TONALITY: THE SECRET WEAPON OF INFLUENCE

May 2012
 Tonality:
The Secret Weapon of Influence

We are all familiar with how being persuasively adept and building rapport can provide an upper-hand
in the field of sales. The bottom line is that, all things being equal, prospects will buy from people
that they like. Period.

However, building real rapport goes beyond mere “likeability.” It all comes down to identifying the
intangible elements of communication—i.e. tonality—and then lining up and using them to move
someone emotionally and logically, so your prospect develops a real connection with you, and
ultimately wants to do business with you.

Establishing this connection starts with harnessing the power of the 6 Competencies that affect your
ability to capture a prospect’s attention.

• TONALITY: the secret weapon to influence a sale and build trust. Crucial to lowering the client’s
action threshold and to establish rapport.
• IMPACT: how to capture their attention instantly.
• ENGAGEMENT: the ability to hold someone’s attention without falling out of rapport.
• SHARP: the ability to be perceived by someone else as someone who can get them what they want,
someone who’s not going to waste their time, and someone worth listening to.
• SALES ENTHUSIASM: the ability to communicate on an unconscious level—the feeling that “this
must be good or why would they be so enthusiastic?”
• AUTHORATATIVE: the ability to come across as an expert in your field.
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 Tonality:
The Secret Weapon of Influence

“[Influence] has always been a core skill that allows us to function in every domain
of our lives, whether that’s as parents, as community volunteers, in our
neighborhoods, or on the job. Whenever we interact with other people, we can
be more effective if we know how to get our points across persuasively.”

–Dr. Robert B. Cialdini, psychologist and author of Influence: Science and

Practice

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 Creating Powerful & Constant Rapport

Creating rapport is a very powerful skill that is essential to the sales process. We’ve all, at one time or
another, experienced that feeling of being “in sync” with, or being “on the same wavelength” as the
person with whom you are talking to. This commonality of perspective, along with fostering
likeability and trust, is what is at the root of real rapport. Creating this level of connection requires
capturing and keeping your prospect’s attention by getting them to genuinely connect with you on
both a conscious and unconscious level.

Definition of Rapport: The art of combining your words, tonality, and physiology to create alignment
with someone else.

A key fact about creating rapport and one of the biggest misconceptions people have is that, once
established, rapport is not a constant—it takes continual effort.

Just because you establish initial rapport with someone, it doesn’t mean that your work is done and you
can just sit back and relax. Instead, it’s important to be aware that you are constantly falling into
and out of rapport throughout the sales process. One minute can find you in super tight rapport
with someone and the next minute you are completely out. However, the great news is, with the
right strategies and tactics, you can get yourself right back into rapport in an instant!

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 Creating Powerful & Constant Rapport

Understanding how people communicate, verbally and non-verbally, is the first step in mastering the
ability to stay in powerful and constant rapport with people.

{Competency Check-In}

Creating powerful and constant rapport is about the competency of having ENGAGEMENT.
Continuously coming across as a socially skilled, enthusiastic, and energetic individual will capture the
attention of your prospect and set you out as a memorable and compelling force.

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 Three Keys to Communication

We have been conditioned to spend so much time thinking about the words we use that we often
forget that there is even more valuable information being communicated through our tonality and
body language at the same time!

Albert Mehrabian, PhD, pioneered this deeper understanding of human communication by identifying
three primary modes of communication, often referred to as the 3 V’s:

Verbal: the words we use.

Vocal: the tonality we use.

Visual: the visuals cues or body language we embody when we communicate.

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 Three Keys to Communication

Breaking the communication research down into percentages, you might be shocked to hear that, on
average, our words only account for 9% of our communication. That leaves the other 91% of our
communication to tonality and body language.

Although words can be 100% impactful in many situations, it’s important to realize that tonality and
body language can often have an equal, if not more, impactful effect on someone than your actual
words. The key here is to increase your awareness of when all three forms of communication—
words, tonality, and body language—are most effective, and utilize them accordingly.

Remember: It’s not just what you say that matters. It’s HOW you say it

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 Three Things in 4 Seconds

We are all visual creatures and are influenced by what we see, whether it’s first-hand or in our “mind’s
eye.” In fact, studies have shown that people make judgments on what they see and hear within
seconds. In person, you have ¼ of a second before the person you are communicating with forms
their first impression. Communicating in an auditory manner—i.e. by phone or computer—buys you
a bit more time. Without direct visual cues, you now have 4 Seconds before an individual forms a
mental picture of you and you make that lasting first impression.

Therefore, there are three things you MUST establish in the first four seconds of a sale, or you’re done:

3 Things You MUST Establish Within 4 Seconds

•YOU’RE SHARP AS A TACK: you must come across as being on-the-ball, a person worth listening to;
otherwise you’re wasting their time.
•YOU’RE ENTHUSIASTIC AS HELL: this tells the prospect you have something really great to offer.
•YOU’RE AN EXPERT IN YOUR FIELD: this tells people you are an authority figure and a force to be
reckoned with. People are taught to respect and listen to authority figures from a young age.

This rolls up into one simple fact: You are a person worth listening to.

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 Three Things in 4 Seconds

One level above this is, you’re worth listening to because you are a person who can help them get what
they want and achieve their goals.

It is crucial that your prospects feel that you can help them alleviate their pain—otherwise they won’t
open themselves up to being influenced.

{Competency Check-In}

Establishing these 3 Things in 4 Seconds is about the competencies of SHARP, SALES ENTHUSIASM, and
AUTHORITATIVE. By quickly appearing as a sharp, intelligent, honestly enthusiastic professional, and a
force to be reckoned with, people will open themselves up to your influence.

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 Mastering Tonality

Tonality is one of the main keys to practically building rapport with your prospects—it’s the secret
weapon of influence.

Definition of Tonality: Learning to effectively and elegantly apply tonal patterns to control somebody
else’s internal dialogue.

Tonality isn’t a magic bullet that you’re born with; it’s a learned skill that you can master with practice.
The tone of your voice can alter a response, so in order to be an extraordinary influencer you need
to learn to pull these tonalities out of a hat in an instant.

Through tonal patterns you can make more powerful connections than what you convey with words
alone. For example, when you’re talking, the listener is running an unconscious dialogue against
your words—hearing what you say, narrating your words and either agreeing or disagreeing with
them.

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 Mastering Tonality

Tonal patterns are powerful because they can be used to literally manage the listener’s inner dialogue
so they’re thinking exactly what you want them to be thinking without having to say a lot of
words.

Perhaps insert a sample audio clip here of Jordan demoing some of the tonalities/short questions
here? (If not, delete this text box, as it’s merely a space holder.)

• Jordan/Jordan/Jordan

• I’m calling from Acuity Consulting? (it messes with people when use declarative as a question)

• How are you today? How are you doing today? (one says I care, one says I’m not interested)

• Do you have a minute?

• Are you interested?

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 Mastering Tonality

Remember, at the end of the day, what will ultimately influence people is emotion and they’ll justify
their actions with logic after the fact.

{Competency Check-In}

The competency of TONALITY is the secret weapon to influence a sale and build trust. Mastering this
competency is crucial to lowering a prospect’s action threshold and to establishing rapport.

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 8 Basic Tonality Patterns

Jordan Belfort has identified over 29 tonal patterns. Although this may sound overwhelming, keep in
mind that you are already unconsciously using most of them. Every time you say something in an
excited, certain, forceful, secretive, sincere or uncertain way, you’re using the art of tonality.
However, you can turn these tonalities into your secret weapon of influence by understanding their
impact and using them to consciously create the outcome you desire.

Here are 8 of the most common tonal patterns you’ll use to influence prospects:
[Ideally, it would be great to be able to imbed audio examples of each one!]

• Scarcity: Lower your voice to create urgency and the perception of a secret.
• “Reasonable Man” Tone: Use this when you want someone to do something and you’re implying
it’s no big deal. Examples: “Got a minute?” “Does that sound fair enough?” “Believe me you will not
be sorry.”
• Absolute Certainty: A harder, more definitive tone when you are implying something and are just
absolutely certain about it.
• “I Care” Pattern: When you’re responding to someone else’s statement with empathy and
sympathy. Example: Someone says, “I’m kind of a little bit tight for money now.” And you say, “I
totally understand that.”

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 8 Basic Tonality Patterns

• Using a Question When It Should Be Declarative: Use this to infer agreement. Example: If you say,
“Hi, this is Jordan Belfort.” They don’t really know who you are. But if you say, “Hi, this is Jordan
Belfort?” and raise your tone up, you are phrasing a declarative as a question. It’s sort of paralyzes
someone’s internal dialogue and causes them to do an internal memory search because they don’t
want to feel out of the loop.
• Series of Up-Tones: When you string these together it infers micro-agreements. This is taking the
“declarative as a question” pattern and taking it up a notch. Example: “This is Jordan Belfort?
Calling from Sales Acuity, Australia? We met over at the Park Hyatt, in Melbourne? By inferring
three micro agreements through your up-tones people will start agreeing with you.
• Presupposing Tone: Use this when you want to future pace someone and move it past the point of
shear obviousness. Example: “You’ll make money with it.” Use it to transition to future pacing so it’s
not even a question.
• “I Really Want to Know” Tone: This is a tone of full engagement and interest. It goes a long way
toward establishing instant rapport with somebody. Example: “How’s it going today?”—If you
establish yourself as a person who really wants to know about their life, it will stand out and create
an unconscious connection.

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 The Power of Body Language

Body language goes beyond mere appearance—it’s that non-verbal communication that has the power
to impart feelings, intentions, and thought, without ever saying a word. Body language at its best is
the effective management of time, space, appearance, posture, gestures, facial expression,
appearance, eye contact, touch, and smell.

Many people overlook the importance of body language as a selling skill. Even when you are only
interacting on the phone, how you move your body affects the tone of your voice. Overcoming a
bad first impression is as difficult as un-ringing a bell. However, if done right, you’ll find that
individuals become more willing to be influenced.

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 The Power of Body Language

MEN vs. WOMEN

Key Point: Body language is very different for men & women.
When Selling to a Woman:
•Stand directly in front of her and at least 2 feet away so that she can see your hands.
•Do NOT stand off to the side.
•Do NOT be a space-invader—if you invade her space, she will immediately withdraw.

When Selling to a Man:

•Always stand off to the side, never in front of a man.
•Confronting a man head-on is confrontational and obviously will make the prospect uncomfortable.

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 The Power of Body Language

{Competency Check-In}

Body Language is about the competency of having IMPACT. You can have an immediate positive impact
on clients by presenting a professional and smart appearance, and demonstrating purposeful body
language.

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 Handshakes

How you shake someone’s hand says volumes about who you are. Are you aggressive, meek, passive-
aggressive, confident, certain or uncertain? How you shake someone’s hand can either ‘give you
away’ or further establish the image you want to project.
In a business setting, the best handshake is your basic, natural handshake, otherwise known as the
“cooperators” handshake.

[OPTIMALLY, IT WOULD BE GREAT TO INSERT A SMALL VIDEO OF HOW TO CONDUCT A PROPER HANDSHAKE HERE
VS. JUST A STATIC IMAGE WITH ‘DIRECTIONS’]

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 The Power of Body Language

The “Cooperator’s Handshake”

DO:
•Shake hands at waist level and use the same pressure the other person is using.
•Grip the hand firmly, but not too tightly.
•Lightly pump the other hand once or twice and let go.

AVOID:
•The “nice to” handshake—this is too aggressive.
•The passive handshake—studies show that people who do this are trying to exude power over the
other person. This is the last thing that you want to do with a prospect!

Bottom line: don’t be too aggressive or passive with your handshake. Use the cooperator’s handshake
to make a good first impression.
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 Wrap Your Package

How you “wrap your package” can affect your life on every level—business and personal. That’s why
it’s important to dress yourself just as if you were giving a special gift to someone that is important
to you—using quality paper and ribbon versus that crumpled paper grocery bag and twine.

In order to succeed at anything it’s important to remember: Always dress for success. Never dress for
failure. How good you look determines how good you feel and will ultimately affect how well you
perform or meet your outcome.

Always strive to look sharp, but not too frilly or ostentatious. For men, this means wearing a dark suit
with a solid color shirt and matching tie to strengthen your image as an authority figure. For
women, it’s important to remember that sex does not “sell” in the art of persuasion; it only serves
to take the prospect’s mind off the subject. Instead, choosing to wear a business suit with a skirt or
slacks with a blouse that contrast the suit is the best option. Most importantly, for men and women
alike, dress in a style that suits you, so you feel comfortable with what you’re wearing.

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 Wrap Your Package

“You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.”
—Zig Ziglar

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 Matching & Mirroring

Matching and Mirroring involves using all three forms of communication: words, tonality, and body
language, in order to develop massive rapport with another person. By closely matching (not
copying) and mirroring the other person’s communication style (words, tonality, and body
language,) you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel
the way they do, and get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result,
create an unconscious and powerful level of rapport that enhances the whole relationship.

The key is to not make it obvious by changing positions the moment they do. Instead, wait a few
seconds, move around a bit, and then match a portion of their posture such as crossing your arms
or legs, or putting your hand on your hip. This is a very powerful technique for gaining rapport
because it operates on an unconscious level.

The Power of Matching & Mirroring

Matching and mirroring enables you to create the appropriate emotion that allows the prospect to
make the right decision, which is to buy your product or service offering.

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 Matching & Mirroring

Matching and mirroring is all about getting into the other person’s world so that you can lead them
through the sales process. You enter at the same level they are, and then slowly move that level up
or down depending on where you are in the presentation or close.

When you’re reaching out to prospects on the phone, you obviously can’t use body language in the
same way. Instead, focus on matching and mirroring through tonality and words, paying special
attention to pitch, energy level, and tone of voice. As mentioned previously, in the absence of
physical communication, 9% of your impact comes from your words and 91 % comes from your
tone.

Some people find the idea of matching and mirroring another person foreign and uncomfortable. To
overcome any uneasiness, realize that matching and mirroring is a natural way of building rapport
and that you’re likely doing it unconsciously every day with your close friends and loved ones. You
can gradually increase your conscious use of these skills at a pace that’s comfortable for you.
Mastering and ethically using these skills will only serve to create positive feelings and responses in
both you and your prospects.

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 Pacing & Leading

Pacing and Leading is a set of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques that can be very powerful
when applied to influence and persuasion. This is because it compels the person to unconsciously
set up a “yes set” in their mind, without ever actually having to verbally say “yes” to you. If done
properly and ethically, pacing and leading will dramatically increase the likelihood that your
prospects will respond to and accept your suggestions.

The Basics of Pacing & Leading

Pacing: When you’re communicating with someone, first pace with them: change and adjust to what
he/she is going through by elegantly and accurately changing gears whenever they do. You want to be
in agreement or rapport with them, so they feel comfortable and aligned with you.

Leading: After you’ve done this, you can now lead them effectively—whereby you start to initiate
change rather than just mirroring the other person. Leading happens at the point when you’ve
developed so much rapport, that when you change, the other person unconsciously follows you.

The key to pacing and leading is to make sure it’s a comfortable conversation; one that supports the
other person in moving you toward their desired outcome.

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