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A Picture of Women Through the Glasses of a Man

Amir Karray
ENG 3UI
Mr. Kemp
Friday, July 9, 2010
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In the poem To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved Before, by Mayda Del Valle, the

poet acknowledges that, in a relationship, women carry the responsibility and men create

the burden. This has altered her in such a way that has changed her overall attitude about

men. . In her poem, she represents a woman’s views on men as a whole in terms of their

dishonesty, their disrespect and their disregard to their feelings. Men are dehumanizing

her, taking away her womanly essence.

Many women have become very conscious about their relationships as a result of

the way men have changed their feelings. (All that women want is “simply to be loved...

simply the truth of whether you can really loves us or not” (Del Valle, Lines 13, 16). In

this quotation, Del Valle is saying that women are always waiting for the neglected

affection that they deserve from the men. Women are trying their best to please the men;

however they do not realize their efforts and they go unappreciated. The fact that a

woman’s love goes unappreciated is very tormenting to a woman bring. In the next few

lines, the author states that “I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and

shining” (Del Valle, Line 66) meaning that once women have been hurt by weak

relationships, once again they will become more robust; they will be emotionally stronger

and more dignified than before. The way men pay disregard to the feelings of women in

general contributes to the way Del Valle views them.

In Del Valle’s opinion, men do not consider women to be their equal; she believes

that men disrespect women because they don’t listen to them and men ignore women’s

feelings making them feel torn inside. “Wounded and half filled with promises you can
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only keep half the time” In this quotation, Del Valle is saying that women are so loyal

and trusting of men; they have faith that their relationships will remain strong. However,

men take advantage of this reliance and they only keep half of their word; insulting the

women in the process, taking away from their integrity. The poet goes on saying: “We

are not your mothers and are not meant to be, it’s not our responsibility to raise you into

respectful beings that have been wounded from the breast of a woman for years yet you

come to us” (Del Valle, Lines 1-5). Del Valle is implying that the boys she has been with

are not men, if they are coming to her with all their problems; it follows the relationship

of a mother to a boy. However, she needs a man as opposed to the boys that have been

with her. Being surrounded by boys, Del Valle feels that they do not give her the respect

she deserves, or in other words the “men” are disrespecting her.

Del Valle has been subjected to many forms of dishonesty throughout her past

relationships, changing her overall opinion on men. She describes how “We’ve become

much accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows / have become accustomed to

waiting for our empty beds / to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the

scent / and the hands of other women” (Del Valle, Lines 8-11). De Valle is saying that

women are constantly being tormented and hurt because they are aware that their partners

are cheating behind their back, with countless other women. She is also questioning

whether or not the men actually appreciate the women; whether or not their love is true, if

it is just a blanket of deceit and abandonment. Secondly, Del Valle says, “Wounded and

half filled with promises you can only keep half the time” (Del Valle, Line 6). Del Valle

speaks on behalf of all women when saying this. She is implying that men are not true to
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their word; they only reveal a side of what truly is going on their life. That other side is

unknown to the women, which stirs the idea of dishonesty. These passages from Del

Valle’s poem show that her past relationships have not been liked with honesty; as a

result, this has altered her overall opinions on men.

In conclusion, Mayda Del Valle sees that men have created a disposition status in

terms of women in relationships. This is accomplished by men treating women in such a

way that their feelings are hurt and are torn, and by men using women for their own

needs rather than for a relationship. The roles of men and women in a relationship have

been set to such a standard, that women are finally becoming frustrated and are feeling

disrespect from the men. Men have also gotten so accustomed to this relationship

standard, that they are taking advantage of the women; contaminating their relationship

with the dishonesty that they are committing. The author of To All The Boys I’ve Ever

Loved Before believes that the actions and intentions of men have greatly affected her

perspective tone in a generally negative way.

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Works Cited

Del Valle, Mayda. “To All The Boys I’ve Ever Loved Before.” Youtube. KateJB2, 30 Aug. 2008. Web. 7 July 2010.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9tlQMSovCk.