Do Arranged Marriages in India Really Work

1/13/2017 DoarrangedmarriagesinIndiareallywork?
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Whatisthedifferencebetweenalovemarriageand
anarrangedmarriageinIndia?
InderSethi,http://thehumanintheloop.wordpress.com/
UpdatedDec3,2012 IsarrangedmarriagelosingitspopularityinIndia?
OriginallyAnswered:HowwelldoarrangedmarriagesworkinIndiaandothercountries?
WhyaremarriagesinIndiaclassifiedintolove
They used to work well, but don't work so well anymore. marriageandarrangedmarriage?
Whetherarrangemarriagereallyworks?
People can be short-sighted in choosing a mate, weighing the short-term criteria more
heavily (looks, wealth) than long-term criteria (emotional stability, similar value Aretherearrangedmarriagesincountriesotherthan
India?
systems, etc.). Arranged marriages safeguard against this by having elders in the
family provide long-term bias into the decision. Howdothingsworkwhenanintrovertfemalemarries
aguythroughanarrangedmarriageinIndia?
Yet, divorce rates in urban India are soaring (see references below). For example, DolovemarriagesinIndiareallywork?
according to [1], "In 2004-05, Delhi had two or three matrimonial courts. Now there
Arrangemarriageshesitation?
are 17-20". And it's not just that the current generation isn't involving their elders in
the decision; most of these are still arranged marriages. Arearrangedmarriagesreallysuccessful?
Howcouldinterfaitharrangedmarriageswork?
Thing is, arranged marriage also requires a certain kind of societal structure in order
to work well. MoreRelatedQuestions
Modern society aords both men and women (but especially women) with a huge QuestionStats
amount of choice and opportunities (for career, etc.). That puts a strain on marriage -
868Followers
arranged or not - because marriage will always require some amount of self-sacrice
2,668,589Views
(from both parties) for the other person. If you don't feel strongly enough about
wanting to be with your spouse, you will lose sleep over missed opportunities. An LastAskedTue
arranged marriage makes this phenomenon worse, because perhaps you weren't 8MergedQuestions
completely bought into the arranged marriage in the rst place. Edits
Also, in traditional societies, the extended family was a greater part of your day-to-
day life. Even if husband and wife did not get along, there was an extended
"social network" to fall back on. The wife could always rely on her in-laws and her
children for her emotional/nancial well-being, and if she got along with them, it was
OK. In today's nuclear family, your spouse is your primary source of well-being, and if
you don't get along, you have nowhere else to go.
In short, arranged marriages work in a stable society with extended families and
limited class mobility (like India 30 years ago). But in today's society, it doesn't work
so well.
Like much else in life, the ideal way is in the middle, where both elders and
bride/groom are all collaborators in this important life decision.
References:
[1] - Outlook India, March 2012: Making Quick Work Of What Isnt Working
[2] - New York Times, March 2012: For Indian Women, Divorce Is a Raw Deal
[3] - BBC News, December 2010: Not so happily ever after as Indian divorce rate
doubles
[4] - Times of India, October 2012: Nagpur sees 100% rise in divorce rate in a decade
[5] - Times of India, January 2008: 2 Divorces for every 5 knots in
Mumbai:http://articles.timesondia.ind...
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1/13/2017 DoarrangedmarriagesinIndiareallywork?Quora
BalajiViswanathan,IndianbyBirth.IndianbyThought.
UpdatedJul11,2014
I can see a clear line between those who have never gone through the Marriage
process and those who have gone through the process. Marriage is one of the scariest
things for anyone. Your whole life will be in for a change and if you end up with the
wrong guy/gal your life will be ruined. Thus, I can see why people are nervous about
arranged marriage. A rational person should be nervous about any kind of marriage.
I have seen a couple of negative instances in the extended family when I was a child.
Then I got quite determined to marry the girl my own way. Since that time I have been
researching on various ideas on this topic. I crossed through my nervous teens and
reached the US. In the US, my view on this topic completely went 180-degree. Here
are some reasons my volte-face:
1. A few of my friends started getting married. Most of these guys were
attractive in every sense - athletic, well educated, well earning guys who had
patience. They could have gotten the best of the pick without an arranged
system. However, they went arranged.
2. I worked a bit doing research for a law oce in Florida. I wrote about 50
articles on Divorce for them. At the end of it, I got really sick. There were far
too many issues in any kind of marriage.
3. I dated a couple of women when I rst came to the US and found the
experience overall quite supercial. A few of my Caucasian friends at the lab
agreed with me. I found the dating process was no more scientic and
rational than the arranged marriages I was used to.
4. Finally, I got to travel around the US and stayed with a number of American
families. I got to learn a bit more about how they marry and why the
marriages fail.
Thus, when I went back to India in 2010, I told my parents that I will change my
earlier decision and now it is time to nd my girl through the arranged marriage
route. However, I decided to keep the overall thing quite rational and that was quite
useful. After two months of conversations with dierent girls, nally found my girl.
My best decision.
In 2011, I married the girl whom I love the most in my life. But, like most Indians, my
love started after our engagement. Same is the case of my cousins, close friends and
most of my extended network. Here is the condensed experience from my
observations on modern arranged marriages in metropolitan India. The reality in
rural India is little less ideal, but the wings of change are appearing there too.
Arranged marriage is especially predominant among those of us who have moved to

the US (for work/study) who have seen how both systems work. I used to be a
proponent of "love" until I moved to the US a few years ago. Also, some of us have
graduate degrees and have both professional & nancial freedom to pursue our life.
So, it is not like we are getting into arranged marriage because somebody put a knife
in our necks, nor are we taking this due to irrational reasons. We are willingly entering
the game and reaping the rewards from the system.
Positive aspects of arranged marriage:

1. In urban India, arranged family is becoming more of a "family arranged date". It is
not too dierent from nding a girl/guy yourself through other dating means. The
family goes through an extensive prole matching process (including education
backgrounds, interests/hobbies, height, weight, earning capacities, food habits etc)
that also involves the bride & the groom. Before the "date" happens an enormous
amount of ltering & back end work has been done to make sure things stick.
[Sidetrack: I was really apprehensive of arranged marriages and during my teens I

swore to get married only through love. But, as soon as I met my future wife in an
arranged setting, I knew why the process works. Now, the only scary thing in our
marriage is the scary faces we put to each other ;-). I have observed about 30 odd
marriages -- in my friends & family -- 95% of them a... (more)
Upvote 3.9k Downvote Comments 99+
MiraZaslove,American,whohasbeentoDelhi8timesasakid
UpdatedThu
In the US, it is generally assumed that an Indian marriage is EITHER an arranged

marriage OR a love marriage. However, it isn't so simple. Of course, every marriage is
dierent, and common practices will be dierent in villages vs. cities, and family by
family. There are over a billion people in India, so there is bound to be a lot of
diversity in tradition and experience.

From what I've seen, many of the more successful Indian arranged marriages, are
more of an introduction. Families "short-list" a group of eligible matches, and then
the bride and groom have a courtship where they get to know each other. So, the
reality of many arranged marriages, especially in the cities, allows for a lot more
participation and veto-powers from the couple than I originally believed.
Its like Indian Bachelor / Bachelorette, without any sex. For example, I have a friend
who turned down 5 guys her parents presented, before meeting someone she really
liked. She selected someone based on a specic set of criteria that was important to
her, and is now very happily married.

I also know another who broke o an engagement because he could feel that the
woman just wasn't into him. The families agreed that they were a good match, but he
felt it wouldn't work, so he ended the courtship to nd someone better suited and
more friendly towards him. Again, he is now happily married. So, in these successful
arranged marriages, the families arranged a set of suitable partners, and then the
couple decided if they could love and live with the other party.

Arranged marriages are more likely to be successful when Bride and Groom:
Know what they are looking for
Dont compromise
Honestly portray themselves
Break o the courtship if it isn't working
Arranged marriages are less likely to be successful when:
Groom marries only for money: expects high dowry and continues to ask for
more money
Bride or Groom is in love with someone else, but was forced to marry
In-laws cause problems for the couple in a joint family
In India, marriage is an enormous family aair. Families make sure that the other
family matches their values, education level, family status, and caste. Families are
marrying families. And because of this, divorce is much more complicated, a much
bigger deal, and therefore much less likely to occur.

In India the reported divorce rate is extremely low, although it is increasing in the
cities. Estimated just one in 1,000 marriages, compared to a divorce rate of 44
percent for all Americans.

Divorce is certainly a bigger taboo in India than it is the US. Once married couples will
often remain in the relationship just to protect their honor and the honor of the two
families. Divorce carries a much bigger stigma in India than in the US, particularly for
women. A divorced Indian woman and her family could be shunned, locking them
out of society and therefore making it dicult for other members of her family to get
married in the future.
Overall divorce rates in the US are also higher because divorce rates are higher for
second (60%) and third (73%) marriages, which rarely occur in India. Children of
divorce are also 50% more likely to get divorced in the US, which again, is unlikely in
India.
Expectations and societal norms therefore, play a large factor. In India it is expected
that a marriage is nal and that the couple will stay together. In the US, divorce is
common, and a lot of people expect that it may not work out.

Another surprising nding recently published in the The New York Times : couples
in the US who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce. The so-called
cohabitation eect. After all, standards for a live-in partner / room-mate are lower
than they are for a spouse. Indian couples dont generally live together or with any
other romantic partners before marriage, so take living together much more seriously.
Anonymous
UpdatedNov17
In the US, divorce rates hover around 50% and in the EU, the divorce rate is similar
around 44% . Estimates for divorce rates in India hover anywhere from 0.1% to 1%.
That's ridiculously low for any standards. Sure, I'll buy all the arguments that divorce
is a taboo in Indian society, the Indian culture and even the legal system makes it
extremely dicult to obtain a divorce and all the related arguments that the actual
rate could be much higher. In view of those arguments, what if we doubled the
existing divorce rate in India? Or tripled it, or quadrupled it. Heck, even if we made it
10 times, it is still a fraction of the divorces in the West today. In India, where the
majority of marriages today are still arranged, something's got to be working
somewhere.
I've been born and brought up in India and have done my college, grad school and
work since then in the US. I've been able to get an in-depth view of family life, culture,
dating and marriage in both societies. Having witnessed both systems up-close, I'm
currently making a personal choice to go through the arranged marriage process.
What's the process of nding a spouse through a modern day arranged

marriage system?
Caveat: This is a generalized explanation of the process in a cosmopolitan city in India

and may dier slightly from family to family
It starts with the family. In India, a marriage is a union of two families vs a union of
two individuals as in the West. The family is very closely involved in all aspects of the
process from nding a spouse to planning the wedding.
Step 1: It starts with the parents who have a single son or daughter. They have "the
talk" with their ospring - "you need to think about settling down", "you're getting
older", "we have to start now so we can nd someone perfectly matched for you" and
so on. It can be frustrating to have the talk, though there is some wisdom behind it.
After the son or daughter has agreed to start the process, then the parents proceed to
the next step.
Step 2: The guy/girl and the parents create a "bio-data". It is similar to a resume but
made for the purpose of nding a life partner vs nding a job. It has a few of your
photos and your background like your schooling, college, work as well as details
about the family - father, mother, brother, grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunts
etc.
Step 3: The bio-data is then sent to a "marriage broker" .
Who is a marriage broker?

A marriage broker can be a anyone from your relative to a professional who's sole job
it is collect bio-datas and try to match people. You have lots of types of brokers -
ranging from the extremely professional to the super sleazy and uncivilized ones. The
latter type of broker just makes the process unnecessarily hard and painful.
Typically you pay the broker a fee to get started and should you nd a spouse through
the broker, you'll pay a "successful match" fee.
Step 4: The broker starts sending you and your parents "potential matches". Good
brokers typically have enough bio-datas where they'll be able to send you matches
according to the set of specic criteria important to you.
Step 5: You look at the bio-datas you've been sent and make a list of your preferences:
who you'd love to meet, who you're meh about and whom you're not interested in.
You send the broker the list of people you're interested in. Following that, he'll speak
to the other side and if they're interested in you too, then it'll move forward to the
next step.
Step 6: Research-time. Your family will start nding out about the other family
through common sources and vice-versa. You'll realize exactly how small the world is
and see the six degrees of separation play out. It's actually quite ridiculous that my
family has been able to nd up to 4 independent path's to people who we thought
were complete strangers. You then speak to the common sources about the other
family - try to ... (more)
AnjishnuKumar,Failureextraordinaire.
UpdatedJun3,2014
Firstly:
------------------------------
This is how an arranged marriage happens in modern India.
1. Man decides he wants to get married. (Possibly because parents start
blackmailing him about grandchildren as he reaches age 30)
2. Woman decides she wants to get married. (Possibly because parents start
blackmailing her about grandchildren as she reaches 25)
3. Both put out feelers in their social networks. They may put up a prole on an
online matrimonial site.
4. They nd each other. Extremely deep background checks happen. Possibly

going back 2 generations or more and covering all relatives up to second-
cousins of the potential candidates. Parents are somewhat protective. On one
hand you may not know the person, er, personally. But you would know if his
second cousin was an alcoholic or if his family had a history of male pattern
baldness.
5. Guy and Girl meet. After this is a disconnect. Some families are overly eager
and try to force them to make a decision as early as possible. Increasingly
however, would-be couples spend months getting to know each other before
taking such a big decision and make sure they get to know each other well.
6. Marriage Happens.
----------------------
No one knows the statistics. Marriage is too personal for anyone to conduct research
on the issue.
There are enough arranged marriages that work, and there are enough love-marriages
that fail- for people not to be convinced by the argument.
Up till the last generation or two- almost 100% of marriages were arranged.
I know of several good and terrible marriages of both kinds and its dicult to nd a
pattern of 'arranged-bad'/'love-good'.
The mechanism for failure exists in both cases. In arranged marriages its somewhat
obvious- prospective mates often have a supercial understanding of each other,
parents look at 'correlatives' to success- and ignore important things. If the guy is
from a well o family, has the equivalent of an Ivy education and works for some big
investment bank- they might have enough stardust in their eyes to ignore the fact that
he's an asshole and may be viewing the marriage as a transaction.
Love-marriages fail, on the other hand, because they are reactionary to arranged
marriages, and do not take into account the very factors that arranged marriages love
to dissect (income, education, family background, religious and caste identity etc),
and then some of these factors actually turn out to be important in the long run.
----------------
On the whole- I feel that arranged marriages have a detrimental eect on Indian
culture (By culture here I mean not the traditions of the past, but the values inherent
to the equitable, secular, tolerant and responsible society we claim to want to become)
.
Arranged marriages are often steeped in casteism and deleterious tradition and the
majority have some kind of passive-aggressive coercion going on, the woman often
feels pressured- indirectly if not directly.
A big chunk of Indians are socially inept and would nd it awkward to enter into a
relationship- these guys actually look forward to arranged marriages as it takes the
onus of success o them. They can solve well dened problems- "get into a good
college", "get a high paying job", "be respectful to women", but dating and
relationships are not well dened problems- you can do everything right and still end
up in a bad shape, and you need to work hard to develop the social skills needed to
succeed.
To some extent I'm in this group (the dierence being that I don't WANT to have an
arranged marriage). Scoring 99+ percentiles on standardized tests, studying my ass
o, making lots of money, music, art, are all things I can do quite easily, I can even be
extremely charming around the opposite sex on occasion- but I nd it dicult to
maintain steam after a couple of dates and avoid slipping into friendzone-land.
Learning a new programming language or some nancial analytics tool is much
easier than guring out how to build a relationship and make it last. There are no set
rules, and if you don't have an instinct for it, you're sort of screwed.
This situation is exacerbated by arranged marriages- we don't, in general, know how

to date, and the only way to learn is by doing it until you start getting it right. But
there is a social stigma against dating much (being labelled a whore in 'modern' India
is as easy as having 2 boyfriends within the span of a year, really) which leads to a
rather unconducive environment to any kind of progress.
This stigma, combined with the vilication of divorcees and unmarried individuals, is
probably a major reason for our low divorce rate, and honestly, I am not convinced
that it is something to be proud of.
Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about lives of rural Indians, and these views reect
only my observations of urban India.
TuhiNanshu,HeadofITOperations@FalconAutotechPrivateLimited
WrittenJul4,2013
Let me answer this in terms of Poker............

Assumptions are: -
All players have same no. of chips

Once the last card(river) is shown by the dealer, if you have to play you have
to go All IN.
Step 1 : You are asked by friend/decide to play poker tournament = You are pushed by
family/decide to get married.
Step 2 : You buy some chips = You put your prole on matrimonial sites or some
relative of yours starts doing match making job for you.
Step 3: Players sit on the table = You start getting proposals from the social circle of
your dierent relatives.
Step 4: Cards are dealt = Photos are sent/received.
Step 5-a) You like your cards (AA or some higher cards) = You like the
photographs/families/background/profession etc etc.
... (more)
PritamBaral,MumbaitheInternet
WrittenNov9,2014
A lot of arguments presenting a lot of aspects have already been presented here. I'm
only going to try to bring up one more.
I'm surprised nobody has picked up on the actual question details here, and has gone
lengths on pitting Love Marriage against Arranged Marriage.
Do they really work?
How do you judge the success of a marriage?
Surely, if they've divorced, the marriage has failed!
A binary state like that alone can't decide success/failure. We are talking about the
intimate, daily lives of two individuals here, and you mean to tell me that a public
acceptance of failure is the only indicator of failure?
Not the fact that the thing you dread most is coming back home at the end of the day?
Not the fact that the one person on this planet supposed to be so close to you they're
called your better half, your signicant other is actually the farthest from you; the last
person you'd rather be with? Not even the very simple, plain fact that you actually
hate a person you're supposed to love? (I know this sounds very simple, common,
everyday..... but that's because it is simple, common and everyday! And that doesn't
take away any truth in it.)
If despite all this, you claim that a marriage works (because they've not divorced each
other yet) then I say such a marriage is no dierent than forced cohabitation.
This answer sat among my drafts for more than a year, I think. When I found out, I
submitted this without review or update.
NitishSuri,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenOct5,2013
Well most of those who end up having arranged marriages these days try to portray it
as love marriage.The desperation of the act itself explains the dierence. Love
happens without any consideration of someones past, family background, religion,
community. It happens on its own. It is similar to comparing the act that is
instantaneous with the one that is planned. Such arranged marriages are nothing but
scripted love marriages.

As said by many already, there are no statistics to support that love marriages are
more successful than arranged. I have seen cases of both kinds of marriages leading
into divorce. Its subjective, however, the notion of love has drastically changed over
the period of time.

These days, in many cases love has become more of an arrangement between the two
people where each one looks at the tradeos between the two rst and the feelings
lateron. It has become a calculated love if I may use that word. It fades away in the
long run when the testing times come. In this scenario, arranged marriages are
equally good if not better.

Love marriages based on true and seless love are rare and such marriages are life
long and satisfying. It still remains an ideal way of marrying. No arranged marriage
can come close to that. But love has become a word of convenience for many of us and
is used wrongly most of the times to get what we want. Love has become a currency to
do the business of marriage for some when its not an end but the beginning. Its
radical to say so but fake love is driving such types of marriages today. A marriage you
cried and fought hard to make it happen is better than a marriage build on
convenience and tradeos hurting others in the process.

The reason divorce rates are less in India is mostly because we Indians love our social
self more than our own self. And it has least to do with the way one marries be it love
or arranged. The success of any marriage is not determined by people staying
together forever, its how much life and love there is in living with each other that
makes marriages more meaningful.
Upvote 167 Downvote Comments 13
ZoraVasulinova,knowingmyselfandthehumankindbetterbycomparing
Indianculturewithmine
UpdatedJan11,2016
As what my experience says... Indians are pretty much same and non-individualistic.
(Now beat me, Quorans, but most of you are just as same and average as the other
Indian Quorans, especially regarding the personal part of life.)
Indians are kind of trained to accept this way of life. They have simple views on the
future and a little will make them happy. Fullling wishes of their family will make
them happy or happy enough. They don't have such high expectations as people
from Euro-American cultures (regarding personal relations; personality type,
hobbies, self dependence etc....).
This type of culture does not support individualism; you are not supposed to be "an
interesting individual" but "a well tting piece into the puzzle of society" - you need a
good mother, a good husband to start a family, that's it, that's the point of life.
Western youth seek someone to travel with, someone to spend their free time with,
someone with matching hobbies, not someone good to start a family as
rst(sometimes even not at all).
Interesting individuals might be busy with dating and searching for "a soul-mate" but
when the society is coherent enough, like Indian is, it is not dicult to match the
pieces of puzzle, you don't need to date much. Plus it is more easier when you marry
within a caste - you are sure the people will be even more similar to you.
So it has to work. Compatible exible person marrying similar compatible exible

person ... what complications to see in that?
(I can see that the society is somehow changing now, youths yearning for
individualism from TVs... but it will take some more time to really change. If ever.)
Check also: http://qr.ae/RPsZAJ to see how I compare one often neglected dierence
between love marriage and arranged marriage cultures.
AbhishekAgrawal,Iinspireawe.
WrittenJan18,2013
Wrote a blog post relating to this question a while ago..

Here's the link: Marriages in India: Love or Arranged? and the post--->
A debate between the choices of the type of marriage in India could seemingly never
halt. Most people argue over nding the most appropriate way to select their partner.
While some prefer an arranged setup, some like to take things in their own hands.
Heres a look at the more preferred ways of betrothal. Here are both the sweet and
sour points for the arranged and love marriage, have a look and decide for yourselves
which one would you opt for?
Love Marriage
Sweet vibes
The lovers know each other too well and are comfortable with each other. They are
aware of each and every thing about each other and know the likes and dislikes of
their partners.
The couples understand each other and love each other.
Religion or culture or caste, these terms hold no signicance in love marriage and
there are no hindrances towards these attributes.
Checking of the money value and status is not so much checked in love marriage.
There is no involvement of giving or accepting dowry in love marriages, and both
taking and giving dowry is a crime and punishable by law.
Sour jibes
When problems arise in love marriages then generally the couples are left alone to
deal with them and thus they dont get the support of their parents or families which
is at that time much required. They dont get any moral or nancial or advice or any
help in these matters and generally they end up breaking up the marriage or
increasing the dierences between them.
Most of the love marriages dont get approved by the families and the couples end up
marrying in a mandir or ending up for register marriage with no blessings from their
parents or family members. And they get separated from their families.
Arranged Marriage
Sweet vibes
Arranged marriage has full support of the family members and relatives. In time of
need the couples can turn to them for help. When any dierences arises between the
couples or their marriage faces any hurdles then their parents and families help them
resolve all issues and stand by them.
Arranged marriage in India is celebrated with much enthusiasm and energy. It also
happens with proper rituals and the blessings of the parents and family members. All
the distant relatives are also invited to shower blessings on the newly wed. A lot of
money is spent for the preparations and on the wedding ceremony in an arranged
marriage.
Sour jibes
The couples are generally strangers to each other. They may not be comfortable and
compatible with each other after marriage.
It takes time for them to understand and love each other. And the couples still then
may or may not fall in love with each other.
Religion or culture or caste, these terms are considered and checked before choosing
the groom or the bride. Usually two people speaking the same mother tongue and
having the same caste are wed. Checking of the money value and status is also
compared in arranged marriage.
If its arranged marriage then there is always some dowry involved. There is rarely
such a case where any money or valuable gifts are not bestowed upon the groom.
Having noted all the above positive and negative attributes in both arranged and love
marriage it is very dicult to select any particular type of marriage as the best
suitable one and concluding by declaring one of the two to be the winner would be a
calamitous mistake. So it can be said that the best kind of marriage would be
Arranged Love marriage where there will be both compatibility between the couples
and approval from the families. What do you think? Are you a love marriage headier
or an arranged marriage oater?

Upvote 24 Downvote Comment
LaszloB.Tamas,Iam,Ithink...
WrittenDec31,2010
In Japan, arranged marriages were the norm until the 1950's. There was a major
decline over the next 4 decades, as young people preferred their independence, and
the romance of meeting your own partner in life. But this proved more dicult for
many people than they expected. So it has been interesting to see that "arranged
marriages" have made a comeback of late.
By the way, while I'm not sure about India, in Japan, it's not exactly an "arranged
marriage" so much as people being open to introductions to potential partners via
family and close friends. There is very little (if any) pressure to actually marry that
person, unless the couple really hit it o and choose to do so. It is also common for
young people to have several "omiai" (introduced meetings), seeking just the right
person.
I guess this is not so dierent from internet matchmaking, except the "go-betweens"
are trusted people who are close to you, and know you better than any internet
personality test does.
VipulSrivastava,hmm.letssee...
WrittenOct9,2012
Short Answer: They work (mostly) and it is because of the mindset. Indians do not
think arranged marriages are weird and enter arranged marriage with the intention of
making it work.
Long answer:
Arranged marriages are still very mainstream in India and they happen in all sections
of the society including the rich, very educated, modern young people.
All my friends are in their mid-20s, educated in foreign universities, working in

MNC's and have a good exposure to western lifestyle. All of them married someone
arranged by their parents and all of them are very happy.Most of them only met their
prospective life partner once or twice (only for few hours) before getting engaged.
Other answers have already described the thorough background checks which are
done to get a compatible match. But in my opinion the reason why these marriages
work is the mindset of both the participants. (Disclaimer: I had a love marriage and
knew my wife for almost 4 years before getting married.)
None of my friends (or their future spouses) felt that the concept of arranged marriage
was weird. They were quite comfortable with the fact that they will marry someone
they do not know properly and will get to know them after marriage. They had been
raised in such an environment (arranged marriages being the most common type of
marriages) and trusted their parents to nd them a good match. One of my good
friend was very condent that she will fall in love with her husband and she did :-).
What I felt looking at their relationships after marriage was that both the participants
entered the marriage with very open minds and less expectations. They were willing
to get to know the other person and provide concessions. They knew they were in it
for the long haul and hence were more willing to make it work. They didn't treat it as a
casual relationship and were not thinking that they can get someone better or looking
for an escape hatch. Hence some of them changed lifelong habits for their new
spouse. If you do not know any other way, you will nd happiness in what you have
and make it work.
Apart from this support from family, social structure, the fact that many Indians do
not have any pre-marital relationships, all add to help make arranged marriages work.
Anonymous
UpdatedJan1,2016
The Story of My Arranged Marriage Disaster
Background
I would like to answer the question with my own personal experience. Before I do
that, I would like to state that some arranged marriages indeed do really work. As for
example:
1. In my parent's generation, they had little contact before marriage. They were very
tolerant. I've seen my mother sacrice part of her higher education for the wellbeing
of the family, and over all I would say my parents had a very successful marriage.
Both of them are very well established, cared for each other, and we had a wonderful
happy family. Parents were always kind to us and inspired me and my sister to
arranged marriage, as well.
2. My sister and brother-in-law were introduced through match makers. It was more
of an arranged dating. They talked to each other, found out they liked each other.
They dated for 6 months before marrying. And they are happily married for 10 years.
Both my sister and brother-in-law are well established in their eld of work now, but
they did work through a lot of economic hardship at the beginning of their career.
Both my parents come from very educated family. Neither during my parent's
marriage nor during my sister's marriage there was any dowry, as we are ethically
against the system.
My Wedding Story
As for me, I would admit some rules of the game (arranged marriage) had been
violated. My parents are old and their health is breaking. One of them is a cancer
survivor, another one had a bypass heart surgery. I had gone abroad to do higher
studies. As in their words: they wanted to see me marry before they die. They were
looking for a Bride for me, and got introduced to a family through a colleague. The
girl and her parents came to our house. The girl had excellent appearance and
charmed my parents in a snap. I talked with the girl once over Skype, and my parents
decided to xate my marriage there (I had previously said 'no' to a number of
girls/proposals, and parents were probably getting tired of all the rejections). Parents
didn't check for any background information of the girl's family (thus violating
the rule of the game) and believed everything that the girl had to say. We did converse
over Skype/telephone and we lived thousands of miles apart. I didn't get to see the girl
before 1 week prior to the wedding. The wedding was xed just 1.5 months later and
we did have the wedding.
the Bride's story
Not long after, it was discovered that she had married me in pressure of her parents.
She previously loved a boy, and was forced to break up the relation, as her mom
wanted her to marry in a sophisticated family. Later that boyfriend married one of her
school friends, and that experience had left her permanently scarred. She quickly got
involved in a series of aairs, one after another. She was physically tortured as a child
and at one time hospitalized due to severe beating from her mother. As a result she
developed this extremely supercial charm as a defense mechanism, whilst having a
very dark side. She exhibited psychopathic tendencies, pathological lying and putting
up a coy innocence to get public sympathy (the talent that she used against my
parents).
One of her intermediate love interests told me this about her:
"...she has moved from men to men like a parasite changing hosts and breaking many
hearts. I assure you these hearts would not have broken if she did not interact with them
so closely, maintain secrecy, and use them for her own temporary interest (most likely
mental support, or just playing games)...I saw her continuously lie to her mother, other
family members, friend over the phone etc and I pretty much turned a blind eye. all I
could gure out was that she is either delusional or a pathological liar ( for whom lie is
just a part of life...empathy does exists but only when it can be used)".
(He emailed this to me and I am copying his words, ... (more)
Anonymous
UpdatedSep20,2013
I'm 18. And from my ((365*18)+5+354) days here I know a thing or two about love and
marriage. Life is not a formula. Love is not an arrangement. Marriage is not a 'game'.
How do I know this? I know this because I'm the son of my parents. Had my Punjabi
mother, daughter of an Indian Navy Admiral picked out a photograph from a dossier
of research on 'compatibility, taste and education', would she have ever married a
Telugu clerk's unemployed son? Would he have even made it to round-1 of "back-end
work and ltering"?
I'm tired of listening to the 'love is a distraction, study rst' argument. Love can be
such an ever-burning hearth of inspiration that can spur you higher than you'd ever
been.
There's this thing about love--it comes knocking at the unlikeliest of times and if you
can plan it, then it isn't love. When my parents 'ran away' to escape my mother's
impending forced arranged-marriage to an IAS ocer, between the both of them they
had a couple of M.Coms and a single job. My mother married a jobless, penniless,
part-time crossword-setter (cruciverbalist, he will insist) who wrote her o-the-cu
poetry on restaurant napkins with a crazy glint under his tousled hair.
Everyone predicted with the air of a Divination Professor that they had destroyed
their once-promising academic lives. Her parents, his parents, their friends, every
single person they knew--"objectively" told them this was a bad idea. Everyone
seemed to 'know' that, it was certain, they were 'too dierent'. Everyone other than
my parents. They coached each other to clearing the M Phil entrance. She taught him
Statistics, he taught her Math. And then came the Ph.D entrace at one of India's top
universities. My mum never intended to do a Ph.D ("too much eort for two letters in
front of your name"). She sat for the test purely because "I am smarter than him, and
he be called Dr? Kabhi nahi". There were two seats in their Department in the Open
Category that year. Out of the few thousand unmarried, undistratced, not-in-love
applicants who sat for the test , my mother ranked rst and my father nished
second. (She takes care to remind me her entrance rank every now and then within
his hearing, he alleges it was her girly handwriting that made the examiners fall in
love with her)
'First study, go to a great college, get a great job and then a girl will automatically want
to marry you'
Who is your wife marrying then? Is she marrying you? Or is she marrying the ivy-
league degrees and the ve-gure job? I'd rather spend my life with a girl who loved
me when I had nothing and was a no one, who'd love me for me--the chick-ick
loving, Titanic-crying, deep-feeling, crazily adventurous, Physics obsessed, poetry
spouting bag of chemicals I am.
I'm not the money in the vault or the degrees on my wall. I'm the lilt of my heart and
the song of my soul.
The Indian family system that a lot many wax about is the grave of the Roark-ian hero.
The killing-ground of individuality and a cesspool of collectivism. If you live in a
sandbox created by your family, build castles according to their whims and nally let
them decide who your sand-castle princess should be, then who are YOU? Where is
the YOU in all of this? I don't see you. I see THEM. Where are you? How is it your story
if they're writing it?
Dating isn't for the weak. It takes courage to go down a knee, it takes bravery to face
rejection. It takes character to be someone more than the colleges you attend and
spirit to be someone who isn't only breathing but is also alive. While their European
and American peers are risking heartbreak and growing emotionally, Indian men are
cosseted in their parent-regulated cocoons waiting for their wives on a platter. The
low divorce rates stem from this very cocooned upbringing. Divorce is a big big
decision and if you've never had the guts to date do you think you can nd the
strength to ght a divorce, that too when your parents and everyone you know will
disapprove of it?
I've been in love. It is a wonderful wonderful feeling. It cannot be simulated or faked

or arranged. An arranged marriage is a feeble shot at some watered down version of
love. You simply cannot throw two supposedly "compatible" individuals together and
tell them to fall in love. Love is a spontaneous reaction. And some basic chemistry
will tell you that chaos-creating spontaneous reactions tend to be exothermic ;)
I'm sure love is possible in an arranged marriage. But why take a chance when you
can start o a marriage from scratch being in love? Why take a chance to live a
loveless life? You risk to lose more than you will ever gain.
When you marry someone, you forge that ONE relationship that you get a say in. You
get a choice. I couldn't choose who gets to be my parents, who gets to be my brother. It
was all a 'default' setting. But when it comes to my wife, that choice is all me. The very
nature of the choice puts that relationship on a dierent level--it exists because it is
ALL me, I initiated it, I worked on it, I willed it into being. And this one girl destined
to be my wife is too special to be picked out in a cattle-fair.
People aren't sheep to be traded based on set factors like the color of their eece, the
family they were born, the meadows they've been made to graze on--things that they
had no control whatsoever of. Most arranged marriages stand on ckle earth. Caste.
Religion. Family-background. Nationality. Occupation. Labels. You're marrying
labels. Stop marrying labels, start marrying people.
If you've never loved or seen love, the romantic, earth-shattering kind, how will you
know what you're missing out on? You who have slept under ceilings painted by
others, know not the grandeur of the starry skies. What do you know of a soul kissed
by a will o' wisp and a heart that pumps re?
I have seen rst hand what my parents have and I can't settle for anything less. I want
those random dreamy-loved-up looks across the room, I want to not hang-up on the
phone 20+ years into marriage, I want framed restaurant napkins with poetry, I want
'I'll-carry-you-up-the-stairs', I want Saturday-night movie-watching/cuddling and I
want mock super-competitive Scrabble. I refuse to believe that this zing, this spark,
this twinning of souls can be "gamed" or "matched".
I know how beautiful marriage can be. I want all this. I want more. There is no one
who knows me better than me. And the one great decision--of whose face every
morning's sun-rays will bounce o to meet mine--will be mine and mine alone.
~~~
Here's something I wrote about my parents a year ago:
http://mysoulisonreburnwithme....
~~~
Edit:
To the comments saying I haven't answered the question...
This answer eshes out the alternative to having an arranged marriage.
Isn't it scary to marry someone you don't even know?
Yes, it is, because it involves missing out on everything described in the answer. And
there is nothing scarier than an unfullled, half-lived life.
"...why take a chance when you can start o a marriage from scratch being in love?
Why take a chance to live a loveless life? You risk to lose more than you will ever gain."
SonalDepankar,Ittakesyoutonurtureyourrelationship.
WrittenOct8,2015
If the denition of marriage is shallow enough like "No divorce means it is working
ne." Then yes, in most of the cases Arranged Marriages really work in India.
Marriage is a gamble as always and there are equal or more chances for not working it,
than working it in any type.
To nd out the reason why the system works, we need to go to the start, where all it
started and Why the majority of Indian families(I said families not individuals!!)
chose to the long routed tradition of arranged marriage.
How and why all it is started?

Arranged marriage was the only known way in many cultures of India when the
marriages happen in ancient India. Yeah the roots are that deep.
This was because the people used to get their children married at very early age; as
early as the child was in cradle. There was a tradition of child-marriage in almost
every part of India. The girls has to be married before they start menstruating. The
children get married at very tender age and will be known to each other from their
childhood.
So obviously it has to be arranged by the elders in the family because as a child one
don't really know what or who is good for you as a your life partner. In Match-making
the suitable prospective proposals were main aspects like Caste, Gotra, Colour, Race,
beauty, height, Wealth, Values, Ancestors, Family records and verication is done
through various relatives, or relatives or friends of relatives of friends; to ensure the
child is getting the best match. Children who are boys are used to go to school and
their wife used to help in household chores.
After independence and during the phase in the years we were getting it, the girls
started getting education. Due to education the age of getting married started
increasing. In the era when getting education was once denied to girls, we can only
think in imagination, they are choosing their life partner. So though the girls are now
educated and the age of getting marriage is mandated by law; the process remained
the same for the most and the tradition of arranged marriage is followed as it was
getting followed.
O course there were and there are rebellious examples in every time where girl and
boy choose their life partners. But then they have to face the consequences like not
getting the support from families from either side due to social pressure of getting
abandon by the society. The whole support system as said by many people in answers
to this question instantaneously work in opposite direction. They don't even
recognize their children or else no one in the society would have any relation with
them.
So arranged marriage remained a sole way of getting married if one want to avoid the
shameful situations.
Benets considered of then Arranged marriage

The girl and boy know each other from childhood the possibility of their
good relation and understanding each other is more.
The girl used to move to husband's home and grow in traditions and culture
of his home so she is used to it. The expectations of in-laws are mostly mate.
The time taken to adjust in new environment was less.
The two family thoroughly knew each other before marriage. Or there was at
least one person who is not from any of the family and knows both families
thoroughly. So chances of getting frustrated after marriages were less.
Thus divorce rate was very less. As family had taken care of all the possibilities to get
apart. In the cases where they are not happy with each other, those are just carried on
for the sake of children, family name, and status in the society.
What is the current situation?

Youth of India also got evolved with time. Girls started getting higher education they
also started working and earning and now for most of them have their say in their one
of the most important decision in their life.
As they are getting matured enough with increased age of getting married, ... (more)
SaurabhBiyani,UndergradStudent,BITSPilani
UpdatedJan9,2015
I recently read a book 'The Art of Choosing' by Sheena Iyengar. In the book, she has
tried explaining the answer to this question to some extent. I am putting it forward
my way.
Across the globe, there are two types of societies - The Individualist and The
Collectivist.
In an individualist society, when you dene yourself, it is just 'you as an individual'.

While in a collectivist society, the denition of yourself includes not only 'you as an
individual' but also 'your family', 'your society' and 'your culture', they are an integral
part.
In a collectivist society, your spouse is in a relationship with not only you but also
your family. In this case, you both need to adjust with each other as well as the
families.
If your marriage was a love marriage and your wife can't adjust according to your
family (there are low chances of her not adjusting with you, at least lower than
arranged marriages), either you stop being collectivist or there are high chances that
the marriage won't work.
And in case yours was an arranged marriage, your family has already looked into all
the aspects, they have made it sure that the girl can adjust with them. So the only
problem which can now arise is that you and your wife are not able to get along with
each other (a very probable event. You just met her a couple of times and you were
ready!!).
In this case, again if your society is 'highly' collectivist, you have already been trained
'by default' to carry on the marriage one way or the other as 'being a divorcee is
equivalent to being a criminal (applicable in some 'highly' collectivist societies). Now
if by a 'successful marriage', you mean 'chalti rahe gaadi, dhakko ke saath hi sahi',
then in such societies, one can say that the rate of success for the arranged marriages
is extremely high.
Such was the case with India (almost everywhere), a few decades back (Its still there,
but to a lesser extent). That is why you rarely hear a marriage being broken in the 80's
or 90's (almost all of them were arranged, you see!).
At present, the things have changed. Indian society is in a very complex state. Though
the collectivist roots of Indians still prevail, yet a chunk of their mentality has started
turning individualist (a concept new for most of them).
In such cases, when there is a love marriage, its their individualist nature that brings
them together. Till the marriage, the family is hardly involved. But after the marriage,
the family starts playing a big role, the collectivist roots come into the picture. This
clash often leads to 'the sacrice situation', either the family or the marriage, that is
either the collectivist roots win or the newly introduced individualist ideologies
prevail or in some rare cases, they die (when they choose the individualist ideologies).
Pause.
Now, about arranged marriages, its the collectivist roots that bring a couple together.
But later on, if the couple nds it tough carrying on with each other (if they know it
for sure, after all the eorts they have put up) and the individualist side of theirs is
strong enough, they stop the 'gaadi', they don't prefer 'dhakko ke saath chalna'. On
the other side, if their collectivist roots are still rock strong, that case is already
explained.
Currently in India, the arranged marriages are not as successful as they used to be.
Still the success rate is higher as the collectivist roots still dominate.
But in the end, what will work and what will not, it solely depends on the type of
people. On how deep are their roots and how strongly can they try to pull them
o.
PS: The views are purely observational.
Edit - Translations:
'chalti(1) rahe gaadi(2), dhakko(3) ke saath hi sahi' - Let the car(2) be moving(1), even if
it needs a push(3).
ChandrimaDhar,It'snotover.Ithasn'tbegun.
WrittenOct10,2012
I don't know if its too wise to consider something as sacrosanct just because a mind-
boggling number of people participate in it for really long periods of time. Given any
chance we are bound to see people trying to sell one concept of 'love' over another. As
more ecient, as more long lasting, as more appealing. For a long time we've all
heard arranged marriages being extolled as the secret behind low divorce rates. Very
interestingly though, as we go from one year to the next, the divorce rates in Urban
India keep rising. And these rates will still be found to be rising, if we consider only
the arranged marriages. If involving your families was the 'One-Key Recovery' button
so to speak, that wouldn't be happening.
To answer the rst part of the question we can never really know. One, because
people, understandably so, nd it hard to admit that outsourcing what was possibly
the biggest decision in their lives turned out to be a disaster. I have never come across
many men/women in their 40's-50's who would readily admit that they have spent
decades with someone they couldn't nd love for. Add to that the exhausting inertia
one feels after having expended a tremendous amount of energy in trying to nd
some beauty in a loveless bond, day after day. A lot of people just stick with it because
its tiring to even think of a solution in light of the deluge of family disapproval they'll
be faced with. In light of how they feel its just too late. To an outsider they might have
just celebrated a silver jubilee and to them it could be the 25 years they lost.
It must look like I am painting arranged marriages as an only high risk gamble, but I
am not. I believe what meets the eye, is seldom and in the case of something as
sensitive as marriage - rarely, the entire truth. Of course there are people who believe
that if involving extended families right from the inception of the marriage process
and especially during trying times, saves marriages then these arranged marriages
should be deemed to be a good working solution. Support from friends and family is
undoubtedly crucial. My point is that mending a 'mistake' with some social
disapproval & emotional blackmail shoddy patchwork does not change it literally, it
will still be a mistake, it just adds a few more years to it and ends up making it seem
like the 'right thing to do' to people who have no idea of what it actually entails.
Also sometimes it becomes an unfair comparison till you provide a love marriage with
the same ammo. Sadly, just the reverse seems to happen in India and some other
countries.. We often see love marriages being turned into a war-zone right from tell-
the-parents night. Almost as if the people you grew up with, and look up to, almost
unconsciously, for silent approval, are praying that the biggest turning point in your
life should not work out well. All because you've snatched away their right to nd or
short list a spouse for you. IMO this is just one of the reasons that vitiates a love
marriage even before it begins.
That still doesn't absolve love marriages of its common delusions and they are many.
Just that they exist as equally as the silent denials of an arranged marriage.
Its one of those questions in life that no one else can really answer for you. Partly
because the issue is subjective and partly because the post-leap truths are too thickly
veiled, and personal to ever lead you to a trustworthy answer.
AbhimanyuSingh,AlwaysanIndian,Lookingforwardtoabrighter
future!!!
UpdatedNov16
My Simple answer would be YES they do. Not perfectly in todays world, but they
still do. Now we can talk about details of HOW and WHY and the answer lies in the
Indian belief in marriage as an Institution and for that we have to understand the
marriage from an Indians perspective. Here are the foundations that i see of marriage
in India
A lifetime commitment: It may sound strange but there was no concept of divorce in
Indian culture in older times, its something which came along with other
civilizations with time and is a part of it now but still not very largely acceptable in
society.
Having Low Expectation: Coming into an arranged marriage where you havent
spent years with your partner or no time in most cases keeps the expectations from
each other very low as we wait to understand each other before setting any
expectations
Growing into the relationship Slowly and Gradually: Growing into the
relationship slowly and gradually have its benet as it gives a lot of time to stable the
ship as in the beginning both are trying to understand the details of a relationship
and are ready to forgive each other for the mistakes we make in the beginning of
relationships. Mostly people witness their parents in being married life for about 20
25 odd years and that develops the understanding of it.
Peoples Will to Work on their relationship : It comes from the rst belief that
marriage is forever so many couple having issues in their lives try to work those out to
the best of their understanding with the help of families and friends if needed to
make the marriage work.
Having Family Always to Support: The family system in India is such that parents
are always available for discussing anything, so whatever decisions you make about
life, most of the time you are not alone, you always consult with someone having
more experience that you, which in this case is either of your parents or elder siblings
There would always be exceptions considering that the world is a changed place now
so we will see that many a times arranged marriages are not working but at large i will
say they DO work.
Now arranged marriages have also changed a lot in last 50 years as the time changed
so here is n excellent article on how they are working in todays society. it will give
some more perspective into the topic.
Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?
All Image Source: Google
ArindamMukherjee,seenitall
UpdatedJun9,2013
[This was a comment to Balaji Vishwanathan's answer above but had sucient
perspective to merit being an answer.]
Balaji Viswanathan has painted a rosy picture above but the realities are a bit
dierent. I present the counterpoint.
All kinds of marriages work. Arranged ones too. Once a girl and her family in Bihar
abducted the would-be groom when the marriage became uncertain due to
oppositions and dowry demands from the groom's family. The guy was forced to
marry the girl without his family's presence. In a matter of a day though, this guy
happily accepted the relationship and is still married to the same girl
[http://goo.gl/vsIu0 . So to argue that the 'arrangedness' of marriages is what make
them work is a bit outlandish.
In arranged marriages, frequently the decision of a marriage is thrust upon one of the
individuals in the marriage - more often than not the bride. In many conservative
and orthodox familes, a non-arranged relationship is discouraged and looked down
upon. An individual involved in such a relationship is then forced out of it by various
means and made to quickly go through an "arranged marriage" process to bury the
past with the hope that things would "just work out". What's sad is that this is not a
transparent process and the other party involved may never know about this. The
impression betrayed is that all be hunky-dory - but that's untrue.

Alas it does not always work out. Sometimes the marriages end early because of this
and this is a good thing. More often though, people just go on with their lives
persevering in trying to make it appear like a happy marriage when in reality it's
unhappy for everyone.
This does not mean that love marriages are a panacea. Nothing is. Marriages are a
gamble whichever way you do it and there are lots of factors that play a part. Great if
it works out - sad if it doesn't. But arranged marriages have perpetuated bad practices
like forced relationships.
Arranged marriages also encourage marriage within a community or a caste. It

strengthens casteism in society. In a country like India, there is a need for cross-
cultural marriages, marriages between people from dierent castes. And it is
happening, thanks to more and more young people choosing their partners.
Arranged marriages are also a means of wealth exchange. Among higher caste
Hindus with even moderate means, the bride's family spends at least a few million
rupees to make arrangements according to the wishes of the groom's family, buy
expensive gifts for the groom (including a car, an apartment, white goods, gold for
the bride which she takes with her to her in-laws' place). This increases debt burden
for bride's family. In fact, in many states, arranged marriages are one way trac. It's
like the bride's family somehow has to get their girl across to a man's bedroom
legally, and the man's family shall exact a steep price for this.
These are fundamental social ills in the Indian society that ravage people's lives to
this day. Arranged marriage is a convenient facade behind which all of these can
happen freely. It does not mean that these cannot happen in so-called 'love'
marriages but the incidence is a lot less.
Also, way too often, a woman is made to dress up and serve tea and snacks and sit
with prospective husband and in-laws and act nice and feminine and homely and in
keeping with "all those desirable attributes of a woman". And then the groom's
family say a "no" for this, that or the othe reason. I think that itself is so so
demeaning and no one seems to care, not even the bride's family.
18kViewsViewUpvotes
AbhilashaPurwar,justanothercuriouskid
WrittenDec26,2012
Note (-> means leads to, + means and, You - 'the ones who did arrange marriage'
(please do not take personally, just used for purpose of reference)
Yes, they WORK. Why ?
1) Study-work-earn-marry (pre-set life path) upbringing-> In the closet dating scene ->
null, negligible, minimal, very less interaction with opposite sex(dating wise) -> social
awkwardness -> can't work on that social awkwardness because of in-the-closet dating
scene -> compounded social awkwardness -> diculty to date
2) Non-readiness to deal with social ineptness + laziness (eorts required for nding a
partner via dating) + ease with which a girl/boy will be provided by family + approval
with arranged marriages + disapproval with love marriages -> a big fat arranged
marriage
3) No trend of exploring in India (exploring the world, ourselves, other people, good
things, bad things) + Risk and high brows (not highbrow) received on doing the whole
exploring by society (which so just want you to t in the model rather than do your
own customization) -> People not dating lot of other people (exploring,risk,high
brows) -> Not being able to nd the right partner themselves ->Big fat arranged
marriage
4) No trend to raise opinions -

i) you said nothing when you were told to not date.
ii) you said nothing when you wanted to deviate a bit from study-work-earn-marry
path, but were not allowed to.
iii) you said nothing when one of the biggest decision of your life : nding partner was
done by parents (tell me, you were sort of relived to shed the load and thus the risk to
their heads), instead of you.
Seriously, you are telling me to believe, you will raise opinion if

i) you are not happy/satised in it, maybe something dierent would have made you
happier
ii) you think you deserved someone better
iii) you are making lot of compromises (which you are so perfect in doing now, after
years of training)
5) Yes !! love can be found anywhere, but marriage is a step ahead of love. Its about life
partner, and don't you got to have a 'life' rst to share it with someone.
By following always what society/parents has/have been telling you to do, you are
living their life, not your life. (might as well call "your-partner" as "social-partner or
parental-partner", kind of like company-partner')
And, the people who are not thinking about living their own life, you want me to
believe, will think about state of their marriage.
It just goes, nobody says anything, questions anything, doubts anything.
(And well, if something bad/abusive/really incompatible worth divorce happens,

don't you think, people who have been silent for so long, will put those issues in a
silently compromised closet)
Thus Arranged marriages work. Actually even better than Love marriages.
Yes! It is scary to marry someone you don't even know.

But, it is even scarier, to 1) nd someone to marry and 2) to take the whole
responsibility of choice (risks associated) on your head.
TanaySukumar,Satiristturnedteacherturnedjournalist.
WrittenOct8,2012
The arranged marriages worked earlier in India because people didn't have any idea
that there could be another option. Arranged marriages are seen as scary by today's
generation because they know there is an option where they know their spouse for a
year or two or more in advance. Obviously, one would nd themselves safer this way.
Arranged marriage is based on acceptance. Love marriages are based on tested

compatibility. Arranged marriages are a challenge, while love marriages are like a
leaked test paper. So, if the two people are ready to take the challenge, there's no
harm in arranged marriages either.
People earlier were 1) hard and accepting in attitude, 2) aware of the fact that this is
the way it is/has to be, 3) patriarchal, which is why the woman had to accept and the
man had to rule in the family, and it was like a masterslave relationship. Who
questions a masterslave relationship? Now, when man and woman are on an equal
platform in society, it's a coexistence of two people on a level playing eld and
compatibility is important to ensure before marrying, whether it is hastily-arranged
by parents, or after a two-year courtship.
The misconception that elders say about arranged marriages being more successful,
is based on the fact that you mention in the question. Once married, you have no
choice if you've to maintain the family's repute. That's why arranged marriages seem
to work. Otherwise, domestic violence isn't too uncommon in this country.
MohanVanamalai,ahumbleIndian
UpdatedSep5,2015
~ 8000 dowry deaths every year

~ 1,18,866 cases a year of 'Cruelty by husband or his relatives'
~ 45-65% report domestic violence in India
~ 47% of marriages in India are child marriages i.e. below 18 years.
~ 85% of marriages take dowry - ~30 in cash, 55 in kind
Reference Indian Arranged Marriages on Myths Of India
No. They don't work for real indians.
The question really is - Why aren't the divorce rates high ?
The answers are obvious - death threats, physical violence, illiteracy, ignorance, lack of
economic independence, child marriage, lack of support network.
In other words, they have no choice.
Go through the reference for more source details.

-edit-
Even among the graduates less than 50% have actually met the person before
marriage. If someone is painting a picture of 'arranged courtships' they don't have any
idea about prevalence of the practice.
Reference Love (and money) conquer caste
AdityaVerman,Acitizenoftheworld,afollowerofrationalthought.
UpdatedJul7,2014
My answer to Do arranged marriages in India really work?
Arranged Marriages In India - A combination of Horse Trading and Circus
1.The Right Family
In most parts of India, the boy and the girl are not allowed to see or talk to each
other.They coercively have to accept whom their parents choose for them to
marry.Getting to know each other is a luxury oered to an elite number. Most of the
times, the groom meet the bride once with his family. In some cases, the groom stays
in a foreign country and his family decide on the so called right match.

What right match means?

Here, right match is neither the bride nor the groom but their families. They
dogmatically search for the right family who are rich and match with their caste and
sub-caste.Their 'kundali'(a 10*10 inch paper with some gures and characters used to
match human beings) and other such putrid criteria is also matched.
They try to nd such families among their rich relatives, or among relatives of their
relatives. If that doesn't work, they go to local match makers, and try matrimonial
websites or newspaper matrimony (If you want to see world's largest furniture market,
read a page of the matrimony in Indian newspapers).

2. The right Commodity
When they nd the right family, the entire family with the groom, if he is available
and allowed, go to see the bride.
What to see the bride means?
They check for each and every aw they can nd in the girl. The vapid soul has to
talk and walk like a dog who has bitten its master. She can't match eyes with the
groom and his parents, can't talk louder than a whisper and cant ask questions. She
must possess the qualities of a good cook and a better servant. She should give heed
to every demand of her master without thinking about her own self all throughout her
life. In some cases, they actually ask the girl to sing or walk.
Every angle of her, every minute detail the body of a women possess is checked by
the groom's parents. They rape her bare and ask her to cover her whole body for the
rest of her life.

Note: The qualities mentioned here are o - course negotiable when they go to the
business part of everything.
3. The 'Machli Bazaar' (Fish Market)
The girl is already been commoditized but the worst part is that her father has to pay
the price to her buyers. So, she is made into a commodity which has negative value
(by this you can probably judge her position in the Indian Society).

The meeting is set and the bidding starts. They decide how much gold, silver, clothes
and furniture(other then the girl) the girl's father has to give. Moreover, they decide
how much money he has to invest in the party, if he has to feed 1,000 or 2,000 ( no it is
not a football match) and whether the boy wants a Honda or a Hyundai.
There is price for everything from if the girl is not a science graduate to if the girl
doesn't have the right complexion or if she can she speak uent English.
Besides, there is a xed price for the groom also. Engineers and doctors cost more, NRIs
cost more, civil servants go for millions, and arts graduates bag less.
4.The Well-read bahu
In most of these weddings, the professional aspirations of a girl is denied on the day
she is forced to marry. She is given a duty to manage the house, cook food and do the
household chores. She is not allowed to work, even if she wants to.

In many cases, it is seen that the girls parents provide her education just to marry her
o to a better groom.

5. The circus
After the negotiations are done and the date is xed by the local long-beard, the
celebration starts.

What the celebration means?

There are 3 to 4 full-edged parties in Indian weddings which can accommodate an
entire month. Both the families have to call every name they or their 7 generations
know in this entire world with their families (family in India means the... (more)
AnshulRanjan,Iamstillclueless
WrittenSep20,2013
YOLO !
But, YOLO doesn't mean YOLO, nor it means YOMO
For people confused:

You Only Live Once
But, You only live once doesn't mean You only love once, nor it means You only
marry once
TLDR;
It works if the couple is really interested to make it work
It appears to work, if the couples are forced to make it appear like working
It doesn't work, if the couple is no longer interested to make it work [the 4%]
- Getting back to the answer
Human beings are animals with somewhat developed brain - capable of learning new
things AND exploring new things (tangible, non-tangible)
You (human being in general) , would readily learn something told (encompasses -
reading,writing, verbal, experience and other forms of information transfer) to you ,
especially something told repeatedly over long time.
Human child is very beautiful thing - it's like a blank powerful machine which has the
potential to do unbelievable things.
But what it eventually becomes in practical life over years depends on whether you
install Windows on it (read stereotype for crappy - [although I love Windows 8 its
simply awesom re-engineering]) or you install Linux (read open source/mind,
experimentation, exploration and evolution being fundamental philosophy). (I won't
mention Mac OS - I have never really used it)
A culture where you grow up

watching 'arrange marriage' as the ideal way of life, knowing,
mixing up with opposite gender as 'taboo' in general,
watching news, movies, repeatedly describing 'cons - of falling in love'

(guys/gals kins abusing, torturing, killing etc.),
being told and watching everybody all around about the 'dangers' (physical
harm , loss of honor (wtf it stands for), emotionally hurting N number of kins
etc.) of love marriage and
of-course the hardship of even getting started on a date (you really need to
trade o a great deal of your life [could be anything from time, money,
presence, habits, career and what not] for that)
AND knowing that you can easily get a simple decent life 'arranged' without
any eort
you(both guys/gals) would naturally tend to grow in favor of arrange marriage.

It isn't so bad - if people are living a decently happy life. (arguments and
dierence of short term are inevitable in any kind of relation - that wouldn't
count as pointer to 'unhappiness')
It is bad - if it means torture to one/both partners for life.
The point boils down to - when you can get a decently happy marriage life without
much ght, why do you want to risk for a possibly happier life.
If you are an averagely good person , you would naturally tend to fall in love with
somebody you live day and night with.
What is love ?
- I think it means a feeling you get about something you really want to know about,
explore about.
- You would go to any limits, risk things you never even thought before for something
you love, well because you are so much in love and it's so much a part of your life, you
want it in your life!
What is marriage ?
- A term enforced by human society - approving whom you want to live with
What is love marriage ?
- Logical extension of above denition of love for a person + marriage
Love is a natural result of on open mind and exploratory nature aka curiosity. It
means you are not really biased by the outcome of it.
You just feel it as part of your life and you need to go down the road to see where it
eventually ends.
It could end up happy (a life long happy marriage), it could end up sad (divorce) - you
don't really hope for sad and then walk down the road.
As often happens with any exploration, when you nd enough events of things not
working, you get a choice.
Continue it, hoping data would get in your favor (read a working marriage)
Abandon it, go on for a new exploration (read divorce)
The 2nd path (abandonment) is taken when

You nd another path to explore (read nd another person/stu to do in life)
and concl...
(more)
Ankit,HeartCobbler!
WrittenDec15
Arranged marriages have been an integral part of the Indian society. It has been
reported that approximately 90% of marriages in India are arranged. A marriage is
termed as arranged when it is proposed by people other than those getting married.
The people responsible for the arrangement of the marriage can be parents,
matchmaking agents, matrimonial sites or a trusted third party.
A 2013 IPSOS survey found that 74% of young Indians (18-35 years old) prefer an
arranged marriage over a love marriage. According to a Bombay High Court
hearing, divorces are higher in love marriages as compared to arranged marriages, in
India. It is also a fact that India has a very low divorce rate of only 1.1% when
compared to other countries in the world.
Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage:
An arranged marriage brings people who have been brought up with a similar belief
system come together. This becomes an important aspect in building a base to the
relationship. The chances of having cultural dierences are less likely, removing one
issue which is common in love marriages.
Love marriages need not necessarily happen between people of the same religion,
culture, caste etc. This brings together individuals with dierent beliefs and cultures.
They need to put in extra eorts to come to a consensus.
A SIMILAR BELIEF SYSTEM IS PARAMOUNT TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.

SURE, YOU DO SEE EXAMPLES OF PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT BELIEFS MAKING
IT WORK, BUT ITS FAR EASIER WHEN YOU HAVE THAT BUILDING BLOCK
ESTABLISHED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
In a love marriage, people tend to use pre-screening criteria that emphasise outward
appearances (looks, possessions, etc.). These are short-term oriented but may not
necessarily contribute to longer-term marital outcomes. Social psychologists have
found evidence of attractiveness matching in which those dating, give heavy weight
to the physical attractiveness of potential partners, and favour those whose
attractiveness is comparable to their own.
When a marriage is arranged, there is an equality maintained while we are introduced

to individuals for an arranged marriage. Education, nances, and the world views
tend to match as families prefer those of equal stature. Therefore, this problem is
solved as the prospects come vetted.
CONTRARY TO CONVENTIONAL BELIEF, IT IS NOT ALWAYS ADVANTAGEOUS

TO ENGAGE IN THOROUGH CONSCIOUS DELIBERATION BEFORE CHOOSING.
ON THE BASIS OF RECENT INSIGHTS ON THE DELIBERATION-WITHOUT-
ATTENTION HYPOTHESIS, SIMPLE CHOICES SUCH AS BETWEEN DIFFERENT
TOWELS OR CLOTHES PRODUCE BETTER RESULTS AFTER CONSCIOUS
THOUGHT. BUT CHOICES IN COMPLEX MATTERS SUCH AS BETWEEN
DIFFERENT HOUSES OR EVEN MARRIAGE SHOULD BE LEFT TO UNCONSCIOUS
THOUGHT.
In an arranged marriage, the expectation level of the partners is comparatively lower

than in love marriage. A couple entering an arranged marriage simply dont know
each other that well when compared to those beginning a love marriage.
When there is already a gap in knowledge, the expectations in return will be lesser. In-
depth knowledge is crucial to forming accurate expectations, and more knowledge
produces higher expectations.
SINCE THERE ARE LOWER EXPECTATIONS WHILE HAVING AN ARRANGED

MARRIAGE, THE CHANCES OF BEING LET DOWN ARE ALSO REDUCED. AS
RESEARCH ON SATISFACTION JUDGMENTS SHOWS, WHEN EXPECTATIONS
ARE LOW, THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE MET OR EXCEEDED, LEAVING THE
NEWLY-WED HIGHLY SATISFIED.
While in India, we may have several heartwarming success stories about love
marriages there will be more arranged marriage stories between strangers leading to
lasting love. Marriage here is considered to be a lifelong commitment. The partners as
well the family have a better understanding and acceptance of their dierences.
When there are lower expectations and there is a merger of families of equal stature, a
strong base can be built. Therefore, in India where culturally arranged marriages are
more acceptable than love marriages the chances of them being fruitful is higher.
Thus, lesser chance of breaking the marriage. If you wish to strengthen your
relationship, please dont hesitate to seek guidance from Relationship Experts at
YourDOST
SrinivasKrishnaswamy,Founderofwww.jodilogik.comCreateyour
custombiodataformarriage!
WrittenOct7,2015
Here are some reasons backed by research data.
1. In Love Marriages Romantic Love Decreases with Time
You read it right. In 1982, psychologists Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh of the
University of Rajasthan in Jaipur ran a study comparing marriages of choice in the
United States to arranged marriages in India.
They found opposite trends: love marriages experienced a lot of initial passion and
little compassion thereafter while arranged marriages experienced no initial
passion but increasing compassion as the years went on.
Moreover, 10 years after marriage, couples that chose arranged marriage were nearly
twice as compassionate as couples that chose love marriage a result reinforced in a
paper by Robert Epstein and Mansi Thakar highlighted in the January/February
2011 edition of Scientic American.
2. Do Young and Educated Indians Prefer Love Marriages over Arranged

Marriages?
In October 2013, Manjistha Banerji, Steven Martin, and Sonalde Desai from the
University of Marylandconducted a study to nd answers to (arguably) the most
popular assumption among Indians that young and educated Indians seem to run
away from the concept of arranged marriages. Here is a summary of the results from
the study.
A key reason for parent supervised arranged marriages with participation

emerging as the most common form of marriage arrangement is that it is best suited
for a cultural context that does not have a dating culture of the kind existing in the
West. Such a dating culture requires that it be socially acceptable for the young to
romantically link up with each other without any kind of adult supervision in a
setting that is not dened directly as leading to marriage and to try out dierent
potential mates before deciding on a marriage partner.
In other words, arranged marriages continue to remain popular even among educated
Indians.
3. Do Educated Women Prefer Love Marriage?
Findings from the same study cited in the earlier point, show that education makes a
huge dierence in the extent or autonomy or freedom that women have when it
comes to choosing who they will marry.
The greatest dierence between college educated women and their less educated
counterparts, was not in the extent to which daughters arranged their own marriages
or even shared the marriage search jointly with their parents. Instead, we found that
parents in India are still doing the major share of arranging marriages (including
many families where the daughters have college degrees), but that daughters
autonomy is being expressed in their increased power of participation in a parent
arranged marriage set up.
In other words, young, educated Indians tend to have a veto power on the choice of
the partner selected by parents.
4. Monkeys in Brazil Believe in Arranged Marriages!
Karen Strier, professor of anthropology at the University of WisconsinMadison, and

her research team observed and collected genetic data from a group of 67 wild
monkeys living in a protected reserve in Brazils Atlantic Forest: infants, mothers and
possible sires.
They found that six out of the 13 adult males they studied spent more time in close
proximity to their mothers than would be expected by chance. These same six
monkeys, on average, sired the greatest number of ospring!
Strier also found that there was no inbreeding among sons and their close female
relatives, a process that might also be mediated by mothers. Mating may be less
random than we think, perhaps because of the inuence of the mothers, she says.
Does this not sound like arranged marriages ?
5. Religious Leaders and Researchers Agree on Arranged Marriages
You dont always need a research report to bring out cold hard facts. According to
Brian J. Willoughby, an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham
Young University,
Whether it be nancial support for weddings, schooling or housing, or emotional

support for either partner, parents provide valuable resources for couples as they
navigate the marital transition.
If you ask your parents or religious leaders about the advantages of arranged
marriages, the most common responses you are bound to hear will be that parents
can make sure your hormones dont make you lose sign of ground realities that will
later come and bite you. Hence, all the unromantic requirements pertaining to the
prospective matchs education background, career, family, physical traits etc actually
works in your advantage!
Dont believe them? Robert Epstein, a senior research psychologist at the American
Institute for Behavior Research and Technology, says parents screen for deal
breakers . More disturbing, your arranged marriage probably wont be much
dierent from your free-range marriage. Stanford Universitys Michael J. Rosenfeld
said: The people we end up married to or partnered up with end up being similar to
us in race, religion and class background and age, which means that they might not
be all that dierent from the person that your mother would have picked for you.
SurabhiSurendra,AnIndianwoman.
WrittenJul11,2015
Yes, they do. Mine is a living example. My story of nding love in an arranged
marriage was published on Elite Daily and was later on picked up by a Pakistani blog
and a German magazine.
Here is the link.
How I Found True Love In An Arranged Marriage
7kViewsViewUpvotes
DivyaSharmaDixit,Havehad2andseenmorethan2000
UpdatedJan25,2015
So many answers negating arranged marriages. They are not a curse. Going by
statistics more than 60 percent of marriages that happen in India are arranged
marriages. Not because love is a taboo but because in India there are many things that
come before love as well. The divorce rate in arranged marriages is low because
arranged marriages are built up on a basic pedestal of mutual compromise and
sacrice.
I see so many answers stating how they were fooled in arranged marriages. Accepted!
But people who are fooled in love never reach marriages and that is the reason, they
say that love works better in marriages.
I have seen many many love marriages failing miserably apart and many arranged
marriages working smoothly.
In India most of us aren't lucky enough to fall in love and sustain a relationship till it
reaches marriage. So voting arranged marriage out would lead half of our population
unmarried.
For love to occur you need two people who are willing to be together. But marriages
require lot more than love to sustain: trust, responsibilities, collective will to ght
odds.
My Grandparents have been married for past 55+ years and my parents for past 26
years. I'll narrate both their life journeys.
My Grandparents:
They got married at a very early age of 14. My grandfather was a Post Graduate from
IIT and my grandmother has had her schooling till class 5. They did not see each
other before marriage. Together they have lived for more than 55 years. They have
seen all good and bad days together. Not that everything was smooth always. They
ght, bicker, nag each other to death but they also care for, love and ght "for" each
other. Together they have given birth to ve children, educated them, taken
responsibility of their future. In their old age they traveled together across India.
There were times when my grandmother broke her hand and my grandfather out of
love was there to change her cloths, look for her. There were times when my
grandfather had no control over his bowel movements and my grandmother cleaned
his dirty clothes without a word.
The love they have for each other was borne out of the time they lived with each other
and the responsibilities they shared together. Even today they are living together.
My Parents:
Even they did not see each other before marriage. My parents had a very rough time
at the start of their marriage. they fought a lot. I thought they both hate each other.
Too young I was to understand what thy have for each other.
Then last year this happened:
The sweetest smile that I ever came across was the one that I see on my father's face
everytime he looks at my mum! Mind you they have been married for 25 years and they
ght so ercely that can scare anyone yet my father dotes on my mum. They both have
been through thick and thin in these 25 years. From being bankrupt to being successful.
Their romance is one unending saga.
I remember when my mum was diagnosed with tumor. For the rst time I saw tears of
helplessness in the eyes of my otherwise fearless father. He couldn't see the love of his life
in so much pain. My mum would reassure him all the time. And it was my father who
made her t as ddle. Each day he'd make tea for her, massage her,make her eat food.
His devotion could put to shame all those lovers who claim to cross oceans.
Living with them I realized what true love is about. True love calls for never leaving
one's side in times of high tide.
Trust me I am witnessing them growing young rather than old with love!! :-)
I personally have witnessed people falling in love after getting married. Marriages are
failing these days not because they are love or arrange but because we as a new
generation lack the commitment and patience required to make things work. We give
up too early.
The Silence That She Adorns : A story I wrote on arranged marriages
VatsalRathod,Ifitlookscomplicated,itreallyisn't...you'rejustfooling
yourself
WrittenMar8,2015
OriginallyAnswered:HowdoarrangedmarriagesactuallyhappeninIndia?
Thanks Namita Sen for A2A.
I don't have any direct experience in this arena but will try to answer as per my
observation of how other victims are sacriced at the altar of the 'institution' of
arranged marriage.
Orientation for girls:

Step 1: Start getting trained on house-hold chores.
Step 2: By-heart FAQs asked during interviews.
Step 3: Master the art of smile. Because that's what you'll do for 99% of the
time you're being interviewed by the family of grooms.
Step 4: Learn to ignore your feminist instincts and tone down sarcasm that
can hurt the ego of the prospective groom and his family.
Step 5: Go to gym and parlour regularly.
Step 6: Choose a profession where relocating is not an issue and you have
xed (and small) work hours. Teaching is ideal followed by a personally
owned boutique.
Step 7: Have long hair. No visible tattoos.
Step 7: You must love kids. And all the relatives of the groom, including
distant ones who only meet you when they need free stay and food when
they're in your city.
Step 8: You must be learn to be friendly with the groom's friends, even those
who stare at you with utter lust the whole time.
Step 9: Learn to dress up 'responsibly', especially on family gatherings. Sit

only among the women.
Step 10: You're not allowed to reject the guy no matter how bad a loser psycho
idiot he has proven himself on the very rst meeting.
Orientation for boys:

Step 1: Be born with a recognizable penis.
Step 2: Crack IIT-JEE or AIIMS exam.
Step 3: Get into an IIM or become an IAS/IES and ensure your dowry rates are
among top 10%.
Step 4: Join papa ka business if Step 3 fails (politics/lawyer/businessman etc).
Step 5: At family gatherings, try to avoid obvious eve-teasing, keep it subtle.
Step 6: Grow a mustache. Don't have long hair or visible tattoos.
Step 7: Learn to drive. You're the man of the house and you must always be in
the driving seat - both metaphorically and literally.
Step 8: Don't keep staring at her or make jokes on the rst meeting. The only
socially accepted questions are "what have you studied" or "do you like
cooking" or "what are your hobbies" or "what do you like to read". Don't
deviate. No. Don't.
Step 9: Don't stu your face with all the deliciously smelling
samosas/kachoris/jalebis/rasmalai in front of you. You're allowed to have
only one small piece of any one item. Samosa and Kachori are advised to be
broken in a smaller piece and then eaten without making a sound.
Step 10: Trim your nose and ear hair.
Step 11: You're allowed to hit on the prospective saalis but stay don't cross the
boundary of tharki-pana.
Step 12: Touch feet of every person who has more than 5 gray hair. Even if it
turns out to be the Ramukaka of the house. You never know he might be the
primary decision maker.
Step 13: Shut your pie hole when dowry is being discussed.
Step 14: You must learn to have sex with the girl on the rst day you're alone
in a room and she has cried her ass o for being parted from her family and
friends for her entire life. Also, you must practice to boast about your rst
night on the very next morning in front of all your friends and cousins.
After both the genders have successfully completed the orientation program, our
super-computers a.k.a. punditjees match kundalis and nd the most tting pairs of
brides and grooms where totally random criteria of stars, moons, planets and
constellations is considered in stead of hobbies, interests, ethics and standards.
Now both families' social and nancial status of the families is matched. Their past
history and current occupations are matched. This requires the pundit to have skills
of a seasoned Mergers & Acquisitions professional working for more than thirty years
at Goldman & Sachs. But they do it without any MBA.
Once all these stringent criteria are met, the nal shortlisted pics are forwarded to the
guy. He then chooses which of the specimen he'd like to evaluate in person. The girls,
on the other hand, are supposed to pray to God that they get chosen by a guy about
whom her parents can boast about to the whole family.
In older days, family of the guy will go to the house of the girl for the face-to-face
interview before issuing the oer letter. But nowadays the girl is allowed to meet the
guy somewhere outside (but only when occupied by a pain-in-the-ass female
friend/cousin who just won't let them talk about important topics and keep making
annoying jokes).
Based on only 1 meeting you are supposed to say Yes or No to the face-to-face group
interview where the guy's family visits your home. If you say Yes then you MUST
accept the alliance unless some really grave facts are unearthed. Since a plethora of
literature is written on these family meetings where the awkward couple is subjected
to inhuman torture, I'd skip that part.
Now once the alliance is accepted by both the parties, it is celebrated with a huge ring
ceremony where both families try to ascertain who'd dominate the other one in long
term. The girl and guy are allowed to meet once, may be twice a week, in public areas
and talk on phone/chat for as long as you wish.
It is totally forbidden for the girl to deny the marriage after the engagement, however
this veto power is available to the guy constitutionally. The girl's family gets busy in
accumulating all the dierent kinds of gifts, home appliances, furniture, jewelry that
the guy's family can display to their relatives after the marriage. The pecking order of
the girl in the guy's family is directly proportional to the amount of stu she brings
with her.
On the day of marriage, the girl's family literally serves as slaves to the guy's family
bringing them all kinds of crap (whiskey, ghoda, DJ, scorpio, cushioned chairs
whenever they make a sitting-like pose) the whole day and saying "I'm really sorry if
you had to face any inconvenience" as the rst sentence whenever interacting with
anyone from the guy's family while ignoring all their asshole-ry, them
spitting/peeing/spilling anywhere, hitting on the women of your family openly,
insulting your trusted sta for smallest things etc etc etc.
After an unbearably huge amount of drama, ego-hurting, show-o, literally draining

money, performing rituals that make no sense whatsoever, smiling for 8 hours
straight for taking pics with utter strangers and trying to memorize their names as an
exercise in futility, stung your stomach with laddoos (oh so many laddoos!), not
sleeping at all for 3 days straight, putting all kind of makeup, wearing highly
uncomfortable cloths/shoes/jewelry/head-gear etc you nally get married. Now you
get 2 weeks to have 90% of whole amount of sex you'd totally have in your rest of the
life. After you come back, you must visit all the relatives' and friends' house and must
have dinner with them while answering their idiotic annoying questions ("aur
honeymoon kaisa raha mere sher!" - I mean seriously dude...you wanna ask me about
my sex life? that too in front of my wife? *kicks him in the crotch*).
Now you're all set to experience the most depressing charade that 95% of the nation
has been going through since centuries - where you rst buy a house then a car, thus
burying yourself under unending loans. Then you procreate - ideally 2 kids - and thus
ensure you forget all your dreams and spend your entire life worrying about their
education and marriage. Once they're educated enough, you're supposed to enter
them in the same Orientation Program that you went through and make sure they
successfully reach this exact same phase of your life where you are right now - and
probably hate your parents for making you be here.
So anyone who aspires to be another brick in the wall (or doodie in the hole) - Good
luck!
1.3kViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyNamitaSen
PriyaKuber,Allthingsapps.
UpdatedOct11,2012
The whole debate of love v/s arranged marriage is idiotic. Marriage is a personal
choice. Here are some quotes from above and a personal observed take on them:
> Before the "date" happens an enormous amount of ltering & backend work has
been done to make sure things stick.
Do note here that the groom's and the bride's family want the alliance to happen.
Hence its not too tough to lie these days. I have seen men lie about their qualication
level (obviously in that background check you can't ask for the groom's graduation
certicate) or income or in certain cases, even age. Leave alone the history of previous
aairs or the cause of breakups (yes, I've seen a terrible sociopathic case in which the
man was beating the wife and was justied by the mother that 'he beats her because
he loves her so much'). The man in question was earning more than 12lpa as a
successful manager at ICICI bank and was 30 and apparently 'well settled'.
Also, during the rst few dates the man is all nice to a woman, just as good as any new
couple would be. After marriage, the real face comes out.
> On the other hand, a guy meeting a girl on a date with no background information
has to make a subjective decision on the y.
Who says? This also roots from the age old belief that if a girl is just dating a guy she
HAS to marry ONLY him. The decisions can be taken much later after due thought.
Just being aware if its a crush and knowing the person a little more, and maybe
making a full decision after meeting family and friends? If it does not work out? Well,
maybe you two are not meant to be together?
>In a typical non-arranged marriage, you are generally on your own.
Trust me, when the marriage does not work out, every relative would be there to tell
your tale of woe to the world. Blaming the victim of being 'non adjusting' or later on
suggesting not so smart/worthy men for marriage just because you are a divorcee.
When a human is born, he/she is entirely on his own. Add to that the 'shame' and the
boycott your parents might face with the relatives the day one decides to step out of
an abusive relationship. All the 'support network' it seems that you are living only to
please them.
>In non-arranged marriages, you are likely to have incomplete (or worse misleading)
information to decide.
Again, its easy to fake information in arranged marriages too be it in terms of

qualications, or monetary benets. A rich boy from an auent business family may
also turn out to be a boring bum who does nothing but live o on his family resources,
whereas in love marriage, at least you get to know how the person works before
getting the nal word of vow.
>Thus your decisions could be based on surface characteristics such as beauty,

hobbies and outer personality.
True, those characteristics would make a basis for a crush, but for a relationship to
reach till the M word, a lot more is needed. Again I repeat, just because you dated
someone a few times does not force you to marry him, there maybe gaping
incompatibility issues which should be taken into account. (Probably an overly
possessive mother in law who can scheme to keep you at bay?)
>By the time you have all the information, your relationship might have gone too
advanced to back out easily.
Don't you think marriage is the ultimate form of advancement? A decision which you
have so gladly left to other's whims?
>Arranged marriages lets Indian geeks be geeks. In the US and elsewhere, many geeks
have to force themselves to somebody else to woo the opposite sex.
You do know that its nice to come out of the geek shell once in a while. In indian
arranged marriage system its like the guy saying 'I will be only a geek, and do things
only my way, I dont want to please you, or anyone else but myself'. You really think a
girl in such a system of marriage can aord to be stuck up? Or have the freedom to
pursue whatever she wants? What if the girl is a geek and likes to be absorbed in work
too? Will the man give enough space to have her life and her set of career and friends?
It is the girl who is forced to make sacrices. Also, changing does not make the geeks
un-geeks. They just become much cooler :)
>Indian geeks have their lifeline in mind and proceed to ll up the Phd & MBA
admissions in the universities without getting their lives interfered by the courtship
process.
At what price? Walk into the arranged marriage market. The 'price' of such a groom
would make my self worth go down. So if a girl worked hard and is talented enough,
then too she won't get such a boy. Her father needs to have enough cash to be able to
aord such a boy. Is it really fair? Oh not to mention that she should be as white as a
tubelight and dark skin too would be too much of a taint on the precious boy's
spotless qualication. You said that in love marriage the initial attraction is beauty or
hobbies, is lookism not prevalent in the arranged marriage system? You chose a girl
for pure supercial qualities at least for the rst 'arranged date'.
>The "love" system places too much stress on the teens & tweenies in looking for their
future spouse
And yet, India still has its share of Phds and Mtechs from IIT and entrepreneurs who
do in fact are married or have life.
All this discussion arises because marriage is treated as a HUGE life changing
calamity. If its patiently treated as just an event of taking a partner for emotional
compassion, at the same time not letting go of your own progress in life, I believe that
life would be more logical and happier. Bottomline being the murphy's law, 'If
something can go wrong, it will go wrong' and nothing should be blamed on anyone.
NehaGupta,ComputerScience&EngineeringstudentinNoida,India
UpdatedJan19,2015
I think the chance of a marriage in India working out well isn't in the least correlated
to whether or not it is arranged. My mother got married seven years after her elder
sister did because her father, a man of very limited means and a heart patient running
out of time, wasn't ready to give away his daughter to just any conveniently available
family. He found her a perfect man and my parents never spoke a word to each other
before their wedding night.
They spent their rst night together talking, getting to know their life partners. Later,
when my mother met my father's friends, they realized they had all been classmates
in the primary school.
To this day, in spite of lack of emotional and monetary support of the family during
times of need, my parents have never quarreled. They are very expressive and clear in
case of misunderstandings. They are very dierent from each other but think
extremely alike. And I have never seen them mad at each other in the twenty-one
years of my life.
They'll complete twenty-eight years as an ideal happy couple the coming Rose Day. So
here goes: Yeah, arranged marriages in India can work out pretty well! (Not all,
though.)
SiddharthaBagaria,computerscientist
WrittenOct14,2012
Following is a note I wrote on facebook almost two years ago. You can nd this note
with the original comments at the time in this link -
https://www.facebook.com/notes/s...
Arranged marriages have always been something very central to the Indian social
dynamics. Although you can nd tons of feminist (or otherwise) literature discussing
the demerits of this widely prevalent practice, the topic is so taboo in Indian social
circles that 'there is nothing to discuss about'. Actually, anything which breaks the
prevalent social norms and is inconvenient to the decision makers is always taboo in
the country. It was expected with the coming of economic growth and education to
the masses that the institution of arranged marriages will gradually fade away.
Although it has undergone radical changes, it still proves to be remarkably resilient.

Proponents of the arranged marriage system will say that it brings a greater stability
to the marriage as it involves a deeper meshing of the two extended families which
then take care of each other. The families cooperate to ensure that the marriage works
smoothly throughout life and work towards resolving any disagreement between the
couple. But most of these "resolutions" come as compromises on part of the girl. They
will also say that the considerations in the "arrangement" have become more
pragmatic in the past decade or two, wishing only the happiness of the young couple
in mind. Because after all, the true indicator of how successful a marriage is, only
depends on how happy the couple is.

People would say that arranged marriages are part of our culture, something we
should be proud of. But really? Who decided what is culture, what is tradition? If my
knowledge is right, the original Vedic religion people were all in favour of systems like
'Swayamvara' (a system where the girl will choose her spouse from an array of
interested suitors) or 'Gandharva Vivaha' (love marriages). But the Vedic religion is no
more. What we have in place is a weaker orthodox Hinduism. A system where the
society so readily adopted patriarchy and caste system in the guise of becoming more
stable. Where women were placed permanently in male custodianship; be it their
fathers, husbands or sons. Where any attempt at independence started to be frowned
upon. The older age started to be looked upon as an age of promiscuity and the newer
system a promise for survival. Whether we adopted a weaker set of values because we
ourselves became weak, I will never be able to say.

Modern Indian society claims a strong anity to 'self-arranged' marriages or to free
choice on part of the prospective spouses. But... With conditions attached. Family's
interests come rst. And not surprisingly enough, material interests. Love marriages
are still not entirely appreciated. Why? Because they signify deance. Inter-caste
marriages are a strict no. Why? Because it disturbs the status quo of social inequality
in the country. Such are the notions of family prestige and purity of lineage, that
honour killings are still quite common in North Indian states. Particularly Punjab,
Haryana, Rajasthan, Delhi and Bihar. Pre-independence era reformists have been able
to curb this practice in many regions of India, most notably Bengal, but not all. You
will nd families which will actively look out for inter-caste marriages because they
want to ght against the social inequity. Culture is culture only so long as it is not
reformed.

So, why not arranged marriages? Is not being in an arranged marriage really worth
going against the whole world? After all, the two families are happy. There are many
considerations here. First, you should love the other person. Not the kind of love
which makes you stare into the other's eyes and say 'I love you so much', but the kind
of love which makes you happy just by making the other person happy. Even if you
love someone else more, as long as this love is there, the marriage can work. Most
people do end up nding this love because they feel obligated in a nice way to the
families. It also works more when the two people do not have conicting aspirations.
When there are no sacrices involved, love can grow. But if you can not nd this love,
I am sorry the marriage is not going to work. You can give it a few months to develop
but if it does not come, it will never come. At this point, my advice would be to break
away before you have kids. Another reason why arranged marriages "work" is because
of the children. Once you have children, it is inhumanely cruel to divorce or separate.
If you ask me, it is inhumane to bring new lives into a dysfunctional marriage in the
rst place. Ultimately the couple will keep making compromises because it is trapped.
The sense of giving is what keeps the marriage at least legally intact. Hence, the low
divorce rate in India.

My mom tells me that love marriages have more post-wedding ghts. I believe her.
But that is because those ghts are out of love and short-lived. Because they know
that they can actually work out their dierences with understanding. Because they
feel they have a right to ght. But why are there less ghts in arranged marriages.
Because they know there will be no conclusion to those ghts, that what is happening
is happening and nothing else can be done. Also, the kids again. Hence, no ghts but
also no understanding, just lots of tension and compromises. Often by the partner
who is nicer, more giving, more seless. Usually the girl.

I think the most stagnant social issue for decades has been the treatment of newly
wed girls in arranged marriages. A signicant portion of Indian art cinema has gone
forward to put this issue to light. There is absolutely no one to defend their opinions
and wants in the rst few years of marriage. Be it love or arranged, a man's loyalty is
always split between his parents and his wife. So if the man's parents are not very
supportive of the girl in the rst place, there is little hope. Not until the two have
children and the man has a new family to take care of. But sometimes, even that is
short lived or undergoes a lot of uctuation.

The next most under-discussed issue is the huge eect an imperfect marriage has on
kids. The elderly decision makers never think these things because probably it was
not a problem in their times. But kids do get aected in modern nuclear families. If
you have not noticed, they come more attentive and sensitive these days. They will
feel their parents' struggles by the time they are 5 or maybe 10. Even when no words
are spoken, even when no drama was seen, they will feel the lack of love. I do not need
to tell you that it is not a good childhood to have. On the other hand, when I see kids
through love marriages, they are so uninhibited and it is as if talent ows through
them. They are happy and they are perfect!

Enough theory. How do actual examples in India look like. In my generation. When
the marriage arrangement is not for business or any other materialistic gains, and
when there are no conicting interests, most marriages turn out to be OK. Depends
on who the partners are and how understanding they are of each other. When the
arrangement is forced, it is a very dierent story. From what I have heard around me,
you would be surprised that the typical Bollywood plots are actually very common,
the drama even more, but the real climax is usually not happy. Family pressure,
emotional or material, real or fake, is very prevalent. Usually the fathers, as guardians
of their patriarch families, take it upon themselves to keep the prestige of the family
in the social fabric intact, in their own framework of ideals. Along with the underlying
subconscious conicting emotion to bring happiness to their children. It is not easy.
The heart attacks and other health problems you see in movies are very much real.
Almost with no exceptions. The child usually surrenders, be it a boy or a girl.
Sometimes, they don't. Outcomes vary.

Most often surrenders are considered as mistakes in hindsight. Sometimes, it works
out for everyone. Depends on what happens in the future. It is all about nding that
love which makes a marriage work. If both persons nd it, good. If not, then at least
one person loses a lot. People from a generation ago call it 'adjustment'. Some people
cope by having multiple extra marital aairs or continuing a parallel love story or
they just continue to accept it as their fate in resignation. The wives typically make
their children their whole world. For them, everything is ne as long as they are ne
and with her. None of which is healthy.

What happens when there is no surrender? The new 'love' couple lives happily, social
problems stay for a few days or weeks or maybe even a year. But afterwards, it is
happy for everyone. And yes, no one dies. Well if there were no murders involved!
After all the parents do realise that all they want is their children to be happy and
healthy. Everything else is secondary. But there is a catch, was the love real to begin
with. Or was it just a mistake. Some people tumble down this hole too.

Actually, arranged marriages started on this very premise in an era of child marriages
(albeit with certain side objectives) - to prevent children from making mistakes.
Because love is a very dicult thing to understand, and there are many more
considerations. Parents just assume that the child is confused and not actually in
love. Or that the right time has come and if love has not been found, an arrangement
needs to be made. But there is actually a legal minimum age now and education is
more holistic. The "children" actually do understand what is good for them.

So why do we still keep our beliefs in the system of arranged marriages when we so
abundantly celebrate the idea of romantic love in our movies, songs and folklore. Is it
something that we have come to accept as happening only in dreams and not in
reality. India, as a society, needs to progress a lot more. If a young guy and a young girl
accept a forced arranged marriage now and fail to nd that love, then they will just
continue the cycle of acceptance. Something which this country needs to break.
Actually we need to break the cycle of acceptance in a lot many spheres, but more on
that later.
9kViewsViewUpvotes
UditGupta,Readerandobserver:)
WrittenJul5,2016
After reading this. I believe marriages works in India as well.
Story of a girl I Married a Stranger..

I was on the bed, feeling terried. I opened my diary and wrote, I married a
stranger and quickly hid it under the bed. My whole body was shaking.
What do I do? I questioned myself.
Do I act like a virgin?
But what if he nds out? Do I tell him to wait for it for a few days? But what if it
makes him angry?
The front door opened and my heart jumped in my neck. I was breathing heavily.
The sound of his footsteps gave me goosebumps. I looked down and pretended to
be calm. I saw him stopping at the door though I wasnt looking at him.
Ghauri, he said with ever-so-calm voice. I dared not to look at him.
Ghauri, I am going to sleep in another room, he said.
If your husband doesnt want to sleep with you, you have failed as a wife, echoed
my mothers voice in my head. But I didnt look up. I stayed quiet.
Dont you want to ask me why?, he said, with little humor in his voice, clearly
trying to cheer me up. I looked at him for just a few seconds and looked down
again.
You are my wife, he said and paused, and then he continued, not a prostitute.
I really didnt know what he meant as my mind wasnt working well. When you
dont know what to say to your husband, keep your mouth shut came back my
fathers voice. I obeyed him as usual.
If we sleep together when we really dont know each other, what dierent you
would be from a prostitute? We will sleep together someday, when both of us wants
it, and that day, Id be making love to my wife. I denitely wont be having sex with
a stranger.
He turned o the light and just few seconds later, put it on and said funnily, I am
not a secret gay by the way. I promise you that.
Despite how scared I was, I giggled. He smiled, turned o the light and went to
another room. I was still giggling. As I slept on the bed without removing my make-
up or anything, tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes.
People say it amazes them when we shed tears while we are happy. They say, it
didnt make sense, but to me, it made more sense. We felt something so strong that
a part of us couldnt stay inside us, thats what I thought anyway. To me, shedding
tears while being happy meant more.
I woke up and made myself ready to make breakfast. I went to the kitchen but he
was there, cooking. I dont know how horried I looked because it made him really
scared. He quickly ran to me and said, Ghauri, are you ne? and his voice was
lled with worries.
Why are you cooking? I said with a low voice.
He seemed lost. And nally he realized what I meant. Ghauri, look at me. I like
cooking, okay? You can cook when you like and so will I.
Ghauri, his voice was authoritative this time, you are not my slave. You are my
wife!
If you let your husband step inside the kitchen, you fail as a wife. mocked my
mothers voice as I came out of the kitchen.
I began to open up with him, little by little. I didnt share any of my biggest secrets
with him or talked about my ex boyfriends, but I started talking with him. Once, he
asked me some important suggestions about his oce and my jaw dropped.
But I quickly remembered, my dad doing the same with my mom.
My mom answered and my dad got so furious, he slapped her in front of me for the
rst time. He looked at me and said angrily, When your husband ask you about his
works, he isnt really asking, so keep your mouth shut.
But they have been wrong ever since I came here. I started suggesting and he
listened. I used to shed lots of tears at home and I did the same here too, but the
feelings of why it came, was dierent.
I felt condence building inside me. I could have never imagined asking him about
going with my friends for trekking but I did.
I looked at him and said, Can I go with my friends for trekking? It is only for two
nights. I wont do anything stupid and will come back as soon as I can. Or you could
call me if you want me here and I will come back here sooner.
My mom asked about going out with her friends fo for some religious purpose and I
still remember my dads expression. My husband made the same.
He looked at me disgusted. He was clearly angry. I felt naked in front of him for the
rst time but little did I know, he was going to teach me to not be shameful when I
am naked.
Ghauri, he said frustrated, how many times have I told you that you are my wife?
Why are you taking my permission like that? Like you are a prisoner? In fact, why
are you asking at all? Inform me and go. Dont beg for it!, he said and walked away
angrily.
My parents gave birth to me and they raised me, but I was only starting to live.
My husband was teaching me how to live.
I went behind him. He was looking down the balcony. I stood behind him and
looked down as well.
I am learning, please be patient with me, I said looking down, probably opening
that part of me for the rst time, My mother has given me thousand lists of what I
can do to fail has a wife and my dad has given me thousand lists of when to shut up.
So, I am learning.
He laughed though I wasnt joking. He said, I apologize for laughing and for my
earlier behavior. I will keep that in my mind, if you promise me to remember that
you are not in your home anymore. Ghauri, let the past be in the past.
He touched my back for just one second as a comfort but it was his rst touch to me
after I entered his house. It was, in all honesty, special. And the more he called my
name, the more it sounded special.
I started calling my friends home for dinners. We sometimes drank the wine my
husband brought for us. I was living. My parents greatest gift to me wasnt giving
birth to me, their greatest gift was marrying me o to a stranger.
One night, my husband and I were drinking. He asked me what I want to become.
I barely whispered, I want to become a writer.
The expression on his face was priceless, something I could never forget. I had
never seen him so happier and I bet there were tears in his eyes. I would have never
thought but he had always wanted to be a writer too.
Got too busy. Will you do that for both of us?, he asked me with smile lled with
sadness and joy.
I could only manage a nod.
That night, I cried like never before. I covered my face with pillow tightly to protect
the sound. I didnt know why I was crying so hard but I wanted to scream. I saw a
black shadow near my door. He was standing there, watching me.
I stood up and went to him and I kissed him. I hugged him and kissed him again. I
dragged him in the bed.
You sure it isnt the wine doing? he asked me.
I rolled my eyes and replied, You sure you arent a secret gay?
He laughed, You are about to nd out. he said.
It was typical of me but I had to say it, I thought I owed it to him. I stopped him and
said, Before we start, I just want you to know. I am not a virgin.
He waved his hand o and said, I thought you were going to say that you have
AIDS.
I laughed and pulled him close and kissed him.
And we did it. I had sex with him after three and half months of our marriage. Let
me scratch that, I made love to my husband after three and half months of our
marriage and sure enough, he was straight.
I woke up the next day and looked at him sleeping peacefully beside me. I was sure
of one thing like never before.
I took out my diary and turned to the page where I wrote with a blue ink I married
a stranger. I picked the black pen and wrote, and I fell in love with him because I
really had fallen deeply in love with him. I smiled and decided to keep a promise I
made to him. I was going to write, I was always sure of that but what I didnt know
was what I was going to write about. Now I did. I was going to write about us.
The end
External sources :
http://www.ebuddyblog.com/story-...
http://womenpla.net/i-married-a-...
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/s...
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/s...
http://ikumar.in/relationship/st...
http://www.experienceproject.com...
Edit 1 : This post i read on some website. So i share it because i though quora is kind
of social networking but
If you too want me to remove this. Just let me know and keep this awesome story
untold and unseen or unread.
AshutoshDash,Keenobserver.
WrittenDec30,2015
Arrange marriage in India
Story of a girl - "I Married a Stranger.."
I was on the bed, feeling terried. I opened my diary and wrote, 'I married a stranger'
and quickly hid it under the bed. My whole body was shaking."What do I do?" I
questioned myself.
"Do I act like a virgin?"
"But what if he nds out? Do I tell him to wait for it for a few days? But what if it
makes him angry?"
The front door opened and my heart jumped in my neck. I was breathing heavily. The
sound of his footsteps gave me goosebumps. I looked down and pretended to be calm.
I saw him stopping at the door though I wasn't looking at him.
"Ghauri", he said with ever-so-calm voice. I dared not to look at him.
"Ghauri, I am going to sleep in another room", he said.
'If your husband doesn't want to sleep with you, you have failed as a wife', echoed my
mother's voice in my head. But I didn't look up. I stayed quiet.
"Don't you want to ask me why?", he said, with little humor in his voice, clearly trying
to cheer me up. I looked at him for just a few seconds and looked down again.
"You are my wife", he said and paused, and then he continued, "not a prostitute."
I really didn't know what he meant as my mind wasn't working well. 'When you don't
know what to say to your husband, keep your mouth shut' came back my father's
voice. I obeyed him as usual.
"If we sleep together when we really don't know each other, what dierent you would
be from a prostitute? We will sleep together someday, when both of us wants it, and
that day, I'd be making love to my wife. I denitely won't be having sex with a
stranger."
He turned o the light and just few seconds later, put it on and said funnily, "I am not
a secret gay by the way. I promise you that."
Despite how scared I was, I giggled. He smiled, turned o the light and went to
another room. I was still giggling. As I slept on the bed without removing my make-up
or anything, tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes.
People say it amazes them when we shed tears while we are happy. They say, it didn't
make sense, but to me, it made more sense. We felt something so strong that a part of
us couldn't stay inside us, that's what I thought anyway. To me, shedding tears while
being happy meant more.
I woke up and made myself ready to make breakfast. I went to the kitchen but he was
there, cooking. I don't know how horried I looked because it made him really scared.
He quickly ran to me and said, "Ghauri, are you ne?" and his voice was lled with
worries.
"Why are you cooking?" I said with a low voice.
He seemed lost. And nally he realized what I meant. "Ghauri, look at me. I like
cooking, okay? You can cook when you like and so will I."
"Ghauri", his voice was authoritative this time, "you are not my slave. You are my
wife!"
'If you let your husband step inside the kitchen, you fail as a wife." mocked my
mother's voice as I came out of the kitchen.
I began to open up with him, little by little. I didn't share any of my biggest secrets
with him or talked about my ex boyfriends, but I started talking with him. Once, he
asked me some important suggestions about his oce and my jaw dropped.
But I quickly remembered, my dad doing the same with my mom.
My mom answered and my dad got so furious, he slapped her in front of me for the
rst time. He looked at me and said angrily, "When your husband ask you about his
works, he isn't really asking, so keep your mouth shut."
But they have been wrong ever since I came here. I started suggesting and he listened.
I used to shed lots of tears at home and I did the same here too, but the feelings of why
it came, was dierent.
I felt condence building inside me. I could have never imagined asking him about
going with my friends for trekking but I did.
I looked at him and said, "Can I go with my friends for trekking? It is only for two
nights. I won't do anything stupid and will come back as soon as I can. Or... (more)
Anonymous
UpdatedJan5,2015
All the answers cover almost all the pros and cons of arranged marriages. I would like
to add my experience to them. I am the elder son of a couple who got together by an
arranged marriage. Both of their families found that the other family is good enough,
hence they xed the match. My parents share 23 years of married life but as far as i
know not even 2 of the 23 were happy ones. As no human is perfect, both have their
own negatives but they failed to understand each other. Even now, they are together.
They are not divorced because of various reasons one of them being me and my
brother. Both of them are near perfect parents, they did what all they could for our
well being, but they could not understand how much their children were
psychologically being aected due to their quarrels. Or even if they could understand
they were not able to help it. And these were not the quarrels that occur in every
house, I remember being awake all the night wondering why both of them are
shouting at each other at an age of 9 or 10. Even today both of them hate each other
and they say that on the other ones face openly. And regarding the support family or
relatives oer in case of arranged marriages, two 50 year olds, sitting along with their
two 20 year old sons and a bunch of 60-70 year olds trying to convince them to sort
out things and live happily never works, and also it looks very awkward. Right now I
am working in a MNC away from home and I hate going to home even on holidays due
to obvious reasons.
What I strongly believe is myself and my brother had to face all those because my
parents were not given enough time to understand each other before marriage. Not
only this, I saw many other couples who are not divorced, but they are not happy. Just
because the family feels that the other person and his/her family is good doesnt mean
they are going to have a successful married life. I dont mean to say that love marriages
dont fail. Atleast there the probability is less and the couple get chance to understand
each other. In arranged marriages, once the match is xed, parents will try to nish
o things as early as possible. "What if in mean while they dont like each other! That
would spoil the family's respect and prestige!". This type of attitude forces them to
marry them as soon as possible.
However, all the above details are one generation old and right now things may be
changing, but there are signicant number of people doing the same mistakes even
now. In my opinion even though most of the arranged marriages in India dont work,
they look as if everything is going ne for an outsider as they dont get divorced.
Anonymous
UpdatedJan6,2015
This is my rst answer on Quora and probably my last.
I was born and brought up in Agra, the city of the Taj Mahal. I had just completed my
B.Sc from Agra when my parents decided to get me married. I was okay with it, since I
had lost 2 years after my 12th standard in pursuit of getting a medical seat. I had to
reject the rst two suitors because of various reasons. The third rejected me because
he thought I was too short for him. The fourth was the best. He worked in Bangalore,
was from Allahabad and hailed from a good family. He was too busy with his work, so
we met on Skype for the rst time. We liked each other.
But there was one big problem: I had to tell my decision right after the chat. I asked
for time and I got one full night to decide. Ironic isn't it: you just get 8 hours to decide
your future life partner, whereas you get 2 full years just to try for an entrance exam?
My gut said that he was good. I had just read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist then, so I
thought the less time available was a good omen and was directing me to take the
right decision. I agreed. Both families discussed and our engagement was set in
Allahabad, one month later. He used to call me regularly during this period. We both
got involved in each others lives. On the E day, I met him for the rst time and damn!,
he was taller than his parents mentioned. But he looked like a movie star. I fell in love
with him that instant! Alas, he had to go back the same night. :-(
Our marriage was xed four months later, on Septrmber 12th. His calls were
increasing, I just loved it. I also got to know of his severe alcohol problem! But he
promised he'd quit after marriage, so it was ne. But, suddenly in the middle of July
he started avoiding me really bad. He used to switch o his phone, cut my calls and
never reply on WhatsApp. I got tensed. I wanted to inform his parents, but was too
scared.
I get a text at 3 a.m. on July 29th. The text was this:
"Are you a Virgin?"
I really did not know where that came from, but I was scared. However, I gathered my
courage and replied, "Yes, but what happened? Why were you avoiding me? Has
anybody told anything against me?"
He did not reply. He started picking my calls, but never spoke wholeheartedly. Even
upon repeated questioning, he never told me the reason for his behaviour. I was
really depressed and worried.
By then, my parents had already spent so much for marriage, so I didn't want to do
anything that would hurt them.
Finally we got married. And he was gloomy throughout the occasion.
As per our tradition, the bride should go to the groom's place after the marriage. We
went to their house. The bed in our room was really decorated, like the one you see in
movies. Finally we got to bed around midnight. He did not talk. I was shy too. I do not
know if it's appropriate to mention here, but I craved for physical intimacy that
particular moment.
I asked the reason for his weird behaviour. He didn't speak a word. Suddenly he
started crying loudly. He said he had committed some grave mistakes. I told him that
we could solve it together. He mentioned that he needed a favour but he would ask for
it after going to Bangalore.
We left for Bangalore on September 20th. All these days, we never had sex.
Finally, I was told that he had bet huge sums of money on football matches after
getting drunk. The amount was around 35 lakh rupees. That is a really huge amount,
even for both our families put together. But then, the next thing he told, was the
worst thing I had ever heard in my life. He had bet my virginity.
He had bet my virginity against 2 lakh rupees! I did not understand, I did not want to
believe. He said that there was a guy, named Aamir and he just wanted me to sleep
with him and lose my virginity to him. I was devastated.
I did not know anything. I wanted to go back home and cry. But then, family, my
sister, everything came to my mind.
But, have sex with a stranger, because my anc thought he owns me? NO.
I told him that I wouldn't have sex with a stranger whatsoever. He told me that he
would try to sort the matter out.
I was completely broken. My rst day in Bangalore gave me the worst news of my life.
I just cried and slept. Two people arrived in at the evening. I was under my blanket.
Suddenly I felt someone entering. Then a guy put in his hands in my blanket. I
shouted loud. They got a bit scared I guess. Those people were having an argument
with my husband. I don't remember a single word of it, but they nally left after 20
minutes. I was still in a state of shock, holding the room door closed tightly. I never
let my so-called husband in that night.
I called my parents and told them everything at 3 a.m. They contacted one of our
relatives in Chennai who came the next morning, picked me up and took me to their
place. I stayed there for 5 days and now I'm back to Agra. We have led a police
complaint, formally led for a divorce and I have still not recovered from my
Bangalore horror.
I know I am generalizing, but please beware of alcoholics. He had every other quality
right, but people make stupid decisions under the inuence of alcohol which might
sabotage the life of someone else.
What wrong had I done? Even though we were poor, I grew up with respect. My father
spent almost 70 percent of his savings on my marriage. Now, lawyer fees and other
expenses. What wrong had I done?
I might be considered as a 'witch' now. Why? I don't know. Other people and the
police say that I am doing this for his salary. Would I risk the respect of my parents,
my sisters marriage and my entire life for a software engineer's half salary?
Edit - Thanks a lot everyone for the comments, I feel stronger than before. Writing
this answer has helped me a lot. I really do not how to repay you.
I would like to make these things clear:

I am not blaming Software engineers, even I want to be a Software Engineer.
Yes, I am blaming alcohol. I come from a lower middle class family and I have
seen the ill eects of alcohol.
KeithLobo,Idated.Gotmarried.
WrittenMay23,2015
The divorce rate in India has more to do with the taboo on divorce and divorcees in
India than anything to do with arranged marriages.

In my mom's family, her marriage was a proposal marriage. And today my parent's
are the happiest couple I know. I cited their marriage and their love for each other as
my personal example, in my wedding speech. Now contrast that to my mom's
siblings who either had "love marriages" or proposals with extended courtship. None
of them have the same closeness as my parents.

Love marriages must be terrible right? Wrong. Once you start to look at the
personalities involved, you can see very easily why folks get along well together, and
why my uncles and aunts have challenges. It has nothing to do with how they met
and got married. And everything to do with who they are.

And then I started looking more broadly at most of the arranged marriages in my
family. Most of the male relatives in my family had happy marriages. A lot of the
women had more problems. Were the men more exible or better equipped? Nope. It
had very much to do with the process:

1) Families tend to over-emphasize the prospective partner's family wealth or
economic prospects when they are selecting a groom, as opposed to selecting a bride.
Very little thought is given to personalities and how those may match. With very little
emphasis on personalities and compatibility and sort decision making time, both the
prospects are basing their decision on essentialy rst impressions. In fact, the
family's opinion of the individual may weight even more heavily than the person's
own, since the time to decide is so short. The guys might get the better end of this
deal, because it's easier to satisfy a main criteria (physical attractiveness) for guys.

2) Grooms (and to a lesser extent brides) self-select. These days, it's quite likely that
those who pursue proposal/arranged marriages are guys who failed in the dating
market. This can happen for women, but it's less common. Women are usually
cajoled towards arrangements. But you do get women who are leftover and parents
who will throw larger dowries to entice potential grooms. All this means, you get guys
who weren't well equipped to interact with women anyway getting married. They are
men who struggled being attractive enough to a woman to actually settle down with
them to begin with. Should anyone really be surprised when it's tough for these guys
to have a happy marriage after?

3) "He/She is from a good family." Code for, their family/uncle/second aunty/cousin
is loaded. Or it might be because your dad and her uncle are friends. So that makes
them "good people". Of course, just because the family is good or bad, does not mean
the individual will be a suitable mate.

Now this doesn't mean that love marriages don't have their aws either. Especially in
India where "love marriages" are really marriages where both partners apply a similar
set of principles as their parents normally would.

1) So girls tend to pursue economic success above all else. Less likely to pay attention
to the guy's other attributes.

2) Because of poor dating culture, it's a narrow dating pool, largely restricted to
friends or friends of friends. With opportunities limited, both parties will tend to
limit their preferences.

3) Because of familial concerns, people consciously restrict themselves by race,
religion/caste and social strata when dating. Again, shallower dating pool makes for
sub-optimal outcomes.

So, after that, they've basically ended up in a situation where their "love marriages"
very closely resemble a lot of the arranged marriages they have.

And after all this? Quite a few happy marriages in India. But a lot of very unhappy
marriages which are more partnerships of habit and convenience with both partners
going through the motions than a true marriage.

All that observation taught me certain things:

1) Dating or arranged, personality of my partner is very important. She has to be able
to put up with my idisoyncracies.

2) She has to be enthusiastic about the idea of marriage. If she's ambivalent or felt
compelled, it's going to be a tough sell and it's unlikely we'll both be happy.

3) If arranged there should be a spark. And I mean that both parties should actually
be attracted to each other, physically, emotionally, intellectually.

4) Families know squat about putting people together. And they often seek their own
interests, even if unintentional. Family tends to trust other people they know. So
they automatically assume, those people must have raised great kids. Yet, they'll be
distrustful of the random bf/gf from work, school, etc. This is just a bias based on
familiarity. Falling for it, could result in bad marriages. Especially in India, where
kids often hide stu from their parents, and then hide it from prospective spouses.

5) In the end, both types of marriages will require a leap of faith. You have to believe
that your marriage will work and you'll have to want it to work. With some luck and
lots of hard work, you'll get a great marriage and not sleep walk through life with
some roommate your parents set you up with....
AbhinavJha,RelationshipStatus:BharatMataKiJai
WrittenDec31,2014
Well I never get it when people say that they don't believe in either of Arranged
Marriages or Love Marriages . I mean exactly how can you say that one of them is evil
while the other one is glorious ? There are people for whom Love Marriages have
failed terribly and people for whom it has proved to be sublime . The same goes with
Arranged Marriages . Each of them have pros and cons .
The rst thing to decide is if you really want to get married or not . Everyone needs to
make this decision at some point in their lives . Again there are pros and cons of the
concept of marriage . If you are not married , you may have fewer burdens and
responsibility and a lot more freedom . But I personally believe that everyone needs a
life partner . You need someone to take care of yourself . You may need someone to be
there for you 24x7 , and as for the responsibilities , I strongly believe that they make
you stronger and better . Also scientically speaking , it is a fact all of us have a that
body requires physical relations with someone . Sex is something which indeed is a
human requirement . There are people who control this urge , but you need to
mentally be very very strong for that , to say the least.
A typical Cool Dude might argue about "Buying Their Physical Need " Well to
them I suggest reading Men, according to prostitutes . If this does not change
your views regarding prostitution , I guess nothing will .. Sorry but you are a lusty
pervert ..
I pity people who say that " I only believe in Love Marriages and I will wait for my
Mr./Miss Perfect until I can nd them ! " Well I just want them to know that :
" You Can't Find Love .. Love Will Find You !! "
Seriously , do not waste your life in Searching for love . If you happen to fall in love ,
its great for you . Go ahead and have a Happy Life ahead . But I suggest you to not wait
for "Falling in Love" . You Can't Deliberately Fall In Love .. You Happen To Fall In
love !!
Now , for the people who believe only in Arranged Marriages , I beg you to please do
not blindfold yourself to love around you and don't bring the Being Indian or Respect
for Elders stu into this . Well Arranged Marriages are actually more of a risk than
Love Marriages .
Arranged Marriage is like an Adventure Trip . If it succeeds you get the ultimate joy
but if it fails , you land up in Hell . Moreover , if it fails , then you may end up blaming
your family for it , which is a shame . But if you really have rmly decided to get into
an Arranged Marriage . Please Please Please , do not choose/reject someone because
of their colour and external beauty and DO NOT , RATHER DARE NOT DEMAND
FOR A DOWRY .. IT IS MORALLY CONDEMNABLE AND LEGALLY NOT
PERMITTED !!
And as for your question about lesser divorce cases in arranged marriages , I don't
know about this being actually true but if it is true then indeed nancial status and
family pressure or children are the most probable reasons . Well it is not called
ARRANGED for nothing . There is always more scope for compromise . Ultimately its
your life , make your decision wisely . Good Luck !!
UtkarshShukla,EditorofCricketTracker
WrittenDec29,2014
Well, if you consider divorce rate then yes, arrange marriages do work in India but
if you 2 people are just living together then it doesn't mean that their marriage is
working.
I have a joint family & I saw 5 arrange marriages in my house & among those 5 only
one marriage worked (fortunately, of my parents). Whereas, in other marriages, they
are just living, there is no love or any sort of communication. Even they just don't
know what is going on their partner's life. There is no such scenes like How was your
day?,Why are you so tensed?, etc. Its just like two strangers sharing the same
house, room & bed. This is the story of many arranged married couples then the
question comes that why divorce rate is low? Its just because you need to have
enough power in your balls to take that decision. Family pressure, children,
society & moreover, those divorce acts which includes child custody, maintainence
given to wife & many more, renders every couple to take that decision. Straight &
simple thing is - If your marriage was not according to your will, then how you
can take divorce on your will ;p
Well, nowadays rate of arrange marriages is getting low in India because the new
generation has a very little or no faith in arranged marriages but it doesn't mean that
love marriages are the guarantee of happily & exciting married life. There are also
minus points of love marriages, biggest of them is after marriage also many couples
forget to transform from gf/bf to wife/husband. They still expect the same treatment
which is impossible (don't take me wrong, love should be there. Its just after marriage
many responsibility comes & that relationships type treatment becomes impossible
to give, then the dialouges like You don't love me anymore comes into play) & they
push the marriage to divorce. The family which gave their children that much liberty
that they can marry the one they love, its not that hard to allow them to take divorce
also. That's why love marriages has more divorce cases than arranged but it doesn't
mean that arrange is better than love.
According to me, none of them is better because none of them is the surety of happily
married life. Its totally depends to 2 people who understands each other, want to be
together(in love marriage) or want their marriage to be a success(in arrange
marriage), where both are ready to come halfway, no dominence of a person to
another. When 2 prople who understands these small things come together, no
matter what type of marriage it is, it will surely work.
Anonymous
UpdatedWed
Arranged marriage in India: Been to hell and back!
I am a 30 year old Indian girl and I am going to narrate you the painful story of my
life. I was 23 years old and had completed my Bachelor's in medicine when my
parents married me to a doctor ( physician - MD ) . I was really innocent about
marriages, completely lost in studies to complete my degree at that time. My father
spent a lot for the wedding ceremony . To my horror, my husband ( thankfully now ex)
started verbally and physically abusing me stating he expected a richer girl ( more
dowry)and that I was too fat for him and he did not like my face, the very night of our
wedding.
What started as abuse on rst night after wedding went on to become a nightmare ,
and real hell as I walked out of his house after 15 days unable to bear the torture. Went
through hell when I fought against my psychopathic, abusive husband for 6 long and
painful years for divorce in the courts starting from district court to High Court ( He
ran away to Dubai and secretly married another girl), shattering my hopes completely
in the legal system of India. Also my father in law lodged a defamation case against
me and my parents ( Claiming RS 2 crore for the damages) stating I have caused him
disrepute as I had led an FIR seeking protection from my abusive husband. Funnily
enough he used his inuence to publish my photo in local newspapers and all the
social networking sites were lled with abusive demeaning content against me.
Me and my family was distraught. But God did open other doors( Many good ones, in
fact). Fortunately, all this chaos let every single friend and relative to view me with
disdain. Adversity did bring out the best in me. There was no one for me - except my
parents. And with sheer will power did Masters in Surgery and super speciality
training in a most sought after branch, becoming one of the rst female trainees in
that branch in whole of India.
Inspite of all this, my colleagues, bosses, inferiors, friends have always been
judgemental about me. I have never been on dates and stu, may be I am not skilled
at socialising with men, but there was this one guy who said he really loved me for
what I was and proud of me. When I asked him to marry me he said something very
disturbing. He told me that all most Indian men ( including him) are ****** and no one
would want to marry a "second -hand ". He also gave me another gem of his great
wisdom - Don't think some rst hand guy will marry you! .To this day these sentences
ring in my ear constantly reminding me how misogynistic and ill our Indian society (
patriarchal still deep rooted) is towards girls, and education does not matter at all.
P.S.
1. I have cleared US licensing exam and moving there next week :p. Hopefully I won't
be treated as a second-hand or outcaste there, hoping to make some real friends , also
with grace of God, hoping to nd a well deserved soul mate to forget all the bitter
memories.
2. I took out all my inner rage out on workout and lost 20 KGS of weight and I have a
super toned body now and I run and complete marathons.
3. To all the underdogs out there ( I am not biased towards men) Go live your life, you
don't owe anybody, Society?! - middle nger !!!
Going anonymous for obvious reasons and I am not active on any social media except
Quora.
Edit: Thank you all for your support, I am overwhelmed. I am going to the US for
further training, I want to come back to India and open my own hospital, and soon.
Edit 2: After going through comments section, some asked if arranged marriage is bad
in today's society.Yes,.I feel there is lot of demand ( or assumption ) that the girl
should bring a lot of dowry) and also arranging a lavish ceremony for the
wedding is the bride's fathers prerogative. If the girl is educated and working it's
her duty to sacrice her career/ education for the sake of her husband/ his
family. Also most of them expect to take care of every need and whim of the in-
laws.
No, this is not a generalisation, but it's a common perception of the woman in an
arranged marriage.
And yes, this is a brazen statement I wish to make : About 50% of men in India
would be unmarried , if the arranged marriage system did not exist here , their
upbringing is so that they are never taught to respect a woman as a partner /
equal : Rarely accepted by today's educated smart women of our generation.
Don't take my personal opinion too seriously guys! After all it's my experience I am
sharing !
Thank you all for your overwhelming support and up-votes, I never expected people
to comment so positively. God bless you all and I wish no one has to go through such
an ordeal ( most often unwanted) through their married life at such a young and
tender age.
177.1kViewsViewUpvotesNotforReproduction
AshishRanjan,Relationship,Stillpuzzlesme.
UpdatedJan1
Love marriage in India is like start-ups, everyone wants it, but succeed very few.
With 3% divorce rate (Among Hindu culture) in India which is 2nd lowest divorce rate
after Amish culture (1%) of United States.
So Yes, it is successful in India till date.
Why?
Lets Analyse.
First phase: Requirement Gathering
It starts with searching life partner. You have multiple options to nd groom or bride.
Groom: Well settled, Good Looking, Well paid job
Bride: Beautiful, Fair, Good family background
Yeah this is the phase when your family gather all information of bride's/groom's
family. And top of that information they analyse whether marriage is feasible or not.
If it is feasible then cost estimation of marriage will be decided here. If there is any
lack of Information is provided that option is over, go to next available option.
(Few people from Computer Science background will be getting here that where I am
going).
But in case of love marriage, like I said you are start up, you have only one option your
girlfriend/boyfriend, like start-up has one project and both of them highly dependent
on each other. Neither project nor start-up can aord loosing each other.
Second Phase: Design
Both parties have an agreement, now they proceed for complete design. Venue,
caterer, Hotel, Guest will be enlisted like Who will be invited and who didn't invite in
their ceremony will be ignored, clothes, jewellery etc. Everything will be decided, So
deadline is xed that will be your marriage date. For everything, big boss are there to
manage, funding is no issue here.
In Love marriage, poor guy you don't have capital amount to think about all these
things, if you are incompatible software developer(Inter Caste or Religion) then god
bless you. If you know Java then nd Java project( same caste ).
Third Phase: Implementation
Your design is ready, now it's time to implement it. Arrange marriage, there is no lack
of resources every work will get done smoothly. From Mandap to Suhaagraat
bed(Wedding Bed) everything is taken care of step by step.
Love marriage, if you manage to get funding well and good( means you are
successfully convinced your parents) otherwise court marriage (simple design simple
implementation).
Well in normal circumstances We deliver projects after testing, but since it is

marriage after project is delivered then testing will be started.
Forth Phase: Testing
Congrats, you are married now, but your testing phase will be started here. First issue
compatibility. Obviously software is not compatible with hardware, then it need
modication, means either you upgrade your hardware or compromise with limited
services. (Increase your income or compromise). Again there is no lack of resources
everyone will support you and with time this phase will be over.
Love marriage, they know their limitations then agreed for project delivery(for
marriage). Compatibility issue won't b a problem but they will face real time
challenges, budget issue if your funding is over or didn't get funding. Since you both
are alone, no extra resources will be allocated for your testing and you will have to
manage your self.
This testing phase(rst two year) is very important for both arrange and love, mostly
they break themselves here. If it is successfully over congrats for nal phase, if it is
not, ready for contracts get terminated. Arrange marriage gets extra edge here, since
lot of resources and capital is involved both party mutually agreed, bonding couldn't
break easily.
But in case of love marriage, No one will help you except advocate.
Final Phase: Maintenance
Sounds easy, but no, this is the toughest and roughest part.
If client is greedy or service provider is miser, didn't deliver whatever promised,

contract over. Do I have to explain in terms of marriage?
There is always a scope of enhancement like kids, school, better living standard of
life. If somewhere it lacks, possibility to get contract over.
Arrange marriage is Complete SDLC(Software Development Life Cycle) process.
What is SDLC? It is a process of development of software in dierent phases, which

minimized failure rate of software, which is used by giant companies because they
have huge resources, and mostly impossible for start-ups because they lack resources.
Now, let's relate the terms here, so that it will become easier to understand the
answer.
Software/Project: Your Marriage
Company: Your family
Startup: It's you doing whole thing
And yeah every giant company trusts and follow SDLC, because failure rate is too low.
So, after whole analysis, I can say yeah arrange marriage in India really works.
India is developing but we are still living and following stone age traditions, where love
marriage is still a taboo.
Arrange marriage whether you get it or not, but I guess, now you readers can develop a
software.
RaviGautam,livesinCergyPontoise,IleDeFrance,France
WrittenMar17,2013
As warren buet said once in a speech to some university students.."if you gonna get
married and if you want a marriage that's going to last, not necessarily the happiest
marriage, you know or the one that marcus stewart will talk about or anything but you
want a marriage that's gonna last, what quality do you look for in a spouse, one
quality, do you look for brains, do you look for humor, do you look for character, do
you look for beauty, NO. You look for low expectations. That is, that is the marriage
that's gonna last."
AnjaliShukla,Itneverquitecameuptoascratch,butIdid.Lonesome
wanderer..isthatme??
WrittenJun17,2013
IT WORKS, I HAVE WITNESSED AND I'FEEL GLAD ABOUT IT.

FIRSTLY I WON'T GO INTO ALL THE PROCEEDING ENDING UP IN MARRIAGE.
i remember how dead against i was this and used to view it as a labyrinth stuck on you
by grace of your parent. but having seen enough rst hand accounts of happy
experiences.its actually nice.
MY PARENTS well they got married when mother completed her graduation and my
father was newly appointed in air force,still today i admire that no matter how busy
they're they have lunch and dinner together and in 1 plate.she sometimes ghts on how
lazy he is.
same sort of unspoken, unsaid there's in between nani maa and nanu(my nani just
passed away) up till last breathe he was there silent which more than many lovers
proclaim to have understood.
IN ARRANGED MARRIAGES though two people are at rst strangers but they
gradually understand each other,their responsibilities, their habits and eventually
start loving it,their families and develop relation with with every tie you have.
i have even witnessed lovers willing to die for each other, expressing love through
many means ghting for divorce because they grew over each other, some say there's
nothing more to keep them going.
CONCLUSION
it works for those who are happy enough within to extend the same who-so-ever is
introduced in their life,as in arranged marriage or if two people are in love and get
married.Its not that love can only work when one ne day two people accidentally
bump into each other.its like rains let it shower, why keep constrains in mind that it
can work only this way out.
(note:in present scenario many have taken it as hobby to complicate thing or

complain because of the growing distress, so no matter some people what they get
they'll nd a way to fuzz)
SharadKabra,I'mthatAnonyouarelookingfor:P....
WrittenJun19,2014
Almost all the women in my family have obeyed their parents blindly and trusted
their judgement when it comes too choosing a suitable guy. Unfair, right? I mean they
should be allowed to choose whom they think is right for them. In fact, I don't
understand this concept of arrange marriage. Getting married to a stranger. I mean,
c'mon.
My denition of a successful marriage is that a person should be happy with his/her

partner. That's it. Barring a few cases, all the couples I know are glad that they are
blessed with such a solicitous partner. It is not only the case with older generations,
even people from our generation who were married in an arranged fashion are
actually very delighted to have such great counterparts.
What I am trying to say is that not all arrange marriages are successful neither are all
love marriages. It all depends on your destiny.
As on April 30, 2011:
Over 90% of the marriages in India are still arranged.

Less than 5% result in divorce.
Source of the above information (Also shared by other Quorans on this page):
I am not for or against love or arrange marriage. Just tried answering the question
using personal experience and statistics.
AnuragSharma,StopStaring
WrittenApr23,2013
1. Why arranged marriage?

The concept of arranged marriage is a very old tradition. It is dominantly practiced in
the Indian subcontinent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal & Sri Lanka), parts of
Africa, Middle East and bit of rural South America. Earlier it was practiced in some
other parts of the world too especially between Royal families.
In earlier times the society was not very broad minded and men and women didn't
mingle often. Men and women had set responsibilities. In the early age while boys
went to the farms to learn farming, girls were engaged in learning household work.
(This is just a very lose example I am providing here, so don't jump on me for that).
When they grew older they were conned to the their own circle of domain. They
didn't had opportunities to interact mainly because of social restrictions. Since you
have no interaction, it is obvious that you won't meet someone, fell in love and marry.
So, the elders in the family had the responsibility (or self pride) of getting the children
married. Most of the marriages happens based on: Religion, caste, reputation, wealth
and horoscope. These were just means of measuring up the opposite family and
deduce the probability of successful marriage.Whenever the probability reached its
highest, the marriage was nalized.
This custom passed on from generation to generation for several centuries and it is
hard to totally get rid of a custom, that has successfully been able to run the families,
society and, therefore, the nation.
2. Do they work?
Surprisingly, Yes. It is dicult to imagine how it can work but it works. The proof is
the previous generation. Most of the previous generation was married through
arrangement and it worked well. There are denitely issues with arranged marriage
but nothing dierent from that of a love/non-arranged marriage. Arranged marriage
has the same issues of any other kind of marriage. Because after all once you are
married, you are in a relation. And relations tend to have similar problems. But, then
which relation doesn't have a problem. The degree varies but problems are always
there.
3. Divorce
Yes, the divorce rates are low because it is considered bad in Indian society. Now,
there is another side to it. Unlike today's times earlier people tried to mend the
relationship (by compromise, understanding, or whatever worked) rather than break
away from it. If something was broken, they tried to x it instead of replacing it.
Women were not educated. Men were a bit educated. Men was the nancial pillar of
the family while women was the care-taking pillar. If they divorced the women will be
helpless, since she has no ways to earning her livelihood. So they didn't wanted to
separate. Also, there were social taboos. There will be bad name for the family. Men
needed someone to take care of their home and family. So, they couldn't leave the
women. But, women suered more. Men had options. If they left one, they would just
marry someone else and the society will accept it. While, it was not the case for
women. If women did the same, the society will shun them considering them as loose
character, unskilled, vulgar etc. So, to escape the suering people compromised and
marriages kept going on. Personally I am a strong believer in xing broken relations
but I am open to the concept of divorce to break away from a miserable relationship.
4. Current situation
India is country of beliefs and integrated society. Women are now free, educated,
independent. Men acknowledge that and think completely dierently from what our
ancestors thought of women. Moreover, people have started interacting, mingling
and loving (loving as in relation not communal love) people from dierent cultures.
Our parents are also opening up to this idea and letting their children marry the one
they like to marry.
Now, I think the divorce rates are still low because people still want to mend
relationships rather then replacing them. Once they are committed they try to best to
fulll the relation. I have known people having bad relation, on the verge of divorce
but mending it and re-starting the relation. It is our belief and social system that
allows and helps us to mend relations.
I really don't have too much data on divorce rather but these are my views based on
personal observations.
KrittikaSaha,adevoutfoodie,lovestravellingandadventuresports,
watchingseries.Modestyisavirtueandshouldnotbemistak...
WrittenOct24,2014
I agree with Anjishnu Kumar that there are too many stories to tilt the scales in favour
of any one. Marriage really is too personal a decision, to comment on. But I also
believe love , as we call it, is overrated. Let's try and break it down.
I know we have all been in love with somebody, at some point of time. How do we
know we are in love and not infatuated? well, we all have our measuring sticks, for
that one, don't we? I think, if I had to look back at my past relations, at some point, I
was sure I was in love. Yet, I fell in love again. Of course, you can contest that if I fell in
love again, I was never in love with the guy in the rst place! But, let me tell you this,
my rst relation lasted for over 5 years and even though we broke up, we consider
each other family, even now and I know I can pick up my phone and call my ex and
break down about how life screwed me over, and we can carry on next morning again,
and the same goes for my ex. I call that love. We can stand up for each other, without
being in a relation, because we care for each other like humans. Then again, I fell in
love with another guy. And then again. My last ex is a sociopath. But I still talk to him
and give him company, and I don't expect anything back from him, because I
understand his inability to do so. I call that love.
I think love is more than butteries in the stomach, going at it hot and heavy in the
bed, holding hands or even smiling and crying together. It is the ability to understand
people and acknowledging them for who they are and the willingness to let them be
themselves.
The aura that people generally associate with love is also unrealistic. What you
basically feel is the connection you make over certain things you both nd in
common, and caring for each other during times of need and you get overwhelmed
that another person can make you feel that way , even though they are not bound to
you by contract or marriage.
Arranged marriage is not marrying anybody you nd on the street. The idea is you
nd somebody, get an understanding of who they are and if it seems ne enough to
you, you marry that person.
So, let's say you want to give this marriage a real shot, what next? You try and nd
things which interests both of you. If you can't, go and explore. There are a gazillion
things in the world, for people to do, from dining in a ne restaurant, dancing,
watching theatre to skiing, travelling, playing instruments, living in boathouses,
shing, hiking, scuba diving, paragliding, ying in hot air balloons over Barbarossa
grasslands, and so many others... Are you telling me, two people chosen at random,
cannot nd anything in common interest to each other, if they really tried? The thing
is, people don't try. They follow convention and accept defeat. Once you nd the
common interests, you grow on it. When you fall in love, you already have the things
in common chalked out to you. In case of arranged marriage, you have to work and
nd that out for yourselves.When you are living with another person day in and day
out, it might not start out as love, but in time, bonds change. You travel lives together.
You share emotions. You get used to having each other around. And you grow to care
for each other.
The way I see it, unless, you are already bent to wreck a marriage or you are
proceeding with a pre-conceived idea of how marriage should be, just because
somebody told you, arranged marriages can't have love, it really isn't that dicult. I
have seen my parents, they got arranged marriaged. They never got along that well,
but when it mattered, they had each other's back. They fought quite often, disagreed
more than any two people possibly could, yet they fought together whenever our
family faced strong winds. I think they made it work pretty well!
SaraswathiChandrasekaran,Icanbenaivehere.
UpdatedOct31
Being a non-saleable commodity in the arranged marriage market slightly because

Im deaf but mostly because Im highly opinionated, uncompromising on my non-
materialistic requirements and past the marriageable age in India and yet unmarried,
you may nd my views a little biased. Hear me out and don't tell me I never warned
you.
Marriages do not work solely because they were xed up in an arranged

marriage system. The system is only a means to nd a match from a pool of
people using pre-dened criteria that best satises the cultural and religious
needs of the parents mostly - mind you, the ones that have signed up on such
a system are also people and people tend to be more or less crooked, so the
likelihood of the marriage lasting longer will depend on the compatibility of
the 2 people.
You could have met such people elsewhere too, for example at your
workplace or in a book shop except that you wouldn't go and ask their hand
in marriage directly without nding out if you are compatible through a
process called dating. But since we are a conservative society, we shy away
from openly expressing our liking towards someone, fearing a lot of factors
that are totally unnecessary to quote here.
I tend to believe that the reason why divorces are lesser in India is not
because people love each other to hold on longer, but because of the lack of
options beyond marriage not to mention the kind of hand parents and
relatives have in an adults life here.
Ok, so Im a very respectful daughter to my parents, I love them and I would

be ungrateful to an extent that even Satan wouldn't want my soul if I do not
think of the sacrices they have made to put me in college and such and such
and such, but that doesn't mean I owe my life to them. I don't need to obey
them even when Im over 30 especially when I know it is not what I want.
Unfortunately this is what happens in most families here. Sons and
daughters feel obligated to do anything to keep their parents happy. Even if
that means it wouldn't make themselves happy. And then, there are parents
who would do anything to keep the society happy - with no deviation from
the norms whatsoever. Do you think divorce is really an option in such an
environment?
Well, but then you are a rebel of some sort, you break all the barriers and
somehow manage to get a divorce. What now? Lifelong singledom? Are you
prepared for that? Im sure a lot of people are afraid of being alone for the rest
of their lives, And what if at some point you want to share your life with
someone? Given the very conservative nature of our society the possibilities
of you nding another person while being already divorced is pretty dicult
I would say. Im not even bringing up dating - people have absolutely no idea
what exactly it is.
Instead of going through all the drama and diculties, people who really
don't want to be in a marriage are forced to stick together mostly because
how our society works, how you would be labelled post a divorce, the near to
nil possibility of nding another person to share your life with and the
unnecessary obligation of keeping our parents and others happy.
Life is short. Provide for your parents well. Buy them that expensive medical
cover. Get them for a periodical health checkup. Take them and show them
around America or Europe. But marry the one you love and the one who
loves you irrespective of how or where you meet or never if you never want
to. Im sure they can live with it.
DhivyaRam,BharatismyHome
WrittenApr27,2015
As an indian, i think there are three main reasons why arranged marriages work, or
have worked largely so far:
1. Most of us think there are more important things than ourselves in the world, the
people we love(parents, children and the joint families in the past made one think of
family members than one's self alone).
2. We accept that humans(our partners) are imperfect and mistakes happen.
3. We believe in growing in love, than falling in and out of love.
JubinEdachery,livesinFremont,CA
WrittenJun16,2015
I read lots of interesting and very thoughtful answers and perspectives here. And a
few cute ones from folks who've obviously never been married :)
Most of the emphasis for a marriage to 'work', seems to be on how the partner is
picked - arranged by family / dated for a bit / sweethearts from school ... What
happens BEFORE the marriage.
Anyone who's been successfully married for a long period of time (and has the ability
to to contemplate and think) would tell you: what happens AFTER being married is
way way more important on how successful it is, than what happens before.
Sometimes, too much thought and eort is spent before getting married and not
enough after. In many cases the 'after' part can overshadow all that happened 'before'
- both in a good or bad way.
Of course, it is very important to do due diligence in nding and making sure you
have a 'right' partner to get married to. But it is tremendously more important to BE
the right person, than to nd the right person, for a marriage to last and thrive. That is
the reason you see marriages that work irrespective of they being arranged or 'love'.
And marriages that fail.
For all singles that think (like I used to think) - that we should put a lot work to nd
someone right, get married in a memorable ceremony and then married life would
glide beautifully on auto pilot into the romantic sunset! - sorry, NO. That's not how it
works.
Coming to does being married in India make things dierent : the socio cultural (even
religious) environment that we live in has an inuence (on married life) - based on the
examples of marriage around us (especially our parents' marriage - which can have a
big inuence), the support system (family, friends, mentors) we have - whether they
help us through and encourage to work out issues when they happen (and they will
happen), or they inuence us to give up / give in or just live in denial. And this socio
cultural environment is not homogenous to a country - it could be very dierent for a
well to do nuclear family living in Bangalore, than for a conservative jain family in
remote Gujarat, or a entrepreneur couple living in Sydney with no extended family, or
a close knit conservative joint Amish farming family in Lancaster. This environment
can be a positive or negative inuence on your marriage.
While the environment around, the compatibility of the couple, all do play a role, in
the end it is up to the wife and husband and what they are willing to do and how well
they are willing to work and strive together, on a regular basis, that will make
marriage work.
It's a daily maintenance you put in out of mutual love and respect - not how it all
began - that really matters.
There are marriage success statistics around whether the marriage was arranged or
planned or spontaneous; and marriage statistics for the country or region or culture
you're in. You can be a statistic - or choose to create your own statistic.
Short answer to the question - 'do arranged marriages work?'

Yes. If you do.
Anonymous
WrittenDec27,2014
Arranged marriage in which the arrangement is done few days/weeks/months before

the actual marriage is a total gamble.
That said, I strongly believe that no marriage is "successful", it has to be made

successful.
On a separate note,
1) Love at age of 16-20 is highly inuenced by physical desire than by mature
thoughtful understanding. For example a young lad recklessly racing on his
motorcycle has little worry about what eect the consequences of his actions might
have, he is highly inuenced by peer pressure or the adrenaline rush.
2) I can't comment on older people falling in love because I have little (absolutely
no)knowledge in this area.
3)There are many dierent religions , dierent lifestyles, dierent cultures and
beliefs. Humans being social animals need that connect with culture in the long run
of life.
4) India is a country with a population of 125 Crores. Let's see the scope of interaction
of an individual. 20-30 boys/girls in School class, 50-100 guys/girls in college, 50-100
in workplace or elsewhere. Let's multiply that 10 times so we are sure we have the
maximum scope = 2300 people on the (much) higher side. So we interact with 2300
people and for love to happen it has to be one of these.
Now, India is a country where relations are maintained far and wide, and the scope of
a family looking for a bride/groom is much much greater than 2300. Cultural and
ethnic lters are an added advantage.
We must identify our strengths,be proud of them and utilise them, instead of blindly
following western culture. So chances are that, the family as a whole, with active
participation from the candidate whose marriage is being arranged, have a better
chance to nd a good match.
5) Divorce rates in the west are very high. People keep looking for real love that will
make a marriage automatically successful and wonderful. The so called True love.
Unfortunately it is not so.Marriages have to be made successful with eort, sacrices,
care and love.
6)Childhood sweethearts are an exception. I think people who have grown up

together are the best match. They have passed the test of time. And to love someone
for 15-18 years is enough time to be sure they are compatible.
So to conclude, a properly planned marriage with active participation of the

bride/groom in choosing his/her partner, coupled with atleast 2-3 years time to get
to know each other before saying "I do" is a better option than Love which is
inuenced by physical desire, chosen from a limited group of choices. Atleast in India
where we have an advantage of relations being maintained in one's community.
P.S : Don't get me wrong , love is a good thing , the best of things, but to believe that
love cannot happen when parents are involved in a marriage decision is not right.
Mugunthan,Journalist
WrittenJan9,2016
It does work for the majority and it depends upon what one really means by 'work'.
Every man and woman has physical, emotional, psychological needs. The marriage
system fulll these basic needs. Other than this there are social and nancial aspect
(well may be for many these are also equally important as the above) to it. So 'Love'
doesn't always take the center stage in the arranged marriage. It gives more
importance to long-term relationship. The marriage here in India is more about
shedding ones' like and dislikes. The same can be said for the marriage in West but
the major dierence is relationship cannot be broken o in the manner it's being
done there. Now coming to the question, it's true that marriages here can't be severed
easily because it is not acceptable generally and they have no option left as you said.
But, there is another side to it. People here don't do it because most of them don't buy
the kind of 'Romantic love' that is shown in movies (this is changing in city not greatly
though). It's not always their conscious decision but ingrained in mind because of the
culture and upbringing. When one is released after the hormones hijacking, they see
the big picture. And most of them accept the point of making their living easier. It's
good for the society and individual. Despite all this if one can perfectly manage
themselves without losing their sanity to all the internal and external compulsions, I
don't see the point of getting married. So it depends upon the individual to take the
call and the marriage will work if they accept the consequences, it doesn't matter
whether it is arranged or love.
895ViewsViewUpvotes
SuruchiSingh,RandomOpinion
WrittenFeb19,2015
Depends on what you mean by "work".
Do you mean that people in arranged marriages don't break up? Of course they don't.
The arranged marriage is an " arrangement" to live together and procreate. That's
what it is and there's hardly any change that will not "work". The premise is to live
together, face the diculties and come by and pop out children.
This is why I don't like the argument, " love marriages break more often". Obviously
they do and it's natural. This is unlike the arranged marriage where you might want to
kill yourself everyday but neither of the families care about that as long as your well
o, have children and look happy together. The whole premise of arranged marriage
is that they don't care how you feel. It's just a system which is meant to last. It further
doesn't help that divorce is such a taboo.
Therefore, if you mean "are arranged married people more happy".I can bet they're
not. They just feel there's no other option or they just want to make their families
happy. So maybe love marriages break apart more but they work better than arranged
ones.
RobinSamuel,IamanIndian.Born&BroughtupinTamilnadu.Studiedin
Indore.Nowworking@Delhi
WrittenDec30,2010
It depends on how you measure the success of the marriages. If you measure the
success of the marriage by divorce rates, Indian arranged weddings work really well.
Main reason they work
1. Taboo around divorce - Divorce is not culturally accepted in India

2. Relationship of Families - Unlike weddings in other countries, Indian weddings are
basically a relationship between 2 families. So this social structure also ensures that
arranged marriages work very well.
3kViewsViewUpvotes
SaiKumar,Youcannotchangewhatyourefusetoconfront
WrittenOct15,2014
Well, rst of all i'm single. Rather than giving my opinion i will put some facts here...
Facts:
1. 90% of marriages in India are arranged marriages
2. Only 1% of total marriages in India end up in divorce
3. Divorce rates are higher in Love marriages
marriages.http://timesondia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Divorce-rate-high-in-
love-marriages-HC/articleshow/13042372.cms
My opinion:
Now, there is a dierence between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage. 89.1%
of arranged marriages still work so all arranged marriages cant be forced marriages,
maybe some are but not most of them.
If you've found your love and its mutual, consider yourself lucky and by all means go
for it. If you are going for an arranged marriage have guts to reject if you are not sure.
The answer to the question is mostly YES! The question should not be whether it is a
'Love Marriage' or an 'Arranged marriage' but whether there is 'LOVE IN THE
MARRIAGE' or not.
Love is heaven. If you have already found it(before marriage) you hit the jackpot. Also
its not something that cannot be found after marriage.
Proof? Look around!
source : statistics from wikipedia
Upvote 12 Downvote Comment 1
JonathanMartin
WrittenMay24,2013
No - Arranged marriage in any patriarchal society like India is no dierent than
creating a contractual relationship between a man and women to agree to certain
terms to co-habit. You don't need love to get married as it is a "contract" executed and
dened by family elders. Now, if you break a contract there are repercussions at all
levels.
A girl often is expected to take care of cooking, cleaning, producing children for the
family, in return, a man provides nancial and social acceptance to a women as single
women living at their own in Indian society is very dicult.
Single most reason why arranged marriages works is lack of nancial ability in
women to be able to live at their own. So, they have no choice but to accept it.
Here is well written answer from one Indian Mr. Makrand Sahshrabuddhe on
another thread about stability in Indian marriages:
Quote:
Well it has NOTHING to do with the style of the marriage. More to do with the social
mores.
ONE of the reasons for the relative stability is the deeply ingrained secondary
status of the woman in the marriage.
The patriarchal system:

makes the woman feel that it is her responsibility to make the marriage work
at all costs.
places a stigma on the woman who separates from her husband.
makes it dicult for divorced women, especially ones with kids, to seek
remarriage easily.
When I look at a lot of marriages in India, I see that the reason they seem stable often
is the tremendous sacrices the woman makes to keep them that way. Divorce is,
often, perceived as being worse than living through the marriage, how much ever a
sham it may be.
If it is a 'love' marriage, a quaint Indian term that only means that the man and
woman have fallen in love before marriage and decided to marry, apart from all these
there is also the pressure of "what will people say if this does not work; after all I chose
my husband myself."
I do not wish to imply that there are no happy (& therefore stable) marriages in India,
whether arranged by the family or 'arranged' by the couple themselves. Of course
there are. Just as there are happy marriages outside of India too. We have all seen a
number of them. However, the fact still remains that the style of the marriage makes
little dierence to the stability. "
Unquote
3kViewsViewUpvotes
AkshayKumarG,500daysofsummer
WrittenFeb9,2015
Yes, Yes ... a big Yes.
Here some of the answers are exceptions. As many of know that success percentage is
higher in arrange marriages comparative to love marriages. There are many
advantages in arranged marriages.
Please don't try to judge me and don't write any comments until you read the full
answer.
Unaccepted Truth:
Many people in India say that "All your life you are taught not to talk to strangers; But
suddenly you are asked to sleep with someone" , This is utter bullshit. Many people
fall in love in their rst sight only, they only care about looks when it comes to love
(not generalizing, most of the cases if the girl/guy is hot/handsome anybody wants to
fall in love). If the girl willing to have sex with you at the rst sight, i am sure that you
are ready to sleep with that stranger(girl).
Ego Problems:
If you are a boy then in arranged marriage you will marry to a girl who is less prole
comparative to your prole(it's a truth you have to accept it) and there is no ego
comes between both of you. If you are marry to high/equal prole girl comparative to
you, then there is a chance of arising ego problems between both of you(in case of
love marriages).
Caste And Religion Issues:

If you married to a person who is dierent caste(in case of love marriages), then in
future there will be issues between both of you, like how you celebrate festivals
according to your culture or their culture. If your partner is from dierent religion,
issues will raise between you when it comes to your child name ram/allah/joseph,
When it comes festivals Diwali/Ramjan/Christmas there will be a mere
misunderstandings between both of you.
Time Scale:
This reason looked like bull shit but this is what happens in real life. As time passes
the love on any person decreases(bitter truth, i am also a victim of it). If you are going
to have love marriage, the disadvantage is that you are loving that person since long
time, at the point of marriage time the love on your crush almost decreases. If you are
going to have arrange marriage, you will start to love the person after the marriage
irrespective of their looks and after some time you are blessed with children then you
will start loving your children.
Marriage Value:
Most people do have their love marriages in a temple or register oce, these kind of
people(not generalizing) don't know the value of this bond(marriage bond). If you are
going to have arranged marriage, then your marriage Of course happens in front of
your parents, elders and your relatives then you will know what it is and how much it
is meant to our culture and to your parents. After you will feel like there is some
supernatural power connecting you to your partner.
Parents Decision:
If you are going to love a person all you think is that person is suitable to you or not,
and you don't think about how that person treat your parents and your siblings. In
arranged cases, your parents think about their family back ground, is that girl/boy is
like a sister/brother to your sibling or not, they will think about all the cases. You
don't have to bother about eloping with your lover and do the marriage without
knowing to your parents.
Always Our Parents Will Be There:

If any problems come between you and your partner, then our parents and our
relatives will always be with us to solve the problem(arrange case) with using their life
experience. But if you have a love marriage you have to solve your own problem(love
cases, "not generalizing", in love cases also parents will come to solve your love
problems if they accept your marriage).
Why is the divorce rate so less:

In India divorce rate is so less not because of "it's not acceptable / taboo in India"
it's because of we are giving a so much value to that bond.
Consider a example:
Let assume that a guy married to a random girl. After some time he met Scarlett
Johansson who is deeply in love with that guy.
What happens in America:

He will divorce her wife and get ready to marry Scarlett Johansson because every
guy on this planet wants to fuck her, if he don't want then i am sure that he is gay.
Who knows, in future he may met Angelina Jolie. If he met Angelina Jolie then he
will divorce Scarlett(America culture).
What happens in India:

He will give value to marriage bond and his partner comparative to any other thing
in this world. Because in our culture marriage is a lot meant to us, it's not like
business to exchange partners when we feel bore and you get better choice(India
culture).
"Marriage is all about to learn to tolerate the person you love".

MiaNeil
WrittenFeb27,2013
Dear Mr. Scientist and teacher,
Do not justify slavery. Yes, the kind of arranged marriages take place in India can best
be termed as Slavery. I see the battered women who make pathetic attempt to smile
and still defend their traumatic marriages. You people will keep hurling your trophy
of 'statistics', wont you?
How many of you have seen your parents to be in love? Oh, I forgot, you will still
justify their distances as silent form of love. How many of arranged marriages have
you witnessed in which the girl wasn't compelled to marry the man imposed upon her
by her parents?
Such a shame that some of you (fairly educated) are shamelessly defending
something will keep this injustice alive.
I really feel appalled to see a variety of craps being presented here in order to justify
this medieval barbarism.
Delve into ancient Indian history and think of the kind of society India had
created. Read Upanishads and read the contemporary travelers. It's such a
shame that India progressed upside down. Thank you learned Idiots. You are
cursed to suer from caste ism. India shall never have another Rama, Krishna
and Buddha.

Muslim invaders came and then they bugged your gene. I remember how Ptolemy
described India. He said, "I see broad and tall men and feare facing them; I see
enlightened girls roaming on the streets like princes."
Today, you see what has happened to you Indians. Ideally, you were supposed to be
the the most civilized country on the planet earth.......Stop all these bull craps and
start empowering your women. Don't pump your chest chirping "Yeah, we have the
least number of divorce." Look into your houses..and see how many women are
subject to domestic violence. How many of them are married o to the people who
barely know...and how about that pathetic Suhaag Raat. Just Ek chutki sindoor
doesn't prepare them to have sex with a stranger...Shame Shame!
And girls, make sure that you marry a straight and not someone who knows he's
a gay and yet marrying you since he doesn't have guts to tell his parents that he's
a gay. I have worked with several NGOs. If you believe me, there are over half a
million Indian gay men who marry straight women every year. So next time, ask
your parents if the guy is straight or Gay.
PS: I am married to the man who I chose and am thankful to God that I did not
marry the man my father loved. I did not need the millions of may father. Money
is something we have earned enough and will keep earning for our kids.
VikramDhaliwal
UpdatedAug16,2015
This is a very interesting and provocative debate. But maybe it's about the wrong
topic. If you go back a hundred years or so, you will nd that marriage all over the
world was a social transaction, more than a romantic pursuit. Perpetuation of
hierarchy, wealth re-distribution, and creating joint economic entities that could
focus on two things at the same time, were the primary reasons for marriage. India
has just found a way to continue to make this notion of marriage work, while making
some concessions to modernity.
Another factor to consider is the rising average life expectancy, which has meant that
the expected time-frame of a marriage has nearly quadrupled in the last century and
a half, over most of the developed world.
The romantic idea of marriage is the new idea. The divorce rates in most of the
developed world seem to suggest that marriage is just the name given to a committed
relationship, and that there is no economic or social utility to it anymore. So if
anything has to be questioned, it is that in the age of working, independent women,
breaking down of social and familial structures and increasing individuality, what
role does marriage actually play? Is it now just an empty symbol? Do we need it
anymore?
GaneshRajole,Didn'tdatetilltoday.
WrittenDec30
Yes It will work.
Divorce rate high in love marriages: HC - The Times of India
Divorce rate in India = 1.1%

Global divorce rate for arranged marriages = 6%
Percentage of women in South Asia forced to marry before 18 = 48%
74 percent of Indians still prefer arranged marriages according to a recent

survey by NDTV. This reects that Indians are still conventional in thinking of
marriage as a set-up in which a person should t into the family. So does it mean that
one needs to be a perfect match only for the family? What about a partner who sticks
by you and sticks up for you and treats you as an equal and not as a relative in the
house?
Source Women Empowerment - Most Powerful Blog, Website for Indian's Women -
Women's Web
Why arranged marriages will workout?
Inshort: we used to slect a guy/girl depending on their families. In arrange marriage

no one ecpect that girl/boy should have these hobies. Never expected that his salary
shoud bemore than 10L/anum. But now even in arrange marriage we are looking for a
groom with good salary, he should stay in metropolitan city, he should live alone, he
should have a car with a comfortable apartment. For that we are searching them on
metromonony websites. You will get a good guy, his family will be good. But
when you ght who will come to save you?
3years back marriage were done like this
1. Known person used to meet both the families as a broker(Not the real broker
but a family member who knows both families well).
2. After that one ne day show will be arranged. Even if boy/girl don't like each
other that extent. They made to like each other as families are good and
known to the third person (Broker).
3. After selection date, dowry and marriage locations were decided.
4. For sure you will be happy as a new person is in your life and you will be
knowing about him or her gradually. You will adjust as his/her likes.
5. If you had a small ght your so called sasu ma/ma will take care.
6. Had a big gth? His dad with his family will take a lession.
7. Even after that you had a ght that you left his home? Both the families will
sit together with the broker and will settle the matter. So no divorce.
But now how we are getting married.
1. Look into bride or grooms prole on a website.
2. Select him depending on his looks, salary and position.
3. Family? His backgrounds? Broker?
4. If you had a ght your mom will say. Beta khud sortout karlo. will try to
convence him/her if it is a small gth.
5. If you had a big ght who will come? You may tell both families will sit
together and sort but this will never happen in marriage done on website.
Almost it is considered as a love marriege.
This was my point of view. Now have a look on what indians surveys say about it.
Arranged marriages made by families
Arranged Marriages as understood in India are marital unions where the families
(parents, guardians, even extended families) of the bride and groom decide on the
match based on a number of socio-economic criteria rather than the couple choosing
their own partner. In India, historically, most marriages have been arranged
marriages. Till even about three decades ago love marriages or any other sort of union
was considered a rarity and an exception. Even in present day modern India, parents
and families are expected to choose an appropriate spouse for a young man or woman
of marriageable age.
While the perception of arranged marriages in countries outside India (especially in

the western world) is considered similar to forced marriages, back home young men
and women are quite happy to have their families pick out a suitable partner for
them. The Taj Group of Hotels, Mumbai, conducted a survey in 2013 called The Taj
Wedding Barometer. The survey reveals that about 75 percent of young Indians prefer
arranged marriages. This data highlights the fact that about 82 percent Indian
women, despite all the progress, want their families to settle on a suitable groom for
them. Similarly, the young men and women of North India were more inclined to
settle into an arranged marriage (82 percent) than the youth of the southern states.
Arranged marriages do have their downside too. Child marriages and forced
marriages in India are evil practices that the country has been ghting hard to
abolish. According to a UNICEF report from 2014, about 47 percent Indian girls,
mostly from rural areas are married o before the age of 18. Despite strict laws against
child marriages, these matches are arranged and the nuptials carried out by the
families.
Love marriages Till divorce do us part
Love marriage culture is largely a gift from Bollywood. It is only as late as the 1980s
that love marriages became remotely acceptable. Inter caste marriages and inter
religious love marriages can still elicit considerably strong reactions in Indian society.
Honour killings are in vogue in many parts of the country where a boy or girl is killed
for opposing the match arranged by the family. Caste and family honour plays an
important role and inter-caste marriages are largely frowned upon. Love is still
considered an aront to family honour.
Although love marriages are on the rise especially in the metropolitan cities and
urban sectors of the country, youth from the rural regions still nd it dicult to freely
meet and date members of the opposite gender due to many practices of segregation
followed widely in Indian society. With the advent of matrimonial bureaus and
websites, the youth of the country do have much more choice than they did.
BharatMatrimony, Shaadi, JeevanSaathi, and SimplyMarry are some of the popular
sites that list proles of men and women seeking partners for marriage. The websites
have empowered prospective grooms and brides to meet and date multiple people
before they settle on a match.
Love marriages in India do have their own negative aspects too. Social and family
ostracism adds on to the stress of marriage. Adding on to any possible dierences in
caste, religion, and family practices are the high expectations from love marriages.
Divorce rates in India overall are pegged at about 1.2 percent vis--vis a divorce rate of
about 53 percent in the US, a country where love marriages are the norm. In India
rates of divorce in love marriages are much higher than in arranged marriages.
Divorces are very high in love marriages, noted the Bombay High Court in a 2012
case.
Source: India Map, Map of India
SandeepSingh,Nevermarriedordivorced!
WrittenNov29
The freedom to choose the person youll be spending the rest of your life with is one
of the greatest gifts we have. Arranged marriages take that away from you. But you
can fall in love with someone after your marriage too. Arranged marriage statistics
from India show that this type of union is often more successful than love marriages.
The divorce rate here in case of arranged marriages stands at 1.1%, as compared to a
global divorce rate of 6%. However, this automatically does not imply that arranged
marriages are successful. Even when faced with tough situations, people in India
generally dont tend to go for divorce, primarily because:
a) Getting a divorce is decidedly more dicult in India as compared to other

countries. The number of family courts here is very less and a case may drag on for
years, more so when it involves issues relating to custody of children and alimony
payments.
b) Although times are changing, people are generally not too kind towards divorcees.
They will view you as a failure and make assumptions about your character. Its worse
for you, if you are a woman, as they are viewed as softer targets for casual ings.
c) Since we allow someone else to arrange our marriage for us thinking they know
better than us, it is highly likely that we will follow their ideals and set beliefs yet
again and denounce divorce. The older generation doesnt think too highly of it.
d) In India, most individuals stay virgins till they are married, some owing to their
traditional values, some because they arent getting any. So, the rst time they have
sex is with their wives/husbands. Physical proximity with your rst love leads to a
very strong emotional connect, not that easy to break.
In current times, divorce rates are increasing, even in case of arranged marriages. The
women of today are educated, independent and well informed of their rights. They
will walk out of a marriage, if they feel they are not loved or appreciated enough.
Gone are the days when a woman would suer abuse and violence in her home and
still choose to stay. Personally, I would favour a higher divorce rate instead of
higher domestic violence rate.
PS: Even if a couple is not divorced legally, it doesnt imply that their relationship is
working. I believe your union ends the day, there is no spark left in your relationship.
So, one should always try to keep the magic in their relationship alive.
478ViewsViewUpvotes
HarshDhiman,livesinDehradun,Uttarakhand,India
UpdatedJan9,2015
I just wanted to post something more to this which is just my perception. This thread
has some really amazing stories and this is not one of them. I think we need to
understand two basic questions.
Why arranged marriage has proved to be so popular in India?
I loved reading History so I might just have the answer to this. In medieval times,
people were very keen on hurting each other. That was actually their favourite
pastime activity, probably to ll the absence of video games and social networking.
So, to hurt each other they used to ght and kill for wealth, land and women. Women,
in particular, were and still are a man's most precious treasure. But, they would
mostly abduct unmarried girls. And, hence, came the concept of "Child marriage". As
a married girl nobody cared to abduct her and if they did, they had to ght two
families (of the groom's and the bride's) instead of just the bride's. Well, as a child it
was okay to get married with your parents guidance, and if it's a matter of social
security it sure was!
But, as times evolved Indians refused to evolve with it. People no longer fought and a
stable system was achieved. Women no longer were just commodities and emerged as
an equal gender. But we continue to follow our ancestors' footsteps blind-fully,
without even trying to understand the real reason. Until our parents generation
(generation of 50s, 60s and 70s), arranged marriage used to be the only suitable
option because of the way they were raised. Boys were raised to work and get a job
and girls were raised to stay at home and take care of the family. Which made the
society form misconceptions about love and justify the ongoing system the better
one. But, is it?
Why isn't it such a great idea now?
The generation today had an entirely dierent childhood. We were taught to treat
girls as equals. We always had almost equal sex ratio in the class. Which diminished
the gap between the genders which existed earlier. Being in a relationship is not
treated with ogling eyes anymore. We have experienced relationships and we know its
hard to be in one, and we know that doing that with a complete stranger would be a
suicide mission. Which has led to change of general mindsets of the people. Self
happiness has been rated above the self image in a society, which make us seem
selsh, but it's for the good of the society as whole. With such an experience and
mentality, it seems hard to marry a total stranger. Though the option for arranged
marriage is always open but I don't think it's a legit one. Though society is lled with
castes and gender bars but true love is above all and surpasses every hurdle which
comes its way.
Life's all about ups and downs and we need that someone in our lives who stays put
with us in these ups and downs and support us in every possible way. Soothe us when
we're hurt and teach us when we're wrong. Life is so much better when you're with
someone who genuinely cares for you, no strings attached. Be it arranged or love, in
the end its all about living life happily and if you're not happy in a marriage then
what's the point of being in one?
AkanshaJain,myhappinessproject.qoura.com
UpdatedNov25
Support and understanding is the key for making any relation work. If we have
support of other who can guide us when we commit mistakes and advise us to do
right thing at the right moment, no relation would break. Same things happens when
it comes to Marriage also.
Marriage is still a scary word for many individual and when it is arranged it comes
with many doubts. Marrying a stranger and going to live with a complete unknown
family, this idea itself scares a girl and the same happens with the guy because
nding a girl who can understand him and his family is also not an easy task. Then
why do arranged marriages works better than love marriage. Firstly Indian parents
still can't digest the fact that their children found a partner for themself and if its
from other caste it becomes like a world war 3, sentences from movies like Kya vo
hamare sanskar, humari parampara samajh payegi?( Will she be able to understand
our rituals and customs?), kitna kamata hai vo? Kya vo tumhe aisi aalishan zindagi de
payega? (How much does he earns and will he be able to give a luxury life?) And the
conversation ends with sentimental dialoges like Log kya khange? ( What will people
say?) Tum abhi bache ho apna bahala bura nahi smajhte.( You are young to
understand whats right and whats wrong for you.) Hum tumhare Maa Baap hai
tumhara bura thodina chahenge.( We are your parents, we wont think bad for you.)
Half of the love stories end over there and if some remains they have to go through
test every now and then to prove their love and that to not only to the family but also
to the society.
But when it comes to Arranged marriage there are no such problems. Parents search
for family which are similar to them. Find the best suited match then make
arrangement for their meet and if in 2 or 3 meetings you feel you can live your life
with the other person you say yes and if you don't then you have to go through sets of
questions like Why didn't you like her or him and no person is perfect and people
change after marriage and it goes on till in the end you get fed up with the questions
and say Yes. Family is completly involved and protects you from the evil society so
that you can enrich your love and be happy.
Even I use to think how can I marry a stranger and adjust with complete unknown
family butmy perspective changed when I met my husband for the rst time. It was a
small meet for an hour and I felt that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with.
My family didnt force me and they gave me freedom to take my decision. We both like
each other and had similar feelings for each other. We soon got engaged and then
married. Its been one and half year now and I can say marrying him was the best
decision I have taken till date. In starting we did have issues and I even had problem
adjusting in the new environment but with time , understanding , patience and
everyone's support things went to its place. So I can say YES arranged marriages
works in India because it has support which is very important in a relation.
If you are intersted to know how I met my husband : Akansha Jain's answer to
How did you meet the love of your life?
Anonymous
WrittenJun20,2016
Okay lets say this, arrange marriage continues to be one of Indias greatest social evils
and corruption in India along with a host of other issues. And love vs Arranged
continues to be a controversy debate among we Indians
There is a huge divide in India among Indians, that is why socially arranged
marriages it is bad for a vast country as India as it keeps folks conned and
segregated. It has created a lot of hate and social inequality which is beyond repair,
and tension that is building up among the youth and causing the youth distress. Why
arranged marriage puts a society into backwardness:
Why arranged marriages are not good socially for Indias social growth? What
things are considered for an arranged marriage in India and what does arranged
marriage contribute to in India?
Isolation of social culture which creates intolerance to outsiders.
Caste system/caste feelings: Parents will choose based on caste (a social evil
as we all know, which is illegal but is still followed blindly)
age (because of superstitions in which male should be older, a tradition we

follow blindly, which allows males to pursue education where girls are
married younger)
fairness of skin complexion for the bride (for a male, also a social evil)
nancial stability (the only positive here because marriage does take
nancial stability for raising children).
Dowry system: that is still practiced and prevalent in many of regions, it also
creates the show o nature of some families of the big fat Indian wedding
for many of the small fraction of population that is upper class. Dowry
system leaves many in debt.
arranged marriage in some regions in south India Hindus still = cousin

marriage
women are looked at as property and a sense of entitlement to male

counterparts
I am not in support of arranged marriage as it adds fuel to the re!
There is a huge fraction of the Indian population in rural background where almost
all arranged marriages are forced and the individuals have no say or consent in the
matter.
The small fraction/percentage of the urban population which slowly is actually

favoring love marriages mostly because they want independence, and less parental
involvement, and do not favor emotional blackmail and want to break social
barriers which is a good movement, and have clean mindset and do not follow
ignorant social evils blindly.
Love marriages can work socially in India, if people would give up the socially ugly
ill traditions that continue to keep people divided and stop following things blindly
and begin to question things. Love marriages can only work socially in India and for
the betterment of future generations to come. However young Indians have to be
socially ready for love marriages and be able to make well informed decisions which
the west fails in. My advise to us Indians is this if you are considering a love marriage
and are in one of the following situations:
If you are a college student and have a girl/guy you have in mind for marriage, please
be aware that marriage takes a lot of work and there is a lot to be considered this is not
a game. for example make sure there is more involved between you two than just
love, make sure you both share,
similar values
compatibility, similarity in personality
that you both are ready to settle and raise a family together, and are
emotionally ready and mature enough, are commitment minded, then
your in a good position and a host of more to be considered for love
marriage.
Income
family background
educational background
We all want our parents blessing as we care and love for our parents dearly, rstly, be
prepared for all these if you are pursuing love marriage and want your parents
blessing and do not want to elope, but some of us do not have a choice of eloping
cause it will cause distress and even violence or force our parents could put on us, so
be prepared for these:
Make sure rst your are completion of studies, because if you propose that
you have someone in mind while still studying it will cause distress
If you are completion of studies introduce your bf/gf as a friend, do not

bring up introduction as a love marriage or inter-caste marriage.
be ready for emotional blackmail and have all the rebuttals ready against
there arguments, for example but love marriages have highest divorce rate
you could say she too is from Indian background and does not believe in
divorce like me and is commitment minded.
Be prepared for months of trying to get your parents blessing or even a year!
(Unfortunately there are even some that go on for years, these are the
unfortunate few, but by then they would have eloped together.)
Make sure you are a strong enough character to stand by your decision and
are condent in your choice
There is more to the list above you are more than welcome to comment below on how
to go for a love marriage, but make sure you did your research and are dead serious
about your choice.
Unfortunately we are bound by our environment so most of us will continue to follow

bad ugly traditions blindly and bend over to please our families, but are not looking at
the long term and the ugliness it creates in our society. Also we cannot help that we
are brought up and instilled evil things into our mindset, but as an educated Indian
we can question things and stand for what is right as we get more educated.
We should not look at the west but set our own example. However if the west gures
out how to decrease its divorce gures they beat us in all aspects in marriage because
they dont have such social evils as us, caste, dowry, child marriages, and they have
more gender equality etc.
Why does India have lowest divorce rate in rural india?
In India, marriage is the bringing/joining together of two families. This puts

a lot of pressure for the two individuals to make it work as there family name
is at stake, and to please there family, regardless of if there husband abuses
them, cheats them, lies and they hate each other they are stuck.
India having still a large fraction of its population in rural India which
makes up 70 percent of the population where women still have to depend on
there husband for nancial stability, and if they are being mistreated they
will not divorce, because there parents will no longer support them
nancially, also in rural india dowry is widely prevalent and young girls are
married o young for lesser money.
Society pressure and taboo of divorce, because so many have stayed in there
marriage whether miserable or happy, many do not go for divorce because it
is socially unacceptable
By this time they are already trapped because they were blackmailed into
making it work and then have children which there parents blackmailed
them into, so then they are really stuck and raise the children together
the legal issues of taking divorce
gender inequality
why does India have lowest divorce rate in even urban India?
Concept still holds true here, marriage is the bringing/joining together of two
families. This still puts a lot of pressure on even urban dwellers to not take
divorce cause of family and society pressure.
Also we Indians have values that marriage is serious and we are more
commitment minded anyway so will not take divorce anyway.
SangeethSVarma,Hindubyculture,ifnotbyfaith.
WrittenJul25,2014
I'm 18, Indian and single. So I don't know anything about relationships from being in
one, but the subject of marriage is one I've given a lot of thought to, since a lot of my
cousins have been getting married in recent years- a few through arranged marriages
and a few choosing their own partners (I hesitate to call them love marriages).
While writing this answer, I'm painfully aware of the fact that I'm talking about the
middle class in one of the more highly educated parts of the country. The vast
majority, the poor and the rural population, in India still live in a completely, caste-
driven, feudal society in struggle for survival and where arranged marriages provide
safer lives and livelihoods and marriage unapproved by their family or society can
have them outcast or even killed. I really admire people who have been through all
that an still stuck to their decisions.
Getting back to the urban, middle-class, South Indian society that I'm familiar with.
The family (I have a very big, fairly well linked extended family) goes into a sort of
frenzy during any marriage, an approving one in the case of arranged ones and
disapproving otherwise.
My father, particularly, is pretty loud in his advocacy of the arranged marriage
system, although he admits that love marriages can work, but rarely has in the society
we live in, and I must say that most of his points are borne out by the evidence.
As I see it, marriage is a pretty important part of your life, one, like any other major
decision has both emotional and rational sides to it.
First of all, I would like to talk about my parents. They have highly dierent
personalities, come from dierent backgrounds and are, overall, highly incompatible.
They got married because his brother knew her father, they were about the same age
and they were from the same caste. They used to have a lot of arguments till a few
years ago and still don't see eye-to-eye most of the time. If they were in a country like
the U.S., they probably would have been divorced a long time ago. They stayed
married because that's the norm. For me and my sister's sake.
Is this a good thing? I think it's a little more grey. In my parent's case, they are
unhappy a lot because of their marriage, but they are also mostly satised. They get
by pretty well now-a-days. They aren't the ideal couple shown o by many families,
but I think ideal is really rare. Sure, you've heard of the couple who fell in love as kids
and got married and grew old together, happy as could be. But for each one of them,
there are many who end up unhappy, divorced or unhappy and carrying on. Then
there's the normal people- who are as happy as their daily lives permit them to be.
Now, if we take arranged marriages and love marriages, I'm pretty sure the
percentages of the three are pretty close viz. the cases of nding your soul-mate, the
more common case of ending up unhappy or the most common case of getting by,
like my parents.
It seems to me that both are pretty similar in India.

The rate of divorce among arranged marriages are lower, but not because they're
happy, but because of social pressure. But on the other hand, getting estranged over
small things does seem more common in love marriages. I guess the people who get
married by arranged marriage are more sensitive of social pressure and hence try
harder. The trying hard part should not be a problem in a real love marriage, where
both partners understand, respect and care for each other. But, frankly, that doesn't
really seem to be the case in most.
In arranged marriage, your potential spouse is heavily screened by your family and
will most likely have similar cultural and family backgrounds, which is, quite frankly,
the case in most love marriages as well.
The problem seems to be freedom of choice. Arranged marriage are seen, rightly, as
seen as more parental control, by us, who are ever-increasingly intolerant of it. 'Love
marriages', many-a-times, are cases of rebellion against authority, which is always
good for making the system better, but rebellions need to be analysed, if you want to
minimise losses.
Now-a-days though, the parents do give us a lot of freedom and most of the younger
generation are using it pretty well, to get the best of both worlds. The parents have
started acknowledging the fact that you are capable of some degree of discretion and
intelligence and give due importance to your opinion.
The young Indian is as conscious of career, social status, nancial security and the
other myriad factors considered by their parents as their parents themselves.
Moreover. they are young and are a exposed to a more globalised world. They, if they
are smart enough, see the pros and cons of both systems and are more likely to nd a
partner whom they can be happy with.
Personally, I have never been in love deep enough to acknowledge it, though I do still
hope to nd someone who gets me. If my parents can nd someone like that for me,
great. If I can nd someone like that, I'm pretty sure my parents will nd them
suitable enough. Other scenarios seem unlikely and romantic, so I can't really picture
them.
TL;DR- Detailed analysis of Indian marriage system, concluding that the system is
adapting and working.
VishalMehta,Beenthere,donethat
WrittenOct25,2012
They work if the parties involved in the marriage (remember the saying that an
arranged marriage is not a marriage between two people but one between two
families and their extended families and so on) have their honchos willing to make
the marriage work.
As such I believe, that an Arranged Marriage is the one arranged by the family
which we have grown up with for more than 20 years.
A Love Marriage is the one arranged by the University, Friends, work-life, et al
which we have grown up with for around 5-15 years.
I believe an important factor to nd the probability of success of which one is greater,

is the kind of life one aspires and wishes to have post-marriage.
Some want to live alone with their spouses and children they are blessed with in the
future.
Some want to give profession a priority and do not mind if their spouses are living in
dierent cities to attain professional heights and they can meet each other only
during weekends or extended holidays
Some do not have an option but to stay separate with the wife staying with in-laws
while they are trying to make ends meet and supply their savings to their homes and
go to meet their families just once an year
Some of them, prefer to live with their parents, with their extended families in
vicinity of their residence, remain socially active in the non-virtual sense, while
earning out a living built out of their professional lives, keeping it separate from the
personal life.
It also, depends on the individuals, both of them, on how they deal with petty issues
of life and other aspects as a couple.
If I were to chalk out probabilities, relatively if not absolutely, I can do so intuitively

looking at the life around me and lives around the lives around me, but would still
abstain to do so for the lack of data but am sure the reader knows the order
Despite being arranged for marriage, by being engaged at 19, married at 22, separated
at 24 and divorced at 25, I still prefer to be re-arranged for marriage, in the Indian
sense, knowing well, what kind of life I prefer to live post-marriage.
My answer to the question will hence be "it depends", just like we have been used to
answering ambiguous questions right from the day we land in the institutes we study
and train on Business, Management and Business Management
1kViewsViewUpvotes
PrithviRaj,ArmchairEvolutionaryPsychologist
WrittenNov17,2012
After interviewing so many couples who stayed together and so many couples who
got divorced, researchers have found that the ones with same core beliefs stay
together... longer.. and happy.
Centuries back... you are born and brought up in your family. Your social network will
be limited to your family and other relatives. There was no Internet, no books and
other things that give you exposure to new ideas.
Your core belief was shaped by your family.
And your family will mostly look for a partner among your circles.
So Arrange marriages worked out. Its the same circle.. same family values.. same
traditions. So the signicant other will mostly have the same core beliefs as you have!
But now, due to so many activities and channels that has literally expanded your
network of people. And so many other things like Internet, books.etc that gives you a
lot of exposure. You are ended up with two families!
One which brought you up. And the other which you belong to.
The family that brought you up had their own core beliefs.
The family that you later found out, the like minded people. Your friends. Your
colleagues.etc had their own core beliefs. Beliefs that you chose!
Love marriages usually happen in this other family of yours.
Nowadays arranged marriages fail because your core beliefs and family's core beliefs
have changed.
And love marriages fail because you are not going for the right person who shares the
same beliefs as you.
Anonymous
WrittenNov1,2013
All kinds of Marriages work, as long as the people involved are willing to make it
work. There will be dierences in people, but when you say those dierences doesn't
matter as I want this relationship to work, any kind of marriage can work.
On the contrary there will be exceptions and all kinds of marriages don't work too for
a few exceptions.
Well if you have the ability to spend half of your life with some individual whom you
don't like or have to adjust with him/her who is called as Boss, you have all the
ingredients to make a marriage work. Only thing needed is willingness.
I heard in one of the movie, when I naive kid asks their parents why don't you get
divorced(as they keep ghting each day)? Parent says today's generation is in a
replacement mindset rather than repair mindset. if something doesn't work then
replace it don't even try to repair it, like mobile, music player, tv, etc. Then they look
at people and relationship and think the same way :(
This quest for better compatibility may not end if your in a replacement mindset.
Majority Indians have repair mindset than replacement mindset, so the divorce rate is
less.
3kViewsViewUpvotes
SudarshanRajagopalan,Liveandletlive
WrittenJul22
Yes. They work. But only for the parents of the guy and the girl who see it as a huge
responsibility lifted o their shoulders.
For the guy and the girl however, in most cases, they dont have a choice. They have to
make it work by making some compromises because when it comes to compatibility,
one is Joey Tribbiani and the other is Nuclear Physics.
JessicaMargolin,Idate.
WrittenOct25,2012
My observation is very limited: my son's classmates were in large part Indian families
who had moved to the US, predominantly in technical elds. Invariably the moms
would tell me the very rst time we had a chance to talk one-on-one about the trauma
of their marriage. One went so far to say she still couldn't bear to watch her wedding
video. Her children were in their teens at the time. (The men would tell me about how
their fathers didn't understand that they didn't understand, and kept trying to
manage their lives from afar.)
I nd it interesting that, overall, the men in this comment thread seem to nd

arranged marriages useful, and the women are less sure. It supports my feelings that
marriage as an institution is unfavorable to women, despite the popular conception
that men are "constrained" by it and women "aspire" to be married.
I would say that marriage lasted a lifetime when the average lifespan was 30-50 years,
and now that we can expect to live far longer, the concept itself is problematic. Many
love marriages end in divorce because people marry before they're fully formed
adults; many other love marriages end in divorce because people who have
experienced adulthood rst - and had loving relationships that had ended - are better
at assessing when a relationship has come to its end.
It would be far more productive to consider two things:

(1) Other ways of reducing individual risk (see Robert Shiller's book "The New
Financial Order: Risk in the 21st Century" for a discussion about how families are
structures to manage risk.)
(2) Healthy and respectful mechanisms by which people "exit" marriages, whether
love marriages or arranged, with an eye to co-raising children and co-caretaking ill
and elderly.
I believe that separating out the social obligations (which are primary benets) of
marriages from genuine love and aection is a useful way to think about evolving
marriage. It is dicult for me to comprehend how women endure traditional
marriage - it's indentured servitude with zero chance of escape - except for those few
women who truly do thrive as domestic caretakers. (And it's cruel to those men who
are inherently family caretakers, not breadwinners, in their personality as well.)
LakshayBehl,Lookingfortalentpowerhouses
WrittenOct11,2012
They work as much as love marriages do.
Which is to say, they don't.
How else do you explain over 66% divorce rate in US, or an 88% divorce rate on rst
time marriages in US?
Here people don't get divorced. They just continue living together and hating each
other for their entire lives. And having aairs. And fucking other people. But divorces
are uncommon. Although they are becoming kind of a norm in my own generation.
Humans aren't naturally monogamous.

AarthiRao,Intern,JIPMER
UpdatedOct28,2012
Ha ha, yeah, arranged marriages do work in India! Not all of them but then majority
of them do live the so called 'happy life'!
As said above its really dicult to nd the statistics. My opinion is based on what I
have seen, and how people around me get to marry each other. It might not be the
case everywhere. I can generalise that arranged marriages actually work and are
preferred in this country.
How it works? Well, even I have been waiting for an answer. It sounds ridiculous to
me, to marry someone whom u don't even know.
The usual tradition over here is that parents start hunting for a bride or a groom for
their son/daughter. Parents of a daughter start looking for a groom when they think
that their girl has attained the 'marriagable age'. Now, that marriagable age varies
among dierent communities. It still is puberty in some places in India!
Most girls(we are taught not to talk back. Women who talk back have very less
demand in the Indian market) simply agree to their parents decisions. The same with
the guys. Once the guy starts working, people around him, including his parents push
him to agree for a marriage, even if he is genuinely not interested in it.
The worst thing in Indian culture is that we are taught to abide by all the rules framed
by our parents. One just can't deny anything parents ask for. One is expected to
assume that parents will always do good for their kids and that they know the best for
them. Yes, I agree that most of the times, their intention is to do good. But they are
equally prone to make mistakes. More importantly, they might not know what their
ward actually wants!
Its considered a sin, in India, to go against one's parents' decision! Yes, I am not
overstating it!
People, in general, don't seem to have an urge to share their life with someone. Not
many want to consider their life partner as their best friend. Its just that, when its
time to get married and have babies, have a family of one's own, people just do it
cause EVERYONE ELSE DOES IT! What the majority do is the rule to be followed! By
chance, if one gathers the guts to do something sensible but extraordinary or
something that is not practiced by the majority, he/she will be alienated and cursed!
We are taught not to marry someone of a dierent caste. We are taught that one has to
adjust and live a subdued life, so as to not worsen things. There is this concept of
considering one's husband, the God. So whatever mistake he does, women are
expected to adjust, forgive and live happily.
My maid, whose husband has an illicit relationship, is unhappy with all that
happened, but refuses to let go of him. There is so much of emotional bonding with
someone who actually ditched her after so many years of life!
Many men and women might be suerring from their arranged marriages. Its just that
people think its ridiculous to break the relationship for silly problems.Thinking about
divorce is a far thing! Expecting less is something that helps arranged marriage work
in many couples.
The world has developed so much. But then, there seems no development when it
comes to the human mind. Not many parents agree for love marriages.
One of my friends said its not possible for all to fall in love! Not all get to meet and fall
in love with their future life partner! So the 'arranged marriage' comes to the rescue of
those who don't nd the right person to fall in love with! I do agree with that. Infact,
not all love marriages work out. There are failures on both the sides. But then, blind
match nding is denitely ridiculous!
RachnaSeth,Perfectlyimperfect
WrittenSep30
I'll frame this a bit dierently. Before going into whether arranged marriages work or
not, I'd like to point out something. Marriage means work, means making things
work, means working together as a unit, means working towards making it last. It
doesn't mean a tedious chore like work in the conventional sense. It means trying
and making an eort to preserve the togetherness.
Now about the success rate of arranged marriages. Indians still practice this form of
union, though not so vehemently as in the past. Love marriages are also socially
acceptable nowadays. But the traditional method continues..and is fairly successful
(mine is one and I can vouch for it!)
When we enter holy matrimony as is arranged by the family, a lot of things are taken
care of by elders. Namely vetting the prospective and the family, lifestyles, similarites
in background. So things are easier. But the guy and girl don't know each other well.
This has it's pluses actually. This makes marriage a journey of discovery, makes it
interesting. One discovers new things about the spouse everyday. More reasons to fall
in love daily :)
In the case of love marriage, people are rst boyfriend / girlfriend and then graduate
to becoming husband /wife. There is a world of dierence in the two relations.
Sometimes it becomes dicult for people to handle this transition. Reality intrudes
in the dream world. This can lead to issues,sometimes insurmountable. Arranged
marriage makes two individuals start as husband and wife. They have an unchartered
territory before them. They don't have preconceived notions about each other. Both
take pains to understand each other and proceed forward, slowly but steadily. They
learn each other's preferences, likes/dislikes and try to incorporate that within
themselves. This involves lots and lots of adjustments! Perhaps the couple readily
makes those adjustments as they are already married and want to make it work.
Perhaps they don't want to let their families down. And more importantly they grow
to love their partner and want the marriage to work. This develops a bond that
strengthens with each passing day. The only thing that they need to safeguard against
is, taking each other for granted. Once this is taken care of, marriage is bound to
succeed.
Having said that, love marriages work too. The concept may have caught on a little
late in India, but this does not take away its impact in the changing and evolving
social structure. It makes youngsters responsible for their own decisions. Gives them
the freedom to decide who they want to be with. Gives them a choice. I don't feel it
right for parents to impose their will on their children. Well..Arranged marriages fail
too. Just because it worked for them doesn't mean that it will work for their kids too.
Why deny them the right to decide on someone who they wish to spend their lives
with? Dear parents..you have brought up your ospring as a responsible, intelligent
individual, right? You have instilled your values in him/her, right? Then why not
believe and trust their judgement when it comes to spouse selection?
Can't really think of a xed formula for a successful marriage. It depends on the two
key elements of this institution..husband and wife. Both need to invest equally in this
partnership. I want to have the upper hand or the last word scenarios spell doom.
Mutual respect, transparency, understanding and most importantly communication
are what make this union a joyous journey.
Marriage does not come with a guarantee. Simply put, it doesn't matter if a marriage
is a love marriage or an arranged one...A marriage works when the couple believes
that if something is broken, it should be xed, not thrown away.
763ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
UpdatedApr12,2015
Yes it does :)
Love comes and goes without you even realizing it. Being a south Indian Brahmin,
what came to my notice is that when a girl is planning to get married, her prole is
usually handled by the parents.
So if you like a girls Prole, you need to go through the drama of convincing her
parents that you are good enough for her. If those stages are crossed, you are given the
girls number and asked to contact her. MIND YOU, even if she is interested in you, the
rst move HAS to be made by you.
I Live in the United states and was looking for prospective brides who are
studying/working here.
After two years of failed experiences and some frustrating times, I came across this
prole of a girl . After stalking her on Facebook/google/quora/ even youtube :P , I
realized I have to somehow get talking to her.
Horoscopes were matched, the girls parents spoke to mine and after a long weary
process of two weeks, i was given her number and asked to contact her.
For all you guys out there, let me give you one suggestion : Do not expect the girl to
fall for you immediately. Put on your A game and grow a pair. It sounds sexist but the
girls always have an advantage. The guy - I, for once was totally into this girl and
expected her to be the exact denition of a typical girl that you see out there. Lovey
dovey messages and everything that a typical girl would do. WRONG!
But, after a month of texts/skype and facetime calls, I still felt she wasnt ready.
Something was stopping her. She needed some solid convincing. I let her open up at
her own time and made her feel comfortable and nice and special. Eventually, I felt
her to be more honest than all those girls who pretend who have fallen for you in a
month. I liked that she took her time in opening up and I liked that she showed all her
negative sides to me. She was a challenge and I loved it. She confused me. She
intrigued me. Still does. I realized she is more beautiful from the inside. Its true what
they say : you need to dig further to nd the real beauty. In this case, it certainly was
not the surface which made me stick by.
I did not give up. I put in my 100%. Many may feel that it was unfair, but not
everybody is the same. Some of my friends who knew about her existence tried
talking me out of it saying it would not work out and that the girl is not into you, I just
kept making excuses for myself to buy me more time. I just could not let go....
Call me shallow, but I also saw her bharatnatyam recital which just made me pursue
her more. The passion I saw in her when she danced made my heart ll with joy. It
was totally unconventional, but little gestures made by me over the time maybe made
her realize that I can be trusted and will support her through her thick and thin all her
life. She has recently begun to slowly open up and I discovered the sweet, kind
hearted person that she was and was longing to know all these months.
All this happened over a period of 6 months. I got to know her career aspirations, the
little intricacies in her life and I still know there is a lot more to her. My patience was
tested and more than once I felt that i was mulling over the wrong person, however
my gut feeling did not let this go; and Boy! I am glad I didn't pick up that phone and
tell her we cant do this anymore.
Though, this was arranged, along the months I fell in love with this extremely
frustrating but beautiful girl with a wonderful soul which I would have never
discovered if I had given up. I proposed her last week, and she said YES. :). That smile,
those beautiful eyes are the reason I wake up nowadays.I know that I have my whole
life to know her better. Everyday is going to be a new adventure. She made me change
my perspective about life, I can have deep meaningful conversations and made me
from a Macho "i dont give a fuck" to a "baby did you have dinner" guy.
Guys in case of such instances of arranged alliances,Be on your best behavior. Be a
gentleman. Don't lose patience. You have to impress a girl in a matter of a few months
compared to some of those people who fall in love and dont go for such set ups.
Put your inhibitions aside and think of the girl as a human being not as a prospective
bride (though that is the end point). and it goes vice versa for you girls as well. My to
be bride was a real bitch to me and she knows this, none of you need to put up with
something like this, but sometimes its worth it. You just need to know if its worth the
chase.
Goodluck to all of you out there.
GurvinderSinghGill,DayDreamer
UpdatedNov30,2013
Do arranged marriages work?

Well sometimes yes and sometimes this happens......
A friend of mine got married recently. Here is a conversation between the husband
and wife one ne morning, after just a week of marriage.
Wife: Suniye, mera ek friend hai jo mujhe bahut pasand hai, kya main
uski tasveer kamre mein laga lun? (Please listen, I have a friend whom I
like a lot, can I have a picture of him in our room?)
Husband: Kya? Dimaag toh theek hai naa tumhara? (What? Are you out
of your bloody mind?)
Wife: Dekhiye aap mujh se iss tarah se baat nahi kar sakte. Ye mera bhi
ghar hai aur main photo laga rahi hun. Agar aapne mujhe rokne ki
koshish ki ya tang kiya toh main aap par Dowry ka case kar dungi.
(Listen, you cannot talk to me like this. Now this is mine house also and I
will denitely put his photo in this room. If you try to stop me or harass
me, I will le a case of Dowry against you.)
The poor fellow further disclosed that his wife makes him go out of the room so that
she can talk to her "real hubby" on phone for hours.
A little background check revealed that the girl's parents were forcing her to marry
but her boyfriend was kinda underage so she decided to get married to my friend for
the time being till the boy comes of age! And with the sword of a "Dowry" case
hanging over his head, my friend is really in a x and doesn't know what to do.
Maybe both of them are waiting for the boy to grow up.
So, is it scary to marry someone you don't know?

Hell yeah, I am scared!
PreethiVemu,SwipekeyboardsBoonandBane!
UpdatedDec29,2014
This question has always amused me. I strongly believe that the success of a marriage
is not based on the premise of the marriage but on the foundation it is built on. And
questions like this singling out India as a country irk me. Marriages fail all around the
world, irrespective of the location. Horror stories about people we've known for years
surface in every country. Generalizing anything puts a cap on our thinking!
Read on...
I've grown up a lot as an individual over these years and have seen a lot of people,
friends and marriages and my conclusion is - The premise didn't matter. I've seen
terribly failed love marriages and super successful arranged marriages. And they
weren't because of families, they were because of the individuals in the marriage, the
reason they got married to each other for, the clarity they had about life and the other
person that has determined the success of their marriage.
The incidents in some of the answers here are terribly unfortunate, but they are not
because of the premise. They were horrible because the people they were stuck with
were bad human beings.
Any kind of marriage needs work, especially in the rst few years when the couple
should be building strong foundations. And this is true even if they have known each
other before. The people in the marriage should have respect for the other person,
and both should be willing to give the marriage an honest attempt. They both should
have the same goal in life or should be willing to take turns pursuing their respective
goals. And both should grow as individuals through out the marriage and be open to
the change in the other person too. And so many more rules/mantras like this...
Some background - I grew up in an upper-middle class , very orthodox family. I was

the rst girl to enter a college for professional degree on either sides of my family, and
I distinctly remember making the entire set of relatives proud and worried (this is no
big deal in 2014, but in 1998, it was - there were people who thought that nding a
groom for me would be tough because I was tall, and if I am educated, it is next to
impossible.) There was no dowry system, and I never faced gender bias, and in spite
of the orthodox methods followed in the immediate family, I was treated as an equal
to my brother.
That, I believe, gave me a condence, and a sense of freedom which obviously made
the elders in the extended family uncomfortable. I was termed a communist, radical
and a rebel, though in reality am none of the above.
This had scared my parents, what would happen to their social standing if I fell in
love with a boy in college, they had gone against the society and sent me to college
after all. So the only request my dad made when I was 18 was - you can do anything
you want with your life, marry anyone, but he has to be from our community.
I know, it sounds absurd, and very controlling. And the 18-yr-old me thought so too.
As he promised, I had the freedom to do anything. I went on to nish college, had a
few good guy friends and many good girl friends, nd myself a job and started
working too, and except in a couple of matters, didn't have any major ghts with my
parents. One of those major matters was marriage. Having seen the world and seen
how much success some friends had in marriage (none, back then. Either I was
hanging out with a dierent crowd, or the people in my examples were unfortunate), I
grew up to have a terrifying fear of the whole concept, so much so that I wanted to
escape the whole ordeal , arranged or love. but I had no choice, because, if you live in
India, you can't be unmarried beyond a certain age, for my fault and community that
age was 25. And I saw no reason in tormenting people I hold dear for this reason.
So I nally agreed that I have to get married and my parents started looking for a boy
for me.
I met a few, and had the freedom to meet them again, at least twice in most cases.
That was my family's way to help me decide if I really wanted to marry the boy or not.
I got ample time to talk to the boys, ask them questions, answer their questions and in
general get a feel of how compatible we'd be. I rejected a few, and a few rejected me,
and I was okay with the whole process. I knew what I was looking for in a partner,
knew I might have to give up some of those demands, because no one is perfect and if
he was, he wouldn't marry me, cuz I wasn't perfect either, obviously. But I had some
non-negotiable items on that list and it helped. The only thing I wanted to know from
these meetings with the boys were if we'd be compatible or not (I had dierent
standards and parameters to feel this) I wasn't willing to go by gut feeling and wanted
something solidly positive in this feeling to go ahead.
I met someone through this process and after our third meeting, we called our
parents asking them to x an engagement date, and we were married three months
later. This was 9 beautiful yrs ago.
[The background was to give an idea of the societal situation I grew up in, which is not
dierent from what many girls in towns/cities face. This will not change for many more
years to come. So instead of cribbing about how our societies are so caste-oriented, the
educated generation can take a step ahead and try to change it within the boundaries
the society pushes on us. I think my not-so-educated-parents did that, they wanted their
child to be happy and yet were seeing society's acceptance. I think it's fair and just.]
Anonymous
WrittenMay5,2015
I see a lot of the answers to this question are written by romantics who have a very
clear sense of how love works for them. Let me tell you my experience of how love
usually works for the hoi polloi in our country:
Step 1. Guy meets girl, online or in person.
Step 2. Guy tries to woo/charm/impress the girl.
Step 3. If the girl is not impressed, the typical nice guy becomes a 'good friend'. The
practical guy moves on.
If the girl is impressed/charmed, the following conversation or a variation thereof
occurs:
Guy: "I love you."
Girl: "I love you too."
This is followed by dating and subsequent marriage if both families agree, or in some
cases, even if they don't. But is this a love marriage?
The basic premise behind a love marriage working is that two people get to know each
other rst and then decide to live with each other. This is not necessarily true in a lot
of love marriages that happen in India. Sure, people now are much more conscious of
how they should go about dating/relationships, but the word 'love' is still used very
casually in our society. I'm 24, and I've seen numerous cases of people considering
supercial infatuation to be love and make a mess out of it. Mind you, I'm talking of
the crowd that doesn't follow quora, the crowd that doesn't read a single book in a
year, the crowd that doesn't take time to actually know the other person before
'committing' to him/her. And for this particular crowd, I'd say arranged marriage is a
far more workable idea.
For people who haven't seen each other at their worst, living together can lead to
disillusionment pretty soon. It is because even here, people carry their expectations
of how the other person behaves with them, or with others in general. These
expectations are rather hard to live up to if there is a lack of 'knowledge' about each
other.
On the other hand, consider an arranged marriage setup. As mentioned by someone
in this thread, people enter this setup with a will to make it work. They have no
expectations of their spouse, and hence tend to be happily surprised more often than
not if the other person puts in eort. That's the way the Indian mindset works.
It is my personal belief that given a certain 'acceptable' basic set of qualities (read:
given that the person can be categorized as a good person), a man/woman can fall in
love with anyone. They just need to spend an ample amount of time together
(although looks are a factor too in this case, but that we'll leave out for now). As such, I
think an arranged marriage can work just ne, if the people involved want to make it
work.
For a love marriage to work, I think people should really look at each others' worst
phases and then decide. A live-in might help in this regard. But sadly, that doesn't
usually happen in India.
P.S.: If you are reading this on quora, you're probably not the person being talked
about here.
AbhijitRaghunathan,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenJan6
First o, lets be clear about what arranged marriages are. While we can keep looking
up denitions on the web, here is one thing that I nd in all answers. With or
without the consent of the two parties. And I believe that the aforementioned
statement is as bad as anything. But, at the end of the day statistics would generally
go on to show that it works in India. That is because divorce is a massive taboo.
And here is another thing I don't like. We naturally assume that Americans are dumb
and have terrible relationships because their divorce rates are higher. Let me put an
end to this myth right now. Americans know their families so well that they even k is
their 7th and 8th cousins. However, in India some of us don't even know our second
cousins.
However, with that out of the way, divorce makes you look bad in society. Of course, it
will make you look bad in Indian society as this is the most judgmental society in the
world. And we, as Indians have been dealt a bad hand wherein Indian society is at its
judgemental best.
Coming back to the arranged marriage system, I think it is one of the most
corrupted systems in the world. The Indian parents/grandparents think of
themselves as the best people to choose a bridegroom or bride for their children. The
funny thing is that they consider everything but personality of the people they are
getting together. What is even more funny is that they have absolutely no
understanding of Indian youth. Absolutely neit. And I have a good idea why that is.
Its because of their close mindedness, something that has been the case for a lot of
people in the past.
They see all the things that most believe to be irrelevant. They see stars, add up
numbers, do all sorts of astronomical calculations, and worst of all, look at the
caste and sub-castes as well! They prioritize family background over
personality.
Now after reading all of that, you tell me: is arranged marriage really the best thing to
do? Do they really stand a chance of working out?
Take my friend (whose name I will not disclose obviously) for example. His parents
hate each other further from the truth. But, of course thrusting divorce each other
because it puts them in the spotlight of the ever judgemental Indian society.
At the moment, I'm happy that at least those who oppose this system is in a dominant
minority. This means that a majority of children still ask their parents and elders to
nd them a match.
To these people, I only have one thing to say. You are a complete disgrace and have no
sense of the changing times. I also know that this will put me in a black mark list for
the majority. So be it.
237ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul21,2014
Depends on who you are.
If you are a girl from a poor family in rural India, you may not even see the person
before getting engaged. I know one such girl. She was my student and was in Standard
XI. Did it work for her? I don't know, but it's an easy guess.
If you are a well-educated person from urban India whose family is well-o, your
family will keep your priorities in mind, along with their own understanding and
wisdom. Yes, there will be arguments and irritation, but by and large, they will listen
to you, and help you nd the right person. My family did. And I am glad.
Some people in our community have known us since we were children. Our parents
talked to them. Thus, the possibility of bad surprises was eectively eliminated.
I have friends who went through the same route, and also friends who married their
college-sweethearts. Almost all marriages are working, and working well. And where
there are issues, I would ascribe them to the person rather than the 'arranged'-ness or
'non-arranged'-ness of the marriage.
As others have pointed out, there are no data on this to give a 'statistically signicant'
answer. But even if such an answer existed, would it matter? You can never predict a
specic case.
All relationships are essentially gambles. I feel the best way to minimize risk is to be
more open to people, take specic feedback from close friends, and thus discover who
you are, what you want and thus what kind of person would be best for you.
Then it would not matter how you met. Just that you did.
868ViewsViewUpvotes
AnkitShah,Rebooting...
WrittenMay6,2015
No. They don't

And people who say they do, are just trying to validate their [future]decisions.
People in India search for months before buying a new house, but marry withing a
month or two after meeting the bride/groom.
The concept is very silly and people are still stuck with it in the name of
culture/religion.
Edit #1
For those who think that love marriages are worst than arrange marriages because the
divorce rate is higher for the former.
The world population is 7 Billion.

Everyone is brought up in dierent circumstances and are dierent.
It is utmost possible that a pair of 2 people(oddly chosen out of 7 Billion) may not sync
well after the initial period of euphoria is over.
The only way to resolve this is to move on and it's comparatively easy to move
on(divorce) in love marriages.
It's very dicult to get a divorce in arrange marriages because the selsh parents and
family members are too concerned about what Sharmaji will think of them.
603ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJan7,2015
I come from a upper middle class family that prides itself on traditional values. But
my parents are highly educated (dad went to the best institutes in the country and his
batchmates are the who's who of the corporate world) and very open with me and my
sister. My best memories of childhood are hours spent together in our room talking
late into the night about personal family history, politics, abstract concepts and
anything under the sun. We were told about everything from our nancial status(how
much my dad earned, where money was invested etc) to personal details (I know how
me and my sister were conceived, what sort of contraception they used, what their
rst night was like). I have never changed channels when actors kiss or have sex ( I
watched Titanic with my parents when I was less than 10) and have watched sitcoms
like Will & grace and discussed homosexuality with my parents when we were
teenagers. We were supported in everything we did, from major things like career
choices to smaller ones like how to dress etc.
BUT it was understood that we would have to have arranged marriages and marrying
outside the caste would not be acceptable. Till the time I was in college, I accepted
this and thought of it as a small price to pay for the awesome parents I had. As a way
of ensuring I would not resent my parents for this, I subconsciously decided not to get
attached/involved with anyone so I could tell myself that even if I wanted, I didn't
really know anyone I would want to marry against my parents wishes.
Then I went to one of the top MBA colleges in the country (rst girl in my family
allowed to stay at a hostel for studies - against the advice of relatives who said it was a
bad idea and I might run away with a guy and bring disrepute to the family etc) and
met some wonderful people from all walks of life. I then got attached to a guy who
already had a gf outside the college, in another city. So there was no future for the
relationship (possibly, again subconsciously trying to avoid marrying against my
parents' wishes) and he didn't physically cheat on his gf but we were emotionally
close. This person was the opposite of my dad in terms of personality (my mother
complained my dad was not emotional enough and too rational and I thought maybe
the opposite was better) and by the end of my MBA I knew FOR SURE I did not want
an overly attached, possessive husband/bf.
Once I started working in a new city, I had a few short relationships not entirely out of
choice(everything would be going ne until the time to make a commitment came
and then the guys seemed to bail). I don't like the whole "if you give the milk for free,
no one is going to buy the cow" strategy since I nd the concept of trading sex for
commitment distasteful. I hoped that eventually the commitment would come
voluntarily. But it never did and I had to move on. Then I met what I thought would
be my ideal partner. Highly intelligent and creative and someone I had great
conversations with. But we were from very dierent backgrounds and though we
found our dierences interesting, it was hard to relate to the other person's
upbringing/culture. We were together for around a year and at that juncture we went
our separate ways because he felt he still had wild oats to sow (he went to IIT and was
a geek with minimal interaction with girls until just a year before we met).
What I realised at this point was what I wanted in a spouse in terms of personality and
character and there were a few guys matching that but they were all around my age
and did not want to commit until they had no other choice. I understood that the
clichs about men and commitment were not without reason. I knew that meeting the
right person at the wrong time is heartbreaking but there was no use ghting to try to
change the ending. So I was faced with the dilemma of how to nd a person in that
stage of their life that they are feel they are ready to make a long term commitment to
a person voluntarily. I was not getting what I wanted in casual relationships and I
wanted to commit to one person and build a life with them.
Around this time, my parents wanted to start looking for a guy in the arranged
marriage way. Initially, I wasn't sure but I warmed up to the idea because I was now
faced with men who felt they were ready for marriage (it's easy to gure out the ones
forced by parents in the very rst conversation) and it wasn't the traditional arranged
marriage. My parents would do some ltering on their end (I didn't have the time to
trawl through awful, grammatically incorrect proles from supposedly educated men
that made me want to throw up) and then I would talk/meet the guys without my
parents presence. They promised they would never rush me into anything and would
respect my decision to reject someone after talking to them (there was this one guy
who had an inheritance of 100 Crs and all my relatives were urging my parents to
accept but I found the guy incredibly dumb and boring). I was upfront with the guys I
was meeting - I told them about drinking alcohol, eating beef and pork (our
community is strictly vegetarian), smoking weed and my past relationships. I was
looking for someone broad-minded, non-judgemental and knew what was really
important (hint: it's not whether a person drinks or is a virgin).I thought of it like
normal dating and didn't see the need to project a false picture of who I was. There
were some hygiene factors like being educated and intelligent (for lack of any other
measure to lter 1000's of proles, my parents had to use proxy variables like the
college a person attended though we are aware that it's not a true indicator) but I had
no qualms about marrying someone earning less than I was, shorter than me or not
considered traditionally handsome.
After a year or more of this, I started talking to a person who I found interesting and
the important things matched to a T (attitude towards women, priorities in life,
approach to life etc) though there were things I wasn't excited about - like having to
move to the US because he worked there and my parents were not too happy about his
"family background". But after spending some time (drinking, smoking up and
sleeping together among other things), we decided to tell our parents we wanted to
get married. My parents took some convincing but they eventually came around
because I was so sure. And we are getting married soon, all within 8 months of rst
talking to each together.
Now I don't know if this qualies as an arranged marriage (same caste and found him
on an online matrimonial prole) or a love marriage (I chose him for who he was and
we did what any normal dating couple would do, only in a shorter span of time). But I
know that I found someone who was at the same stage in life as me, had similar
priorities and who I nd interesting and fun to be with. I just didn't want to reverse
discriminate against him for being the same caste as me.
Now that I have given some subjective information, it's time for some objective
analysis. As some answers have already pointed out, I also believe that the success or
failure (in terms of happiness, not staying married/divorce) of a marriage is not purely
a function of whether it was an arranged or love marriage. The mindset of the people
getting married, their willingness to make adjustments and sacrices and their
expectations from the marriage have more impact than the manner in which the two
people came together.
Still, if a correlation needs to be derived, the top 2 things that help make an arranged
marriage successful are
1. Expectations of the couple are not too onerous or unrealistic - they accept that
several sacrices have to be made, which they don't even know about as they start out
2. Support from both families and perhaps a similar upbringing/environment/culture
etc (often, not always - as compared to love marriages) which necessitates
adjustments mainly in personal tastes
These are denitely not prerequisites to a successful marriage but might reduce
potential conict areas.
On the other hand, the top 2 things that help make a love marriage successful are
1. The couple know each other almost as well as they know themselves, hence already
know what they will be facing
2. Shared/complementary goals and supporting each other in their individual goals
(it's not absent in arranged marriages but it's harder if you have o eat ideas,
deviating from the norm) and adjustments are mainly with families.
There will always be exceptions to the rule and the opposite might be true in some
cases and several other factors and life events may dictate the course that life and the
marriage takes.
PritishSai
WrittenApr17,2015
I think the practice of arranged marriages is something that should not exist in
society. We're brought up in an environment where boys and girls are made to stay
away from each other when it comes to intimacy and this so-called society which
houses the second largest population in the world makes pre-marital sex and live in
relationships seem like taboo. Talk about hypocrisy at its peak.
Arranged marriages are more like business contracts than love or infatuation. If it
works out for both parties, I'm totally cool with it, but its the principle that pisses me
o. Women who have career ambitions and dreams of success and travel are pushed
into a life of domestication. Who cares if you're single and 30 ? You have the rest of
your life to nd the right person no matter what your age is. The environment is
hostile to couples who le for divorce because 'status' is more important than their
happiness.
Then there's the venomous belief system of castception (let the hate comments
commence) where castes, sub-castes, sub-sub-castes...etc that sneaks its ugly head
into people's lives.
602ViewsViewUpvotes
PurvaMehta,Waitingforthatsomeone
WrittenOct19,2013
Are you concern with low rate of divorce or you want to know about Indian arrange
marriage system?
Here in India people know how to adjust themselves and understand each other in a
relationship. And basic thing in any relationship whether its of husband-wife or
mother-daughter or any other ,one need is understanding and willingness to adjust.
Its always portrait negatively that a girl or boy is forced in a marriage. Its true that
there's still a part of India where it is forced but in modern India, young people know
what they want and their families respect there freedom. And where divorce is
concern even after knowing a person and being in love with them people do take
divorce just because now they don't have that spark in there relationship.Whether
Love marriage or arrange marriage it depends upon how the person in marriage see
their own freedom other's freedom, are they ready to adjust or sacrice for each other
or not. If they just think of themselves and want the other person to adjust then its
surely gonna result in divorce.
Its true that here people don't see divorce in positive way but now in today's scenario
young Indians are very OK with this concept. So if someone feels there marriage is not
working they opt out of it whether its love or arrange now it doesn't matter. And love
can happen anytime,the moment you see the person your family have choose for
you,you can feel that he/she is the person you were waiting for.
Love can happen in icks of second or can take whole life to happen. Every person
who is special to you today was a stranger to you some while ago.
And our culture do make us little Orthodox in this matter but even gives us freedom
to know the person and then go for marriage and also now they give us freedom to get
out of a trouble marriage.
In India one just don't live alone they live in a family together and so they know how
to handle a relationship. Its not they don't have an option its about their choice.
Now everyone is nancially self sucient so they don't fear to opt out of marriage but
they at least try one time to bring it back to a right track and so here divorces rate are
low.
RoopaliMhatre,arrangedmarried
WrittenMar30,2015
I am arranged married for the past 3yrs and i know it is working. My whole family was
arranged married, my uncles, aunts, cousins, mom dad, grand mom dad.
What I think is why arranged marriages work is because you enter the marriage with
an open mind and low expectations as opposed to when you marry after falling in
love.
In a love marriage, you already have had your honeymoon period and are now
entering a very dicult institution with very high and many times unreasonable
expectations from each other. You get married with rose tinted glasses over your eyes
of a happily ever after without knowing the harsh realities of life.
While, in an arranged marriage, you are unaware of how the person really is and are
more open to understanding and adjusting to the opposite person. All this happens in
a very real setting where you are not really trying to impress each other by acting in a
way you are not and also trying to run a household.
Eg when you are in love, you don't have to pay house emi's that you bought together
or save up for hospital costs for an upcoming pregnancy/child, you just splurge all
that money on necessary gifts for each other and trips together. You think it'll all be
same after marriage and somehow life will be even more rosy after marriage. So when
these realities pop up after marriage and all your money is spent in ration and all your
energy is spent in working extra hours at the oce to sustain all these costs, you feel
cheated. By whom? You dont know! Its nobody's fault. You just had the wrong
expectations. You are dissatised and unhappy and long for those carefree old pre
marriage days and declare that the love is "over" and its " not working anymore" and
get a divorce.
In an arranged marriage, you have a rough start. There is the courtship period where
the wife will make extra eort to look nice for the husband and the husband will bring
owers or chocolates for the wife but all this will be after the electricity bills are paid
and the kitchen is cleaned. You slowly discover what a hardworking and lovely person
the other is because you entered the relation with an open mind about the other. Love
slowly blossoms and every ensuing issue only makes it stronger.
This is why arranged marriages last!
Please visit The Great Indian Bahu
IpshitaChakraborty,lookingforwhatmatters
WrittenMar19,2014
The answer to that question lies in our perception of what marriage is and what we
expect from it. It is ironic that we still choose to distinguish in 'types of marriage' by
referring to them as 'love' or 'arranged' as if the two must necessarily be mutually
exclusive--no love in arrangement and vice versa. I think that is the perception that
rst needs to change. Love, the lasting kind, is not developed by emulating movies
and pop culture but due to connection and commitment on the part of the
individuals involved. Finding a connection is like nding those people in the crowd
with whom you feel your truest self and when we single out one from among that
group, there is the likelihood of 'love'. In arranged marriages by mutual consent that
are also happening in India today, in addition to the forced arranged marriages, that
crowd is made available to the person by using various resources and he/she still has
the task of singling out a person with whom you can nd your true self. What may be
the issue here is what we want in the people we interact with or sometimes, whether
we even know what we actually want. A list of degrees may be important for someone
while it may not matter to some. You have to understand rst what is important to
you to nd it in the other person. If you are looking for connection, criteria-matching
is not the answer. Love is a verb, denitely, but that verb is preceded by the noun
called initial spark/chemistry. If that does not exist in the rst place, the kind of love
that you are looking for will never develop. However, that does not always reect on
the quality of marriage as that kind of love may not be in the list of essentials for
someone!
Marriage is thus, a very complex issue that cannot really be analyzed in a convergent
manner. But one thing is real and that is the amount of fraud happening in marriages
in India, particularly arranged marriages. True, a number of those are forced
arranged marriages where there is no opportunity to know the other person or state
your likes/dislikes. But that is not the entire spectrum--many arranged marriages by
mutual consent are also strife with stories of abuse, sexual issues and familial torture.
In marriages where the partners have known each other for years before deciding to
tie the knot, these things can still happen but the probability is much lower, given the
amount of time they have spent together. What is missing now in arranged marriages
is transparency which is absolutely valid as this is a question of spending your life
with another person. Background checks, medical tests etc. should not only be
recommended in such cases, they should be made mandatory. The questions of social
stigma do not arise here as it is better to be pragmatic than sorry later.
Lastly, divorce statistics are not the unbiased criteria for determining 'which'
marriage works more. Many arranged marriages remain unbroken despite being far
from happy due to the social stigma attached to it and the fact that restitution for
single mothers after divorce is still not a viable option in the country. The laws exist
but their proper implementation remains to be seen. So yes, divorce rates cannot be
the statistic of choice. What should be measured is the quality of the marriage and the
metrics for this should be carefully decided by expert psychometric analysts. Only
then will we be able to nd the truth behind the myth of what lasts in India.
878ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
UpdatedDec10
We had been married for 2 years. I met my wife through my father's friend. Things
clicked, and we got married. Had a good honeymoon, went to Kashmir, talked a lot
and tried to understand each other.
Afterwards, I had to leave my wife at home since I was preparing for UPSC exams. We
were clear that I would not be able to concentrate on my studies if we lived together.
So I came to Delhi and started preparing.
We used to talk almost an hour daily, which shortened to a quarter, when exams were
close. Sometimes had a ght, sometimes missed each other. She would visit me in
Delhi for 2-3 days every alternate month.
I could not clear mains in 2 straight attempts. That was making me a bit frustrated.
And despite my intention not to do so, this frustration would come out on my wife. I
got annoyed at small things and would hang up the call. She would keep calling and I
won't pick up.
Later, i would realize my mistake, but being a chauvinistic male, I had my

reservations in apologising to my wife. I would just pacify her and tell her that it was
just the heat of moment, which made me ght with her. She would take some time,
but eventually become normal.
Then, after mains were over, I went back to my hometown. One day we visited my in-
laws house. We had lunch, talked in the afternoon, and started back in the evening. It
was republic day weekend and highways were busy, as people were returning back
from their hometown to Delhi. I decided to take a short detour to avoid the trac.
After driving for about a mile, my wife suddenly asked me to stop at a small place. It
was a pir( I am a hindu, so don't know exactly but I think it is a grave of muslim
saints). Usually, I dont like to stop while driving, except when forced to, but I didn't
argue with her. We stopped. She asked me to come, but I am not particularly religious,
so i asked her to go alone.
After a while, she came back for her purse for making some oering. She asked me for
a 10 Rupee note as she did not have change. I looked into my purse, but i also was
having larger denomination note. So, I asked her to just leave it. We will give it later. I
again started driving.
Me-"Anything special about this one?"
Her-"Nah. Nothing really."
Me- "Usually you don't ask me to stop abruptly."
Her-"Yeah. Maine mannat maangi thi."(i had wished for something.)
Me-"At this remote pir?"
Her-"Our college bus used to pass this place everyday."
Me-"Ok. Fair enough. What was the wish?"
Her-"The day you came to see me, next day when our bus passed here, Maine pir se
mannat maangi thi ki(please get me married to this boy.)
My heart skipped a beat. I was dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. I was happy. I
was elated. I was overjoyed. I was overwhelmed. This girl wanted me so bad just after
one meeting. Was i that good? I swear I understood that day that when they show
people crying in movies when they hear some good news, it's not a lie. But being a
chauvinist, I could not have tears in my eyes in front of my wife.
So, i slammed on brakes. Made a U-turn. Went to the pir.
This time, I went to the pir with her. We oered a chadar and gave a 1000 rupee note.
There were 3 beggars outside. I gave 100 rupee each. That is all I was carrying that
day.
Since then, I have redoubled my eorts in my studies. We have fought a couple of

times maybe, but I never hang up and I never miss her calls.
She has never asked me anything about that day. But I think she understood. More
importantly, I understood how much I loved her.
Edit: Thanks for the overwhelming response. I am happy that I could touch so many
of you.
Why anonymous? Because She will know(my true feelings) and things will change. I
dont want her to overthink :)
Smriti,Chemist,Artist,andwriter
WrittenSep6
My parents had an arranged marriage. My parents never met before tying the
knot.
Any relationship grows strong only when both the parties love each other.
In my parent's case, they have completed 27 years of togetherness and still love and
care for each other. My mom's father passed away when she was in college and their
family had a nancial crunch. My mom was the youngest of 5 siblings and no one had
thought about her marriage yet when the proposal came.
My dad's family came to know of my mother from a mutual friend and visited my
maternal grandmother one Sunday. They liked my mom and in the next week the
marriage was xed.
My dad worked in Chennai and my mom lived in West Bengal. They saw each other
for the rst time during the ceremony.
They might not have fallen in love before tying the knot but their love is eternal. Love
can happen even after marriage. There are cases where people cling to each other just
because they have to but I have seen so many couples who fell in love after marriage.
Their relationship is very strong.
My parents understand each other so well. There are ghts sometimes and they don't
converse for a few days but they patch up. The best part is that they ght for each
others well fare.
My mom gets angry when dad eats sweets (he is a diabetic) and scolds him. My dads
anger has no bounds when mom doesn't take her medicines(she has osteoporosis).
You see how much they care for each other! They are the best couple in my eyes.
Maybe that's explains why divorce rates are less in the case of arranged marriages.
RishupreetOberoi,isheretolearnandshare
UpdatedOct16,2013
Anjishnu Kumar - You totally nailed it.
Its weird how people compare love marriages of today with arranged marriages of
yesterday. I think the right comparison would be - arranged marriages of yesterday
with arranged marriages of today - which are more like kickstarters for dating. After
that point, you are independent. If you happen to be from a family where freedom is
valued, no one pokes you for months or even years (if you have met someone like-
minded). One can turn the negatives into positives and no one stops you from dating
for years in this scenario. In the end, if two people are really happy with each other, I
don't see why shedding tears would be important? Why would someone want to miss
that? Ultimately, if two people work together in a marriage - success is achieved. Who
cares how they met? how long they dated? Did they cry enough in love or not? In
India, when two people are in a relationship - marriage is not a"question" or
something that a guy has to "propose"! It really is an assumption. Couples start
discussing prospects of marriage and how they can make it happen very soon in a
relationship.
People generally choose a biased data-set - in this case, those "arranged marriages"
that are more like forced companionship and seem too scary to be in, neglecting the
good examples completely. For our generation, a true comparison would be between a
marriage that you want to do and a marriage that you are not willing to do. Categories
so binary in nature do not hold true for a topic so subjective, things have evolved.
Giving too much importance to the route can mean missed opportunities to meet
someone you might really like and love the idea of having a life together. When you
accidentally meet someone and fall in love, it makes a beautiful story. How you stayed
together in love becomes a dierent topic altogether - true for "both kinds of
marriages".
In the end, "how did you two meet?" is not the question. "how did you two stay
together?" might be the right question to ask. Coming together and keeping together
can be a great beginning, a good progress and a sweet story. But, how well you worked
together in a marriage is what makes it a success.
Doing a love marriage in reaction to being against arranged marriage, basically for the
heck of it, even if its not good for you is the same as doing an arranged marriage
without knowing a person completely. Doing a love marriage and living the rest of
your life in pure bliss is as good as doing an arranged to the right person and living
beautifully together. Have respect for all relationships that are ourishing.
MikeCounts
WrittenFeb1,2015
Too much is made of a certain question- do arranged marriages generally lead to

something that works, avoiding divorce and hopefully leaving you with a basically
happy family? There is another issue that deserves as much consideration, if not
more.
The issue is the involvement of the parents and what they bring to the table. There is a
giant problem with that, and hardly anyone talks about it. Yes, these parents care very
much for their children and do a lot of work to nd someone suitable. Unfortunately,
they also bring some very ugly racism to the table and make that an integral part of
the mate-nding process. The youngest generation needs to be better than past
generations, and that generation needs to have the chance to decide to pick a partner
without discriminating on the basis of skin tone.
If you don't believe me, go look at the ads that are out there. Look for those ads,
especially, that are put up by parents of Indian men/boys seeking a young Indian
bride. With scarcely any exception, it will start the description of what they're looking
for with "light skinned," "must be fair," "must have fair skin," "light skin preferred,"
etc.
I understand that light skin is more highly valued as a result of larger, more systemic
racist tendencies in the Indian society at large. But I believe that can change, and it
depends on the younger generation being able to decide for themselves that they
won't be racist and care so much about skin tone. Go ahead, look at these ads and tell
me if you honestly believe the older generation is anywhere close to getting less
racist, because to me it looks like they're making some incredibly racist and skin-
tone-motivated inquiries while their children are living the rest of their lives with the
results of that racist mentality.
Multi-generational racism is a really big thing here, and it deserves to be a part of the
discussion. Right at the top of the list, as a matter of fact.
TahirKhawaja,EgoIsTheRootOfAllGoodAndEvil
WrittenOct10,2012
random comment: Too many rose coloured glasses on both sides. Arranged
marriages end up choosing a mate from a similar socio-economic group. "Love"
marriages, the vast majority of times, end up choosing a mate from a similar socio-
economic group. From an anthropological viewpoint you can not judge a system with
an external set of values.
i like india: India is a microcosm of the world. Every possible social, political,
religious situation you can imagine, you can nd somewhere in India. Male
dominant (majority), female dominant, one husband to many wives, one wife to
many husbands, and it goes on and on.
In the vast majority of situations arranged marriages "work" because the submissive
side has been raised with a certain set of values and expectations. Most families they
see around them operate in a similar fashion. There is an over abundance of social
pressure to perform your role. And a great deal of stigma attached to divorce. When
your social network = your support network in tough times, you have no choice but to
pay attention to them.
RajathPai,Knowsabit,butonlybyobserving.Noexperience:|
WrittenApr30,2015
Araanged marriages always work , in countries where Sex is taboo .

we are a very orthodox country , and hence it is always the fact that people rarely have
chosen their partners after exhaustively going through processes of dating and
relationships. A clear look shows you that people here live through most of their life
in following their parent's wishes , and hence they never choose a partner .they are
busy with studies , career and in the middle of all this , the parents suggest a life
patrner , that they take along the journey .
this being said , it's a sort of compromise for both parties , they've to learn to live with
each other , as life companions . sometimes , they are very inclined to make the
marriage work , more than some love marriages .and that is due to the orthodox
culture that has been enclosed and enforced by our society . many people of my
generation are from arranged marriages , and hence they've always worked .nowadays
, there are ore inclinations to see the girl/boy and get acquainted and what not . But ,
to answer your question , YES , arranged marriages do work , especially in india.
627ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenDec24,2014
I would say this question should have been asked Do arrange marriages of today
really work compared to the arrange marriages of past?
Here is what i feel....
I am 27 years old and married to a man whom i loved and liked for last 4 years.
He belongs to a Brahmin family and i am orthodox Christian. Born and bought up
with all the values of a proper strict christian family inherits. Fighting all the odds, we
got married 2 years back with great diculty.
Earlier similar to his family oppose even my father and mother rejected the very
thought that their daughter is marrying some one who is non- christian and does not
belong to their community or belief. It was rather not too dicult for me to convince
them compared to that what my husband did. [He is still convincing his family
members that his decision is not wrong to marry me] Whereas my parents and largely
my relatives and community people accepted my husband with great respect.
The only reason i am writing also this is the only sentence i used to get my parents
agreed what i was doing.
The night when i disclosed my four year long relationship with a guy whom i am
willing to marry created a tense environment. My father and mother argued , cried
and requested me to change my decision. And even i agreed. But with one
clarication...
My parents are married for 31 years. right from the age my brother and i were able to
understand we have seen, noticed and witnessed the horror of marriage. My father
was forced to marry my mother as he was desperately in love with some woman who
belonged to family with no good background. My father being an only son inherited
my grandfather's richness, wealth and name. This obviously drew many people's
attention. Many middle class people longed that my dad should marry their
daughters. My grandma knew the motive behind this and forced my dad to marry my
mom by giving him promises over Bible. He agreed. But what followed later was
horrifying. My mom re-calls the incident the day she met my father. They hardly
spoke and had to answer immediately in yes or no. She tells dad dint even look at her
and said to his mom[my grandma] If you liked the girl i am willing to marry her. they
got married and started to live together. My father inspite being married was in touch
with that woman and this eventually was discovered by my mother. Then there were
ghts and beating followed by the blame game from both the sides.
After a period of 1 year my parents welcomed my elder brother. But still the ghts
never declined. My mom protested, fought for her rights but all went in vain. Every
time she fought she was defeated. She then approached her parents. But being the
eldest daughter she was asked to take care of her own problems as she was not alone
now, and her decision of going back home will aect the future of her siblings. Then
my mom blamed hard my father's parents for hiding such a big thing from her before
marriage. They cried , pleaded to forgive her and said they thought with you he would
forget that girl [ i still don't know what kind of theory my grandma was believing] But
that never happened. Things were trying to fall on places and my parents had me. My
grandparents were happy with the 2 lovely grandchildren. Even my father seemed to
dierent. My mom was happy that her long ght had got her life back on tracks. But
this dint last long.
The lady whom my father had aair returned to the same town where we stayed. She
was married soon after my brother's birth and she left her husband in a year or 2 and
came back. With her presence in city started the unrest in my mom's life all over
again.
My brother and I grew up watching them ght and scream. Blaming each other and
proving how they were wrong in staying together. With all these they totally forgot
that they had 2 kids whom they have to look after. We were really blessed with good
grandparents who rather were our actual parents. They cared for us, loved us and
nurtured us. We grew up watching them hate each other. I never noticed that they
ever said anything about divorce. My mom from time to time threatened us all that
she would commit suicide but never spoke about divorce. Neither did my father. Our
grandparents never left us alone after 1 or 2 situations when they noticed that my
parents never cared for us. I had even heard my father say because of my brother and
I he was tied up in the unwilling responsibility. They dint bother whether we went to
school or no, what we studied and what we were doing. This lady left the city after 15
years. And we are still facing the after math of their relations.
My grandparents cared for us as the act of asking forgiveness to my mom by looking
after us and making us people who we are today.
After witnessing all this i asked my parents only 1 question. I have seen you 2 ghting
all your life even today when i am disclosing my life's decision you tend to argue on it,
will i be happy if i marry a person whom i don't know or live happily with the man
whom i love and know?
They were speechless and understood what i had to say. They did agree for my
marriage but they still ght from time to time.
I am not saying that arrange marriages do not work but witnessing the horror of an
arrange marriage i can't make myself believe this.
My mother never tried or i was not aware if she tried for divorce but i am sure she was
not allowed to do so. Both my mom and dad are afraid of society but become purely
shameless while ghting.
To sum up with my father and mother are well educated and dignied people in our
society. Its nothing to do with illiteracy or ignorance about how one should ght for
their rights. Its all about forgiveness and walking ahead accepting the facts. They will
complete 32 years of their"marriage" next month. And from the time since i have
understood never wished them on this day. Because they never lived like i should be
happy to wish them.
I know my answer would not have the actual answer to the question asked but i would
like to use this platform to say that no culture in the world can make 2 people fall in
love purposely...
I have opted to be anonymous as I don't want my brother to feel ashamed of this
answer as he still carries my fathers name....
All it gives is pain and scars which can never be healed or forgotten....
SivakumarThulasimani,exploringselfanduniverse
WrittenApr11,2014
well let me give you a dierent perspective, on marriages in India.
Once married the priority is for the family over individual which is not the same
in many western countries.
what do i mean by that ?

our culture is family based where the family is the priority over individual. There are
good and bad side eects because of this central priority. Arranged marriage is part of
this. though good or bad is upto the individual.
being from a small town( for that matter any place in India ) i have seen more
arranged marriages that worked than failed (though failed cases are not zero). I can
attribute this again to the priority of family over individual.
it is not just two individuals that are linked once they are married, the two families
are linked and they help them work out any sort of problems( from nancial to
personal) or force them when required ( hey everything happens ;) ) again to help the
marriage work which i feel is not the case in most of the western countries where
individual decides based on his/her own.
I can keep giving examples but in the end relationship failures happen always and i
am sure many would have experienced it before marriage as well (these days), the
thing arranged marriage has is an extra glue in the form of familial support that helps
such relationships work.
772ViewsViewUpvotes
JayantDalmia,Iliketoknow
WrittenMay30,2013
Bride elopes with boyfriend, groom marries her sister - The Times of India
Arranged marriage has a lot of unwritten rules. The above article talks about an
arranged marriage gone wrong.
1kViewsViewUpvotes
RitwikBisaria,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenSep2
The changing Marriage dynamics and Indian Laws around it are making marriages a
dangerous proposition, either as Arranged Marriages or as Love Marriages.
In India, though comfortably called Patriarchal, the Legal world makes Marriage very
very dangerous for Men. Many may not agree this but this blog may help you
understand the reason, WHY (Death Trap - MATRIX )
If you pull out the data from NCRB, Police Statistics, you would be surprised to nd
that almost 2025% of marriages that happen in India every year, end up into
Litigation. Another clear evidence of the danger that Marriage poses for an Indian
male can be found by direct date of Husband vs Wife Suicides in India. For last 2025
years (since the data is available), Husband suicide in India is more than 2 times to
that of wives. Many may dispute this fact saying that it is not because of a bad
marriage, but the reality is that the biggest reason for suicides of Married Men and
Women is FAMILY DISPUTE and hence, those who wish to say that it is because of
professional/nancial pressures, must know that Financial issues is a separate reason
and ranks 3rd in line of reasons. Family Disputes is by far the top most.
Some may even wish to throw up data of Dowry death and claim that Women are
burnt for Dowry. But before we make emotional decisions, lets get few facts right.
Firstly, the Law itself. The Law of Dowry Death in India (IPC 304B) states that
Unnatural death of a women, within 7 years of marriage is ASSUMED to be Dowry
Death. Which means that a death in a Road Accident, within 7 years of marriage may
be considered as Dowry Death. Secondly, of every 100 cases led under Dowry Death
in India, only 34 are found to be true at lower court (many decisions based on
assumption as there is an inherent bias in the Evidence Act on this which puts onus
of proving self innocent on the accused when State ghts against the accused along
with the family of the deceased). Death / Murder of any person is not acceptable but
unfortunately, the Law is Silent when the same happens to a Man. Few may also say
that the cases are under-reported, but then, that assumption is valid for any and every
gender. System is mandated to collect data about Crime Against Women but not
mandated about collecting Crime Against Men. Why? Just because there is no law to
protect men.
Infact, India is soon walking towards the path of western countries where Marriage is
becoming more and more disliked looking at the way Law Criminalizes men.
It is dangerous and very bad for the Country which is known for its Family System
globally. We are loosing our Respect in the Global World because of such laws.
India is not a Crime Free Country, but the way there is a Legal Bias against men, India
denitely is positioned as a Crime Against Men Free Country. Free, since it is not
collected as statistics and also Free, since anyone can commit a Crime against Men
and go free.
AbhibanduKafle,Supposedlyanengineer.
WrittenDec29,2014
In countries like India, (and most of south Asian countries) marriage is the relation
between two random people and the only basis to judge your partner is the very rst
look, the physical appearance.
However, once you get married you have no choice. Ironically, they are forced to love
each other only because you can't go back in that decision. I nd very few people
satised about their conjugal relationship.
973ViewsViewUpvotes
DivyashreeShukla,Lovetolaughandspreadhappiness!
WrittenJun21,2014
Any sort of marriage be it arranged or love irrespective of any issues or place only
works when there is long lasting mutual understanding, faith, trust and
unconditional love without any expectation. Do consider positive points before you
get over with any relation that why you held that relationship for so long. In any part
of the world be it any type of marriage , whatever arranged as well as love marriage
both works only on mutual understanding , and faith and most important that one
should be loyal to his/her partner. In Indian tradition and culture , from ages people
were suppose to go for arranged marriages only , so as to live their parents dream of
marrying a girl or boy of their parents choice but now a days this is not much more
considered in today's era as people do go for love marriages and live happily ever
after.
Everything works....!
It only depends on you that how you carry forward any relationship with your
partner. (Be it yours choice or your parents choice).
Enjoy being loved :)
1kViewsViewUpvotes
SridharC,FinancialAnalyst&Consultant
WrittenOct10,2012
I dont think its arranged vs. love, but more about what suits an individual and his/her
family. There can be success and failures in both cases.
Neither is arranged marriage a blind association, nor is love marriage so naive that
people dont consider their background, etc. Its all about how you maintain and
sustain the relationship. If its based on short term or fancy needs its bound to fail, but
if its based on clear understanding, love, aection and sharing of responsibilities and
emotions, its more sustainable. Not everyone gets gets a girl friend, childhood love,
etc.....so you can expect this to happen to everyone. Not everyone can have an
arranged marriage satisfying all the constraints and conditions set up by the family.
Its all about shared understanding and mutual give and take, and if the compatibility
is good it clicks, else it may not go smooth and in extreme cases fail badly.
I'm not sure about the 4% divorce rate statistic. This is increasing in India particularly
in urban areas. Even if we assume 4% to be right - assuming a population of 1 crore it
means about 4 lakh marriages are ending up in divorce. This 4% only talks about
those which successfully had decresss, there are hundreds and thousands of cases
hanging in courts for a decision.....so the western trends are not new in India...its
becoming common here as well.
472ViewsViewUpvotes
ShashankPathak,Robotics,ArtificialIntelligence,ComputerScience,
WalkingalongThames
WrittenAug15,2013
Both love marriage and arranged marriages are predictive decisions. In love marriage,
you interact with person, spend time with him/her and predict how that person
would behave in his/her entire life and whether you could spend you whole life with
such a person. In arranged marriage, this prediction is done via family background
evaluation. Arranged marriages work at family level while love marriage at personal
level. Both can be successful and both can go horribly wrong. However, if the goal of
society is to be more Western, where personal space is much bigger than family space,
love marriage makes more sense. Also inter-caste marriages make more sense in such
scenarios. However, it also comes with cost of easier divorce since divorce too
becomes a personal choice. All in all, its a complex decision. And to paint love
marriage as marrying someone you "know" while arranged as someone you dont
"know" is over-simplistic. People change with time hence both marriages are mere
predictions.
ManiShankar,Asacounselor,experiencedincounselling
parents/couplesonemotionalissues.
WrittenOct2
Let it be love marriage or arranged marriage, to make it successful lies in the hands of
both partners and following points can be borne in mind:
1. Mutual trust, respect, dignity is a must to make the marriage successful.
2. Couples must never impose their views rigidly but be willing to be a good
listener and encourage partner to pursue their ambitions.
3. Couples must never talk ill about each others family members.
4. The lady must be given sucient time to observe & understand husband and
his family members and till then, critical comments on her must be totally
avoided.
5. It would be better if couples go on honey moon after 6 months of marriage.
True love blossoms in this environment and despite the day to day problems that may
keep cropping up, the couple would have learnt how to solve them or keep pending
without disturbing the peace at home.
448ViewsViewUpvotes
ShreyasGhuge
UpdatedJan9,2014
Everyone has really complicated the answer to this question by doling out too much
gyaan.
The idea is simple. In India, arranged marriages work because the society is culturally
structured in such a way that breaking a marriage is a taboo. This makes those
involved work harder towards repairing it if things go wrong.
Same is the case for love marriages as well.
In either cases, these days, because the way society is evolving, the taboo is
dissolving. Because of this, outspokenness has become the norm. Hence instead of
repairing marriages, bickering and arguing ensues which is leading to breaking of
marriages.
'Replacement' is fast replacing (for lack of a better word) 'repairing'.
This holds true for arranged and love marriages. Getting out of a relationship seems
to be an easier (and popular) choice to follow.
Well, it also holds true for our approach these days for material things. Fridge broken,
replace. Toys broken, replace.. and so on..
Where dierence comes at out, is the fact that since love marriages involve the
couple being "communicative" since before they tied the formal knot, this bickering
and arguing begins too early in the marriage. While in arranged marriage, the initial
days are spent in getting to know each other under the cover of the formality that
married within a family structure brings along.
Which is why the impression of arranged marriages lasting.
Its quite simple as that.

Anonymous
WrittenDec29,2014
The main reason for this is COMPROMISE and only compromise(because in Indian
society girls are always taught to compromise)
I have always seen my parents ghting every single day, over every issue. There is no
mutual respect, no bond. They ght infront of everyone, infront of me, insult each
other, blame each other. Not even once they thought about the eects their ghts had
on me.
In short there is NO COMPATIBILITY. My mom compromised on everything(dad's

desire of a boy child, dad's dominance, dad's anger, dad's restrictions).
Sometimes, i feel they only got married to have children.There is denitely NO LOVE.
It is a complete failure. It sustained because my mother compromised on every single
step and I hate it when most of the time it is girl who compromises.
So, in my view Arrange marriage SUCKS.
P.S : Pardon me for my english and this is my personal view :)

886ViewsViewUpvotes
SunderChitturi
WrittenJul31,2013
Seen arranged marriages fail and succeed, same with other side (considering only
Indians). Personally I do not have experience about arranged marriage as mine is not.
But the whole arranged marriage has changed the way it happens now. However I do
have my quibbles and complaints (who doesn't?) . The very fact that like many
mentioned here it is a family managed date, the date is an generation old culturally.
Which just put in plain terms adheres to the caste demon, if someone says caste is not
present in India, think again!
There are some who say marrying via arranged marriage makes parents comfortable,
I would say may be for a short time, but if the marriage is rocky or even the relation
between your spouse and your parents is crappy it just makes lives more miserable.
Why I say this I am a living testimony for that! I live in US and when my Dad was alive
my parents have no problem staying with me (and my wife), but they did have
reservations staying with my own brother who married arranged and yes the whole
modern version of arranged for 6 months... After my dad expired few months back
my mom now lives with us and mine is no arranged marriage and neither is my wife
Indian (so 2 myths busted there).
On the whole Arranged or Love .... it is about your decision and take it.
699ViewsViewUpvotes
AntraSharma,Brokenandfixedagain!
WrittenJul31,2015
This answer has 2 sides : 2 very clichd ones !

Arranged marriage is a concept in the society which according to some holds the
sanctity of the bond of marriage. I have seen numerous arranged marriages work
wonderfully through the years. The simple reason is - they did not nitpick aws in
each other. They accepted the other person with all the baggage, created a family and
eventually a wonderful household. It is about not judging the other person for his
mistakes.
The ip side: love marriages as we call them these days. We have our relationships
these days and some may culminate into marriage .In such a setting we know the
other person for way too long to make any assumptions. We are sure of what we are
going to do. However don't love marriages ever end with disastrous results?
The simple truth is- it is not about knowing a person as a friend or a boyfriend before
marriage, it is about the trust and faith u impose in someone and are prepared to ght
the world with that one person but never against him :)
P.S. Always stay in love !
Anonymous
WrittenSep17,2013
After seeing all people go mad over this question and voting answers like crazy, I
nally could not control my own urge to answer this question.
I come from a pretty much divorce-trodden family. Not that I am ashamed of this fact,
just that I know in my family.... a person's happiness is given more importance than
social stigma. I know I will never be forced to "adjust" with my husband just for the
fear of the taboo associated with divorced women. So I guess I can bring in a dierent
view here.
Talking about marriages, I have seen people fall in love.... get married... and yet go
abusing each other after a month. And again, I have seen people getting married to
someone who they have no idea about and yet go mad worrying if the other person
has had their dinner/lunch properly even 25 years down the lane.
So I guess it all boils down to this that - the question is not about if you are having an
arrange or a love marriage.... it's about whom you are marrying and how much are
you ready for that other person in your life.
I agree that the chances of you landing up with a wrong person in case of an arrange
marriage is more. But everything has it's own pros and cons. You can never
experience the anxiety of vowing to spend the rest of your life with a person who is a
complete surprise for you, of "discovering" him/her and then accept him/her the way
he/she is.
And please note I am not saying that love marriages are boring. There is always
someone perfect for everyone. Not necessary that it always have to be your parents
who nd him/her. If you happen to come across him/her.... don't miss him ;)
Anonymous
WrittenNov20,2014
1. Its a self enforcing circle...[in some cases]
A girl and boy get married. After marriage... by the time they get to know whether
they get along or not, they are parents. [Time between engagement and marriage is
spent impressing each other over coees/dinners/lunches rather than actually
digging deeper to know the person].
Once they become parents...there's lot of societal pressure to "make the marriage
work" for the sake of children.
Often married couples think of all the sacrices, their parents have done, 'so why they
cant adjust for the sake of their children?' mindset prevails.
Its usually the wife that adjusts massively to a demanding husband [and in-laws] for
the sake of her children.
2. In rural India [thats where most of indian populace lives] its worse because women
are housewives and are not earning.
Their 'Where to go? and what to do' are never answered ...
'Adjust" is the buzzword. That's "what I am doing" or "thats what I did" or "thats what
my mother/ friend did", or 'Men are like this only, don't worry things will improve' is
the usual answer of all the females in their vicinity.
Its a "Man's world" in all its ugliness in India.

582ViewsViewUpvotes
NitinD'Souza,ProjectEngineer
WrittenJan2,2014
Wow! The top 5 answers are pro-love marriage and anti-arranged marriages. OK,
going against the ow. Answering the real question -
Do arranged marriages in India really work?
The answer to that is sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. It just depends on the
couple getting married, their thoughts, their desire to make it work, their inclination
to accept the imperfections in the other person. (Yes, there is no perfect person in this
world - everyone has weaknesses. You just have to work around them.)
Now just to answer another question. And a point for us to ponder on before bashing
arranged marriage.
Do love marriages in India really work?
PS. I would give the same answer as I have given above.
VishalKale,GoodBye,QuoraModeration
UpdatedMay29,2013
Marriage in India is typically not an individual decision; it is a family decision. The

relationship is between 2 families, which is why the divorce rates are so low in India.
Fights do occur; but you have a support system to fall back on that serves to pull in
relatives in times of distress. I have seen a few cases where marriages were saved by
relatives
The reason it works so well is that the families are most likely known to each other,
which ensures initial trust. This also ensures that there is a similarity in culture,
which minimises conict after marriage. Either that, or the 2 families are known to
each other. In either case, there is a safety net.
An aside: I have seen love marriages - more than one - in my family too, and to be very
frank I could not tell the dierence! The only thing that was dierent was the the girl
and boy introduced each others' parents. In arranged marriages, it is the other way
around!!!!! Rest all was the same: family getting together for all - repeat ALL - decisions,
support systems etc What love marriage????
As regards it being a de-growing trend, rest easy. It isnt. Not by a long shot. Till date I
have attended only a few love marriages, rest all have been arranged marriages. The
concept is not likely to die out in India given the cultural realities. Besides, even in
love marrages, the couple ask for permission from parents... or wait till the parents
approve. I have seen 2 such cases in close quarters. As I said, what love marriage? In
India, you will not be able to dierentiate until you ask the couple!!!!!!!!! Frequently,
the girl or boy indicates to parents, or elder siblings their choice: sometimes, the so-
called lovers haven't even spoken to each other! Thereafter, the family takes complete
charge.... and I mean complete!
The reason: the importance given to familial ties, and the respect- bordering on
reverence - for elders. Until that erodes, no chance of arranged marriages dying out!
EDIT:
It is by no means a given that arranged marriages happen within the same sub-
culture. In modern India, there is an increasing trend of even arranged marriages
between cultures. 2 arranged marriages in my family were into dierent cultures!
They happened because the parents knew each other.
GnithiKunje,CitizenofIndia
WrittenAug14,2015
Arranged marriage is like resetting yourself to the phase where you know whom you
are going to love, have the license of experimenting with greater freedom and yet
come through successfully.
Arranged marriage go through dierent colorful phases. Couples take time getting
acquainted with themselves and their tastes, all the while when the ticket to the
higher levels of romance (viz. love-making) are possible. Which means that they have
the license to go up to higher levels (to enjoy the luxuries of that level) and then again
come back to lower levels of familiarity (taking pleasure in uncovering the unknown
layers and discovering each other as friends). Add to this the comfort of elders and
relatives of both families, you've got a near-perfect, secured arrangement of things
that could otherwise have brought in stressful friction and breakdowns.
All things good, arranged marriages blossom beautifully and often remain vibrant,
just as it is possible in love marriages. The dynamics are dierent but certainly not
disruptive.
2kViewsViewUpvotes
HimanshuRajput,:)
WrittenNov13
Yes for my dad and mom it worked and even better than a love marriage.
My dad an IRS ocer working in income tax. My mom PG in Hindi now a

homemaker.
Their marriage was set up by thier parents,they did not even see each other until the
day of the marriage when they sat beside each other during the ceremony. My mom
tells us that she always thought that it would not work.
Many incidents have been told by my parents that dene their successful marriage.
One such is..
After few days of marriage my mom was arranging all her certicates of education. At
the time of marriage she only was an undergraduate in Hindi. My dad saw yhe
certicates ,he was amased by her results and asked her that why did she not study
further. She said that by the time she completed the UG she was wed to him, while my
dad had already been commisioned in Tax. Dept.The conversation ended there. Next
night after the dinner my dad asked her for walk. They went, had a sweet ras malai
and while returning he handed her the application form for the PG. My mom was in
tears after such an act. The next day she lled all the forms and they both went to the
college for admissions.
During one of her examinations she was preganant. She had to walk for around 500 m
from the last stop of bus to the college. My dad usually used to send a servant along
with her for her conveniance, he could not go because of his busy schedule. One day
my mom while walking went out of balance and fell lightly on the ground. From next
on day my dad everyday went with her to the college holding hands and her bags. She
also tells that one day she felt a bit nauseous on the way there were no rickshaws
available on that routeso he carried her and took her to college, and if you ask meit
is one of the most romantic things.
There are many more such incidents that justify that arranged marriage work in
India.
They have been happily together for more than 27 years , my age in 20 and in my
memory I dont remember any sort of ght that ever happened btw them. Beleive
me. My mom scolds my dad on everything from table manners to slipper
placements And my dad just stands there with his head down.
PoonguzhaliArularasu,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
UpdatedDec21
As a teenage girl, I always used to ask the same question to myself. Still, I remember
thinking to myself that Western Countries had the right idea regarding marriages and
relationships. That love marriage is the best way to go. How can a relationship last
without love?
Also, demonstrative display of aection is not prevalent in South India. On top of

that, my dad is the least demonstrative person one could ever know and an introvert.
So there never was any displays of aection by our parents in front of us children. I
even asked my mom once why they are not as intimate a couple as others we know. I
assumed this was because theirs was an arranged marriage.
Now, lets fast forward a few years. I am in college and I see many people entering into
relationships and as easily coming out of them. At the time of graduation, only few
couples have managed to stay together.
I start to understand being in love and staying in love are two dierent things. Loving
a person doesnt always mean everything. Staying in a relationship requires a
dierent sort of commitment, understanding and wisdom. I nally come to the
conclusion that perhaps opting for an arranged marriage might be the best course of
action for me.
Due to circumstances, I have to stay at home after graduation for a period of time.
Thats when I start noticing things I never did before.
One day, when I wear a sari and ask my dad how I look, he tells me that I look exactly
like my mom.. What he didnt say but I could read from his expression is that, I am as
good looking as my mom. He still thinks my mom is beautiful.
Till now, there never has been an instance, where any minor to major decision
concerning our family, was taken without a full discussion with and consent of my
mom. (To be noted that, this is not the norm but the exception in most South Indian
families.) He still respects her decisions.
My mom recently developed aches in joints of her arm and she was advised not to
over-work her arm. Dad, who has never in my living memory gone to shops, started
accompanying my mom in her shopping so that he can help her in carrying the load
of groceries.
I am not saying they didnt have their fair share of troubles and problems in their
relationship. But they stuck on to the commitment they made to each other and made
their marriage work. Yes, they compromised and adjusted. But they achieved a
fullled family as a result. This is why I think arranged marriages in India work.
Our ancestors saw marriage as a system, where all the people in the unit complement
each other and contribute to the society they live in, by bringing out the best in each
other. Whether its an arranged or a love marriage, what makes it work is the mutual
respect, aection, commitment and trust each person has for the other. Its the
amount of work the couple is prepared to put into, in making their marriage work.
I certainly hope that my marriage will reach this level of bonding and commitment,
with me and my husband being an example for our child.
Anonymous
WrittenApr12,2014
Before we plunge into an analysis of the ecacy of arranged marriages, we shall try
understanding how hard it is to nd a compatible match through arranged marriage.
A logical move for an independent & non-conformist guy like you who gives a total of
0 fucks to religion is to nd yourself a compatible girl through the love-marriage
route. However, if youre someone who doesn't want to give any heart-break to your
sexagenarian parents, it ain't that easy, esp when they feel that their only duty left is
to get you married to a girl from the same religion.
Despite being the decision-makerof your family, you can never convince your
parents about marrying a girl from a dierent religion - they may, at best,
begrudgingly agree. Despite a joyously colorful past, you've got no frigging option but
to get yourself registered in matrimonial sites in the hope of nding someone from
your religion to your liking.

Owing to your overall pedigree/prole IIM tag and all you receive a bucket-full of
interests from prospective brides, most of whom dont t your/your parents criteria.
Of the remaining that at least loosely t your criteria, most drop o at various stages
quoting reasons ranging from logical to arbit. And, a lot of tragi-comic events happen
in the process.
On a busy weekday morning, an over enthusiastic prospective father-in-law (pFAIL

henceforth) asks you whether he can meet you at your oce. When you say NO, he
asks you whether youre a permanent employee or a contracted worker? His
reasoning only those who go to oce daily are permanent employees. Seriously ???
'
Since when did MBAs start working as contracted labor a la construction workers?

Another pFAIL asks you whether you have job security and all. To him, software
companies (read TCS & CTS) alone oer stable job & income. He rejects you coz he
wants his daughter married to an IT guy only, not someone in sales, despite the fact
that youre twice as decent looking and thrice as much earning as the IT guy.

A few other pFAILs reject you for your atheism. Another one feels outraged to hear
your NO as he believes his super-auence coupled with his daughter's striking looks
alone are sucient to impress you, or for that matter any other guy on earth.
In the middle of all this, a well-read, intelligent & drop-dead gorgeous girl, looking
at your matrimonial prole pings you on whatsapp, talks to you for a couple of hours
daily for a few weeks, and is so very interested in you, only to inform you later that
her dad doesn't want to marry her o to anyone outside their state.
You dont like a few others who are interested in you. Finally, when youre tempted to
get back to your fun-lled bachelor life, your parents remind you of the need to get
married soon, even if it entails a love marriage. And, it doesnt help when no one
interested in you t your/your parents' criteria. On a lighter note, changing my name
to ______Singh or _______Ebin George may help :D
~TacticalFacePalm
SometimesA RegularFacePalmJustDoesn'tCutIt~
509ViewsViewUpvotes
SaradaJanardhan,yetanotherhumanbeing!
WrittenSep21,2013
So many answers to go through. As far as I have seen, my opinion is not listed, so I am

just writing it down. If it is already given by somebody, am sorry for repeating it.
In my opinion, arranged marriages work better than love marriages just because
the expectations are less, they are open to explore and know more unknowns.
Love marriages are promising that we marry somebody whom we know well, we have
had enough time to understand each other. When we come to know something which
we had not known before about that person, it comes as a shock. We are not ready to
accept something new unidentied side of the person whom we think we know
completely.
Whereas, in arranged marriages, we accept that this is the option left for us, it is safe
probably parents will be supportive or whatever. We know that we don't know much
about that person. We show exibility to know about that person, to understand
and adjust according to that person which is very important whether we know
the person earlier or not to have a long term relationship.
But, whether they are happy or not, why they don't go for divorce is purely personal
and probably depends on their family circumstances as well.
I have already said in a dierent answer, that in India, we see it as half full rather than
seeing it as half empty. Only if everybody (even those who go for love marriages)
learns to see it like that, it will be successful.
792ViewsViewUpvotes
Bittu,Relationshipeitherteachusorreachus,butneverleaveus.Keep
themsafe.
WrittenSun
No,exactly not.
The arranged marriages aren't working,actually they are forced to work on.
Divorce rates are less as compared to love marriages because in arrange marriage you
weren't allowed to dare from the very starting to the last. So you keep on working on
them thinking it as a logo of reputation of your parents.
But in love marriages,you have already dared against the stupid thinking society,so
you take another step of divorce too(if you are suering).
My marriage was totally arranged. But I never started loving him,just because he
was my husband. No. I took my own time to actually fall in love with him. He (my ex)
is really sweet,but the dominance of the in-laws,the cheap deeds they did,the
interference in our love life or late night enjoyments etc etc dominated that sweetness.
Things went bad,then worse and then unexpectedly the worst. As the situation made
both of us very impatient,very intolerant and non trustworthy to each other.
We tried our level best to save it. But it's been 3 and half years we are living apart
struggling for the divorce, in court as well as in our minds and hearts.
No ,all the arranged marriages do not actually work. Reasons are innite.
878ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul30
Okay, as a girl who has recently gone through this whole arranged marriage scenario
right now, I can tell you this. These days the arranged marriage scenario has changed.
Its not like what it used to be. There is a slight change in the This is how an arranged
marriage happens in modern India steps by Anjishnu Kumar
Firstly:
------------------------
1. Man decides he wants to get married. (Possibly because parents start

blackmailing him about grandchildren as he reaches age 30)
2. Woman decides she wants to get married. (Possibly because parents start
blackmailing her about grandchildren as she reaches 25)
3. Both put up a prole on an online matrimonial site. Both would have listed
the potential things they want in a life partner/ what they are looking for in
detail over here. Whatever is the criteria be it similar jobs, incomes, family
backgrounds, same caste etc., that would be screened at this step.
4. They nd each other. They exchange numbers, have a telephonic

conversation wherein they discuss their goals in life, hobbies, lifestyle habits,
expectations from a life partner and stu like that.
5. If step 5 goes well and both think they would like to take it forward, they
decide to stay in touch with each other through Whatsapp.
6. Now they start whatsapping each other frequently, share details with each
other like how their day went, what their work schedules are like and any
other things they might feel like discussing. Also, if everything is going well
then they meet each other in person.
7. After this if everything goes well, the families get involved and talk, meet the
prospective bride or groom for their son or daughter.
8. Extremely deep background checks happen. Possibly going back 2

generations or more and covering all relatives up to second-cousins of the
potential candidates.
9. If again everything goes well then the two people in question get engaged to
each other.
10. Courtship period where the couple is in touch with each other 24*7 and they
meet fairly frequently.
11. Marriage Happens.
Point is this whole process from steps 47 takes atleast a month and I think during
this time the guy and the girl meet each other some 45 times and talk on the
phone/whatsapp each other almost everyday. They speak a lot to each other. Nobody
falls in love I guess but they do bond. This is followed by the courtship period where
again as mentioned in 10 they are almost always in touch. So, they have a fair idea
about each other even before marriage. Its not like the in the old times where two
people who know nothing about each other get married. And since its an arranged
marriage the families are more supportive of it, they also help their children make it
work and step 3 kind of ensures the couple have found everything they were looking
for so its a win-win situation for them and they are genuinely happy and well
obviously they give it their all. Hence, it works.
RajanBingi,Iknowafewlotofthings!
WrittenNov24
Had this been a question asked a decade or two ago, the answer would have been an
undoubted yes. But in the present scenario, the probability that arranged marriage
will work is equal to the probability that it wont. Basically, what I believe is that
marriages, like every other bond, depends upon the two people, their lifestyle,
bonding, dedication and willingness to stay.
In recent years, some of my closest buddies got married. While 2 of them went
arranged, 3 chose to tie knots with their girlfriends. And there was 1 who got arranged
to a girl whom he met on a matrimony site Truejodi about 5 months ago. So heres
the latest update of their lives:
1. Friends who tied the knot through arranged system: The rst guy, Abhishek, got
married around 2 years ago to Neha, who happened to be the only daughter of his
fathers friend. Being family friends, they knew each other for years until their
parents decided to get them engaged, to which they agreed. Abhishek and Neha have
been setting relationship goals since then and have become parents in July.
My second friend, Manish, got engaged in March 2013 to Shruti, who is an event
manager by profession. Since Manish and Shruti got married, Manish insisted Shruti
to take local events only, but Shruti opposed this idea. There used to be huge
communication gap between the two whenever Shruti went to other cities to manage
events. Due to the increasing tension, they decided to end the marriage in September,
2014.
2. Friends who turned from boyfriend to husband: Well the 3 guys are Anuj, Shashank
and Manav. Among the three, Anuj and Manav are performing their responsibilities as
husband well; however, Shashank is no more into the marriage as his wife, Ruchika,
led a divorce 10 months ago.
3. Friend who chose a matrimony site to decide his fate: Sidharth, who has always
been a tech-geek was single for years, until he met Divya on Truejodi.com . After a
few meetings, they got engaged in Hyderabad in May and tied their knot in August.
Theyve returned from honeymoon and are enjoying each others company.
The conclusion that I can drive setting the examples of my friends is that its all upon
the bonding of the two souls and not the type of marriage arranged or love.
However, my view is limited to the people living in urban areas as am not quite aware
of how great arranged marriages work in villages or rural areas.
AlokaBhattacharyya,DoctoroftheSoulWeaverofmagic
WrittenDec11
Wow!!the sheer number of answers stand witness to how pertinent this question is to
almost everyone in today's times.
MARRIAGE- the very word conjures up a lot of wonderful , fairytale dreams and
emotions in my mind. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way. :)
Now there is another side to this rosy pink pearly romance and that appears grim and
dark - abuse, violence , incompatibility, strangers in the same room and so on. When
this other side is pondered upon, as it will always be since life is not just a bed of roses
and often has thorns strewn in between; there is always a brownie point in favour of
arranged marriage. Here there is extensive DUE DILIGENCE and MULTIPLE
STAKEHOLDERS to ensure that the marriage lasts. It is not just two individuals but
entire families that get hitched under the watchful and scrutinizing gaze of the
society. In India the very thought of societal disgrace can keep people tied for a
lifetime in unhappy marriages.
Coming to the question of whether ARRANGED MARRIAGES work , I think the

premise is awed. By work, are we only thinking of No divorce proceedings ? In that
case I would say YES, it does.
However I believe that when marriages really work- it is not just a vegetative existence
but a thriving one full of life. It is about spontaneous loving and caring between
partners and not just a role-play in a society-approved script or drama. So irrespective
of whether it is ARRANGED or LOVE, marriages work only when there is sincere
eort made by both the partners to make it work. This particular responsibility
perhaps gets distributed among multiple stakeholders in an arranged marriage
scenario, thereby making it appear a safe bet to many.YES, some amount of support
from the circumstances and people is always welcome and perhaps is much needed
as well, but the nal onus of making a marriage truly work rests on how committed
the partners are to the project.
892ViewsViewUpvotes
ArundhatiDeshmukh,Engineer,craftlover,Mom,dogpersonandtravel
enthusiast
WrittenJul2,2016
Yes they do! Very well...just like love marriages.. actually a lot depends on the two
persons getting together and caring for each other.
My Parents: My mom and dad have been happily married since last 40 years. And I
can still see their lives lled with same amount of love and care since I can remember.
My dad had just completed his engineering and had secured a govt job, staying in
Pune with his elder brother, sister-in-law, nephew and mother in a one room+ kitchen
rented house. My mom was in 2nd yr of BA. They hadn't seen/met any other person
for matrimonial. After a photo exchange and initial queries etc.the meeting was
decided. My dad demanded to meet mom alone..which was scandalous 40 years ago.
However my mom's brother intervened and convinced both of my grandfathers
saying that he will sit in the room with them throughout their meeting. He shut the
door and slipped out through another door giving them privacy to talk and take most
important decision of their life. The conversation that followed was like:
Dad: listen to me rst, I am youngest in the family but have lot of responsibility on
me. I earn 500/- per month and live with my brother and bhabhi. They are like my
second set of patents and I obey them. I will take care of you and try to keep you
happy. We have land and big house at native place but at Pune we survive on my n my
brother's salary only. I don't yet earn much to buy a new house right away so we need
to share the house and responsibilities. Are you ok with this?
Mom: ......(shy as this was rst time she was facing this event of meeting a guy)
Dad: please ..say yes. I would be happy.
Mom: Yes. (With shy smile)
Dad: do you have anything to ask me?
Mom: I trust my dad to ask right info before giving my hand to you. I have seen my 3
elder sisters marrying happily to guys chosen by my dad. So I have no questions.
Dad: ok. So I have a question. I love sweets.. do you know how to make khoya ki roti?
Mom: yes I know. I will make.
That's all. They both selected each other and families too accepted.
Just one thing: my mom hadn't heard of khoya ki roti but she said yes using her
presence of mind..she thought she doesn't have to make right away, she will learn
later and make. She was tempted to please my dad, I guess. Till date she doesn't know
how to make that khoya roti and my dad jokingly says he was cheated..
Together they have earned respect of family, helped many in need, built a house,
helped each other in higher studies in every way they could..my dad completed his
Masters Engineering and my mom completed her BA externally after they had both
the kids. Dad helps mom in all outdoor chores and mom handles home and his messy
work desk. Me and my brother grew up seeing them and listening to this story of their
rst meet, my brother too selected the rst girl he saw and is happily married for 12
years. I married a cute guy I loved and both my bro and me try to imitate my parents
for bettering our companionships.
I haven't seen a couple so truly madly deeply in love with each other and they are our
inspiration for perfect marriage.
This is their latest photo that I have
And this is their wedding day photo.
Arranged marriages work, with lot of adjustments and trust on each other..same is the
case with love marriage.. in any marriage trust and caring for other half is most
important..more than love. Love follows trust.
AnushaBalakrishnan
WrittenOct11,2013
The divorce rate is so low because divorce is a taboo topic in India. The prospects of
remarriage after a divorce for both men and women is incredibly low, and further, a
divorce is detrimental to a family's social status. As a result, most couples are
encouraged by their families to stay in marriages that they might not want to stay in.
HarshBabu
WrittenMay24,2016
Not always work but at times because of laws people have to stick together in hell life.
Nowadays its not much about taboo but because its very dicult to get divorce in
India. Some agree with some money but some are stubborn to not to separate nor
ready stay a peaceful life.
Long long story but cutting short how "arranged marriage" ruined my life
On 13th May got a call from Police Station to meet the ocer. I came to know that on
1st May I made some wounds on wife's hand with some sharp object
Wife had led a complaint, Police did her medical test, etc.
We already have dowry complaint on all family members name by wife. We did not
asked for any dowry. This is just to teach us some lesson which wife calls (inko achha
sabak sikhana hai).
It will be 3 years for my marriage. Got a short tempered wife. I have father, bed ridden
mother to look after. I along with wife stayed on rst oor and parents on ground
oor. Have maid to cook and do washing at home. When maid doesn't comes, me and
my father have to do all the household works. In fact there is lot of work even after
having a maid in a house. After marriage wife was not willing to do any household
work and kept ghting over trivial issues. Cooks for herself separately so she does not
comes in face to face with others but still there were constant threats by her about
doing something and getting us arrested. I hardly talk to her as when talking there is
always fear of some ght coming up so better keep quiet.
I have shifted to a rented home from last month, she was not ready to join. Again
Police complaints, counter complaints and after Police's interference she joined me.
Now I come to parents home to take care of mother in day time and go back to rented
home with wife at night.
I am a freelancer so somehow I manage to work. I am expert in my work but while

going through all these I am hardly able to concentrate and earn to make ends meet.
From last 2 months I am not able to pay car EMIs, credit card dues. Father is rich but I
can't ask him for any nancial help.
I do have a soft corner for my wife but I do not love her. I do not like her touch or kiss
or any other thing. In such circumstances I want to leave her but she is not ready. I
know my wife will also be happy after divorce but she thinks "rejected" and is not
ready for it or don't know her "real" reason for not agreeing on divorce.
I tried adjusting beyond limits but now its too much. Time is going by and situation is
getting worse. I have not yet led for divorce but will be ling soon. I am afraid after
receiving notice what nasty thing she will do to take revenge. Indian laws are such
that its not easy getting divorce and the case goes on for minimum 5-7 years. I 'll have
to prove my points and give evidences and what not to win the case. If not then what,
life is wasted in all this. Its not only me my family but she and her family also suers.
Will the law makers understand this or not? Will there be any easy way out for people
like us? I am already 40 now, when will I start "happy life" even if not "happy married
life"? Police visit was often in our home. People in locality and relatives make fun of
us. I avoid to go to any family function, my head is down until I am out of locality as I
don't have courage to face people. Will we gain our lost respect in society? Many such
questions but the answer is negative.
Anyways, this was an example that some marriage just don't work and if not
impossible, its very dicult to come out of such marriage. Indian context makes it
worse.
Finally, I'll say god bless me :)

Anonymous
WrittenApr18,2015
Arranged marriage or not, it will only work if both partners want it to be.
What you see in movies are not real.
I am a software engineer. I do smoke regularly. I drink only on social occasions. Since
I am an introvert, I don't have many social occasions either.
I was attracted to a girl in my oce but could not muster the courage to tell her that.
Later she married and left the company. After that I agreed to marry someone else
because my parents were really very pushy. Also I was 28 now. My parents could not
wait any longer. So i went to a lot of places to meet girls - Chennai, Pune and all. I did
not like some (bossy ones), some did not like me , some families did not like each
other. i was fed up with the process and just to get over with it, I started saying Yes to
all of them defying every preferences I had, including the bossy girls. Finally
everyone agreed on one alliance with a girl who was 22. She just nished computer
engineering. And in a hurry (God knows why) we got married even without waiting
for her only brother to attend the marriage.
She would not have sex with me. She will only allow me to fondle her. First night it
was a bit attractive but then it became so irritating for me. And I am a good looking
guy. She is an average looking girl and i did not understand what was the problem. So
after 3 months, we had sex once and still i could feel she was resisting me. Then she
told me that she does not want to have kids as people will make fun if we have kids
immediately after marriage.
So we will have sex (condom) once in every 2 weeks or so. And it feels like a wrestling
match and not like love making.
She will be at her home more than with me. So once she was there at her parents she
was blaming me on the phone for not having kids. So then we started trying for a kid.
She got pregnant and then she went to her parents and stayed with them for a year. So
i will frequent her place and it was getting warmer between us. Though now we will
not have sex because she is pregnant. We decided we will not want to know the sex of
the child. But then she went secretly to know the sex of the child. I told her I dont
want to know. So we had a baby girl.
After the child was 9 months we had sex and when we nished she cursed at me and
went to the toilet and locked herself. I am average physically and was not hurting. But
I dont know what was her problem. And when I left for work, she took our baby and
went to her parents. They sent me a divorce notice. I was totally shocked and had no
clue what caused it. So i went to the court and there one of here relatives came and
tried to mediate between us and asked me to take her home. I brought her with me.
When our child was 2 years old we made a kids room so that she can be separated
from our bed. But my wife would not let the child away. She will make the child sleep
between us. So now it is more than one and a half year that we had any physical
intimacy.
Some times I think I should not have brought her back and should have gone ahead
with the divorce.
She is very friendly with girls and very close with one of the neighbor girls. I doubt if
they are having a relationship but I am afraid to ask her because she will cite that as a
reason for divorce.
I wonder if I would have been happier if i was still a bachelor. At least I would have a
good reason for not to be happy then.
If someone asks me, i would advise to marry whom you have a longer relationship
with. Marrying strangers is not worth it unless you want to pay it with your life.
E.Ramani,livesinJagat
WrittenOct10,2012
Robert Epstein, Editor of Psychology Today set out to do some experiments if love
can be learned in an arranged marriage. See his article published in the June 01, 2002
issue of Psychology Today.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/a...
Here is a quote from his article:

".... Arranged marriage is a complex institution, but even where it's awed it
demonstrates that people can learn to love. A couple of decades ago, after millennia
of nail biting, Westerners nally gured out how to take elements of Eastern
mystical practices and cast them into consumer-friendly terms; now we've got
mantras and chakras and katas by the dozens, and we're better for it. Can we distill
key elements of arranged marriage to help us learn how to create a new, more stable
institution in the West? Must we stumble clumsily onto love, or can we learn,
precisely, how to fall in love..."

So, Indians should learn to appreciate a unique institution of their own, but modify it
suitably without destroying its fundamental base.
SwagatoBarmanRoy,livedinUttarpara,WestBengal,India
WrittenJan7,2015
Usually, they work (if you measure by divorce rate) very well because traditionally
Indian culture is very collectivist, tradition-oriented rather than individual-oriented.
What I mean is in more developed nations (and even in many urban, nuclear and
modern households in India) if you are not happy with your marriage and
independent nancially, you walk out. Society does not care, your parents and friends
may show some sympathy, you will be depressed for a month, maybe for a few
months. But because the culture places so much value on individual growth and
fullment, you move on with your own life. If you have children, they also become
independent or for very young kids, the custody is decided by a court order. So far as
relationships are concerned, the options are
1. You date, fall in love and marry again.
2. Stay single
3. Engage in casual stances if you want.
Your life, your choice.
However, traditional India has an extremely collectivist culture. Divorce is a

permanent stigma on the person, his or her parents and even the extended family. If
you are divorced, your sister will be lucky to ever get married. The condition is worse
for the women. The options I mentioned, are nearly impossible because
1. Once married, it becomes dicult to date again. Marriage is an issue to be

decided by the family. If a guy tells his mom that he fell in love with a woman
who was married, that is the third world war.
2. Since, in the Indian custom, it is okay and acceptable to live in your parents
house well into your forties or your whole life, the kids have a lot of
dependency problem even when they are adults. This is one of the issues
interfering with their own choice of life partner. The quid pro quo from the
parents is too obvious live under my roof, marry the girl I choose. Needless to
say, the son will pay it forward to his son in turn.
3. Engage in casual? Huh, you must be joking...The neighbour will not be

ashamed to spy on you if he sees you entering your apartment with an
unknown girl. And the Indian culture again places a lot of value on family
honour than individual choice.
As a result of all these, marriages are seen as commitments, especially for the women.
It is their accepted social role to bear children (preferably boys), raise them, cook for
the family, clean the house, then nd a suitable daughter in law for the son, and then
mentor the daughter in law so that the tradition continues. Divorce means she is
unable to fulll her commitment, an outcast and worthy of every insult or stigma you
can imagine.
In short, the working of a marriage has a very dierent meaning in India and a
marriage lasting a lifetime does not necessarily mean divine love.
Of course, exceptions to all these exist and as the society is progressing, women are
entering the workforce to become nancially independent, the exceptions become
more commonplace (again, in urban centres, young population, dual-income couples,
living away from their parents just as you would expect). But I hope you got your
answer.
Want to generalise more? The case is almost the same in the heartland of China
(located far from the glow of Beijing and Shanghai), provinces in Indonesia, Vietnam
and numerous other nations. Rituals are dierent, languages are dierent but the
underlying philosophy is the same. (And it is amusing when I see the Indians
trumpeting about our culture, our tradition etc. forgetting that everything is typical of
any third world, low income, community-driven, social-economical system.)
602ViewsViewUpvotes
MaheshKaytian,TechnicalArchitect
WrittenMar5,2015
Question asked was how arranged marriages happen? So let me be on point rather
than taking potshot at the marriage system.
Arranged marriage follows one of these path.
1. Someone knows you (in terms of nancial and behavioral mindset)

personally and knows another prospect who is perfect from their views for
you. This is how often the relatives suggest prospect for you.
2. You or partner see each other in some places like marriage function, some
relatives birthday party, some random party. And that is where other people
vouch for you or that partner.
3. Your parents or the relatives goes through matrimonial shops or sites and
lter out the partner as per their and your criteria and select the partner to
visit their house for tea.
4. Someone from your friend circle approaches and asks respective parents to
meet while he or she approaches you.
The popular modern generation taunt against arranged marriage is - 'when you can't
nd woman (or man) for yourself then you get other people to nd one for you'.
In reality, a lot of people get into marriage because nding a right partner through
reliable channel is hard.
Arranged marriage require the prospect (regardless of gender) to be mentally stable,

respecting, good with nancial condition and can be trusted for taking care of the
partner.
Arrange marriage require a lot of patience from both partners in order to succeed. It
also requires sacrices and adjustment with each others habits etc.
334ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyNamitaSen
BhumikaDesaiShah,Professorbyprofession,Readerandbloggerby
passion!
WrittenJan6
Marriage in India really works. Whether it be Arranged or Love.
Yes, you are reading it correct.
In India Marriage is something like a lifelong agreement and breaking it is so super

complex that you prefer working out things however ugly that may be.
How? Let me explain
Majority of us grow up hearing - Who will marry you if you will do this/that or
will look like this/that. Being married is kinda life goal set in our society.
People may not study hard or set career for own but to get a good
bride/groom for sure- that kinda pressure the whole marriage concept has.
Got married. Life set? - No. You just boarded a ight you cant leave unless
you jump o without parachute.
Have happy married life?- Congrats- you have been lucky in gamble of life.
Have compatibility issues/relationship problems post marriage? You just

cant complain. why? the answer will always be- Me and your mother/father
also faced this. Everything will be sorted and settled with time. give time.
And you are bound to spend time nding compatibility and solution even
while knowing it will never be achieved. After giving time in years- still
problems/argues pertain? Dont dare and complain. The answer will be- You
need to start family. A kid will make you both happy and sorted.
If in case in process of searching compatibility you already have been parent,

the answer shall revise as-Go for second kid, it will increase love and
togetherness for sure. - Making babies- is counted as a perfect solution for
any damm troubled marriage in our society and it works too.. how? - read
ahead
You have a serious troubled relationship and nothing is working out. you
already have 123 kids and still you have problems? Dont complain! As
being parent your life as individual ends as per society. you are expected to
devote your priorities and life for betterment of your kids only. And hence
being responsible/ideal/loving father/mother only option you have is- work
out your relationship/marriage however painful/ugly it may be. Stick to your
partner just for the reason that your partner is biological parent of your kids.
You may be depressed, frustrated, o with life but remember being parent
you can not think of your life- your life- should be your kids only and
sacricing your priorities, needs, feelings for them is everything you are
supposed to do.
By the time kids grow up, your marriage will work out for sure! :)
Above are my personal observation and exceptions of happy marriages are there
indeed-including me.
My only point here being sarcastic is- in our Indian society one has to live even in
painful relationship - as marriage has to work out on any cost. As marriage is holy
bond of 7 births. period.
Thank you for reading. :)

485ViewsViewUpvotes
AnujaPhadke
WrittenFeb7,2015
I have a question of my own rst. Do you live in India? Because if you did you'd know,
there's no right answer to your question. But here's mine. Yes, they do. How do I
know? My parents had one. Have one. So do a lot of people I know. And they're happy.
It doesn't always work out great. But I do know that arranged marriage is not the hell I
thought it was when I was a reactionary teen. Would I want it for myself? Probably
not. But there are ways of making arranged marriages work. Just don't be blind as to
other person's faults and don't expect the world. Just like in a love marriage.
356ViewsViewUpvotes
JitendraVaswani,livesinIndia
WrittenJun20,2013
i m not going to comment on love marriages , now as for arranged marriages , Ok ill
give you something to think about , General perspective is to think of arranged
marriage as a desperate act , now , observe closely here , if in matter of fact , the two
are actually desperate , which simply implies , that they have failed in romance , or
whatsoever that they have failed in. now when they actually commit to this , as by far
my knowledge goes , they ACCEPT what they have done wrong in the past , so , i
suppose they would rather commit to what they have , and , well try to improve.
Now i may not have successfully answered your question , because there are
situations where both of them do it not because of desperation (Thats how my parents
did). But one thing that i have observed , when there are no problems , the couples
usually ght , but during stressful times (like when my grandma expired recently) ,
they actually seem very close.
From this i can say , that one thing is clear , In Arranged marriages , there's more
commitment. I'm not saying there's no commitment , in case of love marriages. i
mean , come on lets face it , what kind of people are falling in love in indian
community ? Rowdies , Commerce and arts people , and people who have more time
in their hands (no oence to anyone). Rarely only some people like you and me ,
either think that we have fallen in love , unsure , and whatever problems maybe.
You know , its so common we use the term love , that we've forgotten what it really
means. Now what i tell you , is that if you truly think you love her , try everything
you've got , get a job , go ask her hand. and if you get a no , dont mind , move on. it
dosent matter whether the marriage is love or arranged , its a marriage in the whole ,
and the main thing you need is commitment. But i do believe , there's more to life
than just marriage and love.
Read more here : Q&A. Has He Married Me Just to Obtain a Green Card?
777Views
Upvote Downvote Comment
BalaMeenakshy,HardLuck
WrittenJun30,2016
Arranged Marriage denitely works out.
A marriage is a bond between two people. It takes eort from both their sides so that the
bond stays forever; unaected and cherished.
It is upto one's personal decision if they want to love somebody and then get married to
them or to marry a person after his/her parents have done a complete background
check.
There are cases of divorces in both arranged marriage as well as love marriage.
Sometimes we over look things,we tend to over look the concept of "sacrice" as well as
"compromise" which leads to a complete disaster. We give more importance to
"changing" a person than "accepting" the beautiful side he/she has. This denitely
doesnot mean that one has to continue a relationship with a partner who emotionally
and physically drains you as a person.
Breaking a bond is easy but maintaining it is dicult, but not impossible.
My parents are Indian. Recently they celebrated their 30th wedding Anniversary.They
have had their share of ghts, their pampering session, their good times and their own
sacrices.Yet, they are happily together. My dad wanted a girl without specs, he rejected
the best proposals for that one reason but ended up marrying the one with spectacles.
Yes, she is my mother.
My mom wanted to marry somebody with less age dierence between them but ended up
with a man who is 10 years elder to her. He is my father.
But all these didnot aect the bond, the relationship, the companionship and the
respect they have for each other.
Note: They never knew each other before marriage.They married within two weeks after
their marriage was xed. Yes, they realised that both of them have their own aws but
rather decided to focus on what is beautiful in each other.
Arranged marriages can work out really well with love, sincerity and respect for each
other and not because of any other kind of pressure.
535ViewsViewUpvotes
NeerajKumar,livesinSunnyvale,CA
WrittenJul8,2013
My short answer, yes arrange marriages work, not just in India but at a lot of other
places in the world. Yes its scary to marry someone you don't know, but I'm sure, no
one can force you to be in a relation which you don't want to be in. Parents today
would be more than happy to bail you out of a marriage if they feel you are in the
harms way in any possible way.
To give you a brief statistic: 50.7% of love marriages end in divorce, whereas around
4% of arranged marriages end in divorce.
The above proves two things:

1. People who get into a love marriage, are the only ones who are really looking for
love in their lives, and when they realize that they aren't getting it they move on,
whereas people who get into an arranged marriage, are getting into an agreement
with life, with such low expectations, and high apprehensions, that a banal life
satises them.
2. Divorces happen (either in an arranged or love marriage) because of the feeling of
being completely unloved. With an arrange marriage, because such expectations of
being love are low (and the fact that people in general are good), divorces do not
happen, and the couple seems to make it work pretty well. In a love marriage, the
expectations of love are higher, and hence, the moment there is a sign of deteriorating
love, people bail out!
I should also point out the fact that majority of the parents of my friends that I've
seen, have had an arranged marriage, and when you would see them now, you can see
love in their eyes for each other. Love and respect
GauravKumar,Oftenfallsinlove!
WrittenAug31,2014
I am a 28 year old bachelor, and my parents are happily married for the past 32 years
now. Though i say happily, every relation has its share of friction which last for a
while and then you realize you actually need your better half and i have seen it all
growing up in my family. And from the place i come from, all my friends and people
in my family tree have had a pleasant marriage, so i donot see a reason why arranged
marriage will not work.
Coming to the part of question, where it says if marriages work because divorces are
socially unacceptable in India/or is a taboo, or due to some factors, people actually
cave in and continue their marriages. For explaining this lets travel few decades back,
and try to understand how things worked that time.
For any to work, you need to made continuous assessments and put in constant eort
to ensure its working, because that your target and you want to work. 30-40 years
back, people used to make eorts to pull water from well, take the water along for
long distances and actually use it. While doing so, you actually realized how
important water was, and they respected its existence in their lives. If you look at it
now, a tap with running water is at your disposal 24X7, we want things in our platter
all the time, because we have enough money to earn this, without realizing its
importance.
The same stands true for arranged marriages. The tolerance limit of an individual had
diminished a lot, neither they make fresh attempts and the icing on the cake is the
options available at your disposal. The day you realize the importance of your better
half is beyond material looks and beyond how he/she put itself in society, you would
perhaps nd them more acceptable and loving.
P.S : Despite of what i have written up, there are a number of household which are
together despite of extreme incompatibility, mainly because the unwanted tolerance
limits they possess. And these are couple who should actually look out for a
separation.
815ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenFeb1,2016
This is the way I see it.
A marriage works when (I) both of them genuinely love each other and (II) the two
people are compatible. Compatibility as I dene it is the ability to live together with
minimum friction.
Friction takes many forms and can happen over a variety of issues. Some I can think
of are money issues(who earns more, you don't earn enough, you don't earn enough
for family, your family is richer so you treat us badly), health issues, family
expectations(girls should not party, boys have to support family, Grand children in 1
year etc),education levels(i have an mba, you are not as smart as me), social status,
personal expectations (children, sex etc), career choices (stay at home, independent
career, stay at home after baby), living choices (independent or joint family), respect
(you don't give enough respect to my family)....it is a fairly long list.
There are times when this friction is high but love overcomes this friction. There are
also times when this love is very high but the friction tends to wear people down.
There are times when you start out with a lot of love and this friction builds over time.
There are countless reasons but when this friction is substantial enough to
overshadow the love, it is a problem.
To answer your question, yes, I think an arranged marriage in India works (at times,
not always, just like a "love marriage") because an arranged marriage is optimized to
reduce a lot of the friction that a love marriage ignores. For example : in an arranged
marriage, families of similar wealth,education, social status come together, awkward
questions about health,career etc are explicitly asked and answered by both sides.
(Not all awkward questions but a large number of questions do get asked and
answered). As awkward as it is, you set expectations upfront and usually there aren't
any major surprises. Having said that, not everything can be asked and not
everything that is asked is answered honestly and not everything that is answered is
bound to stay that way forever. So it is a best case estimate that families engage in.
Now, while they optimize to reduce friction, there is no guarantee to whether they will
love each other. That is a hit or a miss and is anyone's game.
A love marriage on the other hand starts o with the "love" part and often ignores the
friction pieces. A lot of the friction pieces kicks in after you get married. If you have
immature lovers (often the case when you are in your teens), they ignore the friction
areas and discover it later. Their love may overcome this or not. Again, a hit or a miss
and is anyone's game.
Bottom line: A couple can make it work by starting o their marriage with 'trying' to
love each other genuinely and working hard on making the friction areas minimal
(you obviously can't make it all go away). As long as you try to be mentally prepared
for these 2 points, you are o to a good start...and the rst step to being mentally
prepared for this is for both people to be comfortable in the choice (arranged or love
marriage). The rest ...as I said before..a hit or a miss and is anyone's game.
PariMohanty,livesinIndia
WrittenJun20,2014
Mine is a love marriage and we have successfully completed 2 beautiful years of holy
matrimony. I have never felt that I should have gone by my parents decision, who
wanted an arranged marriage for me. Tell me one thing, how would you determine
the nature or behavior of a person whom you just met once or twice or at the max,
thrice? At the rst meet, everyone is at his/her best, very sweet and humble. Our
parents generation still feels that arranged marriages in India really work, but
being modern women and having broad mindsets, we, the Indian women of today
have all the rights to decide about our partner, and break the taboo.

Divorce may aect any marriage, be it an arranged or a love marriage. I am sure it has
nothing to do with the type of marriage, its just about understanding between the
partners, and the respect and care towards each other, everything else is just the
mindset!
718ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenMar26,2015
Im born to a man who is well settled in the society, a woman who is a well settler of
her home, people identify me with my family name and decide that i'm damn lucky to
be from a socially 'high' family, which holds a politically high background,but I still
wonder 'why' a family that is capable of caring the whole society, well that's what
"politics" is all about,cannot care for its own people? My father left us because we are
'girls', and the same person says to the society about girl empowerment? A person
who couldn't be with his wife just cause she cares for her children! A highly educated
person who blames his wife for giving him girl children..(wish he had studied
biology).
He chose my mom in this so called 'arranged marriage' (ofcourse when she
was too young for that) and now? left her! If choosing and leaving is one
person's choice, why should it be called a 'relation'?
He was responsible for his kids,and now? They should face for being born?
Were we responsible, where are the people who blessed them on their 'big
day'? Where are the promises he made then?
I wouldnt have cared if my dad wasn't rich, I would have had him, I wouldn't
have cared if my dad wasn't handsome, I would have had him, Deep inside, it
hurts badly, cause I never knew how a "dad loves"! It hurts more to see my
mom struggling hard not to let us feel the emptiness.
Guys!!! Its not about love or arranged marriage! Its about how ready you are
and how responsible you are! Your negligence might be small, but it may
create a v.big disturbance in someone's life. It may result in creating people
like me, who can never get over the fear of 'love' and fear of 'relation'. sorry, If
my words hurt anyone!
VaishaliGupta,Crazyaboutit!:)
WrittenDec27,2014
Yes!!!
Ques: why arranged marriages has less divorces?

Ans : people who can't marry acc to their choice ...how will they take divorce! :P
Anonymous
WrittenAug18,2014
Arranged Marriage Scenario:

If some misunderstandings arise, both the families unite and ensure that the issues
are resolved and marriage is saved. Primarily because PARENTS CHOSE THE
ACTORS of this marriage.
Love Marriage Scenario:

If some misunderstandings arise, families (mostly) do not help much if they initially
were against the marriage because they believe that ACTORS CHOSE THEMSELVES
so they have to help themselves.
Conclusion:
Marriage might go o the track at some point of time due to misunderstandings. This
is the time when some 'pivot' is needed.
In arranged marriages family acts as that pivot while in love marriages they do not. In
love marriages a few close friends can act as pivot and everything can get ne with
time but they do not have the same authority as the family.
731ViewsViewUpvotes
GokulVarmaNk
WrittenOct19,2013
It is not about whether it would work, it is about the only choice that the average
Indian man every has. The average Indian middle class man lives in a society where
girls do not mingle with men unless they are engaged or married, the average indian
man works in industries which are too male dominated not because of any soft of
bias, because their industries are not attractive or well paying for most educated
females. They have no chance to meet women, let alone date them or fall in love. For
the average Indian man, the only change for a family is to hope that some sort of
arranged marriage ever works. It sounds like cynicism, but this is India.
For eg: How many Indian women do you see in construction, re and safety,
networking or other similar industries which are not fashionable or well paying
enough like programming or management or sales?
The much maligned arranged marriage is the only hope for the average Indian man
who is not super rich, super good looking or super extrovert.
Anonymous
WrittenDec30,2014
If survival is the measure , then they work.

However with the ever changing attitudes and the drastic changes in lifestyle in
urban India, it can become a stressful existence that regret sets in both ways. There is
a complete loss of direction in the marriage and most often it is a leap of faith
expecting things to turn out good.
To be explicit:
Indian Men want to marry for sex and intimacy but dont want the baggage of
emotional connect, discipline and parenting except for the part where they can
facebook it. They want the independence of bachelor life as well.
Todays Women want to marry for social / nancial security and status but dont want
the baggage of looking after / putting up with the husbands relatives incl parents and
friends.
Not to mention the stress that is thrust upon both by the stakeholders namely the
parents and close relatives to teach them the dos and donts thus not allowing the
relationship to mature organically.
Men have started losing interest in doing household chores like plumbing,
carwash,electrical work and feel that paying money to do these makes sense rather
than doing it themselves.
women have started losing interest in doing household chores like cooking , cleaning
, washing clothes as they feel that its somehow below their dignity. They are stuck
between the people who tell them to ght against male domination, ght for women
upliftment,and the ones who say women are superior but have been suppressed.
None of whom make their life easier.
Parenting has become a burden for most because they feel that kids today are spoilt
for choices. Kids make the choices-- they want everything but with no tags attached.
Not to mention the penetration of the YOLO concept in life which makes compromise
a sacrice rather than essential part of living peacefully.
If happiness is a measure, then I dont think that its working well now at least in
urban India.
386ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenOct15,2012
Just because two people continue in a domestic arrangement does not necessarily
mean they are happy. Also, happiness is a function of expectations. Chances are, what
an Indian expects from an arranged marriage is dierent from what (s)he expects
from a "lou" marriage.
Some of the most miserable marriages I have seen have been long-standing arranged
marriages -- but, that's from my point of view. Perhaps many of the ones I consider
miserable were perfectly acceptable to the contented partners involved. To each
his/her own.
Speaking of bania arranged marriages of the late 70s and early 80s (of the type that
would've been my fate if I had not gotten a great education and been able to stand on
my own feet and assert myself), my biggest problem with those marriages was that I
saw in them a horrible lifelong imbalance of power in favor of the man. Thankfully for
me, I escaped that miserable existence.
AbhaAlokDwivedi,Happilymarried,happierthnbefore.
WrittenOct14
I will keep my answer short.
First I don't understand why so many people are negative about arrange marriages. A
person can be apprehensive but thinking arrange marriages are not going to work is
altogether wrong.
I had a arrange marriage and trust me it is one of the best thing ever happen to me,
maybe there are ppl whose marriages didn't work out but it has nothing to do with
arrange marriage same type of problems can arise in love marriage also.
In arrange marriage a person start with zero they slowly understand each other, start
caring and accept the way a person is. Love denitely comes if both are true to their
relationship.
I am not against love marriages but surely there is no aw in arrange marriage only if
two people are true to themselves.
822ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
UpdatedDec14,2014
Being a divorcee may or may not be taboo but that is not the reason people don't get
divorced. Yeah sometimes it's the children but most of the time , it's genuinely
working. I'm all for love marriages and got nothing against arranged marriages either.
But there is something to say here. Arranged marriages fail and so do love marriages.
Sometimes it's unavoidable, sometimes it's necessary.
Look, i've seen one failed marriage in my family. My mom's younger cousin got
married around three years back. They have a lovely girl who's about 13 or 14 months
old. They are separated and the father doesn't gives a shit about the girl. And neither
does his family. I know there are mistakes on both sides . And neither of the side
accepts it. There lies the problem. And above all, the guy's attitude is so wrong in so
many ways i can't fathom that pathetic excuse of a person is a father and a husband.
But then , there are other arranged marriages in my family which are working. All of
them actually are arranged marriages. For instance, my mom and dad. 23 years and
still going strong(touchwood!). They joke with each other like they are still in high
school. I can see it when ma isn't feeling well, papa gets distracted and worried. And
god only knows how ma handled it with my father's depression. He fell deep and we
had to move out of the rental house. Plus the renovation of our house had to be done.
And she handled it all. But now, i see my old father back who constantly jokes with
me on the phone and when i go back home and he's there to pick me up, he smiles.
And then i hug ma, and that smile and my mom's voice tells me all is well.
There may be some kinks here and there, but they can be corrected. So yeah, arranged
marriages really work in India.
Who knew, right?

471ViewsViewUpvotes
AjasMohamed,28.DiagnosedBipolar.ExMuslimAtheist.
UpdatedOct5
I just called o my wedding after 2 weeks of engagement. I had succumbed to parental

pressure about the whole arranged marriage thing. I never really liked the idea of
getting engaged to a stranger and fall in love with her over telephone then getting
married. Dating didnt work for me, so I thought maybe I should give this system a
chance.
In the community I live in, it is discouraged to talk to the girl before wedding. When
we went to see the girl, I wasnt given enough time to talk about this things. We were
made to sit in a room with the door open to the main hall where the relatives sat and
chit-chatted. All ears were eavesdropping on me and the girl, or so I thought. Im not
religious, I dont pray, I value education, you should work after your studies are done.
is all I said. She nodded in agreement, told me that shes turning 20 in 3 months.
Shes 8 years younger to me! And I didnt like her looks. I told my parents later.
It doesnt matter. Youll come to love her.
I couldnt. I talked to her for over 10 days, 2 hours per day, and I couldnt stand her
small talks and she couldnt stand my liberal viewpoints and atheism. She tried to
make me go to mosque but later gave up her eorts. I talked with her about my views
about life but she was too young to understand. She didnt have a phone or Facebook,
never talked to any boy before, and she hated reading. Like any other girl in the
community, she grew up adhering to concepts like virginity, obedience, modesty etc.
All she expected from her partner was non-smoking and not drinking; I smoke
occasionally and drink beer. She didnt like my online friends. She didnt like that I
went to Goa and had fun. She didnt like me spending time with female friends. She is
a devout who prayed 5 times a day. She would have made a good daughter-in-law for
my parents, but not a good wife for me. Giving up the things I enjoy and the values I
hold close to my heart, I couldnt be a happy husband. When I sought advice,
everyone, literally everyone, told me to proceed with the wedding, that I would be
happy person, that I would have a company and so on - the perks of getting married.
But deep inside I knew this is all wrong. I told my parents What worked for you may
not work me. Im not you; Im a dierent person. I have nothing common with the
society Im part of. Its easier for you, having a social status, believe in the same god
and so on. I am not a Muslim. I dont nd the societal values appealing; I loath the
society Im part of. Add to it, I have depression to cope up with. I cant imagine myself
happy in a marriage. I love children but I dont want to raise one in this world. My
worst fear is my child growing up to be me. Last thing I want is a life dependent on
me. I lose my mind in dicult times. Im not the man the society wants me to be.
Dont make me carry a burden too heavy. Your version of a happy life is very dierent
from mine. I just need a book, or music, my guitar, food and Im happy. I dont want
any commitment, I want freedom. I wish to cancel this wedding because I dont want
a divorce. I had told you before I didnt want this. Im not Lenish, hes a family man. I
dont want to end up in the psychiatry ward again. Im sorry.
Sure, I brought shame on my family. Im a big disgrace. Im an asshole but I saved two
lives. Maybe I like to nd comfort this way.
Nitishkkumar
WrittenJan27,2016
Yeah in India, arranged marriage works a lot. Whole family together choose a bride or
groom for their beloved. In India marriage is holy commitment between two life
partners. People respect it a lot. In some cases where trust is less or personal disputes
occur, situation like divorce comes. All I can say, here in India, there is a great ratio of
arranged marriages and its successful. People mostly prefer marriage beauru to nd
the right life partner. For them I would advise royal matrimonial , to nd elite &
high prole proposals.
201Views
TwinkleAgarwal,Lifeisasetofchoicewemake!
WrittenThu
CONFESSION: I'm not married. This answer is solely based on what I've seen.
My mom and dad got married on 30th November, 1993. It's a beautiful story, unique
in its own way.
Back in the year 1992:
My mom used to live in a small village Bilah ( near Bilaspur) with loving neighbors,
my naany (my mother's mother) and maama (my mother's brother).
My elder maasi (mother's sister)lived in Jamshedpur. My mom went to my maasi's

place for some get together. As it was a get together lots of people from Bilah came to
Jamshedpur.They were supposed to board the train the very next morning.
That morning when my mom was supposed to leave, my dad also went to the railway
station to see o a relative. Both events occurred on dierent planes which was about
to intersect in near future making me and my brother the intersecting points.
The Railway station was very crowded.
My mom and dad were on the same platform. Both of them were waiting for the same
train. The train would stop for only 5 minutes before leaving the Tatanagar railway
station(Jamshedpur~ Tatanagar). It was a rush, lots of people were there and the
elderly people were the rst to go in.
The train blew the whistle and my mom was just unable to board the train. She was
standing there with my maasi and maasa( my maasi's husband). That's when my
mom and dad rst saw each other, my dad was randomly looking at my mom as she
sighed and my mom looked at him. They exchanged glances barely for 10 seconds.
My mom had to stay in Jamshedpur for about two weeks.
My maasa knew my dad quite well and somehow mom's marriage with dad was
arranged.
This is just a gist my mom told me.
Their honeymoon pictures <3
My mom and dad ght alot but it's nothing like a either me or you kinda war.
My mom has a habit of eating after my dad or with him. She will never taste the food
before him.Never.
So after a ght when my dad would be eating you'll nd my mom no where close, she
will pretend like she doesn't care but before leaving she would give me all the
instructions and tell me to feed him properly. Now when my dad will not see her
anywhere, he would ask me or my brother kahin gayi hai Kya? Mummy k sath Khana
Kha Lena nai to akele khayegi hi nai(has she gone somewhere?Have your dinner or
lunch with her or else she won't eat alone) Now, when he's gone she will return and
ask papa puche Kya mummy kahan hai?( Did your dad asked about me)
And next morning things would go back to normal, it's like nothing happened :D
PS- I've no idea what are they having in the last picture, it was taken about three years
back.
ArunnBhagavathula,Happilymarriedfor30yearssoeminentlyqualified
toadviseonrelationships!
WrittenMar29,2016
Divorce is an easy option for today's youth who don't have the patience to make a
marriage work! Divorce option was available in arranged marriages also but
yesteryear people were more compromising and of course divorce was considered a
taboo and a last option in those days. And it was resorted to in very extreme cases
where its the only option.
Nowadays the divorce rate in India especially in urban areas has gone up going by the
reports in the media for the simple reason the partners are considering it as the rst
option in the event of any major disagreement/ argument/ ght!
Marriage to be a happy and successful one and to last needs lots of compromises by
both partners. There are no two ways about it. And it doesn't matter whether its a love
marriage or an arranged marriage. Divorce will not be resorted for even simple
reasons if both of them "want" their marriage to work and last for a long time. The
impatience of the present generation/s and perhaps their "uncompromising" attitude
are the major factors for the increased divorce rates.
Please understand that divorce decision doesn't have much to do with the type of
marriage. There is nothing intrinsically "right" or "wrong" in arranged marriage or
love marriage. Wrong decisions are make and wrong persons get married in both
cases. In the nal analysis marriage is a gamble as 2 people come together to live for
the rest of their lives and then their egos, whims and fancies etc., come into play in
their day to day interaction. If one or both of them lack the patience and tolerance
then the marriage is likely to end up in a divorce.
1.2kViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyShashankMishra
PareshMakannwar
WrittenJan13,2015
Marriages whether love or arranged work depending on the persons involved

in it. I hear,many stories telling tragedies in arranged as well-based love. But
it's people who hurt each other. Not the arranged or love marriage scenario. If
there are cases of arranged marriages being blunders, there are examples of
love marriages being blunders too.
799ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenAug15,2015
Yes they do work ( Assuming Marriage is done with Consent of Both Parties )
As long as Both parties dont have any issue before the marriage. I told this why
because, many people, they dont say no before the marriage due to pressure from
parents, But, reveal their aairs after the marriage, these will not sustain.
Some people hide diseases or health problems which they have during arranged
marriages and later comes to the knowledge of the spouse ans lead to divorce.
Other wise, divorce happens only when, one out of the two is seriously wrong. This
case is less than 10%
Assuming this nearly, 90% of Arranged marriages, they really sustain
and basic principle in Arranged marriages is
Marry + Understand + Adjust + Love
First they marry and try to understand each other and adjust to the spouse
requirement and they are in love and this process continues
1. if any issue, in understanding , they may ght every day, but may not really go to
divorce. I seen 1000s of couples like this
2. If one can not adjust, other try to adjust and vice versa, again this may not lead to a
divorce
3. Love: It is not expressed by Indians, especically, classic Indians never express
love, it is only shown in various forms
Onc they have children then the bondage becomes very strong, it is dicult to think
of divorce
Also,
Divorced people wont earn a good respect in society. many a times woman fear of
bringing a bad name to her Family if she goes for a divorce. hence, dont try for divorce
even if she is not happy with the Husband.
Most of the woman are house wives and dependent and hence, they wont dare to
divorce for small small reasons as in west.
Unlike in west, divorce persons wont get a good second match. Divroce only going to
make situation worse
Finally, many people see arranged marriages as some stupid thing. But, I seen
millions of couple happy with Arranged Marriages.
Bondage in Arranged marriage is stronger than in love marriage (In India )
Yes Arranged Marraiges works far better than Love Marriages in India
PurvaJain,ProudIndian
WrittenNov17
yes, arrange marriages do work in India. I think more than half of the marriages in
India are arrange marriages and people are living a happy life. Almost everyone in my
family and had an arrange marriage including my parents and they are making it
work not just for the sake of it but because they actually love and care for each other.
It is true that some arranged marriages end in divorce but this holds true for love
marriages as well. In India girls are taught to adjust with their husband and in the
house of their in-laws. But, I have seen cases where a marriage successful because of
the understanding and adjustments of the husband.
I believe, arranged marriages in India are successful because of the understanding of

both the husband and the wife. Instead of surrendering to the problems, they choose
to deal with it. I have seen couples ghting and later making up to each other. It might
not be the lovey-dovey type but it is still very sweet.
Children and nancial issues are reason for some of the arrange marriages but in
most cases, it is the couples will to have successful marriage.
P.S. I am not married but have written what I have seen in my life till now.
381ViewsViewUpvotes
SaurabhSingh
WrittenJan8
Depends on what you'd mean by really work. If it means that do people live all their
lives together, the answer is mostly yes. But if you mean that people live happily
ever after as if they've found their soul mates, the answer would not always.
Arranged marriages are more like you trust your luck and take a leap of faith that
you'll nd your perfect partner . Apart from looks & bio data(that you or your elders
get to choose ) you just hope your spouse has all the right qualities to be your perfect
life partner. People may say you get to talk and know the person for 6 months or so,
but hey, we all know people (ex's) who pretend to be angels for much longer than that.
Who knows the person is actually a psychopath with good job and decent looks .
And if someone puts the argument that divorce rates are lowest in India, oh C'MON !
If someone can't get married on his own, how can he get a divorce :D
156ViewsViewUpvotes
BhishmKhanna,Problemsaremymotivation
WrittenDec28,2014
There can not be a straight yes or no to this question. There are people in India who
willing enter into arrange marriages and not because it is prevalent or accepted in the
society. Sometimes they work sometimes they don't.
I have encountered couples who have fallen in love madly after their marriage and
were completely strangers before that. Apart from the reasons of social taboos,
disadvantaged women position etc. the divorce rate is less because Indian (pre
dominantly Hindus) believe marriage to be a sacrament. Marriage and religion are
intertwined and every marriage comes with its own duties and obligation. One of
which is mutual respect and adjustment which forms a major part of it.
372ViewsViewUpvotes
VarshaThakur,Artist.Writer.Observer.Interpreter.Abornromantic.
WrittenOct4
Actually, we need to dene work here, because that would make all the dierence to
the question and the answer.
What works for people of one culture may not work for those of another culture. What
mindsets, beliefs, and values a person is brought up with decides what works for
him/her and what doesnt.
A lot of arranged marriage work in India for some important reasons:
1. Young people in India still are not very mentally independent, and depend
on their parents for support/condence in the marriage issue.
2. Indians love stability and set choices more than risk, adventure, or the joy of
creating something new and exciting. Love marriages are still seen as
unstable/scary/problematic, so arranged is the safe, stable fall-back option.
3. Factors like caste, religion, income, family background, and a zillion other
criteria take away all love from the equation and put arranged into it fair
and square!
4. Indians like taking life as it comes rather than wanting to do something great
or fascinating with it. Arranged marriages cater to the former way of life, love
marriages work better with the latter, because you will also want to choose a
lovely partner and have a great married life rather than just bear it out.
In some other cultures, arranged marriages would be unthinkable for the reasons
given above., because the culture supports individuality, innovation, adventure, risk,
and making a new life.
230Views
AmberPapineau
WrittenAug2,2014
I have heard so many times about how the divorce rate in India is so low and many of
the marriges are happy ones. But I see this in another way. I believe that even if the
couple was unhappy ect...they would never divorce because its Tabu, so of course the
divorce rate is low. And are couples really as happy as they claim, or are they just
doing the rite thing and keeping their parents and family happy as a whole, while
they settle for a so so life. And how many are unhappy sexually, I would bet a large
number, but its never admitted, and secretly instead of fantasizing about their spouse
they are day dreaming of others. In my opinion..many of these factors are due to
people just settling for what is suppose to be of their life...instead of what they truley
want for their life. And the last thing I do not understand is in the United States for
example, an English family would welcome an Indian with open arms and joy,
however the Indian family would greatly dissaprove...but why?????
Anonymous
WrittenOct4
Yes arranged marriages work. Mine is working. I met my husband on a matrimonial

site, within one week of making the prole. We started chatting on the matrimonial
site, then spoke over the phone, met a few times and we were engaged in 3 months
and married in another 4 months. We are from dierent states of India. My husband
calls it a love marriage, because he had to convince his parents for such a wedding. I
consider it arranged marriage because I consciously made a prole on this site and
was looking for grooms (my family doesnt consider caste n state as any rejection
criteria ever) hence I didnt have to convince anybody. Ive been married for 1.5 yrs
now and we have shared a few ups n downs. My husband had a knee surgery after an
accident, I fell sick a few times, we have some minor in-laws issues too. But we sailed
through it all together and it has been a beautiful journey. We sometimes wonder why
we didnt meet each other sooner. We are very regular people in looks, tastes, passions
but we found love in one another and its so rare these days. We love each others
company and are comfortable with each other and laugh together a lot. So far so
good. I know it wont stay this way always. It will evolve into something else in a few
years which might be even more beautiful. Im enjoying the present.
I feel you cant put something like marriage in a water-tight container, that X type of
marriage will work and Y wont. There are no rules. Some very rich people have to live
day in and day out in unhappy marriages (eg Charles-Diana, Mountbatten- Edwina ),
some poor people have nothing much but a loving life partner and consider
themselves wealthy. Divorce is not so uncommon in India now. People are walking
out. Its alarmingly high. Extra marital aairs are also at all all-time high (thats what i
hear). You have to be ready to put in eorts in your marriage. YOU make it work. Of
course, theres a limit to it, which again depends on you. For example- if you are ok
with a messy house, messy nances, messy husband, domestic life but you are not ok
with cheating or domestic violence, then you must walk out once your threshold is
reached. Likewise, if you are okay with a lazy wife who is not a good cook but you
cant tolerate her emotional abuse/blackmail, bad mouthing your parents or putting
false charges on you, then you walk out. Decide what you can work-out through
dialogue or mutual understanding. It all depends on the individuals in the marriage.
Marriage grows on you. And makes you dependent on one another. I know of a
couple, both working in MNCs who had a love marriage. The husband now takes rent
from the wife for living in their house, uses her like an object and shows utter
negligence but she is still in the marriage because she chose him against everybodys
wishes so she feels she is obligated to make it work. I dont know what went wrong
between them but Im hoping they reconcile and be happy again. A love marriage can
be as successful or as disastrous as an arranged marriage.
Anonymous
WrittenNov12,2015
Yes, they did. But, earlier. Not now Really.

I personally do not know about marriage as I never thought about it, I never spoke
about it to anyone . It may be Possible that I may end up Single throughout my life.
I love a girl whole kindheartedly. Just because I am very short tempered, I have
abused her a lot. No direct abusive words. But, used a few oensive words that under
rate the beauty of a girl. I decided not to marry any girl as she doesn't even talk to me
and you can nd her prole over Matrimonial websites with "CLASSIC ADVANTAGE"
golden Membership. So, she is desperate to get married. Its her life, who am I to stop.
Now, I am going to tell you people about my Parents.
My Real Mother named Katayayani, who hailed from Andhra Pradesh's East Godavari
district got married to my Father ( Chhatisgarhi Telugu speaking Man). It was an
arranged marraige. Everything was ne. I was born in Yanam (Pondicherry District
surrounded by Andhra Pradesh) and my parents used to Live in Jabalpur ( Madhya
Pradesh)
My Mom never understood Hindi. She was Poor in it. Due to the family issues , she
felt tortured and committed suicide. She died when I was Just an year old. Then
started bad time for my father. Police cases, Court cases and then lots and lots. There
was a Huge sum of money which had to get collateralized in order to get the expenses
managed eciently (Police in India is corrupt). My father was termed as a Murderer
by my Maternal Relatives. My Nani and Mama gave immediate support to my dad and
nally the Police case was withdrawn against my Daddy.
While I was growing up, my Daddy used to change my diapers, kept me in some Child
care Homes and did everything he could do to raise me ( Neighbors in Jabalpur told
me).
I used to study in Maharishi Vidya Mandir ( Narmada Road Branch) in Jabalpur where
a famous teacher named "K***ana Dh**e" taught the students and she used to be my
Class Teacher. She was Unmarried. She knew that this kid doesnt even know the
word" Mother" by then. She used to take care of me in the school.
My dad was looking to get married again. He discussed it with his friends and he
some how came to know about this lady. He asked me about the teacher and I told
him that she is my class Teacher. After a few days, I got a phone call from my teacher
saying " I am your Mother". I was in 2nd Standard then.
They got married, it was an arranged marriage. She changed my school, made me
enter the Army Public School in GRC Jabalpur.
My studies Improved. I improved my handwriting. I have a classic handwriting even

NOW!
I used to roam with people who used to drive Autos. My quality of Living raised all of
a sudden.
I was given good clothes, given the best of the best means to education. But, I could
not aord to sleep away from my father. After a lot of pains, I managed to sleep
outside(in a dierent room)
The people around me started to " change my mind and make it against my mother",
and it made me quarrel a lot with my parents and it kept on happening a lot.
I felt that my father has cheated me.
My sister was Born and she gained a lot of attention from her maternal side. I never
got any sort of respect or attention from those people. It used to be a formal " Hi,
Hello" and I knew that people spoke against me and they disliked me. My own Nani
and her people disliked me too (because of my father). I had No option. I understood
that I am a hated person.
I kept on Moving, my Studies went excellent as my Mother used to teach me. My sister
is excellent in studies. She even is a singer and the winner of Voice of India. We got
transferred to Gwalior and I followed my Father. I did not want to Live with her. I was
notorious and I was not allowed in Kitchen and Bedroom. I was neither allowed to
watch the Television or speak to any of my friends. I have to be blamed for this,
anyways.
I moved to Gwalior, studied there and after that completed rest of my Higher
secondary education in Hyderabad and moved to Gwalior for the preparation of my
Engineering entrance exams. I had a short love aair for 2 Months. ( Used to speak to
the girl over Internet and Phone. Never met her)
I told my parents about it and the Jehannum started for me. Forget the breakup, I got
locked up in Home and I spent almost 4 to 5 Months completely in Home. I went into
utmost depression.
My dad Moved to Bhopal along with everyone and even I moved. I joined my
Engineering and started pursuing it. I nally met a girl ( My Family friend) and I still
Like her. She doesn't do that. But that's OK!
My mother never allowed my Father to send any extra Money to me. I had to depend
on BPO night shifts and teaching to earn Money. I completed my Engineering and I
did that in 5 Years. It means NO JOB!
I moved to Mumbai, where my parents shifted in 2010 and started Looking for Jobs. I
lacked Talent. Did not get any Job. I moved to Hyderabad, I got a Job the day Moved
in here. I rarely go to Home Now and I feel that I need to understand that my parents
do not really Like me being with them. They told me that they are happy enough
now.
So, the arrange marriage for my father proved to be Fatal rst. But, an arrange
marriage with some sort of Links factor proved to be really helpful. My dad is leading
a happy life. As long as he is happy, even I am happy. I do not have any grudge in
appreciating his marriage.
I hope my message of the Kind of arrange marriage is clear by now! Get an arrange
marriage done. But, know the person properly by Mutual People and then decide. Its a
wonderful thing.
Cheers!
Anonymous
WrittenMay11,2015
Concept of love marriage is some how ambiguous. And in present day India the word
"love marriage" is often used when:
1. A working lady marries a colleague (usually earning more than her) who doesn't
belong to her cast.
2. After having a good time with the girl when guy wants to move on and the girl
blackmails him into a marriage with fake rape case threats
3. A young and beautiful girl marries a much older rich and successful man,
irrespective of cast.
4. A morally dubious (usually with a inferior nancial and family background) guy
seduces a girls from decent family and somehow marries her.
The remaining marriages are called arranged marriage where:
1. The guy and girl meet on matrimonial sites and get married
2. A guys and girls family marry their kids o with/without their consent.
3. The guy, a girl in relationship with, does fullls all the criteria/at least major ones
(i.e. belongs to the same cast, earns way more than the girl)
of the girls parents and vice versa.
Love is the most abused word of the century unfortunately...every man refers to
his concubine as girl friend/lover and most sex-workers refer to their regular
customer as "lover"...
What I am amused to notice is..when the humanly traits like compassion, respect,
decency, honesty and "love" are rare to nd and disappearing rapidly, the number of
"love" marriages are ever rising!!!!
616ViewsViewUpvotes
RohithBhamidipatiVenkata,Openmindedskeptic,musiclover,health
freakandnonconformist.
WrittenNov22,2012
The concept of an arranged marriage is one of the strangest and most meaningless
things I have ever had the misfortune of learning about. The notion that the a couple
who have never met before have to learn to love each other, even if they are not
physically or emotionally compatible, is shocking. It will be a huge blow to their
happiness, if they cannot feel comfortable with the other person, cannot be intimate
with him/her, and do not share common interests. Family reputation, and what
others will think become more important than the happiness of the couple. And of
course newly to-be-married couples are as nave and gullible as people can be, and
think that this is the road to true happiness. They even think that mere friendly
feelings to the other person is true love. Somehow, the natural eects of chemicals
such as oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and a host of other psychological, physical and
emotional changes that people undergo when they progress along the natural
transition from friendship or infatuation to love is overruled by horoscope
compatibility, and the educational qualications of the people involved. The latter to
some extent is meaningful, but to keep these as primary conditions, and asking two
people who aren't sure if they are for each other to get sexually and emotionally
intimate is a crime against humanity. And of course there is a huge shroud of being
faithful to your spouse, and divorce is bad surrounding marriages, and since the
minds of the couple are lled with fear, with questions like what will the society say
if we separate?, even if their marriage is not working , they learn not to love each
other, but to tolerate each other for the purposes of the "greater good, and to uphold
traditional values, and are forced to live in this agony for the rest of their lives.
People quoting high divorce rates in the US, need to realize that while it is possible
these people may be stupid and childish in choosing a mate, they are also bold
enough to realize when a relationship is not working, and call it quits. And almost
every Indian couple you ask will say their marriage is ne, when in reality, it is quite
likely that all they are doing is lying to themselves and to others about their feelings,
because they have to justify that their arranged marriage was made in heaven, and
nothing at all can go wrong with it.
Anonymous
WrittenSep18,2015
According to my view, all type of marriages can have issues. It depends on the people
how they manage it. But what i don't like in India is that usually parents or relatives
will force us to get marry. So rather calling it as arranged marriage we can call it as
forced arranged marriage. Here we are not choosing a type of person whom we want
to live with. In India most of them will get adjusted after marriage even though they
don't want to live a life like that. Its just because they are afraid of people around
them. Take time to read this wonderful article Happy Marriages In India - Becoming
A Dream ???
PoulomiHari,Marketingprofessional,writer,blogger.
WrittenDec11
I was having this discussion the other day with my roommate. I always thought
Marriage is just a license, provided by the society upon which you can lose your
virginity without any hoopla. However after speaking to my roomie I woke up
enlightened.
In a live-in relationship or even a normal relationship the "thing" is non-existent. This

"thing" is actually called ,, caring " ! In a relationship we always indierent. If our
partner falls ill with say fever, we wont take a holiday and take care of him/her.
Basically we don't attach ourselves with our so called soul mate and believe from the
rst "we never know where the relationship is headed to", or "I donno how far we
would go". We corner ourselves from attachment and rather stay indierent, leaving
the partner to sort their problems on their own.
In marriage the scene is dierent. It wont sound bad if we say, "My wife is ill, I need a
day o". And in-fact most people once married are rather more committed than they
are as bachelors. People become more responsible. There many factors to it, the rst
being the relations with the in-laws. Hence people choose commitment over freedom
in the case of marriage. This "marriage" drives them into being responsible human
beings and somehow the relationship goes strong and lasts forever.
Coming to the arranged marriage question the answer is same. Ya, it takes time for a
couple to mutually fall in love. 90% of couples don't even have sex in the rst night.
But just like how you fall in love with a stranger, or a person you know very less about
within a couple of dates, in arrange marriage too the couple eventually accept each
other as soul mates. In fact the arrange marriage works wonders as the couple right
from the start are committed to their spousal duties. People openly express their
emotions and take each other seriously. There is hardly any subconscious fear of
failure and people put their 100% to make it work.
AbhishekChatterjee
WrittenNov20,2015
Well i am no expert but i have this to say through keen observation and logical
deduction........
1. Divorce rates increase as living standards increase ANYWHERE
2.till about 10 or 20 years ago women were just married o instead of being pushed to
be indipendent or nd work in india....here women found freedom in the 90s whereas
in most industrialized nations this happened in the 60s....
3. As women demanded thier life became nancially independent they didnt see the
need of being supported by a man....
4. Dont you think that in most marriages in the past the woman would not le for
divorce out of fear that she wouldnt be able to support herself? Espicially in a country
like india where ipping burgers means you have to live in a slum.....
5. Just because divorce rates are low doesnt mean that the marriage is healthy...... an
unhealthy marriage is not good for the partners, the children nor society....
6. Studies show that it is better for a child not to be part of a unhealthy marriage as he
sees more hostility which aects his mind more than the divorce itself......
7. People need to have a good relationship with themselves rst before they get
married.... studies show that people who marry later in life are less likelier to get
divorced..
8. Just because you had a few failed relationships doesnt mean you give up on ndin
the one....it is silly and irresponsible to leave the responsibility of nding your soul
mate on your family......m
1kViewsViewUpvotes
KiranShriyan,MasterofallJacks.
WrittenJan16,2015
what I understand about arrange marriage & what i think is general the perception
today.
the general perception about arrange marriage is - 2 Anonymous are thrown into a
marriage cage by others, to live together for life! OMG!!!
in fact arrange marriage is most criticised in the modern Indian societies. whereas
arranged blind dates & arranged dates by family, friends or internet is completely
ne.
i nd this Strange!
anyway
If Marriage is one of the biggest decisions in your life, its but obvious you should try
to know enough & more about that individual (your better half). prime objective of
Non Arranged Marriage (i have to know the person well enough blah blah...bla).
Well, people do & they still fail. ???
I think its high time we looked at arranged marriage in a dierent Perspective
ideally Arranged Marriage is simply a support system provided by your Loved ones
who wishes the best for you.
it all starts with a...
messengers proposal - news is out in the society. this particular family is looking for
a match for their son/daughter, who is studying, out of college, working, unemployed,
widow, widower etc
Arrange Marriage is not only for Virgins.... all kind of arrange marriages happen in
India including of an unmarried dead soul. messengers comes with a proposal, it
could be your mother's friends husbands sister in laws cousins nephew/niece or just
by uke. sometimes its outright rejected or in other cases consultation,
contemplation, gathering of information, understanding family background, caste,
social status etc & all other parameters are checked. by now in most cases these days
photograph is exchanged & basic communication happens through phone, internet or
meeting in person. and then the families decide to meet. this doesn't mean that
Orphans don't stand any chance. even they do arranged marriage.
Family meet - generally in India we don't believe marriage is only between a girl & a
boy, its a marriage of two families. once the families meet there is better
understanding between families about their nature, culture, family values, up
bringing, status & other facts
Horoscope match - Today we understand the Cosmos & Astrology which gives us a
clear insight on each zodiac signs attributes, which gives us a clear match depending
on zodiac signs compatibility. in the same way horoscopes are matched in detail to
nd out maximum compatibility of the couple with a strong belief that 100% match is
next to impossible. only once the horoscopes pass the test of scoring average or above,
it goes to next level. other formalities happen depending on their culture & also
looking for an auspicious day for engagement & marriage
in most of the cases engagement is compulsory - usually few months or a year
prior to marriage, couple gets engagement. its a small ceremony in the presence of
family & friends, couple exchange rings on an Auspicious day. in other words now on
they're formally free to meet & chat, without anybody objecting. of course its not like
live in relationship, these days its become the time to romance & know each other
better, at least thats what happened with my friends & people i know.
Indian Wedding - and then the grand elaborate ritual of Marriage begins in the
presence of all ve elements of the nature.
with a logical beginning - after all this why wont there be a less divorce rate?
552ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenNov25
Arrange marriages succeed and fail both, just like marriage after a period of
relationship. If you really want to know the truth seek information from your friends
or acquaintances.On Quora you will get biased or hyper idealistic views.
634ViewsViewUpvotes
Garima,fightingwithmyself.
UpdatedNov14,2015
OriginallyAnswered:Isarrangemarriageagudoption?
Yes! It's a good option in the following Conditions

1.you by yourself couldn't able to nd the one till you are at marrigeable age.
2.you are ready to make everyone happy around you.(in technical terms you are ready
to sacrice:D coz the person you are going to marry is your family member's as well
of your choice.)
3.its a good choice coz most of the Indian guys/girls have mindset that their
parents are the best decision maker while selecting their life partners.
So emotionally you feel proud that you have followed your customs, traditions of your
family.
I am also in favour of that but more or less I personally think it's good to listen
everyone around you including your friends/ elders/parents/siblings/relatives but do
what your gut feelings says.
& in case you nd your true mate through love, go for it.
Things (mindset ) of people in India is changing day by day.
In my friend circle 3 or more friends choosen the love come arrange and this was
intercaste, in Rajasthan.
A known kameena is better than the unknown namuna :p:D

(it's a local phrase, pardon if I hurted anyone's emotions or thoughts although I know
it's a very sensitive topic).
So, decisions will be yours don't blame anyone ready to take risks.
Because you never know what is the real face of the person until you live with them.
I am in the process of arrange one, although I never thought of this.. ^. ^
All the best :) take a chill pill..
It's already written..its is one of kind Serendipity !
Vinayak,Nomatterwhatyoudo,Successisnotguaranteeduntilitis
achieved.
WrittenDec4
If I were to answer that in short then I would say YES and NO. The reason for
contradicting answer is MARRIAGE isnt as general as the word sounds. Every
marriage is UNIQUE with two UNIQUE person taking those vows, they both share
their own UNIQUE pie of marriage, face their UNIQUE problems.
It doesnt matter MUCH whether your marriage is love marriage or an arranged one.
What really matters is what kinda relationship do you share with your spouse
after marriage. If things, Situations and Circumstances go according to your plan
then there shouldnt be any reason why it wont work.
But if things go the other way, you are bound to face marriage hiccups which if wont
handled the way it needs to be then it will lead to the failure.
In Short, every Marriage (whether Love or Arranged) is UNIQUE and in order for it to
be successful you just need the basics in place:-
TRUST,
UNDERSTANDING,
RESPECT,
LOVE,
COMMITMENT,
LOYALTY.
234Views
LuvkushGangwar,Engineerbychoice,socialreformerbysoul.
WrittenFeb27,2015
Cute letter from a newly married girl to her mother.
Dear mom,
Like every normal girl, i was excited about my marriage right from my childhood
days. I never thought beyond the time that i would spend happily with my prince
charming.
But today when i am married. I realize that marriage is not all roses. it's not just being
with your beloved and having a gala time. There is so much more to it. It comes with
its own share of responsibilities, duties, sacrices and compromises.
I can't wake up any time i want to.
I am expected to be up and ready before every one else in the family.
I can't laze around in my pajamas thought out the day.
I am expect to be presentable every time.
I can't just go out anytime i want to.
i am expected to be sensitive to the needs of the family.
I just can't hit the bed any time i want to.
I am expected to be active and around the family.
i can't expect to be treated like a princess but am supposed to take care everyone else
of the family.
And then i think to myself, 'why did i get married at all ?' I was happier with you mom.
sometimes i think of coming back to you and pampered again.
I want to come home to my favorite food cooked by you every evening after a nice
outing with friends. I want to sleep in your lap like i have no worry in the world. But
then i suddenly realize, had you not got married and made such sacrices in your life,
I wouldn,t have had so many wonderful memories to hang on to. And suddenly,the
purpose of all this become clear- to return the same comfort,peace and happiness to
my new family that i got from you.
And i am sure that as time would pass, i would start loving this life equally as you do.
thank you mom for all the sacrices and compromises you made. they give me the
strength to do the same.
Love you.
Its an excellent article for all daughters .
How they sacrices there whole life for the family, whom they doesn't know
previously.
how they accept the other family and start treating like there own.
how they form the beautiful house and how start loving all like an angel.
Arrange marriage is a beautiful thing,
But many families forgot that how much the girl tries and sacrices to form the
beautiful house for you family, they doesn't give them their respect.
Not all time arrange marriages fails , sometimes they are really a good match.
and some time Love marriages are also fails.
so this is not the point of marriage, this is the point of respect for the opposite gender,
this is the point of respect for the girl. that how can we man or their family treat a girl
after marriage.
and this can only be achieved by the providing proper knowledge to our children that
how to treat a girl, so that when they got married(either it may be a love marriage or
arrange marriage) they respect the girl,
so that we can able to form a good society and respect for all.
590ViewsViewUpvotes
KatyayiniSingh,Beenthere.Donethat.Advicingyoutonotdoit.
WrittenDec14
While you are correct in your assessment that divorce is considered an unacceptable
step in many parts of our country, it is not a taboo anymore. It is seen more along the
lines of being an extreme step. Having said that, not every arranged couple stick
together for factors other than love. Honestly, most of them fall in love as time passes
by.
Relationships not working out is not limited to arranged as even people with love
marriage face such issues. It depends on the people involved instead of how they got
together.
576ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRanjanMishra
Anonymous
WrittenOct16,2013
The answer is: ARRANGED MARRIAGES DO NOT WORK.
I had to marry a girl which was "arranged" by my parents. This happened when I was
in my mid 20s. I don't know what motivated them to do it, but I was brain-washed and
made to believe that once I get married I would live happily ever after.
Now I just remember the days when I was happy - before marriage.
Some people would argue that arranged marriages work because they or someone
they know is happy after an arranged marriage.
Reality: Arranged marriage is a love lottery. You may get to experience true love.
You may not.
Was I unhappy before marriage? No! But I was dierent. I didn't go out too much. I
had 2 close friends and I spent most of the time reading books. Somehow my parents
felt that I was bored and lonely and decided that it is right time to get me married.
I wasn't bored. I may have been a bit lonely but I really don't know. I didn't care
because I was an introvert.
Yes, it was scary to marry someone I didn't know but I got convinced by others that
this is the right way to do it and I was shown the many examples of people who got
married through arrangement and are now perfectly happy.
Yes, we cave in to the pressures of the society and suck it up until the end of our lives.
Long slow painful death. Can't get slower than this.
876ViewsViewUpvotes
ImtiazKhan
WrittenApr10,2016
HA HA HA MARRIAGE??
Fallacious thoughts hinder the logical thinking process. Yes I am talking about
marriage. Government is looking for a feasible way to create new jobs, instead they
are creating couples. Good planning results in nancial gains, but its leading to
nancial crisis. The only place where orists get paid enough is our country, where
lots of owers are bought in pre-marriage, marriage and post-marriage.
We live in a world where we express our feelings on Facebook, ride car on occasions,
sing in the bathroom, window shopping and choose our garments more carefully than
choosing our life partner. When it comes to choosing one, then we are bound by a web
created by a huge spider called Relations. We are stuck in this web like sanjeev
Kapoor once was in the hands of Gabbar Singh, and there we are shouting Nahi.
Life in itself is very complicated unlike it gives the impression that it as easy as eating
an ice-cream. But in pragmatic sense we are puppets in the hands of a powerful
parameter called Destiny, as manmohan was and is in the hands of Sonia. Its
been a habit of mine to deviate from the central theme but as everybody says I am
working on it.
What comes to our mind when we think of this word called marriage? We see orid
ornamental decorated structure, with two people wearing pompous grandiose clothes
ashing our eyes right? How materialistic we are regarding a genuine relationship
thats going to come into our life. We only thing about what dress to wear, what
jewelry to buy, what location to set up? How many people to invite? Are we really
bothered which woman/man are we inviting in our lives? We suer from a foggy view
and do not have a placid idea of whats going on.
Marriages are made in heaven, Hell is been created on earth by this marriage
bureaus. All they require is height, weight, texture; nobody cares about a persons
inner feelings, and what he expects? We require someone who can really listen to us,
who can understand us, who could love to be with our company. Those parameters
are yet to be dened by us; its high time that we dene those before we get ruined in
the hands of quick marriage bureaus. Materialism paves the way to short term
relationships. Its time we realize true importance of marriage and teach our elders
about it. In the end after the grandiose reception and a plate of extravagant food
We are going to deal our life right?
Imtiaz
639ViewsViewUpvotes
SanketShah,TraveledacrossIndia
WrittenAug12,2012
As has been said in other answers, arranged marriage depends a lot on how much
each party is ready to compromise and their living conditions. It is normal now a days
in Arranged marriage for the bride and groom to meet after the horoscope matching
by a priest (called "Kundali"). The kundali is an eective tool, it is made based upon
the birth date, time and name. It compares the prospective couple's family history to
make sure if they are not from the same family tree (called "Gotra"). This ensures that
there is no genetic repetition which causes birth defects in next generations. The
process then matches the qualities of the bride and groom mentioned in the kundali
and then gives a go ahead after which the prospective families meet. It is normal now
for the bride and groom to accept each other after one or two meeting. The families
see the guy's status (nancial, house, education, looks etc.) and the bride's qualities
(looks, education, nature, homeliness). It is generally normal till now that the guys
reject girls more often than the other way round. After the go ahead from both
families and the bride and groom, an auspicious date is xed for engagement
ceremony and marriage. Dowry is common, even today as gifts to the guy's family.
This is the process for marriage in a nutshell.
If the groom is staying with his family, even after marriage, as in a joint family, then
the bride will have a lot of support as well as problems settling in. Advantages are a
great household and family to help you right away (No need to set the house right).
Disadvantage is that the girl may be harassed if she can't cook well or help out in
household work. For example, if she was working before marriage, she may be forced
to quit that to help in household work. The husband may not be fully devoting time to
her due to strong inuence of mother. Lack of independence at home and being
under constant supervision and surveillance by the new in-laws. The trend is that the
new couple visit the relatives near by after marriage, this can be very taxing. If the
groom is independent of the family and lives on his own (abroad or far away place),
the girl may be at the risk of being harassed with no one around to help her. Human
tracking cases have been common in this case, where the groom went, "sold" the
bride and disappeared from contact. Hence it is always stressed in arranged marriage
to know the family of each other very well before going ahead. It is common to marry
to distant cousins from family to keep such things from happening and ensure family
compatibility.
What I've tried to explain here are the common defects that come in an arranged
marriage. In India it has worked well for centuries due to the oppression of women.
The women were not given a lot of freedom till very recently. Practices like child
marriage, dowry, forced marriage, sati (widowed women cremated alive with the
deceased husband), polygamy etc. were common and not illegal a century ago.
Modern India, divorces are common in any kind of marriages. Most of today's
generations has had parents who had an arranged marriage, Today, the women are
given a lot more voice in a marriage decision and they are more independent.
However this change has a lot of resistance from society and hence the system of
arranged marriage is falling apart in India.
230ViewsViewUpvotes
IshitaSharma,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenDec13
According to a latest survey, 70 % marriages in India are still arranged and less than 5
% end in divorce. Yes, arranged marriage work and beautifully so. However, so do love
marriages - what matters the most is the person you are marrying and not the way
you have found him/her - no matter how well you know the person beforehand,
once you become man and wife things do change - marriage brings with it a whole
lot of struggles and all you need is maturity to handle them the way you handle
your marriage is regardless of the way you have got married - for more on the love
vs arranged marriage debate, click here - Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage
Debate in English
1kViewsViewUpvotes
SubramanyamPidaparthy,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenJun30,2013
Your last question is answered with 1st question

Why the divorce rate so less? - Because they are arranged marriages.
Do they really work ? - That;s the reason the divorce rate is less.
Don't get divorced - No because they are arranged
Only because it's not acceptable / taboo in India?, - India is world capital for Taboos -
but it seems this was not included in the list.
Are they cave in???? - Never ever, there are many henpecked husbands and if you visit
any movie theater particularly the last show of any night - you will nd 60% of above
45 age,
You should understand the real creative input there... Let me explain it but I may add
some humor for that you need to excuse me.
Isn't it scary to marry someone you don't even know?
The arranged marriages are consisting of several pre, and nal and middle
arrangements which makes the man to keep his mouth shut and woman to laugh
every day.
1. When you select a girl - the parents makes a big issue like, advertise, get horoscopes
checked, then rejected, and then another one, and in between they send the photo to
boy to ask his views - if he likes it - they reject it - telling horoscope is bad, if he rejects
it, they move ahead to get it veried.
2. By this process - rst they make the boy totally indecisive .
3. Same story with girl side -
4. That chapter runs for 4 to 6 months
5. Then starts the selection, and engagement - the date is xed but either boy or girl is
not allowed to see / meet/ talk/ chat /whatsup ets. ( tweet also) This is a huge project
of sorts.
6. Then the boy and girl are allowed to talk or chat or tweet and in extreme cases
allowed to meet. Nothing an inch further.
Now ( before I go to 7 )
Just visualize how you will feel, get hot, think future, make plans, try to read all books
on sexology, contact close friends and ask about doubts and now, how one can expect
that girl or boy to sleep in any single night.
7. Marriage -
A, Getting the right time
B Printing cards
C Distribution
D Locating the Hall for marriage
E Selecting the Caterer
F Getting the Music Party
G Locating the Pundit to conduct the marriage
H Buying cloths for both
I Buying Gold for both
J Buying cloths for visitors
( Only for Marriage dresses and connected fashion wear there are hundreds of malls -
specically catering the marriage parties.)
9. Marriage
10 First Night
With all this advertisement and publicity; terrible PR exercise branding exercise - no
one -either girl or boy - have an inclination to think about "D".
its not like boy meets girl and go to hotel and getting is done and then declare before
media that they got married.
The "system" is too complicated and jealously controlled and protected as well as
maintained so as to seal all the escape routes.
525ViewsViewUpvotes
AbhyudayaShrivastava,livesinIndia
WrittenJan6,2015
They really work. It is some sorcery, I tell you. But, love just sometimes isn't enough.
Arranged marriages, in which both the parties are participating on consent, seem to
have this mysterious ingredient that causes loads of warmth and love between them.
I have seen couples fall in love right after their marriages have been arranged. It is like
sudden acceptance of a person as a member of your family and total surrender to fate.
It just works.
492ViewsViewUpvotes
JitenderBhandari,Founder,"www.Gagopedia.com""
www.BolteRaho.com"
WrittenMar2,2015
1. You are getting old. You should get married.
2. You are going bald/ growing fat/ becoming ugly. You should get married.
3. All your friends are married. You should get married.
4. You are getting bored. You should get married.
5. School done. College done. Job done. What else is to be done? You should get
married.
6. Late marriage means late kids. You should get married.
7. But how will your younger siblings get married? You should get married.
8. Sharma Uncle, Verma Aunty and all other relatives keep asking all kinds of
questions. You should get married.
9. Its our duty and responsibility. You should get married.
10. Its Great great Grandparents last wish. You should get married.
11. Your horoscope says if you do not get married by this year, your marriage
wont happen for 2 years. You should get married.
12. If you want to do sex, Get married. (Many people do it.) I am not kidding.
13. Parents says we wish we can also become grand-parents so you should get
married.
14. If some-how you reject a girl, your parents will do emotional blackmail with
various reasons and say you should get married.
15. If you deny for marriage at current time, they will be emotional and upset,
and for their happiness you will think you should get married.
As seen on " BolteRaho "
SrimannarayanaVKandukuri( ),IwantmyIndiato
shine
WrittenAug29
The question is:
Do arranged marriages in India really work?
Do they really work or they don't get divorced only because it's not acceptable /
taboo in India, and they cave in and somehow make it work because they have no
option left (may be due to children or nancial or social issues). Why is the divorce
rate so less?
We have to understand the system of arranged marriage, in order to analyse whether

that system is valid in present era.
I) Social background
a) In earlier days, families were, in general, village oriented and less Urban oriented.
So everyone would be knowing the other in a better manner. Any new comer to the
village will be thoroughly questioned and scrutinised by the villagers, overtly and
covertly, till they understand that new entrants personality and background.
b) So if the people from bride side or bridegroom side want to know the nancial or
behavioural details of a family or personality traits of bride/bridegroom, it would be
very easy to make enquiries.
c) Even if the bridegroom is working in a dierent place, other than that he was born
in, still it will not be that dicult to gather details about him.
II) Educational background
a) Earlier women education is restricted to auent families only. Even in our family,
the elders had the custom of stopping womans education before passing out from
High school. They used to think that if the woman can read Puranas and understands
basic mathematics, it is suce to get her married.
b) So with less education, women had no say in majority of the cases as far as their
marriage is concerned.
c) Women in general used to adjust with the the egoistic/improper behaviour of her
husband, in view of the above reason alone.
d) Even after marriage, families from both sides used to safeguard the family of the
newly wedded couple from falling apart.
III) Cultural background
a) I do not know about the attitudes of the women in other countries. However, a
woman in India in general, prefers a man with equal or more capacity, either in
education or in earning capacity. A man with lesser abilities will be accepted as a last
resort.
Keeping this attitude of the women in view, in the earlier days, people used to follow a
thumb rule.
Give your daughter into a family, which is nancially at a bit higher level.
Bring bride for your son from a family, which is nancially at a bit lower
level.
b) The concept of divorce is a relatively new one to Indians psyche. Even if disgusted
with the family life, the idea of legal divorce never used to come up in the minds of
couple.
At worst, the couple used to live separately or the man may getting married again or
maintaining a concubine.
In the present era, many changes took place in Social, Educational and Cultural areas.
1. When brides and bridegrooms are working at dierent areas, it is becoming

dicult for the parents to make enquiries before going in to talks
2. More than parents, it is the bride/bridegroom that will decide for the
marriage. Parents role is minimal and in many cases almost nothing.
3. Women are more becoming more educated and nancially independent than
their mothers/aunts/neighbours, etc.
4. Young people are in general more self-centred, less accommodative, as more

stress is being given by them to Career progress, luxuries, comforts, they are
giving less importance to marriage.
5. And, when they nally agree for marriage (arranged or love), being less
accommodative, their individual thinking
6. And, with more self-centred attitude, and less accommodative attitude on

the part of the couple, a trivial issue is sucent to trigger o a bigger ghting
and nally landing in family courts for applying for divorce.
Earlier days the emotional attachment towards all aspects of family used to be there
between the couple.
Our income;; Our house;; our land;; our family, etc.
Now everything is individual.
Your income , my income;; your job, my job;; your articles, my articles;;
A day may come when another thing becomes common, though now rare.
Your children, my children.
Either it is love or arranged marriage there is no much dierence.
871ViewsViewUpvotes
ArunNair,livesinThiruvananthapuram,Kerala,India
WrittenDec27,2014
Yes. Arranged marriages can work.

First and foremost: A detailed background check is very very important. Better if both
of you could ask each other if it is OK to continue.
Being from two dierent backgrounds, it takes time to understand each other. Mutual
faith and understanding is the foundation of a happy and colourful married life.
Please understand that will be dierence of opinions. But it for you both to sort it out.
If you feel that your partner is wrong about something talk to your partner privately
and without hurting their feelings. For hurting them is like hurting yourself.
Whatever the dierence, mind you, you are ghting with your partner. Let me tell you
that your partner is the only person who will stand with you ''whatever happens" once
you are married. What has happened in your past life is past. Need not reveal dirty
secrets provided you are dedicated and devoted to your partner. But if you have a
dirty past, you should be very careful that you do not continue the same. See to it that
it does not aect your family life. If someone tries to blackmail you with your past, it
is best you take your partner into condence. What has happened before should never
be a reason for fresh ghts in your family. Try to keep friends at a distance in your
personal matters unless it is crucial. Avoid discussing your intimate details with
friends. Avoid back biting. Be kind and humble. Be respectful to your elders. Wishing
you a wonderful married life. Always remember, Humanity is Power. You can defeat
almost anything with humbleness and love. My experience.
284ViewsViewUpvotes
NikhilVidhani,Engineer,Programmer,DoctoralStudentofFinance
WrittenOct16
The answer below is based on my observation of families around me over last two
decades.
Its true that success rate of marriages (not just arranged) was higher a decade ago
than it is today. In the 80s and 90s, in most cases man was the bread earner and
woman was the care-taker. They complimented each other. If the man is working
whole day, he needs help in domestic and child care duties. Similarly, if woman is
doing all the domestic work, then obviously she cant work at the same time without
aecting her duties. I guess, this is a big reason why things worked out so well in
yester years.
Fast forward to 2016, both the partners are working. And more or less both have
comparable education and employment. Obviously, there is a taboo in India
where domestic work is seen as enslaving and oce work as empowering. So now
both partners want to work. This systems works as long as they are the only ones in
the house. Widespread prevalence of domestic help and instant delivery of goods and
food help the cause.
However, a guest or a mother-in-law or a child can change the equilibrium. A lot of

time there is a quarrel between wife and mother-in-law; as nobody is able to
understand the other. Now, the husband and wife are not complimenting but
competing with each other. Who should give up the job for the domestic activities ?
Situation worsens when there is a child. The husband doesnt want a nanny and the
wife doesnt want to retire from work. Who will you blame ? In some countries, it is
not uncommon for a man to be a full time house-spouse and the woman to be sole
bread earner; although it is still a long-shot in India.
312ViewsViewUpvotes
UnnatiJain,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenNov13
Yes, in India arranged marriage work and not because of taboo. People put their
eorts to maintain their marriage. They believe in relationship. Every relationship
have some problem. Some have less, some have more but that doesn't mean to end
their relationship. Instead of ending their relationship they nd solution in most of
the case. In some cases where situation get worse people get divorce. In India people
give their best in marriages may be that can be the reason of less divorce rate.
734ViewsViewUpvotes
B
WrittenDec4
I'm not married but will put down what I think about it
First . I think arrange marriage happened only in india this is because of her culture
old civilization and rich in spiritual and scientic,and cultural
Civilization made us to make way of life in a manner and system are way
Arrange marriage is something tells you thats a relationship just don't stand on
physical lure ,wealth You can understand him,her after marriage but you both have to
sacrice his/her likes and dislikes understanding each other need and realizing each
other pain and mutually handling hurdle of life then only arrange marriage last longs
in other countries most of over 50% of marriage results in divorce
Cause they don't want compromise with their likes /dislikes, don't want they want
their life should move as they were intended no hurdle ,pain no need to understand
but life isn't allowe anyone live in this manner we must have to face lots of problems
in almost every point then you partners don'twant face that
That's where problem get starts
It may also happens in india but there is one thing which holds them doing it . that is
familyfamly its family where you get advice of most important thing of s life
twsomething called joint family despite of problems , or ego whitin a family elder just
let them to separate case they in most times this is family whic comes for your help
\U0001f603
463Views
Anonymous
WrittenJan7,2015
I am not suggesting that arranges marriages are bad, that's because I don't think I am
of that age. People have given there life stories (I sympathize with you if you have had
bad experiences and its very brave of you to post it here ) but I am just going to put up
my views.
I am not only going to talk about marriages themselves but the procedure behind
setting it (which I think is awed).
This answer would also entertain people in there late teens/early twenties whose
families/neighbourhood aunties pester them about there future. (No it doesn't work
in this way)
I believe they work for some couples and don't work for some.
For some, it takes place due to pressure from parents, friends ,neighbours and the
biggest of them all, the other family members who only meet during festivals.
Adverts like
make people even more active when a young one in the family reaches the so called
"marriage age".
In India, a marriage is a relationship between the families of the couple being married
o (as you may have heard). It is not something which is dependent on the
compatibility of the couple itself, but how the uncles of the girls family are, how the
boys father is, is there any criminal history on either side. The couple compatibility is
just tested by those babas/pandits who look up at the stars and decide whether the
couple would live a happy life. Kundlis are matched and parents and family meet up.
Flaws in this, maybe none, because what kundlis and other stu say about an
individual is so general that such and event would/wouldn't happen with anyone.
For example they say that you have an aversion from burning in re. (mine said).
Seriously? Anybody would have that.
Astrology/kundlis can literally be given to anyone , and they will read into it
whatever they want in order to feel like there's some cosmic grandpa up there, ready
to give you a hug and tell you it'll all be okay. And that you like fun! And have an
aversion to drown!
What fascinates me is that people instead of looking at the fantasmic space in which a
blue piece of rock with a white piece of rock revolving around it, revolves around a
very big ball of re at a speed of 108,000 km/hr (whats more fascinating?). And we are
a nobody in the cosmos,and yet somehow people nd some connections in the
position of stars which would decide our future.
I think that deciding a couple on the basis of stars is just a game of luck, and people
cope up with there set up signicant other just to avoid comments from others who
live with them (society/peers/family). They may fall in love while coping up, or spend
the rest of there lives trying to understand each other. But isn't it just a "Game of
Luck" after all.
I don't know how I rambled o till here from the point where families are married.
Families are indeed married, but what I think is that families just meet up during
festivals and other events, they never live with each other (avoid it at all costs), nor do
they have to sleep with each other, and neither do they have to have kids together. It is
good that you are looking for overall compatibility but who knows how many "would
have been almost perfect" girls/boys did you reject just on the basis of some problem
you saw in one of the aunts.
What I think would be good that look for a bride/groom you want to look for but then
at least let them select whom they like. Dont put your weight in everything because
you dont want to cope up with their family (to enthusiastic family members and
parents).
The other aw I see is the meeting time. The two families meet up and make the boy
and girl sit uncomfortably inside a room to talk for sometime and show the other
family that they are compatible whereas the nal decision is going to be made by the
family members itself.
What I think would be correct way is to let the girl and boy meet up for a few dates.
(OK FAMILY call it "Family arranged dating" if you want) . One of my uncles did this
and it was just perfect as he came to know that the girl he was going to marry was
made for him.
What love marriages do is you have been dating someone for a few years, you know
what he/she likes, you know how he she lives. Then what is the problem, ultimately
the couple is going to live in a nuclear family a place far away from their parents. (I am
just saying this because this is what happens now a days). If the parents dont like the
girl, cope with her for a few days when they visit, for your childs sake.
(Families/parents say that they are arranging the marriage for there childs happiness
but if you want your child to be happy why cant you do this coping up).
Arranged marriage setters usually look up at the girl/boys caste rst, then all the
other things. If the boy/girl is in love with someone from the other caste and is living
with him/her, dont give an reason/excuse that they have a dierent way of living and
hence you two are not compatible (to enthusiastic family members and parents). It is
you who may not like their ways when they visit home or during the marriage.
I have seen this stu take place as there have been some recent marriages in my
family. (I was the ocial family stalker who had to look at the girls Facebook and
shaadi.com prole, match kundlis online and do other internet related shit, all
because I am doing CS?).
My nal verdict would be that arranged marriages do genuinely work sometimes, but
mostly its just a game of luck (because of the huge number of aws the concept has). I
believe the same may be true for love marriages but I do support them more (because
of the pros of it I mentioned above). I think marrying a girl/boy whom you have been
with for at least 4-5 years may most probably work.
I have had to cope up with comments from aunties who say that my marriage would
be so easy (just because I am in BITS Pilani? Seriously?) and from family who saw my
involvement in my uncles marriage (as an ocial stalker, I did try to save him though
:D) and started to comment about my marriage and how nding a girl would be tough
for me as I am superbly tall. So arranged marriages create mental pressure years
before marriages. (True Story)
My answer to them was "NO! Stop worrying about me, I can help myself". When I told
them about my views, I was treated with cold glares from them but I think I was
successful in telling them that I wasnt interested in there method which I think is
awed.
I discussed everything with my mom who completely agrees with me. She said that
saying something this logical, I may have really grown up. Maybe Indians still follow
this system because they dont like change. I cant see any other reason in doing
something which is visible logically correct.
And then matrimonial ads like this make my day
467Views
Anonymous
WrittenOct4,2014
Is nobody going to ask the most important question here. One of the great aws of the
institution of arranged marriages in India. I read through the top 20 responses on this
thread and did not see one reference to it.
HOMOSEXUALITY! How many millions of men and women in India have been
pressured to marry someone of the opposite sex without an opportunity for them to
even realize their emotions.
A portion of the divorce rate in the United States can be attributed to men and women
discovering that they were actually gay. If that same fraction can be applied to India's
populace I am sure the institution of arranged marriage would weaken and divorce
rates would rise.
Before the trolls attack me with responses along the lines of "it is not in India's
culture" or "this is a western fabricated invention". Let me remind them there is
enough evidence for a debate that stringent homosexual views of our society is an
oshoot of the monotheistic religions, mainly Christianity and Islam. There is a
homosexual traditions within Hinduism even if it is not main stream. But above and
beyond that if two consenting adults of the same sex want to marry who is anyone
else to tell them no?
Will no one else on this forum, but me, ask these questions? Because only when you
ask "uncomfortable" questions do you hit the hard truth. The truth is arranged
marriages don't work. While they give the perception of stability and security, this far
from the truth when people do things out of necessity and not passion it is
frustrating. For all those "geeks" imagine taking a job because you had to rather than
doing something you were passionate about, it works the same way with your
personal life.
836ViewsViewUpvotes
ShrishtiDushti,sometimesunusualapproachhelps
WrittenMay19,2016
Yes it certainly works for few and it might not work for few and they might be in it just
because of societal pressure or kids or because of lengthy divorce process in India as
few mentioned (I don't really about the legal stu though ). As far as I understand it
the probability of an arranged marriages' success or failure is no dierent than love
marriages success or failure.It depends on the individuals involved.Many here have
pointed out that it worked out because of extensive background check.I seriously
disagree with that it's just whimsical if spy on people.That's also not certainly how I
know things worked when people my parents age got married and that age group
certainly has most successful arranged marriage it worked for people that time
because they got into marriage knowing there's no way out and they have to make it
work.Many people my parents age didn't even get to see their partners before
marriage. Also most people at that time were very content with what they got in life.
I simply doubt the authenticity of less divorce rates in India though.May be if surveys
are conducted now , will certainly show discrepancies .It certainly isn't a real
indicator of how happy a person is in marriage or how successful a marriage is.Just
two people staying toghter doesn't prove anything me.Two people can stay together
but be pretty miserable too.
Also majority in India follows hindism. If you look at Hindu religion there's no
concept of divorce mentioned there ,marriages are supposed to last till eternity and
its believed by hindu people that if marry a person ,you marry them for your seven
lives i.e you will get the same person as husband/wife in your next seven lives . In
Christianity and Muslim religion you have words like divorce or talaq dening how
you can get separated from a person but no such procedure in Hindu marriage system
as far as I know.I was quite astonished when my mother pointed out to the fact.So
may be it could also be a religious conditioning that made people stay toghter even
though not happy or when the situations were bad enough.I do know a few families
where even though husband and wife are not ocially divorced they live
separately.They don't even want to go through the legal divorce process ,they say
what's the use of it,its just papers and few also have remarried with consent of their
wives.
304ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRobertBowman
AnudeepRavi,overthinkingstuff....orAmI?

UpdatedJun30,2014
It has through out history. But it will need to change to adopt with the changing
values of the modern times.
Marrying for love is a relatively modern phenomena both in India and western
cultures even though it is even more recent in India.
If you could go back in time and ask their opinion on this idea, they would call you a
unrealistic fool and reply that you will like the person after marriage when he/she
provides their cultural requirements for marriage.
People used to marry in relatively small circles(generally villages) and it become a

pairing exercise between the families with amount of consent varying from situation.
Now, we think of marrying for love, and females are considered more are less
equal(compared to ye olde times) and can t in most social roles, so they demand
consent too.Through out history ,arranged marriages tended to give the short end of
the stick to the females, relying on them make up for any shortcoming of the
marriage. by so called 'adjusting.'
Arranged marriages can still work, provided that now, both members of marriage try
to adjust and get used to shortcomings of the other , the marriage will go decently.But
that is relationship advice 101. so unless arranges marriages get modied to the
introduced dating system with familial consent and support ,along with a bit of
leeway for the kids to put their foot down, they won't work any longer. But that is
what the system is changing to anyway these days.there is still a need to change in
rural india, but urban indians are slowly going there
If you really nd the person you love, more power to you! I hope you succed in life.
but what indian youth is doing right now is preferring love marriages just as a knee
jerk reaction to rebel against parents and to show their "modernity" and "changed
values" and other load of crap.I have seen both immature love marriages and really
good ones.
In the end , the people matter now ,not the system (Due to Improving Economic
conditions). But the very act of social life is compromising some of your desires for
others and other doing the same for you. And the act of having a marriage with
familial support instead of going blindly feels like your parents are living your life,
then you are perfectly alright to do so . If minimum level of consent are not met, then
you will be perfectly justied for discarding other's opinion.
VenkatRaman,Lifeisaf**kingcurse.Dealwithit!
WrittenDec11
A question almost anyone can have. Lets get a long answer
They work. I have seen countless marriages where they work. The reason we have
divorces is that we are forgetting that marriage is a partnership (a yin-yang) rather
than something else. Though this is forgotten, this was and will be the basis of any
marriage. More than anything it is an eventuality in our society
This is our society for someone 25 years old (Being liberal with 25)
*Below is intended pun*
Parents Until 25 : Dont fall in love with some stranger
Parents After 25 : Get married to this boy who we found for you
Parents During 30 : Why did you not fall in love with anyone?
3540 year old virgin : Anything will do
This is the status of so many of us.
Arranged Marriage - Perks
While people debate arranged marriage, lets face facts. Majority of us (India) would
die single if arranged marriage did not exist. Though this is changing now, the past
was even more dicult. My parents had an amicable love marriage but in my own
family I know a love marriage which has survived 3 decades but not without a rocky
nature. We tend to follow the trend and parents continue to believe that they know
what is best for their kids. Just like they send an innocent kid to an engineering
college. *Again some pun and sarcasm may be identied*
Personally speaking, Ive seen people get married to people way out of their league
(men and women) via arranged marriage.
The problem is that beyond a certain age, the pressure from your family to get
married becomes enormous. They let go of certain conditions, perform emotional
blackmail, cite their age, ask for grandchildren before their death and you are coaxed
into it.
Can we control who we fall in love with?
Certainly NOT! I think that is the beauty of love. It is blind to everything. Caste,
Religion, Age, Looks, Size, Eating Habits, Political Views, Opinions and whatever else
possible are overlooked in love and I think that is the best part of the emotion.
*When you cant nd a partner, you will be found one*
How can you marry a stranger?
While in the past they groom and the bride met at the engagement/wedding, today
people talk to each other prior to xing anything. That is a turn in the right direction.
If you cant choose a partner, see if the description of the person suits you. If you
cannot do that you need to do some introspection. Otherwise, trust your parents.
There is very little to actually make sense out of this. If you can resist the plight of
your parents (many are understanding) and the judgment of those you know, you can
stay single rather than marrying a stranger.
Let me say this, for those who cannot nd a partner, marrying a stranger isnt the
worst way to go. Unless the partner is a sociopath.
However, a few of us are so rigid that we see love as a sin. (Not kidding. Some people
have told me they have no time for love. They have to study) They dread it so much
that youd think you were asking them to do something illegal. Such people grow up
in the same household of forward thinkers and happily marry a stranger.
In reality *pun intended*
So in the event that you have to marry a stranger, our folks deal with it in the
following way
1. They get a spark (literally) on seeing the chosen partner (men and women)
2. They are sold by excellent marketing pitches by parents and other well-
wishers and end up having a good opinion about it altogether *pun intended*
3. The college of education is a good criteria in determining a match. IITs and

IIMs are like cheat codes. It gives a free pass at all criterias
This is a question where 1000 people will give you 2000 dierence answers but
nobody is sure of any of their own answers
654ViewsViewUpvotes
NiharikaTiwari,Moreexperiencedinlovethanyou'dthink.
WrittenOct23,2012
I think a lot of how these marriages work can be understood within the freudian
theory of attraction. Parents try to nd their characters (crude ones) in the
prospective match. And because girls are closer to their father's and vice versa for
boys, it is not very dicult to nd the match likable. That's where you begin.
No wonder most girls fall in love with guys who are similar to their fathers.
913ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenDec27,2014
Do you know where I am?

I am sitting in a cafe having coee and reading quora. I could have done this at home
but I traveled 40 kms from home and found this cafe. I do this every weekend.
I am a 24 year old girl and working in well paid rm. I am an introvert and have very
few friends. I can never smile back to people who smiles at me on my way to work,
home etc. I don't remember playing with any child last time who wanted to play with
me in parks. I have so much negativity inside my head that it takes courage to ask for
help from anybody.
People often compliment me on my looks and how I have achieved so much in a short
time. I won't discuss my resume here but its signicantly better then people around
me.
Imagine a home where you have favorite dishes in breakfast and dinners but you have
no one to discuss its taste. I have parents who are partners of 25 years. We belong to
lower middle class family. Clearly they dont love each other. They never ghts but I
have never seen them talking passionately to each others.
I have never seen them hugging or discussing their happy moments. We have
discussions at home but they are mostly about the stus we have to buy or my
marriage.
In India its all formal, we have to do it. We have to work our marriage even it means
cursing every day of life. My dad took care of everything she needed, does that really
mean love? C'mon grow up. He is doing it cus it is his responsibility and he denitely
have a society who keeps a vigil on him.
I never saw him complimenting my mom when she is so awesome at cooking. I never
saw my mom talking about all the hard works my dad did in his life. I never saw love
in their eyes.
So yes, arrange marriages works cus they were programmed successfully. Their is
nothing called love in arrange marriages. It really takes guts to fall in love and express
your feelings for a person.
Arrange marriage is all about desperation. I have a neighbor who disliked his wife
that I have heard voices from their house when he is physically abusing his wife. I
have seen bruises on her face but they had a baby before their rst marriage
anniversary.
For god sake stop justifying your own shallow minds which say arrange marriages are
so good and it worked out well in my case. Woah!! really? Man, you didnt even get a
chance to talk to her. She is preparing your best meals and you buying her new attires
is not love.
Love brings out the best in somebody and it denitely change a person completely. I
am with this guy since 3 years. I was doing a job in a prestigious rm and he was a
student when I met him. He is younger to me by 3 years. I loved him when I saw him
rst. There was so much calm on his face. I didnt know if he was even earning or
where he was studying, I just loved him when I saw him.
I didnt saw his biodata before dating him. My dad didnt x up my dates with him. For
the rst time, I spoke to stranger in my life as he moved me so quickly. This is my
denition of love. Love knows no boundaries. Right?
I got to know about his age only after talking to him. It didnt matter to me at all. He
didnt know if I was earning or not.
How he changed me?

Well since then I have written several books, traveled places and a public speaker as
well. I am an introvert and he is damn cool person but never ever he leaves me alone
in parties.
He started his job last year after placement and already earning three times more
than me.
Its been 3 months since I have met him but never ever I missed him for a second
because he is with me all the times. He takes of every little thing of mine.
How do you know if he loves you?

When he constantly asks you to try for that new job and updates you
regularly with all the latest happenings.
When he regularly nags you for not completing a book.
When he missed out his nal exam to meet you just cus you were crying last
night.
When he is spending his half of the salary every month to buy ight tickets to
meet you.
When he accompanies you for an interview in weather of 4 degrees which

also took travelling of 7 hours.
When you successfully managed to get an awesome dream job, complete

your book and become a famous person, he would aunt you like hell to his
friends.
When he buys you a ight tickets so that you dont get cold but himself
travelling by train for more then 30 hours. < He did it without telling me>
He celebrates your birthday for more than a week.
Your life becomes lavish and amazing after he gets a job.
He will never say no to anything , just anything.
Even if he is mad at you, he will switch o his phone but would not say a
word to you.
Love is all about passion, fun , pain, playing together, ghting on stupid issues and
then hugging and then crying. I dont like if any strangers touches me in buses or
metros. I can never think of marrying a stranger. I dont want to know my boyfriend's
background. I know he loves me and he will be there for me and thats all I need.
Arranged marriages work because of society and not because of love.

RashmiShahi,Learning,Living,Experiencing
WrittenDec17
So you really meant to ask whether the couples in arranged marriages are really
happy and satised with their marriage or are they just carrying it as a burden which
they don't want to get rid o for whatever reason.
Let me tell you , be it love or arranged marriage, two people come to know each other
completely only after they start living with each other which generally happens after
marriage in India. They get to know each other's habits, lifestyle, likes and dislikes
and so on.
Even if the couple were in love before marriage, mostly people try to put their best
face forward to the other. They are able to tolerate some of the habits of their partners
which they wouldn't otherwise.
It also depends on how long the relationship has been to know how far you have come
to know your partner. Even love marriages face divorce.
So the key is compatibility. Everyone has their pros and cons. If two people are ready
and happy to accept one another with their faults, the marriage will last, whether it is
a love marriage or arranged marriage.
Any kind of Relationship asks for sacrices and compromises. If you are ready for
them and don't resent them , you'll have a lasting bond.
4.6kViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRanjanMishra
Anonymous
UpdatedAug20,2014
I have seen my fair share of marriages (both love and arranged). Some have worked
wonderfully and some have been Titanic failures. Again, the failures include love
marriages as well. Marriage is never a sure-shot call like your bowel movements (even
that fails!) which is bound to work if your choice is right (the term "right" is very
ambiguous). Instead, it is like a gamble or the weather. Sure there are sunny days but
you cannot avoid the dark clouds!
Marriage never fails because it's an arranged one or a love one. It fails because of
people! It fails because people do not know what the word "compromise" means. It
works kind of like the concept of roommates. Sometimes the college xes it for you
and sometimes you nd one yourself. In both cases, it has been known to fail terribly.
Now, consider my case. I have been hopelessly and unconditionally in love with a girl
for the past three years. This girl shared my views on a blog I wrote and I was hooked.
I have met her only twice in the past three years because of the distance between us.
And my face lights up like re crackers on a dark night when I talk to her. The
problem is that I have tried to spring up the question and I have seen my friendship
with going south because of it. So I aborted that mission because her friendship is
way too valuable to me. Things have improved between us over time but I still steer
clear of that question.
Now, I don't have the strength nor the will to go look for another or face a rejection so
I am going to turn to my parents for help. They have been spot on in guiding me
through every walk of life be it school, IIT, career, etc. So why not this?
Sorry that while patronizing arranged marriage, I got side-tracked. So arranged

marriages in India work because we are a bunch of really compromising people. We
adapt! We are known to stick to the very end and we know how to commit. We don't
sue just because our coee is hot! And that's why we are more compatible :D
884ViewsViewUpvotes
RupeshPate,livesinPune,Maharashtra,India(1985present)
WrittenMon
Let's see two sides of arranged marriage in short.
Positive side -
The main logic behind arranged marriage is the idea of Parents marrying their
childern in known families with trusted backgrounds and to avoid clashes of culture.
If the new husband wife consider this arrangement as a new chapter in their lives and
nd excitement in discovering things in this newly formed relationship, arranged
marriage will denitely work.
Negative Side -
Even trusted families can behave dierently after marriage. There might also be huge
dierences in the culture or the lifestyle resulting in regular clashes inside the family.
The girl or the boy might be forced to marry against their wishes, the fact they might
disclose only after marriage due to the fear of elders.
Divorce part - Nowadays the families have been supportive of their childern
(especially girl's side), if they decide to divorce cause of the above or any other
reasons.
Unlike this generation, the divorce was considered as a taboo as written in Q, and a
divorcee wouldn't be able to nd a good match later on and considred as a burden to
their own family.
Any marriage to work, the main thing is Adjustment. If the husband, wife and their
families adjust to the dierent environment created by arrival of the new family
member, the chances of working this arrangement are high.
358Views
ShubhamDeva,CoFounder,CTO,PassionConnect
WrittenApr3,2015
If you look at the statistics, then Indian marriages are really made in heaven. In
todays world when this institution is falling apart in most of the countries, India
seems to be faring extremely well. So we decided to look at the entire scenario closely
and bring the reasons that might be helping Indian marriages last. And with that we
do not mean horoscope matching and stars, we mean the real reasons!
Why do Indian Marriages Survive?
334Views
Upvote Downvote Comments 2
SahilAhlawat,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenFeb15,2015
Arrange marriage is like UNIX.....Boring and Colourless.....

But still extremely Reliable and Robust.
May crash but easy to recover.
In my Opinion arrange marriages in INDIA work.

I know lots of lots of people who have been married for over 30 years and are still
happy.
Sure there are few cases in which it didn't work out. But India is the country in which
marriages last longest (i mean till death), as we know our indian culture forces us into
arrange marraiges and love marriages are against our so called tradition and culture
and ethics and blah blah blah.
Thankx to arrange marriage people get married to families with almost the same
social status, so there is no complaining by the boy or girl about their families and
stu.
BUT WHAT MATTERS is YOUR OWN WISH.
288ViewsViewUpvotes
FalguniSingh,livesinMumbai,Maharashtra,India
WrittenJan20,2015
Surprisingly they do really work and are long lasting. Working or success of a
marriage has nothing to do with its type - arranged or love. I think its more about
compatibility ;)
So, I nd it amusing when people give excuse that one must be in love or know each
other well before getting married. Here is a quote from Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn -
"We werent ourselves when we fell in love, and when we became ourselves surprise!
we were poison. We complete each other in the nastiest, ugliest possible way"
453ViewsViewUpvotes
PritiAmyPatel,exUKgirl,nowlivinginDelhi
WrittenSep20,2013
I think that the arranged marriage and the "love" marriage are two uncomparable
arrangements of personal life. I do not know why both is called marriage when the
"content" is so dierent... I am a lovechild, my parents have had love marriage - they
love each other, they laugh together, they cry together, they argue... they are
soulmates and they are both equal in the relationship. I do not see that in the
arranged marriages, to me it feels the arranged husband and wife live next to each
other (abstractly), they cooperate but even if they share house, bed, have children -
they both live their own inner lives, they do not connect to each other. They do not
share the emotions and therefore, they have less reasons to consider the end of their
relationship. And yes, many women do not have any option left - they cannot
inuence their life in general, so divorce is not an option for them.
SanjeevMittal,ObservingLife
WrittenJan4
By Looking at my parents throughout my whole life till today, i had really experienced
that arrange marriage work in India.
You can Remember the Dialog from Bollywood Movie Sultan -

, , (Hamare yaha Divorce Nahi hote, Ladai hoti
hai, Jaghda hota hai) (We dont have divorce in India, we have quarrels here.)
Many at times when there is less vegetable cooked at our home due to some
unexpected reason, i had seen my mother saying to my father - Aaj Mujhe Jyada
Bhook Nahi hai, Mene Shaam ko hi Khana Khaya hai (Today I am not hungry, I ate
lunch today late in evening), And after that my mother takes dinner with Acchar
(Pickle) that night. My father too knows that she had not taken food earlier in the
evening but he also knows that she had sacriced her taste of cooked vegetable for her
love (My Father).
Other thing is that you go to your Grandmother and ask her about her life journey
with Your Grandfather and she will still give a Deep Blush on your such question.
Lastly, for any relationship :
1. What You can do for her / him to make her / him feel one in Millions
2. its what you can give to your partner instead of expecting
3. What you can Sacrice for her / him Instead of Snatching
Its not arrange marriage or love marriage which works in India, Its the power of
wonderful Love Feeling which works in Whole World Instead of India only.
558ViewsViewUpvotes
KaustubhKendurkar,computerprogrammer,computerprogrammingand
scienceexplorer
WrittenMay18,2015
It depends on the person and the situations , a individual should make their decision
whether to go for arrange marriage or love marriage.
Marriages generally work if you donot create much trouble and fuss , if you treat your
wife properly she won't go for divorce.
Arrange marriage sometimes work because people are from similar background and
their relationship is rst one therefore they try their best to maintain it long life.
203ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenApr19,2016
OriginallyAnswered:HowdoarrangedmarriagesworkinIndia?
If you are a guy nearing the age of 30 or a girl nearing the age of 25 , your parents
would start looking for a "suitable match". Now i would dene the criteria for suitable
match from the perspective of girl's parents as i have had a rst hand experience of
the same.
Note- It may not be same for everyone but things like this also happen
1. create the marriage prole on countless matrimonial sites
2. pester you to get pics clicked in saree/ salwar suit
3. get those pics circulated in half the world
4. specically mentioning the requirements for groom (read caste, salary/govt

job, qualication etc) on the matrimonial site
5. Mention girl's traits (read caste, fair,tall, homely , educated etc)
6. screen boys based on their caste, salary and jobs
7. calculate the budget for marriage including the dowry
8. calculate how much dowry the boy's side will ask for, if he is so-so
qualied/has govt job/ is rich/has a very good package
9. create a list of shortlisted guys and approach them
10. tick o the guys who wanted dowry more than the budget planned and
concentrate on the others left in the list
11. meanwhile the list also gets updated as relatives and friends keep sending
some more options
12. of the shortlisted guys, the ones who are interested are invited for the
meeting
13. some guys come alone , some bring their families or friends with them( entire
khandan or mohallah )
14. now the show time begins, brace yourself up for the most ridiculous
questions and slap worthy looks from all the women from boy's side
15. after they are done interviewing you and the guy is done watching you slyly
you both may be made to sit in another room in order to "get to know each
other"(read look at each other more closely to nd faults and later discuss it
with the family) however a girl has almost no option to reject the guy if he ts
in all the above criteria
16. the girl may reject him if it is found out upon "inspection" that he is gay/has
some serious disease / is two timing you with his girl friend / is already
married/is not who he claims to be !!
17. if the boy's side has given the go ahead then phone numbers are exchanged
for the girl and boy to know each other ( whatever that means!!! girls are told
to be extra sweet and say yes to everything the guy has to say . the guy is
busy showing o his accomplishments in order to sell himself to the highest
bidder)
18. In the course of time you are made to talk to (over enthusiastic) boy's sister,
(all knowing) boy's mother , ( bitchy /rude/ dismissive/ignorant/immature )
chachi/mami/masi /bua/cousin
19. after some more pointless meetings(one or two) the discussions are taken to
next level ( read xing dowry and marriage budget/place/time etc)
20. the same steps , however are being carried out for other proposals in the back
end because you may never know if the boy's side gets a prettier /richer girl
and may ditch you at any time for a better option
21. In the end , after carrying out similar activities with three or four parties a
RAG model(red, amber, green) is prepared about which party is at which
stage /mood with respect to marriage
22. meanwhile you are getting older by day, uglier by night, running out of time ,
relatives are eating your brains and making your life hell, your friends are
getting married etc etc (god knows where you career or personal aspirations
are going)
23. in the end the marriage is mostly a " samjhauta" as the guy on top of the
priority list needs more money/time/prettier girl/has big ego and nakhras.
the guys lower on the list are "within reach", and some how the marriage is
xed
24. the engagement /roka etc is done hastily lest the boy's side get a better option
than us ( read you need to do the booking fast, rst come rst served)
25. you may get time between engagement and marriage to have more meetings ,
but you are mostly advised to not do or say anything that may lead to
breaking of the alliance
26. and thus my friend is xed marriage (pavitra rishta) in typical Indian middle
class society with little or no regards to the aspirations, nature, compatibility
, maturity of the individuals
27. now your whole life is "ram bharose" and may turnout to be good if you are
lucky enough or else " shadi me adjustments to karni hi padti hai, sab karte
hai"
Anonymous
WrittenFeb26,2015
I do not have data and stats, but in majority of arrange marriages(I am talking about
our father's generation) which happened then, I have never seen a single couple
where there is no domestic violence. But still the relationship thrives. So by this mean
they are "successful". This is the basic dierence in other countries divorce rate is
more as women are strong enough to raise a voice, rather society has empowered
women so much, but this is not the case with India. I seriously want to do love
marriage. But I think due to family pressure I might succumb.
236ViewsViewUpvotes
TulikaSharma,thehighfunctioningsociopath
WrittenJan25,2015
arranged or love are simply two choices when it comes to nding your soulmate
it's more about successful marriages than arranged or love
arranged marriages are just another way two people meet.
not everything is supposed to be lmy and romantic.
371ViewsViewUpvotes
AneetaBabuN,Indianbybirth
WrittenFeb15,2016
The real question according to me should be do marriages work in India, love or

arranged.
A question I've been asking almost 15 years ago, to all and sundry who were ready to
answer, is, are u happy in your marriage.
Expect for one person who thought a bit before he answered.. Yes inspite of our
regular ght, I am happy in my marriage.
Mostly I got a "what a funny question! Isn't it a bit too late to ask" kind of vibe.
Back to the question, lid onke i mentioned, ive been observing almost all marriages,
with relatives and friends, almost all being arranged marriages.
Right from my parents, my in-laws, my sister in laws, my brother in laws, my oce

colleagues, my school and college friends, my own etc etc
When u scratch the surface, almost all men and women I realise have their varying
levels of dissatisfactions in their individual marriages.
If its not in-laws, its lack of space

Where space is not the issue it could be lack of class, or nances, ambitions or even
over ambitious spouses, the list of reasons are endless.
But do the partners leave their spouses?
The answer is hardly.
Perhaps a sense of a responsibility, children, a need not to topple apple baskets,

almost all arranged marriages last for ever.
If everlasting ness is the proof of success, then yes, arranged marriages are successful.
But truth is that all marriages, love or arranged, have to be constantly worked at to
keep it from falling apart.
1kViewsViewUpvotes
TirthankarChakraborty,livedinIndia
WrittenJun19,2014
This idealization of love and romantic relationships needs to stop.
Love isn't conned to knowing your partner extremely well. Human beings can form
deep mutual connections if kept alone with each other for relatively small amounts of
time. Research work has been conducted where strangers have looked into each
others' eyes for 20 minutes and fallen in love. Many of them eventually got married.
The idea that you need to know a person's bowel movements to have a relationship
with him/ her is just not supported by the data. It is a construct created by society to
be on the safe side, to avoid risk and to try to justify the semi-arbitrary nature of
feelings like love. There are cases where couples break up after staying together for 20
years. Why? Because it is not a rule till it has been properly quantied.
Similarly, the idea that a marriage is required to justify a relationship is also a human
construct. Your feelings don't need to be approved by the government for them to be
valid.
Yes, I know that there are many nancial advantages of being married. However, most
people do not seem to get married to take advantage of the loopholes. They
specically get married as they have been moulded to believe that being married is
the eventuality of any relationship.
Another unfortunate problem is that we are fed the idea that being in a relationship is
essential for normal existence. Not being in a relationship tags you as a failure of a
human being.
This is an insane trend in the modern world. We are no longer completely bound by
our evolutionary constraints. We can now have sex without the risks of conception,
get prosthetic limbs, have children through in vitro, get back our eyesight, recover
from biologically debilitating diseases and contribute to the gene pool.
We have so much porn.
People seem to get into relationships because they are coerced into thinking that they
need to be.
You don't need to be in a relationship till you want to. You don't need to romantically
love another human being till you do. Your gene getting passed on to the next
generation won't matter to you when you are dead. In any case, there are other ways
to do that.
I am sure there are people who are better o single.
Personally, if a situation comes where I am forced to abandon all my opinions about

love, marriage, etc. in the hope of being in a relationship with a certain person
without any active partner searching, that, according to me, will be a relationship
worth having.
725ViewsViewUpvotes
SureshSharma,Iamaoldmanonthestreet
WrittenNov13
I was tempted to write , in my case arrange marriage worked .
My father and father is law are friends , they decided to hook both of us when we are
kids . it was just a casual talk , but it materialized after years of it .
We got married after years of it , during that time my nancial were really bad . when i
am saying it is bad i mean it was the worse period of my life , needless to say i was just
earning 5500 rs ( 2004).
with that salary i not only had to pay my emi ( bike loan ) , but also take case of my
family. i told her it is a bad time to marry . but she promised me , that she will stand
with me no matter what the circumstance may be .
11 years have passed , she has seen all season with me , and i am glade to have to
woman like her in life.
Arrange marriages works , before everything you need to understand her and she
need to understand you ..
cheers
RajendraBoppana,Fulloflife.Fullofcolors.Landofcontradictions
.Miraclesdohappenonceinawhile.
WrittenNov15,2012
They work .(sadly and happily)
sadly :
Compromise by either party involved in the marriage.
Happily.
Both are lucky.

The short lm shared commonly by few people is denitely great. It certainly portrays
the bright side, which I feel represents the cases of exception.
Why I think so ?
At least 50 % ( highly optimistic number) of the brides don't talk or share opinions or
allowed to talk or share opinions like the way they showed .
483ViewsViewUpvotes
BinduMadhaviKarthikeya,Marriedhappily,arranged,loveatfirstsight!
WrittenJun8,2016
I dont know about others. But in my case its YES! My parents searched for somany
grooms in the matrimony website but either I used to reject them or they used to
reject me as I dont have a job. We were completely exhausted and I thought of
studying MBA.
Here the twist comes... I have a best friend and we are almost like sisters and share
everything. She once showed me a pic of a guy and asked me to marry him as he is
well settled and goodlooking. As I decided to continue my studies, I showed least
interest in that guy. But one day after that incident I happened to go to her house. Her
relatives saw me and immediately called my parents to talk about that same guy
whom my friend showed me few months back. It all happened so suddenly that even I
accepted him the rst time I met him at my home.
We had 4 months time before the marriage and its like we had all the time in this
world to understand each other. It was like love come arranged marriage for us. We
had done all the naughty things before marriage ;) and had whole lot of fun. Its been 7
months since we got married and till now we didnt had a single ght. Our bond is so
strong till now and we are expecting our baby soon :)
One thing I understood about the marriage is wether it is love or arranged marriage
we need some time before the marriage to completely understand each other. We
have to accept each others aws and try to come to an understanding. Then even
arranged marriages will be as beautiful as the love marriages!
SumitKumar,livesinChandigarh,India
WrittenJun20,2016
Well its down to understanding, trust and love .Indian parents in 80% of the cases just
wanna do arranged marriage of their children. In India its more of a marriage b/w 2
families esp in case of arranged marriages.Love marriages have an advantage as the
couple already has lots of mutual love, understanding for each other beforehand as
compared to reunion of 2 " unknown people " for life.But one should carefully choose
his partner in case of love marriage as only he/she is responsible in future if it doesnt
work out! I want to share one of d stories of my good frnd cum sister.
She was working in d same place as me. She is from auent beauracratic background
married to an IPS.Her in laws maltreated her after some months probably, harrassed
her fr dowry n yes her father still gave them a 4Cr at in Delhi.Her mother in law in
particular maltreated her badly.she was house arrested n even locked in bathroom ,
given no food.....wen i met her 1st time she had even forgot to operate mobile laptops
in detail virtually.She describes dat phase as black phase of her life n cries while
recalling that times.She has become very sensitive, scary and developed migraine
over period of time. She left dat family after much courage n now ensuing legal battle
against them.Yes in India one buckles under the societal pressure to ght injustice as
that entails reputation of families at stake.I along wid other frnds tried to cheer her up
and always try to help her in best possible manner at 1 phone call especially wid d
technology part.....I feel really bad fr her and wish doom spells fr those huligan in
laws !
This being a prime example of failed arranged marriage witnessed by me......!!!
382ViewsViewUpvotes
MukeshAgarwal,Entrepreneurandwannabemystic
WrittenOct10,2012
All marriages work, and they work only and only if the partners are ready to shed
some ego, show some selessness and were ready to care about their partner, if the
motive is to keep the other partner comfortable, life becomes a journey with
memories to cherish, I have seen issues happening in arranged as well as love
marriages, and they happen with people who are self centered, people who think that
the whole universe should revolve around them, they could be males or females, such
people end up hurting their spouse mentally, physically and socially. The wife
depends on husband, if not nancially, than socially, and if she has a husband who
don't understand her, her life becomes a living hell, her only resort is to lead a life
without expecting anything good from anyone, because if your husband don't treat
you well, no one in the world will, even your own kids, the issue with arranged
marriages is if such things happen, even the families cant support the wife, because
its the support of husband which gives meaning to her life, no one else could ever take
his place, and if the wife is nancially or socially independent, she could leave him
but she takes along a lot of bitter experiences and memories, her faith on institution
called marriage is lost and she has to lead a life where she is her only companion, if
she has kids, she put all her hopes and expectations in them and eventually the kids
feel suocated.
1kViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenOct12,2012
It's a lot scarier to marry someone you think you know. You may think you know the
person you're marrying, but you'll never know what they're capable of being until you
nd out the hard way. In arranged marriages, you don't assume you know the person,
so your sense of disappointment and betrayal is less debilitating when the marriage
falls apart. About 50% of "non-arranged" marriages in America do fall apart.
464ViewsViewUpvotes
TejaswiniNayak,Dream.Dare.Do.
WrittenJun29,2013
I have been there, done that.. That is mock at arranged marriages... Why? Because I
was scared...
Now I have a dierent take on it.. mine is an arranged marriage. Initially I was
ashamed to accept it. Now I am more than ok with it.
Yes, the system is weird. Too many people involved. Astrology.. Societal issues.. But
these exist for most love marriages as well. More than for arranged marriages at times.
Unfortunately, in our country most love marriages are a taboo and are not accepted.
Now let's come to the types of arranged marriages. The bad type, which is forced. Lots
of blackmailing and involvement of every single relative who was previously a mere
stranger... Or the good type, which is arranged marriage through consent.
There is a thin line that separates the two. And that is the couple agreeing for the
marriage. On their own or with reluctance... and good news is it is not always forced.
An increasing number of arranged marriages in indian cities are taking place only
after the boy and girl have interacted. They are treated like mature adults who are
given the choice to take their own decisions. And yes, the icing on the cake is support
from families!!
Coming to the divorce rate, I would agree that that marrige is personal and we can't
really comment on whether a relationship 'really' works. (From other answers in the
thread)
However, my hypothesis is that consented arranged marriages are similar to love

marriages as the two adults know what they are gerting into in both cases. Perhaps,
family suport helps arranged marriages work as there is little or no conict about
acceptance.
In all, I would say, forced arranged marriage is a result of negative social stigma. This
must not be used to generalize that all arranged marriages are only about two
strangers living together! It is beyond that... It is an opportunity to explore a new
relationship...However, it should happen because one wants to.. Not because one has
to!!
961Views
AnshumanSharma,MarineEngineer
WrittenJan8,2015
Depends on the bond between the lovers. Arrange marriage are broken too. Plus, most
of the times arrange marriage is not a choice,it is a necessity. So when bonded by an
arrange marriage people know that they did not have a choice. But in a love
marriage,all insecurities and doubts start to seep in that wheather or not they married
the right person and how things could've been dierent. This curiosity often results
in ghts and end a marriage.
206Views
SwatiGoyal,livesinNoida,UttarPradesh,India
WrittenJan1,2015
I am writing this in response to the answer which has got 7.8k upvotes.
It's true shit happens! But it can happen even in love marriage. Arranges marriage or
love marriage, marriage as a whole is the biggest gamble you can do in your life.
However, who says you always loose in the gamble?
I met a guy though an arranged marriage scenario. One time meeting, decided this is
not the guy I can marry. Met him few more times. Fell in love. Got engaged.
Today, his family loves me as much as my own family does. He loves me as much as
my own parents would. He has done everything he can to make sure I settle
comfortably in a new city. He makes me believe in the saying 'You make me believe
why it never worked out with anyone else'.
Marriages can go wrong if they have to in any situations and circumstances. It has got
nothing to do with love or arranged.
Also, I am sure that 70-80% of parents of people from our generations had an
arranged marriage. How many of them have gone wrong? How many of us have seen
the guys or their families turning out to be really villains post marriage?
The way I see It as is, would I be ok if one of my friends would have arranged to make
me meet someone from the prospect of setting us up? My answer is, I would be
excited abot it. Isn't that an 'arranged' setup as well? When I am ok with my friends
setting us up, why should I have a problem with my parents who know me more than
anyone else, setting up an 'arranged date' for me? I thought of it as a win win situation
and throughly enjoyed the phase of so called 'arranged marriage' process!
Trust me, it's just how you would fall in love with any other person you meet through
any of your friends.
I love the guy I am marrying, and my entire family is extremely Happy too. What
could be better?
Anonymous
WrittenOct25,2014
Most of the time it does not work.

Reason: Work done = force*displacement and work done is always zero.
We have an external "force" due to parents.
Displacement is like "Love". How can one fall in love with a girl/boy in just one or
two meets? How can a boy know about a girl just in a few days and vice versa? Hence,
No love( i.e. love=0) which makes total work done equal to zero.
SanchitThakur,worksatIlluminz
WrittenNov16,2015
Marriage - if arrange or love does work or not work depending upon husband and
wife. So, all the marriages can work if they are done for the right reasons.
Some loose the most important thing in relationship: Patience.

Patience and understanding is like a steering to a car. If the steering breaks, car can
no longer be driven.
738ViewsViewUpvotes
AnshulYadav
WrittenNov7,2013
I don't know which one is better love marriage or arranged. I am still too young to give
that judgement. I have tried to give one possible reasoning for the above question.
Arranged marriages works well for various reasons most of them being external, like
family happiness(specially in joint families), social approval, etc . But I think most
important is the inner happiness which is generated due to lack of choice.
I am not too good in explaining things, but I can quote the saying
"What can't be cured must be endured."
The scientic term for this phenomenon is synthetic happiness. I think following ted
talk can explain you how this synthetic happiness works.
I think arranged marriage is very similar to the experiment give towards the end of
the video.
609ViewsViewUpvotes
VedikBobba,inadvertantlyeducated
WrittenMay16,2014
This link might not give the exact answer, but it gives a pretty close answer.. A good
read though
How to marry the right girl: a mathematical solution.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwic...
449ViewsViewUpvotes
PoojaMaheshwariArora,livesinBikaner,Rajasthan,India
WrittenSep14
I am a huge believer of fact that compatibility work in long run. So in arranged

marriage clear all your doubts. Mine was arranged and we were almost 100%
compatible. We both are vegeterians. We both believe in god. We both hate smokers &
drinkers. We both love Indian Culture. We both love eating out and travelling. We
both are very naughty, love to tease each other. We both are over romantic. We both
believe in joint family and arranged marriage.When I met him rst time , he saidAsk
all questions to me even the silly questions,about my past. Ask everything you have in
your brain . I cleared out all doubts and then was his turn.
Arranged marriage really work very well. In my & my husbands family, no one has
done love marriage and all couples are happy.
SudeshnaBora,Scarsareyourwarmedal.Wearitwithpride.
WrittenSun
Yes.
In my family , love marriage is the norm. My parents , my uncles from both side have
had love marriages . Even in my generation , four out of the ve married siblings have
had love marriage . This answer of mine is about that lone cousin who had a arranged
marriage , till now.
This cousin and her spouse are one of the smoothest , most in-sync couple I have seen
. There is an unspoken respect , an unspoken bond between them . I have hardly seen
them having serious disputes . I believe this is because both of them were completely
aware of what they were getting into. I do agree I am not so close to her to know the
actual functioning of their relationship , but till now this couple would take the most
dignied couple award in my family.
So, do I vouch for arranged marriage ?
No , I dont.
249ViewsViewUpvotes
SatyadeepKumar,Hadbeenmarried(arrange)forlast10years:)
WrittenJul1,2016
Arranged marriage is a bliss in disguise. If you look at the whole psychology of the
world, what keeps you moving? It is the desire to explore the unchartered waters that
keeps us moving. In arranged marriage, two people unknown to each other get
married and are expected to be bonded to each other for the whole life. Both people
are relatively unknown to each other, and every day they come to know a new aspect
of the other persons life. It is this thrill of knowing the unknown, that keeps arranged
marriage going.
However, there are instances where things do not happen to work in arranged
marriage, happening primarily due to ego clash and indelity. Indelity is something
I can not comment on, but ego clash is something I am sure can be avoided by
following any of the 2 means : (a) Do not be a peeping tom and (b) Do not be a
dominatrix.
Thanks
309Views
Shubi,Iwritemyheartout
WrittenDec10
See for me marriage is something very permanent so when I will going for marriage I
will see how my chemistry is with that person and how we are connecting.
In India in arrange marriages ,lots of people are forced due to case/religion or mostly
parents.From childhood we have learned to adjust in the situations may be that's why
divorces are less but less divorce doesn't means more happy marriages.
There is a huge dierence
That's why I don't believe in arrange marriages if you are forced or you don't get to
spend time with your potential partner.you don't know how that person is Going to
be in real.it's scary
1.5kViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRanjanMishra
AkitMalishe,Youarethelife.
WrittenDec30
It works and if you see many generations are gone through the same.
Now let me tell you the logic behind the success, when our mind doesn't have options
it tries to compromise on current one. The same thing happens in the arranged
marriage. Once you get married, it becomes dicult to come out if you have any issue
with partner or anything else as the culture is like that you will have to face many
questions rather you decide to keep in the marriage. Our society is built up in such
fashion to motivate it.
Hope this helps.
86Views
JangaVyshnavi,Inawonderfulrelationship:)
WrittenFeb18,2016
First of all, there is no generalized answer to this question. Any marriage, be it

Arranged or Love, can Work or fail. I know many couples who married for love and
have miserably failed to keep up their marriage, many couple who got an arranged
marriage and kept up a perfect married life and there is vice versa to both these cases,
of course.
In fact, mine is an arranged marriage. My husband and I had a courtship period of 6

months. I used to stay in Pune and he used to stay here in Hyderabad. It was a long
distance relationship. We met numerous times during this period; I made countless
trip to Hyderabad and he came to Pune; just to meet each other. WE fell madly in love
with eachother during this period. So much so, that after 3 months into our courtship
period,a cold war has started between our families and they were micrometers away
from cancelling our wedding. My husband and I put in a hell lot of eort to make the
whole thing work. Now, we are married for over an year and I have never been
happier!! :D
Let me tell you one thing. A relationship is built upon 3 pillars and will work only if all
the three are strong.
1. Unconditional Love
2. Respect
3. Trust
If you don't have these, any relationship will fail. Arranged marriage is not just about
meeting a person for 10mins, talking about likes & dislikes and becoming soulmates.
Understanding and loving is a continuous process. You will know when you are in
love, when you get the courage to ght the entire galaxy, just to see a smile on that
special person's face.
Cheers to love!! :D
1kViewsViewUpvotes
AlokGoel,livesinIndia
WrittenDec9,2015
Indian philosophy of life is based on duties one has to perform as a child, father,
sibling, friends, at work places and in socities we live. Marriage joins not only two
peraons but is the joining compound for the society. A married couple is a building
block of the society. With this importance all the stake holders must have a say and
share reaponsibility of a marriage to work and take the society forward.
To perform these duties the system of arranged marriage is designed. On the issue
qhether it works or forced to work ? We must look in the aspects: -
1.Divorce rates in India less than 10% and most couples when talked feel the spouse
they got was the best under the circumstances.
2. In west non arranged marriages are by and large a failed system from divorce rate
and from span they stay together is concerned. Also the rise in single parenting is a
heavy burden on parent. In comparison arranged syatem is working miles ahead
better.
3. The divorce system though dicult but works and very few applications a
percentage of married couples are led.
4. The best measure is the happiness index of all family members. The love and
aection as seen amongst the members and the support extended is the best example
spread across the families in and outaide India.
As a concluaion I can say any organization or a system can work for long term where
the duties are performed well and not the emotional quotient. Today in India even the
love marriages are converted to arrange marriages and support of the family is
extended.
143Views
AnilKumar,Datedaround15girlstilldate....Had2seriousrelationships.
WrittenDec10
They used to work but in todays world, they mostly dont.
With modernization anf easy option, people tend to get easy benets and satisfaction
from.other people.
People do not end up their relationships and get married and continue their relation
even after marriage.
So its just your luck what type of a girl you get. It may work or it may not
590ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRanjanMishra
AnjanaaSanthanam,livesinIndia
WrittenJan28,2015
You would never know. Most Indians give too much importance to what society would
think or talk that even if the marriage ain't working they might show o like as
though it works just because they don't want the society to talk ill about them.
Divorce rates are low not cause they are happy with each other but because they feel
they are bound to be with each other as their parents arranged it. Not bound by love
but bound by crazy dogma! So you never know if it really works although it might
seem like it does from the outside.
513ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenApr22,2013
Hahahaha
Arrange marriages and love marriages :P
I guess these two adjectives or rather qualiers were invented in our country only.
There is no such co-relation whether a marriage would work depending upon love or
arrange thing.
Arrange marriage is believing in what your parents and family has decided for you.
This can be a good method too , but it's some how not taking your responsibility.
Love marriages.
Now the word love is something which has been degraded in our country. People
announce their love on the rst meeting. First meeting *I love you*
I think we as a society are confusing the word love with attraction.
Love marriages (with love being love) are denitely better than arranged marriages.
Becoz you get to know your partner before hand.
It's utterly foolish to think that arranged marriages are not based on physical
attraction. The rst thing in an arrange marriage you do is to look / ogle at the
picture of your future partner !
Regarding divorce rates in arranged marriages ! Just think about the fact that the
person who did not take the responsibility of nding his/her partner on their own,
will they ever be able to take such a tough decision.
In the end , I would say yes it is scary !

You are not judging the person directly ,but the enviornment around them !
And coming to that bickering starting early thing . Seriously are you kidding me !
Every relationship has a honeymoon period ! Same goes with arranged marriages.
The earlier shortcomings are discovered , the better its for you.
In the end , have you heard people complaining that their parent decided their career
. They wanted to be engineer but became a shitty doctor !
553Views
GauravSharma,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenMar10,2014
They actually work. Here is an interesting analysis, how they actually work - Why
Love Marriages fail in India and arrange marriages work!
576ViewsViewUpvotes
KrishnanNarayanaswamiRajagopalan,livesinChennai,TamilNadu,
India
WrittenMay18,2016
Well it depends on what you call a working marriage. last generation marriages lasted
due to extended family support, social taboo, children or nancial issues. From
adjustment to living under same roof with no communication we have marriages
passing thru various phases at dierent times in life.Divorce were unknown as it was
not an option.
present generation with love or arranged , marriages often breakdown due to higher
expectations due to economic empowerment of women thru education and high
paying jobs. Divorce is no longer a bad word.Remarriage has become an option. in
india breakdown takes place in rst few years but indian women abroad walk out of
marriage after several years.
Our courts take their own time to grant a divorce. It is messy with bickerings. if there
are children it gets worse. both parties in divorce mode make some false allegations
under advice from lawyers and some get hurt.
478ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyRobertBowman
Anonymous
WrittenOct19,2013
YES, They did worked big time.

Before 2-3 decades
we never believed in "Love is in air" statement. Its not stupid if you think logically.
Consider the situation, where everyone is believed in same thing and raised by same
thoughts and opinions, which are a lot simpler. So, there is no reason to be scared.
" You fall in love with whom you are married "
Isn't that simpler than what we have now-a-days,
It wasn't like we go to a shopping mall and try dierent jeans and choose the best t,
we never treated humans like items.We believed 'If you can really love someone, you
can love that someone'.
" We stand on what we say "

During marriage, we promise nothing but death separates us. There was nothing like
divorce in those days.
We had a beautiful culture and beautiful people ( I say the BEST), but now sadly
everything started changing.
People are becoming self-centered, egoistic, wicked, evil, stupid, seeking benets in
relationships..
Now It started, you don't need to feel weird. with in few years this 4% will raise a lot
more than you can imagine.
Attitude and thinking of the INDIANS is changing, so sadly ,we can't see these type of
questions in few years. :( :(
442Views
RaeezSyed,:)
WrittenMar3,2015
I don't know exactly or actually, this is just my guess.
Step 1: Proles collected by brokers.

Step 2: Matching done based on conditions of both parties.
Step 3: Real time check, boy's family visits girl's family.
side step: They observe their parents, their background, education of the girl,
behavior of the girl. Girl's parents observe boy's parents and their behavior and real
time check of what he heard about them and their assets, their respect and their boy's
education and networth and job.
Step 4: They initiate boy and girl to talk either privately or in front of all.
Step 5: Private talk --> giggles, smiles, fakes, honesty, fun, and both check themselves
out too in some cases. (
205ViewsAnswerrequestedbyNamitaSen
Upvote Downvote Comment 1
ShivanshTiwari,meetIndiansonyourown,dontlistentoothersand
mediaandonlythenyouwill
WrittenJun17,2015
I wanna say that actually arranged marriage works out more than love marriages in
India. There are many reason for the love marriage to not to work and the real one is
actually very less people in India who will indulge in relationships before marriages
are most likely to not to take that too seriously, relationships are like a fun thing in
here and a mere time pass specially for girls. I mean not generalizing, there are love
stories but most of the girl even guys after college just think that it's best to go with
arranged marriage maybe cause they tend to question their choices that whether it is
right choice or they tend to notice some bad qualities. Everyone has some bad
qualities but I think people here just tend to think that marriage is a very big thing
and it is and they surely will be needed to live together so they just let their elders to
decide for them so that if things get ugly then they will not be pointed at. Also I think
yeah some arranged marriage fails but most of them succeeds because the two of
them take it really seriously cause of the society and whatever problem comes up
then they most likely to short it out as nicely as it can be between themselves. So yeah
I don't think that people are not happy in arranged marriage. The only ones who will
not be happy will be the ones who either are in love with someone or just have a bit
too much expectations. But it's wrong to think that this happens in every arranged
marriage. Both love or arranged marriage can fail it's not that arranged always do and
actually in India love marriage tends to fail more.
562ViewsViewUpvotes
AmithKumar,Strange,Curious
WrittenJan18,2015
Being a single I do not have my own experience.But seeing people around me I can
say It has to work!!!In India in arrange marriage ,the choice is not yours but your
family & the choice of your family is the one who comes with strongest reference.The
reference which comes from your uncle,close relative,family friends or anyone else.
Now after marriage-
You are not happy,stay in the marriage
You feel like u are most incompatible couple , stay in the marriage
You think you are not meant for each other,stay in the marriage
....................
.....................
staying in the marriage is the only choice available.
Try to explain and the whole world will pounce upon you.
Do you want to bring shame to your family??......
In short, there are enough pressure to keep you together......thats why In
India,arrange marriage works!
407ViewsViewUpvotes
GuruPrasadRao
WrittenApr5,2015
With the kind of environment I have grown up, In the heart of a metropolitan city like
Bangalore and amongst Brahmin family, I have witnessed fewer love marriages.
I have huge number of cousins of whom all are married by now and only 5 of
17 were love marriages with 1 intercaste as exception.
Witnessing my parents and grandparents who went through arranged
marriages, I feel they have lived a gratied life.
Yes, I have seen them fought, I have seen them sacrice their part of food for
the other, Wait and conrm that the meal is not skipped ,stopped talking to each
other with anger, with disgust but never have I seen emptyness and the need for
freedom from each other for an unending duration, Probably because they are more
concerned about how their kith feel and, The way it aects others is held with higher
priority than the feeling of them having their part of freedom and evenly sharing the
responsibilities aftermath a divorce. While on the contrary, Love marriages end up
with higher divorce rates because the individual is more concerned about his feelings
and freedom rather than thinking about the eects of seperation on the surrounded
people which is why they went ahead and got married to each other inspite of
obstacles if any, posed by parents which they ignored or convinced or eloped from to
be together. They in other words are more daring and value their own selves better
than other for which I am in No way against them, for their value system are
concerned.
Either case, relationships works only on sacrices, Well "Sacrice" might be too
big a word for it's depth and meaning is concerned, So I would like for it to be
replaced with "Compromise". By compromise I mean on resources, on time, on
dreams etc. It is quite clear that if a woman wants to be an olympic gold medalist and
good mother is clearly impossible
233ViewsViewUpvotes
Usha,Happilymarried.
WrittenOct12
I am just gonna share my experience of arrange marriage. Initially I thought it might

never work out. I mean marrying a totally strange guy,when you are not sure whether
you would be able to spend your whole life with him.
Amidst all that, my parents asked me to meet this person from the same caste. I asked
for a period of 2 months to understand if he is the right guy. So that 2 months I spent
my time knowing that person and matching our compatibility level. Was very much
impressed after meeting him for the rst time and said yes. After this I also took
another 6 months of courtship period to conrm my love and commitment for a
lifetime.
This person is my beloved husband now.We are happily married for a period of 7
months now and love each other like crazy.
So, my suggestion to all the single people out there is to take your time to understand
a person and build chemistry before going into such a serious relation.
And not to break heart of your parents. They are the people who would never stop
caring for you. Just keep them happy:)
MaheshGadakari,mechanicalengineer
WrittenJul19,2013
See it's as simple as this. Even in love marriage, it's obvious that couple didn't know
each other from very rst moment of their birth. In one point of time in their life, they
met understood each other n perhaps loved each other. So in arranged marriage .. U
just hv to give it a try. Simply dont marry with stranger without knowing wat she
really is.
And nowadays even in india, couple are given time to know each other. Only requisite
is that their way of thinking should reconcile. If not so, then match is not appropriate.
One day or other after long quest you will surely get ur dream girl.
446Views
Anonymous
WrittenJan6,2015
Although some of them do wonders but the arrange marriages which are forced or
many are circumstantial may result into awful consequences.
And mostly in rural areas of India, the arrange marriages are circumstantial or forced.
Even in urban areas, its not unusual to see that the two families are making business
out of the arranged marriage.
Its not that I dont support arranged marriages, but in case they fail then the couple
suers but there family suers it too. Especially the children, it has a very negative
impact on them.
As far as I've seen them, I don't believe in marriages now, hopefully this guy in my life
will make it easy for me someday.
214ViewsViewUpvotes
PuneetMishra,Philosophyofnature
WrittenJul27
Till now , they worked very well. But time is changing. People are trying love marriage
because it is more possible today than 3040 years ago where people had to marry
without any love. Their rst love was his/her spouse.
But after experience of love and breakup, I wonder how marriage works ?
383Views
VinaySingh,logicalindian
WrittenDec28,2014
It us parents duty to provide for education and support of child till he or she turns 21
years old. After that man or woman are equal and should chart their own course of life
, should live independently and nd their own life partners. Parents or friends could
assist in nding life partner. I don't see anything wrong in above.
We should get away from this concept of 'Abla Nari' where a girl consider needs to be
married o by parent in s arranged marriage. It is amazing to note that so many of
youngsters do not take their own independent decesion and are content with blaming
society, Internet or whatever.
Come on guys grow up. Arranged or love marriage, there is no quarantee for a good
marriage unless you are on your own terms and take responsibility for your own
actions.
240ViewsViewUpvotes
ShomeliDey,loveyourselffirstforgod'ssake!
WrittenDec31
It works just as long both parties are willing to make it work. That all it takes to make
any marriage work. Th testimonials mostly here are hardly un-biased , general and all
encompassing and heaven help if someone did the stupid and never talked to their
future spouse because Arrange marriage and then promptly blame the whole set up
than their own stupidity.
My family for the past 60 years i know o have married in this set up and only one
bad couple could be found when the wife turned verbally abusive when my
grandfather( my dads uncle) suered stroke in his late 60s . Due to old age and
sickness and general hassle none of them tried separation even but that marriage was
dead . So are you going to blame my relatives or arrange marriage in this set up?
If you are not willing to meet and greet the potential spouse for a period which makes
you comfortable , to be sure that this is the guy i will marry and stupidly believe that
your parents will do all the leg work then the problem is not arrange marriage, the
problem is you. My parents talked with each other everyday possible for a month
before they agreed to marry and they have been married through 23 years of Army
lifestyle hell including surviving two close-call war preparation on borders, months of
long distance relationship with no sms able phone( before 2003). If your parents are
not willing to wait for you decide so long even then it is not arrange marriage system
fault but of parents and the guys involved who cave into societal pressure.
All one has to do is think : i like the person and i will stick to my vows with her/him.
This principle applies to both arrange and love marriage. Literally the only dierence
one has parental approval and veto from the start. that is it.
438ViewsViewUpvotes
ShirleySouza
WrittenDec7,2015
Yes it works. Arranged marriages vary widely by region and community across the
Indian subcontinent. The marriage process usually begin with a realization in the
family that a child is old enough to marry - for a girl, it is during her graduation or
early twenties and for a boy, it is after he is 'settled', with a decent job and consistent
earnings. The initiation can occur when a parent or a relative (such as an aunt or an
elder sister or sister-in-law) initiates a conversation on the topic, or the son/daughter
approaches the parent/relative and expresses the desire to be married. This relative
eectively acts as a sponsor, taking responsibility to get the boy/girl married to a good
partner.
Finding a matchmaker
If the son/daughter has an identied love interest, the sponsor often takes it upon
themselves to try to orchestrate a match with that individual. If no such person exists,
the sponsor begins the process of identifying suitable candidates. This is usually done
via an intermediary matchmaker who has a social reputation for maintaining
discretion and brokering successful weddings. The sponsor approaches the
matchmaker with a photograph and the child's horoscope. The matchmaker is often
an elderly socialite who is liked and widely connected to many families. In some
regions, specic professions are associated with matchmaking. For instance, in many
parts of North India and Pakistan, the local barber (or nai) was a frequent go-between.
To avoid social embarrassments, complete secrecy is often maintained for any
marriage discussions. If no good matchmaker is accessible to the family, the family
may resort to matrimonial advertising in newspapers or matrimonial websites.
Match criteria
The family expresses their criteria for a good match to the matchmaker, which is
usually heavily inuenced by family considerations but also includes the personal
preferences of the son/daughter. These considerations vary, but can include -
Religion: Marriages are usually arranged between individuals belonging to the same
religion. Same-religion marriages are the norm in arranged marriages among higher
caste people.
Caste and culture: Usually, rst preference is given to the same caste. The ancestry of
the individual and the family's culture and traditions also play an important part.
Usually, prospective spouses are looked for from families belonging to the same
region and having the same language and food habits.
Horoscope: Numerology and the positions of stars at birth is often used in Indian
culture to predict the success of a particular match. The higher the match percentage,
the more successful will be the marriage. Horoscope becomes a determining factor if
one of the partners is Mngalik (lit., negatively inuenced by Mars).
Profession and status: The profession, nancial position and the social status of the
individual is also taken into account. This has a higher evaluation criteria in case of
boys.
Physical appearances of the individual is taken into account in some cases, more so
for girls
795Views
NitinSrivastawa,Littleknowledgeaboutmarriage
WrittenNov30
Despite all the fallacies and connotations,they do work excellent.
While in arranged marriages the chances that love grows is directly proportional to
the numbers of years you spend together.
In absence of love,arranged marriages work on the greater betterment of children,

families, responsbility, selessness,our own Indian culture where a family is given a
much higher priority than your own dreams and aspirations.
The advantage of arranged marriage is that you tend to discover a person much more
as you start to know them only after you stay with them.
Arranged marriages may be patriarchal in nature but it does provides a women sense
of security,family membeys are involved in choosing a bride or a groom.
You don't have to revolt to go for arranged marriage unlike love.
The love that's born out of knowing a person with time and age holds itself,last
longer.The bonds that's developed with time are ionic in nature.
The bonds that develop with time are formed by companionship,mutual love
&respect,sharing,caring etc.
In some cases where they don't work they still are carried beautifully bearing
bruises,tortures and a big fake smile.
Most arranged marriage work beautiful.

599ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJan19,2015
This incident happened in one of my friend life. Let's call his name Rahul(name
changed). While he was doing his masters he was in love with a girl called Neha(name
changed). After sometime Rahul proposed Neha, she accepted and both were in a
relationship. Meanwhile rahul's parents were forcing him to get marry but he was
rejecting all proposals and was waiting for a right moment to speak with Neha's
father.
After 3yrs of this whole process, one ne day Neha realised her dad won't agree
for marriage with Rahul(since both belongs dierent caste) and she said to Rahul
don't want to marry him and they broke up. However Rahul was not in a position to
come out of this failure. By this time he was 29yr old and rahul's parents continue to
convince him for marriage( bout this love matter nobody knew except Rahul and
Neha)
Since he was nearby 30yr old he decided to marry a girl. His parents found a girl
Anu( name changed). They both got married, started living together. Anu was very
weak minded girl, rst time in her life she started spending time with a guy and she
was having her own dreams, expectations about marriage, husband.
From day one Rahul was treating Anu just as friend and he was still in his love break
up shock and started hating girls literally. On the other end Anu expectations from
Rahul was huge bout he was disappointing her. Problem here was he was not showing
any love or care to Anu from husband position but he was doing all these from friend
position. That's where it was hurting Anu and many times she spoke with him
regarding this but Rahul was not serious bout her emotional feelings.
After living together for 5months Anu one day decided to leave earth and
committed suicide.
Conclusion:
* don't take any decisions when you are undergoing mental depression.
* just coz one girl broke up with you means that's not end of life.
* there are other relations, people are more important
* if any person ask you for emotional support, love, care please don't neglect take it
seriously and fulll your responsibility.
426ViewsViewUpvotes
AdarshPandey,livesinIITKharagpur,WestBengal,India
WrittenJan22,2016
Probably NO. In most of the cases or at least half of the cases women bear burden of
their marriage because of two things
If she is not mother then due to society issues cause it is considered not
appropriate for a boy to marry someone who has given divorce, the reasons
given behind it are she can give divorce to you too!, or she can bring hard
luck to the family and also she has slept with someone so how can a boys
parent accept a non virgin bride and many more....
If she happens to be a mother which is the most common case then she has to
suer for her children till they grow up or have completed their education.
324ViewsViewUpvotes
ShaliniSrivastava,livesinKanpur,UttarPradesh,India
WrittenMar31,2016
Before I start my answer to this, would just like to clarify i m 23, happily single and the
best part is i am starting with my rst Quora answer.
when I read on Quora how people from dierent diverse culture and country gets
shocked when they hear about how parents arrange our marriages when we are in our
mid 20's and 30's. I share those answers with my mom.
It has always been a subject matter and a prime debate topic " love marriage vs
arrange marriage" once in our college days. I remember mine when i went "for
arrange marriage" and won that debate in a cultural fest. more to that I remember my
parents felt way more proud for going for arrange marriage and sharing the story to
almost all my relatives.
somewhere when discussions are held it shakes every Indian girl. As most of us are
explained not to be very friendly to guy friends as we grow up. The only we learn
about a guy behavior is through our siblings and one day we are made to tie a knot
with a stranger . Which is decided within hours or few days.
The thought always makes you feel empty and judgmental.
But then i look up the screen and see my parents. "27 years of marriage and years to
go.." Like normal Indian family and parents. Two people with two dierent states of
India. Totally strangers and now deeply in love with each other. I have seen them
surpassing and controlling situations in high thick and thins. Respecting each other
family like their own. Parenting with utmost sacrices and still enjoying it.
when I hear my mother sharing experiences of her early days of marriage. how she
was so scared to settle in a new place and too shy to ask for money from my father.
Unaware of family ,place,new people that got ooded in her life in such less time she
further mentions how my father stared to understand her unsaid words and demands
and fulll them. Being an Introvert by nature of my father it was a wonderful
experience of her to discover the new mystery man of her life. She doesn't say she
nally fell in love due to our mother- daughter relationship :P. but YES me and my
brother sometimes get way too shocked to see their bond and understandings.
two years back my parents celebrated their 25th anniversary. My father (not forgetting
to mention-worst singer) and my mom with sweetest voice,shy and lot of stage
phobia. sung together "kya khoob lagti ho...." . just for each other in front of so many
guest just to make each other feel special even after 25 years irrespective of voice and
stage fear.
It is not that TYPE of marriage decide that its gonna work in future or not. It is only
the mutual understanding that any two people who want to be together..stick
together in happiness and pain. As they promise in marriage rituals
People are not perfect. relationships are!!!

The best example we Indians learn is from our parents (mostly arranged). They make
us believe that love happens.
thank you !!
ShailendraBaranwal,chosinggoodmomentsovergoodmoney
WrittenJun22,2015
Yes, i have not seen a single love marriage in my family so far.

And also a single divorce as well.
Love is emotional and it sometimes clouds your decisions.
Whereas arrange marriage gives an added advantage of choosing the partner based on
your(and your elders) specic requirements.
Marriage and love is a hyped topic of course. I know its a one time decision and very
important one but you have all the time to select grooms/brides and choose what
best for you unlike love marriages.
405Views
IshaKejriwal
WrittenMar12,2015
The whole system of "arrange marriage" in India is very scary. Most of the time you
get just a couple of hours to decide your future partner. Its like gambling. Its very rare
that a person nds a compatible partner in an arranged marriage. Most of the time it
just leads to lot of adjustment from both sides and the couple somehow tries to make
it work to avoid the so called "family ki badnaami" in the society, also being the
reason for low divorce rates.
321ViewsViewUpvotes
BhupenderSharma
WrittenOct17,2013
Even in a love marriage you hardly know your partner in the real sense. You possibly
know the name, social position, education etc. but don't you know the same in an
arranged marriage. The greatest argument in favour of arranged marriage is its
success rate, which is a result of a commitment to love the person you marry. What
determines success in a marriage is your capacity to love. All those who have
succeeded in love (marriage) had this great capacity. Had they married someone else
they would have succeeded all the same. So if you are willing to love the other person
- take pains to keep her/him happy, share successes and failures etc. etc. it doesn't
matter how you marry.
685ViewsViewUpvotes
RonyAlexThomas,Lookingforanswers
WrittenAug21,2013
They do work,and we can see that in our society itself. I don't have the backing of any
statistics but we can see that most of Indian marriages are arranged and most of them
do work very well.
In love marriage two people fall in love with each other due to some or the other
reason and then they get married but in arranged marriage love happens after the
marriage without any particular reason.
But in the end whether it will work or not depends on those two individuals who
become one.
701ViewsViewUpvotes
AsmitaThakur,livedinChandrapur,Maharashtra,India
WrittenMay30,2014
OriginallyAnswered:AretherearrangedmarriagesinIndia?Howdotheywork?
Yes arranged marriages are there in India. And they work pretty well for us. The key is
that when a marriage is an arranged one tends have low expectations and also shows
readiness to compromise.
368ViewsViewUpvotes
VinayBS,PatrioticIndianwhoisonalearningpathaboutIndianhistory
WrittenJun19,2015
A short answer is yes and no. Yes because its followed in India from hundreds of years
and no because there are lots of failures in arranged marriages.
We can't just genaralize the answer by saying yes or no!
110Views
Anonymous
WrittenMay16,2014
No. Not all to be very honest. I know that from my personal experiences. There are a
lot of marriages in my family that are pulling on either because it is considered a
crime to get divorce in our society or for the sake of children. A lot of marriages in our
society are made after a lot of horoscope matching, family background matching and
nancial background matching. But in my opinion life is not just about matching all
the above things. It is something that involves matching of hearts. Many people say
they believe in love after marriage. But in my opinion, love is something magical.
Something inexplicable unless experienced. I can say that for sure because I am in
love. A lot of people force themselves into thinking they are in love with their partner
because they have no way out. Because they are committed and they accept the fact.
But that's not magical. Not natural. Love is something that happens naturally and
when there are no expectations and commitments. I don't mean to say all the love
marriages would be successful because it's down to the individuals. But in my belief
lovers always nd their way back to each other. I know that from my experience. In
fact there have been really bad experiences. Involving each other's families. But I am
sure we ll get back together. I feel that connect. For me it always was either love
marriage with the consent of parents or a bachelor life. Because I believe in magic. I
want to experience magic. According to elders the horoscopes tell about the
compatibility of the couple and the success of marriage. But in their eyes success is
the longevity of the marriage. The horoscope fails to predict if the couples would have
happiness or not. That's is how a marriage should be graded IMO. This is my own
personal opinion though. But bliss for me is marrying the girl I love with my parents'
acceptance. Nothing beats it. Pragmatic+magic is the way to go for me.
491ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJan16,2014
Yes they work. Unlike forced marriages or lust marriages, arranged marriages are
based on love, respect and understanding. In our beloved country the smallest social
unit is a family, where many relationships like mother, father, brother, sister, bhabhi,
devar, jija etc exist and all are tightly knitted with love, aection and trust. Every
person belonging to the family respects others opinion and at least parents are
integral part of any individual. Marriage is union of two families and brings many
new relationships, all based on love and aection. In our country marriage is one of
the sanskar which is dierent from marriage as an agreement. It is eternal and it
remains eternal.
*People who dont know arranged marriage, confuse it with forced marriage.
*To love somebody you need not know them for millions of years. Parents never know
their babies or date them before they are born, but value them more than their lives.
You never date your brother or sister still you love them, dont you ?
498ViewsViewUpvotes
RohitPuranik
WrittenJun7,2013
I have no direct experience here. But from what I see and hear, there is no 'rule of
thumb' for marriages. You cannot treat a marriage like a predetermined process.
There are plenty of people for whom arranged marriages are perfect: they just worry
about their jobs and future, and their parents nd a good partner who truly and
genuinely loves them for what they are and nothing else. Which is good!
But it is more important to know that arranged marriage cannot be thrust upon, as is
sometimes the case. Girls are known to be on the harder side of the deal here. And as
for the divorce rate, that is due to the stigma associated with divorce in India, than
due to the happiness in the relationship.
In summary, India is a big country and its hard to generalize. Arranged marriages
work wonders if you have a mindset homogenous with your family's. But for the
Indian society at large that treats love marriages as something of a lower level - and
that DOES happen - it is something that needs to change, as given the cultural
diversity in India, a little bit of cultural mixing will go a long way.
513Views
KrutiDesai,takingthefirststepatquoratoexplorewhatevercomeson
wayandkeepacknowledgingmyself
WrittenJun18,2014
i feel arrange marriages do go good..but thats denately not the case everytime and
yes why do we call these arrange marriages 'successful' in india is just because the
women still burn under the name of sacrices and their 'what the society will say'-
thought that pulls them back of saying up for the undesirable marriage relationship...i
am a of a beliver of making the plank oat on water rather then make it sink by being
at one end so comparing love and arrange marriages i feel that
1) its that the no.of arrange marriages are more compare to love it seems that arrange
marriages work out well..but purely going statistical..its the understanding by both
the genders that pays o for a long healthy marriage in any of the two kinds.
2)we dont see much divorces in arrange marriage is that the 2 involved come from
that society belief of 'being social' so they dont bring the problems up even when they
exist..and keep weeping for whole.
3) i have on my own seeing people not speaking up of problems in arrange marriages
because they feel that their parents will be questioned and will have to lower their
heads as they xed all this up..!!!
ultimately,the so called indian valuesare not judjed infact 'should not' be judjed
whether a person does a love or an arrange marriage!
595ViewsViewUpvotes
PrashantManicketh,livesinDubai,UnitedArabEmirates
WrittenDec28,2014
I would say every coin has two sides. There are both pros and cons in both systems of
marraige. You will nd happiness and issues in both arranged and love marraige.
There is no denitive way for getting married.
Understand the partner as much as you can, think positive and get married
irrespective of arranged or love. Have support from both the families and live life king
size !!!!
307ViewsViewUpvotes
JenendraJain,Curios...justplainsimplecuriousabouteverything
WrittenJun22,2014
Neither type of marriage works out of the box. You have to make it work.
Irrespective of what way you two got married, things change after marriage,
expectations change, people change...
So you will have to work towards making your marriage a beautiful one.
Understanding your partner, taking feedback, giving feedback, correcting yourself.
That's how we make our marriages work.
700ViewsViewUpvotes
SharadSrivastava,TheInquisitor
WrittenOct13,2015
Yes. The arranged marriage works because the purpose of marriage as such is not
love, aection or any such thing. For them marriage is not a requirement at all.
Marriage is a social construct to ensure certain social & legal rights such as progeny
and property. This is true across cultures. Hence marriage iteself is an arranged
phenomenon and hence quite successful in achieving its purpose.

Love marriages are simply a made up terms where love and marriage do not have
much to do with each other and can exist independently. It is not that I am criticizing
love marriages. It is just that we often tend to negate purpose of "marriage" as such.
With tongue in cheek, most of the love stu is also because of commercial (like
promotion of valentine's day which is not related to love iteself per se) and other
reasons.

In my view both are separate system though I personally nd arranged marriage a
better system considering the goal it serves.

And yes, forced marriage and arranged marriages are two dierent things.
Ending this with Balaji's quote "I can see a clear line between those who have never gone
through the Marriage process and those who have gone through the process."
162Views
KrupakaranJanarthanan,livedinChennai,TamilNadu,India
WrittenJan4
Yes. Even though I have my reservations on that, it works. Now if you have a specic
conception of how a relationship should be, you might not approve of it. But it is
sustained by a large portion of the society. So, it must be working.
On an average, a person has certain expectations from his/her partner to

have children, company, to have someone to care about you. This is the most
common substratum. This is mostly assured in an arranged marriage.
Initially, the hormonal attraction will get the marriage going. Then the child
will keep the marriage going even if dierences crop up. People change with
time. Everything is held together by the kid and the parents putative
responsibility toward him/her.
Later, it probably becomes too late! By this time, both realise they are in a
symbiotic relationship and move along, not making a fuss of the dierences.
The institution of joint family & societys pressure mostly made marriages
tick along.
Not what is questionable in this?
Is a life partner just a means to an end i.e. a kid?
Is there enough time to work out your common interests. This might be a
serious issue if both parties have a highly diverse skill set. This will be tested
with the growth of education & data.
A kid sustaining a relationship seems like plastering over the real problem.
How sustainable is it? Current & future generations might not be that patient.
How long will arranged marriage rule the roost? The institution of joint family is
steadily getting dismantled. In many cities, it has already lost its hold. It will be
interesting to see what pans out.
298ViewsViewUpvotes
KranthiKumarKodem,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenJul3,2015
Love marriage, arranged marriage, or any other marriage it may be, it doesn't matter.
what matters the most is on which principles you are maintaining or taking ahead
your relationship. love is not enough to continue your relationship alone, you need to
have mutual understanding about each other,trying to solve issues without taking
spontaneous & harsh decisions, having patience, and last and important thing is to be
mentally prepared yourself that you are going to continue this relationship for the
rest of your life whatever the problem may be.
if we consider Indian arranged marriages, Indian society buildup in such a way that
one should have only one wife for the rest of their life & divorce is not at all
entertained in any worst situation(most of the times). so people tend to have a
mindset of having one wife for their entire life, so they try not to break relationship
for small small reasons & try to adjust according to their tastes & understand each
other. most of the cases arranged marriages workout because of this.
In few cases married couple are afraid of the society & continue their relation, even
if they have any quarrels between them, and the last case where couples try to
dominate each other end up with divorce.
i think most of them have seen both kind of marriages which are having worst
ending.the thing am trying to say is any relationship future depends on the
individual. if u want to continue you will do it at any cost otherwise you will end it up
for silly reasons.......!!!
782ViewsViewUpvotes
SaedManaf,livesinThrissur,Kerala,India
WrittenWed
I'm not sure if I'm eligible for answering this one because I'm not yet married and lI'm
only 22 . I'm only wiring this because I've seen good example
It's my father and mother . I'm their rst child . Since then I've experienced their love
to each other . I never seen they ght each other. May be there was little little ghts
but I never seen it. Theyve been together for almost 18 years until my mother passed
away 15 days before their 18th wedding anniversary
It's been 6 years, but still I can feel his love towards her whenever he say things about
her . He still loves her very much and I know he will love her forever
Those who thinks there is no love life in arranged marriages I'm sure they are wrong
343ViewsViewUpvotes
YashChendke,Engineer
WrittenNov13
I am not married but according to me there are very few couples who get divorced
after arranged marriage than the couples who get divorced after love marriage.
To maintain any relationship both husband and wife should have a great
understanding and both should be ready to sacrice some things that would bother to
their relation at some point
And I would like to share one video with you to show that arranged marriage still
works in India.
Arranged Marriage
581ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJan1,2015
Year 1982 .. Two unknown people , completely opposite of each other , without
knowing each other said yes for marriage. They don't have lots of money but they had
dreams . And yes dreams were also dierent .....
Result they were not falling in love . But they were rising in love .. Till date they are
still learning the thing called love .
Year 2012 there daughter also said yes to arrange marriage . got a big courtship period
. both guy and girl started there love story with lots of promises and planning . got
married and there love not lasted for 8 months . Huge ght all blame game ye nai wo
nai .
So success doesn't depend whether arrange or loved .. Whether you choose

your partner or your parents and family .
It simply depends on how much you are giving to any relationship .
How much you stand for each other in tu time .
Many time people remain same just the feeling love is lost .
So instead of judging any relationship on basis of love and arrange it is better to judge
yourself whether you are doing right and giving your 100%. We always nd grass on
the other side more greener. So instead of this start watering your grass :)
Note : Above story is real . it's about me and my parents and believe me I still nd the
real love between them and it is growing . Though I failed in the test . :/
650ViewsViewUpvotes
Sunil,Nottooexperienced,butIknowenoughtooffersoundadvice!
WrittenSep16,2014
Arranged marriages are actually a very good thing, according to me. In case of 'love',
its a huge gamble for people because its very easy for anyone to fall in love, but is
extremely dicult to make the other person love you back in return. More often than
not, the ones we love doesn't reciprocate the feelings, and it results in a lot of
emotional pain. Too much time is wasted in trying to 'impress' someone of the
opposite gender we like, in the hope that they may like us back. Usually, the eorts
fall at.
Instead of this, we could simply focus on our life and career, and go for arranged
marriage whenever we feel physically and emotionally ready for a huge lifetime
commitment such as marriage. I'm not really against love marriage, but making
someone fall in love with you is more often than not an arduous task, with no
guaranteed results but high chances of emotional trauma.
Arranged marriages are the only way to be assured of the age old saying 'there's
someone for everyone'.
477ViewsViewUpvotes
PratyakshDhiman,studiedatMother'sGlobalSchool(2017)
WrittenTue
I hope that works the best in a nation where love marriages and intercaste marriages
are considered to be something as shameful and disrespectful.
In Arranged Marriage, people explore, search and also extract the kind of qualities
that their partner wants. Which can be in any form i.e. love, care, aection, respect
etc. Here a person moulds his/her identity according to the want of their partner.
Whereas, in love marriages people know every bits and pieces of the requirements
that he/she wants.
73Views
Anonymous
WrittenDec25,2014
'Do Love marriages in India really work?'
I wish they did!
I've seen a couple of mentions about bizarre duo getting married under random
circumstances. I wish the whole of India was like that! I wish people valued people for
what they really are rather than what they do or what they earn.
In a society like ours, 'Hey, I nd you really cute. Can you join me for a cup of coee?'
can be oensive! Beware!
'Lets get together for a couple of days and come to a concise about our relationship'
could be a taboo.
Stay close to a girl, eventually end up liking her and express the same. She may tie a
rakhi. (Because rakhis here are more often used to express the unwillingness of a girl
to get in a relationship with a guy rather than emphasizing the brother-sister
bonding)
This is India for you!
You see, there are not many options there.

Arranged marriages FTW!
235ViewsViewUpvotes
Dr.SimranP.Mishra,Smokingisactuallyinjurioustohealth
WrittenDec17
Thats something very subjective. There cannot be a straight yes or no to this question.
My own husband married me because my cousin(whom he was supposed to marry)
married some other rich guy. A compromise formula was worked upon between
the families and I , the younger daughter of the family, got married to my
husband. What started out as a compromise and an arranged marriage is today
the best relationship I ever had in my life. A wonderful and caring husband , a
doting father to my son and daughter, a family man who has always given us more
than what we needed and a compassionate doctor who genuinely cares for his
patients, what more I can demand for in my life?
SheetSh
WrittenJul30
First of all it is not like it is potrayed or used to be Arranged marriages are a lot more
fun n intresting way to get a life partner. If one does not fall in love by default, this is
the best way to fall in love that too with the blessings of the entire family.
Now a days no one agrees to get married until one nds the almost xerox of the
person one wants to live the rest of the life with. Then with all the platforms available
to talk, chat or meet, it gets close to the likes of love marriage as the two get to know
each other as much as they want. Then comes the exploration part which is the most
fun.
I think love marriage gets boring sooner than arranged ones coz the two already know
each other inside out. So falling in love slowly each day is the essense of an arranged
marriage which i can promise out of my very own arranged marriage experience :-)
442ViewsViewUpvotes
DanielDurairaj,FitnessEnthusiast
UpdatedJan5,2015
We went from being 300 million during 1945 to 1.2 billion in 2014..
what do you think ? :-)
But regarding the eectiveness of 'parent arranged marriages' vs 'childrens own

decision' the dierence is much less or there is no dierence at all during the last 20
years.
There are happy as well as sad arranged marriages and the same goes for inter-caste,
inter-religious and children-decided love marriages.
328ViewsViewUpvotes
ManishGrover,shaadimagic.com
WrittenOct25,2012
The stats shows that arrange marriages in India are more successful in India. The
number of reasons are
1. Reduced family pressure as life partner was in agreement with parents

2. Issues like caste, religion, culture do not come into picture as families choose the
life partner accordingly. So no society pressure.
3. In arrange marriage, bride or groom enters into relationship with the mindset of
adjusting with their life partner.
Atlast, Whether its a love or arrange marriage, do check out shaadimagic.com for
all wedding planning needs. \U0001f600
259ViewsViewUpvotes
MPMadan,livesinJalandharPunjab,India
WrittenJan7
Yes, on an average, arranged marriages in India really work as compared to so called

Love Marriages etc. Some also say that arranged marriage is a Lottery. This is
everyones individual experience.
233Views
AvinashPandey(Shashank),Loser
UpdatedJul9,2016
One of my cousin was married with a country side girl he is just like a pet to his
parents so never argue with his parents about the girl before the marriage the two
guys were unknown to each other before marriage and never dated each other there
was a misunderstanding in his parents that country side girls were similar to 'GOPI
BAHU'(Lead female character of a famous Hindi serial SATHIYA) but reality was
much dierent . That girl was not have any single quality of GOPI bahu she never
behaved gently with his parents not also with him they had a child and mother of that
child try multiple time to kill herself or other person. The girl is psycho now doctor
also declared Their son was not getting proper chance of education due to worst
senior at his home . One wrong decision make a whole family life hell and at that time
they want divorce but girls family doesn't agree upon common terms. So in my
opinion it doesn't matter either it's arrange or love you have to know everything about
your partner and after that take any decision because a wrong decision can destroy
your entire life
ChakradharBurra,SoftwareEngineer
WrittenJul1,2016
I ll tell you a short story !!!
30 Years back one guy staying far from his parents.one day he got a call from his
parents like you have to come immediately.After that call he rushed to his village.
After reaching home,He was shocked.Because the house was decorated with owers
and lights etc.He went to his dad and asked whats happening.tomorrow is your
marriage son his father replied.He was stoned and respected his fathers decision.
He was married and having 2 children.He was happy with their family.
He married to a unknown girl.But they understood each other and living a long life.
Whether it is a arranged or love marriage doesnt matter If they is no

understanding between them,any type of marriage will fail.
Forgot to tell you about that guy He is my father !!
PrachiSharma,livesinIndia
WrittenDec4
Please dene work?
1. they last long?
2. Theres lot of love, understanding and care?
Well yes and no.
Yes, they last long - Usually families are involved in an arng mrg set up so, little
conicts are looked into and people are encouraged to resolve their dierences.
Parents of both the sides take the onus of happy married life of their children and
try to reason you when things go wrong!
No, they do not last long - Indelity, incompatiblity, in-laws woes all these do exists in
arrange marriages too!
Yes, Theres love, understanding n care - everything happens eventually, once you are
settled with the thought that you have nally got the one, we try to make most of
the situation. Understanding and care comes after years of togetherness.
Not necessarily- you cant love or being understanding at all times. Sometimes, you
just want to give it up and run away. And, sometimes you really do!
So, yeah whatever work means here its a lot of hardwork!
Is it worth it? I guess so!

476ViewsViewUpvotes
BalajiBalasubramanian,Indian.TamBrahm.
WrittenAug8
Depends on the ow.
Astrological Model (Theoretical Model) - As long as the horoscopes in question are

accurate and the astrologer is capable of seeing the match, the theoretical model for
this marriage can be obtained. Think of it as a simulation with a lot of variables -
Money, Shelter, Food, Clothes, Kids, Daily Happiness, Life Expectancy To name a
few.
Reputation (Societal Model) - With any new job, we are asked for referees. Similarly,
there need to be at least 3 referees to vouch for the soon-to-be-wed.
Sparks (Instant Model) - When and if you meet your partner, there needs to be some
level of connect. You will spend more time with your life partner than with your
parents or siblings.
As long as all 3 models are vetted, arranged marriage can work. Remember, there is no
denite recipe for Marriage. With an open mind and innite patience it can work for
you - Arranged or otherwise.
558Views
SoumyaneelManna,Datingandrelationships?Forpu$$ies.
WrittenOct29,2015
Much better than Love marriages!

There are many Love marriage couples as well as Arranged marriage couples in my
neighbour. From analysis of them (as far as I can), I can get that arranged marriage
usually lasts longer than love marriages.
The main reason for this is that arranged marriage mostly grow 'Platonic Love', while
Love marriages happen because of impulse and then, after marriage, disillusionment
occur and they get bored, yielding to an unhappy married life or divorce.
Most love marriages end in a relationship of nancial dependence, while arranged
marriages, inspite of nancial dependence being a factor, consists of a purer form of
love.
To the Western people this might be a joke. I am currently reading Bertrand Russell's
'Marriage and Morals'. Not a single word of it is true or works. Moreover, its
philosophy is shallow.
My tuition teacher's parents and my dad's client's parents form a great example. They
both were arranged marriages and happy marriages. They were so great that the wife
could not live even a week after their husband's death! But look at modern beings.
Love is so fragile that divorce is very very common. And this is a result of Love
marriages. Can those, who have love marriages, get attached to their spouses so
much? Nope. They are gassed up with their individuality.
Arranged marriages start with a sense of duty, and end too. In the mean time, it
produces a 'Platonic love' between each other. This is why, they can't live without
each other. And look at Love marriages. End up in divorce or unfaithful or unhappy
marriages.
Note: This is an usual case, rather than a general or a compulsory case.
Anonymous
WrittenTue
Most of the responses here are written by people who had bad experiences. In many
occasions the problem is due to alcoholism, personality disorders etc. These traits
have nothing to do with love or arranged marriages. In many love marriages people
think that they know the other person which is wrong. On the other side I found that
many love marriages in India land up in divorce. In arranged marriages there is a
family and 10 pairs of eyes doing their due diligence etc whereas in love marriage
mostly it is blind physical attraction or some guys girl-impressing skills at work. Guys
and girls with multiple aairs and experiences lose that new touch in marriage and
often develop negative tendencies towards others.
322ViewsViewUpvotes
RashmiRam,wanderer,spiritual,Engineer
WrittenJul27,2013
what I observed is that love marriage is an impulsive decision where people end up
being together and then realize the complexities of life now it completely depends on
a person how to handle it whereas in arranged marriage both the parties understand
the pros and cons, ready to commit themselves for life and then go ahead.
I still believe that it does not matter whether I go for a love marriage or arranged it
depends on what kind of person I am what am I ready to do to make my marriage
work, do I even believe in the institution of marriage?
I in full sanity choose arranged marriage as at least I can discuss clearly what I want,
what my expectations are and clarify what I can or cannot do .
As far as divorce is concerned

If you are spineless, can't express your views it hardly matters what kind of marriage
you have. I have seen more failed love marriages then failed arranged marriages .
Even in love marriage people drag their relation just because it was their decision and
they feel ashamed to admit their mistake in front of the families ..
One of my colleague mentioned that her husband for 11 yrs slept with other women ..
she continuously bitch about how he is unromantic .. I asked her if she feels so bad
why don't she just leaves him get a divorce .. she said who will take that much trouble
she earns less than him, they have 2 huge apartment .. how she alone would take care
of their 10 yr old daughter
I was stunned ... rst gure out whether you have any problem or not .. if you have
then have the guts to stand by it ..
People don't stay in marriage because its taboo or anything they are just ok with the
situation and believe me if any of those men/women get a choice to move out of the
relation and have a good life with someone .. they all will do so ..
Its only lack of choices ... stop blaming the culture, society people.
People choose what they think is convenient for them...
613Views
AniketBhanang,livesinMumbai,Maharashtra,India
Written1hago
Yes they do. My Mom and Dad are married for more than 38 years now. And they are
happy throughout these wonderful 38 years. Not only my parents, millions of people
who had an arrnaged marriage in India have been living happily.
The basic reason for any relationship to continue is to have trust on each other and
understanding. In any kind of marriage be it love marrigae or arranged marriage, if
you dont have trust and respect for each other, it is bound to collapse. And trust me as
far as I have came across, arranged marriages work in India not because its taboo or
there is no other option left, but its because of trust, repsect and understanding for
each other.
60Views
GopalakrishnanSridhar,Entreprenuer,Filmmaker,Writer,Dreamer,
Foodieandlotmore.
WrittenMay31,2016
The divorce rate high in love marriages rather than arranged marriages. Arranged
marriages works big time in India. Arranged marriage is not just about two people, it's
marriage between two families.
Also you are not going to marry a girl on rst sight, people speak a lot and decide
whether they want to share their life with other person or not. It's calculated,
opinionated, decisive process parents go through.
Unless and otherwise the couples desperately wanted to get divorce, arranged
marriages are made to work just like any other relationship.
On lighter note, arranged marriage is the only reason people who are not supposed to
reproduce are reproducing (lol).
232Views
SanchareeDey,worksatAccentureBangalore
WrittenNov14
Of course arranged marriages totally work out. The best example that I can give you is
of my parents. It beats me how two people can be so much in love even after so many
years (35+), touch wood.
You should just see how my moms face lights up with a broad smile whenever my dad
gives her an unexpected call during his oce hours just to check on her. She looks like
a smitten teenager. They are my inspiration and a very important reason why I grew
up to be such a hopeless romantic :P
But having said that, I would not agree that ALL arranged marriages work out. And at
the same time, I would not say that ALL love marriages work out either. So lets not
generalise this. Every relationship has their own share of compromises. You just have
to be lucky enough to nd someone who understands you and helps you become a
better person somehowand of course you should have fun together, that is very
important.
I totally agree that the concept of arranged marriage is pretty scary and can be a little
dicey sometimes. But that doesnt mean it will be a disaster. The only dierence
maybe is that in love marriage you already know the devil and in arranged you
discover it eventually with time :P
562ViewsViewUpvotes
PadmanabhanVenkatesan,Iknowalittlebitofpsychologyofevery
relationshipbetweenmanandwoman.
WrittenJun30,2016
Marriage is a divine contract. Celibacy and virginity are the virtues of unmarried men
and women respectively.Though physical pleasure between the couple is a strong
bonding aspect in the life of married people absolute faith and commitment are the
most sacred bondage till death. In my state in India most men and women are
naturally honest in this regard.Many dierences between the couple normally
disappear the moment a child is born. Parents honesty is a major aspect in better
child rearing too. Every one will go through several phases in life.Real love begins or
grows stronger with the emergence of the child. In India joint and extended families
too are important for a successful married life. Parents with common sense always try
to nd out the best partner for their boys and girls.. Most of them make the right
choices. If one is fully materialistic about marriage like expecting extreme
compatibility and have more faith on other pleasures than highly sincere relationship
till death do them part the life may not be as good as we normally dream. Chastity of
the individuals bring them true respect in the societal life. Life has to be unblemished
which elevates people to live with pride. Arranged marriages always give security for
the relationship though there is legal security social circle of relatives help a lot when
there are problems of misunderstandings and other failures. No one can dispute
family system in India.Happy children are the happy future. Hope people understand
the ethical values and established ways of successful life and accept arranged
marriages as better than other new age marriages which normally dissociate the
couples from families and society on various grounds.These are my conscientious
experience of life.I do not disagree with exceptions in other kind of marriages.
661ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenNov29
The reason why divorce rate is so less is because arranged marriages in most
instances do WORK! And yes, they really do well so long as the mismatch in
expectation levels between those of bride and groom is not really that high or the
marriages have not been based on various evil contracts such as dowry expectations,
some political connections or where parents/in-laws have placed their own selsh
priorities rst and have FORCED the marriage to happen. But over 95% of arranged
marriages dont have this force element in them at all.
It is only in the initial days that arranged marriages seem to be formidableBut

adjustment levels are relatively higher for arranged marriages compared to those in
love marriages. Love marriages end up with extremely high expectations from both
sides and with all the freedom available today, more frequently end up in divorce. Or
even if the love marriage couple survives, the other kind of disaster that may happen
is breaking away from parents and in-laws to form a small nuclear family which has
no obligation towards those old parents who brought them up with so much love and
care and instead seeks its own selsh interests to the detriment of larger society.
Although some love marriages do work as well as arranged marriages, most others
dont because they are not built on this foundation of social responsibility which
marriages in traditional cultures were created to be for.
Your concern about taboo of divorce is totally invalid. If it is taboo for arranged
marriages in India, there would be taboo for love marriages as well as it is same
society afterall. And mostly nowadays, even within arranged marriages where there is
immense conict, either partner can easily le for divorce and for wives there is
alimony too. So there shouldnt be any problem socially or legally but the only reason
why there is still low divorce rate is most likely that adjustment potential is higher for
arranged marriages. They are built on a web of not just expectations of romantic
bonds but other kinds of bonds too- social, lial etc. They have elements of mutual
friendship and sacrice embedded in them.
My grandparents and parents in rural India both are in so happy peaceful arranged
marriage and I can never imagine such happy humans bonded through a short-term
pleasure seeking love marriage, atleast of the kind seen in western cultures. It is not
just their happy relationship alone which I admire or feel proud of but that they still
share so much responsibility towards their relatives and extended families as well-
something that is so unimaginable in these nuclear families of today which have
broken even relatives from each other and made big families largely a relic of past.
Statistics shows clearly that divorce rates in India too are high for love marriages and
most liberal countries with substantial percentage of love marriages still end up with
divorces clearly indicating love marriages are not sustainable in long run for many
people. Love marriages are built on layers of high level fantasies or movie type
illusions which dont work in real life and more so, this collapse in expectations
happens for those cases where both husband and wife work.
That is the reason, my friend, why even today Indian society is so stable with respect
to marriage and nations like US are so full of cheating and unstable spouses with not
just high divorce but even depression and suicide rates! Think hundred times before
blindly accepting everything about west is gold and everything Indian is crap.
West only teaches everyone that individual is the free agent and is not supposed to be
bound by any social or family constraints. What it doesnt teach however is that
individual can be self destructive too. Often, our decisions even regarding our own
lives are irrational just like economics and behavioral nance tell us that our buying
behaviors are not often rational and are based on apparent short-term shallow
interests. Arranged marriages unlike love marriages have this whole large network to
support us which ensures we make a better choice than our irrational brains can
decide through that movie type red glass. It is extremely wrong to think our elders
who have brought us up are wrong. They might be having generation gap issues but
once this is bridged, they will always act in our best interests and be with us during
the worst of our times.unlike many lunatic lonely and depressed westerners who
dont even have any parental or family ties to be proud of.
PS:- I am a 26 year old writing this sitting here in urban IndiaHeavily frustrated by
two recent breakups of love marriage kind datings, both due to high expectations
from shallow girls, have decided nally that arranged marriages are the best for long
run and will go for arranged marriage by family.
LONG LIVE ARRANGED MARRIAGES!
AkhilDoji,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenDec30,2014
It depends on the type of man. If he is humble and caring, all is well (most of the men
aren't, some who have an open mind and think independently are). Most men in
Indian middle class are deep patriarchs and beat their wife often and never think of
her in equal terms to themselves. It's a problem but generally all marriages 'work out'
as women suer in silence and never stand up for themselves because they are not
well educated which is her parent's mistake in the rst place, who too are deeply
embedded in patriarchy and never cared to educate her. In Haryana, we men say to
our wives: Ghunghat pehen aur roti pow (we get a high from controlling women by
putting restrictions on them and gunghat, man o man, we love it so much).
We totally deserve developed countries spitting on us. Because perversion is in our

culture.
233ViewsViewUpvotes
HariomDubey
WrittenAug13
I have never heard about any perfect marriage
"I have never heard about any perfect marriage. They say perfect marriages are made
in heaven. Nobody comes back from there so maybe it is true, but what kind of
marriage will those perfect marriages be?
There will be no tension, there will be no individuality in the man or in the woman.
They will never collide, they will never ght. They will be too sweet to each other. And
too much sweetness brings diabetes!"
237Views
Shankar,Indianbybirthandbyheart
WrittenDec10
If a system doesn't work nobody accepts it or follows it. India is following this
tradition of arranged marriages for hundreds of years, so the longevity of the practice
tells everyone that it's works.
Your point is that eventhough there are dierences between couples and still
continuing as husband and wife for fear of society.
If two individuals have to have a successful relationship either one has to compromise
with the other, whether it is husband or wife. Otherwise it will be the end of any
relationship.
This applies not just to arranged marriages but even love marriages also. When there
is no trust between partners then there is no meaning to relationship.
Arranged marriages don't split easily like love marriages. Because family prestige
plays a big role.Generally arranged marriages happens with the consent of both
husband and wife's family. If there are any indications that the marriage will no
longer works both families will do the rescue act and compromise each other. This is
the reason most arranged marriages continues even there is dierences between a
husband and wife.
Time heals all wounds. This applies to marriages also. By this logic most of the
relationships continue s to exist.
258Views
SauravSinha,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenDec16,2015
i will not say much about this one rather i will say on topic similar to this which is
"love after marriage......"
Generally we people think that we should marry to those whom we love, but I think it
will be perfect to marry to those about whom we dont know anything.
Now the rst question arises, why the people do love marriages?? I think the answer is
they know each other; they know about each others likings, they have already decided
about what they have to do in the future, they have made promises to each other, but all
these they do on the basis of their un-married life. They forgets that things after
marriage will change, responsibility increases, and in the this meanwhile, under the
responsibility things starts to change, all the promises are now the broken one, both
starts to blame each other, and sometime results are very dangerous.
But unlike love marriage, in arrange marriage the girl and boy both rst try to
understand each other, after that they plan about their future, now here what is
happening, what is dierent from the love marriages, answer is they are taking
decision by keeping in mind all the responsibilities that they have, here there is no any
question of broken promises, they know that any decision taken by them not going to
aect only them but also their families, they have the responsibilities of two families.
Anonymous
WrittenJan1,2015
3 most important people in my life are my parents and my only brother. My parents
are happily married since last 31 years, it was arranged. My brother got married
couple of years back and he is in the process of getting divorced, his was a love
marriage.
I am getting not judgmental here by just looking at this one incident. I believe things
do change with time. Irrespective of whether it's a love or an arranged, it all depends
on the guy and the girl and their compatibility. The divorce rate has increased in
India, not because the percent of love marriages have increase. I believe that the
major reason is that women have become independent, they want to be treated as
equals and they, most importantly, know their rights. This though is not wrong but
the point is that earlier men used to dominate in every relationship and women had
to follow whatever the guy thinks/believes/says, which meant no conicts. Now,
women speaks her mind out if she feels she has a valid point to make or if the guy is
talking rubbish, leading to conicts and hence, increase in divorce rate.
India, by culture is patriarchal and at times becomes dicult for men to accept that
women can be better than them in many ways.
PS: I am not against women empowerment.

533ViewsViewUpvotes
PranaviOm
WrittenNov18
Working of marriages is never based on being arranged or love, it is only based on the
bond both the people share and the respect they have towards each other and their
families. In older days, morals and ethics were the default qualities of the people
irrespective of nancial status, family status etc. But, nowadays these are nowhere to
be found in many of the persons and society on whole. That is the reason why the
dirty concept of divorce itself has crept into a divine country like India. Because,
being compatible with a person indicates the respect we give to the other person and
so it is right to say that give respect and take respect and it implies to both the genders
and not to one gender in specic. Issues are part of life no matter whatever the
relation. We have issues with parents, siblings and friends but however, we sort out
the things because we never try to judge there and instead try to sort out. But,
nowadays as we are losing morals individually and craving for individual freedom in
all the aspects, we are free to do anything, anything in the sense, degrading ourselves
to the lowest and murdering our self respect in the guise of protecting it. Marriage is
always a psychological relation instead of physical. Unless and until you have a strong
psychological bond, nothing works better. If you fail to build that bond, it is never
going to work out positive for anyone because you can never have that till the end and
instead you will be turning from one relation to other till the end and at one stage gets
fed up either to settle down at its worst or end up single with pack of loneliness,
frustration and mental illness.
We ght with our mother, father, sister, brother & so on but, still we dont break the
relation because we love them whatever they are. That should be the thing in
marriage too, the bond of love should unite each other. Male should not be a dictator
because he is a husband and female should not be insulted because she is a home
maker.
Both of them are unique in their own way and no half is absolute without the other.
Education and freedom should uplift the culture in us instead should not spoil us.
So, if a love marriage, you are successful only when you succeed in retaining it
through the life, if arranged marriage start your love story from that point to make life
more beautiful. But, at times everything res in any relation and I feel sorry and
unanswerable, for, those are the deeds of the cruel & worst form of animals in the
guise of human beings.
613ViewsViewUpvotes
KumarKutty,livedinLivinginChennai(20082017)
Written3hago
Let me answer you in my view point. All marriages are experiments. Just we need a
partner of opposite sex for the completion (or fulllment?) of our life. It may work or
may not. It is equally true of love marriages and arranged marriages, in India or
elsewhere. People say that in love marriages the partners get opportunity to know
each other and so they work. It is true to some extend but not always. Because the
partner either of you know prior, may go entirely dierent as you start living under a
single roof (Human mind is so complex.) My marriage ( I am now 60) was partly love
(?) and partly arranged. I got the opportunity to meet and talk to my would be for one
or two months time. I liked her (cannot say love, because the two are dierent) and
found beautiful dreams of leading a good life with her. But our marriage failed
miserably and we two got separated. The divorce was through court.
So what I have to say is whether a marriage work or not depends on your fate (God). I
say you that in India, in several states, the number of divorces has increased ever time
before. The statistics is only from cases that come before the courts, the the actual
number may be several folds more.
(Statistics is after all like bikinis. What it reveal is interesting, but what it hide is vital)
127Views
PriyankaMinhas,AndroidDeveloper
WrittenJan8,2015
Its been said that a marriage not only brings two people closer but also two families
together. Its not important that who has decided your life partner, what makes
important is the love and the trust in between the relationship.
If both love and respect the relationship than its quite obvious that the relation will be
long lasting.... :)
113ViewsViewUpvotes
HirdayDutta,30+yearsasaresearcherinAntarctica
WrittenNov17
In an arranged marriage, you meet a stranger and thus you need to know about your
partner and by the time, you understand your partner, there is a baby. It is the baby
who absorbs the partners to such a level (child remains dependent till his /her
marriage) that they hardly get time to know each other-less we know, better is the
stability of married life. After all, in India, poor economy keeps everybody so busy
that we dont have time for many marriage related issues.
564ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJun20,2013
this is something i discussed with my roommates in my rst year

1) i note that more often than not in case of love marriage the driving force is the
looks or personality or vibe of a person at rst, indeed that is actually the impetus
which drives the relationship at the beginning stages ,now the interesting thing to
note is that the traits required for a relationship to become successful are dierent
than what i just mentioned ,what indeed needed is trust and understanding . so in a
way the qualication examination ( if i may say so ) does not really take into
account the actual skills required for the the real game .
2) now that people claim love marriage is instinctive and arranged is more or less an
agreement ,but for case of love marriage in reality (following up from above question
)is that shallow things like looks , attractiveness vibe , money (oh yes it matters ) are
the things people account for before deciding to go out with a person......while in
arranged marriages most of the time it is the character of the person , family history
.and yes money ......now while none of the qualities mentioned above guarantee a
successful marriage , the funny thing is the points accounted for a arranged
marriage are indeed more reasonable than points accounted for love marriage .
so when i think about it this might be the actual reason of low divorce rates in
arranged marriages.
another thing is i am in a family where all marriages upto one generation back used to
be arranged and even though many writers have explained about how arranged
marriages have wrecked the lives of there parents , relatives etc and paint a picture of
oppression,i really cant see that in my family and by large the community ,
also i have observed that many people prefer love marriage just for the thrill of it , (yes
irting ,sex etc is fun ) rather than for the view of having a understanding partner
i think by and large ninety six percent success rate is more than just a uke .
433Views
NarayanaJanardhan,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenSep7,2015
If it doesn't works half of the indian quora users doesn't exist. And india wont be
second most populous country.
As you mentioned divorce rate is less not because of some taboo and something else.
It is because these people believe the relationship.
399ViewsViewUpvotes
SamiaJamil
WrittenFeb12,2015
i can answer this easily. there is only one reason why arranged marraige works; it's
called compromise. because for religious communities like hindus, muslims and
sikhs marraige is forced upon children by their parents as they are coerced into it and
also they are not only expected to marry whoever their parents choose for them, but
also there is a taboo against divorce in such religious communities. out of fear of
shaming their families in society (especially for women as it is harder for divorced
women to remarry as opposed to their male counterparts) they put up with the
marraige rather than letting their families down. there is no love within the marriage
between the couples just the sense of obligation to do as your family wants and keep
up the family pride!

In my family (i'm a british born muslim) we are not only forced to marry someone our
parents choose for us but the person also has to be literally related to us. i know,
ewwww. i don't know why, obviously members of my family and relatives are too lazy
to look for someone outside the family for their children, so opt for cousins of their
children. again, ewwww. every couple in my family is related to each other. another
bad thing is that in my family not only are the children forcfully married o to their
relatives but also are married to relatives who specically live in pakistan and are also
uneducated. why do the parents in my family marry their educted children to
uneducated relatives in pakistan just so that these so-called relatives get a frickin visa
to live in england. i hate it. im turning 20 in 4 days, and i shall denitely not be
marrying a relative or an uneducated person. marraige is worse for pakistani
children.
601ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul23,2013
When i was on the way to this World,i was just thinking that who are the people i am
gonna live with...really it was so scary i was tensed,i was thinking oh God i can't even
speak or move and i have to live with some strangers but when i arrived on this earth
everything was ne,everyone used to love me,care me and it 's almost 20 years now
and still everything is ne.
Conclusion- Living with Strangers isn't scary.
Arrange Marriages- I have seen thousands of successful Arrange Marriages.
Lastly what if not Arrange Marriage?

Dude i don't have girl friend and i don't wanna live single for my whole life,their is
only one option for me i.e, arrange marriage.
332Views
VikramMagar,livesinPune,Maharashtra,India
WrittenJan7
Yes they do work
As most of the marriages in India ate still arranged marriages almost 80%.
Still dating and boyfriend girlfriend are the concepts rarely accepted by society.
As in the lower middle class girls are mostly do not earn they are housewife's. Due to
this and culture and dependency on spouse even they are not satised don't move out
of marriage.
P.s.if any disput arises in arranged marriage whole family of both helps to sort out the
issue. But in lovemarriage there problems are their own and their family don't help
and add fuel to it.
69Views
CanneSubhadraSharma,Englishmajor.Likeeverythingthereistolike.
WrittenMar9,2015
Since this question comes in cultures in India, and people generalize a lot, I want to
put in this answer and hope that people notice it.
My parents have had an arranged marriage. My dad and mom are opposites. while my
father never conformed to societal rules, my mother tries to follow them as strictly as
she can. My father was against marriage, later when he did get married he did not
want his wife to wear things like bangles, anklets, sindoor (vermilion in hair) etc,
whereas my mother did not mind them. For the rst two or three years they would
ght a lot...obviously because of clashes in ideologies. But now that I look at them, I
want to fall in love like they have.
My father sends my mother romantic messages whenever he is away, they hug each
other like they never want to stay away from each other...even when they ght, they
make up in an hour or two, and you can nd them cuddling in the bed or on the sofa.
Not all arranged marriages are disasters. Every marriage fails when the two people in
it give up and do not work towards making it work. You try to understand the other
person, and try to make them see your point of view. You respect each other and share
everything with them. That is the story of every successful marriage, irrespective of it
being a love one or an arranged one.
713ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
UpdatedNov5,2013
Yes I think they do work. Presumably the aim of arranged marriages is to keep India a
fairly primitive country where adults can't take proper responsibility for themselves.
By stopping adults making their own decisions on their life partner the aim must be
to teach people not to expect much from life or expect to change anything
themselves.
Given India's disfunctional state it appears this system of arranged marriages is

working very well.
RiteshTiwari,SoftwareDeveloper
WrittenJun21,2016
Yes almost 90 % arranged marriages worked.Now coming to the reality from

beginning,in past arranged marriages were done on there family wish and he/she
need to compromise with there partners but at the end its turn to successful
marriages.So you can say its an example of adaptability and later on the partners
falls in caring and love for each other.Now coming to that 20 % which doesnt
worked.The main reason is non trust,dowry,mismatch with partners
thinking,lust,greediness etc.In arrange marriages loves exist in between the
couples after some years of understanding. If you will come on statistics, arranged
marriages are more successful than love marriages as arranged marriages combine of
both family and couple love.Love is the important coin for arranged marriages.On
opponent i seen love marriages are more unsuccessful and divorce is common
thing.So if marriages done by checking every parameters for a good life ,any
marriage will work.
265ViewsViewUpvotes
SurbhiSindhu,Relationshipfor4years
WrittenDec2
I believe that marriage is an important part of life. If one chooses to go for arranged
marriage, he/she is losing out on choice of choosing partner on their own. It is so
prevalent here that it is not even considered that an adult, old enough to get married
should be given the responsibility of choosing a life partner.
I have seen so many happy ending arranged marriages, and trust me, I feel happy for
them. But those people don't realize that they have lost out such an important
decision, which they themselves should have made, given they are adults. Those
people might have chosen each other nevertheless, but the point is not getting the
choice, not getting to explore, and not getting free reign to go out and mingle.
48Views
SampatKumarGogireddy,...
WrittenSep18,2013
I am 20 so my understanding is limited when it comes to actually understanding the

dierence between as we call it in India "Arranged marriage & love marriage "
My parents have been married for ages and i dont see any stress in their relationship ,
and yes it was a arranged marriage !!!
Now i have an uncle who happens to be married for nearly the same time he found his
love his way i guess in college , i dont see any problem in their relationship either !!!
what i deduce from people around me is that ...... there is not much a dierence if a
marriage is arranged or u nd u r love on your own
Love is something which has lot of issues ,
Love for a irrational person is maddness the only thing he or she may desire is to be
with her partner for life or a period of time putting everything else aside !!!
Now when i talk about a rational person he starts looking for other factors to
.......apart from her partner being good looking he wants him or her to be supportive ,
successful, passionate... so on basing on his or her approach!!
Now how does a person fall in love , u meet him or her , start talking, going out , if u
share a zing then bam the next moment you are in love.
Arranged marriage works similarly , girl or a boy is searched on the basis of your
interests , their family background is checked , u go meet them then the verdict , if u
zing bam u get engaged !!
Both the methods are good but the key lies as far as my understanding goes is .... How
good the couple is at taking responsibility because Marriage in india is a
responsibility Not a party !!
u have honour of your families at stake , India is a society based on Families ,
The art of living single is very new to india ,
We dont see many divorces in india as other countries because here you have a long
chain of relatives and people who are your family , who look upto you, you dont want
to be a bad example.
In all religions i know people go to heaven , jannat swarg.... so on based on just one
thing "The sacrice" . In india it is done to make people around you happy .
you get married either way (arranged or love ) !
you have to take is as a responsibility to uphold your marriage and be in love with the
same person for all your life !!!!!
561ViewsViewUpvotes
VikasSS,Whethertheyworkornot,relationshipsmakeyouwiser.
WrittenFeb15,2016
In today's day and age, arranged marriage is no panacea. There is nothing 'traditional'
about it. It is either a case of parents being too conservative and coercing kids through
emotional blackmail to go for an arranged marriage or it would be a case of a girl or
boy not nding a suitable match through romantic means on their own and exploring
arranged marriage as an option to settle down. This is not meant to discourage
someone about arranged marriages, but just a note of caution.
In case of love marriages, people would have known each other as classmates,
colleagues, etc., before they start a romance. So, they could have exposed their
natural behavior before they started behaving like a partner in a relationship. Also,
there are chances that the couple in love could have explored each other physically
and discovered whether they are compatible or not. (Note: There is nothing wrong
with two consenting adults exploring each other physically).
In case of arranged marriages, you are clear about why you are meeting a particular
person. You know where the conversation is headed. Therefore, if you ended up liking
the girl a lot, you may be behaving in such a way that she will like you. If she liked
you, she would do the same to please you. Ultimately, it will be two people trying to
behave in a goody-goody fashion and the real you or real her may never be exposed.
This can lead to a lot of problems after marriage. Plus, parental pressure, horoscopes
and other social factors can contribute to the added pressure.
Having said so, the situation is changing slowly. Most people in cities who are well
educated and in well paid jobs manage to nd partners by themselves. Issues like
caste, religion, etc., are passe. Love need not be as poetic or dramatic as it looks in the
movies and could just be another method of choosing partners. The ball has been set
rolling and it wont be far when love marriages become the norm.
265Views
SauravPincha,#travelexpert#bachelor
WrittenApr9,2015
Yes it does.. Yes it doesnt... n what gurantee that Love marriages work.. its totally
dependent on Guy and Girl.. how they understand each other..
i Request everyone.. be open with your partner... be it anything...
i'm Divorced... but have helped many couples... atlest 12... i had spoken to 18 couples..
in which 12 spoke out truth to their partners... and the end results were amazing..
we are humans.. we tend to make mistakes... presently the situation is so glamorous

that its easy to fall prey with beauty.. i mean.. Fancy Cars, Fancy Life.. Fancy Looks..
Fancy Bank Balance.... Fancy Holidays.. Fancy Night outs..everything shud be fancy...
n bingo u have jackpot... so control your mind.. What you see is not true always.... be
carefull... control your mind, control your emotions.. control your desire..
Give Respect.. Take Respect...
Dont Think much... n trust each other... life will be beautifull...
Truth will evolve

205ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyShreyaChippagiri
MayankPandeyz,livesinNoida,UttarPradesh,India
WrittenNov14
It depends on the understanding of two people's, not whether the marriage is arrange
or love. There was a boy who is working as a fresher in some small city as a Junior
Software Developer on a monthly stipend of 7,000 Rs per month. At that time a
father is ready to marry his girl with that boy. It looks strange, how could some one
give his daughter hand to a boy whose yearly income is less than 1 LPA, but that
father knows that boy will denitely make some good place in the future. And on 29
May of 2016 the marriage happens and of course its a Arrange Marriage. The
understanding between the boy and girl is good enough that they were happy and
now the boy is working as a Software Developer in a Metro City and the girl is an HR
in some IT Company in the same city and they both are very happy.
Yes arrange marriage in India really work :)
340Views
Anonymous
WrittenJun1,2016
You need to dene whether Working means not getting divorced.
It is less because there is a large portion of the Indian society where it is still frowned
upon. It has changed for some but it is still less.
Here is my experience.
My ex husband was introduced through extended family. My cousins in-laws

neighbors family. He was their son who had gone to IIT, done his Masters in the US
and living there.
Supposedly a well educated family. Good credentials. Average looks. Known family.
I went out a couple of times with him before the wedding where he presented this
wonderful side and promised we will make all decisions together
What the common friends did not bother to mention was that the father (my ex
father-in-law, a doctor) was an alcoholic.
Fast forward. Heavy demands during wedding. They threw me out of the house the
next day because wedding not grand enough.
I did walk out because my parents had spent everything they had and hoped things
would get better.
We went to the US. I found out my ex had two years worth of his salary in credit card
debt and no savings because he had been sending money to his parents to ll the gap
for his fathers alchoholism.
My ex didnt spend time with me because he had nished the job of nding a
supposedly pretty bride, no more eorts required. He didnt want to have children.
Then his parents came to visit. Nothing I did was good enough. I had to work (to earn)
and be a maid at home.
The father watched adult movies in my presence and my ex allowed it because he was
the head of the household.
My parents still thought my ex was good and his parents inuenced him and I should
adjust, that all Indian marriages require women to adjust more than men.
I saw nothing in the marriage. I was nancially independent was able to get a divorce.
Not everyone in this situation can. Would you still say arranged marriages work?
751ViewsViewUpvotes
CharuAggarwal,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenOct7
I think they only work in India. The reason is as simple the parental and societal
pressure. Even if a couple is going through hell in their lives due to their relationship
they will think twice before calling it o just for the sake of ki log kya kahenge.
I think if statistically compared with other countries of the world, India will denitely
top the list of successful arrange marriages because we are so much attached with our
roots.
If a newly wed couple doesnt feel compatible with each other then the elderly would
come into picture giving them the solution to the problem- to have a baby. According
to them the baby would act as a connector and will ll all the cracks in the not so
working relationship.
So basically its the kind of mentality that we Indians have which most of the time lead
way to a successful ( may be not happy) arrange marriages.
639ViewsViewUpvotes
GopalkrishnaKamath
WrittenMar7,2015
My comments of the sad incident:

Let us analise the various steps that led to the mis hap?
The girl just was carried away by the internet messages. Marriage is a long term
commitment between two persons to share the future life together . Would it not be
proper to check the background of each other before entering into this long term
agreement.
The girl was ( not blaming her for this it is just happening to all youngsters at that age
level ) just eager to get married.
If this background check was dome then perhaps the sad incident could have been
avoided.
Next Action that should be vigorously pursued by her :
She should not only get a divorse but also punish the person for trying to force her
into prostitution.
She should immediately le a criminal case of breach of trust as well as domestic
violence against women under the act and send the person for rigorous
imprisonment for at least 10 to 15 years for his crime.
Now My ideas on arranged marriages:

In most parts of India the system of arranged marriages is still practised.
If I am not mistaken in this system the marriages are proposed and pursued by the
parents who make it a point to varify the background of the persons by enquiry and
visits before any understanding is discussed. But due to the advancement of
technology and the Internet the girls often take the initiative . This is OK but continue
the background checks.
I am not saying that arranged marriages are the best but they have some safeguard
inbuilt in them.
However we have to go with times and not be glued to old ideas that only arranged
marriages will work.
If the couple can know each other ( especially those working in the same oce ) and
have met their parents and family often before nally deciding then this would be the
best solution.
Thanks
Kamath
7 March 2015
167Views
PavanaKumar,notinityet
WrittenOct7
Arranged marriages have been working well in India from ancient times hither to. Of
late we can observe the failures of arranged marriages. In my opinion, this is because
of the change in the mind set and thinking process of people. Now a days, our
thoughts are aected and dominated by western theories and western culture where
we can not accept others intervention in our matters even though it is our parents.
Even our movies are also impacted by Hollywood. We are surely changing from a
collectivistic society to individualistic society. We lost the connection with our own
culture and we forgot how we used to look at this concept called marriage. The
arranged marriages are failing because the couple could not basically understand
what marriage is. In many cases, these marriages are working out perfectly. Arranged
marriages had worked well in past and are working well now and will work well in
future too.
472Views
Anonymous
WrittenJun2,2014
Yes and No.
I have seen how beautifully my parents have spent 37 years of their (arranged)
marriage.
Yet I have seen in my neighbourhood domestic violence in arranged marriage.
The rst time I saw this happening, I got scared of the very concept of arranged
marriages .
Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't

336ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenTue
Marriages are pure gamble, be it love or arranged. Sometimes love marriages end up
in sheer misery and sometimes arranged marriages end up in happily ever after and
of course, vice-versa.
I am a 28 years old female from a middle class conservative family, working in an

MNC. Like most of Indian middle class families, my parents also wanted me to get
married to a guy whom they choose for me and that too as soon as I am done with my
education. To be honest, I had no objections against the notion as I grew up keeping a
thing in mind that Falling in love is not my cup of tea. The only issue I had with the
entire arrangement was, that I should approve the guy who my parents choose for me.
My father chose a guy who was settled in US. Before I could get any chance to speak to
him, our parents decided that we should marry. We got engaged immediately after
our rst formal meeting with families. I was reluctant but could not do much about it.
Thankfully, wedding date was not nalized. We started speaking over phone and the
torture started withing 1 st week itself. He used to tell me that I was ugly (I dont agree
to this), fat (by the I was 53 Kg that time) and short (I am 5 feet 4 inches). He did not
like the fact that I was friends with guys. He did not know how to respect a fellow
human being, let alone respecting a woman. In spite of so many issues he had with
me, he wanted to talk to me for 56 hours straight and that too at odd times (time
zone). He never wanted me to go out of the house and meet my friends. He instructed
me to go to oce and then directly back to home..no roaming around and all. I
resented all this and it always turned into an argument and then ght. I started being
depressed about my life. It grew so much on me that I literally cut o my connection
with all my friends. I started speaking less and less to family as well. I spoke to my
mom about this and they tried to make me understand about the adjustments one has
to do in marriages. I guess she did not understand the intensity of situation. My
depression was growing day by day as I could not see any way of coming out of it.
Being helpless I used to cry my eyes out every single day.
One day, after 11 months of torture I decided that it is enough. I called my dad and
told him each and every thing. He stood by me and I called o the wedding.
I had stopped believing in marriages but my parents did not give up. I kept on
rejecting matches after that. Suddenly, after almost 8 months a match came through a
relative. I was initially disinterested but my best friend pushed me to talk to the guy
once. I spoke to him and there was something about him that grew my interest. We
started conversing through text messages and then decided to meet. I really liked him
and within a couple of days agreed for marriage though I was scared and not sure of
my decision due to past experience but anyhow went ahead.
We are now married for almost 2 years and I can proudly say that he is the best
husband ever. He is a great guy who loves me, inspires me, motivates me and
supports me in every way he can. I love him from the bottom of my heart.
I am now sure of one fact now that arrange marriages work. Worked for me..:)
Anonymous
WrittenApr7,2015
my amazing arranged marriage i resisted at rst
That evening, I was outmaneuvered. This time they simply invited the young man to
dinner. Apparently he had been in my parents sights for a while, ever since they met
him on a recent trip to India. He lived in New York, but was visiting his father after
heart bypass surgery. Now, he was in Dubai to meet me.
When my parents began the search for a suitable match they asked me for a few
guidelines. I hoped my list would make it hard, if not impossible, to nd someone
who would meet all my criteria. He should have a post-graduate degree, I said. And,
because they were looking for a Punjabi Indian boy in any part of the world, he had to
live in a place where there would be no waiting period to fulll any immigration
requirements (I had heard the horror stories of newlyweds having to wait up to seven
years until their paperwork was approved). Most importantly and I was rm on this
they could not list my name on any matrimonial pages in Indian newspapers. I
knew that it would drastically reduce the pool of suitors.
The bell rang. I checked myself in the mirror. Old jeans, T-shirt, no makeup. The
perfect outt to demonstrate my antipathy. One glance and my mother pursed her
lips. It was a silent, cold walk to the living room.
This is Rajiv, my father said. Firm grip, warm smile, sharp features. He was tall, but
not crazily so. He was already sharing a beer with my dad. And what do you know? He
was wearing jeans too. The prospects for the evening began to look up. Perhaps it
would not be as torturous as I had thought. Besides, my mother was smiling again.
Rajiv was laid back, looking comfortable. He shared his impressions of his rst visit to
Dubai. What they were exactly, I dont recall, but I do remember that we all laughed.
The liveliness and storytelling lasted through dinner. Then it came time for Rajiv and
I to spend some time together before I drove him back to his hotel.
I geared up for the awkwardness that would surely come once we were alone. Wrong
again. Guess its time for 20 questions, he joked. What was he doing charming me by
asking about my job, my friends, my interests, what I did for fun? Telling me funny
stories about his life in New York? I had always maintained that I would prefer any
other country to the U.S. It was too far from everyone I knew, too familiar and alien all
at once. But after a couple of cups of coee it did not seem so inconceivable. This was
going seriously sideways. I was actually enjoying myself.
But to decide the rest of my life based on one meeting seemed unfair to me. I was the
one who would have to leave my home, my family and everyone I knew. I was the one
who would have to change cities, countries and hemispheres.
My mother worried that she had brought me up too leniently. She had encouraged me
to study abroad, travel and live a life dierent from hers. She hoped it wouldnt
backre now. She was asking me to consider the conventional institution of marriage
topped o with the traditional customs of the arranged marriage.
But what about love? My friends asked. Shouldnt you marry for love? It was a
legitimate question. If I went along with my parents choice, would I regret not having
done it my way?
It was my turn to brood late into the night over the choice before me. Love seemed the
aftermath of an accidental collision of meeting the right person at the right time
and what if that never happened for me? It hadnt so far mainly because I had not
been able to trust my judgment in choosing someone for myself. Lately too I felt like I
was outgrowing the whole rigmarole of meeting, dating, wondering and agonizing
over whether this was it. Why ght the opportunity my parents were oering me? I
could come to regret that.
But my fears and doubts about Rajiv swung from the ridiculous to the mundane. I had
only seen the sociable, pleasant side of him. What if he was an ax murderer? A
possessive jerk? What if he did not give me room to breathe? Expected me to be just a
housewife? What if he was disorganized? Or too particular? How would I have to
adjust my personality to t someone elses?
Will I be able to live with this man? Will I be able to love him?
My parents pointed out that they had met all the criteria on the list. He was a
chemical engineer and an MBA. He had a good job and all the right paperwork. They
had met him through my fathers uncle, a close family member who had nothing but
nice things to say about Rajiv and his family.
Everything they said was making sense. Adulthood involved hard changes. It was life.
There were no guarantees of success or failure. All they could do was give me the best
chance within their power with which to take on the future. The rest was up to me.
In the end, I decided to put my faith in the two people who knew me best and had
only my interests at heart.
Rajiv called me after he heard I had given my assent. He wanted to reassure me, to
check with me that I had not been unnecessarily inuenced. I found it amusing, as I
was the family member considered most headstrong, the one who could not be forced
to do anything I did not want to do. I was moved by his consideration.
Still, I wondered if Rajiv had any doubts. He must have certain apprehensions about
the way his life was about to change as well. I did not sense this at the time but, in
retrospect, it must have been hard for him as well.
He returned to the States. We wrote letters and spoke on the phone. His letters were
newsy and casual, which I appreciated. Once, most of his letter was his
deconstruction of an episode of Seinfeld. I was taken in by the irreverent but serious
tone, glad he was not lling the letter with meaningless talk about the weather in New
York or details of his work day. He suggested that in each letter we reveal one thing
about ourselves a like or a dislike, a pet peeve or an idiosyncrasy. It did not have to
be deeply personal, only what we were comfortable with. The back and forth was
refreshing. Unlike a conversation, there were no interruptions.
A year later we married. We had only met a handful of times before then.
We have been married coming on 19 years. We have a lovely daughter. Weve had real
challenges balanced with great moments of joy. A sure sign of a decision well made is
that I would do it all again. I had gone from no way to yes, from liking to loving. I now
enjoy teasing my teenage daughter about the importance of listening to ones parents.
You never know who they will bring home to dinner.
752ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul3,2016
It really is a gamble you see.
My parents had arranged marriage. They never ght at all. Every one i know has done
arrange marriage.
But some couples are having diculty and sone are happy .
It is all about the connection between couple whether they like each other whether
they love each other.
It is ultimately a gamble . You cannot know everything before marriage if the person
wont tell you.
So chances are of it being good and bad is equal.
So concept of arrange marriage is good ; but you should know everything or atleast
major things about the person you are marrying.
One of my uncle drink ; he hide that detail from his bride . Now they ght all the time.
His younger brother ; my other uncle also did arranged marriage. But he is happy. He
was honest from the starting .
But i will say this much ; in a country like india where marriage occurs only once and
divorce is a big taboo ; marrying someone without knowing is really stupid but in
some cases you cannot do anything about it. You should have a leap of faith in the god
for that matter.
Anonymous
WrittenJun27,2014
Arranged marriages are forced to work in our country.How can two people who
haven't met once in their lives love each other for rest of their lives.May be it may
work for few but they only work because divorce is a sin in our society.
In US nearly half the marriages end in marriage.On an average each person dates at
least 5 persons.Even after choosing their love after getting to know more than 5
persons most of the marriages end badly.There may be many reasons people
change,there is no passion anymore.But in India our love of the life is chosen by our
parents based on our status,caste,dowry How can that work when there is no passion
or we are forced to love someone? And the worst part is for most of them there is no
getting out of it for life.Love marriages fail to but atleat people getting married have a
choice, they are not forced.
566ViewsViewUpvotes
BharatNanwani
WrittenTue
I think, it doesn't matter whether marriage is love or arranged. Every woman deserves
a man who respects her, and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his
eorts.
There should be good mutual understanding between each other. The family of
husband should not be egoistic and demanding, both the families should take care of
the needs of each other. Both the families have equal responsibilities for each other.
Both, husband and wife should respect their in- laws.
Most couples have bad experiences and unpleasant memories of their married life but
each and every problem can be solved through discussing on it. Marriages are made
in heaven. Each and every problem can be solved through understanding and love.
We need to change our mentality on comparison of status of both the families. Money
and nancial condition of both the families are not important at all. Divorces happen
in love marriages also. Only the face of both, girl and boy is not important at all.
Nature and character should be given priority. A strong man can handle a strong
woman.
198ViewsViewUpvotes
NeetiDixit,Marriedfor25yearsandteachmanagementgraduates.
WrittenAug25
Happily Married to an Army Ocer for the last 25 years....
I used to always wonder as to why a woman needed to be dependent on a man to feel

independent?
Why she needed someone to make her feel special ?? Why couldn't she dress up for
her own satisfaction?
Every fairy tale talks about a handsome prince and how he rescued his distressed
lady.....I always found those stories to be beyond reality as far as the princes were
concerned...but I did believe in the beautiful gowns, glass sandals, red hooded dresses
and the magical potions (if there were any) in the kisses to revive the sleeping
beauty....I used to formulate my own reasons..like Cinderella wanted a dress for party
not to meet a prince...Sleeping beauty was too lazy to work....in a gist I never believed
in fairy tales....and then I met Ajay ...his simple, small, caring gestures impressed
me....his boisterous approach towards life excited me....his ever ready attitude
energised me....and meticulous style motivated me.....I do not know when I lost
myself in him....and I started believing in love..not even once I felt I had an arranged
marriage and I married a stranger...he supported all my whims and fancies...and
engulfed all my insecurities through his magical smile...he actually spoilt me for
choices...from a young woman I became a beautiful wife(which he is forced to believe
;) ), a caring mother....and a lot more...he gave wings to my dreams and held my hand
through all my failures...my parents gave birth to me but it is only Ajay who taught me
how to live....thanks for coming in my life....25 years have simply own by....and today
I can honestly admit that, "I NEVER BELIEVED IN FAIRY TALES UNTIL I
EXPERIENCED ONE IN MY OWN LIFE....".
I AM HAPPILY MARRIED FOR THE LAST TWENTY FIVE YEARS AND EAGERLY
LOOKING FORWARD FOR MY GOLDEN AND PLATINUM JUBILEE CELEBRATIONS.
Anonymous
WrittenJan6,2014
The notion of love marriages and dating stacked against arranged marriages can be
highly delusional. This is what i have gured out.
First of all, the issue of parents opposing to dating is almost over. Atleast in urban
India. Right now, i don't think parents radically oppose dating in a majority of the
cases. None among my friends and family. Even the most conservative ones buy into
it. Yes, they might suggest you to study and focus on career but that has its own merit
and is not against dating. Or they might advice girls not to date during teenage since
they are vulnerable to manipulation. That has some merit as well.
The issue is somewhere else.
The issue is that, there are no love marriages (the way people dene it).
Dating is supposed to be a way to select partners for a long term relationship or

marriage. Infact, in India, "dating" and "marriages" are far away from each other and
have no relationship. I have so many marriages of close friends in the past couple of
years. In almost every case, they met each other 3 - 4 months before marriage. And
no. These are not your sociopaths and nerds who are waiting for parents to serve them
wives on platter (as the top voted answer says). They are studs who have dated and
slept with multiple women in the past. And yes. They have found really great women -
highly educated and intelligent and beautiful. And they are in love and perfectly
happy.
The purpose of dating and love (cough cough ! spontaneous exothermic reactions) in
India is sex and self-esteem boost and peer pressure. Not marriages. No one dates for
marriage. And this applies equally to both the genders.
847ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenFeb24,2014
Arranged marriages work because it is a big comfort zone. Most of the arranged
marriages spell boredom and adjustment for the girl. and you stay in coz you do not
have the stomach to get out.
They worked when there was no other alternative. They work even now but yes, there
are many many options open to our young now..
A word of caution for those heading towards love marriages though...Keep the
families rmly away. yes, even the boy.. Our love marriages may end disastrously coz
you start on one premise and end up on another.
724ViewsViewUpvotes
KhazanSingh,Marriedforlast14years
WrittenOct7
From my own experience I can safely say that arranged marriages work.
We don't get to choose our parents, our siblings, our children or our relatives but we
adapt ourselves to like them for what they are and can spend any amount of time with
them. So why can't we do that with our better half?
No matter how much you try, there is no guarantee that you will be able to nd the
perfect one and if you're not willing to adapt/change, even love marriage wouldn't
survive.
The best part about arranged marriage is that even after 10 years, you will not feel that
you know everything about your better half :-)
500Views
Upvote Downvote Comments 1+
NavneetVaid,Anengineerstillanoptimist.
WrittenSep17
I would like you to give an example :
There was a guy named 'X'. His father was an ocer in indian army so after every 3
years he was transferred. When 'X' of 13 years his father was transferred to new a place
and as the transferred place was new to 'X'. He didn't knew anyone there. There was
park near his new house in evening he went there and saw children playing and as he
didn't knew anyone he came back home with a sad face. He daily went to park and
came back with a sad face. A girl observed him daily. After 5 days when he went to
park that girl came and asked 'X' if he wants to play with them ? 'X' said yes and he
joined them. Initially X' was not very comfortable as he didn't knew anyone. Day
passed and 'X' was enjoying her company and after 3 years 'X' was in love with that
girl. He proposed her and she said yes. Their relationship continued and after 7 years
they got married and it was called a love marriage.
Lesso or conclusion we can make by this story:
We don't know anyone since birth all are strangers for us. We have to spend
time with them to know them.
In arrange marriages people don't live together because of their children. It's
true that don't know each other at the time of marriage but after spending
sometime with each other they fall for each other (exceptions are there) and
want to be together always.
Arrange marriage is just like a love marriage but in this case love develops after
marriage. In case of love marriage couple spend time with each other and hence fall for
love.
This is the reason behind less divorce rate and you just try to spend 3 months
with a complete stranger assuming that you are married to him/her. 83%
chances are you will fall for him/her rest 17% are divorce cases.
Hope it helps and Thankyou

GanesanKrishnamurthy,livesinChennai,TamilNadu,India
WrittenDec20
Do arranged marriages work? What kind of question is that? I and my wife had an
arranged marriage. Six months ago we celebrated our 27th anniversary. Hard to
believe so many years have passed, feels more like 27 months! Before us, my parents
had an arranged marriage in 1958. And they celebrated THEIR anniversary (58th) a
few months ago! Of course arranged marriages work!
Now if you ask Do arranged marriages alone really work in India?, THAT would be a
pertinent question!
Anonymous
WrittenTue
Yes they do work but fail sometimes. Falsely believing that they work only because
divorce is taboo, is similar to saying that westerners break up easily because divorce is
very simple and a joke. If people love their better half after marriage or marry after
they love, nothing is dicult to work out. Its like a promise made, not to abandon one
in diculties.Only in extreme situations they prefer divorce in both the cases, like
cheating, etc. Its more of a issue pertaining to love rather than how they marry. The
trend now is to arrange a love marriage with consent from both families which is even
better.
PS: My parents got arranged marriage but have seen many in my family arranging a
love marriage. Everything worked out well.
62Views
Anonymous
WrittenJan2,2015
I am not married, neither do I want to be any time soon. Do arranged marriages work
in India? I believe it would depend on the generation you belong to. For example my
parents, their marriage was arranged. I don't know if they knew everything about
each other when they met for the rst time. What i can tell you is their way of thinking
couldn't be more dierent. My dad - brought up in a city, drinks, smokes, probably
had a girlfriend or two in his time.My mum - brought up in a small town, hates
people who drink, hates people who smoke, thinks dating before marriage is a taboo.
Now how would these two entirely dierent people get along. My mum and dad have
gone through a lot of rough patches in their marriage. I know my mum cannot stand
his drinking and smoking habits. All the most horrible ghts they have ever had has
been about the same. But she would never think of getting a divorce. If it was the
same case in the present generation , she probably wouldn't have thought twice
before getting seperated once it went beyond her patience limit. The present
generation does not try to make a marriage work. (Most people) when the times get
tough they give up. If you ask me, if I had an arranged marriage, I wouldn't want to
make an eort to make it work beyond a point if I was forced into the marriage. If I
married for love, I know for a fact, I would give it my everything to have a an amazing
marriage. So whether arranged marriages work depends on whether a person wants to
put in an eort to make it work. I've heard of a lot of separations for the silliest
reasons. No I'm not talking about people who cheat in the marriage. They deserve
every bad thing that comes their way.
291ViewsViewUpvotes
NamitaSen,Seoconsultant,diehardwordpressuser
WrittenMar2,2015
How arranged Marriages actually happens in India ?
#BolteRaho
178Views
Anonymous
WrittenJul4,2015
OriginallyAnswered:Doarrangedmarriageswork?
This more like tossing a coin, you never know the probability of heads or tails.
Similarly Arranged marriages being successful is dependent on various other
associated parameters.
Rather seeking for the answer if arranged marriage will work, we may have to make it
work. One can denitely make it work if he/she has patience and make compromises
mutually.
60Views
VarunSaharan,livesinPune,Maharashtra,India
WrittenApr16,2015
Arranged marriages usually take place in India either by merit of caste, religion or
family connections without even caring to know the partner before tying the knot. It
is merely because the families are more unbending about their choice and later some
couples live to regret it.
Arrange marriages are kind of vital for this Indian society man..!! Lol.. at one side of
coin world is developing while on the other side.. most of Indian parents still have an
attitude of "it's our way or the highway". They just want to stick their nose in every
decision related to their child.
and when we look at it from a dierent side .. it highlights the term dowry.. I have
seen many cases in society where people just want dowry .. they call it as a gift. And
the probability of getting dowry in a love marriage is very very less.
As of arranged marriages.. yeah they work .. cause of family emotional drama. It is
ironical that you have to sleep with a stranger considering all these years you have
been through with your parents telling you all that nonsense of not having a gf/bf.
you can't choose the path of love marriage just because your parent doesn't know
about your partner (as if they know about the person standing in front of me for a
arrange marriage and expecting from me to just take the decision right on the spot ..
or to be on a exible note 2-3 days? lol are you fucking kidding me..? )
and then comes the hard part..
It takes some time to get intimate with your partner.. and i am talking about physical
as well as emotional.
speaking of physical intimacy.. Lol what to say..
for girls in arrange marriage : Imagine a guy chosen completely by your parents and
aunties with 4 ats...2 cars.. 2-3 crores of bank balance.. etc etc.. awkwardly trying to
unhook your bra on your wedding night. how romantic is it??? or
imagine a guy you you bought.. costing a part of your fathers lifetime income..and
that guy doing the same thing on the wedding night.. so romantic, no??
And as of emotional intimacy it takes a bit longer(sometimes forever) for the couple
to understand each others thought process..
If you are the bride, you could feel stressed immediately after marriage as you will be
constantly corrected on the things that you need to follow in the house. If he or she is
stressed out, then there are chance o oth of you complaining or cribbing on petty
issues and this can create havoc in your marriage. Constant complaining about the
partner are some of the problems that is persistent in Indian arranged marriages
For a guy .. if arrange marriage fails then simple.. he will go for another one and
surprisingly he will get some other fool . but for a girl if her marriage fails .. then her
life is almost ruined. Thanks to Indian Society for this..
So fearing all the criticism you are gonna get from the society .. one (mostly girls) has
to compromise with the situation. In some cases.. even bride's parents just don't stand
beside their child. They tell her to compromise.. and eventually with no options
left..the girl has to do it.
998ViewsViewUpvotes
RheaRai
WrittenDec4
Any marriage be it love or arranged will only work if you are ready to work on it. You
might have Paradise today but it won't stay if you don't work on your relationship.
Coming back to your question, marriages in India work because of the divorce taboo
and giving surmount importance to what will the society say. Divorce rate might be
increasing in big cities but its still a taboo in most part of India.
I have a cousin who caught her husband cheating on her, yet her parents asked her to
go back to her husband because her younger sister was not married at the time.
Doesn't sound like a happy marriage to me but more like saving face in the society at
any cost. I know people who are stuck in bad marriages but can't come out of it
because of their family pressure and they spend their life with the person they don't
really love. They sleep on dierent beds, bicker all the time but stay together.
It is like playing gamble but the cost here is your life. If you are lucky you hit the
jackpot, if you are not you are stuck with the wrong person all your life.
People claim they found their true love through arrange marriage and they do but
there are so many people who regret it. Any marriage will only work if you
communicate, have respect and common core values. If you don't have that no
marriage will work. It doesn't matter how you choose your partner but how you treat
them once you have decided to spend your life with them.
RaghuSrikanth,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenMar27,2015
So point is what is true love..... if I fall instantly in love with some one, its attraction
towards beauty, if I love my friend who is close to me I analysed her and know her
background and felt she is suitable for me so its business and same goes with
arranged marriage....... and what is self less love, loving with out expecting any thing,
so how to prove it..... I cant ask my wife just sit and I will do everything for you, don't
do any thing as I want to prove mine is true love (or vice versa by wife).........
If friendship or knowing(character) someone is rst step to love, then most of the

arranged marriages are doing that(just fast forward)...... its just those people who
thinks only instant love is love and self less love or had problems with partner in
arranged marriage say that all arranged marriages are business.......
247ViewsViewUpvotes
SwathiAkondi
WrittenNov21,2014
Divorce rate is so less in India because girls have been brainwashed since centuries! It
is considered a big sin if girls donot learn "adjust" their in-laws and husband (even if
they are complete jerks).
Parents of girls are practically worried about how their family and neightbours gossip
if their daughter comes home divorced.
A divorced women is considered as someone whose dignity is lost! Social Taboos are
annoying especially when it comes women.
So many women continue getting abused instead of getting divorced.
250ViewsViewUpvotes
RaviSingh,anIndian
WrittenNov14
You should be asking how love marriages work in India? We dont have a dating
culture and irting is generally discouraged. Although in metropolitan things are
changing but we are no were open as in western countries were strangely you cant get
married if u arent dating.
Anonymous
WrittenJun14,2013
Firstly, as mentioned above, many arranged marriages have been converted to nd-
guy/girl-with-good-background-on-matrinomy-site-and-marry. But "true" arranged
marriages are still prevalent in rural areas and certain social circles.
I've been in love, myself. Still am. However, one thing I can't help but thinking
(because my mind is more mathematical) is that love will happen for any two people
with some compatibility who spend a lot of time together. Part of me doesn't agree,
but it does seem logical. This may explain why so many arranged marriages are
happy.
The low divorce rate is simple; there are many more unhappy marriages, but in many
social circles women are shunned if they are divorcees. They aren't even accepted
back home.
518Views
ShivaKumaran,Watching&Experiencingthedramaoflife..
WrittenDec31
Yes. It does really work. Parents with their practical experience does their best job of
ensuring all the loose ends are covered very well.
In marriage, lots of good stories are created and best things of both the sides are being
told. It creates a good environment for both the families. Parents have a dierent
angle to look at marriages and the compatibility of brides/grooms. Since it been
looked with all practical purposes, the failures are very minimum..
Almost all the rst in line family members will invite the new couple to their home for
a party/get together. There is a bond that is developed by all the family circle. This
moral supports helps when there are any slight disturbances. In short, many petty
issues are addressed/helped by the family members.
If there are any issues with the newly weds, both the parents and the rst family circle
comes together, spend some time, understand the issues and help them out. I had
seen cases they even pooled some money for the growth of the new couple. So there is
a full support in all the aspect for the marriages to succeed..
After few years, everything is used to and become normal and all become one family..
All is Well!!
For the young lover couples who get married, Mainly-it is only the hormones. It does
overlook many factors and when the reality hits, these marriages tend to fail. There is
very less moral support from the parents at this time. Im not saying that it fails, but
the failure rate is very high!!!
158ViewsViewUpvotes
ShivamBahedia,Acomputergeekwholovetolove:)
WrittenMar3,2015
Arrange marriages are sort of agreements betweeN broken hearts.. <\3

Luv come arrange marriages are becoming common these days. . but Problem with
teenagers or youth is they cant be loyal to a person they love. .
Thus thiers relationship doesn't work any only option left is.. .. ARRANGED
MARRIAGE
Still what parents choose for us is never bad for. Us but People have their own choices.
. . but Sometime rather most of the time in INDIA youth is not given chance to choose
their partner LIFE PARTNER....
FACTS. . .CANT DISAGREE

Anonymous
WrittenDec29
Divorces are not a taboo in India or anywhere for that matter, but process is bloody
painful and lengthy to get one. Be it arranged or love marriage, you got to make it to
work. Things dont really fall into place. The only dierence between the 2 marriages
is the rigidity between couples.
While you know, in case of love marriage how the person is, because you have known
him/her for years or at least a year, You are less rigid. You really dont have a clue in
the second case, and went on with a hunch. Compromises play a major role in an
arranged marriage because both of them went in it together. There is also freedom of
choice. I can basically say that I smoke and drink and irt ? Do you agree and will not
be a pain the wrong place, later on? Also, I dont earn too much,Is that okay?
In love marriage you thought the other person is the ONE and only. But did you really
give it an absolute thought? Or did you submit yourself to the demand,to the emotion
of other person? Or you had sex so you thought of getting it done?
I have been married for 2 years, It was an arranged marriage, because I cant decide
even after having four dierent aairs at four dierent points in my life that is SHE
really the one?
I ght almost everyday with my wife. I yell at her. We both threaten each other with
divorce. We feel irritated by habits. But for how much time does that happen? 30
minutes at. Yes, after 30 minutes, we both share a laugh, go outside, have fun. Not
because, she or I have the freedom to apply for divorce and get it over with, but it
doesnt really matter. Relationships are complicated, and dont really come with an
expiry date. You have to make it work. You learn the art of compromising slowly in
this case, which pays o well.
When I compare myself with life and times of my friends who did love marriage, I nd
myself at a better place and peace of mind than them. Something or the other is really
is missing, and No I am not looking at the negatives only, but a balanced neutral view.
Either they dont give respect to each others family members, or one of them is
dominating, or other one is just too low on self esteem. One thing is short. But they
are happy with they got and what they have, I am happy with what I have. So it is
always eorts that count.
Peace!
323Views
BaronKahle
WrittenOct10,2012
As an American I could not accept the idea of arranged marriages that occur in many
societies around the world. We in the West hold dear to the concept of individual
freedom and to a romantic view of the world. However, unlike my liberal fellow
citizens, I recognize some facts that cannot be ignored and that is that family ties are
very strong in societies with arranged marriages and that they also have the lowest
divorce rates. Democratic marriages have the highest divorce rates, hands down. That
translates into broken families and those that are dependent on state assistance
along with higher crime rates. The facts are there and we all have to live with them.
557ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul2,2016
Hi
Arrange marriagevery tricky question to answer but I would say I had been in love
and now married (arranged) but I would I have dierent level of understanding with
my wife now.I m married about 18 months now but as I was in love with my girl
friend their were dierences and things didn't work for many factors (dierent
upbringing, level of understanding, dierent caste and culture)
My wife now comes from the same caste plus we have abt 25 grahs in common.I
actually didn't believe in all this before marriage but now I really understand the
importance of this.thats the reason u see relationship now don't workdierent ppl
come and fall in lovethen they make each other fall apart.
367Views
PuneriPrince
WrittenNov12
I will answer this by another question. Do marriages work at all, anywhere and
especially in west?
How dierent arranged marriages are from normal marriages in west where you get
bored after few years and seek divorce due to dierence of opinions?
Honestly, from my own life (I am 31 now) and all of the others around me, I have come
to realize all of this love marriages are overrated. Most of the 20-somethings have
not enough wisdom - they have plenty of hormones though- to decide whom they
want to be with, for life, and their decisions are, well, stupid most of the times.
Coming to arranged marriage, the best they do is to ensure that partnership is at-least
nancially viable. Beyond that it comes to both families and those who are getting
married. If they are wise enough, they make right decision. That is no guarantee for
future happiness but then, neither is love marriage. Simple reason behind that is you
never know who you will be after 6-7 years.
283Views
Anonymous
WrittenDec10
Well be it arranged or love it depends on the partner whether they really want to make
it work or no.
about love marriage:
nowadays breakup happens easily so what is the guarantee that in love marriage
people wont take divorce. when things dont work in relationship they decide to
breakup this can also happen after marriage . chances of divorce is there but here at
least the couple will be satised with their decision.
about arrange marriage:

yes even arrange marriages dont work at some point but here people chances of
divorce is less over here just because of the society. (like 4 log kya bolege : as if we
want to spend our life with those 4 people) and couple will just live their life with each
other for the sake of living.
conclusion:
Whether its arranged or love it all depends on you how well u handle your
relationship. so before selecting anyone think thousand times. because you are going
to spend your entire life with that person . rather than blaming that person after
marriage you be smart and take you best decision before marriage . because at the u
should not regret on your decision.
172ViewsViewUpvotes
SmrithiKrishnamurthy
WrittenApr7,2015
The question here is not love vs arranged and its pros or con's. Its only about
arranged. Marriage needs work. It needs nurture, love sacrices. Now be it love or
arranged. Every arranged marriage is not a bliss. Two people who are similar in status
background etc but not compatible as humans or as husband and wife then its a
failure. But then again the work needs to be done on both sides. Some arranged
marriages really work.. As I have seen couples celebrating 50th anniversary.. Some..
They require eort.. To make it work.. And some won't work.. No matter how much
eort you put in. Overall when you see the third category is slightly less compared to
category 2. To some extent arranged marriages work because before the girl leaves to
the guys house she is counselled to take care of her problems and not to come home
with problems. So the female tries to adjust , understand and manage. Some issues
gets solved this way and the marriage becomes better. Social taboo is also a cause.
What people will say drives them to keep quiet.
121Views
PraveshBiyani,StillfiguringoutwhoIam.Probablyliketosolve
problems.
WrittenNov2,2012
Its more important to be in love after marriage and then it does not matter whether
the marriage was arranged or love. The so call love marriage is also arranged in some
sense. So why so much fuss?
239ViewsViewUpvotes
AshwinFaldesai,ThisiswhatIformyfuture....
WrittenDec6
As per to Indian culture it work , in a love marriage the fun or enjoyment of

understanding each other ,the romance ,and most of the things are done before the
marriage and there hardly remains anything to do after.. ,where as in arranged
marriage the actual happenings are after marriage the romance.a and so on.
In a next few decades or by now , most of the individuals are turning on with the
western culture of love marriage ,where they want their partners as per how they had
dreamed ,how they actually wanted
Divorce do happen in both the cases .. as per to me I would prefer having an

arranged marriage only when I know the partner properly I:e her attitude ,respect for
others and many other..
527ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenDec24,2014
Yes they denitely do work!

Most of the parents make sure that their son/daughter has the best alliance as
possible! and Falling in love with your wife/husband after marriage is the best feeling
in the world!!
Yes it is possible to fall in love with your spouse after marriage whose was a stranger
to us before! After all we didn't choose our parents before birth and yet we still love
them unconditionally!!
200ViewsViewUpvotes
KrishnaMohanSrivastava,livesinRaipur,Chhattisgarh,India
WrittenJun22,2015
Although i am a bachelor still with my family experience i could denately say that
arrange marriage do work in India because in India people have virtue to adjust
themselves in any atmosphere whether they like it or not, in love marriage we
generally know the person oveer a long period of time so after marriage when things
changes or responsibility comes in way people change and this irritates their partner,
whereas in arrange marriage people dont know their partner that well so after
marriage whatever they see in them they fall in love with it.... its as simple as that!!
183Views
Anonymous
WrittenJan7,2015
India is the land of jugaad if some thing does not work it is made to work by hook or
by crook! same thing with Indian arranged marriages,why do u think the number of
divorces are less in India compared to the west?is it because we are in some kind of
marital bliss??.No it is because we are taught to 'adjust' right from our childhood.
167ViewsViewUpvotes
RaghavRao,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenNov18
Yes it works -
There are many cases where arranged marriages clicked in big way in India.
Before marrying a girl or boy parents do take due deligence and ensure that they are
selecting the best choice.
Toning of expectations both from girls and boys plays a key role as reality creeps in
things do get ironed out !!
659Views
Anonymous
WrittenApr23,2015
Well I'm not sure about all marriages, few which i have see are the best as well as
worst too.. In that i would like to share one weird arranged marriage story..
It has happened with my relative itself i have seen this with very close and felt bad
and sorry too for being helpless.
she is very beautiful., not less than any lm heroin but born n brought up in an
orthodox family typical middle class family i can say. her parents were very much
keen in searching for a groom for her and one day they were surprised and shocked
too.. Because one of the richest family in their area came with a marriage proposal for
her.. she was just 20 years old at that time. Even though they are very rich they came
with a marriage proposal for a middle class family girl?? His mother started
explaining.. 'Her son likes Anamika( i would address her as Anamika as I do not want
to disclose her real name) he is very much impressed about her behavior, activities,
kindness of course her beauty too and they want their son to be happy.. They didn't
forget to mention that they do not look for dowry n all (that guy is not upto the mark.
and he is 10 years elder than her).
Anamika's parents were happy about the proposal and said OK to them instantly
without thinking of background inquiries (Not only because of money they even
might have felt that their daughter will get good life and will be happy ever after).. but
Anamika was not happy since she was liking someone else who was staying opposite
to her house. he is an engineer and was employed in an MNC company & handsome
salary too. they both were in love. she told her parents she wants to marry that
engineer guy. But he does not belongs to our caste. As usual her parents emotionally
blackmailed her saying 'you are not allowed to marry him because he is from dierent
caste our relatives would not like it we'll be thrown out of our caste committee. we'll
be treated very bad in surroundings, inspite if you dare to marry him we'll commit
suicide n all and forced her to agree to marry that rich guy so that she would have a
comfort and happy life.'
she did not have any other option rather than saying Okay to her parents she didn't
want to be a reason to her parent's death n she love them too. So nally marriage date
xed. initially that guy family told they prefer simple marriage later on their demands
started randomly and asked Anamika's family to meet their level. Anamika's dad was
government employee.., was earning well and he had some savings money for her
marriage, he was happy because she is getting married to a well o and rich family so
he owed money from his friends and spent nearly twenty lacs.. (Ten years back!!!).
Marriage was very grand.. Finally it's over. all formalities everything done. Now
Anamika's new life started one ne day night. A room was booked in a ve star hotel
for their rst night. she entered inside the room where in that guy was already waiting
for her. both didn't speak anything she was not happy and was not willing for any
physical intimacy. suddenly she noticed that guy is sleeping. as for now she felt quite
relaxed and she slept crying..
It was kept on happening every night.., that guy was not at all approaching her for
anything believe it or not he didn't even show his interest to hug her also, on top of
that he had bed-wetting habit!! embarrassing!!?? . initially she was not bothered about
that because yet she was thinking about her EX and was in same hitch.. she took some
time to forget him and come out of that pain n to accept her life as it is.
Gradually she started doubting why he is like this.. she did explain all these to her
mother in-law.., she replied rudely 'this is your personal thing why Ur sharing with
everyone get adjusted with it.!!' she was shocked!!. after this experience with her
mother in-law she didn't dare to disclose with anyone not even with her parents.
Almost after two years when i met her she was very dull and upset. i asked her what's
happening is everything ne. she started crying very badly. i got scared n forced her
to tell the matter. there she explained whatever happened right from the day one. I
was like!! No words for few minutes. immediately i called her mother and told her
about this. she started crying too (It's obvious because she was heartbroken).
They went to Anamika's husband's house along with some respected elder people and
asked about why he is like this and what is the reason behind this. Then his mother
told "He is a GAY". All were just stunned. she continued he is taking treatment for that
he'll be ne ask your daughter to take care of him.......????!!!! (Gay means He is not like
all normal man, he has not got that main quality itself he would not feel like having
sex he cannot also. hope you all understand) he looks like a man only and no other
symptoms of gay's behavior. Strange!!
It was a big ght (only through words) then it was decided to take divorce from him
and compensation too.. After four years she got divorce with 15 lacs compensation..
I'm feeling really bad thinking why the hell this marriage spoiled one girl's beautiful
life? Why the hell that guy's family did it purposefully? is Anamika's life worth just for
15 lacs?? she would have lived a better life with her loved one.., sacriced that life for
her parents and her parents choice was this?? Her parents did this for Anamika's good
life only, but still?
Even very annoying fact is this.. Anamika is now 30 years old n very beautiful and her
parents are looking for a guy in their caste only. they are not ready for inter-caste
marriage.!!!????????
Anonymous
WrittenNov16
To a great extent yes. There are many good answers and many possibly make this
comment.
One point I always keep in mind is that compromise is a must and both the partners
should share that view. Dierences in opinion etc. should be expected and one should
live with them.
If one need not give up but only make little amends to ones lifestyle any pair should
be able to lead a happy life.
Courtship is useless: Post marriage issues are dierent from pre-marital preferences.
Yes, some basic things should be checked but not try to ensure perfection as a pair.
This is exactly what arranged marriage between two educated families do.
659ViewsViewUpvotes
ShrutiSRamjee,Indianbyword,Indianbydeed...
WrittenJun28,2016
Because a union of two souls that are willing to live together will work, no matter who
arranges it.
910ViewsViewUpvotes
AkashGupta,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenDec31,2014
As per the stats... 90 percent of the marriages in India are arranged and around 5
percent results in divorce. Working of relationship does not depends on partner... it
depends on you. :).. Happy Arrange Marriage :)
301ViewsViewUpvotes
MarubozuAkhil,Indianbybirth,Americanbythought.ScrewIndia,aland
ofidiots!
WrittenNov18
They work if the man is nice. If the man is bad, hell beat the wife regularly. So a lot of
luck factor is involved.
Uneducated women can also be a nuisance sometimes. They ght so much that the
man has to get physical out of frustration.
Well, in my opinion arranged marriages rarely work. Everyone is just passing time.
Arrange marriage is a disaster.
Divorce rate is so less because :
1) Women dont earn and arent educated. Only men earn. So if there is a divorce and
the father is not willing to keep the children, where would she go? Laws are there but
the system works at a snails pace.
2) There is stigma attached towards a divorcee.
3) There is no scope of marrying again for most women.
4) Both parents love their children. So the wife thinks, At least he loves the children.
Thats what I said earlier. Women have no self-esteem because of zero education. In
South India, condition of women is better because there women are educated.
516ViewsViewUpvotes
NehaHasan,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenSep17,2014
On a very optimistic side it is because Indians are taught to stick to commitments and
not break away everything and anything for individualistic reasons. And in Indian
context marriages mean a lot more. We know how to mend hearts and how to nurture
relationships.
Yes things have changed drastically but this is how we originally were or supposedly
were.
920ViewsViewUpvotes
Sam
WrittenTue
Yes arranged marriages really work in India. The reason behind is very simple yet
deep.
Tha Indian arranged marriage involves a series of rituals and rendezvous with the
bride and groom along with their respective families. Because of these interactions
the couple get to know each other very well. Since the families are very much
involved into this, there is a culture of understanding being developed. Hence the
bond becomes very reciprocating and leads to a happy and joyous matrimony.
36Views
SnehaTriveni
WrittenNov19
Yes ofcourse it will work...

I have seen so many couples around me ...they are happily living together with small
ghts between ... ghts and quarrels are common between couples ...but it depends
on peoples ..if the love between then have a strong bond then nothing can separate
them weather it is love marriage marriage or arrange marriage .... And my answer for
your question is "yes it will work"
385ViewsViewUpvotes
NagarajanSrinivas,bettertohavelovedandlost,thannevertohavelost
atall.
WrittenMay6,2014
The arranged marriages in India seem to have worked, and worked overtime.
Why do you think India is having a burgeoning population?

544ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJun18,2013
"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance"

-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Do arranged marriages work.?? of course they do,

Do love marriages work...?? Of course they do.
Marriages require a lot of understanding, sacrice and many other noble qualities.
Along with a HUGE dosage of luck..:)
353Views
VincentLal,livesinMysuru,Karnataka,India
WrittenMar3,2015
Marriages in India doesn't happen between 2 people.
It happens between the whole family of one side with the whole family of other side.
PrasadGopinath,HighlyOpinionated+PoliticallyIncorrect
WrittenNov3,2015
Very simple - like any other marriage. Its like your speed dating in any Western
democracy with the speed missing.
129Views
TobyThain,formerSDEIIatAmazon(20132014)
UpdatedOct8,2012
Do non-arranged marriages "really work"? Divorce rates are around 50% for these in
Anglo countries.
311ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenDec7
not sure when you posted it but the divorce rate has gone up .. i personally know 5
colleagues/friends who have divorced within 1 year of the marriage .. so things are
changing ..
129ViewsViewUpvotes
Answersthatneedimprovement
PratyushChatterjee
WrittenJan15,2015
Works very well, and has been working very well for centuries. I had an arranged
marriage courtesy the Times Of India matrimonial! Just celebrated our 20th
anniversary.
People do get divorced as well..........but then so do those who fell in love and married.
Ultimately, it's a personal choice.
316ViewsViewUpvotes
SharonWilson,MakeitfromtheHeartalways
WrittenApr7,2015
Neither Arranged Marriage nor Love Marriage meet the result unless both are sincere.
207ViewsViewUpvotes
ManuSrikumar,GrowthHacker,Iexistonlywhendoingsomethingnew!
WrittenJun5,2014
Of yes, they do! I met my wife only once before we got engaged, again only once
before we got married!
834ViewsViewUpvotes
DeepikaTheriault,Feminist
WrittenJun12,2016
Yes.
Because Love marriage is not works same as western world.

9Views
AtulMittal,workedatIndia
WrittenDec27,2014
It's all about mutual understanding, not whether it is arranged or love.
132ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenDec27,2014
Some people are just meant to be together and some people are not it doesn't have
anything to do with the type of marriage you do....
156ViewsViewUpvotes
MousumiDatta
WrittenJan1,2015
Successful marriage wont depend on either arranged marriage or love marriage..It
depends on how a person is ready to sacrice,that is the secret....
114ViewsViewUpvotes
MansiBoriya
WrittenDec31,2014
I personally feel that its more of a gamble. When a meeting arranged with someone,
obviously they will put their best behaviour. So well, it's a hit or miss situation!
173ViewsViewUpvotes
PankajKaushik,Engineer,Entrepreneur,Explorer,Learner,Traveler
WrittenApr21,2015
very sad story.
71ViewsViewUpvotes
RajarshiRay,CONSULTANT
WrittenMar25,2015
they do work when mutually arranged ie when the boy and the girl really like each
other and do not follow their parents' decision blindly.
85ViewsViewUpvotesAnswerrequestedbyShreyaChippagiri
ShahnawazMd,Onein1.2billion.
WrittenJan6
A population of 1.2 billion is self explanatory. ;)
1View
ManiKandan,SEO,SMO,SEM,PPC,DigitalMarketing,ORM&Blogger
WrittenMay5,2015
If both of you having mutual understanding then it will work. At the same time if you
are going to do arrange marriage my kind advise is don't try to know her passed life.
84ViewsViewUpvotes
AvinashNair,workedatCeramicTilesIndia
WrittenMar4,2015
When girl nd boy get marry... Arrange marrage happen
15ViewsViewUpvotes
VeerabhadraiahYM,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenJul13,2014
It's been working in India from generation 1.. :p
175Views
HarrySidhu,Flotsam!
WrittenOct17,2014
Yes most certainly. These outnumber love marriages by far and divorce rate in Indian
is pretty low as compared to western societies. And yes I need not tell you India has a
thriving population numbering in excess of 1.27 billion!
152Views
AnilkKapoor,livedinChandigarh,India
WrittenAug5
Of course. 26 years we are still going strong
9Views
ShunitDatta,livesinIndia(2002present)
WrittenJan7
Arranged Marriages never work.
As a matter of fact , marriages as a whole never work.Why ?
If not divorce than death separates them.
My maternal grand parents got separated after 49 years of marriage. They had an
arranged marriage. But at the end it did not work. Because death separated them.
Short relevant answer - Depends.If you marry the right person then it will work.Or
else it does not work.
2Views
VarunNair,MachineLearning.Android.Travel.Analytics.Photography.Music.Movies.
WrittenJun26,2015
Arrange marriages do work if you are ready to re-arrange yourselves :)
12Views
SangramVamshiVamshi,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenMon
Yes,.I feel there is lot of demand ( or assumption ) that the girl should bring a
lot of dowry) and also arranging a lavish ceremony for the wedding is the bride's
fathers prerogative. If the girl is educated and working it's her duty to sacrice
her career/ education for the sake of her husband/ his family. Also most of them
expect to take care of every need and whim of the in-laws.
About 50% of men in India would be unmarried , if the arranged marriage

system did not exist here , their upbringing is so that they are never taught to
respect a woman as a partner / equal : Rarely accepted by today's educated
smart women of our generation.
1View
VinayPatidar,Indian
WrittenSep9
It really doesn't matter at all on type of marriages.
If you and you spouse is ready to compromise over your short term greediness and
happiness than any kind of marriage will be successful.
2Views
SaqibMutee,livedinIndia
WrittenJun26,2015
Yes they do work.
19Views
AnandBharti,livesinJamshedpur
WrittenDec28,2014
hear this
What does the Gita say about love and inter-caste marriages?
Page on thespiritualscientist.com
you will get the answer.....
112Views
AfeefKhawas
WrittenWed
It actually depends on the person you are about to marrybecause I have seen people
suering in all conditions..
Let's take an example
1. My parents (arrange marriage) are living a happy life since 25 yearsmy dad
as always manages to keep a healthy and happy smile on my mother's face
and same from my motherand both still looks adorableand my favourite
couples
2. My friend(love marriage) is always ghting over small mattersnot living

happilythinking of divorce since after 1st kid. It just makes me feel sad
that how such loved ended up
Marriage is not about being with the right personit's about making yourself the right
the person with respect to the one committed with you
So it's just the mentality of people is all what's matters
Thank you
1View
HarishKumarChallapalli,Centrerightpolitically,searcherSpiritually,engineer,moviesfan
WrittenAug1,2013
Yes they do.. We never chose our parents, siblings and other relatives.. They came into
our life and we re happy with them cos we be ourselves with them..Similarly we will
be genuine with the person who comes into our life
423Views
Anonymous
WrittenJun2,2014
One question I have for arranged marriages is that, how do we know what kind of
partner we want? We can go on dening each trait that we would like in a partner and
nd out that its not compatible for us in reality. Can't the love of our life be something
that we've never imagined about?!
312Views
Anonymous
WrittenJan20,2015
Well, if you have guns pointed at you (by family), then you ought to make it work!!
62Views
Anonymous
WrittenAug6,2015
How do you think it is the second most populated country, you dumbass!
1View
VikasKumar,jigyasajaroorihai
WrittenAug25,2015
it depends on their mutual understanding but as i feel it not because after 2 or three
years they feel that they choose wrong partner and just because of tradition's they are
bounded to that relationship and carry this weight on their life till they died
16Views
NikhilPujari,knowquiteabitaboutdatingandwomen.
WrittenOct3,2015
Most arranged marriages in India do not work. People here have very low
expectations from a marriage. I know about my community... The key word I keep
hearing over and over again is "adjust". Parents tell their kids that marriage is all
about adjust. I known many people in their late twenties got married just because
their parents told them that they're getting old. We don't go against the grain. I can go
on and on but I'll stop here.
10Views
Anonymous
WrittenOct20,2015
If two person is not allowed to whom to marry with, how will that society allow that
person to divorce.
And because of this logic arranged marriages works in India.

1View
TheWeddingPlan,livedinIndianNationalCapitalRegion
WrittenNov19,2015
In India, every marriage works on two essential; Fidelity and Trust.
5Views
RonyMiglani,LovingmyCountryandacceptingeverythingaboutit!!!!
WrittenFeb18,2016
It is the same way as Love marriages work !!!
Marriage is an association between two individuals expected to be one soul. No

matter it is love or arrange or love after arrange.
In India though people work to make it happen but things are changing now and
pressures do not eect now days in living our life.
8Views
RamanKartha
WrittenFeb20,2016
4Views
SandipGupta,livesinKolkata,WestBengal,India
WrittenMay2,2016
No marriage can work whether it is arranged or love until and unless you are ready to
adjust and change. Marriage is the most dicult phase of life.
3Views
RehaanRockz
WrittenMay27,2016
Well according to some times they do I mostly depends on d couples
4Views
NaveenB
WrittenJun17,2016
Untill someone cheats on the other..all kinds of relationships are sucessful....weather
its love or arranged...
2Views
RobinovJackman,15ReasonsIndianMenshouldnevergetMarriedMGTOW
https://youtu.be/ewXsvq7
WrittenJul5,2016
4Views
Mr.Singh,Singhsahabthegreat
WrittenJul14,2016
You told that you are from agra.I am also from Agra. I have also faccing same
condition in arrange marriage.Can we meet each other.
5Views
KumarKLN
WrittenJul23
The question can be like "will marriages work whether love or arranged" that can be
for any country's citizen
Answer Is yes but one of the partners must compromise in most of the things.. else
they fail.
4Views
AfreenMandal,Studying
WrittenSep17
Hey dats my rst ans!!
M nt married yet. Bt still wanna ans dis questionhmm muje aisa Lagta hai arrange
marriage still works in india!coz I think arrange marriage mai ek alag he maza hai
jaise koi new game khalne mai aati hai for eg game aachi hogi?boring nahi hona
chaiye..kash intresting Ho??kya mai game Khel Paauge?i hope I'll win!!dis all
questions cn b easily relate to arrange marriages!!i think arrange marriage ek
agarbatti ke tarha hoti hai dheere dheere jalti hairoshni nahi dati jitne a candle cn
gives but apni Khushboo se charo taraf happiness spread kerti hai!!
For a girl arrange marriage is lyk uske lyf ka sub se bada hope a lot of expectations a
lot of excitement n very important try to understand her soulmate how is he ? his lyks
dislyks usse kuch nahi pata hota bus ek bada sa expectation leke vo apne sasural jaati
hai n den dono milke ek dusre ko samaj ne ke koshish kerte hai dar te bhe hoge kabhi
kabhi ke ager mere ye kerne se bura laga tho yaa vo kerne se bura laga ..bt ek dusre
ko samaj ne ke koshish kerna ek dusre ke lyks dis lyks ko jaana shadi ke baad sounds
cute n reasons for everlasting lyf!!coz issi choti choti cute cheezo mai he dey spend
their half of the life
As compare to love marriage love marriage mai hame already pata hota hai his lyks
dis lyks!!!so we don't feel dat excitement jo shadi ke baad ke lyf mai hota hai coz v
already know him so kabhi kabhi so couples get bored n dey broke up lyk divorce n ol
shit!!!bt arrange marriage mai hame vo bored ness typ ke feeling shyd he nahi aati
hogi!! So it works m nt sying love marriage r wrong or blah blah blah bt arrange
marriage is more stable den love..
But now a days people go for love marriages more as dis is 21st century n people nd
their soulmate in clg skul jobs mom dad ko mehnet kerne ke zarurat he nahi padti!!!
So love Ho ya arrange I wish bus love hona chaiye cha hai pyaar kitna bhe old q naah
Ho pyar kum nahi hona chaiye!!
All the best guyzzz for ur future!!n kuch bhe galat lage tho sorry rst
attempt!!!\U0001f60a
4Views
SwethaDonavalli,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenOct12
I have a belief that they will work since our parents are still together, But either
arranged or love it depends upon the couple and after marriage more than love,
understanding each other plays an important role.
6Views
GeetaPathania,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenNov23
It's totally depend upon the person.. marriage is like playing Gamble.If you know how
to adjust in every situation then both arrange / Love marriage will work.Adjustment is
the Mantra of successfull marriage.
6Views
HarshaPagilla,Writer.
WrittenDec8
Ask the same question to your mom or dad. Without working properly 90% of the
Indian couples will be applying for divorce by now.
6Views
VidhyaPillai
WrittenDec10
Any relationship requires eort and arranged marriage is no dierent. The way in
which you meet your life partner maybe dierent but arranged marriages do work if
you put in the eort to make it work.
2Views
Amit,Artist,Musician,teacher,HockeyPlayer.PROUDINDIAN
WrittenDec20
See it works excellently. There are two reasons behind this
1. The horoscope matching - it is actually a full proof method of nding

compatability, u may try it on any two individuals.
2. The culture which believes on values such and respect and mutual trust, this
does not let the relation deteriorate.
7Views
AdityaBaheti,livedinAurangabad,Maharashtra,India
WrittenJan2
I am single but I think that whether it is arranged or love marriage it comes to a same
path one day.
It is all about giving space,behaviours,personality,understanding,

expressiveness,adjustment ,honesty.
If any of the things go wrong then it may aect the marriage in a same or other way
Thus in short in arranged marriage it depends upon the kind of persons attached to
each other,if the persons are purely taking their individual eorts the marriage will
last otherwise not.
And as my parent are also arranged so it works up till now in India and will be
eective in future also.
8Views
HariValath
WrittenJan7
Ours was an arranged marriage. I am an ardant supporter of love marriages. The
reasons behind the success of arranged marriages.
1. setup, not just by two people. So if couple decides to breaks the marriage,
they have to get so many approvals, even bThe marriage is enforced by social
efore legal. I.e more love marriage s gets divorced, as the couple has to agree
by themselves on it.
2. If you are divorced, it is a social taboo. You are also considered as rude. This
misconception is fading away.
3. Indian mindset is more of compromising and move forward. So

minor/medium issues are ignored by both parties. As the mindset getting
changed, we will more divorces.
4. Mostly husband is the only bread winner of the family. So wife's voice is
muted. As the women gets empowerment scenarios will improve.
. I think is these are the reasons for it's lasting eect

2Views
RajeevRcp,livesinMangaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenJan7
Most of the time ,, because one partner will sacrice everything thing for other
(mostly female ) since they are not well educated and not capable of earning they will
not think about divorce . I think in my opinion thats the reason why less divorce in
arranged marriage, i think educated People will try love marriage ( its just my opinion
)
1View
Anonymous
WrittenSun
Yes,for sure.That work more than love marriages.
1View
Anonymous
WrittenMon
India has pretty low divorce rates so yes
there are some people forced to stay married in India, but most of the couples are
happily married
The only countries with lower divorce rates have some kind of insane social or
political beliefs against divorce
1View
Sudhakar(Suddhu)Wadikar,Softwareprofessional,AlwaysCurious
WrittenTue
Yes! Yes! Yes! I've an arranged marriage. I got married ve years back to a sweet wife.
She just complets me. Reasons behind the success are, we both trust each other, love
each other, respesct each other's space and most importantly we have accepted
adjustments as a part of life.
Like any other couples we do ght over many issues but in the end we make up.
I've all my friends having arranged marriages and they are all living happly.
My suggestion will be, don't keep unrealistic expectations from your partner and start
accepting adjustments as part of life.
Rest is best my friends
1View
RahulRossi,worksatStudents
WrittenWed
It may or may not work.The same goes to love marriages.People who think you will
know everything about your mate to be before marriage if they date each other are
wrong.Before marriage nobody wants to show their true facade.They show whatever it
takes to impress you.Then you get married and problems start one by one and they
turn out to be not like you imagined. So the risk factor exists whatever type of
marriage it is.
1View
Raghuraj
WrittenDec3
Yes arranged marriages denitely work in India in most cases. But in few rare cases
which doesnt successful is due to the immature behavior shown by either of two or
by both of them otherwise if they both are adjustive and supportive to each other than
the arrange marriages are mostly successfully worked out.
2Views
Mahesh(),livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India(1975present)
WrittenMon
In simple Word in india .
Love marriage is bonding between two persons
Arranged marriage is bonding between two families

2Views
GeethanjaliBalaji
WrittenNov17
Yes arranged marriage can work only if you marry the right guy but it can never be as
passionate like love marriage.
5Views
RohitNaikwadi,Experiencedindailylife
WrittenDec25
Please visit this link at once. Awesome story..
. My Story: We Both Felt That We Are Not Perfect For Each Other But Realised That
Opposites Do Attract
4Views
SudershanShukla
WrittenSun
Normally I hate the law regarding the 50% salary / property etc., where a woman can
drink the blood of an innocent man. Your case is totally dierent you deserve to be
compensated for the trouble you have undergone and also your family. Do not leave
him without extracting your dues.
1View
RaviKumar
WrittenTue
You need commitment and patience for maintaining a relationship. Marriage is a
sacred relation and needs sacrices from both . Arrange marriage has its own avor .
Patience and commitment is the key my friend.
Now ask a question if love marriages really work ? How many love marriages you see
around in which they stick together till their death .
Not saying at all that love marriage doesnt work.

1View
PuneetDubey,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenDec24,2014
yeah it totally works if work means last longer.
The point is if a person can't stand his opinion when getting married then they won't
be able to do it any later.
Or they are just not worth getting one themselves, or its just their family's reputation
on stake that stops them from going away.
So yeah it totally works.
126Views
GyanuMani,livedin1600AmphitheatreParkway
Written1hago
yes it workspreferctly..
& stop nding aws in ewveything & change your attitude.. I htink you have a lot of
attitude issue & always looking for Negative.
Dont u think their are divorces even in love marriages?

1View
MarlienaMurielEvans,livesinMississippi
WrittenJun1,2013
I have reected and decided that I know my husband and I trust him. Otherwise I
would not have agreed to an arranged marriage at all. I trust him to take care of me
and be faithful the same as I will be to him. My loyalty is only for him and to be placed
in an arrangement with another man in similar circumstances would not be
acceptable. I expect him to be with me the same as he expects me to be with him. No
arranged marriage is successful that is ever just grasped from a basket of available
people (resources). There must be chemistry and feelings to begin with. I have both of
these with my soon to be husband. Thanks you. :P
220Views
Answerscollapsedbydownvotes
SurabhiJoshi,livesinIndia
WrittenDec30
Some 3.5 years back my mother gave me the contact details of a guy and showed me
his photographs and we spoke about his prole etc. She asked me if she can share my
contact number with his mother. I searched him on facebook/web as I was really
curious to know about him beyond his pictures and his work prole and to know if at
all I want to speak to him. My mom said she has shared my contact number with his
mother. So after a while I get a message from him asking if we can talk further.I was
bit reluctant to talk and I dint think the conversation would last more than 5 mins. To
my surprise we spoke for more than an hour for the rst time and this continued for
few days and the conversations started becoming deeper and interesting.
I liked his thought process and his ideology about life. We nally decided to meet and
he ew down to the city where I was working at that time. It was just perfect, I fell in
love with him instantly like a school girl with butteries in my stomach :). We talked
about all the topics we could under the sun while having breakfasts lunches and
dinners together. We did have few dierences over dierent topics however we knew
that those were not really big ones and we can easily sorts things with mature
conversations. We respected each other's ideas about life, politics, religion, children,
family, travel, career, nances, house etc.
He went back and I just knew that he was the guy and I can think of spending my life
with him. Finally we involved our parents and made them meet each other once both
of us felt that we want to get married and wish to grow old with each other.
So here I'm writing an answer on Quora after almost 3 years of happy married life. I
denitely feel that it completely depends how the marriage was arranged. It does not
matter whether it's an arranged or a love marriage. What matters is that two mature
individuals make a sound decision and than get married.
Life is like a journey and it's not always bed of roses but if you are with a right partner,
travel becomes fun and you look forward to next destination. Same way a bad travel
partner can spoil the whole trip and it's not worth the destination.
Also, my parents were very supportive and never forced their decisions on us and had
given us freedom to choose our partner.
So this is for all the unmarried people, think before you take the plunge and get to
know the person before you commit to get married. Success of marriage depends on
two people who are getting married to each other and if they respect each other's
choices about life :).
SameeraBhamidipati,BITSian.Clinomaniac.Enthusiasticsketchartist.
WrittenJun29,2014
Yes. They do. My parents were married by arrangement and they are about to have
their 25th anniversary. :-)
1kViewsViewUpvotes
ParulMaheshwari,anotherIndian
WrittenOct6,2012
long, but worth a watch...
RajeshGanesan,Wanderer
WrittenJan11,2015
Damn ! Given that I am getting nowhere with my lovelife !
I "really" hope they do !
314ViewsViewUpvotes
UnnatiSrivastava,livesinNoida,UttarPradesh,India
WrittenAug19,2014
Yes they do work in India...
With a constant chanting of,
'Tumse shadi karna meri life ki sabse Badi galti thi'
They do work in India.

630ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenOct27,2014
we are 125+ crore people in India now and most of our parents marriage was arranged.
So I guess it really works...
228ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenMar13,2015
It Doesn't matter whether you are happy or unhappy in your Marriage.you have to
make it work,that's it.hence low divorce rates
55ViewsViewUpvotes
RiaSangal,HungryforKnowledge,ATrueQuoran
WrittenMay21,2015
Arrange marriage will denitely work if the couple is understanding and good in bed.
A good sex is really needed for a good relationship.
218ViewsViewUpvotes
ManpreetSingh,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenJan30,2014
It dosnt matter wheather it s arrange or love ,what matters s thoughts of u n ur
mother-in-law so I think instead of matching thoughts with ur partner u should
match it with ur mother-in-law....:D
419ViewsViewUpvotes
SomeshMaurya,Bepositive:D
WrittenJan3,2015
Over 90% marriages are arranged in India out of which 5%result in divorces.
Source :-
162ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJan2,2014
They do work.
For example- my parents used to often ght-- but one reasons they got married was
because they had very similar ideas and values about pets and raising kids and
similar tastes in reading and literature.
And I see they have more in common in these than my brother and his wife who had a
love marriage.
386ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenMay1,2014
Arranged marriages often succeed when the parents on both sides are deeply
concerned for the happiness of the children. When considerations of dowry are
primary, expect disaster.
452ViewsViewUpvotes
PeterToolen,Discoveringmyselfeveryday
WrittenJan3,2015
Yes. They do work. I belong to a upper middle class family and most of my uncles and
aunts have had arrange marriages. And I hardly know of anyone who divorced.
146ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenOct5,2013
Its scary to get married to a girl who is a stranger ....
but it is a nightmare if the girl you loved and got married decides that you are not
good enough and then followed by the horror show of divorce.
AmarnathKanadam,ConfusedEngineer
WrittenOct11,2014
Yes it works. My parents are a living example
108ViewsViewUpvotes
PratapPudi,OnaneternalQuest
WrittenApr2,2014
Simple answer - yes, they do. Instead of explaining, how & why i ask you to please see
the following TEd talk by Sheena Iyengar. Once you see this i am sure you will be
think a lot more before you question someone's choice.
I would also recommend a book called "the most human Human".
573ViewsViewUpvotes
CassieCassidy,Lookup,I'mthestarthattwinkles)
WrittenJan20,2015
The best, compassionate, loving, understanding couple I've ever known in my life; my
parents.
And they met on the day of their wedding.

135ViewsViewUpvotes
MulaRamC,HomoSapiens,AFeminist,AnIndian.
WrittenJul10,2014
why you haven't asked "Why is divorce rates in India so low ? "
178ViewsViewUpvotes
RajasekharGupta,worksatProKarmaSoftech
WrittenJun17,2015
It's Pure luck.
55ViewsViewUpvotes
ApoorvaRani,livesinMangaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenJan18,2015
It is probably safe. Any problems can be taken to parents without letting them
blaming on us ,After all its their choice ;)
139ViewsViewUpvotes
AbhijitBoruah,livesinJorhat,Assam,India
WrittenJan1,2015
Arrange marriages do work. There is no doubt about it. Its not that we are settling just
because of social and nancial pressure. What i believe is that...
When we make our rst girl friend or we decide to make someone our girlfriend we
make up our mind that we will love that girl and try to impress her and modify
ourselves in order to get her. And many a times it happens just because of our will and
our want to love her. So
185ViewsViewUpvotes
JeetendraNarayanTiwari
WrittenJan9,2015
They work mostly because both persons spend time to get to know each other and
when they "get to know" each other well then they kids and it is dicult to part away
with kids.
233ViewsViewUpvotes
KushanSingh,androiddeveloper
WrittenDec26,2014
Are you kidding me on this.
Its the only category of marriage that mostly works in india.
195ViewsViewUpvotes
TomMathew
WrittenNov21,2014
What's is the point in living life a which you live only once for the sake of others.Find
yourselves and do what you love.
194ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJun19,2014
They denitely work. they are more successful
845ViewsViewUpvotes
Anonymous
WrittenJul18,2014
Yes, they denitely do. Any marriage be it love or arranged has its own problems. It is
not the marriage which has to work it is the will of the individuals that do they want
to make it work or not. No marriage has a sure shot formula that will it work. Both the
people have to be in it with their heart and mind and with some adjustments it will
denitely work.
Of course, some exceptions are always there.

303ViewsViewUpvotes
BratatiMallick,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenSep22,2013
Through out your childhood you were taught not to talk to strangers. Then one ne
day you are asked to go and share your room, your bed and your life with one of
them..... Absolutely crazy and scary!!!!!
537ViewsViewUpvotes
NitinGupta
WrittenFeb23,2015
The basic nature of Man is not bad. It is good. But between him and that goodness are
fears, rages and repressions.
75ViewsViewUpvotes
ShivamChaudhary,Relationshipshouldbewithsomeonecompatibletoyou.
WrittenMar28,2015
OriginallyAnswered:Isarrangedmarriagethebestoptionforonewhodoesn'tgetagirl?
Yes.
It is said that in arrange marriage,a person gets a beautiful girl which will take him 7
births(still unsuccessful) to set her up for himself.
51Views
DipankarSircar,livesinKolkata,WestBengal,India
WrittenJun5,2016
I remember a joke about a parish priest telling another person,
I will not say your prayers. There are things that a man must do for himself. Blow his
own nose, say his own prayers, and choose his own wife.
If you cannot nd a mate among 50% of humanity, you still have some growing up to
do. Please do not bring parents, family et cetera into this. They will not lead your life.
By the way, youve got only one.
95Views
SumanthPareekshit,livesinToronto,ON(2015present)
WrittenSep18,2015
Yes........ALL the people who've had arranged marriages in my circle of friends or
relatives have made their marriage work and are happily married with kids. It
depends on the people involved also. In India parents make it a point to get their kids
married (girls ~ 24/25 and guys ~ 28/29). This is either good or bad depending on your
perspective and life choices. Decide for yourself.
351Views
NikhilB.V,livesinBengaluru,Karnataka,India
WrittenFeb27,2015
Like all marriages they are made to work...
Thankfully we have those four people (char log) whom people(couples) fear a lot and
ready to continue with the marriage even if it is troublesome/without love.
154ViewsViewUpvotes
RaghavMehta,livesinJodhpur,Rajasthan,India
WrittenJan4,2015
My parents , grandparents and my cousions , uncles and aunties all had arrange
marriage and they are happly married
101Views
AlTufailAssaf,livesinAbuDhabi,UAE
WrittenDec31,2014
I don't think so arranged marriages in India are happened for working through out
the whole life..:)
89Views
VikrantSingh,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenMar26,2015
All should read this : A JEWISH TELEGRAPH NEWSPAPER
53Views
ShivaRachakonda,livesinHyderabad,India
WrittenApr7,2015
There is no point in naming arranged or love marriage, the thing is if people are good
and considerate everything goes ne even it is love or arranged marriage.
87Views
RaviAnand,JustarandomQuoran.
WrittenDec25,2014
Do arrange marriages work??? Hell, where do you think the billion people came
from???
89ViewsViewUpvotes
AbhinandanTripathi,Alittleabouteverything
WrittenOct6,2012
Adaptability is more important than initial compatibility for successful relationships,
don't you think?
518ViewsViewUpvotes
AbhineetDey,livedinIndia
WrittenMay22,2015
Yes
18Views
Anonymous
WrittenNov14,2013
If you looking for stats,
mine is a disaster, with no way out.
240Views
Anonymous
WrittenDec21,2013
Some do and some don't.
281Views
Anonymous
WrittenOct21,2014
Think of it as arranged dating with marriage as priority. plus lot of background check.
Also, it works good because of same type of background on both side means fewer
problems. (probably because of same cast/religion)
96Views
Anonymous
WrittenNov28,2014
It sure does work. I have seen it around me. I believe in the institution of arranged
marriage. But, am i subscribing to that is a question for which i do not have an
answer.
At the same time, i always had this doubt. Are many arranged marriages failed
marriages as people do not want to go for a divorce considering how the society might
view them?
I might be wrong in my entire understanding but i think arranged marriages work in

India coz people who have given up in their relationship don't want to go ght in the
court (public) and THAT from the view of the public looks like a marriage that is
working.
357Views
Anonymous
WrittenDec28,2014
Yes, they do!!
Well, let me be clear....according to my perspective marriage(arranged or love) is a
bond between two persons for their rest of the life and is denitely not between two
exactly/equally matched people, infact it is bond wherein you have to love your
partner no matter how they are.....and this is the reason i like Indian marriages,which
exactly resemble yo what have said
There might be few exceptions, like a case in movie GoneGirl or may cases mentioned
below.
147Views
SoffySen,livesinIndia
WrittenMar11,2015
Yes, This is something hard work.
44Views
MritunjaiSingh,Thinker!
WrittenMay22,2015
yes, because, in INDIA, 2 families get married and not just boy and girl.
31Views
Anonymous
WrittenDec29,2014
Not only they actually work, but they are the only hope for many Indian boys and
girls
135ViewsViewUpvotes
ZafarulHaq,India,mysoul
WrittenNov7,2014
Here is my one sentence answer, and it will be enough to explain almost everything
about it:
Arranged marriage is the only merit based system in India.
45Views
SamarthKhandelwal,livesinNewDelhi
WrittenFeb13,2015
Obviously! Why do you think it is the second most populous country in the world?
29ViewsViewUpvotes
MahathiBhargavapuri,IpromotearrangedmarriagescuzweneedtobeatChina's
populationsoon!
WrittenMay22,2015
How do you think we are the largest democracy in the world? We are in love with the
system. Why worry about marriage when we know some aunty will someday nd the
perfect bride for you?
They actually have jobs where all they do is nd a girl / guy suitable for you. You think
that would happen if arranged marriages failed?
Half Indians on quora are a result of their parents' arranged marriage working
wonderfully well. If you upvote this answer you would be making one such quora user
happy.
41Views
PoojaMittal,livesinPalampur,HimachalPradesh
WrittenJan2,2015
Yeah I am one of the biggest example
60ViewsViewUpvotes
PratikAgarwal,RunIt(HumanPratik){while(Pratik.Smile.Length!=MAX){RunIt(Pratik)}
}
WrittenJan31,2015
Yes, and trust me I have never seen a better smile on my sister's face. *touchwood*
32Views
SureAvinash
WrittenSep13
Well dont beleive in the stats when it comes to arranged marriages.
-> No source of income for women
->Kids
->Literally believing that husband is a god and what ever he does is righteous
->Emotional blackmail
->Fear of living in society after divorce
->Judgemental society
->Stupid traditions
->Stupid quotes quoting that Women should bare all the burden even when the men
comits adultery
I might have missed out some points but these are the reasons why many couples
have never got divorced ,not because they are in love or their marriage is arranged.
250ViewsViewUpvotes
DeepeshRajput,Technology,TravelerIndia
UpdatedDec27,2012
Yes they really work and they don't get divorced since that social circle which got
them married in the rst place will help solve the issues and make them understand
to get back on track.
29ViewsViewUpvotes
PoonamKoundal,Futuristic,Unconventional,FriendlyAquarian{Coder}
WrittenMar10,2015
Yes they denitely work. I was arranged married and my husband is most caring and
person I have ever met. He feels my pain and understands me.
29ViewsViewUpvotes
PallaviSrivastava,Youwilllovetomeetmeat
http://srivastavapallavi.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/streakoflight_16.html
WrittenApr23,2014
Yes they do.
Marriage gives you a person in life on whom you can count at any point of time. It
brings focus in life. You get a best friend, critic, motivator and support. Wedding
jitters are natural. I wrote an article about it. Have a look and let me know if it justies
your jitters.
The Knotty Butteries
SrikanthPotnuru,americanajones
WrittenJul8,2013
if we don't go for arranged marriages, it will be situation like below
if we can aord if our mobile or laptop got damaged or got bored we will go for new
piece rather than adjusting with it or try to repair it. if you behave as a former we
cause a trouble by increasing e-junk.
i hope my comparison is optimum.
the above will be the situation without arranged marriages, which is happening in
USA.
life is adjusting. if you nd any problem just talk. don't hide the problem. arranged
marriages make thinking of your minds broader if you try to work it out. in love we do
the same to love some one u got attracted to and call it love.
353Views
ParagKulkarni,AssistantProfessorofBiostatisticsandMathematicsforBioinformatics
Courses
WrittenOct12,2012
It depends . I am fully in support of the arranged marriage as marriage is not just
coalition of two bodies and mind but also union of two families.There cannot be
decision based on few decisions of people.I know boy and girl has to live their life but
after all 1 +1 always does not become 2 in real life.Have ur thoughts?
196ViewsViewUpvotes
AmitBarnwal,livesinMumbai,Maharashtra,India
WrittenJan1,2014
Marriage is marriage. Everyone knows the high divorce rates in western countries and
low rates in South Asia and middle east and other eastern countries. Most of them
work. Marriage is marriage and either love or arranged marriage can fail. The worst
thing about love marriage is that it is based on lmy conceptions of reality and most
often lust. No wonder there's so much adultery and cheating on the love marriages.
120Views
Anonymous
WrittenApr16,2013
My rst hand experience is founding my most precious husband via my parents. I was
21 when I got married so trust me it was very scary at rst. Marrying someone who I
had met just for an 1hr. My parents are not even backward thought kind of people. We
were free to talk to each other on any topic so not really surrounded by family as such.
etc etc. But the point is that I feel that most of the background work is already done
by the parents. They would have checked the family background, job prospects etc. I
guess hence most of the arrange marriage works for most but for maybe the odd 5% it
does'nt.
For those it doesn't work may have restrictions of children, nance or social. It is
pretty common in India to be stuck in a bad marriage because of children. As girls we
are taught to pray for our husband's future health and long life. Do you really think
when this has been part of our education we will try divorcing someone?
I personally feel that as girls we were very much given the tonic of being a good
indian girl and follow your husbands orders. I guess once you follow your man's
orders (do everything he says), divorce might not be an option?
421Views
GarvaSharma,BeStupidDoComedy
WrittenMar7,2015
according to TOI survey 97% works more then love marriages
19Views
ArjunChandru,Likesascotcholdenoughtoorderitsownscotch.
WrittenDec30,2014
Second populated country in the world. 'Nu said!
94Views
Anonymous
WrittenJun19,2014
Thats why you were BORN!! :P
18Views
Anonymous
WrittenJun21,2014
According to a study published long back arranged marriages are proven to be more
successful than love marriages in india.The typical punjabi arranged marriages i've
seen is superhot girl marries rich and successful guy.They generally work out coz the
guy gets a hot girl to bang and the girl gets a sense of a secure future nancially unless
the guy she actually loves is rich which is extremely rare
93Views
RajSingh,Sr.Relationshipofficer@fixlo.in(FreeclassifiedsIndia)
WrittenMar28,2015
yes it happens...just post your information on oogly.in
21Views
Anonymous
WrittenNov12,2015
No they never work...the whole cocnept of an arranged marriage is bullshit according
to me...and i guess religion and caste are to be held responsible for this bcoz parents
are way too scared to do something which is against their religion and society...and
they prefer ruining their childrens life just to save their name and respect...and
people dont speak about it but i can bet that peoples lives are ruined after arranged
marriage...in rural india..all this bullshit goes on...but the govt never gives a shit
about it ..i feel there should be a law banning arranged marriages personally bcoz
marriage is a persons choice with which noone should interfere not even the persons
parents and if they do i guess such parents should be jailed.
164ViewsNotforReproduction
DeepakSharma
WrittenOct10,2012
Yes arrange marriages works in India, bcs parents / relatives try see what you cant in
long term aspect and advise you on going ahead, cant see anything else then sex life is
one of the reason for high rate of divorce.
36Views
CandyGupta
WrittenOct11,2012
its not a taboo at all.its call as the cultitre and manegment. recearches prove this
thing that in india divorce cases are less as compared to the the western countries.
arrange marriges really work here and partners live happily after for their whole life.
how ever in few cases there occurs disputes but in which marrige things like that not
happens.
familys lives together here and thus good culture passs on to kids but in western
countries they suers depression because of lonliness.
60Views
TejashNimbalkar,livesinSurat,Gujarat,India
WrittenJan3,2015
yes it work for 80% people
41Views
Anonymous
WrittenNov16
Not so much anymore. Indians are starting to realize that marrying cousins and
maternal uncles, etc. is very very harmful. Also, divorce among arrangements is in
rampant growth. Anecdotally, i know of several people in very complex custody
battles fro which international law is unprepared and Indian legal system is a
complicated mess. My observed recommendation is do not do it.
714ViewsViewUpvotes
MahendranManohar,analystandwritingskillsforcoulumnsonloveanddating
UpdatedJan27,2016
People talk about arranged marriages in India like it's a crime, or some backward
curse. But then, we inherently fear what we don't understand, and what we've never
seen before. And there's the matter of racism, and a lot of other stu clustered
together.
But then, how do you meet a guy or a girl? You meet him/her at school, or college or
work, or in the same friend circles, or common social hangout points. All of these
point to similar economic status, similar social status and approval of said mate by
other parties of the same social standing.
From where I stand, the same thing happens with both the casual method of marriage
and arranged marriage. The dierence is you can trust that the other person,
generally, is not a nut, and you won't have to nd out later and then break up. Because
parents are involved lying, baiting, playing around and other scumbaggery is
avoided. Then there's age; arranged marriages happen at a more appropriate age,
when both parties are ready to settle down, so you won't end up with the awkward guy
who's not ready to settle down, or any common commitment issues younger couples
face.
Again, since parents are involved, both sides have some modicum of decency toward
each other, so there's much less nonsense to deal with, and both sides have to actually
use their brains and really think about ghts before either one yelling divorce like it's
a game of catch.
Sure, there's the rare arranged marriage that is awkward and ends in divorce, and yes,
dowry issues happen too, but the statistics for these scenarios are much smaller ratios
in comparison to the number of casual couples who don't work out.
A lot of thought goes into deciding who is t for one's kid, and unless the parents are
evil, they won't actually mess up. Everything is double checked; is he/she nice,
kind,friendly, decent, stable, physically the type my kid will like (that is the rst thing
we do when we go looking ourselves for a 'mate'), mentally sound, any diseases (to
make sure the future kids have happy lives), everything is covered.
Both sides get to meet each other, without having to feign disinterest to appear cool,
or any other pretences they would normally maintain when among peers. Any party
who does not seem like a good idea for a mate is rejected, and there is no situation
where you'll have to be human and date the freak, to try and nd his/her good side.
The other side can't stalk, cry, beg, chase, plead, and say anything emotionally loaded
with blackmail to force a person into a relationship. Since you have the option to
reject an unviable mate right away, your senses pick up on all the subtle clues right
away, and even if you don't know why at that moment, you reject partners who are
bad for you, when you have the freedom and luxury to. And if you really have found
somebody you like, there are a million ways you can start o- like with a line of love
dropped here and there in the conversation. Things, for all you know could actually
work in your favor too!
For all of the above listed reasons, I guess, arranged marriages are just as comfortable,
if not safer and smarter than casual meet-date-marry scenarios.
85Views
RanjeetSahoo,livesinTulsikshetra,JagannathDhamOdisha
WrittenOct5,2013
If your parents life is good ,then i hope nothing to prove anything.Everyone here
trying to prove anything by logically .Only then marriage would work when both
person good. In life in every moment there are UP and DOWN .I have seen people
who have done love marriage,due to some conict they departed. That not mean i am
skeptical about Love marriage.I have also in my mind to do Love marriage with
Gorgeous lady with good heart and most importantly look after my parents.
1.8kViews
Anonymous
WrittenNov28,2014
They work and that's because we match our kundalis rst
26Views
ShaibanMukhtesar,Happinessliesinyourthoughts.Ilovespreadinghappiness.
UpdatedApr30,2015
Arrange marriage does not depend on any country..
If it has to work, It will work..No matter how much diculty couple has to face..
It's all dependent on love, trust, compatibility and care between couples and not on
the country they live.
59Views
Anonymous
WrittenMar19,2011
They work extremely well in India if you think people are best described as cattle. The
whole thing is just racist - arranged marriages only happen within the same caste.
In the end, you decide if you believe in achieving something regardless of the process.
For example, goal is to be happy. That doesn't justify killing and pillage and loot. It's
the same with arranged marriages - they are disgusting but people justify them saying
that it works out in the end. Point being the process is fundamentally racist,
protectionist and thus immoral.
1ViewViewUpvotes
AnandSharma,InthisAgethemosteasymethodforrealizingkrishnaisbychantinghis
HolyName.
WrittenMay6,2013
Isn't it scary to be born to some women whom even you don't know and later on taken
care by them.
116Views
Answerscollapsedbymoderation
Anonymous
UpdatedNov18
I met a girl through arranged marriage matrimonial. she said my salary in private
company 5lpa was less. Her parents asked how much properties we have? we said 2
crores. they were disappointed. They said since my father is in top level management
in a government company they thought we would have at least 20 crores and hence
they called us. We said our father does not indulge in corruption. We are proud that
he does not do it. They said there is no place for sincere people in India and rejected
us. I happened to marry(arranged) a beautiful school teacher as only she agreed to
marry me in spite of my low salary. That girl married a government employee whose
salary is lesser than mine but earns a lot under the table.
3 years later, Our beloved kalki avatar, Mr Narendra Modi DEMONETIZED 500 & 1000
Rs note. He is a savior of Imandar people. Now we are safe while that girls family
cannot use the black money stored. I heard now that couple is ghting and
contemplating divorce as both the dowry as well as the guys income are in
500s/1000s. Karma can be so sweet.
Edit - 1: To answer the question, let me say that my arranged marriage worked while
that girl's did not work.
Edit - 2 : To answer those who are asking how my marriage turned out. A picture says
more than a 1000 words.
Answerhasverypoorformattingthatsignificantlydistractsfromreadability
GayatriGajupaka,livingbesttimesofmylife
WrittenJan15,2015
Why not ?? Arranged marriages do really work ....if two individuals are ready
to work on it ..that is accepting dierences between them ....I do agree with
people telling that you need to know each other before marriage ...which
usually happens if you fall in love and then marry that person but my
question is ...In this love phase how far can you really understand a person
just by texting and few meetings ..where you obviously meet when you are
comfortable and in good mood ....where as once married you get to see them
everyday ..you have to accept them in every situation and condition ..so what
is the dierence between love and arranged marriages ..you still keep
knowing the person ..everyday is something new ....adjustment problems can
be looked in to ...the only thing is any marriage it might be ...the couple have
to give 100% to make it work putting out all their egos ......for e.g in love
marriages in order to surprise your partner much eort is not required
because you already know what they like ..but in arranged marriages little
smart work is required.. you need to butter your in-laws and get to know
his/her tastes and likes ..nevertheless it is always worth!! Now why divorce
rate is less ..its because we Indians value traditions and we have our
Ancestors who try to bring up every solution to keep up the marriage..
238ViewsViewUpvotes Answerhasverypoorformattingthatsignificantlydistractsfromreadability
TaraSoman,I'llBurn,I'llturntodust....I'llrisefrommyashes
WrittenJan21,2014
627ViewsViewUpvotes AnswerviolatesQuora'simagespolicy
Anonymous
UpdatedDec5
No, it didnt, and my sisters marriage collapsed.
My sister got married a couple of years ago. We created her prole on one of those
matrimonial websites. We were approached by this family who lived in Pune. Things
looked all ne, we enquired about the grooms family. The boy worked as a software
developer, and was earning average. After everything looked ok, we proceeded
further, rst the engagement and then the wedding. However, there was some strange
behaviour from the grooms side after the engagement. My parents neglected as they
wanted to keep the boys family happy and all they wanted was to nd their daughter a
perfect partner. So my parents spent fair amount of money on her wedding, booked
the best hall, the best chef to prepare the food for all the guests. Now marriages in
India are huge celebration. We had around 17002000 guests who attended the
wedding. My sister went to her in-laws after her wedding. Now comes the worst part.
They didnt treat her well at all. Her husband turned into a moron. And that fool
would even tell her how he lied to her before marriage just to make himself look like a
nice man. How shameless one has to be to even tell this. My sister would take care of
his family, cook nice meals for everyone. They had a weird thing in their family where
all men would have their meals rst and then the ladies. After the men had their
meals, her husband would ask her, Are you going to eat ?. I mean, after preparing all
those nice things for all family members, all on her own, since her mother-in-law
didnt do anything, how do you even ask someone Are you going to eat ?. And this was
everyday, she was being treated like a maid. My sister is a doctor, has zero ego issues,
does all the household chores, keeps the house clean and tidy, but that doesnt mean
you treat her like a maid. Damn, we even treat our maid with respect. The main
problem was his father-in-law who was a totally crooked person. He made sure that
my sister and her husband would get no time to spend together. And the boy was also
a dumbass to not notice this. There were a lot more issues and being the youngest in
our family I was not even told of many as my parents thought it would aect my
studies. My parents called this o, when the water went above the nose. My sisters
father-in-law was a asshole. I won't go into the specications as I think you all got
what I meant to say. When we had enough my dad went to her house, collected all her
belongings, and brought her home. Getting a divorce takes time, it took almost a year
to get divorced. Now my sister lives with my parents. Coming back to the original
question, NO it didn't work. My message to all the unmarried people out there, please
DO NOT marry someone you don't know. It's so easy for someone to act all nice till
marriage. People are chameleons these days. Don not trust someone blindly, no
matter how nice they seem to be. You have to spend the rest of you life with that
person, choose wisely.
P.S: I dont really expect any hate comments in the comments section. Some of you
are in favour of arrange marriages and thats ne. Everyone has their own opinions.
When you come to read answers to a question that says Do arranged marriages in
India really work ? be prepared to read all sorts of answers saying Yes and No. Lets
all shown some maturity here not force our opinions on each other :)
Edit: Disabled comments because of some stupid ass people, who are dumb enough
to understand that everyone has their opinions. Some people seriously need to get a
life.
Typical example of the sick society in the comments section.
Edit 2: This was collapsed because someone in favour of arrange marriages must have
reported it. After a sweet appeal to Quoras Moderation it is up again. I repeat this
again, I have nothing against arrange marriages, if they worked out in your or your
siblings case, I am happy for you or them. But in my sister case it didnt and if you ask
me will i prefer an arrange marriage with a girl that I dont know, the answer will be a
denite NO !
Peace :)
ZealShah
WrittenJun14,2013
Like all Indians girls, I too was forced to consider marriage options for myself, the
moment I turned 25. I was pretty looking, attractive, had a middle management job. I
was totally against arranged marriage as I realised how dangerous and perilous it
could be for a woman. While, I was dating this guy, he really did not have any real job
and was more of a hustler and although my parents kept nudging me to reveal any
guy that I was personally considering, I was not sure about my current BF (despite
being in love with him) whether he would be accepted in my family.
Reluctantly, I created a prole on one of the matrimonial sites, I started receiving

alliances, I did this as my parents wanted to see whether I too was committed to
getting married as much as they were. I was always in rejection mode when receiving
responses.
I received an alliance from a very successful business family; they lived together in a
large family and were quite prominent in their business and social activities in
Mumbai. The gentleman that replied seemed like an easy going, fun loving person. To
keep my parents at bay, I got in touch with him over emails, then WhatsApp, then
over the phone and then nally in person.
He was an amateur pilot and also a Director in the company that he was running and
was considering alliances simply because he was under family pressure. He was
adorable and while as an amateur pilot he accidently ew his Cessna into Panama
and ran out of fuel and had to make an emergency landing and was immediately
jailed on arrival. He loved travelling and was also quite knowledgeable in dierent
laws. I was still seeing my current BF, regardless of being intrigued by Mr. Pilot.
While chatting on google, one evening, I added him on Facebook and was stunned to
see that he had 5000 friends, the maximum permissible friends limit. When I
confronted him, he happily deleted some friends so that we could connect on
Facebook.
Since we had met for almost 15 times, he said that he felt good about it and was keep
to take it further. He was humble and he never aunted his wealth / power. While
driving in Mumbai, he always paid nes and requested for a receipt. I was gradually
falling for him.
My parents were wondering when is it that we would want to make it ocial, since
they knew a bit about what was going on, again I compelled myself into this and we
arranged the meeting.
They lived in a tony apartment in South Mumbai, in a large joint Hum-Aapke-Hain-

Kaun family. I visited there along with my family. He had already told his parents that
he liked me. His family understood that seeing atleast 10 to 15 people all waiting to
see me, would be intimidating and hence his family too was all just there as a family,
just keen to help wherever needed. His grand parents welcomed us and like tradition
and as adviced I touched their feet, they blessed me with Saubhagyawati Bhava. I did
not even know the meaning, until my mother later explained to me.
With a quick round of introduction, my father introduced himself. My father was a

(Income Tax) government ocial now retired and they spoke about some business,
his father then told me out interests in Latin America and how they wish to acquire
some oil elds back there. We were nancially nowhere nally close to him.
My father stressed on the family values and how I was brought up with conservative
values. He said that as Brahmins they respected Gujaratis and Marwaris for they have
created the nations wealth.
We later had lunch that would end up aect my life permanently. His father started
o by saying that they just want a homely wife, that is available to elders and there to
ensure that is available when needed as well as lead one of their companies. Soon
marriage talks proceeded.
I still hadnt mentioned to Mr. Pilot about my current relationship and so on, we got
engaged, ... (more)
MoushmiBanerjee,Mother.Englishteacher.Avidreader.
WrittenNov21,2014
Arranged marriages work not only in India but anywhere, if you want it to work.
I can say that from experience. We've been married for 27 years and the time has
own by. There have been many ups and downs,but we've never allowed ego to
come in our way. We've sorted out our dierences amicably. There have been
trying and dicult times,there were times when we almost gave up,but we never
thought of giving each other up.When we got married, my husband was 23years
old and I was 17.5 years ,we've grown up together and become matured together.
Today we are the best of friends, we trust each other's judgments and decisions
unquestioned. It has been a long journey but pleasant ,smooth. I know that I
cannot generalise but married couples should give their hundred percent before
quitting.Arranged marriages also bloom, albeit a little late ,but they are sturdy
and dependable
Anonymous
WrittenJul25,2013
Ask an Indian woman,

Q.Would you sleep with an unknown person?
A. Hell No.
Q. Do yo believe in arrange mariages?

A. Duh, obv!

Notice the irony? AskQuestion
AskorSearchQuora Read Answer Notifications Aditya

So, I think they are up for it, and they do they work.
for an indian woman,
Arrange marriage > love marriage
641ViewsViewUpvotes Answerdoesn'tdirectlyanswerthequestion
SahanaSm
WrittenFeb22,2013
Wonderful portrayal! So beautiful, albeit its blatant honesty. Follow the path.. to the
link I meant :)
Indian arranged marriages. A beautiful conversation.
73Views Answershouldbeacomment
AnkitSanyal,workingasanemergencyphysician,dealingwiththeextremesofwhatlife
offers
WrittenJul23,2013
The mind of the modern, urban Indian parent has the following standard notions [for a
male child at least]
When he's 27: We want a girl who speaks our tongue, belongs to our caste, is a resident of
.... and whose parents can "gift her" Rs xxxxxxxxx
When he's 30: We want a girl who speaks our tongue, belongs to our caste and whose
parents can "gift her" Rs xxxx
When he crosses 35: We want a girl who speaks our tongue, belongs to our caste
and....naah that will do
When he touches 40: We want a girl !!!!! fast.....

100Views Answerdoesn'tdirectlyanswerthequestion
Anonymous
WrittenNov26,2014
Table:
If you look at this table, there is a denite caste system. Based on regions in India and
skin color there is a "placement" for everyone. I think this caste system also had a
major inuence on marriage. Can a person of high class such as me(based on this
table) marry someone from a low class? Probably not. Why? I have a strict family. Do I
believe in the caste and think it's right? No. Do I think that's the best way to keep
peace in my family? Yes.
Will a middle class marry a low class? Probably not. Why? They'll probably think it's
best to marry within their own caste. Why? The family might believe it's best to marry
that way. I think it's nonsense to be honest and if I have children, I denitely won't
teach them to conform to this whole caste system. Why? To be honest, isn't it more on
the racist side? Yes, it is. A lot of Indians are racist towards each other. And I'll be
honest, Indian society has this whole ingrained idea of "the more fairer or lighter you
look, the more attractive you are". Really? This needs to stop India. I'm not buying the
whole black/browns in India. We're ALL BROWN. I don't care how light or dark you
are. You're BROWN. Simple as that.
Upvote 1 AskorSearchQuora
Downvote Comment AskQuestion Read Answer Notifications Aditya
KrishnaTejaVemula,livesinChennai,TamilNadu,India
WrittenOct11,2013
the thought.on arranged marriages , scares the hell out of me ....!!!!!
NitinTripathi,worksatCentralBankofIndia
WrittenFeb12,2014
Then, why the same is not applicable on love marriages? Are the love marriages don't
give birth to children or the options are available exclusively to love married couple
only???
AlisonSmith
WrittenJan20,2014
According to me in India divorce rate is low because there people have respect for
marriages in India , not just a understand as a game. They tend to follow their
wedding tradition, who is created by their Ancestors. They believe in lasting
relationships. Nowadays, in modern world Marriage is like an object, when its have
something problem people want to replace them....
714Views Answerneedstodiscloserelevantaffiliations
KanchanKapoor
WrittenOct16,2013
then how Shaadi websites are earning millions of rupees?
Anonymous
WrittenAug8
Hello All,(B S Keerthi Reddy)
I have seen my intermediate friend(Guy) getting married to my school friend(girl).

When my friend(guy) invited me for his marriage, seeing the girl I came to know that
she is my school friend. I know about her, her family and everything but it was too
late for me to say this to my friend.
Within 5 days of marriage my friend came to me and told me that his wife is staying
separately and asking for divorce. She is also asking for Rs 20 lakhs or else she will le
Dowry case, Harassment case, Murder case and Rape case on their entire family.
Her name is B S Keerthi Reddy. She is working in Reliance Trends Bangalore as Visual
Merchandiser. Her family will go to local politicians and say all cock and bull stories
and the local politician will call the guys dad and blame him because they don't know
the exact reason.
It happened for 8 months and one day the girl led a police complaint on the guy and
guys entire family stating that
1) Her husband and family tried to kill her when she was sleeping in her home at night
time. Some of their neighbours noticed this by that her husband family ran away.
(Murder and Harassment Cases)
2) She also told that she has given dowry of Rs 10 lakhs and Rs 5 lakhs jewellery. Her
husband is asking for more. (Dowry Case)
3) She also told that the guy's brother misbehaved with her and tried to rape her.
(Rape case).
Answers to her complaint:--
1) she told that her husband and the entire family tried to kill her at night 12:00 PM in
her house in Madanapalle, Chittoor District, Andhra Pradesh. By that time her
husband was working in his oce(Night shift in some reputed MNC, Bangalore). I
don't know AskorSearchQuora
how that girl can write this point AskQuestion Read Answer Notifications Aditya
2) To be honest the girl and her family are so poor that in marriage girl's brother after
washing his legs, new sandals to be worn. That guy immediately gave me Rs 700 and I
purchased the sandals for him by going in my bike. For the Priest who has performed
marriage the girl's father gave Rs 500 lol the guy gave the priest Rs 7500 remaining
money. The girl's father gave the band people Rs 10 in the marriage, later the guy gave
Rs 1000 and Rs 10 for the servers who served the food the guy gave Rs 1000. Ever for
the rst night they gave him one pillow and one mat and the girl came wearing short.
In the next room the girl's sister and her brother in law are given cot and other
facilities because her brother in law is from U.S.A. The guy was harassed each and
every moment by the girl's family with their words in just 4 days.
3) The girl stayed only 1 day in her in-law's home and on that day her husband's
brother was in Bangalore oce as he was some oce emergency. then how can he
come and rape her.
Finally she contacted Mahila sangam and with the help of her family relatives she
contacted many politicians and blackmailed the guy and his family and took Rs 20
lakhs.
the guy's family had no choice for the fear of arresting. Now that guy is on complete
downside afraid of women and marriage. The girl's family is too confuse that for
lawyer also her husband has to pay.
Laws for women are meant to protect them against Real problems but not to misuse.
How will the family of the guy survive because his family is complete middle class
family.
I personally respect women and at the same time urge women not to misuse laws and
make money like this.
Respect each and every women and protect men from Weird women like B S Keerthi
Reddy Visual Merchandiser Reliance Trends Bangalore
She was in Madanapalle from July 25th 2016 to July 29th 2016 and She ran all this
drama. Even police also known she is a fake lady
doing this all for money. She was in police station also. She became talk of
Madanapalli. She has misued laws which are designed to protect innnocent women.
That guys family is a poor middle class family running after their friends and banks
for money to give to this girl(B S Keerthi Reddy). Ideally she is not eligible for single
rupee.
keerthi.reddy@ril.com )
ShailendraKumar,FunsteratFunnynomics.com
WrittenSep18,2013
I believe the percentage of TRULY SUCCESSFUL marriages is a constant around the
world, simply because human beings are same everywhere. Arranged or Love; it
doesn't matter. In spite of being arranged types countless marriages don't work. Even
though people don't divorce as much as in developped world, it is because of poverty,
illiteracy and social pressure.
AskorSearchQuora AskQuestion Read Answer Notifications Aditya

QuoraUser,worksatResearchers
UpdatedSep4,2013
No marriage.American guys,Japanese guys are not marrying.That was the trend
among most of the renaissance men of Europe.
SusilkumarPatra,amit
WrittenJun28,2013
Now a days Arrange Marrage is not we found a good girl
152Views Answermayneedimprovement
SambhrantMaurya,a.ka.Dr.Bitch,2ndyearMechanicalEngineering,IETLucknow.
WrittenOct21,2012
Arranged marriages are insane.
Answersthatareduplicates
BalajiViswanathan,IndianbyBirth.IndianbyThought.
WrittenAug12,2012
Contrary to a couple of answers above, I believe arranged marriage system in India is
quite working even now and not in trouble. I have seen close to 40 odd arranged
marriages in the extended family (all arranged) and dozens in my friends circle.
Almost all these marriages are quite strong and stable (atleast they didn't burst into a
public spat). Also, arranged marriages account for lower share of divorce.
The reasons why arranged marriages work well in India:

1. "Love marriage" works with the assumption that you can judge a person well
in the few days/weeks of direct interaction with them. You are sampling less
than 1% of your partner's life and this is a non-random sample, but you are
making your life's decision to stay with the person. Also, a lot of this
decision-making is emotionally clouded and swayed by cosmetic things.
Logically, I would prefer a more objective evaluation of a broader sample. In
modern arranged marriages, more parameters are sought, including the
attitudes of the parents (that usually impacts the children in subtle ways
often not noticed directly), the environment where the person grew up,
education/work accomplishments and the opinions of trust persons who
knows the other family. Put together in a painstaking way, this gives a greater
clue into the person's character. It is not guaranteed to be perfect, but seems
more logical to me.
2. Love is time consuming and biased against the geeks/nerds who would rather
spend time with books, coding, writings or research than wasting time dating
and loitering around malls & cinemas. ;-) Indian arranged marriage makes
sure that the geeks/nerds are not punished, but rewarded.
3. In India, marriage is a contract between two families and not just between
two individuals. This concept would appear weird if you see from a Western
POV, but to us it makes practical sense. Families help stabilize the social
structure of India and are our support systems. An arranged marriage helps
in this fundamental aspect. When the families are happy and stable, the
marriage is strong.
4. If you come from a traditional background, you would tend to keep the
customs close to what your ancestors did. In some parts of urban India, the
traditional systems, values & identities are gone and thus this benet doesn't
make much sense. But for the rest of us, who want to maintain our family
rituals & traditions for posterity, arranged marriage is the best bet.
Finally, if the arranged marriage is forced upon, then it is evil (regardless of the
aforesaid points). But, in urban India I see it evolving into a more benevolent
institution that is quite practical for many of us.
71ViewsViewUpvotes
Answersthathaveanunverifiedauthor
QuoraUser,Makingworksimpler!
WrittenFeb14,2014
One would know for sure if they knew what kind of a husband or wife they will get to
be. This quiz gives a good broad idea.
https://app.euphoriq.in/quiz
58Views
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Do Arranged Marriages in India Really Work

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Answer Request Follow 868 Comments 21+ Share 60 Downvote

Upvote 51 Downvote Comments 4+

Arranged marriage is especially predominant among those of us who have moved to

Positive aspects of arranged marriage:

[Sidetrack: I was really apprehensive of arranged marriages and during my teens I

Upvote 3.9k Downvote Comments 99+

In the US, it is generally assumed that an Indian marriage is EITHER an arranged

Know what they are looking for

Honestly portray themselves

Break o the courtship if it isn't working

Arranged marriages are less likely to be successful when:

Upvote 645 Downvote Comments 21+

What's the process of nding a spouse through a modern day arranged

Caveat: This is a generalized explanation of the process in a cosmopolitan city in India

Step 3: The bio-data is then sent to a "marriage broker" .

Who is a marriage broker?

Upvote 123 Downvote Comments 3+

4. They nd each other. Extremely deep background checks happen. Possibly

This situation is exacerbated by arranged marriages- we don't, in general, know how

Upvote 2.1k Downvote Comments 34+

Let me answer this in terms of Poker............

Step 4: Cards are dealt = Photos are sent/received.

Upvote 273 Downvote Comments 15+

Do they really work?

Surely, if they've divorced, the marriage has failed!

Upvote 41 Downvote Comments 3+

Upvote 167 Downvote Comments 13

So it has to work. Compatible exible person marrying similar compatible exible

Upvote 110 Downvote Comments 11+

Wrote a blog post relating to this question a while ago..

Upvote 24 Downvote Comment

Upvote 25 Downvote Comments 2

All my friends are in their mid-20s, educated in foreign universities, working in

The Story of My Arranged Marriage Disaster

the Bride's story

One of her intermediate love interests told me this about her:

Upvote 138 Downvote Comments 9+

I've been in love. It is a wonderful wonderful feeling. It cannot be simulated or faked

Upvote 7.2k Downvote Comments 276+

How and why all it is started?

Benets considered of then Arranged marriage

What is the current situation?

Upvote 35 Downvote Comments 2+

In an individualist society, when you dene yourself, it is just 'you as an individual'.

PS: The views are purely observational.

Upvote 53 Downvote Comments 2+

Upvote 30 Downvote Comments 4+

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

All Image Source: Google

Upvote 6 Downvote Comment

Arranged marriages also encourage marriage within a community or a caste. It

Upvote 160 Downvote Comments 5+

Yes, they WORK. Why ?

4) No trend to raise opinions -

Seriously, you are telling me to believe, you will raise opinion if

It just goes, nobody says anything, questions anything, doubts anything.

(And well, if something bad/abusive/really incompatible worth divorce happens,

Yes! It is scary to marry someone you don't even know.

Upvote 9 Downvote Comments 2+

Arranged marriage is based on acceptance. Love marriages are based on tested

Upvote 20 Downvote Comment

~ 8000 dowry deaths every year

Reference Indian Arranged Marriages on Myths Of India