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A HAPPY LIE

by

Brandi Self

writerbself@yahoo.com
Los Angeles, CA 90028
323 - 382 - 3114
INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

The sun streaks through the blinds onto HOLLIS BLOT, 40, a
burly, mans man.

Voices come from outside.

PAUL (O.S.)
Natasha! Natasha!

Hollis grunts. Looks down at SONNY BLOT, 39, who snores


quietly, curlers in her hair. He gently pushes her off.
Goes to the window.

JOSEPH (O.S.)
Oh no, she hurt herself.

Hollis cracks the blinds.

Stares out onto the sidewalk, where he sees PAUL and JOSEPH
CUMMERSON, 40s, holding their Pomeranian dog, NATASHA.

PAUL
Shes fine. You fuss too much.

They Eskimo kiss each other.

Hollis cringes. Lets the blinds go. Sonny smiles at him


from the bed.

SONNY(O.S.)
Hollis, whatcha doing up so early?

HOLLIS
Better get ready for work.

He makes his way to the bathroom.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

LENNY AND PENNY BLOT, 8, twins, sit at the table, eating


cereal. Hollis ruffles their hair.

Sonny hands him lunch. He gives her a quick kiss.

HOLLIS
Im going by to check on dad after
I get off.

She nods. He heads out.


2.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Hollis and JOHN LEMMER, 20s, sit, eating their sandwiches on


a beam.

JOHN
Can you believe they promoted
Sinclair?

HOLLIS
Yeah, I deserved the raise more
than anyone here. No offense.

JOHN
Hey man, youve been here longer
than me.

HOLLIS
Well, Ill tell you one thing, Im
not taking any orders from a homo.

Bob gives him a strange look.

INT. OLD FOLKS HOME - NIGHT

Hollis looks in at his elderly FATHER, who is in bed.

FATHER
(frustrated to Nurse)
Thats enough!

NURSE
Just doing my job, Mr. Blot.

HOLLIS
Hi, Dad.
Hollis steps into the room. His father looks up at him.

FATHER
Well, what the hell do you want?

NURSE
Now be nice, your son came all the
way out to see you.

FATHER
You tell him that hes a disgrace
and to just leave me be. Let me
die in peace!

HOLLIS
Dad--
3.

He turns the TV on. The Nurse ushers Hollis out the door.

NURSE
Im sorry, I know its hard, but we
have to respect our patients
wishes.

Hollis takes one more look at his father, who has now turned
the TV on high. He walks away.

INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Hollis comes in the door. Drops his things on the ground as


Lenny and Penny run to him. Grab him around the waist.

LENNY PENNY
Youre home! Youre home!

HOLLIS
Hi, kiddos. Sonny, Ive had a hell
of a day. Grab me a drink?

SONNY(O.S.)
In the tub, Hun!

Hollis walks into the kitchen with one kid on each leg.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

He looks in the refrigerator. No beer. He sighs. Grabs a


bottle of wine.

He opens the top. Takes a drink.

SONNY (O.S.)
Hol?

HOLLIS
Yeah?

SONNY (O.S.)
Grab me a towel?

HOLLIS
Yeah, okay.

He walks into the hallway as Lenny and Penny fall off him and
run away.
4.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Hollis pulls a towel out of the closet.

INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

He opens the door.

HOLLIS
I dont know why you dont get one
before you--

He freezes. A NAKED MAN stands, looking in the mirror.


Hollis slams the door.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

He struggles to catch his breath on the other side. Thinks


about it.

INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Hollis charges through the door.

HOLLIS
What the hell did you do with my
wife?

The Man snatches the towel from Hollis. Sonnys voice comes
out of the man.

SONNY AS A MAN
Oh god, not again.
Hollis looks around the bathroom. No one else is in there.
He backs away.

HOLLIS
Wha... What the hell is going on?

SONNY AS A MAN
Come here, you poor baby.

Hollis flees. Runs into a wall. Knocks himself out.

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Hollis wakes up to find Sonny as a Man putting a wet towel on


his head.
5.

Lenny and Penny stare down at him, wide eyed. Hollis throws
the towel off.

HOLLIS
Who are you? Wheres my wife?

SONNY AS A MAN
(to Lenny and Penny)
Why dont you two go play?

HOLLIS
Dont you speak to them! Who do
you think you are?

Sonny as a Man gives a compassionate sigh.

SONNY AS A MAN
You mustve saw your father. Hes
such a miserable, old man.

HOLLIS
Dont talk about my dad!

Hollis reaches in his pocket for his phone.

SONNY AS A MAN
Well, he is. I dont know why he
cant--

HOLLIS
Ill call the cops. Yeah, thats
what Ill do. Get ready to spend
the night in lock down, buddy!

He dials.

SONNY AS A MAN
Dont do this. Not when weve made
so much progress.

HOLLIS
You stay away from me!
(into phone)
Hello? Yes, theres a man in my
house. Hes kidnapped my wife and
he... hes pretending to be her.
(listens)
No, no this isnt a joke!

SONNY AS A MAN
Lets go through this again. Im
Sonny, your husband.
(MORE)
6.
SONNY AS A MAN (CONT'D)
We just celebrated our ten year
anniversary... We adopted children,
twins, four years ago.

HOLLIS
Im a man, a straight, heterosexual
man, married to a woman!

SONNY AS A MAN
Please...

HOLLIS
I... I knew that as soon as your
kind started coming into the
neighborhood...

Sonny as a Man tries to take the phone. Hollis shoves him.

Lenny and Penny scream from the door.

LENNY PENNY
Daddies! Daddies!

Hollis grabs the twins. Runs for the front door. They cry.
Sonny as a Man hurries behind them.

SONNY AS A MAN
(to kids)
Its okay. Daddy Hollis is just
having another episode.
(to Hollis)
Please stop, youre not yourself
when you act like this. What else
can I say to prove it to you?

Hollis stops.
HOLLIS
Oh, now theres proof?

SONNY AS A MAN
Your favorite color is blue. You
have a scar across your stomach
from when you were ten and you
jumped the fence to get away from
the bullies...

Hollis drops Lenny and Penny in disbelief.

SONNY AS A MAN (CONTD)


Please, I love you.
7.

INT. GARAGE - NIGHT

Hollis dials the phone.

HOLLIS
Hello?

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

ALENA, 40s, cynical, speaks into the phone.

ALENA
What do you want, Hollis?

INTERCUT HOLLIS / ALENA

HOLLIS
I think Sonny is trying to play a
joke on me. She had a man come in,
she mustve paid him or--

ALENA
Im so not in the mood.

HOLLIS
This is serious.

ALENA
You know, I made a promise to
myself... a resolution really, not
to get involved in my exs love
life.

HOLLIS
Well now, hold on... When we were
married--
ALENA
I always knew.

HOLLIS
Knew what?

ALENA
Please, dont make me say it.
Really... I loathe the word.

HOLLIS
What? Just spit it out.
8.

ALENA
Fine. When we were married, who
picked out the furniture? Who
decorated?

HOLLIS
Youre color blind!

ALENA
You cried at the end of Bridget
Jones Diary.

HOLLIS
I had just had eye surgery!

ALENA
Dont get all emotional. Im just
saying... I mean, I dont mean to
be offensive to your people--

HOLLIS
My people? Im not gay!

ALENA
Okay, okay! Youre not gay.

HOLLIS
Thank you.

ALENA
So why is your husband upset?

Hollis slams down the phone.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY


Hollis is working along side CO-WORKERS when he sees Sonny as
a Man pull up.

SONNY AS A MAN
Yoo hoo!

Hollis ducks into the port-o-potty.

INT. PORT - O - POTTY - CONTINUOUS

Hollis listens as Sonny as a Man talks to a co-worker.

SONNY AS A MAN (O.S.)


I brought him lunch.
9.

CO-WORKER (O.S.)
He was just here a second ago.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS

A truck pulls up right in front of the port - o - potty,


slightly bumping it. Now blocking it.

INT. PORT - O - POTTY - CONTINUOUS

Hollis plugs his nose after the disruption.

SONNY AS A MAN (O.S.)


Ill look around. Thanks.

He panics. Tries the door. It does not budge.

He slams against it. Nothing. He panics.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS

The truck pulls away just as Hollis slams against the door
again. He falls out onto the ground. Sees Sonny as a Man
laughing with his co-workers.

He pounds the dirt in anger.

INT. CITY HALL - DAY

Hollis impatiently stands in line. When he gets to the


counter, he throws his identification and marriage license
down.
HOLLIS
I want to contest the marriage, all
of it. And I want it done today!

A snotty, flamboyant CLERK pops up suddenly. Gives him a


seductive look.

CLERK
Let me take a look.

He scans the paper before pushing it back in Holliss


direction.

CLERK (CONTD)
Im sorry. I cant process this
today.
10.

He gives a exaggerated frown. Leans in.

CLERK (CONTD)
(whispers)
Theyre being really strict about
this kind of thing. You know...
politics.

The Clerk winks.

HOLLIS
Wait a minute. You think this is a
gay thing?

The people start to whisper.

CLERK
Pardon?

HOLLIS
Oh, you see two men on this and you
automatically think were some kind
of faggots?

CLERK
(straightens up)
Sir, I assure you--

HOLLIS
Im not a queer. It was a mistake,
a typo.

CLERK
Of course.
(to himself)
Hell of a typo.
The people in line giggle, quietly.

CLERK (CONTD)
Good luck.
(to line)
Next!

INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

When Hollis gets home Sonny as a Man is waiting for him with
his suitcases packed.

SONNY AS A MAN
I didnt want to leave without
saying goodbye.
11.

HOLLIS
Where are they?

SONNY AS A MAN
Theyre with my mother.

HOLLIS
You cant keep them from me,
theyre my kids!

SONNY AS A MAN
Youre unstable, how can you not
understand that?

Sonny as a Mans eyes plead with him. He puts his hairy hand
on Holliss shoulder.

HOLLIS
Dont touch me...

SONNY AS A MAN
Goodbye, Hollis.

Hollis follows Sonny as a Man outside.

EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Hollis yanks at him.

HOLLIS
Wait a minute. Hey, were not done
with this conversation!

Horns and loud dance music blasts as a Gay Pride Parade comes
alive outside. A group of men in G - strings walk by.
Sonny as a Man gets lost in the crowd of gayness that is
growing by the second. The music swells.

Hollis pushes his way through. Men ogle. One touches him.

HOLLIS (CONTD)
Back off, queer!

He pushes a gay man in the crowd. He falls, dropping his


sign: When you fight love, you always lose. Hollis stomps
it, crushing it.

GAY MAN #1
Hey, asshole!

GAY MAN #2
Whats your problem?
12.

He ignores them when he spots Sonny as a Man in the crowd.


He pushes his way forward.

HOLLIS
(to Sonny as a Man)
Hey! Hey!

Sonny as a Man refuses to turn around.

The crowd slowly elevates their anger. Hollis is trapped.


They push, surrounding him.

HOLLIS (CONTD)
Sonny!

Sonny as a Man turns.

SONNY AS A MAN
Hollis?

The crowd takes him under. Sonny as a Man pushes towards


him.

SONNY AS A MAN (CONTD)


Hollis!

The crowd turns on Sonny. Pushes him to the ground. Hollis


freaks out. Runs towards him.

HOLLIS
Sonnnnnyyy!

Hollis pulls the men off of him.

HOLLIS (CONTD)
Get off him, you son of a bitch.
Get off!
Hollis grabs Sonny. Pulls him through the crowd as his
clothes are ripped off and he is pushed onto a stage, in his
underwear.

He looks out at the crowd of proud homosexuals, taking it all


in.

Then the gayest song ever made starts. He begins to dance,


taking Sonny with him.

SONNY AS A MAN
What is this? All it took was a
song?
13.

HOLLIS
Its not the music... when I saw
those men on you, something just
kicked in. I love you, Sonny. And
if that makes me gay, then I guess
Im Liberace.

SONNY AS A MAN
Thats really gay.

HOLLIS
You bet your ass it is!

Hollis pulls Sonny as a Man in for a kiss as confetti shoots


into the sky, rainbow flags waving in the air.

THE END