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Thursday 23 October 2003

Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1065 free

Natalie Howard gives a different view on Top Up Fees, being part of the year who will be the first to experience them in 2006.
Volunteering| page 5


I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R


As part of GU2’s prize for winning ‘Best Student Radio Station of the Year’, Mr Mental and P spend some time at Radio One HQ in London.
Communication | page 8


V PROJECT | Carol Main tells of her trip to Aldershot Forest to be on TV | page 6 EXTRA TERRESTRIAL | Some nice and scary Halloween films for us all | page 17 PROFESSIONAL | Lorne Smith gives the views of a 1970s USSU President | page 9


Watch Your Drink
Claire commented: “The swizzle sticks and beer mats only react to a few drugs, whereas hundreds are used by attackers to incapacitate victims. Unfortunately, because people believe that they are 100% reliable, it often encourages victims to lower their guard, leaving them prone to attack.” The Roofie Foundation (TRF) was set up in 1997 to help those who are interested in finding out more about the effects of date-rape drugs, and also for those who have been victims. Their website,, emphasises: “Everyone is aware of their own personal tolerance to alcohol. If you feel odd, nauseous, slightly drunk, tipsy or wasted after only a couple of drinks, or you know that you cannot be drunk, there is more than a chance that your drink has been spiked. If so get yourself immediately to a place of safety.” “If you are with a close friend tell them of your worries, get them to get you out of the place as soon as possible and to get you home either in their car or by cab. Once safely home ask them to stay with you until the effects of the drug have worn off. However be very sure that you implicitly trust the person or friend you are asking. The University of Surrey Students Union take the matter of drink-spiking extremely seriously. USSU Head of Events Safety, Ben McCauley, stressed: “If anybody feels they are under the influence of rohypnol or any other drug, they should come to the front desk immediately, and it will be treated with the utmost of urgency”.

AFTER INCREASED INCIDENTS in Guildford Town Centre involving drink-spiking, Surrey Police in Guildford are introducing a new initiative warning people to watch their drinks. This mirrors the recent incident at the University of Cambridge where two freshers found themselves experiencing the symptoms of Rohypnol, one of the drugs commonly misused by attackers to make potential victims lose consciousness. Cambridge University are conducting their own investigation on the matter. John Ford, senior tutor at Caius college said: “The safety of our students is of paramount importance... If any member of a college was involved, there is no way it could be treated apart from with the utmost severity”. In regards to the students involved, he reported: “They both wish to get on with their first term at college and have put the incident behind them”. USSU’s VP Education and Welfare, Claire Iles, emphasised the importance of creating awareness of the possibility of such events occurring on a night out. She pointed out that although a lot of women socialise using swizzle-sticks that change colour when they come into contact with a drug, the publicity they have is misleading.

Barefacts Nominated for National Award
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH EDITOR IN CHIEF THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey Students’ Newspaper, barefacts has this week been shortlisted for the award of ‘Best Student Campaign’ sponsored by ActionAid in the NUS National Student Media Awards. The nomination came about due to the coverage in last year’s barefacts of the ‘Lights, Camera, Action’ campaign, which is continuing this year. Barefacts is up against ROAR at King’s University for their Accommodation campaign, and The Warwick Boar (Warwich University) for their Liberty Park campaign. The nomination is particularly impressive as barefacts was the winner of the very same award a year ago, for its coverage of the Uni$kint campaign, protesting against the University’s planned 24% rent increase over the next few years. The presentation ceremony for this year’s Media Awards takes place on Sunday 22nd November 2002 at the luxurious International Hotel in Canary Wharf, after the annual Student Media Conference.

surrey students demonstrate

Narrowing Participation? | page 5

GU2 visits Radio One | page 8

Sandy Stars | page 21



23 October 2003

Editor in Chief
Sarah Butterworth comms

Clarke Fails to Convince Parent
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR The Higher Education Minister failed to convince a parent that the top up fees were the only way forward on “Blair’s University Challenge” earlier this week. The show, which consisted of two panels, one for top up fees, and one against; presented the debate on fees as a mockery of University Challenge. The two panels answered questions related to higher education, and were occasionally asked questions on their stance in the fees debate. Others who shared their political and personal opinions that evening were Conservative Damien Green, and Liberal Democrat Phil Willis. Clarke, who was NUS President in the 70s, answered questions based on his student fees policies. However, by the end of the program, he had still failed to convince a mother of three. One of her children had just started University, and the other two hope to go in the future. She insisted that everybody needs a graduate workforce, i.e. doctors, lawyers, etc. and doesn’t see why the government shouldn’t pay for it. She emphasised that her youngest daughter may be put off going to a prestigious university because of the possible debt of £21,000 at the age of 21. From the other political viewpoints, Damien Green stated that the Conservatives would scrap the 50% government target for higher education, and would introduce a vocational system for those wishing to enter a non-academic workforce. Phil Willis emphasised that student fees should be paid for by general taxation. NUS President Mandy Telford emphasised that bringing a market into the higher education system would “skew the system entirely”, because “students from poorer backgrounds will choose cheaper courses”.

Chris Ward cs21cw

Music Editor
Matt Badcock ms01mb

Music Editor
Jon Allen bs21ja

News Editor
Philip Howard ph02ph

Students’ Independent Complaints Board
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR The Pro-Vice-Chancellor of the University of Oxford, Dame Ruth Deech, has been appointed as the first “independent adjudicator for higher education”. Starting next year, students with complaints against their university will be able to appeal to her. She will consider issues that have not been dealt with by a university’s internal grievance procedures. Students will also be able to complain if they feel that services and facilities promised in the prospectus are not being adequately delivered. This news was welcomed by the National Union of Students. Chris Weaver, of NUS, stated: “We are in a consumer culture, where people are much more ready to complain. And when students are paying for courses,
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published.

Film Editor
Neil Boulton cs21nb

Theatre Editor
Daisy Clay ps21dc

Literature Editor
Jennifer Walker ph21jw

Sports Editor
Peter Nichols cs11pn

it will magnify this,” However, students will also be able to complain about nonacademic grievances, such as problems over accommodation. If complaints are upheld, the adjudicator can recommend financial compensation. Professor Norman Gowar, chairman of the Office of the Independent Adjudicator said that having an independent complaints commission covering all universities will create a more coherent and equal system. At the moment, older universities forward complaints upwards to “visitors”, who may be a bishop, or even the Queen. He called this situation “anachronistic”. Universities are not legally bound by the adjudicator’s rulings, but Prof. Gowar is confident that universities will feel obliged to comply with her decisions.

Do you have a complaint against this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editorial team about it. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an independant organisation established to uphold an editorial Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their decision.

barefacts notices
Barefacts Meeting | Thursday 23rd October | 5pm | Media Centre Aikido AGM | Thursday 23rd October | 8pm | Sports Centre Swimming AGM | Friday 24th October | 2pm | Committee Room Women’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1pm | Committee Room Men’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1.30pm | Commirrww Room Science Fiction & Fantasy Society AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 6pm | TB19 EARS AGM | Wednesday 29th October | 1pm | 27BB04 Cyprus Society AGM | Thursday 30th October | 6pm | Lecture Theatre L Afro-Carribean Society Meeting | Thursday 30th October | 6pm | TB13 Switchgear Gaming Society | Monday 3rd November | 6pm | TB11 Amnesty International Soc AGM | Monday 3rd November | Committee Room

Matt Adams Tuoko Amuka Natalie Barette Ben Berryman Andy Blair Dave Chapman Neil Christie Jonathan Darzi Scott Farmer Michael Field Natalie Howard Chris Hunter Claire Iles Catherine Lee A Little-Person Carol Main Dina Mystris Lorne Smith Sandeep Sohal Kirstie Thompson Pete Tivers Duncan Wilson Arvind Virdee Peter Wigfield

Press Complaints Commission
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Sarah Butterworth
Chris Ward | Ben Berryman

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23 October 2003



Barefacts Live Launches
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR On Wednesday last week, Barefacts Live was launched on 1350AM GU2 Radio at 6pm. The show is the first step in bringing barefacts and GU2 closer and allowing them to complement each other as two integrated communication mediums. This medium integration came about as a result of the sabbatical elections. Sarah Butterworth, VP Communications and Marketing for USSU made it part of her manifesto to integrate Union media to provide up-to-date quality communication. Barefacts will still report on news issues, but Barefacts Live will be there for situations where news is urgent. Barefacts Live consists of local campus news, brought to you by new presenters Laura Lemmon, Victoria Rawlinson, Sam Thompson and Sarah Tille; along with Head of News at GU2, Duncan ‘Mental’ Wilson. They will be keeping you informed on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after the national news at 6pm. GU2 are looking for more people to get involved with Barefacts Live, particularly in the area of sports coverage. If you are a team captain and you would like to have your full/half time results mentioned on Barefacts Live, get in contact with Duncan Wilson, GU2’s Head of News:

I’m Not a Rent Boy!
BY NEIL CHRISTIE Students are so desperate for cash that one particular student, Sean Gerrie, has decided to rent out certain parts of his body in order to pay off his year’s tuition fees. Whilst one may be thinking this could be quite sordid, it is a very honest appeal to people all over the world and involves no renting of the most private of parts. For various prices, ranging from £1 to £20, an ‘owner’ of a body part receives regular feedback on what that particular body part has been up to, as well as a certificate of ownership. Although it is made quite clear on the website that parts, other than the 5,000 hairs available, are to remain intact on Sean’s body, the benefits from owning a body part appear to be plentiful. More importantly, it must be said that although the idea is innovative and imaginative, the underlying motive is that of financial stability through just one year of his Internet Computing Course. Students seeking part-time employment are on the increase and there are no signs to show that this will change. In her article on page 6 Natalie Howard shows she has already made reference to plans for future employment to sustain herself throughout university three years before she will become a student. The recommendation for students study is approximately 100 hours for each 10-credit module, per semester. This could equate to around 40 hours a week study time for a full-time course. Students then requiring employment to finance themselves through their course would then put aside anything up to around 20 hours (the maximum recommended by UniS) for paid work. Given that there is much influence on student involvement in union activities to improve personal skills and gain more than just a degree from university experience, there seems to be a serious problem with making time for these requirements and not allowing any part of university life to suffer in the process. Sean Gerrie’s case may not be an isolated one in the years to come, with students visibly becoming more strapped for cash. Sean’s site is

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity |

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Dear barefacts I am almost appalled at how Barefacts can endorse wasting time and resources in academic degrees by publishing the ‘article’ by a Mr Ben Berryman. In his article Mr Berryman claims that internet games are ‘distractions’ from laboratory sessions, when in fact ‘distract’ means To cause to turn away from the original focus of attention or interest. Clearly Mr Berryman never had an original interest in his lab session and the Internet games were not a cause to turn away, more a pre-occupying activity Mr Berryman wished to pursue during a worthwhile laboratory session. Any student who comes to university with the mentality of “not fancying” to do work, or to use university resources to simply check mail or immature websites, is wasting their time, their lecturer’s time, the university’s resources and are effectively obstructing others who are willing to learn from gaining access to higher education. May I suggest to Mr Berryman that those people with busy schedules running in and out of the media office are those people that he should attempt to emulate, and that his girlfriend is talking sense when she believes he should be studying instead of playing games. Furthermore, to infer that researching for Barefacts is something to be used as an excuse and taken lightly, may I state that it both demeans Barefacts as a medium and the material itself sets a poor example of students in Surrey University. YOURS VERY SINCERELY A TRADITIONAL STUDENT

Dear barefacts, I am writing in response to a frustration letter written to barefacts published on Thursday 16 October 2003, about the campus restaurant and their staffs and how disappointed that she was served a Cornish meat pasty instead of a desired vegetarian one. The staff was blamed on poor communication and English skills. The writer added how could a restaurant employ people who do not know fundamental English words like vegetarian. It is indeed the staffs fault for not delivering the best service to her customer. But have we emphasise too much on ones ability and skills that we forget to be kind enough to forgive and treat the weak with care and perhaps correct their mistakes gently. I believe if we could be more relaxed on extremely high expectations and exercise a little kindness and understanding, we will help to create this world a better place to live in with fewer cases of depression and mental health problems. For your further information, the staffs who work behind the food counter may be highly educated students from the university and are in their learning stage of their new temporary job in the restaurant. THANK YOU. FOONG SIN LAM

photo: chris hunter | model: amy fawcett

got something to shout about? email your letters to by Monday at 5pm.



23 October 2003

Stop Fees on 26th October

Match Making or opinion Society Destroying?
Neil Christie looks at the personality tests used by employers to determine suitability to job descriptions and questions whether or not their over-analytical approach is self-destructive.
Whilst in a lecture for my mickey-mouse degree (Business Management is an arts degree ‘posing’ as a science degree… apparently) it was said that there is currently a lot of emphasis on personality types and some firms, particularly in the service sector, are trying to ascertain what kind of personalities their managers and employees have. “Why” is a good question – and it’s the possible answer to this question that I find worrying. Does it matter what personality type managers are? Does it matter what personality type anyone is? Apparently so – as some personalities are better suited to some situations than others. All well and good – but take that a little bit further. Some personalities are suited to jobs, and others aren’t. So basically it’s like the scene in Antz, where newborns are categorised into two groups (one was workers I believe, can’t remember the other) and then throughout their life they do nothing but their job for the good of the community. It works great for ants, but are humans really as mechanised and pre-programmed? I think it would be a great shame to have such an emphasis put on personality that jobs are prescribed for certain personalities, and that there is very little choice or direction involved in life because opportunity is reduced and employment is based more on genetics and nurturing than real talent. Such an over-analytical approach to the human race could well end up eradicating the idea of having a free choice, and free mind. It may well make us more efficient as a race, but the price to pay for such an ideal would far outweigh the benefits. There’s also the opinion that no matter how categorical and accurate science can be, the complexity of the human race is such that no real groups can ever be established. Each person is unique, and whilst some traits may be similar, it’d take a lot of convincing to persuade me that each individual is destined to the same path.

Natalie Howard writes in Barefacts this week about how the realisation of student top up fees has made her think twice about coming to university and just how much financial strain there is on students currently – let alone in a few years’ time. The Barefacts Team would like to remind everyone about the NUS march on Sunday 26th October 2003, and the sign up sheet in the Activities Centre. It’s not just for future students, as the NUS are also campaigning for abolishing all student fees, which would be immediate, as well as asking for more stability with regards to the annual inflation rates at which interest is added to the student loans. Again this would affect us as students now. If you’re still not convinced or think that top up fees are a good idea (!) then why not come along to meet a ton of people and have a free day out in the Capital; see the sights, take in the atmosphere, enjoy the shops… And march with fellow students. The main news article this week is basically about raising awareness in different areas – and if you’re not aware of what the NUS can do for us in terms of alleviating the financial struggle, then come along. Or you could end up like Sean Gerrie, loaning body parts for cash…

Barefacts Live
Remember to listen in to Barefacts Live on GU2 – Monday, Wednesday, Friday, at 6pm after the national news. It’s all orientated around the latest news on campus and is there to inform students of major issues that go on during the week, so tune in to 1350AM/MW and become up to date with the latest news. Don’t miss out!

... are due to Mr Scott Geary and Mr Chris Hunter, both of whom took the amazing photos in last week’s issue of barefacts [Scott - The Demo and Horseriding, Chris - Rushes, Union & Minibusses], and were not, due to an unfortunate oversight, credited for their photographs. Rest assured, guys, we are eternally grateful for your contributions, and hope you accept our humble apologies.

Random Fact of the Week
Ever been on a pelican crossing and wondered how a visually and aurally impaired individual knows when to cross the road? Feel under the yellow and black box for a ridged cone. When it is safe to cross, the cone starts to spin. Have a feel when you’re next out! - Matt Adams

barefacts | be heard

The example that was given was that psychologists have analysed some entrepreneurs and they feel they can, given the time and enough tests, determine if an individual is going to become one. I’d argue that, because of unpredictability and chance in life, there’s no way of telling whether or not a person will or will not become an entrepreneur. Some people ‘make it’ on lucky breaks, and can be described as opportunist. I’m not suggesting that all millionaires simply got lucky and are lazy as hell, but I believe that some success stories are about being in the right place at the right time. So whilst I feel it’s all well and good to try and ascertain whether or not someone will be suited to the job, I think it’s unfair and impractical to suggest that some people can’t do a task or handle a situation because of their personality. It was also said that a progressive branch of psychologists believe that personality can be shaped over time and experiences. Given that a personality test costs around £250 for an hour’s work – you could test someone, turn them down for a job, and then they have the ‘right’ kind of experience to turn them into an ideal applicant. There’s also the problem of people trying to rig the results, especially if it’s widely known that one type of personality will get a job and another may be sidelined. Psychology is fast becoming more and more renowned and implemented in the work place, as well as being a field of research. In so many ways, this is an excellent thing, as the one thing which (arguably) determines our actions – the brain – is being studied and the studies are more accepted and no longer labelled ‘hocus pocus’. However there are limitations to its credibility because of the nature of what is being studied, and I don’t believe that it should ever become the dominant factor in an area such as employment, but remain as a factor, or influence, in making decisions.

23 October 2003

Narrowing Participation
Natalie Howard, who spent a week on work experience in the USSU Media Centre, offers up a view on top up fees, as someone who will be one of the first potential £3,000 a year fee paying students in 2006.
Although university seems like a long way off to me, I had always taken for granted that I would be going. However, what I have recently learnt about the possibility (or inevitability) of the implementation of top up fees, has caused me to reconsider my options and perhaps even think about not choosing to go to university at all. The most worrying aspect being the prospect of, by the time I am 21, being in around £30,000 debt. Charles Clarke and others, seem to think that they know what entices a student to come to university, and that paying graduate tax is the most attractive option. Well, as a year 11 student looking at eventually going to university, I will be in the first year to be affected by top-up fees, therefore my opinion is perhaps much more valid than that of politicians who not only received free education, but a grant as well. This new legislation will mean that I will have to strongly reconsider many of my options concerning what I will do after my A-levels, as effectively, the government are narrowing the choices available to students after they finish school, which is ironic considering they are aiming to get 50% of people coming to university. I would aspire to go to a university which matches my academic ability but, due to the probability of these new top-up fees I will have to consider carefully where I choose to go, and I may end up basing my choice of university on the lowest top-up fees, and how close it is to home. For example, I may wish to go to a university in London where accommodation will be expensive, or one of the top places such as Oxford or Cambridge, where the top-up fees will probably be at the maximum, but due to these factors I would have to reconsider my decisions.
cambridge university - out of reach financially?



less able financially or who come from under represented groups such as single parents with child care needs. However, I can’t help but question whether the students who come from poorer families are, in fact, the only people who need help with their tutition fees from the government. After all, it is the large amount of people in the middle who will struggle in the end. With less wealthy families receiving larger grants and lower fees, and upper class people getting by easily due to their wealth, it is the middle class people who will struggle by with no help with their top-up fees and a large debt at the end of it.

“I wonder if it is simply the fact that Britain does not want to be left behind countries such as America”
Although I understand the benefits, my main concern is still my welfare and the welfare of many other students who will be put in this position when it comes to higher education, and what angers me most about the situation is that my freedom of choice will be affected when it shouldn’t be. I believe that it is everyone’s right to have an education, and by enforcing laws that will mean people will have to pay large amounts of money, and end up in up to £3,000 of extra debt per year, it takes away this right and will affect the amount of people who end up going into higher education at all. I also question why it is that it seems that the majority of people are against top-up fees, and the only people who are for it seem to be those at the top, for example, Tony Blair, or Charles Clarke. Even the University of Surrey’s own Vice Chancellor has indicated that Surrey will introduce top-up fees. I do agree that universities need money but why can it not come from everyone in the form of taxes as opposed to the students alone? After all it is everyone who will benefit from graduates who go on to become doctors, accountants, lawyers etc. I wonder also if it is simply the fact that Britain does not want to be left behind countries such as America who have such legislation. Britain have already followed America into Iraq, so must the same happen with university top-up fees?

“Why is that it seems that the majority of people are against topup fees and the only people who are for it seem to be Tony Blair and Charles Clarke?”
I will also have to get a part time job while I am at univeristy in order to limit the amount that I borrow in student loans. This will inevitibly affect my enjoyment of university as I will be working more than I should, therefore causing a lot more stress, tiredness and extra pressure. Surely if I am having to worry about finance during my time at university I will not be able to put as much energy into my academic work as I could if I wasn’t having to earn extra money to support myself? My decisions about my gap year between sixth form and university may also be affected, as I may have to work for the majority of it in order to earn money to fund me through the rest of my education. Colin Howard, Dean of Students, as a father and an important member of staff at the university, has a lot of valid views on the subject of top-up fees. As a parent he is worried that my and my younger sister’s choices will be limited, and also worries about the amount of debt we will both be in in the early stages of our working lives. “Of course as parents we will limit the amount of debt, and support our daughters financially the best we can, but at the end of the day there are three outcomes: our children are either left in £30,000

worth of debt, at a university which does not live up to their aspirations, or us left destitute.” As the Dean of Students he is worried that we will end up with a 2 or 3 tier university system and that only those who can afford to will go to the best universities. Surely if a person, talking as a parent and active member of staff at a university, expresses these views against the top-up fees it is something to be taken into account. He is however, pleased that the government are offering support for less well off families, but concerned that there will still be students from families who will struggle to financially support their offspring through university and these families will receive no support from the government. He also notes the benefit in the fact that the fees will be used to support those who are

Winter’s on its way so you might be thinking of sacrificing style for comfort - think again! Topman’s Autumn/ Winter collection combines the stylings of the New York punk scene combined with the comfort and quality associated with Topman’s clothes. Music has always been the life force of youth culture, now even more so and the collection, which is based on heavy musical influences such as punk and is steeped in attitude. Think James Dean meets the Sex Pistols as classic black gets a shot in the arm from neon and reflective fabrics. To be in with a chance to win £50 of vouchers to spend on Topman’s fantastic new Autumn/ Winter range simply answer the following question: Complete the name of one of Topman’s new ranges, ‘Shine on you Crazy…” Is it: a) Opal | b) Diamond | c) Ruby Send in your answers to, and you’ve got an extra week this time, so get them in by Monday 3rd November at 5pm. Good Luck!



23 October 2003

The V Project Makes TV History
BY CAROL MAIN OUTREACH & VOLUNTEERING COORDINATOR It has always been one of my minor ambitions to appear on TV – obviously starring alongside some stunningly gorgeous actor in the tropics somewhere, sipping a cold drink with a paper umbrella, looking suitably tanned and wearing a fantastically flattering outfit with groovy flip-flops.. obviously! Screech – and back to reality, anyway, TV – yes, so when I was contacted by someone on behalf of someone else at an award winning Channel 4 Production Company (Lion TV) how could I resist! … Enter The V Project! Way way back in the depths of 1999 whilst I was studying in Farnborough, my department was approached by the lovely people who were making ‘Gladiator’, as they were searching for extras for the opening battle scene (you remember – lots of dead soldiers). The one problem for me was they only wanted men to make it authentic. Can’t really argue with that I guess, and when my classmates retuned on the Monday morning after a weekend of lying face down in icy mud for hours on end, to be followed by the freeze-framing of the entire opening sequence among cries of “oh but look – I’m sure that’s my ear, no, wait – surely there’s my finger”, I think I was probably, strangely, a tiny bit envious! Back to the summer of 2003 – most students were away on their hol’s but I managed to gather a mini army of UniS related people and we trooped off to Farnham Woods (where the opening Gladiator sequence was shot) at some unearthly hour of a Sunday morning (“to make the most of the sunlight”) where we proceeded to spend the day taking part in a the filming of one of six programmes entitled ‘Weapons That Made Britain’ (to be aired early 2004). The programme that we were involved with was ‘Shield Walls’. To be fair I didn’t have a clue what I was letting myself in for, but it was great fun! There were about 100 extras, varying from fit young army cadets, to middle aged, overweight men who reeked from Saturday night’s beer soaked evening... mmm nice! We were given food and drink, split into groups (I was positioned next to a rather large rugby lad, who alas wasn’t quite Russell Crowe, and did make my knuckles rather sore as we had to ‘lock’ our shields together in a long line and shout ‘arrrrrr!!!’ in a scary kind of way, usually followed by an ‘ouch’ of accidental knuckle crunching, but all good fun nevertheless!). In the morning we were ‘trained’ on how to form a strong wall of shields that would keep the enemy out, followed by an afternoon of filming: we spent a lot of time trying to look and sound scary and saxon-like! – we ‘locked’ our shields, turned around (much harder than it sounds when you’re holding a huge piece of wood!) and even charged! Hurrah! The series presenter was a friendly looking guy called Mike Loades who I had never heard of but apparently he’s a tiny bit well known in historical circles(!!), and Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman (USSU Sports Sabbatical) and myself did spot him on a TV programme a few weeks later – wearing the same shirt as at the filming which made us laugh! (it’s the amusing little things in life!). Hee Hee! Ultimately it was a great day and we all had a lot of fun, met some new people (it’s not everyday that you meet a group of saxon warriors now is it?!) and learnt a new skill (‘is able to form a shield wall’ – what a great asset to any CV!) I can now tick ‘being an extra’ from my list of minor ambitions, and able to hold a fairly informed conversation if I need to make polite conversation about shields! What more could you want! If you would like to find out more about The V Project and it’s latest activities, please get in touch with Carol Main (01483 683254/ email, and look out for an article coming soonn to BareFacts about our latest fun adventure of pulling a pond apart at a local infants school (don’t worry, we got the school’s permission first!)

The V Project Competition!
Volunteering – hurrah! So the weeks are thundering past and this week I thought it would be fun if we had a competition! What’s the prize I hear you cry! – the prize is fantastic! – a pair of tickets for the British Airways London Eye (valid until 30th December 2003) which is on the side of the River Thames, where you get stunning views of London as you have a 30 minute trip around the ‘big wheel’, snapping away on your camera at all those well known London sights, and generally being a bit of a tourist! To win this amazing prize all you have to do is write a short piece about any volunteering that you have been involved in in the last 12 months (it does not have to have been done through The V Project) – tell me who you are, what you did, where and when you did it, why and how you got involved, what you learnt, and anything else you think is interesting about the experience. Submit your entry by email, posting, or bringing it to me in person (post it under my door if I’m not here) by 5pm Friday 7th November. An independent source will read all of the articles and pick the winner, who will be notified by Friday 14th November.

Sensory Garden/ Pond De-Construction!
Many thanks to those of you who were involved in the event on Saturday 18th October at Stoughton Infants School – it was a great success and the volunteers certainly won’t need to be working out at a gym this week! Phew! Article to follow shortly in Barefacts.

Handicap International
…Is an NGO working to support landmine victims and people with disabilities in 55 countries around the world. As co-founder of the International Campaign to ban landmines, Handicap International was co-winner of the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize. Handicap International UK (based in Farnham) is in need of volunteers to help with an event on November 1st in Trafalgar Square. The event marks the start of Landmine Action Week, and is an awareness raising day. The focus will be the construction of a ‘pyramid of shoes’, each show symbolizing lives and limbs lost as a consequence of landmines. A variety of exhibitions and entertainments will be on offer and experts will be on hand to talk about de-mining, mine-risk education, and prosthesis fitting. Volunteers are needed (whole day, morning or afternoon) for stewarding, talking to people, event set up/ clear up, etc, and will be invited to attend a post-event get together. Contact me for more information.

Scott Farmer (AKA: The DAVE Project), and myself now have a slot on GU2 – let loose on the airwaves! You can listen to ‘The V & DAVE show’ on Mondays 4-6pm on 1350AM/MW or online anywhere in the world at There are also lots and lots of exciting longer term opportunities, for information on anything related to The V Project please contact me: Name | Carol Main Tel | [01483] [68]3254 Email | Web | Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU

the volunteers’ enemy - don’t they look scary? | photo: carol main

23 October 2003


surrey ballroom dancers [right: claire beckett]



23 October 2003

GU2bbc radio one radio visits
by Duncan ‘Judge Mental’ Wilson
It was early one July morning and Gaz Davies, the former GU2 station manager, and I were milling about outside the BBC’s Broadcasting House. Then P, formerly of The Vibe on GU2, arrived. As we made our way into the foyer of Broadcasting House, a huge amount of excitement began building up inside me, for we were not just visitors to Radio 1. No, we weren’t just in for a dash of celebrity spotting, no, P and I were going to present a show on the station! So it would have helped if we had the right building! As the receptionist kindly explained we needed to walk another five minutes down the road to Yalding House, the building where Radio 1 and 1Extra broadcast from. Once inside, we entered a room, amusingly entitled ‘One Big Boardroom’, sat down and drank some tea. After they’d laid out what we were going to do over the next few days, as well as briefed us slightly on Radio 1’s marketing strategies, the fun began! We were shown around every room in the building, with them very tactically, saving the studios until last! We were taken down to meet Will, former producer of The Chris Moyles Show, sidekick Comedy Dave and later we met Chris Moyles himself. After that, they had finally let us have a look at one of the studios! We also got to see Newsbeat go out on air live. They then introduced P and I to Suzanna Wallace. Former producer for Mark Goodier, this lady had been commissioned to be our producer for the one hour show we were going to produce and present a month from that day. The show, despite being pre-recorded, had to be as slick and pre-prepared as possible. For this reason, we were given ample studio and production time, which P and I used to our full advantage (prior to being left alone in one of the studios, we were instructed not to use any foul language as Moyles, who was next door, has a habit of putting other studios on air when there’s somebody in them ‘for a laugh’!). The initial three days had ended and we’d enjoyed a good lunch and dinner out with various Radio 1 staff members, met a few (or rather a lot, in P’s case!) famous broadcasters, oh, and I met Busted too! One month on and it was show time! P and I met up to have a final run through our script, before taking it into Radio 1 for Suzanna to peruse. We also had the tough decision over what our freeplays were going to be! I caused a bit of a stir in the music department by choosing Dee Lite’s ‘Groove Is In The Heart’. The reaction from them was “It’s not very Radio 1 is it?” to which Suzanna replied “Er, listen! Jo Whiley’s playing it right now!”. Thanks Jo! Much to the query of everybody else, we’d agreed to record the show in ‘real time’, i.e. the show was to be broadcast at 3am on Monday 25th August, so we wanted to record it at 3am, three days before. Thursday evening and the BBC car, booked with the instructions ‘for broadcast’ collected me and drove me to Yalding house in great comfort. We entered the studio and the real excitement hit me. This was it! Here we were, the BBC together with P and Mental! Let’s do it! After a number of false starts, the fault of the equipment and not ours, we got down to business. The show ran through the hour nicely, with P and I getting into it more as the time ran on. By the sixtieth minute, we wanted more! Three days later some friends and I woke at 3am in small caravan, somewhere in North Wales to listen to the result. I can safely say that was one of the most surreal nights of my life! The opportunity to produce and present a show on Radio 1 came about after 1350AM GU2 won the title ‘Student Radio Station of the Year’ for the year 2001-02. It ended up playing a big part in getting both P and myself paid gigs within the industry. P now presents The Presence for SBN, which is syndicated to student stations, including GU2, across the UK, while I’m enjoying a stint covering SBN’s breakfast show. I would like to finish off by thanking Gaz for the excellent jingles he produced for us, although he chose not to present on the show, he still got his work on air!

P presents ‘The Presence’ every Wednesday night from 10pm and Duncan Wilson presents ‘Breakfast with Shockwaves’ every weekday from 8am, both on 1350AM GU2!
duncan ‘judge mental’ wilson at radio 1

p of ‘the presence’

23 October 2003



Dr Russ Replies
DR RUSS CLARK | UNIS CAREERS SERVICE Got any good advice about performing well at interviews? The interview is your opportunity to convince an employer that you’re the right person for the job. That means achieving two things:- you must prove you have the right qualities and you must convince them that you’d love to do the job you’ve applied for. But rather than going in to an interview simply hoping it’s going to work out well for you, it will pay huge dividends if you spend some time planning beforehand. So what is the best way to do this? First of all, make sure you examine the job description closely. This will list the attributes which the job requires. Think about all you have done which you could use as evidence to show that you meet those requirements. Employers are particularly keen to find out whether you have appropriate skills such as leading, problemsolving and organising and often ask you to provide examples of when and how you have demonstrated these in the past. You should next spend some time researching the employer in greater depth. Is there anything else I should do before the interview? Yes. Your planning should include taking another look at the copy you kept of the application form. Think about the kind of questions you would ask if you were the interviewer and plan how you would answer these. Think particularly of all the questions you’d hate to be asked and work out reasonable answers. It can do your confidence a power of good if one of them comes up and you’re ready for it! By the way, we have a leaflet titled “The First Interview” in the Careers Service which has some examples of commonly asked and more difficult questions on the back cover. What about the interview itself? Aim to be as positive as you can throughout the entire procedure. You can rest assured that the employer wouldn’t even be interviewing you if they didn’t think you could do the job, but you’ve still got to convince them that you’d really like to do it. I have met a number of employers over the years who have told me how good Surrey graduates have been from a technical point of view but have added that they haven’t all been that brilliant at selling themselves. So make it your aim to show a bit of enthusiasm! Do you have a question you think Dr Russ could help with? Just send it to or pop into the careers service and speak to an advisor

A Blast From the Past
Lorne Smith gives in insider’s view on 1970s Politics at Surrey.
The atmosphere on most University campuses around the UK in the early seventies, comparative to today, was rebellious. The late sixties’ flowerpower, peace and love movement was being hijacked by the better organised Far Left Trotskyite Socialist groupings like Tariq Ali’s IMG and Paul Foot’s Socialist Worker party. You wouldn’t think this clamour for ‘permanent revolution’ would get far among Surrey University’s 2500 undergraduates, who were predominantly engineers or studying Hotel and Catering, etc, with only a tiny Sociology department. Nevertheless a combination of factors made it fertile ground for the Extreme Left for a period. The brains behind the organised radicalism at Surrey were two post-graduates. They were well-read, astute Trotskyites, whose objectives were to use the Student Union to demand reforms that they knew the authorities couldn’t accept in order to experiment in revolutionising the mind of the ‘rank and file’ student. The Vice Chancellor was a delightful man, who tried hard to reach out to the student leadership, for example, inviting them to his house for dinner and installing student representatives for the first time on a number of important University committees. I had been elected non-sabbatical ‘Arts Chairman’ of the Student Union for 1970-71 - an ill-defined role but we started the Surrey Free Festival (with Genesis - a local Guildford, undiscovered band - joining the line-up!) and also built a screen printing process. These gave me, a longhaired hippie at the time, a public face and the student body a capacity to produce quickly hundreds of posters, vital in any propaganda campaign of that era. Following what for the University authorities must have been an alarmingly radical campaign, I was just voted sabbatical Student Union president for 1971-72. In the spring term of 1972 I chaired eight one-hour weekly student meetings to discuss a new constitution (drafted by the Trotskyites), which moved the power of decision making away from a student representative executive and put it in the hands of the general meeting of students with a minimum quorum of only 50. The change was justified publicly on the basis of greater democracy and I am quite proud of the quality of those eight hours of dry constitutional debate (!) but, of course, the outcome that we had planned allowed the motivated radical element who were prepared to turn up each week, to take power in the Students Union, using it to disseminate more effectively and widely socialist ideas. It was only when the ‘Left’ went over the top and stirred up an occasional backlash among the Rugby Club etc that the ‘conservative’ element was able to rally its normally apathetic ‘silent majority’ forces and vote down some proposal like ‘support the IRA’ (who were hiding their terrorism behind the Civil Rights movement at that time). Interestingly, Bare Facts was editorially quite separate from the Students Union, politically was ‘hippie/neutral’ and well run and, if we needed to communicate quickly with the student body, it had a much more efficient distribution system than the University authorities. During 1972 the National Union of Students, with the ‘careerist’ Jack Straw in the lead, was rallying a protest across the country against the Tory government and Margaret Thatcher, who was Education Minister. To try to create a political link between the ‘working class’ and ‘students’, they came up with the idea of striking: not against their lecturers - as they would have been laughed out of court - but against the cost of living. The Socialists, now in full control of the Surrey Students Union, were well prepared to organise a rent strike to make as much trouble as possible and the University was worried. If it hadn’t been for ‘the lie’, the Surrey rent strike would have petered out before Christmas, as did the vast majority of the 160 around the country with their lack of justification and, with no further gains to be made in radicalising the student body through this issue, the Left would have gone back to protesting about the Vietnam war or something else. But the NUS had a mole in the office of the Government’s central university committee and it was discovered that Surrey had doctored its numbers. Its rent and food costs had come in the highest quartile of a national survey, so the food costs were changed before the survey was published to bring Surrey down into the lowest quartile and allow the University Secretary to argue that, comparatively, Surrey students were well off and could afford a rent increase to £4.50. This in turn would benefit future students, as the University could then afford to build more residences and this would save increased numbers of students having to pay higher rents in the town. Well this was manna from heaven. The fact that the second lot of numbers could perhaps be justified as the most accurate was irrelevant. We had caught the ‘capitalist lackeys’ cheating and lying and we were organised to take advantage of it to solidify the strike. The propaganda was pumped out and the majority of students bewitched. Somewhere between 70% and 80% of all students refused to pay their £4 per week rent and, instead, about 50% paid it into a Student Union holding bank account, the interest being used to pay for the propaganda battle. Some £120,000 between October 1972 and April 1973 was kept away from the University and it was put under severe cash flow pressures. I am pleased to say that I had enough sense to realise in my third year that I needed to get my head down to obtain a degree and so, having played the front man and set up the protest, I pulled out from further student agitation from autumn 1972 and left it to other hotheads to create havoc from the confrontation. The University eventually offered a compromise of £4.35, which was thrown out by the general meeting of students against the advice of its now ‘moderate’ president (elected by the full student franchise), and this led to an occupation of Senate House about ten days before the end of the spring term 1973, which became national news. This was wildly exciting stuff for the Left Wing but, of course, was going nowhere. No new ‘discoveries’ were made among the ‘files’ in Senate House to sustain the grievance propaganda war and, with the holidays approaching, everybody went off home. £4.35 was subsequently agreed while Surrey’s image had suffered much damage from the sit-in. You may have guessed that, though at 20 with a heart I was a Socialist, by the time I was 30 I had discovered my head and was voting Centre Right. The above story illustrates the danger when the Far Left (who seem to be back in fashion) has an opportunity to take control of Trade or Student Unions or single issue pressure groups. Their primary focus is in revolution rather than the interests of their members. Lorne is now Principal of Carew Smith International, a management recruitment company. He has also donated the Carew Smith Long Driving flask that has been presented annually at the Alumni/Students Golf Meeting for the last 10 years.



It’s a Ross Kemp In the Literature Section extravaganza in this week’s Arvind Virdee takes an theatre section, as Daisy alternative look at George Clay heads off too see ‘The Orwell’s first novel - not Taming of the Shrew’. for the fain hearted!

singular single



DANKO JONES WE SWEAT BLOOD Bad Taste Records Danko Jones release their second album We Sweat Blood as a follow up to 2001s acclaimed Born a Lion. They sound somewhere between Motorhead, AC/DC and The Wildhearts and have opened for The Rolling Stones. The first single I Want You is a catchy little bit of rock n roll, and other album highlights are Dance , Home to Hell and Hot Damn Woman. Also on the track Heartbreaks a Blessing they seemed to have borrowed some lyrics from Aerosmith. ; The band will be over here in December on tour so be sure to catch them. p.w.


Adding momentum to the burgeoning ‘two-piece Theprefixed girl/guy combo’ movement, The Kills, bolstered by the lascivious vocals of VV (aka Alison), easily rival their celebrated Detroit-based counterparts in the gritty lo-fi blues stakes. Except Jack and Meg are unlikely to ever record a Jonathan Fire*Eater cover as a B-side – and if they do, it won’t sound this good. j.d.

outstanding excellent good average poor



Island Records
The latest offering from one of the biggest hip hop producers, but most people would probably know him better as a member of the massive Wu Tang Clan. The overall sound is a bit sameish. It has all the usual hip hop characteristics: lyrics about drugs, alcohol and all the women they can possibly get into one room such as Drink, Smoke and Fcuk. Featuring special guests Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Ghostface Killah. It does offer some great beats behind the somewhat predictable rapping. If you’re a hardcore hip hop fan then this should definitely appeal to you. d.m.

IGGY POP SKULL RING Virgin This is Iggy’s eagerly anticipated follow up to his 2001 album Beat em Up, and a reconvention with his original band mates from The Psychedelic Stooges back in 1967. This album also has collaborations with his Stooges, Green Day, Peaches, The Trolls and Sum 41 who appear on the first single Little Know It All. The album Skull Ring is a dose of old skool punk with modern twists and in general is an upbeat album with some catchy tunes. Some personal favourites include Perverts in the Sun and the single Little Know It All, which are very catchy tunes. Iggy Pop is back with a brilliant dose of good quali ty radio friendly punk that should be listened to by all. p.w.

SHIOBBHAN DONAGHY REVOLUTION IN ME London Records The red haired Sugarbabe who seemed to vanish from the scene for a while, has re-emerged with a surprisingly good album. Shiobhan proves that going solo, from what has become one of the better known British female groups, was not a horrendous mistake. With great production and some writing help, the songs flow beautifully and play around with various genres, a bit of rock, funky beats and some ethnic touches like a Chinese folk sound on Next Human (xy). Its what Natalie Imbruglia could be if she had Massive Attack and the Sugarbabes lending a hand. d.m.

TRAVIS 12 MEMORIES Independiente During Travis’ enforced 18 month break, it seems that their main rivals Coldplay have shifted up a gear or two and started implementing their plans to take over the world. Travis still seem to be stuck in first gear and are having all sorts of problems with the clutch. 12 Memories retains their trademark sound, although lyrically it’s much darker, as seen in Peace the Fuck Out and Mid-Life Krysis. The problem is there are no real stand out songs on the album. Current single Re-offender is the only song that even comes close to their previous glories, although the heady days of Turn and Sing seem a long way away now. j.a.

22-20s 05/03 Heavenly Records The American monopoly on garage rock may be coming to an end. This live mini album, taken from the Lincolnshire trio’s tour of the UK in May of this year (hence the album title), showcases some fantastic bluesy tunes that wouldn’t be out of place in the basement of some scuzzy club in New York. With tunes such as Devil in Me and Such a Fool oozing rawness and power, maybe they can inject some freshness into a scene that is starting to become quite stale. j.a.

a perfect circle

This week’s music section is brought to you by: Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Catherine Lee, Jonathan Darzi, Dina Mystris, Michael Field, Peter Wigfield, and Neil ‘Tree’ Boulton.

23 October 2003

XL Recordings

Arena Rock

Eat Sleep Records

Rocket Science offer an assured and impossibly cool debut album, bringing a much-needed dose of funk into the Garage Rock genre. With Welcome… they manage to incorporate an eclectic collection of songs which are far greater than the sum of it’s parts. Songmanship is top of the agenda, as lyrics take a backseat, but this does not in any way detract from the talent which oozes from the speakers. In short this is an album that demands full listening, and at just over half an hour, leaves you wanting more I urge you to investigate. m.f

The Strokes Room On Fire Rough Trade Possibly the most anticipated release of the year follows the phenomenal 2001 debut Is This It that projected The Strokes into the limelight being hailed the best band in world. Room On Fire opens in style with the fabulous What Ever Happened? offering delightfully memorable guitar melodies and Julian’s characteristic vocals. First single off the album, 12: 51 encapsulates in two and half minutes what they’re about, captivating guitars and New York vocals producing a wondrous sound of pure chic Rock n Roll. The closest The Stokes may get to a ballad, Under Control is outrageously fantastic, rivalling What Ever Happened? as the star of album with its quite beautiful lyrics and mellow backing. Progressing from Is This It is a hard achievement for anyone with their rather blasé approach putting the cynics to rest. Lasting no more than 33 minutes the maturely confident second album Room On Fire lives up to the hype with this fine collection. m.b.

British dance gurus, Basement Jaxx are continuously on the pulse of music scene moving with the times with their mix of innovative dance taking another genre and giving it a good old kick up the ass. The impressive Good Luck will no doubt electrify any dance floor with Lisa Kekaula of the Bellrays thunderous vocals on what is a storming track. Man of the moment and 2003 Mercury Prize winner, Dizzee Rascal adds his vocals to the magnificent Lucky Star that combines Eastern sounds with Rascals expressive urban style, a sure fire winner. Third album from Basement Jaxx, Kish Kash is a fine all round album with masses of innovative quality that will delight any open minded dance lover. m.b.

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music team, just
turn up to the meetings the



5.15pm on Mondays in

All the signs are bad when presented with this record; eponymous album title, naughty words in song titles, half-arsed looking cover (not that we judge cds like that) and such contrived, trite song titles as Done In, Malaria Drive Through, Fucked Up and Out of Line. And those omens are proved correct as this Washington 3-piece (fronted by Archie Moore of Velocity Girl and The Heartworms, all ye music buffs) dish out an orphanage gruel-like trudge through rock past, but with staid production, distant vocals and very boring songs. Some jagged riffs and catchy intro’s make things a bit more bearable but these 3-minute rock songs aren’t a patch on their obvious heroes the Stooges and to an extent MC5. m.d.f

USSU Media Centre or email

SIDEWINDER Resolution Fenetik Music Classically trained cellist Sidewinder, from Reading, boasts an impressive c.v., having mixed for the likes of Groove Armada and Ministry of Sound and produced many compilations around the world over the past five years. As such this album on Soma Records offshoot and chilled beats specialists Fenetik looks and feels much like a compilation, so far as mentioning individual tracks is somewhat meaningless. The music flows pleasingly and ticks a lot of late-nightchill-out-y boxes. The aim was to create a seamless mix of genrehopping, sample-laded, emotive sounds and that has been achieved well despite the occasional cringe-inducing moments when some cheesier sounds sneak in. I put this CD on as a good soundtrack to work to; it doesn’t get too flustered and isn’t really interesting enough to prove distracting. m.d.f.

Biffy Clyro/ Crackout @ Mean Fiddler 14th October

I AM KLOOT @ Shepherds Bush Empire - 8th October
Mancunians, I AM KLOOT are greeted by a muted response as they take the stage after the most bizarre support known to man, the karaoke Gimp wilding local boys, King Have Long Arms. Starting off slowly the pace momentarily picks up with Your Favourite Sky and the exquisite To You off debut album Natural History. Promoting self-titled second album the KLOOTS show promise with front man, Johnny Bramwell at the helm with his expressive vocals. As I left the venue a loud bloke shouted what did you think of them? His rather glum mate responded, “I’ve seen more life in a world war one grave”. Not the most joyous band in the world but why should they when they’re musically sound if slightly sombre. m.b.

Biffy Clyro and Crackout are two of the founder members of the current Brit-rock movement including the likes of Kinesis and Funeral For A Friend. Whereas bands like My Vitriol and Vex Red have fallen by the wayside, tonight’s bands have got to the promised land of the second album. Crackout have a few fantastic songs, and on record they are great, but live, Steven Eagles’ vocals leave a lot to be desired. Fortunately they do have the tunes to (more or less) cover it up, and old tracks like I Am the One and You Dumb Fuck combined well with new tracks including Robots Have Feelings. However, Biffy Clyro still showed them how it should be done. Their music seems to flit from soft guitar melodies to raucous “If I attack these guitar strings enough, maybe they’ll break” all out rock, and back again, usually several times in one song. The tunes ranged from the fantastic melodies of 27, Justboy and 57 off their debut album to the ridiculously titled, yet fantastically loud toys, toys, toys, choke, toys, toys, toys. th The gig finished with Simon Neill climbing the speakers and When I heard The Thrills’ debut album, I was quite disappointed. screaming the final lyrics right After hearing One Horse Town and Big Sur I was expecting a few into the faces of those standing more killer tunes. However, live, they are a completely different in the upper level of the Mean proposition. Tonight they were supported by Adam Green, one half Fiddler. Now the current rumour of indie oddballs The Moldy Peaches. His solo material is a quirky is, they are lined up to play No combination of Johnny Cash’s tunes, Nick Cave’s vocals and Craig Wave Live later this semester. Nicholls’ attitude. I really liked him, but he was still not good enough Here’s hoping... j.a. to avoid being inexplicably booed off the stage. The crowd reception for The Thrills was somewhat better. Well, in fact, everyone went nuts! Within the first six songs, they had thrown away all of the songs that I had decided were encore possibilities – Santa Cruz (You’re Not That Far), Big Sur and One Horse Town. Not that I was complaining, their Beach Boys style American West coast surf-rock sounded absolutely fantastic. As the show continued, they played the majority of their album So Much for the City, plus several new tracks, eventually finishing with a romp through Don’t Steal Our Sun, effectively telling everyone that, no, we don’t need any big hits to finish with, because the rest of our songs are just as good! Thanks lads, the brilliance of your live performance has now well and truly converted me. j.a.

The Thrills @ Shepherds Bush Empire 11 October




23 October 2003

T h e Ta m i n g o f t h e S h r e w
After much anticipation, Daisy Clay heads off to the Yvonne Arnaud to see Ross Kemp in all his glory
After arriving a little late (oops) due to a distinct lack of parking as everyone piled into Guildford town centre to see Ross Kemp and Nicola McAuliffe in action, I came faceto-face with my dislike of heights, being seated in the upper circle. Once the feelings of dizziness and nausea subsided (yes, I’m a total wimp) I became so involved in the performance that I soon forgot my fears. Previous to the performance, I had not encountered this particular work of Shakespeare’s and knew nothing of the storyline. However, having studied various other Shakespeare pieces (Macbeth and Romeo & Juliet – those GCSE classics) I was familiar with the lingo and didn’t have too much trouble picking up what I had missed. It also did not take long before I started feeling a strong sense of déjà vu. I had heard this story before in a film, and the film in which I had heard this story was none other than the classic chick flick (and a favourite of mine to be honest) 10 Things I Hate About You, a modernisation film version of the play. The play is set in Verona, where we meet Baptista Minola of Padua’s two daughters: the younger highly popular Bianca and the older Katherina the Shrew. Cue the entrance of Petruchio, who endeavours to woo the bitter and seemingly unwinnable Katherina so that he can take her dowry and so that his friend Hortensio can marry the desired and fought over Bianca, who has sworn not to wed until her sister does. Soon after Petruchio begins to ‘tame’ Katherina by pretending that he finds her rudeness and resentful attitude appealing they get married. Whilst Petruchio continues his attempts to break the spirit of Kate, other men compete desperately for Bianca’s attentions, creating confusion that is somewhat classic of Shakespearean plays whereby two men pretend to be each other and another man pretends to be someone else in order to get closer to Bianca. It all gets a little complicated but that is all part of the fun. Bianca then marries, and the play later concludes with a bet to see who has the most subservient wife leading to an unexpected result. Nichola McAuliffe as Katherina the Shrew is full of attitude and immediately dominates the stage, with loud displays of anger, especially towards men, contrasting strongly with her congenial, although somewhat spoilt-brat-like, sister. McAuliffe delivered a thoroughly captivating performance throughout, portraying a fierce battle by Kate against her feelings, keeping the audience guessing as to Kate’s true thoughts. Having met Kate, we hear that the big, bald and bearded Petruchio, played by Albert Square’s old bad boy Ross Kemp. Despite having known Ross Kemp primarily in the role of Grant Mitchell I found it easy to forget this, and to see him purely as Petruchio. He made the transition from screen to stage without flinching, and delivered his lines with perfect comic timing. The relationship between Kate and Petruchio has been widely discussed, as it is sometimes hard to understand the motives behind their interactions. Despite Kate’s initial attitude towards men, Kate eventually gives into Petruchio, abandoning her unpleasant manner. It seems that this happens when they finally embrace each other, and as Nichola McAuliffe described in the aftershow discussion, when Kate touches him it is “like being hit by something – amazing” and she realises how amazing a relationship can be. Petruchio also seems to enjoy Kate’s company, appearing to take pleasure from her feisty nature. This leads us to think it could be possible that they actually do come to love each other. Nevertheless it must be added that Petruchio not once actually refers to Kate as a ‘shrew’ to be tamed, but as a falcon to be trained instead, which is much more of a challenge with more risks and less control. The after show discussion involved Nichola McAuliffe and also the producer Thelma Holt, CBE. This helped to add further insight into certain character motivations and chosen interpretations of Shakespeare’s work. McAuliffe explained how Petruchio’s game-playing was less about taunting or frustrating Kate, but more about trying to meet her at her own attitude to find some comedy in Kate’s contemptuousness. This was rather humorous as Petruchio explained that Kate could not complained that he was being horrid as he would maintain that his actions were spurred from love. For example, he denies he food for the first day of their marriage whilst she is still ‘shrewlike’ saying that it was not good enough for her, all truly in an attempt to break her will. He also plays mind games with Kate, repeatedly saying that the moon is shining, whilst it is clear to all that the sun is shining, and that nothing can continue until Kate agrees that the moon shine not sun. As soon as Kate agrees just to keep him happy, Petruchio says that it is sun. Ross Kemp played these mind games with a mad-spark of enjoyment in his eyes, perhaps left over from his time as a Mitchell brother, as despite the absurdity of the situation the manipulation was entirely believable. Despite a cast of 24, I was thoroughly impressed by their constant focus and the effort put into their performance, as it was always the case that wherever you looked on stage, regardless of where the action was,

by william Shakespeare
Ross Kemp and Nichola McAuliffe

each actor would be reacting in some way that was interesting to watch. Regardless of how big a part the actor had, they gave it their all and this really showed to the audience. Once the play had finished there were still a few funny moments in the after-show discussion, primarily when one man asked McAuliffe her opinion of Kate obeying Petruchio’s orders of her and whether this was acceptable in a relationship – there were sarcastic undertones in this question, which became understood when McAuliffe told him that Kate did not simply take orders from Petruchio, but that it was about respect and love…and then said that the questioning man was her actually husband! She then made the important point that being in love is about being willing to give up what you enjoy most in the world, but trusting your partner not to ask. When asked to compare The Taming of the Shrew with her role in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, McAuliffe explained that “chitty was performing…this is acting”, where the audience, instead of being made to think ‘weren’t those actors good’, are made more to think about the characters and the implications arising from their situations. This was entirely true for me, as I left the auditorium thinking much more about the characters than about the actors.

This production of The Taming of the Shrew was set in the 1960s, which was chosen for the importance of money in society at that time. A theme of the play is money, which is especially relevant to the situation of Petruchio and Kate, where Petruchio temporarily starves Kate of food and dresses her in tattered clothes. This shows us how, once we realise that love is about so much more than what we look like or what we have, it is about the person we are inside. This may seem obvious, but Kate only truly realises this once Petruchio has dressed her in his tattered clothing. The audience is shown that once we realise the relative unimportance of materials and money, we become happier. Although the couples around Kate and Petruchio seem set to last longer, or rather that they say that Kate and Petruchio’s relationship seems set to fail, the seemingly perfect couple of Luciano and Bianca soon appear to be much less than this. The place at which the play ends leads us to wonder if a more destructive side of their relationship would emerge in the event of a third act to the play. An overall message that although people say that a Kate and Petruchio will never last, they work against the odds, and end up being a couple happier than most because of this – true love prevails over all!

23 October 2003



An Audience with Ross Kemp
Ross Kemp takes a few moments out of his busy rehearsal schedule to answer some questions for barefacts’ theatre section.
Describe your character in Taming; and how realistic do you think he is compared to men today? Petruchio is eccentric, educated and wellread but very poor. I think he is as realistic as anyone else is today - he is solving the problem of not having any money by marrying someone for their dowry - I am sure that is happening in many places across the world today. Ultimately it is a love story, the development of two people’s regard and love for each other and in the end they are happier than anyone else. It is an endearing love and I think the relationship will definitely last. What is the appeal of doing a Shakespearean play; and have you done much before? It is an enormous challenge; I haven’t done Shakespeare since I was at drama school. He is the best writer of all time; when I was asked if I would be interested I did think about it for a couple of days, but thought I have ‘actor’ in my passport, I should definitely have a go at one of his plays and this is one of his greatest - I am really honoured to be playing Petruchio. Is acting for the stage very different to working on TV? In what ways? Yes, very, very different. I am really enjoying rehearsing this and developing Petruchio’s character. Television is a very different process, you have no real rehearsal time and as an actor you have to be more instinctive and do things off the top of your head. Working in theatre also has the benefit of getting to really know your fellow actors - I am loving that side of things as well, they are a great company of people and have been a great support. I believe you became involved with this because of Nichola McAuliffe? Is this true, and what’s it like working with her? Yes it is true! We met at a party and she said in passing you should play Petruchio and low and behold 12 months later here I am - so the motto of that is be careful of what you say at parties! I love working with her and she is a tremendous support. Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre Team? For more details, email Daisy at, or just turn up to barefacts meetings in the USSU Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.

Theatrical Memoirs for the Guildford Book Festival
One of the world’s most respected directors and one of the greatest actors of the twentieth century are featured at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre as part of the Guildford Book Festival. Sir Richard Eyre was Artistic Director of the Royal National Theatre for most of the 1990s, a period which critics have described as a golden age. He has won numerous awards, including an Olivier Award for Lifetime Achievement. He co-wrote the screenplay for, and directed, the Oscar-winning film Iris, starring Judi Dench and Kate Winslet; while his recent book National Service: A Diary of a Decade is based on the diary he kept when he was Director of the RNT. Eyre is in conversation on the main stage at the Yvonne Arnaud on Sunday 26th October, 7pm, with Guardian theatre reviewer Michael Billington. Alec Guinness was indisputably one of the greatest actors of the last century, with memorable performances in films including Kind Hearts and Coronets, The Ladykillers, Bridge over the River Kwai and Star Wars. After his death in August 2000, his widow asked author Piers Paul Read - a friend of Sir Alec’s - to write a biography based on private papers and unpublished diaries. Piers Paul Read on Sir Alec Guinness offers a penetrating and perceptive insight into the life an intriguing and complex man at the Mill Studio, Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, on Sunday 26th October at 4pm. George Baker is the quintessential English leading man, familiar to television audiences as Chief Inspector Wexford in The Ruth Rendell Mysteries. However his career spans more than fifty years, having worked with some of the all-time great performers and directors from the West End to Broadway. An evening of warm and witty stories from his recently published memoir The Way to Wexford can be seen on the main stage at the Yvonne Arnaud at 7pm on Sunday 2nd November. Ermyntrude and Esmeralda, the charming, witty and racy tale of two seventeen year old girls caused a stir in 1914. But it’s author, Lytton Strachey, was already known as a controversial figure, being the doyen of the famed Bloomsbury Group. Strachey and his outrageous tales are brought to life by Tim Heath (Summoned by Bells, Not Yet the Dodo) in Lytton Strachey: By Himself at the Mill Studio on Friday 31st October and Saturday 1st November, 8pm. Tickets for Main Stage shows are £10; Mill Shows are £8. Box Office is open Mon to Sat 10am to 8pm - call 01483 44 00 00.

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
By foot from campus: Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue along Millbrook past Debenhams. The Theatre is just past this large building on the right. Box Office (01483) 440000

How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking
By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive from Guildford, and parking is free in the Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks Centre in central Woking, easily accessible from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and A3. By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute train journey from Guildford, with trains going every 5-20 minutes between Guildford and Woking. Box Office (01483) 545 900


John Secretary Beingthe Week Classic of
By Tuoyo Amuka
As far as cinema goes, dealing with themes of an adult nature has always been tricky. Often a director’s vision could be succinctly translated onto screen a la 91⁄2 weeks or artistic misrepresentation could easily ensue, Showgirls anyone. Secretary superbly manages to surprise and entertain accordingly. Director Steven Shainberg’s latest offering deals with the world of sado-masochism with such aplomb, I was very compelled to view his earlier works. The movie stars Maggie Gyllenhaal in her first starring role as Lee Holloway, a vulnerable, recovering depressive. As the story is told in flashback, she narrates the experiences that have led her to her current situation. We’re duly transported 6 months earlier, as Holloway is discharged from a psychiatric hospital. Her tenure, the result of severing an artery when a routine self-mutilation exercise goes awry. To dull the pain of her aimless existence and escape from an overbearing mother, she gets a job as the titular assistant to a local lawyer. That 80’s relic, James Spader gives a towering performance as the attorney in question. On the surface he appears to be a comparatively decent individual, the only allusion to his deviancy, a fondness for exotic flora that’s displayed in his office. Which appears to have been at the epicentre of some natural disaster when Lee responds to an advertisement for the secretarial position. Initially Mr. E Edward Grey (Spader) attempts to discourage Miss Holloway from applying by asking some uncomfortable questions, but Lee gets the job all the same. Despite his yuppie-like appearance, Grey is a stickler for old-fashioned values, aloof and vociferously chastises Holloway when she makes typographical errors. At one point he loses his composure, tells Lee to come into office, work in hand, instructs


23 October 2003


her to lean over his desk while reading out her effort. And proceeds to spank her. Hard. Thereafter Lee and Grey embark upon a bizarre and interesting relationship. One that is dictated by domination and submission, soon he’s telling her how to dress, what to eat and how. Lee flourishes as result of this subversive association. Soon after she’s making mistakes intentionally, suddenly Grey stops getting physical after realising he’s no longer in control. This leaves Lee devastated and she tries to inflict the punishments on herself ; to no avail. The last third of the movie deals with the reconciliation of Grey and Lee, after she is fired and discovers she’s in love with him. It ends on a somewhat indecisive note as director Shainberg frets on the issue of closure. Does Lee get her man or not? Suffice to say you find yourself rooting for her, hoping she does. This movie was released to a lot of hostility in the U.S as some promotional posters depicted a woman bent double, just touching her ankles with the slogan “Assume the position” emblazoned underneath. While others had the woman in question stooping across a desk with Spader’s face, subtly positioned so one could just about view it. A few rather vocal feminists weren’t too pleased and made their opinions known by demonstrating at select cinemas across the country. If anything it only helped to raise the profile of the movie. Nevertheless, Maggie Gyllenhaal is fast becoming everyone’s favourite odd-ball actress and she simply illuminates the screen with every slight nuance in this production. Not to be outdone James Spader’s understated rendition of sexual deviant, Edward Grey is near perfect. In fact, this is a movie the Marquis de Sade would have paid money to see. Steven Shainberg has created a cult masterpiece that neither passes judgement on alternative sexuality nor mocks that most sacred liberal mantra ; “different strokes for different folks” literally. Secretary is out now on general release, DVD and VHS.

BY NEIL BOULTON | FILM EDITOR In this weeks film section the general theme is ‘A Day At The Office’. Actually less of a theme and more of a tenuous link. Anyway, if you are sitting comfortably, we shall begin. Being John Malkovich represents the working day grind at it’s most surreal and maybe calling a film that’s only 4 years old ‘Classic of the Week’ is a bit premature, but I think it deserves it. It’s not often a film so originally bizarre gets filmed and let alone with a big a cast as this. John Cusack plays Craig, an out-of-work and down-on-his-luck puppeteer (due to a ‘wintery economic climate’) living in New York, who is forced to take a job outside of his beloved art by his wife (Cameron Diaz) in order to make ends meet. And so he starts work as a filing clerk at Lestercorp. A company located on the 7 and a 1⁄2 floor of a tall building (Getting to work involves stopping the lift between floors and forcing open the doors with a crowbar - After that you can’t help notice the ceiling’s half as high) and that’s where he spends his days filing. That is until he discovers a small door in the back of one of the offices, a door that leads him inside the head of John Malkovich. Once going through this door you see the world through John Malkovich’s eyes, then after fifteen minutes or so you get spat out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey turnpike. With the help of Maxine (Catherine Keenar), a colleague he’s fallen helplessly in love with, they decide to make a quick buck on the magic door and start selling tickets to go inside John Malkovich’s head and see the world through his eyes. Cusack’s longings for Maxine go unfulfilled as she falls for his wife Lotte… but only when she’s inside John Malkovich, an unusual love triangle develops with Malkovich completely unaware of Lotte being inside his head. Scorned, Craig tries to be with Maxine by going inside Malkovich’s head instead of Lotte. All goes great until Malkovich finds out about the business and the bizarre use of

his head and especially when Craig works out how to control Malkovich from inside his head. Then one question starts to arise – Why does Malkovich have a portal? Looking at it on paper probably made most movie executives think “It’s never gonna happen”, but it did and I’m very happy that it did. The thing that probably got it made was John Malkovich agreeing to be in it playing a not-quite version of himself (His middle name’s Gavin, not Horatio…). The plot and the story are amazing, the amazing premise being teamed up with excellent writing and where the film is basically a comedy, and it is very funny, towards the end it also adopts several deeper tones. The plot taking an unusual glance at the concepts behind being someone else, the self, identity and at the very end even a look at hell. The film was directed by Spike Jonze, formerly responsible for shooting music videos (He directed the video where Christopher Walken danced around a deserted hotel… before taking flight around the lobby), and he does a bang up job with it – his years of music videos being excellent training for the subject matter. Also all the leads perform greatly with the unusual subject matter. John Cusack is excellent as the unlucky and confused Craig Schwartz, Cameron Diaz does well as sexually confused Lotte – looking nothing like you’ve seen her in previous films (Blonde locks lost in favour of giant frizzy hair and dodgy sweaters) and Catherine Keener was nominated for an Oscar in her role as the independent Maxine. The film’s visual style is superb and leads to many stand out moments, such as; Craig’s initiation at Lestercorp, Craig discovering the portal, a frenzied race through Malkovich’s subconscious and the answer to the question “What happens when a man goes into his own portal?” If you haven’t understood any of this, I suggest you go see the movie, all will become clear and you’ll be watching the most original film of recent years. If you have understood me, go see it anyway, you’ll have a similar experience.

23 October 2003



Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

Given the fact that Halloween is almost upon us those shady figures behind the various TV channels have been putting their thinking caps on and… well… Guess what – Horror movies! Channel 4 is putting on something it’s dubbed ‘Shriek Week’ which has lead to a definite scary twinge to the week’s proceedings. Spooky.
23rd October 2003
An American Werewolf In London | John Landis’ famous Werewolf romp - Two American tourists get attacked by a Werewolf whilst spending some time in quaint ol’ England. Definitely check out this Horror/Comedy hybrid, it also has Oscar winning special effects by Rick Baker too, which apparently makes the Werewolf transformation scene a real treat.

BBC2 | 1:20am – 2:30am

Little Shop Of Horrors | Roger Corman again, and no, this isn’t that film with Steve Martin and Rick Morranis in it. This is the original, before the remake. Same plot applies though – a boy working in a flower shop grows a plant with a taste for human flesh. That needs feeding. A lot.

Five | 9:00pm – 11:40pm

26th October 2003
The Matrix | Given the recent hype of this films twin sequels Reloaded & Revolutions this film doesn’t need too much of an introduction. Keanu Reeves plays the computer hacker who finds out the world we’re living in is actually a computer simulation imprisoning us all. Kung-fu and special effects everywhere. Falling Down | This film fits right in with this week’s Office-based theme and also a film I’ll probably take more in depth look at later. Michael Douglas takes the lead alongside Robert Duvall as he plays a man who on his way to work looses it slightly and decides to walk home, leaving a trail of destruction in his path created by his annoyances with the world. Watch it. The Blair Witch Project | Low budget student film does good. The premise is three students going off into the Maryland woods in search of the Blair Witch. A year after their disappearance their film cameras are found. Lots of footage of the woods, if you like that sort of thing. Repossessed | Leslie Nielson! – It’s about damn time there was some Nielson on TV. Anyway, the film’s a spoof of the Exorcist, and most of the gags’ll probably be groan worthy. But it’s a spoof so it should be some good disposable fun.

Five | 9:00pm – 10:55pm

BBC1 | 10:55pm – 12:45am

ITV | 12:00am – 2:15am

24th October 2003
The X Files | One of the few non-horror films in this weeks listing… or maybe it’s just a matter of opinion. Anyway, film adaptation of the popular Sci-fi TV show. Two FBI agents, Mulder & Scully, go off in search of proof of extraterrestrial life. The film has some nice set pieces in amongst its conspiracy story line. Aliens, cover-ups, the works. Frankenstein Unbound | Although it’s directed by Roger Corman – a man famous for his super-low-budget schlock film making – apparently this film is far from schlocky. Starring John Hurt, it concerns a scientist who inadvertently gets sent back in time after inventing a weapon of mass destruction. He ends up meeting a very real Dr. Frankenstein (Raul Julia) and his famous monster. Channel 4 | 11:05pm – 12:35am Channel 4 | 12:35am – 2:00am

Five | 1:00am – 2:25am

Channel 4 | 4:55pm – 6:30pm

25th October 2003
The Witches | Horror films aren’t for everyone, so with that in mind… Here’s The Witches. Roald Dahl’s book is given the big screen treatment starring Anjelica Huston and Rowan Atkinson amongst others. A boy discovers a convention of witches in a hotel where they plot to rid the world of all children. Saving the day would be easier if he hadn’t been turned into a mouse as well. The Omen | Yes. The film with the Cathedral in it. The wife of an American ambassador has a stillborn child, at the time they substitute another child for their own. As the boy grows up they find out he is in fact the son of Satan. As you do. Horror classic.

Channel 4 | 10:40pm – 1:05am

27th October 2003
Bram Stoker’s Dracula | Young lawyer Jonathan Harker (A very cardboard Keanu Reeves) is sent to Dracula’s (Gary Oldman spraying ham everywhere – Nice) castle to finalise a land deal, but when Dracula sees a photo of Harker’s fiancee, Mina, who unfortunately is the spitting image of Dracula’s dead wife, he imprisons him and sets off for London to track her down. The Wicker Man | Christopher Lee, you can’t have a bunch of horror films with out him! A policeman from the mainland comes to the little offshore island of Summerisle to investigate the disappearance of a girl. Upon arriving he discovers the island’s tight-knit Pagan community. Definitely one to watch, especially with its great ending.

BBC1 | 11:25pm – 1:15am

Channel 4 | 1:05am – 3:00am


23 October 2003

Burmese Days - by George Orwell
Burmese Days was George Orwell’s first novel, inspired by his miserable stint in the Burmese Imperial Police Service. When you read the first chapter, you get a heady stink of near every author who took up pen ‘twixt 1918 and 1945; it smells of Waugh, Woolf, Forster, and a whole slew of the melodramatic little turds. And consequently you know – or you think you know – exactly what you’re gonna get. U Po Kyin, the principal baddie, is a Burmese magistrate who has risen to his position on a veritable fountainhead of corruption, engaging in every form of venality you can imagine. Dr. Veraswami is the local medico; not only his training but his entire outlook seems imported from the West. He is an enthusiast par excellence of the British and their Empire, a kind of Indian Uncle Tom, if you will. His close friend is the white timber merchant Mr. Flory, a member of the exclusive European Club. The club is due to elect its first non-white member; U Po Kyin seeks to slander, discredit and ultimate disgrace Veraswami in the eyes of the Europeans by a policy of subterfuge, calculated deceit, and dirty tricks. Naturally thwarting Veraswami’s admittance to the Club. And now can you guess at the plot? Go on, take a wild stab. I anticipated for my part nothing more than a pant-wettingly drossy yarn about how noble Dr. Veraswami and upstanding Mr Flory over the course of 200 pages beat U Po Kyin at his own game, and perhaps send him off to Wasp Island with his nuts coated in jam. Meanwhile Veraswami, the paragon of a decent, British value system is accepted to the Club, and all the protagonists dance around singing the praises of Imperial glory and righteousness. That what you thought? You don’t know jack, and you sure as hell don’t know George. After you keep reading you get struck with the extreme distaste which Orwell held for those imperialistic sentiments he had heard bounced around during his time in Burma. The Europeans spend their time shut away inside their club from the country they have conquered and claim to be nurturing, at their worst constantly emitting casually vicious remarks slating “the slimy little babus” who do all their work for them. Orwell does a hell of a job in getting across the utter despair of his main character Flory; as he is constantly reminded that nowhere among the Europeans, even the kinder, gentler ones can he find an affirmation of what he knows to be true – that an Indian or a Burman is a human being no better and no worse than a European. And it dawns on you. In Burmese Days lie the seeds for 1984. Flory, every bit as much as Winston Smith, strives for the freedom of thought which he is denied, and seeks salvation through a fit bird. Which in Flory’s case is a real posh hum dinger named Elizabeth Lackersteen, the newly arrived niece of one of the club’s members. Yet where Winston’s Julia was a dame after his own heart; Elizabeth Lackersteen is as genteely bigoted against the locals as any the others. Flory can’t see it, of course; in a nutshell, he cannot believe that anyone with eyes so blue, hair so blond, and tits so nice as hers could be anything other than pure of mind and heart. He works himself into the happy delusion that he can bring her round to his point of view; bring her to love him as he loves her; and finally get hitched so they can be happy together and all the imperial drum-bashers in the world can go piss up a rope. So instead of dry imperial or anti-imperial polemic, you got a touching tale of unrequited love, the blame for which and for all the other petty idiocies in the story lies squarely at the foot of the Empire. And to round things off, it has an ending every bit as miserable as 1984’s was. Out of Burmese Days and 1984, I find Orwell’s earlier and less famous work to be the more powerful and moving. Both shout loud and clear that the worst thing you can do to a man is to rob him of his freedom to think. But where the Party accomplishes its goal with helicopters, cameras, informants, torture, brainwashing and bullets; the men of the Club do the same without effort, armed with nothing but peer pressure and the tyranny of the clique. “Do not think for yourself; think as we do, or we will shun you, and you will be alone.” Freedom of thought has enemies other than governments, than men with guns. The pressure of conformity is far more insidious, and in today’s world perhaps more relevant. From petty group despotisms – remember being cowed into toeing the line at school? Perhaps even here, at university? – to the effects of mass media, people seem more ready to shun forming their own opinions in lieu of swallowing ready-made ones. There are indeed notable, and admirable exceptions, but “following a crowd” seems to be depressingly prevalent. The languid nightmare of Burmese Days shows what this leads to. Learn this from it. Freedom to think, to draw your own conclusions, and to live your life as you wish requires only one act of will. Make that act, I implore you.

Arvind Virdee takes a rather alternative look at George Orwell’s controversial first novel

- Union Councillor Elections As the role and importance of Union Council is returning to its former high, we are presently in the process of recruiting students to specific Union Council roles, so that all students are represented democratically. The role of a Students’ Union Officer is to represent all students and issues within their remit. The following meetings are for any of you who want to be considered for an ‘Officer’ position, or just have an interest in the issues surrounding each area :

Monday 27th October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Disabled Students’ Officer Tuesday 28th October 2003, 5.30pm in AP4 International Students’ Officer Wednesday 29th October 2003, 4.00pm in the Activities Centre Mature Students’ Officer Wednesday 29th October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Environmental Officer Friday 31st October 2003, 4.00pm in the Activities Centre Part Time Students’ Officer Friday 31st October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Women Students’ Officer
Each officer will bring together a committee of students who are interested in their respective area, which will discuss issues that can then be fed back to Union Council. This will ensure that the Union is kept informed about the needs of the students and then have the knowledge and insight to act appropriately. Examples of issues that could be addressed are: The Environmental Officer may want to increase awareness of recycling household items across campus accommodation, the Disabled Students’ Officer might look at the current accessibility of our campus, or the Mature Students’ Officer could explore alternatives to the current social events and activities offered. You can offer as much or as little of your time as appropriate to any of these positions, there is not a required weekly amount. We work on an anytime is better than none philosophy! If you would like any more information about any of the Officer positions, responsibilities or the appointment process, please do not hesitate to contact either Pete ( or Claire ( or pop into the Union Activities Centre for a chat.

23 October 2003


Word Search
This weeks wordsearch is a bit musical. Matt Adams, Ben Berryman and Neil Christie have cunningly hidden twenty musical instruments, from the everyday band instrument to some more exotically orientated works of master craftery. Happy hunting! If you fancy coming up with a theme for next weeks wordsearch, then email them across to us

Who played Granville in the TV sitcom Open All Hours? What is dermatophobia the fear of? What is the technical name for the collarbone?
















Which film actor began his climb to stardom in the classic TV cowboy series Rawhide? A Bajan is an inhabitant of which island?

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pub bf quiz


What is the county town of Essex?

Mount Vesuvius is near which Italian city? In mathematics, which prefix refers to 10 to the power of minus 9? The name of which dance literally means ‘double step’? Who shot Mr Burns?

Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are at the bottom of page 20. If the bf pub quiz has whetted your appetite for something more ‘real’, then grab your mates and toddle along to Chancellor’s at 8.30pm on Thursday night and pit your wits against the resident quizmaster, Chris ‘Funkyberry’ Hunter, at the weekly Chancellor’s Challenge.

The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 20, underneath the Rawson’s Creek.

The words are themed around this week’s front page story. The idea is the same as before unscramble each word, then take all the letters from the circles, and unscramble them to make the final word. Words and scrambling by Ben Berryman, the man that can twist words better that your average polititian...

It’s very simple really - all you need to do is fill in the missing numbers from 1 to 9 in the boxes. Each number is only used once in the grid. Each row is a simple maths equation (argh, remnants of GCSE maths!) You might or might not remember that multiplication and division come before addition and subtraction. Something about ‘BODMAS’ I seem to remember. Anyhow, that might help here...!

Ben Berryman’s number puzzle is back from its brief vacation in the sunny south. Do you like the number puzzle in barefacts? Got any new ideas for the interactive page? Then pop over to the nearest computer and let us know at or come and find us in the Media Centre at the Students’ Union. The answers to this and all the other Interactive puzzles are at the bottom of the next page.






23 October 2003

The lyrics Quiz
Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union... AFTER PUSHING 5 months in my first ever full time job lasting more than 3 months, I at last booked a day off last Friday. Since only 3 days of no work doesn’t really afford time for a holiday of the likes of jetting off somewhere hot and sunny, my boyfriend Ben and I decided to jump on the oh-soluxurious train to Portsmouth and head across to the semi-sunny Isle of Wight for a few days by the beach. OK, it’s not quite your average beach holiday, but despite the gale force winds the sun was out, and we were on holiday! BEN normally forms one half of the ‘Scooter and Banjo Show’ on GU2 over Friday lunctime, so he had a sub in for Friday’s show - the infamous barefacts Editor Crazy Chris. Unbeknown to us they started the show talking about the VP Comms and new Exec Officer being away for a dirty weekend together, then decided to give Ben a call, so that through the wonders of modern technology he could talk on air all the way from the Isle of Wight! When Scoot asked Ben “what’ve you done with Sarah?” he replied “I don’t know what I’ve done with her, but she’s next to me with a smile on her face”. A perfectly innocent comment from him, but perhaps not so, when heard along with Scott and Chris’ earlier comments! I now have that feeling when you’ve been saving something up to tell someone, and when you see them at last, you just can’t remember what you were going to say. Living in Surrey Court Wey, as I do (the one with the lovely lecture theatre/ amphitheatre/senate house views), I tend to get ‘entertained’ every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night at exactly 2am. Yup, that’s Union kicking out time! Actually, strike out the Friday from that list, as I’m normally one of the kicked out masses then, but the other days I’m treated to some intriguing snippets of conversation drifting up from the path right outside my window into my room. It’s right now I get that feeling. I’ve heard 101 semi-conversations - you know the type - where the most random things on earth are being said, that would have made sense in their full context, but are completely confusing to an unwitting eavesdropper. BUT you know what? I can’t for the life of me remember any of the strange, bizarre ir just downright worrying things I’ve heard! ‘ickle sarah butterworth I HAVE BEEN to the theatre quite a few times, but I had never appreciated the true power of envelopment that comes with being seated at the very front of a performance until tonight. I was kindly asked to review Madame Bovary for barefacts (see next week’s Theatre section), and although I arrived a little late I was allowed to sit in a jump-seat in the highest furthest back row in the theatre. MY view of the stage was about 60% unobstructed, and while you could hear the characters and see what they were doing, you felt no emotion for what they were going through. Expressions… glances… eye contact… breathing… were all lost over the distance. The lady next to me had funny noises in her tummy, my seat almost gave way when I lent too far forward, there were red lights in ceiling portals (just too recessed for me to see though) - and before long it was time for interval drinks. POST interval drinks I was able to take up my ticket’s true allocation, which was an aisle seat one row from the front of the stage – and my experience changed totally! The characters how had eyes, they breathed, and even shed tears. I was right there – they were around me, and I was part of their lives. In moving just fourtyish metres forward between Acts I can now understand why the stall seats in the Les Misérables theatre have tissue boxes in place of binoculars – you feel what the characters feel. ON the face of it there seems to be no parallels between what I have just written and hedgehogs…but my friends – I took the red pill! LAST week I wrote about watching a hedgehog outside my room, well on Monday night I helped rescue one that was stuck on the campus perimeter road by Twyford Court! This meant getting down on the ground beside it and touching it, and looking it in the eye, and even making it jump with my over excited voice (although someone else actually moved it in their jumper)… and if last week I thought hedgehogs were edible from just watching them – this week I want a three course meal of hedgehogs!!! SO as with the theatre, you can kind of get the idea from watching at a distance, but you only really get true emotional appreciation when you are up close to something. chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
UPSIDEDOWN ANSWERS: Wordsearch: banjo, bassoon, clarinet, didgeridoo, drums, flute, guitar, harmonica, harpsichord, piano, saxophone, symbol, tambourine, triangle, trombone, trumpet, tuba, ukulele, viola, xylophone | bf pub quiz: 1. Chelmsford, 2. David Jason, 3. Skin, 4. Clavicle, 5. Clint Eastwood, 6. Barbados, 7. Naples, 8. Nano, 9 .Tango, 10. Maggie Simpson | Lyrics quiz: 1. Babybird – You’re Gorgeous, 2. Dido – White Flag, 3. The Hazzards – Gay Boyfriend, 4. Greenday – Basketcase, 5. Chumbawumba – Tubthumping, 6. White Stripes – Seven Nation Army, 7. Catatonia – Mulder & Skully, 8. A-ha – Take on Me, 9. Backstreet Boys – Everybody, 10. Tatu - All The Things She Said | Scramble: drink, brandy, tequila, whisky, pill, drug, vodka, alcohol, final answer: Rohypnol

Back to lyrics this week, with a mega effort from ‘The Team’, otherwise known as Neil Christie, Matt Adams, Ben Berryman, Chris Ward and Sarah Butterworth. It’s a bit of a random collections of songs, but if the various questions and answers thrown around the Media Centre late on a Tuesday night are anything to go by, it shouldn’t be too hard! Think you can write the lyrics/slogan/anything else quiz? Email

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You said I wasn’t cheap, You paid me twenty pound I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again I like cigarettes and that’s no gag, but you’ll always be my favourite fag Am I just paranoid or am I just stoned? He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell I’d rather be liberated, I find myself captivated I’ll be stumbling away slowly learning that life is OK Am I original? Am I the only one? Am I sexual? Come in over my face, wash away all the shame

This week I am mostly … gathering ammunition before launching another attack as part of my ongoing fight against poor customer service! OK, an appeal to any statisticians amongst you: realistically, what are the chances of both an album I’ve ordered [a month ago I hasten to add] and concert tickets for the same band not ever arriving? Since this is the predicament I find myself in this week, it looks like I’m to have the joy of finding myself embroiled in a lengthy exchange of correspondence with all and sundry as I track both down. Usually, I find writing vitriolic letters demanding compensation for shoddy service therapeutic, but for some reason, at the minute I can’t seem to find the words. Never normally one to shy away from antagonism, this serves as further proof that I’ve not really been feeling myself of late. You see once I get a principle into my head, there’s no budging my opinion - I’ll defend it to the grave – and since I’m equally gullible, I will undoubtedly rise to any bait dangled in my direction. My friend from home thrives on throwing controversial comments into previouslycasual conversation just to see me react [“women going to university are just wasting the taxpayers’ money” is a particular favourite of his]. I’m not averse to playing devil’s advocate either, if I feel there’s a point to be made. On one occasion, I managed to totally baffle a waiter by demanding to know what he would serve a vegetarian given that there were no meat-free options on the menu. He assured me his team of highly skilled kitchen staff would be able to rustle up a tasty concoction for me from their exquisite provisions of … cheese and pasta. Now, maybe I underestimated the chef’s skills but somehow, in comparison with the offerings of sirloin steak and fresh salmon for the carnivorous diners, an adhoc macaroni-cheese-affair just didn’t seem an adequate alternative. I said as much, but you can imagine the guy’s confusion when I then proceeded to order a chicken dish. I then had to embark on a long-winded explanation, that actually no, I’m not vegetarian but if I was then quite frankly, service would not have been up to scratch. That gave him food for thought. To be honest, that this exchange was conducted verbally is fairly out-of-character – I’m much better on paper, and have been known to spend hours co-ordinating hatemail campaigns against large corporations [Virgin trains in particular actually but start me on my experiences of long-distance train travel and that’s a whole other column…] There’s definitely an art in it: subtly blending disdain and politeness is a skill not to be underrated. So today, it’s me versus the music industry. Let battle commence. Catherine Lee

23 October 2003




Libra With a funky new hairdo and a cool wardrobe to match, you are certainly the bees’ knees as November rapidly approaches. However, its time to save those pennies and get In The Zone with Ms. Spears on the 14th. Stag Hill Reception is your lucky location, so don’t stray far and you’ll find everything is fine and dandy.

silly Stars
Capricorn Do you ever feel there’s more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking? And that it’s always ‘Me Against the Music’? Don’t worry, it won’t last long – you weren’t cut out to be a model. Or a pop tart. Then again, you’re so vain you probably think it’s all about you. Who knows…but keep Nov. 8th in mind for musical enlightenment. Aquarius Give cheese on toast with Dijon mayonnaise a try - it’s pretty good. This week could be challenged to a walk-off. Stay away form leopard-print underwear. It’s for male models only. Choo choo Thomas. Don’t look at me like that. Pisces At least the heated pool will keep you warm. If you don’t happen to own one, a warm bath will (just about) do. I know it’s easier said than done, but try and have a night in this week. You can always go wild during Reading Week (that’s obviously what its for).

by psychic sandy
Cancer You’re climbing the walls with frustration at the mo, but we’re sure Thursday night at Time will sort that out. Bring on the pink satin PJs and the orange swimming cap. Worn with boxer boots, you’ll only be getting the right kind of attention. Leo Yellow is your colour and it’s too cool for school right now. Matched with cerulean blue, it’s stunning but hey – you’re always stylin’. Wrap up nice and warm and drink lots of milk. Dye it orange a la Samantha. Strut your stuff out on Saturday – it’ll be your lucky night. Virgo Moustaches are in – but only for the female of the species. Fire eating is hot; ice cream is not. Wear your socks inside out and your wonderpants on your head. Woooo. Fetish Night is coming - only a few weeks to go - so get thinking about finding the best costume now, before the rush hits the Guildford shops.

Aries Your Fake Tan Fan problem has been getting a bit too much lately. Pale and interesting is not such a bad look – particularly when used in conjunction with Blue Steel. You should have been christened Derek. Supermodel. Maybe you’re born with it. Taurus Whatever else you do this week, make sure you don’t catch the ‘flu. It’s not big and it’s very definitely not clever. Kitekat may be cheap but it’s not really a healthy option. Stop kissing inappropriate people - or else come November I’ll be saying “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Gemini Angel dust. Spangles and sparkles are your thang this week – it’s all about the glitterbabe look. After several minor setbacks, you’re back and Ready To Go on Tuesday. Cut your hair into a bob and dye it black with red stripes. Even if you’re male - it’s going to be the next fashion fad, honest!

Scorpio Bedridden, snottynosed, weepy-eyed… all these symptoms suggest you’re not the animal you once were. Its time for you to grab an Orange Mocha Frapuccino, spray on that 4-star, and set the place on fire. Wake us up before you go-go. Sagittarius Ged oudda heeeeere… You had no idea Magnum would be so damn powerful. Girlfriend, you hot! Just Relax and try to avoid famous people and world leaders. Find Hansel in the Union (he’s so hot right now), but avoid the odd purple coloured alcopops.

- Personals It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces...
lewis cheeseman, lick my nether-region, makes me go tingley, turn me on, turn me on To the w*nker who nicked my wallet in LTM on Monday: Cheers. The civ eng boys are so confused, Its starting to leave them bemused, who is writing these amazing riddles, That make their bodies tingle and tickle, Enough clues have been given away, So its time for me to bid good day, To Longdog, Ed, little jeff and the not forgotten Stu, Nick, smelly Andy and Boom Boom too. “Horary for tit w*nks, Who the f**k used the bucket for mopping the floor!, Because Dude! You just can’t hide a 6 foot bong!!!, Err, you know Sean’s little schizophrenic problem?” “You can tell Chris has been down here.”“How?” “All the lights are off.” i LOVE the big fat cucumber, i think someone “Franz... ooh, sorry, i wrote Trans by mistake!”“I would be a dead man!” JMB, You are a a Huge God! U make my fantasties Complete!! Px Pete - when you write an email the ‘subject bit’ isn’t the same as the ‘address’ bii! It’s like waiting for the Titanic to sink But what if you were really a mong? needs to experience it!! Hey princess, I was talking about him being a Noble gentleman...... don’t know what you thought I meant????? I may have vomited at least twice but at least I didn’t snog the yetti!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whats the word of the week????? “dont waste water, think of all the trees!” I love you lots and lots Simon. Love from your little LJ XXXXXX bad luck Bok they tried hard But GO ENGLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “let’s get hugging baby!” You made me ill... wicked cold mate, thanks for sharing!!!! Gaybar, gaybar, gaybar. mine, mine, mine, mine, mine I think it’s locked!!!! I have the keys of power! Fear me!!! Ben, I love you soooo much. Love from S xx Stop Fees Now. 26 Oct 03. Be there. I found nemo!!! Thats a nice name... What a wicked night! You alright, gorgeous? How on earth did we end up in The Drink? I wanna go back to Seaview – our own kitchen? Luxury!! Chris: “Be careful, Neil, we’ve already done the gay thing!” Keep ‘em coming, boys and girls, I’m still not gonna tell you. I want to have some of your chilli, but what do I do? I haven’t said anything dumb this week! - Crawl between Becky’s legs and plug it in! - Why, has she got a generator down there or something? Another party next Saturday?... Argh!!! Chemcaaaaaad!!! Even if you did have a disturbing dream about a less than attractive girl, i still love you! xx The call me Big Jon because of the size of my feet. Honest. That was like totally wicked cool! Meow, pussycat. Purrrrrrr. Paintbrush: with hair like that, I’m surprised you know anything about hairdriers.

23 October 2003



UniSport Injury of the Week: Shin Splints
Over the last few weeks at the Optimum Fitness Sports Injury Clinic we have seen a re-occurring problem with ‘shin splints’. This is greatly due to hard ground, as we have had such a good summer and very little rain. There is a very mixed view to what shin splints actually are and how to treat them, so please read the following for a survival guide… The correct term is; Medial tibia stress syndrome (periostitis of the medial margin of the tibia ‘shin splints’). Periostitis is a common complaint in athletes/sports people who often change surfaces and types of shoes, alter techniques, or subject themselves to intensive training on hard surfaces i.e.; rough hard ground, wooden flooring (without the spring), astro –turf etc… Periostitis can be triggered by running and other sports with elements of jumping, the main cause of the pain being repeated take-offs from a hard surface. Runners who run tip-toe, run with their feet turned outwards, or use spiked shoes can suffer from these complaints. Also ladies (and possibly some men???) who wear highheeled shoes can also suffer. Symptoms of shin splints Tenderness over medial (inside) of tibia (shin bone) Swelling can be felt and seen The pain ceases at rest but returns when participating in exercisePain is triggered when toes or ankle joint are bent downwards Pain can also occur to the ‘tibalis anterior’ muscle on the outside of the shin Treatment Pain is a warning, which should signal rest. The sooner training is given up (Rest), the more rapidly the injury will heal. A chronic condition can then be avoided. Ice the area in which the pain is. Deep tissue massage to loosen-up calf muscles (where the problem usually starts from) Massage to breakdown scar tissue to ‘tibial sheath’ inside of shin, uncomfortable but definitely worth it!!! Once the condition has settled down begin low impact exercise i.e. gym – exercise bike, cross trainer, weights. Preventative measures Sports people who play rugby, football, hockey, netball etc… really should have a ‘sports massage’ regularly to loosen tight muscles, improve elasticity in tissues, increase flexibility, break down old scar tissue, improve circulation and drain lymphatic system. This will improve performance and recovery from sport. A thorough warm-up and stretch before the games/exercise commence. Appropriate shoes/foot wear is essential. If you do play on astro-turf then its wise to look into ‘shock absorbers’, which take the impact out of the exercise.

Women’s Football Triumph
BY NATALIE BARETTE After much hard work and preparation, UNIS women’s football team finally took the field on Wednesday to demonstrate to all our immense ability, talent, and desire to win. This was blatantly proven with a convincing 5-1 victory over Southampton Institute. Although only a ‘friendly’ match, the team went out with tenacity and determination to ‘kick ass’ (quite literally)!! Under the great captaincy and leadership of Heather Ford and Stephanie Millington, the team were able to fight back from an early goal putting us 1-0 down, and showed no signs of looking back. With some quite majestical moves, the Surrey team played freely creating many chances, and it wasn’t before long that the goals started pouring in. Goals came from Christine, Sarah and Jen, Christine finishing off two moves with deadly finishes, Sarah scoring twice, with a screamer from 30 yards and Jen slotting home after an amazing run from our own half. A combination of crunching tackles and crisp through balls will make opponents find this team hard to break down, especially with the precision of Steff at the back, able to clear every ball and not COMPLETELY miss any!! (Nice one Steff!). It was an impressive performance by all the team and I’m sure a joy to watch. Player of the match was Sarah who dominated midfield. Southampton were very lucky that this was our first match together and so not all chances were converted. The potential is certainly there and it is fair to say that women’s footy is on the up. This is our year so to all opposition, including Women’s hockey and anyone else who dares challenge us “Bring it”, but only if you can handle getting beat. BUSA awaits and we have much to show, still not at full strength with star players out injured, I warn challengers now that if you aren’t scared yet, you’ll be shitting yourself when we get going! Remember this line because it certainly won’t be the last time you hear it this year… ‘WE ONLY BLOODY WON!”

Optimum fitness
Sports Injury Clinic Monday – Saturday 50% discount to students 25% discount to staff For more information call: Tel 01483 452028 Or pop into the clinic first floor UniSport

BUSA Results | 15 October 2003
Mens Badminton Reading 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 2nd vs Kingston 2nd Basketball Kent 1st vs SURREY 1st Fencing SURREY 1st vs City 134 Football Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 2nd vs SURREY 3rd Chichester 3rd vs SURREY 4th Brighton 5th vs SURREY 5th Hockey Roehampton 1st vs SURREY 1st Rugby Union SURREY 1st vs London SB 1st 8-0 8-1 Squash SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st SURREY 2nd vs Brunel 1st Womens Badminton SURREY 1st vs LSE 1st Basketball Portsmouth 1st vs SURREY 1st 1-0 4-1 7-0 4-0 Hockey SURREY 1st vs Brighton 1st Netball SURREY 1st vs Kingston 1st 5-27 5-0 2-1

BUSA Fixtures | 29 October 2003
Mens Badminton Portsmouth 1st vs SURREY 1st UCL 2nd vs SURREY 2nd Basketball SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st Football Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 2nd vs Portsmouth 4th SURREY 3rd vs Brighton 4th Brighton 5th vs SURREY 4th SURREY 5th vs Portsmouth 5th Golf Buckinghamshire 1st vs SURREY 1st Hockey SURREY 1st vs Imperial Medics 1st Squash SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st SURREY 2nd vs Royal Holloway 2nd Womens Basketball Chichester 1st vs SURREY 1st Netball SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st LSE 2nd vs SURREY 2nd Football SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st Hockey SURREY 1st vs Portsmouth 1st Rugby Union SURREY 1st vs Reading 1st Squash Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st for more fixtures and results visit:



5-4 35-33 1-4 26-27


Squash Royal Holloway 1st vs SURREY 1st 3-2



23 October 2003

Challenge Chops – American Football
Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman takes his life in his hands and heads out onto the American Football pitch
Like the majority of people taking part in American Football, I had never played before. This wasn’t the reason I was worried about this challenge, it was the other guys who joined me at the Varsity Centre on a Sunday morning for a talk on tactics. With a couple of notable exceptions, they were all quite a bit bigger than me. The fact that I was going to be wearing a helmet and shoulder pads was reassuring but did not put me at ease. I’ve often heard people say “surely you can’t feel it, its like rugby but with pads.” I’ll set the record straight, despite the protection, you can definitely still feel it. Following the “lecture,” we all went out onto the ATP for a warm up and some stretching. Involving just a short run, the warm up was fairly basic. The stretching was far from basic. We did all the usual suspects, a few less common ones and some I can safely say I’ve never seen before. They really did their job. Following this was some fitness testing. Not something I had been expecting but something, which they will be repeating 3 more times in the year in order to monitor and encourage improved fitness. This started off with a progressive shuttle run test, more often known as a bleep test, which you might remember from school. Essentially you have to run back and forth between 2 markers placed 20 metres apart with a series of bleeps dictating how fast you run. Starting off at little more than a walking pace, the bleeps get faster as each level is reached. Slowly the numbers of people taking part decreased. After a while, everyone but 2 others and myself had dropped out. On the 11th level the 2 others called it quits and I’m proud to say I managed to last into level 12. The encouragement and support aimed at all participants at all fitness levels was impressive. We were then split into groups for the rest of fitness testing. My group moved onto “the jingle-jangle” which tests directional speed. Three markers are set out in a line around
chopsie dressed for battle | photo: pete nichols

10 yards between each one. You start off at the middle marker at right angles to the line. You then run to one of the side markers, run to the other side marker and run back to the centre marker, against the clock. The majority of people taking part on this test posted around 5 seconds. This was repeated and the fastest time taken. Although I improved,

I got one of the slower times. This was followed by a 40yard sprint. Again this was repeated and the best time taken. Again I improved on my time but was slower than quite a few of the others. To finish off, was a bench press. With little doubt this was going to be my weakest event. I’m a very light build and have never done a bench press before. Taking my turn, I knew that a couple of the smaller guys in the group had managed 3 repetitions. When I first took the strain of the bar, I had doubts if I was going to be able to lift it once. It was very heavy. I managed 2 repetitions. Not too bad considering that at 70kg, I was lifting nearly 120% of my body weight. Some of the larger guys however managed over 20 repetitions and I think one guy got over 30. Next up was the rough stuff. The fact I’m carrying an old shoulder injury meant I wasn’t looking forward to this. But with a helmet and a big set of shoulder pads, I thought I would give it a go. We paired up and practised the correct action from about half a metre away. The group was then split into two and we practiced at a 1⁄4 speed. Then the pace was upped to full speed. My first full speed “hit” was with one of the coaches, Franz. I went flying and it hurt a lot. Infact I think its fair to say that it hurt more than any of the other hits that afternoon, despite the fact that a number of them were with guys a fair bit larger than the coach. Despite getting dominated in the tackling, the coaches said I should come back and that I could do well. Perhaps there is a position which involves lots of running and not much tackling, because I wouldn’t have a hope of stopping a lot of the guys out there. Although I walked away from it all with my shoulder still intact, I wasn’t unscathed. I ended up with a painful ankle (although I was only wearing trainers), two painful hips and two painful jaws. As I said at the start of this report, despite the pads, you still definitely feel it.

Ladies Squash Battle Hard
BY KIRSTIE THOMPSON We were all a bit nervous as this was our first match as a team and for some members of the team it was their first competitive match ever! After a little detour around the suburbs of West London we finally arrived and met our opposition. The team from Royal Holloway were very friendly and welcoming. Pippa played first - a good game but unfortunately she lost to the Royal Holloway girl. Meanwhile Magda won her match on the other court. This was quite an achievement for her as she has only been playing for 3 weeks and her opponent has been playing for 3 years! Vicky played a good match against a girl called Danny but unfortunately she was beaten. Our number 1 seed, Shea-Maine was next on court against their number 1 player. Shea-Maine’s opponent was very strong and Maine (battling through her illness) was unable to beat her. The final match was extremely close and was by far the longest match. Amanda managed to beat the Royal Holloway girls 10-9 in the third game after getting 1 game each. Well done to the whole team! Although the end result was 3-2 to Royal Holloway, I thought that everyone did really well considering this was our first match.

Name: Alec Stewart Nicknames: Stewie, Emperor Ming (from my Surrey team mates) Sport: Cricket (former England captain, most capped English player) Test Debut: Eng v Win at Kingston, 1st Test, 1989-1990 ODI Debut: Eng v Sri at Delhi, Nehru Cup, 1989-1990 Hobbies and Interests: Chelsea Football Club, spending time with my family Most memorable sporting moment: Scoring hundreds in both innings of a test match in the West Indies. Winning the test series against South Africa as captain. Most embarrassing Sporting Moment: Being mistaken for my dad The Plug: My new autobiography is out

now in all good book shops. Listen to the sports show on 1350 AM GU2 Thursday from 1pm to hear a full interview with Alec Stewart.

Thursdays 4-5 | With TUG & TIM
Campus phone: 811350 Ex: 01483 681350 Email / MSN:

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