Hat-Rack Critique ----characters don't talk like real people

----characters' actions and motivations aren't thought out or

SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY WORKSHOP SELF- clear enough
EDITING CHECKLIST
others:
----unnecessary characters--the story works without the
PLOT PROBLEMS: character, so get
rid of him or her
pseudo-situations:
----"so what?" story--situation in story is not desperate
enough to make STYLE PROBLEMS:
reader care whether it is resolved or not
----situation is too easily resolved, uninteresting
----lack of sensory data (people can smell, taste and touch as
----misunderstanding (there would be no story if the
well as see
characters would just
and hear things, and aliens or magical beings may do even
sit down and talk to each other)
more)
----contrived plot (protagonist does something stupid,
----irrelevancies emphasized--detailed descriptions of
against all advice
unimportant things
and his or her own best judgement, just so there is a story)
----frustrating omissions--writer skims over key elements to
understanding
starts in wrong place: ----weak or overused words: very, but, then, seem, felt,
----too late (writer either has to backfill like crazy or reader suddenly, rather,
doesn't almost, nearly, slightly, certain, quite, was, -ing and -ly
ever know what is going on) words
----too early (writer takes too long to set up the situation and ----too many point-of-view shifts--need a good reason for
clarify jerking reader
what the objective is, boring reader in the process) around from head to head or else don't do it

holes in logic:
----motivation doesn't make sense MISCELLANEOUS PROBLEMS:
----reactions don't make sense
----reasoning behind resolution doesn't make sense
----doesn't touch the reader, lacks emotional content, doesn't
----objective or situation doesn't make sense
make the
reader care about what happens
imposed solution:
----deus ex machina (something or someone totally out of the
reveals a Wonder, but is not a story:
protagonist's
----no clear protagonist, or person who has a problem
control solves the problem for him or her)
----no clear objective or need that motivates the protagonist,
----coincidence (resolution totally unlikely--obviously the
except one
writer arranged
that may be revealed at the end of the story
it)
----no real complications to make the protagonist's attempts
to reach his
others: or her
----off-stage action (point-of-view character (and therefore objective interesting to the reader
reader) ----no clear resolution to any situations in the story
doesn't see what happens and so needs to be told) ----none of the characters are changed by what happens in
----protagonist doesn't solve his or her own problem, too the story
passive/helpless ----story is not science fiction (take out the science and you
still have a
story)
----story is not fantasy (take out the magic and you still have
CHARACTERIZATION PROBLEMS:
a story)
----story is not any of the above, and it doesn't scare the
wrong choices: editor
----wrong protagonist--should be person most deeply ----story is X or R rated, and so is not acceptable for this
concerned by the publication
situation, the one with the most to lose ----supportive details missing (story seems to happen in a
----wrong view-point character--should be protagonist; if it vacuum, needs
isn't, there the interesting little wonders that make people read
needs to be a good reason why not SF/F/H)
----implications in story not thought out
unbelievable characters: ----telling instead of showing--examples:
----hero is too completely good, too one-sided, boring "He got away." (instead of describing how he did it)
----villain is too completely evil, too one-sided, boring "She was dressed funny." (instead of describing her clothes)
"He was angry." (instead of showing how he acted so the SETTING
reader could
see his anger)
What is the background for the action? Is it clear? When the
"It was cold outside." (instead of describing the way it felt to
setting
be
changes, is the reader aware of it, or are the characters
outside)
suddenly in a
different place with no explanations?
CRITIQUER'SCHECKLIST Is there at least a hint of the society on which the story is
based?
Even if the action takes place on a ship, or a remote asteroid,
by Grace Ackerman
the
characters
will have been exposed to, or developed all the patterns that
STORY LINE go with people
living together.
What is the story saying? Is it clear? Can the reader Does the setting create a mood for the story and help sustain
understand what's it? Do the
happening? If not, what isn't clear? Is there information or characters respond to the environment?
action that
feels essential, but was left out? Where does the plot get DIALOGUE
fuzzy?
Is the story line believable? Is it interally consistent? If not,
Is the dialogue true to the way people talk, or, if not, is the
where
discrepancy justified in the story?
does it contradict itself, and how?
Is the speech of the characters harmonious with their
Is the opening intriguing? Does it make the reader want to
actions? Space
go further?
jockies shouldn't talk like archivists unless there's a good
Why, or why not?
reason.
Does the story drag anywhere? Is there text which could be
Is the dialogue true to the socioeconomic level of the person
eliminated
talking?
without detracting from the story?
Can the reaader tell which character is speaking?
Are all major issues resolved? Not that the story can't end
Do people talk with, and not at, each other? Does each
with a
respond to what
question in the reader's mind, but it shouldn't raise and issue
the other is saying?
forcefully at
the beginning of the story, and then never mention it again.
Are there issues raised in the first place? Is there conflict? DETAILS & MECHANICS
Does the
story build to a climax, and then come to a satisfying ending
Is any passage awkwardly worded? Are there unnecessary
shortly
or redundant
thereafter? (By satisfying, I mean appropriate.)
words or phrases? ("Most unique" is one of my pet peeves.)
Are there any cliches?
CHARACTERS Are the verbs vivid, and the adjectives evocative?
Are the sentences too long? Too short? Too much alike?
Ideally, there
Does the reader see and feel the characters, or is s/he just
should be a rhythm that goes along with the action.
told about
Is there too much exposition?
them? Is there a main (viewpoint) character? Does this
Are there sufficient unintentional grammatical errors to
character grow and
draw the
change during the course of the story? If not, is the fact that
reader's attention away from the story?
the character
remains static important to the story? If the answer to both
the last two All this really boils down to:
questions is "No," something's wrong with the story. 1. Was the story worth telling?
Are the characters real people, or shadows? Does the reader 2. Was it told well?
get a sense 3. If not, why not?
of what it would be like to meet them? Are the characters
clearly distinct
Note: Deanna Durbin did a fine checklist in the August 1982
from each other?
SF&FW. I'm
Are the names of the main characters similar, or awkward?
using that for a base, and adding information from other
Is there anyone a reader can care about? If not, whatever
articles and letters.
happens to the
characters is pointless. By care about, I mean have feelings
about, not just GENERALCRITIQUER'SGUIDE
affection or empathy. It's possible to hate the main character
and stay with Instructions: Mark the letter that applies. If other than "A"
a story just to see if s/he gets what's deserved. comment as
appropriate. Use extra sheets if necessary. This guide is 12. Climax
based on Barry A--beautiful resolution! B--not intense enough C--could not
Longyear's SCIENCE FICTION WRITER'S WORKSHOP I, so identify
if you are confused about Comments:
what is meant by a particular item, please refer to the
pertinent discussion
13. Conflict (primary)
in that book.
A--intense! B--could not identify obstacle
Comments:
Story
Title:_________________________________________________
14. Story Purpose
Author's
A--mission accomplished! B--nothing identifiable
Name:________________________________________________
accomplished
Critiquer's
Comments:
Name:________________________________________________

15. Scenes
1. Hook
A--nicely painted! B--need more C--need fewer
A--real grabber! B--not strong enough C--does not relate to
Comments:
story
Comments:
16. Author (mechanics)
A--invisible! B--too obvious
2. Backfill
Comments:
A--great explanation! B--too much lecture C--wrong type
Comments:
17. Character(s) (primary)
A--I can see him! B--not strong enough C--did not change
3. Point of view
D--no
A--perfect story teller! B--wrong narrative form
motivation E--no conflict
Comments:
Comments:

4. Character(s) (secondary)
18. Ending
A--believable! B--too strong C--too weak D--unnecessary
A--could not have said it better! B--main conflict not
Comments:
resolved C--other
loose ends D--not believable E--unsatisfying
5. Title Comments:
A--fits nicely! B--don't understand
Comments:
19. Manuscript (format, etc)
A--you could teach! B--problems
6. Buildup(s) Specifics:
A--cliff hanger! B--scenes too similar C--too much wandering
D--wrong
20. Nit-picker's Area
pacing
Comments:
Comments:

21. Other Comments:

7. Bright and/or Dark Moment(s)
A--I really felt them! B--not emotional enough
Comments:

8. Plants
A--you made it believable! B--too obvious C--not enough
I. Give your overall impressions of the author's work.
Comments:

Copyright 1995 by Rich Hamper. All rights reserved.

9. Trailer
A--good wind up! B--serves no purpose
Comments: A. In general, did the story or excerpt work for you?
What specifically didn't work?
B. Did you enjoy the story? Do you want to read
10. Seams
more?
A--seamless! B--too obvious
C. If you're reviewing a short story, did the author
Comments:
meet your expectations?
D. If you're reviewing a novel excerpt, summarize for
11. Plot the author what you expect the story to deliver in
A--the equation is complete! B--incomplete the way of mysteries solved, conflicts resolved,
Comments: characters changed, etc.. This will let the
author know if he or she has set the reader's
expectations appropriately.
II. Comment on the story's opening (unless you're
critiquing an excerpt).
A. From reading the opening, were you clear on the
direction of the story?
B. Did it hook you into wanting to read more?
III. Comment on the plot/story line.
A. How does the author's plot strike you? Did you
like it? Were you drawn into the story? If not,
why not?
B. Did you feel there was some "point" to the story
(i.e., did you get the impression that some
protagonist tried to accomplish something?)? Or
was the writing aimless?
C. Was the plot believable? Were you able to suspend
disbelief, or did some exasperating detail make
you want to toss the story across the room? If
so, what was that detail?
IV. Comment on the story's ending (unless you're
critiquing an excerpt).
A. Was it too abrupt or too rushed?
B. Did it resolve all the conflicts it should have?
C. Was it satisfying?
V. Comment on characters and characterization.
A. Were you able to easily identify the protagonist?
B. Was the antagonist a worthy opponent?
C. Did any characters stand out as "cardboardy" or
flat?
D. Were the characters believable?
E. Did you find yourself caring about what happens to
the main or other characters?
VI. Comment on dialogue and dialects.
A. Were you comfortable with the dialogue? What
bothered you about it?
B. Was dialect used? Did the dialect work or was it
too much?
C. Did the dialogue drag?
D. Were there too many "he said"/ "she said" speech
tags?
E. Did each character have a distinctive voice?
Which characters didn't?
F. Does the author use "said-bookisms"? (Said-bookism
are potentially needless, literary, or ridiculous
substitutes for the nearly invisible "he said" or
"she said" speech tags--e.g., he spit out, she
shouted, he interjected, he cried, she
commiserated, etc.)
VII. Comment on the story setting.
A. Was the length of descriptive passages too much,
too little, or just right?
B. Did the author give enough detail, too much
detail, or too little detail about places and
events?
C. Did the descriptive passages set and enhance the
appropriate mood?
D. Did the places seem real to you?
VIII. Comment on the flow and pacing of the story.
A. Did the story or novel excerpt have the right
tempo for you? Did the story move smoothly? Was
the pacing too intense? Too slow?
B. Was the paragraphing handled effectively? Long
paragraphs slow the tempo down. Short paragraphs
speed it up.
IX. Comment on Point of View (POV) lapses and Author
Intrusion.
A. Identify for the author paragraphs where more than
one POV is present. If they aren't using a third-
person omniscient POV, these paragraphs will need
fixing.
B. Identify for the author where he or she jumped
from one character's POV to describing only what
can be seen from the author's POV (e.g., a
description of a character's physical
characteristics that the character is not likely
to be able to make in the circumstances
portrayed).
C. Comment on "Information Dumps".
1. How well does the author handle disseminating
information to the reader that's critical to
understanding what's happening in the story?
Did the author handle this unobtrusively?
2. Are there too many flashbacks?
3. Is too much internalization used?
4. Are long boring passages of exposition used?
5. Does the imparting of this information disrupt
or inappropriately slow down the flow of the
story?
X. Comment on accuracy--Are the "facts" of the story
correct or feasible? Does the science match what you
know? Are the duels and fights believable? Is the
geography accurate? Is the clothing described
consistent with the time period portrayed?
XI. Comment on consistency--Is the author consistent
throughout the story in the handling of story
details? For example, are the character's eyes
the same color in Chapter 1 as they are in Chapter
12? Does a character have a different number of
children in the first scene compared to a middle
scene, and there's no accounting for the
difference? Is the chronology handled correctly?
XII. Comment on wordiness.
A. Look for unneeded words, for instance, "and",
"by", fuzzy adverbs, "is", "of", "there", etc..
These often flag verboseness.
B. Look for "fluff" phrases like "as a matter of Option 1--writer emails the complete manuscript and the
fact", "at this point in time", etc.. These can critiquer reads it and comments on a chapter (or some small
usually be replaced by one or two words. segment) a week (or more, if the critiquer feels so inclined).
C. Does the author use too much passive voice?
D. Look for redundancies (e.g., "final completion",
Option 2--writer emails a partial (first three chapters or first
"respectful regard", etc.)
20 pages and an outline of the whole novel) and critiquer
E. Look for redundant sentences or phrases (e.g., two
comments on that--and then tells the writer whether to send
sentences or phrases that say the same thing in
more. This mimics the experience of most writers when they
different words).
send material to an editor. (It's a good idea to have an
F. Look for unnecessary qualifiers (e.g., "almost",
outline ready in any case.) Also, if your novel has any
"seem", "sort of", "maybe", etc.).
particularly troublesome problems, you can learn about
them and fix them without irritating the critiquer by making
XIII. Comment on anything else that specifically him or her read the whole thing.
detracts from the story being a success; for
instance, was there anything you found confusing
Option 3--writer emails a chapter (or small segment--no
in the story?
more than 7500 words) a week and critiquer has to wait to
read each installment.
XIV. Stay away from detailed critiquing of grammar and
punctuation unless the author specifically
Please remember that there are other people in each group
requests such a review. Only comment on recurring
who want feedback on their work as well. The above options
errors where you're sure of your ground and it's
assume that the novel is the only thing being read and
apparent that the writer has a major problem.
critiqued--which won't be true in a real group. If you want
your whole novel read as quickly as those three novels I
XV. Resist the urge to make humorous comments about mentioned above were read, you are going to need to be
any facets of what the writer has written. Such willing to =read= at least two other novels that fast, too.
comments may seem funny to you, but needlessly
sting the author.
Under normal circumstances, novel chapters will have to
take turns with other members' work--which means this
How do you format your critique? Any format's okay could be a =long= process.
as long as you communicate the information clearly. Some
people handle a critique like they respond to messages in
I am interested in any input or suggestions you may have on
CompuServe forums. To do this, you "quote" the part of
this subject.
the story you want to talk about and type your comments
on it just below the quoted passage. Here's an example:

> This is the quoted passage.

The critiquer's comments go here.

Then, you move on to each of your next points treating

each of them in the same way.
One caveat: don't try to rewrite the author's plot.
The plot belongs to them and not to you. Your job is
solely to critique how well the author tells his or her
story.

In the first year here at Hatrack, in one group, there were

three complete novels critiqued in the first six months. This
happened because the group members were interested in
reading faster than on a chapter-by-chapter basis.

I have critiqued novels both ways, and I have decided that it

might be a good idea to offer three options to people who
want feedback on their novels. Please be aware, however,
that the critiquer gets to choose which way works best for
the critiquer. Yes, the writer wants as much feedback as
possible as quickly as possible, but if it's going to be any
faster than one chapter at a time, the critiquer should be the
one to say.