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Kayla Evans


English 1101-048

Professor Eisner

The Big Move

It is silent, nobody is in the hall. It's just me. I walk through the hallway, remembering

everything that I've been through in these vacant but usually loud hallways. I remember being

sad because I would be leaving for good, but excited because I was graduating. I could not

imagine my life without going to high school[NE1]. Living as an adult, working more hours and

going to college would be a scary thing for me. I adjusted here well, learning how to live the the

western suburbs of Chicago. It was not easy at first. I had to learn how to get out of my comfort-

zone in Huntsville,Alabama and move back to Illinois(where I was originally born).

Transitioning was hard. But I learned to get out of my comfort-zone, that made me a stronger


As my sister Karah and I walked out to the bus stop at 7:17, the sun bathed us in its

warmth. My mother, off to work at Huntsville Hospital, worked 7am to 7pm three days a week.

My father was in Chicago, living with my aging grandparents. who had been staying with my

aging grandparents, had been in Chicago. I knew that he was waiting for us, but I did not want to
accept the fact that we would be moving from the place I called my home back to where I used to

live as a young child. When I arrived home after a long and stressful day of school, I ran up the

stairs of our big beautiful home, excited because I could finally be comfortable, tired I just

wanted to take a nap. I heard noise in my mom's room and remembered she did not work today.

Something seemed very strange, the house barely had furniture, and clothes laid in boxes. Then I

suddenly remembered, we planned to move in a month. I walked into my mom's room. My mom

happened to look up, she looked tired.

Oh, hey Kayla how was school, she said in a tired voice.

Fine, I said. What you doing home?

Just doing some early packing.

I left her room thinking angrily for a long time, I almost resented her for even thinking

about moving my sister and I from the place that we had called home for almost six years. When

I walked slowly back to her room I said with confidence, Im not going with you, I dont want

to. Ill get a job and stay here. I barely sixteen, knew that I wasn't capable of getting a job


My mom looked at me and said What did you say? .

I repeated, Im not going. I assured myself that I would stay with my aunt Margaret and

my cousin Isaiah and continue my life in Alabama, not go a million miles away from my friends,

and half of my family.

Without a thought she said, Yes you are now go get some stuff packed, you are my child

and you will go where I go, and do what I say!

How could she and my dad do this to us we were doing so well. They were being nothing

less than controlling. They did not think about how it made me feel, making me do something

she knew I didn't want to but had no choice in doing . I excused myself from the room and began

to cry. How would I leave everything and everyone I loved behind? I did not want to leave

everything and everyone I loved behind. I never thought we would move back to Illinois, we

moved to Alabama to get away from Illinois! Since fifth grade I had lived the southern life in

Alabama, and I love it here. I was so used to the southern life lived in Alabama since the fifth

grade, I loved Alabama. I had no plans to move back to Illinois, too used to the warmth,the

southern accents, the southern hospitality, Southern everything. The month went by like the

speed of light. We said our last goodbyes to our neighbors, friends and family and we were off to

the greyhound.

There were so many faces and luggages and voices and different smells on the bus. I

hadnt slept all night . I imagined hearing my mother say, Youre father and I have
changed our mind were going to stay in Alabama until you graduate, but of course that didnt

happen. I wanted to cry and cry or even give my opinion on how I thought it didnt make sense

to move to a place where the cost of living is so much higher ,but then I realized a teenagers

opinion wouldnt have changed anything anyway, besides I never had a say in anything anyway.

My mother has always said a child should stay in a childs place. On the bus I played a few

games on my ipod and listened to music and read and looked out the window and even

eavesdropped on a few conversations. Finally,when we arrived it got dark and the big

skyscrapers and lights adorned everyone on the bus, not me though I don't know if it was

because I didnt want to move.

When we got to the new house it, I didnt like it. I wanted to live in Alabama. My family

was there waiting for us and happy to see us, not me I surely wasn't happy to see them. greeted

us with hugs and kisses, but I didnt feel happy to see them. I had seen them a billion times.

They seemed too excited to see me. When our company left, I sat in my room on my phone and

texted my best friend Aisha about the tedious annoying bus ride and how much I missed my

home, already. She told me about everything that was going on with our friends, and thats when

it hit me. Id have to start all the way over, meet totally different people without Southern accents

or Southern manners. who didn't have a southern accent and weren't raised from southern people,

with southern hospitality. In just two days Id be starting all the way over with my life.
The morning of my first day of school started I had no idea what to wear. I tried on

multiple outfits. I couldnt fathom going to a new school. I had no idea what people wear in

Illinois, or what way the girls wear their hair, nothing at all I felt like an alien, or a foreigner in a

foreign country. On my first day I wasnt Kayla disappeared and I became , I was The New

Girl. I hated that name. The school I came from did not even compare to the size of the school

that I was in now. Of my new school.

People stared at me, some smiled and some just looked as if they had never saw a person

before. Of course my first class had to be gym, everyone had partners, teams and friends. I sat

on the bleachers by myself, as I watched everyone else hangout with their friends. My heart

sunk. All I could think about how different my life would be if Id stayed in Alabama with my


I felt alone. There were so many comments about me, people acted like they new saw a

girl before, there had to be someone here like me! People laughed at me, asked me where lived

before, or asked isn't Alabama racist, so many irrelevant questions. No one ever approached

me with a proper Hi my name is so and so what's yours.That's all I wanted.

I ended up making a few friends and finding out how to maneuver as teenager in Illinois,

although everything had been different. I started hanging out with my nephew, who happens to

be a year older than me, and after that I made my own friends. Moving away from my home

taught me how to be independent. Of course I miss Alabama, but from this experience I learned

that I wont always be comfortable and I have to learn to get out of my comfort zone. This
experience taught me that even though you like where you are at the moment, getting out of your

comfort zone can be great for you. It changed my life. I can now be comfortable around different

people and in different situations because of the big move. It made me a stronger person.


I think you did make a good effort in revising your essay. I see that youve tried to switch a
lot of your verbs of to be to active verbs. Ive inserted some suggestions so you can see what
that might look like. I dont see that you deleted entire sentences; I did suggest this in your

I think you struggled with the chronology of the essay I had a hard time figuring out where
you were in time and I offered some suggestions for that, too.
Grade: B+

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