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Jackson 1

Script Sample Coverage #2

What did you like about this script?

The script has a strong opening with Jef as the narrator. He immediately reveals his connection to Poppy’s sad story and it creates an intriguing emotional tether between Poppy and Jef’s character as well as an immediate narrative hook for the audience.

Ernesto and Poppy’s story begins innocently enough and Ernesto definitely seemed to represent all of the hopes and dreams that Poppy wished for on page 3. I also enjoyed the writer’s choice to include subtle ironic humor in the second half of the script leading up to Poppy’s encounter with Tresla.

However, once Poppy gets everything she wished for her character fails to be an active player in the story rather than a pawn.

What do you think needs work?

Up until Poppy’s decision to run away with Ernesto on page 6, her parents controlled Poppy’s entire life. Likewise, after her night with Ernesto, Poppy’s life continued to be controlled and manipulated by others. As a result, it turned Poppy into a passive character in the narrative. First, her parents try to keep Poppy a secret. Next, Tresla comes in with his factory and then the villagers try to keep her fed because they benefited from Poppy’s condition.

I liked the comedic irony that was built up throughout the script. However, the abrupt manner in which Poppy dies in the sinkhole at the end seemed a bit campy and it made the ending feel a bit flat.

Moreover, even with Jef as the omniscient narrator, the story raised several plot related questions, such as, if all Poppy and her family ate was gruel, then was the condition unique to Poppy’s family or just her? Why did it the effects of Jef’s beans last for so long the first time and how was it discovered that his beans were the source of her condition?

Likewise, if Jef’s business was saved because of Poppy’s condition, would it not have been at risk again once the advancements in technology made it easier to get power? Lastly, Jef had no direct contact with Poppy, so why did the writer choose to have him narrate instead of Poppy herself?