How to find the perfect spouse

...with 101 simple questions.
By Tom McFadden

All materials, questions, information, ideas, thoughts, phrases, slogans, attitudes, and everything else contained herein belong exclusively to the author and may not be changed, duplicated, or reprinted without the express written consent of the author. Copyright (c) 2001-2010 Tom McFadden.

The Interview
Over the past number of years, I have had the opportunity to acquaint myself with a number of individuals who have been involved in one-year or two-year long relationships, only to discover that the person with whom they thought that they were in love, turns out to have some pretty strange ideas about one thing or another. Thus, one or two years have now been wasted and starting over with someone new is required. In response to these types of situations, and pretty much any other type of dating situation, I have come up with 101+ questions to help you in your quest for the perfect spouse. Although it may seem somewhat unemotional, you must remember that you are indeed interviewing your date for the position of “Spouse.” This is the most important interview that you will ever conduct or be involved with. Prior to dating, you should figure out the importance of and answers to the following questions. Then, after determining your own answers to these important questions, you should put them to your “date,” on or around your first date. Obviously, some of these questions are more important than others, but you must ensure that you discuss each one to some degree. Remember, every date either ends in marriage or it ends in a break up. Save time, money, and mental/emotional anguish by reviewing and using the questions which follow. Although it may be an obvious point, I do not want to forget to mention that prior to selecting an individual to date, it is important to be somewhat physically attracted to (or at any rate, not totally disgusted by) him/her.

Marriage itself
1. 2. 3. 4. What is marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? What are the ends of marriage? What is the husband’s role? What is the wife’s role? Are both husband and wife equal in marriage? Does someone have the last word? Who is your role model (which family) for marriage? Why?

Personal Family Life
5. Do you come from a good Catholic family? Two parents - non-divorced? Both Catholics? Mixed marriage? Are your parents a good role model of a Catholic married couple? How is your relationship with your father? Your mother? Your siblings?

6. 7.

8. 9. 10. 11.

How many siblings do you have? Are any of your siblings married? If so, do they have good marriages? With children? Are any of your siblings divorced? What faults do you see in the way your parents raised you that you would change when raising a family? How does your father treat your mother? And your mother treat your father? Did you grow up with money? Fancy clothes? Lots of toys/things? Do you have hobbies? Do you sew? Knit? Draw? Sing? Dance? Cook? Bake? Play musical instrument? Play sports? Watch sports? Enjoy going out to pubs/bars? Do you like to drink (alcohol)? Going to movies? Smoke cigars/cigarettes - if so, in the house? Green thumb? Handyman? Mechanically inclined? Clean-freak? Able to talk on phone and read newspaper at same time? Listen to music? Gamble? Snore? Are you moody? Hot-tempered? Romantic? Emotional? Cry easily? What types of things REALLY bother you? What is your ideal vacation? Mountains/lakes? Skiing? Hot sunny beaches? Staying at home? What is your favorite movie? Book? Play? Musical? Musical Group? Opera? What is your favorite dinner meal? Breakfast meal? Lunch meal? Dessert? What food(s) do you absolutely hate and will not eat. Do you like to drink coffee? Do you NEED to drink coffee in the morning? Do you like to play board games (chess/checkers, Trivial Pursuit, cards, bingo, etc) or things like Charades/Pictionary? Who is your “best friend?” Why? Republican? Democrat? Independent? Don’t care? Who is your favorite politician? Why? Would you always vote the same as your spouse? Would you like to live in “the country” or in “the city”/suburbs?

12. 13. 14. 15.

16. 17. 18.

19. 20. 21. 22. 23.

24. 25.

26.

27. 28. 29.

In which part of the country do you plan on residing? Close to your parents/family? Are you into fashionable clothes? The newest fad? Do you think you would buy “name brand” foods at the store? Doesn’t matter whichever is cheapest? Do you like pets? Dogs, cats, fish, gerbils, hamsters, snakes, mice, rabbits, monkeys? What kinds of things scare you (spiders, heights, water, etc)? What are you most afraid of in life (failure, going to Hell, being poor, etc)? Do you consider yourself thrifty? Do you save money? Do you buy things when they pop into your head? Do you think it over for a while before buying? What do you think about investing in the stock market? Where do you hope to be in 30 or 40 years? Career wise? Financially? Family wise? Do you read secular magazines/newspapers? Cosmo? Newsweek? Time? Vogue? Do you think that you will read and adhere to the “experts” opinions from child-raising books/parenting magazines? Will you do what you think is best, whether experts say it is or not? Do you typically care what others say about you? What are one or two of the things that you have done in your life that you would change if you could go back in time? Physically speaking, are you happy with the way that you look? What would you want changed? Would you consider yourself a good conversationalist? Are you an outgoing person? Do you enjoy being around others? Do you NEED to be around others? Are you able to focus on one thing and carry it out until it is finished? Do you start things and never finish them?

30. 31. 32. 33.

34. 35. 36. 37.

38. 39.

40.

41.

42.

Catholicism
43. How important is the Catholic Faith to you?

44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52.

What are your views on Traditionalist/Novus Ordo/Charismatic Catholics? Will you have a Catholic nuptial Mass? Is it important to go to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days? Daily Mass? Is it important to “dress up” for Mass? To tithe 10% to the Church? Is going to Confession important? Do you read the Bible? Say the Divine Office? Which Catholic newspapers/magazines/websites are of interest to you? Who should be the spiritual leader of the family? The husband or the wife? Should religious education be left up to CCD/Catholic school or should parents make it a priority at home? What about the Baltimore Catechism? What do you think about Abortion? Euthanasia? In-Vitro Fertilization? Homosexuality? Divorce/Remarriage? Annulments? Pornography? Evolution? Women priests? Is it important to have religious items around the house? To wear scapulars, Miraculous Medals? To say prayers in the car when traveling?

53.

54.

Children
55. 56. How many children do you want to have? Is it important to name children after saints? What are some of your favorite names for children? Do you plan on accepting any/all that God gives you or do you plan on using NFP or contraceptives? Breastfeeding or bottles? Vaccinations or not? Do both husband and wife share equally diaper duties? Giving children baths? Putting them to bed? Should children keep a neat room/playroom? Should they clean up after themselves? Is it important that your children play sports? Which sports? Will your children receive an allowance? Based on their chores? Based on age?

57.

58. 59.

60. 61. 62.

63. 64. 65. 66. 67. 68. 69.

Will your children be homeschooled/public schooled/private schooled? Would you wish one or more of your children to enter priesthood/religious life? Would you want your daughters to be lawyers/doctors/professionals? Would you pick your children’s friends or could they play with anyone? Should children read any or all books? Listen to any or all music? Should children play musical instruments? Which ones? Will you choose their college or let them choose their own? Will you pay for their college education if they choose to go to a college other than the one you chose for them? Would you buy your children’s clothes at a thrift store? Yard sale? Wear hand-medowns? Will your children have to finish their meals before they can leave the table? Will you require them to eat vegetables? Will you give them snacks throughout the day? Or give them simply 3 meals a day? Will you buy them lots of toys for birthdays, Christmas? Will you teach them to believe in Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc.? Will you celebrate their baptismal days, their patron saints feast days?

70.

71. 72. 73. 74.

75.

Discipline
76. 77. What is the role of discipline for children? How important is it? Who should administer discipline? Husband? Wife? Both? Whoever is around at the time the bad deed happens? At what age would you begin? What forms of discipline do you intend to use? Spankings? Time-outs? Talking-tos? Grounding? Sending away from the table? Quiet time? Taking away of things? Should children be allowed to be “children,” or should they be expected to act properly at most times? What about manners? “Please/Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “Yes Sir/Ma’am” “No Sir/Ma’am.” Table Manners?

78.

79.

80.

81. 82. 83. 84. 85.

Do children watch TV/videos? How much? What kind of shows? Would you apologize to your children if you disciplined one of them by mistake? Would you discipline them all for the actions of one? Would you encourage your children to “tattle” on each other? What’s one of the worst “crimes” a child can commit against his parents?

Daily Family Life
86. 87. 88. 89. 90. 91. 92. Who cooks/makes meals? Is dinner time important for the family? Is dinner a microwaved meal/a pizza, or is it home-cooked? Organic? Are family prayers said in the morning and/or night? Daily Rosary? Kneeling down? Who cleans the house? Washes dishes? Takes out the trash? Do both the husband and wife work outside the home? Are you a “health nut?” or are you not too worried about what you eat, how much you exercise, etc? TV in the house? DVDs? Addicted to sports programs? Soap operas? Oprah? What’s your favorite TV show? Would you want to go away on the weekends to friends, relatives, or trips to museums/forests/etc.? Stay at home and relax? Would you want to go out on “dates” with your spouse on a regular basis? Or stay at home watching movies together, or something? Would your house be furnished with new furniture? Brand name furniture? Used furniture? Who would be in charge of the finances? Would you have two separate checking accounts? Credit cards? What about debt? Student loans? Car payments? Mortgage? Would one spouse get an “allowance” or budgeted sum each week/month? Is a financial budget important?

93.

94.

95.

96.

97.

98. 99.

100. 101.

What do you think about plastic surgery when you/your spouse get older? Where would you want to spend Thanksgiving? Christmas? Easter? With your family? Your spouse’s family? By yourselves? Real or fake Christmas tree? Whose traditions?

Obviously, these are only some of the important questions which should be answered prior to getting into a “serious” relationship. You will come up with additional questions which you should write down on the pages following. Keep this pamphlet with you at all times, especially when going on dates. In order to best utilize this method of “perfect partner pairing” described herein, you should avoid going to movies, restaurants, or theme parks on your first two to three dates. Rather, take long walks or nice drives through the country, go on picnics or quiet luncheons in the park. You will be better able to talk with your date and discover what lies beneath. Happy Hunting!

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