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It'sinHerGenes(ButYouCanFixIt)|GirlsChase

Girlfriend Moody? It's in Her Genes (But You Can Fix It)
By Chase Amante

On the new forum join bonus post where I asked for suggestions for the limited-time ebook offered to the rst group of
forum members, a reader weighed in with his preference:

I'dlikesometipsandtricks,andknowledgeaboutlongertermrelationshipsforexample,how
tobringagirloutofthat'brickwall'sulk!Iseemtoattractfieryandmoody,andIwouldliketo
knowhowotherpeopledealwiththis.Nevertoooldtolearn?

While this didn't make it into the ebook in question, I've been trying to get through each of these and tackle the ones
that weren't addressed there on the website here.

If you've been in a relationship that lasted any substantial length of time, you've no doubt encountered what our
commenter here is talking about - that sulky, pouting, dreary moody girlfriend situation.

For men in relationships, there are few things more dispiriting than a girlfriend, moody and sulky, skulking around the
apartment, acting like somebody stole her bag of cookies, and you have absolutely no idea why. It can make you want
to pull your hair out and exclaim, "Out with it already, woman!"

If she'd just TELL YOU what the problem was, by George, then you could address it at least!

Well, if it's any consolation, science is here to tell us we're not crazy, and women really DO do this and feel this a lot
more than men.

And I'm here to tell you what to do about it so she knocks this off and starts acting a little more chipper again.

From the a paper published by a number of researchers from the Swedish Karolinska Institutet in the journal NeuroImage comes "Sex differences in the serotonin
1A receptor and serotonin transporter binding in the human brain measured by PET," discussing neural receptors and transporters in the brain for compounds that
are correlated with moodiness:

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Womenandmendifferinserotoninassociatedpsychiatricconditions,suchasdepression,anxietyandsuicide.Despitethis,very
fewstudiesfocusonsexdifferencesintheserotoninsystem.Ofthebiomarkersintheserotoninsystem,serotonin1A(5
HT1A)receptorisimplicatedindepression,andanxietyandserotonintransporter(5HTT)isatargetfor
selectiveserotoninreuptakeinhibitors,psychotropicdrugsusedinthetreatmentofthesedisorders.Theobjective
ofthepresentstudywastostudysexrelateddifferencesinthe5HT1Areceptorand5HTTbindingpotentials(BPNDs)inhealthy
humans,invivo.Positronemissiontomographyandselectiveradioligands[11C]WAY100635and[11C]MADAMwereusedto
evaluatebindingpotentialsfor5HT1Areceptors(14womenand14men)and5HTT(8womenand10men).Thebinding
potentialswereestimatedbothonthelevelofanatomicalregionsandvoxelwise,derivedbythesimplifiedreferencetissuemodel
andwavelet/Loganplotparametricimagetechniquesrespectively.

Comparedtomen,womenhadsignificantlyhigher5HT1Areceptorandlower5HTTbindingpotentialsina
widearrayofcorticalandsubcorticalbrainregions.Inwomen,therewasapositivecorrelationbetween5HT1Areceptor
and5HTTbindingpotentialsfortheregionofhippocampus.Sexdifferencesin5HT1Areceptorand5HTTBPNDmayreflect
biologicaldistinctionsintheserotoninsystemcontributingtosexdifferencesintheprevalenceofpsychiatricdisorderssuchas
depressionandanxiety.Theresultofthepresentstudymayhelpinunderstandingsexdifferencesindrugtreatmentresponsesto
drugsaffectingtheserotoninsystem.

I've bolded the important parts.

What this research is saying is that two aspects of brain makeup were studied in male and female brains:

A receptor that's tied to depression, and

A transporter used to combat anxiety and regulate serotonin

The researchers found that, compared to men, women had:

More of the receptors linked to depression (which would imply a higher tendency toward becoming depressed), and

Less ability to bind the transporters combatting anxiety and regulating serotonin

What this essentially stands as is some evidence that women are biologically more prone to depression and anxiety, and more resistant to the compounds used to
break them out of these mental states.

In other words, women are naturally more likely to be moody, and naturally more likely to have difculty breaking out of these moody conditions.

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO MOOD SWING


There are men reading this site who are all over the map, emotionally. One guy reading this article may be thinking to himself, "Sure - I know exactly what this is
like... I'm moody all the time!" while another man is probably reading this and thinking, "I REALLY don't get how you can have moods wildly swinging around and
plunging you into depression and then swinging back out again... women, geez!"

So, here's a brief picture of what it's like for your moody girlfriend when she gets hit with a mood swing.

Imagine it's a normal day - the sun is out, the birds are chirping, and you're going about your normal daily routine. You feel just ne -
maybe even a little upbeat.

Then, a thought pops into your mind - you remember that time your boyfriend came home really late one night and smelled a little like
perfume and you were never 100% certain if he was telling you the truth or not that he was at a work meeting and one of the
coworkers spritzed her perfume on right next to him at one point and some splashed over on him.
You start thinking about it... was he cheating? You don't really know. You think about it some more... well, he's always been really
honest. But then again, that issue of Cosmopolitan you just read said that that's one of the signs you should keep an eye out for - your
guy smelling like another woman.
Oh man... should you break up with him? Or not? What should you do?
Suddenly, you start feeling really down... really helpless. You could confront him about it again, but he'll probably just get annoyed.
What if he's telling the truth? Then you'll just be bugging him and look really insecure. But what if he's hiding something? You're never
going to know if you don't confront him over it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, you've just become moody, cranky, and depressed. When people come up to talk to you, you don't really want to talk to them. And when
he calls later... ugh. Do you REALLY want to talk to him? Well...

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And then he gets all whiney about it. "What's wrong?" he asks. Ugh. Clueless. He should KNOW what it is... how could he come back smelling like perfume like that
6 months ago? Horrible man.

Then, later, when you meet up with him, he drags it out of you what you're being sulky about, addresses it, and suddenly you feel great again. How silly you were to
waste the whole day worrying about this! I mean geez, you already went through all this 6 months ago... you trusted him then, you should trust him now.

And, just like that, everything's right as rain all over again.

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IS THIS SOME KIND OF TEMPORARY INSANITY?
Actually, it's a product of rumination.

Rumination is something we looked at in the article on how to overcome depression. It's the obsessive thinking about, turning over and over in one's mind of, and
xating on something or somethings that you can't do anything about and can't think your way to a satisfactory solution with.

Basically, it's a bear trap for your mind.

You get your foot stuck in rumination, and now you're going nowhere fast. You're trapped in this endless, fatalistic cycle of doom in which you just think and think
and think about something and can never achieve any kind of resolution.

It's enough to drive you mad.

If you've never spent time being depressed, or moody, or fatalistic, you're both blessed (not to have experienced these undermining, self-defeating emotions) and
somewhat disadvantaged in this arena (because you'll have an innitely more difcult time understanding and dealing with these emotions in others - particularly,
the women in your life).

One of the major benets of spending time being depressed yourself is the ability to properly empathize with others going through similar mental states, and the
ability of getting a good read on how to wrest them out of those states.

But let's assume relating to this kind of mental prison of defeat doesn't come all that naturally to you... or, even if it does, guring out how to combat moodiness
has you totally licked.

How do you crack this nut?

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The rst thing you want to understand is that there are three distinct avors of moody girlfriend that show up with different causes and characteristics. These are:

1. Extra Melodrama: these are the girls who are acting moody and pouty because they want to get a reaction out of you. They aren't really feeling all that
bad... they are, rather, exaggerating their symptoms of moodiness in order to get you to take notice and come rushing and white knighting your way to the
rescue.

2. Genuine Distress: women in this state are genuinely upset about something, and they aren't exaggerating it (or, if they are, it's just a little bit). They may
be looking for help from you, but they may just as likely simply be feeling down and not really care about trying to seem "up" or cheerful for your (or anyone's)
benet.

3. End of Her Rope: this is the girl who's so over it with you that she's miffed at you all the time and there isn't anything you ever seem to be able to do about
it. She's essentially talking herself out of her relationship with you, and not so long from now you're more likely to be getting over your ex than you are to be
trying to gure out why she's spending so much time being so sulky.

As you might surmise, each of these women needs something different, and that's where a lot of guys end up confused.

They gure out one of these, only to nd it doesn't apply across them all.

So, let's take a look at how you recognize a girlfriend moody with each of these types of moods, and give you a strategy for handling each one.

MOODY GIRLFRIEND #1: EXTRA MELODRAMA


You can recognize a girl who's bandying about extra melodrama by the following dramatic ares:

There are frequent loud noises, bangs, crashes, outbursts, sighs, or other dramatic displays designed to capture your attention. Women who are actually
just moody and not seeking attention don't cause a lot of commotion... they just sit quietly by and sulk.

There are loud accusations and lots of nger-pointing. Again, this is designed to draw a reaction out of you, and to bring matters to a head.

If the above two fail to get your attention, they are usually followed by declarations of what she will do (like break up, or hang out with some other guy, or
start calling her girlfriend for a girl's night out). This is also designed to spur you into action and kick start the normal man's, "What's wrong, honey?!" panic
mode.

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The rst thing you should recognize about extra melodrama moodiness is that it's exaggerated and a conscious ploy to a certain extent, designed to produce a
reaction out of you, and that ALL women do it, and that ALL women know they do it.

The second thing you should recognize about it is that, annoying and contrived as it may be, it is built around some kind of point of contention or some bad
emotion that she needs resolved, although it's typically not anything too bad, and a little emotional comforting will usually do the trick.

So, your thoughts on extra melodrama girlfriend moodiness normally ought to be:

"Blech... this is so annoying and contrived. It's childish," and

"All right, let's gure out what's driving this and get it resolved."

Your reaction should not be the panicky normal man's, "Oh no, what IS it?," said as if the world was about to implode. This kind of reaction just drives women even
crazier.

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Rather, you're best served adopting the irritated-but-stern tone of a father whose reading of the daily newspaper has been interrupted by dramatic attention-
getting displays of children in faux-crisis.

You: Are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you just going to run around sighing and acting like you're going to go jump off
a bridge?

Asking her something like this is usually all it takes to get her to open up.

If she resists, you persist. Like so:

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You: Are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you just going to run around sighing and acting like you're going to go jump off
a bridge?
Her: No, it's ne. It's nothing. [she wants you to chase after her and say, "What?"]
You: Just tell me why you're banging pots and shutting doors loudly already.

Her: I'm ne.


You: Look, either tell me what all the dramatic displays are about, or knock it off. I can't read your mind; 5 minutes ago you were
happy. Are you going to cut this out, or are you going to tell me what this is?

Usually at this point she'll simply tell you what she's unhappy about. Half the time it's going to be something (often somewhat silly) to do with you; the rest of the
time, it'll be something else in her life that she simply needs to vent about, but didn't feel comfortable bothering you with (she needed an invitation to do so, and for
you to chase her down and squeeze it out of her).

Why do women do this? Why not just bring up the problem and be done with it?

It's done because they want to feel like you care about them enough that you will recognize when they're in distress and can comfort them and make them feel
better. Which is why this so often works; most of the time, the very effort by you to make them tell you what's on their mind and showing enough concern at least
to listen is all women need to feel better again.

Reassured that someone does care, they can resume normal activities, without all the dramatic displays.

However, it's always better to be rm here (like in the examples above), rather than the panicky, clueless male, "What's wrong, honey??," as this is not comforting so
much as it is disappointing (e.g., "Oh GOD, he doesn't get and he isn't in control").

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Instead, when you tell her to knock it off or tell her what's on her mind and point out to her the things she is doing (e.g., banging pots, shutting doors loudly, she
was happy 5 minutes ago, as in the example above), she feels like you are paying attention to her, and thus get her and care.

MOODY GIRLFRIEND #2: GENUINE DISTRESS


When you have a girlfriend whose moodiness is genuine distress, you cannot take the same "stern father-gure" tone you want to take with a girlfriend whos
causing extra melodrama. Her moodiness is not exaggerated... it's real. Here are the signs:

She's very quiet. Rather than going storming around banging about and causing a lot of noise and bluster, she's off somewhere you don't know where, sitting
by herself, sulking. Correspondence-wise, she isn't the same as usual either; her text messages or phone conversations will be less lively, or may stop
coming altogether.

She softly and sadly says, "Nothing," or, "I'm ne," when you ask her what's wrong. She isn't making a big show of things like a girlfriend with extra
melodrama does, and she isn't dripping with vitriol and disgust like a girlfriend at the end of her rope is. She's just sad, soft, and retreating.

Genuine distress is caused by something in her life that has genuinely distressed her. The two of you may have had an argument where you said something
genuinely hurtful. Or someone at work or one of her friends may have been especially mean, and caused her to doubt whether she's doing what she supposed to
be doing with her life. Or, a family member may be ill.

Don't always assume that genuine distress is about you. Much of the time, it isn't.

How do you deal with this kind of moodiness?

Go to where she is,


Sit down next to her,
Put your arm around her,
... and just be with her there.

Sit that way for a few minutes. If she wants to talk, you can talk to her, but if she doesn't, no need to force it. You're simply reassuring her with your strength and
presence that things are not as bad as they seemed.

If it's in reaction to something mean or hurtful you did, then this is one of those few times (as noted in "Should You Apologize to Women?") when you should
apologize. e.g.:

You: I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've been super stressed with the new project I'm on, and not getting a lot of sleep. It wasn't you I was
mad at... you just were unlucky enough to trigger all those emotions in me to come bursting forth. Sorry about that.

If it's not in reaction to something you've just done though, you can skip saying anything.

After a few minutes of comforting, rub her arms and get back up. Make her a nice offer: "I'm going to go put a pizza on. Do you want a mozzarella or a tonno?"

If she says she doesn't want anything, pick whichever one she usually likes best: "I'll put on a tonno," and then go do it. When it's ready, let her know. If she says she
doesn't want it, just say, "Okay, well, it's out here and it's delicious. If you want it, you'd better come join me soon, because I'm going to eat all of it and you know I
will."

That will usually be enough to get her to come out and join you, and at that point she'll be feeling much, much better.

MOODY GIRLFRIEND #3: END OF HER ROPE

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If you are fortunate, you may never have to run into this one.

However, if you're like the average Western male these days and you don't much know what you really want out of relationships as an end-goal (we discussed this
in-depth in "How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend" the other day), you will encounter this... and it ain't pretty.

Here's what differentiates a girlfriend moody to the point she's at the end of her rope from the other sorts of moody girlfriends:

She isn't just upset... she's disgusted, all the time. She's angry and disgusted with you, and you're frequently elding scowls and grimaces rather than smiles
and happy faces.

She avoids you, and is spending less and less time with you. In other words, she's withdrawing from the relationship.

She's terse with you, and treats you more like a prison warden than a romantic partner. You feel like she views you as bad person who's restricting and
constraining her and preventing her from being happy.

This is a bad place to be, and it immediately precedes a breakup event.

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My typical recommendation is, once you reach this point with a girlfriend, it's time to break up with her, because the relationship has spoiled and got rotten.

So that you can understand and interpret what this is and what's going on with it though, I'll explain it: she's reached a point where she feels that she cannot get
what she wants and needs with you and this relationship, but you also won't easily let her go and set her free.

She's ghting with herself over whether to remain in a relationship she's grown unhappy with, or whether to leave and start anew somewhere else. Of course, it's a
tough decision to make because she's so invested by this point.

What are your options to x this? Well, they're pretty much this:

1. You can give her what she wants and needs, or

2. You can let her go.

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Those are your two xes, and your only two xes.

When I was younger and less experienced in the ways of women and relationship, I thought that it was possible to simply stretch things out, or provide solutions
for these kinds of issues like joint self-expansion. And, while joint self-expansion is great for maintaining a solid relationship, it's a poor panacea for unmet needs.

You can bandage a relationship by "tricking" a woman into thinking there's some progress in it, but at some point she's going to realize that that's what it was - a
trick to make her feel like it was going somewhere.

And it isn't.

Not to anywhere she wants it to get to, anyway.

My view these days is that a man who tries hanging onto a woman who's unsatised in their relationship without giving her what she needs is selsh, no two
ways about it.

Do you really care about her?

Then decide if you can give her what she needs (and you should know by the time she reaches this point what she needs... she will have brought it up many times
before while in extra melodrama moody or genuine distress moody). If so, give it to her. If not, let her go.

Word of warning: it's my personal experience that once a relationship reaches this point, it's permanently damaged. Even if you give her what she wants and needs,
it's a bit of a case of too little, too late. It's like waiting to drive between the lines on the highway until after you hit another car. Sure, now you probably won't hit
anything else, but you've got a big ugly dent in the side of your Honda and it's always going to pull a little to the left side. If you're going to give her what she needs,
do it before she reaches this point; and if she ever reaches this point, end things so you can both start over fresh with partners you don't have this baggage with.

BEING MR. SUNSHINE

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You don't have to be a happy-go-lucky, boundless-enthusiasm guy to make women feel better when they're feeling down. No need to put on your rainbow colored
wig and Bozo nose. Some rmness, care, and genuine concern (without coming across weak, clueless, or sappy, mind you) is usually all it takes.

If you feel annoyed that your woman is acting moody, keep in mind that she's biologically prone to this, and she isn't enjoying it anymore than you are... it's just a
part of being a woman.

However, with this article, you have the tools to x it: quickly, easily, and without much fanfare or expenditure of effort (at least, for the non-nuclear two scenarios,
that is).

White knights, eat your hearts out.

Before you click away from here, I'd also recommend you check out the following articles on some very related subjects... if you haven't read them already, of
course:

Women and Drama

End Relationship Drama with These 2 Rules

So, stay calm, be rm, and let her know you're listening.

And usually, that's all it really takes.

Until next time,


Chase Amante

About the Author: Chase Amante


Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could nd, studied every teacher he could
meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to gure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of
failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery
Package.

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