ROTTEN

"Pilot"

Written by

Clive Makong'o

clivemakongo@gmail.com
 TEASER

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

A car drives down an empty, winding road. Its dark.
LAUREN (O.S.)
You know what they do to those
animals? To make that food?

INT. CAR - NIGHT

SEAN (25) sits at the wheel, a fast food cup in hand. LAUREN
(23) sits beside him, full of muted outrage. MICHAEL (24)
sits in the back, checking his hair in the mirror. Sean
gestures for him to move. He ignores it. LUCAS (25) sits
beside him with a mouthful of burger.
The loud noise of a car on its last legs.
LUCAS
Seems worth it to me.
LAUREN
You are evil.
LUCAS
Are lions evil? Tigers? Hell I saw
a deer eat an injured rabbit once.
SEAN
What?
LUCAS
You know what a lion would give to
have a burger?
SEAN
Lucas, deer dont eat meat.
LUCAS
Look it up.
LAUREN
Thats not the point. Its cruelty.
If you saw how those animals
lived...
LUCAS
Really? The world doesnt have
enough problems? We have to worry
about how chickens live? I need to
eat.
 2.

LAUREN
Oh my god. How can you be so
selfish?
BOOM. The car hits something. Sean slams the brakes.
MICHAEL
Oh shit.
SEAN
(panicked)
I dont know. I didnt see
anything.
The group turns to look behind them.
LUCAS
Holy shit.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

A BIKER lays in the road, unmoving. His bicycle lays a few
feet away, mangled.

INT. CAR

Tentative looks all around, trying to gauge the mood.

LUCAS
Holy shit. What do we do?
MICHAEL
Should we... call an ambulance?

SEAN
(sweating bullets)
I mean...

The idea isnt that popular.

LAUREN
Wait. Look.

EXT. ROAD
The Biker slowly starts to move. Still on the floor, he
shakes his head, dazed. He manages to sit up. He doesnt look
too bad.
The group sits frozen, watching him.
 3.

INT. CAR
The four of them look around at each other.
LUCAS
... We should help him, right?
SEAN
OK. Before we go crazy, you should
know, my insurance is not that
great.
MICHAEL
What do you mean?
SEAN
Its not this good. Jesus, we
werent even going that fast.
MICHAEL
Guys.

EXT. ROAD
The Biker slowly starts getting to his feet.

INT. CAR

LUCAS
Erm...

Beat.
LAUREN
Drive.
The group looks at her, bewildered.
SEAN
What?
LAUREN
Go! Drive! Get me out of here!
She lifts her foot and slams it on the accelerator.

EXT. ROAD
The tires squeal, kicking up smoke as the car guns it down
the road, leaving the Biker sitting there, watching.
END OF TEASER
 4.

ACT ONE

EXT. HOUSE - EARLY MORNING

The sun is just about rising.
A house across the road. A hovel almost. In a terrible
neighbourhood. Embarrassing.
A MAIL VAN pulls up on the pavement.

EXT. HOUSE - STAIRWAY - EARLY MORNING - CONTINUOUS

A MAILMAN labours his way up a small flight of stairs.
CLOSE ON: His MAILBAG as he makes his way to a DOOR.

INT. HOUSE - DOORWAY - EARLY MORNING

A LETTER is posted, fluttering down to the welcome mat.
ANGLE ON: The LETTER. PAST DUE written in thick red letters
on the envelope.
CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - LAURENS BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

The room is messy. Empty bottles and cans on the bedside
table.
Lauren paces across her room, staring down at ALAN (mid 40s),
overweight with thinning hair and a disgustingly patchy
beard, whos sound asleep, SNORING.
From the look on her face, she made a huge mistake last
night.
She checks her watch.
LAUREN
Shit.
She slowly reaches over, poking him. Nothing. She tries
again. He doesnt react.
Suddenly, she SLAPS him. He jumps up, awake.
LAUREN (CONTD)
(blas)
Oh youre up.
 5.

ALAN
(confused)
Huh?
(notices her, smiles)
Oh, you. Morning.
LAUREN
Yes it is. Listen--
ALAN
I had such a great time last night.
Beat.
LAUREN
So listen--
ALAN
How about you?
LAUREN
You should get going.
ALAN
Really? What time is it?
LAUREN
(awkward laugh)
Time to get going.
A laugh.
LAUREN (CONTD)
Its just, my roommates are going
to be up soon. So...

ALAN
Yeah? I dont mind.
LAUREN
... Id rather... they didnt see
you.
ALAN
(realises)
Ah, I see. No problem.
She gives him an apologetic look. He starts getting dressed.
A snails pace.
ALAN (CONT'D)
You know what would be great?
Breakfast. You hungry? Do you
wanna...
 6.

LAUREN
(wits end)
No. No thank you.
ALAN
(ignores it)
So much fun. This was great.
(laughs)
So this is the walk of shame huh?
Makes me feel 20 years younger.
LAUREN
Oh god. How old are you?
A moment. He doesnt answer.
ALAN
(beat)
Hey, so we should do this again
some--
Lauren COUGHS viciously, stopping Alan in his tracks. She
ignores his gaze.
ALAN (CONTD)
(recovering)
Erm, we should do this--
She goes into a COUGHING FIT, poorly acted.
A silent moment passes.
LAUREN
Lets get you dressed huh?

INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM - EARLY MORNING

Sean, shirtless, stands at the sink, brushing his teeth. Hes
meticulous. A body carved to perfection.
A moment later, Lucas steps in and heads for the toilet. He
starts peeing. Sean carries on brushing.
LUCAS
(mild surprise)
So you still do that huh?
SEAN
(confused)
Do what?
(beat)
Are you talking about brushing my
teeth?
 7.

LUCAS
I cant remember the last time I
did that.
Lucas goes to flush the toilet. Nothing happens.
LUCAS (CONTD)
Whats going on?
Lucas tries the flush again. Nothing.
LUCAS (CONTD)
The toilets not working.
SEAN
You dont brush your teeth?
LUCAS
(turns to him)
Oh my god. Are you even listening
to me?
Sean stares at him, flabbergasted.
CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - SOON AFTER

Laurens peeks out the door, trying to be casual as she
surveys the hall. Its clear. She almost pushes Alan out as
he tries to put his jacket on.
ALAN
So should I call you or...
She leads him down the hall.

INT. HOUSE - DOORWAY - SAME TIME

She fumbles desperately at the door.
ALAN
Its just, I dont have your
number.
She manages to get it open.
LAUREN
(leads him out)
Ill call you.
 8.

ALAN
Oh OK. Erm. My number is 0774
--
She slams the door in his face. We still hear Alans muffled
voice giving out his number, oblivious.
A deep sigh as she almost collapses against the door. She
glances down, noticing the letter.
LUCAS
Wow.
Shocked, she turns around.
Lucas stands in the hallway, radiating disappointment.
LUCAS (CONTD)
What are you doing, Lauren?
Shes mortified.
LAUREN
Oh god. Lucas, please.
LUCAS
Lauren.
With a sigh, he turns into the kitchen. Lauren stands there,
frozen in horror.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

Lucas finds Michael standing by the tap in a robe, trying to
fill a kettle. No water comes out.
AARON(25) sits at the table, also in a robe, with a glass of
apple juice.
LUCAS
(re: robes)
Jesus.
Aaron raises the glass in greeting. Lucas sits down.
LUCAS (CONTD)
(to Aaron)
Hey, be careful with those. I dont
think Mikes your size. Almost
caught a glimpse for Christ's sake.

AARON
Trust me. You wouldnt miss them.
 9.

LUCAS
Jesus.
Lucas grabs a magazine off the table and starts reading.
MICHAEL
(re: tap)
What the hell? Theres no water.
LUCAS
Or right. I think the waters off
or something. I just used the
toilet and its not flushing.
They turn to him, waiting.
AARON
So you didnt flush?
LUCAS
(outraged)
Didnt flush? Its not working.
MICHAEL
(beat)
It wasnt...?
LUCAS
Hmm? Oh right, no. Just piss.
Aaron puts down his glass, put off.
MICHAEL
... And you just left it there?
LUCAS
Are you deaf? Its not working.
MICHAEL
Im gonna check the tank.
He heads out.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - MORNING

He spots Lauren at the door to her room.
MICHAEL
Lauren. Have you--
LAUREN
Hes lying!
 10.

MICHAEL
What?
LAUREN
What did you hear? What did he say?
MICHAEL
What did who say?
Beat.
MICHAEL (CONTD)
What did you do?
Beat.
Lauren slowly reverses in and pushes the door closed, keeping
her eyes on him.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

Aaron and Lucas sit at the table, quiet. Lucas wants to ask
something.
A awkward moment passes.
LUCAS
So, Aaron. Theres something I've
always wanted to know.
AARON
(knows where this is
going)
Really? About what?
LUCAS
Well. You know...
AARON
Just spit it out Lucas.
Lucas is obviously uncomfortable. But he presses on.
LUCAS
You know. You and Mike... How does
it work? With you two?

Beat.
AARON
I cant believe you would ask me
that. You understand how homophobic
that is?
 11.

LUCAS
(in his own world)
Is it like... I dont know. Who
does what, you know? Do you have
like, jobs? Is there a schedule?

A moment. He stares at him, trying to figure him out. Finally

he gives up.
AARON
(hushed)
Well, for us... Im usually... You
know.
LUCAS
Really? Always?
Aaron shrugs. Lucas is almost impressed.
LUCAS (CONTD)
Have you ever tried the... other
way?
He thinks for a moment.
AARON
Not really. Ive never really been
into it.
A moment. Lucas takes this in, his mind blown.
LUCAS
I didnt know it could work like
that. I thought you all like it in
there, you know? I guess youre not
that gay? Ill ask Mike.
Beat.
Ignoring him, Aaron picks up a book sitting on the table and
starts reading.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - MORNING

Sean stands in front of the water tank, fiddling with
something. Michael walks up.
MICHAEL
You see anything?
Sean steps out from the tank. Michael notices hes shirtless.
Stops in his tracks.
 12.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
Oh my god.
SEAN
Huh?
MICHAEL
(recovering)
What? Nothing. The water.
He cant take his eyes off him.
SEAN
Right. Erm... I actually dont know
how this thing works. Dont know
why I bothered.
A laugh.
SEAN (CONTD)
(turns to him.)
You wanna have a go?
MICHAEL
(flustered)
But.. I have a boyfriend.
Beat.
SEAN
I meant... Do you want to check the
pipes--
MICHAEL
OK, fine. But hes downstairs so we
have to be quiet.
SEAN
Mike! Jesus. The tank.
Beat.
MICHAEL
I know. Its a joke. Lighten up.
Michael gives him a little shove, but he lingers, copping a
feel of his abs.
SEAN
Mike!
MICHAEL
For Christ sake will you put a
shirt on! You tease!
 13.

A moment as the tension clears.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
Sorry.
SEAN
(re: tank)
So do you want to take a look?
MICHAEL
Oh I have no idea how this works.

INT. HOUSE - LAURENS BEDROOM

Lauren frantically stuffs clothes into a suitcase. She
struggles to zip it up and heads for the door.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - MORNING

She makes a beeline for the exit.
She stops, looking at the welcome mat.
CLOSE ON: the letter.
She approaches it. Crouches down to get a good look.
Her face falls
LAUREN
(calls out)
Guys.
Off Lauren, steeling herself.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

ANGLE ON: the letter, middle of the table.
The group are all sitting or standing around the kitchen
table. Grim expressions all around.
AARON
Guys just open it.
LUCAS
Wait. I think I read somewhere if
you dont read a letter they cant
charge you or something.
Beat.
 14.

LAUREN
Are you an idiot?
LUCAS
Im sorry?
His stare bores into her. Lauren remembers herself, sinking
into her chair.
MICHAEL
How did we miss this?
CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY

A BOX overflowing with crumpled, unopened LETTERS by the
door.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - BACK TO SCENE

LUCAS
Well theres no point beating
ourselves up about it.
Sean takes a breath.
SEAN
Im opening it.
He grabs the letter, readying himself. The group looks on
with baited breath.
With trembling hands, he rips open the envelope and pulls out
the letter.
His hearts pounding.
He unfolds the letter, starts reading through it. The group
watches him, unsure.
He notices something. Freezes, eyes wide.
A moment passes.
LAUREN
What? What is it?
Sean SHOOTS out of his seat, racing to the sink and VIOLENTLY
PUKES.
The rest of the group stares at each other, flabbergasted.
 15.

Finally, Michael reaches for the letter.

SEAN
Dont. Dont do it.
He PUKES again.
MICHAEL
[screams]
The group turns to Michael, still shrieking, with the letter
in his hands.
Aaron takes a peek at the letter.
AARON
Oh my god.
He turns to Lauren and Lucas.
AARON (CONTD)
You should see this.
The two of them look at each other.
Aaron passes Lauren the letter. She glances at it and
immediately drops it on the table, burying her head in her
hands.
Despair.
Beat as Lucas considers.
He picks up the letter and reads.
Written in bold, on the bottom of the letter.

YOU OWE: 1,895

Beat.
Lucas violently pukes on the table.
END OF ACT ONE
 16.

ACT TWO

EXT. HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING

LAUREN
So they just cut off our water? How
is that legal? Fat cat pigs.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Lucas, wearing rubber gloves, cleans the table with some
napkins. He throws the dirty napkins in a paper bag.
The group stands in a corner of the room as far from him as
they can get.

Aaron is reading through the letter.

AARON
Apparently you guys havent paid
the water bill for the last twenty
months.

Beat.
SEAN
Jesus. How?
CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY

The same overflowing box of letters.

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - BACK TO SCENE

LAUREN
Im going to have ask my parents
for money. Theyre gonna love this.
My mum cant pass up an opportunity
to lecture me. I can hear her now.
(mocks her)
Oh I told you this would happen
you worthless little piece of
garbage. Why did she even have me?

A moment. Theyre not sure what to say.

LAUREN (CONTD)
So what does it come down to?
 17.

SEAN
(recovering)
Erm... Like five hundred each.
Lucas perks up. Hes just finished cleaning.
LUCAS
Wait a minute. Each?
AARON
473.75.

SEAN
My god. Did you do that in your
head?
LUCAS
I cannot pay that.
MICHAEL
What?

SEAN
(to Aaron)
That is amazing.
LUCAS
What am I a billionaire? Its never
gonna happen.
MICHAEL
What are you talking about? We all
have to pay.

LUCAS
What about Aaron?

A stunned silence.
AARON
What?

MICHAEL
Are you insane?

LUCAS
Hes here all the time. He took a
bath last week.

AARON
(confused)
No I didnt.
 18.

SEAN
Lucas, come on. Stop.

Beat.
LUCAS
(a deep sigh)
Guys, I have 13 in my bank
account.
A long, sad, sad moment passes.
LAUREN
Ill cover it.
Beat.
MICHAEL
Are you two having sex?
LAUREN
No!
SEAN
Lucas?
LUCAS
Yes.
LAUREN
Shut up. Hes not gonna be able to
pay it right? And anyway, I owe him
a favour. But were even now.
She gives him a look. Get it?
LUCAS
Wow. I... Thanks Lauren. Youre a
life saver.
He approaches her, going for a hug. The group RECOIL and
SCREAM in horror. He stops, noticing the puke filled bag in
his hand.
Its dripping.
CUT TO:

LATER
The group stands squeezed together even further away from
Lucas, whos on his hands and knees, cleaning the floor.
 19.

AARON
It could take weeks to get
something like this sorted.
SEAN
So what do we do till then? I have
work in two hours. I need to
shower.
LAUREN
We all need to shower.
LUCAS
(snorts; to himself)
Yeah I bet you do.
Lauren stares daggers at him.
MICHAEL
(to Aaron)
Hey. What about your place?
AARON
Oh, no way Michael. Im not
comfortable with that.
SEAN
(ignores him)
Perfect. Come on, lets go. I dont
have that much time.
The group starts filing out of the room.
AARON
I dont want you guys there.
LAUREN
Youre such a sweetheart. Lucky I
just packed.
AARON
What?

MICHAEL
Thanks for doing this. I love you.
Lucas and Aaron are left in the room alone.
AARON
(sighs)
Well?
LUCAS
Oh, no thanks. Ill be good for a
couple days.
 20.

Beat.
LUCAS (CONTD)
Oh Im sorry, Mother Theresa. Like
you shower every day.
A moment. Aaron, dumbfounded, decides to just leave the room.

INT. HOUSE - MICHAELS ROOM - DAY

Aaron gets dressed. Michael stands by his wardrobe, looking

through some clothes.

Aaron eyes him, something on his mind.

MICHAEL
(disgusted)
What the hell was I thinking. I
night as well have a wardrobe full
of bin bags. Jesus Christ!

A loud YELLING outside the room.

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Sean and Lauren, both with towels over their shoulders, ready
for a shower, race past Aaron, fighting each other every step
of the way. A few sharp elbows.
Lauren drags her hastily packed suitcase behind her.
LAUREN
Im going first.
SEAN
In your dreams.
Michael comes out from the room, a small bag in hand.
MICHAEL
Hurry up. I cannot be seen.
Aaron looks at him as he walks past, wants to say something.
Hes clearly not happy with whats happening.
They head out.
A moment later, Lucas walks out, carrying the puke bag. He
heads for a door, whistling to himself.
 21.

INT. HOUSE - TOILET - SAME TIME

He tips the bag into the toilet, with a satisfied smile.

He flushes the toilet, real proud of himself.

Nothing.
He tries again. Still nothing.
Finally it dawns on him.
LUCAS
Shit.

INT. AARONS CAR - MORNING

Aaron and Michael sit up front. Michaels on his phone.
Aarons fuming.
Sean and Lauren sit in the back, restless, sizing each other
up. Theyre deeply focused, in a world of their own.
MICHAEL
(laughs)
Hey Aaron, listen to this.

MICHAEL (CONTD) AARON

What do you call an You know, I dont really
interrupting-- appreciate what you did back
there.
A pause. Michaels taken aback.
MICHAEL (CONTD)
What are you talking about?
AARON
Dont do that. Weve talked about
this before.
MICHAEL
I honestly dont know.
AARON
You completely steam rolled me.
He pulls the car into a parking spot against a wall.
Immediately, Sean and Lauren jump into action, going for the
door. Sean grabs her and wrestles her back, getting out
first. Hes not pulling any punches.
 22.

Aaron, exasperated, gets out of the car. Michael gets out

after him, surprised.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - PARKING - MORNING - CONTINUOUS

Lauren dives spread eagle at Sean, catching his ankle mid-
sprint. He face-plants the asphalt, fast and dirty. She jumps
up and runs ahead.
Michael runs after Aaron.
MICHAEL
Hey. Wait a second.
Lauren and Seans intense battle continues in the background.
MICHAEL (CONTD)
I wasnt trying to steam roll you.
AARON
Ive told you time and time again,
I like having my own space. Why
would you just invite all your
friends to my place?
MICHAEL
I didnt think it was a big deal. I
mean what are we supposed to do? We
dont have any water.
Sean makes a desperate grab at Laurens towel, throwing it as
far as he can. Lauren races back to pick it up. He has the
lead.
AARON
How about ask me?
MICHAEL
Im sorry OK. I just thought that
maybe you would want to help my
friends. But I guess not.
AARON
Oh dont do that. Youre the one
that messed up here. Its not my
fault you cant pay your bills.
Sean gets to the building door. Its locked. He turns to
Aaron.
SEAN
(out of breath)
Keys!
 23.

Aaron tosses the keys at him. A hand flies up. Lauren

intercepts with a perfect catch. The two square up, at a
stalemate.
MICHAEL
Oh Im so sorry Im not perfect
enough for you. Cos youve never
made a mistake.

AARON
For twenty months in a row? No, I
havent.
With no options, Sean lets her through with a frustrated
grunt. He looms over her, ready to pounce, as she opens the
door.
Out of nowhere, she punches him in the gut, hard. He doubles
over as she races up the stairs.
He takes a second to recover. Limps to an elevator, getting
in. He holds the door for Michael and Aaron.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR - MORNING - CONTINUOUS

Michael and Aaron stand in the elevator, both fuming. Sean
stands behind them, injured and bleeding, watching the floor
counter, towel still draped over his shoulder.
MICHAEL
Why dont we ever stay at your
place?
AARON
Huh?

MICHAEL
We have never stayed at your place.

AARON
Thats not true.

MICHAEL
Yes it is.

AARON
(beat, sighs)
I told you, I like my space.

MICHAEL
Why?
 24.

AARON
(stunned)
What?
The elevator comes to a stop. He comes out sprinting. Lauren
stands, keys in the door. She spots Sean barrelling towards
her and struggles to get it open.
He spear tackles her and they disappear into the apartment.

MICHAEL
Weve been together for five
months. Why dont you want me in
your space? I love having you in my
space.

AARON
I cant believe this.
Aaron walks into the hallway.
MICHAEL
Do you even like spending time with
me?
Aaron stops. He looks at him, softening.
AARON
Michael. Of course I do.
He reaches across, tentatively taking his hand. Michael
reluctantly accepts.
AARON (CONTD)
Im sorry I made you feel like
that. Of course I like spending
time with you.
MICHAEL
You mean that?

AARON
Yes.

He pulls him into kiss.

MICHAEL
(beat)
I love you.
Aaron looks him in the eye.
 25.

AARON
I better make sure they dont
destroy the place.

He gives him a pat on the chest before heading down the

hallway.
Off Michael, watching him walk away.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

Lucas, still not changed, steps out. Hes got the puke bag
dripping with toilet water in his gloved hand. He heads for
the bin.

He spots a suspicious MAN (mid 20s) in a hoodie walking up to

their front garden. Watches him.

He nonchalantly walks up to a bush, reaches in and pulls out

a bag of white powder. Reaches in and takes out another one.
And one last bag. He checks them briefly before walking off.

Sean watches him leave, stunned.

INT. AARONS FLAT - SITTING ROOM - MORNING

Sean sits on the sofa, wincing as he dabs a cut on his face

with a cotton ball.

Lauren walks out from the shower, in a towel. A smug smirk on

her face.

LAUREN
Hey, did you want to use the
shower?
He gives her a look. Gets up to go in.

LAUREN (CONTD)
Oh by the way. I think that was the
last of the hot water. So sorry. I
guess I just lost track of time.

She holds the stare for a moment before leaving the room.

Off Sean, well and truly defeated.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

Sean stands by the bushes in front of their house, examining

them. He considers.
 26.

He reaches in. Rummages around for a moment. Pulls his hand

out.

Hes holding a GUN.

Beat.

Calmly, he pulls out a napkin, with a flourish, wipes the

gun, quietly stuffs it back and heads back into the house.

INT. OFFICE - BREAKROOM - DAY

Sean sits stands by the fridge, looking inside. Hes got a

plaster on his face and wears a cheap suit.

He pulls out a bag of food. ANDREA is written pretty boldly

on the front.

CHRIS (22) walks in and sits at the table, pulling out his
phone.

CHRIS
Yo yo.

SEAN
You know if Dans in yet?

CHRIS
You didnt notice the pain in my
arse?

SEAN
I need to talk to him about an
advance.

CHRIS
Ha! Good luck with that.

SEAN
What?

CHRIS
He hates your guts.

SEAN
Me? Why would anyone not like me?

Sean takes a bit of the sandwich. Disgusted, he spits it out

into a bin.

SEAN (CONTD)
Jesus. Onions in a sandwich? Who
the hell...
(MORE)
 27.
SEAN (CONTD)
(reads bag)
Figures.

He tosses half eaten sandwich back into the bag and puts it
back in the fridge.

CHRIS
If you need extra money, I know a
guy that sells weed.

A moment as he considers.

SEAN
Can you get me some?

ANDREA (40s) walks in and heads for the fridge.

SEAN (CONTD)
(notices her)
Im gonna go. Is he in his office?

CHRIS
Just follow the smell.

Sean exits.

She takes out her sandwich bag and sits on the table. She
pulls out the half eaten sandwich, stunned.

She turns to Chris.

ANDREA
(stares daggers)
Did you see who did this?

CHRIS
(doesnt look up)
Nope.

INT. OFFICE - DANS OFFICE - DAY

DAN (50s) with a sad goatee, sits at his desk, typing at his
computer. A KNOCK on the door.

Before he can answer, Sean walks in and takes a seat.

SEAN
Dan? I need to talk to you.

DAN
Im actually in the middle of--
 28.

SEAN
I need a favour. Ive run into some
trouble and it would be really
great if I could get an advance.
Just a couple of weeks.

Dan sighs, taking off his glasses.

DAN
Im afraid I cant do that.

SEAN
Oh come on. Its just a few weeks.
I really need this.

DAN
Sean. Do you know youve been late
every single day for the last two
months?

SEAN
... There was traffic.

DAN
And Im hearing complaints about
your conduct with the rest of the
staff.

SEAN
Andrea is a liar.

Beat.

DAN
Are you really happy with the way
youve been carrying on here?
Youre one of the least productive
staff members we have. Youve been
underachieving consistently every
quarter since you started.

Sean doesnt know what to say.

DAN (CONTD)
Im afraid I just wont be able to
reward that kind of behaviour. Ive
got responsibilities. And we dont
need you that badly.

Dan puts his glasses back on and gets back to work. Sean just
sits there.

END OF ACT TWO

 29.

ACT THREE

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - AFTERNOON

A pretty quiet street. Discreet.

INT. COFFEE SHOP - AFTERNOON

Lauren, pretty well done up, sits at a table with an

impressively foamy drink, scrolling through her phone. Shes
not pleased.

RICHARD (37), sharply dressed in a suit, walks up to the

table, silky smooth.

RICHARD
(hushed)
Excuse me miss.

She looks up. He leans in, whispering.

RICHARD (CONTD)
Make sure you keep this quiet, but
I have a magic genie that grants
wishes. You get two.

LAUREN
... Isnt it supposed to be three.

RICHARD
I already used one. On you.

Beat.

RICHARD (CONTD)
(pleased with himself)
Well? How was that?

LAUREN
Youre late.

RICHARD
Come on. Ive been working on that
since yesterday.

LAUREN
Its long.

He sits.
 30.

RICHARD
Sheesh. Cant please some people.
(re: her drink)
You already ordered? Chivalry is
dead.

He takes a sip of her drink.

RICHARD (CONTD)
Jesus. Its like drinking a pillow.

LAUREN
Why are you late? Were you with
her?

Beat.

RICHARD
You look nice. I love that colour
on you.

He calls over a WAITER.

RICHARD (CONTD)
Ill have a coffee. Black as you
make it.
(smirks at Lauren)
I can handle that.

WAITER
Im sorry sir, were actually out
of coffee.

RICHARD
What? How?

WAITER
... We used it all.

RICHARD
Wow. OK. What else do you have?

LAUREN
(interrupts)
I need money.

Beat. The Waiter just stands there, not sure what to do.

RICHARD
(sighs)
Really? Again? How much?

LAUREN
Three thousand.
 31.

RICHARD
Jesus. What for?

LAUREN
Why would you ask me that? You know
I hate that.

RICHARD
Thats a lot of money, Lauren. You
could be gambling. For all I know
theres a loan shark waiting in
your wardrobe with a lead pipe.

LAUREN
I have bills.

He sighs, resigned.

RICHARD
OK. Anything you want.

Beat.

WAITER
Erm, we have tea... juice...
sandwiches.

Lauren eyes Richard.

LAUREN
Actually, well take the bill.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHARDS CAR - AFTERNOON

Lauren and Richard go at it in the back seat, ripping off

each others clothes and kissing madly.

EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON

Richards car in a pretty full parking lot, bouncing away.

INT. AARONS FLAT - KITCHEN - EVENING

Michael walks in, showered and changed. He spots Aaron over

the stove, making omelettes.

MICHAEL
Oh wow. Smells good.
 32.

AARON
My famous omelette. Eggs and
cheese.

MICHAEL
Well, there goes my diet.

Michael sits as Aaron serves.

AARON
What the hell are you dieting for?

MICHAEL
Aww. You didnt have to say that.

AARON
Well, you were fishing pretty
hard. Nearly had my eye out.

MICHAEL
(laughs)
No I wasnt.
(beat)
Its just, I feel so fat these
days.

Beat. Michael coyly avoids eye contact.

AARON
(chuckles)
Youve never looked better.

With a smile, Michael takes a bite.

MICHAEL
Oh my god. This is so good.

AARON
I told you. Its famous.

A laugh.

AARON (CONTD)
So how are you gonna pay this bill?

MICHAEL
Im going to have to pick up some
extra shifts. You probably wont be
seeing me that much for a little
while.

AARON
Well, you know I could help you
out. If you want.
 33.

MICHAEL
What?

AARON
Yeah. I have some savings.

MICHAEL
Are you sure about that? I mean,
thats kinda...

AARON
I want to help. And I can.

MICHAEL
I cant believe you would do that
for me.

AARON
Its really not a big deal.

MICHAEL
Wow. Thank you.

He wraps him in a tight hug.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
I love you.

Beat.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
(pulls back)
Aaron?

He wont look him in the eyes. Michael almost crumples in his

chair.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
Are you kidding me?

Aaron sighs, caught.

AARON
What do you want me to say?

MICHAEL
You know what I want you to say.

Beat.

AARON
I cant say that.

Beat.
 34.

MICHAEL
So what do we do now?

Off the two of them, sitting silently.

EXT. STREET - EVENING

Richards car drives through Laurens neighbourhood. Its

getting dark.

INT. RICHARDS CAR - EVENING

Richard drives with Lauren sat next to him, touching up her

make-up.

Richards looking around at the area.

RICHARD
I cant believe you live here. Its
so shit.

LAUREN
Im sorry. Buckingham Palace was
full.

RICHARD
I worry about you. Why dont you
look for a new place? Somewhere
with underground sewage.

LAUREN
You can drop me here.

RICHARD
Id feel a lot better dropping you
at your place.
(playful)
Are you ashamed of me?

LAUREN
Im not the one with a wife.

RICHARD
(exasperated)
Fine.

Richard pulls over. Practically slamming the breaks.

RICHARD (CONTD)
Why do you insist on ruining every
moment we spend together?
 35.

She gets out.

EXT. STREET - EVENING

Lauren watches as Richards car drives away.

EXT. OFFICE - EVENING

Establishing.

People leave, heading home.

INT. DANS OFFICE

Dan sits at his desk, eating an apple as he works.

The office is pretty quiet. Sean walks by his door. He looks

distraught.

SEAN
Ill... see you Monday.

DAN
(doesnt look up)
Have a good weekend.

Sean lingers at the door.

SEAN
Erm...

DAN
Can I help you?

He enters the room.

SEAN
About that advance.

DAN
I thought I made myself pretty
clear. I cant help you.

SEAN
Just hear me out. If you do me this
favour, I promise Ill be an hour
early every day. Half an hour.

DAN
Listen, Sean--
 36.

SEAN
(almost in tears)
You were right. I need to start
taking things more seriously. And I
promise, from now on, I will put in
110 per--

Suddenly, Sean notices Dan acting a little strange. He drops

his apple and gets to his feet, making gurgling noises.

SEAN (CONTD)
Are you OK?

Hes choking.

Realising this Sean moves to help him.

He stops. Something runs through his mind. Dan stares at him,

confused.

An evil smirk spreads across his face.

SEAN (CONTD)
Well well well. Would you look at
that. Whats going on Danny boy?
You dont look so good.

He pulls up a chair, right in front of him and takes a seat.

SEAN (CONTD)
You look like you need a hand. My
oh my. But Im afraid I cannot
reward this type of behaviour.

Dan grabs at him as he falls to his knees. Seans every bit

the Bond villain.

SEAN (CONTD)
I guess I could help you out. For a
nice little bonus. I mean, Ive
been working pretty hard.

Dan cant believe it.

SEAN (CONTD)
Or you could take care of this
yourself. Im sure you can handle
it.

Dan, still gasping for air, nods desperately.

 37.

SEAN (CONTD)
Oh, Im not going to just take your
word for it. Im going to need a
check.

At that moment, a JANITOR walks into the room.

Dan, saved at last, frantically waves for the Janitor,

gesturing at his throat.

JANITOR
... Is everything OK in here?

Sean, cool as a cucumber, turns to him.

SEAN
Sorry, were actually in the middle
of a meeting.

JANITOR
Oh, Im sorry. Ill leave you to
it.

He heads out. Dan is losing his mind.

SEAN
And if you could get the door for
me on the way out, that would be
great.

The Janitor obliges, with a polite salute.

Sean turns to Dan, unfazed.

SEAN (CONTD)
Well? That check wont write
itself.

A moment. The eyes of the devil.

CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - EVENING

Sean bursts into the room, waving a check over his head and
holding a couple boxes of pizza.

SEAN
Im rich losers. Cry your eyes out.

He stops.
 38.

Lauren and Lucas are sat at the table, consoling Michael,

whos eyes are red with tears. Tissues and vodka.

SEAN (CONTD)
Woah.

LAUREN
He broke up with Aaron.

SEAN
(sits)
Oh shit.

Michael takes a long sip of vodka. He puts out the empty

glass. Lucas tops him up.

LUCAS
You deserve someone as gay as you.
Not some poser.

Confused stares.

LAUREN
Anyway, youll be OK. Youre better
off without him. Did you guys
notice he had a bit of a breath
thing?

LUCAS
Oh god. And he would never take a
mint. Like on purpose.

SEAN
Ill cheers to that.

Lucas pours out a glass, passing it to Sean. He raises the

glass. Lauren and Lucas follow suit.

SEAN (CONTD)
Fuck him!

LAUREN/LUCAS
Fuck him!

Michael bursts out laughing. He raises his glass.

MICHAEL
FUCK HIM!

We PULL BACK as they cheers and chug their drinks.

Sean passes down the pizzas. They each take a slice.

END OF ACT THREE

 39.

TAG

INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Lucas walks down the hallway in a vest and shorts, with a

towel over his shoulder. He enters the bathroom, closing the
door behind him.

We hear him doing something for a few moments.

LUCAS (O.S.)
SON OF A BITCH!

A moment passes.

Sean and Lauren step out of their rooms, in their pyjamas,

attracted by the noise.

The look at each other, not sure whats going on.

A moment later, Lucas steps out, naked, with a tower around

his waist and his hair mid SHAMPOO. A pile of white foam.

He walks past both of them without saying anything and goes

into his room, SLAMMING the door shut with rage.

Beat.

Lauren and Sean head back into their rooms and close the
door.

END OF SHOW