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Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are

scientifically proven to be bad for people's health.


Do you agree or disagree?

Nutritional diseases such as diabetes and obesity have long been a popular concern. Therefore,
some people think that junk food or drinks which have adverse effects on human health should
be banned. While I agree banning fast food and soft drinks is valid to some extent, I believe that
it is unnecessary to forbidden these kinds of products. Commented [M1]: Suggest a more native way: I do not
think that it is necessary to .

On the one hand, there are considerable benefits to ban junk food and fizzy drinks. Firstly, it
definitely can reduce obesity and improve health among people. In fact, fast food and soft drinks
have long been deemed major contributors to obesity and other medical problems as they are
typically high in calories and sugar. Once these products are banned, junk-food consumers
cannot make their regular choice and choose such as natural, organic food that alternatives to Commented [M2]: Ambiguous sentence structure =>
cannot make .; as a result, they choose
unhealthy food. For example, people will have a cup of lemon juice instead of a coke that
Commented [M3]: Alternative is a noun, not a verb =>
actually boosts their immunity owing to its high amount of Vitamin C. Correct: as alternatives

On the other hand, there are potential drawbacks related to the government and individual. First Commented [M4]: Write the topic sentence clearer.
Suggest: On the other hand, banning unhealthy food is not
and foremost, if all the fast food chains and fizzy drink factories around the world were banned, necessary considering its potential drawbacks to the
government and individuals.
millions of their employees would be unemployed. Consequently, high unemployment rate leads
Commented [M5]: Plural: individuals/ citizens
to higher payments for unemployment benefits while the federal budget is limited and the
government already has more important issues to deal with such as education, healthcare and
infrastructure that are vital for a country to function properly. Furthermore, banning fast food and
soft drinks would limit consumers options. For instance, many people opt for fast food instead
of cooking meals to save time for work. It would be difficult for them to seek another alternative Commented [M6]: The connection between the idea and
the example is not strong.
to their daily meals which is as time-saving as fast food.

In conclusion, it is unnecessary to ban shops from selling unhealthy foods and drinks due to
potential problems regarding the financial loss of the government and the benefit of individuals. Commented [M7]: Unclear. You should state directly or
something similar to I partly agree.

Grade

Task Response 6.0 - sufficiently addresses all parts of the task


- presents a well-developed response to the question with
relevant, extended and supported ideas. But sometimes examples
are not fully explained.

Cohesion and 7.0 - logically organizes information and ideas; there is clear
Coherence progression throughout.

- the central topic for body paragraph 2 and the conclusion is not
clear enough to answer the question of this task.

- uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately

Vocabulary 7.0 - uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey
precise meanings although there may be some over-use.
- uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional
inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
- produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

Grammar 7.0 - uses a variety of complex structures

- produces frequent error-free sentences

- has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a


few ambiguous sentences.

Overall 7.0 Bi vit ca bn tng i tt. Tuy nhin nn cn ch mt vi li


v word form v s dng linking words v t vng theo ch
phong ph hn bi vit tng band. Bn cnh , ch m rng
gii thch v d sao cho khp vi m mnh ang gii thch. Cn xem
li b cc v dng nu bn chn partly agree. Mnh khuyn bn
chn 1 trong 2 pha bi vit cht ch hn.