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Thursday 18 September 2003

Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1060 free

The annual societies and sports extravaganza is upon us - Chris Hunter and Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman tell us what’s on offer.
Freshers | pages 8 & 9


I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R


Film Editor Neil Boulton brings us reviews of new releases, classics, and all the best films on TV over the next week. Film | pages 16 & 17


NO STRAIGHTS PLEASE, WE’RE GAY | Comment | page 5 USA ALL THE WAY? | Neil Christie on whether UK is becoming USA | page 6 INTERACTIVE | Ben Berryman provides even more distractions | page 24

UniS is too successful
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH EDITOR IN CHIEF IT HAS COME to light this week that on arriving in Guildford next week, up to 100 undergraduates and a handful of postgraduate students will be left without accommodation to move into. This is due to an unexpectedly high number of people being accepted on to courses at the University of Surrey. It is expected that around half of these students who live a long way from Guildford will be accommodated somewhere in or near Guildford. There are plans to use the guest rooms in Battersea and Surrey Court to house students, and private landlords and local schools and colleges are being apprached to see if they have accommodation availble for the homeless students. In a shocking move, 50 of these unhoused students, who all live within the Accommodation Office’s ‘catchment area’ for final year campus allocations are being told to live at home and commute into University for an indefinite period of time. The ‘catchment area’ is normally deemed to include those students who live close enough to Guildford during their placement or second year to be able to search for accommodation in Guildford for their final year. It stretches as far as London and the South Coast, so students told to live at home will be facing train journeys of up to 2 hours to get into University in the mornings and home at night. It also brings up safetfy issues, with students walking to the station alone at night to catch the train home. The accommodation office has been snowed under with requests for accommodation, and despite the cut off date for ‘guaranteed accommodation’ being 1st September, they are only just catching up with a backlog of applications from before this date. Students who are not offered accommodation for their first year have been told they are guaranteed accommodation on campus for their second year at University, but for the majority this is small compensation for the fact they will have to spend their first year at University being forced to live at home or in private sector accommodation. From September 2005 the University is planning to have several thousand more residences built on the Manor Park site near the Varsity Centre, but for the next few years they must face up to the problem that too many students are accepting places at the University of Surrey. The present accommodation allocation system simply cannot handle the pressure of the numbers offered places by the University.


Attack demands Action

IN THE LATEST in a series of attacks in and around the underpasses, a student was mugged on the way to University at 2pm on Sunday afternoon. The assailant grabbed the students bag as she was entering the Tesco underpass and sped away on his bike along the path that runs above the main pathway. He is described as white, about 20 years of age and was wearing a grey hoodie. This most recent attack highlights that the minimal improvements made (functioning lights and brighter paint) is simply not good enough. USSU believe that attacks of such nature will not cease until CCTV cameras are installed and the unnecessary undergrowth removed from the footpaths in the area to the West of the campus. Although USSU strongly advise students against walking alone onto campus, they realise that this is not always a possibility and therefore encourage all students to purchase a personal attack alarm from either the Students

Union Reception or University Security office for just £1. Amongst the aims of the ‘Lights, Camera, Action’ campaign, being run jointly by barefacts and USSU, are installing cameras around both Tesco underpasses, as well as the one leading to Southway, and continuing to increase lighting and painting the underpasses. Also not to be forgotten is the problem of foliage surrounding all the underpass entrances, and the paths to and from campus. Despite it having been cut back, many believe that the only permanent solution is to get rid of it completely, as it grows back so fast that visibility is obstructed again not long after the greenery has been cleared away. Claire Iles, Vice President Education and Welfare at USSU said, “Students have a right to feel safe when walking too and from campus and it is a priority of the Union and University to see that the work on the underpasses and surrounding area is continued. Issues such as the neglect of the Southway underpass and the bushes and trees surrounding the paths must not be forgotten.”

letters to barefacts | page 4

Psychic Sandy’s Stars | page 26

Harry Potter | page 21

Editor in Chief
Sarah Butterworth comms


18 September 2003

New Year, Old Debate
BY PHILIP HOWARD NEWS EDITOR TOP UP FEES are again the top news item in the world of Higher Education. With the appointment of Alanb Johnson as Higher Education Minister. In an interview with the THES, he has pointed out a clear choice as regards top-up fees. Either funding (and with it, academics’ pay) is increased, funded through the top-up fees, or the sector will see funding cuts, and presumably therefore little or no chance of a pay rise for the academics. At the same time, members of the Trades Union Congress put pressure on the government to reconsider top-up fees, backing a motion that university access must be based on “ability, not ability to pay”, reports the THES. Paul Mackney of Natfhe maintained that the higher rate fees would introduce multi-tiered education, blocking access to world class higher education to working class applicants. An AUT poll found that all the classes opposed top-up fees, with just 20% in favour of them. Scotland may also be at risk if the top-up fee system is introduced. Dr Andrew Cubie - a key player in the end of tuition fees in Scotland - has warned that the boost in finances resultant from the top-up fees paid to universities in England will lead to a brain drain in Scotland. According to Dr Cubie, the funding gap between the countries would allow those south of the border to offer higher salaries, and lead to a number of those currently working in Scotland to move to England. This could have further consequences as foreign students would find Scottish institutions less attractive, if the perceived quality of staff is lower. Other areas of the infamous White Paper are also alive and causing consternation. The proposed concentration of research funding into a few world class institutions continues to aggravate those outside the magic inner circle. The Media Communications and Cultural Studies Association has warned of the potentially crippling effect of this concentration of funds on the emerging field of Media Studies,

As a new academic year begins, and new students arrive by the thousands, the student fees debate rears its ugly head again
reports the THES. Professor Golding, a member of the media and communication studies panel for the 2001 RAE assessment and head of Loughborough’s social science department,said: “The field is too strong and well established to regard its very existence as under threat, but the research infrastructure that forms its heart most certainly will be massively damaged by this unnecessary and punitive concentration of resources.”

Chris Ward cs21cw

Music Editor
Matt Badcock ms01mb

Music Editor
Jon Allen bs21ja

News Editor
Philip Howard ph02ph

Film Editor
Neil Boulton cs21nb

80% of Public Against Top Up Fees
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR A RECENT POLL carried out by the Association of University Teachers shows that 80% of the public say they are now opposed to top up fees. Amongst the results, 12% said they agreed with the introduction of top up fees, 80% said they disagreed, and 8% said they didn’t know. The AUT have expressed that these figures do not differ over social classes either, with the largest difference in “disagreeing with top up fees” being about 6%. Similarly, the parental status of the interviewees made little difference, with 86% of parents and 76% of non-parents
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published.

Theatre Editor
Daisy Clay ps21dc

disagreeing with fees. The AUT general secretary, Sally Hunt, said of the results: “The massive majority against survey should start alarm bells ringing with Mr Blair and make it absolutely clear that he should take the opportunity, even at the

Literature Editor
Jennifer Walker ph21jw

Sports Editor
Peter Nichols cs11pn

eleventh hour, to devise a different scheme to raise the desperately needed money for higher education.” At the TUC conference last week, pledge cards mocking Tony Blair and his election pledge to students were issued to everyone present. The card contains a photo of Mr Blair, along with a holder pledge: “I, the holder of this card, pledge to help Tony Blair stick to his election promise on top-up fees: ‘We will not introduce top-up fees and have legislated to prevent them’.” This news is welcomed by NUS, who have recently launched a website solely intended to promote the campaign against top up fees [].

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If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about it. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an independant organisation established to uphold an editorial Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their decision.

ussu group notices
The UniS Conservative Society will be campaigning in support of the policy to scrap tuition fees this year. For more information on this campaign or to sign up as a member visit Women’s Football are looking for players of all abilities. We are a really friendly team and welcome any who are interested. Training on Thursdays 6-8pm and matches on Wednesday afternoons. For more info contact Heather Ford on 07919 358275 Cricket Nets every Sunday 5:30-7:30pm at UniSport UniS Climbing Club are looking for new members. If you are interested in joining, or want to see what we get up to, the come along to the Vertex at UniSport on Wednesday afternoons or find us at Sports Fayre. Barefacts meeting for everyone interested in getting involved with the paper this year - Thursdays - 5pm - Media Centre.

Ben Berryman Andy Blair Dan Brown Dave Chapman Neil Christie Scott Farmer Amy Fawcett Matt Fisher Morgan Gooch Chris Hunter Claire Iles Catherine Lee Carol Main James Nuttall Xan Phillips Katy Saunders Dave Skinner Sandeep Sohal Pete Tivers Lisa Widdows

Press Complaints Commission
1 Salisbury Square London EC4Y 8JB Telephone: 020 7353 1248 Facsimile: 020 7353 8351

barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions.

Design & Layup:

Sarah Butterworth


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18 September 2003



Multi-campus supercollege for Nottingham?
Nottingham could become the first UK city to be home to an American style multi-campus community college
BY PHILIP HOWARD NEWS EDITOR NOTTINGHAMSHIRE MAY SOON host a vast multi-campus community college, the first of its (natively American) kind in the UK, according to the THES. The Nottinghamshire Learning and Skills Council is looking to overhaul the further education in the county, and one option being considered is an American style multi-campus community college scheme with around 60,000 students on a range of courses up to Foundation Degree level. The next in a long line of US-inspired schemes, this would seek to redress Nottingham’s low performance and weak finanial health in the FE sector. Pat MorganWebb, principal of one of the affected colleges, has been working with Chicago community colleges to assess the prospect, and waxes lyrical: “Creating a community college model would allow us to develop an investment strategy for the whole district that would be more coherent and less dependent on the whims and vagaries of particular further education corporations. It would allow the new college to acta as a partner for change in the economic and social development of the area.” US style systems involving vast institutions spread across multiple locations and involving tens of thousands of students have been particularly attractive to Further and Higher Education institutes of late, as the UK’s funding becomes more concentrated and the goverment pushes towards more specialist teaching colleges and research institutes. The UK HE and FE markets are becoming more integrated, a key aspect of Nottinghamshire Council’s plans: “The creation of a coherent community college system that had a big chunk of higer education programmes within it would articulate well with the higher education system in Nottingham” Ms Morgan-Webb continues. Successful community college schemes in the UK must offer “strong university transfer programmes for future scientists, engineers and business and technical leaders to gain foundations inhigher learning that will help them, their companies and their communities to be successful in the conomy”.

Nottingham University - the ancient city could soon be home to a US supercampus



18 September 2003

More Attacks
NO SOONER HAD the new semester started than we were confronted by yet another attack in one of the underpasses close to campus. This shows that despite the work that has already been completed on the Tesco underpass, it is still not as safe as it should be for students to walk to and from campus, even in the middle of the day. On Friday 19th September the Sabbatical Officers of the Students’ Union will be walking the underpasses with members of the local police and Guildford Borough Councils to show them exactly what the problems are near campus. We will be leaving from Chancellor’s at 9.45pm on Friday, so any students who are interested in joining the walk and showing the police and council how they feel should meet at 9.40pm. Let’s show them an issue of such importancxe cannot be swept under the carpet.

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity |

Dear barefacts, With reference to the letter (11/09/03) in barefacts regarding the attitude of security personnel during a potential emergency situation; I would like to agree in all respects. I would like to point out that these people work for us, we (the students) are paying customers and paying for the existence of this entire facility. We are not here to be treated rudely and with contempt by people who believe they have a little power and can thus inflict this abuse upon us. If they feel so bitterly about their own lack of education then they should direct those energies into getting one. I have experienced similar arrogance when telephoning security regarding other matters and was left with an impression of incompetence and ignorance. Furthermore, the union security staff and bar management staff suffer from a similar problem. I believe this arises due to the captive market the union holds. A good example of their arrogance was the published response in barefacts last year after complaints about conduct, where the individual stated that he believed that everyone going into the union was “immature”. The problem manifests itself in two main areas, these are as follows: 1) Poor service: The slow service in Chancellors is often ridiculous, I appreciate that large numbers of people want to eat simultaneously but this is not an excuse. Recently I was left waiting 20 minutes between my own meal arriving and that of my colleague, eventually I had to ask for it, at which point it was delivered almost immediately - how long was it waiting in the kitchen? I do appreciate these problems with new staff etc etc but there was no sign of an apology, there never is, did anyone ever come and ask how your meal was in Chancellors? Did they ever offer you another drink to make up for slow service or poor quality? Frequently I see people wandering around the bar with a plate of food; up and down, outside, round and round the terrace, put it down on a couple of tables of people who look hungry, and then eventually it arrives at its destination. How hard can it be? When you place your order you give a table number, you sit down at that table. Why can they not find you? They have a number,

Be Heard
YOU ARE HOLDING in your hot little hands the second issue of barefacts this academic year. Yet again it’s been a rollercoaster of a ride producing it, but we hope it’s worth it, and that you all enjoy reading it. To everyone who is just starting at Surrey, barefacts is the students’ newspaper (as you’ve probably guessed!) and is written by students, for students. It’s a great thing to be involved in - you can meet a lot of cool people, get some great media experience, have something to show the folks when they come to visit, and a lovely air conditioned Media Centre to come and visit whenever you have a free minute between lectures. For the next few weeks there will be a barefacts general meeting on Thursday at 5pm, for anyone interested in writing, designing, editing, reviewing, marketing, or any other aspect of barefacts. To find out more just pop along to the Media Centre at USSU and have a chat with Sarah Butterworth, Vice President Communications & Marketing and barefacts Editor in Chief, or Chris Ward, this year’s barefacts Editor. Make the most of Freshers’ Week - get out there and meet some amazing people, join as many sports clubs and societies as you possibly can at Freshers’ Fayre, and be happy. Oh, and if you have something to say, remember barefacts is your newspaper. Be heard.

your table has the same number. Its not as though they have to do some complex math in their head while in the kitchen! Why are there about 10 people standing behind the bar but only one of them is serving people? Is this standard pub protocol? NO! Go into the wooden bridge for example, maybe 5 people behind the bar, the one closest to you serves you, you sit down with your drink, and wait for your food. They don’t have one person to operate the till, one to pour drinks and another to stand there trying to look busy. why? Because it is inefficient! If these were venues in town, they would be empty. 2) Over-Inflated prices. The captured market on campus means that you only have a hand full of places to eat out without going to town. I think the price of food here is disgusting. These are supposed to be student eating venues, there is nowhere on campus that offers cheap, nutritional, good food. Whetherspoons can do it in the town centre to normal people, tescos can do it in store, why can we not do it on campus where the students desperately need it? That is why they are all living below the poverty line, because we pay more on campus for a meal than they would in town! Seasons seems to be the best venue but the prices are still high, Rushes’ food is cheap but the prices are not, Chancellors and Roots think they operate a swanky wine bar off Piccadilly but without the service. This is supposed to be a university, all we have are expensive bars for staff. Either we have a huge and growing pot of money somewhere from the extortionate prices, or somebody is managing this thing really really badly. Perhaps barefacts can justify the inflated prices by publishing the union’s financial details? I was of the impression that the customer was always right, apparently that is only when there is competition for your custom. YOURS FRUSTRATEDLY, AN ETERNAL STUDENT HERE SINCE ‘96 barefacts replies: The Union’s accounts for 2002-3 are currently being audited and details will be available in the Annual Report in October.

Dear barefacts, I write this letter in response to Increasingly Disturbed of Surrey’s complaint (Barefacts issue 1059) regarding the supposed state of disarray of what we call the post-office – although apparently the campus post-office does not deserve such a title of integrity? As a naturally caring person, such irate and unhappy wailing (along the lines of “call yourself a post-office? you ought to be ashamed of yourself…”) prompted me to try and be of comfort. Perhaps a good way to do this is to say ‘it could be worse’? I can understand the possible frustration that might be encountered should you finish writing a letter to that special someone, realise that you have no envelopes, and assume that a post office will be able to come to your aid – but lo’ and behold, upon arrival at the counter you are informed that although they do not sell envelopes, the shop does, and oh the horror of having to embark upon a journey to the OneStop which lies a whopping 10 meters from your current location. I suggest that for all your envelope buying needs you try WHSmiths, and I recommend that you stock up so that you need never suffer your traumatic envelope-ness experiences again. And while I am here, I would like to highlight the fact that you are severely misinformed about the services offered by

Calling Freshers’ Angels
IF YOU HAVE signed up as a Freshers’ Angel to help move in the new undergraduates and postgraduates over the weekend, then you should attend one of the brief introductory meetings either on Thursday 18th September at 5pm in Hari’s Bar, or Friday 19th September at 1pm on the Union Dance Floor. The meetings will only last for a short while, and are just so you can meet your supervisors and find out where you’ll be working over the weekend. If you havenm’t signed up, there’s still time - just find the sheet at Reception in the Students’ Union, or speak to any of the Sabbatical Officers.

the post office. It is not merely a glorified set of weighing scales and a stamp dispenser. For your information, and anyone else reading, there are actually a lot more uses to this place than many people seem to be aware of. When it comes to paying out money, this is the place to go – you can pay your car’s road tax, your water bills, electricity bills, buy travel insurance, pay your TV license (yes, this has been known among students), as well as being able to actually pay money to yourself! Well, you can pay money into an account of any major bank, as well as being able to withdraw money. Now that doesn’t sound all that bad, does it? I really could go on…but I will spare you. I would just say that perhaps in future, think before you complain. Believe it or not, I agree that it would be useful for post offices to sell envelopes. Nevertheless, it is perhaps a tad unjustified to accuse the post office of being an “over-payed over hyped stamp vending machine”. However, perhaps I took your letter too seriously? Maybe I misinterpreted the tone of your letter as being written from the heart about a matter which seems to perhaps have been keeping you awake at night? Anyhow, I hope that you find peace of mind someday soon…or at least some envelopes. YOURS SINCERELY, NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED

barefacts | be heard

18 September 2003



No Straights Please, We’re Gay
As the gay community continue to fight for equal rights, James Gray is unpleasantly surprised during a visit to the local gay pub with his friends.
I WAS RATHER disgusted a couple of weeks ago when I visited the local gay pub with a couple of friends for a few drinks. As open minded people, I expected my friends to be accepted just as much as everyone else. They had absolutely no problem with gays or lesbians, and simply had a few friends that were gay. On this aforementioned night, one of the girls I was with was asked if she was straight by a group of people sitting on a table near us. When she replied, “yes”, she was told to “f*** off and don’t come back”. I wonder what would have happened if a gay person was told the same thing in the Union? Quite simply, there would have been an uproar about discrimination and oppression, and the guilty parties would have been barred. I am rather worried with the way the gay community are going. A new school specifically for gays has opened in the US, with the goal of providing a “safe” haven for children away from discrimination or prejudice. Whilst the idea is perhaps noble, it is simply the wrong way to go if the gay community wish for equality. If we are to walk together, regardless of sexuality, and reach a point where we see sexuality as an attribute nothing more than eye colour, then putting a building up with gay people on one side and straight people on the other is not going to achieve this. It is rather analogous to the teacher who sends his/her students to lunch in a girl-boy-girlboy queue order. Although their intentions are to emphasise that both sexes are equal, all they are doing is subconsciously teaching the pupils the importance of gender. Equality is a stage where factors like this do not matter. Another concept that affects the progress towards equality is that of Gay Pride. The word itself isolates the gay community from everyone else – Pride. Proud to be gay. Why be proud? Surely pride itself elevates the importance of sexuality in a community, thus making the destination of equality ever so more distant. Are straight people proud of their sexuality? No. To them it is simply a part of them they accept, they do not isolate themselves in society by building a lifestyle around it. This is not the first case of “heterophobic” discrimination I have heard occur in the aforementioned establishment recently. Another friend of mine was faced with discriminatory abuse, despite being a

Pride itself elevates the importance of sexuality in a community, thus making the destination of equality ever so more distant.

regular there. She has now decided that she is not going to go to the pub ever again. Up till this point you will probably have labelled me as homophobic. Well, it doesn’t quite work, considering I’m gay myself. I am merely sick and tired of being expected to conform to a stereotype that society has set. I agree that many homophobic issues still need to be tackled, but am frankly embarrassed to hear of these occasional heterophobic jabs.

If we expect to be accepted by society as normal respectable people, we need to be as tolerant to other sexualities as we would expect to be tolerated. Unfortunately, some gay people no longer desire equality, but the opportunity to take revenge as a result of years of oppression. That, my friends, is just as low as those that hurt us in the first place.

US Lawyer Living in Virtual Reality
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR What happens these days when two Tennessee kids (aged 14 and 16) are taken into custody for firing a .22 rifle at cars travelling on Interstate 40, causing the death of a man and seriously wounding a woman? Well, the family attempt to blame it on someone else, because their darling little children couldn’t ever do a thing like that unless something had “made them do it”. Lawyer Jack Thompson plans to sue the makers of Grand Theft Auto, whose series of games (including the recent and popular Vice City) are rated 18 in this country (17 in US) due to violent and explicit content. Vice City is a game that allows the player quite a degree of freedom. Being very “gang” orientated, the player interacts with many famous sects from around the globe (Triads, Mafia, etc.), and thus involves a lot of shooting, firing rocket launchers, getting into random cars, kicking the driver out, and driving off (hence the name Grand Theft Auto). The gameplay is generally gory and explicit, including the point where you find you are low on health and have to pick up a prostitute and have sex with her to regain it. Is the above suitable for children? Certainly not! There is a reason why the game carries a rating, and the parents should be held responsible for overlooking the fact that their children were playing the game in the first place. At the age of 16, youths in this country are expected to make many life-changing decisions, such as whether to go into industry or to carry on to further education. Yet, Thompson claims that these youths are at an impressionable age, and that playing a game repeatedly can cause them to kill. This is unfortunately another example of US lunacy. Sadly, we live in a world where parents are not held responsible for bringing up children improperly, blaming others for the doings of their evil brats who know they can get away with it. Perhaps if we started punishing those that commit the crimes rather than those who are vaguely linked to them, people would be a lot more reluctant to commit them in the first place.



18 September 2003

Are we USA all the way?
We smirk at the yanks – point, laugh, “only in America” we say – but is it the case that in the UK we’re simply following suit? First year Neil Christie takes a look at the quirks of modern American Society...
THE US IS renowned for its litigious society, suing for this that and the other – but flick on the TV to be bombarded by various companies offering the ‘no win no fee’ policy, and read ads in papers promising four grand for a bruised elbow – then start thinking about how common law suits in this country are becoming. The infamous “whiplash” whenever there’s a car accident – you can’t escape it. Doctors can’t prove what ‘whiplash’ really is, it can’t be tested or proved – so complaints of a ‘sore neck’ are always worth pursuing because of the lucrative claim at the end of it. Personally I can’t stand people who claim over such things. If you’re out of work, can’t move, or in serious pain then fine – claim to the level at which you will receive compensation for losses, but – particularly in the TV ads – it shows ‘typical’ amounts for claims. It may as well say you’re guaranteed some cash for making a fuss over nothing. A recent classic is some old biddy walking into work and slipping over on the floor. Presumably the floor’s never been cleaned before in the morning, or the sight of a mop didn’t trigger enough caution for her to not keep her feet. I don’t know about you but unless the floor’s inches deep in a concoction of water, fairy liquid, and diesel, I do manage to stay upright despite the floor being wet. I have sympathy for those that can’t go outside when it rains for fear or breaking a hip, clearly this situation can’t be one to admire. ‘Winning is everything’ and ‘second place is first place loser’ are just a couple of ethics that come out of the USA – ranging from their sports to big business. High pressured, rapid paced lifestyles lead to commercially obsessed yanks chasing more bang for their buck. A quick flick to the back of any newspaper after an England cricket match or poor English football performance and you’d be forgiven for thinking that England are world champions in every sport. England had better win or prepare for the media questioning the manager, player choice, pitch condition, setup of the FA, and how demanding our league seasons are in the next day’s papers. The stats come out, the analysis of every player right down to how tightly his boots were on is summarised and re-summarised until the weakest link in the side is identified and then publicly tortured. It’s a good thing Emile’s used to it. If you’ve watched a US game of baseball or ice hockey then you’ll know the Americans love their statistics. Offensive, defensive, on and off the field – it’s all a game of numbers. The Premiership, and a lot of Sky Sports programmes are going the same way. ‘Player Cam’ for instance, for those who have Digital TV – what’s that about? Who said “Yes, I want to sit down and watch one player’s every move for 15 minutes, regardless of whether they’re in or out the action.” Does anyone actually use that feature? In a game of 90 minutes, with 20 outfield players, it equates logically to every player having around 4 minutes of the ball. Bearing in mind the Player Cam is there for a quarter of the game for each player, it entitles you to watch your player having the ball for around one minute, out of the fifteen you’re watching him. My goodness why didn’t they think of it sooner, because it’s not like you’re there to see goals or anything. Hang on – an illogical idea? From one of the most powerful corporations in the country? Surely only in America… So am I saying that because the USA went mad in the 1920s over immigration and the ‘original inhabitants’ feeling threatened by the presence of newcomers, this is now reflected in our society today? That the UK are playing catchup – and some areas are closer to the present US situation than others? That the UK is fast becoming a hugely diverse multicultural society; that commercialism is taking over our workplace and our leisure; that the ‘Wimbledon’ scenario simply mirrors the franchises in the US and that sport = publicity = advertising = money; that law suits for political correctness and other modern-age annoyances are becoming two a penny; that because of technological advances and an increase in wealth, the fat camps of the US will be seen here soon; that no matter what happens our PM will side with the President of the most powerful country in the world purely to ensure our economy doesn’t cripple through loss of trade? Yep, pretty much. And in a way, it makes sense. You can throw devilish statistics at those in the US – you have the most uneven distribution of wealth in the world, you’re 100% obese doughnut munchers, Bill Gates can buy new laws when it suits him etc but at the end of the day we’re not so far behind. Is it necessarily a bad thing? Well it all depends on your stance in a variety of fields – as, politically, we as a country are tending to follow the more capitalist US approach and big business is a major player in influencing ‘those that matter’. It’s not quite Microsoft, but we’re getting there. I’m not going to argue either way, just simply highlight a point that the UK doesn’t just seem to be following the US into battle – but also mirroring many of its social traits as well. So I guess it’s time to think – next time Jerry Springer’s on and the rednecks are rolling about in mud preaching incest wearing nothing but a size 10 bikini stretched across a 24 stone mass of white flab, turn over to Trisha and think where it could be in a decade’s time.

barefacts notices
Societies Standing | Monday 22nd September | 6pm | Lecture Theatre E | One representative from each Society to attend Jiu Jitsu AGM | Monday 22nd September | 7pm | UniSport Foyer Rifle Club AGM | Wednesday 24th September | 6pm | Students’ Union Committee Room Ballroom Dancing Society AGM | Wednesday 24th September | 8pm | University Hall Womens Waterpolo AGM | Thursday 25th September | 11.30am | Union Committee Room Music Society (Dance) AGM | Friday 26th September | 5pm | Union Committee Room Maths and Computing Society | Monday 29th September | 3pm | Location to be confirmed Prasha (underground dance) | Monday 29th Sept | 6pm | Union Committee Room Law Society | Monday 29th September | 6pm | Lecture Theatre L Women’s Rugby EGM | Tuesday 30th September | 6.30pm | Location to be confirmed Volleyball AGM | Wednesday 1st October | 1.15pm | Union Committee Room Russian Society | Wednesday 1st October | 6pm | Location to be confirmed Fencing Club AGM | Thursday 2nd October | 1pm | Union Committee Room Breakdancing Society | Thursday 2nd October | 7pm | Helyn Rose Bar Catholic Society | Sunday 5th Oct | 6.30pm | Quiet Centre

18 September 2003



Have fun and “So now learn the lingo” Kremer for All’ earn money? Sandra run by thefrom ‘Languages Centre.explains more about the courses UniS Language
Earn money, have fun and help yourself and other stuents - all too good to be true? Just keep reading, as this is your chance to do something worthwhile, and have fun chatting to your predecessors and be paid! THE JOB: In November this year the University will hold a telephone campaign organised by The Alumni & Development Office to raise funds for student support, library services and the campus environment. THE DETAILS: Training: Saturday 1 and Sunday 2 November 10.00am to 5.00pm It is increasingly accepted that, however brilliant you are at whatever you do, your chances of success will be increased dramatically if you add a foreign language to your portfolio. Did you know… That 60% of British trade is with non-English speaking countries? That one in five companies is losing business because they need an international communication plan? That 90% of the world’s population live in a country where English is not the native tongue? That you are incredibly lucky at Surrey Uni because you can learn another language completely free of charge while you are here? Yes, it’s true! Either start a language from scratch or build on one you already know by joining the Languages for All programme, run by the Language Centre here on campus. This year, you have an amazing number of 11 languages to choose from, many of them offered at several different levels. Choose from Mandarin Chinese, Dutch, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish or Swedish. The courses are geared towards the acquisition of practical communication skills and are completely separate from your degree programme. You can join the scheme throughout the time you are at Surrey, and it is open to all Undergraduates and Postgraduates. All participating students are eligible for the UniS Certificate in Foreign Language Proficiency. When you register, you will be allocated a weekly 2-hour class over two semesters. The classes run throughout the week between 9.00am and 8.00pm. Full details of the timetable are available on the web at To register, come along to the foyer in front of the Lecture Theatres in the Austin Pearce building.between Monday 22nd September and Wednesday 24th September. Classes start week beginning 29th September. If English is your problem… …the Language Centre can help too. Classes run through the English Language support programme can help you with English language skills, whether you are an overseas student or a native English speaker. The classes are free of charge to all Surrey students, and begin on Monday 6th October. Registration is in the Lecture Theatre foyer, from Wednesday 1st October to Friday 3rd October. The Language Resource Centre (2nd floor, AP building) will now be open on Saturdays for a trial period from 10.00am to 4.00pm, starting on Saturday 6th September, until Saturday 13th December. Here you can tune in to satellite TV or catch up on your language work with the aid of a PC or video or audio materials.

Dr Russ Replies
DR RUSS CLARK | CAREERS SERVICE I haven’t got a clue what to do when I leave. Got any good advice? Although there is no recipe for finding the right career, there is a logical process you could follow. It starts with the question ‘What sort of person am I?’ Are you a bit of a loner, or the life and soul of the party? Are you good with figures? Is writing one of your strong points or do you run a mile at the mention of an essay? If you know the answers to these sorts of questions, the business of choosing a career becomes so much easier. It also takes some of the strain out of filling out application forms and answering probing interview questions. Where do I start? A relatively straightforward way to review your personal qualities is to take a couple of sheets of paper and write down all the activities in which you’re engaged for, say, the past five years. This would include, for example, full-time jobs, part-time jobs, voluntary work, academic studies, project work, interests and travel. Once you’ve written each one down you could then reflect on why you did certain things – this will help you to focus on your interests and motivations. You could then think about the skills you’ve used, eg numerical, writing, researching, leading, organising and so on. If you’re stuck with this, you could ask a close friend how they would describe you. But be prepared for some possible surprises! Is there any way the Careers Service could help? There are a number of ways we might help. For a start, a chat with a careers adviser could be useful. You could try Prospects Planner – a computer program which gets you to think about your interests, skills, abilities and values before suggesting occupations for you to consider. We also have sheets of information called “Your degree in ….” which give you an idea of the skills you may have picked up through your degree and the sort of careers which logically follow. What should I do after that? As you can see, most of these activities start with helping you to explore your interests, skills, personality etc before suggesting relevant occupations which you might consider. Once you’ve got a few ideas together, the next thing you can do is find out as much as you can about each before making a choice. Next week I’ll suggest ways you could do that. Got a career problem you think Dr Russ could help with? Pop into the Careers Service or send your question to

Calling: From Sunday 2 November to Friday 28 November inclusive at various times. You will NOT be expected to work all shifts and you will be paid for time spent training. Duties: Callers will call selected Alumni to update them on University news and activities; engage them in conversation about the University and get their feedback on events, publications, etc; and discuss other ways of involving them with the University. Callers will also need to record call details on computers provided. Person Specification: Above all, callers need to enjoy speaking to people and have an outgoing, pleasant and friendly manner - the calling should be enjoyable for both caller and alumni! Reliability and selfconfidence are important, as are tact and discretion; all personal information must be treated as confidential beyond the calling room. TO APPLY: Please email for the full job description and job application. The closing date for applications is the 30 September – so act fast! Contact: Amintha Buckland, Alumni & Development Office. Email: or Tel: 01483 689236

Coming Up in Week 3 at the Careers Service
JOB HUNTING AS A MATURE STUDENT MONDAY 22 SEPTEMBER 1 – 1 45 pm | LT A Russ Clark will provide practical advice on coping with some of the pitfalls, problems and prejudices which mature students sometimes face when they graduate. HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT TUESDAY 23 SEPTEMBER 6 pm | LT F Glynis Paxton will discuss how to go about your job hunting effectively, when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair, and what makes a successful job hunting strategy. LAW – THE LOC AND GDL THURSDAY 25 SEPTEMBER 6.15 pm | LPC in LT E & GDL in LT F The College of Law, Guildford are holding two talks – one covering the Legal Practice Course for students who are studying law and the other covering the Graduate Diploma for students who are interested in law , but have not been studying a law degree. GETTING STARTED WEDNESDAY 24 SEPTEMBER 2 – 4.30 pm | LT J This workshop will help you to get started, it includes self assessment exercises to help you to decide. Places are limited, so please register with Careers. To register with the Careers Service, or to find out more, please email



18 September 2003

Freshers’2003 Fayre
Welcome to the Freshers’ Fayre planner!
Freshers’ Fayre is your essential guide for anyone new to the University of Surrey and the Students’ Union. The Fayre is the biggest event organised by the Students’ Union and presents you with all the sports clubs, societies and information that you need to make the most of your first year and beyond. We hope you enjoy it! Whilst University is a great place to study and get a good degree, it also offers you a fantastic opportunity to develop previous interests, or take up new hobbies that you never before had access to! The University of Surrey Students’ Union offers a huge variety of sports and societies that you can become involved in, ranging from sports clubs such as football, fencing, gliding and windsurfing to International and Religious Societies, to Entertainment Societies – there’s something for everyone! And if you can’t find a society or sports club that caters for you – then it’s easy to set one up! Freshers’ Fayre gives you a chance to meet representatives of each sports club and society, to get an idea about what they do and how you can get involved! You can sign up to as many or as few activities as you like, as well as pick up some freebies from guest trade stalls and meet new people! Many clubs and societies have a mailing list for everyone who signs up at Freshers’ Fayre, so even if you don’t join up straight away you’ll be able to find out about everything that’s going on, in case you change your mind! Freshers’ Fayre is easily accessible to all, whether you’re interested in sports or a society or just want to have a nose at what goes on here! With only a short walk or minibus ride between the two main exhibition areas Freshers Fayre is an ideal opportunity to get to know the campus and the facilities and services that the Students Union and UniSport provide. All societies will have a stand in the Students’ Union, where local, national and international businesses will also be promoting their services (chance to pick up some great freebies!). The entrance to the Students’ Union will be at the side of Union House where you will be directed through the HRB and up through the union building, with stalls and displays throughout! The exit from the Students’ Union will be through Chancellors where you can grab a drink and a burger from the BBQ! The other half of the Fayre is at UniSPORT and if you are feeling really lazy, a minibus shuttle service will be running from outside Chancellors to transport you the short distance to the other end of campus! Alternatively follow the ‘balloon walkway’ to UniSPORT. UniSPORT will be hosting the full array of sports clubs that are run by the Students Union, a demonstration area so you can see various clubs, including martial arts, in action plus an example of the dance courses and activities that are provided by CampusDance. In order to get a free go on the Hamster Run, go to the three stamp points and get your Hamster ID paper stamped. As well as an opportunity to get your UniSPORT membership, meet the UniSPORT staff and get information on a whole host of sports and health and fitness related opportunities and activities, there will be information stands including DAVE, Coaching in the Community, Optimum and IntraMural Sport. From UniSPORT, it’s a short walk to Zone 2, on the field opposite Natwest. Here you will find the Hamster Run and a number of the Union’s larger items of sports equipment.

UniSport Floor Plan

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

American Football Archery Cricket Equestrian Gliding Jiu Jitsu Golf Football (m)

9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

Rifle Fencing Karate Mountaineering Mountain Biking Trampoline Hockey Basketball (m)

17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Basketball (w) Surf Ski Boat Windsurfing Tae Kwondo Tennis Tenpin Bowling

25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Sailing Sub Aqua Canoe Athletics Aikido Kendo Tai Jitsu Badminton

33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

Squash Waterpolo (m) Waterpolo (w) Rugby (m) Football (w) Rugby (w) Netball Ultimate

18 September 2003


ZONE A - HELYN ROSE BAR W - Welcome Desk A1 - Pop Soc A2 - Music (Dance) A3 - Flight Central A4 - Islamic A5 - Malaysian A6 - Change Ringing A7 - Korean A8 - Endsleigh A9 - Barclaycard A10 - Union Shop A11 - Natwest A12 - ntl

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ZONE B - UPPER BALCONY B1 - Switchgear B2 - Moh Computers Ltd B3 - Bar Med B4 - Chinese Asian B5 - University Symphony Orchestra B6 - Green B7 - LGBT

B8 - Mauritian B9 - RAG B10 - Nightline B11 - Educational Liason B12 - DAVE & id:| B13 - FUSE B14 - V B15 - Ambassadors B16 - NUS

ZONE C - HARI’S BAR C1 - Breakdance C2 - Prasha C3 - Indian C4 - RSVP C5 - Laulind Ltd C6 - Blue Arrow C7 - Charity Dinner Dance C8 - Taiwanese C9 - DNA C10 - Peerless Playdiums C11 - Seraphs C12 - MaD Soc

C13 - Russian C14 - Jewish C15 - Photo C16 - EARS C17 - PC World C18 - PGA C19 - Live Music C20 - Nordic C21 - Magic C22 - Law C23 - Socialist Worker C24 - Territorial Army

ZONE D - DANCE FLOOR AND BOTTLE BANK D1 - Guide & Scouting D2 - Mountain Walking D3 - Skate D4 - Phones 4 U D5 - Singapore D6 - Ballroom Dancing D7 - Surrey Police D8 - Lebanese D9 - Hellenic D10 - Saudi Arabia

D11 - Pyramid Posters D12 - GU2 D13 - barefacts D14 - OFU D15 - Stage Crew D16 - Music (No Wave) D17 - Labour Students D18 - Economics D19 - Conservative D20 - European D21 - Christian Union D22 - Catholic

D23 - Folk Music & Dance D24 - Sci-Fi & Fantasy D25 - Game D26 - Magick & Pagan D27 - Afro-Carribean D28 - Active Thinkers D29 - Guildford Choral Soc D30 - Juggling D31 - Liberal Democrats D32 - Iranian D33 - PakistanQuam, nonclegin patum tiam dit.

ZONE F - CHANCELLOR’S F1 - Celtic F2 - Arabic F3 - Officer Training Corps F4 - Blockbuster F5 - Big Band F6 - Wind Band F7 - National Blood Service F8 - Royal Surrey County

ZONE E - ACTIVITIES CENTRE E1 - Alumni E2 - Farnham Road Dentists E3 - Oxfam Book Shop E4 - Tamil E5 - Pakistan E6 - St John E7 - STA Travel E8 - Cyprus





18 September 2003

Communicate i o 1350am gu2 rad
GU2 is now well and truly back on air, writes Sarah Butterworth, and with a live stream around the world on, even those of you who live off campus or at home can now hear the wonders of our very own campus radio station. GU2 broadcasts 24 hours a day from the studios in Battersea Court Reception, but on Saturday and Sunday of Freshers’ moving in weekend, the GU2 team will be broadcasting live from Chancellors’, with a variety of shows to suit all musical tastes. Featured shows will be Chris Chang’s Carribean Sound, The Sunday Service and Take 2, amongst others. During Freshers’ Fayre on Wednesday, GU2 will be broadcasting from the Societies Fayre in the Students’ Union, showing everyone exactly what it’s like to be involved in the National Student Radio Station of the Year. Below is a selection of shows throughout the next week, but tune in at any time to hear some of the most talented stdent radio DJs around.
Every weekday morning 10am-12noon: The Big Luke Show Monday 12-1pm: Phil Brown on GU2 1-4pm: Ad Lynch 5-6pm: Carol and Scott from USSU 6-8pm: Jay and Ollie 8-10pm: AKD Productions with Anthony Tuesday 1-2pm: Sabeena 2-3: Phil Brown 3-4pm: Ellie 5-7pm: Phil Brown and Amelia 7-9pm: Just a Rock Show with DJ Steed & Drummer Boy 9-11pm: Xan P’s Cinema Sounds Wednesday 7-8pm: The Antichart with Jen Walker 8-9pm: Urban Hour - V and KWOB 9-10pm: AKD Productions 10-11pm: The Presence with P Thursday 1-4pm: The Sports show with Tug, Amy and Chops 4-5: Attika and Li 5-7pm: Amelia and Phil Brown 7-10pm: The J-Team Classic with Mr Tea & Mr Mental Friday 12-1pm: The Scooter and Banjo Show 4-6pm: Hodge 6-9pm: Cyclone Dance Show with DJ Woody

Featured GU2 Show:

Adding a soundtrack to your life, Cinema Sounds is a show devoted to music of the cinema. It’s on every Tuesday night at nine o’clock and will run features on the musicians and composers that provide the magical audio moment for the movies. There will also be giveaways and tickets to the Odeon plus the latest news about Lord of the Rings as the big build up to the final film in the Middle Earth trilogy swings into its full stride. The host of Cinema Sounds is the enigmatic and charming Xan Phillips who brings his own brand of news coverage to the lovely radio waves created on 1350AM every Tuesday night at nine.

18 September 2003



Self Defence Classes at UniSport
CLAIRE ILES VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE FOLLOWING ON FROM the recent mugging near the Tesco underpass, and the series of events last year, the Students’ Union are recommending that if possible, students should attend the series of self-defence classes that are being coordinated by Unisport, the Aikido club and USSU. Two one off sessions are being offered in the Sports centre studio on Sunday 19th October and Sunday 30th November, between 3 and 5pm. These courses are free and work on a first come, first serve basis on the day at Unisport. Due to popular demand, this year for the first time, a four-week long course is also being offered this semester. This will be running between Sunday 2nd November and Sunday 23rd November (inclusively) between 3 and 5pm again in the Sports Centre Studio. To sign up for the course, speak to Jacqui Hollis at the Activities Centre Reception Desk in the Students’ Union. The charge for the four-week course costs £5, with a £5 returnable deposit if you attend all four classes. This is extremely good value and since there are only a limited number of places, we recommend signing up early. All the sessions offered are being run by Ray Panter, who has 25 years experience of self defence techniques.

Revitilise Your Life…With ‘The V Project’!
Here are a couple of exciting events to get your spangley mitts on: Coffee, Cuppa & Cake? Come to Chancellor’s Bar in the morning between 10am – 12pm on 26th September and have something to munch and drink - all with the aim of having fun and raising money for Macmillan Cancer Relief! By gracing Chancellors with your presence and crossing our palms with a bit of silver (or gold if you’re feeling really generous!) you will be joining force with 30,000 other munching and glugging sessions happening at the same time all around the country, and helping to improve the lives of people living with cancer. Casualty!? How does the idea grab you of being made up by real life ‘casualty simulation artists’? Intrigued! Definitely! …Not only are you made up to look the part of having an injury, the bonus is that you’ll even get treated for it! Basically a free injury with no pain, and as an added treat you will be plied with snacks and hot drinks, and have the opportunity to see how a large incident is managed, as well as having loads of fun! This fab opportunity is provided by the Surrey branch of St. John’s Ambulance for their ‘major incident training event’ and will take place on Saturday 4th and Sunday 5th October, 6-9pm. Contact me for more details. You can also be involved in ‘The A Team’ who run various one off events to benefit the local community – last year events ranged from a fun shopping trip for the elderly to an exhilarating ‘battle of the bands’ in the USSU. There will be a meeting soon for everyone who is interested in taking part in The A Team, so please contact me if you want to join this bundle of excitement, friendship and action! A reminder too… If you are on the committee of a club or society, you are automatically classed as a V Project Volunteer, and all you have to do to get your snazzy certificate at the end of the year is tell me who you are and what you do - simple! Incase you don’t know or are unsure, ‘The V Project’ = UniS’s programme for all students and staff which helps you maximize your potential and equip you with valuable life skills – so that you can learn, meet new people, have fun, and put your experiences to great use!) Toodle Pip … until next week! Carol x :o) Name | Carol Main Tel | (01483) (68) 3254 Email | Web | Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU

Wednesday Afternoons Free?
CLAIRE ILES VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE Following on from contacts made by last year’s Sabbatical team, I can confirm that we have recently been in regular meetings with University staff to try and ensure that all students (Undergraduates and Postgraduates) are free to spend Wednesday afternoons participating in sports and societies, learning a new language, taking part in the Student Union’s DAVE and V schemes or just relaxing! So far this working group has been extremely successful and working with the eight schools across campus, managed to reassess the timetables. However, at this stage we request that if any student still has lectures scheduled after 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon to please contact myself, Claire Iles at with details. You can also pop into the Students’ Union Activities Centre at any time during the day and speak to me or any of the other Sabbatical Officers about it. I am particularly keen to hear from those of you who have to attend lab sessions to complete coursework, even if it is not strictly stated in the timetable. The majority of students unquestionably should have Wednesday afternoon free for extra-curricular activities, so please let us know when this isn’t the case!

nominations close on friday 26th september at 1pm and campaigning begins on tuesday 30th september 2003. voting is at union council on tuesday 7th september. for a nomination booklet, or just to find out more information, please contact the deputy returning officer scott farmer ( or speak to any of the Sabbatical Officers in the Students’ Union Activities Centre.

Union Elections
Nominations now open:
Academic Affairs Officer Accommodation Officer Campaigns Officer Culture & Events Officer Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer Non Portfolio Officer (2 posts) Placement & Employed Students Officer Union Chairperson and union councillors: for the election of ussu part time executive positions: Racial Relations Officer Constitution & Elections Committee (5 posts)



18 September 2003

Who’s Who @ USSU - ‘The Sabbs’
The Students’ Union is here to unify, support, develop and represent the students of the University of Surrey. It is run by a team of five Sabbatical Officers and a team of permanent staff. The Sabbaticals, or ‘Sabbs’ as they are probably more commonly referred to, are elected by the student body each year. Anyone is eligible to stand for a sabbatical position - it is a full time job, so all Sabbs are either taking a year out of their degree, or have just graduated. The Sabbs’ jobs involve managing many aspects of the Students’ Union as well as representing students in all matters. They are responsible for running almost every area of the Union, including the bars and entertainment, advice and welfare support, societies and sports clubs as well as the various communication tools, and are the first port of call should you have a query, concern or worry about pretty much anything. The Sabbs are here to make your University life enjoyable and fun, so if there is any way they can help you, don’t hesitate to email, phone or talk to them in person.
Pete Tivers | President |
Hiya, my name is Pete Tivers and I’m President of your Students’ Union this year. I’m responsible for the small task of the overseeing the running of the Union! This means looking after all of the Union’s commercial and non-commercial activities. I am also here to represent the students within the University, local community and coordinate student representation within the Union. I also make sure the democracy of the Students’ Union is put into practice, ensuring the members of Executive are working as they should, the Union committee structure is running efficiently and all resolutions of the Student Council are implemented. I also have a strong link with the University, as I sit on many of their committees, ensuring the University hears the voice of the students. We are here in these Sabbatical positions for you, the students. It is a bit clichéd sometimes, but do feel free to come and chat with one of us about absolutely anything! We will be in the Students’ Union building most days (and nights) this year and of course if you can’t reach us that way you can always drop us a call or send an email. I hope I can ensure you enjoy this year as much as I have enjoyed my time here!

Sarah Butterworth | Vice President Communications & Marketing |
Greetings - my name’s Sarah Butterworth and I’m the VP Comms and Marketing at USSU for the coming year. Principally, I am responsible for keeping you informed of everything that’s going on in the Students’ Union, University and world beyond, as well as providing a little bit of entertainment. This is done through the main communications tools of the Union - barefacts, GU2 1350AM and the I am the Editor in Chief of all Union media, but the rest is up to you - student media at Surrey is produced for students, by students! Being involved in any or all of the branches of student media is one of the best and most enjoyable things you can do at University. It;s a fantastic way to meet new people and gives you experience that you most likely have never had the opportunity to try before. Pete, Claire, Chris, Chops and myself are all here for the next year to make life as fun and enjoyable for you as possible, so we need you to get involved, tell us what you want, and make a difference. Whether you’re a first year, or a postgraduate, make the most of all the opportunities offered by the Students’ Union - you’ll never have another chance quite like this.

Claire Iles | Vice President Education & Welfare |
I’m Claire Iles, your Vice President Education and Welfare for the next year. My role in a nutshell is to represent and assist you in matters relating to your well being. The USSU Welfare and Representation Unit, which includes myself and the Welfare Adviser, Lisa Widdows, provides a comprehensive information and referral service. This means that even if we can’t help you directly, we will be able to contact the people who can! In addition to individual representational issues, I am also responsible for organising and coordinating the health awareness campaigns that will be run this year. Although being at University is an amazing experience, it is also possible that at times you may feel a bit lonely and a long way from home. One of my responsibilities is to provide a confidential and impartial space, where you can discuss any issues relating to your academic or personal life. So if you’re ever feeling down or something is troubling you and just want someone to listen, then please pop by the activities centre in USSU, where all 5 Sabbaticals are based. I’m a strong believer in the well rehearsed phrase, ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’. I hope that together we can make 2003/04 your happiest and most successful year yet. I look forward to meeting you all.

Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman | Vice President Sport |
Hi, I’m Chops and I was elected Vice President Sport earlier this year. That essentially means the students at Surrey have given me the job of running all things sporting for the next year. If helping to run over 40 sports clubs, making sure they operate safely, organising Colours Ball, tours abroad and at home, Federal Sport links and Community Links isn’t enough, I also have my general responsibilities as a sabbatical officer. So I also help in getting you all moved in and settled into your new home, address general safety issues, and ensure the membership services the Students Union offer what you want them to. Anyway, back to the Sport. The range of sports clubs we offer at Surrey is impressive. The Union provides everything from extreme sports to traditional team sports or newly emerging sports. Everyone, regardless of ability, is welcome to join teamsurrey. However if we don’t already offer something which you like the look of, we can still help. We are very open to suggestions for new clubs and try to make it as easy as possible to set up a new club. Indeed I set up the Surf Club here in my first year so know exactly what can be involved. I have even set aside money for use in supporting new clubs this year so you can be sure that we will be able to provide financial support. For more details of existing clubs and a few suggestions for new clubs, pick up a copy of the ‘sport at surrey’ leaflet from the Activities Centre.

Chris Hunter | Vice President Societies & Culture |
My name is Chris Hunter and I am the Vice President Societies & Culture for 2003-4. Being at UniS gives you access to around 65 different societies, many of which will give you opportunities that you never had before. My job covers many different areas. Not only do I oversee all the societies that are currently running, but I can also help anyone who wishes to start a society that doesn’t yet exist. Each member of a society’s committee receives training for their various job roles and if anyone has any issues to do with societies then they can just pop in and see me. There are also three large events that I organise during the year. The first is Freshers Fayre, held on Wednesday September 24th, which not only gives you a chance to meet representatives from every club and society, but also the chance to pick up the odd freebie or two! Although it is mainly aimed at those new to Surrey, everyone is free to come along and see what’s on offer. The second main event is International Week, which is a celebration of cultural diversity on campus and the other is Arts and Culture week, which this year is aiming to promote the various arts on campus more than ever before! Anyway, I really hope that you enjoy the coming year, and I look forward to seeing you all getting involved.

18 September 2003



Alongside the Sabbatical Officers there is a dedicated team of permanent staff working to provide you with everything you need from the Membership Services side of the Union. USSU President, Pete Tivers, introduces Andy, Lisa, Amy, Carol and Scott, the Membership Services Team at USSU.
A YEAR AGO USSU underwent some major unprecedented changes that have seen new non-commercial services leave similar ventures in other unions standing. If you had asked the students a year ago about the Union, their immediate response would have involved any one of the usual suspects: beer, sports, societies and Union entertainments. It was realised that if it ever lost its commercial side the organisation would only be left with a few sports clubs, some societies and amenities and the sabbatical team. USSU realised something needed to be done to rectify the situation. A research project was established to determine what services the Union should be providing and how to go about it. A funding increase of £105k was agreed and supported by the University, as well as additional funding for some special, one-of costs. With the increase in funds a new activities centre, membership services staff team and a number of high-profile projects has seen USSU turn into the model on which other Students’ Unions now base their development targets. The Membership Services Department is currently made up of five full time staff who work alongside the Union’s elected Sabbatical Officers. The team is as follows: Andy Blair (Membership Services & Deputy General Manager), Scott Farmer (Student Services Coordinator), Carol Main (Student Support & Outreach Coordinator), Lisa Widdows (Education & Welfare Advisor) and Amy Fawcett (Sports Coordinator).

Andy Blair Membership Services & Deputy General Manager Heading up the Union’s Membership Services Department at USSU, Andy is the senior manager responsible for supporting and developing the Union’s non-commercial activities. As a Surrey Graduate and ex-Vice President Communications and Marketing, Andy has played a significant role in supporting the last four sabbatical teams in redefining what USSU is all about. The main projects under the Membership Services & Deputy General Manager remit include the continual support of the sabbatical officers and union executive as well as the strategic development of DAVE, id | individual development, FUSE and V Volunteering amongst others. Andy is an expert graphic designer and is responsible for such well known designs as the barefacts and GU2 logos, as well as many memorable marketing campaigns around campus in the last four years. In his spare time Andy sings backing vocals for the hit TV show Fame Academy and composes and records his own songs.

Lisa Widdows Education & Welfare Advisor Lisa Widdows is the Unions new Education & Welfare Adviser. Her prime task is to support the VP Education & Welfare, Claire Iles and support the work that she carries out within the Union and University. Some of you may recognise Lisa as she was a student here from 1998, completing her studies in 2001 in the Dance Department within the School of Performing Arts. Most probably you will remember her dancing round the lake at some point. Following her studies she was herself the VP Education and Welfare for USSU before departing to join De Montfort University Students Union as a Welfare and Education Adviser. As well as undertaking confidential casework, preparing reports and all the vital statistical information the union needs to know, she will also be involved fully in the writing and delivery of training, and other opportunities for Senior Residents and Programme Representatives. Lisa has spent the summer reviewing all of the information the union produces with regards to your welfare and you will soon see new leaflets and packs explaining the support the union and university can offer as well as some helpful hints for you to follow!

Amy Fawcett Sports Coordinator Amy Fawcett joined the Students Union at the beginning of September as Sports Coordinator, taking over from the Sports Administrator post previously held by Kris Temple. The post is part funded by the Students Union and UniSport and as well as coordinating BUSA fixtures and various administrative tasks, Amy will be working to develop links between the two bodies to promote the sporting opportunities available to all students. After completing a BA (Hons) in Sports Studies at King Alfred’s College, Winchester in 2002, Amy worked for 16 months as an Assistant Sports Development Officer at Winchester City Council and hopes to use her experience of Sports Development to support her work at Surrey. Amy is based in the Sports and Societies Office in the Students’ Union Actvities Centre, with the VP Sports, and can be contacted on extension #9987 or via email

Carol Main Outreach & Development Coordinator Carol Main joined the Students Union in June 2003 as maternity cover for Alli Cummings. Carol’s job title is Outreach & Development Co-ordinator which is centred around ‘The V Project’ (UniS/ USSU’s volunteering scheme for all students and staff). Carol has a BSc (Hons) in Media Technology (Production), and before joining USSU worked at The Surrey Advertiser, and previous to that lived in Portugal for a year working voluntarily alongside international students for an Evangelical Christian organisation. Having been a student at Farnborough College of Technology, where she studied her degree and was president of the Christian Union for two years, followed by Portugal’s Coimbra University, Carol has actively developed her strong interest in the higher education sector, and recognises the benefit to students of a diverse and efficient volunteering system, enabling the students to further themselves and enhance their CV’s. Carol is based in the Students’ Union Activity Centre, and can be contacted via email , on extension #3254, or via

Scott Farmer Student Services Coordinator Scott Farmer is the Student Services Coordinator for the Students’ Union. He has been with USSU for over a year and primarily focuses on the unions training strategy and personal skills development programmes. Following a year as President at the University West of England Students’ Union, 1999-2000 and Vice President Academic Affairs Officer for the year preceding this, he was also a member of the NUS Higher Education Committee between 1998-2000, a NUS Services Ltd Board Director during 1999 and a South West Area NUS Project Officer for the academic year 2000-01. Scott has a range of skills and experience, most notably in Students’ Unions Member Services, Course Representation Systems and Training and Skills Development, and forms an integral part of the evolving non-commercial services USSU will be offering students. He is the memebr of staff responsible for the award winning DAVE project. Scott is also based in the Students’ Union and can be contacted on extension #3951. Visit for more information on the DAVE Project.



Neil Boulton brings us Theatre Editor Daisy Clay the wonders of terrestrial delves into what is on offer TV films this week, as well in the world of live theatre as film listings for the in Guildford and beyond... Odeon in Guildford.

Spirited Away to a Fantasy World
Neil Boulton, barefacts’ Film Editor reviews this year’s winner of the ‘Best Animated Feature’ Oscar.
AT LAST YEAR ’S Oscars you may have noticed the appearance of a relatively new category alongside the usual award night fare. Best Animated Feature. Spirited Away won the Oscar for this fledgling category last year and it’s probably these kudos from the academy which has lead to Hayao Miyazaki’s work getting a UK cinema release. It’s not everyday a Japanese cartoon (Usually categorised as ‘Anime’) winds up in your average cinema and I for one think it’s about time. Like almost all animated feature films to find their way to the cinema Spirited Away is a children’s story, but it’s audience shouldn’t be limited to just children. The story concerns Chihiro, a small girl, who, with her parents, accidentally finds what they believe to be an abandoned theme park. But after Chihiro’s parents get turned into pigs her world gets scarily turned upside down as she’s thrown in at the deep end. Things take on a prominent Lewis Carroll / Alice in Wonderland feel as Chihiro’s surroundings getting weirder with her descent further into the film’s rabbit hole, a bath house for spirits. The character design is excellent and the animation makes the characters move beautifully, even Okutaresama, a giant spirit composed of filth that visits the bathhouse, appears to move with an elegant grace. And despite it’s animated nature the film looks vast and epic, the spirits arrival being a majestic array of colour. The film’s ‘baddie’ figure, Yubaba - the proprietor of the bathhouse, is less pantomime villain and a bit more evil than you’d usually find in a cartoon feature, which makes for a welcome change. The film is for children and doesn’t set out to scare them witless, but it doesn’t treat them as if they were children; it doesn’t feel as though

“this film is the east showing the west how things should be done”

Theme Rating

Children’s animation


Running 125 minutes Time
Watch this if you like
Anime Alice in Wonderland Hayao Miyazaki / Princess Monoke

it handles the audience with kid gloves. There’s no sign of the condescension and shameless commercialism present in most animated features. But this doesn’t mean the film is dark and malevolent, it’s still filled with hilarious moments and memorable characters, which you’d expect to find in a film for kids and are painted (implied both ways, although the colouring in the film was done on computer) exceedingly well. Highly memorable are the previously mentioned Yubaba, who transforms from evil old witch to just as evil soaring bird, Okutaresama, Kamaji the boiler man gifted with a few extra sets of arms and the seemingly timid No Face who starts making trouble by eating the staff. This may not be the film you’d go to see on a night out but it’s a film I definitely recommend you watch. Spirited Away is a fabulous piece of animation with a great story and an ending that doesn’t feel like someone from marketing is trying to force a shovel full of sugar down your throat despite

it’s sentimentality. It’s the east showing the west how things should be done and it’s not often you get a chance to watch a film like this in the cinema, so take it if you get it.

Taxi Driver (1976) – Low-Lives & Chequered Cabs
by Neil Boulton

Classic of the Week
finale remains today, as all negatives of the original colour tone have been lost since the seventies. Taxi Driver also marks the final film score of Bernard Herrmann, who died just hours after finishing his work on the film, but received much posthumous praise for his outstanding music. Taxi Driver has stayed in people’s minds because of it’s excellent performances and the impact it imprints upon the viewer, wether it’s Travis talking to himself in front of the mirror or shooting his way through pimps. It doesn’t pull any punches and is powerful in a way that many films, let alone one about a New York cabbie, could only hope to be. But it’s the character of Travis Bickle which has really sealed it for Taxi Driver, the image of Bickle standing with his army shirt, mohawk and shades makes him one of the coolest social misfits around. Travis is also seen inventing one of the awesome fire arm upgrades seen on the silver screen - Using ingenuity and a drawer he constructs a contraption that fits round

HAVE YOU EVER stood in front of a mirror and declared in some vaguely remembered accent – “You talkin’ to me?”. Meet the reason - Taxi Driver. Robert DeNiro is thought to give one of his best performances as Travis Bickle, the films lonely disillusioned Vietnam veteran. DeNiro’s method acting tendencies are well known and his preparation for this film was no different, he worked as a real taxi driver on the streets of New York. However he was working in Italy at the time and would fly from Italy to New York so he wouldn’t miss his shift at the cab company. In the film Travis

“You talkin’ to me!?”
Theme Rating
New York Based Drama

suffers from insomnia and so takes a job up as a taxi driver, driving his cab to the places no one else will go. Driving his cab becomes is existence as he subconsciously destroys his chances of happiness (He takes Betsy, the girl of his dreams, to a porn film on their first date…). As he drives around the mean streets he becomes increasingly enraged with the ‘scum’ he sees walking the streets at night. Further social isolation forces him to descend deeper into his own head becoming obsessed with presidential candidate Palantine and the salvation of a 12 year old prostitute (a young Jodie Foster). All this leads to the film’s bloody, chilling, finale where Travis takes a stand for what he believes is right, washing the scum off the streets. The film, like most classics from it’s time, was subject to a lot of controversy and fire from the censors who insisted that the film’s violence be toned down, in the end Scorcese and team relented de-saturating the colour of the blood on the film negative. This is the way the blood in the film’s

his arm, which with a flick of the wrist moves a gun up from inside his sleeve to his awaiting hand. It’s not a bright and cheerful film and many argue that the film’s ending goes too far and that we should never see the aftermath of Bickle’s stand and that the ambiguity it would lend would have benefited the film (Although given that I’m taking about it almost 30 years after it was made means it can’t have hurt the film that much). I recommend you watch the film for yourself and see why many people hold it up as a classic of cinema even today.


Running 109 minutes Time
Watch this if you like
Antiheroes The Scorcese & DeNiro Double Team Disturbing trips through one man’s mind… Pimps

18 September 2003



Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead
We all know that students like free things (Well, TV licence aside…), so this is an attempt to chart the terrestrial televised movie happenings of the next week. All details are correct, or believed to be correct, but so accept our apologies if you’re expecting to watch a storming action flick and end up with Gardener’s Question Time…


18th September 2003
9:00pm – 11:35pm Five
US Marshalls : Tommy Lee Jones chasing people as a franchise? This loose follow up to the Fugitive sees Mr. Lee Jones hot on the heels of framed man Wesley Snipes in this Action/Thriller.


21st September 2003
10:55pm - 1:10am Channel 4
Kalifornia: Serial killer thriller where David Duchovny, an unsuspecting author, researching a book picks up his subject matter by giving a lift to a hitch-hiking Brad Pitt.


19th September 2003
9:00pm – 11:20pm Five 11:35pm – 01:10am BBC2
6th Day: “Give Me Back My Thumb!” Everyone’s favourite Austrian goes head-to-head with clones and evil corporations as Arnie discovers they’ve started illegally cloning humans. Action/Adventure. Feeling Minnesota: Keanu Reeves & Cameron Diaz in a dark romantic comedy, although it feels as though things are going to end badly. Keanu, serious acting? See if it works...


22nd September 2003
9:00pm - 10:40pm Five
Passenger 57: Wesley Snipes… again. This time oozing none of the cool he did in Blade. Given US Marshalls earlier this week it’s a pretty Wesley packed week… Anyway, you’ll probably spend more time laughing at him as he tries to act his way through this terrorist thriller. The Usual Suspects: A botched job leads to a boat explosion and the discovery of a fair amount of drug money; the police get one of the survivors to explain what happened. Twisty plot and a solid script lead to a great crime drama. Great turns from messers Del Torro, Spacey & Byrne. Hell, even Stephen Baldwin does well.


20th September 2003
3:55pm - 6:00pm Channel 4 10:00pm – 12:00am Channel 4 12:00am – 02:20am Channel 4
Scaramouche: Given the recent stir caused by Pirates of the Caribbean I thought I offer this swashbuckler. Apparently it has the longest sword fight in cinema history. Swashes truly buckled. Scream 2: How can you make a film taking an ironic post-modern take on the old stalk ‘n’ slash pictures even more ironic? Make a sequel which tries to be the original and is nowhere near as good. Horror/Teen. The Player: Tim Robbins heads up this satire of greed and the film industry directed by Robert Altman. Layers of irony and black comedy cover the whole thing like a humour blanket.

10:00pm - 12:00am Channel 4


23rd September 2003
11:05pm - 1:10am ITV 12:05am - 1:50am BBC1
The Krays: The brothers Kemp play the brothers Kray in this biopic of the notorious East End gangster-types. You could watch this but I’d rather take a gamble on… A Buisness Affair: purely due to the fact it stars Christopher Walken. The film’s probably rather inane… but… Walken…


21st September 2003
9:00pm -10:55pm Channel 4
Pitch Black: Vin Diesel led sci-fi… A spaceship crash-lands on a barren planet, and if that wasn’t bad enough there appear to be some particularly nasty nocturnal aliens there too. Wouldn’t be too much of a problem if it weren’t for the 20-odd-year long eclipse about to set in… Blade: Wesley Snipes is the titular Vampire Hunter. Lots of flashy fighting and style, vampires hunted, asses kicked. One of the better comic book adaptations on the silver screen.


24th September 2003
09:00pm – 10:00pm then 10:30pm to 11:50pm ITV
Gone In Sixty Seconds: The production machine Jerry Bruckheimer pulls the strings afar creating blockbuster styled and slightly air-headed entertainment. Nicholas Cage gurns his way through this tale of car crime. Although most people are probably going to watch it for Angelina Jolie.

10:15pm - 12:15am BBC1

Friday 19th September 2003 - Thursday 25th September 2003
CALENDAR GIRLS (12A) [1hr 48min] ‘contains moderate nudity and sex references’ Free list suspended Fri & Sat 12.30 1.30 3.15 4.15 5.50 7.00 8.30 9.35 Sun-Thu 12.30 2.30 3.15 5.05 5.55 8.00 8.30 THE ITALIAN JOB (12A) [1hr 51min] ‘contains one use of strong language’ Audio description on all performances. Monday 1.05pm and Tuesday 3.00pm performance are subtitled Free list suspended Fri & Sat 1.45 4.30 7.10 9.45 Sun-Thu 1.05 3.40 6.15 8.50 THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (12A) [2hr 23min] ‘contains moderate horror and action violence’ Fri & Sat 11.15 2.20 5.35 8.50 Sun-Thu 2.00 5.10 8.20 UNDERWORLD (15) [1hr 41min] Free list suspended Fri & Sat 12.45 3.35 6.25 9.15 Sun-Thu 12.45 3.25 6.15 9.00 AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING (15) [1hr 36min] Fri & Sat 2.15 4.40 7.10 9.40 Sun-Thu 2.15 4.40 7.00 9.15 LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE (12A) [1hr 57min] ‘contains moderate action violence and fantasy horror’ No 6.20pm performance on Wednesday Fri & Sat 2.10 7.15 Sun-Thu 1.20 6.20 TEARS OF THE SUN (15) [2hr 1min] No 12.30pm performance on saturday and sunday Fri -Tues & Thu 12.30 3.20 6.00 8.45 JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (15) [1hr 44min] Friday 2.00 4.35 7.20 9.45 Saturday 4.35 9.50 Sunday 4.00 9.05 Mon-Thu 1.35 4.00 6.40 9.05 TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES (12A) [1hr 49min] ‘contains strong language and violence’ Friday 4.40 9.50 Saturday & Sunday 12.50 Mon-Thu 3.45 8.55 THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE (U) [1hr 34min] Daily 12.15 SPY KIDS 3D GAME OVER (U) [1hr 24min] Fri & Sat 11.55 Sun-Thu 12.05 SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (U) [1hr 25min] Saturday 11.40 Sun-Thu 12.30 PIGLET’S BIG MOVIE (U) [1hr 15min] Fri-Sun 12.00 THE RUGRATS MOVIE (U) [1hr 20min] Fri & Sat 12.10 Sunday 11.55 MATCHSTICK MEN (12A) [1hr 56min] ‘contains strong language and some mild violence’ Free list suspended Advance Screening Sat & Sun 1.40 4.00 6.30 9.00

Film in Guildford
MAX (15) [1hr 48min] Wednesday only 12.15 2.30 4.45 7.00 9.15 SENIOR SCREEN THE MAGDALENE SISTERS (15) [1hr 59min] Thursday only 11.00

JOHNNY ENGLISH (PG) [1hr 28min] Saturday 10.45 THE JUNGLE BOOK 2 (U) [1hr 12min] Saturday 10.50 AGENT CODY BANKS (12A) [1hr 42min] ‘contains moderate violence and mild language’ Saturday 10.45 Inductive loop system. Disabled access available in all screens.


THE FRENCH PORN SHOES/ GABRIEL IN THE AIRPORT Too Pure The French is a new band formed by two members previously from indie favourites, Hefner. This double A-sided single showcases an obvious talent for songwriting. Porn Shoes tells the tale of an awkward date, with the story told almost completely via their clothes and brand names. Gabriel… is about working too hard without taking enough time off, ingeniously replacing the archangel Gabriel with top 80s pop star Peter Gabriel. Both songs are razor sharp with their wit and would sit comfortably as album tracks, but lack the catchyness required for singles. m.f

18 September 2003

Reviews this week are by Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Matt Fisher and Neil Boulton. If you’d like to be part of the bf music team, then pop along to the Media Centre at 5.15pm every Monday for some fun and games.
Music Ratings

ALFIE DO YOU IMAGINE THINGS Regal The glorious Alfie return after only eighteen months since their previous album, speed rather than quality well the judge is still out but hidden inside Do You Imagine Things are delightful harmonies and quaint melodies ruling the roost. The splendid People deliver dizzy guitars and mellow vocals, which culminate in irresistible melodies fitting for any soundtrack to the summer. Sounding like the modern day Beach Boys, Alfie breeze into harmonic tracks that are carefully packaged, neat and at times very attractive. The enticing, Winding Road has innocence and charm many a record lacks but at times others disappears down a cul-de-sac with no sign of return. Departing from the Twist Nerve label, Alfie take away Badly Drawn Boy vocal delivery and The Hour Of The Bewilderbeast’s distinctive musical accompaniment which is not always a bad thing, if not unique. Alfie’s third album is hit and miss raising hopes with the promising People which unfortunately is the only highlight in this very average album. m.b.

STARSAILOR SILENCE IS EASY EMI Second album after the million selling debut album Love Is Here sees Starsailor continue were they left off with their inoffensive rock pop. Strong catchy singles are their strength with opener Music Was Saved and standout track Silence Is Easy. Lead vocalist, Walsh uses his distinctive highpitched vocals delivering floating lyrics that seem less meaningful than previous but still effective. Maturing since their debut album the sound has progressed with the characteristic style remaining. Mellow, Sharkfood is a classic example of a moody track, which never finds that second gear but is still pleasing on the ear. Led by an array of catchy tracks and held together by mainly average tracks Silence Is Easy is still worthwhile listening if not mind-blowing. m.b.

INTERPOL OBSTACLE 1 Matador Records Interpol’s unique brand of 80’s tinged electro-rock seems to have found a nice little niche of its own. This is especially admirable in the current musical climate of ‘Copy anyone who seems to be selling a couple of albums’. Obstacle 1 is an excellent representation of the material found on their debut album Turn On The Bright Lights, being a superb piece of thoughtful, dark, Duran Duran meets The Strokes tunage. j.a.


excellent good average poor

tim burgess of the charlatans performing live

TIM BURGESS I BELIEVE PIAS Recordings Tim Burgess momentarily turns his back on The Charlatans as he embarks on his much anticipated solo debut album, I Believe. Soulful, Be My Baby is almost Country in sound, capping an expressive vocal delivery and moody harmonic accompaniment. I Believe enables Tim to self indulge himself in softer should I say Ballad like tracks such as We All Need Love sees American influences seeping throughout. Charlatans fans won’t be disappointed by upbeat Only A Boy and the wonderful Oh My Carazon that would have sat comfortably in their Wonderland Lp. A bold move or not, Tim is left bare without the band to hide behind but why should he with his use of falsetto vocals and catchy choruses make Burgess a more than credible solo artist. m.b.



18 September 2003



september gigs
PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES The New Romance Matador Records PGMG seem to be filling the void left behind when At The Drive-In decided to go their separate ways. What we have here is an album that doesn’t really follow any kind of recognised musical trends, especially in the fact that there are no real discernible choruses and verses. All Medicated Geniuses is where the ATD-I influence peaks, although the production and defiantly sexy vocals give the album quite a retro feel. This is one of those albums that has you involuntarily tapping your feet, nodding your head and drumming the table, particularly during the funky organ line in the title track and also during the urgency and Sex Pistols-esque rebellion of This is Our Emergency. If this is how The New Romance is, then sign me up for some loving! j.a.

If you want to review a classic album in the coming weeks, or indeed any album or single, them simply come along to the Music Team meeting in the Media Centre at USSU at 5.15pm every Monday, or email Matt Badcock at or Jon Allen at for more information.

18th Ladytron London Astoria 19th Rancid - Brixton Carling Academy 22nd Fun Lovin’ Criminals - Guilford Civic 23rd Big Brovaz - Carling Academy 25th 50 Cent - Wembley Arena 27th Cooper Temple Clause - Carling Academy 30th Mark Owen - Carling

The classic ambum reviews continue this week with Jeff Buckley’s ‘Grace’ on Columbia Records, written by Music Editor Jon Allen: If such an award was available, this album would win the ‘Most Modern Bands Influenced’ category hands down. Bands that have used Buckley as a reference point include the likes of Coldplay, Badly Drawn Boy, Muse and so on. It’s not hard to see why. Grace is a jaw dropping collection of delicate ballads and bluesy rock that are performed with alternating tenderness and sheer raw energy. Fantastic examples of the former are Lilac Wine and the

Leonard Cohen penned Hallelujah. Eternal Life is a bass-heavy beast of a track which competes with the soaring Grace to be the stand out track on this album. I dare you to listen to this album and tell me it isn’t a classic.

pretty girls make graves

Peaches is the moniker for the sexually charged one woman music machine Merill Nisker and Fatherfucker is the follow up to Peaches’ underground success The Teaches of Peaches. The album’s base is a steady stream of minimalist synthesised bass lines and drum machines beats with the occasional guitar for good measure. It swings Robbie Williams: The so called between pulsing techno and King of Pop sleazy rock, with an emphasis on the sleaze. Peaches vocals/ rapping adds this emphasis, their content being of the sexual nature, although its innuendo is more a commentary of issues than purely for shock value. In addition to the occasional garage rock, Fatherfucker also carries a few guest stars, most notably Iggy Pop. Their collaboration is one of the album’s high points along with the fast paced ‘I U She’ and the ‘The Inch’, whose sinister bass works wonders. Whereas Peaches is different in tone and style she definitely has a similar ethic to Mike Skinner (The Streets). On the whole this album’s a good listen, although it is an acquired taste. The electronic and garage rock elements work well, but there was no real attempt to mix them in songs. If you liked Peaches’ previous work or the idea of dirty minimalist techno, go for it. n.b


ssic albu m



18 September 2003

Theatre Guildford in
Barefacts’ new Theatre Editor, Daisy Clay, introduced the wonders of theatre in Guildford and beyond
Welcome one and all to the theatre section of Barefacts – now under new management! Apologies for the lack of a tangible theatre section last week (shock-of-being-back-at-university illness to blame). As newly promoted member of the Barefacts editorial team, in that I am now Theatre Editor, I would like to take this opportunity to say a warm and friendly hello to everyone: hello to all of last year’s placement students now returning to embark upon their final year (many thinking what’s this new section that has appeared during my absence? a section devoted to all things theatrical? Quite simply, yes.) hello to all second year students now wondering where on Earth their fresher year disappeared off to and a particularly welcoming hello to the all the new freshers picking this up and feeling a little dazed in the buzz of their first week and hello to everyone else reading this too (don’t worry – I didn’t forget you!). Now that the hellos and welcomes are complete, now time for all things theatrical… Besides being a short train journey away from London’s West End theatre, there are numerous venues in and around Guildford for all your theatre viewing needs. To begin with, there is Guildford’s very own Yvonne Arnaud Theatre showing a wide variety of shows every week on both the main stage and in the smaller Mill Studio. Many of the shows star familiar names, with productions from the last year starring Clare Buckfield (2 Point 4 Children), Lesley Joseph (Birds of a Feather), Tracy Shaw (Coronation Street), and Rik Mayall (Bottom, The Young Ones, Drop Dead Fred) to mention a few. Upcoming productions include famous names such as Ross Kemp (aka Grant Mitchell of Albert Square) and Penelope Keith (The Good Life), as well as many, many more. Travelling slightly further afield, and north from Guildford, we have the New Victoria Theatre Woking. As a more well-known theatre, the productions shown here tend to be those with a more prominent and national reputation. Recent shows include The Rocky Horror Show and The Blues Brothers, with forthcoming shows including Copacabana and Cats. So with all this theatre surrounding the university, what are you waiting for? With both theatres offering concessionary ticket prices, starting at prices as low as £5, it really is good value for money and an entertaining, relatively cheap night out! As an aside, this section is not only about providing you with reviews of all the latest shows from in and around Guildford, but also presents interviews with the celebrities appearing in these shows – previous interviewees include Clare Buckfield, Professor Lord Robert pantomime at the yvonne arnaud theatre in guildford Winston, and Rik Mayall. Showing next week at the Yvonne Arnaud from Mon 22 – Sat 27 September…The Cemetery Club, starring Anne Charleston (a.k.a. Madge from Neighbours!), Michele Dotrice, Shirley Anne Field, and Edward Woodward … A wonderful cast is brought together to tell the story of three golden girls and their lust for life, love and laughter who decide to re-enter the dating game. Take three middle-aged widows, one who flirts outrageously, one who is dedicated to the memory of her husband and one who is beginning to realize that she still has a life to live; throw an eligible widower into the mix and watch the sparks fly. Warm, moving and funny, The Cemetery Club is a comedy about three women carrying on! Student standby tickets are available for £7 in person 1 hour prior to each performance (student ID required), or phone the box office on (01483) 44 00 00. You can also visit their website for more information at In next week’s Barearts…a beginners guide to The Rocky Horror Picture a review of their latest performances at the New Victoria Theatre Woking. Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre Team? For more details, email Daisy at, or just turn up to the meeting in the USSU Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.

Tuck in with Barefacts. Hamid Keeshbafan, owner of the Perfect Pizza store on Epsom Road in Guildford and Afsal Choudherry, owner of the Perfect Pizza store on The Broadway in Woking, believe they have the best pizza in the area, and are offering one lucky reader the chance to enjoy their delicious pizza for a whole year – for free. One lucky winner will receive a large speciality pizza once a month for a year, absolutely free and will be able to choose from any of the varieties of pizza on Perfect Pizza’s extensive menu, where there’s something for every taste, from the exotic Oriental Express, tasty New York Deli or even the meaty Pepperoni Perfection. Competition valid upon collection only. To win this amazing prize, all you need to do is answer the following question in the most imaginative way, and send your answer to Question: Describe your ideal pizza topping in no more than 40 words. The most inventive answer wins a pizza every month, completely free! To give you a finger licking treat, we’ve teamed up with our pals at Perfect Pizza, to offer every reader 2 delicious pizzas for the price of one. That’s right, when you buy one large speciality pizza, you get a regular pizza absolutely FREE, worth up to a whopping £8.45. HOW TO CLAIM To snap up this tasty offer, simply cut out this token and take it to one of your Perfect Pizza stores 21 Epsom Road, Guildford, GU1 3JT 3 The Broadway, Woking, GU21 5AB Offer is valid until October 18th 2003. Free regular pizza excludes Supreme and Create Your Own varieties. Subject to availability. Available upon collection only. So get down to your local Perfect Pizza store for this delicious offer. If you fancy putting your taste buds to the test with an exotic Oriental Express, tasty New York Deli or even the meaty Pepperoni Perfection, you’d be mad to miss out on this fantastic meal deal.

Fabric Competition
The winners of last week’s competition to win season tickets to Fabric and Fabric Live are Alistair Golby (Fabric) and Tamas Kormos (Fabric Live). IF the winners could pop into the Media Centre to collect their prize, then that’d be fandabulosi. Watch out for competitions in the next few weeks to win Top Man vouchers and Walker’s crips. You’d be dead stupid to miss out!

18 September 2003



Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
You didn’t think we’d forget such a modern classic, did you?! Morgan Gooch gives us his take on one of the most popular books of modern times
sharp turn and leave you wondering what more can go wrong, but the characters fight against the despair that seems prevalent with varying success, often inadvertently worsening the situation. Nothing is more indicative of the more sinister tone of the book than the finale, which is truly impressive, the setting seeming reminiscent of a labyrinth designed by Salvador Dali. I really can’t wait to see this one on screen, it could become one of the greatest sequences ever if they capture the mood right (and spend enough on the special effects). On a lighter note, the comic aspects of the world in which it is set do remain. From the enchanted fireworks spelling ‘poo’ to the portrait of some poor fool trying to teach trolls to ballet dance and beyond, there are still laughs to be had. Fred and George Weasley are on fine form and exit the school in a true blaze of glory, leaving to fulfil their dream and start their own joke shop (having made the most of their last months at school to do some valuable market research). I really can’t recommend this book strongly enough… but then I was already a fan. If you haven’t read the others (and been suitably impressed by them) then I really don’t think this would be for you. And for those of you who are just going to wait for the movie, it will be spectacular. Weighing in at 766 pages it’s quite a whopper and there are rumours that some of the books will have to be released as series instead of individual films, but if they spend the money (and they will) then I’ll be first in line for it. See you there. SO, THIS SUMMER it arrived. The new Harry Potter book. To miss it, you would’ve had to be under a rock on another planet, such was the excitement around it. My copy was ordered weeks in advance from Amazon, delivered the day of release and read within a week, but I still found myself at the midnight opening of WH Smiths with my sister, where the queue stretched for around a hundred yards. The question everyone was asking was ‘what happens next?’, not ‘will it be as good/successful as the last one?’ because by now JK Rowling could stop putting the effort in, produce mediocre works to end the series and they would still fly off the shelves by the million, just because people want to know what happens next. The empathy the readers have built up for the characters by now makes sure of that, but stands as testament to the strength of the first four books and of the creative talent of the author. So, would she take the easy way out, producing a very average book to keep the audience ticking over and the money rolling in? The answer, thank god, is no. The story begins, funnily enough, about where the last one left off. I really don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t read the book/series yet, but intends to, so there’s not too much I can be specific about. The book creates a much darker atmosphere than its predecessors, swapping the charming crossover idea of merry capers at a magical boarding school for something much more dangerous. Several times through the book events take a

Inner Desires
by Katy Saunders

Monsterous rage, Slithers of glass pricking into my heart, Pushing deeper inside with each stuttered beat. What is the source? I am I and all my evil thoughts of brutality, The pain I could bring to others And the pleasure such pain would bring. I am nobody. A mere drop of blood within the system, Washing blissfully in and out between others, Like me, floating. I hate, And this makes me more powerful than ever could be conceived: The hate I hold to myself like a gun Waiting to explode and destroy. Destruction of the weak. What is weak, is worth nothing. It is nothing more than silver dust and ashes. Freedom begs forgiveness And love. I hate and I love and I cry for this knowledge. The happiness I desire is so cripplingly near And yet I never reach it.

The Cement Garden – Ian McEwan
By Chris Ward Editor A product of his early years as a writer, Ian McEwan wrote this novel in 1993, five years before he won the prestigious Booker Prize. The Cement Garden is a rather brutal novel that explores the death of a single mother, and follows the children who attempt to cover it up by burying her under cement in the cellar. McEwan once again shows that he has absolutely no reluctance to be disgusting for the sake of it, as the incestuous happenings and rather detailed descriptions in the novel show. “It was not at all clear to me now why we had put her in the trunk in the first place. At the time it had been obvious, to keep the family together. Was that a good reason? It might have been more interesting to be apart. Nor could I think whether what we had done was an ordinary thing to do” The Cement Garden is a very emotional novel that presents McEwan’s personal “no way out” convention. In many of his other novels, such as Enduring Love, The Innocent, and Atonement; McEwan seems to find satisfaction in placing his characters in seemingly impossible situations, and overly emphasising to the reader that they need to accept the situation they are in, thus destroying the “happy ending” cliché. McEwan presents many themes that are thought-provoking to the reader. Despite the gory detail of the events within the novel, McEwan manages to justify it by highlighting that the characters have no other choice. The children hide their mother so that they don’t get sent to an orphanage. If you had a choice of hiding your mother’s body to avoid being sent to an orphanage, thus breaking up your family, what would you do?


Yes, we know that there was one too many boxes for the word ‘tractor’ last week (or cotrtar, if you didn’t manage to unscramble it) - we were just keeping you on your toes, as the teachers at school used to say when you noticed a mistake on the blackboard. It’s the same as before - unscramble each word, then take all the letters from the circles, and unscramble them to make the final word. GDRAON NESTTSUD RINSUEVYTI MIGNOV SANBE REULQISR BAINIRTAN YLIOHAD TATOS

18 September 2003

Word Search
We have been informed that it’s probably a good plan to put in exactly how many words you should be searching for in the bf wordsearch each week, so as not to leave everyone searching again and again in vain for that final word, when it actually doesn’t exist. So, there are 16 words in this week’s swanky wordsearch, they are all names of sports clubs run by the Students’ Union. Ah yes, the wordsearch (and pub quiz, now you come to mention it) are provided by Ben Berryman...

















Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are at the bottom of page 25. If Quizzes are your thing, then why not pop down to Channie’s for Chancellor’s Challenge, every Thursday night from 8.30pm. We’ve got rounds on everything from Sport to Geography, and it’s a snip at only £1 per person. So, what are you waiting for? Grab a few friends, pick up a beverage or two from the bar, and get thinking of a team name!

For the answers to this week’s wordsearch, just turn to the bottom of page 21 and stand on your head.


In the bible which character was created from Adam’s rib? A dime in equal to how many cents? In which century was the first skyscraper built?

pub bf quiz puzzl3
17 11 9 0 4 1 15 24 29

4 5 6 7 8 9 10
What type of creature is a basilisk?



We thought that there might be too many words in barefacts, so in a departure to the normal puzzles on the Interactive Page, here’s something a little different provided by Ben Berryman...

It’s very simple really - all you need to do is fill in the missing numbers in the boxes. The missing numbers are between 0 and 12. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

Palermo is the capital of which island?

Which animal’s name prefixes the words ‘dog’ and ‘terrier’ to give two dog breeds? The musician Stephane Grappelli was famous for playing which instument? How many musicians are there in a ‘nonet’?

3 11 29

Which county is sometimes known as the ‘garden of England’? What name is given to a golf course by the sea?

36 32 5 24 24

The answer grid is at the bottom of the opposite page - no peeking! Do you like the Interactive Page? Got any ideas for more puzzles? Then drop us a line at and tell us what you think.

18 September 2003



Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union... ONE OF THE advantages to my room in Surrey Court Wey is its proximity to Senate House. Not the most useful or places for the average student, you might think, but the reason it’s so handy is that it has a huge clock on its side, facing right into my room! It’s pretty cool to be able to glance out of my window to find out the time - until recently. I don’t know if I’ve been really unobservant since I moved in and it’s been like this for a while, or if it’s just happened, but the Senate House clock has stopped. Bang on 27 minutes past 7. I really hope I’m at home when the powers that be decide to get it mended - I wonder if they climb up the side and have to wind it up on the side of the building?! How it is powered? Does it have a huge version of a watch battery hidden within the eighth floor? So many questions. Maybe I’ll have to pay a visit to the Vice Chancellor’s floor to find out! Having spent a year living in Battersea Court Rawson, I was lucky enough to have a light above my sink that was operated by one of those pull-cord-thingys - a godsend for those people of the ickle persuasion. However, upon moving into Surrey Court I have discovered a sad fact - the sink lights in Surrey Court can only be turned on by a switch at the side of the light and not being the tallest person in the world, I’ve been having more than a few problems trying to brush my teeth with the light on! It’s a sad day when you have to stand on a chair to switch the light on, at the age of 22. ONE of the wonders of my office in the Students’ Union is the fact it is right next door to Pizzaman. Actually, this can be a mixed blessing - they do rather nice pizzas, but unfortunately eating there too often can have a detrimental effect on your bank balance! Over the summer Claire and I became chronically addicted to their garlic bread with cheese (only £1.85 - I highly recommend it!), but luckily over the past few months I’ve been tempted home to eat - helped significantly by having a boyfriend who could rival Jamie Oliver in the cooking stakes (and is a damn sight more attractive)! ‘ickle sarah butterworth I ALWAYS KNEW that when students came back things would get rather busy, but this last two weeks have been totally crazy. It is going to be hard to write stuff that has happened outside work this week, as I have spent almost every waking hour in the Union! It is great fun though, and if any of you like high pressure, totally non-stop days, and don’t keep track of your hours, then this is the job for you! Although when I start dreaming about work and my colleagues, then I think maybe I am spending a bit too long here! FOR anyone who’s asked me the time in the last two years, you may now be reassured that I have finally stopped wearing my broken Animal watch, and bought a new Russian watch! People still don’t understand why I wore a broken watch for two years, but the reason was twofold. Firstly it was just funny, and secondly I was conducting a secret experiment! BASICALLY, if you ask someone the time your brain processes the response in two stages. The first is the “politeness stage”, that automatically tells your mouth to thank the person, and the second is the “feasibility stage”, which checks if the time stated is actually the right time. Now in sober people these stages happen simultaneously, but my research has shown that when people are drunk the time between the first and second stages is drastically different! SAY I was in the Union and a drunk person asked me the time. I would look at my watch and “7:30” would be my response. They would then say “Ah thanks mate”, and then anything between one and thirty seconds later (the drunker the person, the longer the time between stages) they would put on a puzzled look and say “that’s not really the time”. To which I would then show them the watch and say “yes it is”. Their next statement is also interesting as in 99% of cases the person then says the exact words “Why do you wear a broken watch?”. ON the purchase of this new watch I have completed my research, and from now on I shall always be able to tell people the correct time – unless one day I forget to wind it up! chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter

This week I am mostly …acquainting myself with the joys of another student house! University-managed or privately-owned, student houses are a law unto themselves. Each comes with its own set of idiosyncrasies, guaranteed to baffle its unsuspecting tenants. Fathoming out the precise order of switches, buttons and pulleys needed to control the hot water or the central heating will take at least a few weeks, give or take a few extra days depending how long it takes to locate the actual boiler in the first place… ahem. Then there’s the variety of appliances to familiarise yourself with – the fridge with a freezer identity crisis or an oven that singes both arm and eyebrow hair when one has to stick ones head in it just to light it. Finding all four of my housemates sat in front of a fuzzy, flickering television accompanied by a high-pitched hum and an occasional crackle was a major cause of concern last week. Apparently, it likes to “warm-up” before it feels ready to give us a picture. Still, such homely quirks are sure to turn even the most clueless student into a king/queen [delete as appropriate] of domesticity. A few years ago, alone for a week at the beginning of my first student tenancy, I embarked on this fast-track course to become a domestic goddess. Within hours of my parents leaving me neck-high in cardboard boxes, I was plunged into total darkness. Three stubbed toes and a bruised head later, I finally succeeded in working out [a] where the fusebox was [b] what a fusebox is and [c] how to use a fusebox. Light was thankfully soon restored, as was my faith in the efficiency of the smoke alarm as the bacon for my long-awaited sarnie spontaneously combusted when placed under the grill. Clambering over the furniture waving teatowels proved only mildly successful. Opening the backdoor however, brought with it a scenario that not even the most comprehensive household guide could have foreseen. A flash of brown striped fur scuttled into the leanto utility area, lapped the living room in a flash, and then pegged it outside again. I’m not great at wildlife-identification [I still maintain there’s a llama on the Clapham JunctionGuildford railway line], but I could have sworn it was a chipmunk. Yeah right, scoffed my male housemates when they arrived, you don’t get chipmunks in England, must have been an over-sized dirty squirrel. Must it? Then how to explain the leaflet shoved through the letterbox the next day enquiring about an escaped chipmunk with a £100 reward on its head?! Eat your words guys. I’m afraid I’m still working on weaving a magic spell to save you all such mischief but one thing I can recommend: make sure your house knows who’s boss from the outset. Home sweet home?! Catherine Lee

“It’s a sad day when you have to stand on a chair to switch the light on, at the age of 22”

The Lyrics Quiz
Just figure out the artist and song name that these lyrics are taken from, and what’s more, the answers are just below... - easy as pie! This week’s teasers are by Ben Berryman. Think you can do the lyrics quiz in next week’s barefacts?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight. So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why, it’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It’s calling you my dear out of reach, take me to my beach. Once there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the change room. I really feel that I’m losing my best friend, I can’t believe this could be the end. Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet. And everything is blue for him and his-self and everybody around. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango. And it all breaks down at the role reversal, got the muse in my head, she’s universal. But all of her friends stuck up their nose; they had a problem with his baggy clothes.

upside down answers | crossword: badminton, canoeing, cricket, fencing, football, golf, number puzzle: hockey, netball, rugby, sailing, shooting, skiing, squash, surfing, swimming, tennis | scramble: dragon, students, university, moving, beans, toast, frogs, holiday, squirrel, britannia | final answer: freshers’ angel | bf pub quiz: 1. Eve 2. Ten 3. Nineteenth 4. Lizard 5. Sicily 6. Bull 7. Violin 8. Nine 9. Kent 10. Links | lyrics quiz: 1. R.E.M. – Losing my religion 2. Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 3. All Saints – Pure Shores 4. Crash Test Dummies – MMM MMM MMM MMM 5. No Doubt – Don’t Speak 6. MC Hammer – U Can’t Touch This 7. Eiffel 65 - Blue [da Ba Dee] 8. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody 9. Placebo – Nancy Boy 10. Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi





18 September 2003

by Psychic Sandy
Virgo Love will come falling at your feet this week. This could happen quite literally in the Union or maybe even in PulseJangles. Be prepared for any random biting incidents – unless of course you’re into that kind of thing. Stay away from strange bearded men in long overcoats as you may find your innocence compromised… Libra Frank is calling…do not respond unless you value your personal space. The lake holds a strange attraction for you at the moment – swimming could be a fun game to play but beware the ironing board. It’s a bit special. Scorpio With Uranus putting you in a rather troublesome situation, its time to put those magic hair straighteners to good use. Be extra vigilant around the Cathedral Court area; those bushes are known criminals. Sagittarius Shame and embarrassment will be brought upon your name in the near future. Good work – keep it up. You never know when someone may be watching you so keep those curtains open. Capricorn It is worth remembering that Arians have more fun. Always. Try to avoid their after-hours activities as you may be deeply scarred. A disguise may be a smart move this week. Keep an eye out for a short blond stranger on Saturday, who will bring you good luck as long as you play your cards right. Aquarius Funky clothes and a generous nature will be rewarded by an encounter with a gorgeous young Gemini but watch out – you might end up with the evil twin… Pisces This week it’s all about the pink. Think very carefully about an excursion to feed the fish – the ducks may need more of your special brand of TLC. Keep a beady eye on that person who just moved in next door - they are not all they seem. Aries You know how special you are and finally we’re all cottoning on…fame and fortune beckons with the glittery stardom you deserve. But only this week. Your lucky items are pink furry handcuffs and bottles of JAVA from the bottle bank. Taurus You will have some serious issues this week - work, social life, you name it, there’ll be something exciting happening. However, at least it’ll occupy your otherwise blank mind. Cherry stealing could be an option. Gemini Go and buy some new shoes. Now. You know you want to…stilettos are a good look this season, as are wellies, regardless of your sex. Try to stay away from UniSport - it is possible to become addicted to the gym. Cancer Henceforth all Cancerians must be known as BRIAN. This is an order. Luckily, you can all keep the surnames – well, they have to distinguish you somehow don’t they?! Fools. Leo Dark alleyways will bring you hidden pleasures in the next couple of days…try Jeffrey’s Passage for a bit of light relief. We know who you are. Wednesday will bring some lucky occurences for you by the vending machines in the Union. And you’d better keep a check on your wandering eyes...


- Personals It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces... Thank you to the crowd that attended the ‘Jump Guildford’ party post-union, Wednesday. We’re here all year... Hot chocolate and bf party. Media Centre, midnight, Tuesdays. All welcome To everyone in Surrey Court Wey 1 whom I haven’t met yet - my name’s Sarah, I live in room 3 and according to Elizabeth I’m “not here very often”! GU2 rocks. Bob God Junior and Crazy Chris have too much time on their hands! Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Arrays, Arrays!! Good afternoon Ward.... Hello Blair.... Dear all, since my summer in Margate i have realised my true ambition-i am to be a naked childrens entertainer on the beach in Broadstairs; my carnie hands must finally leave their home (my pants). Sorry. Love Dave. - now streaming on and off campus! Join Me We’ll get dick in. How’s about a nautical theme? Come skate with me, Wendy. Rumour has it a certain Vice President has been dreaming about another Vice President... Rumour has it a certain other Vice President has been dreaming about the President.... “Bob - that’s the sort of thing I used to do when I was at school, looking up naughty words on the internet! But it’s still fun....” Congratulations to Alan, who wasn’t the last person to get his bf pages in this week! Do you think Chancellor’s will make the dildo chair official furniture?! Are we getting into a routine?! my message didn’t make the text screen on friday, so here it is - ickle sarah loves benji! xx Amelia - hope I’ve remembered the gist of your personals - I shut the msn window by mistake! I’m never sleeping in your bed again, you’ve given me mange! xXx Rumour has it that yet another Vice President hasn’t had time to get to sleep, so hasn’t dreamt about any of the other Vice Presidents, or even the President. Willy, arse, gay... isn’t this fun! The Ladies toilet on the ground floor of Lecture theatre block. Girls, its been 2 weeks and already every day the bathrooms look like a tip!!! Can you not have some decency and make sure you flush and pick your litter off the floor. I’d hate to be the person who has to clean up after you. This is high school behaviour, surely not that of adult students? It surely can’t be called the ladies toilet anymore. Hi, nobody knows my real name is Joanna McNally! Hey Dr Nick... you can check my particular binary sum anyday, love M. xXx How’s the head....... julie? “Right, other than the sabbs - why are the rest of you here at this time of night?! You should have better things to do with your lives than hang around here!” The kitchen hates you, so stop cooking already!
Anna despite laura i cant deny i like you do you feel the same???

Come visit the Media Centre on a Tuesday night - it’s rocking! Hands up who owns goat porn! Ben & Chris = stars of the highest order

18 September 2003



A Beginner’s Guide to Welcome American Football to
BY DAVE SKINNER THE GAME IS played by armour clad lunatics who appear to derive pleasure out of beating each other senseless. The game lasts an hour although rarely is the game completed in less than less 2 1⁄2 hours. The idea is to get the ball from where you are to the other teams end zone as quickly as possible. You get four goes at moving the ball 10 yards. The goes are called downs. If you get 10 yards you are allowed four more attempts, etc, etc, until you get the ball in their end zone. That sounds pretty easy doesn’t it? WRONG! The other team will not sit around having cups of tea while you are running up and down like a demented rhino. Yes you guessed it! They will be trying to pull your arms and legs off, especially your Quarterback. As you will see, during the game, he will be trying to get rid of the funny shaped ball as fast as he can, by passing it to an unsuspecting running back or receiver who will immediately be surrounded by a screaming wall of defensive hitmen. The Players Many an eyebrow has been raised at the size of pro players in the NFL; however, the British scene is very different. Spotting the British player that is 6’4”, fully fit, intelligent and strong is near impossible. A quick look at the facial expression of most players should give a good guide to their reasoning ability, however, the fact that they are playing the sport in the first place would give cause to question their intelligence. Like all sports there are pretty boys, these players are usually to be found in the glamour positions like Quarterback or Wide Receiver. This type of player is often seen on the sidelines combing his hair and generally making sure that he looks good for the girls, or more importantly, the cameras! The Coaches Coaches are usually seen stomping up and down the sideline shouting at people (frequently referees), or drawing diagrams on chalkboards. They are often inclined to bear a baseball cap, as it is very convenient to throw on the ground when decisions go against them. Their mood can be determined by the proximity (or otherwise) of team members who are not actually on the field. The Playing Positions We have already mentioned the QB’s and WR’s, so lets have a look at some other playing positions. The linemen are the most basic on the field. The cavemen of the team. Always on the large side and frequently heard grunting and groaning on the line of scrimmage. The Running Backs are on one hand very brave individuals or looking at it more sensibly, probably lacking a bit on top. These guys can be given the ball for play after play, they run for two or three yards and then the whole of the oppositions defence jumps on them. Linebackers are generally the sadists of the team. Inflicting pain is what they get off on! There is nothing they like better than blindsiding a ball carrier or better still a receiver – just as the ball arrives in his hands. Kickers are a strange breed usually seen pacing up and down the sideline being a pain to everyone else, or spending their time pointlessly kicking a ball into a little net that is two feet away. The Referees As with all sports, the referees are not the most popular people on the field. Often called zebras in American Football (because of their uniforms) there does seem so many of them at times! They carry little yellow dusters, which they throw up in the air during nearly every play. The game then stops while they have a little conference to discuss the weather or anything else that takes their fancy. BUSINESS AS USUAL AT UNISPORT Welcome back and, for those of you who are new WELCOME to life at Surrey! We hope you enjoyed the hot weather of the British summer and are ready for action in sport, health and fitness! For those of you who are new, UniSPORT is the department of sport and recreation and is responsible for providing Surrey students with one of the best and diverse programmes of any university in the country. The UniSPORT Card is the best way to participate where for only £70 you can take advantage of any of the classes for free as well as casual sports such as tennis, squash, badminton, basketball, climbing and unlimited access to Quantum Health and Fitness Club (subject to an induction). Memberships can be purchased from the Sport Centre and the Varsity Centre and all Student UniSPORT card holders both new and renewals will receive a free t-shirt when they join (while stocks last). WHAT’S GOING ON! To find out what is happening where and when there are a number of ways of finding out information. The UniSPORT website, has all information on classes and courses, memberships and facilities as well as latest news and events. The Campusdance and Sports & Classes brochures list all the classes and courses in dance, exercise and sport and can be found all around campus and in the Sport Centre. The A3 size timetable is another source of information and not only does it include all the classes and courses but also club activities and again these can be found around campus including the Union. THE PROGRAMME It is business as usual at UniSPORT with classes already up and running in circuit training; legs, bums and tums; tone to the bone; belly dance; ballet; dance aerobics and many more. The full programme gets into swing from Monday 29th September which is FREE WEEK and gives you the chance to try out any of the classes and courses on offer. Registering for courses will be available from 22nd September but a percentage of places will be available during free week. Some courses are very popular and registration is on a first come first served basis. Courses that begin at the end of September include the very popular Yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi and Street Dance. THE FITNESS CLUB As already mentioned the UniSPORT Card includes unlimited access to the fitness club after completion of an induction. If you were a member previously then the induction may not be necessary. In addition to the use of the fitness equipment Quantum Health and Fitness also offer additional services at discounted rates for Surrey students such as fitness testing, programme writing and personal training. FACILITIES The Varsity Centre Bar holds a lot of events including Latino Evening and frequent sporting events on the two big screens. National League Squash which includes some of the World’s top stars starts again in October at the Varsity Centre which is also the Regional Centre for Squash. The artificial turf pitch is available for 5-a-side at the Varsity Centre as well as the 9 tennis courts. There is still a sunbed available to book at the Sport Centre and climbing wall, indoor sports and golf practice area. OPPORTUNITIES There are many opportunities for Surrey students to gain coaching qualifications while they study and opportunities to teach on the programme. Some of these coaching qualifications can be subsidised so look at the website for further details. There may also be employment opportunities at any of our venues. If you are interested in part-time work and would like to be part of a fun and dedicated workforce then come and see us at Freshers Festival. ELITE SPORTS PROGRAMME Are you an Elite Athlete? UniSPORT run an Elite Sports Programme for students who need support while studying and still trying to perform at a high standard in their sporting field. Further details about applying can be found on the website or contact Vicki Hansford tel. 01483 689975/ext 9975 or email FORTHCOMING EVENTS September Premiership on the Big Screens |Varsity Bar 24th Fresher’s Festival | UniSport Sports Centre & Students’ Union Union 30th - Varsity Super Sixes | Varsity Centre October 6th - Quiz Night | Varsity Bar 7th & 28th - National Squash League | Varsity Centre 17th - Latino Evening | Varsity



18 September 2003


A Cricketing Year at Surrey
BY PETER NICHOLS SPORTS EDITOR Our season started way back in September of last year when training for the BUSA Indoor Tournament began. The first stage was to be held at Sussex University in Brighton, where we won all the matches within our group and progressed to the semi final, again breezing through. It was now a matter of waiting to see who would be our opposition in the final, unfortunately for us St Mary’s were dominant in their Semi final and won with ease. The final was set and it was Surrey Uni Vs. St Mary’s Uni (not only last year’s Regional Champions, but also National). St Mary’s were first to bat and put on a very competitive score of 117. We stepped up to the crease and with Johnny ‘GOD’ Nambia performing outstandingly to score a half century, we were off to a good start. However our edge on the game was reduced due to a collapse in our middle order. Fortunately our tail end did us proud, batting exceptionally well, using their heads and not cracking under pressure. It was obvious that St Mary’s were getting frustrated as they could see the game slipping through their fingers and we eventually scored the winning runs in the final couple of tense overs. We had beaten last year’s champions and had won a place to play at the BUSA National Indoor Finals, to be held at Lords (The home of English Cricket). Christmas had past and the Indoor Finals were approaching. It was now early February and we were offered the chance to We got off to a better start but unfortunately due to our late arrival we had to end the game as our booked time was over. This defeat certainly brought us back down to earth and gave us a warning that we required more training if we waned to stand a chance at Lord’s. It was mid March and we were about to embark on the Journey to Lord’s. It was a dream come true for the team; we had won the regional heats to become BUSA South East Indoor Champions and were about to compete for the National Title. It was an early start on a Cold and foggy Sunday Morning. We travelled up to Lords on the train and arrived within good time to have a look around and prepare for the Tournament. The competition was tough and our team unfortunately did not make it through to the final stage, even though our final game was one of the best games of the day from a spectator’s point of view. With our heads still held high, we stayed until the end to saviour the moment of playing at Lord’s as it is not something you get to do everyday. In comparison it is like a footballer getting the chance to play at Wembley (Well before it was knocked down). Although we were not successful this year, we’re proud to have gained the title of Regional Champions, as we have gone from not having a club, to having a very successful club with a future in a mere two years. Interested in joining the Cricket Team? Come see our stand at Freshers Fayre, or to nets at Unisport on Sundays between 5:30-7:30pm. For more information please email

play a practise match at the Oval (another major cricketing venue) by Kings College, London. Having arrived late (due to a train fire at Guildford station) we decided to play two short games, rather than one normal length game. We were well out of form, not performing like the team at the regional tournament and needless to say we lost the first game and our confidence dropped. It was now down to the second game.

UniS Sailors at World Championships
BY JAMES NUTTALL A team of four sailors from the University of Surrey Sailing Club has recently returned from competing in the Laser II Class World Championships. The event was held from the 10th to the 15th August in the Dutch town of Hoorn, about 30 km north of Amsterdam. The championship consisted of 13 races held over five days with the best ten results counting towards the final result. The weather provided a wide range of conditions, testing the full range of the sailors skills, which resulted in an excellent weeks sailing. Overall Dave Forrester and Dave Warner finished 59th out of 70, while the other Surrey Boat crewed by Dave Annan and James Nuttall sailed well to finish 32nd, winning the prize for Best Placed Student Boat. Having arrived at the event two days early, there was plenty of time to get the boats measured to comply with class regulations, providing a level and fair playing field on which to compete. We also got in some last minute training before Sunday’s practice race. Racing began on the Monday morning, although this first day provided little wind. However, the race committee sent the fleet out to the race area anyway and started a race. Fortunately the race was abandoned, as the wind completely died about halfway around. After a couple of hours waiting the wind filled in enough for racing to get underway and two races were completed in light and shifty winds. Sadly, the relatively heavy Surrey crews struggled in these light conditions. The second day was again started in light conditions, which worsened as a sea breeze was gradually canceling out the real wind so that by the middle of the second race of the day there was no wind at all. Half the fleet failed to finish within the time limit. However, just before the third race of the day the sea breeze kicked in and provided a good race in the fresher conditions. Both Surrey boats sailed well in the stronger breeze. Dave Annan and James Nuttall finished a disappointing 35th in this race due to a gear failure. By Wednesday (day 3) the wind had built to a good breeze. Dave Forrester and Dave Warner scored their best result of the event Kevin Toborek and Ryan Donahue from with a 44th in the first race of day. Dave the USA to win the event. Dave Annan and Annan and James Nuttall had further James Nuttall came 20th in the third and last equipment problems as the spinnaker pole race of the day. they were using continued to fail in the Overall everyone had an amazing time, stronger conditions. and we are looking forward to continuing Day four was simply awesome. The wind our successes on the National circuit and had finally picked up to a strong force 5 at the European Championships in Ireland which gave the heavier crews at the event next year. a chance to shine. The Surrey team did best on one of surrey’s boats takes to the waves this day! Dave Annan and James Nuttall sailed well in the heavy weather scoring a 14th and a 24th, two of their best results of the event. Day five also brought strong winds with some of the closest racing of the event. The World Championship was decided in the very last race with the Irish team of Noel Butler and Stephen Campion holding off the defending champions