Pinoy Green Jokes

Para sa first timers: Lolo and Lola having their breakfast in bed after sex.

#1 Relax. Lola: Alam mo hanggang ngayon nag-iinit pa rin ang dib-
dib ko sa iyo.
#2 Ibukang mabuti.
Lolo: Paanong hindi iinit yan eh, nakasawsaw and dede mo
#3 Mag-concentrate. sa kape.

#4 Tiisin ang sakit.
Pari: Sister, halika dito sa kuwarto ko…
#5 Sabihin kung nagdurugo.
Sister: Diyos ko!!!
#6 Magtiwala sa dentista.
Pari: Sara mo yung pinto at patayin mo ang ilaw…

Kapag ang palda ng babae ay may hati sa likod, ang ibig Sister: Diyos ko!!!
niyang sabihin ay,
Pari: Tabi ka sa akin.
“Halika, sundan mo ako!”
Sister: Oh my God!!!
Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa gilid,
Pari: Tingnan mo itong relo ko. GLOW in the dark.
“Halika, tabihan mo ako.”

Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa harap, Tanong: Anong mabilis pumuti, buhok sa itaas o buhok sa
ibaba?
“Halika, pumasok ka!”
Sagot: Buhok sa itaas – kase ang buhok sa itaas puro
problema, pero ang buhok sa ibaba puro ligaya...
Ang English ng nagpakamatay, Suicide.

Namatay sa bahay, Homicide. Two wives are buying an itlog in the local market.

Namatay dahil sa daga, Pesticide. Wife 1: You know mare, whenever I see a itlog na pula
naaalala ko ang itlog ng mister ko.
Namatay na magkatabi, Sidebyside.
Wife 2: Bakit??? Ganyan ba kapula???
Namatay habang nakikipagtalik, Insexticide.
Wife 1: Hindi, ganyan kaalat!!!

Basta Green
Q: Anong ang pareho sa mayonaise at Tamod Two wives are buying of gulay in the local market.
A: "Ladies Choice"
Wife 1: You know mare, whenever I see a potato naaalala
ko ang itlog ng mister ko.
Mag-asawa naguusap...
Wife 2: Bakit??? Ganyan ba kalaki???
Husband: dear, puwede ka ba ngayon?
Wife 1: Hindi, ganyan kadumi!!!
Wife: di ako pwede, pagod ako!

Husband: Is that final?! Sexy: doc mainit pwet ko...

Wife: FINAL!!! Doc: oh cge, lagyan natin ng thermometer...

Husband: okay, can I phone a friend?! Sexy: hiya ako eh..
Doc: Cge off natin ilaw..
Gf: ok Cge Mahal ko Dahandahan ah
inoff ni doc ang ilaw
Bf: Ayan mahal q naipasok q na masarap ba?
Sexy: Doc hindi pwet yan ha...
Gf: Uu mahal q masarap ah ah ah nakakakiliti ako.
Doc:" ok lang...di rin thermometer to...
Bf: Ano mahal q ikut ikutin ko ha?

GF Umiiyak: Bakit natin ginawa ito? Hindi na ako virgin at Gf: Cge pa masarap. . . . . . ah ah ah
dalawang beses pa natin ginawa.
Bf: yan tapos na mahal q Dami mo tutuli sa kabila nman.. .
BF: Ano? Isang beses lang naman, ah.

GF: Bakit, hindi ba natin uulitin mamaya? Patuwad
Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola
Konduktor: Lola psensiya na po kc puno na! Payag po ba
ina- anak bat ayaw mong mag paligo ke yaya? kyo ng Patayo?
anak- ayaw ko po. kc nung pinaliguan ni YAYA c DADI Lola: Tinamaan ka ng Lintek kung inabot mo lang ang
kanigat ung Bird. kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako!

alam mo mammy, pute plaang dugo ni daddy. Masakit b ang maniko?
IN A CLASSROOM!!!!

Huwag mag Alala NENE: maam si pedro siniko po ako!!!
May isang pinoy na nag punta sa china for business trip,
mag dating nya sa airport naka kita siya ng magandang TEACHER: pedro! bkit mo ginawa yun! alam mo bng
babae at niyaya niya ito sa hotel at dun ay may nang yari masakit ang maniko!!
na maganda alam mo na yun(nag tirahan).
makalipas ang isang lingo sumakit ang kanyang titi at siya PEDRO: eh bakit po kayo pumasok? masakit pla MANI
ay nag patigin sa american doctor, ang sabi ng doctor sa nyo!!!
kanya malubha na ang sakit mo monggolian ang tawag sa Pubic Hair Fun
sakit mo at wala pang gamot na mag papagaling diyan, the
Fun Things To Do With Pubic Hair...
only thing is to cut your DICK, ang sagot niya sa doctor i
will ask for second opinion. Dye

Nag punta siya sa pinoy na doctor, pinakita niya ang Floss
kanyang ari, pero hindi nagulat ang pinoy na doctor ang
sabi lang sa kanya yan ang sakit na monggolian at wala Make a wig
pang gamot dyan.
Place near fire
Sagot niya sa pinoy na doctor, Doc alam ko nayan yan din
ang sabi sa aking ng American Doctor walang gamut kung Braid, feather, cornrows, sprinkle glitter on, or
hindi puputolin ang titi ko. anything of that general nature
Biglang tumawa ang pinoy na doctor, sabi sa kanya,
ganyan lahat ang American doctor puro putol opera para Bake into delicious muffins (note: try it on your
kumita lang sila ng malaking pera. friends, it gets pretty funny)
Tanong ng lalaki sa pinoy na doctor: so doc hindi na
Make a birds nest
kailangan putolin ang titi ko?
Sagot ng pinoy na doctor: hindi ng kailangan putolin yan Throw at a friend and yell, "Spiders!"
bigyan molang ng isang LINGO KUSANG NALANG
BABAGSAK ANG TITI MO. Make a sweater

Make some mittens
Dalawang mag gf sa iisang Lugar
Make some socks
Bf: Mahal ko ipasok ko na ha
Make another sweater
Place as a topping in a friends sandwich Son: Dad, pinapagalitan ako ng titser ko.
Dad: Bakit?
Tagalog Jokes Son: Hinalikan ko seatmate ko!
Maraming katanungan sa mundo na walang
Dad: Itong anak ko manang-mana sa akin, masarap
kasagutan. Tulad na lang ng:
ba?
Son: Opo, pogi nga po eh!
1. Bakit mahirap makahinga kapag nakalabas ang
dila?
Eskinita…
Triny mo?
Anak: Nay, bakit Victoria ang name ni Ate?
Ayan 2loy mukha ka ng aso!!!
Ina: Kasi sa motel namin siya ginawa.
Anak: Eh si Kuya Toyota?
Ina: Dun sa sasakyan…
SUCK IT!!!
Hay naku, Eskinita, matulog ka na nga!
Erap went to US to have his aching PENIS checked..
when he was already in the Dr's Clinic, the doctor
examined his Penis then Erap just suddenly moaned
Hirap umibig, hirap din umiyak, hirap magmahal, hirap
and screamed "Sakit Doc" "Ohhh Sakit Doc, Doc
dn masaktan, hirap umasa, hirap magbago. Pero ang
C'mmon ang Sakit" the doctor was disgusted and said
pinakamahirap sa lahat maligo tapos tabo mo, bote
SUCK IT YOURSELF.. you pervert!!
ng Yakult.

Erap went to emergency room...
BOY1: Pre, ganda panaginip ko kagabi! Dinidilaan ko
daw ang pagitan ng boobs ni Joyce!
Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone
Boy 2: Putragis ka! Kaya pala basa ang pwet ko.
Doctor: Are you choking?

Erap: No, I’m serious!!!
Amo: Inday, ilan liter meron sa isang litrong coke?
Inday: 4 liters po.
Amo: Cgurado ka?
Chinese dying in bed..
Inday: Upo, ati, Liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E. Di ba 4
liters yun?
“Akyen panganay dito ba?”
“Dito po”
Akyen asawa dito ba?
Pautang…
“Dito, honey”
Akyen Jr. dito ba?
Sa likod ng mga ngiti ko, may mga luha, sa likod ng
“Dito po”
mga biro ko nagtatago ang problema. Hindi man ako
“Mga katulong dito ba?”
laging tunay na masaya sana malapitan kita pag
“Dito sir”
kailangan ko ng pera.
“Punyeta, dito kayo lahat wala tao tindahan!”
Famous Lines
"pinapaikot mo lang ako
Class pic… Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang
patayin mlo na lang ako"
Teacher: Class, magpapa-class picture tayo para -electric fan
paglaki niyo masabi niyo, ” O, si Juan pilot na! Si
Junior doctor na! Si Linda, nurse na!
Dodong: At si Ma’am patay na!!! "hindi lahat ng walang salawal
ay bastos"
- winnie d' pooh
Pacute…

Sabi nila cute daw ang mahilig magmura! Aba pucha "Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad
sinong nagsabi nun? Sira-ulo ang hayop! Di ba nila kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.
alam na kasalanan ang magmura? Shit! Kahit kelan di pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"
ako maniniwala! Tangina! -ipis

Mana sa tatay… "Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!
Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa
iyo?
-Lego
"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang
maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong
karapatang magmahal?!?" Punyetang Buhay to! Itlog itlog! Araw2 na lang itlog!
-gasolina -Brief

"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya." Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya! Hindi na nga
-plema ako gumalaw dito.
Ako n nga yun ntapakan, sya pa un galit.. bakit
ganun?
"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sau -Tae
ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao
ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."
-utot Cge kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang
baho mo!
-deodorant
"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong
pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
-Bola "hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate"
-regla

"you never know what you have
till you lose it. Hindi lahat ng hinog, matamis…
and once you lose it, you can never get it back" -pigsa
-snatcher
Bar Jokes
"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"
-majinboo

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka
mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?
bakit palipat-lipat ka?
-TV

"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"
-kili kili

Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
-omelette
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar,
and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he
pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket,
babalik ako! then orders the bartender to prepare another double
-libag martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside
his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring
another double martini. The bartender says, "Look,
Anung kasalanan ko sayo, iniwan m nalang akong buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you
duguan... gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket
-Napkin before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm
peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to
look good, I know it's time to go home."
"wag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot
A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off
that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the
next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it
what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver
know the first person they see outside walking down says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy
the street. So they go outside and see some coming you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things cry."
going?". Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't
know the President. So they drive up to the white "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First,
house and the security guard says "Benny you know I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss,
you can't just show up here like this." Then a limo outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my
pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they
window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?" can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when
So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope. I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards
So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok there. The cab driver just drives away."
now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come
out there with the Pope." So he goes up there and "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed
looks down to see his friend pass out. He goes down with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the And just when I was thinking about putting an end to
Pope?" he goes "No somebody walked behind me my life, you show up and drink my poison."
and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"

A g0rge0us lady was sitin al0ne n a bar.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few Guy:hi der!
more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want
anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it D lady ign0red him.
saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few
minutes he returns and there is another sign next to Guy:u caught my a10ti0n as i enter d bar,is it ok 2 get
his beer saying, "So did I!" ur #?

Lady:f u have a BMW,A hauz n borcay,milli0ns of
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick peso bnk acct n 7inches penis,den u can get my #.
walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I but i gues u dnt hav it so.d answr s n0!
please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right
now, is there anything I can help you with?" She Guy:i dnt hve olthose, i juz hav a FERRARI,an
replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its ISLAND n palwan, biLi0n doLar bank acct. n excuse
kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he me,
goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, i w0nt cut 2inches of my penis juz 4 ur #
miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts
two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins
Dirty Jokes
A young man and his date were parked on a back
sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you
road some distance from town. They were about to
give the manager something for me?" The bartender
have sex when the girl stopped.
nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the
ladies restroom."
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm
actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man
reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on.
The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shirt
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat
mate?" The man replies, "David Jones." This 2nd guy
looking out the window. "Why aren't we going
walks into the bar with really good pants on and the
anywhere?" asked the girl.
bartender goes "Where'd you get the great pants
mate?" The man replies, " David Jones." This 3rd guy
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm
walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on.
actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is
The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great
$25..."
shoes and socks mate?" The man replies, "David
Jones." Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the
bartender goes, "Look Who the hell are you mate?"
A man went into a store and began looking around.
And the naked guy says, "I'm David Jones!"
He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price
listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much
are the washer and dryer?"
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half of an hour.
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man
replied sarcastically. A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your
want to buy them or not?" ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded. says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of
my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says,
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD
changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How
much?" he asked. A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have
his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered. he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want On the way home he stopped at the hardware store
it or not?" and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of
more. chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside
the store he now had a problem - how to carry his
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer entire purchases home.
and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response. While he was scratching his head he was approached
"I'll take that too!" the man said. by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She
asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a
man asked him, matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I
"Why are your prices so cheap?" would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at The old lady suggested, " Why don't you put the can
my house right now with my wife. of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand;
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!" put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in
your other hand?"

What a woman says... "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded
to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's
This place is a mess! C'mon! take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be
You and I need to clean up! there in no time."
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we The little old lady looked him over cautiously then
don't do laundry right now! said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to
defend me. How do I know that when we get in the
What a man hears... alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up
my skirt, and have your way with me?"
blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah bucket, an, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW! against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket,
officer approaches the car he can see that the man is and I'll hold the chickens."
very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped
you?" A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe
matter of life or death." shine." The barber began to lather his face and
"Oh, really? How's that?" sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home." biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death." ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go
man." and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't gets him some nails.
like that."
The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime his thumb, and he yells, "Fuck!"
and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell
him. He is the one shaving you." She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."

A young girl gets married and a few days later her A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the
mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I
"What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE have just the thing," says the barber taking a small
dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this
weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom. between your cheek and gum."

When she goes back, she is shocked when once The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber
again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever
doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in
marriage spicy!" garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back
When her husband comes home, he gives the same tomorrow like everyone else does."
reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him
the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my
LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband
thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should
have ironed it!"

BANAT LINES , BASTOS NA BANAT
A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you
marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you
an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar
annual salary." Tagalog Bastos
The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.
na Banat and
The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only
ugly, she's as dumb as a wall."
Pinoy Green
The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't
worth it."
Banat Jokes
The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary best, naughtiest, funniest and
and build you a mansion on Long Island." latest Tagalog Bastos na Banat
The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her and Pinoy Green Banat Jokes,
head when they have sex.
made just for you and to share
About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh with.
and he's about to hang it on the wall.

He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a
hammer."

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," Share on Facebook
and she fetches the hammer.
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The guy says, "Get me some nails."
Share on Pinterest
She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she
Here's a extensive collection of best,
naughtiest, funniest and
Check out also this Tagalog/Pinoy
latest Tagalog Bastos na Banat and
Jokes Video
Pinoy Green Banat Jokes, made just
for you and to share with. If you have
your own favorite Tagalog Bastos na
Banat, we would love to hear it, BF: BlowJob mo ako Hon..
simply add a comment below or GF: Di ako marunong Hon..
just email it to us with BF: Madali lang, para ka lang nag
a subject: bastos banat, and will sisigarilyo.Hititin mo.
posted up for you. Forentertainment GF: Ganun!? Palalabasin ko din ba
purpose only and hope you'll like it! sa ilong?

INA: Hindi ba bilin ko sayo, kapag ********** *
hinipuan ka ng bf mo sa dede say
DONT! Boy: Chicharon ka ba?
Kapag sa pepe say STOP! Bakit Girl: Bakit?
nabuntis ka ? Boy: Ang ingay mo kasi pag
ANAK: Sabay po kasi hinipo eh,. kinakain kita =D
kaya sabi ko DONT STOP !
********** *
********** *
Son sees his Mom licking his
Prof: Ayoko ng maingay! Ang father’s balls
maingay ay babanatan ko ng Pick up Son : Ano gawa mo mommy?
line. MOM : Kain lang mommy ng bola
Nagingay si Neneng…. bola
Prof: Oy neneng, TAMOD ka ba? Son: Takaw naman ni mommy. may
Neneng: Bakit pO? bola bola na may lumpia pa!!!
Prof: PALALABASIN KITA!
********** *
********** *
Boy: BLACKBERRY kaba??
Girl: Bakit? Miss baril ka ba ?
Boy: Kasi, ang ganda ng CURVE PATIRA naman. Kahit isang
mo, lalo na siguro kung BOLD ka… PUTOK lang ?

********** * ********** *

Madre: ano apelyido mo iho? Boy: Miss magic lamp ka ba?
Sakristan: Alam nyo na po yun Girl: Bakit?
sister! lagi nyo po yun Boy: Sige nga, PAHIMAS ?
hinahawakan..
Madre: Susme! BAYAG apelyido ********** *
mo?
Sakristan: Sister naman… Boy: Miss steady ka ba?
ROSARIO po!!XD Girl: Bakit?
Boy: Gusto kita galawin e.
********** *
********** *
After having sex, panay pa rin
hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki.. DALAWANG LASING ANG
BOY: Gusto mo pa ulit ? SABAY UMIHI.
GIRL: Hinde… Namimiss ko lang.. Lasing 1 : Pare, sobra ang tigas ng
Meron kasi ako nito dati ehh… TITI ko, Uuwi na ako at yayariin ko
muna
********** * si Misis.
Lasing 2 : Sasama ako sa iyo.
Boy: Sana BOLA ka na lang… Lasing 1 : Baket?
Girl: Bakit??? Lasing 2 : E, sa akin ang yang
Boy: Ang sarap mo pag-agawan hawak mong TITI eh !!!!
tapos tirahin…
********** *
Ben : Wala pa rin ho.
Boy: Miss lamesa ka ba? Doktora : Loko! Bakit bumubukol
ang pantalon mo!? hahahahahaha
Girl: Hinde. Bakit?
Boy: Gusto kasi kitang ********** *
PATUNGAN e.
Isang araw merong pok-pok (prosti).
Tinawag ng costumer at pumasok sa
********** *
kotse ng costumer na ilang beses nya
na nakasex.
Boy: Sana naging palay ka nalang.
Girl: Bakit? Prosti: Oh ano gusto mo gawin ko
Boy: Para pwede kitang BAYUHIN. nanaman!?!
Costumer: Ano pa eh di yan trabaho
mo!!!
********** * Prosti: Hindi naman yun ang gusto
mo eh na kikita ko sa mga mata mo!
Sana naging manok ka na lang, sabihin mo na ang totoo!!!
Para lagi mong inuupuan ITLOG ko.

Kanto Tinio Street Lindol

Juan:Bakit natatakot ang mga babae Titser: ano ang dapat gawin kapag
na bumaba sa Kanto Tinio St sa San lumindol??
Pablo, Laguna? Pedro: buksan po ang ilaw!!!
Pedro: kasi tuwing bababa ang mga Titser: Bakit?
girls ohh yung bababa, kanto Pedtro: kasi po sa kubo namin
tinio na nyahaha madalas lumindol pag gabi… pero
kapag sinindihan ko na ang ilaw
********** * biglang tumitigil.

Eye check ********** *
Kararating lang ng mister galing sa
Ben : Doktora, malabo na yata ang trabaho…Init na init at binuksan ang
mga mata ko. mga bintana sabay hubad.
Doktora : Tingnan mo ang legs ko. Ano ka ba naman sabi ng misis…
Ben : Wala pa rin ho. baka makita ka ng mga kapitbahay
Doktora : Tingnan mo ang panty ko.
natin iisipin nilang pera lang ang 3. Ano kaya, magyakapan na lang
habol ko sayo. tayo.
4. Nagkunsulta ka na ba sa isang
basag si Mister heheheh plastic surgeon?
5. Pasayawin mo naman o…
********** * 6. Wow, ang laki pa naman ng paa
mo.
Juan: …lang kwenta yang kwento 7. Oh no… biglang sumakit ang ulo
mo pare… Ito pakinggan mo. ko.
Nakasakay ako sa bus bandang 8. Ngayon alam ko na kung bakit
likuran kaninang umaga. Ang tindi napakaganda ng kotse mo.
siguro ng pag mamahalan nong 9. Ano kaya, pag dinilig natin, lalaki
dalawa. Naglalambingan yan?
,naghahalikan, at kung ano ano pa 10. Giniginaw ka ba?
ang pinagagawa .maya-maya di na
nakatiis yong babae inilabas yung 1
suso at sinuso naman nong lalaki. ANAK: Mommy, ano po yun sex?
MOMMY: Ah, eh, number yun anak!
ANAK: Tama! Kasi sabi ni Daddy kay Inday,
Pedro: Wow !.. Matindi nga . "Sex tayo!" tapos sumagot si yaya, "69, ulit
koya?!"
Juan:Matindi talaga! Ang babata pa
naman.
Pedro: Mga ilang taon pare?
Juan: “Yong babae… mga 18 years #2
Sa Botika...
old siguro. CUSTOMER: (pabulong) Miss, isang condom
Pero yong lalaki mas bata … siguro nga...
mga mag dadalawang taon.. SALESLADY: Sayz , Sir?
CUSTOMER: (nahiya) Small lang...hehehe...
Dumi kasi isip nyo… nayahahah SALESLADY: Hindi, Sir, sayz pisos ang isa!

#3
Sa Wake...
HUSBAND TO WIFE: Honey ayoko rito. Ayoko
Masasakit na marinig sa isang dito alam mo naman takot ako sa patay.
WIFE TO HUSBAND: Honey, anong takot?
babae pag nakaharap sa isang Everytime na jumijingle ka hawak mo patay!
nakahubad na lalake:
#4
1. Mas malalaking tabako ang Mag kumpare nag uusap...
sinigarilyo ko kesa diyan. PEDRO: Kapag natulog ba ako sa tabi ng misis
mo, mag kumpare pa rin tayo?
2. Ahhh, ang cute naman. JUAN: Hmmm...Hindi.
PEDRO: Mag kaaway na?
JUAN: Hindi din.
PEDRO: Eh, ano na? Prof: Ok, and that duck will lay an egg. And that egg
JUAN: Quits na tayo! is your grade.
T@ng-!n@ ka! Ethic ka pa!

#5
Misis binato ng ipad si Mister...
MISTER: Oh bakit mo naman ako binato? Ayan
nasira tuloy!
MISIS: Bwuset, eh! Mabuti pa yang iPad mo..
Panay ang dut dot mo...
Samantalang ako kahit kalabit lang..WALA!
Pedro bumps to a foreinger...
#6 Pedro: ay, sori!
ANAK:Itay, ano po ba ang climate change? Foreinger: im sori 2
ITAY: Ha? Nay, ano ba daw ang climate Pedro: sori 3!
change? Foreinger: wat r u sori 4?
NANAY: Ang panlalamig mo sa akin dahil sa Pedro: kala mo bobo ako ah, sori 5!
may pinag-iinitan kang iba! Foreigner: i think ur sick!
Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw! six, bobo! hahaha
Iyan ang climate change!

#7
Instik sumakay ng taxi...
INSTIK: Dlaybel, alam mo to adles?
DRIVER: Ano po address?
INSTIK: Laki itlog patay titi.
DRIVER: Pabasa nga. Ahhh... Rocky 8th Road,
Pasay City! Berto: pare pinapapili ako ng misis ko
pag-ibig daw ba o kaibigan?
ELEMENTARY LIFE: Lando: so kaya ka andito ngayon
todo aral dahil pinili mo kaibigan mo?
no syota
puro laro Berto: pre ndi e
HIGHSCHOOL LIFE: pg-ibig pnili ko.
kunting aral
patagong syota i love you pre u
bawas laro
Lando: Sabi ko na nga ba ie...lika nga dito
COLLEGE LIFE:
walang aral
sabay-sabay na syota
sa kama na naglalaro

Beauty contest
Emcee: What's the big problem facing
the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
Prof: Class, what is ethic?

Student: Ethic is the cousin of the duck.
we love to spend money
buying new clothes.....

but never realize that some
of the best moments in life

are enjoyed without clothes!

Bininyagan ang KAMBAL:

PARI: Name ng mga bata?
NANAY: Ferrari po Father!
PARI: itong isa?
NANAY: Mercedes po!
PARI: Okay!? Anong gusto mong ibuhos ko,
UNLEADED o REGULAR?

May ka dinner date ako kagabi... may kulangot siya
sa lips...

Sinabi ko na lang na may kanin siya sa lips, para
hindi mapahiya.

Dinilaan ba naman at sinabing...

karera '*** talaga, Hindi naman kanin e!, karne! (ewww!)
Sperm1: pagod nako!
mamatay na yata ako, malayo pa ba tayo sa ovary?

Sperm2:Oo naman! malayo pa tayo, kakadaan pa
lang natin sa tonsil eh.

BOGART: Pre, lagyan mo nga ako ng tato

JUN: Bakit naman?
Dati ang gamot sa LOVEnat
BOGART: Napagkakamalan akong bading eh
KISSpilet at YAKAPsul
JUN: Ganun? Sige, sa'n mo gusto?
ngayon hindi na daw uso yun...
BOGART: Sa kilay para mukhang suplada.

Ano na uso????

"BiogeSEX"

Safe pwede gawin kahit walang laman ang tyan!!!
Angelina: yaya, yaya, nakakita ka na ba ng
elepanteng nagtatago sa EDSA?

Yaya: Hindi pa e, bakit? ikaw?

Angelina: Whatever yaya, youre such a loser!
nagtatago nga e, pano ko makikita?
.
Ans

PUTOK 1.BOOKS

Kung my Putok ka be Proud .... 2.RANDOM
Kasi Pinagpawisan mo yan eh .
3.FORK
She Is Hot 4.PANTS
She Is Sweet 5.PULSE
She Always Need A Lip for Kiss
Whole World Mad for Her! Dirty Mind
Who
In Which Situation, Do Men Start Sweating
Who Is She?
In 10 Mins & Women Want To Go ON & ON &
Do U Know?
ON?
"Tea"
Chai Piyo, Mast
Jiyo..
Think..
Fill in the blanks

1.BOO_S Think..
2. _ _NDOM
3.F_ _ K
4.P_ N_S
5.PU_S_ Ans is SHOPPING! :-p
. God Bless Your Naughty Mind!
.
Doctor: Mrs. Taniya good news for you!
.
.
Girl: What do you mean Mrs. Taniya? Iam Miss
.
Taniya!
.
.
Doctor: Oh !! Sorry Miss Taniya...Bad news for
.
you!
.
Meaning of PYAAR?
.
.
Its a Group of friends sitting around a table in a So again..
BAR... Shut Up......
saying... I want to touch ur lips taste ur tongue smell ur
. breath
. hai wat hapen
. i am ur colgate.
.
Diagram in book was not clear..
.
So,madam drew diagram on blackboard and
.
announced..
.
"Don‘t look at Book Figure, Look at my Figure!"
.
.
Beautiful quote..There iz nothing greater dan
.
Parents in dis world.
.
So go get married fast and bcome parents.
.
Think different
.
Do different:-D..
.
. Yesterday whole night i was thinking about U

. Only n only U

.
. U

.
. U

.
. And only U

"P-YAAR" . . .
Now I m thinking about V
Shut Up
.
S=surprises 4 u
.
H=happiness 4 u
.
U=unlimited love 4 u
.
T=true passion 4 u
.
U=u alwayz in my mind
Tonight i ll think about W X Y & Z...!!!
P=praying 4 u
Man to Hotel desk clerk:How much for room. Bring her home
Clerk:depends on room size
Man:Do you take children? Keep ur hand on her neck
Clerk:No, sir,only cash and credit cards

A Simple Logic: Put ur lips on her lips

Human=eat+work+sleep & have a

+enjoy
Nice Drink

Donkey=eat+work+sleep ?COCA COLA?
Buurrrrrrrrrrr;-)

Ther4 Want A KISS
Human=donkey+enjoy Plz KISS Me
Or Jaldi Koi B Nai Hai
Human-enjoy=donkey Foran Karo
Jaldi Karo Na
i.e.Human who doesn't enjoy is a donkey K

Son: I Don't Want To Go School Ma! I

All The Teachers Think I Am Stupid S

& S

The Kids Hate Me. U Know KISS
Means

Mom:No! K-Koi

U Should Go, Because U R The I-Interesting
S-SMS
S-Send Karo
So
KISS Me!!
----
"Pano tayo makakabuo kung hndi ako
papatong
sayo"
"Principal"
-HALLOWBLOCKS-
Catch her by her waist
"dilaan mo muna at lawayan para
tumigas
at mas madaling ipasok" drs 'NO TURNING BACK'

-SINULID- coz must women 'break 8 off'
only 4 d hope of a "SWEET COME
"bkt mo ako binibitin kung kelan kainitan BACK"
at basang-basa ako"
________________________________
-SINAMPAY- ______________

"painitin mo ako..kailangan kong "I might get attracted easily to another
pumutok pra akoy matikman at ika'y person
masarapan" But i cannot simply fall inlove..

-POPCORN- ..because someone else had already
taken my heart
gudluck sa mga GREEN MINDED!
HAHAHA precisely!":)

________________________________
________________________________ _______________
___________
The more guys i meet,

my "x" the more i realize that 8's only u whom i
want to be with
once 2ld me nga
________________________________
gwpa dw iya new gf... _______________

npansin jud btaw nako time goes by
and people change
mula ulo but then do people change?
or we just got to know who they really
mukhang PAA!! are?

haha awp..c'mon hahaha its hard 2 live alone
________________________________ its harder 2 chus someone u Love.
________________ but the hardest part of living s to admit
Posted by Pinoy Pickup Lines at 2:31 AM No that u have fallen in love..
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Labels: Visayan Jokes but cannot be yours...
Love Quotes Text ________________________________
Messages 154 _________________
hu has d power 2 end a relationship?

da guy or d grl? wen we fall seriously inlove
we always wish that the feeling would
u my think dat 8s d woman hu has 8, mutually grow
bt no. and stay forever..but sometimes no
matter how perfect a
n reality 8 s ' d man hu says 8 ol'. relationship may seem and how many
months or years youve been together
4 once hs gvn up.. "people just change and forget their
promises of forever"
When i die...
________________________________
_________________ i want to change the 'RIP' initials on my
tombstone....
dont be sad when you miss someone.

just wait till you see each other again. instead of, "REST IN PEACE"

& make another moment to be missed.
"REDHORSE IPADALA PLEASE"
________________________________
__________________
hehehehe

no matter how much you dont want
them to go ________________________________
_______________________________
you have to accept the cold, harsh truth.
Eksena sa jeep
that the people you can't live without
Girl: manong bayad.
can live without you.
Driver: pila ning 50 day?
________________________________
___________________ Girl: usa kuya! estudyante, nursing,
Posted by Pinoy Pickup Lines at 2:27 AM No xavier, bag.ong SAKAY!
comments:
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Labels: Love Quotes Manong byad.
Tagalog Jokes Quotes Driver: (nasuko) pila ning 500?
Text Messages 68
Sa sabungan walang entrance fee ang Boy: usa nong, kip da change! ACSAT
may na IT STUDENT.
dalang panabong...
________________________________
Si juan para makalibre, ________________________
Posted by Pinoy Pickup Lines at 2:25 AM 5
comments:
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Labels: Tagalog Jokes
BANTAY: sinigawan si JUAN) hoy! ano Inspirational Quotes
yan?
Text Message 137
JUAN: (galit) manok! bakit? my life is made of strong seasons
some are short and others are long
BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit sisiw? some are joyous and some are sad
yet through each season - good or bad
JUAN: heller?! may laban ang ama niya, just knowing that you are always there
xmpre moral support! make me feel a millionaire^^

________________________________ ________________________________
________________________ __________

"When you realize how hard it is to
change yourself.. ________________________________
____________
...you will begin to understand what little
chances we have of changing others.. "People may not reward or thank you for
your actions,
________________________________ but when GOD is your reason for
___________ SERVING, your receive an even greater
blessing in
I SHOULD: return."
never expect
never demand ________________________________
never assume ____________

SHOULD KNOW: Life doesn't get easier w/ age, it only
my limits gets
where i stand challenging. Don't be afraid ur dreams,
my role love if your inlove, cry if ur hurt. Don't
GROW OLD,
DON"T: just GROW UP.
get affected
get jealous ________________________________
get paranoid ____________

I'll JUST:
go with the flow I woke up & thanked God 4 lending me
and stay happy again
his breath & allowing me 2 enjoy his
________________________________ blessings 2day.
____________
& i want 2 share 8 with u....
Lord as I thank you for the gift of life,
I also thank you for the gift for wonderful ________________________________
people I have met along this journey. ______________
Some of them inspired me, stretched
me, When no one smiles back when you
challenged me, loved me and smile, try smiling
encouraged me, at the mirror..
but all of them helped me realized how
meaningful & beautiful my life is. Bless your best comforter next to God is
them with love, good health, security, yourself and not them.
wealth, success, peace and joy. Grant
their too! May 8 be so... Be safe and ________________________________
God bless!!! ______________

________________________________ May the good Lord continue to bless yo
____________ uwith things
that matter most in life "GIFT" of good
health, happy
home & peace of mind everyday!
Whenever you are stressed and about Sabi nila ang disneyland daw ang happiest
to give up, Remember, place on earth...
STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled
backwards.
So it's just a piece of cake! sabi ko nman...

tyr mo sa kwarto ko baka mgbgo isip mo..
but now,
nyahahaha...
its funny that i wet the bed because of
____________________________________ CRYING for someone ;(
_________
____________________________________
" Ang taong d marunong LUMINGON sa ______
kanyang LIKURAN, sya ay maraming UTANG
"
-UntoldStory- "it hurts like hell to pretend dat ur happy
wen deep inside,
____________________________________ ur dying. it takes a lotof effort to flash a
_________ smile wen all u want to do is break down
& cry. d saddest part of all, is dat, u want to
BF:tel me d truth, how many men hav u end d torment yet ur heart just keep
slept with? GF:babe, i swear i only slept wid on holding on, living n an illusion dat ders
u.. Ung iba kz,hnd tlg ako pinapa2log! still hope,
Hehe!:p wen ol uv got is just a fragile heart."
____________________________________
________
Posted by Pinoy Pickup Lines at 4:55 AM 2 comments: ____________________________________
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Labels: Tagalog Jokes
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Friendship Quotes Text Labels: Love Quotes

Messages 63
"i may not have the best lovelife in the Monday, December 27, 2010
world..
Christmas Greetings
BUT i am blessed with super great friends in Texts Messages 3
the land.." Naa ra ba koy nahibal-an nimo
la jud ko nag expect
thanks for being one..:)" Nagputos na dw ka CHRISTMAS
GIFT para sa ako ulawa pud ani oi
____________________________________ Salamat daan ha...God bless u ;-)
_________
Posted by Pinoy Pickup Lines at 4:51 AM No
comments:
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Labels: Christmas Greetings

Love Quotes Text
Messages 153 Jokes Quotes Text
When i was a baby, i used to cry because i
wet my bed.
Messages 49
when someone throws u a stone
go & find hollow blocks 2 hit em so many times i was insulted
back!!!8s not ol d tym u have 2 so many times i was hurt
know what makes me hold on?
endure the PAIN sumtyms
it's the knowledge that in my
u have 2 let d person LEARN life, i have GOD
a lesson d HARD way...

____________________________________
_________________ TEACHER: What is the Different
Posted by Exinrex at 8:13 AM 1 comment: between Problem and
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Challenge????
Labels: Jokes .
.
.
Inspirational Qoutes .
Text Messages 135 .
sometimes the simplest advice STUDENT:
that you gave to others is the
3 Boys+ 1 Girl = Problem
hardest thing for you to FOLLOW
1 Boy + 3 Girls = Challenge…
________________________________
______________________
by Cute sms Zone.
it's good to be mature but you can't
Law Of Reverse Dynamics
deny the fact that for more than
once in your life immaturity made Law Of Reverse Dynamics:
you HAPPY .
.
________________________________ .
_______________________
When A Man Becomes Rich
you could be happy achieving He Becomes Naughty &
your goal...but you could be When A Woman Becomes Naughty.
the happiest person if you achieve She Becomes Rich…
it having the one you love beside

by Cute sms Zone.
you if it doesn't feel right wait until it does

And if it's too late then Swimming Is Prohibited
it means it was never meant to be Officer: madam swimming is
prohibited in this lake.
______________________________________
_______________
Lady: then why didn’t you tell me
when I was removing my clothes?
if you don't correct them Officer: well, that’s not prohibited.
when they upset you
they will never learn
how to treat you right by Cute sms Zone.
______________________________________
________________
Hold It Gently Define
Hold it gently Define, Biology and sociology?
Put two fingers .
if they don’t fit .
Force them in .
if the Hole is big enough If new born baby looks like his
put three father it is biology,
move up & down if he looks like his neighbor it is
slowly.. called sociology
Ooh Yes..
Can U fill it?
by radha krishna.
That’s How You Wash A Glass…
Clean up your dirty mind… Project
Mom: How were you pregnant?
by Cute sms Zone. Daughter: This is our project in
college about “Miracle of Life”
Never kiss a lady Police Mom: Tell me who is he?
Never KISS a lady police, Daughter: I don’t know, it was a
She will say, hands up. group project
.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
by radha krishna.
She will say, Next please
. Bus Driver
. A little kid walks into a city bus and
. sits right behind the driver and
Always KISS a school teacher starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull
and she will say repeat it and my mom a cow I’d be a little
5 TIMES DAILY! bull.”
The Driver Ignored kids noise..
by Cute sms Zone. The Kid Continued, Till the Driver
Gets Angry and said. “What if your
He Took Me From A Bar dad was gay and your mom was a
He took me from a bar prostitute?!”
He took me in his car The kid smiles and says, “I would
He took my top off be a bus driver like you!”
He puts his lips on mine,
but don’t worry,
by Yasir.
I’m a bottle of wine!
The difference
by Cute sms Zone. Teacher: What is the difference
between
Call Girl, Girlfriend and Wife.??
Student: replied Man gets up, jumps out of the
Prepaid, Postpaid, Unlimited. window,
hurts himself, and then realizes:
“Damn, I am the husband!”
by Cute Angel.

by Cute Angel.

Girl’s beauty – boy’s duty Elephant
Lipstick is One day there was a naked man N
Girl’s beauty. elephant,
Spoiling them is Elephant looks at the naked man 4
Boy’s duty a few seconds,
then ask da naked man,
‘HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT
by Cute Angel. LITTLE THING?’…
Are you free?
A Secretary came angrily out of by radha krishna.
boss cabin
colleague asked: What happened? I want triplets
She replied: He asked me are you I want triplets
free tonight? You want twins.
I said-yes & bastard give me 50 Lets get in bed and see who wins!…
pages of work.
by radha krishna.
by Cute Angel.
Is it going in
Blood Test Tell me.is it going in?..
NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in yeah…
HER MOUTH Is it hurting?..
after BLOOD TEST. ooh yeah ..
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING ouch its hurtin ..
. ok i wil put it in slowly…
NURSE:y r u DANCING. stil hurtin..
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST ahh yeah ….
then lets try da other shoe
madam..
by Cute Angel.

Who is wrong? by radha krishna.
Wife is dreaming in the middle of
the night It’s the thing that satisfies
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! It’s the thing that satisfies
My husband is back!” ur mind, body and soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It’s called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind

by radha krishna.

What is the similarity
What is the similarity between
BRA & BAR???????
simple….
the answer is ……
Those are the places
men go crazy
when they are OPENED!!!!!

by Cute Angel.

Perfect Couple
75 years old man got married
with a girl of 15.
At first night they both cried….
because,
girl don’t know anything
& the man have forgotten
everything

https://www.cutesmszone.com/sms/adult-
sms/page/2/

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