pandalover

It was fun to act. I am not fond of acting because it is fake, but this time I enjoyed being in character. We
(the actors) endeavored to make the mediation extra challenging by constantly interrupting each other, even
right at the start, and expressing anger and disgust at one another. But as much as I appreciated acting, it
was a discomfort to watch the mediator. For the entire exercise, I witnessed how difficult it is to be in the
middle of a heated argument between two angry people.

It is noticeable that the mediator struggled all throughout the session. Despite the readings on active
listening and communication, the lessons did not materialize into effective execution. There were moments
when the mediator would follow up on the last point I talked about, but it did not really translate to active
listening. For me, it was just for the purpose of keeping the story going. There were also a lot of instances
when she could not control the continuing exchanges between me and my partner-actor. But what really
struck me is that for the most part of the mediation, we kept repeating the same part of the story – the part
where credit is not given to Kathryn’s ideas. Understandably, we lingered in that portion because that is
how we opened up the story. Sadly, we lingered too long. We could not move on from that part. For quite
a long period of time, we got stuck at that superficial level. In my head, I was waiting for the mediator to
say a magic word or a phrase that would make me, or both of us actors, to open up a little more as regards
the backstory of our conflict. The catch phrase came a little later. Personally, I felt a slight hint of guilt
because of course, I know the backstory and I am deliberately not delving deep into that portion yet so that
I could test the mediator’s ability to divert the conversation to that direction. But at some point, I got
frustrated and tired at seeing the session go nowhere and only revolved around this shallow part of the story.
Hence, I decided to “help” the mediator by dropping extra hints so we could dive a little deeper into the
story particularly the coffee, lunch and movie dates. That was the moment when the conversation was
stirred into a more progressive direction.

On the other hand, as an actor, I realized that the struggles of the mediator also adversely affected the ability
of the parties to express their sentiments freely and unfold their story. Because the mediator could not sense
that there is more to the story than the mere not-being-given-credit part, the parties are also trapped in the
unending conversation revolving around the same topic. Personally, I felt deprived of the opportunity to
jump into the root of the conflict and honestly, I was itching to go there. Unfortunately, it was a little
delayed.

At this point in the semester, it became crystal clear to me that being a mediator is not a walk in the park.
Weeks before, whenever I go through the assigned readings, I thought that mediation is a lot easier than
litigation. Basically, you just have to make the parties face each other, vent out all the emotions, discover
the underlying interests and create options. The mediator just have to show that he actively listens by
reframing and summarizing. But my perspective has dramatically changed over the last few sessions as we
simulate the mediation process. Being a mediator is a demanding job because careful attention and patience
is required of the mediator. He has to listen intently to the words coming out of the mouth of each party,
whether spoken or unspoken, and at the same time, he has to convey to the parties that he is indeed listening
attentively. Not only that, the duty of the mediator is also a tricky one. The mediator has to keep the parties
talking and relaying their side of the story, while simultaneously, he also has to interrupt and “reframe” at
some point. I suppose it is a matter of balancing listening and speaking aspects. But how? – that is the
question.

Uncovering the story must be a collective effort of the parties and the mediator. If the mediator could not
dig deeper into the story, then it will not be completely made known at all. Concomitantly, the parties also
have to lend a hand to the mediator by speaking their minds and emotions. But although putting together
the story is a shared undertaking, I think the process has to begin with the ability of the mediator to
effectively make the parties open up. It is only when the mediator is able to do so that the mediation will
make some progress.