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As of late I am re-awakened by listening to Frank the last couple of days; can see lots of similarities between him, Danny Elfman and Carl Stalling. Elements of Gershwin and Bernstein pop up in both, Charles Ives can also roam these wonderfully eclectic composers who dared to be different. How could I ever be so arrogant to suspect that my name would ever be spoken in the same breath as theirs? One can never tell what may come about. Billy Joel never gave himself the rightful credit for being an American institution of which whose inspiration many could not be without. Where does the rule exist that one cannot get famous at something even if they don’t have the opportunity to do it everyday? Many stars who haven’t written new pieces in years still perform the same old ones; tour after tour… part of me thinks that the general public only accepts an artist’s material from a specific era, unless you are Miles, then it remains a challenge to get into that one’s latest phase (John Coltrane to mention another). An idea I want to keep exploring is writing 12-tone based on musical motifs of my influences. My only real good one so far is “Chuck the Monk” (Charles Ives and Thelonious). I wrote one prime row devoted strictly motifs of Bernstein… the only trouble being I need to be refreshed on the actual construction of the grid. Charles Baugh could help me with that (I asked him last year but he forgot). Also it will be great to work on a computer with a sound card if Duck ever gets one; knowing him it will be next week or sometime completely unexpected Even though I am spending my spare time on spread-out goals, I feel that each creative thing I finish brings me closer to one goal: having a profession that I love that takes care of my family. The other day in therapy Megan was worried by something Dr. Pape said; to the effect that if ultimate fame in music or acting was my goal, that I needed to be prepared to give her up. I had to reassure her that my future goals must include her, Miles and any other children to come. By nature I am not a focused person and don’t seem to get much accomplished on my own. I need a motivator, a sounding-board, a total companion in life, which I’ve found in my wife. Dr. Pape is probably right about needing a written plan to get things done; I wish it wasn’t such a foreign idea to me, this is not by choice – I don’t seem to be able to help it. Even doing this, writing down my random thoughts in no regimented order… is a task. I have been smoke-free for 4 days now. This time I really mean to stick with it… unless occasion permits a cigar once in awhile, but I think I’ve really got the motivation this time, Miles. I first smoked because my Dad did. I don’t want him to smoke because of me… he was going over to the ash-tray, picking up butts and getting ashes on his hand, licking it and he pretended to toke on one… that did it. If he smokes when he is legal I won’t bug the shit out of him to quit like my mom bugged me. This would only make me want to defy her because it was so damned annoying. I’ll just say, “Son, I can’t be with you all the time so I can’t stop you from smoking with your friends or in your car, but it will not be permitted in front of your mom and me”, but won’t bug the shit out of him… he will have that damned defiant streak you and Meg both have.