give up, kid. You got knocked down. You
He was anxiously waiting to hear when his bet the penis would be the first thing. came back swinging.

158 March 2 0 1 7 _E s qu i re

The Code, p. 65: Prada rain jacket, jacket, shirt, trou- Archive; dish: Tato Gomez; Priebus: Saul Loeb; Bannon: Lego Movie: Collection Christophel/Alamy; Brolin: Joe Pug-
sers, shoes, and socks, P. 68: Givenchy by Associated Press; flag: Ulrich Baumgarten; Riefenstahl: liese/August; Murphy: Alberto E. Rodriguez. In the Driv-
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Ma rch 2 0 17 _E s q u i re 15 9
My Favorite Thing: Personal Gym

Judd A P A T O W

I had heard that Clint

Eastwood lifted
weights and that was the
secret to his energy and
youthful demeanor. But
then he talked to the
chair at the RNC and I
thought, If lifting weights
leads to that, Im not
doing it. I used this gym
three times, and then it
became a storage room.
Starts out as weights;
turns into a clothesline.
So my favorite thing is
not working out.
Still, the equipment
could be used one day,
so just keeping it there
means anythings
possible. All hoarding Judd Apatow, who produced
is hope. You think, I the new HBO series Crashing,
cant die because I have at his office in Los Angeles.
to watch that stack of
DVDs! Makes you feel
immortal, having too
much stuff.

16 0 March 2 0 1 7_E s qu i re ph otog raph : Nat ha ni e l Wood


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