Inner Leadership

Our Target Group

Who are you?
When you are really interested in Inner Leadership you really want to
change something in your life. Making changes means making efforts. You
are willing to make these efforts because you see it as an investment in
yourself and your future. That means not only easing your pain, but really
want to change behaviour and patterns by making decisions, taking action
and showing your responsibility.

With this pro-activity you want to contribute to your surroundings and the
larger community. This purpose is not to your own glory; you want to
contribute to the people around you because you want to make a
differences and you see things can improve in your community. You
inspiration can inspire the people around you.

Everyone is welcome to join us and make improvements in our Inner
Leadership. Join us in our trip through some aspects of Inner Leadership
which are worth it to be shared.

Introduction

These days it seems that many persons are willing to pay a lot of money to
experience an event which have a deep impact. An event to experience
real fun, to express deep feelings and pain, to have deep connections with
others. In daily life we seems to find a lack of this profound connection.
Our partner doesn’t want to know about this, he or she is too busy or just
scared for these deeps feelings and connection. Our parents still patronize
us instead of appreciate our own identity. Our children are reproching us
for what we did to them when they were still small. Sharing emotions with
colleagues seems very risky, because in the strong competition who can
we really trust? How professional is showing feelings at work? So were can
we go – with our feelings?

Many persons among us seem to be desparate for an experience where
they can explore themselves or even can be really themselves for a while.
In our society we seem to be more and more numb for incentives and
impulses. By a higher competiton it seems to be necessarily to hide
ourselves behind a mask. Not only at our work, but also in our family and
even in our love relationship. Many of us consider or wish the love
relationship as the most precious and most vulnerable, so also the safest.
But reality shows a different face.
Can we indivdiually continue like this on the long-term of decades? How
much vulnerability are we willing and able to show? We need it so much.
We spend so much money to feel during all these trainings and
workshops? Why is it so difficult for us to handle (deep) emotions in our
daily life with the (beloved) persons around us, and at the same time
every evening millions of us watches emo-television programs?

But it’s not only about our personal life on an individual level. There’s
more. We can conclude there’s a lack of (an open and vulnerable attitude
towards) emotions, kindness and empathy… or let’s call it in one word:
commitment. The lack of commitment on an empathic level leads to a
collapsed cohesion in our society. Inner Leadership stands for the opposite.
Leadership in this concept is not about being in charge. It’s not about
having the power or being bossy, only because that would give us a
pleasant, an even erotic feeling. Inner Leadership is all about taking our
own part of what is happening around us. Inner Leadership is about filling
gaps that are necessarily to be filled up. Sometimes we observe that they
don’t need to be filled up. When we have seen this and we are aware of it,
we analyse it and our decision is: not to fill in these gaps. That’s also Inner

They feel so much more comfortable with us that they spontaniously. Because in the Inner Leadership the invisible becomes really visible. give us space to lead. And caring is the opposite of patronizing! In a natural. Thanks to our Inner Leadership. . maybe even without words. Inner Leadership is in the end about caring. certainly the more silence even shy persons among us can have a strong Inner Leadership. pro-active way we inspire others. We take our responsibility over this decision. Everyone can do it. For Inner Leadership we don’t need to be very much there.Leadership. because we know why we do it.

But every parent can confirm that our children sometimes put a pressure on us. A pact. (We live in the illusion that we don’t need anyone – that’s of course not true. loyalty. We live this commitment in good and bad times. And often in our daily life it’s difficult to distinguish the two connotations. But of course “being completely free” is also a bittersweet illusion. At the same time commitment can also be seen as « an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. burden and pressure pops up.org/dictionary/english/commitment) . long run.Essence of Inner Leadership In our postmodern society individualism dominates. duty. That’s one of the best things that ever happened to us. promise and accountability. because we are able to do what we want due to all the choices we have. Liberated from the group pressure and hidden in our own world means that we are developing more and more into personal islands. » In this case the connotation of responsibility.cambridge. the second step in our reflection is that after all in the beginning we’ve chosen this commitment voluntary. We are all free! That’s the main credo. Everything is possible. When we realize that we are pressured by a commitment which feels like an obligation. (from : http://dictionary. The obligation is an outcome of our commitment. causes stress and tension. In daily life those islands can be translated into bitter loneliness. Of course our ‘better side’ doesn’t like to connect the word ‘burden’ with our lovely children. It’s clear : we have a long-term commitment with them at least for the first 18 years of their lifes. Meddlesomeness and moralism have a negative connotation in our society. In this context commitment is connected to devotion. or: something that we must do or deal with what takes our time. Because with the unlimited individualism the empathic commitment dies. human beings.) The abstract “We are all free” means for many of us in practise: “Mind your own business!” In other words: commitment is often considered as meddlesomeness/intruvesiness or moralism. But there’s nothing wrong with commitment. but we all know better. And that make sense to us and motivates us. We can distinguish two connotations to the word “commitment”: a voluntary willingness to give our time and energy to something that we believe in. but after all we know for what we’re doing it. A good example is : raising up our own children for whom we’ve chosen once in our life. What does commitment mean? Looking for clues we came to : With a commitment you are dedicated to a cause. fidelity and bond.

Commitment is all about ‘being there’. so there’s always a way to escape. Those things are on an emotional level of commitment. Or in other words: we want to be more free. engagement. already start sighing. But I choose another option: keeping silenced. This engagement can take a lot of our energy. is consider life as being on the way but surely with certain goals. and make the most appropriate choices for the situation.In other words our commitment is challenging us. We are getting more and more used to gps-systems. Our primal reaction when we discovered these possibilities is: “Oh. believes and engegament – for not giving in. But we have to go through it to be convinced about this. Anyway. apps on the mobile telephone and a dishes machine in the house. After two hours of talking we started to be involved in the couple beside us. observe the situation and estimate what was needed in this . An example. For reaching a goal we need our strenghts. What can help us. or doing something against our will. high spirit and enthousiasm – even when we have to go against the stream. for what do we really want to fight for anymore? And making efforts and offers? Some of us. isn’t it? But this escaping leads to what? Life is balancing on a long string. Growing up with more luxury means we have to make less efforts for reaching something. One choice was to infiltrate the space with my own ego and trying to catch everyone’s attention. believe. Empathy Commitment requires an attention and an effort. They were on a first date. deep connection. Some time ago I had dinner with a friend. And maybe it’s not going to be fun. ‘Being there’ we can be in many ways.” These machines make us less resourcefull. Everything is possible after all. it feels like it’s stricting us. There’s nothing wrong with engagement. It sounds so serious and… we also have to make an effort!?! Experience learn us that a focus and an effort can lead to a deeper satisfaction what ‘just having fun’ never reach. You want to leave all options open. I had many choices at that moment. because it sounds like it’s going to be long and difficult. but they didn’t seem to match that much. while reading this. More and more it has to go easy. because the machines are doing the work for us. Being pro-active is about estimate our surroundings and the situation. And we are living in a world wherein things are more and more easy going. after a couple of minutes three persons were very busy to impress each other. Three ego’s were taking all the space there was. empathy. Pro-activity doesn’t have to mean that we act in a way that people notice us. but one thing is for sure: for really ‘being there’ we have to be pro-active. But some thing can’t be reached with machines (only). that’s handy! I also want that. as long as it serves a higher goal we believe in.

What is empathy? Empathy is the opposite of sympathy. Empathy is based on the efforts we (are willing to) make to connect with the other person. Empathy. optimise the outcome for all of us? What can I contribute to this group that was spontaniously formed? A group which lasted hardly a half hour. She didn’t know what to do with this lost. The other person will recognize this and then the real deep connection happens. That was very clear for me. It was one monologue: I said literally three or four words to clarify something. but to have a real connection we need to feel these pains to feel other person’s pain. This commitment is fed by empathy. But I decided to listen to her. When she was 15 years old she let a man enter her life and he was very much encouraging and empowering her. At that moment. but it was a group. old wounds. I never had seen so much sorrow in one person. He was diagnosed with cancer and he just passed away. At that moment I was deeply in love with a woman. give advice. only by break-ups. We don’t like to touch them. This pain went so deep. but how could I ever understand this?! What could I do as a counselor? I never lost a woman by death. according to my observation it was not needed to infiltrate the discussion. And this caring is based on the commitment we have with our surroundings. Do I choose for my own needs or do I try to pay attention to the larger overview? These reflection in some minutes is a very good example of our Inner Leadership. After ten minutes the woman of the couple turned her face to me. One day a woman approached me with her story. There might be a big chance that we pass the real problem and (maybe without the intention). In a way we approach someone with a mask on. Empathic commitment. During the first consult she was talking for one and a half hour. but from a superior position. ignore the problem. on the opposite. Example. and so I kept silence. place inside ourself where you feel the pain. This can comfort someone more than we expect. Places where it hurts. But we have to make an effort for empathy. In estimate the situation we started with the question: what’s needed? What’s needed to optimise the situation. means an equal relationship because to understand the situation of the other person we need to dive into places inside ourself where we don’t want to be. Because it’s caring for each other. Maybe I could imagine something of her pain. But she was living somewhere else and I could only see her once . We try to help this person. This pityness contains an unequal relationship. And for more than a half hour I had the time to have a nice chat with her. They married and stayed for 50 years together. Sympathy is feeling pity with someone and someone else’s situation.situation. Her story was that her parents always suppressed her and didn’t appreciate her. without showing our real self.

We try to follow someone else.no one else! . I missed her so much that it hurt. hopefully for the fully 100 percent! This is the essence of Inner Leadership. Because I won’t be there with you. And maybe my sadness was only ten percent of her sadness.in the two weeks. for me…? What is needed? Based on this question « What is needed ? » we take action. Only we . With firstly making this decision and secondly with taking this action.decide to take action. This example is an example of real caring. for our choice and for who we are. even when we don’t exactly know what’s happening or what the outcome will be. In this caring one question is essential: “What is needed?” What is needed here and now? What is needed in this situation? What is needed for this group? What is needed for you. The Beatles would say: Think for yourself. Why would we otherwise take this decision? And when we’re not sure. we take a responsibility. Till I quite this job and moved to that woman. which action and when. . But by going to that current pain inside me it was easier for me to connect with her and her deep sorrow. it’s a sign of caring. But already this decision to follow someone is a sign of commitment. Hopefully we take a decision we’re completely convinced about. Waiting is also a decision that we make. A true equal relationship between the two us started and we made this journey together for one and a half years. just wait a while. A responsibility for ourself.

So what do we do? To adapt and comform we run away from our authenticity. Changing our inner core is not possible. It’s avoiding manipulation. If we want something. For anyone of us this is completely different and unique. we run away from who we really are. we ask for it. and sooner or later in life all of us feel this. Adolescense is a well- known phase in our life when we try to be someone else than we really are. so we try to erase the differences. Because to protect ourselves we want to belong to something/someone with similar values. because in our authenticity we are all different and in this way 100 percent unique. our communication is direct. Maybe in the beginning this is scaring. If we really always do exactly what we feel. to the person we truly are. That would be inner emptiness. but we have no idea how much more appreciated this will be by our environment. What can we contribute to make our own personal life more meaningful and from there on our surroundings. This argument can’t be underestimated. Even more: this is the stage in life to discover who we are by trying . In other words we are balanced and we also have the feeling that we have our focus on our own truth. So. our communication which would be direct. honest and transparent. Our acting. Authenticity means a corrolation between how we feel and the behaviour according to these feelings. But that’s not possible. the person who we really are. Growing authenticy leads to more personal strength: we show our own maturity instead of putting pressure on people by insisting our authority only given by our position. Maybe we play naive. A core element in this Inner Leadership is being authentic. Maybe that’s why many people already chose in advance for the comforming way. because we cause too much resistance. We can find our authenticity by searching. we don’t survive. That’s the beauty of it . honest and transparant.and also the problem when you dealing in groups. This inner-part is natural. a truth that we can’t avoid because it’s an intrinsic part of who we are. The question is : do we dare to admit this feeling ? The visible realizing for the outside world is our acting. We are congruent with ourself: we do ‘no’ when we feel ‘no’ and we do ‘yes’ when we feel ‘yes’. Let’s call authenticity : close to our own core. but it’s hard or even impossible to change it. it’s just the way we are. but we are not. Authenticity means listening to ourself and behaving according to our own core. how much of this is always really possible? Of course it isn’t always 100 percent. instead of trying to get it by using ‘tricks’.Authenticity Inner Leadership is about personal empowerment and from that point it’s about how we deal with other persons. to safe our skin.

The life of our partner. That’s the tricky things about Inner Leadership. maybe not. We could call it one of the resources to meet other people. For some people this is hard to understand. But to purify feeling somewhere deep inside our body pop up sooner of later and resist to our surviving behaviour. That’s the real protection to ourselves. That bring us to the other part : leadership. That’s why it all starts with taking responsibility for your own life. Leadership in Inner Leadership means being truthfull to ourselves. Some people are raising up by their parents to behave adapting because it’s the best way to save the skin. Everyone is the expert of his/her own life. that they can count on us. a certain corridor as we can call. What do we lead? Mostly a team. It all has to do with working together. commands other perons. but in the first place a leader for ourselves. If you’d like to split up ‘leadership’ from the ‘inner’ part. our identity. 3. willing to do this and also show the people around us that will do this. as much as we can take. And hopefully with a reasonable collaboration the respect appeals and when there are disagreements people can speak about this open. Leadership as in Inner Leadership doesn’t mean in the frist place necessarily being a leader over other persons. transparant and honest. Because instinctively. Because after all: we are the expert of our life and our feelings. of our children. of our citizens… But you can be reassured : they know exactly what they need to survive. but it’s certainly worth it to pay attention to your authentic part. . This ‘around’. for our own life. of our colleagues.things out which can match our real self. Many people see this as a purpose : to protect ourselves controling the lifes around us. That gives many of us a feeling of restriction and being stucked or even pain and sorrow. interfers automatically into other peoples life. So Inner Leadership has nothing to do with being in charge. And so it seems that we are always leading other persons. continue playing the game’. who we really are. being bossy. or a project. or a company. we incorporate it into our behaviour. because the concept of leadership we are all raising up with. And of course. And daily this means: taking responsibility for your own actions. Maybe they are right. or in other words: the real leadership over our own life. we find it necessarily to control our own lifes and as a barrier also a little bit around our personal lifes. know what we can do. and if they learn this as young as possible – 2. to protect ourselves. to make this inner part visible. or a government… We are always connected with other persons. Maybe we are growing up with the attitude of ‘it’s a part of life. then you could say that authenticity would be really a part of the inner side of. 5 years old – they also know exactly how to deal with other people. But this concept ‘leadership’ can be confusing for many among of us.

The effects of a defeat touch us even deeper. When we became overconfident by success after success after success and those success were running away with you. . falling disable. comment other groups and so on… We are going to be a part of convention. certain preferences. For some among us this is a very nice save place to life in. to hunker for the appreciation of someone else we start to adapt to the codes of a group. a financial disadvantage. More authenticy in our Inner Leadership we can find by searching and live your life conscious. Defeats make us falling on the floor. but certainly it hurts and we cry because of the pain. We interpreted as a cynical joke. Defeats make you humble. Even stronger : more authenticity can happen to us. rejection. asking for help for a serious problem… Fill in our own defeat. That’s what we certainly doesn’t want to. Maybe it’s difficult to understand. or we felt like a plant that stopped flourishing. certain words you use to distinguish. Where does this difficulty to be authentic come from? Herabove we already mentioned the element of surviving in a group and to adapt to the ‘rules’ of a group. maybe it’s bleeding.From this point of view a real true authenticity is essential. or even worse: on our mouth. And to stop this. In a direct way and in simple words : we feel ashamed if we do something so very authentic. for others it’s a struggle every time they ‘have’ to join such a group. Many of us seems to have a need to proove themselves. but defeats also contains good parts. because of… yeah. don’t get that promotion while we are very ambitious. a divorce. The last thing we wish other persons are defeats. Defeats can serve you. We can mention three things. Cry inside or maybe with physical tears. If we deviate there’s a risk to be excluded. and unfortunately most of the times we took it negative. which is something else than inferior! You can be very equal to others while you are humble. but once we are in front of other persons is much harder. malicious pleasure. And when we are alone is easy to do. Defeats is an humiliation. but for many of us hard to reach. and we felt pain because we could not be the real person who we are. How many times have we experienced this in our lifes? Thousands of times! We are aware of this. because of what? Do you have a clue? Authenticity sounds so simple. It was like someone took off the oxigen mask. defeats can create a catharsis. a defeat can be a catharsis in the shape of a sign: how natural were these successes for me? How did I handle with these successes? Could I cope with them or was it difficult to make transitions which were consequences of these successes? A defeat makes you more humble. Defeats are cleaning. For those among us who struggle there’s good news. So we avoid this pain by avoiding those defeats. but this is not completely true. Defeat can be: losing our job. because someone said something about it. And it’s even worse if we have pretended for so long time the opposite. becoming homeless. like a little child we fall on our knees. Those clothes can be dress code.

no. And many things who were so important before their illness is not that important at all anymore. It’s up to us to find this out for us individually. come this way. nor too little. Never she was saying: follow me. don’t go actively searching for defeats. Instead of giving advices to another by showing sympathy. This authenticity is not a middle finger to other person. I discovered after three or four days that she was the natural leader (as far as we needed one). but it’s certainly an attitude that we don’t need the appreciation of other persons as we used to need. so you are not going to read on this page what is life about. They move their focus to something and someone else. In other words: as a result of this empathy a defeat is more deeply and so really connecting you with someone else. The real natural leader I didn’t find among them (although they had a lot of experience and were already both 45+). Please. An example of authenticity by a defeat are patience of serious disease. This leader was a woman of 55+. she was a teacher on an university giving practical courses. When we hear someone else telling about personal defeats we’re not only able to imagine what she/he says. But instead of playing the came we arrive closer to our core and we become more authentic. The trainers were fine. Some years before she had lost her husband. in an empathic state just being there or sharing similar stories we have really experienced is helping the asking person much more. She never took too much space. But instead of showing sympathy – which is a sign from a superior position to another person who is more vulnerable – after a certain defeat is easier to really feel a pain someone else is suffering from.Secondly the defeat leads to a deeper sense of empathy. but in the group. And that’s for any single person different. giving parts of her own . we are only telling what defeats can bring us. All what she did was being open when necessarily. There are so many people like us with this feeling of something went wrong. like cancer. By this perspective we are closer to find out what life is really about. Example: Some years ago I was participating in a training course. but what they were telling was not completely the same as what the practise. Many of the patiences who survive say that they see life different. It’s easier for us to stand in someone else’s shoes and that’s empathy. we really feel because we also experienced it by ourselves: we understand what that other person is saying. we have to pay a price and from that stage on we can continue building up. never she was dominating. And with this deeper sense of empathy we also can put the games we are playing much more in a perspective. But the beauty of her leadership was that she didn’t behave like a leader. We discover that we are not the only one who experience this defeat or a similar defeat.

story. On the last day she did something courageous. She didn’t want to join this moment and wanted to wave ‘goodbye’ to us earlier. completely authentic. . In her Inner Leadership the invisible becomes really visible. so her message was easily to accept for us. All what she did was filling in gaps when the situation was asking for. All what she did was being herself. For some people this ritual feels natural. for others it feels forced. She announced that she was not a hugging type and by experiences she knew that trainings – no matter how the group was developing – always ends with a hugging ritual as a way of saying goodbye. She was completely accepted in the group.

This means we are more able to receive. But allowing yourself being vulnerable requires a lot of courage and confidence. makes us stronger. or searching for another job wherin we are more appreciated for who we are.Vulnerability and resilience Inner Leadership grows with more vulnerability in your life. For who? To be more adored by others? We can change by turn to other friends. What doesn’t kill us. we can give more of our authenticity. What can we do about this? We can do a couple of things. No doubt about it and we can admit this for ourselves. years. And so we continue. Only when we feel comfortable with the situation around us.. Till the tenth time when it hurts only ten percent of the first time. It’s a complicated relationship. . Inner Leadership happens by activity. We grow stronger by building more resilience. weeks.. We have to experience trust and confidence to feel vulnerable. Certainly when you are in a responsible position. as we want) we experience and feel more confidence. No one else. to accept or even to resist an obstacle. But it’s also the other way around: At the same time we need to be vulnerable to fully experience and feel confidence. it was terrible. reflect about made decisions and step by step improving.someone else’s feelings by my action? But that’s no reason to stop being (pro-)active. Resilience is an important part of growing confidence in ourself. How many times have we been rejected in our life? Was it awful? Yes. Our life is full of inconvenient feelings. but we try to explain it. And maybe also the next time it hurts. This growth happens by experiences. Making decisions is courageous and makes you vulnerable. No one else. One thing is: to change ourselves. By being more and more vulnerable (or: authentic. we can use to show our real selves. That’s exactly how we build our confidence by going vulnerable through our life. but hopefully already a little bit less. When we continue being pro- active this ambiguity changes into resilience. Doing. our vulnerability. Resilience is the flexibility to react on things coming our way. And it’s only ourselves we want to be appreciated by. And this growing confidence over days. What we describe here are different words for something else: resilience. trying out. Do I what I do in the right way? What happens if I make that action? When do I make a mistake? Or: what if I hurt – without intention . who we have to appreciate. To make this clear we can think at rejection. But another option is: we can think it’s only us. But with every decision and every improvement your confidence grows. And next time again less… and so on.

It’s the most scary moment in our lifes. a nice colleague or boss. friends are spectators. We feel more dependent on other persons. all alone. Of course we always depends on others: for a bread. partner. But even then it’s them against us. maybe the first part is not true. Probably we are in a hospital bed with people around us who sincere love us. going through the small port of the vagina. Probably when we were born we were immediately taken by the nurse who cared for us and the next moments by the parents. but it’s being alone as in the meaning of being completely free. This is not ‘being alone’ as in the meaning of loneliness. This feeling of being free sounds very nice on paper. life is not fair. One plus one is two or maybe even three. And they are trying to give us the feeling that we are beloved. It’s a gain and not a need. We are dying there in that bed all alone. And also through this journey we are going alone. that’s enough. The opposite is: we always need someone in our life to responds our needs. Indeed. When this/these person(s) drop out. If we feel more free. And we are doing this. And one day we all can choose for feeling free and . And in between there’s an interval called life. So when somone leaves us (by death. by an argument…) it can hurt us anyway. Of course there’s help from the nurse and the doctor. The same happens when we die. but they don’t go with us through our mother’s vagina. We always have a choice. it’s a very painful gap in our life. everyone who want to join our life can be welcome. but the struggle of dying we do all alone. it’s a gift and not a burden. by breaking-up. attentive nest with a lot of positive attachment. If we consider life as a journey alone. a hug. a friend. Many among us have always felt that we were not able or not prepared to live our life by completely relying on ourselves. But when we feel more free probably our resilience is better developed and we might be stronger to continue. a good play to entertain us… And of course even when we are very free we have a heart that loves other people. But we are not that lucky that we all have been born in a warm. To feel more free is an exercise for life. But just before there was the moment of leaving the uterus and entering the cold and blinded light of the outside world. The truth is we are born alone and we die alone. because after all it’s about our perception. It’s a positive attitude. Few among us are blessed with the feeling that they are completely alone. Maybe they support us. It’s heartbleading or maybe even depressing. We rely on ourselves and with this base we can shape our own life. It’s enriching.More vulnerability and resilience in our life give us more a free feeling. What do we want to say with this: we are born alone and we die alone. But that doesn’t matter. They others. children. We meet someone we like and with or without words we ask this person to join us. a clean pamper. a medicin to cure us. That can be a partner. but by saying this we victimize ourselves. This is not the same as more freedom. The perception is more like: one minus one is zero. Well.

That can be persons who are already a part in our life for more than ten years. But we also see two other things which we cannot ignore: there are still five persons outside in the rain and further up in the corridor/middle path of the bus there is still place for at least five persons .it’s not about your ego! . Maybe our ego wants to conquer the world and our ego like the game of influence masses of persons – for whatever reason. this friend belongs also to our surroundings. They would respond in their enthusiasm: Of course you have it to see big! You want to change the world. So all of us is very delighted that the bus approaches. The sky is the limit! But do you really need this? Is it you who wants this or your ego? For Inner Leadership we don’t need our ego. let’s try to find our Inner Leadership in daily situation with people who are a part of our life. And we look around to these 20 other persons. Example. And of course. But our real core only needs our surroundings. We have waited at least with 20 other persons at the bus stop for 15 minutes in the rain.-) Many people will be disappointed when we say : don’t see it too big. So we have to be in front of the line to be sure of a place in the bus. when we have a friend on the other side of the world on Facebook. People easily feel this and it’s not connecting. take responsibility for our actions and caring for the people around us. don’t you? So you have to conquer the world. But that can also be persons who are a part in our life for only ten seconds. Don’t see it too big . But immediately we see that this bus seems to be very full. we enter the bus and although all seats have been taken we can stand in the bus. A very good example of Inner Leadership are the small gestures which takes a lot of courage for many of us.working on our Inner Leadership. Working on more resilience by making actions. because they are sitting in the same bus as we do since we get up on this bus ten seconds ago. So far so good. The collapse of Inner Leadership is when our ego stands between us and the other person. So please.

youtube. It’s not to feed our own ego with the attitude of: look at me. This is a very good example of the simplicity of Inner Leadership in our daily life. but he changed the world. Congratulations to ourselves when this happen. But it’s also seeing that there’s enough space for all of us. At a certain moment he gave with a smile a small lollipop to a guy and ask him: why don’t you give this lollipop to the lovely young woman standing in front of you. what kind of hero I am! Hopefully when we are not used to it. Summarized he tells in his Ted Talk that in an university hall he was giving lollipops to persons who were standing in queue to subscribe. He supported love between two persons and probably those two persons created new life by having children. it seems that we are the only person in the bus who have noticed this. A second example of this little gesture is given by Drew Dudley and his story of the lollipop moment. But see this gift as something for ourself. Strangely but true. he didn’t safe the world. no therapy. Showing our Inner Leadership is caring for people around us: we are safe in the bus. Or they have to make contact with other persons in the bus and that’s frightening for many people. In a funny moment of breaking the ice Drew gave assistance to him with a simple lollipop. it can be a victory to overcome ourself. Let’s hope for everyone they meet that these children growing up to become strong and nice persons who also spread their best part with people around them. It was nothing more than a practical joke in a way. This action doesn’t make Drew a hero. Inner Leadership is raise up our voice and ask people to move to the back. It’s nothing deep.to stand.com/watch?v=hVCBrkrFrBE . Or maybe we can give the good example and walk to the back. People can be afraid when they are the last person in the bus that they won’t be on time at the door to exit the bus at the next stop. digging in our wound from the past… it’s just a simple gesture in daily life. But when this all started in the queue of the university hall it was not about Drew’s ego. What do we do? In practise it’s difficult for many among us to raise up the voice and ask people to step forward to the back side of the bus. A very very small part of the world. You find Drew’s story her: https://www. we don’t need to ‘fight’ for our own situation. but it can make a giant difference for many people. he only did it for fun! This is a brilliant example of the simplicity and dailiness of Inner Leadership. a couple of years later the unknown guy in the queue married the unknown young woman in front of him. We came out of our comfort zone and the panice zone became for us a magic zone. Guess what. not for our ego. We show our confidence in asking and connect with others. This example is only a small gesture. no coaching.

But while the years passed by I identified with neither a leader nor a follower. Afterwards maybe we can evaluate how we develop ourself in the previous period.) But please let’s not overlook our grandfather. one thing is worth it to pay attention to. We want to become a great spirit like them. It took me several years to gave myself an answer which satisfied me. The late rockstar invited fans from the first lines to dance on stage. But the guy insisted that he was a follower. Of course in daily life the two options – be a leader or a follower – are switching the whole time. Don’t overlook their burning light of inspiration by staring at stars like Nelson Mandela. our teacher biology. A famous sentence is: Life happens while you’re busy making other plans. in his pure honesty. how will history judge about me? Because then you are very busy with your ego and not with your Inner Leadership. By many of those stars we would be highly disappointed if we would know their biography more precisely. In my reality I feel more like someone who try to think for himself and makes his own decision based on the impulses I’m open for. (Of course you can consider that I follow these impulses…). the greengrocher on the corner… People who are also important in our daily life. In 2002 I joined a Prince concert. I learned a lot from him. No matter if our inspiration comes from a hero like Batman or from our uncle. This sentence was written by John Lennon – after he stole it from somewhere! . so-called great spirits from history or from just around the corner. (If this personal standard meets the standards in your social reality is another thing. Winston Chuchill or the Pope.My hero in my youth was John Lennon and that was great. With one person he even had a short chat on stage. of only for their own legend where we arrive at the ego.-) In other words: The only thing we can do is just being ourself and being there. our cousin. And there is nothing wrong to have John Lennon as a hero. Maybe these persons inspires you. After all Prince was a leader himself. most of them are not only altruistic. A nice gesture to his die-hard fans. In this way we are more busy with the process and even the goal of becoming someone (like them). like John Lennon inspired me. That brings us to the idea of following. I . It seemed that Prince was hoping for another answer than the guy gave. As you can read here. He asked this guy: would you like to be a leader or a follower ? This guy. this question from Prince always stucked in my mind and of course I tried to answer this question for myself. But of course there’s always difficulty when we start comparing ourself with others. But becoming someone or something just happens. What is needed – here and now? Not: how will they speak about me on my funeral. Or Barack Obama or Donald Trump or Martin Luther King or the Daila Lama or Lady Di or another person who stands for positivity according to your own standards. depending on the situation. replied : a follower! Prince was incredibly suprised and with him thousands of his fans in the concert hall.

our thoughts… to come to a decision. mind. their parents. That doesn’t mean that we don’t inform ourself by searching in libaries. but what about their own small surroundings? How is their relationship with their children. but at the end we have to listen to our feelings. Of course: because after all we believe that we are naturally creative.decide to take action. (ex-)wife. Heart: what we feel drives us. which action and when. 30 years finally don’t feel good in their lives. resourceful and complete to design our own life. The decisions we make originally comes out from our feelings. our feelings. listening to a song from our favorite singer… to give us the necessary impulses we need. our body. on the web. Based on this question ‘What is needed?’ we take action. Inner Leadership is about making a decision by ourself if we want to follow someone else. heart.no one else! . That’s also the dimension for our Inner Leadership. from no one else than us. People who have listened to their thoughts for 20. Only us . Inner Leadership is not about not to follow. body and surroundings All we do is influenced by four pillars : body. Four dimensions: heart. Inner Leadership means that we are strong enough to make the decisions by ourself. We can rationalise as much as we want. Our life is our project. Like Michael Jackson would say: Start with the man in the mirror if you want to change the world. With Inner Leadership we believe that in the core we only need ourself. mind and surroundings. Inner Leadership is also not about following slavishly. That can be our partner in a love relationship when (s)he wants to move for professional reasons. . chatting with other persons. Many guru’s wants to influence masses. that can be a group during an afternoon walk in the forest. that can be a political party with a program they want to realise after the elections.feel on my best when I think for myself as much as possible independent from the general opinion or social standards (as much as that is possible).

Mind : this is the part many among us uses. But mostly we it sink in again in our feelings. That’s the real confirmation for the decision we want to make. We are a part of circumstances and these circumstances and people around us influence us in our decision making and who we are. Many of us lives with their head and the rest of the body carries the head. It’s a totally different dimension. because otherwise our society would not work. A big part of our day we are in contact with other persons. patterns. Mostly the pattern starts with a feeling. It’s something else than our feelings. But we are so much more! Our body never lies. This is a way of confirmation of our feelings. we reflect about it. a family. We have a past with parents. When we feel a pain in our leg or in our stomach we know Surroundings: we are not standing by yourself. . And it’s good to do that. It’s really about the awareness of the body and expression the body. many more crimes would happen. If it’s not in social media then it’s in real life: interact with persons you even can touch and grasp: physical contact. behaviour we’ve learned. The interaction with our surroundings is essential for our Inner Leadership. If you wouldn’t think twice before you do something. after a while it gets stuck in our mind. Me in the group / me and the group We don’t live on an island with our Inner Leadership. all of us is a part of a community. Body: maybe our body is the most important thermometer we have for things that influence us.

As a coat that doesn’t suit us. It’s not about having fun. in other words behaving as the other persons mirror us. For example many televisionhosts needs to have ratings. Many of us exist by mirroring with others. It can be a social wishful statement or it gives us a boost of self appreciation because we know it’s social appreciated. in other words: authentic. Certainly in our individual society it’s a quality to be different and orginal. . Our sceptical mind wonders how authentic these words are. It gives us recognition by others.. chatty person. but at the same time it says something about the tensed relationship between us and group we are in. Of course 100 percent authenticity might always be a dream when you are company.For some of us this is difficult to interact with others: we are shy or prefer to be by ourselves. We use the verb ‘working’. Many others say to love to be in interaction with other persons. can become for ourselves more aware by reflecting on two questions. Or do we prefer to behave according who we really are. even when it doesn’t feel fine. It’s maybe an innocent postponing behaviour. This uniqueness is dictated in all the advertisements. how we feel best in a group and how we can approach this appreciated feeling. because indeed we have to make an effort for this. Or before we go to a party. It costs us a lot of energy to play the role of social.. One more cigaret or finishing this lovely song on the radio and then finally you grasp all your courage to dive into the group and put on your social mask. where we don’t know that many persons and we arrive by car. How do we have to behave? Is it for our selfesteem more important to be appreciated by others. But nevertheless many persons of us who are in a group are not that social as we seem to be. Working on this goal is working on our Inner Leadership. but the results of our efforts gives a deeper satisfaction for the rest of our life. It’s so tirying! Sometimes we prefer to stay in our comfort zone in the lazy chair in front of the television. because only then they fully exist. we want to postpone the moment to finally get out of the car and enter the group. Certainly being in a group for a couple of days or weeks during an intense course can be challenging. Who is picking the nose when someone is watching? What might other people think of us?! But that doesn’t say that we can’t work on our authenticity when it makes us feel more comfortable. Authenticity is one of the most difficult things in life and also one of the most desired things. as living our life more fully. The relationship with the group we are in – for only ten minutes or for ten years -. These two questions focus on how we feel in a group.

we can contribute to the group process.for ten minutes or for ten days - can also be a part of this needs to commit again with our surroundings. Taking care for ourselves is caring for the others. Me time . A block happens with a reason but without any reproach. The second question “What do I need for the group” leads to more confusion. What do we mean with this ? This question focus more on the entity of the group. During trainings of a couple of days we try to establish this level. It’s the level of full trust. one member of the group. Preferable a deep connection. 2. In the first question “What do I need from the group” our own unique identity popped up. Because at the end we all have our identity. So this question includes what the other members of the group can do for us so we can florish. . and even more. it just happens because of these unique circumstances. In this stage the ego’s between us and the others are melting and we are standing completely open. But they are really essential to understand our commitment with each other : 1. so we need patience from the others or we need a nap to be more energized. we need the connection with other persons. It’s a direction from the group to the individual. Can the group really respond to our particular need at that moment ? Mostly it’s a need to be in our power to show our commitment to others. For a sport team or a military equipe this level is very important. replacable by no one. It’s all about reading. Examples: maybe we are a bit slowlier than the others. The second question “What do I need for the group” we identify ourselves so much with the group that the group’s concern automatically becomes our own concern. feeling the group and which contribution can we give. To sublime above our individual life. Of course this stage takes time to create and to develop.These two questions are two sides of the main Inner Leadership-question : What’s needed ? The two questions are: What do I need from the group? What do I need for the group? These two questions can lead to some confusion and misunderstanding. but it really depends on the will of the trainees in this group how much we want to connect with the group. “What do I need from the group” is mostly clear. there’s only one of us. and we need the other to take care of our wishes and needs. This is really an important stage if we want to achieve something together. Or we are hungry and we invite the others to join us to a restaurant or for a snack. we are all unique. It’s a high level of commitment.

What’s more needed in this moment: our personal need or the need from someone else. the real Inner Leadership is when the person is at the other side of the circle. the moment that we are so called ‘off duty’. but this process is a giant example of Inner Leadership. or that from the group? And what’s needed exactly? That doesn’t have to be necessarily an action. Needed in this room. We are not passive. but we are very much there with the rest. This person let him-/herself drop and the person will be caught by the persons in the circle. Because you are responsible for the person in the middle. checking your mobile phone? Or do we keep our concentration on the process because we are a part of this group and our inner task at that moment is to stay sharp/alert and committed with the others. The question “What do I need for the group” idealiter leads to the best circumstances wherein we can experience a deep connection with the other persons in the group. It’s a process which leads to uncomfortable feelings. in this situation. because that would mean a ignorance/neglect/denying from the other persons – to create a real. There is always the tension between the individual person and the group. Being there can be enough. This asks a lot of courage and vulnerability from the person in the middle. One person stands in the middle. Being there. No. listening around. What do we do at that moment? Staring at the wall. We are fully in our Inner Leadership. because our personal Inner Leadership will be tested by the dynamics with other people’s Inner Leadership. To make this theory more clear we can use this small exercise : Create with six or seven persons a circle. It’s real commitent. But on the other side it also asks a lot of caring and commitment from the persons in the circle. That’s always different. Caring is looking around. This caring is not patronizing. Interest + concentration = creativity = magic . in this moment. equal togetherness. making jokes. The person will be carefully carried in your hands and hand over to the person next to you. We are willing to overcome the differences from the others – that is not the same as erase these difference. feeling around and experience what’s needed. The essence of this exercise for the Inner Leadership is not when we carry the person in the middle in your hands. And even more the person in the middle will be led around the several persons in the circle and is circling around. sincere. As always: being on the way during this process is more important than reaching the goal.

.

nervousness… Is it option C or D!?! . doesn’t only want to see a leader in front of you who knows it all and who doesn’t feel any insecurity. What now?! Sweat.Doubts and insecurity Doubts : we all have a lot of them. parents. The good news is: our doubts lead to wisdom. the trade unions. Maybe when we were nine years old we started to panic. Why? We want to be protected (by God. We don’t always have the answer or immediately the reaction that bring us to the next step. It seems in our society that it’s difficult for many of us to accept that our leaders doubt. reading this.as a nine years old kid or a 55 years old adult – and suddenly we don’t know the right answer to an important question. Doubting is not the same as reflecting. They are not allowed to show any doubt or insecurity. According to many of us someone who is insecure lacks authority. Is it option C or D? The doubt overcome us like a heavy coat on our shoulders. I hope you. Certainly in the 21st century we are asking more and more for strong leaders who can lead us. I beg your pardon?! A trainer. a therapist. It will cost a lot of their popularity and mandate to influence. Always showing themselves ‘strong’: how human is this? Many among us are willing to follow a strong leader by the promises to solve the problem of our lives. a coach. assurance. but not on stage. security agencies…). followers. There’s only one person who has that mandate and that’s we as an individual.from actors who leads an audience to a play during the whole evening or a guide through a museum till presidents – didn’t feel ill or had to recharge themselves before leading a group or even had to speech ? How authentic are leaders? Why do we. the media (information). Doubts and insecurity are inevitable to leading to new milestones. So they are inevitable for our Inner Leadership. Doubting happens to us. In the coulisse/side wing we are scared as hell. But that doesn’t mean that we know it – sometimes. expect so much from them? There are many different ways of authority. the priest. If we do a test . And that is what it is. That’s of course not true : how many leaders . On stage we are wearing a mask of invincibility and authority. higher heartbeat. And how difficult are they for us to accept ? It’s a pity that insecurity is so much judged in our society. It’s even more difficult for us to accept a leader with doubts or insecurity. a religious or political leader doesn’t have a mandate to solve our problems.

This attitude is also the wishful attitude to work together in a team. mocking or threating. in bed. Reflection can follow doubting. When we use are doubts in a creative way. Hopefully for us we can modify from the doubting mindset into the reflection mindset. in professional surroundings. We don’t let a so-called strong leader make decisions to fill in our lifes. In other words doubting is real Inner Leadership. This is a sharing in an equal way. about which way we want to go in our future. Doubting is innovating. . No. we take the control over our own doubts. reflecting about the world around us. We better share our doubts and insecurity. In our insecurity we are more conscious of ourselves and the world around us. because in their insecurity they focus on every detail of their profession to give the best of themselves. but the empathic commitment by listening and responding in an appropriate way. It’s a sign of resilience. in the mosque or church. Reflections happens in trainings. No advices.Reflection happens in a calmer atmosphere and it’s more directed. The most gifted persons in their fields of competence are often the most doubting ones. Not because are their shouting. This decision is besides reflection based on another thing: communication. The balance can be found in humbleness and respecting others for what they are. a equal team with collective responsibility and not only one leader and some followers who only implement. so we involve more persons in our next step. standing still for a moment. spontaneously or after a learning process. In other words: a good balance between deciding for yourself and listening to others. we are going to make the next step by ourselves. Sounds logically. Or in ourselves. Not irrelevant: at the same time they have enough courage and confidence to be able to bring the performance the audience adores.

Out of two persons something new appears – maybe new insights. that’s why it is vulnerable. The Element is. There might be a huge chance that we are good at something that we like to do. It says all about who we are. saving the world. when an aptitude (something we have a natural talent for) meets a passion (something that we really really like to do).Passion Passion can help us to come closer to our Inner Leadership. Something we are looking forward to the whole day when we pass our time at school or at work. Passion is something very vulnerable. People like to be challenged but not too much. There are many people who think that they don’t have a passion. because it’s too difficult to do it smoothly. As been said: the Element is when aptitude meets passion. according to Ken Robinson. Show interest in each other and start an interesting conversation is also a sign of creativity. yoga. commit crimes. So our passion is almost automatically something we are good at. Nevertheless passion is for more people than we think a burden or even a taboo. Maybe passion . to our Inner Leadership. beyond our possibilities. Passion can help us to come close to our core. That’s not necessarily. sex. Compare it with the courses at school. maybe a nice time. we give up easily. A small challenge stimulates us to leave the boredom behind and to reach another level which makes us proud on ourselves. sudocu. It can be the fuel to continue. Most of us hates mathematics. maybe confusion… it doesn’t matter. We like to do history because we are good at. playing Play Station… The next step of a passion is being in your Element. They associate passion with something creative. And: we like to do what we are good at. it emerges from our identity. at least something happens. something controversial. That can make a huge difference in our life. Otherwise life is so terribly boring. And very few people consider themselves as creative. But passion can also direct us through our life. A passion can be a serie on Netflix. really like to do. That’s nonsense. What is passion? If we keep it simple: passion is something that we really. entertain people. Probably because creativity is linked with brilliant artists like Leonardo da Vinci or Pablo Picasso. Sometimes the thing we are good at motivates us and we like to be motivated. In the best case we can develop our passion into a paid job. but this can help us to give us the privilege that we don’t have the feeling that we have to go to our work everyday. But when it’s too difficult.

it’s the ultimate expression of our Inner Leadership. it comes from the bottom of who I am. That’s real Inner Leadership. Never underestimate the power of our passion. taking action for what we believe in and carry the responsibility for what we are doing for ourselves. Anyway besides the inferior judgement about our creativity there’s a real shame regarding passion. entertain and try to do this in an equal way. Because in the first step it’s about knowing ourself. it’s our passion. . Something we really like to do is about believing in ourself and believing in what we do. we are so-called inferior persons. Maybe in people’s mind passion is someting for special people. so what is nicer than to share our passion with other persons and do something valuable with our passion. not the whole time. That’s where we need to be. There seems to be a pressure in our society to have a passion. It seems to be a big word. it really does’t matter what. And it’s important that we have the feeling regularly that what we do is just nice. We all have something that enthusiasts us. After all we need a strategy if we want to have nice egal tan. no matter what others think about it. That can be anything: charity. it brings us out of our comfort zone. It’s really about us and our identity. The importance of a passion or just call it ‘something we like to do’ is linked with being authentic. so we need a certain amount of creativity. It’s important having the feeling that what we do is meaningful. It seems that they consider themselves as someone inferior. We believe in it. about going for something and take the responsibility for it. teaching. because in the sharing we say in our most vulnerable moment: take this from me. Passion is for all of us. And if we can combine those two things and we share it with others. learning. In a certain way passion is a metaphor for Inner Leadership in itself. Because in the sharing we take action and take responsibility. Believing means that we are convinced by something – no matter if it’s right or wrong. But sunbathing can also be a passion. Inner Leadership is about this passion. someone who isn’t adapted to the standards. it’s my passion. but so now and then to feel stimulated to continue. That makes us vulnerable.has something to do with creativity. People can getting very emotional if they discover. Passion drive us and gives a direction to our existence. if you keep it small and simple. The highest level of being in our Element is: aptitude meets passion meets sharing your Element with others. realize or admit that they don’t have a passion. If we don’t have a passion. But we are not living on an island.

Kairos : waiting is the hardest part .

The behaviour on which the critic is based is not just behaviour. To serve us better we can pay attention to some tools which might help us in giving and receiving feedback. Second step is: how to react on what’s going on. because then it’s a reproche. but with a feedback conversation you can detect deeper what’s really going on..Feedback as a part of our Inner Leadership Giving and receiving feedback is an essential part of Inner Leadership. So what’s feedback not? Rejection. giving support. project your own frustation to someone. We can do the same with our teenage children when something is going on. Feedback all starts with observing what’s going on. So the critics are hidden in a sandwich between two positive points. Instead of reproching we can ask questions. But a smart person can also notice that this conversation is in the beginning all about the second discussion point. you that… But then he put the responsibility to the other person. One question to pose is : What can I do for you ? Example : Two colleagues have already worked for years. once again with the question: what’s needed in this situation? The essence of giving feedback is serving the other person. Sometimes it costs more time and efforts to discover this source. What we believe as feedback is: serving the other. not with the interpretation. Even when it’s clear that the other behave heavily different than (s)he used to do. the colleague can starts with questions like : I notice that the atmosphere or the interaction between us last time has been changed. being critical. reproches. Indeed. which contains a critic and maybe even a judgement. But at least from the starting point we avoid attacks. This behaviour must contains a source. What is feedback ? It seems there are thousand different ways of feedback. There’s no such a thing as negative feedback. One colleague feel that someting has changed in the working relationship between the two of them. An often used tactic for a feedback conversation is : one positive point followed by one negative point and wrapping up with a positive point. It’s up to us what we’ll going to do with it. What can he do? He can starts with using ‘you’: you this. . How do you see this ? How do you experience me lately? The other colleague will feel less attackted because (s)he invited to share her/his impression and feeling. reproching.. and heavily defenses from the other person.

Because it’s not only about giving feedback. What’s going on in the conversation? What we do hear between the lines? Is the body language according to the words that are speaking out? It’s a holistic approach of listening and can serve us very well in a feedback conversation. And even when we feel that this relationship can’t continue let’s try to see how we can serve the other in the following steps or let’s ask the other person for assistance for what we need. it’s also about the art of receiving feedback.  Please. But what can we do with it in an empathic conversation? Second level is the opposite: we admire the sparring partner. put this person on a stage and all the focus is on this person. Can help us in being empathic and in a certain stage of feedback.  Share our vulnerability and empathy. also in feedback. Last listening level is the all round level wherein the observation is essential. Powerful questions are sometimes almost dumb questions : question we are not going to speak out because they seems so obvious so why asking them. Feedback is about the empathic commitment between two or more persons. Questions like : What’s next ? What do you feel now ? What can I do for you ? What do you need next ? How can you change this ? How much do you really need/want it ? How do I know that you’ll reach that point ? . don’t give advice. but not always. Let’s try together with our sparring partner to see what’s really going on. The other person is the expert over her/his own life so why do we have to give advice what is good for the other person? What worked for us and we are delighted about is not automatically the answer for the challenge of the other person. The person who give feedback can be at the same time the person who receives. In a vulnerable conversation the chance is bigger that you go to a core.) Like always in Inner Leadership: it takes two to tango. Mostly those questions are open and short. But because many among us avoid them they are not often heard and that can mark an enormous impact. Because of the learning and the authority there’s a . That’s very valuable to come to a better understanding..  Powerful questions. We understand in a professional relationship or in discussion with our teenage children that a complete equality is not always possible.  Listening levels: Co-Active Coaching distinguish three levels of listening. (For the last two points we were inspired by Co-Active Coaching method. First level is very forcussed on ourselves: very useful when we have to travel alone from A to B. Let’s start to observe.  Feedback is always constructive and positive. For empathy we both have to dive to a certain point to really connect with each other. Otherwise it’s reproching..

And when we receive a gift we say: thank you. For many persons this is really new. no judgement. That means in practise serving a very well developed frame during the training for the trainees to grow into their new life. no justification. No words or answers. What we can do when we receive feedback we can only receive it with ‘thank you’. That’s enough. no answers. Like you read under the ”feedback” paragraph: please. How can you practise this receiving? Maybe it’s difficult to imagine. Or start this exercise with receiving compliments with only saying: ‘thank you’. Others might first be confused and accept it after a while when they feel growing stronger by making their own decisions (sometimes for the first time in their life. the trainees have a lot of space to develop themselves. What is our role as a trainer? Being there. Second part of being there: when a person needs it. Only receiving and take it in all over our body and carry the compliment with us. The real empowerment does not come from the trainer: it comes from the potential inside the trainee which was always there. because they never learned it before!). They embrace it as a refreshing experience. No comments. That also includes taking responsability for themselves. But even then the feedback giver can also be (at the same moment) the person who receives and who feels gratitude for this conversation. no defense… Only ‘thank you’. shameless creativity of very young children. but let’s try to see feedback as a gift.natural hegemony based on authenticity. we can support with motivation during a one-to-one-chat (we are also a choach). Think about the impressive. don’t give an advice! How could we decide for other people’s life? The trainer provides the trainees tools so that they can do it . Inner Leadership and the relationship between trainers and trainees During the process of implementing Inner Leadership in the reality of a training. This approach gives the trainees a base from where they can continue and stretch their comfort zone. But the initiatives has to come from the trainee who has to be fully motivated – no one else can force this. When participants ask: ”How can I deal with things in my life?” the trainer is not able to give the golden answer.

Learn with the final purpose : to come . He succeeded to guide the training without pushing himself too much on the foreground. in poverty. who are able to maintain in times of resistance. the unheard persons. The real learning and empowering is the willingness to fall and get up again. go through the panic zone and finally reach the bright light of the magic zone! The trainer is ’being there’ to accompany them on their journey and fully available for one-to-one chats. People who know by experiences the less shiny side of life. but most of the time (s)he does not immediately realise it. This is a difficult part. who are able to show real vulnerability even when they take a risk – you find mostly among persons in struggling situation. Or even worse: a guru kind of leader who fills in for the participants. a real connection between two persons. because we don’t know the answer that satisfy us. How equal can we be with the trainees. a more equal approach of a person who is sharing information.” This soulds like real Inner Leadership! This paragraph needs a short addition to wrap up. This approach is based on empathy. But then we automatically fall back in the structure of a big leader and the following pupils who learn from a teacher. Mostly it’s the opposite. That doesn’t mean that someone is a strong personality. Nevertheless instead of giving rules we give guidelines. Where does the responsibility of the trainer stops and where does the responsibility of the trainee starts? For some participants this style is very difficult to accept. That is patronizing. instead of commands we invite the learners to come to action. That’s no false modesty. There is only one person who knows best and that is the trainee. As a trainer we always emphasis that we learn with the participants. When we are open for the ideas of Inner Leadership we learn a new approach. It gives a lot of freedom to them and maybe they expect a strong leader in front of them who guide them to a very special event. inspiring and stimulating others to come to action. But (s)he is not going to tell what the trainees must do.by themselves. it’s a more democratic way of exchange information and learn. The biggest compliment that once happened was: ”The trainer is rather invisible. Trainers aren’t guru’s who knows everything (better). and I say this with a huge respect towards him. A guru kind of leader who fills in for the participants is the opposite of the whole process of Inner Leadership. on the run. A dominant personality doesn’t automatically mean a strong personality. The strongest personalities – people who can bear a lot. It’s their part to be creative and to try to get of it what’s in it for them. They leave their comfort zone.

We’re talking about strong persons on every level of our daily life who wants to make a differences for themselves and for the people around them. Because we can’t handle it by ourselves we move into a position .closer to our inner core and make decisions by ourself and take fully responsibility for these decisions. Even the government let us down! We lose completely our beliefs in the society. All we see are boundaries. Victimising ourself happens mostly without being aware of it. Some persons feel it the last two hours of the day before they fall asleep and next morning they feel recharged. This attitude is the opposite of feeling and acting like a victim. Inner Leadership on macro-scale Inner Leadership focus in the first place on an independent development. We really felt letting down by the higher institutions. in other words: ready. From there on an individual is able. This is not strange. willing. we need to recharge. We feel down. really down. for others this feeling maintains for months and months and months… At those moments there’s a strong longing that someone else will take it over from us. rejections in personal or professional lifes. resistance from insititutions. We all know this feeling. And even the most positive attitude is a bridge too far. we have the feeling that we are disadvantaged the whole time. But many persons among us let direct their own lifes by someone else. All what we want and maybe need is protection! Protection from someone else. to contribute to the society. Simply because we can not continue.

And cars and mobile telephones are also civilization and far from nature and we love it! So why don’t we want to contribute to this empathic commitment based on Inner Leadership? Example : An important example of togetherness and commitment on macro scale is the European Union. after one generation the succession of this single person causes huge problems. not visible universe. our girlfriend. a strong political leader. Or maybe it seems to work for a while but after a decade. How can we grow to this feeling to see the effect in practise? . the bank accountant. to contribute to a better tomorrow for all of us. This compromise means a huge sigh for many among of us.under someone else’s protection. That’s why it is so important to keep searching for connection with people with the same mindset. single individuals together. which includes for a big part resilience. confidence. This extremism excludes many people who can’t follow. We all know it’s a fragile example of commitment. We need someone else to build up our life because we are natural creative. believe. resourceful and complete. because we have a different speed of developing. Even the money. we are talking about something we are very proud on : civilization. For many people this sounds like a complete natural selection. And is this European scale not too big for millions of European citizens and too far from our home ? We could see the Brexit as a sign that many persons can’t follow it anymore. In our diversity as human individuals it’s also important to find compromises to make a next move. That means that people split up and we start living in different parts with different speeds. not coming from someone else. We have to do it together. needs the commitment from other persons. It’s not a part of our daily life because ‘Europe’ happens somewhere in another abstract. Us is the key to survive in daily life. with initiatives from all of us. resilience…? Some things that really belongs to us. That’s the real empowerment. A big leader who is going to solve our problems. That can be our mother. a spiritual guru… This person can be an inspiration when we meet him or her. different speed of embracing the future. a personal coach. which we have daily in our hands is not enough to gain the ‘European’ feeling: being a part of an European family. Our Inner Leadership. but really our own skills! We take our own decision and responsibilities in our own life. Or in practise it doesn’t work immediately. This process of separation generates extremism. different privileges. is an illusion. What will be left over of our own power. different speed of changing. But it’s something else to let our life lead by such a person. but we are not talking about nature. The final stage is the same as the beginning point: at the end our distination requests us.

At least you deeply realize that there is something else than home.and even the neighbour country can be already a challenge – we automatically put ourselves and our own culture in a perspective. Every person from 18 years we’d like to encourage two things. And this process can only succeed when you get in touch with this project from a young age. Secondly we encourage every person to live for at least a couple of months abroad. That’s why it is so important to send youngsters from 15. because we are investing in our Inner Leadership. But it’s a process which is worth it to follow. In particular the young persons who have difficulties to put their own culture into perspective. But all Americans seem to have something in common: feeling american. First: live at least one or two years alone before we are going to settle ourselves with someone else. The union of America was for a big part the winning of the west in the nineteenth century. Unite the States of America was also a very long process which had to overcome a giant crisis: a Civil War between 1861-1865. It’s a practise learning process to develop commitment. because we all know nothing is black or white. which meant in practise cultivate wild areas in the west which was hardly inhabited and fight small tribes. because you have experienced it! This is the main reason why the European project is so important to invest in. . In other words we learn to stand in someone else’s shoes and that’s another expression for ‘empathy’. Living alone we get to know ourselves and our preferences much better. Because only abroad . So living in another country. because it’s developing our Inner Leadership. even when we have the feeling that live in a hell we only want to go home. 16 years old in an exchange with other young persons from other parts of Europe to learn with and from them. in another culture stimulate the empathy. We take responsibility for our own life and probably behave also more mature in negotiations and arguments with our partner (which happens anyway).It’s a long process which takes generations and this path is full of obstacles. And still these days a huge differences between the Mindset in New York and mindset in Texas exists. It’s a difficult development which takes generations. Of course we can’t deny that there’s a huge differences between the union of Americ and the union of Europe. And to find a balance between these deep and rich cultures and at the same time an European identity is indeed a challenging process. empathy and togetherness. In Europe we are trying to unite different nationalities and cultures which have develop themselves during many of centuries.