OOPSS – The Newsletter

"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for."

The above lines are a part of quotes by Jasper Carrott. Jasper Carrott (born March 14, 1945) is an English comedian (declaring himself "world famous in Birmingham”). As well as the two autobiographical writings, Carrott also wrote a Novel called, 'Shop: A Store is Born'.
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About OOPSS!
This is the second Issue of the my opinion newsletter. The response of The PERSONNEL was not overwhelming, but yes, it was better than expected! The second Issue has been named OOPSS by Mr. Rajan Gupta, winner of prize#1. OOPSS stands for Opinion Oriented Paper Specially for Savants! The highlight of this issue is “Weapons of Mass Communication”. The reason why the front page showcases Jasper Carrot is that he himself has been a part of English Media. Though a comedian, his words have always been seriously pointing at some thing. This issue looks at some fantastic journalism for inspiration to worst kind for laughter! OOPSS covers magazines, represnted by Reader’s Digest, Newspapers, represented by Metronow, News Channels, represented by India TV, Movies, represented by Sarkar Raj and Novels, represented by 3 Mistakes of My Life. I hope this issue gives you a nice fun time in contrast with seriousness of the first issue! I would love to hear from you with comments (preferable criticism) @ my.opinion@individuality.in or you can also write a comment on My Opinion, Newsletter forum. The previous issue, The PERSONNEL, can be obtained http://www.scribd.com/doc/3184351/ISSUE-1 or you may ask me to mail it to you! from

Varun Arora, The Editor.

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Magazine-> READER’S DIGEST………………………………4 Newspaper-> METRONOW…………………………………….5 News Channel->INDIA TV…………………………………..…8 Movie-> SARKAR RAJ……………………………………..…..9 Novel-> 3 MISTAKES OF MY LIFE……………………..……10 HUMOUROID…………………………………………...……..11






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Reader’s Digest
Sitting in waiting queue of Chopra eye clinic, 12 year old me, before even getting the eye test was selecting the glasses I would like to wear! I was an enthusiast trying to figure out with which pair do I look more of a topper! After half an hour of fruitless search my eye caught something. A small magazine with an airplane crash photograph on cover. That was my first thirty minute encounter with Reader’s Digest. Reading about aircrash investigation, blackbox, airlines and jokes, it was tough to leave it when my turn came. From that day on, my favorite pick has always been RD though I loved comic world a lot.RD is a perfect blend of articles for all. Anyone who loves to read(even some people who don’t), have something for them in every issue! The permanent sections are: 1. Quotable Quotes 2. From the Editor 3. Index (Hahahaha, Kidding…) 4. Medicine Section (For heart patients, pregnant women, children…also new advances,etc) 5. One featured person who is doing/has done significant for the society (My favorite report has been of a lady who rescues elephants from hard labourers who exploit them) 6. A survey (Mumbai is most honest Indian City, India has World’s Hotest Chilli) 7. A rule book for better you (Seven rules to inspire your kids, 6 steps to save your life) 8. The best jokes (As klids see it, humour in uniform, life’s like that, laughter-the best medicine) 9. Word Power (Best for CAT n other similar english puzzle seakers) 10. Many more fantastic articles, survival stories, health tips, even the adverts are great to read!

I have never left an issue without completing each and every available article. I have never read a better magazine as yet! Just try it out and you’ll know good journalism isnt yet extinct!

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Reabok travel bag and an annual subscription to some new newspaper is not that bad a deal for just Rs.100! That would be like “BAAP K ZAMAANE K DAAM” and indeed I am lovin’ it! I think we have made Rs.100 by selling the newspaper to “Raddi walah”, so its an all win-win situation! But maybe Metronow is more than that! Features I like: 1. The news is in the perfect language as we understand! No GRE words or confusing headlines. 2. Complete outlook of this newspaper is like that of a magazine! 3. 48 pages of fun gives you full 1 hour time pass! 4. It is truly for the youngsters! Adults should just not consider this! 5. Editorial is so down to earth, any comment you send them, gets on the next issue! Well, almost every comment! 6. The adult joke section is superb and maybe too bold, but suits me! 7. This is one newspaper, if you cant read, atleast watch! The hollywood and international pages are ahem ahem! 8. The game zone is fantastic! Complete two dedicated pages for cartoon strips and puzzles,etc 9. Elaborated sports section. 10. Surveys, new books and movie reviews. 11. Two email id which are constantly read and monitored. Regularly updated blog. 12. Snapparazzi, if you have a camera mobile, just used it for some purpose! If you don’t, get one to use it for a purpose! 13. A dedicated page on Internet and technologies! Orkut, Google, Youtube and Apple are the favourites. They have a daily featured youtube video.
14. There are various articles on personal experiences. Like the one recently gave a fantastic

lesson to get your passport by “tatkal” only. “Elevates” to “Punjabi By Nature”, “Omelettes” to “Paranthe wali gali” and” chaat street” to “Barista”, its all in the list of these authors!
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There are some annoying things as well in this newspaper. After all they have to make 48 pages loaded! 1. They pick one news and dedicate 5 pages a day for a month. Remember Gitanjali? 2. A huge irritating page 3 segment with mostly TV stars showcased! 3. Monday-Saturday! No Sunday when you need it the most! 4. Don even think about letting your parents have a look at complete newspaper. It’s the dad of famous Delhi Times last page! I remember digging in Delhi Times in school. Lucky we, got Times of India in school! I think this newspaper has serious content with a blend of fun!

Some featured articles from Metronow reporters: There are many articles, still I am covering just the Transport fiasco in Delhi, as all the dedicated reporters of my opinion have shared views on this purticular topic in Metronow. Name: Varun Arora Date of Print: 17.05.08 Concern: The Tram project is being developed taking inspiration from France. After BRT failure, should government go ahead with another project? Comments: I don’t feel one failed attempt (BRT) should hold the government from entering into another project. Rather they should learn from their mistakes. They should carry out surveys and research to make sure they are on the right track. Delhi roads still have a heavy load. Despite Metro and low floor buses, we see overcrowded bluelines on the roads. This kind of pressure on public transport will only increase in the time to come. We must, therefore, have new projects, but they must be suited to the needs of Delhiites and not some other country (France in this case).

Name: Shubham Mittal Date of Print: 21.05.08 Concern: Lok Adalats get thumbs up from Voilators.

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Comments: I think the only way to improve the traffic conditions on Delhi roads would be to clear the Challan on the spot. The drivers should be punished instantly so that no case goes pending. These Lok Adalats may help the cops but middlemen stand to profit the most. If spot clearance is not possible, then the Challan must be accompanied by a captured picture of the vehicle. There would be no room for argument there.

Name: Neha Jini Date of Print: 24.05.08 Concern: BRT mess. Comments: I think we should now stop criticizing the Government for BRT mess. Whatever’s happened has happened. We should now concentrate on ways to make BRT more efficient and safe. If we continue the blame game, we will forever be stuck in the mess. The blame will keep shifting from government to traffic cops to traffic marshalls to commuters… lets be practical and look for the alternatives. Ultimately, it is the commuters who are suffering, so how much does it matter whose mistake it is?

Name: Rajan Gupta Date of Print: 24.05.08 Concern: BRT mess. Comments: BRT was introduced to control “Burgeoning Road Traffic”. But it has not lived upto the people’s expectations, I think the government must reconsider its strategy. The main aim of Shiela Dikshit should now be to think of ways to come out of this mess instead of finding ways and people to shift blame. The management which was responsible for creation of such a concept must come forward and take the responsibility of making amendments. Even media should encourage the government to rectify their mistakes and they must understand that no government is perfect in this world. A good balance between both these can only bring out the best solution to the problems faced by Delhiites.

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India TV
My Pick from the news is “INDIA TV”. This one channel pretends to be so caring to people, half of its news begin with “Hum aapko batate hain”, “India TV ki pehel se” and “Hum apne darshako ko aagah karna chahte hain”. Listening to any of these phrases, I always stick to this channel, only to know “Khali’s Lunch is my monthly meal”, “My brother, instead of getting into IIT, should buy a car and have fun as world will be over by the time he graduates”, “A child of a village has a cobra as his friend” and not to forget “Kalpana Chawla has resurrected the fourth time”!

I am sure if you flip channels and often come across India TV, you remember the ghost of grandma in the lift! The “pandit ji” of India TV is the best “pandit ji” I have ever seen! His first line is always a Sanskrit shlok! The next line is its English counter part! Then rest of his chat is in Hindi! Believe me if you havent noticed, he speaks for 5-10 minutes constantly in one breath!

Even right now they have Rakhi Sawant’s celebrations from 9X channel’s reality show! Rakhi is the second best species thy love after aliens ofcourse!

Recently, I stopped when I heard a cold voiced man saying “Wo aapki khidki se jhaankte hain”, “kya aap vishwaas karenge?”, “unki nazar har pal aap par hai”… I stopped to expect Income Tax department people, but figured out those were aliens instead!

Yesterday, all limits were crossed. The same heavy voice got into my ears ”wo aapke saath baithe hain”, “wo aapke saath TV dekhte hain”, “wo aapko jaante hain”… Looking at my dad, I thought they are talking about Father’s Day celebrations. But again, Aliens! “Hum shukr se aye hain”, “ji haan, ye hai khulasa India TV ka”, “hum insaan dharti k nahi, balki, aliens hain”… Looking at my brother who cracked every engineering entrance exam, I told my dad, “ye to pakka alien hi hai”!

If you are getting bored, feel like killing yourself, just wait! For 30minutes watch India TV, and you will feel like killing the channel reporters!

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Sarkar Raj
Sarkaar Raj is one of those movies you feel are “off-beats” types and you are wrong! This movie takes you into ride with an extream idealistic character. Junior Bacchan has the most perfect role he can get. This movie is no where near reality and hence I rate Sarkar better. Aishwarya was mostly a listener to a narration! Though she began with a sense that she makes impossible turn “I” “m” “possible”, this attitude soon dissappears! Amitabh as usual is flawless. His red eyes make you feel the darkness in his character’s life! Though he seems to give up in front of his son, it certainly has that true essence of belief as well! This is one of those movies, that does not give you a message. But surely warns you of politics and its true nature! I loved the movie for its character! None of the actors gave their best performances. They were as good, as naturally they always can be. There was nothing extraordinary from an actor’s point of view. But indeed each character has strength. The negetive characters were much weaker as compared to swamiji’s team from Sarkar, but they did much more damage! Suspense is amazing and the screen presence of every one as well! Some times you would feel confused whether Ramu is a great director or he is short of budget? Lighting suggests any of these may be true! I am dissapointed with news channels. Most of them were disclosing complete story on Friday Night! I am amazed how “belagaam” these news channels have become. Raamu can easily sue them all! I would rate this movie with 81 points on 100 comparing with 92 for Sarkaar! Don’t ask me how I calculated this! This is my personal formula! Other movies: 1. Tashan- 73 2. BhoothNath-68 3. Jannat-44 (It made me feel that director thinks I am a fool) 4. Iron Man-77

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5. Saawariya-1 (Now zero seems rude!) 6. Om Shaanti Om- 49 (Un dino aur koi movie ni thi, so theek lagi)

3 Mistakes of My Life
Chetan Bhagat is back with a bang! Another fantastic piece of art by Chetan Bhagat! Though I have read novels by many authors, but Chetan Bhagat has something different to offer! According to me some of these points ar: 1. Each book costs less than Rs. 100! 2. There is a lot of realism I his write up! 3. Fuck is his favorite fucking word! 4. Sex! 5. You can always relate atleast one character with yourself! Mostly the lead character, though you may not be able to explain why this is so! There is no need to comment upon this purticular book as it is as good as other two. But ofcourse reviews cannot be identical! So heres the rating: 1. Five Point Someone: 99 on 100! (Ab ek to kaatna padta hai!) 2. One Night @ Call Centre: 88 on 100! (?!#God#!?) 3. 3 Mistakes of My Life: 93 on 100! (Sex part was innovative, but not as exciting! Proffessor’s daughter is just too good a fanatasy!) From student to call centre executive to businessman, Chetan Bhagat is seemingly on a journey! What do you expect from the next novel? Some of the options I think are: 1. Pilot! A tale of 5 countries! 2. Army man! NDA to Kargil, a love story! 3. Alien! Ok, I got carried away! I think with 3 mistakes of my life, Chetan Bhagat has completed the Hattrick hits of his life!
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This time I am focussing jokes from different segments of RD and a special one from Metronow! If you are not able to understand RD jokes, maybe they are too smart for you! 1. All in a Day’s Work -: As a school secretary, I was checking our new fire-safety notice for errors. It had been rewritten by the principal. She didn’t seem to hold out much hope for some kids. “In the event of fire,” the sign read, “Classes One and Two should exit the eternal door.”
2. Life’s like that -: I had a chance meeting with an old school mate in a café. We sat down

and were having a lovely reminisce until he suddenly started going on about how happily married he was. The shift in conversation perplexed me until I looked down. The leg I’d been rubbing my itchy skin wasn’t the table’s.Iit was his. 3. Humour in Uniform -: Some Sailors have a well-deserved reputation for concocting excuses to shirk work. Case in point: My husband’s fellow officer got a call from a sailor saying he was sick and there was no way he could leave the barracks. “What’s wrong?” the lieutenant asked. “I’m in a coma,” he said. 4. As kids see it -: On Christmas Eve, my nine-year-old son, David, was getting the milk and biscuits ready for Santa. He asked if he could also put a beer out- in case Santa wanted one, and my husband agreed, getting a chuckle out of the idea. The next morning, David came tearing into our room, excited that Santa had come. Urging us to follow, he ran into the kitchen to show us the half-full bottle of beer. “See! There really is a Santa,” he said excitedly, “because Dad would have drunk the whole thing!” 5. Just one from various random jokes after the articles -: Who says beauty queens are stupid? Well, most people and with good reason, as demonstrated recently by Laura Caitlin Upton, aka Miss South Carolina. During the Miss Teen USA contest, she was asked why 20 percent of Americans cant locate America on a map. This was her considered response: “ I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I
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believe that they should, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we’ll be able to build up our future for us.”
6. Metronow Special -: A couple married for forty years were revisting the same place they

went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.” The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebag. They made love like never before. Back in the car, the guys says, “Darlin’, you sure never moved like that forty years ago- or anytime since that I can remember!” The woman says, “Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn’t electrified!”

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