AN ADVERTISING SECTION OF THE STATE NEWSPAPER | FRIDAY, JULY 21, 2017

2D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017

How to handle death? Cry, hospice pastor says
He knew the song he wanted (“Jesus
BY MARK BREDHOLT Loves Me”), the three people he wanted
Special to The State to speak and the Bible story of Jesus
holding and blessing children (Mark 10).
I kept looking at his beautiful eyes and
“Tears are the noble language of the eye.” listening to the childlike voice who spoke
– Robert Herrick (1591-1674), with such grace about the service we
English poet and cleric were planning.
I was exhausted and felt the planning
was over, but he had one more question
Death, loss and pain have been three for me.
of my closest companions throughout my He wanted to know if I could get him a
64 years. white suit to be buried in. I knew that I
In my last two years of could probably get him 10 white suits. At
high school and my first that moment the inner child who lived in
two years of college, I me wanted to know what was so impor-
worked for a small, coun- tant about having a white suit.
try funeral home. Later, He told me of his losses – which in-
the twists and turns of life cluded the death of his mother, an ab-
brought me into the sentee father, and other people who
unique world of hospice stopped coming around because he had
Bredholt care, where I spent 34 AIDS.
years as a chaplain. I have He then explained to me that he want-
concluded my formal ties to hospice and ed a white suit because everyone in heav-
have transitioned into being on-call to en wears white, and for once, he just
local funeral homes when a family needs working on for many years now. Have going to be like everyone else and have a
help and guidance with a funeral or me- you ever noticed that when people cry place to belong.
morial service. they almost always apologize to the peo- I nodded without words, gave him a
On hundreds of occasions, I have been ple who are present in that holy moment. hug and told him not to worry. The mist
asked the same question over and over Why? of tears began to form, and by the time I
again. How do you handle all that death? Part of the answer is that people keep reached my car, the baptism was com-
The answer is a fairly short one. I cry. telling other people to be strong when plete.
My tears have been a healing balm and they are feeling everything but strong. A I cried at the funeral. I cried at the
the gift of restoring balance and under- big part of our culture believes that cry- burial. I cry 29 years later, every time I
standing for the world I must navigate. ing is weakness. I have learned to tell pay respects at his grave or tell his story.
I am not sure when this gift arrived. I people it is better to be healthy than to And every tear is my way of remem-
remember crying from watching movies be strong. Tears keep us healthy and bering that I am grateful for all the love
like “Old Yeller,” “The Diary of Anne human. he shared with me and that his complete
Frank” and “To Kill a Mockingbird” in Tears connect us to other special gifts AIDS. He was living in a foster home spirit travels with me every single day.
my childhood. President Kennedy’s as well. Tears honor truth and love in our with a God-sent loving and wise mother. May all people live their life in such a
death and funeral was so sad and scary relationships, and I am pretty sure the One day he asked me to help him plan way to be worthy of tears from the hearts
to my brief 10 years of life, but the gift of world could use more of those two vir- his funeral. It was a hard moment – and a that love us best.
my tears connected me to all the other tues. task I was not ready for. He insisted; he
people who were crying, and I felt better I still cry for a little boy I served in my was not going to let the matter go. Bredholt is a longtime hospice pastor who
that I was not alone in my grief. early years of being a hospice chaplain. We talked about what he knew of fu- has helped more than 25,000 patients and
I have a question that I have been He was 8 years old and was dying of nerals and what he wanted in his service. their family members deal with death.

.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

PEACE OF MIND
An advertising section of The State | July 21, 2017

SARA JOHNSON BORTON BERNIE HELLER REBEKAH LEWIS HALL ON THE COVER
President and Publisher Vice President of Advertising Special Projects Coordinator Cover design by Louie Lanford.
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FRIDAY JULY 21 2017 THE STATE..................................................................................................... 3D

ADVERTORIAL

Shives Funeral Home offers comfort, reverence in difficult time

W
hen a loved one dies, family and friends
need to gather in a place where they can
honor their loved one’s memory and
begin healing. We offer compassion and
support at this difficult time.
We live in Columbia, and being family-owned
makes us unique, responsive, and flexible. We listen to
what families feel is best for the loved ones and their
needs. We offer choices to honor your loved one’s life.
By design, our Trenholm Road Chapel, built in
2015, doesn’t feel like a funeral home. Nineteen-foot
ceilings, distinctive flooring, soothing colors, and a
serene atmosphere offer loved ones an elegant, mod-
ern setting. Those who value a more traditional ven-
ue may choose our Colonial Chapel for its early
20th-century atmosphere.
When life’s most difficult time arrives, we’re here
to provide comfort and reverence. You’ll find that
we’re adaptable when it comes to your wishes and
requirements. Shives Funeral Home will guide you
through a path to healing where memories of your
loved one remain an indelible part of your life. BRIAN DRESSLER provided photo RICK SMOAK provided photo
4D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017
FRIDAY JULY 21 2017 THE STATE..................................................................................................... 5D
6D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017
FRIDAY JULY 21 2017 THE STATE..................................................................................................... 7D

ADVERTORIAL

Best time to plan final arrangements: before you need them

Y
our daughter comes to spend? Confusion and disagree- celebration services, you can
you saying that she is ments are common occurrences clearly express them in your
getting married in three when there is no plan to follow. celebration plan. You may have
days. Can you imagine You may even want to hold a preferences regarding burial or
planning a wedding in just a few celebration before your physical cremation, the epitaph on your
days? Then, why leave the plan- death, in order to participate in headstone, or the music and
ning of your ultimate celebra- your own unique gathering. readings at your celebration. Or
tion to the last minute? you may not want a celebration
Planning your own end-of-life
celebration can afford you the
security of knowing your wishes
2yourYou want to assume the
financial responsibility for
celebration.
ceremony. Whatever your wish-
es, they need to be set forth in
your plan.
will be carried out, freeing your Planning ahead enables you
loved ones of those decisions. to make financial arrangements
to cover your celebration costs. 5 You want to be self-reliant
and have your affairs in

1IfYou want to ease the
burden on your family.
your wishes are unknown
Even if you are leaving behind
sufficient money, will your
survivors be able to access it at
order.
Taking care of your end-of-
life celebration is a thoughtful
when you die, your family will the time of your death? and caring thing to do for your
have to make difficult decisions family – and you can be assured
during a trying time. Do they
know if you prefer to be buried
or cremated? Will they agree on
3meaningful
You want your family to
have the benefit of a
celebration.
Psychologically, it enables the
family to begin the healing
process. It is difficult to make
4If you
You want your final wishes
to be followed.
have specific prefer-
that they will appreciate your
continued care for them.
Any time is a good time to
an open or closed casket? Will A celebration is an important the celebration the best it can be ences for the disposition of your plan your celebration – except
they agree on how much to event for a grieving family. when planning is rushed. remains and the nature of your the time of death.

Q&A SUZANNE TURKIEWICZ ELKINS industry changes, it is these five offer people is human compas- Q: What have you learned the
Q.

truths – partnership, relationships, sion. We demonstrate our hard way?
Elkins is general manager for innovation, compassion and a empathy in real, meaningful A: Success means different
A.

Thompson Funeral Homes in focus on people – that guide us. ways, which, in turn, engenders things to different people. Each
Lexington, West Columbia and Partnership: We honor the trust from the families we serve. individual on your team is moti-
Columbia; Greenlawn Memorial unique identities and person- A focus on people: By taking vated in different ways. Make
Park; Woodridge Funeral Home alities of our partners in the care of our own funeral direc- sure you understand how your
and Memorial Park; and George community, our first respon- tors, family care specialists, organization goals are aligned to
Funeral Home and Cremation ders, and those who provide ambassadors, drivers, embal- individual goals to drive results.
Center in Aiken. services to us, so that we may mers, grounds crew and admin-
take care of our families. istrative staff members, we can, Q: What’s the secret to good
Q.

Relationships: Everything we in turn, provide exceptional care business?
usually pretty quiet in the next do revolves around relationships to our families. A: Always do the right thing –
A.

seat the remainder of the trip. If I – with families, clergy, commu- not the easy thing, the right
tell them I’m the general manger nities, hospice, health care pro- Q: Why did you choose this
Q. thing. If you make a mistake –
for a cluster of amazing, innova- viders and hospitals. We nurture career? we all do – own up to it, correct
tive celebration centers and prop- and build these relationships A: What we do makes a dif-
A. it and learn from it. Bad news
Q: What does your business do?
Q.
erties, they ask me questions the because people matter. ference in the lives of our com- does not get better with time.
A: We serve thousands of
A.
entire trip! It’s my belief that Innovation: With the growth munity. Most people only expe- Treat your team with respect,
Midlands families before a everyone has a story. of cremation and a reduced rience a death a few times in empower them to make the
death occurs, at the time of number of people seeking tradi- their lives, so they count on us right decisions, and then always
death, and for many years after. Q: You’d never guess that:
Q. tional funeral services, we un- to treat their loved one and back them up. Trust in yourself
A: A funeral home or memo-
A. derstand how business has them with respect, dignity, and in others.
Q: What’s the one question
Q.
rial park is a great place to work! changed. We develop new ideas compassion and understanding.
people should ask you, but and technologies that make Every family, every situation, Q: What do you love about
Q.

usually don’t? Q: What is your mission?
Q. what we do truly unique and every deceased individual has a doing business in Columbia?
A: When I travel, especially on
A.
A: Our mission is driven by
A. valuable to families. unique life – a story to share A: People in the Midlands are
A.

planes, people ask me what I do. five truths that keep us true to Compassion: We must never with all who knew and amazing – they have such
If I say I’m a funeral director, it’s our principles. As the funeral forget that the greatest value we supported them. passion for our community!
8D ...........................................................................................................THE STATE FRIDAY JULY 21 2017