ASPERGER’S

Syndrome

By: Sebastian Bustamante
Dear Reader
What you will read is about my Asperger’s syndrome and how it affects me, and
how I felt about it. It’s not bad now than it was before, but every now and then it gets
difficult. It’s hard to get to know people because of it. I can’t look people in the eye
unless I know them well, and even then it takes a long time. I’m really nervous when
I’m around a large group of people, like a class. I found the way to cope with it is just
to draw. It helps me focus on listening to the teacher, without feeling anxious.
Asperger’s also makes it hard for me to concentrate on a subject that I don’t find
interesting. I’ll often ignore the subject on instinct until they ask me to answer a
question, by then I can’t answer the question, because I wasn’t paying attention. But I
what I really hate about it the most, is how difficult it is to make friends. I can’t tell
when people are uncomfortable, I can’t detect strong sarcasm, so it’s hard to take a
joke, or understand when someone uses a metaphor. Whenever someone asks me
what it feels like, I respond that having Asperger’s Syndrome is like having an
essential piece of you missing. At times I feel like I’m just an unfinished puzzle stuck
in state of longing, I want to be complete, but I can’t without having to feel anxious or
nervous. But the hard part is over now, I have made some friends and I am getting
better at being in crowds without feeling like I’m getting crushed by the very air.
Asperger's syndrome
\ˈäs-ˌpər-gərz-\
Social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in
specific topics are common symptoms.
People who have Asperger’s syndrome experience:
Behavioral: aggression, persistent repetition of words or
-actions, repetitive movements, social isolation, self-
harm, compulsive behavior, antisocial behavior,
impulsivity, screaming, hyperactivity, or fidgeting
Muscular: clumsiness, inability to combine muscle
movements, poor coordination, or tic
Mood: anger, apprehension, or loneliness
Psychological: anxiety or depression
Also common: intense interest in a limited number of
things, nightmares, stuttering, sensitivity to sound, or
learning disability
I AM

I am an art piece that can’t be finishedng piece

I am a flower with a missing petal

I am a poem with missing lines

I am a plate with a missing fragment

I am a sky missing a moo

I am an puzzle with a missin

I am a book missing an ending
Empty Is Me
Empty is me
And I find myself divorced from reality
My mind is a wanderer
I keep dying again
Now I wonder if I tried
Their eyes are always causing mine to wander
I am not complete, unfinished
The missing fragment always out of reach
No matter how much I try to grab it
I don’t have a lot of friends
But to those who stuck with me
I thank you
Eyes
Trying to look in their eyes, but
annoyed
The feeling I hate is coming back
Please let someone come, I’ll be
overjoyed
It feels as though I’ll have a heart
attack
But no matter how much I wish
No matter how much I try
This atmosphere feels hellish
and I just can’t see goodbye
It seems the chains are still on me
And I can never be free
ROLLING MEADOWS ELEMENTARY-DAY
A teacher and a student are alone in a classroom. The student is
drawing and he never looks at the teacher while she is talking.

TEACHER
Why are you always drawing in class?
Whenever I look at you in class you’re always doodling.

STUDENT
It’s because I like it.
It helps me concentrate.

TEACHER
But don’t you want to talk to the other students? Are they not
being nice to you?

STUDENT
No, I just don’t want to.

TEACHER
Are they bullying you?

STUDENT
No.

TEACHER
Are they making fun of you?

STUDENT
No.

TEACHER
Then why don’t you want to talk to them.
You always look lonely in the classroom
STUDENT
I just don’t want to.

TEACHER
I don’t see why you don’t want to.
I mean, you’re not even looking at ME when you’re talking.

STUDENT
I listen.

TEACHER
But I don’t know that you are listening.

STUDENT
Well you know now.

TEACHER
(sighs) Alright, I guess you can go home then.

OUTSIDE, FRONT OF THE SCHOOL, STUDENT TALKS TO HIMSELF AS HE
WALKS HOME.

STUDENT
Phew, that was close, anymore talking and I might’ve needed to
lie about using the bathroom. And that would’ve been the perfect
getaway.
Horrible Feeling
As I talk to someone the horrible
feeling comes back. As if the the
atmosphere around my body is slowly
crushing me. My eyes burn, as if
they’re going to shed tears at any
moment. I’m about to choke up, but I
have to force myself to speak more.
I’m tired of being alone on the
weekends with nothing to do. I want to
be friends with someone. But the
chains tighten around me, and it
prevents from breathing normally. I
want these chains to break, I want the
key to unlock them and release me, I
don’t care if I need a chainsaw to cut
just do it! I can’t look in their eyes, or
else the chains tighten more. I really
want to do something to calm myself
down, but I’ll look like I’m not
interested. Damn! Why do I have to be
like this? I don’t want to, I want to be
normal!

End Notes
Exposition- I wrote about this to show what Asperger’s syndrome
is, and what it does to people who have it, to explain the other
genres so they can understand it more.
Ghostly Chains- I drew this to show how I felt about my
Asperger’s, how I felt these chains around me and how it made it
difficult to get through life. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to function
properly in society, which made me more sad the more I thought
about it.
I AM- I wrote this to compare myself to other things, why would
you want a book that doesn’t have an ending, an art piece that
doesn’t have the final stroke of the brush, it’s mysterious and I
hated how I wouldn’t know what it would it be like if I didn’t have
it.
Missing- I drew this to show how I felt incomplete, missing one
essential thing that prevented me from being complete, from
being normal. I always wanted that missing piece to come back,
to return to me so that I don’t feel empty.
Eyes- I wrote this explain what it was like to talk to someone, how
hard it was, how it felt like the air around me was slowly crushing
me. How it wasn’t easy to talk to someone
Untitled Script- I wrote this to show how teachers in other
schools tried to make me stop drawing to talk to other people, I
drew to focus on what the teacher was saying and not be so
nervous in class. Although this wasn’t real, it was based on some
true events in my life.
They Don’t Open for Strangers- I drew this to show I don’t
make a lot of eye contact to strangers, it’s hard for me to talk to
them, let alone look them in the eyes. There’s a door that they
have to try to pass, but it’s been set with so many locks.
Horrible Feeling- I wanted to explain on why I wanted to be
friends with someone even though I wanted to get away from the
situation. I hated how the feeling comes when I try to be friends
with someone, how it makes harder than it should be.