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• Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.

Student: WOW !
• I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those three
sweet words to you....Pay The Bill.
• Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he
A: Lifebuoy.
• When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading
away, come along with me I'll take u to an eye specialist!
• Your smile can be compared to a flower, ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo, ur innocence
to a child, but in stupidity u have no comparison you r the best.
• If u want the latest MERCEDES BENZ on easy installments of 10 yrs without any down
payment.......log onto our website:
• Mom: Andy, where r u off to now?
Son: I`m gonna join the army.
Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.
Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.
• Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right
half, nothing is left.
• Sometimes when u cry, no 1 sees ur tears. Sometimes when u r worried, no 1 sees ur pain.
Sometimes when u r happy, no 1 sees ur smile. But fart just once...
• Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for
you, so here is a shortcut... just think about ME!

• Today, tommorow and yesterday there'll be one heart that would always beat for you. You
know Whose?
Your Own Stupid!
• When u smile the world smiles with u. Wen u r down people'll rally behind u but when u fart
u r alone coz people'll never stand by u!
• This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on
your name and didn't even tell me?
Animal Planet!
• If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like
Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death & smart like ME.
• Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then
my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more care.
• Q: What's the difference between gud & bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its
hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
• If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I
would only like a brain that has never been used.
• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.
• Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.
• Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb
the Sleep of Others. Thank You.

• A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.
• Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal
sohne sunakhe Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.
• When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish
to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.
• My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I'll be successful and if I don't reach my goal,
I'll still be successful.
• Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty
is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.
• Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!
Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.
• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get
your shitty ideas from!
• Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband,
Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
• Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?
Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.
• Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.

• A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.
• Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raata
bhatak gaye hain.
• Can't believe that after all the shit that's happened between them, they are still together.
Ur bums.
• Osama to Big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?
Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.
• Look at the ocean & see God's abundance! Look at the sky & see God's glory! Look at the
moon & see God's wonder! Look at the mirror & see God's Blunder!
• Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A: A Moti-vaiting.
• Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko
khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.
• Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na
• Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch
mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.
• Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n
nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U.

• Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean
that there is still enough space for another girl on top.
• Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one
girlfriend to another girlfriend.
• Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about
others & legends never talk, they send SMS.
• The first half of our lives is spent ignoring our parents' advice and the second half in trying to
keep our children from ignoring ours.
• When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me. When u r crying & no one is there then
too don't just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.
• Look at the world around u; u’ll see God's creativity. Look at the breakfast table; u’ll c God's
providence. Look at the mirror u’ll c God's sense of humor.
• A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes... No fun, send mon, your son!
Dad write back sad, too bad, your dad!
• You should do two things in the morning...Pray to God so you can live and have a shower so
others can live.
• Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.
• God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that
he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
• I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry. U lauf I lauf. U jump
out of the window... I look down &then... I lauf again
• The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?
• I've written a poem for you:
Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
• What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is
thinking of you too much.
• Banta: How does an attorney sleep?
Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
• Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below
them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.
• I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to
my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?
• A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee
spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?
• Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl's
father must have his own bar...CHEERS

• Q: How do we know men invented maps?

A: Who else would turn an inch into a mile!
• Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator I don't know why
you are fuckin shaking, she's goin 2 eat me!
• A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what' ur name?
She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what's urs?
Man: Beer cunt!
• Women r like a pair of rubber boots. When they r dry, u can’t enter them, when they r wet,
they smell & when u walk on the street with them, people laugh at u.
• Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives?
• Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case!
• After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.
• A gal tells her Doctor: I've got a bad discharge.
He fingers her & says how’s it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear.
• The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enters the
female, and you wondered why the sea tasted so Fu*kin salty!
• A reasent studdi haz chown thet peapel hoo aar amezing in bed ar krapp at spelin!

• What's the diff between hook in circket and hook of bra.

One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.
• When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every1 ignores u, then go n sit
in the corner close ur eyes n think: Bhanch*d Chakar kya hai?
• Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
• Workers discuss cricket! Managers discuss tennis! Top bosses discuss Snooker! CEO's discuss
Moral: Higher u go smaller ur balls become!
• Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke baad uski ma bolti hai, "Hey Bhagwan yeh tune kya kiya."
• If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck, if it’s erect but soft it needs good suck, if it’s
neither hard nor erect, it needs Good luck!
• As a man goes older, it is harder and harder for him to grow harder.
• Q: Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly?
A: When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
• Q: Why are men like a toothbrush?
A: They are useless without handle.
• When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am not able to remember
what I did choose.

• Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a road and a man is like a
traveller. The traveller gets tired but the road never ends!
• Man quits smoking because of will power.
He quits drinking because of will power.
But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.
• Q: What do you call Afghan virgin?
A: Never Bin LaDen
• Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mir in it; Female has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has
Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!
• Q: Agar Madhubala ki jagah Mallika Sherawat hoti Mughal-e-Azam mein to film ka naam kya
A: Mughal-e-Orgasm!!!
• Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi?
Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance
nil ho gya?
• A Greek n Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women!
• Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have
difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand.
• Write an essay which contains factors religion, sex & mystery.
Winning essay: Oh my god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it!
• Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

• Q: What's the difference between a person who is committing suicide and a virgin?
A: One is trying to die and the other one is dying to try.
• What do u usually say after Sex?
I Luv U?
That was great?
Wrong again!
I Luv it?
Wrong again!
The Ans: Mera Kachha Kithe Hai!
• Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E & F are used for bra sizes?
A: Almost boobs
B: Barely there
C: Can do
D: Damn good
E: Enormous
and F for Fake.
• Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
• Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted! R u having your meals 3 times a day as I
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
• Q: What's the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet and tight in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.
• An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
• Lightest muscle is a man's PENIS. It can be raised by a woman's TONGUE!
Strongest muscle is a man's TONGUE! It can raise a woman's LEGS!
• Breaking News: Coke'll launch a new soft drink in the world market soon, that"ll contain
Viagra. They have named it MOUNT-N- DO!
• Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for ANAL entry. She calls it
'Turnover' tax.

• A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are sensitive, on stomach are
competent and on their back with legs in the air are very popular.
• Q: Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey?
A: Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moja hi moja.
• Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-e-Elahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi.
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi
• A 95 yr old man sucks his 90 yr old wife's breast for half hour and drinks two drops of milk
and dies.
Postmortem report: Died because of drinking something after expiry date.
• Q: What did one ant say to the other while climbing up Prince Charles' leg?
A: Meet you at the royal ball.
• Karamchand to his secretary: Today u hv not worn up panties, y? Sec: U r a gr8 detective.
How did u come 2 know this? KC: Today, I saw dandruff on your shoes!
• Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them?
A: To pay tribute to men who got burrid at these 2 places.
• A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
"Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar......
• If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck,
if its erect but soft it needs good suck,
if its neither hard nor erect, it needs good luck!
• One day the penis tells the balls:
Tonight v r goin 4 a party!
The balls reply, U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!

• Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad girls make it hot by loosening a few
• 3 Facts of Life
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.
• Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke badd uski ma bolti hai "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.
• Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!
• Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together.
Who? Your bum cheeks!!
• A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receives love. Who opens her
legs receives happenis
• Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest
Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.
• Nipple, Nipple don’t b far,
let me press u in my car,
up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry,
let me suck u don’t feel shy, in the bra u’ll die.
• If you assume you may make an ASS out of U and ME, but if you don't assume, nothing gets
• Feelin bored? Think of me.
Feelin sad? Call me.
Feelin lonely? See me.
Feelin horny? Use ur hand & njoy d art of messaging me.

• Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck makes it last 15
minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!
• Q: What's the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet n tight in the beginning but become tasteless n shapeless later.
• Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the (w)hole woman have
• What's common between the sun & women's underwear?
a) Both are hot
b) Both look better while going down
c) Both disappear by night.
• Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man, but behind a SATISFIED
woman there is an EXHAUSTED man.