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Door to Door 78

Steve Altens Domain was reviewed by ScribesWorld.com4/12 stars-- (see p. 12) &
Internet Bookwatch (p. 6).
AEI deal closed: with McGraw-Hill for Gary Buffone's The Myth of Tomorrow, to appear
in Spring 2002.
AEI deal closed: with Forge, 2 April Christofferson thrillers (1st: Moratorium). Aprils
Patent to Kill appears from Forge; see p. 8).
AEI deal closed: for Russian rights to Lois Gilberts Without Mercy has been sold to
Toymania LLC for publication in February, 2002.
Gary & Joy Lundbergs Married for Better, Not Worse appears from Viking (p. 16).
Kim & Alison McMillens When I Loved Myself Enough appears from SMP (see. P. 10).
AEI deal closed: with Mira, for 2 Shirley Palmer thrillers (The Danger Zone, The Trade).
AEI has made a co-production deal with Laurence Mark for Danger.
Booklist (2/15/2001) called James Michael Pratt's Ticket Home, "another heartrending
tale of loss, love, and redemption from a master of moral fiction" (see p. 6).
AEI deal closed: for 3 novels by John Scott Shepherd, Henrys List of Wrongs, Eulogy for
Joseph Way, and Layover, with Rugged Land; mid-six figures. Hardcover publication of
Henrys in April, 2002. Shepherd will script Julia Roberts/Adam Sandlers new movie.
Stephen Herek will direct John Scott Shepherds Henrys List of Wrongs (see p. 4).
Photography completed on Life, or Something Like It (Angelina Jolie & Ed Burns; see
pp. 2, 16) and Joe Somebody (Tim Allen, Julie Bowen, Jim Belushi & AEI client
Governor Jesse Ventura; see pp. 6, 19, 20).
I would have made a good
John Robert Marlows screenplays Nano and Dispatch are AMPAS Nicholls Quarterfinals.
AEI-Titans first novel, Tom Sterns Gold Fever, was kicked off Nixon, viawhere
in Manila, Stevefilm
Alten, Goliath
financing is being raised, and San Francisco (see pp. 21-22). MS
AEI deal closed by Felippe Marques: with Three Rivers (Random House) for Mary
Taylors The Art of Seduction. A professional writer is an
Ken Atchity gave the keynote address, What amateur
is literary who
management & why do you need
didnt quit.
it today? (see at the Austin Writers League Conference,
Richard Bach [wl daily]
and will give a workshop on "Writing Treatments That Sell," July 21-22, 2001.
KJA and John Scott Shepherd have formed Sanctuary (see p. 4).
Andrea McKeown replaces Vincent Atchity as president of The Writers Lifeline, Inc.
Rica Kuwahara has signed on as AEI Associate Manager in Tokyo.
Chi-Li Wong has been appointed president of AEI.
Krip Yuson has signed on as AEI Associate Manager in Manila.

Time flies when youre dying.David Have you met the Posse? They make
Freeman, chez Angsten, 7/4/01 Warren look like Fonzi.Jeff F., 5/15/01
Yolanda S.: Your head looks swollen.
KJA: You know what they say in Manila: A KJA: Weve got to get out of here. This hotel
swollen head is better than no head at all. could be condemned at any moment.
6/14/01, Shangri-La Makati, Manila Solvang, 6/5/01
JSS: Hes loved his idea for ten years.
You should carry a mailbox on your back.
K.M. 6/27/01, NYC

1 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

KJA: I think thats known as ferment in the civets stomach, and
development heaven.streets of then are collected from its droppings.
Vancouver, 5/16/01 The price: $300 per pound.
Newsweek 6/25/01
Well, thats happened.State and
Didnt I look like a
professional, just around the
neck area?K.M. 6/29/01,
Lincoln Center Swing

I try not to make weird noises if I

dont have to.Valarie P., 07/19/01
A one-man Menendez
Nepal murders
KJA to V.P.: Most buildings are held up
by pillars. With this one, it seems to be
by your ex-assistants.Paradigm

You underestimate my
ignorance.Paul Grangaard,
5/30/01 telcon
You should know what you want, want
it a lot and youll get it. You should know
how to make the most of yourself, take
all you can and never economize with
life. It never gives anything back.
Maurice Druon, A Matter of Time

Its easier when I shut up, isnt

it?K.M. 6/10/01
Valarie P.: Youre looking so thin.
CLW: Thank you.
KJA: I notice you had to look around me Your sense of humor never fails to
to say that. abuse me.Sassoo, The Lion King
VP: Youre feeling insecure.7/14/01 Pantages 7/21/01
Paradigm Myrza A: She should come visit for a few
And tastes are continuing to get days.
more rarefied. One coffee retailer in KJA: That way she can get out of my hair?
Myrza A: What hair? 5/21/01 telcon
Atlanta sells something called
luwak coffee, which it claims is Hes one of those people who dont breathe
picked by a civet, an Indonesian between sentences. He breathes even less than
bobcat-like animal. The beans my mother does.A. S.

2 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

The Apocalypse may have happened. I live in KJA: That doesnt seem fair.7/18/01,
NYwe have no idea.Tim B., Austin chez KM
Writers League Conference, 7/22/01
"Sit down and put down everything
Soon, perhaps within Christophers that comes into your head and then
lifetime, evolution would permit only youre a writer. But an author is one
two classesAssassins and their who can judge his own stuffs worth,
victims. If you had to ask yourself without pity, and destroy most of it."
which side you were on, Christopher -- Colette [via]
thought, then you might as well put a KING: (holding up a book) Weve
sprig of parsley on your head. been talking to Adolf Hitler, the book
Henrys List of Wrongs, John Scott is
Shepherd, MS
HITLER: Is it over already?
dominators possess uncommon
KING: Im afraid so.
emotional control and unlimited
reservoirs of passion. You want to HITLER: Wow, that was fast. I
know what its like to face someone thought I was the one who had ways
like Tiger? Make a fist. Now punch of making you talk. (Both laugh.) But
yourself in the face. Because
seriously, the book is called Mein
dominators dont just beat you; they
make you beat you.Newsweek, June
Comfortable Shoesget it?
18, 2001 KING: I do.
I even like the fact that they give us HITLER: Its about an angry man
free eggs.K.M., Osteria al Doge, who learns to appreciate the little
6/28/01 things in life. Its about acceptance.
KING: And its a terrific read. Folks,
His nails were well kept, his cheeks
if you read no other book this
slightly pink, and his face had the
summer, make it Mein Comfortable
unwrinkled smoothness of someone who
had never done a great deal of
thinking.Druon HITLER: Thank you, Larry.
KING: And whats next for Adolf
D.Adashek (to Susan Mc): Youre
carrying a gun?
HITLER: Ill be doing Politically
KJA: Have you shot any fairly- Incorrect next Thursday, and as
intelligent Jewish men? always you can see my old work on
the A&E network, every night
Susan Mc: Nah. Too much following Bud Friedmans An Evening
paperwork.4/28/01 Leawood Country at the Improv.Adolf Hitler: The
Club Larry King Interview, Jon Stewart,
Make em laugh; make em cry; make Naked Pictures of Famous People
em wait.Charles Reade [via WL
daily inspiration] KM: If we keep silent, everyone will
feed us.
Ivonne S.: It teaches you to share.

3 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

KJA: Thats why I never saw a word.
The Pelican, Eunice, 7/24/01

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5 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
form and face that never failed at any
She had somehow succeeded, against moment of love, a science of lips and
all the rules of a hypocritical if not fingers, a compliancy and a depth of
virtuous society, in imposing her passion seldom found, but also that
personality on the very frontier she had the gift of recognizing
between society and gallantry. To instinctively what would raise each
women of easy virtue she was the mans emotion to its highest peak?
inaccessible ideal, for there was in her Every new body was like a musical
something of the true aristocrat. To instrument for which, in a few
aristocrats she was the latest, caresses, she found the right key to
although they did not know exactly make it respond with its highest
what this term signified, or to what resonance. In every desire she divined
vague lineage they were attaching her. the unavowed and answered it with
silent accord or the poetry of
The scandal of her life she immodesty, making the fulfilment
turned to ornament. People dreaded glide into the miraculous.
her eccentricities but they would have
been disappointed if she had not The importance she arrogated
committed them.Princes asked to be to herself made her magnify the man
introduced to Lucrezia, musicians to whom she briefly belonged. She
whom she invited to play in her house lifted her lover together with herself
were assured of success, poets were into those luminous regions where
among her intimates. A famous signer, pride and self-awareness are blended
having refused to perform in her together. Each man in her arms felt
salon, saying: If you want to hear me, endowed with more power, more
Signora, you must come to my recital intelligence, more genius. He felt
at the Fenice, had an unpleasant unique and divine. Could there be any
surprise when he found the Fenice talk of deceit or delusion in so subtle a
empty and La Sanziani alone in the realm? Men, when they left her room,
third row of the stalls. She had hired felt they were falling from heaven
the whole theatre. Now, sir, will you back into the clay. And for a long time
sing for me? she demanded. they remembered her with proud
She chose her lovers well and
seldom missed a famous man within You adults need to control yourselves.
her reach without bequeathing him a Monty S. 6/15/01, Guernica, Manila Bay
memory. Her lover was glory and her "If you are a writer you locate
bed a pantheon.To have had an yourself behind a wall of silence
affair with her, or even a brief and no matter what you are
adventure, attracted to the favoured
doing, driving a car or walking or
the curiosity of other women, and
made them ask, in the stealth of the doing housework you can still
night: Tell me the secret of her be writing, because you have
charm? And the men did not know that space."
how to answer. Could they say that Joyce Carol Oates [twl daily]
she not only possessed a beauty of

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7 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
KJA: Those lips! I think weve just delved into
depths deeper than my mind can
JSS: She has lips all over her delve.Simone L., chez KM,
face.Vancouver, 5/18/01 7/18/01
The first organized firehouse was We are what we think. All that we
on the border of Dalmatia and are arises with our thoughts. With
Sardinia in 1642. our thoughts we make the
world.The Dhammapada [via
Thats why a Dalmatian? John Robinson, Gods Compass,
It was either that or a sardine. MS]
State and Main You need to know you can be
KJA: This is what writers do, happy by yourself before you can
though. be happy with anyone else.
6/12/01 International Dateline
JSS: I know. Ive read about it. But
its killin me.6/28/01, telcon But the presence of evil, once
scented, tends to bring out all that is
And then there are those passing most irrational and uncontrollable in
pains, those little ailments, those the public imagination. It is a
twinges of no consequence but catalyst for pea-brained theories,
always returning to the same place gimcrack scholarship, and the
in the same way, as though death credulous cosmologies of
with remarkable foresight were hysteria.Michael Chabon, The
preparing his targets long in God of Dark Laughter, New
advance.--Druon Yorker 4/9/2001
She does seem to have a minimalist
approach to observing herself.
David A. 7/3/01
You wanted to be just like me,
right? Henry asked, forcing
himself to meet Christophers
haunted eyes. Well, I want you to
know the devils a used car
salesman and you never get blue
book for your soul.Henrys
The librarian, Lucy Brand, returned my
For women who were not born to be
greeting with the circumspect air of one
queens, to be a courtesan is the only
who hopes to be rewarded for her
way to reign.--Druon
forbearance with a wealth of juicy

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9 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
been, once it has been lived it becomes
Our bodies are our garden; to the
terrifyingly flimsy Druon
which our wills are gardeners.
Shakespeare, via Sasha Lauren
KJA: Its raining.
There must be one central JSS: Youre crazy.
character. One. Everybody write KJA: Raise your hand.
that down. Just one. And he or JSS: Thatll make me look less
she must want something. And by crazy?NYC 5/22/01
the end of the play he or she must
either get it or not. Period. No
exceptions.--Marsha Norman
inspiration, 4/19/01)
KJA: Heres 12 Cohibas, to cover
the two days we watched you

Stephen H.: Thank you!

KJA: If we do Henry together,

well take care of the entire
production period.

Stephen H.: Well, fuck me!

KJA: Well, that would certainly be

cheaper.5/17/01, Vancouver I might have to go to jail.
Ill knit you a sweater.
I might be there for a long time.
Your body is not a temple, its an Ill knit you a jumpsuit.State and
amusement park. Enjoy the ride. Main
Anthony Bourdain, chef and author of
Kitchen Confidential. "Take a drop from the ocean and
you will find that it contains the
The days, Cesare, are beginning same elements that constitute all
to unroll with tragic speed. They go oceans. The same principle holds
much quicker; theyre much shorter than true for human beings--and for the
the old days. They seem to be rolling drama. The shortest scene
over each other, as though from the top contains all the elements of a
of a slope. Its terrible to say to three-act play." --Lajos Egri,
oneself: Its my turn. I feel I shall, Daily
never again have more than Ive had, nor Inspiration
even as much. From now on days will
break without a dawn. However rich, For every failure, there is an alternative
lavish and wonderful our past may have course of action. You just have to find it.

10 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

When you come to a roadblock, take a
detour.Mary Kay Ash, via Alten

11 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

KJA: Heres where they plant the
electrodes in our brains. The grand aim of all science is to cover
JSS: Now Carla Hacken will know the greatest number of empirical facts by
where we are all the time.5/16/01, logical deduction from the smallest
Banana Republic, Vancouver number of hypotheses or axioms.
Albert Einstein {via Steve Alten,
According to the scholar or charlatan Goliath, MS)
Friedrich von Junzt, the regions around
what is now northern Armenia had
spawned, along with an entire
cosmology, two competing cults of
incalculable antiquity, which survived to
the present day: that of Ye-Heh, the God
of Dark Laughter, and that of Ai, the
JSS: Geez, youre covered with
God of Unbearable and Ubiquitous
Sorrow. The Ye-Hehists viewed the
KJA: Then I must have had a good
universe as a cosmic hoax, perpetrated
time, right?5/22/01 NYC
by the father-god Yrrh for unknowable
purposes: a place of calamity and cruel
My mother, whenever she was
irony so overwhelming that the only
confronted by calamity or personal
possible response was a malevolent
sorrow, invoked cosmic emanations,
laughter like that, presumably, of Yrrh
invisible empires, ancient prophecies,
and intrigues; it has been the business of
KJA: You used to be a lot wittier than
my life to reject such folderol and seek
this. the simpler explanation. But we were
David A.: I dont know what happened. fools, she and I, arrant blockheads, each
KJA: The wit has hit the fan.6/21/01, of us bind to or heedless of the readiest
telcon explanation: that he world is an
ungettable joke, and our human need to
explain its wonders and horrors, our
appalling genius for devising such
explanations, is nothing more than the
rim shot that accompanies the punch

Amy A.: Dick me up. What does that

Matt A.: Pick me up.
Amy A.: Oh.4/15/01 Palm Desert

Accept the challenge, so you

may feel the exhilaration of
Take a picture, please. Ive never seen victory.General George S.
John Scott Shepherd walking.Susan Patton, via Steve Alten, Goliath,
S., by telcon, streets of Vancouver, MS

12 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

KJA: Gods punishing me for my prevent the end of civilization which,
according to his father's journal, will
evil ways. occur in four months-December 21, 2012.
Amy A.: So youre getting off Dominique is both intrigued and
easy then.4 /29/01, Leawood frightened by this charming man whose
Country Club ravings are those of a madman. Until
she starts reading his father's journal.
Then, she begins to doubt her superior.
Read my lip.Matt G., Target Center, Maybe Mick isn't crazy. Could the
Minneapolis, 4/5/01 Mayans actually predict the end of
humanity? Will an evil being from outer
The most important thing in a work space descend upon Earth and destroy
the inhabitants? Will Mick be able to
of art is that it should have a kind of prevent the end of life on this
focus, i.e., there should be some planet? Will she help him?
place where all the rays meet or It's a little slow going at the beginning
as author Steve Alten sets the stage.
from which they issue. And this Hang in there and, then, don't pick up
focus must not be able to be DOMAIN in the evening if you plan to
completely explained in words. This sleep that night. Alten takes the reader
on a roller coaster ride where you aren't
indeed is one of the significant facts sure who are the good guys and who
about a true work of art--that its aren't. The author's use of the present
content in its entirety can be tense lends immediacy to the action-as if
the reader is experiencing it along with
expressed only by itself. --Leo the characters. DOMAIN has all the
Tolstoytwl 4/26/01 ingredients of a thriller: ticking clock,
government conspiracy, a lone voice
4 Stars crying in the wilderness who alone can
DOMAIN save the world.
Steve Alten
Forge Reviewed by:
ISBN: 0-312-87476-6 Diane Burton
Science Fiction
Who is crazy? The man locked up in a AMERICA'S HIDDEN PROBLEM
hospital for the criminally insane or the
intern who believes his tale of
Armageddon? For ten years, Mick
Gabriel has been incarcerated for ABUSERS
attacking the man who publicly How many of these apply to you?
humiliated his father, archeologist Julius
Gabriel. Studying the Mayan calendar for 1. I have read fiction when I was
32 years, Julius predicted the end of
depressed, or to cheer myself up.
humanity. For his efforts to save
from itself, Julius was so degraded by 2. I have gone on reading binges of an
his nemesis that he had a fatal heart entire book or more in a day.
attack. Mick blames the man who led the
3. I read rapidly, often 'gulping'
When psychology intern Dominique
Vasquez is assigned to the paranoid chapters.
schizophrenic patient, she is torn
between believing her superior and the 4. I have sometimes read early in the
highly intelligent, often lucid, Mick morning or before work.
Gabriel. Mick must escape the hospital to

13 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

5. I have hidden books in different 19. Sometimes I think my reading is
places to sneak a chapter without out of control.
being seen.
If you answered 'yes' to three or more of
6. Sometimes I avoid friends or family these questions, you may be a literature
obligations in order to read novels. abuser. Affirmative responses to five or
more indicates a serious problem. Once
7. Sometimes I rewrite film or a relatively rare disorder, Literature
television dialog as the characters speak. Abuse, or LA, has risen to new levels
due to the accessibility of higher
8. I am unable to enjoy myself with education and increased college
others unless there is a book nearby. enrollment since the end of the Second
World War. The Number of literature
9. At a party, I will often slip off abusers is currently at record levels.
unnoticed to read.
10. Reading has made me seek haunts ABUSE
and companions which I would Abusers become withdrawn,
otherwise avoid. uninterested in society or normal
relationships. They fantasize, creating
11. I have neglected personal hygiene or alternative worlds to occupy, to the
household chores until I have finished a neglect of friends and family. In severe
novel. cases they develop bad posture from
reading in awkward positions or carrying
12. I have spent money meant for heavy book bags.
necessities on books instead. In the worst instances, they
become cranky reference librarians in
13. I have attempted to check out more small towns.
library books than permitted.
Excessive reading during
14. Most of my friends are heavy fiction pregnancy is perhaps the number one
readers. cause of moral deformity among the
children of Librarians, English
15. I have sometimes passed out from a professors, Creative Writing teachers
night of heavy reading. and Literacy and ESL tutors. Known as
Fetal Fiction Syndrome, this disease
16. I have suffered 'blackouts' or also leaves its victims prone to a lifetime
memory loss from a bout of reading. of nearsightedness, daydreaming and
emotional instability.
17. I have wept, become angry or
irrational because of something I read. HEREDITY
Recent Harvard studies have
18. I have sometimes wished I did not established that heredity plays a
read so much. considerable role in determining whether
a person will become an abuser of
literature. Most abusers have at least one

14 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

OTHER PREDISPOSING FACTORS going on?" Ask the hard question--Who
Fathers or mothers who are is this Count Vronsky?
English teachers, librarians, professors, 3. Show her another way. Move the
or heavy fiction readers; parents who do television set into her room. Introduce
not encourage children to play games, her to frat boys.
participate in healthy sports, or watch 4. Do what you have to do. Tear up her
television in the evening. library card. Make her stop signing her
PREVENTION letters as 'Emma.' Force her to take a
Premarital screening and math class, or minor in Spanish. Transfer
counseling, referral to adoption agencies her to a Florida college. You may be
in order to break the chain of abuse. dealing with a life-threatening problem
Librarians and English teachers in if one or more of the following applies:
particular should seek partners active in o She can tell you how and when
other fields. Children should be Thomas Chatterton died.
encouraged to seek physical activity and o She names one or more of her
to avoid isolation and morbid cats after a Romantic poet.
introspection. o Next to her bed is a picture of:
DECLINE AND FALL: THE Lord Byron, Virginia Woolf,
ENGLISH MAJOR Faulkner or any scene from the
Within the sordid world of Lake District.
literature abuse, the lowest circle Most importantly, remember, you are
belongs to those sufferers who have not alone. To seek help for yourself
thrown their lives and hopes away to or someone you love, contact the nearest
study literature in our colleges. Parents chapter of the American Literature
should look for signs that their children Abuse Society, or look under ALAS in
are taking the wrong path--don't expect your telephone directory.
your teenager to approach you and say,
"I can't stop reading Spenser." By the
time you visit his dorm room and find
the secret stash of the Paris Review, it
may already be too late.
What to do if you suspect your
child is becoming an English major:
1. Talk to your child in a loving way.
Show your concern. Let her know you
won't abandon her--but that you aren't
spending a hundred grand to put her
through Stanford so she can clerk at The first rule of style is to have
Waldenbooks, either. But remember that something to say. The second rule of
she may not be able to make a decision style is to control yourself when, by
without help; perhaps she has just chance, you have two things to say;
finished Madame Bovary and is dying of say first one, then the other, not both at
arsenic poisoning. the same time.---George Polya
2. Face the issue: Tell her what you
John P.: Cut!
know, and how: "I found this book in
Tim A.: Phhhhhhhhhhhhhht.
your purse. How long has this been --Target Center, Minneapolis, 4/5/01

15 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

Attendant: In the Marines, they give The average pencil is seven inches
you sixty seconds to take a shower. long, with just a half-inch eraser -
KJA: What do you need sixty in case you thought optimism was
seconds for?Yale Club locker dead. - Robert Brault [via Michael
room, 4/2/01 Simpson]
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George
W. Bush were set to face a firing squad Writing is not like painting where you
in a small Central American country. add. It is not what you put on the
Bill Clinton was the first one canvas that the reader sees. Writing is
placed against the wall and just before more like a sculpture where you
the order was given he yelled out, remove, you eliminate in order to make
"Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a the work visible. Even those pages
panic and Bill jumped over the wall and you remove somehow remain.
escaped in the confusion. --Elie Wiesel
Al Gore was the second one
placed against the wall. The squad was Were all alike, all imprisoned in the
reassembled and Al pondered what he price of living as in a besieged castle.
had just witnessed. Again before the Only two ways out are offered to us:
order was given Al yelled out, Tornado!" the resigned acceptance of an
Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped incomprehensible fatality, or the
over the wall. transfer of happiness to an unproved
The last person, George W. beyond. Socratic resignation or
Bush, was placed against the wall. He Christian hope. A choice between
was thinking "I see the pattern here, just two kinds of cowardice! If you refuse
scream out something about a to capitulate, you end your days cut
disaster and hop over the wall." He off from the rest of the universe, you
confidently refused the blindfold as end up mad.--Druon
the firing squad was reassembled. As
the rifles were raised in his direction he On the way to study law at Rhodes,
grinned from ear to ear and yelled, young Caesar was captured by pirates
"Fire"!via VDA and held for ransom. When they
demanded 20 talents, he protested that
What are you so upset about, Dad, he was worth at least 50. Caesar
you dont even believe in God. treated the cutthroats holding him as if
That doesnt mean I stopped being a they were a personal bodyguard: he
good Catholic.Shes the One would order them to keep quiet
whenever he was ready for his siesta,
The mind is the palace, able to imagine commandeer an audience whenever he
beyond what the physical is capable of. wanted to practice his oratory, and
The mind imagines perfection, but is dress them down whenever he felt they
dragged down by the bodys mundane failed to appreciate the finer points of his
needs, the dungeon of desire. Shackled style and delivery. After release,
together like convicts on a chain gang, however, hunted them down and had
they grudgingly shuffle through life, each them crucified, although for their
yanking the other in opposite directions. kindness to him he ordered their throats
But the force of their movements cut first.Keith Roberts, Origins of
propels them in a third direction neither Business in the Ancient World, MS
can control.Anatomy Lesson, MS,
Raymond Obstfeldt Eccentricity is tolerable only in its
first freshness. Cherished until it has
gone stale, it becomes unbearably

16 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

17 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
INQUISITOR: Are you a Jew? You write a hit the same way
JEW: No. you write a flop.--William
INQUISITOR: Are you sure youre not
a Jew? Saroyan
JEW: Yes.
INQUISITOR: Oh, well, sorry to Don t compromise yourself. You are all
trouble you. Would you like to stay youve got.Betty Ford, via
for cake? Steve Alten, Goliath, MS
JEW: Is it chocolate? Im
allergic to chocolate. You have just received the Amish virus.
INQUISITOR: Its an out-of-this-world Sine we Amish have no electricity
lemon pound cake. or computers, you are on the honor
JEW: Well, maybe just a system. Please delete all of your files
nosh on your hard drive, and forward this
The Inquisitor smiles a sinister smile. message to everyone in your address
JEW: Damn. book.
--Jon Stewart, Naked Pictures of
Famous People Thank thee.

A Marine colonel on his way home from Good dialogue is dialogue that
work at the Pentagon came to a dead illuminates what characters
halt in traffic and thought to himself, are NOT saying.
"Wow, this traffic seems worse than
usual. Nothing's even moving." He
--Lew Hunter the
notices a police officer walking back
and forth between the lines of cars, so KJA: Id be better if no one spoke to me
he rolls down his window and asks, at all.
"Officer, what's the hold up?" The D.A.: Youre heading in that direction
Officer replies, "The EX-President is just KJA: Can I quote you on that, asshole.
so depressed about the thought of D.A.: No, you can quote me on that
moving with Hillary to New York that he comment.
stopped his motorcade in the middle of 3/19
the Beltway and he's threatening to There is no use writing anything that
douse himself in gasoline and set has been written before unless you
himself on fire. Says his family hates can beat it. What a writer in our time
him and he doesn't have the money to has to do is write what hasn't been
pay for the new house. I'm walking written before or beat dead men at
around taking up a collection for him. what they have done." --
"Oh really? How much have you Ernest Hemingway via
collected so far?" "So far about three
hundred gallons, but a lot of folks are Matt G.: Youre leaming, to the left.
still siphoning."via Danny Aguillard KJA: Its your brain, Matt.
3-21-01 Minneapolis

Character and thought are merely Our chief want in life is somebody
obscured by diction that is who will make us do what we
over-brilliant. --Aristotle via can.Ralph Waldo Emerson, via daily Steve Alten, Goliath

18 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

Jeff F.: Joels in the bathroom
having group sex.
Joel: Yeah, theres safety in
--Rumanian Hilton, Solvang,

Someday, when the sands of time

Invert, may you find perfect rest
As a new born nurses from
"In life, things happen one after the The hourglass of your breast.
other. In structure, one thing happens --Mary Jo Salter, Lullaby for
because of the other. Structure is that Daughter, Poetry in Motion (New
simple and that hard." --Lew Hunter [via York subway, 4/3/01) daily inspiration]

Mans mind, once stretched by a new "I like a view but I like to sit
idea, never regains its original with my back turned to it." --
dimensions.Oliver Wendell Holmes, Gertrude Stein [via]
via Alten

What day is it? he asked,

feeling like hed fallen off the edge of
something. Like his life.Henrys List of
Wrongs, John Scott Shepherd

It was late afternoon when

they hung a left on Sixth and drove
the short block right at Mills brick
bungalow, and dusk was absorbing
the neighborhood.Henrys List

Youre the Captain Nemo of self-

awareness.KJA to JSS 3/14/01

Im getting heartburn, Tony. Do

something terrible.--Snatch

D. Adashek: Have you ever gotten into

an elevator and thought, Im a fuckin
KJA: No Ive never.
D. A.: Well, open your eyes, man.
4/4/01, telcon

Theres a huge mist that rolls

over before anyone says what
they mean.JSS, 5/17/01, telcon

19 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

20 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
21 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
22 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001
23 Door to Door 78 Summer-Fall 2001

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