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Loving, Impermanence and The Illusion of Self…
August 1, 2010 by Anjuelle Floyd I recently read he 20th century Tibetan Buddhist master, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche’s commentary on Lama Mipham’s The Wheel of Investigation and Meditation That Thoroughly Purifies Mental Activity. Khyentse Rinpoche writes in the commentary, “Instead of being convinced that there is a self-entity, we realize that self is a mere concept.“ His words immediately drew me in. A psychotherapist, I am forever pondering notions of self and other, phenomena, as Khyentse Rinpoche urges are but constructions of the mind in it, and our feeble efforts to understand and navigate the world, life and loving. But there I go again, linking the mind, my thoughts and feelings to me, and who I really am. Khyentse’s commentary, listed in the Summer 2010 Issue of the Buddhist Review, Tricycle, followed a brief article by Jakob Leschly, wherein Leschly describes his 16-year experience, starting in 1975, of studying with Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche along with many others who were students of the meditation master. Master Khyentse’s axiom on the our obsession with self as an entity separate from others are a balm that both soothes and grates on our nerves and fears reaching into and rooted in our deepest anxieties. It is those, rather these, internal worries that both divide and link us as humans. I wonder what would happen if we could be more open about what frightens us the most, haunts our securities, hunts down our egos with threats of destroying us, this notion of self that stands between us and them, me and you, self and other. My soon-to-be released novel, The House, displays the protagonist, a wife, whose husband she was divorcing does this when learning that he is dying of cancer. As a wife these ponderings cut to the thick of what I think marriage is all about–self and other and the battle to become one in body and spirit, soul and mind. In a culture such as America where the notion of and individual self stands head and shoulders above all other pursuits, even that most sacred of happiness, I often wonder if this is why the divorce rate stands enormously tall, or perhaps we at least find the act of remaining in and committed to relationship almost repulsive. Words like, …strong…, and …independent.., combined with phrases such as …I felt crowded in, needed my space…, and/or …I don’t want to become too dependent or weak…, allude to the desire to see ourselves as strong through the ability to divide and separate ourselves from another, and deny our need for intimacies that but for relationship with

other we will not experience. The need to stand firm and strong propels us to cut ourselves from the very parts of who we are. Isolation breeds not only further isolation, and loneliness, but also ignorance of who we truly are, the ground of being that lies beneath the aggregates of our human organs encapsulated in the flesh of our body swirling in the more ethereal phenomena of thoughts and feelings that give us this elusive and illusionary sense of self. When in meditation and contemplating in the midst of fleeting thoughts and the ebbs and flows of the vicissitudes of emotions rising and falling, who this being called Anjuelle is and the meaning and purpose of my life and living beyond buying, spending, working and toiling at activities wrapped in various sheaths of impermanence, I must always fall back upon my experiences of being both a wife and friend to my husband, a companion who promised in our vows, my promise, to serve faithfully and unto death as a helpmate and lover. I can do no other. Any less would abdicate myself from what stands at the center of my heart’s desires, the path on which my soul yearns not simply to tread but immerse my life and living in–that of losing my ego, this sense of separateness that divides both me and others from the phenomena of my existence. To embrace impermanence and the transitory nature of this life we must hold onto what is real and substantive. For me these are life, death, and the wheel of continual change, and at the center of which stand love and everlasting compassion and respect for those who have stepped from among the trees of other and for no explainable reason loved and adored us. Posted in Marriage | Tagged marriage, love, self, Tricycle, Buddhist Review, Lama Mipham, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, Jakob Leschly, The Wheel of Investigation and Meditation That Thoroughly Purifies the Mind, meditation, Buddhism, Tibetan master, transitory, life, death, living real, substantive, impermanence, change, ego, other, world | Leave a Comment Comments RSS

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Loving, Impermanence and The Illusion of Self… August 1, 2010 Loving, Impermanence and The Illusion of Self… August 1, 2010 by Anjuelle Floyd I recently read he 20th century Tibetan Buddhist master, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche’s commentary on Lama Mipham’s The Wheel of Investigation and Meditation That Thoroughly Purifies Mental Activity. Khyentse Rinpoche writes in the commentary, “Instead of being convinced that t […] Of Pacing, Tension and the All-Important Artistry of Holding the Reader’s Attention… July 29, 2010 Author, Ken Follett, writes, “There is a rule which says that the story should turn about every four to six pages. A story turn is anything that changes the basic dramatic situation. It can change it in a little way or change it in a big way. …You can’t go longer than about six pages without a story turn, otherwise the reader will get bored. … Jane Austen’s […] “The Hare and The Tortoise,” Internet Technology, and Keeping Our Eyes on the Prize… July 28, 2010 The economy is languishing. Concern and doubt fill our emotions if not swarm around us. For writers this can be either a perilous time or one for heightened creativity. Those of us who write for money and recognition are asking many questions. Will I get that agent? And if so, how? Will the publishers like my work? Those whose hopes for the future rest on cr […] Of Senior Pictures, Former Eastern Block Countries, and Forgotten Anniversary Cards… July 26, 2010 Of Senior Pictures, Former Eastern Block Countries, and Forgotten Anniversary Cards… July 25, 2010 by Anjuelle Floyd | Edit The summer has whisked by. One day it was May 31st and our middle was finishing what had been their eleventh grade year–they were a high school junior–and two days later we were listening to a message left by the school photographer sta […] Of “Android Karenina,” Content, and the Ability to Imagine… July 21, 2010 “Imitate form, not content. The tendency to imitate form and not content seems to relate directly to talent.” –Peter Selgin, 179 Ways to Save a Novel: Matters of Vital Concern to Fiction Writers The present world of fiction sees many young writers interweaving the works of previous writers into the young author’s new creation. I recently read an article abou […]

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…Married Life–why I write… August 1, 2010 Loving, Impermanence and The Illusion of Self… August 1, 2010 by Anjuelle Floyd I recently read he 20th century Tibetan Buddhist master, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche’s commentary on Lama Mipham’s The Wheel of Investigation and Meditation That Thoroughly Purifies Mental Activity. Khyentse Rinpoche writes in the commentary, “Instead of being convinced that t […] Of Pacing, Tension and the All-Important Artistry of Holding the Reader’s Attention…a July 29, 2010 Author, Ken Follett, writes, “There is a rule which says that the story should turn about every four to six pages. A story turn is anything that changes the basic dramatic situation. It can change it in a little way or change it in a big way. …You can’t go longer than about six pages without a story turn, otherwise the reader will get bored. … Jane Austen’s […] …the writing life… July 28, 2010 Check out my new post @ ...the writing life... The Hare and The Tortoise, Internet Technolgy and Keeping

Our Eyes on the Prize... …Married Life–why I write… July 26, 2010 Of Senior Pictures, Former Eastern Block Countries, and Forgotten Anniversary Cards… July 25, 2010 by Anjuelle Floyd | Edit The summer has whisked by. One day it was May 31st and our middle was finishing what had been their eleventh grade year–they were a high school junior–and two days later we were listening to a message left by the school photographer sta […]

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