Delhi Belly PDF

Delhi Belly
Akshat Verma
Copyright 2005 Ferocious Attack Cow Productions

1313 9th Street, Ste. 11
Santa Monica, CA 90401
T: 310.451.7330 F: 310.458.4070
FADE IN:
on a TITLE CARD, WHITE ON BLACK:
True story.
1 EXT. RUNWAY,INDIRA GANDHI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT,DELHI -DAY 1
An AEROFLOT JET touches down with the SCREECH of landing

gear slamming onto concrete. Rubber vaporizes into little
puffs of smoke.
2 INT. LOBBY, AIPORT - A LITTLE LATER 2
FIRST OFFICER VLADIMIR PILDYSH, 39, strides out, dragging a

small OVERNIGHT BAG, a PLASTIC DUTY FREE BAG in his other
hand. He scans the crowd.
3 EXT. LUSH MOUNTAIN - DAY 3
20 WOMEN gyrate suggestively to a Hindi song. A TALL MAN IN

CROTCH SNUFFINGLY TIGHT JEANS joins them, looks deeply at
ONE OF THE GIRLS.
The camera pulls back - its only a BOLLYWOOD FILM SONG on

a TV at the airport. Further back -
4 INT. FOOD STAND, AIRPORT - DAY 4
- COFFEE pours into a PLASTIC CUP.
SONIYA MEHRA, 26, still in her FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM,

picks up the cup, looks around - shes beautiful, holds her
head like she knows it.
She pushes her BAG to an empty chair, sits down.
AT THE TABLE
Another bag stops across from her.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S.)

Excuse me. Is this seat-
SONIYA
Hi! Vladimir, isnt it? When did
you get here? Sit down!
Flustered, he does.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(whispers)
Youre not supposed to know me.
2.
SONIYA
(whispers back)
You were serious about that?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Yes.
SONIYA
Oh.
She sips her coffee. The silence weighs on her.
SONIYA (contd)
How was your flight?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Dont talk to me -
He walks off, returns with a cup of coffee.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH (contd)

Just do as you were told.
He walks off, trailing his luggage.
UNDER THE TABLE
the DUTY FREE BAG sits by Soniyas bag.
SONIYA
Fucking mental. Some people.
5 INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY 5
The stillness of 8 AM. The soft morning light outlines TWO

MOUNDS - ARUP and NITIN - in different corners of the room.
The DOORBELL, not a delicate, melodic chime, shatters the

calm. Nobody moves. It rings again.
TASHI (O.S.)
Motherfucker! Open the door!
NITIN
I got it last time.
TASHI (O.S.)
Arup! Open the fucking door!
ARUP
Hes a liar! I got it last time.
Yesterday, who opened the door
for the dhobi? Its his turn.
The bell rings again. Tashi stomps out of the bedroom,

kicks the mound nearest to him.
3.
TASHI
Assholes!
ARUP
Bastard, one more time and youll
have to cancel your marriage.
Midstride to the door, Tashi turns, kicks him again.
ARUP (contd)
Alright fucker, youre dead.
But he doesnt stir. Tashi gets the door.
AT THE DOOR
Its Soniya.
TASHI
When did you get back?
SONIYA
Just now.
She throws her arms around him, they kiss. Soniya pulls
back.
SONIYA (contd)
Youre scratching me - go and
shave.
Tashi pulls her back, kisses her again.
TASHI
Cant. Theres no water.
LIVING ROOM
Soniya drags her bag to the side.
SONIYA
What do you mean, theres no
water? You get two hours of water
every morning.
TASHI
Yeah, we forgot to put buckets
out.
SONIYA
What do you mean, forgot to put
buckets out?
Tashi, unlit cigarette in mouth, looks around for a match.
ARUP
(points to Nitin)
Him. It was his turn.
4.
Soniya plucks the cigarette out of Tashis mouth, shreds

it.
SONIYA
Yeah, but you could hear the
water running, right? You
couldve got up and put a bucket
out? It wouldve taken you thirty
seconds.
ARUP
Yeah. But it was his turn.
SONIYA
I cant believe you guys live
like this.
TASHI
Its okay. Well put them out
tomorrow. Whyre you getting so
worked up?
SONIYA
Because youre meeting my parents
for lunch. I want you to shave,
look presentable.
TASHI
Im meeting your parents?
Soniya rummages about in her bag, takes a packet out.
SONIYA
Wear this.
TASHI
I told you not to buy me such
expensive clothes -
She shushes him.
SONIYA
Just-wear-it. People judge you by
the way you look.
TASHI
Yeah, I dont hang out with any
of those people.
SONIYA
Im not joking. You have no idea
how pissed I am. Im going home.
Dont be late.
She slams the door behind her. Tashi turns back to the
room.
5.
NITIN
Man -
The doorbell rings - its Soniya, Duty Free Bag in hand.
SONIYA
Can you drop this for me? Today
afternoon? Its urgent.
Tashi takes a BROWN PACKAGE out of the bag.
TASHI
I have an assignment this
afternoon. You cant go?
She hands him a slip of paper.
SONIYA
Heres the address. Cant you go
to the neighbours?
TASHI
For what?
SONIYA
To shave?
TASHI
No, I cant go to the neighbours
and shave. Will you relax?
She clomps off.
Nitin walks up behind Tashi. Hes 29, short, rotund,

dishevelled, opposite of the skinny, bespectacled Arup.
NITIN
That girl really loves you. You
lucky bastard.
6 INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 6
Tashi, unshaven, Soniyas package in hand, and Nitin,

CAMERA BAG on shoulder, scan the crowded lobby.
Tashis T-shirt says I DO MY OWN STUNTS.
NITIN
So where is she?
TASHI
Im looking.
NITIN
Why? You dont know what she
looks like.
6.
TASHI
Shut up.
MENAKAS POV
MENAKA VASHISHT, an attractive 28, spots the tentative two

from across the room. She grabs her bag, dials a number on
her cell phone and strides across to them.
BACK TO SCENE
NITIN
You have her mobile number?
TASHI
No.
NITIN
Youre the cow on the information
superhighway.
Tashis phone rings, as Menaka walks up behind them.
MENAKA
Youre ringing, so you must be
Tashi.
The two turn. Menaka snaps her phone shut - Tashis phone
stops ringing - and extends a hand.
MENAKA (contd)
Hi, Im Menaka.
She looks into Tashis eyes, holds his hand a second too
long. He looks away.
TASHI
Hey. Tashi. A few more hours and
we wouldve found you. This is my
photographer, Nitin. Menakas a
special correspondent. Started
with us today.
NITIN
Hi, Special Correspondent.
Welcome.
7 INT. PRESS AREA, LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 7
VJ Sushma, 23, pretty, and like most celebrities and quasi-

celebrities, not very tall in real life, is in a stuffed
chair with her feet up.
VJ SUSHMA
Coz I wanna do everything I can.
No limits.
7.
TASHI
And how would you define
everything?
VJ SUSHMA
You know. Everything. Singing.
Acting. I think, directing.
Definitely directing. I paint.
Im working on my first
collection of poems. And I want
to have my own clothes line one
day.
TASHI
Clothing line.
VJ SUSHMA
What?
TASHI
Nothing. Never mind.
Nitin walks around the group, snapping away.
MENAKA
That does sound like everything.
Silence. They dont know what else to ask her.
TASHI
What do you enjoy most, out of
all this that you do?
VJ SUSHMA
Oh, you know. Everything.
MENAKA
Of course. Everything.
(to Tashi)
Thats why she does it all.
A PR DRUDGE pokes his head in.
PR DRUDGE
Five minutes.
He exits.
TASHI
Can you sing us one of your
songs?
VJ SUSHMA
Oh, I dont know.
MENAKA
Cmon. Weve only got a couple
minutes.
8.
VJ SUSHMA
Okay, just a little bit. Im
still working on this, so you
guys be kind. Its called I hate
you like I love you. Like I love
you in brackets. So its like I
hate you, brackets, like I love
you.
TASHI
I hate you like I love you, in
brackets. Brilliant.
VJ Sushma clears her throat, takes a breath and sallies

forth. Her singing voice is flat and tremulous.
VJ SUSHMA
(singing)
I hate you, like I love you, but
I love you like I hate you. And
then the drums come in.
She makes drum sounds with her mouth.
VJ SUSHMA (contd)
Thats it.
They look at her, quiet. Then Menaka begins to clap -

Tashi, Nitin join in.
TASHI
Are those your lyrics?
She nods yes, suddenly bashful.
The PR DRUDGE is back, tapping his WATCH.
MENAKA
Looks like we have to go. Let us
know when the album comes out.
TASHI
We shouldnt have asked you to
sing. Now I cant get that song
out of my head.
VJ SUSHMA
Everything I do, I do for my
fans. You want me to autograph
something for you? Coz I dont
mind.
TASHI
Would you, really?
He fishes out VJ Sushmas photo from the press kit - she

signs it with a flourish.
9.
VJ SUSHMA
You know how some celebrities get
all high and mighty? I dont get
that.
Nitins photos, flattering to begin with, have progressed

to caricature - blinking eyes, awkward poses. He takes one
last one - it seems VJ Sushma is about to pick her nose.
8 INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 8
The three walk away from the press area.
MENAKA
Everything she does, she does for
her fans. People like you.
TASHI
Theres a good reason to judge
people before you get to know
them.
MENAKA
Oh, come on. Dont tell me that
wasnt the most fun youve had
all week. All month, even.
TASHI
Waste of my time.
He drops the autographed photo into a TRASH CAN.
MENAKA
Hey, thats priceless.
She fishes it out of the trash.
MENAKA (contd)
From this moment on, any time
youre depressed, just look at
this and say, I hate you like I
love you, in brackets.
Nitin makes drum sounds with his mouth.
MENAKA (contd)
Its a magic photo.
TASHI
You can have it. Talentless and
brainless.
NITIN
Hey man. Being sexy is a full
time job.
10.
TASHI
Theres real news to be covered.
And this is what I get.
NITIN
She was news to me, man. Id be
happy to cover her anytime.
TASHI
With what? Your paunch?
NITIN
For starters.
TASHI
(to Menaka)
Have you met my friend Nitin, the
serial rapist?
MENAKA
I have now.
TASHI
(to Nitin)
Did you get something?
Nitin holds up TWO ROLLS OF FILM.
NITIN
Some for you, some for me.
TASHI
Ill be back after lunch.
(to Menaka)
Nice meeting you.
He walks off, returns a moment later.
TASHI (contd)
What did I do with that package?
9 INT. PRESS AREA, LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 9
Tashi spots the PR DRUDGE about to consign his package to

the TRASH CAN.
TASHI
Hey! Thats mine!
Tashi snatches it out of his hand.
10 INT. DINING ROOM, SONIYAS PARENTS HOME - DAY 10
Theres evidence of prosperity everywhere, but not of good

taste. The room is full of GLOBAL KNICKKNACKS and PHOTOS OF
THE MEHRA FAMILY at tourist hot spots around the world.
11.
Every available nook is crammed with CLOCKS and WATCHES of

different shapes and sizes.
Soniyas parents - ZUBIN MEHRA, 51, and MONICA MEHRA, 48,

are both having a bad hair day, strands standing up on
their heads like antennae.
Sitting at the table with them are Tashis immaculately

groomed parents, DORJEE and TSERING LHATOO.
TASHI
Amma? Papa? What are you doing
here?
Tashis mother beams.
TSERING LHATOO
Surprise!
DINING TABLE
Soniya has a banana on her plate - she peels it, expertly,

with a knife-and-fork, digs in with gusto.
Tashi isnt eating.
TASHI
November 29? Thats just a month
away.
MONICA MEHRA
Yes. Our astrologer said its a
very auspicious date. Dont
worry, we mothers will do all the
running around. Isnt that right,
Mrs. Lhatoo?
TSERING LHATOO
Thats what mothers do.
The plethora of clocks and watches strike the hour. For a

few moments, its a cacophony of chimes, alarms and bells.
Mrs. Mehra is completely unmoved.
MONICA MEHRA
Oh, its two.
SONIYA
Wheres that driver, mummy?
Wasnt he supposed to be here at
two? I have to be at the tailors
in half-an-hour -
Tashis cell-phone has been ringing - he only hears it now.

12.
SONIYA (contd)
Tashi, did you drop my package
off?
Tashi motions her to wait.
TASHI
(on phone)
Yeah? Menaka, hold on.
He grabs a pen and a napkin off the table.
TASHI (contd)
Where? Should I ask Nitin to show
up? Alright.
He hangs up.
SONIYA
So, did you?
TASHI
Im going to. Im heading out
right now.
SONIYA
Wheres the shirt I got you?
TASHI
You know, I completely forgot.
Uncle, aunty - I have to leave,
somethings come up at work -
ZUBIN MEHRA
No more uncle-aunty. Youre part
of the family now. From now on,
mummy-daddy. Isnt that right,
Mr. Lhatoo?
DORJEE LHATOO
Thats how it is.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Tashi, come with me, bete.
TASHI
I really should get going. Daddy -
ZUBIN MEHRA
Thisll just take a minute. Come
on.
11 EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAY 11
Mr. Mehra, Mr. and Mrs. Lhatoo and Tashi stand by a RED
HYUNDAI SANTRO, a small, boxy hatchback. Its a stunningly
ugly car.
13.
TASHI
Nice. Great color, too.
ZUBIN MEHRA
You like it? Good.
Mr. Mehra takes a key out of his pocket.
ZUBIN MEHRA (contd)

Here. Its for you.
Tashi is speechless.
TASHI
Oh, I cant. I really cant.
Daddy.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Forget it. Were not even
discussing it.
Mrs. Mehra appears.
MONICA MEHRA
Did he like it?
ZUBIN MEHRA
Ask him.
TASHI
Its beautiful. You shouldnt
have, Aunty. Mummy.
MONICA MEHRA
Were all family now.
TSERING LHATOO
Were all family.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Think about what I told you. Any
job that takes you away from your
family in the middle of lunch,
you should say, no more. My
Ludhiana factory is the most
modern hosiery factory in Asia.
Youll be the boss. Run it any
way you want.
TASHI
Ill think about it.
DORJEE LHATOO
Tashi, think about it.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Underwear is like food.
Guaranteed demand.
(MORE)
14.
ZUBIN MEHRA (cont'd)
Only perverts dont wear
underwear. And those tribals,
walking around naked. They dont
have money to pay for it anyway.
Do you know were making
underwear for Calvin Klein now?
Wait a second - I almost forgot.
He rushes in. Tashi looks imploringly to his father.
TASHI
Papa?
DORJEE LHATOO
Its alright, beta. You earned
it.
TASHI
I earned it? How?
DORJEE LHATOO
You really shouldve shaved.
Mrs. Lhatoo sniffles.
TSERING LHATOO
I cant believe it. My son is
going to be a father.
TASHI
Amma? What are you talking about?
TSERING LHATOO
Oh, you know its going to
happen. Im so happy.
Mr. Mehra huffs out with a stack of plastic-wrapped undies.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Here - I saved some for you.
TASHI
Calvin Kleen?
ZUBIN MEHRA
Klein. Calvin Klein.
TASHI
This is Calvin Kleen. K-L-E-E-N.
ZUBIN MEHRA
Im going to kill those bastards.
See what I mean? I need someone I
can trust.
15.
TASHI
Maybe you can sell them to the
tribals for cheap. Klein, Kleen,
its all the same to them.
Zubin Mehra turns to Tashis parents, triumphant.
ZUBIN MEHRA
See? This is the boy I need.
TASHI
No, no. I was just joking.
12 INT. CUBICLE, O&M ADVERTISING, DELHI - DAY 12
Fingers stained black by ink - under nails, into skin. The

hands of an artist, busy drawing.
Arups phone rings.
ARUP
Yeah?
TASHI (V.O.)
(filter)
Arup?
VOICE (O.S.)
Arup?
ARUP
(to Tashi)
What, fucker?
VOICE (O.S.)
Excuse me?
Arup turns. Its SWAPAN DASGUPTA, Arups Bengali Art

Director, with a drawing of a BANANA IN TAILS AND TOP HAT
in his hand.
ARUP
No, no - Im on the phone.
TASHI (V.O.)
(filter)
Can you do me a favour, man? Can
you drop something off for me?
ARUP
(to Tashi)
Hold on, bastard.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
(re: drawing)
This is nice. Very nice.
16.
ARUP
Thanks.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Yeah. Can you just make him a
little happier?
ARUP
Happier? Who, the banana?
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Like hes having fun. All his
life he wanted to be in a banana-
split - its like a dream come
true.
ARUP
Dream come true? For the banana?
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Something like this. Happy.
He strikes a pose, wide grin across his face.
ARUP
Hold it, hold it.
Arup grabs his POLAROID CAMERA and takes a photograph.
ARUP (contd)
Why would a banana want to be in
a banana-split? Thats like hara-
kiri in the fruit kingdom.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Because Milkfood 100% ice-cream
makes everything special.
Arup looks at him.
ARUP
Right, right. Okay, first thing
tomorrow.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
No, right now. Client is waiting.
ARUP
Right now?
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Yes, yes, who can say no to the
client? Drop everything else - do
this first.
He waddles off.
17.
ARUP
(to Tashi)
You heard that? No, I cant - Im
stuck in fucking banana hell.
Arup looks at the fully formed Polaroid before him - Swapan

impersonating happy fruit.
13 EXT. THE RIDGE, DELHI - DAY 13
A BEARDED BODY is sprawled on the ground, obscured by

bushes. Nitin kneels beside it, as he carefully tucks a
PETUNIA behind the bodys ear.
A FEW YARDS OFF
Tashi shuts his NOTEBOOK and detaches himself from the

small CLUSTER OF REPORTERS around the POLICE INSPECTOR.
Menaka follows him.
TASHI
Delicate.
NITIN
You can work wonders with the
right model.
MENAKA
Im guessing this is some for you
-
NITIN
- and some for me.
He focusses his camera on the body.
NITIN (contd)
Bacche, watch the birdie.
He shoots a couple, bags his camera, walks to his Vespa.
NITIN (contd)
So whats the story?
TASHI
They dont know. Maybe a hit-and-
run. But theyre sure hes dead.
NITIN
Thats good to know. If that
fucker got up right now, bastard,
Id piss myself.
18.
MENAKA
So that pretty young thing was a
waste of your time and this is
worthwhile? I dont know what
that says about you.
NITIN
That hes a serious journalist.
MENAKA
Yeah. Or a necrophiliac.
NITIN
A gay necrophiliac.
TASHI
Fucking idiots.
Nitin tosses TWO ROLLS OF FILM to Tashi.
NITIN
Yours. Mine. The photo guys will
take care of it.
TASHI
You arent coming back?
NITIN
No. Work to do.
TASHI
Can you drop this off for me?
Tashi holds the package out to Nitin.
NITIN
No.
TASHI
Thanks, man. Heres the address.
See ya.
He sticks the package in Nitins SCOOTER BASKET, hands him

a SLIP OF PAPER. Nitin stares at him.
TASHI (contd)
Go.
Nitin goes.
MENAKA
Whatre you doing this evening?
TASHI
Oh, you know. Work.
She holds up a reprimanding finger.

19.
MENAKA
All work. No play. Tashi dull
boy.
14 EXT. GB ROAD, DARYAGANJ - DAY 14
A FOOD VENDOR drops a BREADED PIECE OF CHICKEN into a

SIZZLING WOK OF OIL - then he scratches his balls with the
same hand.
We follow Nitin past the food cart, up the stairs into an

old, decrepit building. This is Delhis red light district
and the bright sunlight does nothing to dispel the
seediness.
15 INT. DECREPIT BUILDING, DARYAGANJ - DAY 15
Nitin kneels outside a window and sets up his camera. He

finishes up the CHICKEN FRITTER he picked up downstairs,
wipes his hand on his jeans.
16 INT. DINGY ROOM - CAMERAS POV 16
The room is barely wider that the bed that fills it. Flimsy
drapes serve as doors and the window is a one-way, with the
pane inside out.
LEENA, a plump - no, fat - prostitute enters, followed by

MANISH CHAND JAIN, a short, slight man in his late
thirties, dressed formally in a three-piece and tie,
briefcase in hand.
17 EXT. WINDOW - DAY 17
Nitin takes his eye away from the camera, looks again. He
cant believe it.
18 INT. DINGY ROOM - DAY 18
Manish Chand gets out of his clothes, lovingly folds them

as he does, careful not to damage the crease.
Leena, starkers and in bed, reads a magazine.
Still in his shirt, tie and socks, Manish kisses Leenas

knee-caps.
19 EXT. WINDOW - DAY 19
Nitin shoots through his roll.

20.
20 INT. CORRIDOR, DECREPIT BUILDING - A LITTLE LATER 20
Nitin hands Leena some money.
LEENA
Two hundred? Rates have gone up.
Nitin squeezes her left boob.
NITIN
No, they havent, darling.
21 EXT. SOMEWHERE ON RING ROAD - DAY 21
Nitin weaves in and out of traffic on his scooter, the

fastest in the crawl - then his engine dies.
He pulls over, takes his helmet off, tries to kick-start

it. Nothing doing - he begins to push it.
He hasnt gone far when he feels the rumble in his stomach.

Lunch is protesting.
In a panic, he tries the scooter again - the engine catches

- he jumps on, pulls the scooter onto the sidewalk and
drives like a maniac.
22 INT. ROOM - DAY 22
The room is blatantly bare.
Three men are on the floor in a corner, two of them tuning

a TABLA and a HARMONIUM. The third, KEVAL MAHARAJ, 55,
beats out a rhythm on his knee, lost in a world of his own.
By the opposite wall, two young sisters - AMBIKA, 21, and

DEVIKA, 23, tie their dancing anklets on.
The CAMERA pulls out of the room, out the window, drops
past the apartment below, down to the street -
23 EXT. STREET - DAY 23
- as Nitin pulls in on his sputtering scooter. The beast

dies, again, and Nitin just drops it. He remembers, runs
back, holding his stomach. He grabs Tashis package from
the basket -
- hop-skips home as fast as he can manage and we follow him

through the front gate, up the stairs -
21.
24 INT. HOME - DAY 24
- into the house, to the bathroom door, and there we leave

him, in a vast explosion of relief.
25 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 25
Done for now, an exhausted Nitin squats, head in his hands.

He moves a RED PLASTIC MUG under the faucet, turns it on. A
few pathetic drops - theres no water.
The two buckets are equally bereft.
Desperate, Nitin gathers up his pants and steps out to -
26 INT. KITCHEN 26
- where the buckets are just as empty. He looks in the

fridge - its packed with bottles of Coke, but no water.
Something clicks in his head.
He grabs a bottle of Coke.
27 EXT. FRONT DOOR, HOME - NIGHT 27
Arup manages to open the door without dropping his OVERSIZE

PORTFOLIO.
The dancing upstairs is in full swing -
28 INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - NIGHT 28
- and you can really hear it inside.
Arup sets his stuff down -
NITIN
Youre back early.
Arup jumps, startled. He turns the lights on.
ARUP
Whatre you doing, lying in the
dark?
Nitin sits up.
NITIN
Im sick, man. I feel poisoned.
ARUP
Did you see a doctor?
22.
NITIN
Yeah. So this is what you need to
do. Take my scooter.
ARUP
Why?
NITIN
I left it out there somewhere.
Take it - if its still there.
Catch!
Nitin tosses a bunch of keys to Arup.
Arup watches them sail across the room, until they smack
him in the forehead.
ARUP
Ow!
Arup has the reflexes of a slug.
ARUP (contd)
Why am I taking your scooter?
NITIN
I had to drop this package off
for Tashi.
ARUP
That fucking thing is still
floating around?
NITIN
If I wasnt sick, Id do it.
ARUP
Yeah, Im sure.
NITIN
And can you do me a favour? Since
youre going out?
ARUP
What?
Nitin grabs a BROOM leaning in a corner, BANGS the ceiling

furiously.
NITIN
You bastards!
29 INT. MAHARAJS FLAT - NIGHT 29
Upstairs, the two girls stop mid-move, thrown by the

BANGING beneath their feet.
23.
The instruments peter out.
KEVAL MAHARAJ
Dont worry, girls. The world is
full of uncivilized people. Take
it again from the last step.
30 INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - NIGHT 30
The silence lasts a moment, if that. Arup walks to the

kitchen. Nitin follows him.
31 INT. KITCHEN 31
Arup grabs a BOTTLE OF COKE out of the fridge.
NITIN
So, the doctor has to check for
food poisoning.
ARUP
Good.
NITIN
Do you mind - I have to send him
a stool sample?
ARUP
Fuck off.
32 INT. LAB, DOCTORS OFFICE - NIGHT 32
Arup sets a BROWN PAPER BAG on the counter.
NURSE
Patients name?
ARUP
Nitin Berry.
33 INT. INDIAN HANDICRAFTS, HAUZ KHAS VILLAGE - DAY 33
Another counter, another BROWN PAPER BAG.
ARUP
(to Clerk)
Can you make sure Mr. Bhatia gets
it?
24.
34 INT. OFFICE, INDIAN HANDICRAFTS - DAY CONTINUOUS 34
RAJESH BHATIA aka COWBOY, 35, a menacing whip of a man,

settles down at his large, empty table. He pulls out a roll
of DEEP BLUE VELVET and unrolls it across the table top.
He picks up WISPS OF LINT and flicks them away, caresses

the fabric as he does.
With a flourish, he pulls out the contents of the brown bag

- its a METAL CAN, topped by a PLASTIC COVER. Hes a
little surprised.
He gently takes the cover off and with a fluid wave of the
wrist, delicately empties the can onto the velvet.
A FEW OUNCES OF WATERY CRAP splatter across the table,

drops of it travelling to Cowboys clothes, a fleck of it
to the tip of his nose.
Cowboy staggers back, aghast - then the smell hits him. He

clamps his handkerchief over his nose.
BRAJESH, one of his goons, slow at the best of times, is

fascinated, his betel-stained mouth hanging open.
BRAJESH
(in Hindi)
Sir, this is shit.
COWBOY
I know what it is, sisterfucker.
35 EXT. BUILDING ENTRANCE - NIGHT 35
Tashi parks the Santro, gets out.
Manish Chand Jain, owner and landlord of the building has

just gotten home - he spots Tashi, holds the gate open.
TASHI
Good evening, Mr. Jain.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Good evening. Nice car. New?
TASHI
Yes.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Very nice. Beauty. Great colour.
TASHI
Thank you.
The two head their ways, Tashi up, Jain to his front door.
25.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Mr. Tashi.
Tashi turns.
MANISH CHAND JAIN (contd)

I wanted to remind you. Rent is
due next week.
TASHI
Yes, I know, Mr. Jain.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Good. Good. Its just that it was
late last month. And the month
before that.
Tashi looks at him. Snatches of music and dancing float

down.
TASHI
And you said youd talk to Mr.
Maharaj about the dancing. Its
very difficult to come home to
people dancing on your head.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

I talked to him. He said hell
try and have his class early -
TASHI
That was last week.
Tashi heads up - Jain watches him go.
36 INT. HOME - NIGHT 36
Arup, changed and cleaned, puts on his shoes. Nitin is laid

out on his mattress.
Tashi walks in, as finally, the dancing stops.
TASHI
(to Nitin)
Whats wrong with you?
NITIN
Bastard, Im dying.
TASHI
Okay. And you?
Tashi tosses a MANILA ENVELOPE to Nitin.
ARUP
Im meeting Ritu for a movie.
26.
TASHI
Just hold on a second. I have
something to say. Two things.
Nitin has taken out his photos from the envelope, and hes
arranging them on his bed.
NITIN
Man, that Ritu. I dont know,
that girl doesnt give me a good
feeling.
ARUP
Yeah, shes my girlfriend. Shes
only supposed to give me a good
feeling.
NITIN
(to Tashi)
Youre my witness. I warned him.
TASHI
Number one. Both of you - rent is
due next week. I want to pay it
on time this month.
ARUP
Sure.
He swigs from his bottle of Coke.
TASHI
Nitin?
NITIN
Check this out.
Hes assembled the PHOTOS OF THE DEAD MAN like a jigsaw -

together they make a single, huge photo.
TASHI
Did you hear me? I want to pay
rent on time this month.
NITIN
Oh. Im not paying rent anymore.
TASHI
Youre not paying rent anymore?
NITIN
Im not paying rent anymore.
TASHI
Youre moving out?
NITIN
No.
27.
TASHI
Youre not going to pay rent, but
youre going to live here? How
the fuck are you going to manage
that?
NITIN
Check this out.
He rummages in his bag, hands them a BUNCH OF PHOTOS. Tashi

and Arup flip through them in silence.
ARUP
What the hell is this?
NITIN
Its a naked man lying on top of
a naked woman. Its called
fucking.
ARUP
Its Manish.
NITIN
Yeah, the fucking wife-cheater.
And thats Leena. Shes a whore.
ARUP
Really? And here were thinking
shes sucking his dick because
shes outgoing. Imagine, a whore -
NITIN
Bastard, if I wasnt sick, Id
give you one -
TASHI
Howd you get these?
NITIN
No, thats the wrong question.
The right question is, do we have
to pay rent? And the answer is?
He looks at Tashi and Arup expectantly.
NITIN (contd)
No. N-O, no. You can do it -
repeat after me. No more rent. No
more -
ARUP
Whatre you talking about?
NITIN
A business transaction with our
landlord.
(MORE)
28.
NITIN (cont'd)
He gives us money and these
photos dont get to his wife.
ARUP
Youre going to blackmail him?
NITIN
Its not blackmail. Its a sign
from god.
TASHI
Wait a minute. Youre going to
blackmail him?
ARUP
Were living with a criminal.
Its Nitin Sobhraj.
NITIN
Im the higher moral authority in
Manishs life -
ARUP
Youre the higher moral
authority?
NITIN
Yes, and Im warning him to mend
his ways. Im not a benevolent
god.
ARUP
Dont tell me anymore. When the
police get you, I dont want to
be dragged in as an accessory.
NITIN
Accessory? Listen to him with the
big words. An earring is an
accessory, you choot. Ive been
in this business for two years -
nobodys getting caught.
TASHI
Youve been in this business for
two years?
NITIN
Listen. I do all the work. You
guys get to save your rent money.
Everybody wins.
Silence.
ARUP
And two?
29.
TASHI
Number two. Im getting married.
NITIN
Yeah, we know that.
TASHI
No, next month.
ARUP
Next month? I thought this wasnt
happening for a year. At least.
TASHI
Yeah, but then I thought, what
difference does it make? Sooner
the better.
ARUP
Right up to the moment they cut
his head off, the goat thinks
hes going for a walk in the
park.
NITIN
Bastard, youre just too
negative. This is wonderful news.
Nitin jumps up from the bed, gives Tashi a hug.
NITIN (contd)
I was planning to marry her
myself, but its okay, you can
have her. Man, shes so sexy.
Youre a lucky bastard.
Arup gives Tashi a hug.
NITIN (contd)
So youre moving out? Why the
fuck were you going on about the
rent?
37 EXT. ANUPAM CINEPLEX - NIGHT 37
Arup stands a little way off from the crowds milling about
for the late show.
Ten minutes later and hes the only one left outside. He
looks at his watch.
38 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 38
All we see is Soniyas sweaty face. She MOANS. As the

CAMERA pulls out, we see why - Tashis head is under the
sheets, dutifully administering cunnilingus.
30.
SONIYA
Tashi. I really think you should
shave.
Soniya adds heaving to her moaning. Tashis phone rings.
TASHI
(muffled)
Hello? Hold on a second.
Tashi emerges, red faced and sweaty, cell phone to his ear.
SONIYA
Tashi? Get back in there!
Tashi holds up his hand.
MENAKA (V.O.)
(filter)
Im here already. Let me give you
the address.
Tashi writes it down.
TASHI
Should I bring Nitin?
MENAKA (V.O.)
(filter)
No. See you.
She hangs up. Tashi turns to Soniya - shes pissed.
TASHI
Sweetheart - I have to go. Look,
its work, I swear Ill make it
up to you.
He leans forward to kiss her - she pulls back.
SONIYA
Dont kiss me after youve -
wait, theres a - in your teeth -
She gives him her compact. Tashi looks in the mirror, pulls
the PUBIC HAIR out of his teeth, wipes his mouth on his
sleeve.
TASHI
Dont wait up. I dont know how
long this is going to take.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
He shuts the door behind him. Soniya heaves a MAGAZINE at

it.
31.
39 INT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT 39
The place is packed, the heavy THUMP OF MUSIC and the MULTI-
COLOURED FLASHING LIGHTS washing over everything.
Menaka is in a corner, drink in hand.
JYOTI DHINGRA
Dont look, dont look. You see
her? Right behind me.
MENAKA
What about her?
JYOTI DHINGRA
Thats Sunita Rao. She used to be
in Section A. I heard shes a
lesbo.
MENAKA
Really? Where?
JYOTI DHINGRA
Oh, you know. Here and there.
MENAKA
Considering some of the men Ive
been with, that doesnt sound
half bad.
Jyoti is shocked.
MENAKA (contd)
Oh, come on. Dont tell you
havent thought about being with
a woman.
JYOTI DHINGRA
No. Never.
Jyoti looks around the room, at a loss.
JYOTI DHINGRA (contd)

Did you meet Rajeev yet? I think
hes around.
Menaka spots Tashi across the room.
MENAKA
No. Excuse me.
She walks up to him, grabs him by the arm and leads him to
a table littered with BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL.
TASHI
Hey. Whats going on?
32.
MENAKA
Rum, coke okay?
She hands him a drink before he can say anything.
MENAKA (contd)
Cmon, lets get out of here.
40 IN A DIFFERENT CORNER OF THE ROOM 40
Jyoti Dhingra is talking to someone else, her back to

Menaka.
JYOTI DHINGRA
No, dont look, dont look. See
her? Menaka Vashisht. Shes a
lesbo.
41 EXT. FARMHOUSE GROUNDS - NIGHT 41
The silence is a relief. People are scattered across the

lawn, some by the POOL, others sprawled on the grass.
TASHI
So, whats the story?
MENAKA
Story?
TASHI
You know, you called me, asked me
to come over -
MENAKA
Yeah, I know - Im not that
drunk. Yet. I didnt say anything
about a story, I just gave you
the address.
TASHI
Did I come here for nothing?
MENAKA
No. To have a drink. Have some
fun. Tashi, stop working.
TASHI
I was in the middle of something -
MENAKA
Couldnt have been too important.
TASHI
What?
33.
MENAKA
Whyd you pick up the phone then?
TASHI
Ill see you tomorrow. When
youre sober.
Tashi turns - only to find his way blocked by RAJEEV

KHANNA, 29, a big, beefy mountain.
RAJEEV KHANNA
Oh no - lovers spat?
MENAKA
Rajeev, Im not in the mood for
your bullshit right now, okay?
Why dont you just leave?
RAJEEV KHANNA
Make me.
TASHI
Hey man - I dont know who you
are. Do you mind?
Tashi tries to step around him -
RAJEEV KHANNA
Yes.
He pushes Tashi.
TASHI
What the fuck?
RAJEEV KHANNA
What did you say? What the fuck?
Say it again.
Rajeev shoves him again.
TASHI
Look, I dont know what you want,
Im not looking for any trouble -
RAJEEV KHANNA
No, bitch, troubles looking for
you.
He slugs Tashi in the face.
Menaka screams, Tashi tumbles over his chair, to the

ground, stunned.
Rajeev yells.
34.
RAJEEV KHANNA (contd)

You have a problem now, dont
you, fucker? You shouldve kept
your mouth shut, mind your own
fucking business -
People are looking. Menaka pushes Rajeev -
MENAKA
Fuck off, you bastard! Leave me
alone!
He holds her back, hand around her throat.
RAJEEV KHANNA
(to Menaka)
You think you can get out of this
easy, youre fucking mistaken,
you -
A FLOWER POT smashes on his head in a spray of soil and

leaves.
Rajeev is spreadeagled across the grass, out like a light.
Tashi weaves groggily over him, remnants of the plant in

his hand.
MENAKA
Lets go - he has friends.
42 INT. SANTRO - NIGHT 42
Tashi races through the sleeping city, his LEFT EYE

beginning to swell up. He lights himself a cigarette.
MENAKA
You alright?
TASHI
Im fine.
MENAKA
Let me see that.
She pulls his hand away from his eye.
MENAKA (contd)
That doesnt look too good.
TASHI
Im fine.
MENAKA
Im really sorry. I just wanted
you to loosen up, have a good
time.
35.
TASHI
Its okay. What do you mean,
loosen up?
MENAKA
No, I didnt mean it like that -
TASHI
I am loose. With people who know
me. With friends. People who
dont feel the need to drag me
half-way across the city, in the
middle of the fucking night, so I
can loosen up.
MENAKA
Dont be an asshole. I
apologized. I was only trying to
be nice.
TASHI
Where should I drop you off?
A LATE MODEL OPEL ASTRA races up to them, HONKING wildly.

Its Rajeev, with a couple of his BUDDIES - he hangs out
the front window, waving a GUN.
MENAKA
Fuck.
RAJEEV KHANNA
Im gonna kill you, motherfucker!
Tashi floors it - the Santros little engine whines.
They race through the city, scaring the crap out of PEOPLE
SLEEPING IN COTS BY THE ROADSIDE and giving ASSORTED
MONGRELS something to howl about.
The Astra doesnt have trouble keeping up - two shots ring

out, Tashis rear window disintegrates.
TASHI
Bloody hell!
He whips the wheel to the right, they race down a narrow

alley. The suddenness of the turn throws their pursuers off
for a moment.
The alley exits onto a main street.
MENAKA
Wait, I know where we are - go
right!
The Taj Intercontinental looms on the left.

36.
MENAKA (contd)
Pull in there!
The Astra pops out of the alley.
43 EXT. DRIVEWAY, THE TAJ - NIGHT 43
The two are out and running before the car stops. Tashi
grabs the PARKING TICKET from the VALET.
TASHI
Park it!
44 INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - NIGHT 44
Menaka pulls Tashi to the ELEVATOR.
Rajeev appears in the lobby, spots them as the elevator

doors open - he runs, too late.
45 INT. ELEVATOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT 45
Menaka punches several floors.
TASHI
What are you doing?
MENAKA
Give him something to think
about.
46 INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ 46
Rajeev looks at the display. The elevator stops on sixth.
RAJEEV KHANNA
Come on.
Then on seventh. And eighth.
GREASY BUDDY
Which one?
47 INT. CORRIDOR, SIXTH FLOOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT 47
Menaka spots a CLEANING CART outside a room - she takes

some CHANGE out.
She grabs Tashi by the hand and walks into the room.
37.
48 INT. ROOM 609, THE TAJ - NIGHT 48
The MAID is fixing fresh sheets across the bed.
MENAKA
Thats fine. Dont worry about
it.
She holds the money out to the Maid.
MENAKA (contd)
Is the bathroom done?
MAID
Yes, madam.
MENAKA
Thank you.
She leaves, shuts the door behind her.
Tashi sits on the bed - his hands shake.
TASHI
My car. My new car. Whos the
asshole?
Menaka lights two cigarettes, hands him one.
MENAKA
My husband. Ex-husband, as soon
as the divorce papers show up.
TASHI
I cant believe he took a shot at
me. Whered you find him?
MENAKA
Oh, you know. Arranged marriage,
my parents forced me.
TASHI
Really?
MENAKA
No. He was my boyfriend in
school, I actually ran away from
home to marry him. Fought with my
parents.
TASHI
You know how to pick them.
MENAKA
Im sitting here with you.
Menaka picks up the phone, dials room service.

38.
MENAKA (contd)
Im going to get some coffee. You
want some?
TASHI
You cant just -
MENAKA
Look, anyone who can afford to
stay in this hotel can afford to
buy us coffee.
TASHI
What, you do this on a regular
basis?
MENAKA
No, only days I get shot at by my
ex-husband. Cappuccino okay?
Hello? Yeah, Im calling from
Room 609 - can you send up two
cappuccinos please? Hold on.
(to Tashi)
You want something to eat?
(to room service)
Just the coffee, thank you.
TASHI
This is wrong.
MENAKA
You need to fucking lighten up.
What was that?
A KEY scratches in the lock.
MENAKA (contd)
It cant be them, they dont have
a key.
Tashi looks marooned.
49 INT. DOOR, ROOM 609, THE TAJ - NIGHT 49
FRANK and LOUISE EGGEN - an American couple in their mid

50s - are at the door.
Frank struggles with the lock.
Rajeev and his buddies walk past them.
RAJEEV KHANNA
Forget it - lets go.
39.
50 INT. ROOM 609 - NIGHT 50
Menaka is atop Tashi, the sheets pulled over them. She

moans loudly as she grinds on him - and this is what Frank
and Louise walk in on.
FRANK EGGEN
Oh, excuse us.
Menaka looks at them, her moans louder, her gyrations more

pronounced. Tashi lies motionless under her, his left eye
swollen shut, the cigarette still in his mouth.
MENAKA
Oh, baby, baby!
Frank and Louise shuffle out.
Menaka jumps off Tashi, and still moaning appropriately,

rushes to the door, looks out the peephole.
Frank and Louise are still outside, unsure. Menaka yells

some more. They walk away.
MENAKA (contd)
(between moans, to
Tashi)
Come on!
Tashi jumps off the bed, adjusts the raging erection in his
pants, joins her by the door.
Menaka slowly sticks her head out into the corridor.

Nobody.
51 EXT. STREET, MENAKAS HOUSE - NIGHT 51
Menaka leans in from the sidewalk.
MENAKA
Thanks for the lift.
Tashi nods.
MENAKA (contd)
And Ill be happy to pay for the
window.
TASHI
Its okay. You didnt shoot it.
Good night.
He pulls away - a hubcap falls off. Menaka picks it up.

40.
52 EXT. ANUPAM CINEPLEX - NIGHT 52
The crowd reappears around Arup. Hes been standing there

alone for two hours.
53 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT 53
Frank and Louise are stranded in the corridor.
FRANK EGGEN
I couldve sworn that was our
room.
LOUISE EGGEN
Frank - I hope this isnt
Alzheimers.
FRANK EGGEN
Louise! The key worked.
A GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE shows up, pushing a trolley.
GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE

Mr. Eggen. Mrs. Eggen. I have
your coffee.
FRANK EGGEN
We didnt order any coffee.
LOUISE EGGEN
What room are we in?
6 am. Another day.
Arup is sleeping slumped at his drawing table, a sketch

unfinished under him, still in the same clothes from last
evening.
A sudden EXPLOSION of GAS AND DIARRHOEA wakes him - he

looks up as Nitin drags himself back into bed.
Arup hears FAUCETS RUNNING.
ARUP
Did you put the buckets out?
NITIN
Bastard, Im dying.
Arup gets up, slowly, walks to the

41.
55 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 55
and puts a bucket under the faucet. Then he goes to the
56 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 56
and does the same.
He looks in the fridge. His BOTTLES OF COKE are all gone.
Arup stands over Nitin, prods him with his foot. Nitin
opens an eye.
ARUP
Man, did you drink all my Coke?
NITIN
Yeah.
ARUP
There were like eight, nine
bottles in there.
NITIN
I know.
ARUP
You dont even like Coke.
NITIN
Sometimes I do.
Arup is at a loss.
ARUP
Man.
NITIN
Ill buy you some.
ARUP
You better believe it.
Arup turns, stops.
ARUP (contd)
Man, did you wash your ass with
my Coke?
Nitin looks at him a long time.

42.
NITIN
Bastard, I told you Ill buy you
some more. My fucking ass cheeks
are stuck together.
ARUP
I can never drink Coke again.
58 INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY 58
The SMALL TRAVEL CLOCK by the bedside shows 7 am.
Soniya, in a bathrobe, towel around her wet hair, is on the

phone.
Behind her, Tashi is sprawled face down across the bed.
SONIYA
- and Mummy, dont forget to pick
up my dress from the tailor.
Tashi sits up. He left eye has swollen into a black ball.
SONIYA (contd)
And ask him if hes done with the
salwar. I just know him - he
wont be done on time. Okay, bye,
see ya.
She hangs up, sees Tashi and screams.
TASHI
What?
SONIYA
What happened to you?
TASHI
Oh, you know. Work.
SONIYA
Work? They dont pay you enough
to get killed. Actually, they
dont pay you enough. Get up, get
ready.
TASHI
Why?
SONIYA
I have a flight. Youre taking me
to the airport, remember?
43.
59 EXT. PARKING LOT, HOTEL - DAY 59
Soniya, in her FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM, takes in the

smashed rear window of the Santro.
SONIYA
I give you a brand new car, and
this is what you do to it? This
job of yours, its just not worth
it.
She throws her bag in, through the smashed window.
SONIYA (contd)
When Im back, you sit down and
talk to my dad.
TASHI
Youre going to miss your flight.
60 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - DAY 60
Cowboy and his four goons - Brajesh, TITOO, LUCKY and BUNTY
stand gathered before Room 621.
A DO NOT DISTURB sign hangs from the door handle, the

indistinct sounds of the TV float out to the corridor.
Cowboy nods to Brajesh. He steps forward and knocks. No

reply.
Brajesh knocks again, longer and harder. The volume of the

TV inside drops.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S)

Who is it?
BRAJESH
Sir, laundry.

No, thank you.
Brajesh is stumped. He looks at Cowboy imploringly.
COWBOY
(in Hindi)
You fuckhead. Laundry? Get away
from there, sisterfucker.
The boys hang about. Cowboy thinks.
The CHATTER of CHINA UPON CHINA distracts him. He looks off

to see a GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE wheeling a food-laden trolley
towards him.
Cowboy stops the guy.

44.
COWBOY (contd)
Which room is this for?

621, sir.
COWBOY
621? Ill take it.

No, sir, I cant do that. I have
to deliver the food myself.
COWBOY
Look - the guys my friend. Its
his birthday today, Im - were -
here to surprise him.

Yes, sir, I understand. But its
hotel policy -
COWBOY
If theres any trouble, Ill talk
to your manager.

Sir -
Cowboy holds out some money.
COWBOY
Buy something for the kids. Go
on.

Sir, I am not married.
COWBOY
For yourself then.
The Guy from Roomservice is torn - but he shakes his head.

No, sir. I cant. Its hotel
policy. I have to deliver the
food myself, for reasons of
quality. We are one of the
leading hotels of the world, and
I cant break the rules. Sir.
COWBOY
You want to deliver the food? For
reasons of quality?

Yes, sir.
45.
COWBOY
Alright. Deliver the food. Just
wait a second.
Cowboy signals the other guys and they arrange themselves

on either side of the door.
The Guy from Roomservice looks at them.

Ready, sir?
Cowboy nods.
The Guy knocks.

Who is it?

Roomservice. Your lunch, sir.
The SOUND of a LATCH being undone, and the door opens, with
Vladimir behind it.
GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE (contd)

Your lunch, sir.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Come in.
The guy pushes in with the trolley.
61 INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - CONTINUOUS 61
With a flourish, he takes the cover off the main dish.

And happy birthday, sir.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Its not my birthday.
Cowboy steps in, followed by his little helpers. He sticks

some money in Guy from Roomservices pocket.
COWBOY
Baksheesh. Ill take it from
here.
(to Vladimir)
Surprise!
62 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - DAY 62
The Guy from Roomservice pushes his trolley out - the door
slams shut behind him.
46.
63 INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY 63
Vladimir looks at the guys bunched up by his door.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
What are you doing here?
COWBOY
Delivering your food. Unlike you,
we make our deliveries.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
What are you talking about?
COWBOY
Bunty.
Bunty picks up a tray of food and slams it down on

Vladimirs head. A little BOWL OF CHUTNEY jumps up off the
tray and smears itself across Titoos white shirt.
Vladimir reels back and collapses on the bed, his head in

his hands.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(in Russian)
What the fuck! Whats wrong with
you, you fucking idiots?
TITOO
(in Hindi)
Cmon, man, take it easy. This is
a new shirt.
In the background, Lucky picks up a COUPLE OF DRUMSTICKS

off the carpet, wipes them on his pants, and bites into
one.
LUCKY
(in Hindi, to Titoo)
This wont come out without dry-
cleaning.
TITOO
(in Hindi)
Fuck. Just picked it from the
tailor yesterday. With extra
starch. Fuck.
Cowboy is by the bed, next to Vladimir.
COWBOY
Wheres the stuff?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
I sent it. Like every time.
47.
COWBOY
That was very good of you. But I
dont have it. So where is it?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
I swear. I brought it in and I
gave it to my courier. Like every
time.
COWBOY
Who, that new girl? Where is she?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
I dont know. Im not supposed to
be seen with my couriers.
COWBOY
You dont know.
(to the boys)
Search the room.
Except for Bunty, who is standing by the bed, dented tray

in hand, the others have been busy polishing off Vladimirs
meal. Brajesh has even poured himself a cup of tea, that
hes now sipping delicately.
The guys reluctantly put down their plates and cups and
begin to rummage halfheartedly through the room.
Cowboy kicks the ass nearest to him - it belongs to

Brajesh.
COWBOY (contd)
Hurry up - I dont have all day!
64 INT. CUBICLE, O&M ADVERTISING, DELHI - DAY 64
Swapan Dasgupta sidles up to Arups cubicle, holds some

ILLUSTRATIONS out to him.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
The client liked them. But he
thought the banana is smiling too
much. Too happy.
ARUP
Why? Hes about to get eaten.
What could be wrong? You want me
to make him sad?
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Not too much. About two percent.
Arup cant believe this guy.

48.
65 EXT. MANISH CHAND JAINS MAILBOX - DAY 65
Manish pulls his mail out and idly flips through it as he

walks back to his front door.
66 INT. MANISH CHAND JAINS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS 66
He comes upon a LARGE MANILA ENVELOPE - he opens it, sees

the photos of his tryst with Leena.
His wife, ANJALI JAIN, harried and homely, bustles out of

the kitchen.
ANJALI JAIN
Anything for me?
MANISH CHAND JAIN

No. Nothing. Im going to take a
bath.
Anjali looks at him.
ANJALI JAIN
You just took a bath.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Im hot. Its a really hot day.
Im going to take another one.
He strides off - she stares after him, KNIFE AND TOMATO in

hand.
67 INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHANDS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS 67
A STREAM OF WATER runs noisily into a BUCKET. Manish,

seated on the TOILET SEAT, goes through the photos in
horrified fascination. At regular intervals, he fills a MUG
with water and pours it on the floor.
He comes across a note stuck between the photos.
It says: Send Rs. 5000 to PO Box #3452, New Delhi -

110007, on the first of every month. No police.
From upstairs, the SOUND of a CISTERN CHAIN being yanked

furiously floats down.
The CAMERA rises up, through the floors -
Anjali knocks on the door.
ANJALI JAIN (O.S)

Are you done?
Manish pours more water on the floor.

49.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

No.
68 INT. TOILET, HOME - DAY 68
- to where Nitin, one hand holding up his pyjamas,

struggles with the cistern in a far more spartan toilet. He
yanks the chain - no water.
Unknown to Nitin, his wrestling with the cistern over a

night and a day has loosened the HEAVY METAL TANK from its
moorings in the crumbling wall.
He turns to leave - the tank pitches forward and smacks

Nitin so hard, he smashes through the toilet door.
He lies in an untidy heap, half in, half out.
69 INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHANDS HOUSE - DAY 69
The combined collapse of man and toilet sounds like a

THUNDERCLAP above Manishs head.
He looks up, unsure.
70 INT. LAB, DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY 70
A gloved and masked LAB TECHNICIAN opens the brown bag

before him. Theres a Russian MATRYOSHKA NESTING DOLL
inside.
71 INT. OFFICE, ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY OF INDIA - DAY 71
MS. BACHI KARKARIA, in her mid-forties, bespectacled and

stern, reads the sheets before her. She does not laugh.
Arup fidgets.
BACHI KARKARIA
And this cow is -
ARUP
His girlfriend.
Silence.
BACHI KARKARIA
And what exactly is she - it -
the cow doing here?
ARUP
Shes a prostitute.
50.
BACHI KARKARIA
I thought she was his girlfriend.
ARUP
Yes. Shes his girlfriend.
(he points on the page)
But hes also her pimp. And this
guy here, hes a customer and
theyre negotiating a rate.
BACHI KARKARIA
You seem to be well informed
about the nitty-gritties of
purchasing sex.
ARUP
All from the imagination.
BACHI KARKARIA
Im sure.
ARUP
It came to me because no matter
where I went, Id see all these
bulls piling onto the poor cows.
You take the bus to work, youd
see them humping. You take a walk
to buy some vegetables, you see
them -
BACHI KARKARIA
Yes, yes. I get it.
ARUP
So I took it to its logical
conclusion and thought, what if
the cows started charging the
guys? The bulls?
BACHI KARKARIA
That was the logical conclusion?
She shuts Arups portfolio.
BACHI KARKARIA (contd)

I think Im going to have to pass
this time.
Manish cautiously walks into the house, spots Nitin, out

cold on the floor.
He takes in the sight - the cistern, the smashed toilet

door. He pulls up A CORNER OF HIS SHIRT and puts it over
his nose.
51.
The rooms been turned upside down. Vladimirs bags have

been upended, his clothes strewn across the floor.
TITOO
Nothing.
Bunty is still poised with the tray over Vladimirs head.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
I swear I dont have it. I did
everything like Ive always been
doing it. Youve got to believe
me. I dont know - that girl must
have messed up.
Cowboy motions to Bunty to put the tray down.
COWBOY
Give me her number.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
What?
COWBOY
Her phone number. Where I can
reach her?
Cowboy pushes the speakerphone button on the phone - the

DIAL TONE comes on. He waits, finger poised over the
keypad.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Ah - its, its - 847, 9, 5, 5 -
COWBOY
9, 5, 5?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
No - 9, 5, 3, 7, 3.
Cowboy punches the number in. At the other end, a phone

rings, is picked up.
VOICE (V.O)
Gupta Stationary Mart. Hello?
Cowboy hangs up. He looks at Vladimir, his eyes full of

sadness.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
I mustve mixed it up. Give me a
second to think.
COWBOY
Bunty.
52.
Bunty smacks Vladimir full across the face with the tray.
He slams across the bed, then slowly slides off.
Bunty throws the tray down, punches Vladimir across the

mouth, then picks him up and throws him over a chair that
Titoo has thoughtfully pulled up.
They tie Vladimirs hands to the chair legs with his own
ties. Titoo pulls out a mean looking knife and moves
towards Vladimir.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(blabbering)
No, whatre you doing, hold on,
stop, give me a second, Ill
remember -
With a quick slice of the knife, Titoo cuts Vladimirs

pants and underwear in half, leaving him tied bare-assed
across the chair.
Lucky tosses something to Titoo - it flashes past

Vladimirs nose before Titoo grabs it out of the air and
jams it into his butt.
Vladimir is almost hysterical.

(in Russian)
Whats that? Whats that? What
are you doing?
COWBOY
Its a firecracker. Clear your
brain.
Titoo lights a match, touches it to the fuse of the

FIRECRACKER. He, along with Bunty and Lucky, moves back to
the wall.
Brajesh, already in a corner, pours himself another cup of

tea.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Why would I still be here if I
wanted to cheat you?
COWBOY
Because you dont know me. You
want to try that number before
your ass gets pasted to the
ceiling?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(in Russian)
Yes, yes.
Cowboy clicks on the speakerphone.

53.

8, 4, 7 -
COWBOY
8, 4, 7 -
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
9, 5 -
COWBOY
9, 5 -
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(trying to remember)
9, 5, 9, 5 - 3, 7, 3, 3, 7, 3. 7,
3, 3. 7, 3, 3!
COWBOY
7, 3, 3?
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Yes, yes!
Cowboy dials. A phone rings. The fuse burns.

(in Russian)
Put it out! Put it out!
Cowboy raises an admonishing finger.

(in Russian)
Come on! Put it out! Put it out!
Cowboy ignores him. At the other end, the call goes

through.

(in Russian)
Come on! Come on!
SONIYA (V.O)
Hi, youve reached Soniya.
Cowboy nods to Brajesh - he splashes his cup of tea across

Vladimirs ass. He yelps from the hot tea.
BRAJESH
Oh. Sorry.
The firecracker fizzles out, not a moment too soon.
SONIYA (V.O.)
Leave me a message and Ill get
back to you.
Vladimir is crying like a baby.

54.
The answering machine beeps. Cowboy picks up the phone,

covers the mouthpiece with his hand.
COWBOY
Leave her a message. Ask her to
call you back. Urgently.
He puts the phone in front of Vladimirs face. Vladimir

cries into the phone, trying to catch his breath through
huge sobs.
Cowboy hangs up. He leans forward to Vladimir.
COWBOY (contd)
Shut up. Im going to call her
again. You leave her a message.
And since were going to be here
a while, call room service and
order some food.
74 EXT. RITUS FRONT DOOR - DAY 74
Arup rings the doorbell - a moment later, RITU KOHLI, 26

and plain, sticks her head out. Snatches of conversation
and laughter float out from inside.
ARUP
Hey. What happened, where were
you yesterday?
RITU
What are you doing here?
MRS. KOHLI (O.S.)

Ritu, who is it?
RITU
No one, mummy.
She steps out, shuts the door behind her.
RITU (contd)
Arup - you cant be here.
ARUP
Whats going on?
The door opens behind Ritu and VIVEK UNIYAL, 29, a tall,
fair guy in tight jeans and a centre parting, steps out.
VIVEK UNIYAL
Hey guys. Your friend, Ritu?
RITU
Yes. A friend.
Uniyal lights up his cigarillo, extends a hand to Arup.

55.
VIVEK UNIYAL
Ritus friends are my friends.
RITU
Arup, this is Vivek. Hes a
computer engineer in Canada.
VIVEK UNIYAL
Nice to meet you, dude. Are you
coming to the wedding?
ARUP
What wedding?
VIVEK UNIYAL
He doesnt know?
RITU
I was going to tell him. Arup
just came to pick up his stuff.
Hes a cartoonist.
She runs back inside.
VIVEK UNIYAL
A cartoonist? What, like Chacha
Choudhry?
ARUP
Yeah. Like Chacha Choudhry.
Ritu returns with a stack of Arups drawings, hands them

over to him.
RITU
(to Vivek)
Your teas ready. Everyones
waiting.
VIVEK UNIYAL
Alright. Nice meeting you, man.
Uniyal flicks his cigarillo away, holds a hand out to Arup.

As Arup puts his hand out to shake it, Uniyal pulls it back
and folds his palms together.
UNIYAL
Old jungle saying. Phantoms fist
quicker than the eye. See you at
the wedding, dude.
He steps back inside.
ARUP
When were you going to tell me?
56.
RITU
Arup, it doesnt matter. In a
month, Im moving to Canada.
MRS. KOHLI (O.S.)

Ritu! Your tea is getting cold!
RITU
I have to get back. You have to
go now. Please. Good luck with
your cartooning.
She goes in, shuts the door behind her.
75 EXT. RITUS FRONT DOOR - A LITTLE LATER 75
Two sets of parents - the Kohlis and the Uniyals - step out
with their respective children, Vivek, Ritu and her younger
brother, Mohit, 14.
And they stop - Arup is still standing there.
ARUP
(in Hindi)
This marriage cannot happen.
And as he speaks, things slowly change - the colours

transform to bright neons and everything begins to look
like a Bollywood film, circa 1970.
Arup, armed with sideburns and big hair, is in a WHITE

OUTFIT WITH WHITE BOOTS, his shirt unbuttoned to reveal
copious amounts of chest hair.
ARUP (contd)
This girl has given me blow-job.
And because I am 21st century
man, I have given her oral
pleasure also.
Both fathers clutch their chests in sync and dramatically

collapse to the ground, dead.
The mothers begin wailing, also in sync as they try to

smash their glass bangles in time-honoured tradition.
Except, after many substantial whacks, these bangles refuse
to shatter.
Frustrated, Mrs. Kohli slaps her daughter instead, who

flies half-way across the lawn and collapses.
MRS. KOHLI
You have disgraced the family
name! Get out of my sight!
57.
ARUP
Its not her fault. Why was she
not told those Indians in Canada
are all wife-beaters?
Vivek, fearsome in his BELL-BOTTOMS AND PLATFORMS yells at

Arup.
VIVEK UNIYAL
(in Hindi)
You dog! Im going to drink your
blood!
And he attacks, with Mohit in tow. Naturally, Arup beats

the crap out of them.
Ritu crawls across the lawn and clings to Arups legs.
RITU
(in Hindi)
My master! Forgive me! I belong
to you! I am yours - take me.
Arup turns and walks away, Ritu still hanging onto his leg.
Only a minute has gone by - its all in his head. Arup

snaps out of it, to see DANGER, Ritus little rat-dog on
yard patrol has latched onto his leg.
Arup flicks his leg. Danger flies off.
76 INT. HONG KONG INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY 76
Another day, another airport. Same old trolley bag. CELL

PHONE to her ear, Soniya checks her messages as she heads
out.
VOICE MAIL (V.O.)

You have two new messages. First
message -
The FIRST message is just a man bawling like a baby. Soniya

looks at her phone, moves on to the next one.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH (V.O)

Soniya, this is Vladimir calling.
Please call me back as soon as
you get this message. It is very,
very urgent. Please call me back.
TRAYS and PLATES are scattered through the room, much like
Cowboy and his men. They lie haphazardly by the TV.
58.
Only Vladimir is sitting ramrod stiff by the phone - the

same phone that is now ringing.
Cowboy, spread across the bed, gets up and hits the

SPEAKERPHONE button.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Hello?
SONIYA (V.O)
Hello? Vladimir? Its Soniya. I
got your message.
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
Good, good. Thank you for calling
back. I wanted to ask you about
the package you had to deliver -
did you deliver it?
SONIYA (V.O)
You know, actually I didnt - but
I asked a friend to drop it off
for me. I had to do some shopping
before my flight -
VLADIMIR PILDYSH
(furious)
Are you crazy? After I told you
to do exactly as I said. What do
you think this is, a joke, were
out on picnic? I told you
clearly, how could you be so
stupid -
The line goes dead. Shes hung up. Vladimir stares at the
phone, dumbfounded.
COWBOY
Oh, well done.
Cowboy dials her number again. Her phone rings, goes to her
voice mail.
SONIYA (V.O)
Hi, youve reached Soniya -
Cowboy hangs up. Vladimirs about to have a cow.
COWBOY
Oh, Vladimir.
Cowboy dials again. The phone rings several times before

she picks up.
SONIYA (V.O)
(on speakerphone)
Hello?
59.
Cowboy grabs the receiver off the hook.
COWBOY
Hello? Ms. Soniya?
INTERCUT BETWEEN SPEAKERS
SONIYA
Yes?
COWBOY
This is Vladimirs supervisor.
Im calling to apologize for his
behavior.
SONIYA
Hes a very rude man. I only did
this as a favor to him, you know?
Because hes a friend of a
friend. I helped him out, and
look at this.
COWBOY
Youre right. You can be sure I
will be taking some disciplinary
action. Some very stern
disciplinary action. So - where
is the package you had to
deliver?
SONIYA
I gave it to a friend. Im
surprised you havent got it yet -
hes very good about these
things.
COWBOY
Something must have come up. Why
dont you give me his address,
and Ill have it picked up. No,
no, its no trouble at all. Hold
on a second.
Cowboy grabs a pad and scribbles on it.
COWBOY (contd)
What did you say his name was?
Arup steps out into the evening, bag over his shoulder,
sketch pad in hand.
Monsoon clouds gather in the quickly darkening sky.

60.
A large drop of rain falls on Arup. A second later, the

rain comes down in a wall of water.
79 EXT. PAVEMENT - A LITTLE LATER 79
Arup sits on the pavement as the rain beats down on him.
Water gurgles past his submerged ankles. He looks at his

soaked sketchpad, ink running away from the ruined
drawings.
He throws the pad into the water. It spins away in the

current. He watches it go - then gets up and runs after it.
80 EXT. ROADSIDE BARBER SHOP - DAY 80
The BARBER SHOP is a SMALL MIRROR nailed to a tree, and a

rickety chair in front of it.
One final stroke, and the barbers done - Arup looks at his
NEWLY SHAVED HEAD in the mirror.
81 EXT. FRONT DOOR, HOME - DAY 81
Dark clouds hang low. UPSTAIRS, the dance lesson is in full

swing, the racket floating out into the evening.
Tashi unlocks his front door and steps inside -
- only to be roughly pushed to the wall by Bunty.
TASHI
What the fuck -
The front door is slammed shut behind him, and Tashi sees
the strangest sight:
A bald-headed Arup, hands tied behind his back, is standing

on a stool. Hes connected to the CEILING FAN by a TIE,
fashioned like a NOOSE around his neck. His lower lip is
swollen and bloody.
Cowboy looks up to Arup.
COWBOY
Whos this?
ARUP
Tashi.
COWBOY
Youre Tashi?
61.
TASHI
Yeah - what the hells going on?
Who the fuck are you?
Tashi tries to free himself from Bunty and Lucky holding

him against the wall.
Cowboy puts a finger to his lips.
COWBOY
Youll ask questions when I give
you permission to ask questions.
Which will be never. So, shut the
fuck up.
Cowboy looks to Arup.
COWBOY (contd)
So youre not Tashi.
ARUP
I told you. Can I get down now?
Cowboy ignores him.
COWBOY
(to Tashi)
Wheres my package?
TASHI
What package?
He gently takes Tashis dark glasses off his face and

punches him in the face, splitting his lip. Tashi collapses
to the floor.
Cowboy kicks him in the stomach - Bunty and Lucky join in.
Cowboy motions them to stop, asks them to pick Tashi off
the floor with a nod of his head. They prop him up.
COWBOY
Lets do this again. A girl
called Soniya gave you a package.
Where is it?
Tashi, punch drunk and doubled over in pain, shakes his

head. A sticky line of blood dribbles out of his mouth.
TASHI
I dont know.
COWBOY
Oh, no?
TASHI
Ask the guy who dropped it off.
He isnt here.
62.
Cowboy raises his hand again -
COWBOY
What, you bastards think this is
a game -
ARUP
No, no, no, hes right. I dropped
it off.
COWBOY
You dropped it off? Then why is
he saying youre not here?
Cowboy turns around. Bunty and Lucky let Tashi go - he

flops to the floor.
COWBOY (contd)
I think Im going to have to fuck
you guys up.
ARUP
No, listen to me. He gave it to
somebody to drop it off. Then
that guy gave it to me.
COWBOY
Youre not Tashi, hes Tashi. He
got the package, gave it to
somebody else. Who gave it to
you. And you dropped it off.
ARUP
Yeah.
COWBOY
Why didnt you tell me?
ARUP
You didnt ask.
Cowboy doesnt have a reply.
COWBOY
So where is it?
ARUP
I dropped it off. At this place.
It was a shop. Indian
Handicrafts. Or something.
COWBOY
No. At Indian Handicrafts, you
dropped off a can of shit.
Wheres my package?
63.
ARUP
No. A can of - no, really? Are
you sure?
COWBOY
Am I sure?
(he pulls a gun out)
Motherfucker, ask me one more
time. Ill tell you if Im sure.
ARUP
Youre probably right.
Cowboy jerks the gun at Arup.
ARUP (contd)
Youre absolutely right. There
mustve been a mix up.
Cowboys had it.
COWBOY
There mustve been a mix-up? Im
telling you there was a mix-up,
motherfucker. Wheres my package?
(he puts the gun to
Arups forehead)
If I have to ask you again, Im
going to fucking kill you.
Arup, eyes shut tight, freezes up. Agonizing seconds pass.

Cowboy puts the gun down and slaps Arup across the face.
COWBOY (contd)
Wheres my package?
ARUP
The doctor. The doctors office.
Cowboy puts the gun back in his pants.
COWBOY
Bunty.
Bunty steps forward.
COWBOY (contd)
(to Arup)
Give him the address.
83 INT. DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY 83
All we see is DR. CHOPRA busy with BANDAGES. His hands fly
in and out of frame, wrapping, tying. He picks up a pair of
scissors, and snips off the bandage roll.
64.
DR. CHOPRA
Alright.
Nitin sits up. His head is wrapped in a bandage so huge,

its like a TURBAN. He feels his head tentatively.
DR. CHOPRA (contd)

Come back in a week and well see
how youre doing.
84 INT. RECEPTION, DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY 84
Manish puts down his MAGAZINE as Nitin slowly walks through

the door.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Better?
NITIN
Yeah. Thank you for your help.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Oh, dont mention it.
They slowly head towards the door - the Nurse sticks her
head through the dispensary window.
NURSE
Mr. Nitin?
Nitin turns.
She pushes the matryoshka through the window.
NURSE (contd)
Your friend dropped this off
here.
NITIN
My friend? Why?
85 EXT. DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY 85
Holding onto the matryoshka, Nitin slowly gets onto

Manishs Vespa.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Alright?
NITIN
Yeah.
He puts a protective hand on his head as they head out. A

Maruti van pulls up.
65.
Bunty jumps out, rushes in to the doctors office, only to

run out a moment later. He heads after the scooter.
86 EXT. FURTHER ON DOWN THE ROAD - A FEW MOMENTS LATER 86
Bunty is stuck in the rush hour traffic jam, boxed in by

vehicles haphazardly clustered around him.
Further ahead, Manish skillfully maneuvers his Vespa

through traffic and pulls away.
Somewhere, a long way back, Bunty honks his horn in

frustration.
87 EXT. FRONT GATE, HOME - DAY 87
Manish coasts his scooter to a stop outside the gate. Nitin

dismounts carefully.
NITIN
Thank you. I really appreciate
it.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Oh, yaar, stop saying that. Its
nothing. You wouldve done the
same for me.
NITIN
Yeah.
Manish turns his scooter around.
NITIN (contd)
Youre not coming in?
MANISH CHAND JAIN

No. Im going to meet my brother.
NITIN
You have a brother?
Arup is still up on the stool, tied to the ceiling fan.

Tashi sits leaning against the wall, his breaths pain-
filled rasps.
Brajesh, Lucky and Titoo hang about. But Cowboy is

examining Nitins collage of Bearded Man with Petunia with
great interest.
COWBOY
What do you know about this guy?
66.
Lucky and Titoo exchange a glance.
ARUP
Nothing. Hes dead. Can I please
get down now?
COWBOY
I know hes dead. How do you have
these photos?
ARUP
You know, if I could sit down,
Id be happy to answer all your
questions.
Cowboy glares at Arup.
ARUP (contd)
My roommate took them.
COWBOY
Who, him?
ARUP
No. My other roommate. His
photographer.
COWBOY
His photographer? This guy has
flunkies running around the city,
photographing dead guys for him?
What is he, a pervert?
ARUP
No, hes a -
From the floor, Tashi signals Arup to not say what hes
about to say - but its too late.
ARUP (contd)
- journalist.
COWBOY
Is that right?
The front door opens and Nitin steps in. He takes a look at
the sights before him.
NITIN
Hey, guys. You didnt tell me you
were having friends over.
COWBOY
And you must be the
photojournalist.
Cowboy saunters over and plucks the MATRYOSHKA out of

Nitins hands.
67.
COWBOY (contd)
Welcome home. Please, walk across
to that wall there, and keep your
mouth shut.
Nitin stands next to Tashi. Cowboy, a man keeping tabs on

everything till now, is transformed, completely focussed on
the task at hand.
He quickly grabs a small table and spreads a piece of

SQUARE BLACK CLOTH on it. He pulls up a stool, sits down,
and with practiced hands, opens up the matryoshka, all the
way down to the SMALLEST DOLL INSIDE.
He opens it up, and a HANDFUL OF UNCUT DIAMONDS spill out.

He counts them quickly - satisfied, he puts them back,
reassembles the matryoshka.
COWBOY (contd)
Alright, good.
He looks at Tashi, Arup and Nitin, who, a moment ago, had

been staring wide-eyed at the diamonds before them.
COWBOY (contd)
Finish them.
Theres a moment before this sinks in.
ARUP
Wait a minute - finish them? Who?
Us? Why? You have your package,
everythings fine -
Cowboy kicks the stool out from under Arup, shutting him up
with a tortured croak. He swings from the ceiling fan, face
turning red, legs flailing.
89 INT. DANCE STUDIO - DAY 89
Upstairs, Ambika and Devika dance on, unaware that there is

a man slowly dying beneath their pounding feet.
Downstairs, Tashi and Nitin look on in horror, rooted to

their spots.
Cowboy nods to Brajesh, who pulls a GUN out and begins

screwing a SILENCER onto it.
COWBOY
What the fuck - ? You think
anyone can hear with this racket
on?
68.
Hes right - the dance lesson, on through all of this, only

seems to have gotten louder.
Brajesh starts unscrewing the silencer, irritating Cowboy

even more.
COWBOY (contd)
Gimme that -
He moves to snatch the gun from Brajesh, and Tashi leaps

up, punches Cowboy in the face, and makes a run for the
door - Titoo and Lucky grab him and drag him back, kicking
and screaming.
TASHI
Help! Help! Somebody help!
Its pointless.
Cowboy picks himself off the floor, sucks the blood off his
lip and takes the gun from Brajesh.
Behind him, Arups struggling has diminished into spastic

twitches. A SMALL CRACK has appeared in the ceiling at the
base of the fan.
A petrified Nitin is still glued to the wall.
With Titoo and Lucky still holding Tashi, Cowboy puts the
barrel of the gun against Tashis temple, when -
the ceiling fan, unable to bear Arup any longer, falls out
of the ceiling, its stem clocks Cowboy on the head, and
knocks him out cold - but not before his redirected gun
fires and plugs Lucky - not so Lucky today - right between
the eyes.
Ambikas - or is it Devikas, for who can tell by a leg -

anklet wrapped leg, bare from ankle to knee, sticks down
from the ceiling. Her anklets jingle as she tries to jimmy
her leg out.
Brajesh, Titoo, Tashi and Nitin stand frozen, too shocked

to move.
And then the crack rapidly travels and widens and the whole
ceiling caves in upon them, depositing Ambika, Devika,
Keval Maharaj, his musicians and their assorted instruments
on the floor.
There is complete and utter silence.
As the dust gently settles upon the mess, Tashi is the

first to move.
As he scrambles to get up, his hand falls on something cold

and hard. Its Brajeshs gun, the silencer still on it.
69.
Tashi sticks it in his trousers, and rushes over to where

Arup is sprawled across the floor.
He loosens the noose around Arups neck, then gently slaps

his face. Arups eyes slowly flutter open.
TASHI (contd)
Oh, man. Oh, man. Cmon.
Arup tries to get up, only to realize quickly that hes

still attached to the fan.
Tashi tries to undo the knot, takes the gun out and shoots
it. The bullet ricochets around the room, smashes the one
window pane still left intact. Tashi puts the gun back in
his trousers, only to pull it out with yelp - the barrel is
still hot.
TASHI (contd)
Fuck!
He decides to just hold on to it.
The tie is still around Arups neck, but at least hes

free. He gets to his feet painfully, as best as he can with
his hands tied behind his back.
Tashi hops across to where a Ramboesque Nitin, caked in

dust, is pressed against the wall, eyes squeezed shut.
Tashi shakes him - dust flies everywhere. Nitin opens his

eyes.
TASHI (contd)
Lets go!
91 EXT. STAIRCASE - DAY 91
The three run out of house, race down the stairs. Nitin
remembers something.
NITIN
Hold on!
He runs back into the house.
Nitin looks over the wrecked room until he finds what he

came back for - the matryoshka. He grabs it.
Someone stirs. Nitin scrams.

70.
Tashi, already in the Santro, takes off, crossing Bunty,

who is just pulling up in his Maruti van.
BUNTYS POV
Arup hobbles across to the Vespa. A moment later, Nitin

runs out with the matryoshka.
He drops it into his scooter basket, frantically kicks it -

thankfully, it starts - and the two take off, as an
incredulous Bunty watches them go.
Almost on cue, the Vespas engine cuts out. Bunty races

after the rapidly slowing scooter, gets close enough to
grab the remnants of the tie still streaming out from
Arups neck.
The Vespa starts up again. Bunty refuses to let go, and so

they head out into traffic, with Arup holding on somehow to
avoid being pulled off.
A car pulls up next to them - a red Santro, in fact - and

Tashi puts a gun to Buntys head.
There is something in Tashis beaten and bleeding face that

decides the issue for Bunty. He lets go. The car and the
scooter race off.
Bunty, who had worked himself into quite a pace, slows

down, only to get slammed by a car behind him.
He flies over the hood, hits the top with a metallic THUMP
and rolls down the trunk.
Traffic pools around him in an untidy mess.
94 INT. ROOM, PHOOL CHANDS HOUSE - NIGHT 94
PHOOL CHAND JAIN, a moustached man as imposing as his

brother Manish Chand is slight, slowly undoes the buttons
of his uniform. Hes in his pyjama bottoms and his police
uniform blouse.
Manish sits quietly.
Phool Chand takes off his blouse, puts on a crisply

starched kurta, shuts the STEEL ALMIRAH with a dull CLANG.
He sits down at his table, picks up the photos on it. He

flips through them, his face set.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Is this the tie I gave you?
71.
Phool Chand shows Manish the photo - hes poised over

Leena, naked, save for shirt, tie and socks.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Yes.
Sarita Jain, Phool Chands wife, yells from the kitchen.
SARITA JAIN (O.S.)

Dinners ready!
Phool Chand flips through the remainder, puts them back and
gets up.
Manish puts a hand on the table for support and stands.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Dont touch anything - god knows
what disease youre carrying.
Manish pulls his hand back.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN (contd)

Youre staying for dinner?
MANISH CHAND JAIN

No, no. I should get going.
95 INT. RED SANTRO, SOMEWHERE ON RING ROAD - NIGHT 95
Tashi drives, Arup rides shotgun, Nitin is in the back.
NITIN
They shaved your head before
hanging you?
ARUP
No.
Arups voice is a barely understandable croak.
NITIN
What?
ARUP
No.
NITIN
So how come youre bald?
ARUP
I did.
NITIN
You did? Whats this, fucking
Mill on the Floss? And whose car
is this? Where are we going?
72.
96 EXT. FRONT DOOR, MENAKAS APARTMENT - NIGHT 96
Groggy with sleep, Menaka opens her front door a crack, to

see three battered faces looking back at her. She stares.
TASHI
Can we come in?
97 INT. MENAKAS APARTMENT, BREAKFAST TABLE - NEXT MORNING 97
The SCREEN is covered by a NEWSPAPER, held open by LONG

FINGERS and CLEAR NAILS.
Menaka quickly flips through it, tosses it on the table.
She looks at the bandaged, beaten faces before her. She

finishes her COFFEE and leaves.
98 EXT. MENAKAS FRONT DOOR - DAY 98
Tashi locks the door and heads down the stairs.
Arup and Nitin follow him.
NITIN
Are you sure?
TWO MUSLIM WOMEN in BURQAS head up the stairs - Tashi stops

to let them pass. Arup and Nitin squeeze in behind him as
the women walk past them.
99 EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD 99
Tashi drives, Nitin rides next to him.
Arup is in the back, staring out the window.
TASHI
What do you think?
NITIN
I dont know, man.
TASHI
So whyd you pick them up again?
NITIN
I dont know, man, I wasnt
thinking. Didnt seem right to
leave a bunch of diamonds just
sitting there. But now Im
thinking we should return them,
walk away from this whole mess.
73.
ARUP
We cant.
(Arup croaks through all this - he can barely be

understood.)
NITIN
What?
TASHI
We cant.
NITIN
What do you mean, we cant? We
just take them back, tell them
there was a mix-up -
ARUP
They tried to kill us after they
got them back.
Tashi nods.
TASHI
They tried to kill us after they
got them back. The time to walk
away clean from this is long
gone.
Tashi punches in a number on his cell phone as Nitin

digests this.
NITIN
Okay, so we sell them like you
say - then what? Where do we go?
We cant just drop everything and
disappear. Our lives are here.
Tashi and Arup say nothing. Nitin looks out the window.
NITIN (contd)
You know whose fault this is?
Your fucking girlfriend, man.
What the fuck has she been up to?
Hanging out with fucking psychos -
At the other end, an answering machine picks up.
SONIYA (V.O.)
Hi, youve reached Soniya. Leave
me a message -
Tashi hangs up.
NITIN
And I know this is your dowry
man, but this is a fucking ugly
car.
(MORE)
74.
NITIN (cont'd)
When a donkey fucks - no, not
fucks - when a donkey brutally
rapes a Fiat, this is what you
get.
100 INT. OFFICE, ADLAKHA JEWELLERS, KAROL BAGH - DAY 100
SUDHIR ADLAKHA, a prosperous and oily 33, looks at the

diamonds spread before him with an EYE GLASS.
He leans back in his chair, pops the eye glass out.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
One lakh. Thats my final offer.
Tashi, flanked by Arup and Nitin, leans back, tries to look

as bored as possible. He thinks a moment, then nods yes.
Sudhir Adlakha leans forward to the table.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA (contd)

Good, good. Alright.
He quickly separates the stones on the velvet before him.

Theres 30 stones here - Im sure
you already know that - that
makes it an even 30 lakh. Give me
half an hour to get the cash.
Tashi leans forward to the table, tries to keep his voice

from trembling.
TASHI
One lakh each? One lakh each.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Look, I told you. This is my
final offer. I dont bargain. You
dont like it, youre welcome to -
TASHI
No, no, its fine - I guess. 30
lakhs, even.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Alright, good.
The diamonds back in her belly, Adlakha locks the

matryoshka in his safe, smiles.
101 EXT./INT. SANTRO, PARKING LOT - DAY 101
An OPEN BAG. A BIG open bag. A big, open bag, stashed with
neat BUNDLES OF MONEY.
75.
Nitin picks one up, riffles through it. He puts the bundle
to his nose and smells it.
NITIN
Ill move to Patna. Im gone five
years, nobody knows where I am.
Maybe Kashmir. Nobodyll look
there.
He sticks his hand into the bag, rummages about, pulls out
a stack, riffles through it. He pulls out another one.
ARUP
Whatre you doing?
NITIN
Its all money. You cant be too
sure. I saw this movie, money on
top, and inside, full of fucking
newspaper.
He pulls out another bundle, checks it.
NITIN (contd)
Nice guy, Mr. Adlakha. Where are
you going?
TASHI
Im staying right here.
NITIN
What? Theyll find you -
TASHI
Yeah. Theyll find me, theyll
beat me, and Ill tell them
youre in Patna. Relax. Im going
to call the police and well live
happily ever after.
ARUP
(to Tashi)
Give me the phone.
Tashi passes the PHONE across to Arup - he dials, waits.
102 INT. OFFICE, O&M ADVERTISING - DAY 102
A PHONE RINGS. Swapan Dasgupta picks it up, without looking

up from the LAYOUT hes working on.
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Hello?
76.
INTERCUT BETWEEN SPEAKERS
ARUP
Dasgupta, you fucking hack! You
blot on every Bong art director
in the business! I quit, you
talentless whore -
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
Hello? Hello?
Unable to decipher the croaking at the other end, Swapan

hangs up.
Arup looks at the dead phone in his hands - he dials the

number again, and hands the phone to Tashi. Arup mimes as
Tashi talks for him.
TASHI
Dasgupta, you fucking hack! You
blot on every Bong art director
in the business! I quit, you
talentless whore -
SWAPAN DASGUPTA
What? Who is this? Who is this?
TASHI
Its Arup, you dumb fuck. I quit.
Tashi hangs up. Arup looks at him a moment, then his face
creases into a huge smile. He claps his hands together,
laughs soundlessly.
Tashi and Nitin join in. The phone rings.
TASHI (contd)
Yeah?
Theres nobody at the other end - then, the sound of a

SLAP, and a womans SCREAM.
COWBOY (V.O.)
I want them back. In one hour.
Room 621, Taj Intercontinental.
Otherwise, Ill send her back to
you by parcel post.
Cowboy hangs up.
One look at Tashis troubled face, and the laughter dies.
NITIN
What? What?
ARUP
Who was it?
77.
TASHI
Theyve got Soniya.
NITIN
They? Who they?
TASHI
We have to take the diamonds
back. We have to return this
money, get them back.
ARUP
Return the money? I just quit my
job. No, youre right, youre
right. This is more important.
They didnt recognize me. I dont
think they recognized me. I can
always say it wasnt me.
NITIN
We give them the diamonds and
they kill us. Wasnt that the
problem to begin with?
TASHI
We have no choice. We have to
take them back.
NITIN
We have no choice? Theyre going
to kill us. What, were just
going to go back and get killed?
TASHI
Man, shut the fuck up.
Nitin looks out the window, pissed.
NITIN
I hate your fucking girlfriend.
Nitin picks out a WAD OF CASH from the bag and smells it.
Sudhir Adlakha steeples his fingers, looks at the guys

sitting before him.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
I understand. If you can pay me
right now, theyre yours.
Tashi hefts the bag off the floor and sets it on the table.

How much is this?
78.
TASHI
The 30 lakhs you gave us. Its
all here.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
How many do you want to buy?
TASHI
How many - we want them all back.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Thats going to be 60 lakhs.
TASHI
60 lakhs? We were just here - you
gave us 30 lakhs, were returning
it all to you. Please, just
return our diamonds.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Diamonds? What I bought from you
were uncut stones. What youre
buying from me are polished
diamonds. 60 lakhs.
TASHI
Please, dont do this. We dont
have 60 lakhs. We cant get 60
lakhs. Im begging you. Its a
matter of life and death.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Thats what everybody says. Im
running a business here, not a
charity.
He presses a BUTTON under his desk.
TASHI
Listen to me, somebody will die.
We were here half-an-hour ago.
Nothing has changed -
A BIG, BURLY MAN slips into the office and positions

himself by the door.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Thats my final price.
TASHI
You bastard -
Tashi lunges at him, but Arup and Nitin restrain him. The
Burly Man grabs Tashis collar and pulls him to the door.
Tashi shakes himself loose and the three walk out.
Adlakha watches them go.

79.
Nitin drives. Tashi is lost deep in thought. Arup is in the

back, miserable.
NITIN
Where are we going?
TASHI
Times of India.
Nitin looks over to Tashi.
NITIN
For what?
TASHI
I have a plan.
105 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TIMES OF INDIA - DAY 105
Tashi walks with Menaka as she tries to hold onto the

papers in her hand.
MENAKA
You want to drag me half-way
across the city? I only do that
for people who know me. For
friends. And in the middle of the
fucking day? I have a deadline.
A couple of sheets escape her. She stops to pick them up -

Tashi grabs her hand.
TASHI
Trust me - so do I.
106 INT. LIVING ROOM, MENAKAS APARTMENT - DAY 106
Nitin stands in the middle of the room, wearing a burqa

over his clothes, his veil flipped back over his head.
NITIN
This is the plan?
The camera reveals the other three, also in burqas, their

faces veiled.
Tashi pulls Nitins veil down his face.
Nitin drives.
80.
TASHI
You find a parking spot, sit
tight till we show up. As simple
as that. Nothing to worry about -
look out!
Nitin swerves, just misses a passing CYCLIST.
NITIN
I cant see with this
motherfucking shit in my face!
He tosses his veil back.
Tashi looks at him.
TASHI
And whatever you do, keep your
face covered.
He throws the veil back across Nitins face.
TASHI (contd)
(to Arup)
Did you get the money?
ARUP
Yeah.
NITIN
Why do we have to give the money
back? The guys an asshole.
TASHI
This isnt a robbery. Were
taking back whats ours,
returning whats his.
NITIN
Ours? Nothing is ours here, were
just the dumb fucks stuck in the
middle. We should just keep the
fucking money -
TASHI
Cow!
Nitin stands on the brakes, everyone slams forward. The car

stops inches away from the BEAST. She looks at them, bored.
TASHI (contd)
You drive. Let me do the
thinking.
MENAKA
Im assuming there will be an
explanation at some point.
81.
TASHI
Yes. Of course. But later.
Menaka picks up a packet of underwear off the back seat.
MENAKA
Calvin Kleen?
Arup shrugs.
108 EXT. KAROL BAGH MARKET - DAY 108
The middle of the afternoon, and the market is teeming,

crowded with people and haphazardly parked cars.
Nitin slowly inches towards Adlakha Jewellers, still a

block away.
TASHI
Stop.
NITIN
What, here?
TASHI
I dont want us pulling up to the
store in a red car. Well walk.
Tashi, Arup and Menaka step out of the car. Arup slides the
bag of money out and hefts it onto his shoulder.
Tashi leans into the window.
TASHI (contd)
Find a spot close to the store,
somewhere we can find you
quickly.
NITIN
Im dying in this. You know how
hot this thing is?
TASHI
Yeah. Im wearing one.
Tashi walks to the sidewalk, to the waiting Menaka and

Arup.
109 INT. ADLAKHA JEWELLERS - DAY 109
The store is divided down the middle by a GLASS COUNTER

full of JEWELRY, sales clerks on one side, buyers on the
other.
The glass covered walls make the store look bigger - and
gaudier - than it is.
82.
Menaka, Tashi and Arup are at the counter, veils across

their faces. PRERNA, a demure sales clerk with two thick
braids hanging over each ear, attends to them.
The counter before them is littered with jewelry that

Menaka has rejected. Prerna takes another from its case -
an anklet - and hands it to her. Menaka puts a dainty foot
on the bench, drapes it across her ankle. It looks
beautiful against her flawless skin.
Sudhir Adlakha, walking past, snatches a quick look at

Menakas leg, exposed from the calf down.
Menaka petulantly tosses the anklet back on the counter and

shakes her head.
PRERNA
Madam, please tell me what you
have in mind, so I might be able
to help you a little better.
MENAKA
Not this.
Menaka gets up. She looks to Tashi and Arup, whore still
seated.
MENAKA (contd)
Lets go.
The two look at her, not moving.
MENAKA (contd)
Come on. Theres nothing here.
The two have no option but to get up, which they do, with a
billowing of their voluminous robes.
At the far end of the store, Sudhir Adlakha sees them get
up - he skitters across to Prernas side.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Did you find everything to your
satisfaction, Madam?
MENAKA
No. I wanted to see your finest
jewelry. Not the trash you keep
out for everybody else.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Madam, Im sure I have something
that you will love.
He taps Prerna on the shoulder. She leaves.

Madam, please, come with me.
83.
Adlakha puts a familiar hand on Menakas shoulder, points

with the other towards his office.
Menaka looks to Arup.
MENAKA
Nafisa, will you wait here?
For a moment, Arup doesnt realize she means him. When he

does, he nods vigorously.
Menaka and Tashi head towards the back, Adlakha close

behind.
At the other end of the store, the front door opens, and an
imposing man in a police uniform - DEPUTY INSPECTOR GENERAL
MOHAN SRIVASTAVA - walks up to the counter.
From the way Prerna greets him, its obvious hes an

important customer.
He sits down at the counter, next to Arup. Arup shrivels,

pulls the bag of cash further under the bench. He
delicately adjusts his burqa to make sure his feet - and
the JEANS that hes wearing underneath - are well covered.
DIG MOHAN SRIVASTAVA

So is it ready, or are you going
to make me wait?
PRERNA
Fifteen minutes, sir. Theyre
doing the final polishing right
now.
She raises a hand and a FLUNKY materializes with BOTTLES OF

COKE AND GLASSES OF WATER.
DIG Srivastava picks a bottle of Coke, takes a grateful

swig.
Arup, studiously looking in the other direction, is

startled by the tray thrust under his face.
FLUNKY
Madam, Coke?
Arup hesitates, reaches for a bottle, picks up a glass of

water instead.
He puts the glass to his mouth for a sip, and remembers,

too late, theres a veil across his face. Half-a-glass of
water is now a stain across his chest.
DIG Srivastava, who sees this happen in the mirrored wall,

looks at him curiously.
84.
Arup feels his eyes, glances at the mirror behind the

counter. He sets the glass down, pretends nothing is amiss.
110 EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY THE STREETS OF KAROL BAGH 110
The streets are a mess of cars, two-wheelers and rickshaws

stacked chaotically together. And as far as the eye can
see, no parking spots to be had.
Nitin keeps driving, getting further away from the jewelry

store, until finally, he spots a car leaving. He screeches
in before the other car has even managed to pull out
completely.
He steps out, begins the long trek back to the store.
Adlakha leans forward.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
What range are you looking in,
Madam?
MENAKA
If I like it, the price is not
important.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Of course, of course. A true
connoisseur.
Adlakha turns to his massive safe, shields it with his hand

as he dials in his combination. He turns a HUGE KEY and the
door swings open. He pulls out TWO RED BOXES - by leaning a
little, Tashi spots the matryoshka in the back - sets them
on the counter, shuts the safe and spins the tumbler.
Menaka and Tashi exchange a look.
Adlakha turns to them and opens the boxes.
Theyre both beautiful diamond-studded necklace-and-earring

sets, set in gold and platinum. Menaka picks one up, puts
it around her neck.
MENAKA
Oh, this is beautiful.
She turns so Tashi can see it. He nods.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
You cant find better work than
this, Madam. I guarantee it.
85.
MENAKA
Do you have anklets to go with
this?
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
Of course, Madam.
He turns to his safe, goes through the whole rigmarole of

opening it again.
Tashi nods to Menaka, and as soon as the door opens, hes

up.
Adlakha looks at him - Tashi, hand behind his back, grabs

the gun tucked in his waistband, and pulls it out - or at
least, he tries. The huge flowing robe has wrapped itself
around his hand, leaving him stuck with his hand tangled in
the fabric.
Adlakha, sensing something amiss, begins to shut the safe -

Tashi jumps up on the table separating them and sticks a
foot in the safe door.
TASHI
Fuck!
(he finally manages to
get his hand, and the
gun, free)
Get back.
Adlakha looks at him in disbelief, at this mans voice

coming from under the burqa.
Tashi puts the gun in Adlakhas face.
TASHI (contd)
Get back.
Adlakha slowly slides back.
Tashi grabs the matryoshka from inside the safe.
TASHI (contd)
This is not a robbery. Im taking
whats mine. Your money is
outside.
Tashi gives Menaka the gun, quickly opens the doll and
checks it - its all there. He closes it back up.
SUDHIR ADLAKHA
You wont get away with this.
TASHI
Dont worry about me, you fucking
thief.
86.
Gun still on Adlakha, Menaka tosses a ROLL OF PACKING TAPE

to Tashi - in the split second that Tashi looks away,
Adlakha bites his arm.
Tashi yells, stifles his scream - Adlakha is still holding

on with his teeth. Tashi punches him in the face with his
free hand, rocking him back, then jumps up and kicks him.
TASHI (contd)
You fuck! You fucking
motherfucking rat fuck!
MENAKA
Hurry up!
TASHI
I should fucking rob you!
Tashi pulls off Adlakhas SHOE, then his SOCK. It smells.

Keeping it at arms length, Tashi rolls it up, puts it in
front of Adlakhas face.
TASHI (contd)
Open up.
Adlakha purses his mouth shut and looks away. Without a

second thought, Tashi punches him in the mouth, stuffs the
sock in, and tapes it shut.
Then he quickly tapes up Adlakhas hands and feet.
112 INT. ADLAKHA JEWELLERS - DAY 112
Prerna walks up to DIG Srivastava, holding a box out for

him, just as Menaka and Tashi exit the office behind her.
Arup gets up, gently, to attract as little attention as he

possibly can.
Prerna sets the box on the counter in front of DIG

Srivastava and opens it - its a beautiful gold necklace.
DIG MOHAN SRIVASTAVA

Oh, this is wonderful. More
beautiful than I even imagined.
Where is he? I must thank him
personally.
PRERNA
Ill find him.
Tashi, Arup and Menaka slip out the front door.

87.
113 EXT. KAROL BAGH STREET - DAY 113
The three quickly put distance between themselves and the

store, desperately scanning the street for the Santro.
TASHI
Walk, dont run.
The Santro is nowhere to be seen.
ARUP
Where the fuck is he?
BEHIND THEM
The Burly Guy sticks his head out of the shop door.
BURLY GUY
Hey, you! Stop!
TASHI
Run!
The three sprint, as DIG Srivastava follows the Burly Man

out the door.
UP AHEAD
Across the street, Nitin rounds the corner - he waves

frantically to attract their attention.
NITIN
This way! Here! This way!
They head towards him as quickly as the crowd milling

around them will allow.
Nitin waits for them - Tashi waves his hands at him.
TASHI
Run!
Nitin is driving, as fast as he can in the little car. Arup

is next to him. Tashi and Menaka are in the back.
Menaka throws her veil back, and so does Tashi. They look
at each other, sweaty faces framed by the black cloth.
They smile, then crack up laughing. They hug, and somewhere

during it all, Tashi kisses Menaka on the lips. She doesnt
stop him.
The car stops at a RED LIGHT.

88.
115 EXT. CROSSING - DAY 115
An Opel Astra pulls up next to the Santro. Rajeev Khanna,

Menakas soon-to-be ex-husband is at the wheel.
He glances idly about, only to see his wife kissing, it

seems, a woman in the car beside him.
Hes amazed. The light changes. He follows the Santro.
Tashi and Menaka sit back, flushed.
MENAKA
So what was this all about?
NITIN
Save his wife.
Suddenly the car is quiet, the only sound that of the air
outside rushing past.
TASHI
Shes not my wife.
NITIN
Okay, wife-to-be. Fiancee.
MENAKA
Youre engaged?
Tashi looks at her, looks away, out the window.
117 INT. WHITE AMBASSADOR - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD 117
The Santro is visible from the Ambassador, and judging by

the gear, this is an unmarked police vehicle.
The POLICE DRIVER is on the radio.
POLICE DRIVER
Unit 47, were following a red
Santro, robbery suspects on Ring
Road. Request immediate back up.
DISPATCHER (V.O.)
Hold on, 47. Let me see what I
can do.
DIG SRIVASTAVA keeps his eyes on the Santro.

89.
118 INT. WHITE AMBASSADOR #2 - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD 118
This Ambassador is exactly like the one before, another

unmarked police car. In the back is Manish Chand Jain, with
his brother, Inspector General Phool Chand Jain.
An unhappy Manish sits close to the door. His brother seems

to have a permanent scowl hammered onto his face.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

What was her name again?
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Leena.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Leena. When we get there, point
her out to me and let me handle
it.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

I think you should just warn them
and let them go.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Oh, is that what the whore lover
thinks? Im going to drag those
miserable, filthy, godless
bastards to jail -
DISPATCHER (V.O.)
All available units - robbery
suspects, red Santro, DHL 6390,
heading towards Dhaula Kuan.
Request immediate backup.
The driver looks back to Inspector General Jain.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Lets go!
POLICE DRIVER #2
Control, this is 94. We should be
there in five minutes.
Soniya is in a chair in the centre of the room - except

its impossible to tell its her because theres a brown
paper bag over her head.
Her hands are free, and she isnt restrained in any other
way. Her terror is enough to keep her in place.
Bunty - with both arms in casts, each suspended from his

neck like a huge, white L - Titoo, Brajesh and Vladimir are
scattered about the room.
90.
Cowboy stands by Soniya, holding a carrot to her head.
COWBOY
I gave your boyfriend till one.
He isnt here. I have to do what
I have to do. Please understand,
this isnt personal.
The clock on the wall shows a quarter to one. Underneath

her brown paper bag, Soniya begins to sob.
COWBOY (contd)
Who knows what mightve been if
youd fallen in love with a
different man.
SONIYA
No, please. Please wait. Just
five minutes. Hell be here.
COWBOY
Im sorry. A deadline is a
deadline.
He presses the carrot harder into Soniyas head, motions to

Brajesh. He steps up, stations himself beside Soniya.
Cowboy nods to him, and he blows up a PAPER BAG.
COWBOY (contd)
10. 9. 8 -
Brajesh waits, his hand poised over the inflated bag.
COWBOY (contd)
7. 6. 5 -
Soniya, whose sobbing has been quickly getting louder,

jumps up and runs, blindly - straight into a closet door.
She falls back to the floor as if poleaxed, out cold.
Brajesh is still poised over his inflated paper bag.
The room is hysterical.
COWBOY (contd)
Man, fuck! Did you see that?
BUNTY
We should wake her up, try it
again.
COWBOY
You think?
91.
BUNTY
What the hell, we got ten minutes
to kill.
Cowboy thinks, barely a second.
COWBOY
Alright.
Pildysh, sitting on the bed, shakes his head.
Tashi adjusts the MESSENGER BAG with the matryoshka around

his shoulders, turns to the others.
TASHI
You guys wait here. Ill be back.
They look at him, uncertain.
NITIN
Okay.
Arup shakes his head.
ARUP
Im coming with you.
TASHI
You dont have to. This is my
problem.
ARUP
Im coming with you.
Tashi says nothing.
NITIN
Oh man.
TASHI
(to Menaka)
Will you wait here? Well be back
soon.
NITIN
Were hoping.
MENAKA
Ill think about it.
Tashi and Arup turn to go. Nitin follows them.
TASHI
Where are you going?
92.
NITIN
(unhappy)
Where do you think?
Everything is back where it started - Soniya in the chair,

bag over her head, carrot at her temple. Shes cries as
Cowboy counts down.
COWBOY
5. 4. 3 -
Theres a knock on the door, then another, louder.
Cowboy looks to the door, then slams his carrot to the

floor in frustration.
COWBOY (contd)
Fuck!
He nods to Brajesh to open the door.
122 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ 122
The corridor is deserted except for Tashi, Arup and Nitin.

The door to room 621 opens, just enough for Brajesh to
manoeuver his head out. He looks up and down the corridor,
motions the three in.
They step in, Brajesh hangs a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the

handle and shuts the door.
In an instant, DIG Mohan Srivastava, IG Phool Chand Jain

and their drivers step into the deserted corridor.
Theres a nervous looking HOSPITALITY TYPE with them, in an
ill-fitting suit.
The five sidle towards the door, guns drawn.
The Hospitality Type looks at the room number, takes a

BUNCH OF KEYS from his pocket. He picks one, holds the
bunch out - Jains driver takes it from him.
Like possibly every hotel room on the planet, room 621 has
a small, narrow corridor from the door that opens out into
the rest of the room.
Brajesh locks the door behind them, and steps into the
room, leaving the three stranded in this no-mans land.
93.
Tashi looks at Soniya with the brown paper bag over her
head. Cowboy looks at the clock on the wall. Theres still
a minute to one. He holds his hand out.
COWBOY
Lets see it.
TASHI
Let her go first.
COWBOY
Im not asking you. Im telling
you.
Arup and Nitin flank Tashi, both a step behind him.
Nitin is already on the edge of frantic.
NITIN
(whispers)
Man, dont fuck around.
Tashi takes the matryoshka out of his bag, but he makes no

move to hand it over.
TASHI
Let her go.
Soniya, who had stopped crying, has begun sniffling again,

and that only brings on a bout of hiccups.
COWBOY
(to Soniya)
Shut up!
TASHI
Were going to walk out of here,
all four of us. You come down to
the lobby, and thats where Ill
give this -
(he shakes the
matryoshka at Cowboy) -
to you.
NITIN
(whispers)
Whatre you doing, man?
Cowboy is chillingly calm.
COWBOY
Thats how you think itll
happen? Let me tell you how itll
happen.
Cowboy pulls out his gun, and puts it to Soniyas head.

94.
COWBOY (contd)
First Ill kill her.
Soniya gets hysterical.
SONIYA
No,
(hiccup)
no! Please, please! Tashi, give
him what he wants! Please
(hiccup ) give him what
he (hiccup) wants!
Cowboy keeps the gun trained on her.
COWBOY
Then Ill finish the three of
you, and take back whats mine.
So if you keep fucking around,
why do you think I wont do it my
way?
Except for Soniya, the room is deathly silent. The SOUND of

a TV floats in from some other room.
Tashi looks Cowboy straight in the eyes, and half a breath

later, he too has a gun in his hand, pointed at Cowboys
head. Tashi is like rock, barely a flicker across his face,
the gun steady in his hand.
Theres the SOUND of SKIN SLAPPING METAL as Brajesh and

Titoo pull their guns out. Bunty wouldve done the same
except its impossible with two broken arms.
Pildysh has disappeared, maybe under a bed.
NITIN
Oh man, oh man. Oh fuck.
Arup picks up a SMALL VASE off a SIDE TABLE.
124 INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ 124
Jains driver gently inserts the key into the door lock -
it doesnt turn. He pulls it out, careful not to make a
sound.
He looks to the Hospitality Guy, who steps forward,

flustered. He picks out another key. This one fits.
Jain waves the man away.
125 INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ 125
Cowboy cant believe it.

95.
COWBOY
Youre pulling a gun on me?
AT THE DOOR
The door knob turns silently, and the door opens up a

crack.
COWBOY (contd)
You motherfucker, you know how
long Ive been doing this? You
know how good I am at this? You
think this is all it takes to
fuck me over, holding a gun to my
head?
The door opens, Jain and Srivastava step in, guns drawn.
PHOOL CHAND JAIN

Police. Nobody move.
COWBOY
You motherfucker!
Cowboy swings his gun around from Soniyas head, but before
he can bring it to bear, Tashi hurls the matryoshka at him.
It bounces off Cowboys head and knocks him back. Tashi

dives forward and pulls Soniya off the chair, to the floor.
He rolls under the bed with her.
And then the shooting starts.
126 INT. ROOM, THE TAJ 126
Frank and Louise Eggen settle down in their chairs as the

GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE pours some RED WINE for them. He gives
Louise a glass, and extends the other to Frank, when a
BULLET punches through the wall, smashes through the bottle
of wine and destroys a mirror.
The three of them dive to the floor. For the next minute or
so, the room sounds like a war zone, as bullets blow chunks
out of walls and destroy the room around them.
When it finally quietens down, Frank slowly raises his

head.
FRANK EGGEN
What is this, the wild east?
127 INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ 127
The room is choked with smoke and dust, and whatever

happened has left no one standing.
96.
The walls are splattered with blood and peppered with

holes. Agonized groans float up.
Cowboy is propped up against a wall, staring - then the

CAMERA flips and we realize hes upside down, dead.
Pildysh slowly gets out from under the bed, and with his
little overnight bag, tip-toes out from the carnage.
Tashi, still on the floor, on top of Soniya, slowly rolls

off and pulls the bag off her head. Her eyes flutter open,
and before she can get hysterical, Tashi puts a finger on
her lips. He puts a calming hand on her forehead, looks
around carefully before helping her get up.
In a different corner of the room, Arup struggles to his

feet, the vase still in his hand, undamaged.
Phool Chand Jain, his back to Arup, slowly, painfully

begins to gather himself off the floor. Theres a DEEP RED
PATCH across his behind.
With a blood curdling YELL, Arup jumps up to him, and

brings the vase crashing down on his head - Phool Chand
collapses back to the floor, senseless.
Across the room, Tashi stands frozen, unsure - Nitin

emerges from behind a dresser, something cradled in his arm
- its the matryoshka.
Nitin grins, tosses it to Arup.
Arup, of course, has the reflexes of a slug. The matryoshka

ricochets off his head, smashes through the window and
tumbles six stories down.
Arup tosses the remains of the vase out after it.
128 EXT. ENTRANCE, THE TAJ 128
Manish Chand Jain stands next to the car, waiting, when the
matryoshka, with all the force of six stories of flight,
smashes into his head and sends him sprawling headlong into
the flower beds.
A second later, whatevers left of the vase smashes to

smithereens on the pavement.
Flipping idly through a MAGAZINE, Menaka senses someone.

She looks up - its Rajeev.
RAJEEV KHANNA
So theyre right - you are a
lesbo. I shouldve known.
97.
MENAKA
Whatre you talking about?
RAJEEV KHANNA
I saw you. I saw you kissing that
woman.
MENAKA
Whatre you doing, following me
around?
Menaka walks away from him. Rajeev follows her.
RAJEEV KHANNA
So youre not going to deny it?
He grabs her arm - Menaka pulls it away.
RAJEEV KHANNA (contd)

Who was she? Who were you
kissing?
TASHI (O.S.)
Me.
Rajeev turns - Tashi, Arup, Nitin and Soniya stand before

him, blood-splattered and bleeding.
TASHI (contd)
She was kissing me. You dont
approve?
Rajeev takes a good look at them - then steps aside. They

walk past him, Menaka with them.
Soniya, dazed, but not enough, turns to Tashi.
SONIYA
She was kissing you?
Tashi says nothing - Soniya, suddenly a wilting flower no

more, punches him in the mouth. Tashi reels back.
When he recovers, he walks back and slugs Rajeev.
130 INT. ROOM, UPSTAIRS - DAY A FEW DAYS LATER 130
Keval Maharaj sits pressed against the wall, beating out a

rhythm on his knee, as his musicians, lined up against
another wall, tune up. Theyre all covered in bandages.
Theres a GAPING HOLE in the floor, and Keval Maharaj spots

Tashi in the living room below. Tashi holds up the CUP OF
TEA in his hand to acknowledge Keval Maharaj. He nods in
return.
The CAMERA drops down through the hole in the floor -

98.
131 INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME 131
- and follows Tashi out to the balcony.
132 EXT. BALCONY, HOME - DAY 132
Arup turns over the NEWSPAPER that hes reading - a huge

headline says SMUGGLING RING BUSTED, and below it, the
byline Tashi Dorjee Lhatoo. Arup throws the paper down.
ARUP
Its well written.
TASHI
Did you say its brilliantly
written?
ARUP
I said are you sure they cant
trace that fucking car back to
us?
TASHI
No. Its in my father-in-laws
name, he reported it stolen, so
that should cover our asses.
ARUP
Hes not your father-in-law.
TASHI
Yeah, yeah.
Nitin drags on his cigarette.
NITIN
So Soniya called the wedding off.
Tashi sips his tea.
TASHI
No. I did.
NITIN
You called it off?
TASHI
Yeah. I did.
NITIN
You called it off? He called it
off?
TASHI
Yes. I did. Im going to tell
Menaka I called my wedding off
because I love her.
99.
NITIN
You love Menaka now?
ARUP
What does she have to say?
TASHI
She doesnt want to see me.
NITIN
So you dont care if I ask Soniya
out for dinner, right? Because, I
tell you man, that girl is hot.
TASHI
What the hell? My wounds are
still fresh.
NITIN
Your wounds.
Tashi takes his cigarette back from him.
TASHI
Are you done with my shirt?
NITIN
Its in my cupboard.
TASHI
Did you wash it?
NITIN
Yeah.
As Tashi disappears inside, Nitin looks to Arup, shakes his

head no.
NITIN (contd)
Did you call him up - your art
director, whats his name?
ARUP
Im done with that crap. Im
moving back home.
NITIN
Why?
ARUP
I cant make the fucking rent,
thats why.
TASHI (O.S.)
Hey! Hey! What the fuck! What the
fuck is this?
The two rush inside.

100.
133 INT. BEDROOM 133
The cupboard is stacked full of PLASTIC BAGS, all of them

crammed with money.
Sudhir Adlakha quickly unzips the MONEY BAG the boys left
behind for him - its stuffed to the brim with newspaper.
He sticks his hand inside. It comes up with a BRICK.
135 INT. BEDROOM 135
Tashi and Arup look at Nitin.
TASHI
You crazy bastard.
NITIN
Dont look at me. Its the hand
of god.
And the CAMERA pulls out of there, and drops down, out into
the street -
136 EXT. MANISH CHAND JAINS MAILBOX - DAY 136
- where Manish Chand is picking up his mail at the front

gate.
He flips through the various envelopes, until he comes to a

familiar looking manila envelope. He scurries back in.
137 INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHANDS HOUSE 137
With a FAUCET running into a bucket, Manish pulls out the

contents of the envelope.
Theres just a SHEET with a message, and a small plastic

bottle, the kind that film is shipped in.
Manish looks at the note - it says:
This is all I have. Forget this ever happened. Take care,

have a good life.
He opens the plastic bottle, pulls out the negative and

holds it up to the light - its Leena and him in various
positions.
He turns to flush it down the toilet, hesitates - who knows

what goes through his head, but he drops it back into its
plastic case and puts it in his pocket.
101.
138 INT. LIVING ROOM 138
Manish walks in, scrubbed and radiant in his evening

clothes.
Anjali, already dressed, is waiting for him, with their two

children, VISHAL, 5, and PRATEEK, whos about eighteen
months.
Prateek is busy banging SOMETHING on the floor - that

Something comes apart.
Manish takes it from him - its the matryoshka.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

You broke it?
(yells)
Anjali - will you get me the
Fevicol?
139 INT. LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 139
Manish carefully coats the seam of the two outer halves of

the matryoshka with glue. He presses them together, sealing
them shut.
He puts it back on the mantelpiece, picks the baby up and

heads out.
Everybody clambers onto the Vespa.
ANJALI JAIN
Vishal, did you show daddy the
card you made for tauji?
MANISH CHAND JAIN

You made a card for tauji? Let me
see.
Vishal shyly hands over a CARD to his father.
MANISH CHAND JAIN (contd)

Beta, this is lovely. Itll make
him better immediately. Read it
to me - what does it say?
VISHAL
Dear uncle, we are all very sorry
that bullet hit your backside. We
hope you will soon be able to go
potty on your own.
102.
ANJALI JAIN
Show me that - is that what it
says?
(to Manish)
Can he say this?
Manish thinks.
MANISH CHAND JAIN

Yeah, sure.
(to Vishal)
Beta, it should be a bullet hit
your backside. We are all very
sorry a bullet hit your backside.
Ready?
The loaded Vespa - Anjali in the back, holding the baby,

Vishal standing in front holding onto the handle, and
Manish balancing the whole caravan with every trembling
muscle - pulls out into the street, crosses a DILAPIDATED
FIAT pulling in and disappears into the traffic.
The Fiat parks. Menaka steps out, looks up to the balcony

and spots Tashi, Arup and Nitin.
A second later, Tashi is beside her.
Menaka holds a HUBCAP and a MANILA ENVELOPE out to him.
TASHI
I dont have that car anymore.
He tosses the hubcap, opens the envelope - its VJ Sushmas

autographed photo that Menaka rescued from the trash.
TASHI (contd)
The magic photo. This is yours.
MENAKA
No. Bye, Tashi.
She opens her car door, gets inside.
Tashi stands rooted, photo in hand.
Menaka starts her engine - her radio comes on. Its VJ

Sushma. Menaka begins to slowly reverse out.
VJ SUSHMA (V.O.)
(on radio)
I hate you, like I love you, but
I love you like I hate you.
And then the drums come in. Something snaps in Tashi - he

runs, jumps in through the drivers window and kisses
Menaka.
103.
He half hangs out as the Fiat continues to reverse - and it

wouldve rolled into traffic, except it smacks into Nitins
parked Vespa, knocks it over, runs over it and stops.
From the balcony Arup and Nitin watch.
NITIN
Bastard! Youre going to pay for
that!
Tashi scrambles into the car and now they really kiss.
The camera pulls away - the CREDITS roll over VJ Sushmas

music video. She goes through at least 20 costume changes.
FADE OUT.

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Delhi Belly

Copyright 2005 Ferocious Attack Cow Productions

on a TITLE CARD, WHITE ON BLACK:

1 EXT. RUNWAY,INDIRA GANDHI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT,DELHI -DAY 1

An AEROFLOT JET touches down with the SCREECH of landing

2 INT. LOBBY, AIPORT - A LITTLE LATER 2

FIRST OFFICER VLADIMIR PILDYSH, 39, strides out, dragging a

3 EXT. LUSH MOUNTAIN - DAY 3

20 WOMEN gyrate suggestively to a Hindi song. A TALL MAN IN

The camera pulls back - its only a BOLLYWOOD FILM SONG on

4 INT. FOOD STAND, AIRPORT - DAY 4

- COFFEE pours into a PLASTIC CUP.

SONIYA MEHRA, 26, still in her FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM,

She pushes her BAG to an empty chair, sits down.

Another bag stops across from her.

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S.)

She sips her coffee. The silence weighs on her.

He walks off, returns with a cup of coffee.

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (contd)

He walks off, trailing his luggage.

UNDER THE TABLE

the DUTY FREE BAG sits by Soniyas bag.

5 INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY 5

The stillness of 8 AM. The soft morning light outlines TWO

The DOORBELL, not a delicate, melodic chime, shatters the

The bell rings again. Tashi stomps out of the bedroom,

Midstride to the door, Tashi turns, kicks him again.

But he doesnt stir. Tashi gets the door.

Tashi pulls her back, kisses her again.

Soniya drags her bag to the side.

Tashi, unlit cigarette in mouth, looks around for a match.

Soniya plucks the cigarette out of Tashis mouth, shreds

Soniya rummages about in her bag, takes a packet out.

She shushes him.

The doorbell rings - its Soniya, Duty Free Bag in hand.

Tashi takes a BROWN PACKAGE out of the bag.

She hands him a slip of paper.

She clomps off.

Nitin walks up behind Tashi. Hes 29, short, rotund,

6 INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 6

Tashi, unshaven, Soniyas package in hand, and Nitin,

Tashis T-shirt says I DO MY OWN STUNTS.

MENAKA VASHISHT, an attractive 28, spots the tentative two

Tashis phone rings, as Menaka walks up behind them.

7 INT. PRESS AREA, LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 7

VJ Sushma, 23, pretty, and like most celebrities and quasi-

Nitin walks around the group, snapping away.

Silence. They dont know what else to ask her.

A PR DRUDGE pokes his head in.

VJ Sushma clears her throat, takes a breath and sallies

She makes drum sounds with her mouth.

They look at her, quiet. Then Menaka begins to clap -

She nods yes, suddenly bashful.

The PR DRUDGE is back, tapping his WATCH.

He fishes out VJ Sushmas photo from the press kit - she

Nitins photos, flattering to begin with, have progressed

8 INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY 8

The three walk away from the press area.

He drops the autographed photo into a TRASH CAN.

She fishes it out of the trash.

Nitin makes drum sounds with his mouth.

Nitin holds up TWO ROLLS OF FILM.

He walks off, returns a moment later.