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Sounds like good old fashioned 'common sense'! ...

there was a time when a simple slap would

solve the problem. But, that was before the present day politically correct and ridiculous assault
charges criminalized a woman's simple solution. It is easier for certain men to take advantage of
certain women, and vice/versa, now that men know they will most likely not suffer an
embarrassing sharp public rebuke for very rude behavior? But look how it is creating gender
chaos, youth confusion and a windfall for many a lawyer.

Now take Judge Roy Moore for example:

Edgar Allan Poe was one of the most revered poets and writers the United States
produced...BUT, he married a thirteen year old adolescent. Should the memory and history of
this icon be relegated to the dust bin of history and never to be spoken of again??? Maybe as
was Joan of Arc...the Judge should be burned at the stake!!!



Sexual Harassment, What Women Can and Should Do

by Rebecca Costa

Any time I suggest there are things women can do to avoid sexual harassment I come under
immediate fire. Youre blaming the victim! Why should women change when men are the
perpetrators? Why are you shifting the responsibility to women?

Can we talk?

I mean really talk.

For the record, sexual assault is not permissible under any circumstances. It doesnt matter if
its men groping other men, men taking advantage of women, or whether the offender is
powerful, a peer, or complete stranger. If it isnt consensual, its off limits.

On the other hand, consider this: You dont leave your front door wide open and say Why do
I have to change when its the thiefs behavior thats the problem! You dont walk down a dark
alley on the bad side of town alone, leave your keys in the ignition, or taunt street gang
members. And you dont go to a hotel room late at night for a business meeting.

Im not saying that if you do you deserve to be harassed or assaulted. No, far from it. But
neither do I accept the outlook that women are dependent on the law and others to protect
them. There are precautions women can and should take. And the more we deny women the
opportunity to take control before an incident can occur, the less empowered they feel.

Let me explain.

I am a woman. I rose up through the ranks in Silicon Valley during the Eighties and Nineties to
become one of only 3 women CEOs in technology at that time. Surrounded by male executives,
engineers, scientists and investors, there should be no doubt in anyones mind as to whether I
experienced my share of offensive advances, offers and suggestions. I know first hand the range
of emotions that come from having a man unzip his pants in his office, grope you at the company
Christmas party, knock at your adjoining hotel room door at 2AM.

But here is where I part company with my sisters who are calling for the heads of Weinstein,
Franken, Lauer, Rose, Conyers, Keillor, Moore, and a growing list of alleged abusers. I took as
many measures as I could to avoid situations where I could be vulnerable. Obviously, I wasnt
successful at eliminating all harassment. But as sure as I run my own business today, Im
confident I avoided many more incidents than I fell victim to.

And while Im certain to hear from folks who insist Im making women responsible for the
sexual misconduct which is now coming to light - for those interested in taking measures to head
off harassment, these are some of the work-arounds I found helpful:

1. Avoid dinner meetings when possible. And if you cant avoid dinner, ask if you can pick the
restaurant. Then suggest one you know has valet parking.

When dinner is over, excuse yourself to the restroom, flag down a busboy, waiter, etc., Hand
them your valet ticket and a nice tip and tell them you need the valet to have your car running
outside the front entrance. In this way, a man cannot offer to walk you to your car.

And heres another thing. Never agree to drive a man to his car. Always have a large empty
box you can plunk into the front passenger seat. Just point to the box and say I would, but. . .

2. Avoid traveling together on a plane. This way you will not have to sit closely together for long
stretches of time and can also avoid sharing ground transportation.

3. Check into different hotels. Claim you reserved your room too late or are collecting rewards
points from another chain. While youre at it, make sure to ask for a room that is not on the
ground floor.

4. Never meet in a mans hotel room (even a suite), or go to their home to conduct business.
Suggest a public place.

5. When you meet in an office or conference room leave the door open. And if and when it
makes sense, invite other members of your team to the meeting.

6. Working late is often necessary, but these days there is very little that cannot be done at
home. If you do need to stay late find a friend who also has some catching up to do. The buddy
system works.

7. Avoid discussing personal issues. This can easily be mistake for receptivity. If you are asked
about your marriage, children, sexual likes or dislikes, etc. use a segue like Oh, thats not very
interesting. . .but you know what IS really interesting? (insert a business, sports, or other neutral

8. Company celebrations, holiday parties and other social gatherings (especially those involving
alcohol) are land mines. Participate and be sociable, but leave early before the fun gets out of

9. If a man is getting suggestive, excuse yourself to go to the restroom. Often a long break in the
momentum will bring a perpetrator to his senses. If this doesnt work then make an excuse to
leave the room immediately.

10. Do not accept gifts. When I received flowers, I was quick to say thank you and tell the
sender they were so beautiful I wanted everyone to enjoy them and placed them in the front
lobby. If a man brings you coffee, lunch, etc., thank him and make sure to pay for it. This sends a
clear message.

There are of course dozens and dozens of ways to quash the opportunity for sexual
harassment, but you get the picture. I found the best way to deal with unwanted advances is to
do everything in my power to avoid confrontation, danger, embarrassment, and worse. The fact
is, by thinking and acting ahead of time, I felt empowered. And empowerment is the opposite of
Yet, even taking as many precautions as I did, I could not sidestep all of the unsolicited
attention my gender garnered.

If I had known then, what I know now, I would have done what Gretchen Carlson suggests in
her book Be Fierce. I would have told others what happened. I would have put the details down
in writing. I would have skipped going to Human Resources who put the interest of the company
first and foremost. I would have hired an experienced lawyer to help me navigate a touchy
situation. By taking theses steps, Carlson was not only able to protect her career from injury, she
stopped Fox News founder Roger Ailes from producing additional victims.

And though Carlson is to be praised and admired for her courage, I see the problem of sexual
harassment differently. I want to empower women before-the-fact. I dont want women to
think there is nothing they can do until harassment, or worse yet, an assault, has already
occurred. I dont want women to think the only way to advance in their careers is to look the
other way, or sue. And I dont want women to hold out false hope that men will suddenly
behave and obey laws that have been put into place to protect the vulnerable.

There are things women can and should do.