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r-)'^\<i THE SHUTTLE TEST

\v
Realizing that most of ua are in the midst of frantic errd-of-the- of
segester cramging fcr course exams, the Ratohet Jaw, with ite keen sense
timing, hae choeen this time to exami.ne its employees and findproject.
out whether
they Io i" fact graep the grave importanco of the Shuttle-UM A

teei was designed tor tirat purpose and, considering the eignificancewilL having
o4
competant and knowledgeablo .tployu"", anyone who flunke thie teet be
domoted to driving {h"uu-wheeler around the laundxy room. The test, how-
"
ever, is near inPoeeible to Paee (
n6tHs so thera ie a paes-fall option with the test that a1lowe any
foof-t" paee juat by eigning ttit or hor name. BUTr if yourre not just any
fool, and you actually want-to acale your ineompetence by couplet'ing thie
Ln Box ))). Teste will
lest'for a grade, "o*i6t.d teets will be aecepted will
be graded unfairly and if youtro rucry the regults be posted by 1p8o'
There are three plrts to the test and:no time l-imit unleee you want on6' and in
that case--mako orr upr Choating ie accep{ed'

(test begino on next Psge)


.tITCHBT JA'ril, P. d

PARTI-I"ruLTIPLEGUESS

In each question, circLe the answer best essociated with a circle ehe:1,:l

1. a) none of the beLow


b) Aunt Sadiers elternator
c) why bother
d) a is necessary but not eufficient
e) trying to imitate the hum of a Shuttle-Bue lootor with a jaw harp

2, a) adjueting the gas gauge


b) checking the oil with a Ratchet Jaw
c) checking the traffic circle for oncoming ehancellors
d) Scott i,larionettors mustache
e what the hell? I

7' a daydreaming about becouing an armchair busdriver


b aiready behind schedule ae it is
c blov'ting the oil Pressure
d) all of the below
e) r:one of the above

4. a) the number of Shuttle Buses per second squared in the average st'.rdent
conver eation
b)sguare turk
c) n<,ting whether the bue has taken a IO-1OO lately
d ) a paycheck from Urban Affairs
e ) singing the refrain from rrBus 21" inLo the exhaust pipe

,. a) vralking around the bus with a magnetic sundial


b) ali of the sideways
e) providing ice for the cooler in the back of the bus
d ) checking the air in the oiL gauge
e) not now, Irm busy
PARTII - SEE PAGE FOLLO;JING
PART III - BOGUS ESSAY

Pick a topic that is vag;e).y related to the question and shoo'c the
breeze for awhiLe. If you chooee to make a parti-cular point, be sure that
nothing clearly supports it. Logical arguuents may only be used ivhen dt:awing
an irrel.evant conclueion. Philosophical tangents will only be accepted.if
they are incoherent and any references to Shuttle-UM or particular employeee
of Shuttle-U,4 muet be ludicrous.
I) Describe a normal shifter knob using only }O-codes in your answer.
2) Discusg the legal aspects of bus bigamy from a biological standpoint.
7
r,, T

RATCHET JAI,', P" 9

)) Exprain a talIy of a charter frou base to the pub.


171 on
4) about the poeeibilities of using catl-a-Ride for
Tllll:ster
qeI]-Very. on-campuB pizza

5) Discuss the Freudian implicatione of overoxcessive shifting. rnclude a


chaneelfor in your trrsErr
5) Diecues the pros and cons of having the following particulars piped into
a1l buses while in operation:
a) Oentist office music
b) claseical gas
c) Johnny Carson monolog:es
d ) typical converstione between eupervisory staff
e) race resu]ts at Bowie
\-_

PART II - Tdeurfrly tlre ltoutes

Guess whtch routes qre confcrtne& rn Thrs Syudode

heie
. lrtT 3uesss
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e,
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