Thursday

18 September 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1060
free
www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

FRESHERS’ FAYRE BAREARTS - FILM I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R

The annual societies and Film Editor Neil Boulton NO STRAIGHTS PLEASE, WE’RE GAY |
sports extravaganza is upon brings us reviews of new Comment | page 5
us - Chris Hunter and Dave releases, classics, and all the USA ALL THE WAY? | Neil Christie on
‘Chops’ Chapman tell us best films on TV over the whether UK is becoming USA | page 6
what’s on offer. next week. INTERACTIVE | Ben Berryman provides
Freshers | pages 8 & 9 Film | pages 16 & 17 even more distractions | page 24

UniS is too successful

BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH
EDITOR IN CHIEF

IT HAS COME to light this week that on arriving in Guildford

next week, up to 100 undergraduates and a handful of
postgraduate students will be left without accommodation
to move into. This is due to an unexpectedly high number
of people being accepted on to courses at the University of
Surrey.
It is expected that around half of these students who live a
long way from Guildford will be accommodated somewhere
in or near Guildford. There are plans to use the guest rooms
in Battersea and Surrey Court to house students, and private
landlords and local schools and colleges are being apprached
to see if they have accommodation availble for the homeless
students. In a shocking move, 50 of these unhoused students,
who all live within the Accommodation Office’s ‘catchment
area’ for final year campus allocations are being told to
live at home and commute into University for an indefinite
period of time.
The ‘catchment area’ is normally deemed to include
those students who live close enough to Guildford during
their placement or second year to be able to search for
accommodation in Guildford for their final year. It stretches

Attack demands Action

as far as London and the South Coast, so students told to live
at home will be facing train journeys of up to 2 hours to get
into University in the mornings and home at night. It also
brings up safetfy issues, with students walking to the station
alone at night to catch the train home.
The accommodation office has been snowed under with
requests for accommodation, and despite the cut off date
for ‘guaranteed accommodation’ being 1st September, they
are only just catching up with a backlog of applications
from before this date. Students who are not offered
accommodation for their first year have been told they are
guaranteed accommodation on campus for their second year
at University, but for the majority this is small compensation
for the fact they will have to spend their first year at
University being forced to live at home or in private sector
accommodation.
From September 2005 the University is planning to have
several thousand more residences built on the Manor Park
site near the Varsity Centre, but for the next few years they
must face up to the problem that too many students are
accepting places at the University of Surrey. The present
accommodation allocation system simply cannot handle the
pressure of the numbers offered places by the University.
BY CLAIRE ILES AND SARAH BUTTERWORTH
IN THE LATEST in a series of attacks in and around the
underpasses, a student was mugged on the way to University
at 2pm on Sunday afternoon. The assailant grabbed the
students bag as she was entering the Tesco underpass and
sped away on his bike along the path that runs above the main
pathway. He is described as white, about 20 years of age and
was wearing a grey hoodie. This most recent attack highlights
that the minimal improvements made (functioning lights and
brighter paint) is simply not good enough. USSU believe that
attacks of such nature will not cease until CCTV cameras
are installed and the unnecessary undergrowth removed
from the footpaths in the area to the West of the campus.
Although USSU strongly advise students against walking
alone onto campus, they realise that this is not always
a possibility and therefore encourage all students to
purchase a personal attack alarm from either the Students
Union Reception or University Security office for just £1.
Amongst the aims of the ‘Lights, Camera, Action’ campaign,
being run jointly by barefacts and USSU, are installing
cameras around both Tesco underpasses, as well as the one
leading to Southway, and continuing to increase lighting
and painting the underpasses. Also not to be forgotten is the
problem of foliage surrounding all the underpass entrances,
and the paths to and from campus. Despite it having been
cut back, many believe that the only permanent solution
is to get rid of it completely, as it grows back so fast that
visibility is obstructed again not long after the greenery has
been cleared away. Claire Iles, Vice President Education
and Welfare at USSU said, “Students have a right to feel
safe when walking too and from campus and it is a priority
of the Union and University to see that the work on the
underpasses and surrounding area is continued. Issues such
as the neglect of the Southway underpass and the bushes and
trees surrounding the paths must not be forgotten.”

letters to barefacts | page 4 Psychic Sandy’s Stars | page 26 Harry Potter | page 21
2 NEWS 18 September 2003

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 New Year, Old Debate

As a new academic year begins, and new students arrive by the thousands, the student fees debate rears its ugly head again
Editor in Chief
Sarah Butterworth BY PHILIP HOWARD Scotland may also be at risk if the top-up reports the THES. Professor Golding, a
comms NEWS EDITOR fee system is introduced. Dr Andrew Cubie member of the media and communication
@ussu.co.uk - a key player in the end of tuition fees in studies panel for the 2001 RAE assessment
TOP UP FEES are again the top news item in Scotland - has warned that the boost in and head of Loughborough’s social science
Editor the world of Higher Education. With the finances resultant from the top-up fees paid department,said: “The field is too strong
appointment of Alanb Johnson as Higher to universities in England will lead to a brain and well established to regard its very
Chris Ward Education Minister. In an interview with drain in Scotland. According to Dr Cubie, existence as under threat, but the research
cs21cw the THES, he has pointed out a clear choice the funding gap between the countries infrastructure that forms its heart most
@surrey.ac.uk as regards top-up fees. Either funding (and would allow those south of the border to certainly will be massively damaged by this
with it, academics’ pay) is increased, funded offer higher salaries, and lead to a number unnecessary and punitive concentration of
Music Editor through the top-up fees, or the sector will of those currently working in Scotland to resources.”
see funding cuts, and presumably therefore move to England. This could have further
Matt Badcock little or no chance of a pay rise for the consequences as foreign students would find
ms01mb academics. Scottish institutions less attractive, if the
@surrey.ac.uk At the same time, members of the Trades perceived quality of staff is lower.
Union Congress put pressure on the Other areas of the infamous White Paper are
government to reconsider top-up fees, also alive and causing consternation. The
Music Editor backing a motion that university access must proposed concentration of research
Jon Allen be based on “ability, not ability to pay”, funding into a few world class
reports the THES. Paul Mackney of Natfhe institutions continues to aggravate
bs21ja
@surrey.ac.uk maintained that the higher rate fees would those outside the magic inner circle.
introduce multi-tiered education, blocking The Media Communications and
access to world class higher education to Cultural Studies Association has
News Editor working class applicants. An AUT poll warned of the potentially crippling
Philip Howard found that all the classes opposed top-up effect of this concentration of funds
fees, with just 20% in favour of them. on the emerging field of Media Studies,
ph02ph
@surrey.ac.uk

Film Editor
Neil Boulton
80% of Public Against Top Up Fees
cs21nb
@surrey.ac.uk BY CHRIS WARD disagreeing with fees. eleventh hour, to devise a different scheme
EDITOR The AUT general secretary, Sally Hunt, said to raise the desperately needed money for
Theatre Editor of the results: “The massive majority against higher education.”
A RECENT POLL carried out by the Association survey should start alarm bells ringing with At the TUC conference last week, pledge
Daisy Clay of University Teachers shows that 80% Mr Blair and make it absolutely clear that cards mocking Tony Blair and his election
ps21dc of the public say they are now opposed to he should take the opportunity, even at the pledge to students were issued to everyone
@surrey.ac.uk top up fees. Amongst the results, 12% said present. The card contains a photo of Mr
they agreed with the introduction of top up Blair, along with a holder pledge: “I, the
fees, 80% said they disagreed, and 8% said holder of this card, pledge to help Tony Blair
Literature Editor they didn’t know. The AUT have expressed stick to his election promise on top-up fees:
Jennifer Walker that these figures do not differ over social ‘We will not introduce top-up fees and have
classes either, with the largest difference in legislated to prevent them’.”
ph21jw “disagreeing with top up fees” being about This news is welcomed by NUS, who have
@surrey.ac.uk
6%. Similarly, the parental status of the recently launched a website solely intended
interviewees made little difference, with to promote the campaign against top up fees
Sports Editor 86% of parents and 76% of non-parents [www.stopfeesnow.com].
Peter Nichols
cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Do you have a complaint ussu group notices
@surrey.ac.uk
Communications Office. against this newspaper?
The UniS Conservative Society will be campaigning in
CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper are those of If you have a complaint about any support of the policy to scrap tuition fees this year. For more
individual authors and do not necessarily represent the item in this newspaper which contains information on this campaign or to sign up as a member visit
Ben Berryman Claire Iles views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or http://society.conservative.com
Union or the University of Surrey. discrimination write to our editor about
Andy Blair Catherine Lee
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in it.
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the Press Complaints Commission - an
We are a really friendly team and welcome any who are
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Chris Hunter Lisa Widdows Telephone: 020 7353 1248
barefacts@ussu.co.uk Facsimile: 020 7353 8351
the come along to the Vertex at UniSport on Wednesday
afternoons or find us at Sports Fayre.
Design & Layup: WWW.USSU.CO.UK Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea Barefacts meeting for everyone interested in getting involved
Sarah Butterworth © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 Tel: 01792 510000 with the paper this year - Thursdays - 5pm - Media Centre.
18 September 2003
Multi-campus supercollege for Nottingham?
Nottingham could become the first UK city to be home to an American style multi-campus community college
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
NOTTINGHAMSHIRE MAY SOON host a vast
multi-campus community college, the first
of its (natively American) kind in the UK,
according to the THES.
The Nottinghamshire Learning and Skills
Council is looking to overhaul the further
education in the county, and one option
being considered is an American style
multi-campus community college scheme
with around 60,000 students on a range of
courses up to Foundation Degree level.
The next in a long line of US-inspired
schemes, this would seek to redress
Nottingham’s low performance and weak
finanial health in the FE sector. Pat Morgan-
Webb, principal of one of the affected
colleges, has been working with Chicago
community colleges to assess the prospect,
and waxes lyrical: “Creating a community
college model would allow us to develop
an investment strategy for the whole district
that would be more coherent and less
NEWS 3
dependent on the whims and vagaries of technical leaders to gain foundations companies and their communities to be
particular further education corporations. inhigher learning that will help them, their successful in the conomy”.
It would allow the new college to acta as
a partner for change in the economic and
social development of the area.”
US style systems involving vast institutions
spread across multiple locations and
involving tens of thousands of students have
been particularly attractive to Further and
Higher Education institutes of late, as the
UK’s funding becomes more concentrated
and the goverment pushes towards more
specialist teaching colleges and research
institutes. The UK HE and FE markets are
becoming more integrated, a key aspect
of Nottinghamshire Council’s plans: “The
creation of a coherent community college
system that had a big chunk of higer
education programmes within it would
articulate well with the higher education
system in Nottingham” Ms Morgan-Webb
continues. Successful community college
schemes in the UK must offer “strong
university transfer programmes for future
Nottingham University - the ancient city could soon be home to a US supercampus
scientists, engineers and business and
4 LETTERS TO BAREFACTS
opinion
More Attacks
NO SOONER HAD the new semester started than we were con-
fronted by yet another attack in one of the underpasses close
to campus. This shows that despite the work that has already
been completed on the Tesco underpass, it is still not as safe
as it should be for students to walk to and from campus, even
in the middle of the day. On Friday 19th September the Sab-
batical Officers of the Students’ Union will be walking the
underpasses with members of the local police and Guildford
Borough Councils to show them exactly what the problems
are near campus. We will be leaving from Chancellor’s at
9.45pm on Friday, so any students who are interested in
joining the walk and showing the police and council how
they feel should meet at 9.40pm. Let’s show them an issue of
such importancxe cannot be swept under the carpet.
Be Heard
YOU ARE HOLDING in your hot little hands the second issue
of barefacts this academic year. Yet again it’s been a
rollercoaster of a ride producing it, but we hope it’s worth it,
and that you all enjoy reading it.
To everyone who is just starting at Surrey, barefacts is
the students’ newspaper (as you’ve probably guessed!)
and is written by students, for students. It’s a great thing
to be involved in - you can meet a lot of cool people, get
some great media experience, have something to show the
folks when they come to visit, and a lovely air conditioned
Media Centre to come and visit whenever you have a free
minute between lectures. For the next few weeks there will
be a barefacts general meeting on Thursday at 5pm, for
anyone interested in writing, designing, editing, reviewing,
marketing, or any other aspect of barefacts. To find out more
just pop along to the Media Centre at USSU and have a chat
with Sarah Butterworth, Vice President Communications &
Marketing and barefacts Editor in Chief, or Chris Ward, this
year’s barefacts Editor.
Make the most of Freshers’ Week - get out there and
meet some amazing people, join as many sports clubs and
societies as you possibly can at Freshers’ Fayre, and be
happy. Oh, and if you have something to say, remember -
barefacts is your newspaper. Be heard.
Calling Freshers’ Angels
IF YOU HAVE signed up as a Freshers’ Angel to help move in
the new undergraduates and postgraduates over the weekend,
then you should attend one of the brief introductory meetings
either on Thursday 18th September at 5pm in Hari’s Bar, or
Friday 19th September at 1pm on the Union Dance Floor.
The meetings will only last for a short while, and are just
so you can meet your supervisors and find out where you’ll
be working over the weekend. If you havenm’t signed up,
there’s still time - just find the sheet at Reception in the
Students’ Union, or speak to any of the Sabbatical Officers.
barefacts | be heard
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next
newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Dear barefacts,
With reference to the letter (11/09/03) in barefacts
regarding the attitude of security personnel during a
potential emergency situation; I would like to agree in all
respects. I would like to point out that these people work
for us, we (the students) are paying customers and paying
for the existence of this entire facility. We are not here
to be treated rudely and with contempt by people who
believe they have a little power and can thus inflict this
abuse upon us. If they feel so bitterly about their own
lack of education then they should direct those energies
into getting one. I have experienced similar arrogance
when telephoning security regarding other matters and was
left with an impression of incompetence and ignorance.
Furthermore, the union security staff and bar management
staff suffer from a similar problem. I believe this arises
due to the captive market the union holds. A good
example of their arrogance was the published response
in barefacts last year after complaints about conduct,
where the individual stated that he believed that everyone
going into the union was “immature”. The problem
manifests itself in two main areas, these are as follows:
1) Poor service:
The slow service in Chancellors is often ridiculous,
I appreciate that large numbers of people want to eat
simultaneously but this is not an excuse. Recently I was
left waiting 20 minutes between my own meal arriving and
that of my colleague, eventually I had to ask for it, at which
point it was delivered almost immediately - how long was it
waiting in the kitchen? I do appreciate these problems with
new staff etc etc but there was no sign of an apology, there
never is, did anyone ever come and ask how your meal was in
Chancellors? Did they ever offer you another drink to make
up for slow service or poor quality? Frequently I see people
wandering around the bar with a plate of food; up and down,
outside, round and round the terrace, put it down on a couple
of tables of people who look hungry, and then eventually it
arrives at its destination. How hard can it be? When you
place your order you give a table number, you sit down at
that table. Why can they not find you? They have a number,
Dear barefacts,
I write this letter in response to Increasingly Disturbed of
Surrey’s complaint (Barefacts issue 1059) regarding the
supposed state of disarray of what we call the post-office –
although apparently the campus post-office does not deserve
such a title of integrity? As a naturally caring person, such
irate and unhappy wailing (along the lines of “call yourself
a post-office? you ought to be ashamed of yourself…”)
prompted me to try and be of comfort.
Perhaps a good way to do this is to say ‘it could be worse’?
I can understand the possible frustration that might be
encountered should you finish writing a letter to that special
someone, realise that you have no envelopes, and assume
that a post office will be able to come to your aid – but lo’
and behold, upon arrival at the counter you are informed that
although they do not sell envelopes, the shop does, and oh
the horror of having to embark upon a journey to the One-
Stop which lies a whopping 10 meters from your current
location. I suggest that for all your envelope buying needs
you try WHSmiths, and I recommend that you stock up so
that you need never suffer your traumatic envelope-ness
experiences again.
And while I am here, I would like to highlight the fact that
you are severely misinformed about the services offered by
18 September 2003
your table has the same number. Its not as though they have
to do some complex math in their head while in the kitchen!
Why are there about 10 people standing behind the
bar but only one of them is serving people? Is this
standard pub protocol? NO! Go into the wooden bridge
for example, maybe 5 people behind the bar, the one
closest to you serves you, you sit down with your drink,
and wait for your food. They don’t have one person to
operate the till, one to pour drinks and another to stand
there trying to look busy. why? Because it is inefficient!
If these were venues in town, they would be empty.
2) Over-Inflated prices.
The captured market on campus means that you only have a
hand full of places to eat out without going to town. I think
the price of food here is disgusting. These are supposed to
be student eating venues, there is nowhere on campus that
offers cheap, nutritional, good food. Whetherspoons can do
it in the town centre to normal people, tescos can do it in
store, why can we not do it on campus where the students
desperately need it? That is why they are all living below
the poverty line, because we pay more on campus for a meal
than they would in town! Seasons seems to be the best
venue but the prices are still high, Rushes’ food is cheap but
the prices are not, Chancellors and Roots think they operate
a swanky wine bar off Piccadilly but without the service.
This is supposed to be a university, all we have are
expensive bars for staff. Either we have a huge and
growing pot of money somewhere from the extortionate
prices, or somebody is managing this thing really
really badly. Perhaps barefacts can justify the inflated
prices by publishing the union’s financial details?
I was of the impression that the customer was always right,
apparently that is only when there is competition for your
custom.
YOURS FRUSTRATEDLY,
AN ETERNAL STUDENT HERE SINCE ‘96
barefacts replies: The Union’s accounts for 2002-3 are
currently being audited and details will be available in the
Annual Report in October.
the post office. It is not merely a glorified set of weighing
scales and a stamp dispenser. For your information, and
anyone else reading, there are actually a lot more uses to
this place than many people seem to be aware of. When it
comes to paying out money, this is the place to go – you can
pay your car’s road tax, your water bills, electricity bills,
buy travel insurance, pay your TV license (yes, this has been
known among students), as well as being able to actually pay
money to yourself! Well, you can pay money into an account
of any major bank, as well as being able to withdraw money.
Now that doesn’t sound all that bad, does it?
I really could go on…but I will spare you. I would just say
that perhaps in future, think before you complain. Believe
it or not, I agree that it would be useful for post offices to
sell envelopes. Nevertheless, it is perhaps a tad unjustified
to accuse the post office of being an “over-payed over hyped
stamp vending machine”.
However, perhaps I took your letter too seriously? Maybe
I misinterpreted the tone of your letter as being written from
the heart about a matter which seems to perhaps have been
keeping you awake at night? Anyhow, I hope that you find
peace of mind someday soon…or at least some envelopes.
YOURS SINCERELY,
NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED
18 September 2003 COMMENT 5

No Straights Please, We’re Gay

As the gay community continue to fight for equal rights, James Gray is unpleasantly surprised during a visit to
the local gay pub with his friends.

I WAS RATHER disgusted a couple of weeks then putting a building up with gay people
ago when I visited the local gay pub with a on one side and straight people on the other
couple of friends for a few drinks. As open is not going to achieve this. It is rather
minded people, I expected my analogous to the teacher
friends to be accepted just as
Pride itself who sends his/her students
much as everyone else. They elevates the to lunch in a girl-boy-girl-
had absolutely no problem with boy queue order. Although
gays or lesbians, and simply importance their intentions are to
had a few friends that were gay.
On this aforementioned night,
of sexuality in emphasise that both sexes
are equal, all they are doing
one of the girls I was with was a community, is subconsciously teaching
asked if she was straight by a the pupils the importance of
group of people sitting on a
thus making the gender. Equality is a stage
table near us. When she replied, destination of where factors like this do
“yes”, she was told to “f*** off not matter.
and don’t come back”. I wonder equality ever so Another concept that
what would have happened if a
gay person was told the same
more distant. affects the progress towards
equality is that of Gay Pride.
thing in the Union? Quite The word itself isolates the
simply, there would have been an uproar gay community from everyone else – Pride.
about discrimination and oppression, and Proud to be gay. Why be proud? Surely pride
the guilty parties would have been barred. itself elevates the importance of sexuality in
I am rather worried with the way the a community, thus making the destination of
gay community are going. A new school equality ever so more distant. Are straight regular there. She has now decided that she If we expect to be accepted by society as
specifically for gays has opened in the US, people proud of their sexuality? No. To is not going to go to the pub ever again. normal respectable people, we need to be
with the goal of providing a “safe” haven them it is simply a part of them they accept, Up till this point you will probably have as tolerant to other sexualities as we would
for children away from discrimination or they do not isolate themselves in society by labelled me as homophobic. Well, it doesn’t expect to be tolerated. Unfortunately, some
prejudice. Whilst the idea is perhaps noble, building a lifestyle around it. quite work, considering I’m gay myself. I am gay people no longer desire equality, but
it is simply the wrong way to go if the gay This is not the first case of “heterophobic” merely sick and tired of being expected to the opportunity to take revenge as a result
community wish for equality. If we are to discrimination I have heard occur in the conform to a stereotype that society has set. I of years of oppression. That, my friends, is
walk together, regardless of sexuality, and aforementioned establishment recently. agree that many homophobic issues still need just as low as those that hurt us in the first
reach a point where we see sexuality as Another friend of mine was faced with to be tackled, but am frankly embarrassed to place.
an attribute nothing more than eye colour, discriminatory abuse, despite being a hear of these occasional heterophobic jabs.

US Lawyer Living in Virtual Reality

BY CHRIS WARD
EDITOR
What happens these days when two
Tennessee kids (aged 14 and 16) are taken
into custody for firing a .22 rifle at cars
travelling on Interstate 40, causing the
death of a man and seriously wounding a
woman? Well, the family attempt to blame
it on someone else, because their darling
little children couldn’t ever do a thing like
that unless something had “made them do
it”. Lawyer Jack Thompson plans to sue the
makers of Grand Theft Auto, whose series
of games (including the recent and popular
Vice City) are rated 18 in this country (17 in
US) due to violent and explicit content.
Vice City is a game that allows the player
quite a degree of freedom. Being very
“gang” orientated, the player interacts with
many famous sects from around the globe
(Triads, Mafia, etc.), and thus involves a lot
of shooting, firing rocket launchers, getting
into random cars, kicking the driver out, and
driving off (hence the name Grand Theft
Auto). The gameplay is generally gory and
explicit, including the point where you find
you are low on health and have to pick up a
prostitute and have sex with her to regain it.
Is the above suitable for children?
Certainly not! There is a reason why the
game carries a rating, and the parents should
be held responsible for overlooking the fact
that their children were playing the game
in the first place. At the age of 16, youths
in this country are expected to make many
life-changing decisions, such as whether to
go into industry or to carry on to further
education. Yet, Thompson claims that these
youths are at an impressionable age, and that
playing a game repeatedly can cause them
to kill.
This is unfortunately another example of
US lunacy. Sadly, we live in a world where
parents are not held responsible for bringing
up children improperly, blaming others for
the doings of their evil brats who know they
can get away with it. Perhaps if we started
punishing those that commit the crimes
rather than those who are vaguely linked to
them, people would be a lot more reluctant
to commit them in the first place.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
6 FEATURE
Are we USA all the way?
We smirk at the yanks – point, laugh, “only in America” we say – but is it the case
that in the UK we’re simply following suit? First year Neil Christie takes a look at
the quirks of modern American Society...
THE US IS renowned for its litigious society,
suing for this that and the other – but flick
on the TV to be bombarded by various
companies offering the ‘no win no fee’
policy, and read ads in papers promising
four grand for a bruised elbow – then start
thinking about how common law suits in
this country are becoming. The infamous
“whiplash” whenever there’s a car accident
– you can’t escape it. Doctors can’t prove
what ‘whiplash’ really is, it can’t be tested
or proved – so complaints of a ‘sore neck’
are always worth pursuing because of the
lucrative claim at the end of it.
Personally I can’t stand people who claim
over such things. If you’re out of work,
can’t move, or in serious pain then fine
– claim to the level at which you will receive
compensation for losses, but – particularly
in the TV ads – it shows ‘typical’
amounts for claims. It may as
well say you’re guaranteed
some cash for making a fuss
over nothing. A recent classic
is some old biddy walking into
work and slipping over on the
floor. Presumably the floor’s
never been cleaned before in
the morning, or the sight of
a mop didn’t trigger enough
caution for her to not keep
her feet. I don’t know about
you but unless the floor’s
inches deep in a concoction
of water, fairy liquid, and
diesel, I do manage to stay
upright despite the floor
being wet. I have sympathy
for those that can’t go outside
when it rains for fear or
breaking a hip, clearly this
situation can’t be one to
admire.
‘Winning is everything’ and
‘second place is first place
loser’ are just a couple of
ethics that come out of the
USA – ranging from their
sports to big business.
High pressured, rapid
paced lifestyles lead
to commercially obsessed yanks chasing
more bang for their buck. A quick flick to
the back of any newspaper after an England
cricket match or poor English football
performance and you’d be forgiven for
thinking that England are world champions
in every sport. England had better win
or prepare for the media questioning the
manager, player choice, pitch condition,
setup of the FA, and how demanding our
league seasons are in the next day’s papers.
The stats come out, the analysis of every
player right down to how tightly his boots
were on is summarised and re-summarised
until the weakest link in the side is identified
and then publicly tortured. It’s a good thing
Emile’s used to it. If you’ve watched a US
game of baseball or ice hockey then you’ll
know the Americans love their statistics.
Offensive, defensive, on and off the field –
it’s all a game of numbers. The Premiership,
and a lot of Sky Sports programmes are
going the same way. ‘Player Cam’ for
instance, for those who have Digital TV
– what’s that about? Who said “Yes, I want
to sit down and watch one player’s every
move for 15 minutes, regardless of whether
they’re in or out the action.” Does anyone
actually use that feature? In a game of 90
minutes, with 20 outfield players, it equates
logically to every player having around 4
minutes of the ball. Bearing in mind the
Player Cam is there for a quarter of the game
for each player, it entitles you to watch your
player having the ball for around
one minute, out of the fifteen you’re
watching him. My goodness
why didn’t they think of it
sooner, because it’s not like
you’re there to see goals or
anything. Hang on – an
illogical idea?
From one of the
most powerful
corporations in
the country? Surely
only in America…
So am I saying that
because the USA went
mad in the 1920s over
immigration and the
‘original inhabitants’
feeling threatened by the
presence of newcomers,
this is now reflected in
our society today? That
the UK are playing catch-
up – and some areas are
closer to the present
US situation than
others? That the UK
is fast becoming a hugely diverse multi-
cultural society; that commercialism is
taking over our workplace and our leisure;
that the ‘Wimbledon’ scenario simply
mirrors the franchises in the US and that
sport = publicity = advertising = money;
that law suits for political correctness and
other modern-age annoyances are becoming
two a penny; that because of technological
advances and an increase in wealth, the fat
18 September 2003
camps of the US will be seen here soon; US into battle – but also mirroring many of
that no matter what happens our PM will its social traits as well.
side with the President of the most powerful So I guess it’s time to think – next time Jerry
country in the world purely to ensure our Springer’s on and the rednecks are rolling
economy doesn’t cripple through loss of about in mud preaching incest wearing
trade? Yep, pretty much. nothing but a size 10 bikini stretched across
And in a way, it makes a 24 stone mass of white flab, turn over to
sense. You can throw Trisha and think where it could be
devilish statistics at those in a decade’s time.
in the US – you have the
most uneven distribution
of wealth in the world,
you’re 100% obese
doughnut munchers, Bill
Gates can buy new laws
when it suits him etc but
at the end of the day we’re
not so far behind.
Is it necessarily a bad
thing? Well it all depends on
your stance in a variety of fields
– as, politically, we as a country
are tending to follow the more
capitalist US approach and big
business is a major player in
influencing ‘those that matter’.
It’s not quite Microsoft, but
we’re getting there. I’m not going to argue
either way, just simply highlight a point that
the UK doesn’t just seem to be following the
barefacts notices
Societies Standing | Monday 22nd September | 6pm | Lecture Theatre E | One representative from each
Society to attend
Jiu Jitsu AGM | Monday 22nd September | 7pm | UniSport Foyer
Rifle Club AGM | Wednesday 24th September | 6pm | Students’ Union Committee Room
Ballroom Dancing Society AGM | Wednesday 24th September | 8pm | University Hall
Womens Waterpolo AGM | Thursday 25th September | 11.30am | Union Committee Room
Music Society (Dance) AGM | Friday 26th September | 5pm | Union Committee Room
Maths and Computing Society | Monday 29th September | 3pm | Location to be confirmed
Prasha (underground dance) | Monday 29th Sept | 6pm | Union Committee Room
Law Society | Monday 29th September | 6pm | Lecture Theatre L
Women’s Rugby EGM | Tuesday 30th September | 6.30pm | Location to be confirmed
Volleyball AGM | Wednesday 1st October | 1.15pm | Union Committee Room
Russian Society | Wednesday 1st October | 6pm | Location to be confirmed
Fencing Club AGM | Thursday 2nd October | 1pm | Union Committee Room
Breakdancing Society | Thursday 2nd October | 7pm | Helyn Rose Bar
Catholic Society | Sunday 5th Oct | 6.30pm | Quiet Centre
18 September 2003
Have fun and “So now learn the lingo”
earn money? Sandra
Kremer from ‘Languages for All’ explains more about the
courses run by the UniS Language Centre.
Earn money, have fun and help yourself
and other stuents - all too good to be true?
Just keep reading, as this is your chance
to do something worthwhile, and have fun
chatting to your predecessors and be paid!
THE JOB:
In November this year the University will
hold a telephone campaign organised by
The Alumni & Development Office to
raise funds for student support, library
services and the campus environment.
THE DETAILS:
Training: Saturday 1 and Sunday 2
November 10.00am to 5.00pm
Calling: From Sunday 2 November to
Friday 28 November inclusive at various
times. You will NOT be expected to work
all shifts and you will be paid for time
spent training.
Duties: Callers will call selected Alumni
to update them on University news and
activities; engage them in conversation
about the University and get their feedback
on events, publications, etc; and discuss
other ways of involving them with the
University. Callers will also need to record
call details on computers provided.
Person Specification: Above all, callers
need to enjoy speaking to people and have
an outgoing, pleasant and friendly manner
- the calling should be enjoyable for both
caller and alumni! Reliability and self-
confidence are important, as are tact and
discretion; all personal information must be
treated as confidential beyond the calling
room.
TO APPLY:
Please email alumni@surrey.ac.uk for
the full job description and job application.
The closing date for applications is the 30
September – so act fast!
Contact: Amintha Buckland, Alumni &
Development Office.
Email: a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk or
alumni@surrey.ac.uk
Tel: 01483 689236
PROFESSIONAL 7
Dr Russ
Replies
It is increasingly accepted that, however brilliant you are at whatever you do, your chances
of success will be increased dramatically if you add a foreign language to your portfolio. DR RUSS CLARK | CAREERS SERVICE
Did you know… I haven’t got a clue what to do when I
That 60% of British trade is with non-English speaking countries? leave. Got any good advice?
That one in five companies is losing business because they need an international Although there is no recipe for finding the
communication plan? right career, there is a logical process you
That 90% of the world’s population live in a country where English is not the native could follow. It starts with the question
tongue? ‘What sort of person am I?’ Are you a bit
That you are incredibly lucky at Surrey Uni because you can learn another language of a loner, or the life and soul of the party?
completely free of charge while you are here? Are you good with figures? Is writing one
of your strong points or do you run a mile
Yes, it’s true! Either start a language from scratch or build on one you already know by at the mention of an essay? If you know
joining the Languages for All programme, run by the Language Centre here on campus. the answers to these sorts of questions, the
This year, you have an amazing number of 11 languages to choose from, many of them business of choosing a career becomes so
offered at several different levels. Choose from Mandarin Chinese, Dutch, French, German, much easier. It also takes some of the strain
Italian, Japanese, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish or Swedish. out of filling out application forms and
The courses are geared towards the acquisition of practical communication skills and are answering probing interview questions.
completely separate from your degree programme. You can join the scheme throughout
the time you are at Surrey, and it is open to all Undergraduates and Postgraduates. All Where do I start?
participating students are eligible for the UniS Certificate in Foreign Language Proficiency. A relatively straightforward way to review
When you register, you will be allocated a weekly 2-hour class over two semesters. The your personal qualities is to take a couple
classes run throughout the week between 9.00am and 8.00pm. Full details of the timetable of sheets of paper and write down all the
are available on the web at www.surrey.ac.uk/TLC. activities in which you’re engaged for, say,
To register, come along to the foyer in front of the Lecture Theatres in the Austin Pearce the past five years. This would include,
building.between Monday 22nd September and Wednesday 24th September. Classes start for example, full-time jobs, part-time jobs,
week beginning 29th September. voluntary work, academic studies, project
work, interests and travel. Once you’ve
If English is your problem… written each one down you could then
…the Language Centre can help too. Classes run through the English Language support reflect on why you did certain things – this
programme can help you with English language skills, whether you are an overseas student will help you to focus on your interests
or a native English speaker. and motivations. You could then think
The classes are free of charge to all Surrey students, and begin on Monday 6th October. about the skills you’ve used, eg numerical,
Registration is in the Lecture Theatre foyer, from Wednesday 1st October to Friday 3rd writing, researching, leading, organising
October. and so on. If you’re stuck with this, you
could ask a close friend how they would
The Language Resource Centre (2nd floor, AP building) will now be open on Saturdays for a describe you. But be prepared for some
trial period from 10.00am to 4.00pm, starting on Saturday 6th September, until Saturday 13th possible surprises!
December. Here you can tune in to satellite TV or catch up on your language work with the
aid of a PC or video or audio materials. Is there any way the Careers Service
could help?
There are a number of ways we might help.
Coming Up in Week 3 at the Careers Service For a start, a chat with a careers adviser
could be useful. You could try Prospects
JOB HUNTING AS A MATURE STUDENT
Planner – a computer program which gets
MONDAY 22 SEPTEMBER
you to think about your interests, skills,
1 – 1 45 pm | LT A
abilities and values before suggesting
Russ Clark will provide practical advice on coping with some of the pitfalls, problems and
prejudices which mature students sometimes face when they graduate. occupations for you to consider. We also
have sheets of information called “Your
HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT degree in ….” which give you an idea of
TUESDAY 23 SEPTEMBER the skills you may have picked up through
6 pm | LT F your degree and the sort of careers which
Glynis Paxton will discuss how to go about your job hunting effectively, when to do it, how to logically follow.
use the Careers Fair, and what makes a successful job hunting strategy.
What should I do after that?
LAW – THE LOC AND GDL As you can see, most of these activities
THURSDAY 25 SEPTEMBER start with helping you to explore your
6.15 pm | LPC in LT E & GDL in LT F interests, skills, personality etc before
The College of Law, Guildford are holding two talks – one covering the Legal Practice Course suggesting relevant occupations which you
for students who are studying law and the other covering the Graduate Diploma for students might consider. Once you’ve got a few
who are interested in law , but have not been studying a law degree. ideas together, the next thing you can do
is find out as much as you can about each
GETTING STARTED before making a choice. Next week I’ll
WEDNESDAY 24 SEPTEMBER
suggest ways you could do that.
2 – 4.30 pm | LT J
This workshop will help you to get started, it includes self assessment exercises to help you to
Got a career problem you think Dr
decide. Places are limited, so please register with Careers.
Russ could help with? Pop into the
Careers Service or send your question to
To register with the Careers Service, or to find out more,
barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
please email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk
8 FRESHERS’ FAYRE 18 September 2003

Freshers’2003
Fayre
Welcome to the Freshers’ Fayre planner!
Freshers’ Fayre is your essential guide for anyone new
to the University of Surrey and the Students’ Union. The
UniSport
Floor Plan
Fayre is the biggest event organised by the Students’ Union
and presents you with all the sports clubs, societies and
information that you need to make the most of your first
year and beyond. We hope you enjoy it!
Whilst University is a great place to study and get a good
degree, it also offers you a fantastic opportunity to develop
previous interests, or take up new hobbies that you never
before had access to!
The University of Surrey Students’ Union offers a huge
variety of sports and societies that you can become involved
in, ranging from sports clubs such as football, fencing,
gliding and windsurfing to International and Religious
Societies, to Entertainment Societies – there’s something
for everyone! And if you can’t find a society or sports club
that caters for you – then it’s easy to set one up!
Freshers’ Fayre gives you a chance to meet representatives
of each sports club and society, to get an idea about what
they do and how you can get involved!
You can sign up to as many or as few activities as you like,
as well as pick up some freebies from guest trade stalls and
meet new people!
Many clubs and societies have a mailing list for everyone
who signs up at Freshers’ Fayre, so even if you don’t join
up straight away you’ll be able to find out about everything
that’s going on, in case you change your mind!
Freshers’ Fayre is easily accessible to all, whether you’re
interested in sports or a society or just want to have a nose
at what goes on here! With only a short walk or minibus
ride between the two main exhibition areas Freshers Fayre
is an ideal opportunity to get to know the campus and the
facilities and services that the Students Union and UniSport
provide.
All societies will have a stand in the Students’ Union,
where local, national and international businesses will also
be promoting their services (chance to pick up some great
freebies!). The entrance to the Students’ Union will be at
the side of Union House where you will be directed through
the HRB and up through the union building, with stalls and
displays throughout! The exit from the Students’ Union will
be through Chancellors where you can grab a drink and a
burger from the BBQ!
The other half of the Fayre is at UniSPORT and if you are
feeling really lazy, a minibus shuttle service will be running
from outside Chancellors to transport you the short distance
to the other end of campus! Alternatively follow the ‘balloon
walkway’ to UniSPORT. UniSPORT will be hosting the full
array of sports clubs that are run by the Students Union, a
demonstration area so you can see various clubs, including 1 American Football 9 Rifle 17 Basketball (w) 25 Sailing 33 Squash
martial arts, in action plus an example of the dance courses
and activities that are provided by CampusDance. In order 2 Archery 10 Fencing 18 Surf 26 Sub Aqua 34 Waterpolo (m)
to get a free go on the Hamster Run, go to the three stamp
points and get your Hamster ID paper stamped. As well 3 Cricket 11 Karate 19 Ski 27 Canoe 35 Waterpolo (w)
as an opportunity to get your UniSPORT membership,
meet the UniSPORT staff and get information on a whole 4 Equestrian 12 Mountaineering 20 Boat 28 Athletics 36 Rugby (m)
host of sports and health and fitness related opportunities
and activities, there will be information stands including 5 Gliding 13 Mountain Biking 21 Windsurfing 29 Aikido 37 Football (w)
DAVE, Coaching in the Community, Optimum and Intra-
Mural Sport. 6 Jiu Jitsu 14 Trampoline 22 Tae Kwondo 30 Kendo 38 Rugby (w)
From UniSPORT, it’s a short walk to Zone 2, on the field
opposite Natwest. Here you will find the Hamster Run and a 7 Golf 15 Hockey 23 Tennis 31 Tai Jitsu 39 Netball
number of the Union’s larger items of sports equipment.
8 Football (m) 16 Basketball (m) 24 Tenpin Bowling 32 Badminton 40 Ultimate
18 September 2003 FRESHERS’ FAYRE 9

a n
P l ZONE A - HELYN ROSE BAR
W - Welcome Desk

U
Sor es
A1 - Pop Soc
A2 - Music (Dance)
A3 - Flight Central

S
l o t i A4 - Islamic
A5 - Malaysian
A6 - Change Ringing

UF e
c i e A7 - Korean
A8 - Endsleigh

o
s ay r A9 - Barclaycard
A10 - Union Shop
A11 - Natwest
A12 - ntl

f ZONE B - UPPER BALCONY B8 - Mauritian

B1 - Switchgear B9 - RAG
B2 - Moh Computers Ltd B10 - Nightline
B3 - Bar Med B11 - Educational Liason
B4 - Chinese Asian B12 - DAVE & id:|
B5 - University Symphony Orches- B13 - FUSE
tra B14 - V
B6 - Green B15 - Ambassadors
B7 - LGBT B16 - NUS

ZONE C - HARI’S BAR ZONE D - DANCE FLOOR D11 - Pyramid Posters D23 - Folk Music & Dance
C1 - Breakdance C13 - Russian AND BOTTLE BANK D12 - GU2 D24 - Sci-Fi & Fantasy
C2 - Prasha C14 - Jewish D1 - Guide & Scouting D13 - barefacts D25 - Game
C3 - Indian C15 - Photo D2 - Mountain Walking D14 - OFU D26 - Magick & Pagan
C4 - RSVP C16 - EARS D3 - Skate D15 - Stage Crew D27 - Afro-Carribean
C5 - Laulind Ltd C17 - PC World D4 - Phones 4 U D16 - Music (No Wave) D28 - Active Thinkers
C6 - Blue Arrow C18 - PGA D5 - Singapore D17 - Labour Students D29 - Guildford Choral Soc
C7 - Charity Dinner Dance C19 - Live Music D6 - Ballroom Dancing D18 - Economics D30 - Juggling
C8 - Taiwanese C20 - Nordic D7 - Surrey Police D19 - Conservative D31 - Liberal Democrats
C9 - DNA C21 - Magic D8 - Lebanese D20 - European D32 - Iranian
C10 - Peerless Playdiums C22 - Law D9 - Hellenic D21 - Christian Union D33 - PakistanQuam, non-
C11 - Seraphs C23 - Socialist Worker D10 - Saudi Arabia D22 - Catholic clegin patum tiam dit.
C12 - MaD Soc C24 - Territorial Army

ZONE F - CHANCELLOR’S
F1 - Celtic
F2 - Arabic
F3 - Officer Training Corps
F4 - Blockbuster
F5 - Big Band
F6 - Wind Band
F7 - National Blood Service
F8 - Royal Surrey County

ZONE E - ACTIVITIES CENTRE

E1 - Alumni
E2 - Farnham Road Dentists
E3 - Oxfam Book Shop
E4 - Tamil
E5 - Pakistan
E6 - St John
E7 - STA Travel
E8 - Cyprus
10 STUDENT MEDIA AND DAVE 18 September 2003

Communicate
1350am gu2 radio
GU2 is now well and truly back on air, writes Sarah Butterworth, and with a live stream around the world on www.gu2.co.uk, even those of you who live off campus or
at home can now hear the wonders of our very own campus radio station. GU2 broadcasts 24 hours a day from the studios in Battersea Court Reception, but on Saturday
and Sunday of Freshers’ moving in weekend, the GU2 team will be broadcasting live from Chancellors’, with a variety of shows to suit all musical tastes. Featured shows will
be Chris Chang’s Carribean Sound, The Sunday Service and Take 2, amongst others. During Freshers’ Fayre on Wednesday, GU2 will be broadcasting from the Societies Fayre
in the Students’ Union, showing everyone exactly what it’s like to be involved in the National Student Radio Station of the Year. Below is a selection of shows throughout the
next week, but tune in at any time to hear some of the most talented stdent radio DJs around.
Every weekday morning 10am-12noon: The Big Luke Show Wednesday
Monday 7-8pm: The Antichart with Jen Walker Featured GU2 Show:
12-1pm: Phil Brown on GU2 8-9pm: Urban Hour - V and KWOB Adding a soundtrack to your life, Cinema Sounds is a show
1-4pm: Ad Lynch 9-10pm: AKD Productions devoted to music of the cinema. It’s on every Tuesday night
5-6pm: Carol and Scott from USSU 10-11pm: The Presence with P at nine o’clock and will run features on the musicians and
6-8pm: Jay and Ollie Thursday composers that provide the magical audio moment for the
8-10pm: AKD Productions with Anthony 1-4pm: The Sports show with Tug, Amy and Chops movies. There will also be giveaways and tickets to the
Tuesday 4-5: Attika and Li Odeon plus the latest news about Lord of the Rings as the big
1-2pm: Sabeena 5-7pm: Amelia and Phil Brown build up to the final film in the Middle Earth trilogy swings
2-3: Phil Brown 7-10pm: The J-Team Classic with Mr Tea & Mr Mental into its full stride.
3-4pm: Ellie Friday The host of Cinema Sounds is the enigmatic and charming
5-7pm: Phil Brown and Amelia 12-1pm: The Scooter and Banjo Show Xan Phillips who brings his own brand of news coverage to
7-9pm: Just a Rock Show with DJ Steed & Drummer Boy 4-6pm: Hodge the lovely radio waves created on 1350AM every Tuesday
9-11pm: Xan P’s Cinema Sounds 6-9pm: Cyclone Dance Show with DJ Woody night at nine.
18 September 2003
Revitilise Your Life…With ‘The V Project’!
Here are a couple of exciting events to get your spangley
mitts on:
Coffee, Cuppa & Cake? Come to Chancellor’s Bar in
the morning between 10am – 12pm on 26th September
and have something to munch and drink - all with the
aim of having fun and raising money for Macmillan
Cancer Relief! By gracing Chancellors with your
presence and crossing our palms with a bit of silver (or
gold if you’re feeling really generous!) you will be joining
force with 30,000 other munching and glugging sessions
happening at the same time all around the country, and
helping to improve the lives of people living with cancer.
Casualty!? How does the idea grab you of being made
up by real life ‘casualty simulation artists’? Intrigued!
Definitely! …Not only are you made up to look the part of
having an injury, the bonus is that you’ll even get treated for
it! Basically a free injury with no pain, and as an added treat
you will be plied with snacks and hot drinks, and have the
opportunity to see how a large incident is managed, as well
as having loads of fun! This fab opportunity is provided by
the Surrey branch of St. John’s Ambulance for their ‘major
incident training event’ and will take place on Saturday 4th
and Sunday 5th October, 6-9pm. Contact me for more details.
You can also be involved in ‘The A Team’ who run various
one off events to benefit the local community – last year
events ranged from a fun shopping trip for the elderly to an
exhilarating ‘battle of the bands’ in the USSU. There will be
a meeting soon for everyone who is interested in taking part
in The A Team, so please contact me if you want to join this
bundle of excitement, friendship and action!
A reminder too… If you are on the committee of a club
or society, you are automatically classed as a V Project
Volunteer, and all you have to do to get your snazzy
certificate at the end of the year is tell me who you are and
what you do - simple!
Incase you don’t know or are unsure, ‘The V Project’ =
UniS’s programme for all students and staff which helps you
maximize your potential and equip you with valuable life
skills – so that you can learn, meet new people, have fun, and
put your experiences to great use!)
Toodle Pip … until next week!
Carol x :o)
Name | Carol Main
Tel | (01483) (68) 3254
Email | c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Web | http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU
UNION 11
Self Defence Classes at UniSport
CLAIRE ILES
VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE
FOLLOWING ON FROM the recent mugging near the Tesco underpass,
and the series of events last year, the Students’ Union are
recommending that if possible, students should attend the series
of self-defence classes that are being coordinated by Unisport, the
Aikido club and USSU. Two one off sessions are being offered
in the Sports centre studio on Sunday 19th October and Sunday
30th November, between 3 and 5pm. These courses are free and
work on a first come, first serve basis on the day at Unisport.
Due to popular demand, this year for the first time, a four-week
long course is also being offered this semester. This will be
running between Sunday 2nd November and Sunday 23rd November
(inclusively) between 3 and 5pm again in the Sports Centre Studio.
To sign up for the course, speak to Jacqui Hollis at the Activities
Centre Reception Desk in the Students’ Union. The charge for the four-week course costs £5, with a £5 returnable deposit if
you attend all four classes. This is extremely good value and since there are only a limited number of places, we recommend
signing up early. All the sessions offered are being run by Ray Panter, who has 25 years experience of self defence
techniques.
Wednesday Afternoons Free?
CLAIRE ILES to reassess the timetables. However, at this stage we request
VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE that if any student still has lectures scheduled after 1pm on a
Wednesday afternoon to please contact myself, Claire Iles at
Following on from contacts made by last year’s Sabbatical welfare@ussu.co.uk with details. You can also pop into the
team, I can confirm that we have recently been in regular Students’ Union Activities Centre at any time during the day
meetings with University staff to try and ensure that all and speak to me or any of the other Sabbatical Officers about
students (Undergraduates and Postgraduates) are free to it. I am particularly keen to hear from those of you who have
spend Wednesday afternoons participating in sports and to attend lab sessions to complete coursework, even if it is
societies, learning a new language, taking part in the Student not strictly stated in the timetable.
03
Union’s DAVE and V schemes or just relaxing! The majority of students unquestionably should have
So far this working group has been extremely successful Wednesday afternoon free for extra-curricular activities, so
and working with the eight schools across campus, managed please let us know when this isn’t the case!
Union Elections
Nominations now open:
for the election of ussu part time executive positions:
Academic Affairs Officer
Accommodation Officer
Campaigns Officer
Culture & Events Officer
Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer
Non Portfolio Officer (2 posts)
Placement & Employed Students Officer
Union Chairperson
and union councillors:
Racial Relations Officer
Constitution & Elections Committee (5 posts)
nominations close on friday 26th september at 1pm and campaigning begins on
tuesday 30th september 2003. voting is at union council on tuesday 7th september.
for a nomination booklet, or just to find out more information, please contact the
deputy returning officer scott farmer (s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk) or speak to any of
the Sabbatical Officers in the Students’ Union Activities Centre.
12 WHO’S WHO AT USSU 18 September 2003

Who’s Who @ USSU - ‘The Sabbs’

The Students’ Union is here to unify, support, develop and represent the students of the University of Surrey. It is run by a team of
five Sabbatical Officers and a team of permanent staff. The Sabbaticals, or ‘Sabbs’ as they are probably more commonly referred to,
are elected by the student body each year. Anyone is eligible to stand for a sabbatical position - it is a full time job, so all Sabbs are
either taking a year out of their degree, or have just graduated. The Sabbs’ jobs involve managing many aspects of the Students’ Union
as well as representing students in all matters. They are responsible for running almost every area of the Union, including the bars and
entertainment, advice and welfare support, societies and sports clubs as well as the various communication tools, and are the first
port of call should you have a query, concern or worry about pretty much anything. The Sabbs are here to make your University life
enjoyable and fun, so if there is any way they can help you, don’t hesitate to email, phone or talk to them in person.

Pete Tivers | President | Sarah Butterworth | Vice President

president@ussu.co.uk
Hiya, my name is Pete Tivers and I’m President of your
Students’ Union this year.
I’m responsible for the small task of the overseeing the running
of the Union! This means looking after all of the Union’s
commercial and non-commercial activities. I am also here to
represent the students within the University, local community
and coordinate student representation within the Union. I also
make sure the democracy of the Students’ Union is put into
practice, ensuring the members of Executive are working
as they should, the Union committee structure is running
efficiently and all resolutions of the Student Council are implemented. I also have a strong
link with the University, as I sit on many of their committees, ensuring the University hears
the voice of the students.
We are here in these Sabbatical positions for you, the students. It is a bit clichéd sometimes,
but do feel free to come and chat with one of us about absolutely anything! We will be in the
Students’ Union building most days (and nights) this year and of course if you can’t reach us
that way you can always drop us a call or send an email. I hope I can ensure you enjoy this
year as much as I have enjoyed my time here!
Communications & Marketing |
comms@ussu.co.uk
Greetings - my name’s Sarah Butterworth and I’m the VP Comms
and Marketing at USSU for the coming year. Principally, I am
responsible for keeping you informed of everything that’s going
on in the Students’ Union, University and world beyond, as well
as providing a little bit of entertainment. This is done through
the main communications tools of the Union - barefacts, GU2
1350AM and the www.ussu.co.uk. I am the Editor in Chief of
all Union media, but the rest is up to you - student media at
Surrey is produced for students, by students! Being involved in any or all of the branches of
student media is one of the best and most enjoyable things you can do at University. It;s a
fantastic way to meet new people and gives you experience that you most likely have never
had the opportunity to try before.
Pete, Claire, Chris, Chops and myself are all here for the next year to make life as fun and
enjoyable for you as possible, so we need you to get involved, tell us what you want, and
make a difference.
Whether you’re a first year, or a postgraduate, make the most of all the opportunities offered
by the Students’ Union - you’ll never have another chance quite like this.

Claire Iles | Dave ‘Chops’ Chris Hunter | Vice

Vice President
Education
& Welfare |
welfare@ussu.co.uk
I’m Claire Iles, your Vice
President Education and
Welfare for the next year. My
role in a nutshell is to represent
and assist you in matters
relating to your well being. The
USSU Welfare and Representation Unit, which includes
myself and the Welfare Adviser, Lisa Widdows, provides
a comprehensive information and referral service. This
means that even if we can’t help you directly, we will be
able to contact the people who can! In addition to individual
representational issues, I am also responsible for organising
and coordinating the health awareness campaigns that will
be run this year.
Although being at University is an amazing experience,
it is also possible that at times you may feel a bit lonely
and a long way from home. One of my responsibilities is to
provide a confidential and impartial space, where you can
discuss any issues relating to your academic or personal life.
So if you’re ever feeling down or something is troubling
you and just want someone to listen, then please pop by
the activities centre in USSU, where all 5 Sabbaticals are
based. I’m a strong believer in the well rehearsed phrase, ‘A
problem shared is a problem halved’.
I hope that together we can make 2003/04 your happiest
and most successful year yet. I look forward to meeting you
all.
Chapman | Vice
President Sport |
sports@ussu.co.uk
Hi, I’m Chops and I was elected
Vice President Sport earlier this
year. That essentially means the
students at Surrey have given
me the job of running all things
sporting for the next year.
If helping to run over 40
sports clubs, making sure they operate safely, organising
Colours Ball, tours abroad and at home, Federal Sport links
and Community Links isn’t enough, I also have my general
responsibilities as a sabbatical officer. So I also help in
getting you all moved in and settled into your new home,
address general safety issues, and ensure the membership
services the Students Union offer what you want them to.
Anyway, back to the Sport. The range of sports clubs we
offer at Surrey is impressive. The Union provides everything
from extreme sports to traditional team sports or newly
emerging sports. Everyone, regardless of ability, is welcome
to join teamsurrey. However if we don’t already offer
something which you like the look of, we can still help. We
are very open to suggestions for new clubs and try to make
it as easy as possible to set up a new club. Indeed I set up the
Surf Club here in my first year so know exactly what can be
involved. I have even set aside money for use in supporting
new clubs this year so you can be sure that we will be able to
provide financial support. For more details of existing clubs
and a few suggestions for new clubs, pick up a copy of the
‘sport at surrey’ leaflet from the Activities Centre.
President Societies
& Culture |
societies@ussu.co.uk
My name is Chris Hunter and I
am the Vice President Societies
& Culture for 2003-4. Being
at UniS gives you access to
around 65 different societies,
many of which will give you
opportunities that you never
had before.
My job covers many different areas. Not only do I oversee
all the societies that are currently running, but I can also help
anyone who wishes to start a society that doesn’t yet exist.
Each member of a society’s committee receives training for
their various job roles and if anyone has any issues to do
with societies then they can just pop in and see me.
There are also three large events that I organise during
the year. The first is Freshers Fayre, held on Wednesday
September 24th, which not only gives you a chance to
meet representatives from every club and society, but also
the chance to pick up the odd freebie or two! Although it
is mainly aimed at those new to Surrey, everyone is free to
come along and see what’s on offer. The second main event
is International Week, which is a celebration of cultural
diversity on campus and the other is Arts and Culture week,
which this year is aiming to promote the various arts on
campus more than ever before!
Anyway, I really hope that you enjoy the coming year, and
I look forward to seeing you all getting involved.
18 September 2003 WHO’S WHO AT USSU 13

Alongside the Sabbatical Officers there is a dedicated team of permanent staff working to provide
you with everything you need from the Membership Services side of the Union. USSU President,
Pete Tivers, introduces Andy, Lisa, Amy, Carol and Scott, the Membership Services Team at USSU.
A YEAR AGO USSU underwent some major unprecedented changes that have seen new non-commercial services leave similar ventures in other unions
standing. If you had asked the students a year ago about the Union, their immediate response would have involved any one of the usual suspects: beer,
sports, societies and Union entertainments. It was realised that if it ever lost its commercial side the organisation would only be left with a few sports clubs,
some societies and amenities and the sabbatical team.
USSU realised something needed to be done to rectify the situation. A research project was established to determine what services the Union should be
providing and how to go about it. A funding increase of £105k was agreed and supported by the University, as well as additional funding for some special,
one-of costs. With the increase in funds a new activities centre, membership services staff team and a number of high-profile projects has seen USSU turn
into the model on which other Students’ Unions now base their development targets.
The Membership Services Department is currently made up of five full time staff who work alongside the Union’s elected Sabbatical Officers. The team is
as follows: Andy Blair (Membership Services & Deputy General Manager), Scott Farmer (Student Services Coordinator), Carol Main (Student Support &
Outreach Coordinator), Lisa Widdows (Education & Welfare Advisor) and Amy Fawcett (Sports Coordinator).

Andy Blair Lisa Widdows Amy Fawcett

Membership Education & Sports Coordinator
Services & Deputy Welfare Advisor a.fawcett@surrey.ac.uk
General Manager l.widdows@surrey.ac.uk
Amy Fawcett joined the
a.blair@surrey.ac.uk Students Union at the
Lisa Widdows is the Unions new
Education & Welfare Adviser. beginning of September as
Heading up the Union’s Sports Coordinator, taking over
Membership Services Her prime task is to support
the VP Education & Welfare, from the Sports Administrator
Department at USSU, post previously held by Kris
Andy is the senior manager Claire Iles and support the
work that she carries out within Temple.
responsible for supporting The post is part funded by the
and developing the Union’s the Union and University.
Some of you may recognise Lisa as she was a student here Students Union and UniSport and as well as coordinating
non-commercial activities. As a Surrey Graduate and BUSA fixtures and various administrative tasks, Amy will
ex-Vice President Communications and Marketing, Andy from 1998, completing her studies in 2001 in the Dance
Department within the School of Performing Arts. Most be working to develop links between the two bodies to
has played a significant role in supporting the last four promote the sporting opportunities available to all students.
sabbatical teams in redefining what USSU is all about. probably you will remember her dancing round the lake at
some point. Following her studies she was herself the VP After completing a BA (Hons) in Sports Studies at King
The main projects under the Membership Services & Alfred’s College, Winchester in 2002, Amy worked for
Deputy General Manager remit include the continual Education and Welfare for USSU before departing to join
De Montfort University Students Union as a Welfare and 16 months as an Assistant Sports Development Officer at
support of the sabbatical officers and union executive as Winchester City Council and hopes to use her experience of
well as the strategic development of DAVE, id | individual Education Adviser.
As well as undertaking confidential casework, preparing Sports Development to support her work at Surrey.
development, FUSE and V Volunteering amongst others. Amy is based in the Sports and Societies Office in the
Andy is an expert graphic designer and is responsible for reports and all the vital statistical information the union
needs to know, she will also be involved fully in the writing Students’ Union Actvities Centre, with the VP Sports,
such well known designs as the barefacts and GU2 logos, and can be contacted on extension #9987 or via email
as well as many memorable marketing campaigns around and delivery of training, and other opportunities for Senior
Residents and Programme Representatives. Lisa has spent a.fawcett@surrey.ac.uk.
campus in the last four years.
In his spare time Andy sings backing vocals for the hit the summer reviewing all of the information the union
TV show Fame Academy and composes and records his produces with regards to your welfare and you will soon see
own songs. new leaflets and packs explaining the support the union and
university can offer as well as some helpful hints for you to
follow!

Carol Main Scott Farmer

Outreach & Development
Coordinator
c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Carol Main joined the Students Union in June 2003 as
maternity cover for Alli Cummings. Carol’s job title is
Outreach & Development Co-ordinator which is centred
around ‘The V Project’ (UniS/ USSU’s volunteering scheme
for all students and staff).
Carol has a BSc (Hons) in Media Technology (Production),
and before joining USSU worked at The Surrey Advertiser,
and previous to that lived in Portugal for a year working
voluntarily alongside international students for an Evangelical Christian organisation.
Having been a student at Farnborough College of Technology, where she studied her degree
and was president of the Christian Union for two years, followed by Portugal’s Coimbra
University, Carol has actively developed her strong interest in the higher education sector,
and recognises the benefit to students of a diverse and efficient volunteering system, enabling
the students to further themselves and enhance their CV’s.
Carol is based in the Students’ Union Activity Centre, and can be contacted via email , on
extension #3254, or via www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
Student Services Coordinator
s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk
Scott Farmer is the Student Services Coordinator for the
Students’ Union. He has been with USSU for over a year and
primarily focuses on the unions training strategy and personal
skills development programmes.
Following a year as President at the University West of
England Students’ Union, 1999-2000 and Vice President Academic Affairs Officer for the
year preceding this, he was also a member of the NUS Higher Education Committee between
1998-2000, a NUS Services Ltd Board Director during 1999 and a South West Area NUS
Project Officer for the academic year 2000-01.
Scott has a range of skills and experience, most notably in Students’ Unions Member
Services, Course Representation Systems and Training and Skills Development, and forms
an integral part of the evolving non-commercial services USSU will be offering students. He
is the memebr of staff responsible for the award winning DAVE project.
Scott is also based in the Students’ Union and can be contacted on extension #3951. Visit
www.thedaveproject.co.uk for more information on the DAVE Project.
 THEATRE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL
Neil Boulton brings us
Theatre Editor Daisy Clay
the wonders of terrestrial
delves into what is on offer
TV films this week, as well
in the world of live theatre
as film listings for the
in Guildford and beyond...
Odeon in Guildford.

Spirited Away to a Fantasy World

Neil Boulton, barefacts’ Film Editor reviews this year’s winner of the ‘Best Animated Feature’ Oscar.
AT LAST YEAR ’S Oscars you may have
noticed the appearance of a relatively new
category alongside the usual award night
fare. Best Animated Feature. Spirited Away
won the Oscar for this fledgling category
what they believe to be an it handles the audience with it’s sentimentality. It’s the east showing the
abandoned theme park. But “this film kid gloves. There’s no sign west how things should be done and it’s not
after Chihiro’s parents get of the condescension and often you get a chance to watch a film like
turned into pigs her world
gets scarily turned upside
is the east shameless commercialism
present in most animated
this in the cinema, so take it if you get it.

last year and it’s probably these kudos

from the academy which has lead to Hayao
down as she’s thrown in at
the deep end. Things take on
showing the
Miyazaki’s work getting a UK cinema
release. It’s not everyday a Japanese cartoon
a prominent Lewis Carroll
/ Alice in Wonderland feel west how
(Usually categorised as ‘Anime’) winds up
in your average cinema and I for one think
as Chihiro’s surroundings
getting weirder with her things should
it’s about time. Like almost all animated descent further into the film’s
feature films to find their way to the cinema rabbit hole, a bath house for be done”
Spirited Away is a children’s story, but spirits. The character design
it’s audience shouldn’t be limited to just is excellent and the animation makes
children. the characters move beautifully, even
The story concerns Chihiro, a small girl, Okutaresama, a giant spirit composed of
who, with her parents, accidentally finds filth that visits the bathhouse, appears to
move with an elegant grace. And despite
Theme Children’s animation it’s animated nature the film looks vast and
epic, the spirits arrival being a majestic
Rating PG array of colour. The film’s ‘baddie’ figure,
Running Yubaba - the proprietor of the bathhouse, is
125 minutes less pantomime villain and a bit more evil
Time than you’d usually find in a cartoon feature,
Watch Anime which makes for a welcome change. The film
Alice in Wonderland is for children and doesn’t set out to scare
this if Hayao Miyazaki /
you like them witless, but it doesn’t treat them as if
Princess Monoke
they were children; it doesn’t feel as though
features. But this doesn’t
mean the film is dark and
malevolent, it’s still filled
with hilarious moments and
memorable characters, which
you’d expect to find in a film
for kids and are painted
(implied both ways, although
the colouring in the film was
done on computer) exceedingly well. Highly
memorable are the previously mentioned
Yubaba, who transforms from evil old witch
to just as evil soaring bird, Okutaresama,
Kamaji the boiler man gifted with a few
extra sets of arms and the seemingly timid
No Face who starts making trouble by eating
the staff.
This may not be the film you’d go to see
on a night out but it’s a film I definitely
recommend you watch. Spirited Away is
a fabulous piece of animation with a great
story and an ending that doesn’t feel like
someone from marketing is trying to force a
shovel full of sugar down your throat despite

Taxi Driver (1976) – Low-Lives & Chequered Cabs

by Neil Boulton
HAVE YOU EVER stood in front of a mirror
and declared in some vaguely remembered
accent – “You talkin’ to me?”. Meet the
reason - Taxi Driver. Robert DeNiro is
thought to give one of his best performances
Classic of the Week
suffers from insomnia and so takes a job
up as a taxi driver, driving his cab to the
places no one else will go. Driving his cab
becomes is existence as he subconsciously
destroys his chances of happiness (He takes
finale remains today, as all negatives of the
original colour tone have been lost since the
seventies. Taxi Driver also marks the final
film score of Bernard Herrmann, who died
just hours after finishing his work on the
his arm, which with a flick of the wrist
moves a gun up from inside his sleeve to his
awaiting hand. It’s not a bright and cheerful
film and many argue that the film’s ending
goes too far and that we should never see

“You talkin’ to me!?”

as Travis Bickle, the films lonely Betsy, the girl of his dreams, to a porn film
disillusioned Vietnam veteran. DeNiro’s on their first date…). As he drives around
method acting tendencies are well known the mean streets he becomes increasingly
and his preparation for this film was no enraged with the ‘scum’ he sees walking
different, he worked as the streets at night. Further social isolation
a real taxi driver on forces him to descend deeper into his own
the streets of New head becoming obsessed with presidential
York. However candidate Palantine and the salvation of a 12
he was working year old prostitute (a young Jodie Foster).
in Italy at the All this leads to the film’s bloody, chilling,
time and would finale where Travis takes a stand for what he
fly from Italy to believes is right, washing the scum off the
New York so streets. The film, like most classics from it’s
he wouldn’t time, was subject to a lot of controversy and
miss his shift fire from the censors who insisted that the
at the cab film’s violence be toned down, in the end
company. Scorcese and team relented de-saturating
In the the colour of the blood on the film negative.
film Travis This is the way the blood in the film’s
film, but received much posthumous praise the aftermath of Bickle’s stand and that
for his outstanding music. the ambiguity it would lend would have
Taxi Driver has stayed in people’s minds benefited the film (Although given that I’m
because of it’s excellent performances and taking about it almost 30 years after it was
the impact it imprints upon the viewer, made means it can’t have hurt the film that
wether it’s Travis talking to himself in front much). I recommend you watch the film for
of the mirror or shooting his way through yourself and see why many people hold it up
pimps. It doesn’t pull any punches and as a classic of cinema even today.
is powerful in a way that many films, let
alone one about a New York cabbie, could
only hope to be. But it’s the character of
Theme New York Based Drama
Travis Bickle which has really sealed it for
Rating 18
Taxi Driver, the image of Bickle standing
with his army shirt, mohawk and shades Running
makes him one of the coolest social misfits Time
109 minutes
around. Travis is also seen inventing one of
Watch Antiheroes
the awesome fire arm upgrades seen on the The Scorcese & DeNiro
silver screen - Using ingenuity and a drawer this if Double Team
Disturbing trips through
he constructs a contraption that fits round you like one man’s mind… Pimps
18 September 2003 FILM 17

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

We all know that students like free things (Well, TV licence aside…), so this is an attempt to chart the terrestrial televised movie happenings of the next week. All details
are correct, or believed to be correct, but so accept our apologies if you’re expecting to watch a storming action flick and end up with Gardener’s Question Time…

Thursday 18th September 2003

9:00pm – 11:35pm US Marshalls : Tommy Lee Jones chasing people as
Sunday 21st September 2003
Five a franchise? This loose follow up to the Fugitive sees
Mr. Lee Jones hot on the heels of framed man Wesley 10:55pm - 1:10am Kalifornia: Serial killer thriller where David
Snipes in this Action/Thriller. Channel 4 Duchovny, an unsuspecting author, researching a
book picks up his subject matter by giving a lift to a
Friday 19th September 2003 hitch-hiking Brad Pitt.
9:00pm – 11:20pm 6th Day: “Give Me Back My Thumb!” Everyone’s Monday 22nd September 2003
Five favourite Austrian goes head-to-head with clones and
evil corporations as Arnie discovers they’ve started 9:00pm - 10:40pm Passenger 57: Wesley Snipes… again. This time
illegally cloning humans. Action/Adventure. Five oozing none of the cool he did in Blade. Given
US Marshalls earlier this week it’s a pretty Wesley
11:35pm – 01:10am Feeling Minnesota: Keanu Reeves & Cameron
packed week… Anyway, you’ll probably spend
BBC2 Diaz in a dark romantic comedy, although it feels as
more time laughing at him as he tries to act his way
though things are going to end badly. Keanu, serious
through this terrorist thriller.
acting? See if it works...
10:00pm - 12:00am The Usual Suspects: A botched job leads to a boat
Saturday 20th September 2003 Channel 4 explosion and the discovery of a fair amount of drug
money; the police get one of the survivors to explain
3:55pm - 6:00pm Scaramouche: Given the recent stir caused by
what happened. Twisty plot and a solid script lead to
Channel 4 Pirates of the Caribbean I thought I offer this
a great crime drama. Great turns from messers Del
swashbuckler. Apparently it has the longest sword
Torro, Spacey & Byrne. Hell, even Stephen Baldwin
fight in cinema history. Swashes truly buckled.
does well.
10:00pm – 12:00am Scream 2: How can you make a film taking an ironic
Channel 4 post-modern take on the old stalk ‘n’ slash pictures Tuesday 23rd September 2003
even more ironic? Make a sequel which tries to be the
original and is nowhere near as good. Horror/Teen. 11:05pm - 1:10am The Krays: The brothers Kemp play the brothers
ITV Kray in this biopic of the notorious East End
12:00am – 02:20am The Player: Tim Robbins heads up this satire of gangster-types. You could watch this but I’d rather
Channel 4 greed and the film industry directed by Robert take a gamble on…
Altman. Layers of irony and black comedy cover the
12:05am - 1:50am A Buisness Affair: purely due to the fact it stars
whole thing like a humour blanket.
BBC1 Christopher Walken. The film’s probably rather
Sunday 21st September 2003 inane… but… Walken…

9:00pm -10:55pm Pitch Black: Vin Diesel led sci-fi… A spaceship Wednesday 24th September 2003
Channel 4 crash-lands on a barren planet, and if that wasn’t bad
enough there appear to be some particularly nasty 09:00pm – Gone In Sixty Seconds: The production machine
nocturnal aliens there too. Wouldn’t be too much of a 10:00pm Jerry Bruckheimer pulls the strings afar creating
problem if it weren’t for the 20-odd-year long eclipse then blockbuster styled and slightly air-headed
about to set in… entertainment. Nicholas Cage gurns his way through
10:30pm to 11:50pm
this tale of car crime. Although most people are
10:15pm - 12:15am Blade: Wesley Snipes is the titular Vampire ITV probably going to watch it for Angelina Jolie.
BBC1 Hunter. Lots of flashy fighting and style, vampires
hunted, asses kicked. One of the better comic book
adaptations on the silver screen.

Film in Guildford
www.odeon.co.uk
Friday 19th September 2003 - Thursday 25th September 2003
CALENDAR GIRLS (12A) [1hr 48min] AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING (15) Saturday & Sunday 12.50 ODEON PROJECTIONS
‘contains moderate nudity and sex references’ [1hr 36min] Mon-Thu 3.45 8.55
Free list suspended Fri & Sat 2.15 4.40 7.10 9.40 MAX (15) [1hr 48min]
Fri & Sat 12.30 1.30 3.15 4.15 5.50 7.00 8.30 Sun-Thu 2.15 4.40 7.00 9.15 THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE (U) [1hr 34min] Wednesday only 12.15 2.30 4.45 7.00 9.15
9.35 Daily 12.15 SENIOR SCREEN
Sun-Thu 12.30 2.30 3.15 5.05 5.55 8.00 8.30 LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE
OF LIFE (12A) [1hr 57min] SPY KIDS 3D GAME OVER (U) [1hr 24min] THE MAGDALENE SISTERS (15) [1hr 59min]
THE ITALIAN JOB (12A) [1hr 51min] ‘contains moderate action violence and fantasy horror’ Fri & Sat 11.55 Thursday only 11.00
‘contains one use of strong language’ No 6.20pm performance on Wednesday Sun-Thu 12.05
Audio description on all performances. Monday Fri & Sat 2.10 7.15 ODEON MOVIE MOB
1.05pm and Tuesday 3.00pm performance are subtitled Sun-Thu 1.20 6.20 SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (U)
Free list suspended [1hr 25min] JOHNNY ENGLISH (PG) [1hr 28min]
Fri & Sat 1.45 4.30 7.10 9.45 TEARS OF THE SUN (15) [2hr 1min] Saturday 11.40 Saturday 10.45
Sun-Thu 1.05 3.40 6.15 8.50 No 12.30pm performance on saturday and sunday Sun-Thu 12.30
Fri -Tues & Thu 12.30 3.20 6.00 8.45 THE JUNGLE BOOK 2 (U) [1hr 12min]
THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE PIGLET’S BIG MOVIE (U) [1hr 15min] Saturday 10.50
CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (12A) [2hr JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (15) [1hr 44min] Fri-Sun 12.00
23min] Friday 2.00 4.35 7.20 9.45 AGENT CODY BANKS (12A) [1hr 42min]
‘contains moderate horror and action violence’ Saturday 4.35 9.50 THE RUGRATS MOVIE (U) [1hr 20min] ‘contains moderate violence and mild language’
Fri & Sat 11.15 2.20 5.35 8.50 Sunday 4.00 9.05 Fri & Sat 12.10 Saturday 10.45
Sun-Thu 2.00 5.10 8.20 Mon-Thu 1.35 4.00 6.40 9.05 Sunday 11.55
Inductive loop system.
UNDERWORLD (15) [1hr 41min] TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES MATCHSTICK MEN (12A) [1hr 56min] Disabled access available in all screens.
Free list suspended (12A) [1hr 49min] ‘contains strong language and some mild violence’
Fri & Sat 12.45 3.35 6.25 9.15 ‘contains strong language and violence’ Free list suspended
Sun-Thu 12.45 3.25 6.15 9.00 Friday 4.40 9.50 Advance Screening Sat & Sun 1.40 4.00 6.30 9.00
18
singles
Reviews
this week are
by Matt Badcock,
Jon Allen, Matt Fisher
and Neil Boulton. If you’d
like to be part of the bf music
team, then pop along to
the Media Centre at 5.15pm
every Monday for some fun
and games. INTERPOL
OBSTACLE 1
Matador Records
Music Ratings
Interpol’s unique brand of 80’s
tinged electro-rock seems to have
outstanding found a nice little niche of its
own. This is especially admirable
in the current musical climate
of ‘Copy anyone who seems to
be selling a couple of albums’.
excellent Obstacle 1 is an excellent
representation of the material
good found on their debut album Turn
On The Bright Lights, being a
superb piece of thoughtful, dark,
average Duran Duran meets The Strokes
tunage. j.a.
poor
tim burgess of the charlatans performing live
MUSIC
THE FRENCH
PORN SHOES/ GABRIEL IN THE
AIRPORT
Too Pure
The French is a new band formed
by two members previously
from indie favourites, Hefner.
This double A-sided single
showcases an obvious talent for
songwriting. Porn Shoes tells the
tale of an awkward date, with the
story told almost completely via
their clothes and brand names.
Gabriel… is about working too
hard without taking enough time
off, ingeniously replacing the
archangel Gabriel with top 80s
pop star Peter Gabriel. Both
songs are razor sharp with their
wit and would sit comfortably
as album tracks, but lack the
catchyness required for singles.
m.f
TIM BURGESS
I BELIEVE
PIAS Recordings
Tim Burgess momentarily turns
his back on The Charlatans as he
embarks on his much anticipated
solo debut album, I Believe.
Soulful, Be My Baby is almost
Country in sound, capping an
expressive vocal delivery and
moody harmonic accompaniment.
I Believe enables Tim to self
indulge himself in softer should
I say Ballad like tracks such as
We All Need Love sees American
influences seeping throughout.
Charlatans fans won’t be
disappointed by upbeat Only A
Boy and the wonderful Oh My
Carazon that would have sat
comfortably in their Wonderland
Lp. A bold move or not, Tim is
left bare without the band to hide
behind but why should he with
his use of falsetto vocals and
catchy choruses make Burgess
a more than credible solo artist.
m.b.
STARSAILOR
SILENCE IS EASY
EMI
Second album after the million
selling debut album Love Is Here
sees Starsailor continue were they
left off with their inoffensive rock
pop. Strong catchy singles are
their strength with opener Music
Was Saved and standout track
Silence Is Easy. Lead vocalist,
Walsh uses his distinctive high-
pitched vocals delivering floating
lyrics that seem less meaningful
than previous but still effective.
Maturing since their debut album
the sound has progressed with
the characteristic style remaining.
Mellow, Sharkfood is a classic
example of a moody track, which
never finds that second gear but is
still pleasing on the ear. Led by
an array of catchy tracks and held
together by mainly average tracks
Silence Is Easy is still worthwhile
listening if not mind-blowing.
m.b.
Starsailor
albums
18 September 2003
ALFIE
DO YOU IMAGINE THINGS
Regal
The glorious Alfie return after
only eighteen months since
their previous album, speed
rather than quality well the
judge is still out but hidden
inside Do You Imagine Things
are delightful harmonies
and quaint melodies ruling
the roost. The splendid
People deliver dizzy guitars
and mellow vocals, which
culminate in irresistible
melodies fitting for any
soundtrack to the summer.
Sounding like the modern
day Beach Boys, Alfie breeze
into harmonic tracks that are
carefully packaged, neat and
at times very attractive. The
enticing, Winding Road has
innocence and charm many
a record lacks but at times
others disappears down a
cul-de-sac with no sign of
return. Departing from the
Twist Nerve label, Alfie take
away Badly Drawn Boy vocal
delivery and The Hour Of The
Bewilderbeast’s distinctive
musical accompaniment which
is not always a bad thing, if
not unique. Alfie’s third album
is hit and miss raising hopes
with the promising People
which unfortunately is the only
highlight in this very average
album. m.b.
18 September 2003
PRETTY GIRLS MAKE
GRAVES
The New Romance
Matador Records
PGMG seem to be filling the
void left behind when At The
Drive-In decided to go their
separate ways. What we have
here is an album that doesn’t
really follow any kind of
recognised musical trends,
especially in the fact that
there are no real discernible
choruses and verses. All
Medicated Geniuses is where
the ATD-I influence peaks,
although the production and
defiantly sexy vocals give the
album quite a retro feel. This
is one of those albums that
has you involuntarily tapping
your feet, nodding your head
and drumming the table,
particularly during the funky
organ line in the title track and
also during the urgency and
Sex Pistols-esque rebellion
of This is Our Emergency. If
this is how The New Romance
is, then sign me up for some
loving! j.a.
MUSIC 19
september
cla
ssic
gigs
If
you want to
review a classic album
in the coming weeks, or indeed
any album or single, them simply come
along to the Music Team meeting in the Media Centre
albu
at USSU at 5.15pm every Monday, or email Matt Badcock at
ms01mb@surrey.ac.uk or Jon Allen at bs21ja@surrey.ac.uk for more
information.
The classic ambum reviews continue this week with Jeff Buckley’s ‘Grace’ on Columbia
18th
m
Records, written by Music Editor Jon Allen:
Ladytron -
London Astoria If such an award was available, this album Leonard Cohen penned Hallelujah. Eternal
would win the ‘Most Modern Bands Life is a bass-heavy beast of a track which
19th Rancid - Brixton Influenced’ category hands down. Bands competes with the soaring Grace to be the
Carling Academy that have used Buckley as a reference point stand out track on this album. I dare you to
22nd Fun Lovin’ Criminals include the likes of Coldplay, Badly Drawn listen to this album and tell me it isn’t a
- Guilford Civic Boy, Muse and so on. It’s not hard to see why. classic.
23rd Big Brovaz - Carling Grace is a jaw dropping collection of delicate
ballads and bluesy rock that are performed
Academy with alternating tenderness and sheer raw
25th 50 Cent - Wembley energy. Fantastic examples of the
Arena former are Lilac Wine
27th Cooper Temple and the
Clause - Carling Academy
30th Mark Owen
- Carling PEACHES
FATHERFUCKER
XL Recordings
Peaches is the moniker for the
sexually charged one woman
music machine Merill Nisker
and Fatherfucker is the follow
up to Peaches’ underground
success The Teaches of Peaches.
The album’s base is a steady
stream of minimalist synthesised
bass lines and drum machines
beats with the occasional guitar
for good measure. It swings
Robbie Williams: The so called between
King of Pop
pulsing techno and
sleazy rock, with an emphasis
pretty girls make graves on the sleaze. Peaches vocals/
rapping adds this emphasis,
their content being of the sexual
nature, although its innuendo is
more a commentary of issues
than purely for shock value. In
addition to the occasional garage
rock, Fatherfucker also carries
a few guest stars, most notably
Iggy Pop. Their collaboration is
one of the album’s high points
along with the fast paced ‘I U
She’ and the ‘The Inch’, whose
sinister bass works wonders.
Whereas Peaches is different
in tone and style she definitely
has a similar ethic to Mike
Skinner (The Streets). On the
whole this album’s a good listen,
although it is an acquired taste.
The electronic and garage rock
elements work well, but there
was no real attempt to mix them
in songs. If you liked Peaches’
previous work or the idea of
dirty minimalist techno, go for
it. n.b
20 THEATRE 18 September 2003

TheatreinGuildford
Barefacts’ new Theatre Editor, Daisy Clay, introduced the wonders of theatre in Guildford and beyond
Welcome one and all to the theatre section of Barefacts – now under new management! Apologies for the lack of a tangible theatre section last week (shock-of-being-back-at-university
illness to blame). As newly promoted member of the Barefacts editorial team, in that I am now Theatre Editor, I would like to take this opportunity to say a warm and friendly hello to
everyone:
hello to all of last year’s placement students now returning to embark upon their final year (many thinking what’s this new section that has appeared during my absence? a section devoted
to all things theatrical? Quite simply, yes.)
hello to all second year students now wondering where on Earth their fresher year disappeared off to
and a particularly welcoming hello to the all the new freshers picking this up and feeling a little dazed in the buzz of their first week
and hello to everyone else reading this too (don’t worry – I didn’t forget you!).
Now that the hellos and welcomes are complete, now time for all things theatrical…

Besides being a short train journey away from London’s West End theatre, there are Showing next week at the Yvonne Arnaud from Mon 22 – Sat 27 September…The
numerous venues in and around Guildford for all your theatre viewing needs. Cemetery Club, starring Anne Charleston (a.k.a. Madge from Neighbours!), Michele
To begin with, there is Guildford’s very own Yvonne Arnaud Theatre showing a wide Dotrice, Shirley Anne Field, and Edward Woodward …
variety of shows every week on both the main stage and in the smaller Mill Studio. Many of A wonderful cast is brought together to tell the story of three golden girls and their lust
the shows star familiar names, with productions from the last year starring Clare Buckfield for life, love and laughter who decide to re-enter the dating game. Take three middle-aged
(2 Point 4 Children), Lesley Joseph (Birds of a Feather), Tracy Shaw (Coronation Street), widows, one who flirts outrageously, one who is dedicated to the memory of her husband and
and Rik Mayall (Bottom, The Young Ones, Drop Dead Fred) to mention a few. Upcoming one who is beginning to realize that she still has a life to live; throw an eligible widower into
productions include famous names such as Ross Kemp (aka Grant Mitchell of Albert Square) the mix and watch the sparks fly. Warm,
and Penelope Keith (The Good Life), as well as many, many more. moving and funny, The Cemetery Club
Travelling slightly further afield, and north from Guildford, we have the New Victoria is a comedy about three women carrying
Theatre Woking. As a more well-known theatre, the productions shown here tend to be those on!
with a more prominent and national reputation. Recent shows include The Rocky Horror Student standby tickets are available
Show and The Blues Brothers, with forthcoming shows including Copacabana and Cats. for £7 in person 1 hour prior to each
So with all this theatre surrounding the university, what are you waiting for? With both performance (student ID required), or
theatres offering concessionary ticket phone the box office on (01483) 44
prices, starting at prices as low as £5, 00 00. You can also visit their website
it really is good value for money and for more information at www.yvonne-
an entertaining, relatively cheap night arnaud.co.uk.
out! In next week’s Barearts…a beginners
As an aside, this section is not only guide to The Rocky Horror Picture a
about providing you with reviews of review of their latest performances at
all the latest shows from in and around the New Victoria Theatre Woking.
Guildford, but also presents interviews Want to be part of the Barefacts
with the celebrities appearing in these Theatre Team? For more details, email
shows – previous interviewees include Daisy at ps21dc@surrey.ac.uk, or just
Clare Buckfield, Professor Lord Robert turn up to the meeting in the USSU
pantomime at the yvonne arnaud theatre in guildford
Winston, and Rik Mayall. Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.

Competitions: WIN A FREE PIZZA EVERY MONTH FOR A YEAR!

Tuck in with Barefacts. Hamid Keeshbafan, owner of the Perfect Pizza store on Epsom Road in Guildford and Afsal Fabric Competition
Choudherry, owner of the Perfect Pizza store on The Broadway in Woking, believe they have the best pizza in the area, and
are offering one lucky reader the chance to enjoy their delicious pizza for a whole year – for free.
One lucky winner will receive a large speciality pizza once a month for a year, absolutely free and will be able to choose The winners of last week’s
from any of the varieties of pizza on Perfect Pizza’s extensive menu, where there’s something for every taste, from the exotic competition to win season
Oriental Express, tasty New York Deli or even the meaty Pepperoni Perfection. Competition valid upon collection only. tickets to Fabric and Fabric
To win this amazing prize, all you need to do is answer the following question in the most imaginative way, and send your Live are Alistair Golby (Fabric)
answer to barefacts@ussu.co.uk. and Tamas Kormos (Fabric Live).
Question: Describe your ideal pizza topping in no more than 40 words. The most inventive answer wins a pizza every
month, completely free! IF the winners could pop into
the Media Centre to collect
To give you a finger licking treat, we’ve teamed up with our pals at Perfect Pizza, to offer every reader 2 delicious pizzas their prize, then that’d be
for the price of one. That’s right, when you buy one large speciality pizza, you get a regular pizza absolutely FREE, worth fandabulosi.
up to a whopping £8.45.
Watch out for competitions in
HOW TO CLAIM the next few weeks to win Top
To snap up this tasty offer, simply cut out this token and take it to one of your Perfect Pizza stores Man vouchers and Walker’s
21 Epsom Road, Guildford, GU1 3JT crips.
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So get down to your local Perfect Pizza store for this delicious offer. If you fancy putting your taste buds to the test with
an exotic Oriental Express, tasty New York Deli or even the meaty Pepperoni Perfection, you’d be mad to miss out on this barefacts@ussu.co.uk
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Literature
18 September 2003
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
You didn’t think we’d forget such a modern classic, did you?! Morgan
Gooch gives us his take on one of the most popular books of modern times
SO, THIS SUMMER it arrived. The new Harry Potter book. To
miss it, you would’ve had to be under a rock on another
planet, such was the excitement around it. My copy was
ordered weeks in advance from Amazon, delivered the day
of release and read within a week, but I still found
myself at the midnight opening of
WH Smiths with my sister, where the
queue stretched for around a hundred
yards. The question everyone was
asking was ‘what happens next?’,
not ‘will it be as good/successful
as the last one?’ because by now
JK Rowling could stop putting the
effort in, produce mediocre works
to end the series and they would still
fly off the shelves by the million,
just because people want to know
what happens next. The empathy the
readers have built up for the characters
by now makes sure of that, but stands
as testament to the strength of the first
four books and of the creative talent of
the author. So, would she take the easy
way out, producing a very average
book to keep the audience ticking
over and the money rolling in? The
answer, thank god, is no.
The story begins, funnily enough,
about where the last one left off. I really
don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who
hasn’t read the book/series yet, but intends to,
so there’s not too much I can be specific about. The book
creates a much darker atmosphere than its predecessors,
swapping the charming crossover idea of merry capers
at a magical boarding school for something much more
dangerous. Several times through the book events take a
The Cement Garden – Ian McEwan
By Chris Ward
Editor
A product of his early years as a writer, Ian McEwan wrote
this novel in 1993, five years before he won the prestigious
Booker Prize. The Cement Garden is a rather brutal novel
that explores the death of a single mother, and follows the
children who attempt to cover it up by burying her under
cement in the cellar. McEwan once again shows that he has
absolutely no reluctance to be disgusting for the sake of it,
as the incestuous happenings and rather detailed descriptions
in the novel show.
“It was not at all clear to me now why we had put her in
the trunk in the first place. At the time it had been obvious,
to keep the family together. Was that a good reason? It might
have been more interesting to be apart. Nor could I think
whether what we had done was an ordinary thing to do”
The Cement Garden is a very emotional novel that presents
LITERATURE 21
sharp turn and leave you wondering what more can go
Inner
Desires
wrong, but the characters fight against the despair that
seems prevalent with varying success, often inadvertently
worsening the situation. Nothing is more indicative of the
more sinister tone of the book than the finale, which is
truly impressive, the setting seeming reminiscent
of a labyrinth designed by Salvador Dali. I by Katy Saunders
really can’t wait to see this one on screen, it
could become one of the greatest sequences
Monsterous rage,
ever if they capture the mood right (and
Slithers of glass pricking into my heart,
spend enough on the special effects).
Pushing deeper inside with each stuttered beat.
On a lighter note, the comic aspects of the
What is the source?
world in which it is set do remain. From the
I am
enchanted fireworks spelling ‘poo’ to the
I and all my evil thoughts of brutality,
portrait of some poor fool trying to teach
The pain I could bring to others
trolls to ballet dance and beyond, there are
And the pleasure such pain would bring.
still laughs to be had. Fred and George
Weasley are on fine form and exit the
school in a true blaze of glory, leaving
I am nobody.
to fulfil their dream and start their own
A mere drop of blood within the system,
joke shop (having made the most of
Washing blissfully in and out between others,
their last months at school to do some
Like me, floating.
valuable market research).
I hate,
I really can’t recommend this book
And this makes me more powerful than ever could
strongly enough… but then I was
be conceived:
already a fan. If you haven’t read the
The hate I hold to myself like a gun
others (and been suitably impressed by
Waiting to explode and destroy.
them) then I really don’t think this would
be for you. And for those of you who are
just going to wait for the movie, it will
Destruction of the weak.
be spectacular. Weighing in at 766 pages
What is weak, is worth nothing.
it’s quite a whopper and there are rumours that some of the
It is nothing more than silver dust and ashes.
books will have to be released as series instead of individual
Freedom begs forgiveness
films, but if they spend the money (and they will) then I’ll
And love.
be first in line for it. See you there.
I hate and I love and I cry for this knowledge.
The happiness I desire is so cripplingly near
And yet I never reach it.
McEwan’s personal “no way out” convention.
In many of his other novels, such as Enduring
Love, The Innocent, and Atonement;
McEwan seems to find satisfaction in
placing his characters in seemingly impossible
situations, and overly emphasising to the reader
that they need to accept the situation they are in,
thus destroying the “happy ending” cliché.
McEwan presents many themes that are
thought-provoking to the reader. Despite
the gory detail of the events within the novel,
McEwan manages to justify it by highlighting
that the characters have no other choice. The
children hide their mother so that they don’t
get sent to an orphanage. If you had a choice of
hiding your mother’s body to avoid being sent to an
orphanage, thus breaking up your family, what would
you do?
24 INTERACTIVE 18 September 2003

Word Search
Yes, we know that there was
one too many boxes for the
word ‘tractor’ last week (or
cotrtar, if you didn’t man-
age to unscramble it) - we
were just keeping you on
your toes, as the teachers
We have been informed that it’s probably a good plan to put in exactly how many words
at school used to say when
you should be searching for in the bf wordsearch each week, so as not to leave everyone
you noticed a mistake on the
searching again and again in vain for that final word, when it actually doesn’t exist. So, there
blackboard.
are 16 words in this week’s swanky wordsearch, they are all names of sports clubs run by
the Students’ Union. Ah yes, the wordsearch (and pub quiz, now you come to mention it) are
It’s the same as before
provided by Ben Berryman...
- unscramble each word,
then take all the letters from
F G K M O N O T N I M D A B T the circles, and unscramble them to make the
O N R M M O Y W Y R H T O B P final word.

O I X H U Z F H C M V L C D Z GDRAON YLIOHAD

T F W I B Q U B X D K E R U Q NESTTSUD TATOS
B R C O L F E E M W B Z S H Q RINSUEVYTI SOGRF
A U D F K U F R I B Z P I R O
MIGNOV REULQISR
L S X U O M O U C P B S O X C
L E W N I L M G A N H A R J B SANBE BAINIRTAN

A D C I V Y B B N O V I I S Q answer:
B Q T M M I X Y O I G L K O T
T A B E Z M E T E K C I R C Z Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are
E W D G N K I Z I R I N P N Q at the bottom of page 25.

N U F Z C N L N N N U G E D V If Quizzes are your thing, then why not pop down to Channie’s for
Chancellor’s Challenge, every Thursday night from 8.30pm. We’ve
L F L O G S I X G W F U U F C got rounds on everything from Sport to Geography, and it’s a snip
J E H S A U Q S E T H Z K J U at only £1 per person. So, what are you waiting for? Grab a few
friends, pick up a beverage or two from the bar, and get thinking
of a team name!
For the answers to this week’s wordsearch, just turn to the bottom of page 21 and stand on your head.

1
bfpub quiz puzzl3
In the bible which character was created from Adam’s rib?
Numb3r
We thought that there might be too many words in barefacts, so in a departure to the

2
normal puzzles on the Interactive Page, here’s something a little different provided by
Ben Berryman...
A dime in equal to how many cents?

17
3
In which century was the first skyscraper built? It’s very simple really - all you need
to do is fill in the missing numbers in

4 What type of creature is a basilisk? 1 15 the boxes.

5
The missing numbers are between 0
Palermo is the capital of which island? 11 0 4 24 and 12.

6 Which animal’s name prefixes the words ‘dog’ and ‘terrier’ to give two dog breeds? 3 11 29
The numbers in each row add up to
totals to the right.

7 The musician Stephane Grappelli was famous for playing which instument?
9 29
The numbers in each column add up
to the totals along the bottom.

8 How many musicians are there in a ‘nonet’?

36 32 5 24 24
The diagonal lines also add up the
totals to the right.

9 Which county is sometimes known as the ‘garden of England’?

10 What name is given to a golf course by the sea?

The answer grid is at the bottom of the opposite page - no peeking! Do you like
the Interactive Page? Got any ideas for more puzzles? Then drop us a line at
barefacts@ussu.co.uk and tell us what you think.
18 September 2003 LIFESTYLE 25

Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random

slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
ONE OF THE advantages to my room in
Surrey Court Wey is its proximity to Senate
House. Not the most useful or places for
the average student, you might think, but
the reason it’s so handy is that it has a huge
clock on its side, facing right into my room!
It’s pretty cool to be able to glance out of my
window to find out the time - until recently.
I don’t know if I’ve been really unobservant
since I moved in and it’s been like this for
a while, or if it’s just happened, but the
Senate House clock has stopped. Bang on
27 minutes past 7. I really
“It’s a sad
hope I’m at home when
the powers that be decide
day when
to get it mended - I wonder
if they climb up the side
and have to wind it up on
the side of the building?! you have to
How it is powered? Does
it have a huge version of stand on
a watch battery hidden
a chair to
within the eighth floor? So
many questions. Maybe
I’ll have to pay a visit to
the Vice Chancellor’s floor
switch the
to find out!
Having spent a year living
light on, at
in Battersea Court Rawson,
I was lucky enough to
the age
have a light above my sink
that was operated by one of 22”
of those pull-cord-thingys
- a godsend for those people of the ickle
persuasion. However, upon moving into
Surrey Court I have discovered a sad fact
- the sink lights in Surrey Court can only be
turned on by a switch at the side of the light -
and not being the tallest person in the world,
I’ve been having more than a few problems
trying to brush my teeth with the light on!
It’s a sad day when you have to stand on a
chair to switch the light on, at the age of 22.
ONE of the wonders of my office in the
Students’ Union is the fact it is right next
door to Pizzaman. Actually, this can be a
mixed blessing - they do rather nice pizzas,
but unfortunately eating there too often
can have a detrimental effect on your bank
balance! Over the summer Claire and I
became chronically addicted to their garlic
bread with cheese (only £1.85 - I highly
recommend it!), but luckily over the past
few months I’ve been tempted home to
eat - helped significantly by having a
boyfriend who could rival Jamie Oliver in
the cooking stakes (and is a damn sight more
attractive)!
This week I am mostly …acquainting myself with the joys of another student house!
I ALWAYS KNEW that when students came
back things would get rather busy, but this University-managed or privately-owned, student houses are a law unto themselves. Each
last two weeks have been totally crazy. It comes with its own set of idiosyncrasies, guaranteed to baffle its unsuspecting tenants.
is going to be hard to write stuff that has Fathoming out the precise order of switches, buttons and pulleys needed to control the hot
happened outside work this week, as I water or the central heating will take at least a few weeks, give or take a few extra days
have spent almost every waking hour in the depending how long it takes to locate the actual boiler in the first place… ahem. Then there’s
Union! It is great fun though, and if any of the variety of appliances to familiarise yourself with – the fridge with a freezer identity crisis
you like high pressure, totally non-stop days, or an oven that singes both arm and eyebrow hair when one has to stick ones head in it just
and don’t keep track of your hours, then this to light it. Finding all four of my housemates sat in front of a fuzzy, flickering television
is the job for you! Although when I start accompanied by a high-pitched hum and an occasional crackle was a major cause of concern
dreaming about work and my colleagues, last week. Apparently, it likes to “warm-up” before it feels ready to give us a picture.
then I think maybe I am spending a bit too Still, such homely quirks are sure to turn even the most clueless student into a king/queen
long here! [delete as appropriate] of domesticity. A few years ago, alone for a week at the beginning of
FOR anyone who’s asked my first student tenancy, I embarked on this fast-track course to become a domestic goddess.
me the time in the last Within hours of my parents leaving me neck-high in cardboard boxes, I was plunged into
two years, you may now
total darkness. Three stubbed toes and a bruised head later, I finally succeeded in working
be reassured that I have out [a] where the fusebox was [b] what a fusebox is and [c] how to use a fusebox. Light
finally stopped wearing
my broken Animal watch,
was thankfully soon restored, as was my faith in the efficiency of the smoke alarm as the
bacon for my long-awaited sarnie spontaneously combusted when placed under the grill.
and bought a new Russian
watch! People still don’t
understand why I wore
Clambering over the furniture waving teatowels proved only mildly successful. Opening
the backdoor however, brought with it a scenario that not even the most comprehensive
household guide could have foreseen. A flash of brown striped fur scuttled into the lean-
a broken watch for two to utility area, lapped the living room in a flash, and then pegged it outside again. I’m not
years, but the reason was great at wildlife-identification [I still maintain there’s a llama on the Clapham Junction-
twofold. Firstly it was
just funny, and secondly
Guildford railway line], but I could have sworn it was a chipmunk. Yeah right, scoffed
my male housemates when they arrived, you don’t get chipmunks in England, must have
I was conducting a secret
experiment!
been an over-sized dirty squirrel. Must it? Then how to explain the leaflet shoved through
the letterbox the next day enquiring about an escaped chipmunk with a £100 reward on its
BASICALLY, if you ask
someone the time your
head?! Eat your words guys.
I’m afraid I’m still working on weaving a magic spell to save you all such mischief but
brain processes
response in two stages.
the one thing I can recommend: make sure your house knows who’s boss from the outset. Home
sweet home?!
The first is the “politeness Catherine Lee
stage”, that automatically tells your mouth
to thank the person, and the second is the
“feasibility stage”, which checks if the time
stated is actually the right time. Now in sober
people these stages happen simultaneously,
but my research has shown that when people
are drunk the time between the first and
The Lyrics Quiz
second stages is drastically different! Just figure out the artist and song name that these lyrics are taken from, and what’s more,
SAY I was in the Union and a drunk person the answers are just below... - easy as pie! This week’s teasers are by Ben Berryman.
asked me the time. I would look at my watch
and “7:30” would be my response. They Think you can do the lyrics quiz in next week’s barefacts? barefacts@ussu.co.uk
would then say “Ah thanks mate”, and then
anything between one and thirty seconds
later (the drunker the person, the longer the 1 That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight.
time between stages) they would put on a
puzzled look and say “that’s not really the 2 So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why, it’s not a question, but a lesson
learned in time.
time”. To which I would then show them
the watch and say “yes it is”. Their next
statement is also interesting as in 99% of
3 It’s calling you my dear out of reach, take me to my beach.
cases the person then says the exact words
“Why do you wear a broken watch?”.
4 Once there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the
change room.
ON the purchase of this new watch I have
completed my research, and from now on I 5 I really feel that I’m losing my best friend, I can’t believe this could be the end.
shall always be able to tell people the correct
time – unless one day I forget to wind it up! 6 Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet.

‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter 7 And everything is blue for him and his-self and everybody around.

Rhapsody 9. Placebo – Nancy Boy 10. Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi

MC Hammer – U Can’t Touch This 7. Eiffel 65 - Blue [da Ba Dee] 8. Queen - Bohemian
8 Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango.
4. Crash Test Dummies – MMM MMM MMM MMM 5. No Doubt – Don’t Speak 6.
religion 2. Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 3. All Saints – Pure Shores 9 And it all breaks down at the role reversal, got the muse in my head, she’s
universal.
5. Sicily 6. Bull 7. Violin 8. Nine 9. Kent 10. Links | lyrics quiz: 1. R.E.M. – Losing my

10 But all of her friends stuck up their nose; they had a problem with his baggy
britannia | final answer: freshers’ angel | bf pub quiz: 1. Eve 2. Ten 3. Nineteenth 4. Lizard
scramble: dragon, students, university, moving, beans, toast, frogs, holiday, squirrel,
hockey, netball, rugby, sailing, shooting, skiing, squash, surfing, swimming, tennis | clothes.
upside down answers | crossword: badminton, canoeing, cricket, fencing, football, golf, number puzzle:
26 PERSONALS AND STARS 18 September 2003

silly - Personals -
Stars
the
It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends
(or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright
strange, and then find yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of
paper if technology isn’t your thing). barefacts@ussu.co.uk is the
email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you
by Psychic Sandy need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and
the look of horror on your friends’ faces...

Virgo
Love will come falling
at your feet this week.
This could happen quite
literally in the Union or
maybe even in Pulse-
Jangles. Be prepared
for any random biting incidents – unless of
course you’re into that kind of thing. Stay
away from strange bearded men in long
overcoats as you may find your innocence
compromised…
Libra
Frank is calling…do
not respond unless you
value your personal
space. The lake holds
a strange attraction for
you at the moment – swimming could be
a fun game to play but beware the ironing
board. It’s a bit special.
Scorpio
With Uranus putting
you in a rather
troublesome situation,
its time to put those
magic hair straighteners
to good use. Be extra vigilant around the
Cathedral Court area; those bushes are
known criminals.
Sagittarius
Shame and
embarrassment will
be brought upon your
name in the near future.
Good work – keep it
up. You never know when someone may be
watching you so keep those curtains open.
Pisces Thank you to the crowd that attended Are we getting into a routine?!
This week it’s all about the ‘Jump Guildford’ party post-union,
the pink. Think very Wednesday. We’re here all year... my message didn’t make the text screen
carefully about an on friday, so here it is - ickle sarah loves
excursion to feed the Hot chocolate and bf party. Media benji! xx
fish – the ducks may Centre, midnight, Tuesdays. All welcome Amelia - hope I’ve remembered the
need more of your special brand of TLC. gist of your personals - I shut the msn
Keep a beady eye on that person who just To everyone in Surrey Court Wey 1 window by mistake!
moved in next door - they are not all they whom I haven’t met yet - my name’s
seem. Sarah, I live in room 3 and according to I’m never sleeping in your bed again,
Elizabeth I’m “not here very often”! you’ve given me mange! xXx
Aries
You know how special GU2 rocks. Rumour has it that yet another Vice
you are and finally President hasn’t had time to get to sleep,
we’re all cottoning Bob God Junior and Crazy Chris have too so hasn’t dreamt about any of the other
on…fame and fortune much time on their hands! Vice Presidents, or even the President.
beckons with the
glittery stardom you deserve. But only Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Willy, arse, gay... isn’t this fun!
this week. Your lucky items are pink furry Arrays!!
handcuffs and bottles of JAVA from the The Ladies toilet on the ground floor
bottle bank. Good afternoon Ward.... Hello Blair.... of Lecture theatre block. Girls, its been
2 weeks and already every day the
Taurus Dear all, since my summer in Margate i bathrooms look like a tip!!! Can you
You will have some have realised my true ambition-i am to not have some decency and make sure
serious issues this week be a naked childrens entertainer on the you flush and pick your litter off the
- work, social life, beach in Broadstairs; my carnie hands floor. I’d hate to be the person who
you name it, there’ll must finally leave their home (my pants). has to clean up after you. This is high
be something exciting Sorry. Love Dave. school behaviour, surely not that of adult
happening. However, at least it’ll occupy students? It surely can’t be called the
your otherwise blank mind. Cherry stealing www.gu2.co.uk - now streaming on and ladies toilet anymore.
could be an option. off campus!
Hi, nobody knows my real name is
Gemini Join Me Joanna McNally!
Go and buy some new
shoes. Now. You know www.rawsonscreek.com Hey Dr Nick... you can check my
you want to…stilettos particular binary sum anyday, love M.
are a good look this We’ll get dick in. xXx
season, as are wellies,
regardless of your sex. Try to stay away How’s about a nautical theme? www.icklesarah.co.uk
from UniSport - it is possible to become
addicted to the gym. Come skate with me, Wendy. How’s the head....... julie?

Capricorn Cancer Rumour has it a certain Vice President “Right, other than the sabbs - why
It is worth remembering Henceforth all has been dreaming about another Vice are the rest of you here at this time of
that Arians have more Cancerians must be President... night?! You should have better things
fun. Always. Try to known as BRIAN. This to do with your lives than hang around
avoid their after-hours is an order. Luckily, Rumour has it a certain other Vice here!”
activities as you may you can all keep the President has been dreaming about the
be deeply scarred. A surnames – well, they have to distinguish President.... The kitchen hates you, so stop cooking
disguise may be a smart move this week. you somehow don’t they?! Fools. already!
Keep an eye out for a short blond stranger “Bob - that’s the sort of thing I used to
do when I was at school, looking up Anna despite laura i cant deny i like you do
on Saturday, who will bring you good luck Leo
naughty words on the internet! But it’s you feel the same???
as long as you play your cards right. Dark alleyways will
bring you hidden still fun....”
Aquarius pleasures in the next Come visit the Media Centre on a
Funky clothes and couple of days…try Congratulations to Alan, who wasn’t the Tuesday night - it’s rocking!
a generous nature Jeffrey’s Passage last person to get his bf pages in this
will be rewarded by for a bit of light relief. We know who week! Hands up who owns goat porn!
an encounter with a you are. Wednesday will bring some
gorgeous young Gemini lucky occurences for you by the vending Do you think Chancellor’s will make the Ben & Chris = stars of the highest order
but watch out – you might end up with the machines in the Union. And you’d better dildo chair official furniture?!
evil twin… keep a check on your wandering eyes...
18 September 2003
A Beginner’s Guide to Welcome
American Football to
BY DAVE SKINNER
THE GAME IS played by armour clad lunatics
who appear to derive pleasure out of beating
each other senseless. The game lasts an hour
although rarely is the game completed in
less than less 2 1⁄2 hours.
The idea is to get the ball from where you
are to the other teams end zone as quickly
as possible. You get four goes at moving the
ball 10 yards. The goes are called downs.
If you get 10 yards you are allowed four
more attempts, etc, etc, until you get the
ball in their end zone. That sounds pretty
easy doesn’t it? WRONG! The other team
will not sit around having cups of tea
while you are running up and down like a
demented rhino. Yes you guessed it! They
will be trying to pull your arms and legs off,
especially your Quarterback. As you will
see, during the game, he will be trying to get
rid of the funny shaped ball as fast as he can,
by passing it to an unsuspecting running
back or receiver who will immediately be
surrounded by a screaming wall of defensive
hitmen.
The Players
Many an eyebrow has been raised at the
size of pro players in the NFL; however,
the British scene is very different. Spotting
the British player that is 6’4”, fully fit,
intelligent and strong is near impossible.
A quick look at the facial expression of
most players should give a good guide to
their reasoning ability, however, the fact
that they are playing the sport in the first
place would give cause to question their
intelligence.
Like all sports there are pretty boys,
these players are usually to be found in the
glamour positions like Quarterback or Wide
Receiver. This type of player is often seen on
the sidelines combing his hair and generally
making sure that he looks good for the girls,
or more importantly, the cameras!
SPORT 27
BUSINESS AS USUAL AT UNISPORT
Welcome back and, for those of you who are new WELCOME to life at Surrey! We hope you
The Coaches
enjoyed the hot weather of the British summer and are ready for action in sport, health and
Coaches are usually seen stomping up
fitness! For those of you who are new, UniSPORT is the department of sport and recreation
and down the sideline shouting at people
and is responsible for providing Surrey students with one of the best and diverse programmes
(frequently referees), or drawing diagrams
of any university in the country. The UniSPORT Card is the best way to participate where for
on chalkboards. They are often inclined to
only £70 you can take advantage of any of the classes for free as well as casual sports such as
bear a baseball cap, as it is very convenient
tennis, squash, badminton, basketball, climbing and unlimited access to Quantum Health and
to throw on the ground when decisions go
Fitness Club (subject to an induction). Memberships can be purchased from the Sport Centre
against them. Their mood can be determined
and the Varsity Centre and all Student UniSPORT card holders both new and renewals will
by the proximity (or otherwise) of team
receive a free t-shirt when they join (while stocks last).
members who are not actually on the field.
WHAT’S GOING ON!
The Playing Positions
To find out what is happening where and when there are a number of ways of finding out
We have already mentioned the QB’s and
information. The UniSPORT website, www.unisport.co.uk has all information on classes
WR’s, so lets have a look at some other
and courses, memberships and facilities as well as latest news and events. The Campusdance
playing positions.
and Sports & Classes brochures list all the classes and courses in dance, exercise and sport
The linemen are the most basic on the field.
and can be found all around campus and in the Sport Centre. The A3 size timetable is another
The cavemen of the team. Always on the
source of information and not only does it include all the classes and courses but also club
large side and frequently heard grunting and
activities and again these can be found around campus including the Union.
groaning on the line of scrimmage.
The Running Backs are on one hand very
THE PROGRAMME
brave individuals or looking at it more
It is business as usual at UniSPORT with classes already up and running in circuit training;
sensibly, probably lacking a bit on top.
legs, bums and tums; tone to the bone; belly dance; ballet; dance aerobics and many more.
These guys can be given the ball for play
The full programme gets into swing from Monday 29th September which is FREE WEEK
after play, they run for two or three yards
and gives you the chance to try out any of the classes and courses on offer. Registering for
and then the whole of the oppositions
courses will be available from 22nd September but a percentage of places will be available
defence jumps on them.
during free week. Some courses are very popular and registration is on a first come first
Linebackers are generally the sadists of
served basis. Courses that begin at the end of September include the very popular Yoga,
the team. Inflicting pain is what they get
Pilates, Tai Chi and Street Dance.
off on! There is nothing they like better
than blindsiding a ball carrier or better still
THE FITNESS CLUB
a receiver – just as the ball arrives in his
As already mentioned the UniSPORT Card includes unlimited access to the fitness club
hands.
after completion of an induction. If you were a member previously then the induction
Kickers are a strange breed usually seen
may not be necessary. In addition to the use of the fitness equipment Quantum Health and
pacing up and down the sideline being a
Fitness also offer additional services at discounted rates for Surrey students such as fitness
pain to everyone else, or spending their time
testing, programme writing and personal training.
pointlessly kicking a ball into a little net that
is two feet away.
FACILITIES
The Varsity Centre Bar holds a lot of events including Latino Evening and frequent sporting
The Referees
events on the two big screens. National League Squash which includes some of the World’s
As with all sports, the referees are not the
top stars starts again in October at the Varsity Centre which is also the Regional Centre for
most popular people on the field. Often
Squash. The artificial turf pitch is available for 5-a-side at the Varsity Centre as well as the 9
called zebras in American Football (because
tennis courts. There is still a sunbed available to book at the Sport Centre and climbing wall,
of their uniforms) there does seem so many
indoor sports and golf practice area.
of them at times! They carry little yellow
dusters, which they throw up in the air
OPPORTUNITIES
during nearly every play. The game then
There are many opportunities for Surrey students to gain coaching qualifications while they
stops while they have a little conference
study and opportunities to teach on the programme. Some of these coaching qualifications
to discuss the weather or anything else
can be subsidised so look at the website for further details. There may also be employment
that takes their fancy.
opportunities at any of our venues. If you are interested in part-time work and would like to
be part of a fun and dedicated workforce then come and see us at Freshers Festival.
ELITE SPORTS PROGRAMME
Are you an Elite Athlete? UniSPORT run an Elite Sports Programme for students who need
support while studying and still trying to perform at a high standard in their sporting field.
Further details about applying can be found on the website or contact Vicki Hansford tel.
01483 689975/ext 9975 or email v.hansford@surrey.ac.uk.
FORTHCOMING EVENTS
September
Premiership on the Big Screens |Varsity Bar
24th Fresher’s Festival | UniSport Sports Centre & Students’ Union Union
30th - Varsity Super Sixes | Varsity Centre
October
6th - Quiz Night | Varsity Bar
7th & 28th - National Squash League | Varsity Centre
17th - Latino Evening | Varsity
28 SPORT 18 September 2003

teamsurrey
A Cricketing Year at Surrey
BY PETER NICHOLS
SPORTS EDITOR
Our season started way back in September of last year
when training for the BUSA Indoor Tournament began.
The first stage was to be held at Sussex University in
Brighton, where we won all the matches within our
group and progressed to the semi final, again breezing
through.
It was now a matter of waiting to see who would
be our opposition in the final, unfortunately for us St
Mary’s were dominant in their Semi final and won with
ease. The final was set and it was Surrey Uni Vs. St
Mary’s Uni (not only last year’s Regional Champions,
but also National). St Mary’s were first to bat and put
on a very competitive score of 117. We stepped up to
the crease and with Johnny ‘GOD’ Nambia performing
outstandingly to score a half century, we were off to a
good start. However our edge on the game was reduced
due to a collapse in our middle order. Fortunately our
tail end did us proud, batting exceptionally well, using
their heads and not cracking under pressure. It was
obvious that St Mary’s were getting frustrated as they
could see the game slipping through their fingers and we
eventually scored the winning runs in the final couple of
tense overs. We had beaten last year’s champions and had
won a place to play at the BUSA National Indoor Finals, to
be held at Lords (The home of English Cricket).
Christmas had past and the Indoor Finals were approaching.
It was now early February and we were offered the chance to
play a practise match at the Oval (another major cricketing
venue) by Kings College, London. Having arrived late (due
to a train fire at Guildford station) we decided to play two
short games, rather than one normal length game. We were
well out of form, not performing like the team at the regional
tournament and needless to say we lost the first game and our
confidence dropped. It was now down to the second game.
We got off to a better start but unfortunately due to our
late arrival we had to end the game as our booked time
was over. This defeat certainly brought us back down
to earth and gave us a warning that we required more
training if we waned to stand a chance at Lord’s.
It was mid March and we were about to embark on
the Journey to Lord’s. It was a dream come true for the
team; we had won the regional heats to become BUSA
South East Indoor Champions and were about to
compete for the National Title. It was an early start on
a Cold and foggy Sunday Morning. We travelled up to
Lords on the train and arrived within good time to have
a look around and prepare for the Tournament. The
competition was tough and our team unfortunately did
not make it through to the final stage, even though our
final game was one of the best games of the day from
a spectator’s point of view. With our heads still held
high, we stayed until the end to saviour the moment of
playing at Lord’s as it is not something you get to do
everyday. In comparison it is like a footballer getting
the chance to play at Wembley (Well before it was
knocked down).
Although we were not successful this year, we’re
proud to have gained the title of Regional Champions, as
we have gone from not having a club, to having a very
successful club with a future in a mere two years.
Interested in joining the Cricket Team? Come see our
stand at Freshers Fayre, or to nets at Unisport on Sundays
between 5:30-7:30pm. For more information please email
cs11pn@surrey.ac.uk.

UniS Sailors at World Championships

BY JAMES NUTTALL
A team of four sailors from the University
of Surrey Sailing Club has recently returned
from competing in the Laser II Class World
Championships. The event was held from
the 10th to the 15th August in the Dutch
town of Hoorn, about 30 km north of
Amsterdam. The championship consisted
of 13 races held over five days with the
best ten results counting towards the final
result. The weather provided a wide range
of conditions, testing the full range of the
sailors skills, which resulted in an excellent
weeks sailing. Overall Dave Forrester and
Dave Warner finished 59th out of 70, while
the other Surrey Boat crewed by Dave
Annan and James Nuttall sailed well to
finish 32nd, winning the prize for Best
Placed Student Boat.
Having arrived at the event two days early,
there was plenty of time to get the boats
measured to comply with class regulations,
providing a level and fair playing field on
which to compete. We also got in some last
minute training before Sunday’s practice
race.
Racing began on the Monday morning,
although this first day provided little wind.
However, the race committee sent the fleet
out to the race area anyway and started a
race. Fortunately the race was abandoned,
as the wind completely died about halfway
around. After a couple of hours waiting
the wind filled in enough for racing to get
underway and two races were completed in
light and shifty winds. Sadly, the relatively
heavy Surrey crews struggled in these light
conditions.
The second day was again started in light
conditions, which worsened as a sea breeze
was gradually canceling out the real wind
so that by the middle of the second race of
the day there was no wind at all. Half the
fleet failed to finish within the time limit.
However, just before the third race of the
day the sea breeze kicked in and provided
a good race in the fresher conditions. Both
Surrey boats sailed well in the stronger
breeze. Dave Annan and James Nuttall
finished a disappointing 35th in this race
due to a gear failure.
By Wednesday (day 3) the wind had built
to a good breeze. Dave Forrester and Dave
Warner scored their best result of the event Kevin Toborek and Ryan Donahue from
with a 44th in the first race of day. Dave the USA to win the event. Dave Annan and
Annan and James Nuttall had further James Nuttall came 20th in the third and last
equipment problems as the spinnaker pole race of the day.
they were using continued to fail in the Overall everyone had an amazing time,
stronger conditions. and we are looking forward to continuing
Day four was simply awesome. The wind our successes on the National circuit and
had finally picked up to a strong force 5 at the European Championships in Ireland
which gave the heavier crews at the event next year.
a chance to shine. The
Surrey team did best on one of surrey’s boats takes to the waves
this day! Dave Annan
and James Nuttall sailed
well in the heavy weather
scoring a 14th and a 24th,
two of their best results of
the event.
Day five also brought
strong winds with some
of the closest racing of
the event. The World
Championship was
decided in the very last
race with the Irish team of
Noel Butler and Stephen
Campion holding off the
defending champions