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EFT and “I Want Him Back, even if it’s a Rotten Relationship!”
Patzia Gonzalez-Baz
Letting go of a relationship is a very hard thing to do. In Spanish we have a saying that loosely translates into: the evil you already know is better than the good you may have in the future. "Yolanda" contacted me on Skype from Mexico and she told me she had been trying to free herself from this issue for 5 years and despite all her EFT work on herself (she has al the DVD's and has studied them), she still can't be at peace with this issue of rejection/failed relationship and just let it go. Yolanda shared how she had been living with "Pedro" and hoping they would some day marry. They had been together for 7 years, and two years after they started living together, she found out he was also seeing another woman. During five years, Pedro and Yolanda lived together half the week, and the other half he lived with another woman. Yolanda kept hoping he would eventually choose her as she was sure he was the love of her life and they were destined to be together. Two months ago, Pedro told Yolanda he was going to marry the other woman and left, leaving her "devastated." Yolanda had been tapping on her feelings of betrayal, abandonment and grief, but had not had much success. She wanted to be done with this situation and recover her confidence and joy. Mostly she was ok during the day, but felt miserable at night. The hardest thing was to get Yolanda to focus on ONE event, and only one. She kept jumping from one thing to another, so I asked about her worst memory her to focus on the day when Pedro told her he was leaving and getting married. Pedro had asked her to drive him to the airport, and invited her to have some coffee after he had checked in at the airline counter. Yolanda knew he wanted to say something important to her, and she hoped he would propose. Instead, he told her he was leaving, marrying the other woman and would not be seeing her again. I asked Yolanda to check her breathing, and she was almost not breathing at all (a two on a scale of ten). So we started by working with her constricted breath. We did several rounds until finally she was

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breathing at a 9.5! It was very hard to keep her focused on that one event. I asked her to give this event a title, and she called it "The Airport Betrayal," and she was a ten. We tapped on; Even though I have this Airport Betrayal movie… and remaining airport betrayal till it came down to a one. She then said she felt sad, and her sadness was a ten; and she still wanted him back even if he said he wanted to marry the other woman. So we tapped on: Even though I have this sadness… Even though Pedro said he wanted to marry that other woman and I still want him back… We did a couple of rounds alternating between: Pedro said he wanted to marry that other woman and I want him back. We also tapped on: Even though I was hoping he would propose and he said goodbye… Even though his voice was unsteady… Even though I'm sure she bewitched him, because he loves me… Yolanda discovered that underneath the sadness she had a layer of anger at herself because she had believed in him and he had fooled her. Even though I have this anger… Even though I am angry at myself because I believed in Pedro, I forgive myself for my part in this. (I decided to leave the forgiveness for him for a little later in the session). Yolanda said she felt guilty for letting Pedro go. She had tried being "so good" so he would want to be with her, and it had not been enough. I asked if she had any physical sensations as she said that, and she had a lump in her throat that felt like a burning coal, and it was a ten. We tapped on: Even though I have this lump in my throat… We did three sets of the complete recipe on the lump in her throat, complete with the 9 gamut till it finally disappeared.

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Yolanda was feeling calmer but there was a lot more work to be done. We had come to the end of our session. She had hoped for a one minute miracle or even a one session miracle and was somewhat disappointed that that hadn't happened. She said she kept "obsessing, and cannot separate from him & feelings of abandonment." We worked on this event for four more sessions. Some of the setup phrases we used during those sessions were: - Even though I need him to feel good about myself, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him. - Even though I resist the idea that he left me because I want him back and can't live without him, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him. - Even though Pedro doesn't know what he's missing and I want to stay stuck in feeling miserable so he'll repent and come back, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him. - Even though he's the love of my life and I refuse to let him go… - Even though I would rather keep sharing him than losing him… Yolanda had a hard time with this one. She said she never wanted to "share" him, but had gone along with it so that he would come to the realization that she was the ONE. • • Even though I never wanted to share him, but did… Even though I shared him in the hopes he would realize I was the one, and he chose otherwise…

In the fifth session, we were finally able to go over the “Airport Farewell” movie step by step as there were many aspects: driving to the airport, the coffee shop, his tone of voice, the look in his eyes, the shock of hearing he opted for the other woman, his saying he hoped they would remain friends. When we went through the whole "movie" and there was no remaining intensity, Yolanda looked at me and said: "you know, my mother never had a happy relationship with a man; I guess I learned I couldn't either, I am just like her. That's why I put up with this situation, but I can love my mother and have a happy co-committed relationship. Now I know what to keep working on.”

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Yolanda was willing to persevere for more than one session, and finally arrived at a core issue. She has been working with me on this as she wants to solve the relationship with her mother so she can have a happy and satisfactory relationship with a man.
© Patzia Gonzalez-Baz, 2009

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