The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1048

DON’T FORGET!! GU2 are broadcasting on 107.3fm until 18.02. Why not have a look at the schedule and see what you fancy? | page 23 RAG WEEK 2003: RAISING&GIVING It’s the annual fund-raising week for the year, so get yourself sorted and raise some money for good causes | pages 1-3 | focus: p.12

Bush accuses Saddam of playing games
He cheats when playing hide and seek Bush “won’t play with him any more”
GEORGE BUSH HAS accused Saddam Hussein of playing games, contributing more harmful words to an already tense relationship between the two leaders. Speaking at the Whitehouse last week, George ‘Dubya’ - making sense for what is thought to be only the second time this year - said: “Saddam is not cooperating in our hide and seek operations. I ask him to count to 100 but he insists on sneaking a peek from behind the tree as I run off and he can see where I then hide.” He then added: “Saddam is a cheat.” Saddam has responded to these claims by recalling a game of Twister Mr Bush and himself had had during previous competitions between the two leaders. “I had to BY RICHARD WATTS, PAUL WRIGHT AND JAMES SHEPPARD place my right hand on blue, which was proving to be difficult because my left foot was on green, and George deliberately tickled me, causing me to fall on top of his wife, winding her in the process.” Saddam then recalled an instance in which he played Yahtzee with George W. Bush’s father, George Bush: “He was intent on trying to get a four of a kind, but having already sacrificed his Yahtzee, I felt this a silly move. I told him this, and added that I thought it a silly idea he gave his son the same name as him, but I don’t think this went down very well. In fact, he invaded my country the very next week.” The possibility of a war with Iraq has often been thought to be justified by the oil available in the area, but George Dubya denied this claim: “Why would I go to Iraq to get some oil when I can pop down the local SuperMart and buy some from there. Since becoming President of the United States, I don’t even drive myself anywhere anymore



It’s not real news - it’s spoof
Carrying on the rag week tradition, barefacts indulges in some spoof-news writing and mockery News | pages 1-3

Ex-UniS lecturer wins appeal

An ex-SeMS lecturer wins case for unfair dismissal after making complaints about SeMS director | page 4

and so for people to say things like that it just hurts.” Mr Bush has offered Saddam one final chance to stop cheating at games all the time. “If he will agree to a game of Torpedo Run then I am happy to play fair and square. Of course, I will have to inspect his fleet of ships to ensure he is not using any over-sized elastic bands, but once those conditions are met, we can have a right and just and fair battle.”

GU2 goes 107.3FM to Guildford

An introduction to the FM month for the radio station and a full week-day schedule to plan your plans around | page 17

Tony Blair decides to relocate the entire of the British Isles to the Western Coast of America to solve his Europe/US problem

Whatever happend to the music?

The music section returns triumphant as promised with three pages of reviews and unsubstantiated opinion barearts| page 18


USSU in drastic change of direction
Anagram of ‘students union’ leads to change of heart from the Union
BY RICHARD WATTS HAVING REALISED THAT an anagram of “students’ union” is “nun doesn’t suit,” the University of Surrey Students’ Union has decided to abandon its current goals to concentrate on informing nuns on what professions they would not be any good at. Under the catchphrase Nuns Don’t Suit..., officials from the Union will visit nunneries up and down the country telling the inhabitants what they shouldn’t be doing. A spokesperson for the Union said: “Nuns often cause problems in the work sector when they take on jobs they really aren’t suited for. There was a case a few months ago when a nun tried to become an extreme sports instructor, but her frock kept getting in the way and really wasn’t practical for the type of activity she was undertaking. This change for USSU is designed to stop nuns making that same mistake and training them such that they are employed in jobs that suit them.” When asked what sort of jobs these might be, the spokesperson said: “Being nuns. We’re still working on the others.” After declining the other anagram-suggested “end its nun oust,” the Union will no longer cater for anyone except nuns.

They are never accurate and yet people will still ask for them. And this is supposed to be intelligent life Lifestyle | page 26

Catching the waves of our lives
Pictures and a report from the surf clubs trip to the sunny isle of Lanzarote. Big waves! Wet suits! Sport | page 28

students complain that the entrance rug to the media centre still has “Usit campus” written on it, even though they went bust

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30 January 2003

“Little yellow woodshed” competition almost over
INTEREST MOUNTS THIS week as the long running Little Yellow Woodshed competition draws to a close. The competition, run by Mature Mobile, has seen students working in salt mines for the last two years in an attempt to win six days in the covotted woodshed. At the beginning of the competition students had to publicly brand themselves with red hot pokers to communicate their commitment. From there, those that the judges deemed to be worthy were given the chance to work in a salt mine on 18 hour shifts for the last two years whilst students voted on the site. One of the finalists, Daniel Lewis said “It’s been a great experience, my physical fitness has improved leaps and bounds though I find myself thirsty a lot of the time.” “The response has been phenomenal,” said an spokesperson for Mature Mobile, “we simply didn’t expect the levels of interest for the puny amounts of money we put into the campaign. We have shipped 25 million tonnes of salt with the free labour... erm, sorry, efforts of the finalists.” At the time of writing the voting totalled 12 votes of which 7 were from Daniel’s immediate family. The winners will be announced on Friday and shipped to the woodshed by FedEx. There they will BY PAUL WRIGHT enjoy the delights of the yellow woodshed (excluding the £100 a week rent), cook food using just the heat from their armpits and making use of the toilet paper provided by Andrex in a lucrative sponsorship deal. barefacts will have an in depth article to coincide with the future “Hell Freezes Over” barefacts special.

Guildford train station renames odd-numbered platforms
BY PAUL WRIGHT IN A DEPARTURE from tradition, the next few weeks will see the platforms at Guildford Station renamed following an admission by the current station manager,who cannot be named for accuracy reasons, that he does not like odd numbered platforms. “I don’t like odd numbered platforms”, he confided in an exclusive barefacts interview with bf this week. A brief period of consultation lasting two and a half minutes was carried out resulting in no negative complaints. “Out of all the complaints we received none were negative” the station manager confirmed. Following this announcment the platforms will be renamed after the Marx brothers, “Chico”, “Harpo”, “Groucho”, “Gummo” and “Zeppo”. Groucho will replace the existing platform five from which all fast trains depart to London. When asked about having a platform named after him Groucho replied: “Quote me as saying I was misquoted.” So we have. This follows the release of a White Paper released by the government accidently before they had a chance to write on it before releasing it. Had it been completed before it was released it would have revolutionised the rail system as we know it, however with this mistake we will have to make do with renamed platforms. One of the proposed proposals would have been to change all platform names rather than just the watered down odd-numbered renamings. The white paper followed on from a government green paper on which ministers had drawn outlines of trees but obviously come unstuck when it came to colouring in the bark. There were, however, no problems with the grass.

Turbines to be installed in Union urinals
BY JAMES SHEPPARD IN A BID to reduce energy costs, the management committee at the Students’ Union have decided to invest in high-tech micro-turbines that fit into existing ceramic urinals and provide electricity via waterproofed cabling. barefacts asked committee member Josh Harding about the investment: “At first I thought they (Slash-tric™) were taking the piss, but after an interactive demonstration we decided it was time to bring our toilets into the 21st century.” Several Slash-tric™ devices are to be installed with combined outputs used to operate the hand drier, although this will require the user to wait for sufficient urine throughput at the urinals to achieve operating power. Josh thinks that this is a small price to pay: “The installation of these new devices will allow the union to make significant financial savings. Without them we’d simply be pissing money away.”

George Dubya unhappy at current wage level
GEORGE W. BUSH was aghast to learn last week that the position of U.S. president, the highest office in the USA and most powerful in the free world, pays just $200,000 a year. “That’s it?” asked Bush, struggling to comprehend the figure reported to him by aides. “A measly couple hundred grand a year? Not per month, even? Because I’ve already spent more than $60 million to get this job. I’ll have to be president for 300 years just to break even.” “I guess I just assumed that a job like this would have a much bigger salary,” continued Bush, shaking his head. “You know, something like $120 million. That’s what my friend Vance Coffman makes as CEO of Lockheed Martin, and that’s just an aerospace firm, not a whole country.” After calling his father, former president George Bush, to confirm the $200,000 figure, Bush held an emergency strategy session with his top advisers to determine a course of action. Though he is “pretty sure” he won’t quit the job, President Bush was still hopeful for more money to bolster his salary: “I know my dad made a bundle off the Gulf War,” Bush said, “but I guess it wasn’t through the job. I’ll have to ask him just exactly how he did it. Maybe something like that would work again.”

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30 January 2003



Leading academic chooses ice-cream van as preferred mode of transport
THIS WEEK, THE leading academic in the self-promotion department, Cornelius Bumbledank, has taken an unusual step to raise his profile around campus. After deciding that his normal mode of transport to and from University was too inconspicuous, he has recently purchased a 1994 ice cream van to from a local depot for abandoned vans. On special request, the music department have adapted the vehicle so that instead of the preset tune of Greensleeves it now plays Chesney Hawkes’ I am the one and only when he arrives and leaves campus each day. When asked about his choice of theme tune, the leading academic replied “I specifically requested I am the one and only as I feel it sums me up in just the first line” before spontaneously breaking into song. Unfortunately, the new transport idea has caused some complaints from campus residents, who claim that the clanging bells wake them up every morning, as BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH EDITOR the Professor arrives for work whilst the majority of students are still asleep. There have been requests for the volume of the music to be reduced, despite the Professor Bumbledank claiming that it is not possible. When questioned, he said:”The way the vehicle has been adapted means that the music can only be played at one constant volume. It is unavoidable”. Students are being encouraged to buy ice creams from the academics van, which is still fully equipped with working freezers, whilst talking to him about any problems they might have with the University. This is an unusual move, but it is rumoured that several other self-promoters around the country may be following in Professor Bumbledank’s footsteps, after the success of the ice cream van at UniS.

Timetabled sleep
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH The University of Surrey is planning to introduce sleeping into the timetabled lectures of the majority of students, starting as early as September 2003. A study commissioned by the Sleep and Health Institute of Teaching in November 2002 discovered that students of University age function better and achieve higher academic results if they take regular naps throughout the day. The University feels that since so many students are not getting the required amount of sleep each day due to working late, and other commitments, that giving each student at least two hours of compulsory sleep lectures each day would be extremely beneficial. Special sleeping rooms are to be constructed within the lecture theatres and teaching block rooms, to ensure those living off campus do not miss out on this vital part of their education. The University of Timbuctoo implemented similar plans to those at UniS in time for the start of the Spring term, and initial surveys show that 98% of students feel that their work and general well-being have been improved by this addition to their timetables. The majority of final year students have had the two hours of sleeptime timetabled before the start of academic lectures each day, so that they do not have to take up valuable time coming to campus for lectures, only to be made to sleep in the middle of the day. It is believed that constant sleep is the most beneficial, so many students have been ordered to stay asleep for an extra two hours every morning if their timetable allows this. Due to many students’ preference of sharing a bed with another, UniS will be providing an average of 0.62 of a bed per student not living on campus. Those on campus will be encouraged to share their beds with others during the Autumn semester as the final phase of sleeping rooms are not estimated to be completed until December 2003.

Smoker shows consideration for others
BY JAMES SHEPPARD LAST WEEK A smoker waited until he was out the building he was leaving before sparking up. Jane Stobart, a second year nursing student at Surrey University, was a witness to this astonishing even. “He was holding the pack of cigarettes in his left hand on his way out of the building, but instead of lighting up just before the exit door he waited until he was outside and had walked some distance away from the building. I so amazed that I found myself staring at him for some time before I realised what I was doing!” barefacts approached Barry Figbench, chairman of “Cough”, UniS’ society for smoking appreciation, and asked if he thought that smokers at the university might be starting to show some consideration for both non-smoking students and the campus no-smoking policy. “I don’t think so,” replied Barry, confidently. “The guy was probably talking on his mobile or was busy somehow. I don’t think his actions were intentional.” Indeed, efforts by the barefacts team to witness a repeat occurrence have been fruitless, but if you do see anything, please get in touch with us at

Harry Potter books are for children
THE HARRY POTTER series by J K Rowling tells the story of a young orphan, his friends and their adventures with magic. The first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, won both The British Book Awards Children’s Book of the Year and the Smarties Prize. (Incidentally, the title was renamed to “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” for the American edition. Do they not understand the concept of “a wise person who is calm and rational” over there?) There is no doubt that Rowling’s work has a lot to offer the young reader: stories of magic, spells, wizards and goblins with a mixture of real-life situations to relate to, and of course the heartwarming yet entirely predictable triumph of good over evil. However, it is a fact that much of the success of the Harry Potter series comes from its popularity with older readers. barefacts can now exclusively reveal, however, that the Harry Potter series is actually intended for children. A recent survey carried out on behalf of barefacts, BY JAMES SHEPPARD AND RICHARD WATTS by the marketing company Not Likely discovered that four out of every five readers of the Harry Potter series were over the age of fourteen and that, more worryingly, a further unlikely percentage were over another unspecified age. It was also discovered that not one under-14 child actually bought the Potter book they were reading and relied on their parents’ dependency on Harry Potter in order to get hold of a copy. If we had have interviewed her, J K Rowling - who might also perform part-time as the lead singer in a funk band whilst wearing silly hats - said “I don’t write specifically, just the first thing that comes to mind.” She added: “The local cinema is a relative term depending on how long it takes to get to said cinema.” Speaking at the premiere of the latest film, John Cleese, who plays a part, said that he was “surprised people under fourteen were

classified as ‘people’ as opposed to children, but that he didn’t object to human beings in general reading suitable materials.” When asked what sort of material he thought appropriate, he replied: “the sort that you iron on a medium heat.” This latest evidence that signifies Harry Potter is for children will do little to dampen the spectacle outside every good bookshop when a new book comes out and will, if anything, make people more resolute in ensuring their copy of the next installment. When approached by our reporter, a mother – who has started queueing outside W H Smiths now to get her copy – said “yes”.

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30 January 2003

University Court celebrates succeses of the year
ON FRIDAY 24TH January, writes Paul Wright, the university held the 43rd meeting of University Court; the Union was invited along with undergraduate and postgraduate representatives. University Court could be considered equivalent to a shareholders meeting or an AGM. After working through the initial agenda points of accounts and reports the main item of business was the Vice-Chancellor’s report entitled “A Vision for 2020”. As well as congratulating the accomplishments of the university, its staff and its students, the speech covered the future direction and strategy for the university. It reiterated the desire to be a strong research lead institution and noted that many external sources of income had been utilised thereby reducing the dependence on government funding. The biggest goal identified is for the Manor Park project to progress as planned, more housing is needed to meet the set target for students housed in university accommodation. The first academic building to be constructed will be the Post Graduate Medical School; architect’s impression of which were displayed during the speech and afterwards at the exhibition reception. The speech also mentioned the media speculation surrounding the suggestion that Surrey plans to privatise. These were clarified again (for details see last weeks barefacts), along with initial responses to the government strategy paper on the future of HE. The removal of up front fees was commended; though the Vice Chancellor expressed concern that debt levels could “deter young people from first degree study” which could have a resultant effect on postgraduate numbers. This would be an area of concern for an institution such as Surrey that aims to be a “research led, world class university”.

Racism on the Unfair NUS executive? dismissal case won by lecturer
AN AFRICAN STUDENT, writes Philip Howard, “was barred from an executive meeting”, resulting in the black students’ committee unanimously passing a motion accusing Mandy Telford (NUS president) and Penny Hollings (national secretary) of denying him “his basic student rights and promoting institutionalised racism within the national union”. Mr Osawe was excluded from an NUS national executive committee meeting due to allegation against him from Ms Telford and Ms Hollings. However, “none of the issues of allegations that were made have been made formally or substantiated” six months later, detailed the motion. It says that Osawe, chairman of the Council for International Students, agreed to leave “on the basis that the complaints be dealt with formally before the next NEC meeting.” Four months later, the issue “has not been resolved”, “Benson Osawe has been the victim of injustice”. Mr Osawe said that “he had been accused of being homophobic after he raised objections to a proposal from the lesbian, gay and bisexual student campaign to add two representatives to the black students’ campaign.” Osawe maintains that his challenge to the motion was on the grounds of the black students’ campaign not having resources for two posts, and says he suggested “one post would be enough”.

BY RICHARD WATTS SURREY EUROPEAN MANAGEMENT School (SeMS) has been found to have unfairly dismissed a member of its staff for complaining about their director. The case, in which Agi Oldfield was vindicated by an employment tribunal, follows a landmark case surrounding SeMS in which a previous lecturer was sacked from similar complaints. Ms Oldfield’s complaints about the director, Paul Gamble – who is currently on ‘extended research leave’ – in which she detailed harassment claims led to her being dismissed without notice, without consultation or without any right to appeal. Similar allegations against Professor Gamble formed part of a separate case against SeMS in 1999 by Geoffrey Darnton as a result of a written complaint to the ViceChancellor that led to his victimisation as a “whistle-blower.”

Politician’s petition against top-up fees
A LABOUR MP has launched an online petition against the proposed introduction of differential top-up fees. Tom Watson, MP for West Bromwich East, is hoping that thousands of students will register their opposition to top-up fees which will allow different universities to charge different fees. The petition on MP Tom’s website was launched today after the National Union of Students held a conference in London to examine the content of the higher education white paper and discuss repercussions for the student movement . Mr Watson was also amongst 15 Labour MPs elected in 2001 who wrote to The Guardian today expressing their opposition to the increased fees. “Top-up fees will lead to an elitist twotier system, divided even more between the haves and the have-nots. We mustn’t have a situation where, in ten years time, Cambridge can charge five or ten times more than Coventry or Cardiff. That will stop the brightest kids from poorer backgrounds going to the best universities,” Mr Watson said. “The richest will be able to shop around for the best degrees, the rest will be forced out of the market. Access is the key issue here and top-up fees threaten to undo the Government’s efforts to widen access to higher education. “I know there is strong and widespread opposition to their introduction amongst students, Labour Party members and the public as a whole. So this online petition will be one way of ensuring that Charles

Right: Professor Paul Gamble

Left: NUS president Mandy Telford

Clarke looks at his idea once again. “Scrapping up-front fees and bringing back the grant, as Scotland did two years ago, are both very welcome steps forward and a credit to the campaigning of the student movement and NUS under Mandy Telford. And if students and MPs unite again on this issue, we have a real chance to defeat differential fees.” White Paper focus: page 13

Loan Company ventures onto the net
A £30 MILLION scheme, developed by the Student Loans Company, is to be piloted by a group of local education authorities to allow students loans access over the internet. The online Student Support Direct scheme will offer students the ability to apply for and monitor loans online, with a helpline operating for 18 hours a day . The scheme’s website will be up this month, with students from the pilot areas of Birmingham, Durham, East Sussex, Hampshire, Nottinghamshire and Waltham Forest able to register their interest at first, and apply in March. A phased rollout across BY PHILIP HOWARD England and Wales will start in April 2004 for the rest of the student populus, whilst European students are being included in the pilot phase with the six LEAs, under the Department for Educations and Skills’ European unit in Darlington. The scheme will run on top of the SLC’s traditional post and phone service and will be funded by the government over five years, who will use it to create a central computer system serving students, HE institutions and LEAs, reports the THES.

submit a personal online!
the new on-line personals submission: log onto the ussu website, type your personal and press “submit” easy as pie. while you’re there you could check out the new bulletin board. sexy.

During this latest case, the tribunal heard that Ms Oldfield raised complaints months after joining SeMS in February 2000. She claimed that Professor Gamble prevented her from performing external examination commitments and sent her to an overseas workshop at a time when he knew she was planning to take annual leave. At the end of 2000 she made an official complaint of harassment following accusations of her under-performing by Professor Gamble. The relationship worsened when Professor Gamble wrote to Ms Oldfield during a period in which she was signed off for workrelated stress concerning her failure to mark exam papers. He said that this was “likely to result in a formal written warning.” Other incidents continued to make matters worse until it culminated in a report written by pro vice-chancellor Nigel Gilbert. Professor Gilbert’s report, though acknowledging that “there were a few instances where Professor Gamble’s behaviour was such that a reasonable person would think that the conduct amounted to harassment” also said that Professor Gamble was exercising his prerogative as a head of school to criticise performance and led to the conclusion that Ms Oldfield should be sacked. The tribunal found, however, that this was unfair, saying: “There had been no prior warning to the applicant of the possibility of dismissal” and that “the applicant was dismissed without any meeting to discuss her future.” A spokesperson for UniS said: “The tribunal found in all the circumstances that dismissal of the applicant was justified and that they couldn’t see any other alternative.”

30 January 2003



New students cautiously upbeat on university lifestyle
National survey shows freshers’ week remains short on key information but long on partying
AS THE UK’S 365,000 first year University and College students begin their second term, a new nationwide survey from studentUK, a student-focused website, revealed some interesting outlooks from new students. Overall, Freshers are upbeat on most aspects of University life: however, women are markedly more positive than men, rating most aspects of University life as “good” as opposed to men who rate them merely as “average”. In descending order, the aspects of University they rate mostly highly are: the town or city they’re based in, the quality of their academic course, the facilities on campus, the quality of teaching, the social scene and worryingly in last place, the quality of accommodation. 79% of first year students live in Halls of Residence, and conditions still verge on spartan. 10% of students do not even have access to a fridge, and 46% have no access to a washing machine. Surrey seems to be ahead of the game with regard facilities, with 71% sharing bathroom facilities at other institutions. Despite the facilities, halls are still the place that students make the majority of their friends: 65% of women and 54% of men report that they made the majority of their friends in halls, with 22% making them in teaching groups, and 13% in the student bar. Accommodation is often a last-minute arrangement, with 32% still having nowhere to live a month before starting, and 7% BY IAN TESTER AND RICHARD WATTS having nothing ready when they actually arrived. One of the main pars of Freshers’ Week are events and tours designed to get students used to their new surroundings. However, these are often poor. Although 84% of students attend events on University clubs and societies, and 79% have club nights or other rowdy nights out arranged for them, only 54% get tours of their departments, and only 43% are given dedicated welfare and advice sessions. Students were not overly content with the quality of the advice either, only rating it as “average”. Again, the quality of advice on handling workload and alcohol and drug consumption was rated least good. Only slightly above them was advice on student finance, which was rated as “poor to average”. The only information classified as “good” was detailed information on coursework, suggesting Universities are focusing on making sure students understand what is required of them academically, rather than ensuring that they’re adequately prepared for student life. The first few weeks, however, remain a time for socialising and excess. The average Fresher spends £97 on socialising alone during their first week, with a significant proportion (21%) spending over £150. Men spend more than women on average (£107

Above: students enjoying the freshers’ week entertainments at the Students’ Union

Photo: Chris Hunter

as opposed to £92), and this is reflected in the amount of men who claim to have got “so drunk they can’t remember what happened”, at an astonishing 68%, against 43% of women. The average Fresher has 2.5 hangovers in their first week. And the traditional gender spilt shows even more strongly when it comes to sexual behaviour. Although equal numbers of men and women “snog someone they’ve never met before”, at 37%, 16% of men claim to have spelt with a stranger in the first week, with only 9% of women admitting to it. And despite the fact that women are far more likely to be in a relationship when they start at University (35% vs 17%), they are far more likely to get “hit upon” by older students, with 59% of women claiming

unwanted attentions, against a mere 23% of men. Finally, the first weeks at University are still a time when students have significant exposure to drugs. 21% of new students are offered drugs within the first week, and almost half of this group (10%) take them. However, not all students spend their first week in a whirlwind of debauchery: 31% of students spend less than £50 going out, and many complain that the whole experience of Fresher’s Week can be a little disorientating, especially to students moving away from home for the first time. Many students claim that they only really begin to enjoy University life once they’ve settled down with real friends, rather than the “drinking buddies” of the first few weeks.

Four Surrey students win £10,000
THE MILLENNIUM COMMISSION, through the charity “The Young People’s Trust for the Environment”, has awarded 4 Surrey students £10,000 to carry out a pilot recycling scheme in selected kitchens in Twyford Court. The project is being set up as a pilot, to see whether students are willing to recycle, given the opportunity. The level of support that has been shown so far is extremely encouraging, both from the university and from the students concerned. Of the students available to answer a questionnaire, 89% said they would use the facilities, 74% said they would be willing to empty the recycling bins when they were full, and 92% said that this was a worthwhile project. The facilities will be BY PETER BARRATT in place in the first two weeks of the start of the semester, and constant monitoring will take place throughout the semester. Many prizes and rewards will be given to the students involved along the way, including ‘eco hampers’ with fair trade food and lots of other environmental goodies! Look out for future articles highlighting the progress being made. If you would like to start up a project which will benefit the environment, then ring the Young People’s Trust on [01483] 452951, or email them at . If you would like information on the project mentioned here, then contact Peter Barratt at

Female stars descend on Guildford

Having read the previous three pages, you mightbe forgiven for thinking that we are making it up, but Holly Valance and Girls Aloud are known to be in and around the Guildford area. The Popstars: The Rivals band, who were involved in an incident at The Drink two weeks ago are recording their album at the ACM above Wetherspoon’s, whilst the Australian ‘actress’/’singer’ was spotted coming out of the tanning shop near the top of town. If you see any famous folks, then try and get a picture and then let us know: an ill-advised URL
YOU COULD RIGHTLY be mistaken that the University of Surrey, or UniS as it likes to call itself, has taken the plunge and started experimenting with other forms of income in order to support its now defunct privitisation claims. For any internet user who logs on might be in for a bit of a shock: instead of reaching the respected higher education institute that we all know and love so well, the surfer will be greeted by the “scientific breakthroughs” that have allowed for, ahem, penis enlargement. On the site, which is designed for a company called “Albion medical,” it is possible to buy pills that claim to “expand, lengthen and enlarge” - charges that could easily be associated with UniS’ goals of becoming a top-class university in both Britain and the wider world.

Jolyon Hunter reviews Martin Scorsese’s much talked-about new film “Gangs of New York” starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Daniel Day Lewis; plus the opportunity to win a Polaroid camera and films



30 January 2003

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail:


Mixed feelings over the review of The Bible
Dear barefacts, After reading Chris Ward’s review of The Bible I felt it was necessary to write in and clarify a few points on behalf of evangelical Christians. As Chris Ward points out, taking the Bible literally in the way in which he did in his example would be unwise. The Bible is made up of many different types of literature, including poetry, law and history, all inspired by God. As with secular literature, these different writing styles require different styles of interpretation. Leviticus, which was focused on, was written thousands of years ago as laws for God’s people had turned away from him and he wanted to give them loving instructions on the best way for them to live. As noone was able to live up to God’s perfect high standards, Jesus was sent to fulfil the law and allow all people to have a personal relationship with God through faith in him, not following law. Other books such as the Gospels give an historic account and events in them can be interpreted literally. I find it upsetting that Chris wished to attack evangelical Christians for having an interpretation that Jesus is the only way to God. To ask us not to believe that seems a little narrow minded and intolerant. Moreover, the Christian motivation for sharing what we believe to be true is not arrogance but love. We do not want anyone to miss out on the good thing that we have found! As a Christian I would like to apologise for any offence that other Christians may have caused him, and would like to invite him and any others interested to come and find out what Christians really believe at the Alpha course on Thursdays at 6pm in Wates House. Yours faithfully, JON NOBLE VICE PRESIDENT CHRISTIAN UNION Dear barefacts, I would like to say that I thought Chris Ward’s article on the Bible last week was one of the best and most interesting things I’ve ever read in barefacts. Dare anyone write a similar article for the Koran? CHRIS APOSTOLOU

The White Paper is finally with us, but we already knew the facts
It has been the major talking point of home politics for the last few months and has apparently divided the Labour party over its content, but finally the White Paper concerning the future of higher education, and in particular the funding of, has been released. It introduces the graduate tax - whereby students no longer have to pay fees up-front but instead after they graduate - and has suggested that universities can determine their own prices for the costs of tuition. The top-up fees that most people are so vehemently opposed to. The reasoning behind Charles Clarke’s move seems fair enough - to remove a university’s independence from the government in matters of funding - and is suggested on the proviso that access (read “government’s 50% target) is very much considered. And that, pretty much, is that. It’s a victory of sorts in one direction and a loss in the other, given that it might create a two-tier system of universities etc. but, of all the scenarios, it certainly wasn’t the worse. All that remains to be seen now is how the universities are going to react to this. Will they relish the independence given to them, put up their fees and enjoy only the richest brains coming to them at the sacrifice of access, or will they take a different approach by sticking together, by not doing as the government expects, and deciding upon a uniform flat fee? It’s a question that all manner of pussy-footing from Vice-Chancellors will attempt to avoid for the next few weeks, but when it comes, will be by far the most significant thing anyone has had to say about this affair.

Are you willing to run for sabbatical?
The sabbatical elections are truly up and running: the posters are around campus, the bulleting board has been duly discussing things ( and, according to the little birdies, a few candidates have started to trickle through already. The elections are probably the single most important part of the year for the Students’ Union as they determine who will take on the responsibility for keeping the place shipshape during the next academic year. (One of the lucky winners will be the person who gets to make this here paper every week, just to give you an idea of where barefacts fits in.) They will help the DAVE project to grow, organise the sports clubs and societies, be your contact points to university officials and try to make your time at university as good as it possibly can be. It is worth remembering, though, that anyone can be a sabbatical - so long as you will either be on placement or be a graduate next year. You don’t have to have any special qualifications and you certainly don’t have to have been involved with the Union at any other point in order to run - all you need is a good idea of what you would like the Union to be and the rest will fall into place. So if you think you would like to be a sabbatical, or at least find a bit more out about what it’s like to be a sabbatical, then contact and your queries will passed on or pick up an elections booklet from the Union reception.

Poor show from barefacts and Fame - the musical
Dear barefacts, I am writing to say that I was most disappointed that there was no mention of Fame - the Musical in Week One’s edition of barefacts apart from a flyer. I was looking forward to the preview of the show and the chance to win free tickets which I was informed was going to appear in the afore-mentioned issue. I’m sure the rest of MaDSoc would like to see a positive review of Fame in the next issue to make up for the poor publicity they received from barefacts. Yours, A THEATRE FAN
Editor-in-chief, Rich Watts, responds: I am sorry that you feel barefacts has not supported Fame with their publicity requirements, and especially that the chance to win free tickets in a competition was not provided. I did offer to run the competition to win said prizes this week, but, due to all the performances following publication having sold out last week when the mistake was brought to my attention, this didn’t seem very logical. The tickets were given away at Chancellor’s challenge last week, however, so I hope this serves as recompense. As an aside, the promotional materials in barefacts this semester have surpassed any of the previous year’s advertising and have helped, I hope, to contribute to the success of this year’s production. Having heard the rehearsals above my office for a week I can vouch for the standard of the Fame show and look forward to the review in next week’s paper. Yours, RICHARD WATTS

Fear not: it was all spoof news in aid of publicising RAG week
Some of you may have been a little worried by the tone of our coverage on the front page and by a few of the articles on pages two and three. If you haven’t realised yet, week three is RAG and it is a tradition in these parts to make up (obviously) funny stories in order to promote that fact. There are occasional instances on which such articles have caused some offence or, in the main part, confusion and barefacts apologises if that is the case this year. The overriding concern is that RAG - that’s raising and giving - is given as high a profile as possible and hopefully this has gone some way towards that. Anyway - now that you have become passively involved, why not buy yourself a slave from the human auction on Tuesday (wk.3) - for more information, look on page 12.

Dear barefacts, We are writing to inform you of the great distress caused to several of your readers by the word search in issue 1047 of your publication (23 January 2003). On Sunday night a group of us sat down to a relaxing night of a roast dinner and barefacts, but no matter how hard we tried, we were unable to find the word let in the word search. We went as far as highlighting every instance of the letter ‘l’ within the grid, but to no avail. We wanted to inform you that as devotees of your ‘lifestyle’ section, we were extremely impressed with the new style word search, but most disappointed and saddened at the lack of the let. We hope that the word search will resume full service next week. Kind regards, THE ROAST DINNER GROUP

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” WILL ROGERS (1879 - 1935), HUMORIST

30 January 2003



Do students still care about charities?
Week three sees students being sold as slaves and people asking kindly for money. But is anybody bothered about RAG anymore? Sarah Butterworth finds out

“The first person I asked immediately answered no - and then added that as a final year he is probably as poor as the people charities are collecting for”

YOU MAY HAVE noticed, due to some slightly unusual articles in this week’s barefacts and possibly the odd poster around campus asking you if you want to become someone’s slave (now doesn’t that sound tempting?), that week three is Rag week. But how many of you actually know what on earth it is all about? How many of you actually give two hoots what it means? Have modern students become totally apathetic to all issues beyond their own little world, or is it just harder to draw out their thoughts and feelings on matters? When the University of Surrey was in its early days, not so many years after the initial transfer to the present site in Guildford, Rag week was one of the biggest and most exciting weeks of the year for the whole student population. Events in the early 1970s included four legged pub crawls, races along the river Wey in homemade boats and the annual ‘Rag Procession’ in which students dressed up and paraded around town in decorated floats collecting money. In some Universities the events still live up to those some three decades ago, but in recent years Rag’s profile at Surrey, and indeed the majority of Universities around the country has become somewhat diminished. All but

the most unobservant will have noticed the giant footprints walking up the wall of Blackwater house in Surrey Court, from Rag week 1988 – when was the last time people here did something crazy like that for charity? Do today’s students still care about charities? The first person I asked this question to, immediately gave me the answer ‘nope’ – blunt, to the point and brutally honest. After probing further he admitted that the main reason was that as a final year he is probably as poor as some of the people the charities are collecting for. It may be exaggerated, but it shows the truth – over the past few years the changes in the higher education system in the UK mean many students are faced with debts of up to £15,000 upon graduation (soon to be growing to around £25,000 if the current plans are implemented) – what incentive is there to give to others when we are only scraping by ourselves? In increasing the price of studying at University so drastically, the government have in effect turned us into a bunch of seemingly hard hearted misers, only we have little choice as to whether we are able to donate money to charity. Our bank balance decrees our generosity. Another reason given to me as to why students are less than willing to give to charity is some degree of disillusionment with the current state of charities – how can you be sure that the money you donate actually makes it down to the root causes, and it not swallowed up by administration costs and red tape. If inclined to offer money to a charity, it would no doubt be only a very small amount – would it actually make any difference at all? This could be due to lack of education or knowledge of the

general public, or a need for more communication from charities as to exactly how the money is used, but wherever the fault lies, the fact remains that there is a problem. The other option when donating to charity is not actually giving financially, but putting time and effort into raising money through means such as being sponsored to do something embarrassing, difficult (and sometimes painful) or collecting money in events such as the annual Rag Raid. This lack of enthusiasm can probably be put down to general student attitudes to most things in this day and age, although in my opinion Surrey students are often more apathetic than many of their counterparts across the country. However, I would gladly be proved wrong. It is impossible to say where the fault lies – maybe the students have not been educated enough on the issues that ‘should’ be important to them? Or maybe the age of paying so much for a University education has forced many of us to put more and more effort into that thing we’re actually paying for – our degree – leaving little time for outside pursuits. With the possibility of students debts increasing massively in the near future, we could very well

end up in an age where no one cares about anyone else, all due to that most powerful of evils – money. I suppose in examining these facts and thoughts what I’m really trying to do is let many of you know what you’re missing out on. As a student there is little need to part with large, or even small amounts of your hard earned cash – there is so much you can do to help others which doesn’t require a penny, and god forbid, could even end up being fun! Rag week is almost upon us – let’s see if we can start to change the image of the ‘apathetic Surrey student’. Get involved in the Rag Raid, be sponsored to have your legs waxed or even put yourself up for sale at the slave auction. It’s your choice – you can sit tight through three or four years here and take part in no more than the odd pub crawl around Guildford, or you can have fun, meet new people and possibly even do something worthwhile. Get involved, and, however cheesy it may sound, show the world that that students really do care. Do you have something to say? If you would like to write about a topic that has taken your interest, then please get in touch:

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office.

Do you have a complaint against this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about it. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an independant organisation established to uphold an editorial Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their decision.

2002 - 2003

editor in chief | richard watts []
editor sarah butterworth [] deputy editor position vacant news editor philip howard [] music editors alex read [ simon robinson [] theatre editor rachael bemrose [] film editors stewart fudge [] jolyon hunter [] photography editor chris hunter [] literature editor chris ward [] sports editor eddison ruswa [] lifestyle editor morgan gooch []

The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published.

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30 January 2003

How the Chaplaincy can help you during university
People are often unsure as to what the Chaplaincy can offer them whilst they are at university. Jonathan Frost (right) and John McCarthy (far right) set the record straight and provide some information on some services they provide
I IMAGINE THAT there are some of you who will be wondering, what on earth is Chaplaincy all about? Frankly that’s a good question! And there is no simple answer. The reason for this is that it will be different things to different people. To some it will be about spiritual things, prayer service, the Eucharist, mass on Sundays. To others it will be a place to drop in, have a chat, but none of that religious stuff please. Indeed that is precisely what Jonathan Frost, the Anglican Chaplain and John McCarthy the Catholic Chaplain have being discovering since we arrived last September. So what’s going on at the Chaplaincy at the moment? Well we’ll feed you once a week if you like. Every Thursday between 1 pm and 2 pm we offer bread and soup, cheese and fruit, and everyone is welcome to come and join us, have a chat, relax and make some new friends. You can even talk to a chaplain if you want. On the Spiritual side there are many opportunities to join in prayer. The services we offer represent many Christian traditions present on campus, and are open for all who are interested to join in. For example there is an Anglican Eucharist each Friday, from early February this will take place at the Chaplaincy Centre(1.10 pm), and a Catholic Mass on Sundays in the Quiet Centre (5.15 pm). In addition there are bible classes run by Chris Webb usually on Tuesday evenings. Our Free Church Chaplain is also available at various times during the week to meet with students and staff who want help, advice or just a chat. But the Chaplains do not provide all the Spiritual support on the Campus. There are a number of very strong faith societies on the Campus, all of whom are ready to welcome you, for example there are the Cathsoc, the Christian Union the Jewish Society and the Islamic society. All of these groups encourage and support the spiritual activity on the Campus. So what’s this got to do with you? Well as much or as little as you want! We are here for you. We are available should you want us, or any of the services we offer, and in a lot of cases we can point you towards help advice and support, if we ourselves are not able to provide what you need at any time.

Having got over the Christmas bulge and finally regained your natural figure, you might be interested in a few tips on how to save on that weekly shopping bill. These ideas might be worth having a think about: • • • • • • bulk buy basics with friends shope-around – the most convenient shop is rarely the cheapest “own brand” goods are well worth trying avoid the temptation of making sandwiches – try making them instead shop late in the day – there are often bargains to be had buy fresh fruit and veg. from the stall in the Union on Thursday’s – great value


oney atters

contact details
Canon Jonathan Frost (Anglican) t: [01483] 576380 m: [07870] 277709 Rev. Judith Rossall (Free Church) t: [01483] 575432 John McCarthy (Catholic) t: [01483] 571091 m: [07870] 277743 Chris Webb (Int. students) t: [01483] 577574

Don’t forget that the staff from the Student Advice and Information Service are here to help you – do call in for a chat if you need some assistance; if we don’t know the answer then we can point you in the direction of someone who does. Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court t: [68]9261 | e:

Archery EGM....Saturday 8 February....Grant Mitchell room.....4.30pm Mountain Walking EGM (electing new president) 5th February, 1pm, meet at Teaching Block entrance Economics EGM (electing new treasurer and secretary) 7th February, 1pm, 04 AD 00 Arabic Society EGM (electing new social secretary) 7th February, 4pm, Union Committee Room Stage Crew AGM, 10th February, 6pm, hrb

submit a personal online!
the new on-line personals submission: log onto the ussu website, type your personal and press “submit” easy as pie. while you’re there you could check out the new bulletin board. sexy.

30 January 2003



Who will be the first to get the gold DAVE award?
The DAVE project is up and running again. Scott Farmer (right) goes over some of the statistics from last semester and highlights a couple of training sessions woth looking out for this semester
THE DAVE PROJECT has been a resounding success. That’s the verdict of the people who have been a part of it and the figures speak for themselves. Overall you rated the courses at 90%. With the style of sessions rated at 97% across the board. The DAVE Project was the main contributor to ID|: last semester with over 61% of points being given from the DAVE Project. So where now for the project? We smashed our targets for involvement and evaluation last year so the next stage is to double that and hand the project over to students. Student trainers are currently being recruited so that we can offer a more comprehensive range of opportunities. All the sessions that took place last semester return for this one and with a couple of additions including Ideal Homes for 2nd Years. So if you are stuck and not able to find the right house, don’t know what to look for when speaking to landlords and viewing property then this session is designed to help you. Also look out for Exam Specials towards Easter. The DAVE Project website is also on its way. Keep an eye on dave If you want to know more about the fun interactive sessions and how you can earn ID|: points then contact Scott Farmer, Student Services Co-ordinator at or phone [01483] [68]3951. Meanwhile, Alli Cummings with a volunteering update... Hi again everyone. I’m always here telling you why you should join V and what’s in it for you but I’ve decided it’s about time that I actually told you a little bit more about what you can actually do. So I thought what I would do today and maybe for the next few weeks is pick a few random projects and tell you all about them. Then if something catches your eye, you know what to do, simply email me or pop into the Students Union for a chat. THE GRANGE CENTRE The Grange has been running since 1927 and is based in Bookham, which for those of you who aren’t very good at local geography, is on the way to Leatherhead and takes about 20 minutes by train from Guildford. The purpose of the Grange is to provide supported housing and residential care for people with disabilities while at the same time making sure that the residents get the skills they need to enable them to live as independently as possible. The one thing I will say about about the Grange, is that you really have to see it to believe it! The students live and work in the 15 acres that the Grange is set in. They are taught horticulture skills as part of The Growing People Project where they work in the grounds in the walled fruit & vegetable garden, rose and herb gardens, green houses, polytunnel and then once they have produced all the fruit and veggies, they then learn retail skills by selling the produce to the public. Then for those students who aren’t interested in getting green fingers, there is the Textiles and Craft centre where the students get taught needlework, embroidery and crafts and then use these skills to produce the most amazing jewellery, silk scarves, cushions, baby clothing, blankets and loads of other vibrant & gorgeous things. Everyone who lives or works at the Grange, is totally full of life and fun and who can blame them when they live in the most amazing grounds I’ve ever seen, it really is a sanctuary and you come back feeling so relaxed and inspired. So what can you do at the Grange? Well they are always desperate for volunteers to work with the students to teach them IT or literacy skills, work in the gardens or help out in the craft centre so if you think you would like to help others achieve their full potential then why not give it a go? Scott: Alli: Us:

For more information on DAVE, e-mail Scott or check out the new website:



30 January 2003

A blast from the past
Ernest Littauer continues the Surrey Alumni Society column with a look at Battersea between 1954-61
BEING A STUDENT in the London University system was perhaps unlike most universities because we did not have a single campus. The University comprised over 20 colleges located all over London and we tended to have friendships and collaborations with many of them. London is a splendid city for students. In addition to the cultural and social offerings we had numerous unique libraries which were essential for our research as graduate students. Our social life was varied and abundant. In the 50’s and 60’s, dixieland jazz was very popular and there were a number of clubs which featured the best groups every night. I remember two; Humphrey Littletons club on Oxford Street, Cy Laurie’s in Soho, which frequently had all night sessions. Also, many of the colleges including Battersea featured jazz dances on the weekends. The University of London Union (ULU) organised two or three major balls each year. The March Hare at the Royal Festival Hall and the Presidents Ball at the Senate House. These were black tie affairs and very popular. I was chairman of the ULU entertainment committee which had representatives from across the University. I recall one March Hare’s Ball which was attended by the Chancellor, Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. She danced with me and many others and expressed her love of dancing, especially with the young men in “her” University as she put it. In retrospect, as I think back, she was in her late 50’s in those days. At Battersea we were blessed with one of the most polyglot populations of students. They came from Nigeria, Ghana, India, Pakistan, China, The Caribbean, Australasia, Poland, Hungary and the Middle East. Annually we put on an International Festival where we entertained and were entertained with music, songs and dances representative of their unique cultures. I recall one year where we, the British students, tried to come up with an act typical of the UK. We selected some numbers from My Fair Lady which was showing in the West End at that time. It was a great success. After the entertainment we had refreshments followed by dancing. Students attended from all over London. Alcoholic beverages were not available at college till later years but, right across the street on Battersea Park Road there was a fine pub. Today, I suppose these experiences may sound tame but back then Battersea was considered on the vanguard high jinks!

Right: Ernest Littauer (with friend) at the Graduation Ball and (below) as he is today

This weeks careers & skills talks
MVA Monday 27 January | 6pm | Oak Suite 3 Market leader in transport demand forecasting, planning and traffic management, social and market research and related information services. Recruiting over a wide range of disciplines. AMERICAN EXPRESS* Thursday 30 January | 6.15pm | LT M Sales and marketing, customer service, finance and project management opportunities for graduates from any discipline. FOSTER WHEELER Tuesday 28 January | 6.15pm | Oak Suite International project management, engineering and construction company looking for civil, mechanical, electrical and instrumentation graduates, plus computing specialists. RICARDO CONSULTING ENGINEERS * Thursday 30 january | 6pm | oak suite Graduate positions in engine research, design & development.

If you would like to register with Careers, please email, or visit in person. Please keep an eye on your University email and for the most up to date information

This is the word-crossing crossword
you’ll be pleased to hear it should be easier than last semeser

The reality behind assessment centres
Despite the continued are they looking for? If they popularity of the interview want numerate applicants it’s as a means of selecting not unreasonable to expect a applicants for jobs, a number test to measure this. If you of studies have shown that, will be required to display used by itself, it is not a self-confidence in the job, terribly successful method. they may ask you to give On the one hand, people a presentation in order to don’t always turn out as assess this. If assertiveness DR RUSS CLARK you expect them to when is a requirement, you are they actually start their job. highly likely to face some They manage to hide all “Employers have started to sort of group discussion to their weaknesses! On the bundle things together and see how persuasively you run them into selection or other, some of the attributes communicate. If the job assessment centres.” which certain jobs require requires people who can write such as numerical ability or clear and effective English, assertiveness are very difficult you may be asked to draft a to measure in an interview. As a result, some letter or précis a document. employers, particularly those recruiting for Over the next few weeks I’ll describe these trainee management positions, have devised exercises in more detail and provide a few alternative assessment procedures. They tips on how you might prepare for them. You usually bundle all these together and run might also like to think about getting some them in what are called selection centres or practice before the real thing by coming to an assessment centres. Assessment Centre Workshop. The next one If you’re not told in advance what sort of of these will be on Wednesday 12 February exercises they are going to put you through and you can book your place by popping into you can try to work it out. The clue to it all the Careers Service beforehand. is the job description. What sort of person

While you are all receiving that advice that will help you get a good job and a nice little career path, why not kick back, grab a can of carbonated drink and have a go at this week’s crossword. My favourite clue this week is 16d - moribund. An excellent word that - you can roll the ‘r’, put an accent on the b and let the und resonate until your heart is content. Fabulous. Almost as good as plynth. Do you have a favourite word? If so, let us know and we’ll give it a mention:


next wk.
the final nomination countdown

president comms

this wk.


pick up your elections pack from the Students’ Union
Last week, we had an introduction to the elections03, in which three of the current sabbaticals wrote a little bit about what it’s like to be a sabbatical. The other two sabbs have written their bit for this week, so feel free to have a read and get in touch if you would like to chat a bit more with them or any of the other sabbaticals.

paul wright | president
People often ask me; “What does a president actually do?” Most of the time I can get away with a line such as “Oh, liase with the university, union staff and students”. Now I’m asked to write a quick article about a day in the life I’m having trouble. There are the standard, job-description type things; sit on university meetings, work with sabbaticals and staff to forward the goals of the Union, be responsible for any disciplinary action regarding members’ conduct, so on and so forth. But then there are the things that are not in the job description but you somehow find yourself doing anyway, repainting bars, driving shuttle buses during freshers fayre, being looked to give impromptu speeches at formal occasions and even sitting on interview panels for new staff. There is a definite balance required in the role between fire fighting problems as they appear and thinking analytically about the strategic future of the Union and university. The university see the role of president as the ultimate representative of the students, even though sometimes the other sabbaticals are better prepared to answer questions. The president sits on all the high-level management committees and is expected to represent student opinions and views. It can be all too easy to start thinking that these committees are a waste of time and of no relevance to student life. All large decisions are passed at these committees and it may be the only opportunity for student input. However saying this the university is normally quite good at seeking opinions. The university are not alone in thinking that the president is the ultimate sabbatical but this is not the case, all the sabbaticals are equally important as they are trustees of the Union. They are jointly and severely liable for the decisions made during their term of office. In the next couple of years the president with the rest of the sabbatical team will have a big opportunity influence the decisions the university makes in regards to both the development of a new campus on Manor Park (currently the Varsity Centre opposite Tesco’s) and the direction in which they take with top up fees introduced with the new Government paper on student funding. These decisions will have far reaching consequences, as they will affect students at Surrey for many, many years. At the core of the role the president requires an innate belief in the existence of students’ unions and that they can and must have a positive impact on student life.

Though you would normally associate the word ‘sabbatical’ to mean a year sandwiched between two others, “sabbatical” with reference to Students’ Unions means something a little different. In order to be a Union sabb(atical), you can be either a) a student about to go on placement or b) a graduate by the time this year is through. That is the only criteria you have to fulfil. The job of a sabbatical varies, depending upon which job you might be interested in, but alongside your specific duties, there are general roles you fulfil as well. The most important role is that of being visible to the students - being available to help them with any problems they might have. From this point on, you will then be able to refer to other people, often within the university structure, to see that students have a safe, enjoyable and beneficial path through their university careers. Associated with this is the idea of representing students - being the middle-person between students and university. This allows sabbaticals to put the arguments and views of students as a whole to university bodies and influence decisions made regarding student life. The sabbaticals as a team are also responsible for the running of the Union itself, ensuring that it is run for the benefit of students. They work with the permanent staff on commercial and non-commercial activities such as the DAVE project, the id: scheme and Freshers’ Week. Being a sabbatical isn’t an easy job but if you are committed to the ideals of a Students’ Union and willing to put the hours in it will be a rewarding and enjoyable year of your life.

what is a sabbatical officer?

Part-time student officers 2003
The elections for the part-time officers of the Students’ Union took place on Tuesday. Parttime officers are put in place to represent you on specific issues, usually alluded to by their job titles. The names and contact details of this year’s part-time exec (as they are sometimes called) are given on the right, so if you have any concerns regarding their specific areas, then please get in touch with them and they will do their utmost to help you. If you are interested in becoming a part-time officer for the next academic year, then please get in touch with Scott Farmer ( who will be able to give you more information. position vacant position vacant sarah butterworth position vacant michael ogunseye positions vacant position vacant pete tivers adam collard michael ogunseye | | | | | | | | | | | | | | academic affairs accommodation campaigns culture & events ethics & equal opportunities non-portfolio officer (x2) placement & employed students union chairperson racial relations constitution & elections committee (x5)

rich watts | vp communications & marketing
People often associate the job of vp comms with barefacts and leave it pretty much at that. Though I would never deny that this here paper is indeed a big part of what I do, I would argue that - if you so choose - it can take up as much of your time as you want to, allowing you to concentrate on other things. For example, if you are particulalry interested in design then you can concentrate on creating posters and general marketing materials for the various Union activities. Similarly, if you would prefer to concentrate on information exchange - i.e. keeping everyone up-to-date on what happened - then you can create networks to allow you to find out about pretty much anything. Above all, if you relish the prospect of turning an intangible lump of information goo into something comprehensible, informative and (perhaps most importantly) fun, and you don’t mind the odd late night or two, then this is your sort of thing. Please drop by the media centre to chat if you are interested or want to know more.


are you willing to run



30 January 2003

Mental awareness week
Last week we ran a feature on mental awareness to coincide with the Union’s focus week. Continuing the theme, Toni Borneo suggests a few more things to think about
money money money
Money is a huge cause of stress for students. Many of you will have to work to pay the rent, and that can exhaust you when it’s time to concentrate on studies. So, it’s important that you don’t overdo the part time work. If money is really that tight, you could be eligible for hardship funds through the Student Advice and Information Centre, Surrey Court. Call for an appointment with one of the lovely advisors on [01483] [68]9261. You aren’t expected to work more than 12 hours per week, and not at all in your final year. It can be really difficult for International students, for whom there is less funding, so contact the Union if you are struggling. We’ll see if there’s another option. If you can’t find the money for campus room rent or fees, it can be postponed for a little while, but only if the relevant people are informed. Ask the Accommodation Office what to do about rent problems on [01483] [68]9346, and speak to Registry on [01483] [68]2042 if you need longer for fee payment.

how to feel good…
One of the most difficult things to change is low self esteem, which is a common part of feeling depressed. Many of us feel a bit useless at times, and it’s up to us to push ourselves just that little bit to realise how much we can actually achieve. A sense of achievement is a pretty empowering feeling and can give us a whole new bust of energy, confidence and positivity. There are lots of ways on campus to embark on personal projects – like getting fit at the gym, learning a language, being in a sports team, become a student trainer through DAVE, or volunteering through the V scheme for something which really interests you personally. The whole reason we have these activities on campus is to give students a sense of worth, wellness and achievement, so make the most of these opportunities before you find yourself graduating. Get stuck into something – you don’t have to interact with other people, but if that’s what you want there are loads of opportunities to meet other people like you.

coping with studying
It’s really, really important that if you are having any problems at all coping with the course, or any of the work or exams, that you let your department know so that they can support you properly. If something unexpected happens during your studies, like a bereavement or a relationship break up, and it’s causing you to lose concentration or motivation, you do need to let some one know. Maybe your personal tutor. If you don’t know where to start, come to the Union and the Education and Welfare officer can get in touch with a staff member for you. If you think you aren’t coping because you have learning difficulties, you could be eligible for a bit

more support to give you equal opportunity of success to others. Additional Learning Support [ [01483] [68]9609 or e-mail] can advise you on how they can support you. Life can be particularly tough on postgraduate and research students, especially when you don’t have colleagues or classmates. If you find yourself out on a limb, contact your supervisor, the Student’s Union or other Postgraduate students via the Union.

Relationships and sexuality are a natural part of life, but they can throw unexpected problems into your path. If you are having trouble coping with a break-up, sexual confusion, pregnancy or anything related there is plenty of support. For advice on pregnancy or STI’s, call the University Health Centre for an appointment on [01483] [68]2072. Really excellent support and information on pregnancy and abortion can be found at the British Pregnancy Advisory service at If you are trying to make a decision or feel under emotional pressure, do speak with the Counsellors here. If it’s your sexuality you’re not sure about, it could help to talk with them too. If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, curious or transsexual and you’re feeling isolated, we do have an LGBT society at the Union. Contact them on Also, you could call the Gay and Lesbian switchboard 24 hour on [0207] 838 8324

Welcome back to University everyone. Before you get too settled into your work let me remind you that RAG WEEK is approaching yet again. RAG will be holding its annual week packed with loads of cool events for you to help us raise loads of dosh for our very worthwhile charities. We kick off with the everpopular Human Auction (come and see your mates being sold off as slaves) and end with our first RAG Raid in Guildford town centre for two years. So yes, you’ve guessed it, this is a huge plug to get you all to

It’s the RAG week special (which is why there were so many silly stories the front of the paper). Cathy Marshall explains a bit more about ‘raising and giving’
Saturday morning with your buckets, drive to some far off town, take over the streets talking to all types of people from all walks of life. You get time off to explore the town and at the end of it all is the much needed pub crawl where quite frankly it doesn’t matter if you make a complete tit of yourself as you don’t live there! Then everyone piles back into the minibus and the driver (the only sober one) takes everyone home via Burger King naturally. There is always the friendly competition of who can raise the most money and collect the most charity T-shirts! Don’t just wait for us to contact YOU! Come and show us how you think RAG should work. If you can spare a least an hour a week and have boundless energy and enthusiasm then why don’t you give us a try? We are one of the smallest societies on campus and are in danger of dying out so now is the best time to get involved. We still need volunteers for next week’s RAG WEEK and we are desperately looking for a new Chairperson, Treasurer, Secretary, Events Organiser, Raid Co-ordinator plus many other important jobs that need to be filled now. For more information about RAG and our charities then check out our website via and don’t forget the RAG Magazines currently being sold in the Union reception (all proceeds going to charity).

come along to as many events as you can and help us get RAG back to being one of the best societies on campus. RAG stands for ‘Raising and Giving’ and is a great way for students to raise money for registered charities while having loads of fun and drinking copious amounts of alcohol in the process. Have you seen the footprints on the side of Surrey Court? Just another example of RAG craziness so if you’re outgoing, enthusiastic or just downright mad then come and lend your support to RAG. The RAG team at present consists sadly of only a handful of students, namely Zoe Kilb, Sam Stevens and myself along with VP Societies and Culture and VP Comms & Marketing and of course our new Volunteering Officer, Alli Cummings. Bearing in mind that societies should solely be run by students there seems very few students willing to get involved which is a shame as let’s face it….the more students who get involved, the better the events will be and then the bigger they can get! So why should Surrey students join RAG? Well for one, it’s fun! You get to meet loads of new people, get involved in running events (anything you want… within reason) and go out on numerous RAG raids in towns all over the country. RAG Raid? Yes, you all pile into the minibus on a

30 January 2003



The future of higher education: what the White Paper says
The goverment’s White Paper on the future of higher education had been put off more times than we care to remember. Now it is finally here. Philip Howard takes us through the nitty-gritty
At least the beast has arrived. The government’s much delayed White Paper, detailing “the future of higher education” (so says the front page) has been released to the public. The Paper is a vast 110-page document, mainly dealing with an overhaul of Higher Education through vocational degrees and specialisation. The most immediately important part for students is in Chapter 7 from 7.19 to 7.43, where the student fees issue is dealt with.

the main points
Citing increased independence from government support, universities are being given the opportunity to raise their fees (7.22), but this comes with the condition that an ‘Access Agreement’ is set up by the university first, which would set out actions that the university must fulfil in order to receive their higher fees (7.23 & 6.29). The crux of student fees; universities will have the ability to apply a variable fee from £0 to £3,000, where £3,000 would be £1,900 above the current rate of £1,100. This incurred debt is payed back as a 9% graduate tax (7.40) in the same way student loans are currently repaid, in what the Paper calls the ‘Graduate Contribution Scheme’. The safeguards on the fees for students are the £3,000 cap (7.31), the Access Agreement (7.32) and also help with contributions for the lowest income families (7.33). The government’s current scheme of paying off the £1,100 fees for sub £20k families becomes a £1,100 contribution to the fees imposed by the university, making the maximum £1,900 for sub £20k income families – the value of which will be changed to the system used by the Inland Revenue which includes, for example, stepparent income as well (7.34, 7.35). Beyond the contributions, the government reintroduces grants (7.36) for the sub £20k income families, with a maximum of £1,000 available to sub £10k households. To make this clearer, those from households with less than £10k receive the whole grant and the whole fee contribution of £1,100, amounting to £2,100. Between £10k and £20k incomes will receive some of the grant but all of the fee contribution, a minimum of £1,100 help. Coming from the £20k to £30k entitles you to no grant, but some fee contribution. Those from over £30k households will, however, receive no help from the government towards their contribution, and no grant (7.34 – 7.38). The threshold above which the graduate begins to repay their student loans and fee contribution is raised from £10k to £15k (7.41), although these can of course be paid off sooner, perhaps by employers’ recuitment incentive payments, suggests the Paper (7.42). Crucially, the government is prepared to bear the brunt of delaying payment by passing the full amount onto the university at the beginning of the course, and being repaid by the student later. The Paper does not neglect EU students, who are given the same fee cap as UK students, according to ‘reciprocal arrangements’ with Europe (7.53), limiting fees for EU students to £3,000. The timescales for these changes means that most current students will be unaffected by the new system. From 2004 the £1,000 grant is introduced for low-income families, from 2005 the repayment threshold is raised to £15,000, and only in 2006 is the £3,000 variable fee introduced. source: comment?

UniS’ reaction
The following is a transcript of an e-mail sent to all students by the Vice-Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling, within hours of the White Paper release. barefacts will keep you informed of all developments with regard to UniS’ position on tuition fees etc. You will have seen and heard reports of the Government’s Strategy Paper on Higher Education, published today. I felt it important to give you the University’s first impressions of its contents. I would like you to note that the major implications of the document, particularly those relating to fees, are unlikely to affect you during the period of your current studies at the University of Surrey. The University welcomes the Government’s ambition for everyone who has the ability and the desire to study at university to be able to do so, regardless of their personal circumstances. We are also encouraged that the Government recognises the importance of the higher education sector as an asset to both individuals and the nation. Its commitment to undo the years of under-investment will ensure that UK universities remain amongst the finest in the world. Over the coming weeks, the University will further assess the implications of the Strategy Paper in order to formulate its own responses to the document. We will ensure that we communicate our thoughts with you and with the Sabbatical Officers of the Students Union, who represent you.

The equation of education has been a difficult one for the government to solve

NUS’ reaction
The NUS has replied to the White Paper with its standard rhetoric – it’s nice to see grants, but really there’s just more debt isn’t there? Pointing to the variable contribution as the much-despised top-up fees, and the Graduate Contribution Scheme as a yet larger debt, the NUS will find resonance with many middle-class students, unhappy to be saddled with debt so soon in life. The phrase is ‘giving with one hand and taking with the other’.

The situation isn’t so bad as everyone is making out
Despite the figures of £21,000 bandied around by various nay Sayers, most universities will take this opportunity to raise their fees slightly or drop them. Students on low-cost courses will be charged less, perhaps nothing. Of those that are charged, many will be offered payment of these debts by their employer as a golden handshake. Most importantly, the government will shoulder the cost of delaying the repayment, becoming in effect mortgage lenders, and passing the money to the universities.

Left: Secretary of State for Education, and ex-Cambridge and NUS president Charles Clarke

Next week in barefacts: student finance and the impacts of the White Paper



It was mean to be this the winner of the Lord week, but there were of the Rings PS2 game technical difficulties, and a brand new thus Rich W meets the competition to win a Hamiltons next week polaroid camera

The Gangs of New York hanging on the mean streets
If you believe the press, it’s been in the pipeline for 30 years and was doomed to fail before it started. James Dibley braves the Gangs of New York to see if there is any substance in the claims and marvels at the brilliance of somt-time cobbler Daniel Day-Lewis

Like many films doing the rounds at the moment, Martin Scorsese’s new feature seems to be reaching for epic status. Clocking in at just over three hours, only the second Lord of the Rings movie promises to involve more afternoon for your money. A straightforward story of warring factions and underworld activity screened across the sprawling turmoil of the American Civil War, Gangs of New York bears comparison to many other Scorsese films. The conflicted, driven characters are all present and correct, as is the preoccupation with vengeful underdogs and charismatic, amoral villains. And for a director whose pictures have returned again and again to New York City, the re-synthesis of mid 19thcentury New York is a revelation.

“As an example of a master storyteller at work it is genuinely exceptional”
Production designer Dante Ferretti (Casino, Baron Munchausen) brings the same unfailing eye for detail to this film, and it pays off big time. New York here is a squalid, festering pit of violence and poverty, and within the first half-hour this illusion becomes overpowering. I haven’t been as immediately gripped and held captive since the first half-hour of Saving Private Ryan. Perhaps fortunately,

Gangs of New York has a little more substance than that film. A claustrophobic experience, it’s the story of orphaned priest’s son Amsterdam (Di Caprio). Amsterdam is the child of Irish immigrants, and soon finds that he and his people face many challenges to stake their claim in the New World. Not least of these challenges are the threats made by ‘proper’ AngloSaxon Americans, a gang of whom have been engaging in bloody conflicts over turf with the newly-landed Irish. Led by slaughter-man Bill Cutting, the man who killed Amsterdam’s father in the race riot which led to Amsterdam’s exile, the story unfolds as a peculiar alliance forms between Cutting and the young Amsterdam. At least, that’s the main storyline: like that other New York epic, The Bonfire of the Vanities, this personal drama is also a framing device for all sorts of observations of a city and a nation still caught in the white-hot blaze of creation. Corrupt politicians, a muddied moral spectrum, and vicious indiscriminate violence will not particularly surprise anyone familiar with Scorsese films like Taxi Driver or Casino. However, here the film staggers a little under the weight of its pretensions to historical documentary, and particularly given its epic running time, there is a sense of the desired effect not quite hitting home. Gangs of New York makes for an undeniably compelling and thrilling film: Daniel DayLewis’ performance as Bill Cutting is truly extraordinary, the vivid recreation of the city as it once was makes From Hell look like Paddington Bear, and the soundtrack is serious quality stuff, with Peter Gabriel and U2 both getting a look in alongside Howard "Lord of the Rings" Shore’s darkly-coloured score. The violence is unpleasant, frequent, and bloody: I suggest that if such things particularly upset you, you give this film a miss.

Leonardo DiCaprio stars in Gangs of New York and credits himself with a pretty good performance alongside the brilliant Daniel Day-Lewis and token-gesture Cameron Diaz

There’s a suggestive message in this picture that the violence of this episode in history is what we owe the flaws and triumphs of the present day to; this probably resonates stronger with an American audience.

A sprawling, troubled and conflicted film, Gangs of New York is not an easy evening’s entertainment. Its politics and content will provoke and disturb. As an example of a master storyteller at work, however, it is genuinely exceptional.

Daniel Day-Lewis in his first film role in five years

30 January 2003



From out of The Big Bleu
Jolyon Hunter looks at the career of Frenchman Luc Besson for this week’s director cut
Born in Paris on March 18th 1959, Luc Besson spent the early years of his life following his parents around the Mediterranean in their roles as scuba diving instructors; an occupation which provided him with a great deal of inspiration for his 1988 movie “Le Grand Bleu”, starring his great friend (and mainstay of his films) Jean Reno. At the age of ten he swam with a wild dolphin and the experience inspired him to try and become a marine biologist. An unfortunate accident at the age of 17 rendered Besson unable to dive and he had to give up this dream. Upon recovery and returning to city life in Paris, he discovered television and cinema whilst finishing school. Indeed, Besson showed early promise and wrote drafts of “Le Grand Bleu” and “The Fifth Element” (1997) in secondary school, and cinema soon became his new passion (he ended up seeing more than a dozen films a week after dropping out of school). Besson realised that his interests in the different arts could be combined in the form of cinema, and began his career by taking odd jobs on various films. By age 19, Besson had moved to Hollywood and spent three years learning about and working on American films. He returned to France and set up his own production company in the form of Les Films de Loups which later became Les Films de Dauphins. His feature film directorial debut came in 1983 with the Sci-Fi/Drama “Le Dernier Combat” (“The Final/Last Combat”); a silent film boasting exceptional camerawork which won Besson multiple international film awards. “Subway” (1985) was his next film, starring Christopher Lambert; this was a fast-paced crime drama set in the Paris Metro subway that examined fringe lifestyles and bordered on the style of a music video. “Le Grand Bleu” (1988) (“The Big Blue”) is thought of as his most personal work, focusing upon the choices a diver has to make for his love of the sea and the love of a woman. The film was a hit in mainland Europe but bombed in the US and the UK due to poor editing, the addition of a different ending and other factors. Thankfully a director’s cut was released in latter years, and has previously been shown on channels such as Film Four in the UK. Besson’s breakthrough hit was in 1990 in the form of “Nikita” starring (his then-wife) Anne Parillaud as the troubled young woman honed into a sophisticated and lethal assassin by French authorities. The film was slick, stylish and intelligent and spawned a US remake and cable TV series. 1991 saw the release of “Atlantis”, a musical-cum-documentary set under the ocean which barely saw the light of day outside of Italy, France and Germany. His next film was “Leon” (1994) starring the omnipresent Jean Reno in the lead role, and a career-making role for a young Natalie Portman. The film also stars a wonderfully OTT Gary Oldman as a corrupt cop and is well worth a look if you haven’t seen it already – also known as “The Professional” in the USA. In 1997 Besson returned to Sci-Fi in flamboyant style with “The Fifth Element” starring Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman and Milla Jovovich. Oh and Chris Tucker in his most annoying role to date. The film was rapturously received in his native France and was an International hit thanks in part to the amazing

Luc Besson: a mainstream French director who has had many successes with small and big budget movies.

“Cinema never saved anyone’s life, it is not a medicine that will save anyone’s life. It is only an aspirin.”
Nowadays, not very many people look out for Martin Scorsese. Since about the mid-eighties he’s been comfortably relegated to the Hollywood Premier Division, where each new film he makes has laurels flung at it by lazy journalists who referred to him in cosy surname-only terms in their film-school graduate theses. It’s the same place Woody Allen and Oliver Stone live, except that it’s cool to slam Woody Allen because he’s a dirty, neurotic old man who just happens to have made incredibly funny films about twenty years ago. And of course, everyone’s out to get Oliver Stone. So Martin’s all by himself, pretty much. What’s the expression? ‘…God-like genius.’ So this season comes Gangs of New York, another Martin Scorsese movie. Let’s take everyone and have shallow, self-serving critical analysis at Pizza Hovel afterwards as the world continues slowly to turn. But first, let’s forget that smug, second-rate Dennis Leary crap and go rent Mean Streets. Mean Streets was made in 1972 for very little money by Martin Scorsese and a bunch of moderately unknown talent. Like Harvey Keitel and Robert de Niro. As you might expect, as indeed it should be, Harvey and Bobby own this movie. This isn’t a particularly

special effects and production design. Two years later Besson directed the epic “Joan of Arc” (1999/2000) starring his soon-to-be-ex-wife Milla Jovovich. The movie tells the story of Joan of Arc and has a few famous faces in supporting and cameo roles, but ended up with a running time of 160mins. This may be one of the reasons why it received mixed reviews upon release. Since 1999 Besson has tended to focus more upon Production and Writing, most notably for films such as “Kiss of the Dragon”, the “Taxi” trilogy and the upcoming “The Transporter” starring Jason Statham (some hailing him as the British Bruce Willis). Besson’s films are usually stylish with a haunting soundtrack always conducted by Eric Serra. In my opinion “Nikita” would have struggled to have been half as good without the accompanying music. So what are ya waiting for? Go check out his films now if you haven’t already!

BY JAMES DIBLEY spectacular movie, nor is it packed full of stylish violence, sex, or reference comedy, and neither of the two leads were settled into their comfortable . In Little Italy, NYC, Charlie (Keitel) is trying pretty hard to grow up and be one of the good guys. Trying to reconcile (among other things) his work for the Mafia with the principles of his Catholic faith, Charlie would be confused enough trying to get on in his low-budget world without the temptations and trials that go to town on him in this movie. See, Charlie has this cousin, Johnny (de Niro), and Johnny’s a muck-up of the first order. He owes money to just about everyone in the world and he’s reckless to the point of being self-destructive. By the obligations of family and his own morals, Charlie finds himself acting as Johnny’s parole officer, trying to keep him out of trouble. Meanwhile, the pressure is coming down from everywhere on our hero. Charlie’s stuck dealing with his family, his friends, and the everyday weirdness of his life. His girl, Theresa, wants him to leave everything and move away from the city with her. His

peers look to him to provide leadership and a maturity that’s beyond them in their screwed-up, amateurish excuse for a protection racket. Charlie tries to keep his head above water. Johnny goes downhill. Things get steadily more out of control. Mean Streets is very clearly a product of a specific time and place, but the story it tells is universal enough for us all to be entertained and provoked by. Charlie isn’t a one-dimensional ‘good guy with a few problems’: he’s immature and insecure, just as any one of us is. And for once, someone’s smart enough to realise that being insecure doesn’t mean a thousand tedious voiceovers and shovelling Gorecki onto the soundtrack. We know that Charlie is

having difficulties because sometimes he acts completely stupidly. He doesn’t talk about his problems: he just wants to fix them. So when we watch him struggle harder to keep his family and his life together, it matters to us because he’s a real person, not a lazy imitation of one. Tech-wise, the film is pretty rough but it doesn’t matter. For all its lack of flash, there’s a real world and a real story in this film that’s utterly captivating and believable. De Niro and Keitel act their balls off, the supporting cast are exactly what they should be, and it’s all in service of a story you actually care about. It is the Smart.

Robert De Niro and Harvey Keitel on the cover of Mean Streets, another one of Martin Scorsese’s contributions to the classics list.

ROUSTABOUT ROCK kid Kelly Osbourne is the subject of tabloid tittle tattle this weekend. The Star reports that rock chic chick collapsed and stopped breathing after partying too hard the other night. Her dad, Ozzy, is quoted as telling her not to die before he does! The paper claims that Kelly was treated in her hotel suite and that the doctor says she has severe respiratory problems. THE MIRROR also carries the tale. It adds that the reason for her collapse may be that she is allowed to drink here, but not back home in the US where the legal age for boozing is 21. The tab says she’s been making up for lost time and went on a bender with her boyfriend after recording her new single, Shut Up, for us here at TOTP. Southern Confort is named as the offending drink. THE NEWS OF THE WORLD, however, simply reports this Kelly quote: “I was a little sick ‘coz I’ve got the flu and these people just made up some disgusting lies.” So there you go. MICHAEL JACKSON this week has announced that he has got his eye on a house in Blighty. The estate agent to the surgically friendly one has told British tabloids that Jacko is, “looking to the US, but I suspect he will end up buying a castle or a palace in Europe or in England. It has to be the standard of Buckingham Palace, unique and special with nothing like it around. Or maybe Windsor Castle.” The Queen has yet comment on whether would be selling any of her properties. U2 HAVE gone back into the studio to begin working on their new album, The Edge and Bono have revealed. The follow up to ‘All that you can leave behind’ is going to be their first new material since recording the soundtrack to Gangs of New York. Bono told MTV that Edge “is really doing some fantastic stuff”. We eagerly await.


30 January 2003

This is the lead single from the highly anticipated new album 100th Window. Couple this information with the presence of Sinead O’Connor and the listener has no option but to expect great things – does Special Cases live up to expectations? Well sort of… O’Connor’s vocal is interesting in the sense its sounds computerised and stripped of emotion; I feel however this was the point? By all accounts it shouldn’t work, fortunately the menacing musical arrangements save it and the listeners expectations. seven | a.r.
words by: al read | andrew malek | simon robinson anna wheeler | jonathan derzi matty b | anthos chrysanthou jonathan howell | if you are interested in writing for the music team, then come along to the cd hand-out in the media centre on mondays at 5pm

Massice Attack: the guy on the left figured that if stared intently enough at the guy on the right then the guy behind him would stop looking at him

HARMONIC GENERATOR THE DATSUNS | V2 Punk influenced the Datsuns are the new darlings of music with exceptional energy put into action in ‘Harmonic Generator’. Headliners of the NME tour for hot new talent, which they’ve certainly got in these guitar-ridden riffs, lathered the track with strong punk vocals. seven | m.b. TIME FOR HEROES THE LIBERTINES | ROUGH TRADE London’s up and coming guitar rockers release includes attractive choruses that combines soft rock with a pinch of punk influence. The Libertines have a likable style that’s softer than counterparts in this field. Flying the flag it’s refreshing to hear a band that shows potential to the likes of recent imports from New Zealand and America. SIMPLY DEEP | COLUMBIA Aside from the unpalatably saccharine collaboration with Nelly on recent MTV favourite ‘Dilemma’, this is a comparatively understated solo debut from the former Destiny’s Child star, showcasing her undeniable vocal talents without veering too frequently into Mariah Carey territory. Great if you like that kind of thing, and surprisingly listenable if you generally don’t. six

STOP LIVING THE LIE DAVID SNEDDON | MERCURY This one is looking at an extended stay at 1 Chartsville Lane. Writes his own songs, apparently. Good Lad. five | a.c. LET’S STOP HANGING OUT

This 3 track CD from union favourites Reuben sounds well produced and includes some great and varied music with rock, shouty punk bits and a lovely acoustic number. Very good. eight | a.w.



THE ART OF LOSING AMERICAN HI-FI Wow, a year and a half after their hit single “Flavour of the Weak” made all the radio playlists (including our very own GU2), American Hi Fi return with this track from the forthcoming album of the same title. This is upbeat and punky, you could easily see it sitting on a teen flick soundtrack just like “Flavour...”, but it’s a totally different style to what the band have attempted in the past. A fantastic track, whose chorus is made up of meshing together lyrics from punk classics such as “Blitzkrieg Bop” by the Ramones and “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit. The drumming sounds suspiciously like Def Leppard’s “Rocket” though. In any case, make sure you go see them upstage Sum 182 at Wembley next week. seven | a.m.

Thankfully Nas appears to have moved on since that tiresome Jay-Z thing. Made You Look is a return to the heady heights of his early singles. Serving as both a twofingered salute and a chest puffed posture record Made You Look succeeds because of its simplicity and orchestral 1-second beat intermittence – finally he’s back. seven | a.r. SK8ER BOI

Rap with a smattering of breaks collide head on in an energetic, genre fusion that ADF are renowned for. But although lively, the single doesn’t really have much to shout about. four EASY PEASY MUM & DAD I know just a bit about this rather different group having seen them live a couple of times. Remarkably listening to this record was like listening to a different band, I couldn’t believe the rapid progression they’d made in under a year. The watery effects and hypnotic vocals weave a transcendent spell infinitely superior to modern pop music - wonderful! eight | a.r.

| ARISTA/BMG Unless you’ve been on another planet lately, you’ll be very familiar with this catchy piece of teen attitude from Canada’s hottest new star. Music for the new Converse generation. seven | a.w.

In next week’s music section: Q’s 100 greatest albums of all time - who the hell thought The Strokes should have been #9? barearts concludes that the music-buying public are a fickle bunch

30 January 2003



Immediate comparisons with the Coral are both unfortunate and inevitable but one would be over-simplifying to walk away without further analysis. The energy and trickery evident on this double a-side necessitate further investigation. Yeah there’s warped sound effects and raw everything else but that’s the appeal right? six | a.r. MAKE IT CLAP BUSTA RHYMES | J RECORDS The latest effort from busta rhymes, though not as manic as some we’ve heard, is still likely to get the party started. six | a.c.


| COLUMNBIA Even devotees of the extravagantly bearded Armenian-Americans would struggle to deny that most of this patchy collection of unreleased tracks falls squarely on the wrong side of the genius/ madness divide. This may heighten the appeal for some, and it certainly has its moments for those with more of a passing interest, but cynics will probably just be alienated further. six

SEEN THE LIGHT SUPERGRASS | PARLOPHONE Short and sweet at only 2:26, this is another great catchy pop single from Supergrass’ acclaimed latest album ‘Life On Other Planets’. seven | a.w. PUT HIM OUT

Lemon Jelly: a utopia of triangular-shaped bulidings and lighthouses. Nothing to do with food

Ms Dyna mi tee hee continues to further the garage scene. A pleasant blend of sweet vocals and bumpin basslines. Bo! seven BORN AGAIN | XL RECORDINGS This is a bit of a let down by BDB’s usual ear-pleasing standards. Must try harder; I have a miserable bastard of an ear. five | a.c.

NICE WEATHER FOR DUCKS LEMON JELLY | XL RECORDINGS If you’ve not heard of Lemon Jelly then you may have heard of that weird track about ducks swimming in the water laced across an upbeat chilled backing. How insane and tacky can you get but wait I’ve been humming and tapping for the last four minutes, simply great. eight | m.b.


I’ve never heard of anyone being driven to information technology before…This looks like the single to finally lift HIFH out of the MTV2 doldrums and into a more mainstream audience. On all the right playlists for a chart single i.e. Radio 1 You Drove Me To It with its well trodden rock riffs and crash bang drums ain’t half bad. seven | a.r. KNOW YOU WANNA 3RD EDGE | EMI R&B trio, 3rd Edge use pop influences and smooth vocals making a track, which merges, into another track by an R&B pop act. Slick production is what’s expected with this commercial radio friendly sound. four | m.b.

Paul Oakenfold: should have worn more than a t-shirt at this time of year


A cheesy vocal tune from the world renowned DJ. The 5 other tracks on this single aren’t bad, with a mix of ‘Starry Eyed Surprise’ thrown in for good measure. four



30 January 2003
THIS IS ME THEN JENNIFER LOPEZ | EPIC Ms Lopez is at it again with this R&B, Soul album adding her personal stamp to an over populated style. First single off the album, ’Jenny From The Block’ uses a catchy chorus and up-tempo beats. A typical offering from Lopez that’s cleanly produced with mainly soul tracks . Duets come from LL Cool J on ‘All I Have’ that’s sees her shine against a weak rap trying to emulate the soul and rap combination success of last year. The direction is one way, one style but it has obviously worked in the past. Fans of the last single should note that the albums is more down beat and laid back so don’t expect fireworks. It not all doom, overall if you liked her last album you’ll probably like this. five | m.b.
J-Lo realised that her bum had become part of the Quantum Leap experiment just after half of it disappeared to another time frame


‘Woo ha’ king Busta has just figured out the life of gun toting rap star ain’t safe. Him and the Flipmode squad are back in action and this time they mean business. From grinding flange to strutting like a G.O.D., Busta’s got his style sewn up. But it’s not everyone’s gin n juice. five
Busta Rhymes finds himself in some very dodgy company after some Brummie bloke says he can show him a good time with some homies



| J RECORDS Solid solo stuff from the Def Squad rapper. It’s obvious he’s pulled out the stops to make this a lively affair, and he’s not done a bad job with the production either. Highlights include ‘React’ (featuring Redman) and ‘Here I Iz’. six | a.c.


| EPIC 3 parts RATM + 1 part Soundgarden = as you’d expect it to sound like, yet not as good as you’d expect. Sadly it’s a pretty uninspiring album. Stand-outs include single Cochise and Shadow on the Sun. five| a.c. CHINATOWN


Straight out of Jamaica’s Reggae dancehalls comes Sean Paul. This Album includes some great collaboration with Busta Rhymes, Sasha, Jay-Z and Rahzel. Check out ‘Gimme The Light’ for a fine tune. Quality! nine STATE 808 808 changed the late 80’s, but can they influence this decade? Probably not is the answer, but this album is still an enjoyable blend of electro beats. Check out ‘Roundbum Mary’ for a refreshing mix. five


| MERCURY For a group of supposedly talented musicians, it seems slightly strange that this 18 track CD contains only three songs written by the ‘students’. The rest is a collection of lame cover versions, and their own songs are much better. Lemar has a great soul voice and stands out, along with Ainslie, but unless you’re at all interested in the personalities, I really wouldn’t bother with this. four | a.w.

This career reviewing double album was a massive eye-opener. I knew of Laika having seen them support Radiohead in Europe but I had no idea of their history or the sheer inventiveness/quality of their back catalogue – what a mistake to make! The organic use of samples and sultry vocals combined with highbrow lyrics only reinforce my embarrassment of not fully discovering this band before now. CD1 acts as a ‘best of’ from their first three albums whilst CD2 is comprised of b-sides, rarities and peel-session tracks. Personal favourites are T. Street with its addictive grooves and new track Beestinger – Lost in Space is essential listening no danger. eight | a.r.

The Be Good Tanyas are a female three piece from Canada. Categorised as ‘folk’ by the British music press and well received in small UK folk circles this record should appeal to a wider audience than your average folk album. The subtle but varied instrumentation bubbles along effectively in the background on tracks like Waiting Around To Die and the magnificent Ship Out On The Sea. This level of thoughtfulness is prevalent and as a consequence quality is assured. I must mention their cover of House of The Rising Sun it is amongst the best I’ve ever heard. seven | a.r.

Drama in an English country garden
barearts takes its seat at the Yvonne Arnaud theatre once again for “Snake in the Grass” by Alan Ayckborn. Theatre editor Rachael Bemrose was holding the programme
A new play written and directed by the acclaimed Alan Ayckborn, Snake in the Grass premiered at his home base, the Stephen Joseph Theatre in Scarborough. Though I am familiar with Ayckborn’s name, I had not, before last night, seen any of his work. The preview in the theatre programme called it “a spine tingling tale of suspense and ghosts from the past”. Well, yes I can definitely agree with that. I am possibly one of the jumpiest people ever: my boyfriend takes great delight in jumping out on me when I least expect it, eliciting the desired reaction of a scream. And while I didn’t scream last night whilst at the theatre, it’s not the done thing, you know, (though others did), I joined BY RACHAEL BEMROSE THEATRE EDITOR the rest of the audience in laughing and sighing loudly when whenever the tension was finally released: a collective phew could be heard around the auditorium! Ayckborn’s latest play tells the story of the return of Annabel, to her childhood home, from which she ran away from 35 years ago, following the death of her father. She returns to find her sister, Miriam, in a state of hysterics, and the discharged nurse Alice Moody, still lurking around the house. The set throughout the performance is that of an English country garden,

Fiona Mollison as Annabel Chester in Alan Ayckborn’s Snake in the Grass. Showing at the Yvonne Arnaud theatre until Saturday

complete with a pergola and a tennis court. The seeming normality and naturalism of this and the clothing worn by all the characters, is juxtaposed next to the eeriness and suspense that always lurks beneath the surface. Alongside the main plotline runs the themes of fear and morality. While the morality theme is unceremoniously dropped at the conclusion of the play, the fear still features prominently. Ayckborn very cleverly leads the

audience into believing and liking certain characters over others, only then to turn this on it’s head in the final act. Sterling performances from all three actors are what distinguish this as being a classic. Snake in the Grass runs at the Yvonne Arnaud theatre, Guildford until Saturday 25th January. Standbys at £12.50 are available an hour before the performance. Box Office [01483] 44 44 00.

30 January 2003



A man’s opinion is powerful, but his beliefs are stronger
Following his somewhat risque look at The Bible last week, Chris Ward turns his attention to P. D. James’ “Death in Holy Orders” and observes “men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.”
Set in an elitist Church of England theological college, “Death In Holy Orders” is an intricate exploration of death and its many taboos in the context of an unconventional environment. A private detective is called to investigate the death of a young boy by his father, who believed that the conclusion of suicide by the metropolitan police was premature and negligent. As soon as the investigation has begun, the death of an Archdeacon who supported the closure of the college occurs in the church late at night. The pool of blood surrounding his head suggests that this death was not an accident, and with the Archdeacon’s popularity on a downward spiral – the list of suspects is longer than the arm of the law. I have never before read such a powerful integration of the dark suspense of a crime fiction novel with the rich texture of a literary modern novel. “Death In Holy Orders” echoes the philosophical depth of Jill Paton Walsh, perfecting the “trashy” crime story into a book taut with universal associations. Quotes such as “It was an easy platitude to say that the dead lived on in the memory of the living, but what substitute was memory for the loving voice and the strong enclosing arms?” provoke the mind of the reader and force them to question death and its many implications. Perhaps to some it allows them to imagine a situation where a loved one has been lost, and explores the sorrow and pain of continuing everyday life when something so tragic has occurred. As the suspects are scrutinised, James reminds us of one epic human flaw: “Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” An opinion may be powerful, and can cause

P.D. James: along with Ruth Rendell has done wonders for the female crime-writers of the last twenty years

offence or even hurt others. But a belief in something is an entity that has caused wars, disputes, and the deaths of many innocent people. Hitler and Milosevic are a good example, as their beliefs were perhaps the most influential of the 20th Century. A man who is willing to die for his beliefs may

also be willing to kill for them. The book takes the reader through many twists and turns, boasting the ability to move the blame from one person to the next as it progresses, before finally culminating in a suspenseful confrontation and an unexpected ending.

Well well - another week and another good ole prize for you to get your mitts on. If you would like to win a fantastic polaroid JoyCam™ and two sets of film, and then go off to have sack loads of instantaneous fun, then why not just answer the question below and (be the first person picked by the picker after the deadline of 11pm on Tuesday 4th February) then it’s all yours: q.what is the new polaroid camera called? e-mail your answer to As for last week, we were offering one person who could be bothered to write in lucky reader a PlayStation2 Lord of the Rings The Two Towers game. The answer to the question was obviously The Two Towers and we were honoured not get any complaints about including offensive terms recalling 09.11 and all that. Anyway, the winner is one [paul parker] so if you would like to pop by the media centre, then you can pick up your prize. * Incidentally, only nine people entered last week’s competition, the logic of which I still fail to grasp entirely. We’re giving away relatively good free stuff with piss-easy questions and no-one can be bothered to entre. Why do we bother? Coming up over the next few weeks, we will have £50 TopMan vouchers, Kellogs submit a personal online! Frosties watches, Republica underwear and Supergrass goodies to give away. Don’t forget, though, that barefacts isn’t the only place you can win lots of prizes, for the new on-line personals submisGU2 107.3FM are giving away lots of stuff sion: log onto the ussu website, over the next month. They have tickets to type your personal and press Thorpe Park, laser quest tickets, smellies “submit” from Lush, budweiser, albums from HMV, electric theatre tickets and Valentines Day easy as pie. while you’re there prizes. All you have to do is tune in, listen you could check out the new and anser the questions. I hope more of bulletin board. sexy. you are bothered with that than bf comps...

30 January 2003



The sound of Guildford: GU2 107.3FM
It had a great launch party last week and the first week of FM broadcasting has been, if we were to be honest, smashing. Here is another look at the schedule and a special RAG week column from those boys the J-Team


hilst sat, twiddling my thumbs, playing with my ear lobes and generally not having any idea what to base this weeks J-Column on it came to me! We, The J-Team, are always out in the union. Always being a term not to be taken lightly in this context! Anyhow, despite the various other honorary and full members who have worked either behind the bar, for security or various other jobs in the building, neither Mr. Tea or I have ever worked for the place. Why is that? Well, I could sit here for another few hours and write some blabbering reason why not, but I shall not. Mr. Tea has quite simply managed to avoid all kinds of paid employment throughout his time at Surrey. When I write this, I don’t mean to say he’s a lazy bum, because he’s not. No. I mean he really has just managed to avoid all forms of employment. As for me, well I don’t know! I just haven’t worked there. So why don’t we then, for RAG week, one night only, run the union? Because there’s only two of us. There! Done! The union requires far more people than that! Even if just Tea and I did it, how would it raise any money for RAG week? So then I actually did something I hadn’t done before: I thought about it for a bit. The answer was already in the article! There isn’t just two of us. There’s plenty of J-Team-ers. So here’s my plan: Every J-Team member dons their shirt for an evening and works for free at the various jobs of the union. Every single job is dealt with in the same precise manner the usual staff employ and, indeed, some jobs would be

carried out by usual staff. Just usual staff in their J-Team shirts. The only extra rules would be that Mr. Tea and I must take a shift in every single job required over a union night (including DJing!) and that all wages are donated to RAG. What a great idea! So there is our proposal for the week of raising and giving. It may not be the best idea for raising money, but it is the best we could do. If you have any better ideas, do not hesitate to email and we will give it some thought.

Those J-Team boys - Mr Tea and Judge Mental during an outside broadcast. There will be outside broadcasts from Roots every Friday night and the Union every Saturday, so make sure you get down there to be a part of GU2. Otherwise, check out to find out the latest details.

Who’s on at what time: the full schedule
Below is the full weekly schedule, colour coded to the best of our ability in order to give you an idea of what sort of music each DJ will be playing. If you don’t happen to have a copy of barefacts available to check the schedule then log on to and have a look: all the details will be right there.






06:00 07:00 08:00 09:00 10:00 11:00 12:00 13:00 14:00 15:00 16:00 17:00 18:00 19:00 The full schedule for the FM period, complete with weekend listings. To see who is currently on air at any time, check out the website: 20:00 21:00

Judge Mental’s FM Breakfast Show

wwwdot gu2dot codot uk
saturday sunday

Philip Brown and Sabeena Sabir


Bianca’s Brunch THE LUNCH WITH BIG AL & THE SEX MACHINE Chris, Jay & Amelia Amelia Lefroy Chris, Jay & Amelia Jay & Amelia Chris & Amelia

Anthony Deluola Christine Naomi Facey Jay Butcher mix@six The J-Team Classic Cyclone dance Jay & Woody FRIDAY NIGHT




pecialist laylist ance heese BN

The Weekday Vibe with P Just a rock show Kaz Beats & Pieces V & Kwab Arun

Xin Xin Chris Hall Take 2 CHILLOUT WITH STEVE JOHNSTONE Chris Chang

Cyclone dance 22:00 Kerrang radio

Sex Mickcheese Oli Horton Kofi & Dave BarflyBibiskas A. in session Barfly in session The Presence CMJ The Dark Side

The essence of Jazz MALCOLM TAYLOR


23:00 00:00 01:00 02:00




30 January 2003

There was a bit of a mix-up last week as we realised that, well, we’d gotten things mixed up. We hope you don’t mind the mistake and are happy to start afresh this week. Now, this week’s clue is somewhere that I hope everyone that lives on campus has been to! Let’s see if you know where it is...answer and normal service to resume next week. - funkyberry -


So it falls to me this week to somehow entertain and perplex you with lyrics. Hmm. Well this is the *second* quiz of the 2003, so woohoo! (That means it’s one better than last week...) That was pretty painful and false so it’s probably time to move straight over to the lyrics. [1] The golden rule is: we work as a team and we do it my way [2] And I’m, like, “that’s cool.” [3] Limb by limb and tooth by tooth [4] Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard [5] And it all breaks down at the role reversal [6] One and one make two, two and one make three [7] I get up when I want except on wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen [8] When she saw the funny side, we introduced my child bride / To whisky and gin [9] Your sorry eyes cut through the bone [10] You’ve been lining your pockets for no other reason / Than to buy up the things that I gave without reasonable pay. There are no answers this week (and they probably won’t appear next week either) but then that is there to make up for those of you who will probably cheat when it comes around to the Who Wants to Be A Millionaire bit. Meanwhile, for those of you who want to take the mickey, the e-mail address is We welcome criticism.


Who wants to be a millionaire?
well - surely not many of us would turn a million quid down
It wasn’t here last week and I’ll bet that most of you probably didn’t even notice, but that hasn’t stopped us trying to please your every whim and fancy. So here it is (with Chris Tarrant still poking his nose in somewhere). Just remember it is not real money you are playing for; in fact, you’re not playing for anything. Apart from pride. £100: which of these diseases is transmitted to humans by a mosquito? a: yellow fever | b: psittacosis | c: typhus | d: mumps £200: which word can mean to gulp down food, to fasten or to break away? a: band | b: buck | c: blow | d: bolt £300: which fictional area is the setting for ‘The Bill’? a: walford | b: erinsborough | c: sun hill | d: car dale £500: how many Academy Awards did the 1997 film ‘Titanic’ receive? a: 1 | b: 2 | c: 4 | d: 11 £1k: on a German wine bottle, what does’Sekt’ mean? a: fruity | b: sour | c: sparkling | d: cheap £2k: which of these is a quadruped? a: a rectangle | b: a cow | c: a person aged 40 | d: a car

I can’t seem to find the words
that’s because this is a word search

Chris: you might be the host of the most popular quiz show on television, but you only have one cheekbone and, occasionally, you’re a smug so and so. Sorry, but it’s the truth

finding mathematics easier than physics does not make much sense to university lecturers

£4k: who betrayed Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? a: judas iscariot | b: pontius pilate | c: mary magdalene | d: joseph of arimathea £8k: which song is set to music from one of Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ marches? a: jerusalem | b: rule, brittania | c: land of hope and glory | d: auld lang syne £16k: what was the name of the suffragette killed when she fell under the king’s horse at the 1913 derby? a: mary richardson | b: nancy astor | c: emily davison | d: emmeline pankhurst £32k: which of these Beatles songs was released on the Apple label? a: love me do | b: paperback writer | c: let it be | d: lady madonna £64k: on which river does Baghdad stand? a: tigris | b: euphrates | c: jordan | d: bosporus £125k: which of these was one of the original ‘Cinque Ports’? a: winchelsea | b: hastings | c: folkestone | d: rye £250k: who was the first Republican president of the United States? a: john adams | b: abraham lincoln | c: grover cleveland | d: theodore roosevelt £500k: what is ‘phylloxera’? a: lung infection | b: insect | c: shrub| d: green pigment £1m: which classic radio comedy series featured Maurice Denham as charlady Lola Tickle? a: ITMA | b: educating archie | c: take it from here | d: much-binding-in-themarsh Do you like WWTBAM? Do you like it when we abbreviate it in such a manner? There’s only one to let us know: That’s what it’s there for.
Baghdad: the river on which it stands might be all that’s left

Hey hey it’s another wordsearch and the word on the street seems to be that everyone likes it. Something along the lines of it returning folks to their junior school days when they used to get to school early and participate in fun activities before the real stuff starts. The crossword is still around, of course, and that is as popular as ever (especially now it’s a bit easier) but I think that the wordsearch just contributes that little bit more. The only thing to really discuss is whether wordsearch is one word or two, or perhaps even hyphenated. What do you think? If you think it should be two words etc. then:

30 January 2003



Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings within Battersea Court Rawson…
Someone asked me the other day what I do at Uni. So I told them about my website, and the societies and clubs I’m in, and that I go to the Student Union a lot, etc. They were like “Wow your really busy, so what do you do in your spare time?”. I thought for a while, and then replied “My degree”. I know that sounds like the introduction to Thought for the Day, but it does seem to be the way it is. Still, I’m going to make a real effort from now on. So if you ever see me talking to lampposts or mouldy potatoes, then tell me to stop it and get back to work! Also, why are people that talk to inanimate objects considered weird? Just imagine if inanimate objects were actually like powerful entities in their own rights, or even extra terrestrials in disguise. It must be quite lonely really just sitting there all day, watching the world go by with no one to talk to. My theory is to err on the side of caution, and talk to things just in case they are not just what they seem. To explain, imagine you were a toaster and no one ever took the time to ask you how you were, or whether you thought that Britain should join the Euro. I think that you’d be quite depressed. So if I talk to them, then they may repay my kindness with riches beyond my wildest dreams (or give me a pet bee!) I usually try to write about things that happen over the week, but I’ve just been told off (by Jen) for not writing about our new housemate Jen. For the last few months there has been a rift in the karma of Rawson 3, when one of our housemates moved out. Luckily Jen has just moved in to restore the karma, and complete Rawson 3 (that’s if living next to me doesn’t scare her off!!). chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter


ife After The Womb
words: rich w

There have been some rather unusual occurrences in the Rawson household. After the events involving the so called ‘killer ants’ that inhabited the kitchens on each floor last semester, it seemed that the extermination men had finally succeeded in their quest to make Rawson ant-free. But over the last week several residents have noticed that they seem to have returned, in greater numbers and larger and more powerful than ever before. Whereas before the ants were only about the size of a comma, over Christmas they seem to have bred and these new megaants are now each around the size of a human hand. Since taking over the kitchen with their raucous parties the mega-ants are becoming a great concern to the students living in Rawson. Many cases of food disappearance are being blamed on the megaant colonies - they seem particularly fond of ham and mushroom pizzas, as well as the odd bacardi breezer. The senior residents have held meetings with the mega-ant leaders, but the language differences have proved somewhat detrimental to the negotiation process. After consultation with environmental health officials, it has been concluded that the original Pharaoh’s Ants managed to invade the fridge over the festive period, and feast on a deadly concoction of mould growing on the abandoned food. Fortunately, the effects of this mould are only visible on ants, so it is completely safe for humans to continue to consume mouldy food. The world specialist on mega-ants was called in during the weekend, and it appears that the consumed mould will only continue to be active for a few weeks. It is estimated that these bizarre ant related activities will only continue until the end of week three, whereon the megaants will return to their former (small) selves. The colonies have been offered a settlement involving them taking up residence in the old GU2 studios next to Rawson 2, in exchange for the provision of a healthy diet of non-toxic mould. ‘ickle sarah butterworth

Last weak, eye spoke about the peculiarities of the English language, such as weather it should bee an s oar a z in certain words and how ewe can no witch wey two spell the word ewe are trying too spell. Their was also the point of double negatives and how the same rule does knot apply two double positives. They’re are, though, many more strange things too do with English, one of witch eye am demonstrating now - and that is the eye deer of words that sound the same but are written differently. If ewe were a dictionary type of person, ewe wood call them homonyms. Wee can sea that they wood create havoc if you only had won wey to spell each word sound, so it is lucky that their are lots of weys to right down letters. I’m afraid I can’t keep that up for much longer - saying each word out loud as I write them must make me sound like a five year old doing particularly badly on a reading test to anyone that should be listening - so I’ll move on and share some other observations with you. Why is big such a little word? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why isn’t phonetics spelt phonetically? Why isn’t larger spelt how lager is spelt and vice versa? Why is Polish the only word that changes its meaning when you change the case of the first letter from upper to lower? These are the sorts of questions that make you realise why Countdown is so popular (aside from the Richard Whitely factor). (As an aside, I’ve never understood why you would ever need subtitles for Countdown; many people often complain about Mr Whitely’s jokes, so why have the subtitles on when the game requires absolutely no sound whatsoever. Anyway, I digress). Recent culture, and mobile phone technology in particular, has also contributed to the development of the wonderful English language: no longer will someone “meet up with you later,” but instead will “c u l8er.” We’ve got LOL, GSOH, ;) , m8, fact, we have bastardisation coming out of our ears. It’s a little like the opening paragraph, only it’s taking it to extremes and probably due to make an appearance on the national curriculum the year after the How To Humiliate Yourself On A Reality Television Show In The Name Of Achieving Temporary Fame module is brought into GCSE’s. As opposed to trying to fit everything in to 184 characters, or whatever it is, why don’t people actually talk to each other and save themselves the hassle of an over-developed right thumb?

“These are the sorts of questions that make you realise why Countdown is so popular (aside from the Richard Whitely factor).”

Upside-down answers
WWTBAM: [£100: a]; [£200: d]; [£300: c]; [£500: d]; [£1k: c]; [£2k: b]; [£4k: a]; [£8k: c]; [£16k: c]; [£32k: c]; [£64k: a]; [£125k: b]; [£250k: b]; [£500k: b]; [£1m: a]. If you’ve just cheated, then remember that you will not prosper. Especially if you were hoping to find the answers to the lyrics quiz because they are not here. So you can cheat as much as you like on WWTBAM because you’ll still be frustrated by relatively easy lyrics. I think I’m labouring the point now. Apologies. Incidentally, anyone who would like to help with the interacitve section of barefacts, or indeed any parts of the paper are more than welcome to come and join in. If you contact us at or drop by the media centre in the Students’ Union then we’ll do our best to help you out. Otherwsie, just e-mail things along and we’ll fit them in as and when we can and space allows.

, &; :?
Of course, the link between language and technology doesn’t end there we’ve the Internet to consider yet. The first thing to notice is that saying “www” requires nine syllables whereas “world wide web” only needs three - another case of abbreviation being a long word, I feel. Then we come on to the matter of the proliferation of full-stops - or “dots” as they are more fashionably known - in every day life. Not one day goes by where you don’t see a poster with some website address on it or hear a sultry lady on the radio advertising one URL or other, both instances including the use of “dots.” My point is that, of all the punctuation tools available, pretty much everyone has a firm graps of when/where to use a full-stop, whereas commas, apostrophes, semi-colons, colons and, more than occasionally, question marks pose a bit more of a challenge. It was surely, therefore, sheer irresponsibility on behalf of these web-folk to employ full-stops as the character to divide website addresses memorable forms when there is such ignorance of the world of punctuation. Perhaps we should have a campaign to focus more attention on our good friends The Punctuation Family and ensure they are used properly by grammar-abiding citizens (with the website Either that or do away with the whole idea and allow predictive txt to reign free over the txters-thumb-afflicted civilians of the world.
The comma, the semi-colon, the colon, the question mark, the amphisand and many other punctuation marks besides: under-used



30 January 2003

almost accurate astrology
because facts and horoscopes are mutually exclusive
aquarius Someone you’ve never met will come up and nudge you at the weekend. You don’t have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back – it could be the start of something wonderful. Other than that, stay away from people this week – they’re having a bad influence on you. pisces This is a good week to introduce a little bit of randomness into your life. Try getting dressed in the dark, for example – you’ll learn things about yourself you never knew before. But move that mould ridden plate into the kitchen first, or there could be a nasty accident. aries Pets are supposed to be good for stress, so try acquiring one this week. Something small like a stick insect will probably go unnoticed make sure you hide it under your bed when the cleaner comes round and no one will be the wiser. But remember to feed it, or else bad luck will come flooding your way. taurus A large cement dragon will appear to be following you this week, although you’ll never actually see it move. Don’t you just hate that? Try to catch it out by hiding behind hedges and suchlike. People won’t think anything of it, honestly... you normally act like that don’t you? gemini You unlucky item this week is wax, of any sort. In particular stay away from the kind that facilitates hair removal, or else you could well end up the victim of an unfortunate RAG stunt. Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky underwear, just don’t tell everyone or they’ll all want a look. cancer Buying one of those little poetry books this week will drastically improve all aspects of your life. In fact, self help books of all kinds will be very beneficial to you in the near future, so forget that money your parents gave you was for textbooks and use it for something much more useful. leo Congratulations – you’ve managed to get your back-flip up to demonstration level. It is now time to show this off in Tesco’s. The best time to try is Wednesday at 6.45pm. Make sure you attempt it first in the fruit section as this will give you a nice soft cushion. Only try it in the alcohol aisle when you feel confident. virgo Sorry Virgo, but there is nothing exciting showing in the stars this week for you. You are a celestial bore. However, you will develop an unhealthy addiction to vegetarian ravioli next week, so make sure you stock up on your next trip to Tesco’s. libra Telling your other half to get lost is probably not the best plan this week – you can, however, merely give them the wrong directions and they’ll do the job quite well themselves. In a bout of misfortune on Tuesday, you will come close to beating the world sneezing record. Ensure you have enough handkerchiefs handy. scorpio A well known trick in horoscope prediction is to not let on if something terrible is going to happen... luckily you cannot see my eyes... avoid underground caves, alcohol and crisps and do not attempt any backflipping in your Yogic Boxing video workout unless your are being properly supervised. sagittarius Butternut squashes do not appreciate being kept in a cold, dark cellar. Let some light into their lives. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to cook them, just get yourself one of those student cookbooks and the world is your oyster. Butternut squashes have amazing aphrodisiac properties, didn’t you know? capricorn The cash machine outside the Union will give you double what you ask for on Monday, but only debit your account for the correct amount. Take advantage of this and go straight to Chancellors. But beware of the hidden security camera - make sure you wear a different hat each time you go out in the next two weeks. words & predicting: sarah butterworth


Feel my wrath, thou who writest not for this most excellent of distributed writings collections, this monument to student life, this hall of great thought and wisdom! Yes, I pity thee, for thou hast no mind or independent thought, and presumably no pen either? Well then, it shall be done, thou shalt be forced to read more of mine own confusing ramblings, a punishment far worse than death, and all for a few measly words on a scruffy piece of paper... To all the Rawson 2 New Year Cocktail Crew - thanks for an unforgettable night! Remember, never mix cider, white wine, lemonade, vodka, gin whiskey.... Required: One partner for sexual experience in hall roof. GSOH + own harness essential. Anyone want to fly a double bed in the hall? Join Stage Crew- meetings at 6pm Mondays in the HRB. Harnesses provided. ;) WEZ BACK!! : M, lets play a love scene of our own, love The Bitch. I love you baby................ It’s the first bf of the new year, and already it’s getting personal. Smeeeeeeeeegheeeeeeeeeeeeeeead Knowest though the art of PHP? Then scurry along to the bulletin board, for we buildeth an open source content management system of epic proportions! Contribute, or face thy peril. The chord sequence challenge #1: Am7 Dm7 C6 E7sus4 If you can do better, supply a contender. “Vector” To paint a picture, true and vivid. To paint with the brush of the mind onto the translucence of the daydream’s canvas. Insubstantial colours that weave and

fray as the eye wanders from them. A woody glade on a sunny day, soft patches of shadow on light, playing on the ground. Where is the productivity in painting a picture, unless as true and vivid as the customer wants? To paint with the wallet onto the blandness of a blind market. Superficial impressions that pass quickly, plastic mould lines showing. A white room in a fluorescent light, lines of shadow motionless, waiting. Psychology Crimbo Party: Velvet Girl rocked, shame u didn’t move on to the Union. SPSS socials for semester 2 looking gooood! HI everyone!Hey boy i’m right here n im gonna do it really fine this time!r u ready? Where r this years photos? back to school. back to school. to show my dad that I\’m not a fool. I\’ve got my lunch packed up. My boots tied tight. I hope I dont get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back... to... school... i’m leaving this year, does anyone want to give me a job? Please? Andy, you do know that those are my feet don’t you? to the sexy girl who is supposed to be a gifted mathematician: integrate me. what the hell is that supposed to mean? ok – simultaneous equation me. that’s a bit GCSE alright – frickin’ partial derivative me. whatever you do, i’m not having any of that dirty “proof by induction” stuff. it’s alright to talk about someone behind their back, but to say something they might actually find out about is out of the question.

human auction | tuesday wk.3 | chancellor’s | 7pm on

30 January 2003



This week at
UNIVERSITY SPORTS LEAGUES This semesters leagues start again on 10th February. Application forms can be picked up from the Sport Centre. The teams are made up from different departments in the University and are a good way of participating in sport for fun. Get your team together, complete an application form and hand it into the Sport Centre before Friday 31st January. This semester’s sports include: Mixed soccer Mixed Volleyball Mixed Ultimate Frisbee Mixed Badminton 5-a-side soccer 6-a-side soccer There should be points available for all participants this time as rumour has it that the Students Union is entering... SPORTS & CLASSES Don’t forget that the new programme for dance, exercise and sport started this week. Pick up a leaflet to see what interests you or visit the UniSPORT website: Try boxercise, kick fit, power walking, pilates, body blitz, tone to the bone, circuit training, high energy aerobics cardio kick aerobics, step aerobics, feldenkrais method, salsa, jazz, jive, streetdance, belly dance, ballet, tap and much, much more!

Furore on the Solent
NOBODY EVER GETS their ass in gear, unless it comes to drinking. It comes from being part of a university sports club. And who would ever have dreamt that Sunsail would let us have a yacht anyway. But occasionally we defy the enslaving clichés laid down upon us by our peers and battle the odds with stubborn intent. A fresh wind blows on the Solent as the fearless students of the University of Surrey Sailing Club once again fly their flags out on the high seas. Yachting is all about endurance. We held out for as long as we could, but by midnight the portmonaies were empty and we were forced to brave the damp wet cabins in which we were to spend the night. Some of us even managed to get a few hours sleep in what resembled a Chinese drip torture chamber as the condensation collected all over the insides of the hull. By 6:00 AM the skipper had had enough and began the tortuous task of cooking breakfast for the crew of 8, which proved to be a logistical nightmare as the gas oven and stove refused to light. None-the-less, 8:45 saw us leaving the lock at Port Solent and heading out into a flat calm. Wind is something which one doesn’t pay for on a yacht charter and we were grateful of every puff which passed our way as we let ourselves drift just outside the shipping channels in the shallow waters off the Spit sands, glad not to be bunged up in a laser II for a change. By midday though a gentle breeze had filled in and we played about flying close reaches and tangled jibes while listening to endless stream of radio checks as weekend sailors practiced their skills over the VHF to the audible distress of the Solent Coast Guard. In the evening the weather forecast came in for “the next 24 hrs” with rough seas and gale force winds on the program for the Sunday afternoon. Full of confidence and glowing with anticipation we headed for the local Weatherspoons (the only place nearby with a meal and a pint for under a fiver) to weave our sailors garn and keep dry away from the wet cabins which would be our beds for the second night board. The next morning broke with the sound of whistling masts and clanging halyards all around. A quick breakfast and the crew harnessed up for safety. (Showers were to be had for free as soon as we hit the open sea.) We passed the marina lock at 8:00. Out of Portsmouth harbour it was a different Solent 2nd in the Paso Doble with a superb crowdpleasing performance. New additions to the competition included a ‘3 person Cha cha cha’, in which Luke, Nat and Siobhan reached the semi final after only actually choreographing their routine 10 minutes before! There was also an ‘inter-university’ jive and quickstep giving competitors opportunity to dance with members of other university teams. Tony, Ben, Janet, Gemma and Siobhan did particularly well with members of the Cambridge, Imperial and Leeds teams, annoyingly showing that weeks of which awaited us, the westerly breeze throwing up a moderate sea and leaving our skipper sea sick before the crew could even hoist a sail. Three reefs in the main however proved a little bit excessive and we soon shook one out. We weren’t racing, but pride insisted on a little bit of speed. By 10:00 even the helm (stood right at the back of the boat) had received his fair share of sea spray, but God rewards the naive and the folly and as we approached Ryde harbour the sun came out and the wind and seas eased. Enthusiasm grew tack for tack and we shook out all the reefs and sailed all the way up the Solent right past Cowes. However, a quick time check brought us back to reality and we realised that we would be hard pushed to make it back to port by 15:00 so as we ran back down the Solent we hoisted the spinnaker in the fresh December breeze. It was beautiful while it lasted. Having heard the calls over the VHF of yachts stranded on the Bramble Bank we had kept well clear of all charted shallows, but when the helm read 4m on the echo-sounder he was none-the-less suddenly alarmed and promptly shouted, “Gybe!” catching the bow crew completely off their guard as they were peacefully minding the Genoa which had just come down. The cockpit crew were in split states; half were stunned, gazing up at the enormous blue sail flying ominously over the bow, the others frantically trying to make sense of the sheets, halyards and winches while watching out for flying booms and other hard objects which might pass their way. Fortunately the skipper had been a little overcautious and the shallows were actually a good 3 miles away. 5 gybes later and about two miles further on, the spinnaker finally unravelled itself from the forestay and disappeared unscathed below deck. The colour returned to the helmsman’s clenched knuckles and the Genoa came back up as we reached back home in building winds with a grin on our faces thinking, „One hell of a way to start the campaign!“ The USSC SYN Challenge continues.

UNISPORT EVENTS Quiz Night Monday 3rd February | Varsity Bar National Squash League Tuesday 4th February | Varsity Centre Valentines Dinner Friday 14th February | Varsity Bar National League Squash Tuesday 18th February | Varsity Centre Latino Evening Friday 21st February | Varsity Bar 6 Nations Rugby Throughout Feb & March | Varsity Bar

Good waves in Lanzarote
continued from back page Over the course of the week we had numerous party waves (those with more than one person on at the same time), including a few with some hand-slaps incorporated, and an unplanned 3-man party wave with Vaughn, Mike and myself. We also had a few attempts at tandem surfing (two surfers on the same board) but unfortunately our long-board fin came loose and was lost in the water. Without a fin, it is impossible to stop a boards tail from sliding out, so we had to abandon our attempts at tandem surfing. When not surfing, we spent most of the time eating, sleeping and lounging about the apartment or the roof-top balcony (complete with great view of the beach). Mike took his game-boy advance with him and to my surprise, had the first computer game I ever played (Castlevania). For nostalgic reasons, this was a great hit and I spent so long playing it, my left thumb still hurts. Famara has a great little pastry shop, which we all visited from time to time. When I say time to time, it was more like every day for Vaughn and myself. On the couple of occasions when the surf wasn’t looking as good as it had been, we took my waterproof digital camera out into the surf. Taking photos and movie clips in the water is very hard, but we got a few good ones from it all. The rest of the photos should be on the website by the time this is out. Check surreysurf3/lanza.html. Movie clips will also follow soon.

Ballroom dancing
This report accompanies the pictures that were in last week’s barefacts. Thanks to the Ballroom Dancing Society for their patients in waiting for this article to appear. THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey Ballroom Dancing team competed in its first inter-university competition of the year on 1st December. The Oxford Social was held in the not so lovely Blackbird Leys Leisure Centre, but the 22 surrey competitors and our supporters certainly brought glamour to the place! The competition marked a great step forward for the society as in the year that we doubled the number of members, we tripled the size of the team. In fact, of the 22 competitors, 15 were dancing in their first competition. The other teams present included the university circuit heavyweights of Oxford, Cambridge, Imperial, Southampton and Leeds, and the Surrey team more than held their own.

University ballroom competitions are arranged in two parts – an ‘open’ competition where each couple competes against each other in as many dances as they want, and the team match where each couple has the opportunity to dance in one dance, collecting points for their university team. Beginners competed in the Waltz, Jive and Cha cha cha, with Luke and Siobhan doing particularly well in reaching 6th place. Surrey also did excellently in the intermediate section with Tony and Natalie gaining 4th place in the Foxtrot, and Nate and Mal getting Surrey’s highest ever placing of

practising with a partner is not always the way to success! The Surrey team also did well in the team section, especially in their new latin costumes! Well done and thanks for all the hard work to all those mentioned, as well as Matt, Hannah, Chris, Randi, Edwin, Claire, Bacon, Mel, Melanie, Akhila, Hiroshi, and Haruko. For any more information on join the Ballroom Dancing Society and/or the Ballroom team, please contact


30 January 2003


Fortress Varsity keeps protecting mens hockey
ON SATURDAY THE 18th January, the Surrey Hockey 2nd XI returned to the Fortress Varsity for their first game since the Christmas break. The side was looking strong, though somewhat dazed from the previous nights exploits, with both Sledge and Special admitting to still feeling somewhat less than 100%-please note this was not the actual phrase used by either party. The game then started promptly, with the obvious signs of fatigue from the festive break from both sides. There was slick passing during the start of the game, but there was a distinctly of concentration, and at mid way through the first half, Merton accelerated down the left side, slipped the ball in, and suddenly Merton were 1-0 up. Upon this shock, Surrey awoke and forced themselves in the Merton half and won a good number of short corners. Fresher “Butthead” Pip unfortunately seemed to be doing more damage to the air then to the score line. But with the relentless Surrey attacks, and the driving runs of the Special, something had to give. Unfortunately, that thing was the time-a half time whistle blew and we settled in our goal for a rousing team talk from skipper Druncan. Surrey emerged from the goal mouth, riled and ready for action. The movement was slick and the passing beautiful as the mid field efforts of Fragile, Pob, and Sledge continued to reap benefits. The short corners kept on coming, and with Malibu Spanky, and Fragiel-all defenders by trade- all looking for glory, the routine line up changed. However, it should be noted that they may well want to keep their efforts back on the other goal line. However, obviously tiring, Merton could BY JAMES OLIVER University of Surrey 2nd Merton 2 2 not hold out for much longer and one of the centre forwards, Tug was in the right place at the right time, to put Surrey level. The play continued, with Merton rejuvenated by the goal, and the play swung back and forth, until Sledge put the perfect ball in, for the Special One to score his first goal for the club in 4 and a half years. The celebration was phenomenal, with all but Paul the keeper joining in. Merton looked somewhat bemused. Once the game began again, Surrey continued the pressure, obviously looking to put the game beyond doubt. However, on one particular attack, a harsh short corner was given, and the resulting shot on goal which was judged by all to have been liftedand hence illegal-was judged as a goal. The teams continued to play on, but the final score remained at 2-2. The teams then continued to the bar, where they celebrated in earnest at the wonders of the Special, who was suitably judged to be Man Of The Match. By coincidence, he was also Dick Of The Day, as was young Pob, for allegedly crying like a girl when hit by the ball-despite the fact he couldn’t feel his foot for 20 minutes and still played on. The celebration continued in to the night, with many an injury, and loss of memory, but it is for certain that this day shall be remembered as the day when Special Richard finally scored.

Above: a surfer catching a good wave in Lanzarote on the surf-clubs recent trip to the sunny isle. To read the full report, see below left.

To the point with Surrey archers
BY SUMEET BELLARA “IT WAS DARK when we woke up”, the familiar words uttered by almost everyone we spoke to when we arrived. Sunday morning, a sight rarely seen by students yet this was no ordinary Sunday morning. It was the day of the Guildford Archery Clubs’ (GAC) indoor Fita 25 competition, held at the Guildford Spectrum Centre. The Stag Hill Archers (us) arrived to make their stand against the likes of The Royal Richmond and The Imperial College Archery Club (for once choosing to refrain from donning their now familiar Jedi bowmen costume), to mention but a few. Be them recurve, For the most part we were placed close to Imperial so that we could get a proper look at those we would be beating….er entertaining at the friendly on the 25th of January. For our part we played it cool. Well I played with the cola bottles, and then re-enacted as many scenes as I could from Lord of the Rings with the jelly rings from the sweet bag….”No Mr Frodo!…..My Precious!” In the end we shot our best for the day and I believe we did alright (see scores). After all the serious stuff we invited Imperial to join us for a drink at Chancellors where we ate, drank and played Jenga. Much to the annoyance of the Imperial archers we played very well, and did Phil (the King of Jenga) proud. But to be fair they made the game interesting. In a sense we should give them credit they played that well after I ferried them from the Spectrum to Campus. I mean if you can steady your hand, and your stomach, after a ride in my car then I take my hat off to you. Finally we ferried them to the station, waited for the motion sickness to wear off, and said our farewell. Another competition under our belt and time to get practising for the next. SCORES All scores given are for the gents or ladies recurve competitions. David Jesson Nadia Khan Barry Cottrell Sumeet Bellara James Sephton Tim Fox | | | | | | 492 489 435 385 382 347

Good waves in Lanzarote
WE LEFT A VERY cold and snowy Guildford, in the early hours of January 9th. After a short flight, we were all surfing in Lanzarote approximately 100miles off the border between Morocco and the Western Sahara. The air had more than doubled to 22*C and more importantly, the water at 18*C was well over twice as hot as it would have been back in the UK. Indeed, I was happy enough surfing in just a shortie wetsuit as opposed to the winter wetsuit, boots, gloves and hood I would be wearing at my local break. To top it all off, the waves were good. We stayed in Famara, a small village on the North of the Island, just a short walk from both a mellow reef-break and an equally mellow beach break. On our second day, Vaughn and myself checked out the reef in our morning surf. It had been producing some beautifully peeling waves earlier that morning but the best waves were to the west of the harbour wall and there was a moderate long-shore (side-ways) current pulling us to the east. So after a couple of rides on the poorer reef waves, we moved on to the beach break.

BY DAVE CHAPMAN During the 12 sessions I managed to fit in, I caught the best 3 waves of my life. I also have probably another 3 in my top ten. Not bad for a single week, especially considering I had not had a proper surf since the summer. River Surfing has its benefits! The others also got some great waves. Vaughn thinks he had 4 top ten waves during the week. I saw Sarah catch a respectable sized wave, putting in some nice turns and a perfectly timed stall. For the wave, it was a perfect ride. continued on inside page

longbow or compound we showed no fear, even though we were shy a few fallen comrades. The shoot was a strict one. Two whistles to the line and 20 seconds to nock an arrow. Then a further whistle to shoot, but mind the time for only two minutes was allowed for the three attempts at glory. All this did however make the whole process both ordered and swift. In the entire first session only one interruption came in the form of a solitary bouncer. The event was a real triumph of the organisational skills of GAC.

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