CRCAP i s a Gr eat Cam p

By Fr ey-fr ey (Fr eya Deyo)

CRCAP is an aw esom e cam p! W hen you ar r ive
at cam p her e, w e check in w ith our Gr oupie
Leader s and put our bags in our locker s. Then,
w e w ait on the bleacher s until Aar on Gelb
r ings the cow bell, then w e all r un to our
classes. Each tim e you hear the cow bell, you
go to your next class. Her e ar e som e r easons
w hy CRCAP is a gr eat cam p!

* CRCAP?s cam p counselor s and CITs ar e
Volu m e 48 | Issu e 1A aw esom e
* Ther e ar e m any cool buildings
* The classes her e ar e am azing!
Pr et t y Li t t l e Li ar s f i n al e? Who is * The cam per s ar e alw ays nice and fr iendly
A.D.? * We have Festival Per iod? w ho doesn?t like
By lily br inkm An Festival Per iod?

For seven w hole seasons, A has taken Your s Tr uly,
contr ol of the liar s?lives. Fr ey-fr ey

?Fr iends shar e secr ets, that?s w hat keeps Fact s Abou t Gi r af f es
us close?? Alison. By Ram sey Br eslau

W hat if som eone w as w atching? * A gir affe's scientific nam e is ?Gir affa?
Blackm ailing. M anipulating. Season 7 * Gir affes live on the Savanna, Gr assland, and
has been all about intr oducing new Woodland
char acter s and br inging back the old. * Their daily sleep (in captivity) is 4.6 hour s
This season hasn?t given too m any hints * They can r un 35 m iles an hour
on w ho A.D. is, but after r ew atching, I * Gir affes only dr ink once ever y few days
have a theor y that I stand w ith. * Gir affes ar e the tallest m am m als on Ear th

Tw incer theor y: Som ething that r eally
m akes m e believe that Spencer ?s tw in
(w e ar e not sur e if she exists but ther e is I I n t er v i ew M ysel f Abou t I n t er v i ew i n g,
evidence) is A.D. is because of the r ecent Som et h i n g W h i ch I Kn ow Not h i n g Abou t
scene w ith Toby. Spencer ?s (m aybe) tw in By Henr y Thacher
w alks in to Toby?s house and hangs out
w ith him . Dur ing the day, Spencer w as M e the Interviewer: So, what do you like the
w ear ing differ ent clothing than w hat most about being interviewed?
she w as w hile hanging out w ith Toby. M e the Answ er er : W hen people dr op their
clipboar ds. Like that!
"You've never m et them kind of
have?? Tyler Blackbur n. This quote M I: Okay. How long have you read and/or
could m ean that w e don?t know watched interviews?
Spencer ?s tw in but w e do know Spencer. M A: This is the fir st tim e I?ve hear d of them .
That sounds like a tw in thing to m e, and
anyw ays tw ins r un in the (Spoiler Aler t M I: Wait, seriously?
if you haven't finished 7B!) Dr ake M A: Yup.
fam ily. M I: W hy do I get all the weirdos?
Fi r st Day of Cam p M u si n gs
By The M ost Wonder ful and Ter r ifying
Roxanne V. Glassenber g

Hello hum an beans (and Walker )! It?s gr eat
to be back . I m ean, I can?t be the only one
w ho?s been com posing long and involved
D-Dubs ar ticles in my head since
Septem ber...but then again, I?m w eir d. So I
thought I w ould star t the year off w ith som e
r eally gr eat and absolutely one hundr ed
per cent accur ate and aw esom e advice for
new and old cam per s alike! So her e goes.

1. Getting Lost
So you got lost! It happens to ever yone. I?m
afr aid of the M iddle Building, to be fr ank . And if you ar e not car r ying this ar ticle in your
pocket close to your hear t (and w ho w ouldn?t?), you m ay as w ell r ead it now. If you ar e lost,
you can, of cour se, assum e another identity, be it an alter ego of your ow n cr eation or the
identity of another cam per , and go to your class. ?W hat do you m ean ther e?s no ButtButt
M cFar t-Head in your class?? you m ight say. Another idea: com e up w ith your ow n class! You
can be counselor , cam per , CIT, and executioner ! And if a staff m em ber com es along, all ?W hy
Ar en't you in class?, just say, ?Oh, I am in class! This is Rem edial Car pet Soiling! Next, I have
Advanced Tur tle Flipping in the Under Rever se M iddle-of-the Road building.? Or , thir dly, if
you?r e lost, just r un about and shr iek! That alw ays w or ks for m e?

2. Lunch Tim e
Ah, lunch. How gr eat is lunch? The gr eatest. Ther efor e, ther e?s alw ays a super long line. So,
her e's a str ategy or tw o for m aking the m ost of your tim e w aiting. You could alw ays star t up a
lively gam e of Rip Out Your Spleen! W ith your line-neighbor s. Or , tr y for m ing your ow n lunch!
Gr een, clean, and easy. I r ecom m end m ushr oom , lettuce, cher r y tom atoes and kohlr abi. In the
am ount of tim e befor e you get your chicken, you can gr ow som e tasty veggies in your
backpack or even your fr iend?s ear ! Don?t w aste your tim e in the lunch line; hobbies like
m acr am e and cake decor ating ar e fun the shar e. Bake a cake, bait the tr ap, the tr ap you w ove
fr om your yar n! M ake use of your tim e, okay?

3. M aking Fr iends
Cam p. A com m unity of gr eat people (and Walker ) w ho ar e just w eir d, w eir d fr iends w aiting to
be m ade. ?But Roxanne,? you ask, ?How do I m ake fr iends, anyw ays?? And I get w hat you?r e
saying. Ther e?s a lot of pr essur e to m ake fr iends at sum m er cam p. After all, these ar e supposed
to be bonds for life! Luckily, Uncle Roxanne is her e to give you som e fr iendly pointer s on
m aking fr iendships that w ill last. Obviously, I am incr edibly socially adept and not at all
aw kw ar d at all!

I r ecom m end sm iling! Sit dow n in your class. Sm ile at ever yone! Bar e your teeth and show the
other cam per s your pow er. They r ecognize you as the alpha dog and back dow n. I don?t
r ecom m end, how ever , br iber y. Cake is good, fr iends ar e better , don?t buy your fr iend w ith
cake. M y final r ecom m endation is this: tur n to the cam per near est to you. W hisper in their
ear : ?You look like you have a nice, juicy spleen.? Pow. Fr iends for ever.

And so, w ith best w ishes, I send you on your w ay. Have a gr eat sum m er.
ADVICE COLUMNS! by Calvin Kocher and Stephen
Fitzpatr ick
Th e W i zar di n g Wol f Br ace your self. Answ er s ar e
com ing. Welcom e young
I am back in the advice business. Those fr om last year gr asshopper. Welcom e to my dojo.
should r em em ber m e. M y dojo is the best dojo and has
one m ain focus; To answ er
To those w ho ar e new : I give advice! Ask a question questions. W hen you give us
and get an answ er. You can find my colum n by the questions, they w ill be thor oughly
activity building! answ er ed w ith illustr ations to
help give you a step by step
Your s tr uly, tutor ial. W hat you ar e r equir ed to
The W izar ding Wolf do is to ask a question that is ver y
im por tant to you. Put it in the box
RAI NBOW M USTACHE ADVI CE and w e w ill answ er it (pr obably).
Her e ar e som e sam ple questions.
Hello fellow hum an beings! I have hear d that last year
at this w eir d place you call cam p ther e w as a lot of How do I tie a tie?
advice colum ns! I have done som e r esear ch and have Fir st, you w ant to pick out a tie.
figur ed out that advice colum ns ar e for asking per sonal M y per sonal favor ite tie is a pr e
questions that people at this Daily Double place w ill tied tie. So now w hat you w ant to
answ er ! Fr om seeing pr evious Daily Doubles, it looks do is take that beautiful pr e tied
like people ask som e questions that ar e not m ade for tie, and lightly place ar ound your
advice colum ns, so I thought to m ake life her e on Ear th neck . Once it is on your neck,
easier , w e should just m ake a colum n for all of those send the r abbit thr ough the tr ee,
w eir d questions! So I w elcom e you to? Rainbow dow n the hole, and up to the
M ustache Advice, the advice colum n for those w eir d dr agon. Dow n the dr agon's thr oat
questions you like to ask! Of cour se I, as the Rainbow and dissolve in the stom ach acids.
M ustache w ill take r eal advice to! M y spot for questions M ake adjustm ents to your
is located outside the thing you call the Activity Center. pr e-tied tie as needed and voila!
I hope to find som e questions together ! You ar e looking snappy!

How do I boil an egg?
Don al d Tr u m p Adv i ce Col u m n This is ver y easy to do, you just
By Donald Tr um p need a chicken, w ater , and a
par ticle acceler ator. Take som e of
Have you alw ays w anted to ask m e, Donald Tr um p, the the DNA fr om the chicken. Now
$10 billion m an, all of the questions you have? Well r ever se engineer that DNA by
nor m ally I?d say ?too bad,? because I?m a busy, busy com bining the quar ks of the
m an, but I?m being for ced to do this to incr ease my chicken DNA w ith the pr otons of a
publicity. So...inser t your questions into my advice helium and bor on m ixtur e.
colum n pouch and I?ll answ er them ! Your questions Collect the new elem ent. Be
can involve anything you?r e cur ious about, including car eful of sever e r adiation! Take
other ethnicities! Like I said in July of 2015, I don?t have the elem ent and inject into the
a r acist bone in my body! I?ll tr y my best not to issue a chicken?s pulm onar y ar ter y. The
law depor ting w hatever her itage you ar e. Salutations! r ever se DNA of the autotr oph w ill
tur n the chicken back into an egg.
Your Pr esident, Now , boil the egg. That egg sur e
Donald J. Tr um p looks tasty!
W HAT BASKETBALL PLAYER ARE YOU? W h at Wou l d h appen i f Tr u m p Wer e
By Nicholas Nam ini I m peach ed?
By Nico Di Angelo and Ben Fogler
How tall are you?
A. tall If Donald J. Tr um p (@r ealdonaldtr um p)
B. above aver age w er e im peached, m any people w ould
C. aver age think this w ould be a good thing. But if
D. below aver age you take a closer look, you?ll see that it
E. shor t w ould pr obably be w or se than him
staying the pr esident. The fir st thing to
W hat team do you like the most? consider is that M ike Pence w ould
A. Tor onto Raptor s becom e pr esident. This w ould seal a bad
B. Cleveland Cavalier s fate for our countr y because M ike Pence
C. Char lotte Hor nets is basically Donald Tr um p, just sm ar ter.
D. Los Angeles Clipper s Now that is aw ful because he w ould be
E. Seattle Super sonics (Oklahom a City sm ar t about pr oblem s w e ar e having
Thunder ) w ith other countr ies like Russia. And his
finger w ould be sm ar t as w ell about the
W hat do you see yourself as? r ed button. Rather than pr essing it
A. a player that is good at ever ything w henever he w anted to, he w ould be
B. a team leader w ise and pr ess it at the w or st possible
C. an am azing shooter w ho is ok at ever ything m om ent.
else Another pr oblem is w ar betw een
D. a floor gener al our selves. If Tr um p gets im peached, all
E. the under dog that no one thought w as good of his follow er s w ill get angr y and it m ay
but w as possibly spar k another civil w ar. Of
cour se, this civil w ar w ould be a m oder n
As: Kevin Dur ant civil w ar , w her e the bloodiest for m of
Bs: LeBr on Jam es attacks w ould be law suits and offensive
Cs: Stephen Cur r y youtube videos. And Donald him self
Ds: Isaiah Thom as w ould tw eet like cr azy, pr obably at four
in the m or ning. (He?s done that befor e. I
m ean w ho w akes up at that tim e to
tw eet?)

Red Sox Par t i al Season Recap 2017
By Ciar an

The Red Sox have had a good season so far. They ar e tied w ith the hated Yankees for fir st place
in the AL East Division. The Red Sox have a 41 - 34 r ecor d. The Red Sox r ecently added Doug
Fister , the 8 year M LB veter an, fr om the Angels via Waiver s. Chr is Sale is 9-3 w ith a 2.85 ERA
in 15 star ts. He leads the Red Sox in W ins and ERA, and Leads the league in str ikeouts (146).
Cr aig Kim br el leads the Red Sox in Saves (20), and M att Bar nes leads the team in holds (12). As
for batting leader s, Xander Bogaer ts leads the Sox in Batting Aver age (.319), OBP (.371), and
hits (90), w hile M ookie Betts leads the team in Hom e Runs (12) and is tied w ith Andr ew
Benintendi for RBI (40). Betts also leads the Red Sox in Doubles (25), Total Bases (139), Runs
(46), Stolen bases (12), and is tied w ith Jackie Br adley Jr. for 2nd on the Sox w ith a 1.6 OWAR (
Offensive W ins above r eplacem ent). So the Red Sox ar e in a gr eat place to keep playing deep
into October.

Sour ces: m , r , google