Lawrence |1
Troveno Lawrence
Professor: Marisa Enos
Class English 111
23 June 2017
Academic Mistakes
Making mistakes in education and life prior to college assists in shaping our future. The
various writings by Miller in A Troublesome Threshold-Entering Academic Conversations, the
article titled Mistaking Mistakes, Schanks Story Skeletons and Leamnsons Biological
Basis of Learning really gives a unique perspective on academic mistakes and the impact or
lack of impact on life. Making mistakes during your academic years can have a positive impact
on your adult life and helps to form independent and mature people who will be an asset to
society and the corporate world rather than a hindrance. It is a tough time to be a young adult
with the ever growing pressures of conformity and many times those pressures will break down a
young person, it takes great strength to remain strong and learn from mistakes.
Today society is so blatantly judgmental and people are afraid to stand out against the
consensus of society that they would rather conform, than to stand alone. Students lack of
independent thinking leads to giving in, meanwhile fear of failure leads to giving up. (Mistaking
Mistakes 1) They fall into a groove of following the crowd instead of making independent
judgements and choices. As Miller states, previous habits of mind and how those might be a
barrier to their self-directed learning in college is very true. (Miller 5) Anytime there is a
routine followed it becomes more of a habit and in this case, the habit is to follow the people one
is close with in society instead of breaking out of that comfort zone and standing alone to make
Commented [SP1]: Hi, Troveno. Thanks for submitting to
the WRC online! While I am reading your essay today, I will
focus particularly on synthesis, problematization, and MLA
formatting.
Regarding the formatting of your header (above), it does not
require any additional design elements but should include only
your last name and page number in plain text. See this
example: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/13/
Commented [SP2]: I would recommend trying to introduce
your overall topic/problem in the introduction without yet
naming specific authors for an essay like this. It can often be
helpful to open with an example from your own experience
that relates to the topic and helps to illustrate why it is
important to you. Then, that discussion can be expanded to
apply the topic to all students and preview the types of
complexities about it that may be discussed in more depth
later on.
Commented [SP3]: Its not entirely clear to me what the
specific focus of this essay will be are you suggesting that
too many students see mistakes as a bad thing and that this
perception needs to change to allow them to see mistakes in a
better light?
Commented [SP4]: In each of your essays topic sentences,
I would recommend making sure that the main idea of that
paragraph is clearly linked back to the topic of making
mistakes does this fear help contribute to people being
afraid to make mistakes and feeling like theyve failed when
they do?
Commented [SP5]: I saw your note about this source on the
Works Cited page how did you find this source? Did you
discover it on your own, or did your instructor provide it? I
would try going back to the original source of this article
(professor, website, etc.) and seeing if more info can be found
about its author there.
Commented [SP6]: It can be helpful to introduce each
author in a bit more detail whenever a new one is introduced.
For example, listing some of the authors achievements or
credentials can give their ideas more authority, and
summarizing the main idea of their article can give quoted
statements further context.
 Lawrence |2

more independent choices. People either perform or dont perform based on what they think

everyone else would do and they lack the ability to make independent decisions for fear of

failing or being looked at differently from others. I personally have experienced this many times

in life while trying to fit in with friends. Many times in life people even bend the truth to fit in or

think our actions through before acting to be sure it is acceptable to society. In Story Skeletons

Schank states, we must construct a story before we take an action to ensure that the action we

are about to take is coherent. Further if the action is in any way incoherent, we make it more

sensible by putting it into a framework that is acceptable to those who hear the story. (134) It is Commented [SP7]: When including parenthetical citations,
the period should always come after the citation. This can be
applied throughout the entire essay.
the fear of what others may think or how they may judge that forces those decisions. These days

it seems children are brought up being pampered and entitled to the point that they are not given

a chance to make mistakes and learn from them before they are set out on their own and the

mistakes become more grand and consequential at that point in life. I realized this personally

when my daughter started her first year at college, I learned very quickly that I didnt prepare her

for college. Her level of co-dependency was very noticeable and her lack of experience was a

noticeable hindrance.
Education and experience are necessary for growth and to engage in mature and
professional conversations with the general public and colleagues. Leamnson said it best,
Things must be learned so thoroughly that the probability of being tripped up by careless
Commented [SP8]: This is a good point, and I like how you
bring in the example of your daughter to help illustrate it!
Could these ideas begin to be woven into the first part of the
paragraph, too? I feel like the rest of the paragraph was a bit
lacking in explaining more clearly how this fear of failure
relates to students perceptions about making mistakes.
Also, in the larger scheme of this paragraph, I feel that the
Mistaking Mistakes source didnt contribute much. Would it
make sense to focus on the other two sources contributions
instead?

inaccuracies or approximations becomes vanishingly small. (76) There is a wealth of Commented [SP9]: How does this relate to making
mistakes? Are they a part of the education and experience
required to grow?
information that one must learn in order to survive in the world today. Humans cannot easily

digest the complexity of the world they live in and the actions that they and others take in the

world. (Schank 139) It takes a great deal of time to analyze the information and apply it to our
everyday lives. We have to move from listening and mentally engaging to participating and
Commented [SP10]: I would recommend taking a bit more
time to introduce this quote and tie it more clearly into the
previous one. Generally, you want to have several sentences
of your own ideas between quotes to help keep your own
voice from getting lost among those of your authors.
 Lawrence |3
adding our own voices in a way that reshapes the discourse. (Miller 5). Just as Miller believes
that we have to engage in conversations, Schank also believes that, in the end, we become
shaped by the skeletons that we use. (140) The rhetoric stories that we tell based on
conversations that we have become part of who we are. Once we can mentally engage,
participate, and analyze the content has more meaning and retention becomes easier.
The entitled children, who are not out making mistakes and learning from them, dont
have those stepping stones into adulthood. As Leamnson stated, another characteristic of youth
culture is its limited familiarity with the notion of consequence. (81) When those important
years are not spent learning and adapting there is no past experience to rely on when making
important decisions on a daily basis in college and beyond. The lack of that growth by allowing
for children to make mistakes and learn from them follows them and doesnt prepare them for
post-secondary education. They lack skills needed to engage in mature and professional
conversations with general public or professors or many times even other students. As stated in
Making Mistakes, when we learn the good in failure, we learn to become more independent
learners. (1) This dilemma also can be found when the same things happen during college years
and follow a person into their career. Schank says it best, situations are rarely black-and-
white, it takes a lot to figure out what everyones role is. (134) Everyone has individual
responsibility to prepare themselves to become a productive member of society. However, as
Leamnson states, few are inclined to anticipate, or to take responsibility for, the consequences
of their actions. (81) Without these growing moments it is very difficult to put yourself in
position to be a productive member of society. We have to learn and grow from experiences and
conduct ourselves in a mature way in order to be looked upon as a trustworthy person who can
be a productive member of society. It is very difficult to make it through life without being able
Commented [SP11]: I think that you are connecting these
sources in some very fluid and thought-provoking ways. I
would just make sure that it is made clear to the reader before
a new quote is introduced who is speaking in that quote. As I
mentioned above, you also want to make sure that you are
taking enough time to set up that quote and give the reader
the necessary information for understanding how it fits into
this paragraphs overall point.
Commented [SP12]: Its still not entirely clear to me how
you are relating some of these concepts to the necessity of
making mistakes. Once we have these capabilities, does
accepting our mistakes come easier? Or is accepting
mistakes a part of learning how to develop such capabilities in
the first place?
Commented [SP13]: Okay, this gets at answering my above
questions, but I feel like this is something that could be made
clearer throughout the paragraph to make this eventual
transition less surprising.
Commented [SP14]: *states (MLA prefers present tense
verb usage.)
Commented [SP15]: How does making mistakes
specifically help to create these kinds of skills? Does it help
students take criticism better? Does it help them accept self-
responsibility for their actions?
 Lawrence |4
to have a constructive conversations with others and in order to achieve that it requires education
to form that level of competence. We have to remember that as Miller states, Learning is a
brain-change, rather than brain-use. (3) We have to formulate habits to allow for growth.
Allowing the brain to change habits and to build on academic mistakes takes courage and
dedication. We have to replace that habit of memorizing, as Miller states, Meaning making
replaces information gathering and memorizing-. (5) Just as Miller believes that meaning
making will replace memorizing, Schank also believes that story skeletons can have an
important effect on memory. Since we see the world according to the stories we tell, when we
tell a story in a given way, we will be likely to remember the facts in terms of the story we have
told. (133) We have to apply what is learned to real life and share that information with others
and in the process of applying information and sharing, we gain valuable lessons. The act of
engaging in critical dialogue increases our cautiousness and awareness of the forces that rule
our lives.(Miller 5) We become more in touch with ourselves and the connections we have with
the world when we can engage in conversations that are meaningful and learn from them. In
Mistaking Mistakes, the author states In order to truly learn something, it is completely
necessary for some sort of failure to accompany it-something must go wrong! (2) The author
also states, failure can hurt learning if you allow it to, but for the adult learner, failure is just a
reason to try a new way, or try harder the next time. (5) Not everyone has it within them to fail
and then persevere to find a way to get back up and try again. Its those that can find that
perseverance that become our leaders. Success doesnt come for those who chose to be defeated
by their mistakes and the consequences of those. In Mistaking Mistakes, the author emphasizes
that an adult learner would channel their defeat into further productivity Most leaders I have
met will tell you that the road they travelled was one that was not paved, it was full of pot holes
Commented [SP16]: This is such an interesting quote.
What do you see this as meaning? What is the difference
between change and use, and how does it fit into allowing
ourselves to make mistakes?
Commented [SP17]: Why is the habit of memorizing a bad
one, and how does it contribute to the fear of making
mistakes?
Commented [SP18]: As far as I can remember, you havent
yet provided context for what Schank means by story
skeletons. This might be something youll want to explain
when you first introduce his article as a means of providing
clarity for his ideas.
Commented [SP19]: Are you implying that, through this
process, we can share the mindset that mistakes help us to
grow?
Commented [SP20]: While I havent been too distracted by
quotes throughout the essay because they are all on the
shorter side, I have noticed a bit of a heavy reliance on them.
Its especially noticeable here when one quote is followed by
another with no elaboration in between. I would try to avoid
this sort of quote-hopping and instead choose the most
meaningful quotes that you can then expand upon using your
own ideas.
 Lawrence |5

and many times deep ditches. As Leamnson states, short-term goals will likely center around

specific elements of the discipline. Big goals seldom motivate day-to-day activities. (83) It

is the small steps towards the goals that count and the courage to take those steps. It is also

imperative to not lose sight of life and career goals and the desire to better ourselves to allow for

integration into society as a productive and competent member. It is a mountain to climb and a

lot of learning along the way however we grow from making those mistakes and learning from

them. Those life lessons learned along with a foundation of education are sure to position well

for the future. Commented [SP21]: This paragraph seems almost like a
combination of a body paragraph and a conclusion paragraph.
Generally, it is recommended to have a separate conclusion
paragraph to wrap up the essay as a whole. Typically,
conclusions also do not include any additional quotes, as
theyre meant mostly to summarize information already
presented. I would perhaps try to separate out some of the
broader ideas here and shape them into a more traditional
conclusion after you have made your point about allowing our
brains to change requiring dedication.
 Lawrence |6

Works Cited Commented [SP22]: The font looks different here; I would
double-check that everything is in Times New Roman.

Leamnson, Robert. Biological Basis of Learning. Exploring Connections Learning in the 21st

Century. 2ndnd ed., Pearson Education, Inc., 2016, pp. 65-85. Commented [SP23]: Typo

Miller, Iliana. A Troublesome Threshold Entering Academic Conversations. Exploring

Connections: Learning in the 21st Century, 2nd ed., Pearson Education, pp 3-6.

Mistaking Mistakes (I am unsure of who wrote this or where this essay came from therefore I

have not included a works cited for it) Commented [SP24]: As I mentioned earlier, I would try to
return to the source of this essay to see if you can find more
information about it. You want to make sure that youre using
credible academic works from knowledgeable authors, and a
Schank, Roger. Story Skeletons. Exploring Connections: Learning in the 21st Century, 2nd ed., source without any information beyond a title may not fit that
guideline.
Pearson Education, pp 128-140.

Commented [SP25]: Troveno, overall, I found your essay to

make a lot of interesting points, and you seemed to very easily
find connections between authors and integrate multiple
perspectives into each paragraph. Mainly, my feedback
focused on making sure that a clear, specific aspect of this
topic is problematized in the introduction and that this main
idea is clearly tied into the sub-points made in each body
paragraph. I also had some suggestions for smoothing out
and developing transitions between quotes and adding further
context to legitimize the sources.

Best of luck! Feel free to submit a revised draft once my

feedback has been considered.