Session 23: Applying

Personality Types For
Successful Relationships
Wyatt and Eben share the insights theyʼve learned for success in romantic
relationships. There is nothing like close romantic relationships to act as a light
into your shadow side - a research tool for development. See how you can apply
insights in the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs frameworks to the realm of your

Key Points:
1. If you want to move rapidly on the path, avoid all entangling relationships.
2. If you want to move more rapidly along the path, fall in love with someone with whom you
are compatible.
3. If you want to move most rapidly, fall in love with someone with whom you are incompatible.
4. If you marry someone like you, you will get along and communication will be easier, but
you’ll both have the same weaknesses, and you’ll have more challenges because neither of
you has strategies to deal with what life throws at you. The relationship starts strong, but
then begins to unravel.
5. If you marry someone opposite of you, the opposite thing happens; you’ll have to take
longer to connect and understand each other, but your strengths and weaknesses will
balance each other. You form more of a whole, and over time they can become stronger and
6. 2 and 7’s (share instinct and fight over connection), 4’s and 8’s (share intellect and have an
issue over intensity), 5’s and 1’s (share emotion and fight over control) are all antipodes.
7. If you don’t have a wing or a rib in common, then you’re going to have a more tricky
relationship with more work to do.
8. Stay in the relationship long enough to see where someone goes under intimacy, and where
they go under stress. You fall for someone based on how they are under intimacy – make
sure to always cycle back to the attraction phase.
9. How to connect with or jab a partner by type:
• 1’s – Let them teach you and ask their opinion, or call them lazy and be sloppy around
• 2’s – Hug them warmly and tell them how glad you are to be with them, or ignore them
and rebuke them when they do nice things for you.
• 3’s – Tell them they are beautiful and energetic and praise them, or waste their time and
expose their deceit or hurt their image.
• 4’s – Give them a present they want and admire their good taste, or use crude and vulgar
language and yell at them and question their taste.

©2011, All Rights Reserved. Patterns Of Personality Trademark of Mind School, LLC.

moralistic and bitchy. 8’s – In intimacy they go to 2 and protect and look after you. 14. 4’s – Under intimacy they go to 1 (they become resentful.“Triggers” are things that upset you. spiteful. • 8’s – Be protective of their soft insides and stand up for yourself. 12. physical touch. . or be on them every minute. 13. • 9’s – Listen to them and make them feel important and encourage them. In stress they go to 7 and talk endlessly about issues and promise anything. Each type changes under stress and intimacy.Never end a relationship in a conflict. or break the law in front of them and appear untrustworthy. under stress stops taking care of themselves. and if we have to ask for it. They need sweetness without depth and they are allergic to coercion. You need to see your partner for what they are in all three places: 1’s – They go to 4 in stress (depressed. • 7’s . 7’s – They go to 5 in intimacy. quality time and gifts. 6’s – In intimacy they settle down and start judging themselves and compromising. Then give that to them whenever they are triggered. and never make demands on them. you need to ask for what you want. 2’s – In intimacy they go to 4 explore feelings of unworthiness.“The 5 Love Languages”: acts of service. • 6’s – Take their word on what should be. allow yourself to be entertained by them. 15. but under stress they go to 5 and withdraw. idealistic and tentative). 5’s – Under intimacy they go to 8 (controls the relationship by withholding. or end the relationship when you are triggered. under stress they go to 8.David Deida talks about the “masculine” and “feminine” types and how they polarize and potentiate each other.Ask your partner what they need from you when they are triggered. jealous). 9’s – They go to 3 in intimacy with deceitful presentation of the personality. or make them feel pain and insult their appearance. 3’s – Under intimacy they go to 6 (fearful. 16. LLC. over-concerned with principles and try to control others with them. offer them a refuge. or belittle them and put them in a weak and impotent position. Patterns Of Personality Trademark of Mind School.Learn from them. in stress they go to 2 and flatter others and become manipulative. words of affirmation. 10. • 5’s – Respect their wisdom. or constantly generate conflict around them. All Rights Reserved. or make demands for their time or tell them they aren’t smart. People can’t mind read. Only say things that can’t be undone in an emotionally centered place. and under 6 they become confused and indecisive. In stress they become 1’s. bitchy and nitpick). they dominate and possess). it doesn’t count. enjoy their idealism. 11.“Be Spontaneous Paradox” – we should read each other’s minds and do stuff spontaneously that the other person wants. get very specific. In stress they go to 3 and overwork or try to hard with little results. Don’t take an action that has long-term repercussions. ©2011.