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Contents
July 8, 2010 volume 5 issue 29
Editor-in-ChiEf Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com
ArtS Editor Judit Trunkos
jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com
ColAthEAtEr.Com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
dESign
Lindsey Downen
muSiC
Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs
PubliShEr
Paul Blake
paul@columbiacitypaper.com
ACCount ExECutivES
John Gibson, James Wallace
ContributorS
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien,
WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
ColumbiA City PAPEr
2965 North Main Street
Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (DIaL aRea CoDe)
pg. 13
pg. 11
the gnostic gospel of James and the grotesque in southern politics p. 6
letters to the reader dear wacky noodle
national champs photo essay by sean rayford
food reviewcolumbia.com debuts at art shack gallery cafe
cover Jim demint is the political heresiarch of the new gnosticism
conservation hotlist 2010 legislative review
feature preach Jacobs founder of mo’ betta soul
don’t panic the humanitarian crisis in the kyrgyz republic
Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
News.Politics.Commentary.
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Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies
are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
2
Dear American public,
Multiple news outlets recently
reported that Lady Gaga has more
Facebook friends than President Obama.
There are so many sad implications in
the previous sentence that we honestly
don’t where to start our apology. But
here goes: on behalf of the national press
corps, we apologize for ever deeming
Lady Gaga’s Facebook page newsworthy,
in light of... well, you know, all the other
terrifying shit happening to our country
right now. We also apologize on behalf
of all American media conglomerates for
the fact that a half talented pop singer
wrapped in tin foil and bubble wrap or
whatever seems more important to the
general public than arguably one of the
most important presidents in the history
of our country. The media has dropped the
ball somewhere. (But, rest assured, we’ll
find the person responsible. Honestly,
we’re kinda leaning toward Ted Koppel.)
Columbia City Paper
Dear Spam Folder,
You know the feeling you get when
you drive down a back alley at night
and your headlights play across two big
rats having sex on a wet hair weave in
the swill next to a dumpster? That brief
glimpse into a world that you’d rather not
know was there? Well, that’s the feeling
I get when I see your Vacu-Pump emails
and links to websites featuring elderly
dwarves. ...Everyone else gets those in
their spam, too, right?
Columbia City Paper
Dear Late Nite Value Menu,
Oh, you sweet, seductive maven,
you. My mind says stop but everything
between my ribs and my belt buckle is
ready to go all night long! But, really I
should go. If my wife found out about
this... No, really. (Giggle.) Stahhp it! You
glistening, greasy cheap little strumpet.
You want me to get super sized, huh? No,
really, no. Yes! No! Yes, yes, you want a
sundae on top, baby? Huh? ...This has to
be the last time. God, I can’t quit you!
Columbia City Paper
Dear Wacky Noodle,
Thank you for keeping me afloat all
week as I drank myself into oblivion in
my neighbor’s pool. (See last week’s
letter, during which it was revealed i
was asked to feed their goldfish every
other day while they went to Michigan to
move their ALS mother into a retirement
home.) Okay, so it took me several days
how to figure out how to place you in just
the right place under my armpit so as not
to drown in four feet of water. But you
were there the whole time, where just the
utterance of your name caused me and
all my puerile friends to laugh as if we
had all just made farting sounds. Better
yet, i was able to cradle you in my crotch
and fondle your end whenever someone
cracked an erection reference. You just
can’t get such adolescent humor out of
arm floats. I am in your debt. See you
soon in the Riverbanks alligator exhibit!
Columbia City Paper
Reader
Letters to the
July 18, 2010
Two days following the University of South Carolina’s inspired victory over UCLA to claim the 2010 baseball
national championship over 40,000 fans came out to cheer on the team during a midday parade down Main Street.
Above: Adrian Morales hoists the championship trophy in the air on the steps of the S.C. State House. Below left:
Governor Mark Sanford ordered a Gamecock flag to be raised over the dome and proclaimed July 1 as Gamecocks
Baseball National Champions Day. Below middle: South Carolina fans watch from the State House lawn as mem-
bers of the team talk about their experience in the College World Series. Bottom right: Head coach Ray Tanner gets
a handshake from longtime Gamecock baseball fan.
NATIONAL CHAMPIONS
Gamecock baseball celebrates first major national championship
-Sean Rayford
July 8, 2010
3
4
July 8,, 2010
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BY NATE ALEXANDER
Since Paula Bowers stepped away from
the Art Shack, what was once a Rosewood
area gallery/coffee shop has completely
reinvented itself as a full-fledged bohemian
cafe... with cool art to boot. Their breakfast
menu is a favorite among locals, particularly
their inventive take on waffle dishes, so the
‘Shack was my first thought when the sun
rose after a late night out.
As if sensing that one-drink-too-many
pallor on my face, Art Shack owner and
menu mastermind, Rich Oulette, slid me
a large cup of coffee and suggested the
breakfast burrito. I am a huge fan of the
Sunrise Burrito at Cafe Strudel and I wasn’t
expecting to be wowed with something as
good. But, I was definitely wowed. The
jalapeno ranch sauce kicked Rich’s burrito
over the top. At that moment, the fresh eggs,
tomatoes, potatoes, bacon and salsa cruda
wrapped in that tortilla was the best art in
the place.
But, the Art Shack will likely end up
becoming known for it’s fresh waffles.
They’re so good I had one for dessert. If
you don’t order it as your main course, do
yourself a favor and save room for the chunky
peanut butter and banana “wafflewich.” I
was too full to try a loaded wafflewich, but
a City Paper staffer once threw down on one
when Rich hosted a private cookfest after
the Rosewood Crawfish Festival. From his
recommendation, that’ll be the first thing I
order on my next visit.
The coffee always seems to be what
these little cafes do best. The Art Shack
uses Cashua Coffee –a South Carolina
roastery—so, needless to say, it is freshest
tasting coffee in town. This place should be
booming from coffee alone, as it is now the
closest locally owned coffee joint to Five
Points.
My only major criticism of The Art
Shack Gallery Cafe is that they are closed on
Sundays, arguably the biggest breakfast day
of the week. That’s like having a strip club
closed on Friday. Still, I am willing to go to
a strip club on a Tuesday afternoon so you
should check out Art Shack for breakfast
any day Monday through Saturday. You’ll
get one ass kickin’ meal.
July 8, 2010
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Jim DeMint wrote an Op-Ed for the
Washington Times last week. The Reverend
Sun Myung Moon (of “Moonies” fame)
founded the paper as an organ of “propa-
ganda” to spread “the Truth about God to
the world.” Plenty of people who are not
religious radicals write for the Times—
even if they don’t write well. DeMint is
not a Moonie but he defines his mission in
similar terms.
Last month DeMint wrote a letter
called “The Conservative Comeback”
about the Senate race in Nevada.
He began as the savvy ad man. He
wrote: “I have put together a plan
to invest hundreds of thousands of
dollars into the Nevada Senate race
— along with several others like it —
to achieve conservative victory. This
plan includes running statewide tele-
vision and radio ads, sending direct mail
to targeted voters, and operating phone
banks.”
“As you probably know,” he bragged,
“I’m one of the few unapologetic con-
servatives serving in the U.S. Senate
today. I have a 100 percent score from
the American Conservative Union and
I’m in the trenches fighting President
Obama’s liberal agenda every day.” He
continued to boast that he runs the Senate
Conservatives Fund, “a cutting-edge polit-
ical action committee that is dedicated to
electing rock-solid conservative leaders.”
The letter was sponsored by
Vision To America (V2A), a Christian
Reconstructionist group. The organization
states that its goal is “restoring Judeo-
Christian values to the moral and civic
framework in their communities, states,
and our nation.” It wants to bring God into
government. DeMint is open about sharing
these views.
Back in April, DeMint told CBN’s
David Brody that “a lot of the motivation
behind these Tea Party crowds is a spiri-
tual component. I think it’s very akin to
the Great Awakening before the American
Revolution. A lot of our founders believed
the American Revolution was won before
we ever got into a fight with the British. It
was a spiritual renewal.”
He went on to argue that “the Bible
says, you can’t have two masters.”
Which is DeMint’s master? The Bible
or the Constitution? Is he a citizen of
the U.S. or of heaven? DeMint seems to
believe that there is no difference between
the Constitution and the Bible. One can
only maintain that position, whole-heart-
edly, by truly reading neither.
This philosophical contradiction is
the key to DeMint’s rejection of Elena
Kagan’s nomination to the Supreme Court.
In his Moonie editorial, DeMint argued
that judges who rely on “judgment instead
of the Constitution to justify their rulings
can say ‘yes’ to anything.” He goes on to
claim that this “is precisely how liberal
judges have rubber-stamped tyrannical
actions by the government in the past and
how they will do it in the future.”
“The bigger God gets,” he continued,
“the smaller people want their government
because they’re yearning for freedom.”
Thus, human judgment is the cause of
tyranny and direct communion with God
is the cause of freedom. ...With a mention
of the Constitution thrown in for good
measure.
Gnosticism was an ancient Jewish and
Christian heresy whose members believed
that their uncreated soul had direct knowl-
edge of the true God. This soul intimately
knows God and therefore does not need
the Word of God (or the Constitution), for
these are the mere embodiments of the
Will of God, which they already know.
Gnostics believed that the God of cre-
ation was evil for imprisoning the soul in
flesh. The world is inherently evil. If you
are Chosen, you can act as you will in an
evil world. Your true soul is with God.
In a political context, this means: if
you actually have to read the Constitution
you are already corrupted and damned
and are not Chosen and cannot, by defini-
tion, be, say, a good Supreme Court jus-
tice. The True Patriot communes with the
Constitution; he has direct knowledge of it
in the same way that he has direct knowl-
edge of the Bible. Only such a person
should be a justice, a senator, a president,
or a citizen of the Gnostic nation DeMint
hopes to create.
Critic Harold Bloom argues that we
are already such a nation. Jim DeMint
is the political heresiarch of the new
Gnosticism. He still lives at the C Street
home of the Foundation (for which he
is under investigation.) Journalist Jeff
Sharlet lived with the group and reported
that David Coe, the group’s leader often
said that the Family—including DeMint—
are the new chosen for whom “the normal
rules don’t apply.”
DeMint, then, can be as unscru-
pulous and as dishonest as he likes—
because he is Chosen. And so he
becomes the ultimate Bible thumping
used car salesman, hocking tea party
candidates all over the country.
This shows DeMint’s true nature.
He is a religiously deranged huckster out
of a Flannery O’Connor story, the prime
example of the “grotesque in Southern”
politics.
And now, Alvin Greene, his oppo-
nent, seems like a character straight out
of Faulkner –at least in his mode of
speech. But as long as we’re talking about
Southern literature, I may as well mention
the possibility that Greene is a plant, after
all, and that like Willie Stark in All the
King’s Men, he’ll figure it out and figure
out the power that comes with being a
dupe and a hick and he will rise up and
expose DeMint and knock him off the
stage with a fiery speech and swift kick in
the pants.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
6
July 8, 2010
“Jim Demint is the political heresiarch of the new
Gnosticism. he still lives at the c street home of the
founDation (for which he is unDer investiGation.)”
7
July 8 2010
Protecting Clean Water
It’s about bass, boats and Bubba. This
year, after nearly four years of negotiations,
conservation organizations, DHEC,
manufacturers, utilities, farmers and water
suppliers finally reached a compromise in
March. The water withdrawal permitting bill
(S.452 by Sen. Paul Campbell) passed the
Senate unanimously in March after it was
amended to maintain natural seasonal flows
in our rivers to protect fish and wildlife and
natural wetlands, which are important for
recreation, flood protection and clean water
supplies. In June, the House passed the bill
and the Governor signed it.
This legislation is an important first
step to managing our state’s waters and
to negotiating with other states over
shared water resources like the Savannah,
Catawba-Wateree, and Pee Dee rivers.
S.452 gives regulators a full picture of who
is taking how much water, and when and
where that water is being used. The bill also
1) establishes a permitting system for water
withdrawals over three million gallons per
month, 2) sets seasonally variable minimum
instream flows and 3) requires new users
to have contingency plans so that they can
cease their consumptive use of water when
stream flows get too low. We’d like to thank
Senators Paul Campbell, Chip Campsen,
Wes Hayes, Vincent Sheheen and Danny
Verdin and Representatives Don Bowen,
Jeff Duncan and David Hiott for their
leadership in guiding this bill through the
House and Senate.
Several water quality bills introduced by
Rep. Mike Pitts also progressed through the
Legislature this year - but ultimately did not
pass. H.3603 would have required DHEC to
create a standard procedure for emergency
notification about major spills in public
waters. This bill passed the House in 2009,
but died in 2010 with Senate objections.
H.4503 aimed to place restrictions on the
use, sale or manufacture of dishwashing
detergents containing phosphates, a
prevalent pollutant in our waters. This bill
passed the House unanimously in March!
, then stalled in the Senate Medical Affairs
Committee. H.4500 would have required
inspection of septic tanks for compliance
with laws and regulations upon sale of
a home. When the Realtors Association
opposed this bill, the House Environmental
Affairs Subcommittee buried it.
Another good bill died in the Senate
Medical Affairs Committee without
even a hearing. The “Three Strikes” bill
(S.1170 by Senators Paul Campbell and
Thomas Alexander) would have required
sewage treatment facilities with three or
more spills in any 12-month period to
implement recommendations resulting
from a mandated review by DHEC of their
operations. Improving water quality will
remain a top priority of the conservation
community next year, as we continue to
garner support for legislation to keep South
Carolina’s waterways clean and healthy.

Preserving our Natural Heritage
Conserving working farms, forests and
wildlife habitat at discount prices provides
real value to both our economy and our
quality of life. Last year, the Conservation
Bank’s budget was cut more than any
other state agency. H.4269 by Rep. Bill
Herbkersman sought this year to eliminate
the “death clause” that currently zeroes
the Bank’s budget when there are across-
the-board cuts to state agencies, but the
House Ways and Means Committee struck
the language to delete the death clause on
a voice vote. The extension of the Sunset
Provision from 2013 to 2023 was retained
in the House bill, but H.4269 stalled in the
Senate Finance Committee.
During House budget deliberations
in March, Representatives Jim Merrill’s
and David Umphlett’s attempt to redirect
$2 million in funding to the Bank failed
on a 68-45 vote, but the House ultimately
provided $207,000 to keep its doors open.
The Senate added $1.5 million to help
fund the $4.5 million in commitments that
the Conservation Bank had made before
funding was cut last year. Ambiguity about
the source of this funding was clarified
in the very last days of the session. We
want to especially thank Senators Glenn
McConnell, Hugh Leatherman and Chip
Campsen, as well as Representatives Bobby
Harrell, Kenny Bingham and Dan Cooper
for guaranteeing this much needed and
greatly appreciated additional ! funding
for the Bank. The uncertainty about the
Bank’s future existence and the confusion
surrounding its funding argue for removing
both the sunset and death clause provisions
as soon as possible. The Conservation Bank
has proven its value and it deserves to be
treated as a legitimate state agency.
The conservation community also
supported the prescribed fire bill, H.3924 by
Rep. Jim Harrison. Controlled burns are an
efficient, cost effective and necessary forest
management tool. This bill passed the House
in April but died in the Senate in May after
Sen. Gerald Malloy raised objections about
unforeseen consequences from reducing
the liability for landowners who conduct
prescribed burns on their property. In 2010,
we also worked to prevent environmental
rollbacks of land protections. H. 4445, the
Permit Extension Joint Resoluti! on by
Rep. Dwight Loftis was ratified in May,
and prevents approved, but postponed
development permits from lapsing or
expiring until 2012. The conservation
community was successful in amending the
bill to uphold protections for marsh islands.
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Free>21/$3 8pm
no cover 9pm
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Thursday 8
Free>21/$3 8pm
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Casual Kings
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122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169
www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413
$7
Friday July 16 Saturday July 17 Friday 23
$12 6pm
OUTLAW
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Murphy’s Kids
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Tuesday 13
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“Motel 6 Rock Yourself
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EvErY AvEnUE
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THE SECRET HANDSHAKE
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Sun. July 11
8pm
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TUeSDAYS
Open Mic Night w/:
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Sign up in advance or at the
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Must sign up before 10pm.
$5/$8 7:30
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Sunday 11 Monday 12
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“Motel 6 Rock Yourself
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EVERY AVENUE
Sing It Loud
The Secret Handshake
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Monday 19
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Murphy’s Kids
Thursday 8
Saturday 24
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THE PRIVATE LIFE
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Friday 9 Saturday 10
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Haley Dreis
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Andy Lehman &
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Thursday 22
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Tuesday 20
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Hosted by fatRat Da Czar
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personal pie
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Tuesday 27
CLoSEd UnTiL
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Wednesday 14
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Sunday 18
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Friday 16 Saturday 17
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Wednesday 21 Sunday 25 Monday 26
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9
July 8, 2010
BY SHELBY SACHS
Preach Jacobs, a local musician and
founder of both Mo’ Betta Soul and
Sounds Familiar Records, has been envel-
oped in the creative realm for as long as
he can remember. With the help of local
artist, Travis Bland, Jacobs has trans-
formed Mo’ Betta Soul, which started
out as an online music magazine, into a
monthly concert series that features any-
thing from hip-hop to rock and folk to
performance artists and poets. As if that
wasn’t enough to keep them busy, the pair
are also working on a new record label,
Sounds Familiar Records, that is in its
pre-stages and is set to launch later in the
summer.
COLUMBIA CITY PAPER: Where
did the idea for Mo’ Betta Soul (MBS)
come from?
PREACH JACOBS: I actually had
the idea come from wanting to have
control. Usually when you perform at
regular performance venues, there’s so
much that’s involved that gets in the way
of the performing. You have to go through
bookings, sound people, conflicting dates
with other bands etc. I just want to play.
So, the idea of putting something together
that’s more intimate where I can have
more control over the crowd and people is
something that I’ve always wanted to do.
TRAVIS BLAND: Preach
approached me with the idea of Mo’ Betta
Soul a couple of years ago while we were
both working at Sounds Familiar. When
[Preach] told me about the concept of
MBS I fgured it could be successful
especially if we combined our efforts.
CCP: Who came up with the name
and what is its significance?
PJ: I’m a huge Spike Lee fan and
love the movie Mo’ Betta Blues with
Denzel Washington. It’s basically a mod-
ern day jazz musician’s story. I could
relate to the leading character so much for
his love of his music and culture and the
name of the event is paying homage to
that. Mo’ Betta Soul is also the name of
my online magazine.
CCP: Are you looking to branch out
of Columbia with Mo’ Betta Soul? If so,
are you going to try and keep it local in
SC only?
PJ: We’re actually branching out
with MBS right now. I have some people
in a couple of cities, like Atlanta and
Philly, that love the idea and we’re basi-
cally going to have the same format. The
tagline for the show is “music, art & cof-
fee” and it’s such a simple concept that
people respond very well to. Play some
fly music and create the right atmosphere
while having a visual artist and perform-
ing artist each month.
TB: Preach and I are discussing a
tour with my band, Sons of Young, and
him. We’ve talked about mimicking the
concept of MBS on this tour in other
places across the U.S. but currently our
focus is local. However, whatever artist
would be featured on any sort of MBS
showcase would be, most likely, from the
Southeast, as Preach and I are generally
focus on purveying talent from the region.
CCP: You are creating a record label,
Sounds Familiar Records. It’s not always
easy to create or maintain a label. What are
you going to do to make Sounds Familiar
Records a well-known label around the
Southeast?
PJ: Our focus with the label is to start
off small and use what we’ve learned by
putting out our projects. My first album
Garveyism, sold over 7,000 copies with-
out a label or real distribution. To me,
that was just normal but when I spoke to
labels and other artists that were very suc-
cessful, they were impressed. I was never
impressed by it because I felt I was just
doing what needed to be done: Promote
the music and do shows. We are both
very involved with everything that we
do. People respect when artists are open
to the fans and showing the support back
to them.
CCP: Are most of the artists signed
to your label and part of your showcase
friends of yours? Would you prefer to
keep your projects ‘in the family’?
PJ: Initially Sounds Familiar Records
is going to be the platform to release my
project and Sons of Young (Travis’ band)
but we do have plans on helping support
local artists in Columbia and eventually
the Southeast. One of our bands is a group
from Asheville called The Secret B-Sides.
TB: We’re all about taking Columbia
to other parts of the nation; we want folks
to know Columbia like they know Atlanta;
we want them to know how great a place
it is. Columbia, and South Carolina gen-
erally, isn’t known that well and a lot of
folks, I feel, think poorly of both for vari-
ous reasons, true and untrue, throughout
the nation. We want show those folks
the good side that they just don’t know; it
ain’t all Confederate flags and Argentine
mistresses. If any state needs a prettier
public image it’s SC and we want to help
our home with that facelift.
CCP: What is the ultimate goal for
Mo’ Betta Soul and those artists associ-
ated with it?
PJ: There are a couple of goals I
think we would like to be able to achieve.
Firstly, I believe we would like to help
book shows and events. Bring creative
ideas to the shows and have local busi-
nesses involved. For example, the July
show for Mo’ Betta Soul we’re going to
make it a Chuck Taylor party encouraging
people to wear their Chuck’s. We’re also
having the live artist for the night paint on
the shoes and we’re going to get a local
business involved to give away some free
shoes for the event. It’s just another way
of finding a way to get other local busi-
nesses involved and not be self-serving.
I think that’s the reason why people have
responded to it so well is because we
don’t want it to just be about us.
Make sure to check out Mo’ Betta Soul
once a month at Immaculate Consumption,
and stay tuned for more information on
Sounds Familiar Records. You can go to
either www.mobettersoul.tumblr.com or
www.soundsfamiliarrecords.com to learn
more about the concert series, label, and
the artists.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
10
July 8, 2010
Road TRip
07/09/10 : Friday
The Caribbean
Venice is Sinking
40 Watt Club
Athens, GA

The Papa String
Band
Stillwater Taproom
Augusta, GA

Zoogma Live
Wire Music Hall
Savannah, GA

Excision Club
828
Asheville, NC

East Coast Dirt
Emerald Lounge
Asheville, NC

SOJA
Ras Alan
Groove Stain
Grey Eagle
Asheville, NC

Appetite For
Destruction
Orange Peel
Asheville, NC

Candlebox
Amos’ Southend
Charlotte, NC

Farm Vegas
Double Door Inn
Charlotte, NC

Chatham County
Line
Neighborhood
Theatre
Charlotte, NC
Mad Tea Party
Puckett’s Farm
Equipment
Charlotte, NC

Yarn
Tennessee Hollow
The Evening Muse
Charlotte, NC

Big Daddy Love
Tailgators Bar &
Billiards Winston
Salem, NC

Josh Roberts
and the Hinges
Home Team BBQ
Charleston, SC

Jess Klein
Delta Moon
Dehlia Low
The Handlebar
Greenville, SC

Mishka
Donavon
Frankenreiter
House of Blues
N. Myrtle Beach

Now You See Them
The Tap Room
Spartanburg, SC

Funhouse
Fiery Ron’s
Home Team BBQ
Sullivan’s Island, SC

07/10/10 : Saturday
The New Threat
The Co-Lab
Savannah, GA

Jess Klein
Delta Moon
Gandalf Murphy
& The Slambovian
Circus of Dreams
Dehlia Low
Orange Peel
Asheville, NC

The Hood Internet
Stella Blue
Asheville, NC

Ancient Intelligence
Graviton The
Hookah Bar
Asheville, NC

Terror Casbah
Charlotte, NC

Sol Driven Train
Double Door Inn
Charlotte, NC

Duende Mountain
Duo
Incognito Mosquito
Neighborhood
Theatre
Charlotte, NC

Grown Up Avenger
Stuff
Smokey Joe’s Cafe
Charlotte, NC

Michael Buble
Time Warner
Cable Arena
Charlotte, NC

New Riders of The
Purple Sage
Visulite Theatre
Charlotte, NC

Pyromatic
The Doghouse
Fayetteville, NC

Brittany Reilly
Brittany Reilly Band
Brent Hopper
Billy Gilmore
Feed & Seed
Fletcher, NC

George Terry
& the Zealots
The Library
Highlands, NC

Yonrico Scott Band
Jammin’ in July
Camden, SC

Allison Weiss
The Pour House
Charleston, SC

Malfunktion
Junction The
Thirsty Fish
Edisto Beach, SC

Ryan Bonner
The Drop In
Folly Beach, SC

Henry’s Attic
Big Tuna
Georgetown , SC

Beth Nielsen
Chapman
Jonathan Byrd
The Handlebar
Greenville, SC

Brantley Gilbert
The Windjammer
Isle of Palms, SC

6 Day Bender
Islander’s Cafe
Lake City, SC

Leslie Hot
Summer Nights
Festival Myrtle
Beach, SC

The Chairmen of the
Board
The Executives
House of Blues
N. Myrtle Beach

Mac Leaphart
Fiery Ron’s
Home Team BBQ
Sullivan’s Island, SC

07/11/10 : Sunday
Edward Sharpe &
the Magnetic Zeros
Trustees Theatre
Savannah, GA

The Goodnight
Loving
Child Abuse
Liturgy Static
Age Records
Asheville, NC

Rooney
Black Gold
The Young Veins
Amos’ Southend
Charlotte, NC

Toby Keith
Trace Adkins
James Otto
Verizon Wireless
Amphitheatre
Charlotte, NC

Thursday, July 8
New Brookland Tavern
VA The Boss Chick
Slaughtahouse w/ Surviva
Clik
Righchus
Volcanic Da Don
w/: DJ Peoples on the 1 and
2’s
Utopia
Open Mic w The Dubber
Friday, July 9
Hard Knox Grill
Psycostick
Into the Depths
Mare of Steel
and Facedown
New Brookland Tavern
Carolina Chupacabra
Downcount
Nine Day Descent
The Loose Cockaboose
Concrete Jumpsuit
Utopia
The Blue Iguanas
Wet Willys
Pinna
Saturday July 10
Art Bar
Cooter Scooters, Blind
Cobras, The Thirsties, The
Dirty White, Black Halo
Reservation
Art Shack Gallery Cafe
Child Abuse
Liturgy
Cafe Strudel
Musaeus
Utopia
Darren Woodlief & Friends
New Brookland Tavern
Lovecraft
Pity Rally
Swift Robinson
GTA
Dr. DP
Brass To The Future
Sunday, July 11
Hard Knox Grill
DB Bryant
and Friends
New Brookland Tavern
Every Avenue
Sing It Loud
The Secret Handshake
There For Tomorrow
Tuesday, July 13
Hard Knox Grill
Singer Songwriter Night w
Pamela Dale
New Brookland Tavern
Acoustic Open Mic Night w/
Brightford
Village Idiot Pizza
Concrete Jumpsuit
Wednesday July 14
Hard Knox Grill
Jazz Fusion & Funk
with Jeremy Roberson
Utopia
Bluegrass w Papa String
Band
Thw White Mule
Miss Tess & The Bon Ton
Parade
Thursday, July 15
New Brookland Tavern
Haley Dreis
Cherrycase
Andy Lehman & The Night
Moves
Sleepset
Utopia
Open Mic w John English
Friday, July 16
The House
Concrete Jumpsuit
New Brookland Tavern
Outlaw Nation (Stoopid
Records)
Casual Kings
The Dubber
w/: DJ M80
Utopia
The System
Saturday, July 17
Cafe Strudel
Kelly McLachlin
Hard Knox Grill
Fundraiser Concert for SC
Education
New Brookland Tavern
Isabelle’s Gift
Lamb Handler
Prettier Than Matt
Utopia
Chris Compton
Sunday, July 18
Cafe Strudel
Ancient Sunken Natives
Hard Knox Grill
DB Bryant and Friends
New Brookland Tavern
Zues, TBA
Miss Tess, a New York City-based
singer songwriter and her band, The Bon
Ton Parade, will bring their original brand
of twang to Columbia next week in support
of their recent release Darling, oh Darling.
The latest album, Miss Tess’s ffth,
transcends the retro label often appended
to her music. And although it maintains a
certain feeling of nostalgia, it manages to
preserve its own unique personality. Similar
to artists like Tom Waits, Randy Newman,
or Madeleine Peyroux, Miss Tess draws
inspiration from older styles of music and
uses those sounds in the service of her own
personality. The new album makes use
of varied instrumentation including country-
tinged pedal steel, a three-part horn section,
barroom piano, and a lonesome banjo.
Tess and company recent won
“Outstanding Folk Artist of the Year” and
were nominated for “Best Jazz Act” in the
Boston Music Awards, and recently played
an event alongside Emmylou Harris, Lyle
Lovett, and Patti Griffn.
Doors are at 6 p.m. and advance tickets
are on sale at TheWhiteMule.com. .
-NORBET SYKES
11
July 8, 2010
BY ANDISHEH NOURAEE
I’ve always had a special place in my
heart for the Kyrgyz Republic.
Landlocked and surrounded by four
extraordinarily boring countries, Kyrgyz
Republic (commonly known as Kyrgyzstan)
has, in my opinion, the least appealing
location of any country of any country on
the globe. I suppose you could argue Poland
has a worse location because it’s pinned
between two historically violent superpower
rivals (Russia and Germany). But at least
Poles can get in their cars and drive to cool
places like Prague, Vienna or Budapest.
Get in a car in Kyrgyzstan and drive for
12 hours and you’ll find yourself in remote
western China, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, or
Uzbekistan. Podunkistans, all.
The Kyrgyz people have made a valiant
effort to improve their lot. Despite general
poverty, they have near universal literacy.
It’s always fun to read about how poor you
are. The Kyrgyz also use two of their most
abundant edible natural resources, millet
and horse milk, to make popular alcoholic
beverages. Like I always say, when life
serves you horse milk, make horse milkade.
Is that not charming enough for you?
Well, the Kyrgyz have more kinds of
stringed musical instruments than Guitar
Center. Rock on.
One more?
Okay, the Kyrgyz have ancient
mythological epic poem (called the Epic
of Manas) that runs an Odyssey-dwarfing
500,000 lines long. Tweet that, bitches.
Unfortunately, Kyrgyzstan also has a
trait that causes trouble everywhere it pops
up — ethnic strife.
When the no-good Red Commie
Russians sucked Central Asia into the Soviet
Union as five separate “republics”, they drew
the borders deliberately to encourage ethnic
rivalries within each republic. Fostering
internal rivalries kept the republics weaker
and easier to dominate. You know this
concept as “divide and conquer.”
When the Soviet Union broke up in
1991 (according to VH-1 it was “creative
differences” — apparently Russia wanted
to do an ambitious double album, while the
Baltic Republics and Ukraine were still into
punk) the ethnically hodgepodge Central
Asian republics, including Kyrgyzstan,
became their own countries.
The two ethnic groups who are fighting
right now in Kyrgyzstan are ethnic Kyrgyz,
who are 70 percent of the population, and
ethnic Uzbeks, who make up about 15
percent of the population.
Why would they fight? What problem
is so serious that mature adults can’t resolve
it peacefully over a vat of fermented horse
milk followed an all-night lute jam?
Well, apparently a lot of ethnic Kyrgyz
think ethnic Uzbeks want to take the Uzbek
bits of Kyrgyzstan and join them with
neighboring Uzbekistan. Typical “us”
vs. “them” stuff. It’s an ancient source
of tension, but it has become a source
of actual violence thanks to Kyrgyzstan’s
recent political instability.
In April the government of President
Kurmanbek Bakiyev was overthrown
because he was dictatorish. The interim
government is now promoting a referendum
that could make Kyrgyzstan a parliamentary
democracy — a rarity for a slab of the world
known for strongman presidents, warlords
and single-party states.
Ethnic Uzbeks largely support the
interim government. No surprise since
parliamentary democracy tends to work
better for ethnic minorities than strongman-
type regimes. But clearly some ethnic
Kyrgyz, many of whom are probably
sympathetic to the overthrown regime,
disagree.
Anti-Uzbek rioting in the country’s
second largest city (Osh) have left hundreds
confirmed dead, and probably many more
unconfirmed dead. Eyewitnesses report that
Kyrgyz army troops have been participating
the massacres — which suggests someone
in the government (or former government)
is trying to stoke this ethnic rivalry. Divide
and conquer.
The U.N. estimates 400,000 people
have been driven from their homes. Nearly
a quarter of those fleeing went all the way
across the border to Uzbekistan.
When terrified civilians in poor, rural
countries are forced from their homes, for
many of them it’s a death sentence. They’re
left without shelter, clothes, food, medicine,
clean water, or toilets.
International aid agencies are trying
to help, but it’s not an exaggeration to say
that hundreds, if not thousands of people
— innocent civilians — might die before
this is over.
And for what? Almost nothing.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
What sparked the humanitarian crisis in the Kyrgyz Republic?
12
July 8, 2010
13
July 8, 2010
movie times
Movie times listed are
for the weekend of July
8. please confrm with
theater.
Regal Columbia
Cinema 7
3400 Forest Drive
Suite 3000, Columbia,
SC 29204
Predators new! (R)
12:00 2:30 5:00 7:50
10:20
Grown Ups (PG-13)
12:10 2:40 5:10 7:40
10:10
The A-Team (PG-13)
1:20 4:10 7:10 9:50
Get Him to the Greek
(R)
11:50am 2:20 5:20
8:00 10:30
Prince of Persia: The
Sands of Time (PG-13)
11:30am 2:10 4:50
7:30 10:15
Letters to Juliet (PG)
11:40am 2:00 4:30
7:00 9:40
Iron Man 2 (PG-13)
1:30 4:20 7:15 10:00
Carmike Wynnsong
10
5320 Forest Drive,
Columbia, SC 29206

Despicable Me 3D
new! (PG)
Digital 3D Showtimes
More Info
11:50am 2:10 4:30
6:50 9:15
The Last Airbender 3D
new! (PG)
Digital 3D Showtimes
More Info
12:45 1:45 3:15 4:15
5:45 6:45 8:15 9:15
The Twilight Saga:
Eclipse new! (PG-13)
12:35 1:30 3:25 4:20
6:25 7:10 9:20 10:00
Knight and Day (PG-
13)
1:00 4:00 7:30 10:00
Toy Story 3 (G)
12:30 3:15 6:40 9:15
Toy Story 3 in Disney
Digital 3D (G)
Disney Digital 3D
Showtimes More Info
1:00 3:35 6:20 9:10
The Karate Kid (2010)
(PG)
12:30 3:30 6:45 9:50
Carmike 14
122 Afton Court,
Columbia, SC 29212
Not available at time of
press
AMC Dutch Square
14
800 Bush River Rd.,
Columbia, SC 29210
The Last Airbender
new! (NR, No Passes)
9:50am 11:10am 12:30
1:50 3:10 4:30 5:50
7:10 8:30 9:50 11:10
The Twilight Saga:
Eclipse new! (PG-13,
No Passes)
9:15am 10:00am
11:00am 12:10 1:00
2:00 3:05 4:05 5:00
6:00 7:00 8:00 9:00
10:00 11:00
Grown Ups new! (PG-
13, No Passes)
10:10am 11:20am
12:45 1:55 3:20 4:35
5:55 7:15 8:25 9:45
11:05
Knight and Day new!
(PG-13, No Passes)
11:25am 2:15 4:55
7:45 10:25
Toy Story 3 (G)
10:20am 11:40am 1:05
2:20 3:45 5:05 6:25
7:50 9:05 10:30
The A-Team (PG-13)
10:50am 1:45 4:40
7:30 10:20
The Karate Kid (2010)
(PG)
9:45am 11:45am 12:55
3:00 4:15 6:10 7:25
9:15 10:35
Killers (PG-13)
10:25am 12:50 3:15
5:40 8:05 10:40
Regal Columbiana
Grande Stadium 14
1250 Bower Pkwy,
Columbia, SC 29212
Despicable Me new!
(PG)
10:05am 12:30 2:55
5:20 7:45 10:10
12:35am
Despicable Me 3D
new! (PG)
Showtimes More Info
9:35am 12:00 2:25
4:50 7:15 9:40
12:05am
Predators new! (R)
12:10 2:30 5:10 7:40
10:15 12:30am
The Twilight Saga:
Eclipse new! (PG-13)
10:20am 10:45am
11:15am 11:45am
12:40 1:10 1:40 2:10
2:40 3:30 4:00 4:35
5:00 5:30 6:30 7:00
7:30 8:00 8:30 9:30
10:00 10:30 11:00
11:15 12:10am
Grown Ups (PG-13)
11:55am 12:33 2:20
3:00 4:55 5:25 7:25
7:55 9:45 10:35
12:10am
Knight and Day (PG-
13)
11:30am 12:45 2:15
3:10 4:45 5:40 7:20
8:10 9:50 10:45
Toy Story 3 (G)
12:05 2:35 5:05 7:35
10:05
Toy Story 3 in Disney
Digital 3D (G)
Showtimes More Info
11:20am 1:50 4:20
7:05 9:35 12:00am
Regal Sandhill
Stadium 16 450 Town
Center Place
Despicable Me new!
(PG)
10:05am 12:30 2:55
5:20 7:45 10:10
12:35am
Despicable Me 3D
new! (PG)
Showtimes More Info
9:35am 12:00 2:25
4:50 7:15 9:40
12:05am
Predators new! (R)
11:40am 2:15 4:45
7:20 9:50 12:30am
The Last Airbender
new! (PG)
9:40am 11:35am 12:05
2:05 2:35 4:40 5:10
7:10 7:40 9:45 10:15
12:10am
The Twilight Saga:
Eclipse new! (PG-13)
9:45am 10:15am
10:45am 11:15am
11:45am 12:40 1:10
1:40 2:10 2:40 3:30
4:00 4:30 5:00 5:30
6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00
8:30 9:30 10:00 10:30
11:00 11:30 12:20am
Grown Ups (PG-13)
2:20 4:55 7:25 9:55
12:25am11:50am
Knight and Day (PG-
13)
12:10 2:45 5:15 7:50
10:25
Toy Story 3 (G)
11:30am 2:00 4:35
7:05 9:35
Toy Story 3 in Disney
Digital 3D (G)
Showtimes More Info
9:30am 12:00 2:30
5:05 7:35 10:05
The A-Team (PG-13)
10:35am 1:20 4:05
6:45 9:25 12:15am
The Karate Kid (2010)
(PG)
12:15 3:15 6:40 9:55
Nickelodeon
h t t p : / / w w w .
nickelodeon.org/ 937
Main Street
Columbia, SC
TRASH HUMPERS
Handheld cameras and
a cinema-vérité style
underscore the odd
blend of violence and
tenderness that prevails
in this cinematic shock
fest, which follows a
band of miscreants
on a witless rampage
against objects animate
and inanimate.
JULY 8-10, Thursday-
Saturday
Thursday - 10pm
Friday and Saturday -
10:30pm
CASINO JACK AND
THE UNITED STATES
OF MONEY
Documentarian Alex
Gibney (Enron: The
Smartest Guys in the
Room) turns his acute
focus on convicted
Washington lobbyist
Jack Abramoff,
reproaching him and
other legislators for
their negative impact on
U.S. politics. Gibney’s
flm plays less like a dry
treatise and more like
a high-stakes political
thriller, fearlessly
examining the ways
American policies and
political processes
are undermined by an
endless quest for power.
JULY 9-15, Friday-
Thursday
Friday, July 9 - 3:00
and 8:00
Saturday, July 10 - 5:30
only
Sunday, July 11 - 5:30
and 8:00
Monday, July 12 - 8:00
only
Tuesday, July 13 - 5:30
only *** Community
Film Forum***
Wednesday, July 14 -
3:00 and 8:00
Thursday, July 15 -
5:30 only
937 Main Street
THE BIG MO
MONETTA DRIVE-
IN
5822 Columbia
Highway North, M
onetta SC 29105 LESS
THAN AN HOUR
AWAY Take I-20 to exit
33 (SC Route 39)
Take SC 39 to Monetta,
SC (approx. 7 miles.)
Turn right onto US 1.
The drive-in is
approximately one mile
down US 1 on the right
CASH ONLY! Gates
open at 7pm and show
starts at 8:45.
Special Thursday
Opening July 1! Gates
open at 8pm, show at
9pm The Twighlight
Saga-Eclipse
July 9,10 & 11
Screen 1
Despicable me
Toy Story 3
Screen 2
The Twilight Saga:
Eclipse
Grownups
St. Andrews Cinema
5 527 St Andrews Road
Columbia, SC 29210
(803) 772-7469
Times were not
available at press time,
please call the theater.
BY ADAM COX
How do I start off describing The Last
Airbender? Perhaps I should start with
“tragic”? Yeah I think that works. The
tragedy of The Last Airbender stars Dev
Patel, Noah Ringer, and Jackson Rathbone,
among others. M. Night Shymalan writes
and directs this, making it his frst action/
adventure/fantasy/summer blockbuster.
The story starts off in a world where
elements can be manipulated in ways to
make life easier. The few who can do this
are known as benders, and can only bend
one element at a time. There is one bender
every few years who can “bend” all four
elements, and is reincarnated in a different
element nation each time.
This bender is known as the “Avatar”,
and is supposed to maintain peace in the
world with this advantage. The fre nation
strikes out against the others in order to
show their dominance, and they are thought
to have killed the new avatar in which case
all hope is lost. But two siblings from a
waterbending tribe fnd him frozen in the
ice, and he explains he was caught in the
middle of the storm. Soon they realize that
he’s been gone for nearly a hundred years,
and now the fre nation knows he’s here.
So why “tragic” you might ask? Well
in a way The Last Airbender is like a badly
written comedy fick:All the best parts are in
the trailer, and the characters are completely
unlikeable. It’s strange, the plot isn’t the
bad, it mostly pulls well from the source
material, it’s just written badly. If you don’t
already know, the movie is based off the
TV show of a similar name(Avatar:The last
Airbender).
The frst half of the flm deals with so
much so fast, it’s no wonder why the screen
time was so short. In fact, in the frst half
of the flm there’s no clever dialogue, or
anything short of the characters narrating
what they’re doing, or explaining what
we already know. And there’s a constant
narration that seems mostly unnecessary and
lazy. M. Night tried to justify the “correct”
pronunciations of the names, and changing
certain elements of the show to ft screen-
writing rules, but where’s his justifcation of
the characters, and terrible pacing?
That’s one of the worst things, is that
M. Night used to be amazing at pacing, a
movie this length by him never felt so
short(Unbreakable).The score byJames
Newton Howard is well done, but it goes to
waste. All the action in the flm is shown in
the trailers, and for the most part it all seems
like it happens too slowly. There’s a lot of
building up with arms failing and kicking,
but to little effect. The movie seems at times
as if was shot by flm school students, and at
other times it’s not as bad. What’s sad, is that
even if the script was well-written, M.Night
is apparently not an “actor’s director”, so
the performances would be lacking anyway.
Even Dev Patel, who was cast based
on an amazing performance in “Slumdog
Millionaire”, is simply just yelling
throughout the flm. The special effects
aren’t very consistent, looking rather good
in some scenes, and looking awful in
others. The major outcome from the flm
is a sense of wanting more from every bit
of it. Wanting better acting, better writing/
directing, wanting more time devoted to
characters, for some even wanting more
from their favorites in the series.
For fans of the series, the flm is
immensely disappointing. Appa is no
longer a character, and simply a means of
transportation. Momo comes about and
simply does a lot of fying around. The
pronunciations are irritating, and all the
humor and quirkiness of the characters are
pulled away completely. Aang especially
just sulks, and claims to like fun, but never
shows it.
Overall the flm is bad. Tragically bad.
There are a few rare moments that I thought
were nice, but they’re so muddled by the
rest of the flm that they’re forgotten. The
best parts of the flm are probably the set
design, and the musical score. Aside from
that, avoid this flm and the headache that
comes with it.
http://www. moviefilmreview. com/
author/babyfacedbear
I am a married
white guy in my 50s.
My wife and I do some
role-playing where I
am “Ted,” her real-life
father. In her script,
I yell at my “bad
daughter” (my wife)
over some infraction
and send her to her room. Later on, I sneak in
and tell her that she could “make Daddy very
happy” if we were to do some “secret, special
things” together. I usually end up fingering her
still-virginal butt while “forcing” her to suck
my dick. Then I roll her over and rape the hell
out of her.
I’m being GGG, and she absolutely gets off
on it. We’ve done this scene a few times, with
increasing frequency, following her script every
time. I do have some concerns, Dan: (1) It’s
creepy, and (2) I’m worried that this might all be
“based on a true story.”
What to do? Keep a good thing going or
confront her about her father? I’m going to feel
like an idiot if it’s all just a harmless fantasy.
Concerned “Father”
What if it is based on a true story?
Let’s suppose your wife was raped by her
actual father and—after years of processing the
abuse and the trauma—she emerged happy and
healthy and stable, but... saddled with an all-
consuming, high-creep-quotient incest role-play
fetish. Your wife isn’t alone: A small handful
of rape victims develop fantasies about rape
role-play scenarios, an even smaller number of
Holocaust survivors developed Nazi role-play
fantasies.
Sometimes our erotic imaginations are as
inexplicable as they are powerful.
Now let’s suppose that your wife is healthy
enough emotionally and sexually to safely
explore these deeply creepy fantasies—because
now she’s in complete control, because now
she’s with someone she loves and trusts—
and that she isn’t traumatized by reenacting
these deeply creepy scenes from her childhood.
Shouldn’t she have just as much a right to enjoy
and explore her sexuality as any other person,
CF, regardless of the forces that shaped it?
I’d say the answer to that question is yes.
All that said, CF, you have a right to ask
pointed questions—particularly if “Ted” is
still alive and you have to sit next to him at
Thanksgiving—and she has a responsibility to
come through with detailed, honest answers.
You’re not some casual up-for-anything stranger
your wife recruited online. You’re her husband,
and you have a right to know just what sort of
land mines you’re stomping on or around, even if
your wife considers them defused and harmless.
Because there are huge potential consequences
for you—emotional and sexual—if your wife is
being traumatized by the role-play games she’s
asked you to participate in.
And, finally, here’s hoping it’s all just a
fantasy and that your wife wasn’t raped by her
father, CF, although that isn’t going to make her
fantasies any less creepy or Thanksgiving dinner
with Ted any less awkward.
I’m a 23-year-old, single gay man. One of
my siblings (with whom I was close) passed away
about a month ago. I want to start dating again,
but I’m not sure how to tell if I am or when I will
be ready. I don’t want to be unloading my issues
on potential first dates (that’s why I’m starting to
see a therapist), but during the getting-to-know-
you small talk, siblings always seem to come up.
How do I handle this without seeming unmoved
by my sibling’s death and without scaring off the
other guy?
Trying To Move Forward
While you don’t want to burden a potential
new boyfriend (PNB) with the full weight of
your grief, TTMF, the only PNBs you’ll scare off
by mentioning your grief are PNBs with empty
lube bottles where their hearts should be—that
is, PNBs with no potential, PNBs you should be
anxious to be rid of.
So when the sibling talk comes up, TTMF,
mention your recently deceased sibling, accept
your PNB’s condolences, and then change the
subject. What that communicates about you,
PNB-wise, is this: You’ve been touched by grief
recently, but you’re not paralyzed by it, and
you’re ready to date.
And I’m so sorry for your loss, TTMF.
Please help me. I can no longer stand the
thought of having sex with my fiancé. He’s a
great guy—very kind and good. The problem is
the sounds he makes during sex. Little whiny girl
sounds. Like, not even woman sounds—which,
being attracted to men, would be a big enough
problem for me. No, he makes noises like a tiny
little baby kitten girl. It has gotten really bad.
I avoid sex (we usually don’t even sleep in the
same bed, although we live together). When we
do have sex, I spend the first half dreading the
moment the girlie sighs start and the second
half trying to ignore them. So, basically, I’m
checked out for both halves—which he notices
and obviously doesn’t like.
I know this sounds trivial, and it wasn’t such a
big problem for the first year of our relationship.
But it has grown from small annoyance to giant
grating huge turnoff. I don’t know how to tell
him to stop. I have brought it up before, but it
sounds so stupid, and then he gets self-conscious
and I feel bad. I can’t marry him under these
circumstances, though. What do I do?
Ears Plugged
Your great and good fiancé deserves the
truth. And come on, EP, what do you think is
going to make him feel worse: you leveling
with him about the damage his tiny little baby
kitten girl sounds (TLBKGS) are doing—to his
sex life, to his relationship—or you calling off
the wedding because you just can’t fuck him
anymore?
Here’s what you need to do: Tell the fiancé
again, calmly but firmly, that the TLBKGS are
a huge turnoff. It’ll hurt to hear, for sure, but
he’ll hurt worse if you let the TLBKGS destroy
your marriage before it starts. Then the next
time you’re fucking him and he starts to make
TLBKGS, stop everything. Don’t pull away
from him physically, don’t push him off you,
don’t scowl or grimace or roll your eyes. Just
stop whatever it is you’re doing and say in a
flat, nonsexy, nonaccusatory tone, “That sound
you’re making is a huge turnoff. It kills sex for
me.” Wait for an appropriate response—”Oh,
I’m sorry, I’ll stop”—and then immediately pick
up where you left off.
Repeat as necessary until the TLBKGS are
an unpleasant memory. I’ve seen this approach
work—call it the “full stop”—on biters,
screamers, scratchers, and gratuitous-mid-fuck-
ass-spankers. It’ll work on tiny little baby kitten
girl sounds, too.
HEY READERS: Do you have the new
iPhone? Get the Savage Love iPhone app,
available now on the iTunes store!
mail@savagelove.net
14
July 8, 2010
Love
Savage
Sex advice
by Dan Savage
Jonesin’ crosswords
by Matt Jones
Across
1 Fictional dieter Jack
6 May honoree
9 Hutt in the “Star Wars” series
14 Refrain heard with animal
noises
15 Lawyers’ gp.
16 Company that makes “Dial
Up” mascara
17 Don’t buy it, in a way
18 Peppermint Patty, to Marcie
19 Hangman’s knot
20 “___ all come out in the
wash”
21 Freezes the twos out of a deck
of cards?
23 “OK, now I’m ready to play!”
25 ___ Aquarium (Chicago
attraction)
26 Obligation
28 “Te ___”
29 Only Norwegian band to do a
James Bond theme song
32 “National” mag for celeb
breakups
36 “The ___ Sanction”
38 Rakish fellow
39 Home to the National Bunraku
Theatre
42 Movie vampire, for short
43 They need wind
45 Brad Garrett sitcom that ended
in June 2010
47 Gossip site
48 Toward the stern
51 Generation ___
52 “Gawwwd, how boring”
54 Pearl Jam leader Eddie
58 Picture scribbled while talking
on the phone?
62 It’s fought by willpower
63 “You Got It (The Right Stuff)”
boy band
64 By way of
65 Old saying
66 Uttar Pradesh’s country
67 “Plus a bunch of other stuff”
68 Bricks for kids
69 Breaking even
70 That anonymous lady over
there
71 Together
Down
1 Baseball commissioner Bud
2 Michelangelo marvel
3 Empire
4 Fencing showdown in a grocery
store?
5 Corn site
6 Like some nouns, in Ger.
7 “Village Voice” awards
8 Warfeld of “Night Court”
9 That anonymous lady over
there
10 Fun way to read
11 Frat leader, maybe
12 Two, for binary
13 Enthusiastic votes
21 Opening bars
22 Rep.’s counterpart
24 Cannes-sent?
27 “90125” band
29 Taj Mahal’s locale
30 Firearms, slangily
31 Make like an angry cat
32 Prefx for “while”
33 Linguist Chomsky
34 It may be unwelcome when
popped
35 Chinese New Year animal for
most of 2008
37 Guys who only celebrate mid-
month?
40 “Kid-tested” cereal brand
41 Tylenol rival
44 Temporary food stopper
46 Dr. of “The Chronic”
49 “To Wong ___ Thanks for
Everything, Julie Newmar”
50 Piles of booty
52 Take effect
53 Singer Piaf
55 “Rocky IV” rival Ivan
56 Goad
57 Witherspoon of “Four
Christmases”
58 Letter in the middle: abbr.
59 Letters on fashion labels
60 City south of Sacramento
61 It may be untied
65 Words before carte or mode
©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords
(editor@jonesincrosswords.com)
“Vow Your Head”--and keep on going.
15
July 18 2010