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Healing The Effects Of Unawakened Men

Jeff Brown

Toronto, Canada
Healing The Effects Of Unawakened Men

Copyright 2014 by Jeff Brown

All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this
publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright
owner and the above publisher of this book.

PO Box 64,
Acton, Ontario

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK............................................................... 1

APOLOGIES TO THE DIVINE FEMININE................................................ 3
CLASS ONE: INTRODUCTION............................................................ 8


MEDITATION OF FEELING....................................................... 19

CLASS THREE: RELEASING AND EXPRESSING..................................... 23

MEDITATION ON ANGER RELEASE............................................ 27


CLASS FIVE: SELF-FORGIVENESS/SELF-LOVE..................................... 38


EXERCISE IN SELF-LOVE........................................................ 49

SOME SUPPORTIVE QUOTES FROM JEFFS BOOKS................................. 53

* The Sacred Feminine Rising Healing Course *


Thank you for downloading this course. The following inquiries and
exercises may be best completed after listening to their respective
audio recording, but this is not essential. At the heart of the course is
your own emotional process, so whatever ignites and supports that is
perfect. However you choose to do the course, I do recommend that
you move at a manageable pace, as this material has a strong
emotional charge to it, and needs real time to integrate. The culture is
moving so fast, but our emotional processes are delicate and have a
timeline all their own, particularly where trauma is concerned.
Sometimes we feel sure we have moved through a process, but find
out some time later that it is still unresolved. Better to move through
the material at a careful pace, so that you reach the end of the course
feeling integrated and grounded. And remember, now that you have
downloaded this course, you can do it as many times as you need to,
so you dont have to process everything at once and risk being

Because this is such a delicate process and subject, it is advisable to

have therapeutic support in place while you are doing this course. I
encourage you to find a therapist, or at the least, a grounded and
valued friend to support your healing journey. If you find yourself
reaching a place of overwhelm that feels too much, back off from the
course and seek support immediately, so that you do not swim in
dangerous waters alone. If you already have reason to believe that it
will overwhelm you, do not continue without that support. There is so
much energetic charge around gender- it really is one of the great

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unresolved battlefields on planet earth - and therapeutic support is

often essential to our efforts to work the pain and the lessons through
to freedom. I do sessions on skype and phone, and may also be able
to recommend a good therapist in your geographical area if you need
one. When you get into very primal, painful places around your
healing, it is often of great benefit to work with a therapist who is in
the same vicinity, rather than at a distance. Real human contact is
very helpful when we touch profound pain. Also be sure to take care
around any of the physical exercises and expressions encouraged in
this course. If you have any medical challenges, I encourage you to
check in with your medical doctor before doing any kind of physical
release work, particularly anger release work, as part of your healing

It is my deepest hope that this course helps to support your healing

journey in any way you need. I celebrate your courage.

Blessings, Jeff Brown

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I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior from

the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the
battlefields of yore. When I opened my heart too wide, I was
vulnerable to attack from warring factions. I was conditioned to believe
that I had to stay rigid, focused, prepared for any eventuality, in the
desire to protect myself and others from attack. But I went too far, and
closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge between our hearts. I am
seeing this now and I am sorry.

I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner

absence, my inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by
unresolved emotions that I did not have the tools to work through. I
still lack many of these tools, but I am open to their emergence.

I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a

warrior in enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the
night, plundering and selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling
back to the other side of the abyss with the spoils. I gave little back
for fear that I would become vulnerable to attack. I had war on the
brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the other side of
the battlefield. I now recognize that love is the antidote for the
armoured warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven

I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and
unshed tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could

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not see myself either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance,
my warrior focus. My mirror was a battlefield.

I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven

tyrannies, my obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that
accumulation would protect me and those close to me, but I failed to
recognize that it just perpetuated the madness. I also apologize for my
egoic abuses, a reflection of my own misguided ego, pumped up to
deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldnt distinguish the
healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went much too
far in the wrong direction.

I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from

the heart. I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls
along the heart-genital highway. But there were too many defences
around my heart, and no bridge could form between our souls. There
were moments when your loving ways freed me from my body masks,
but I had no template to stand in that heart-fire. I am sorry for this,
for I know that the path you longed for was the path to God.

I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own

congealed rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from
friends. There are no words that can undo what I have done in those
moments of madness. I know this, I do. I would hide my face in
shame, but that wont make things better. I need to own my misdeeds,
and then find a way to believe in my capacity to move from a more
loving place. I call out to other male warriors to be accountable for the
actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in a way that
is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The

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heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the
courage to do all he can to make amends over time.

I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship. You

were right there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I was too
attached to my individualism and afraid of this unknown terrain. I
know the forests, the marketplace and the ways of the outer world so
well, but my inner geography is foreign to me. You called me to a
place I was ill-prepared to go, although I sensed, below the surface of
my bravado, that you called me home.

I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in those

rare moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were right- the real
me lives inside of my heart- but a few moments now and then was the
most I could handle. I saw you as dangerous, for in your presence I
began to taste a surrendered way of being. Nonetheless, your faith in
my goodness kept me going through many a battle, and restored my
faith in life when I most needed it. You were the light at the end of a
barbaric tunnel, and I am blessed.

I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I also
understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now recognize
that there is meaningful difference between a love-ship and a
relationship. Love alone is not enough. Without a shared willingness to
become conscious, there can only be frustration. I was so often
impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a soldier clings to his
weapons. I recognize the courage it took for you to keep your heart
open in the presence of my resistance. You had every right to seek an
authentic relationship, as your spirit was ignited in its presence. Your

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beautiful heart had every right to be met in its openness and

willingness. I am grateful for the time you gave me, a moments
respite from the hiding places I mistakenly called home.

I am grateful for Grandmother, for no one saw my tenderness more

clearly. I am grateful for Mother, for choosing to bring me into being
and for nourishing my body until I could find my feet. I am grateful for
Mother Earth, for grounding my expansion and enlivening my spirit. I
am grateful for the Divine Mother, the real Mother of us all. I now feel
her divine presence, so close. Fiercely compassionate, she was always
right here, breathing life into me, holding me safe. I sit in her lap as
she breathes me.

I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites relationship
is two souls calling out to one another, two soul-hearts beating in the
same direction, a whisper of longing that bridges one essence to
another. I want to want you not because it gratifies my ego, not
because you are outwardly beautiful, but because your very presence
invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with my heart on
my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender identified,
but that is essence sourced, loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to
the genitals to the great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship
will always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional
expression of our God-self.

I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in a

harsh world. Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without the
fragility. I am still wearing armor but there is a shift in the direction of
my intensity. I can linger in the heart-space a little longer than I once

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could, I am softening in places. After so many lifetimes with weapon in

hand, a tenderling warrior is being birthed in the core of my being. He
is confused, but he intuitively knows that this is the way home.

Please dont give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our

misdeeds, or, at the least, be open to the possibility that we will
change as the trail expands to meet our shifting intentionality. The day
will come when our warrior spirit loses its harsh edge, and comes into
alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are already there, and
many more of us will follow. The road to transformation is dependent
on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our
differences with respect and kindness. That work must begin with
healing the rifts along the gender continuum, working hard to heal the
collective heart until one day we can stand on a bridge across forever,
hands held together, hearts open and alight, embracing the sacred
masculine and divine feminine living at the heart of us all. I will meet
you there.

May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your
heartfelt shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of the
world, nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have nurtured.
Those of us who have received your blessings may not always
acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us, growing
us stronger and infusing us with loves light.

Thank you.

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Before getting immersed in the course, it can be very helpful to

articulate your degree of commitment to this process. Make a note to
yourself of how many hours a week you are committing to this course.
Make sure it is realistic, given your other responsibilities and
obligations, and be sure to include rest and integration time. This can
be very profound work- be sure you have created the space you will
need to honor your process fully.

I also invite you to spend some time clarifying your healing focus. That
is, what prior relationship(s) are you going to focus on in this course?
It has been my experience, in my own healing, that it is helpful to
work on one connection at a time, but thats up to you. You may
choose to focus on a number of unresolved connections, but I invite
you to spend some real time with the question before starting. Too
many memories at once can flood the process and limit healing.
Perhaps make a list of men you have known below, and consider which
connection(s) are the most more pressing- Where is the most healing
resonance? What does your heart say needs to be worked on first?
Who has impacted on you the most? What do you feel ready to heal
and integrate?

Name the individuals that come up when you feel into unresolved
feelings with men you have known. Make a note of the feelings,
memories and experiences that enter awareness Notice where the
most pressing energy is- where do you want to direct your attention?

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If it helps, make a note of which relationship(s) will be your focus in

the coming weeks

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Our survival adaptations are so tough, but our

wounds are so delicate. To heal, we have to lift the
armor carefully- it saved our lives, after all. Its
like moving your best friend off to the side of the
path. You dont trample on her, you dont hit her
with a sledgehammer. You honor her presence like
a warm blanket that has kept you safe and sound
during wintry times. And then, when the moment
is right, you get inside and stitch your wounds with
the thread of love, slowly and surely, not rushing
to completion, nurturing as you weave, tender
and true. The healing process has a heart of its
own, moving at its own delicate pace. We are such
wondrous weavers...

Before the next class, I ask you to spend some time feeling into the
question of how your experiences with and relationships to the
masculine may have impacted on the way you move through the
world, on the beliefs you have formed about life, on your degree of
safety in your own skin, on your willingness to be vulnerable, on your
relational patterns, on your life path choices, on your consciousness
itself. This is a lot to consider at this stage of the course, but it is a
helpful inquiry, because transformation demands an understanding of
the ways that our experiences have shaped our beliefs and behaviors.
We need to know how we have been impacted. Be imaginative and

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deeply self-honest about where those experiences may have landed

within you, how they may have impacted on your identity, and what
needs to be healed and resolved in order to grow forward. We will also
come back to this question in the Resolution class.

How have prior relationships with the unawakened masculine impacted

(i.e. Relationship: Jerry. Direct effect: Deepened my self-doubt and
made me cynical about love. Impact on future patterns: Made me less
available for future connections- I would open the door, and then close
it the moment they got close; Relationship: Marcus (Brother). Effect:
Violence induced my PTSD, generalized anxiety. Impact on future
patterns: Avoided men with any degree of assertiveness. Over-
associated assertiveness with violence and chose to connect with
softer men.

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I think of the river when I think of emotional

processes. When it dams, it dies. It needs to keep
moving to stay alive. Humans are the same.
Depression is frozen feeling. When we dam up
our emotions, we die. We need to keep the river of
feeling moving. Our life, and our presence,
Depend on it.

In the first class, I read the apologies to the divine feminine.

Throughout the course, I invite you to consider writing an apology to
the divine feminine as well. Not one that is written from the

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perspective of a wrongdoer- as mine was- but one that is written from

the perspective of your own compassionate heart to those parts of you
that have suffered in relationship with the masculine. An expression of
compassion (i.e. I am sorry that you went through) that sees and
that honors your pain. Use the following area to make notes if it serves


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Write down any meaningful insights, feelings, thoughts from the first
week of the class. What is coming up for you?

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Every time we dont stand down the primary

abusers in our lives, we lose a little ground, we
fade into the night, we die a little inside. Rising
above it may be a temporary balm, but, at some
point, we have to come back into our bodies and
speak it. As important as it is to reach a stage of
genuine forgiveness where possible, it is even more
important to assert boundaries with those who
have violated ours. It may well be why they came
into our lives- to force us to recognize and claim
our own value.


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One of the reasons that we bury our feelings is because we have to in

order to survive. Some experiences are too painful, particularly if we
are not at a stage developmentally where we can handle the intensity
of feeling. Even if we are emotionally and egoically strong, we may still
have to bury pain that is difficult to integrate into our daily lives. But
there are other reasons that we bury our feelings as well. Many of us
receive repressive messages from society that discourage us from
feeling our feelings. Some familiar societal mantras include Grin and
bear it, Dont look back, Good girls/boys dont cry, Never
surrender. You may also have received direct messages from people
close to you that led to a burying of your feelings: Put others feelings
before your own, How men feel matters more than how you feel, If
you tell anyone, I will hurt you.., You are too emotional, Nobody
cares what you feel. My grandmother used to say Better out than in,
but my mother used to call me a crybaby when I moved into
expressing my sadness. Her repressive message usually prevailed,
particularly as I got older, even though I had even more to cry about
then. If you find yourself, in this section of the course, having some
difficulty bringing unresolved feelings or words to the surface, spend
some real time remembering the messaging you have received about
being connected to your feelings. Sometimes we have to unearth and
confront the repressive messages, before we can grant ourselves
permission to unearth the feelings themselves. If it serves you, make
some notes in the following section. What messages have you received
that discouraged you from being true to your feelings?

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At the heart of our expansion is the capacity to

be vulnerable again. Although the world rewards
insensitivity with the spoils of war, it takes more
courage to surrender than to numb. I am not
talking about a weakened form of surrender, but
one that is emblazoned with courage. It is through
our vulnerable, open heart that our divinity rises
up to meet us.

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There are many ways to bring unresolved feelings to the surface.

Some include: emotionally evocative music and movies, physical
exercises like yoga, running and dance, quiet time alone with your
emotional processes (soulitude), spending time with a trusted friend,
working with pictures of people you have known, and even mirror
work- looking deeply into your own eyes for an extended period of
time. The eyes are a mirror of the soul, AND they also reflect the
feelings that live below our masks and disguises.

When there has been too much pain, we often forget that we have the
built in capacity to move through it to another state. God gave us
tears to be cried, God gave us the capacity to express our anger, God
gave us a vast range of emotional devices that, when healthily
unleashed and expressed, can both clear the toxicity out of us, and
also lead us to any lesson or experience of self-love living at the heart
of them. Within our authentic vulnerability lives our greatest power-
the power to re-open our hearts after loss and disappointment. This is
seldom recognized or appreciated in the world out there, but its the
truth. The idea that feeling the pain gives power to those who have
hurt us is completely wrong. Feeling the pain is an act of self-
empowerment and the only way to make a break from the prison of
repressed emotions, to make a break for inner freedom.

The following meditation can also be helpful with bringing feelings to

the surface

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Spend a few minutes getting into a comfortable sitting or lying down


Now spend a few minutes nestling into your body, connecting with the
breath, your best friend, your truth teller, and the best way to
excavate your feelings from their hiding places. You are not going to
watch yourself in this meditation, you are going to feel yourself

Spend the next few minutes breathing into the deep within Deepen
the breath as you can

Now I want you to set the conscious intention to invite any feelings
related to the relationships or events you are working with to the
surface of your consciousness- heartbreak, anger, disappointment,
confusion, emotions with no clear definition, just feelings dont judge
them, dont block them, dont shame them, dont deny them, JUST
feel them bow to them as they enter the chambers of awareness let

The most important decision you will make in this course, more
important than anything said or written, is the decision as to whether
you intend to open and heal, or remain closed. If you form and own
the intention to open, anything is possible. So spend a few more
minutes right now, inside, feeling into your intentionality seeing how
deep it goes, solidifying it INTENDING to HEAL, INTENDING TO

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Now feel into your body, not watching it from a distance, but REALLY
feeling it as the breath makes its way through your feeling body. Just
feel into it, without jumping to artificial forgiveness, without focusing
on others feelings, just submerge yourself in your own emotional
reality, the truth in the bones of your being. Let your breath find its
way into any hiding places, any places where there are old feelings
and judgments lurking, let it move into them and raise them into
awareness, let your body move any way it must to open the feelings
wider. If there are memories that come up with the feeling, turn
towards them and not away from them, breath into all of the emotions
associated with those experiences.. give yourself an opportunity to be
true to how it feels outside of your defences.. you can bow to your
defences, to anything that helped you to get on with your life, but bow
to them and ask them to move over to the side, so that you can
excavate the emotions and memories that are longing to be honored
All are welcome here, all memories that want to be acknowledged and
healed. Be with those feelings here, in your safe space. Imagine, if it
helps, a friend or a relative or a therapist or a group of individuals who
care about you holding the space for this process, giving you heartfelt
permission to be true to your heart, shielding you as you go deeply
into your emotional body and feel some of the pain you are still
holding, pain you dont want to hang onto any longer.

Spend as much time as you need just being with, honoring these
feelings. Again, Dont judge them, dont deny them, just let yourself

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I invite you to make an internal commitment to remain connected to

these feelings over the course of the next period of time. Your body is
your authenticity-mometer, it knows what it feels, and it knows when it
has been repressed. The more authentic you can be with these
feelings, the deeper the possibility for healing and transforming the
pain into liberation in the coming weeks Before you can move into
expression and resolution, you need to FEEL into your truth

Real presence comes through the open heart. You

cannot heal and resolve your emotional material
with your mind. Your emotional material does not
evaporate because you watch it. You can only heal
your heart with your heart.

Write down any meaningful insights, feelings, thoughts from the

second week of the class.

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Pierce the smokescreen of fearful indifference.

Adventure heartily.
Have faith in the shaping of what you cannot see.


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Once the feelings related to unresolved experiences with men have

risen into consciousness, the next step is to move and express them.
To release that which has been summoned. To move them on out. Not
to consciously focus on resolution, although of course resolution can
arise when you release and express, but simply to create space in your
world to deeply MOVE any unreleased emotions and unexpressed
words, out of you fully. The way that humanifests is unique to each
person, but you want to be sure that your release and expression
process is not layered over with internalized judgments about how
things look. Many of us have been overwhelmed with judgments about
our appearance. In this course, we are only interested in how things
feel. The only thing that matters is that you express yourself fully, so
that you are no longer burdened with the weight of unreleased
baggage. No one has the right to block your liberation with judgments,
no one has the right to leave you with the remnants of their
unconscious behavior- no one!- and I encourage you to grant yourself
permission to fully move and express the feelings....

Often lost in the healing process are words that couldnt be expressed.
Words that express your displeasure, words that express your anger,
words that assert your boundaries. If it serves you, use the following
section to express whatever comes through you related to the
relationship(s) you are focused on in the course. Write it as a letter, or
just write it chaotically, letting it express itself as it sees fit. Dont filter
it out- no one is marking or judging you-, dont repress it for the sake
of anyone elses feelings, dont be afraid to let things get messy.. say

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what wants to be said.. or draw a picture that expresses your truth..

just let it flow.

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We cant find our path without getting messy.

Messy comes with the territory. We came in messy.
We learn messy. We love messy. We leave messy.
I never found my way to clarity without first
befriending confusion, in all its chaotic forms. I
never found a path that felt like home before falling
into quicksand. I never established a new way of
being without trying the wrong way of being on
for size. I never found the light without stumbling
around in the dark. I never tasted God before
getting a little dirt in my mouth. In the heart of
the chaos is the clay that shapes us home.
Chaotic Magnificence!

Often buried by the feminine is their rightful anger. But anger is a

legitimate emotion that signals that the integrity of our being has been
violated. By discouraging and shaming it, we actually disrupt natural
emotional rhythms and encourage inauthentic ways of being. In
addition, repressing the emotions simply keeps the anger alive. The
negativity goes underground, manifesting in a myriad of destructive
forms, including passive aggressiveness, self-destructive behaviour
and all manner of disease. It is one thing to discourage the
inappropriate expression of anger, but lets not throw the whole
process out with the bath water. There is a place for healthy anger in
an evolving process.

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In the audio talk, I suggest some ways to express anger healthily. In

my work with blocked clients, I have found that imagining anger
expressed is often the first step towards a healthy anger release
practice. This is particularly helpful for those who have virtually no
memory of ever expressing their anger to the masculine in a direct
way. If you have difficulty imagining yourself angry, try the following
meditation and see if it helps you to get more comfortable with it.
Quite often meditation is used in an effort to dissipate anger. In this
case, meditation is used to bring it to the surface and to invite its
healthy expression and release. If anger is not up for you, feel free to
substitute another form of emotional release (i.e. Crying).

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*Note: If you have any reason to believe- based on your

personal history or your feelings in this moment- that getting
deeply in touch with your anger around past events is
dangerous to your well-being, please do not do this
meditation without therapeutic presence or support.

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and go

inside. Spend the next few minutes breathing in the deep within
Deepen the breath as you can Let the breath drown your thoughts in
an ocean of sensation.

Now imagine yourself in the presence of a man you are still angry at.
Choose a man you are focusing on in this course, or invite another
memory to rise to the surface if thats where the energy is. Go back
and remember him at a prior time- perhaps during an event that still
brings up unreleased anger, or create an entirely different location and
scenario, and imagine him there with you. Let him occupy some space
in your imaginings, as the breath becomes the space holder for the
interaction to come.

Now invite the breath to go deeper, like a shovel that brings up the
unresolved anger. Let it go right into the heart of the feeling, where
any rage is held, and invite it into awareness. Invite the anger into the
feeling chamber. Feel into the memories that source it.

When you are ready, allow the anger to take form inside you allow it
to bring the unresolved memories back to life allow it to build to a

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crescendo of truthfulness. Spend a few minutes or whatever time you

need, feeling it

Now imagining yourself expressing the anger to the man before you
if there are words, imagine yourself expressing them if there are
sounds, imagine expressing them. Imagine yourself saying whatever
comes out of your mouth- there is no judgment here. Speak your
truth. Remember that he cannot hurt you here, now... he must remain
in the space and he must listen.... if your anger needs to be expressed
physically, imagine yourself tantruming, or raging, or hitting a
mattress in the space, whatever form your body demands to get it all
out. Let it all hang out give yourself the satisfaction of fully owning
your feelings and fully expressing them

When you feel that your experience is complete, come back to the
breath and let it soften the edges. Do this meditation as often as you
need to. Just imagining the expression of anger can be healing all on
its own. If it needs to move into tangible form, allow it to be expressed
in real-time when you feel ready.

Write down any meaningful insights, feelings, thoughts from the third
week of the class.

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You can only heal your heart with your heart, and
to do that we have to open the heart wide enough
for its healing elixir to rain down on our pain. Why
bury the tears that heal us? Why bury the emotions
that fertilize our expansion? Emotional release is
a potent way to regain a genuine experience of the
moment. Tears are Gods heartshield wipers. They
clear the dirt from our heart so we can see the
path clearly. Let our quest for spiritual expansion
begin with emotional authenticity.
Nothing to hide, nowhere to hide it.


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Coming to terms/Finding Resolution can simply mean releasing the

emotional holdings related to the relationship. If thats all you needed,
its perfect. But it can also mean something more. In the following
sections, consider some other possibilities. Resolution can also include
learning key lessons and working through patterns/issues that impact
on your choices:

With respect to the relationship you are working on:

(1) Is there a personal pattern that the connection reflects

back to you? If so, what is it? Some examples might include
gravitating towards a certain type of individual/relationship
(name the type), abandonment/engulfment issues, a tendency
to ignore your instincts, poor boundaries, choosing physicality
over soulfulness in partnering choices.

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(2) If so, what sources and birthed the pattern? Some

examples might include early life/societal messaging, parental
modeling/familiarity, a fear of/prior experiences with intimacy,
an unhealthy self-concept, a fear of change, internalized
shame /self-hatred.

(3) Perhaps you are working with a connection that does not
reflect a prior pattern so much as it created one. In very
traumatic connections, we are often so impacted that an
unhealthy pattern or issues results. For example, many trauma
survivors end up with a form of PTSD that impacts on their
subsequent relationship choices and availability for intimacy.

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Sexual abuse survivors often move towards an over-boundaried

rigidity in later connections, or in the opposite direction- toward
an unboundaried sexuality. Resolution is also about expanding
our awareness- it is essential to identify any unhealthy
patterns/shifts that resulted from the connection you are
working with, because you dont want them to continue to have
a negative effect on your relational life. No one has the right to
leave the echo of their misbehaviour within you. In the
following section, be deeply honest about the ways the
connection may have caused patterns/issues that have
impacted on you. What footprint has it left? Name the pattern
or issue that ensued and make a commitment to hold it in your

(4) It may well be that there is no lesson in the relationship you

are working with. Its important to be grounded about that
possibility- there is not always a lesson, particularly if someone
is traumatized by another. Sometimes the best we can do is
clear the emotional material and break any negative
patterns/beliefs that resulted from the experience(s). But

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sometimes there is an essential learning, a growing edge, an

opportunity to transform at the heart of the connection.
Whether we call them karmic contracts or not, we do have to
learn somewhere and, at this stage of human development,
that somewhere is often in the heart of difficult relational
experiences. I call this the School of Heart Knocks. Even if we
didnt choose the connection for the lesson, there still may be a
lesson in it. With this in mind, can you identify any meaningful
or valuable lesson from the connection you are focusing on? It
can be as complex as realizing that you are attracted to

unavailable men as a direct reflection of your unavailable

father. It can be as simple as realizing that you have value! And
it can also include any positive learnings/lessons that came
through the experience. Sometimes a difficult connection also
calls out a beautiful part of us- one that was hidden until then-
and expands us in new ways too. We may have suffered in one
way, but benefited in another. If it serves, make a note below of
the lesson(s) or learnings that arise from this experience?
Carve it in stone, if it helps, so that the negative does not
repeat itself and so that the positive learnings do

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May we never forget the relational and co-transformative

nature of human expansion. Although the ultimate romance
is with your own soul, it is our experiences together
that give birth to the essential lessons. And that includes
difficult experiences. We are each here to participate
in this dance of sacred imagination,
stepping on each others toes and turning each other
toward God one clumsy step after another.
We trip, and then we get back up with greater awareness.
We are going to continue to make mistakes,
but there is grace in that if we see our errors
through to the lessons they contain.

When you are ready, it can also help to do something symbolic that
reflects a letting go of the carryover effects of the connection(s) you
are working on. Again, this doesnt just have to relate to negative
effects- it can also relate to letting go of the positive memories and
attachments. In many ways, the mixed connections are the most

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difficult ones to let go of, because our heart is pulled in two directions.
The important thing is that you are painstakingly honest about any
ways you are hanging onto the connection and then, when the
moment is truly right, choose a ritual or practice that will support you
in letting go of what no longer serves.

Write down any meaningful insights, feelings, thoughts from the fourth
week of the class.

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I used to ask my therapist, When will I be done

all this hard work so my real life can begin? She
would laugh and say This IS your real life. I
wasnt pleased. But now I get it- my challenges
and issues were the grist for the soul-mill, the
interpretive field for my souls expansion. To the
extent that I could work them through, I matured
in my spirituality and lived more fully. To the
extent that I bypassed them, I remained stuck and
confused. Its not to say that we dont want more
pleasure in our lives -we surely do- but there is also
something to be said for honoring our shadow and
inviting it into consciousness as a friend bearing
gifts: Hello, old friend, come on in, we have work
to do... Out with the old, in with the true


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Reaching the stage of self-love is not an easy thing for many of us on

this planet. Both because of messages we have received on an
individual level, and because the collective consciousness is saturated
with shame and self-hatred, loving ourselves can be a difficult thing, a
real stepping out beyond our habitual range of e-motion. This is
particularly true for women who grew up in a paternalistic
environment/culture, one where men are on a self-created pedestal
and where women are often treated as second class citizens. Because
of this, you may find yourself challenged in the areas of self-love and
self-forgiveness. It can be very difficult to love ourselves and to forgive
ourselves, if we have been diminished, if we have been forced to hide
our light and our voice under a bushel of shame, if we have been
persuaded that our feelings arent as important as those who have
hurt us. Because many men have not reached the stage egoically
where they can admit their mistakes, the debris is often left with the
feminine to carry, and many accept that role as natural. And so coming
to self-love, often means having to work through far more than just
the remnants that come from the particular relationship you are
working with- coming to a place of self-regard may mean doing much
deeper and more systemic work around the shame and self-doubt you

In this section of the course, I invite you to explore the question of

self-love in written form. There are two ways I invite you to do this.

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First, write a letter of acknowledgment and apology to yourself that

relates to what you endured in the relationship(s) you are working on
in this course, and that even relates to other past relationships. Either
write the letter from the perspective of any part of you that feels
compassion for what you have been through, OR write the letter that
you would like to receive from the man (men) you are focusing on in
this course, OR combine all the voices of acknowledgment and apology
in one letter. What would you like to say to those parts of you that
have suffered? What would you like to hear from others? If you are not
comfortable writing, then find another way to express it i.e. dance it,
art it, say it aloud.

Second, write (or art or dance or say) a letter of self-love to yourself,

from yourself. A love letter! Tell yourself anything and everything that
you love and value about yourself. Make it sincere and congruent with
where your self-concept is at this moment in time. When you are
done, consider actually mailing it to yourself. It may feel silly to send
yourself a letter, but give it a try. It can be quite powerful.

As you write, note what comes up for you. Do you feel entirely free to
honor yourself or are there contrary voices? Note any shaming or
doubting voices that dont believe that you are worthy of apology and
love. Note any voices affixed to role, duty or obligation that get in the
way. Note if you hear anyone elses internalized voice expressing
negativity. Because we so seldom express self-love to ourselves, we
seldom come face to face with the voices that come up to block it. In
the following section, make a note of every voice that attempts to
diminish, obstruct or distract you, for they perfectly reflect the next bit

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of work on your healing journey. Name the voice i.e. the voice of
shame, the voice of Marco, the voice of Im not important and note
what they are saying. Continue to work these voices through over
time, and come back to this apology/self-love exercise now and then
to see how far you have traveled...

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You are beautifully enough. Your stories of not

good enough are fictional novels written by a
culture still hiding its light under a bushel of shame.
The REAL story, your TRUE autobiography, is
one of inherent magnificence, courage and divinity
flowing through your soul-veins. So you decide
which book to readthe fictional novel written by
those who do not SEE you, or the HOLY BOOK
written by your glorious spirit.

Write down any meaningful insights, feelings, thoughts from the fifth
week of the class.

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Due to the cumulative effect of collective sharing

and loving intentionality, the Shame Train has
derailed at the junction of Self-Belief and Divine
Uniqueness. The engine couldnt run on self-hatred
any longer. All formerly shamed passengers please
disembark the train. You are free. A new train
fueled by healthy self-regard and sacred purpose
will be along momentarily to pick you up. No tickets
required on this self-love trainjust a growing faith
in your sacred magnificence. All aboard!


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Re-opening the heart is often much more difficult than identifying a

learning, particularly if the relationship you are working on in the
course was of a supremely toxic form. And it may well be that opening
the heart fully is not a wise thing, until more healing happens and until
you really feel that you can hold yourself safe in the storms of
relationships, but I do feel strongly that it is worthwhile to strive for
the opening, both because we are not present for our lives with our
heart closed, and because, again, no individual or individual should be
granted the power to shut us down to the world of feeling. This is not
to say that opening the heart will always be a joyous thing- for me the
work we do to heal is intended to invite us back in the direction of
what I call Enrealment- that is, to the capacity to be present for
everything, rather than just a narrow framework of positive or
negative feeling alone. That is, to come back into the world of feeling
more fully, with less carry-forward challenges from unresolved
experiences. If at the end of this coursework, you are feeling even a
little more ready to feel into all of life again, then you have made a
healthy step forward.

With this in heart, I invite you to take internal stock of where you are
at by this stage of the course. Do you feel different about the
events/experiences you are working with now? Do you feel more open,
lighter, liberated, peaceful, resolved? Can you identify the feelings and
events that still need to be worked through on your healing journey?

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Where did you stand a few weeks ago? Where do you stand now?
Where do you want/need to go next?

If you emerge from the ending of any relationship feeling

more positive about yourself, more aware of your rights
needs and entitlements, more attuned to your own value,
more celebratory of your own magnificence, and with
better boundaries and a more finely attuned
authenticity-mometer, than you have had a growthful
relationship journey, even if the ending was toxic.
The School of Heart Knocks yields all manner of fruit.

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Often a healing process does not lead to a complete sense of liberation

over a few weeks, particularly with those connections that hit us in the
deeps. But, still, we can often identify something positive that has
emerged from this process. I call this up-framing the journey. To up-
frame our experience is to find the gold in the dross, to find the carry-
forward expansion in a previously darkened corner. Rather than simply
focusing on the negativity that arises from a difficult relationship
experience, we look for something rich on the other side of it. Not in a
dishonest its all good new age way, but with a genuine willingness to
convert some part of our difficult experiences into a newer fresher
perspective. That is, to love forward the elements of the experience
that can be loved forward, while, at the same time, acknowledging the
shadow elements of the experience for the shadow that they are. So I
ask you to consider the question of whether there is some positive up-
frame that you can carry forward from the experience you are healing
from in this course. Is there anything valuable that you can carry
forward? A super helpful realization? A new way of being? A glint in
your eye? A willingness to explore relationship again? Is there any
light in the darkness that you can name, or draw..?

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Imagine the next step, one where we dont see relationship

endings as defeats, but as victories and necessary openings
on the path to wholeness. Imagine the next step,
where we honor the courage it took to open
to the possibility of love, where we see intimacy
as a wondrous opportunity to deepen in karmic stature.
How can it ever be a complete defeat? It took such courage
to brave it all, to make love with the divine, to touch God
through our vulnerable heart. This is not to say that
we dont grieve loss, but to remind us of the opportunity
that lives at the heart of every farewell.
A little scar tissue can go a long way on the path to presence.

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When I conceived of this course, my first thought was naming it

Healing your relationship with the sacred masculine, but, over time,
that didnt resonate. It didnt resonate because thats not the intention
of this course. The intention is to support your healing and liberation
from the effects of the unawakened man. Not to bash him, but to
acknowledge his impact and to grant yourself permission to let go of
anything he has left with you. If at the end of it, you feel more positive
about other men you encounter, then so be it, but my greatest hope is
simply that you feel more alive to your own experience and can enjoy
your life more fully. What you do with that is up to you. The original
course title also didnt resonate because I felt it perpetuated the
centuries-long conditioning around women having to be in relationship
with men, having to do the work to heal that relationship, having to
give men yet another chance etc. Of course, for some, a healthy
relationship with men in their life is deeply important, but it is time to
let go of the idea that this is true for everyone. No ones self-worth
should be tied up with their validation from another, nor from whether
they are in a relationship with another. Our worth is intrinsic to our
very existence and everyone is here with their own unique path of
purpose. The following quote, from Love It Forward, captures that

Because of all the pressure to be partnered, so

many people walk around feeling badly if they
are on their own, and many others stay where
they dont belong for fear that they will be seen
as a failure outside of relationship. Surely all of

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this misses the point. What is most important

is that each of us lives a life that is true to path,
whatever that means to us. For some, their sacred
purpose is inextricably linked to love relationship.
It is there that they excavate and humanifest their
deepest meaning. Yet others are called in a different
direction and find their purpose in their creative
life, in their work, in their individual spiritual
practice. Everyones soul-scriptures are unique to
their own journey. The important thing in life is not
whether we find the one, but whether we find the
path. Peace with path. Its that simple. Peace with

Bows and kudos to you for taking on this very courageous effort. It is
that courage that will help to transform this world, and to bring us all
one step closer to the enheartened life that is both our birthright, and
our best and only hope. Blessings to your path.

As the course comes to an end, I invite you to express some more love
to yourself. That you have worked on this course is already an act of
self-love, and I invite you to express it to your body. Your body does
so much unseen work and often without being acknowledged or
honored. This affirming exercise can be of great service to us when we

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You can do this exercise lying down, or looking at yourself in the

mirror. You can be clothed or naked. You can also do it in the shower
or tub.

You will be touching yourself in this exercise. Touch yourself with as

much presence as you can. Dont rush through the process. Do what
you can to be fully here for it, to feel your contact, and to really hear
and feel your words.

If you are not comfortable doing this in reality, feel free to do it as a

meditation, where you get into a relaxed state and imagine yourself
going through the same steps. Or, if you dont feel prepared to imagine
yourself expressing this love to yourself just yet, imagine it being
expressed to you by someone you care about, or by a presence or

And remember that you can do this exercise as often as you want.
Each time will be different. Note what comes up in the experience.
Note any voices that attempt to undermine the message. Note them,
and do your best to continue.

Begin by using your right hand to touch your left hand. Touch it as
lovingly as you can. Say out loud Thank you, I love you. Now use
your left hand to touch your right hand in the same way. Say out loud
Thank you, I love you.

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Now use one or both hands to touch your head. Say out loud Thank
you, I love you. And touch your nose. Say out loud Thank you, I love
you. Your eyes. Say out loud Thank you, I love you. Your ears. Say
out loud Thank you, I love you. Your face. Take your time with your
face, caressing it with great care, letting it know that its vulnerability &
authenticity is valued. Say out loud Thank you, I love you.

Now move your left hand over your right arm and shoulder. Say out
loud Thank you, I love you. Now move your right hand over your left
arm and shoulder. Say out loud Thank you, I love you.

Now put both hands on your neck and your chest, caressing them with
kindness. Place your hands over your lungs. Rest them there for a
moment, feeling the breath of life rising and falling. Say out loud
Thank you, I love you. Now put one or both hands over your heart.
Feel the beat of life. Let yourself feel it speaking to you, let it remind
you that you are here for a reason. Say out loud Thank you, I love
you. The heart loves to feel gratitude.

Now run one or both hands over your stomach and your organs. Again,
take your time. Self-love is not time limited. Feel into the magnificence
of your human body- all the functions that happen outside of conscious
awareness, all the millions of ways the body regenerates and enlivens
you, all the millions of ways it echoes your value. Really let yourself
feel its love for you. Say out loud Thank you, I love you. Say it as
many times as you need before you can feel it.

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Now move one or both hands to your genitals. Touch yourself with
kindness, gratitude and compassion. Say out loud Thank you, I love

Now move one or both hands down your legs. Caress your legs- they
work so hard and so seldom get affection. Give them affection. Say out
loud Thank you, I love you.

Now move to your feet. Touch your toes. Rub your hands over the
bottom of your feet. Tickle them. Stroke the tops of your feet. Your
ankles. Your shins. Massage the whole area. As you do, say out loud
Thank you, I love you.

Now touch your buttocks, with affection. Its not easy to be sat on for
hours per day :). Give them some lovin. Say aloud Thank you, I love

Reach up for your kidneys. Rub your hands over them. They are such
hard workers. Let them feel your gratitude. Say out loud Thank you, I
love you.

Now touch some part of your back. Massage and stroke it with
gratitude and affection. Say out loud Thank you, I love you.

Now rest your hands for a moment. Either look in the mirror, if one is
close, or imagine yourself in your minds eye. Look at yourself before
you- all of you, the you that God(dess) created, the you that came into

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being, the you that is breathed by the universe, the you that is still
here, the you that has overcome, the you that has found the faith to
go on, the real you, the authentic you that lives below the worlds

And say aloud Thank you, I love you. Thank you, I love you. Thank
you, I love you.


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The very fact that we are trying to heal our hearts in a world where
so many have had to bury their hurt is already extraordinary. It may
not seem like such a big deal, but when the energy has been moving
in another direction for so many generations, it is quite a challenge to
turn the tide. We are breaking new inner ground, after all. Recognizing
this should translate into giving ourselves a break when we cant quite
get it perfect. Its a long path back to the receptive heart, one opening
at a time (~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

It is so beautiful what happens when we define relationship success

solely in terms of whether we have learned from it, expanded from it,
grown to the next stage on our spiritual journey. When we move from
this perspective, relationship becomes a wonderful depth charge for
our own healing and expansion. If we find a lifelong partner-great!
but if we dont, we get better at partnering with our inner lover.
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

In a survivalist world, we are often encouraged to forgive and forget

before our anger interferes with our capacity to put food on the table.
New Age and psychological communities also harp on the importance
of forgiveness. It has become a mantra of emotional health and
heightened consciousness. Of course, forgiveness is a beautiful thing,
but it is essential that it arise organically. Many of us claim to have
forgiven while still holding toxic emotions below the surface: the
forgiveness bypass. The truth is that we cannot will ourselves into

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forgiveness. If we try to forgive before we have moved the feelings,

inauthenticity blocks our path. We cannot be in the real, because we
are not emotionally real. Our cells are still back there.
(~from Soulshaping)

We are much too hard on ourselves. Really we are. We beat ourselves

up, we should on ourselves, we compare ourselves to others, we
postpone self-love until we reach a stage of perfection that is
impossibly unrealistic. We are so hard on ourselves, but how are we to
know better? Its not like there is a book that lays it all down. Its not
like we downloaded perfection. We are still writing that book, writing it
with the blood of lessons learned, writing it with ink that is forged in
the fires of transformation. We are learning as we g(r)o(w). So lets
give ourselves a break. Often. Kindly. Gently. Really. Its a huge thing
to grow beyond the parameters of our familiar ways of being. Berating
ourselves won't get us anywhere. A little self-love will go a long way
(~from Love It Forward)

When we are ready to stop turning a blind eye to the meaning of our
experiences, we tune in to the learning channel as a way of being.
Through this lens, expectations are meaningless: soul gifts come in
unexpected packaging. Seeming failures can be welcome events
sometimes the ego suffers while the soul rejoices. We are knocked to
the ground on the Earth plane but tripped up spiritually. The ladder to
heaven is made from broken rungs. (~from Soulshaping)

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May we never forget the relational and co-transformative nature of

human expansion. Although the ultimate romance is with your own
soul, it is our experiences together that give birth to the essential
lessons. We are each here to participate in this dance of sacred
imagination, stepping on each others toes and turning each other
toward God one clumsy step after another. We trip, and then we get
back up with greater awareness. With this in heart, I am hopeful that
we can learn to accept one another in our humanness. We are going to
continue to make mistakes, but there is grace in that if we see our
errors through to the lessons they contain. (~from Love It Forward)

If you can be in heartbreak, and keep your heart totally open, you are
living very close to God. (~from An Uncommon Bond- as yet unpublished)

I am cozying up to my pain-body this morning and thanking it for its

presence. It doesnt want me to trip out of it. It wants me to nourish it
and honor its wisdom. I mean, where would we be without our
shadow? What would grow us? Not to glorify the challenges of life, but
I expanded in my spirituality through a deepening interface with my
shadowy material. Shadow as karmic fodder, Shadow as grist for the
soul mill (~from Love It Forward)

Its often difficult to distinguish a soul-mate from a wound-mate

because powerful connections excavate the unresolved emotional
material that each of us holds. The stronger the connection, the
stronger the light shining on those dark places. Some wound-mates
truly do contain the seeds of our soulular expansion. But not all

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woundmates are soul-mates. Sometimes they are toxic connections

masquerading as something more heightened. Sometimes they are
destructive battlegrounds with very little possibility for expansion.
Sometimes they are just trouble with a capital T. Its an important
distinction. We want to go where we grow. (~from Love It Forward)

Every time we dont stand down the primary abusers in our lives, we
lose a little ground, we fade into the night, we die a little inside. Rising
above it may be a temporary balm, but, at some point, we have to
come back into our bodies and speak it. As important as it is to reach
a stage of genuine forgiveness where possible, it is even more
important to assert boundaries with those who have violated ours. It
may well be why they came into our lives- to force us to recognize and
claim our own value. (~from Love It Forward)

Essential lessons cannot be avoided. Callings dont go away. When we

turn away from our lessons, when we ignore our truth-aches, the
universe jumps into action, orchestrating our returna symphony of
self-creation dedicated to our unique expansion. This is the nature of
karmic gravitywe are returned back to our path until we fully walk it.
Return to sender, address now known
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

If we dont know where we end and the other begins, we will have a
difficult time establishing healthy connections. Those of us with weakly
formed boundaries will be easily manipulated and influenced, often
confusing our partners feelings for our own. Those of us with firm

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boundaries will have a hard time opening our hearts to love. Our walls
are simply too firm to penetrate. People with healthy boundaries tend
to live somewhere in between. They have the capacity for vulnerability
and self-protection at all times. When they do move toward one
polarity, they do so with intentionality. In all cases, their sense of self
remains intact. (~from Soulshaping)

There is so much suffering in the world. Sometimes I wonder how the

earth holds it all. And then I see someone who has endured so much
find their way through the pain tunnel to a truly better place. I am not
talking about the bypassing of the pain-body. I am talking about the
courageous working through of the emotional debris. And then I
marvel at the human spirit, which creates whatever tools it needs to
overcome the odds and find its way home. Wow. Humans. Wow.
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

We are powerful beyond measure, and so deeply vulnerable at the

same time. This may seem like a dichotomy, but it isnt. We have
misunderstood real power. It has been something assertive, non-
surrendering, pushing on through. This is not real power. This is simply
willfulness. Real power is something elsereceptivity, open-ness, the
courage to keep your heart open on the darkest of days, the strength
to feel it all even when the odds are stacked against you. Real power is
showing up with your heart on your sleeve and absolutely refusing to
waste one moment of your life hidden behind edginess and armour.
The art of enheartened presence. Now thats power.
(~from Love It Forward)

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It took years to realize that I could acknowledge that a wrongdoer

was doing their best, given their own context, and that I still had every
right to move the anger I was holding from their actions. I thought
that because I knew where they were coming from, it wasnt okay to
acknowledge their impact. But its about holding both awarenesses at
once. Maybe they were doing their best, but we still have to work
through their effects. (~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

A true master follows her own footprints, encoded within her before
arriving in this incarnation. Someone else may remind her, someone
else may in-power her, but no one else can possibly know the unique
contours of her own true-path. Since you are the only one living in
your temple, only you can know its scriptures and interpretive
structure. The next step is right there inside you, divinely imprinted on
the souls of your feet. (~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

It doesnt matter how much two people love one another if they are
developmentally incompatible, or if there is not a shared willingness to
become conscious. This is why they call it a relationship instead of a
loveship. Love alone is not enough. If you want it to last, you have
relate to each other in ways that keep the ship afloat.
(~from Soulshaping)

Sensitivity is a sign of life. Better hurt than hardened. I bow to those

who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse
to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who
recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. After all the

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malevolent warriors end each other, the open-hearted will inherit the
earth. (~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

If you want to star gaze, no need to wait for the night. Just look in
the mirror anytimetheres a whole star-lit network of divine
possibility staring right back at you. The inner universe is where its at,
the galaxy of golden possibility that lives right inside your soul-skin. It
just takes a little imagination to see it, but then, WOW! You never
looked so Go(o)d. (~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

In so many love relationships, there seems to be a runner (someone

who is more aloof) and a chaser (someone who is more eager to
connect). Often these are established patternssome of us tend to
either chase or flee in every relationshipbut not always, as many of
us have fears in both directions (the fear of abandonment, and the
fear of being engulfed) and live out both patterns at various times. As
we heal our wounds, we shed these patterns, and get more
comfortable with being with only those that meet us on equal footing
eye to eye, heart to heart. Thats when the real vulnerability begins.
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

It is important to realize that it is possible to hold the belief in

someones highest possibilities while simultaneously accepting that
they are not at a stage where a friendship is appropriate. Because
growth-oriented individuals tend to be empathic, they run a particular
risk of remaining close to people who can drag them down. If two
people cannot meet on relatively equal footing, there are two options:

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the relationship can end, or it can be organized around the

developmental stage of the least conscious member. Give yourself
permission to go where the growth is. Some of us are meant to jump
through karmic hoops together, some of us arent
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

There is such a fine line between relational passion and avoidant

intensities. There were moments when my passionate nature was a
direct reflection of my aliveness, but there were others when I was
just using intensity and drama as a coping strategy, a way to actually
hide from a deeper experience of the moment, some kind of addictive
anti-mellow drama that procrastinated my relationship with reality.
Somewhere below the drama was my real life, waiting in the wings to
be lived. It was scary, but it called to me, reminding me that there is
more to this life than a sidestepping of the inner world. There is the
avoidant life, and then there is the one that is vulnerably true.
(~from Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground)

Closing the heart is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we close it, we

attract more reasons to keep it closed. Opening the heart is a soul-
fulfilling prophecy. When we open it, we attract blessings: Open-bless-
a-me! Finally, blessings have a way in and a way out to touch others.
Try looking in the mirror and repeating Open-bless-a-me as a mantra,
an invitation to your higher self and to the universe to bring blessings
through the gateway of your heart. OPEN-BLESS-A-ME!
(~ from Soulshaping)

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We have a natural tendency to assume that a remarkable chemistry

between two souls is confirmation that they are meant to be together.
In the heat of profound feelings, it seems counter-intuitive to imagine
ourselves separate from our beloved. But chemistry and longevity are
not necessarily bedfellows. Just because we feel earth-shatteringly
alive with someone doesnt mean they are supposed to be our life
partner. They may have come for a very different reason- to awaken
us, to expand us, to shatter us so wide open that we can never close
again. Perhaps they were sent from afar to polish the rough diamond
of our soul before vanishing into eternity. Better we surrender our
expectations when the beloved comes. (S)he may just be dropping in
for a visit. Is the kettle on? (~from Love It Forward)

When we are young, its the illusion of perfection that we fall in love
with. As we age, its the humanness that we fall in love with- the
poignant stories of overcoming, the depthful vulnerability of aging, the
struggles that grew us in karmic stature, the way a soul shaped itself
to accommodate its circumstances. With less energy to hold up our
armor, we are revealed and, in the revealing, we call out to each
others hearts. Where before wounds turned us off, they are now
revealed as proof that God exists. Where we once saw imperfect scars,
we now see evidence of a life fully lived.
(~from An Uncommon Bond- as yet unpublished)

If we have to chase love, it isnt love. Love meets us halfway.

(~from Love it Forward)

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If one person doesnt want the relationship, then its simply not a fit.
No sense trying to figure out why we think they dont want it. No
sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around
for them to realize they wanted it after all. Because it doesnt matter
why they dont want it. What matters is that we want to be met heart-
on by a fully engaged partner. If they dont want it, then we dont want
it, because we dont want to be with someone who is not there for it
fully. Thats the thing about love relationship- its an agreement that
has to be signed by both souls. If one doesnt sign, then nothing has
been lost. If its not a fit for them, its not a fit for us either. On to the
next adventure we go.. (~from Love it Forward)

So many of us know the moment when a love connection is over, but

few of us stop then. I am not talking about reactive endings. I am
talking about the deep intuitive knowing that it is time to move on. Yet
we are either too afraid, or too stubborn, or too concerned about the
others feelings to make our move. But it is perilous to delay, both
because we suffer in the wrong connection, and because we hold two
souls back from finding the next step on their individual paths.
Whether there is another love waiting around the next corner, or
whether it is simply time to be alone, no one benefits by staying in an
outgrown union. We have to notice the moment of ending and take it
to heart. Everyones expansion depends on it.
(~from An Uncommon Bond- as yet unpublished)

Perhaps this is why its so very difficult to lose a soul-mate. You dont
just lose your companion. You dont just lose your friend. You dont

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just lose your lover. You lose your portal to divinity. You lose your
gateway to God. You lose the whole bloody universe. And then you find
it again. In your heartbreak. In your healing. In the learning of the
lesson that expands you. In the strengthening and re-birth of your
willingness. In the re-opening to the possibility of love. Every path is a
path to God. We just have to remember to open our hearts again, and
again... (~from Love It Forward)

Suffering in relationship is one path to waking up, but only one path.
Sometimes we can grow in the heart of joy. Sometimes we can grow in
the heart of peace. Sometimes we can grow in the heart of
compassion. If they dont help you glow, then let them go.
(~from Love It Forward)

Relationships are like bridges-we can build them up, or knock them
down. People often assume that we sever connections because we are
carrying a grudge. But thats not always true. Sometimes there is
simply no bridge left between the two hearts. We can try to re-build it,
but thats not always possible or desired. With our lessons learned, we
move on to build a new bridge somewhere else. The hope is that the
bridges we form get more stable and nourishing over time.
(~from Love It Forward)

Sometimes we forget how far we have traveled while we are looking

ahead to the next steps. Good to lie down and remember what it took
to get this far, all those karmic hoops we had to jump through, all
those overcomings. Good to stroke our face with love and to remind

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ourselves how much courage it took and who we would have become if
we hadnt braved the journey. Good to say thank you to the inner
spirit that walks within and beside us, whispering sweet somethings in
our inner ear, reminding us that we are simply and utterly worth
fighting for. We ARE simply and utterly worth fighting for.
(~from Love It Forward)

"Everyone decides what love is for them. Some of us stop at practicality.

Others prefer a little bit of romance. And some of us will only stop when
the most soulful love connection walks through the door. Of course, the
practical ones have a much better chance of lasting. But the soulful ones
have a chance to touch God. Their odds of lasting are lower, but they
dont much care. They know the chance they take. They prefer an
occasional banquet with God to 3 meals a day with a stranger. Pick your
path." (~From 'An Uncommon Bond- as yet unpublished)


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