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As we climbed up the mountainous terrain, I noticed what looked like little black blobs

standing on a cliff. I imagined the view from that cliff and I was drawn to it; it was so far away
but I was determined to make it there. When we started the sun was high up in the sky and as we
continued walking for what seemed like years the sun started to sink. Along the way we saw
rocks begging to be climbed, waterfalls, and cliffs. I accumulated so much sweat that day from
making my way uphill, downhill, uphill, and downhill over and over again. The dirt seeped into
my skin; so much dirt I never thought it would wash out. Just when I started to think about the
dirt stained into my skin, nature gave us just what we needed; a natural shower. To be quite
frank, it is extremely difficult to walk uphill in mud with rain falling so hard you cant see three
feet ahead of you. Chills ran up my spine as we climbed farther up the canyon. The wind grew
hostile and cold the farther we trekked up the mountain. These bumps in the road made the view
so much better.
Once we arrived to the top off the cliff, the beauty immediately yanked me to the edge. I
had always heard that the point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear; I couldnt
agree more. As I stood on the edge of the cliff, surveying the beauty of the canyon with all of its
shades of red and muddy brown, I felt peace in my heart. The birds swooped up and down the
canyon congratulating us for making it that far. I wanted to go farther. I wanted to see more. I
convinced my mom to come with me to this waterfall that was supposed to be fairly close. It did
not seem fairly close. While it might have only been three quarters of a mile, the trail was uphill
in the wet mud. Slipping in this mud could lead to your death or serious injury. This thought did
not cross my mind when I was climbing; I just wanted to see more of natures beauty. As we
slipped and slid every step of the way while it was raining on and off, all we could think about
was what we would see once we arrived. Right before we got to the waterfall we had to climb
these ginormous rocks; we did so pretty easily (rocks are easier to climb than piles of mud) and
rounded the corner. What I would see next changed my life. There was a beautiful waterfall right
at my feet. The waterfall flowed off the mountain like honey. The sound of the water flowing
was so loud because we were so close to it. Mist sprayed on our faces as a kiss from mother
nature to thank us for coming to visit her. I walked over to this rock on the edge by the flowing
water. I looked death in the eye and laughed in his face. How can some people be so scared of
dying when there is so much living to be done in the world? My time on this earth is scarce and I
must see it all. Heres to living.
Rubric rating submitted on: 12/11/2017, 11:26:15 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org
5 4 3 2 1 0

Introduction 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No


W.3.a creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
Your score: demonstrated Engages and demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Engages and
5 Engages and orient the a couple a few errors several errors orient the
orient the reader by errors exist exist exist reader by
reader by setting out a Engages and Engages and Engages and setting out a
setting out a problem orient the orient the orient the problem
problem (conflict), reader by reader by reader by (conflict),
(conflict), situation, or setting out a setting out a setting out a situation, or
situation, or observation problem problem problem observation
observation and (conflict), (conflict), (conflict), and
and determines its situation, or situation, or situation, or determines its
determines its significance. observation observation observation significance.
significance. Establishes and and and Establishes
Establishes one or determines its determines its determines its one or
one or multiple significance. significance. significance. multiple
multiple point(s) of Establishes Establishes Establishes point(s) of
point(s) of view and one or one or one or view and
view and introduces the multiple multiple multiple introduces the
introduces the narrator point(s) of point(s) of point(s) of narrator
narrator and/or view and view and view and and/or
and/or characters. introduces the introduces the introduces the characters.
characters. narrator narrator narrator
and/or and/or and/or
characters. characters. characters.

Rising Action 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No


& Climax creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
W.3.b,c,d (1) demonstrated Uses dialogue demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Uses dialogue
Your score: Uses dialogue and a couple a few errors several errors and
5 and description errors exist exist exist description
description (characterizat Uses dialogue Uses dialogue Uses dialogue (characterizat
(characterizat ion) to and and and ion) to
ion) to develop description description description develop
develop experiences, (characterizat (characterizat (characterizat experiences,
experiences, events, and/or ion) to ion) to ion) to events, and/or
events, and/or characters. develop develop develop characters.
characters. Uses pacing, experiences, experiences, experiences, Uses pacing,
Uses pacing, reflection , events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or reflection ,
reflection , suspense and characters. characters. characters. suspense and
suspense and foreshadowin Uses pacing, Uses pacing, Uses pacing, foreshadowin
foreshadowin g to develop reflection , reflection , reflection , g to develop
g to develop experiences, suspense and suspense and suspense and experiences,
experiences, events, and/or foreshadowin foreshadowin foreshadowin events, and/or
events, and/or characters. g to develop g to develop g to develop characters.
characters. Sequence experiences, experiences, experiences, Sequence
Sequence events so that events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or events so that
events so that they build on characters. characters. characters. they build on
they build on one another Sequence Sequence Sequence one another
one another to create a events so that events so that events so that to create a
to create a coherent they build on they build on they build on coherent
coherent whole and one another one another one another whole and
whole and build toward to create a to create a to create a build toward
build toward a particular coherent coherent coherent a particular
a particular tone and whole and whole and whole and tone and
tone and outcome (e.g. build toward build toward build toward outcome (e.g.
outcome (e.g. sense of a particular a particular a particular sense of
sense of mystery, tone and tone and tone and mystery,
mystery, suspense, outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. suspense,
suspense, growth, or sense of sense of sense of growth, or
growth, or resolution) mystery, mystery, mystery, resolution)
resolution) Uses clear suspense, suspense, suspense, Uses clear
Uses clear transitions growth, or growth, or growth, or transitions
transitions frequently to resolution) resolution) resolution) frequently to
frequently to help develop Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear help develop
help develop the transitions transitions transitions the
the sequencing of frequently to frequently to frequently to sequencing of
sequencing of events. help develop help develop help develop events.
events. Uses a the the the Uses a
Uses a precise/strong sequencing of sequencing of sequencing of precise/strong
precise/strong words and events. events. events. words and
words and phrases, Uses a Uses a Uses a phrases,
phrases, telling details, precise/strong precise/strong precise/strong telling details,
telling details, and sensory words and words and words and and sensory
and sensory language to phrases, phrases, phrases, language to
language to convey a telling details, telling details, telling details, convey a
convey a vivid picture and sensory and sensory and sensory vivid picture
vivid picture of the language to language to language to of the
of the experiences, convey a convey a convey a experiences,
experiences, events, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture events,
events, settings of the of the of the settings
settings and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
and/or characters. events, events, events, characters.
characters. Develops a settings settings settings Develops a
Develops a theme and and/or and/or and/or theme and
theme and weave it characters. characters. characters. weave it
weave it throughout Develops a Develops a Develops a throughout
throughout the narrative. theme and theme and theme and the narrative.
the narrative. Presents and weave it weave it weave it Presents and
Presents and develops throughout throughout throughout develops
develops complications the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. complications
complications to lead up to Presents and Presents and Presents and to lead up to
to lead up to the climax develops develops develops the climax
the climax and develops complications complications complications and develops
and develops a clear climax to lead up to to lead up to to lead up to a clear climax
a clear climax or turning the climax the climax the climax or turning
or turning point in the and develops and develops and develops point in the
point in the narrative. a clear climax a clear climax a clear climax narrative.
narrative. Uses or turning or turning or turning Uses
Uses figurative point in the point in the point in the figurative
figurative language in narrative. narrative. narrative. language in
language in the narrative Uses Uses Uses the narrative
the narrative to develop the figurative figurative figurative to develop the
to develop the plot, language in language in language in plot,
plot, characters, the narrative the narrative the narrative characters,
characters, events, and/or to develop the to develop the to develop the events, and/or
events, and/or experiences. plot, plot, plot, experiences.
experiences. Uses at least characters, characters, characters, Uses at least
Uses at least one of the events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or one of the
one of the following: experiences. experiences. experiences. following:
following: irony, Uses at least Uses at least Uses at least irony,
irony, symbolism, one of the one of the one of the symbolism,
symbolism, multiple following: following: following: multiple
multiple plots, irony, irony, irony, plots,
plots, paradox, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, paradox,
paradox, archetype, multiple multiple multiple archetype,
archetype, flashback, or plots, plots, plots, flashback, or
flashback, or stream of paradox, paradox, paradox, stream of
stream of consciousness archetype, archetype, archetype, consciousness
consciousness . flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or .
. stream of stream of stream of
consciousness consciousness consciousness
. . .

Rising Action 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No


& Climax creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
W.3.b,c,d (2) demonstrated Uses dialogue demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Uses dialogue
Your score: Uses dialogue and a couple a few errors several errors and
5 and description errors exist exist exist description
description (characterizat Uses dialogue Uses dialogue Uses dialogue (characterizat
(characterizat ion) to and and and ion) to
ion) to develop description description description develop
develop experiences, (characterizat (characterizat (characterizat experiences,
experiences, events, and/or ion) to ion) to ion) to events, and/or
events, and/or characters. develop develop develop characters.
characters. Uses pacing, experiences, experiences, experiences, Uses pacing,
Uses pacing, reflection , events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or reflection ,
reflection , suspense and characters. characters. characters. suspense and
suspense and foreshadowin Uses pacing, Uses pacing, Uses pacing, foreshadowin
foreshadowin g to develop reflection , reflection , reflection , g to develop
g to develop experiences, suspense and suspense and suspense and experiences,
experiences, events, and/or foreshadowin foreshadowin foreshadowin events, and/or
events, and/or characters. g to develop g to develop g to develop characters.
characters. Sequence experiences, experiences, experiences, Sequence
Sequence events so that events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or events so that
events so that they build on characters. characters. characters. they build on
they build on one another Sequence Sequence Sequence one another
one another to create a events so that events so that events so that to create a
to create a coherent they build on they build on they build on coherent
coherent whole and one another one another one another whole and
whole and build toward to create a to create a to create a build toward
build toward a particular coherent coherent coherent a particular
a particular tone and whole and whole and whole and tone and
tone and outcome (e.g. build toward build toward build toward outcome (e.g.
outcome (e.g. sense of a particular a particular a particular sense of
sense of mystery, tone and tone and tone and mystery,
mystery, suspense, outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. suspense,
suspense, growth, or sense of sense of sense of growth, or
growth, or resolution) mystery, mystery, mystery, resolution)
resolution) Uses clear suspense, suspense, suspense, Uses clear
Uses clear transitions growth, or growth, or growth, or transitions
transitions frequently to resolution) resolution) resolution) frequently to
frequently to help develop Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear help develop
help develop the transitions transitions transitions the
the sequencing of frequently to frequently to frequently to sequencing of
sequencing of events. help develop help develop help develop events.
events. Uses a the the the Uses a
Uses a precise/strong sequencing of sequencing of sequencing of precise/strong
precise/strong words and events. events. events. words and
words and phrases, Uses a Uses a Uses a phrases,
phrases, telling details, precise/strong precise/strong precise/strong telling details,
telling details, and sensory words and words and words and and sensory
and sensory language to phrases, phrases, phrases, language to
language to convey a telling details, telling details, telling details, convey a
convey a vivid picture and sensory and sensory and sensory vivid picture
vivid picture of the language to language to language to of the
of the experiences, convey a convey a convey a experiences,
experiences, events, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture events,
events, settings of the of the of the settings
settings and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
and/or characters. events, events, events, characters.
characters. Develops a settings settings settings Develops a
Develops a theme and and/or and/or and/or theme and
theme and weave it characters. characters. characters. weave it
weave it throughout Develops a Develops a Develops a throughout
throughout the narrative. theme and theme and theme and the narrative.
the narrative. Presents and weave it weave it weave it Presents and
Presents and develops throughout throughout throughout develops
develops complications the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. complications
complications to lead up to Presents and Presents and Presents and to lead up to
to lead up to the climax develops develops develops the climax
the climax and develops complications complications complications and develops
and develops a clear climax to lead up to to lead up to to lead up to a clear climax
a clear climax or turning the climax the climax the climax or turning
or turning point in the and develops and develops and develops point in the
point in the narrative. a clear climax a clear climax a clear climax narrative.
narrative. Uses or turning or turning or turning Uses
Uses figurative point in the point in the point in the figurative
figurative language in narrative. narrative. narrative. language in
language in the narrative Uses Uses Uses the narrative
the narrative to develop the figurative figurative figurative to develop the
to develop the plot, language in language in language in plot,
plot, characters, the narrative the narrative the narrative characters,
characters, events, and/or to develop the to develop the to develop the events, and/or
events, and/or experiences. plot, plot, plot, experiences.
experiences. Uses at least characters, characters, characters, Uses at least
Uses at least one of the events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or one of the
one of the following: experiences. experiences. experiences. following:
following: irony, Uses at least Uses at least Uses at least irony,
irony, symbolism, one of the one of the one of the symbolism,
symbolism, multiple following: following: following: multiple
multiple plots, irony, irony, irony, plots,
plots, paradox, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, paradox,
paradox, archetype, multiple multiple multiple archetype,
archetype, flashback, or plots, plots, plots, flashback, or
flashback, or stream of paradox, paradox, paradox, stream of
stream of consciousness archetype, archetype, archetype, consciousness
consciousness . flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or .
. stream of stream of stream of
consciousness consciousness consciousness
. . .

Falling 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No


Action & creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
Conclusion demonstrated The problem, demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; The problem,
W.3.e The problem, situation, or a couple a few errors several errors situation, or
situation, or observation is errors exist exist exist observation is
Your score: observation is clearly The problem, The problem, The problem, clearly
5 clearly resolved. situation, or situation, or situation, or resolved.
resolved. Provides a observation is observation is observation is Provides a
Provides a conclusion clearly clearly clearly conclusion
conclusion that follows resolved. resolved. resolved. that follows
that follows from and Provides a Provides a Provides a from and
from and reflects on conclusion conclusion conclusion reflects on
reflects on what is that follows that follows that follows what is
what is experienced, from and from and from and experienced,
experienced, observed, or reflects on reflects on reflects on observed, or
observed, or resolved over what is what is what is resolved over
resolved over the course of experienced, experienced, experienced, the course of
the course of the narrative. observed, or observed, or observed, or the narrative.
the narrative. Reflects upon resolved over resolved over resolved over Reflects upon
Reflects upon the theme(s) the course of the course of the course of the theme(s)
the theme(s) in the the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. in the
in the conclusion to Reflects upon Reflects upon Reflects upon conclusion to
conclusion to leave the the theme(s) the theme(s) the theme(s) leave the
leave the reader with a in the in the in the reader with a
reader with a lasting conclusion to conclusion to conclusion to lasting
lasting message to leave the leave the leave the message to
message to take away reader with a reader with a reader with a take away
take away from the story lasting lasting lasting from the story
from the story and apply to message to message to message to and apply to
and apply to life. take away take away take away life.
life. from the story from the story from the story
and apply to and apply to and apply to
life. life. life.

Mechanics, 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= Attempted 1= Attempted 0 = No


Usage & creatively Demonstrated Attempted to to to attempt made
Style W.1.c,d demonstrated Sentence demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Sentence
& L. 1 & 2 Sentence variety and a couple a few errors several errors variety and
variety and word choice errors exist exist exist word choice
Your score: word choice is effective Sentence Sentence Sentence is effective
5 is effective and variety and variety and variety and and
and sophisticated. word choice word choice word choice sophisticated.
sophisticated. A formal is effective is effective is effective A formal
A formal style and and and and style and
style and objective tone sophisticated. sophisticated. sophisticated. objective tone
objective tone is established A formal A formal A formal is established
is established and style and style and style and and
and maintained & objective tone objective tone objective tone maintained &
maintained & Writing is is established is established is established Writing is
Writing is clear, and and and clear,
clear, concise, and maintained & maintained & maintained & concise, and
concise, and strong. Writing is Writing is Writing is strong.
strong. Sentences clear, clear, clear, Sentences
Sentences demonstrate concise, and concise, and concise, and demonstrate
demonstrate correct usage, strong. strong. strong. correct usage,
correct usage, punctuation, Sentences Sentences Sentences punctuation,
punctuation, capitalization, demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate capitalization,
capitalization, and spelling. correct usage, correct usage, correct usage, and spelling.
and spelling. punctuation, punctuation, punctuation,
capitalization, capitalization, capitalization,
and spelling. and spelling. and spelling.
Comments:
Total: 25/25 A

http://talkandcomment.com/p/0a106288dfb07635be1e6dc0 (voice note)