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A Commonsense

Guide
to
Personal Effectiveness
By

Dilip G. Saraf
Career & Life Coach
Career Transitions Unlimited
www.DilipSaraf.com

Rev-3: 2009/08/17
Preface

This short guide to personal effectiveness stemmed from my own experiences with nearly 4,000
clients globally with whom I have worked during my latest career reincarnation—my fifth.
Although most of these engagements have been for career coaching, many extended their scope
by integrating life coaching as well, which gave me additional insights about how to approach
this topic with some perspective. Each nugget that is in this book came from some insight
resulting from actual behaviors (or misbehaviors).

Therefore, I have codified here what behaviors will help you improve your effectiveness in your
life as you navigate through your daily challenges in your career, your personal and business
dealings with others, and in getting what you seek to achieve. There is nothing magical about this
list of To-does as well as NOT to-does! They came out of how I found people working with me
or how they otherwise should behave that enables to get them what they were looking for
without putting in extra effort in what they are looking for. If you understand this list, the
thinking behind it, and practice it consciously enough to make each one a habit, I can assure you
that you’ll increase your personal effectiveness greatly.

Although I cannot claim originality for any of the numbered statements in this Guide, most are
derived from the realizations or even epiphanies I had after dealing with challenging situations
myself. Any quotation which is timeless or universal is verbatim, with the author’s name next to
it. All such quotations are in italics.

To make it easier for the reader to look-up the desired behaviors I have made broad categories of
areas in which these behaviors can be practiced. Of course, there are books and many
publications written on each topic, with experts going on and on about their reasons and their
explanations. I have not mentioned the “whys,” but just the “whats” in each category. If you
have trouble relating to the “whys,” I suggest reading some authoritative books on the topic and
others.

As always, I am grateful to my beloved wife, Mary Lou, and our supportive son, Rajesh, for their
help and insights through this project.

Happy reading!

Dilip Saraf

Silicon Valley, CA
August 15, 2009

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 2


Table of Contents

1. Managing your life

2. Managing you career

3. Developing and Nurturing Relationships

4. Social Events

5. Job Interviews

6. Telephones

7. eMails

8. Social Networks

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 3


1. Managing Your Life

Suffering is not ennobling, recovery is! —Dr. Christian Bernard

1. No matter how bad your own situation is keep a happy face and show that you are
empowered. Playing a victim or moping in martyrdom merely delays your recovery.
Also, you attract more people afflicted with this and start taking comfort in the growing
circle of “friends,” who share this malady!
2. Be a master, not a martyr; be a victor, not a victim!
3. Look and act powerful and surround yourself with positive and empowered people. This
is especially true when you are out of work and looking or when you are not doing well
in your career or business. Do not wallow in events that attract others facing a similar
plight—the schadenfreude club.”
4. Have a clear vision of what you want to achieve near-term and long-term. Paint vivid
pictures in your mind of this vision and imagine yourself realizing vision. The human
brain cannot distinguish between the reality and an imagined reality.
5. If you seem to be fighting the same torrent of forces that constantly defeat you, try
surrendering to them and see if you get a different perspective and energy to charge
ahead in a different direction.
6. When things are in a downward spiral we often get paralyzed by all the things that we
should be doing that we simply cannot—you can do only one thing at time— paralyzing
us. Focus on the few that you can manage and do only one thing well until it is done or it
is time to take a break.
7. No one makes you feel inferior without your consent!—Eleanor Roosevelt
8. Always take responsibilities for your own actions.
9. No matter how bad things are for you, find someone to help and feel empowered.
10. Do not let your temporary situation embitter you. Learn the lessons from each adversity
and discover yourself.
11. Do not delude yourself by convincing that adversity will make you tougher! It does not. It
merely lets you discover your own strengths.
12. In tough times, do not take out your wrath on those around you and those who love you.
Take the time to show your appreciation for their love and caring despite your plight.
Keep the vision that this, too, shall pass and soon and actively work on making things
better.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 4


13. Stay sober and deal with the adversity with all your faculties. Drowning yourself in
substance abuse only makes things worse and you alienate those around you who can
help you.
14. If you don’t know where you are headed any place you land will look strange and those
already there will look at you askance!
15. If your misdeed gets exposed, lying to escape it will merely compound your future plight;
admitting the truth will let you put it behind you.
16. When you commit yourself to a purpose that is aligned with your calling (your dharma)
help will come your way in the most mysterious and surprising ways. This is how you
validate that you are on the right Path.
17. When your beliefs, thoughts, actions, and resources are in full alignment you present the
most authentic part of yourself to everyone else.
18. The difference in measured performance between the winners and the also-rans is often
negligible; but the difference in their respective applied efforts is often immeasurable.
19. If you want someone to do something for you always find a way to ask it so that they see
themselves benefiting from it.
20. Provide unstinting help only to those who reciprocate, either through their unabashed
appreciation of what you do (or have done) or through giving back the specific help you
need to keep your life going with the same quality and care as you do giving help to
them. Avoid helping those who are merely using you to further their own agenda.
21. Leverage your time by getting specific help in return from those whom you have helped.
You can also further your reach by stopping to help those who are merely exploiting you.
22. Get an electronic butler (www.timesvr.com or www.elance.com) to help you with routine
tasks and use the freed time to do the work that only you can do.
23. Most people often give up what they are pursuing when they have completed 99% of they
set out to do. The remainder makes the difference between mediocrity and excellence.
24. Martyrdom is the handrail of mediocre people. Victimhood is the badge of those who
cannot empower themselves.
25. Its giving up on something that makes a failure complete!
26. Before taking a shortcut (an expedient) make sure that you know that it is only a matter
of time before it comes back to bite you.
27. We pick our joys and sorrows long before we experience them—Ommar Khayyam
28. Spend at least 10 minutes each day doing absolutely nothing.
29. If you believe in the power of meditation and prayer, by all means spend time doing
these. But, do not let these by your proxies to diligent and planned work to achieve your
goals.
30. When you feel stuck (career, life, finances, relationships) seek professional advice.
Handling such matters by trial and error is never effective. Reputable professionals do

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 5


this for a living and it is worth their fees if you’re ready for it and are able to follow their
advice.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 6


2. Managing Your Career

The secret to success is to keep on plodding and to keep the passions fresh! —Anonymous

1. A successful career is steeped in the right alignment between what you love to do, your
gifts, and getting—and going after—the right opportunities.
2. Most people underestimate their value and overestimate their worth. Before you niggle
over a one percent bigger raise with your boss, make sure that you have thought about
how you could be creating far greater value in a very different environment.
3. Remember that nearly 80% of the managers are dysfunctional in some ways, some more
than the others. This dysfunction ranges from sheer incompetence to knowing how to
keep their boss happy at the expense of keeping their direct reports happy. So, if you are
fed up with your boss, your odds are 5:1 that you will find a good manager in your next
job.
4. Partner with your boss to forge a good relationship and complement them in how you
bring about value to their own way of doing it. This way you’ll make yourself
indispensable to your boss; a good thing!
5. Before you take on a task or are assigned to it make an assessment of if it is a Résumé
Thriller, Résumé Filler, or a Résumés Killer. Avoid Killer assignments at all costs.
6. Each year see how your résumé is shaping up for your next move and make place for
bullets that will showcase the experience you’ll need to claim the next job.
7. Do not rely on merely taking orders from higher-ups to do what needs to be done.
Identify juicy opportunities—they abound in any organization—and evaluate how good
the boss will look to their bosses if you helped with it. Then get it assigned.
8. Remember that the correlation between IQ and academic grades is nearly 95%. The
correlation between corporate success and IQ is about 20%. Emotional Intelligence (EQ),
Political Intelligence (PQ), Cultural Intelligence (CQ) and Contextual Intelligence (XQ)
contribute about equally to this success. All four can be learned and are called nurtured
skills; IQ is their nature’s counterpart
9. Learn how to complete a task—your commitment—on time and well even if you do not
agree with the value of that task. Once you accept a task you must do your best to deliver
it.
10. If you cannot keep your commitment notify those who are depending on it as soon as you
know about it. Do not wait until after the deadline to announce why it could not be done.
11. If you do not know something, ask. Do not assume!
12. Act and look powerful; people will think that you are important!

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 7


13. Jelly fish is the only example in our animal kingdom of something that does not move on
its own, but merely floats in the water, waiting for its food to come to it and for the
surrounding currents to move it. When managing your career, don’t be a jelly fish; be a
shark!
14. When negotiating your title and salary focus on your responsibilities and on the value you
create respectively, instead. Let the title and salary fall out of that equation; it is
irrefutable!
15. Proactively manage your résumé by writing your bulleted accomplishments in advance of
completing an important task. Then make sure that you achieve the outcomes you have
already written.
16. No matter how clever you are in concealing your real agenda you’ll be exposed sooner
than you think.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 8


3. Developing and Nurturing Relationships

You can destroy a decade-long relationship with a single act of betrayal in one second.
—Warren Buffet

1. Individual relationships are like a network; as long as you keep giving to it, you’ll get
something in return. How much you get back depends on the purity of your “giving.”
How soon you get something in return depends on how you have built that relationship.
2. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Once that trust is in place things move without
delay between those involved. Remember, life moves at the speed of trust.
3. Constancy is the key ingredient that defines a relationship. If you want to build a great
relationship, stand for something and deliver it, always.
4. If you do not have any enemies, it’s because you do not have any character.—Paul
Newman
5. In a relationship make sure that your thought, intent, and actions are aligned. Any
misalignment in any one factor will make you less than authentic.
6. Do not confuse a transactional relationship with a meaningful relationship that goes
beyond that transaction. Even if you make a thousand transactions it is still a mercenary
relationship.
7. Do not try to change a person. Enjoy who they are and be yourself in return.
8. If you think that you will like a person better in your relationship with them, if they
changed something about their nature, do not expect that you will be able to do that to
serve your own selfish needs.
9. Be the change you wish see in the world.—Gandhi
10. If you want to make someone’s day pay them a genuine and spontaneous compliment.
11. For relationships to grow it takes personal and emotional investment of time and energy.
Do not expect to get anything back without making this investment first.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 9


4. Social Events/Networking Events

Your reach should be greater than your grasp—Ralph Waldo Emerson

1. Assess the context of the event and make sure that you present yourself appropriately.
2. If you are not sure what the event is about, find out who is hosting it and why.
3. Dress appropriately for the event. If you realize that you have made a mistake in how
you are dressed, do not draw attention to yourself by mentioning how you are
dressed; others can see it! Try acting nonchalant.
4. If the event is hosted by someone at their home, make sure to take some appropriate
gift.
5. Make sure to send a thank-you note to the host/hostess after the event mentioning
something special about the event that affected you.
6. Stay positive throughout the event; do not say anything negative about anything or
anybody, even if you run into a clique and want to be included in it to make yourself
part of that clique. In such a case walk away and find another upbeat group.
7. During a business or networking event exchange your business card only after some
introduction and conversation. Do not foist your business card into the hands of
others just to collect a number of business cards. Ask yourself, Will this person accept
my LinkedIn invitation (see Chapter 8)?
8. When meeting a senior or well-known person, do not foist your credit card unless
asked and then ask for theirs. It is impolite to ask for their card unless the situation
works out in that direction.
9. Make sure that you separate your company business from your personal business and
use the appropriate card in such events. Have a clear connection strategy before just
casually handing out your card.
10. Do not hand out business cards where your card is free, as is obvious from the legend
on the card from the company making these free promotional cards (“Business cards
are always free at www.xxx.com “). It signals that your identity is not even worth a
few dollars for you to invest in a professional business image. It also signals that you
are promoting this company on your own time to save a minuscule amount.
11. When someone gives you their business card observe what is says and comment on
the message, design, or anything that is worth a notice, before putting it away.
12. After the event send some personal emails to those whom you met and with whom
you exchanged cards. If you wish to invite them to join your social network this is a

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 10


good time to bring it up and to say that you would be sending a separate invitation for
them to join.
13. Do not follow-up with those who do not respond to your emails (#13)
14. Do not go to a social or professional event without packing your business card case.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 11


5. Job Interviews

In an interview the person doing the talking is doing the selling and the person asking the
questions is in charge of the interview—Dilip Saraf

The following checklist will help you with the process where it is a 1:1 interview:
1. Once you enter the interview room, take charge.
2. Get the name(s) of those interviewing you before you settle down and take their
cards after giving them yours. Get the logistics clarified before settling down.
3. Let the host launch the formal part of the interview. For you to get into the
questioning mode, ask a question in response to theirs at the end of your response.
4. Look at your host and smile. Breathe easy. Relax. These three Ts can destroy an
interview: Tension, Terror, and Timidity.
5. There are three Cs of interview success: Chemistry, Compatibility, and Competency.
The time it takes to establish each of these credentials increases in the same sequence
as the one in which they appear here.
6. Watch the body language carefully. Learn how to confidently interpret body
language.
7. A good interview is a 50:50 exchange of conversation.
8. Never provide a solution to a problem that the interviewer does not know even exists
or owns!
9. Do not argue with your interviewer.
10. Do NOT ask how the interview went.
11. At the end, once again thank the interviewer for the time.
12. Ask for the next steps and take charge of the follow-up process.
After the Interview
1. Send a Thank-you email to the person who interviewed you. Expand on any points that
need to be re-iterated.
2. Do not keep contacting the company or your interviewer to see where things are unless
asked.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 12


6. Telephones

In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find
themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists.—Eric Hoffer

1. Record a personal greeting on your phone if you have voice mail. Replace the canned
robotic greeting announcing just your phone number with a personal, but appropriately
professional greeting. Not doing so indicates that you are too lazy to take a few minutes
to assure that the caller has reached the right person in case your voice mail kicks in.
Nearly 10% of the calls are misdials and transposed numbers.
2. Avoid doing interviews and making important calls on cell (mobile) phones. If must use a
cell phone make sure that you have enough signal and battery strength to have an
uninterrupted conversation. That is why the cell phones have bars on the screen.
3. If a call drops in the middle of a conversation, the original caller must call back. The
called party must hang-up to make this possible.
4. Have a standard line phone (no cordless phones) in home or office for important calls.
Cordless phones can get interference and are prone to blackouts on power failure.
5. If you are having an important conversation do not multi-task (doing emails, watching
TV). It is not difficult for the other person to detect this no matter how clever you think
you are.
6. When leaving voice mails repeat your telephone number TWICE. Once at the start of the
message and once at the end. Announce slowly the numbers. Often, when calling from
cell phones some digits can be dropped and your chances increase when you repeat your
number twice. Also, too, about 10% of the people are dyslexic. Repeating your number is
always a time saver on both sides.
7. No matter how well the person knows you must ALWAYS leave your callback numbers.
Often, people retrieve voice mails remotely and may not always have access to the phone
list.
8. Do not leave long (more than 15 seconds) voice mails. Summarize your message and
leave enough intrigue to assure a call back.
9. Do NOT leave angry or upset voice mails. You may leave an urgent message and unleash
your wrath when the person calls back.
10. If you are in a different time zone from the other party, make sure that your voice mail or
telephone number conveys that.
11. When leaving a voice mail, speak clearly and distinctly with your mouth close the
mouthpiece.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 13


12. Always identify yourself completely, not just with your first name or nickname. It takes a
few seconds for the called person to get oriented and the time it takes to speak your full
name provides that.
13. Do not slam your phone when finished, regardless of how upsetting the conversation was.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 14


7. eMails

We aim above the mark to hit the mark.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

1. For all non-personal emails have your complete name and contact information at the
bottom of your email as a template.
2. It is often easier for the recipient to respond to your email by just picking up a phone
and calling you in some cases. Having a telephone number with your complete name
at the bottom can make this possible.
3. Having your email address in the signature also helps in case your message is
forwarded to someone by the recipient without the original header. This way the new
recipient can respond to you directly.
4. Having your telephone number as permanent part of your signature in all outgoing
emails also avoids the possibility of transposing telephone numbers otherwise written.
Remember, about 10% of the people are dyslexic or transpose numbers when in a
hurry.
5. Keep your signature line simple and clutter-free. With mobile phones short messages
are the norm and signature template must be consistent with that format.
6. Do not blindly REPLY ALL without a careful review.
7. Do not send flaming (angry) emails
8. Do not SHOUT
9. If you must respond to an angry email try calling the person first. Other way is to wait
overnight before sending your response to such messages.
10. Read before your SEND any email.
11. For long emails keep paragraphs short
12. Choose appropriate Subject Headers
13. If a new or different subject is initiated do not use an email with the old subject line
just to be able to Reply and avoid typing the person’s address. This shows that you’re
lazy; it can also confuse the reader(s).
14. For long emails and where action is required from the reader(s) summarize the
actions required at the top in a numbered sequence to make it easy to get what you
want.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 15


15. When responding to long emails insert your responses below each paragraph or
question from the sender.
16. Avoid abbreviations, no matter how familiar they may seem to you. Often, they can
be misinterpreted or confused.
17. If response to an email will be delayed because you must do some work prior to
responding, acknowledge the original email to the sender with a response date.
18. Avoid sending invidious, cryptic, or moody messages. Instead of responding,
“Unacceptable, Redo entire report,” say, “This report needs to be revised to
incorporate our latest guidelines.”
19. Avoid sending emails when you are intoxicated, under the influence, or tired.
20. Do not say anything in any email to anyone that you do not mind being displayed on
national television. If you are still tempted, use an oral message, in-person or by
phone.
21. Do not use company emails for personal exchanges.
22. Don’t text while driving.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 16


8. Social Networks

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
—Charlotte Bronte

1. Social Networks are a great resource to build your relationships, both socially and
professionally. Keep your personal information on these networks bound by your
sense of privacy and propriety.
2. When inviting others to your network, especially on LinkedIn, make sure that the
other person knows who you are and how you are connected with them. Merely
saying, I’d like to invite you to join my network, is not enough reason for joining.
3. If you met someone important or someone you felt worthy of being in your network,
make sure that your message is worded appropriately for them to accept your
invitation. Merely saying, I met you yesterday, please join my LinkedIn network may
not work.
4. When someone in your network asks for an introduction to someone within your
network or to someone a few degrees away act on it with alacrity. If you cannot they
do not belong in your network.
5. If you promised someone a Recommendation, provide it with alacrity. Do not let that
person make you continue to beg for one!
6. When writing a Recommendation for someone, make sure that it is specific and is
something of value to the person receiving it.
7. Do not post anything on any social sites that you do not want displayed on national
television.
8. If someone in your network needs to correct their profile or the language that
describes it please tell that person what that is without delay.
9. Refresh your Profile every six months or whenever there is change in your status.
Update your write-up as frequently as is appropriate to keep it fresh and current.
10. Ask your close friends to provide you objective feedback on your Profile.

©2009; Dilip G. Saraf; (510) 791-7005; www.Dilipsaraf.com 17


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