Anna Gibson

Anna Gibson is a student at Wayne State University and a lifelong learner.

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Child Support Is Never Just About the Money

According to the United States Census Bureau, 39 percent of custodial

parents fail to receive child support in the United States. Even more disturbing, It

would seem that even if parents provide child support its to little to support the

family. The amount of child support given monthly is estimated to be an

underwhelming $280 dollars a month.

When you take into account the sick days needed to take care of the child, food

needed to feed the child and the general mental pressures of being an adult, its clear

that the custodial parent (which it should be noted, could be either a man or

women) needs much more than a person wiring money to an account and going

about their day. To fail to provide a presence in that childs life is the ultimate

transgression of love and connectedness you could put them through. It also puts a

strain on the relationship between you, the other parent, and the child caught in the

middle of everyones foolishness.

Many men would complain about the exorbitant amount of child support payments

that theyre forced to pay or how women may fall through the cracks of the system,

being judged and sentenced more leniently. While this is true in some cases, in the
system that oversees decree laws-in cases of divorce-and other kinds of child-care

are broken.

This brokenness of the system leads to some people to pay more child support than

they can actually afford, and others to pay less than they make. Which is worse,

being responsible for $1000 a month when youre already struggling to pay your

bills, or paying $300 a month when you make $40,000 a year? I would venture to

say that this leads to resentment on both side of the equation, one that causes strain

on both the parents and the child. The problem is, child support is about so much

more than money.

The importance of child support isnt only financial, but mental and emotional as

well. The non-custodial parent has to be in the life of the child, in whatever way is

worked out between the parents (if the child is old enough their input should be an

essential factor as well.) Even though the custodial parent may love the child, single

parenthood isnt a walk in the park. The child may become psychologically damaged

by the absence of the non-custodial parent.

Dr. Edward Kruk, in his Psychology Today article Father Absence, Father Deficient,

Father Hunger, explains this damage in stark clarity. He states,

Children [have a] diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and

emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their

fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic

bouts of self-loathing) behavioral problems (fatherless children have more

difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to report problems with

friendships, and manifest behavior problems

The child is also much more likely to feel unworthy and unlovable. They often feel as

if they have to prove themselves and find love in other places. In an article on

Livestrong.com, in an article called Mother Abandonment and the Effects on the

Child Genevieve Van Wynden explains:

He experiences confusion and asks questions about why his mother left him. He

feels guilt, believing that he did something and what made his mother leave him

behind. He is fearful of developing bonds with other adults--teachers,

stepparents or caregivers. The child believes that if he begins to love the new

adult, that person will also leave. He grieves for the lost relationship

The presence of the custodial parent also has far-reaching effects. What if the

parent has to take a number of vacation days off because the child is sick?

They cant always afford time off so this may cause a lack of cash flow coming

back to the household. This could be made even worse by the lack of money

for child support I spoke about in the beginning. How will the parent deal

with the stressors of not being able to feed the child(ren) and put food on the

table? The answer lies in the support and cooperation of both parties

involved.

In short, its obvious that child support doesnt simply end with one parent

handing money to the custodial parent and driving away. Its a coordination
of support from both parents for the sake of the child. As shown, a lack of

physical and psychological support from either parent has far-reaching

effects, and could impact the child in throughout their life in profoundly

negative ways. However, the opposite is also true. Because of this, we have to

make sure that we put our children first and allow them to flourish with in a

fruitful environment. Otherwise, who will carry on our legacy?