Interviews on Masculinity

Demographics on our men:
1. 25 years old, Single, Gay, Black, No kids 2. 44 years old, Single, Straight, African-American, 2 kids 3. 26 years old, Married, Straight, Black, 1 Child (under age ten) 4. 41 years old, Divorced, Straight, Mexican-American, 05 kids 5. 31 years old, Married, Heterosexual, White, zero children 6. 35 years old, Single, Straight, White, No kids. 7. 15 [Spiritual rebirth] year old, Spiritual, this side [straight] up, Other, 1 child 8. 25 years, old, Single, Straight, Hispanic, 0 children 9. 26 years old, Married, Straight, Black, 3 kids (All under ten years old) 10. 18 years old, Single, Straight, White, 0 kids 11. 51 years old, Married, Heterosexual, Hispanic/Black, 2 kids 12. 28 years old, Single, Heterosexual, Black male with 1 child 13. 34 years old, Single, Bisexual, “Relay”/White/Mexican, 1 child 14. 37.9 years old, Divorced, Heterosexual, Other Male with 0 kids 15. 28 years old, Married, Straight, black, One kid (under age of ten) 16. 50 years old, Married, Heterosexual, white, 5 kids 17. 34 years old, Single, Straight, Black, No Kids 18. 28 years old, Married, Straight, Caucasian, 2 kids 19. 26 years old, Single, Straight, Hispanic, No kids. 20. 28 years old, Single, Straight, Black, One Child (Under Age 10)

21. 30 years old, single, heterosexual (assuming race exists?) “white” or “european” or “anglo”, 0 kids 22. 30 years old, single, straight, black/African American, 0 kids 23. 29 years, Married, Straight, White, none (one on the way) 24. 33 years old, Married, straight, White, 0 kids 25. 33 years old, single, Caucasian, straight, 0 kids,

How would you describe yourself?
1. Stocky, Muscle, Full Body, Overly Muscular 2. I would describe myself as a pleasant, goal oriented person who believes in helping others. 3. Athletic. 4. Humanist. 5. Overweight, average white guy that does a lot to support the Mrs. in an almost role reversal household. 6. 5’9, medium, thin build, slender, blonde hair. 7. SELF-CONFIDENT, OUTGOING, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING, DESIRING, HOPEFUL, CREATIVE, SPONTANEOUS, HAPPY, RESPONSIBLE, PLAYFUL, CHILD-AT-HEART, YOUTHFUL, SAVED. 8. Adaptable, laid back, calm 9. Average sized, under weight, want to be bigger (more muscle) 10. Normal, student

11. God fearing Christian, easy going believe in treating everyone the way I'd like to be treated 12. As a hardworking, loving, family man 13. Anarchist, Buddhist, Musician, Poet 14. As a spiritual being manifested in human form; as a male with certain biological/genetic characteristics with conscious awareness, and consciousness behind everything I attach to it. 15. Athletic 16. friendly 17. Sexy. 18. I am a fairly well educated, hard working, mostly normal guy. Physically I am 6'1" and 290 lbs. 19. Big, Heavy set, average height. 20. Naturally Thin. Well Groomed, handsome young black man. 21. A superhero. (I dunno how to respond to this, too vague?) 22. Loner, fantastic, unsure 23. I would say that I am a good man. I take care of my wife. I can do many things without the help of others (repair the cars, work on the house, etc…). I go to church. I serve my country in the United States Marine Crops. I give blood every 8 weeks. I try hard to take good care of my wife. I try to make her feel good about who she is. I also try to support her in her career. I also think I’ll be a good father. I look forward to having children. So I feel that I am a good man.

I also feel that I am in good shape. I have a good body. I do have some extra fat around my stomach that I want to get rid of. Over all I am happy with the way I look and more importantly who I am. 24. happy, out-going, hardworking, laid-back, intelligent, musical, athletic, loyal 25. Kind, handsome, sensitive, intelligent, honest, chivalrous, compassionate, faithful, selfless, and dependable

What are the qualities of the ultimate man?
1. Integrity, Follow Through, Own up to Mistakes 2. The qualities that I prefer in a may would have to be a balance of independence and spiritually submissive. I want her to be strong and independent when I’m not with her but willing to follow my lead at the appropriate time. 3. Height. Ability to provide. 4. Strong, responsible, caring, calculating and forgiving. 5. Funny, good looking, mentally stable, able to assist his partner in duties. (Instead of sitting on his ass and complaining about this-or-that when he could've done it himself) 6. Defining Character, Healthy, Strong/Fit 7. MY BELIEF, AS I HAVE LIVED AND CONTINUE TO LIVE, IS THAT THERE ARE NO ULTIMATES. HOWEVER, THE CLOSEST I CAN EVER COME TO 'ULTIMATE' IS TO BE CONFIDENT IN WHO I AM AND WHAT IS GAINFUL AND FULFILLING AS SEEKING THE TRUTH. I BELIEVE THAT BEING HONEST IS KEY TO HAVING A SENSE OF SELF-WORTH. I MUST FIRST BE FAITHFUL AND LOVING; SINCERE, AND FULL OF MERCY AND

FORGIVENESS. ALL OF THESE THINGS WHICH I HAVE 'BOLDED' ARE WHAT I BELIEVE ARE THE QUALITIES A MALE SHOULD POSSESS. THESE THINGS ARE GOOD FOR A FIRM AND SOUND POSITION AS A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL. 8. Dependable, headstrong, able to know when to pick their battles, role model. 9. Responsibility, Person of Word (Honest) 10. The opposite of female, adam’s apple, y chromosome…I don’t know 11. respectful of everyone, loving, caring, compassionate and one who puts God and family above all else. 12. Someone who is stable, responsible, and independent, who can take care of their responsibilities. Someone who is a good listener and knows how to accept mistakes and learn from them. They must know how to face their fears and challenges and learns to overcome them. 13. I don’t really adhere to what society tells me because everything I am is what society hates. Being a man is just being a good person. 14. The ideal man starts with the ability to let go of the idea of being a man and get connected to his humanity, rather than just being stuck on masculinity, which is secondary. Humans should be connected to spiritual, emotional, cognitive, and (given) physical balance, with a realization of something bigger than themselves, being emotionally literate, recognizing triggers, and keeping the machine of their body in optimal conditions. 15. Dependability, Responsibility, Accountability. Conquering those 3. 16. Friendly, hard working

17. Love sports. Love Mom. Physically and Mentally Fit. Reading books. Believe in a higher power--something bigger than himself. 18. The ultimate male should be self reliant, self assured (not cocky or arrogant), and aware of his own limitations. 19. Strong, assertive, decisive 20. Steady; as in take care of your self, welled mannered. Christian (good morals) 21. compassionate, sincere, integrity, playful, considerate 22. Responsible, caring 23. I think that I posses the qualities of an ultimate male. I feel that I am not selfish. I feel that I am strong. I feel that I love and care for others. I have faith in God. I think serving others is very important in life. Most important I love and care for my wife, and soon my child more than anyone, including myself. I feel that the ultimate male should be able to mechanically inclined. 24. loyalty, patience, kindness, strength 25. Handsome, tall, physically strong, intelligent, honest, courageous, witty, dexterous, stylish, generous, chivalrous, compassionate, selfless, dependable.

Who taught you to be a man?
1. Learned the hard way, not close to biological dad. Step dad taught me. Trial and error mainly. Learned myself, taught myself. No one taught me. 2. Being taught to be a man growing up was more about what male figure head was around during certain critical periods. As a child, it was my stepfather or an older man in the church that took me under his wing. Then as I became a teenager it

was a guy in his late 20’s that was the president of the usher board that became my big brother while my real brother’s were in Vietnam. 3. People I look up to. Model after people see doing right. 4. Instinct. 5. No one really taught me the "ways of manhood" or had "the man talk".. I think my maturity has come from pulled parts from a lot of the positives through my life. My father, some long standing friends of his…grandparents when I was younger…plus aspects of my mother thrown into the mix…that kind of thing 6. Foremost, my father. Other significant male-older men around when growing up. Teacher, scout leader, Sunday school teacher. 7. I WAS COLLECTIVELY RAISED BY MY MOTHER AND MANY OF MY RELATIVES; AFTER MY FATHER DIED. I BELIEVE THAT BEING EXPOSED BY DIFFERENT PHILOSOPHIES ON LIFE- BUT OF THE SAME ROOTPROVIDED ME WITH A SENSE OF INEXTRICABLE IMPARTIALITY. THEREFORE, THERE WAS ROOM WITHIN ME FOR NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH. AND SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING, I MUST SAY THAT ONCE I GAVE MY LIFE TO MY LORD AND SAVIOR- WHOM I BELIEVE, IN FAITH, IS JESUS [YESHUA BEN JOSEPH] CHRIST, I STARTED TO REALIZE THE TRUTH IN MEANING OF TRULY BEING 'MAN.' MY WORLDLY PARENTS AND RELATIVES PRUNED ME TO RECEIVE THE GLORIOUS GUIDANCE FROM MY TRUE FATHER; MY HEAVENLY FATHER.

8. Many influences, such as my own father, cousins, friends. 9. Life experience; it’s the only thing that can teach you. Trials. Live and learn more and more. Every male is born a man, he gets wiser with age. 10. (Added this question after interview) 11. My mother and life time experiences 12. New question added after this interview was performed 13. Me. I was raised by 3 women. A French feminist once said that “being a man is tied to real femininity, motivated by love, sexuality, and who you are.” 14. The Mankind Project, which does service work behind their “New Warrior Training Adventure” weekend and Integration groups. They teach to look at yourself and how you are living and provide the guiding mission to see yourself in connection with the rest of the world. Everybody has had an influence on me, but especially through the inspiration of my mentor, I have become more like the man I want to be. 15. My Dad and my step dad. My uncle. 16. My father 17. Combination. Knuckle head on the block, school; learn from watching peers with older brother that they learned from. Step-father, Mentor. In order, Mentor, Peer, Step Dad. 18. Mostly my father. I learned a little from my friend Tom Cleland before he died. He kind of took me in and helped show me the way to act at work.

19. My Dad. 20. Woman can’t teach a man how to be man. That old saying isn’t true. My mom taught me how to be a gentleman. The marines taught me how to stand on my own, be my own man. Really true, my son showed me responsible. He taught me how to be a man. 21. father, mother, teachers, a therapist 22. I am still learning…my dad and older brother and older men in my life 23. My dad. 24. I think its something I’m continuing to work on, but I’ve learned a lot from my father as well as some things from my brother and my uncles, so from family, basically 25. My father primarily, and secondarily my grandfathers and uncles. The media likely also had some impact since it is so dominant in American culture.

What separates “the men from the boys”?
1. Taking responsibility for action. Taking care of self. Thinking things through and not giving up. Seeing it through. Saying it (owning up to it). What do you need? Don’t be passive aggressive…Cowardly 2. The choices the men make the repeated mistakes the boys make. 3. Ability to provide. 4. Responsibilities. 5. I think real life experience. Boys can do some really stupid stuff, but it's not till they’re older when they think back and think, "Boy that was a stupid thing to

do… pulling a skateboard behind a bike attached with a rope...if that parked car hadn't been there…man" 6. Not being fast paced, concerned with small stuff: Boys-more toys, trends; Men: slow pace, secure. Less concerned with what others think. 7. KNOWING WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE; AND NOT GIVING IN TO THE TRIVIAL MATTERS OF WORLDLY ACCEPTANCE. 8. maturity 9. Knowledge; that’s the only thing. A young man can technically do what an older man can. (If he had the knowledge.) 10. (Added question after this interview) 11. Accepting responsibilities for own actions and being sensitive to significant other needs. 12. New question added after interview was conducted 13. Age and experience 14. Unfortunately, too often, there is no separation. The realization in question #2 (awareness, self-work, and balance) and the willingness to be responsible (adults vs. children), and being accountable without blame or victimization. 15. Accountability. 16. knowledge 17. Accountability, Responsibility, Ambition, Integrity. 18. As I answered in question 2 to be a grown man you must be self reliant and understand yourself. Responsibility is also a good indicator of when a boy has started to become a man.

19. Being able to look at big picture. When you’re young you only see what’s in front, not what is passed that. 20. A boy is constantly arguing, fighting, doing dumb things they don’t have togangs, doing poorly in school, drugs, using profane language. A man knows what he wants to be out of life-a boy can’t answer. A man steps up to his duties. Knows how to treat a lady. Has gone up, so 30 or 40 and still a boy. A man takes care of business. 21. Truly – knowing one’s self and being comfortable in one’s own self. This is arrived at by having an authentic relationship with the inner feminine. 22. Accepting of one’s responsibilities 23. Knowledge and experience. 24. responsibility and of course, maturity 25. The size of their toys? Seriously though- responsibility, selflessness, compassion.

How do others influence your self image?
1. A lot of people think I’m good looking or have a nice body. And others don’t. I don’t play attention because everyone has their own idea. 2. My self image is fine without the influence of others. 3. They don’t. 4. The only individuals who influence me are my kids, to be a responsible father. 5. Depends…on self image…I think media makes me think about my weight, but I ignore what I should do. Fashion wise? I tend to scoff at the metrosexual models (mainly because I can't fit into the clothes) and lately been buying clothes for

durability rather than for fashion...though there is a tinge of anti-fashion in my fashion as I gravitate towards the farm fleet stores for ideas. 6. Yeah, they affect you in how they respond to you…treat you…act in response to you. 7. I AM NOT EASILY INFLUENCED BY WORLDLY ISSUES OR PERSONALITIES; ESPECIALLY, IN REGARD TO MY SELF-IMAGE. I SEEK TO EXIST ON A MORE TRANSCENDENT-WHICH IS TO SAY, MY SPIRITUALITY- LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND SEEING. 'SELFIMAGE' IS JUST WHAT IT IMPLIES. THERE MUST BE A SENSE OF SELFONESELF- TO PROJECT THE IMAGE THAT YOU WANT TO SEE. SO, THIS IDEA OF 'ONE' IN THE 'SELF' SEEMS, TO ME, TO BE MORE INTROSPECTIVE AND OF A 'VERTICAL' SUPPLICATION; RATHER THAN OR A 'LINEAR' OBSERVATION. 8. I get inspiration from those who have their act together, financially and morally responsible 9. They don’t 10. Advertisements, savings, influence of money 11. None at all. Do not care what others think 12. The way they react to what I do. What they say. I want to be able to get along with everyone. 13. I try really hard not to let that happen. If somebody likes me, they like me. If they don’t, they don’t. It’s like a Catch-22. If someone influences my self-image, it’s somebody close. If somebody’s on the outside, they don’t really know, and it

doesn’t matter. I am affected about 50% by those close to me, and that 50% affects everything. 14. There is a culture of being big, strong, and muscular (working out). SocietyMedia—condones the man with the 6 pack, “To hell with that!” I strive to stay healthy and look good. I have an idea of how I want to look. You can’t help but be bombarded by all of the ads, but you must get perspective…about how much you will allow yourself to be affected and get sucked in. It’s an ego thing about power and projecting strength because as a child, I grew up with an insecure father who wouldn’t allow me to present this way. I turned to intellectual rebellion and challenging the status quo. 15. Other give compliments makes me feel better. Other doing bad, help me keep myself in check. 16. Younger women make me feel better (more attractive) 17. Yes, they do. For example, I just cut my hair and people tell me they really love it, it makes my eyes pop. Or People say I liked it better when you had hair. It effects my decisions to shave my hair. 18. Usually I don't worry about other people. I have been called fat, retarded, and every other name in the book. I ignored most of these insults, unless they were made by someone I respected or admired. Then I considered the circumstances and whether it was an insult or a criticism that could be remedied. 19. Not really.

20. Others tell me I’m cool; dressed nice, wish they were in my shoes. Positive notes, hard working. Makes me feel good. (When others compliment me.) (What if it’s negative comments?) I don’t think about it, life’s too short. 21. The idealization of perfect physical form is degrading. 22. They make me question it. I don’t know how people feel, but it is often important for me to know. Not knowing causes insecurity. 23. Others sometime make me realize that I am not pushing myself, and therefore I am not being the best man that I can be. Others can motivate me to do better, work harder, and strive for more. I do not feel jealousy, but I feel that they have set a new goal for me to reach. Sometimes, others show you a better life and you realize that is what you want. 24. I like to be liked, always have 25. If someone interprets something I say/do in a way other than what I had originally intended, it prompts me to re-evaluate how I had presented myself.

What role does sexuality play in your life?
1. I’m Gay. I do like sex, but it’s more about the relationship (making love) for me. I need good communication, and someone willing to be open compromise. 2. I don’t look at sexuality as a role. Being sexy and sexual projects two different meanings. Sexuality from a woman is important, but not a defining factor of the relationship. Sex, on the other hand, is relationship maintenance, and is an incentive not a role. 3. A medium role. I wash dishes, doesn’t make me a women.

4. Sexuality does not play a big role in my life. 5. Like my parents, our relationship (typical male/female wise relationship) tends to be kind of a role reversal…I do laundry, vacuum, clean cat boxes, clean house, cook food. That kind of thing... if you're talking about physical sexuality, that concept I keep private :D unless of course that's what you’re wondering about. 6. A normal or average one. Not big, not small. Part of life, not everything. 7. SEXUALITY IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE. EVEN AS A YOUNG CHILD I FELT AN ALL-INCOMPASSING NOTION OF SEXUALITY. I'VE HAD MANY LOVES- AND NOT JUST LOVERS- THAT I BELIEVE WAS IMPERATIVE TO MY INEVITABLE UNDERSTANDING OF LOVES VERSUS LOVERS. I BELIEVE THERE IS A HUGE DIFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO. AS I GREW UP, I'VE EMBRACED THIS DIFFERENCE. AND AS I CONTINUE TO BECOME A 'MAN' I GAIN WISDOM IN DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN THE TWO. YOU SEE, I BELIEVE, IN FAITH, THAT SEXUALITY IS A MULTI-DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIP. IT IS NOT, NOR EVER SHOULD BE, MERELY HOW TO USE THE BODY AS A MEANS FOR PLEASURABLE ENDS. TO 'LOVE' IS TO TRULY 'KNOW'- OR BE IN UNITY- WITH ANOTHER PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. TO HAVE LOVES IS TO UNIFY; TO HAVE LOVERS IS TO OBJECTIFY. 8. Hmmm…I believe sexuality plays a role in life for attracting the opposite sex, whether it be physical or mental. 9. No, not really. (Not a big role) 10. none

11. It is important, but not the ruler 12. None. I am abstinent at this time. 13. I’m a very sexual creature, so it plays a big role. A HUGE role. It’s a way that I like to surf on all the time. I don’t plan around it. If I am horny, I know where to go. I’m always thinking about it. It’s always there. It’s an integral part of my life. As a bisexual, homosexuals often criticize, “Oh, you just can’t make up your mind.” I have found the gay population to be as heterophobic as the non-gay population is homophobic. With the whole GLBT thing, it seems that the BT (bisexual and transgenders) are more on the fringe and don’t matter as much. The latest sentiment that really bugs me is that bisexuals are blamed as the AIDS spreaders. 14. There is a distinction between attraction and sexuality. Sexuality is more about a relationship than getting my rocks off (although I enjoy sex). It has never been just about the act, scorecards, or getting off. It is more about the emotional/physical connection and wanting a healthy relationship with someone, blending spirituality and sexuality (awareness of connection), with increased levels of consciousness in all aspects (sex included) towards fulfilling and helping to grow and expand the goals in a relationship. There is an increased reality where physical/material states dissolve and are secondary, connecting on multiple levels, catapulted to a different realm. 15. Big Role (Very Important) 16. Big, but not self-defining 17. A big role. 2 or 3 on my list. I’m a very sexual person. As much as possible.

18. I enjoy being a man. Helping woman change a tire or open a jar of pickles. Men like to do these things I believe because we no longer have to go out and kill the saber tooth tiger, or hunt down dinner. Yes there is a definite macho element to most men. I like to impress women, whether it is making them laugh or hanging new wallpaper. It all goes back to the old belief that men are the hunters and we should be tough, quick, and ferocious and the defenders of the family. 19. Not a big role. 20. Don’t look for sex. Look for friend. Closeness with person feels good. 21. (vague?) It is heavenly being close to my honey. What else is there? 22. It’s not my main motivation, but it does have an effect, I guess. 23. My wife and I have a health sex life. I am happy with our sex life. I think that sexuality in our marriage servers 3 purposes. First, as most people would say, sex is fun and it feels good. Second, I think that it is a confidence builder. When I please my wife I feel great about that. When she pleases me she feels great. It makes you feel good about who you are and your ability to please your spouse. I think it also makes you feel that you are desired by your spouse. The third and finally use, if to start a family. I am proud to say that my wife is pregnant and I am very excited. Of course that would have not happened without sex. 24. I believe I reserve the majority of my sexuality to be shared with my wife 25. It is a burden in that, as an extremely sexual person, the desire to have sex can be overwhelming. But being a “sensitive new-age guy”, I have come to the conclusion that purely sexual relationships are un-fulfilling and may often lead to

one of the partners being hurt. The end result is retreat to what is safe physically and emotionally- masturbation.

How does money influence your self-image?
1. I’m 25 now and in my field (dancing) it’s a process. Depends on where in life you are, maybe later in life having more. Feeling sorry (bad about myself), doesn’t get the bills paid. 2. I don’t let material things alter my self image it can only improve it. 3. The more I have the better. (As long as) I can provide for my family. Feel better that I can provide. 4. It does not. My children are more important. 5. I think money always influences self image. It's subconscious…I can buy construction-worker grade clothes, go to the ghetto grocery store, and STILL look like a white-collar worker from a cube-farm. It always influences whether you think about it consciously or not. What I wish I could do is set-up a self image that defies the money influence, which I haven't grasped yet. I want to walk into an art gallery opening with lee carpenter jeans, paint stained shoes and a garage shirt, when everyone is wearing 3 piece suits cause I think it shouldn't really I guess in theory, I'm trying to find ways to defy what people or I think relating self-image to money…whether it's high-art aficionados or the regular at the local watering hole.

6. It makes you feel more confident...more secure, careful; you’re not as concerned about it (when you have it). 7. NOT MUCH AT ALL; ALTHOUGH, I KNOW THAT MONEY PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN HOW LIFE IS GOVERNED. I AM FORTUNATE TO HAVE GROWN UP AROUND PEOPLE THAT POSSESS A HEALTHY UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT MONEY IS, WHAT IT DOES, AND WHAT IT IS USED FOR. I AM SATISFIED WITH LITTLE; AS WELL AS BEING SATISFIED- WITH THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE BLESSING- WITH AN ABUNDANCE. 8. Money influences my personal habits. If I know I make so much, I know I have a budget, I don't like to have my money take over me. 9. A lot, money is me, life, a way of living. Makes me think. #1 priority, nothing else matters. (I didn’t make it that way.) The world makes it a #1 priority, so the #1 to me. 10. Everything I do is based on having money, which affects how I feel about myself. The more money I have the better I feel. 11. Money is not an influence 12. It does not necessarily affect my self-image. I want to be successful. I see money as part of being successful. 13. Only after the last tree has been cut down, Only after the last river has been poisoned Only after the last fish has been caught,

Only then will we realize that money cannot be eaten. - Cree Indian saying It doesn’t. I like to pay my bills and shit, but money is like empty calories. I could give a shit about having money to show people how much money I have. It is wanted more for the freedom it can get me to do what I want to do and go where I want to go, including making contributions to society that I would like to make on my own terms of global consciousness. It’s not about image; it’s about freedom. 14. There is an expanded view of reality/perspective, where I feel like I am behind where I should be in my career financially, which IS a hit to my self-image. It suggests that I am not doing all that I need to be doing…(where I want to be in comparison to peers). These notions come from society and past dreams. How I see myself compared to the money I am making does not align. I should be a millionaire with my perspectives, talents and knowledge. There is incongruence between my financial status and how I see myself. 15. No a big deal. I don’t have money now and I still feel good about myself. 16. A lot 17. Money helps my self image. Money affects the way (and what) I eat and the way I eat also affects my self image. Money effects taking clothes to dry cleaner, helping others, gas at pump. It all takes money. Really effects self image. It’s hard to live with out it. 18. When I have money I do seem to feel better about myself. 19. Some effect. It sucks being broke. Feel inadequate.

20. For others, money is a big problem—as long as they have it, they spend it on junk. Not me, I hold on to it and spend it wisely. 21. It is important to seem like I can be a provider, to be a “breadwinner” to “bring home the bacon” … to fail in this is to devolve into total social impotence. 22. The lack of it deflates my self-image at times 23. Not having to worry about money makes me feel good. When I have struggled with money in my life, I have felt that I am not providing for my family. I also feel that I am not working hard enough in life. So having money means that I am working to the level that I am required. Providing for your family is part of being a man. 24. I don’t equate money to success, but it does make life easier. But I don’t need it to make me feel a certain way. 25. Money is a huge confidence-builder. If I didn't have to worry about paying rent each month and could take every date to the finest restaurant in town, I'd probably be a very different person.

How often do you think about your body image?
1. All the time (it’s a part of my profession). Different body type, do different things. I’m naturally muscular, when I see a dance contest and they are all usually of the same body type (not mine, not muscular). 2. Not too often. 3. Weekly. 2-3 times a week. 4. Body image is not important to me.

5. Quite a bit 6. Always aware of it, don’t harp on it. Daily, but not excessively. 7. NOT TOO OFTEN. BT OF COURSE, I AM THOUGHTFUL ABOUT MY HEALTH. AN ACTIVE LIFESTYLE AND EATING NUTRITIOUSLY- BUT NOT FANATICALLY- IS MOST IMPORTANT TO ME. 8. Sometimes, since I am hitting the gym to work out. 9. Once a month. 10. More towards health consciousness, weekly 11. Often 12. Daily 13. All of the time (more than daily) 14. Everyday…in the AM and whenever I notice it; when getting ready to go out. There is some vanity. I like to look good and dress well, though I have an aversion to metrosexuality and am against pedicures. I pay attention to what I wear at work and home. Self-image affects the type of clothing I wear with tighter clothing when I am in better shape. 15. A lot, everyday. Several times a day. All day long. I do some modeling, (it’s important to be aware of what you look like.) 16. sometimes 17. Everyday. I’m an actor, comedian. I’m in front of people all the time. They got to like me, if I don’t, then they won’t. 18. Several times a day. Especially at the gym. 19. Every other day.

20. I don’t. I like who I am. Still fit in my clothes. Cut out smoking to get in better shape, not my old marine shape-but in shape. 21. Daily. 22. Everyday 23. Pretty much every day. However, I don’t really worry about the way I look. That is because my wife does not make me feel bad about my flaws. 24. daily 25. Nearly every day.

How often do you work out?
1. I don’t. I take class 4 times a week (Class=Modern Jazz, Ballet). I can’t work out (lift weights), can’t build more muscle mass (I’m naturally muscular); more muscle means decrease in flexible. 2. Once or twice a week 3. Weekly. 2-3 times a week. 4. I don’t work out. 5. I don't, though I should. 6. Never. 7. I WORK OUT THREE-TO-FOUR TIMES A WEEK. HOWEVER, IT IS FIRST AND FOREMOST FOR HEALTH AND NOT TO HAVE A 'KILLER BODY’ 8. About 4-6 times a week. 9. Never. Always have a job that keeps me moving a lot. 10. Once a week

11. Seldom 12. Never 13. 3x/week 14. Sporadically (sometimes intensely…3-4 days of weights, swimming, running hills, riding bikes). I work out when I feel bad. 15. 5 days week or more. 16. seldom 17. 5 times a week. 18. 3-4 times a week 1-2 hours at a time. This has been the last 2 months or so, before that time I rarely if ever had a real workout. 19. None. 20. Every morning-30 min run. I find I have a better mindset, focus for the day. 21. uh… “work out?” 22. Between 1-4 times a week 23. 2-3 times a week. 24. 4-5 times p/week 25. At least every other day.

What behaviors make you lose respect for another man?
1. Cowardliness, not communicating very well, lying 2. ANY man that commits violent acts toward women or kids gets no respect from me. 3. Carrying a purse. Not taking care of their kids. 4. Rapists and child-molesters.

5. The whole alpha male (aka nitro-jock) thing.. ya know. Basically the guys with big egos who put it upon themselves to whip it out and show it around…the ego that is…also the guys who are yakking about high-class charity events with tuxedos and the works which is usually the high ego alpha dudes...major frustration for me, I guess, is the guy who refuses he is wrong even when he is… and those guys are thriving thru all different types of males 6. Egoism, Rudeness, Arrogant 7. I ONLY LOSE RESPECT FOR THOSE 'MEN' WHO DO NOT ADHERE TO WISDOM OR IMPARTIAL CORRECTING OF THEIR DISRESPECTFUL AND MISOGYNISTIC 'BEHAVIORS.' NOTICE, THAT I DO NOT USE THE WORD 'NATURE' BECAUSE I BELIEVE DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR CAUSES A DISCONNECT FROM OUR TRUE NATURE. HOWEVER, MEN WHO CONTINUE TO TREAT OTHERS WITH A LACK OF TRUST, BELIEF IN, COMPASSION, LOVE, HONOR, AND A LACK OF BROTHERHOOD OR SISTERHOOD LOSE MY RESPECT. 8. Those who abuse women (mentally and physically), infidelity, lies about many things, those who don't take responsibility. 9. Staring at me a lot, mugging (trying to intimidating me or start a fight); looking at something that is mine (thing or person). 10. Their actions. I don’t respect Ken Ley because he forged documents. 11. Selfishness, lack of respect and unresponsibleness 12. Being disrespectful to women and children (talking rudely, treating them like crap)

13. Violence, machismo, coldness, and definitely, DEFINITELY haughtiness (crazy posturing, macho, strength presenting) 14. Beating your spouse, cave man mentality with antiquated ideas of the tough guy, George Bush (big, tough, puffed up), being irresponsible, blaming, and people who cannot acknowledge fear/sadness (actual cowards, though I can understand why they do it). It is a tight rope. 15. Two. Disrespect towards women. And Sell out—Turn back on friends. 16. Lying and cheating 17. Lazy. Laziness. 18. Lack of self-reliance, or dependence on someone else. Refusal to accept responsibility for their own actions 19. Indecisive. 20. Female tendency. Bragging too much like a woman. Two-Faced it and Back Stabber; laughs in your face/talks behind your back. 21. ignorance, narcissist, self-righteousness, entitlement, misogyny, coldness 22. Not owning up to their responsibilities 23. When men do thinks like, mistreat women, children or animals. I do not like lazy men. I lose respect for men (or anybody) who complains about something but who in not willing to do something about a problem. I don’t like a man who does not take care of himself physically. I also cannot stand who believes that his muscles makes him a man. 24. ignorance, bigotry, violence, extreme greed, infidelity

25. Dishonesty and selfishness are probably the two key contributors for loss of respect.

What is the worst insult you can give a man?
1. You cannot perform in bed very well or Find him a job behind his back. 2. To tell him that he “ain’t shit” as a man 3. Call him a name. (What name? Example, please. )Deadbeat 4. Being called a dead beat parent. 5. Most of the fights I've seen that have started between males were because the insulter would make a comment to the insultee's mom. That's when the fists start flying. 6. Not shaking their hand, if they extend theirs. 7. THE ALL TOO INSULTING PHRASE- TO A MALE- THAT COMES TO MIND IS 'GOOD FOR NOTHING' 8. From what I have known from others, it’s any insult on their "package" or their way to satisfy a woman. 9. “Full of Shit.” Insult someone in his life that a female, that’s important to him. 10. (Added this question after interview) 11. Spit on his face 12. New question added after interview was conducted 13. Call him a bitch 14. He is a poor excuse for a man and an even poorer excuse for a father. Depends on the man and what issues they have, as well as who is saying it 15. Nigger

16. Call him a liar or a cheater 17. If a girl--Bad in bed. If a guy—call him a loser. You’re nothing. You’ll never achieve nothing in life. Attack his ego. 18. It would depend on the person giving the insult. If your lover calls you a 'bad lay' that would be a worse insult than if a stranger called you a 'son of a whore, donkey lover', however if your father calls you a 'son of a whore' it would be pretty bad. 19. Don’t know. Fag. 20. I won’t insult another man; because it destroys integrity (then he’ll want to fight). I usually give advice. Don’t play that game, advice better. Defense of Offense. 21. Charlatan 22. Making a comment that would make him sound feminine; like a girl 23. The worst insult a wife can give a man is: You’re not even a man! 24. to insult his family 25. That he is feminine.

What are some negative male stereotypes?
1. Men like to have sex. 2. All Men are dogs; women who refer to their children’s father as their “baby daddy.” 3. Don’t take care of their kids. Or don’t do a good job taking care of kid. (as good as they should)

4. That men are all dogs. 5. "You guys are all alike" is a good one. The TV males are annoying like “Queen of Kings” or “King of the Hill” 6. Jerk/Asshole. Arrogant, Cocky 7. DOMINEERING, AGGRESSIVE (SEXUALLY AND PHYSICALLY), INSENITIVE, UNFAITHFUL, LAZY, UNAMBITIOUS, SELFISH, STUBBORN, IRRESPONSIBLE, ETC.; UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS A GROSS WEALTH IN NEGATIVITY OF STEREOTYPE. 8. That we only think with our penis', that we never think smart when it comes to home projects, and that we are all sports junkies. 9. All black men want from black women is sex. 10. Stubbornness, anger, no sense of direction, dangerous, more crime, worse drivers (insurance costs), worse parents 11. Laziness, irresponsible 12. The man that depends on other people (dependent male); Men who are rude to women and children. 13. That all men are potential rapists. That a man has to have a big cock and be a big porn star while also making a shit load of money and being the provider. During feudalism, knights were the ultimate men with armor and respect, although killed kids. Now, we are in a capitalistic society where power=stuff.

14. Have to be superman, knight in shining armor, take charge, 40 year old virgin, man whore, alpha male, black men (size, virility, hypersexuality), equating manliness with physicality, dumb jock (assumed you must be stupid if muscular), all men are dogs 15. Jock, Player, Deadbeat, Male Whore. 16. Only interested in sex, lazy 17. All guys are dogs. (only 90% are) Guys won’t miss sport for his girl (only 90% won’t miss sports) 18. That guys don't cry is the biggest nastiest and stupidest stereotype. When my father passed I cried a lot. My wife told me to avoid the children when I was crying so as not to upset them. This caused a major rift between us. I cried when the doctors told me my son might be born at 20 weeks, still unformed and would most not likely survive ( he was born a month early, at 8 months, and is now a healthy if somewhat destructive three year old). I am not saying that a grown man should tear up any time he stubs his toe, but a certain amount of emotional release is necessary. Crying helps to cleanse the soul. 19. Think about sex all the time. 20. Know everything. Think we know everything, but don’t. Make themselves look better then really are. 21. As ignorant, selfish pigs without compassion. 22. That we’re all dogs. That we’re not as smart as women. We just think differently. That we are violent.

23. You’re not even a man! 24. In modern advertising, T.V. commercials specifically, I notice that products being marketed to women sometimes portray men in a less than flattering light, having men appear dumb, lazy, and incompetent. Other stereotypes? Overly jealous, insensitivity, violent, commitment wary, sex obsessed, stubborn… 25. The alcoholic abusive boyfriend/husband. The corrupt white-collar businessman.

What would you like women to understand about men and their self/body image?
1. For everyone, male and female: Do it for yourself, not based on what other people say about you. Feel good about yourself for you, not for compliments. Do it for you, no other.

2. That with the right amount of influence we can be changed.

3. Helps to have a workout partner. Helps to have someone to influence your body image. (so you don’t take it too far.) Easier to take care of yourself with another’s help.

4. Women need to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect man.

5. That the guys who tend to have a model's self/body image are usually into themselves. Usually, the average Joe doesn't really care. Oh…and when a wife

tells their husband that they're sexy…they (men) usually just roll their eyes and say whatever ‘cause even though it's true, they probably don't see themselves as being sexy. (if they do)… I'm sure ego has a bit part in it.

6. Posture and how you carry yourself makes a huge difference…more important than you realize.


8. I would like women to understand that men are self conscious too, but we don't always admit it because we try to maintain a strong image.

9. The older you get the harder it is to keep up. I don’t need to look like that. Looks can be deceiving. Some can be good at working out and nothing else. (If a man is good looking/in shape)

10. Women have more body issues than men.

11. That not all men are vain and that not all of them care about having a "model" body.

12. Some men probably care about their body image as much as women and it’s not as easy as they think.

13. I would like women to understand that men have the same issues that women do about their bodies. There are unrealistic expectations on both sides. We are worried about the same shit. Are we strong enough? Pretty enough? If women would take better notice of that (our insecurities and how we express them), men would probably be more aware and respectful of theirs.

14. Men are a lot more sensitive that most people realize, and they are affected by things but put up walls to protect them. If a woman question’s a man’s masculinity, that is really dangerous ground to tread upon. Some men are completely insecure. Even if they are secure, they are still sensitive to the area of their masculinity. Men feel just as much as women do. Many men just have less

of an ability to express or to communicate it on an emotional level because it has been socialized out of us. Many men just don’t have the skill around communicating…part of the communicating process requires vulnerability. Many men are scared to fucking death to be vulnerable. It’s a combination of lack of skill, practice, experience, and comfort around being vulnerable. We are going through a radical transformation with the women’s movement, stepping out of oppression. Women have been tapping into masculinity, and in reaction, men have moved more into feminine energy too. Historically, men could not afford to be vulnerable because they had to feed the tribe. Vulnerability is a risky thing for men because we had to kill the buffalos and dinosaurs.

15. There are some who care about how they look on the outside. Should care about how they present themselves. 16. Looks aren’t everything 17. That it is not easy and they should work like we work (to stay in shape). Just eat right and not working out, isn’t enough. Have to do something. 18. Men have a need for women to notice them. Just like a woman, when a man loses weight or tones his body he wants someone to notice. Men like it when a woman puts her hand on his bicep and maybe gives it a squeeze. Also remember different men have different sore spots, just like women, if we are insecure about our beer belly, don't put your hand on it and squeeze or ask when the twins are coming. 19. Understand we’re not all going to have the prefect body, six pack.

20. It’s not about body, it’s about the mind. Body wears down. Take time and understand. Be understanding about medical conditions. Take me as I am or don’t take me. 21. Usually feel depressed about our bodies, strive for perfection, and always feel inadequate, castrated, poor, powerless, and completely insecure under a veneer of narcissism.. 22. We are sensitive about it, but not oversensitive. 23. Most men do not worry about what they look like. One thing that I think is different between men and women. Men, in general, are not jealous of other men. We don’t hate another man because of the way he looks. I believe that there is a strong competition between women and men in general, do not. 24. when you work out and take care of yourself, I think women can see for themselves what you would want them to know about your body image 25. Women need to understand that virtually all men think that the ideal is a Spartan warrior physique. In this sense it isn't too dissimilar to the images that women are bombarded with in our society. Insecurities are very real for men too.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful