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Thursday 5 February 2004

Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1073 free

www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY
I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R

OF

SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

THE BIG VOTE | Only a few hours until nominations close - get it in now | page 9 COMMENT | Should chat rooms really be banned? wonders Chris Ward | page 5 SPORT | Now you can relive the January Ski trip, or “The Bling Tour” | page 24

Chris Hunter brings you pictures of the great event which took place on Thursday 22nd January in the Students’ Union.
Union | page 8

CHINESE NEW YEAR

barefacts presents a report on the Question Time on the Future of Higher Education, held on Monday and attended by NUS President and various MPs.
News | Page 2

QUESTION TIME

Still the Attacks Go On
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH EDITOR IN CHIEF BETWEEN 9PM AND 9.15pm on the evening of Thursday 29th January, two students were attacked on the route between the University and Tesco’s. The first attack took place as a female final year Nutrition student was cycling back from the Varsity Centre with her shopping on the handlebars of her bike. As she passed through the small underpass closest to the University, a group of around seven young teenagers accosted her, one carrying a large stick, and grabbed the shopping from her, throwing it around. The student was shaken, but unharmed. However, only minutes later, it is assumed the same group of boys walked towards Tesco under the longer underpass. An International masters student was walking to Tesco along the same route, and as he emerged from the large underpass, the group of boys appeared and demanded that he give them money. After he refused, they started kicking him. After escaping, he continued to Tesco, but was followed by the teenagers, who attacked him again in the car park of the Superstore. It is reported that in both cases the students appealed for help from passers by, who failed to stop and help.

Two attacks on students by local teenagers prompt more calls for better safety off campus.
from the local council as to whether the security camera installed on the Tesco’s route is in working order, or even exists. Claire Iles, Vice President Education and Welfare of the Students’ Union is in the process of organising a meeting between local councillors, relevant members of University management and other individuals, to review the progress of the safety improvements in the local area near campus, as well as to establish exactly what has been done and what is still outstanding. They will also be discussing the issue of the Southway underpass, which is still a trouble spot at night, with no CCTV cameras and far from adequate lighting. Claire Iles commented that “it is very worrying that despite the advanced security measures over the past few months, students still cannot leave campus without the worry that they might be attacked”. University Security would like to inform students that if they find themselves in a problematic situation off campus, they should call campus security as they can still assist in problems involving students away from the main University campus. Their number is 01483 682002 - put it in your mobile now; you never know when it might be needed in an emergency.

Both students reported the incidents to the police, but have been informed that despite the camera which was supposedly installed last semester, there is no footage that can be used as evidence of the attacks. The Masters student said the he “wants all students to be

vigilant, and not go to Tesco alone”. After the attack he called University Security, who drove him to the local police station. He would particularly like to thank Ray Smithers from Security for his help. This comes in the light of mixed messages

Group Proposed to Plan Fee Use
NEWS EDITOR PHIL

HOWARD
VC

WITH THE FIRST INSTALLMENT FROM HIS INTERVIEW WITH THE

The Vice-Chancellor intends to set up a consultation group - including student representatives - to assess the future use of funds obtained from variable fees. In an interview with barefacts’ news editor on Monday, the VC revealed his intention to create a group to plan the use of the fees, to include students: “And incidentally, on this whole business of variable fees - and this is something that has not been announced - we are putting together a group here to look at this whole business - should the additional fees come in - I want a group of people, including student representatives,

to sit on that group, to see and plan how we best use these additional finances.” Variable fees are now likely to be introduced, following the House of Commons vote passing the higher education bill at its second reading last week. The university expects to charge the full 3,000 fee on all courses, although no official decision has been made. Professor Dowling emphasized that the plan was at an early stage: “I have not explained or revealed that so far, but that is certainly my intention, and I today talked to my senior management group and they all said ‘very sensible, this is exactly what

we should do’.” When asked if he was happy for barefacts to report the news, he said: “Yes, absolutely. I want people to understand the arguments, and make their input and come to rational decisions.” The University came under fire from the Union last week when it mentioned charging full fees in a press release, indicating a decision had been made without student consultation. During the interview, the ViceChancellor frequently commented on how important he felt student feedback was, and barefacts speculates that this may be a more concrete display of that sentiment.

Letters | page 3

Bug Busted | page 7

Ents Planner | page 12

Interactive | page 20

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EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4
Editor in Chief
Sarah Butterworth comms @ussu.co.uk

NEWS

5 February 2004

USSU Question Time Success
Students’ Union Question Time on the future of Higher Education hailed as a triumph
BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR ON MONDAY EVENING, a question time was held at the University of Surrey in regards to the future of education and the “Funding The Future” campaign. Members of the panel included our very own Union Chair, Jay Butcher; Conservative MP Mark Hoban; Guildford Liberal Democrat MP Sue Doughty; Liberal Democrat Baroness Sharpe from the Lords; and the NUS President Mandy Telford. Chaired by the South East Regional NUS officer, Jim Dickinson, the evening gave students an opportunity to put their questions to key figures in the fees argument. Unfortunately, Labour saw fit not to provide the students with a representative from the party. Apologies were sent from the University, who also failed to send a representative. Many varied topics were talked about in the duration of the evening. Sue Doughty MP argued the Liberal Democrat policy that top up fees should be scrapped, and higher education should be paid for by general taxation. She informed the audience that as a wealthy country, we pay a lot less tax in relation to other wealthy countries. Baroness Sharpe echoed that perspective, emphasising also that the money from top up fees won’t be available till 2009, despite the fact that the universities need it now. She also told the audience that top up fees are incredibly expensive to implement, as the government are spending £1.4b to introduce the system, and the universities “are getting, at the most, £1.1b out of this”. Many Telford attended to represent the National Union of Students, emphasising that the NUS campaign for grants, not fees, despite the fact that the debate was centred around top up fees. She particularly attacked what she called the elitist system of Oxbridge, and how the culture of posh children financed solely by “mummy and daddy” are putting students from state schools off from applying. The Conservative representative, Mark Hoben, tackled a question about fees for international students, asserting that there is currently “a market for overseas students” in universities, and that universities like to attract international students for extra funding. In regards to student hardship, Hoben commented that grants are never going to return, and emphasised that this is simply the way things are. Union Chair Jay Butcher, representing the students, gave his opinions on behalf of student council, and also in regards to himself as a student. Those that went praised the evening for being an interesting exploration into both what will happen now that Educaton Bill has been passed, as well as the views of the prospective opposition candidates for the next general election.

Chris Ward cs21cw @surrey.ac.uk

Editor

Deputy Editor
Neil Christie ms33nc @surrey.ac.uk

Deputy Editor

Ben Berryman ma91bb @surrey.ac.uk

Music Editor

Matt Badcock ms01mb @surrey.ac.uk

Jon Allen bs21ja @surrey.ac.uk

Music Editor

Film Editor

Neil Boulton cs21nb @surrey.ac.uk

Theatre Editor

Daisy Clay ps21dc @surrey.ac.uk

Literature Editor
Jennifer Walker ph21jw @surrey.ac.uk

Overseas Increase
One million International Students could be studying in the UK by 2025
BY NEIL CHRISTIE DEPUTY EDITOR FOLLOWING A RECORD increase in overseas students coming to the UK last year, the British Council predicted that there could be more than one million studying here by 2025. Demand for places at UK higher education institutions could be as high as 677,000 international students in 2015 – increasing to 1,330,000 by 2025. This predicted increase is expected to have knock-on effects for other sectors, meaning increasing demand for FE college courses, English language teaching, and boarding schools. The British Council warned that universities must improve the way that they deliver their courses and market their courses differently if they are going to keep ahead of the increasingly fierce international competition for students. For Surrey, a University that relies quite heavily on international students for funding, this can be interpreted as good news for the financial aspect of the University. It can be said that this increase is yet another argument against the introduction of top-up fees – as the continual increase of overseas students leads to the funding gap in Higher Education decreasing steadily – and it also means that the funding will be more readily available. For British students, this means more competition for places, and it’s also plausible to assume that Universities may favour the overseas students as they start to make up greater percentages of the student body. Already it’s been stated by the NUS and opposition to the Education Bill that top-up fees will decrease student participation in University and not widen access – but broaden it in certain areas across the range. With a call for more research and postgraduate students barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Philip Howard ph02ph @surrey.ac.uk

News Editor

Remember - the barefacts deadline is Friday at 5pm. Email your articles to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Archery EGM | 5th February | 6pm | Lecture theatre H Conservate AGM | 20th Febraury | 7pm | Committee Room

Sports Editor
Peter Nichols cs11pn @surrey.ac.uk

CONTRIBUTORS
Matt Adams Katie Bell Samantha Bourne Dave Chapman Jonathan Darzi Cazza Dee Corin Douieb Tim Edwards Scott Farmer Matt Fisher Chris Hunter David Hynds Catherine Lee Shea-Maine Lim Carol Main Andrew Malek Carolyn Matai Dina Mystris Louise O’Neill Sandeep Sohal Neil Tallack Pete Tivers

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published.

Sarah Butterworth
Pete Nichols | Neil Christie

Design & Layup:

barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. barefacts@ussu.co.uk WWW.USSU.CO.UK
© USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003

Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers Peterborough Tel: 01733 424949

5 February 2004

NEWS

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L e tt e r s t o b a r e fa c t s
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk Dear barefacts, I write in response to last week’s published yet unsigned letter criticising the provision and student charges made by UniSport. As the one who has the “financial management of a new-born child”, I recognise that we have obviously not done well in letting at least one customer know all that we do and why. I am not too sure what they expect to achieve by sending in a series of wild and erroneous claims punctuated by a seemingly random selection of gratuitous insults, but I will try and respond to the general timbre of the note as I see it, which is that the writer does not feel that we are doing much of a job. Even the basic premise is wrong since the charge last year for a UniSport card was not £45! The letter, in case you did not get past Barefact’s debate on tuition fees, was critical of UniSport’s provision and our declared belief we offer one of the best value sports cards of any university in Britain. There was also a list of 7 universities who, the writer claims, offer cheaper provision. If the demand is simply “cheap”, we could have provided “cheap”. If you are genuinely looking at value for money, you have to consider number and type of facility and their accessibility, opening hours, breadth and variety of programmes, support for individuals and teams, innovation and choice of opportunity, encouragement at all levels from beginner to elite and support for the BUSA representative programme as well. Safety and staff cover, should come in there somewhere too. Then there is a need to take a view on an appropriate level of charge for that. A cursory examination of declared charges at other places, even were they accurate, does not inform that debate. We know the value for money that we offer to our students is indeed amongst the very highest in Britain. We have tried very hard to find out what students want, to provide it and to be responsive as fashion, student numbers and their demands and aspirations have changed. On the page opposite the Bare Facts letters page last week was an article from Sarah Butterworth asking “Does UniS really care?” I think we have proven over a very long time that UniSport really cares and that we have supported student sport at all levels for many years. There are various channels of communication between UniSport and the elected Sports Sabbatical Officer, Sports Standing and the Sports Executive Committee. There are always lively discussions around all sporting issues and this knowledgeable group historically take sport in Surrey very seriously as well as trying hard to come to terms with all the relevant issues. Crucially, they also put their commitment to the test by massively contributing to sport in Surrey for themselves and others and do not resort to throwing poison darts behind anonymity. If your correspondent cares to step out of the shadows and identify himself or herself, I will cordially invite them down to UniSport to discuss their view. I regard it as a challenge for us to see if we can at least make sufficient difference to allow them to operate the exit button from the Fitness Club without too much problem! YOURS SINCERELY, BARRY HITCHCOCK (SPORTS DIRECTOR – AKA “FAT-CAT ADMINISTRATOR”) Dear barefacts, I am writing in response to last week’s comments on ‘Top Up Fees’. Firstly, I would like to comment barefacts for their coverage of this issue. Without barefacts, I would have been oblivious to the plans which the University wishes to implement. I find it incredible that the University can justify charging full fees for all courses, because as I understand it, different courses cost different amounts to run. Shouldn’t some courses be cheaper? Is it fair to charge some students for a course they’re not even on? I found some of the comments in Sarah Butterworth’s article ‘Does UniS Really Care?’ refreshing. Personally I have also thought many of these things, and at last someone has the guts to print them. You only have to walk around my department to see offices of people who undoubtedly do not provide a direct service to students to realise the University doesn’t have students here to teach them, rather to pay the bills. Another case of this is having more students than accommodation, not enough parking spaces.... I could go on... Dear barefacts, I have been a student at the University of Surrey for over six years, and I am currently in my final year of my PhD. The reason I need to inform you of how long I have been at the university is so that you appreciate how many changes I have witnessed as a student here at the university, and therefore I think I am qualified to give you a little history lesson. I first started my studies in ‘97. My degree was in material science and engineering and was associated with the School of Engineering. At that time there were some 120 students taking mechanical engineering and 30 students studying material science. At present the materials course ceases to exist and the mechanical engineering course is lucky if it attracts 20 students. So in response to paragraph six on the front page of last weeks Barefacts and to Philip Dear barefacts, I would like to voice my objection to the manner in which the letter fom the Student’s Union to the VC regarding future fees arrangements was signed i.e. “the Students of the University of Surrey”. Although I appreciate the Union wishes to make it’s case strongly, misrepresenting itself as being able to speak for the wider entire population after a vote in Student Council (which apparently didn’t appear on the agenda so student representatives couldn’t discover the opinion of those they represent) is likely only to harm its case, as similar recent political events have shown. The I have also visited other Universities and it is clear to see that their courses and departments are much more customer focussed, towards us, the students. I also agree strongly with Sarah’s comments about the University’s image, and in my personal experience, and that of friends, members of academic staff are wiling to lie to get students into the University. If I was facing a £3,000 a year bill for every year of student, I would have chosen not to go to University at all. YOURS SINCERELY, A ‘BILL PAYER ’ STUDENT

Dear barefacts, I am writing this in support of Sarah Butterworth’s article last week. I would like to ask the Vice Chancellor what exactly he thinks his purpose is here, to make money or to provide a place of advanced learning? I am not naive enough to think money is unimportant but perhaps they need to rethink their priorities! The University demands that its departments’ form Service Level Agreements (SLA) with their customers, so I would like to know what the University’s SLA is with the students? If people are going to be expected to pay more money what will they be receiving in return? Surely there will be improvements? Perhaps you the could provide the lecturers with a little more support so they dont have to work a 70 hour week to meet your financial targets? It is true, is it not, that lecturers are judged on the money they bring in through research and on the number of published articles they produce a year? However the University does not care about the time the lecturer

spends teaching, supervising and tutoring their students, perhaps if we dressed up as a blank cheques you might notice us! Is it fair the lecturers do not have time to answer our e-mails or meet with us, does it matter if the lecturer can’t attend the lecture at all?! In conclusion, if these top up fees are necessary then improve the service the University provides, set the lecturers some relevant tartgets that actually involve students and produce your SLA to us. REGARDS, KATE SOBCZAK

Howard’s article entitled “Senate House Announces Bursary Scheme”. The so called slow death of Surrey’s art course is nothing in comparison to the obliteration of the engineering and principal science course offered at Surrey. Furthermore, in response to Sarah Butterworth’s article entitled “Does UniS Really Care?” where she states and I quote “Yes Surrey is a science university and always has been”, has she not noticed the enormous in take of management students and the erection of the flash management school? Thus, I full heartily support the bursary system to encourage more students to study engineering or science related subjects before they truly die like the course that I attended. YOURS SINCERELY, DANIEL BARBER

V.P. Comms. has already made it clear that “the Students of the University of Surrey” (note the capitalisation) wasn’t actually meant to be taken as meaning all the University’s students, so a printed correction showing that the letter was in fact from the Students Union, and perhaps an apology to the students who had their opinion misappropriated (an issue the V.P. Comms. described as “trivial”, despite finding it newsworthy when the Conservative Party did the same thing), should be sufficient. SINCERELY, DUNCAN HAMILTON

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COMMENT

5 February 2004

opinion
The Big Vote is on its way
On Friday 6th February at 1pm nominations close for one of the biggest events of the year - the annual Sabbatical Elections for USSU! If you’re thinking about standing, there is still time (assuming, or course, that you’re reading this on Thursday...). Just think, it could be you who gets to write the words in this very column next year, design how barefacts looks for 2004-5 and do all manner of other exciting things. There is still time - pick up your nomination form from the Students’ Union NOW, get five people to propose you, and hand it in by 1pm on Friday. Do that, and the next few weeks will be amongst the most exciting of your life.

Bore-room Dancing?
Neil Christie takes a look at one of the more unusual activities you could chose to take part in in your spare time... and loves it!
To be fair, I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to most things. However, when offered the chance at Fresher’s Fayre last semester to ‘learn to dance’ I simply thought, “lost cause”. Tell a lie – at first I was tempted with the view that it could be an untapped resource for talent, but then it dawned upon me that making an idiot of myself in front of said talent wouldn’t really make for very many successful chat-up lines whilst rooted to the floor with a sprained ankle. I can jump around as sporadically and randomly as the next person clutching glow sticks at CAGL, but when it comes to ‘real’ dancing I’ve never tried, nor had the inclination to, and I guess I would be appalling. Shockingly, my willingness to take part may have changed. I say ‘may’ as I know if I put it in writing that I will go along to one of the sessions that it’ll be the only thing written on my grave if I don’t honour such a statement – the BDS (Ballroom Dancing Society) are persistent to say the least! Firstly, a bit of background. Myself and housemates for next year decided to go along and support a friend who was dancing in Bristol at the weekend – somewhere in barefacts there should be a report of the event itself. One two hour journey later, after getting lost in Bristol town centre (we all definitely don’t appreciate campus universities enough) looking for the Student Union building which was simply described as “big and grey”, we arrived. Soaked through to the bone, dripping through the door, we stumbled up to the venue. I’ll be honest – at first I was more interested in getting to the bar and knocking back some cheap drinks. Luckily they were even cheaper as the muppet behind the bar couldn’t (a) do addition or (b) use the till. So the first gander through the doors of the hall (we were reluctant to walk in as it said “Spectators £4”) was a quick, and quite disinterested one. Beer calls. After a swift drink and being told that we can walk through the door without paying pretty easily (students through and through), we went back into the hall and sat watching the dancing for, oooh, a good six hours. That’s right – six hours solid watching, not including toilet breaks or trips to the hand-dryer to try and wring out socks and trainers that were squelching under every step. What’s more impressive than a sitting of six hours watching people slide across the floor? Actually enjoying being a spectator at such an event. A few observations of the dancing itself. Firstly, and I’ll have to quote an un-named source here, “I feel sorry for the girls. The guys are either ugly, struggle with their English, or are looking at other guys”. Although a tad generalised and I can only comment on the latter two, I did see where she was coming from. Perhaps due to the traditional English ‘macho’ image and various stereotypes, ballroom dancing doesn’t seem to be the main choice of activity by the English. Those that do are laughing, as the odds are stacked well in their favour. Secondly, there did seem to be a bit of mincing taking place, and the single sex Rhumba resulted in more male couples than female. I don’t have any idea at all as to what makes one pair better than another, but watching all the dancers in various disciplines / styles was quite impressive. Learning so many steps is a feat in itself, but keeping a constant smile whilst concentrating on both the steps and not bumping into other pairs has got to be similar to rubbing your stomach, patting your head, and using your elbow to hold a drink. In short, an admirable achievement. They seem to cater for all abilities too – from the possibly drunk, to the ‘I’ve been dancing right from the womb’. Everyone seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, which is something I’ve personally not seen at many ‘competitive’ (as it was a friendly) events. The girls get to wear some tasty and revealing dresses, and the guys get to either stare, or dance with, the girls. Seems like a well-balanced result to me! So essentially it looks like fun. I’m not going to try and convert anyone into a whirling, twirling legend on the dance floor, but if you’ve got the bottle then I’d definitely say it’s well worth looking into. As far as the BDS at Surrey is concerned, they’re all ultra-friendly and I believe the ever-smiling Natalie Cropp (Societies Exec) is involved with some of the coaching as well as dancing herself – so if you see a smiley face, ask for more info about the BDS. Plug: First lesson is free | Wednesday’s – Uni Hall at 7.45pm

Your Name: Here
Yes, you guessed it. We haven’t had one in a while, so here it is - a plug for getting involved in barefacts! Last semester there were over 110 contributors to the paper (possibly a record in recent years) and we’re aiming to more than double that this semester. Absolutely anyone can write for barefacts, and you don’t have to be an amazing writer to do so. All you need to do is think of something interesting to write about - it could be a film or theatre review, comment article, or even a crossword! barefacts Comment articles in the past have ranged from one on ‘Panic Buying in one Stop’ to more serious ones covering issues such as student safety and fees issues. If you can think of something interesting, there will be people out there who want to read about it. Being involved in the Student Newspaper is a great thing to have on your CV, and it’s pretty cool to be able to point your name out to friends, or take a copy of the paper home at Easter to show your parents. So here you go - send your articles/ideas in to the normal address - barefacts@ussu.co.uk - with pictures if possible, and that’s all there is to it. Happy writing!

New Officers
In Union Council on Tuesday 27th January, two students were elected into the remaining positions on the Union Executive Committee. They were Matt Adams, who is the new Accommodation Officer, and Ewan Panter who is now USSU’s Campaigns Officer. Congratulations to both of them! Random Fact of the Week B y M a t t A d a m s
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

barefacts | be heard

5 February 2004

Cut the Cr@p
Chris Ward looks at whther the tabloid newspapers who call for a ban on all chat rooms really have any idea what they are talking about...
over the web), but they have mouthed off “words of wisdom” about something that they know seemingly very little about. So I posed the question as to why they had made very little effort in researching the area. All I got in response was the panel arguing that specialist knowledge was not required for reporting, and that the Mirror

COMMENT

5

A few months ago, at the National Student Journalism Awards judged by the Mirror, (Yes, you did just see the words “journalism” and “Mirror” in the same sentence), a debating panel was set up by the aforementioned tabloid. This was touted as an opportunity for eager student journalists to pose questions to “professionals” in the industry. But, in truth, it was more a chance for The Mirror to disappear into their own orifices for an hour or two, whilst they preach about what a “responsible newspaper” they are. However, in an attempt to spice up the seemingly-scripted question time, I asked the panel a question about an issue that had been troubling me recently, as well as being the taboo of the moment in the national media. The controversial issue of “chat rooms” has riddled the news for the past year or so, and has been identified by the media as a protection shell for the anonymity of paedophiles who have the intention of “grooming” young children. This includes a recent “shocking revelation” that convicted murderer Ian Huntley knew how to “access chat rooms”. I must say, I was rather surprised that accessing a chat room was on the same level as rocket science. It seems the national media have not only been misleading in their coverage of the entity referred to as “chat rooms” (which I will hereon define as any facility that allows people to communicate in real-time

“Does illegalising drugs stop people taking them? Will a girl stop cutting her wrists if the razors are confiscated from her?”
firmly believes that chat rooms should be shut down. This response really stunned me. How can knowledge of chat rooms be specialist when children are logging onto them? Before that day, I did have a small shred of respect for the Mirror. What I mean is, I expected them to be at least as intelligent as the average seven-year-old. They didn’t seem to understand the concept of a chat room, and merely labelled it as somewhere

that people go to chat, which is essentially true, but similarly demonstrates a very weak and general knowledge of the actual concept. Did they know about private chat clients such as AOL, MSN, ICQ or Yahoo? Did they understand that these could also pose a potential risk to children? Did they know that a chat room is not difficult to host, and as a country, we lack sufficient specialist knowledge needed to detect a chat server? Great Britain is filled with information systems amateurs, who perhaps can create a small basic database in Access at best. Our IT knowledge is extremely limited, as displayed by the Mirror, and this is certainly a barrier in regards to tackling criminals out there who are technologically-minded. Not very pleased by this narrow-minded and empty response, I perused the Mirror’s website for past articles containing the words “chat room”. Immediately, the familiar name of Carol Vorderman popped up in an article dated back to when MSN famously closed down all their chat rooms in order to tackle the issue of paedophilia on the web. Not to be personal, I have a lot of respect for Carol Vorderman, particularly for her mental arithmetic abilities that I can never hope to match, and for her concern on the issue of children surfing the net. However, from seeing her comment that closing down chat rooms was “fantastic news”, it seemed to me that maybe she should keep her day job of adding up numbers and making words out of letters with Richard Whiteley. I am bordering on quite a taboo here, but please hear me out. Does illegalising drugs stop people taking them? Will a girl stop cutting her wrists if the razors are confiscated from her? Crude examples, yes, but my point is that Miss Vorderman and her colleagues at the Mirror are fighting to remove a tool rather than the problem behind that tool. I would like the reader to also bear in mind the utter hypocrisy and contradictive nature of the Mirror’s policies. In a letter sent to the paper by a young teenage boy, he told the Mirror that he was gay, and that he wanted to talk to and meet similar people. What did the Mirror say in response? Let’s remember that they are against chat rooms, and believe that they should be “shut down”. He was advised: “The internet has loads of places to find other people with similar interests. The main ways to contact them are in chat rooms or through mailing lists.”. It seems even enemies of chat rooms are

acknowledging the “use” of them. So, we’re back to square one again. Do we remove a technology because of the negative impacts it can have? Or are there other ways to “police” the net and make perverts and paedophiles aware that the web is not as safe or anonymous for them as they think? An initiative is currently being looked into where these individuals will be played at their own game. Police and detectives will be logging into chat rooms undercover as children. Yes, the high degree of anonymity on the web is advantageous to people like perverts and paedophiles, however, if used by the law, it is also an excellent way of not only uncovering these sick individuals, but also to establish a police presence on the net. Paedophiles will think twice if they are unsure the “child” they are talking to is a child or a policeman, and this will hopefully deter these sick people from using the net as a shield protecting them from being detected by the law. I believe this is a great way of achieving authority on the web, and I hope it will be implemented sooner rather than later. I do personally believe that ideally, parents should try to gain a general understanding of the world wide web as a whole, in order to eliminate any media myths that arise out of something that has not been thoroughly researched. Still, this approach is a very good start. Paedophiles will now have to face the prospect of turning up to meet a child, but finding that this “child” seems to have transformed into a couple of policeman. Fear has been amongst many parents of children that use the net – it’s now time for that fear to come upon those who currently use the net to victimise and molest young children.

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UNION

5 February 2004

Are You on Placement?
.... then you can still vote in the Sabbatical elections
This year USSU are operating a postal voting system so that even if you’re not around in Guildford at the time of the elections, you can still have yours say on who are going to be the next team of Sabbatical Officers. All you need to do is cut out the form below, or download one from the elections section on www.ussu.co.uk and send it, along with a photocopy of your Union card to Scott Farmer, at the address at the bottom of the form. To find out about the candidates standing for election, and to make your decisions about who to vote for, check the Union website from Friday 13th February to see candidates’ manifestos online, or view them in barefacts the following week. You will also be able to watch the webcast of Question Time on Thursday 19th February, and can even ask questions to them online. The Sabbatical elections are one of the most important times of year for the Students’ Union - afterall, they are deciding who will be running the organisation for the coming year. Every single student has a vote in the elections, and can run as a candidate. To find out more information about Elections 2004 then contact any of the Sabbatical Officers, or Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer, at s.farmer@ussu.co.uk. Remember to send off your application form to arrive at the Union by Friday 13th February, and you must include a photocopy of your Union card. You will recieve your postal ballot during the week of Monday 16th February.

Exciting Opportunities Galore
In case you still haven’t managed to get yourself motivated enough to volunteer, here’s a couple of suggestions for you to start your brain a-ticking!… How about helping out at an exciting youth club that helps groups of vulnerable young people in and around Guildford – there are residentials, as well as getting involved in art projects, drama, sport, music etc, or just generally hanging out with the young people! All that is asked of you is willingness to muck in and get involved, and if possible 2 hours of your time once a week. Females are in great demand to help out with youth events, whilst having fun and being challenged, as well as making new friends! You can gain valuable transferable skills such as leadership, teamwork, organisation, communication, problem solving, crisis management, logistics.. the list once again goes on and on! Girl Guiding is fun and rewarding, and there is a particular need for help on a Thursday evening (7-9pm), the group meet in a school – walking distance from the campus. One student already volunteers there, and has great fun - so you wouldn’t be alone, and even if you can just help once a month then the group would love to hear from you!

One Off Events

Postal Vote Registration Form
This registration form must be with the Deputy Returning Officer by Midday Friday 13th February. Postal vote forms will be sent out on Monday 16th February If you have not received your paper by the end of Friday 20th February you should contact Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer. Postal votes are issued for the following reason only:
The student will be unable to attend the university during the period of voting
I declare that I will be unable to attend the university during the preiod of voting Signed:_____________________________________________________________________ Name: _____________________________________________________________________ Address postal vote will be sent to: ______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ Course: _____________________________________________________________________ Campus Card Number: _______________________________________________________ Reason for Request____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________

There are lots of rewarding one off events that happen – sometimes at very short notice, and there is an email list for this – there is no commitment required to join at all – you can sign up and then never do anything, but some of the events and opportunities are really exciting and good fun – and what a great way to meet both students, and non-students!

Street Collections
The USSU RAG Society (Raise and Give) are holding a street collection in Guildford on Sat 7th Feb in aid of The Terrence Higgins Trust. You can collect all day or half day, and there will be a fancy dress theme - be as wacky as you want or just put a silly hat or wig on (face-paints and limited ‘dressing-up’ materials will be available on the day!). On Sat 14th Feb they are holding a half-day collection in aid of The Anthony Nolan Trust.

Student Volunteer Conference
There is a conference especially for student volunteers where you can meet like-minded individuals, have fun, attend seminars and go to a new town! It is an annual conference by ‘Student Volunteering England’ and is being held in Coventry from 27th-29th February. Please contact me for more information on anything mentioned above!

Name | Carol Main Te l | ( 0 1 4 8 3 ) ( 6 8 ) 3 2 5 4 Email | c.main@surrey.ac.uk We b | w w w . u s s u . c o . u k / v o l u n t e e r i n g Pe r s o n | T h e A c t i v i t i e s C e n t r e @ U S S U

FOR OFFICE USE ONLY
Period when student is not at university Issued by Date

Please ensure you have enclosed a copy of your campus card! and return to: Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer, University of Surrey Students’ Union, Union House, Guildford, Surrey. GU2 7XH

5 February 2004

UNION
S t u d e n t s ’ G u i d e

7
t o . . .

A

Classical Music Concert Going
Going to a classical concert can be quite daunting to many people, but David Hynds presents is a sure-fire way of ensuring that you’re not made to look stupid in the presence of veteran concert-goers.
1. Never turn up too early, this gives people the impression that you are too eager, and in the eyes of the old ‘uns this is never a good thing. Imagine what they’ll be thinking when you’ve taken their favourite seat. 2. Do some research before, find out if the ensemble have done concerts before. They more often than not will have this sort of concert annually, so is often a good idea to recall what they did last year. Use this information to your advantage, strike up a conversation with the old fogey next to you, mentioning that you “hope this year’s effort has as much an impact as the last one did” on you. 3. Most of the people in the audience have some relation to one or more of the performers, which in large concerts can number hundreds of people. Make it known to people that you came for the music, and not to see your mate. “Are you a fan of [composer’s] works? I try to go to any of his concerts when I can.” Is a good ploy to try here. 4. During the actual concert, don’t look at the programme. This implies that you’ve forgotten in the five minutes they’ve been playing, what they’re actually playing. Actually, its probably cheaper not to have a programme at all, they cause no end of hassle, and you appear to know by ear what the piece is. 5. During the performance, especially if its a larger scale piece involving a choir, watch the conductor. (He’s the one at the front with his back to the audience, generally in long tailed jacket and with a fiery temper and big stick). During quiet bits, he’ll be small and serene. These are the parts where you sit back in your chair, perhaps cross your legs, and let the “gorgeous harmonies” wash over you. When he gets more jumpy, and the choir stands a bit more upright, a loud bit is coming. This is the point in which you lean forward, as if to fully appreciate the “magnificence” that you ‘know’ is coming. 6. Always wait for someone else to applaud before clapping yourself. Nothing is more embarrassing in the concert going scene than clapping prematurely. A premature clap is off-putting to the performers involved, and may cause a series of chain reactions that could bring down the very fabric of the time-space continuum.... or maybe not. 7. All in all, enjoy yourself. You’ll only probably get the chance to see these pieces played live once in your life, unless you are a real concert buff, in which you will not have read this far. Remember the title of the piece, and the composers involved, and

( S e m i - S e r i o u s )

this will make for interesting conversation around the dinner table with elder relatives, who now think you have a little known thing called ‘culture’

For an opportunity to practice all of the above, and to obtain this highly favoured ‘culture’ pay a visit to the upcoming Cathedral Concert, in which the UniS Choir and Orchestra will be performing Brahms’ Requiem amongst others. Student offer: buy one ticket at £5 and get another absolutely free. (This requires two student cards). Tickets are available on the door, or in advance from Senate House Box Office.

Cha Cha with BDS!
BY SAMANTHA BOURNE Last Saturday was the Southern Friendly for Ballroom Dancing. The Surrey team left Guildford at 8am ready for the challenge against Bristol, Cardiff, Sussex, Exeter, Reading and Bath. The programme included a morning of traditional ballroom competitions (waltz, quickstep, tango, foxtrot) followed by an afternoon of fierce latin cha cha, jive, rumba and samba. To finish off the evening there were some fun dances such as “same sex rumba” (for anyone who doesn’t know, the rumba is the dance of love, Jimmy and Mal have you done that before, you definitely looked very cosy!!) and back to back waltz. Then the highlight of the day, the team event. This is where all the universities compete against each other for points, basically it involves a lot of screaming, yelling and cheering for your university. Surrey performed excellently, gaining 1st place in every beginners section, 1st

Bug Busted
Following the news reported in barefacts last week, Carolyn Matai tells you exactly what’s what when it comes to Meningitis
Meningitis. Yawn! Does it almost make you sick just by hearing about it? Any student entering higher education is all too familiar with the mention of this illness. But now, after years of secret under-cover scientific research, a particular strain of this persevering bug is about to be uncovered! The Bug must die. Meningitis B, a deadly ruthless disease, primarily targets young people. “One in ten have the bacteria that cause meningitis B living harmlessly in their nose and throat”. But if given the opportunity (a la dirty kitchen, room-like -a-bomb’s-just-hit-it, splash of stress, -hey presto, eau de meningitis!) this lil bug can be a mean teen bloodstreamattacking machine. A vaccine against the meningitis A and C bugs have already been developed. But, the attempt to find a vaccine jab for the meningitis B bug has caused the mind to boggle in recent years. Scientists say that the “Meningococcus B comes in many different guises”- that’s what makes this bug so difficult to figure out. It’s a “chameleon” in its own right. Until now. Scientists think they may have found a way to protect people against this Meningitis B bug and knock it out of business. This is where our claim to fame comes into play! “Researchers at the University of Surrey have developed a vaccine which protects mice against the deadly disease”. So, what does this mean about us? Are we mice or men?! Here comes the science - a very tiny sample of this meningitis B disease is injected into mice, and their lil immune systems have been found to produce proteins (a.k.a antibodies) which attack the meningitis B bug and kill it. We can genetically modify these antibodies to enable them to work in our own bodies and make our immune systems stronger to attack the bug. “While much more research is needed, they believe it could be an important first step towards creating a single vaccine to protect humans” For some of you, this little science buzz may have sent tingling shivers of interest down your spines, others may have fallen off their barstools in boredom. Either way, hope you feel somewhat enlightened. I guess the moral of the story is - us scientists are working on it, you may never hear the “M” word again, but wash your plates in the meantime.

science corner

and 2nd place in the novice latin 2-dance, 5th place in the novice ballroom 2-dance. We came 3rd in the intermediate latin and made the semi-finals for the advanced latin. Team cha cha, jive and quickstep all made their finals, gaining 4th, 6th, 5th, 5th place respectively, leaving the Surrey A team with 3rd place in the team competition. So, CONGRATULATIONS all round! Our next competition is on Valentines Day (February 14) and we urgently need students who have taken the Students’ Union minibus driving test to drive us to Sheffield for the meet. If you are able to do this (you will be remunerated for your efforts) please contact us at bds@surrey.ac.uk Likewise, beginners’ classes run every Wednesday at 7.45pm in University Hall. You do not need a partner, do not need to have ever danced before and do not need to be a student to join in, so come along and see what it’s all about! For any information feel free to e-mail us at the above address or check out our website www.surreybds.co.uk

want to write a bf science article? then email it to barefacts@ussu.co.uk

8

UNION & PROFESSIONAL

5 February 2004

Happy Chinese New Year
On the 22nd January the Students’ Union held the largest Chinese New Year celebration in living memory at this University. With authentic Chinese food being prepared days in advance, the Union draped from floor to ceiling, and a complete entertainment program organised in conjunction with the Chinese Students & Scholars Association, Singapore Society and the Chinese Asian Society, the 1,290 students who attended were guaranteed a good night. The build up during the day included interviews on the radio, photos for the Surrey Advertiser’s report that they were literally holding the front page for, and a live interview broadcast on Meridian TV’s 6pm News! After the enormous food spread was almost gone there was a show that featured karaoke, groups singing, traditional dances, comedy sketches, musicians playing traditional Chinese instruments, piano playing, and ended up with all the performers coming together for one last song. The fun wasn’t over yet though, and to see the night through to 2am a Chinese DJ played a rather interesting mix of music, which got everyone dancing. This was a very successful event, and although it was mainly Chinese students it was great seeing students from every other culture coming to the event and fully appreciating the atmosphere (and the food!). A massive thank you to the societies who worked with the Union, the Union staff who spent the day making the place look great, the catering staff and chefs for the amazing food, and also thanks to all the performers who made the show a truly unique Union night out. words and photos: Chris Hunter, Vice President Societies and Culture

Dr Russ Replies
some of the new friends the Raggies made at conference BY DR RUSS CLARK last answered “I’d really love this job”. No UNIS CAREERS SERVICE prizes for guessing who I offered it to. I dread the thought of having to sell myself at interviews, what can I do? I have met many people over the years who have had the same fear. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to convince an employer you really want a job unless you both say it and mean it. Let me tell you about an experience which proved this for me. I once interviewed six graduates for a job at one of the London Colleges. They all had a 2.1 degree, they were all perfectly qualified and they were all extremely pleasant. If only I’d had six jobs to fill I’d have been laughing! But I didn’t. Fortunately, at the end of every interview I asked them all the same question. “If I were to offer you this job what would you say?” I hated myself for asking it, but I kind of felt it might prove crucial. It did. The first five answered “I’d be very interested in it”, the How did you know she meant it? Well she certainly sounded sincere, and the words she used were more persuasive than the other candidates’ answers as well. Believe me, it was the only thing which swung it in her favour so if she was acting, she certainly had me fooled. But what if I’m not sure I even want the job anyway? Presumably there is something that attracts you or you wouldn’t have applied in the first place. Use that as your starting point and build on it. If you can show enthusiasm, motivation, ambition and interest, this will not only drive you through the interview, but will also “colour” how you answer their questions. Employers are always on the look out for commitment, loyalty and energy in their applicants. All other factors being equal, they’re bound to prefer people who give the impression that they really want the job. I’m not a natural extrovert. Do I have to try to be one just to impress? Employers don’t expect you to change your personality. At the same time, they are put off by candidates who sound totally uninterested in the job. It’s obvious that if an enthusiastic person appears amongst a sea of grey faces, the interviewer is bound to remember them at the end of a long and tiring day. Even if you would not regard yourself as naturally charismatic, energetic or lively, it doesn’t stop you from adopting a positive, enthusiastic attitude which convinces the employer you really want the job.

CAREERS EVENTS | SPRING SEMESTER WEEK 4 THE FINAL HURDLE MONDAY 9 FEBURARY 1 – 1 .45 PM IN TB 1 Russ Clark will cover some of the activities which employers use at assessment centres including group work, presentations, aptitude tests and written exercises. HOW TO SUCCEED AT ASSESSMENT CENTRES WEDNESDAY 11 FEBRUARY 2 - 4 pm in LT B This workshop will help you find out more about group discussions, aptitude tests and written exercises and get some practice. Please register with Careers. PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST THURSDAY 12 FEBRUARY 6.15 - 8.15 pm in LT A Please register with Careers. BLOOMBERG LP TUESDAY 10 FEBRUARY 6.15 PM in LT B Specialists in financial software giving a presentation about opportunities for junior programmers and internships for graduates in computer science and other related disciplines. A fluency in C/C++ is required but full training is given. For further information see http: //careers.bloomberg.com WORK PERMITS etc A leading immigration adviser from Laura Devine Solicitors will be giving a presentation on the Highly Skilled Migrant Programme, student visas, work permits etc. and working in the US on Monday 9 February at 6.15 pm in LT M. There will the opportunity to drop in to the Careers Service for advice from them on Friday 13 February. Deposit required for drop in session. NORTHERN FOODS MONDAY 9 FEBRUARY (interviews - preselected candidates only. Please check with Careers.

5 February 2004

THE BIG VOTE

9

Have you handed in your nomination form for Sabbatical of NUS Delegate elections? Will your name be on these pages in a few week’s time? The deadline for nominations is 1pm on Friday 6th February, so if you’re thinking of standing for election then there’s not long to go! But once nominations have closed, then the real excitement begins. Campaigning begins on Monday 16th February at 10am, when campus will no doubt be covered in all kinds of brightly coloured paraphernalia urging you to pop a little [1] next to different names on a ballot paper. Voting takes place from Monday 23rd February to Friday 27th February and every single student at Surrey has a chance to vote. You will be able to see candidates’ manifestos online and in barefacts in the next few weeks, and these will allow you to chose the best candidates for all the jobs. Manifestos are documents in which candidates tell you just what they will do should they be elected. You will also get the chance to quiz all the candidates at Question Time on Thursday 19th February 2003, as well as at other times during campaigning. Remember, your vote in The Big Vote really will make a difference. You will be choosing the people who run the Students’ Union for the next year, everything from nights out to societies to this ‘ere paper.

Friday 6th Feb 1pm 5pm Thursday 12th Feb 10am Friday 13th Feb 1pm th Monday 16 Feb 10am Thursday 19th Feb Midday 7.30pm Monday 23rd Feb 10am Friday 27th Feb Midday 1pm Evening 8pm

Nominations Close Candidate training & Briefing- the essential guide to what you can and cannot do! Deadline for Manifesto’s Postal Vote Application Deadline Campaigning Begins | Postal Ballots Sent Out Barefacts Elections Special Delivered Question Time Polls Open | If you are using a postal ballot form. Send it off today! First class. Polls Close Count Begins Results Announced Election dinner for successful candidates and their guest with Vice-Chancellor, Senior Students’ Union and University Management and the current Sabbatical team!

Whats On
Fri

Friday 6th - 13th February

This weeks link http://www.theonion.com/

Trevorthe Main Union Nelson & VS Live in
2pm Man City V B’Ham City 4pm Chelsea V Charlton Athletic Live in Chancellors

Sat Sun Mon Tue Tue Wed Thu
FastFlirt© Tickets Available from the Shop

The Federal Charity Dinner Dance
HRB

Tickets £5 in advance from the Union Shop. More on the Door

www.dinnerdance.info

Old School
Entrance 1.50 All Drinks 1.50

60’s & 70’s Night
Karaoke Chancellors 8pm

Citrus what you want

Arabic Society Hrb 9-2am

With Leroy Wilson Union 9-2am Requests, Shouts Mainbefore 10:30 £2 Dedications £4 after

Its the quiz of the week. Chancellors 8pm
Main Union 9pm-2am £2 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards Guests £5 in advance

hancellors Challenge

HRB

Fri

Bad Taste

Comedy
Main Union Spectacular

Tony Lee Stevie Starr
Plus Support Main Union - Tuesday 17th February - 7pm Tickets £3 available from the Union Shop

Hypnotist

Regurgitator

FILM
Tim Edwards on a not very scary Scary Movie, and Neil Boulton gets his dose of American kiddie humour.

MUSIC
Lots more reviews of your favourite bands, plus some other ones you may or may not have heard - bonus!

Film section ahoy!, and today we’re targeting the great review gun on two films that should be hitting the Odeon (Y’know, down the road towards town, near all those car parks) in the up ’n’ coming weeks. I would also like to apologise in advance for the rather

Scary Movie
This film is, quite obviously, the third in a series of films, and is a parody of horror and thriller films. The name ‘Scary Movie’ came from the fact that Scream (in itself, a parody) was supposed to be called Scary Movie. So that makes this series of films a parody of a parody. Oh dear. This film is the 3rd part of a trilogy, never a good sign... And, if we consider the pedigree of the series (Scary Movie 1 and 2)... Oh dear The Film is a 15 rated film, aimed at 12 year olds... Oh dear Things are not shaping up well for this film. And unfortunately, celluloid doesn’t seem to improve it... As you can expect, the premise is simple. Take some ‘blockbusting’ horror movies, and mock them. It starts off soundly (as in asleep) with Pamela Anderson and another big-breasted-yet-familiar woman doing the rounds as the young girls from The Ring (American Version) dying in the first 10 minutes (queue: blonde ‘are you dead?’ moment). Then Charlie Sheen shows up and makes one of the three worthwhile scenes. TOILET HUMOUR AHOY, that’s right the best moment of the film was Charlie Sheen, having a slash... Things then got worse... I ran out of things to munch on and actually paid attention to the film.The humour switched between painful and boring for the rest of the film, with the occasional chuckle. It got so bad at one point, it had to stoop to someone getting kicked in the balls to get a laugh. Now usually, the ‘ball-pummeling’ is worthy of much laughter, but it does require some sort of comedy timing. Unfortunately, this film failed to even get that together properly. The characters are bad, the timing is bad, the acting is bad and the worst thing is, the bits with most chance of making you laugh, were in the trailer. So, if you’ve seen the trailer, that leaves about 5 minutes of a 90 minute film, worthy of a C-grade in elementary humour. The biggest pain about this film, is that David Zucker and Leslie Nielsen have been in some of the best comedy

un-subjectiveness about the Scary Movie 3 review, usually the strive for subjectiveness is successful. But apparently Scary Movie 3 is a very, very, special case. The second review isn’t much better, but, well... We’re Sorry.

Cheaper by the Dozen
One for the children amongst us - Neil Boulton takes a look at the new film with Steve Martin, from Father of the Bride fame, taking a leading role.
Steve Martin is an actor who pretty much went straight into leading roles in his transition from TV comedian to bona-fide-film-type, and he did this feat successfully too. Although in recent years he appears to be slipping somewhat, his run of comedies in the mid-nineties, while amiable enough left no real dent in the world of cinema. Unfortunately Cheaper By The Dozen isn’t going to change that for Steve. Although it has to be noted from the outset that is film is squarely aimed at kids & their parents, so expecting something up the standards of The Jerk and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was probably a lost cause from the get go, I’m guessing this would be more towards Steve’s Father Of The Bride side. The plot is simple enough, Steve Martin plays the father of a family that’s bore itself twelve children and then proceeds to follow their trials and tribulations as the family’s up ended from their rural home to the more suburban climbs of Illinois. The reason for the upheaval is that Steve’s character Tom Baker has been offered his dream job of coaching his university football team, all would be fine but upon arriving in their new home his wife is told they want to publish her book about their rather unconventional family and want her to go on a press tour. Both parents try to follow their dreams and this causes distress to the eleven children (the eldest moved out before all this) left parent-less in new surroundings. Steve being the parent left at home is determined to cope and let his wife promote her book and the day-to-day chaos is the source of the humour. Generally though the film doesn’t feel that funny, mixing humour with moral lessons should be a fairly, albeit it reasonably sappy, enterprise, but the whole film seems wrong. Might be the lack of Steve Martin getting angry (He’s good at that, almost in a Donald Duck way) or it might be that I’m getting far too old and cynical these days – It is aimed at kids after all... but I get the niggling feeling that kids won’t find it funny either. Well, they’d enjoy the dog/crotch interaction (The sound effects were ’wrong’) and the Baker children’s general reckless abandon in their parentally challenged house hold. The parents however may fall asleep, or be kept awake reminiscing about Steve Martin’s past films, or kept awake feeling highly irritated by Ashton Kutcher (All too easy). The ending is also slightly disconcerting, the children’ problems (bullying, general social awkwardness) seemingly completely forgotten with the return home of their mother, their moods abruptly and permanently switching over to happy. It’s bland and a bit of a non-entity and alas I can’t see kids enjoying it too much either.

Tim Edwards is disappointed, to say the least, with the latest offering in the trilogy that is Scary Movie. The advertising slogan below certainly gave rise to a film that promised such wit - “Oh Dear”

films of the 80s and 90s (Naked Gun trilogy, Airplane). The chance of dredging a good film out of such a bad trilogy, with such a good idea behind it, should have been quite high. Charlie Sheen has also been part of some great films, Hot Shots, and the sequel (imaginatively titled) Hot Shots Part Deux. Both of which are comically masterful in their stupidity, most memorable part being the chicken-bow. Now he is reduced to mocking the ex-Minister from Signs. If we’re honest, this film shouldn’t be about big names, and budgets, it should be about stupidity, blatantly crap special effects, and people dieing in imaginative ways. Instead, it has become a big-budget big-name piece of ass, which i wish i’d never seen (and i don’t say that about many films) Tim’s capsule review, in a record 2 words...: Oh dear

film | cs21nb@surrey.ac.uk

5 February 2004

FILM

15

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead
Unusual week it would seem – There’s the very good, such as Full Metal Jacket & Terminator 2. But there’s also Lethal Weapon 4. One the whole though there’s more good flicks than bad and a fair few that sound intriguingly deviated from the norm. You could check them out or just watch the ones you know – The choice, as they say on blind date, is yours.
BY NEIL BOULTON FILM EDITOR

Thursday
Five | 10:05pm – 12:25pm

5th February 2004
Full Metal Jacket | Stanely Kubrik’s classic war drama charting the manufacture of recruits into fighting machines for America in the Vietnam war. Blood, guts, filthy language and the Mickey Mouse show theme help build the dark gritty image of battle. The film has a quality turn from Lee Emrey and drill instructor Sgt. Hartman spraying imaginative profanity at his new recruits.

Channel 4 | 12:30am – 2:20am

Sex, Lies, And Videotape | Steven Soderbergh’s debut film, which won the Palme d’Or at Cannes, isn’t exactly your usual popcorn fodder. It’s s slowburning film that looks frankly at sex and relationships (Sorry, no nudity) specifically between a quartet of characters. Soderbergh’s gone to win Oscars for his films, such as the drug tale Traffic.

Monday
Five | 9:00pm 11:30pm Channel4 | 11:00pm 1:00am

9th February 2004
Lethal Weapon 4 | Avoid

Friday
Five | 1:40am – 3:30am

6th February 2004
Great Balls Of Fire! | Hopefully you thought of the Jerry Lee Lewis song when you read the title to this, the biopic of his life. Dennis Quaid plays Jerry following all the ups and downs of the famous rock ‘n’ roller from his hitting it big to his eventual downfall, including his marriage to his 13 year old cousin (Winona Ryder). Watch-able and filled with some fun music.

Saturday
BBC1 | 10:20pm – 12:00am

7th February 2004
Beverly Hills Cop II | Extremely air-headed sequel which changes little from the original. Eddie Murphy is out and about thwarting a foreign group of ne’erdo-wells in L.A.’s swish Beverly Hills area. Best avoided if you find Eddie Murphy annoying, there’s usually far more interesting films worth watching on a Saturday. Ho hum Captives | BBC shot drama from back in 1994 and is a testament to some of the early work of the actor Tim Roth (He went on to do Pulp Fiction after this). Roth plays a dangerous criminal in a high security prison who ends up romantically entangled with the prison dentist (Julia Ormond), sounds odd but given the people involved it should be entertaining.

The Exorcist III | Exorcist director William Peter Blatty’s official sequel to the exorcist where George C Scott’s lieutenant is after the Gemini killer after a trail of sacrilegious murders, it turns out that the Gemini killer might just be a servant of the devil himself. A suspense filled thriller rather than a out-and-out gore filled horror. Contains Brad Dourif.

Tuesday
ITV | 9:00pm – 10:30pm

10th February 2004
There’s Something About Mary | | Ben Stiller & Cameron Diaz take the leads in the Farrelly brother’s most successful film to date. Stiller’s still hung up on his prom date Diaz and so sets about trying to find her, but even the people he hires seem to fall for her as well. The comedy is definitely in the ‘gross-out’ camp with the disabled, bodily fluids and more featuring in the joke roster. Possessed | Apparently it’s a bit like ‘The Omen’ only set in Denmark. Apparently it starts off as a dark and suspenseful contagion movie then goes somewhere else as a satanic significance is placed upon the flesh-eating virus ravaging people. Sounds intriguing even if they say it goes a bit End-Of-Daysy at the end. Udo Kier’s in it too, he’s one of those people you’re sure you’ve seen somewhere but don’t know where.

BBC1 | 12:00am 1:40am

Channel 4 | 1:00am – 2:50am

Sunday
Five | 5:45pm 8:00pm

8th February 2004
Ladyhawke | An unusual sounding fairytale film, with Michelle Pfeiffer… and Rutger Hauer. Directed by Superman helmer Richard Donner it’s a story of lovers cursed to shape-change into animals, Pfeiffer and Eagle-by-day, Womanby-night and Rutger with an identical but inverted wolf based affliction. With the help of Matthew Broderick they plan to break the curse which traps them. Terminator 2: Judgement Day | James Cameron’s cyborg sequel. The shape shifting liquid metal T-1000 has been sent back in time to remove a young John Connor from the past so he can’t be the revolutionary leader he is in the future, Arnie’s reformed Terminator has been sent back too to protect him. The special effects still look cracking despite the 14 odd years since it’s release Leaving Las Vegas | Mike Figgis’ oscar winning drama about Nicholas Cage’s failed screenwriter’s trip to Las Vegas where he plans to drink himself to death and while there he befriends a Elizabeth Shue’s prostitute. Cage won an Oscar for his role and Shue was nominated and the film shows off Las Vegas for the tourist trap it is

Wednesday
BBC1 | 10:35pm – 12:25am

11th February 2004
Bird On A Wire | Mel Gibson plays a former drugs-runner in hiding after turning state’s evidence, but his cover ends up being blown and he’s forced to go on the run with an old of flame of his in the form of Goldie Hawn. Apparently it features Mel doing his best to pull off a camp hairdresser impersonation and given the result of ‘What Women Want’ this may be painful to watch Happy Gilmore | Again!? I’ve already had this one in Extra-terrestrial once. You’d think TV channels’d have a mountain of films to show. But no, Happy Gilmore’s on again. I think the film’s great and all but this seems a bit silly. Failing hockey player Adam Sandler becomes a success when he adjusts his skills for golf, devolping a fearsome driving shot. No brain, no pain.

Five | 09:00pm – 11:40pm

BBC2 | 12:00am – 1:45am

ITV | 12:50am – 2:20am

Classic of the Week - The Golden Age of Spoof?
Scary Movie 3, the current guise of the spoof movie would appear to be a bit sub par considering it’s proud irreverent heritage. As mentioned earlier, David Zucker directed Scary Movie 3 – It could be argued the reason it’s painfully bad is the fact is was written by the Wayans Brothers... it’s not a Zucker/Zucker/Abrahms collaboration - but back in the good old days (Which, I guess would be the eighties) the Zucker brothers and Abrahms were making a far better quality of spoof. I think spoofs do far better when they spoof a genre of film rather than just other films. E.g. Airplane! spoofs airport disaster movies in general (it’s a near on direct reworking of a film called Zero Hour) rather than just spoofing lots of individual films, granted there’s a great Saturday Night Fever mocking in Airplane! but the straight out Matrix mocking in the first Scary Movie film just seems bad. Maybe I’m getting nostalgic. Anyway, here are the better films to come from the Zucker associated think tank.

The Kentucky Fried Movie – More a scene based spoof of television in general. Very unfocused but was the
first thing they did.

Airplane – Leslie Nielsen & Jeff Bridges together, it’s magic. Planes, War flashbacks, Drinking Problem. Top Secret – Val Kilmer’s best film, he plays a rock ’n’ pop singer (think Elvis) captured by the Germans after they
mistake him for a spy. Contains some of the best sight gags to ever be put on film (People get on a train at the station, only for the station to leave when the whistle’s blown).

Police Squad / Naked Gun Trilogy – The series and the movies, the TV series only had 6 episodes but the
trials and tribulations of Police Squad’s Frank Drebin became 3 successful films (Yes, the quality trials off a bit in the third but I still think it’s wonderful). More sight changes, continuity errors and things just not making sense with a general police drama theme.

BASEketball –

Quite bad, but also really quite funny take on sports films. David Zucker directed and shares the writing credits on this film. Matt Stone & Trey Parker had pretty much nothing to do with the writing, although they did convince them to make the character of Squeak Scolari.

Literature
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LITERATURE

5 February 2004

The Aeneid by Virgil
Written as a pretentious piece of Roman propaganda to impress the emperor Augustus, The Aeneid is a poem depicting the heroics of Aeneas, the founding father of Rome. It begins at the end of the Trojan war, where Virgil gives a brief synopsis of the Iliad, Aeneas one of the few surviving Trojan heroes goes on a mission to find a new land for his people. However predictably he encounters many challenges and distractions that cause them to be delayed for a great amount of time (can anyone spell Ulysses?). The first of Aeneas’ obstacles is the beautiful, drippy Queen Dido (no not the bird who sang with Eminem, the Queen of the Carthaginians) who already acts like a woman desperate for a man (her previous husband’s corpse being barely cold – dirty little slut!), falls obsessively in love with Aeneas when he lands in Carthage. The goddess Juno plans to get the two hitched initially to piss Venus off (who doesn’t like the fact that Dido is distracting Aeneas from his true vocation (i.e. to colonise Italy), and the couple end up in a cave as they get rained on during a hunting trip; where they are married by the goddess and Dido now has secured herself a man (despite the fact her particular choice is not really good from a political point of view.). However shortly after their marriage, Aeneas’ desire to travel returns and leaves his “golden haired wife” (looks like they had Clairol nice and easy in ancient Libya then) and disappears off in search of Italy, Dido being a melancholy woman thrusts a sword through her body, it would have been a wondrous, glorious Greek tragedy if the characters would have been more three dimensional, Aeneas just comes across as a stuck up hero and Dido a wet dishcloth whom you think “good riddance” when she tops herself. Aeneas continues with his Odyssey-like adventures and ends up going to Hades to visit his old man (according to Greek religion everyone goes to hell – so its no wonder they got away with anything!) – and according to most Greek myths seems to be a popular holiday destination for the majority of its hero’s. The final few chapters describe the battle for Aeneas to fulfil his destiny of colonising Italy. They arrive expecting a virgin, uncolonised land, however it is inhabited by the “Latins” under the rule of King Latinus, who agrees initially that the Trojan’s may co-habit the land with them, but this does not satisfy Aeneas (as he wants both the land and the kings daughter Lavinia for himself) or Turnus a distant relative of the king and a bitter asshole, who is also after Lavinia. The rest of the book just turns into a classic two dudes fighting each other for power, glory and the pretty girl. Predictably Aeneas despaches of Turnus and marries the princess Lavinia. When I read the Aeneid I expected something completely different to this. I have a great respect and love for classical literature but I found this book so infuriating and unoriginal it makes me want to puke! Imagine taking the undisputed classic that is Homer’s The Odyssey, ripping out a few chapters for your own and putting the rest in a blender, then sticking those chapters with sickening and brainless patriotism, and pretension. Virgil doesn’t just want to be the “next” Homer, he goes as far as ripping his writing style off as well as nicking parts of the Odyssey and the Illiad out to make his book not completely crass (but fails) and then writes it in such as way as “I’m so much better then Homer”. Had the two lived at the same time and copyright existed – Homer would have sued Virgil’s ass off! Another bit of the icing on the cake is that he did not just plagiarize Homer, another lesser known Greek text “Jason and the Argonauts” by Apolloneus of Rhodes has also been used as “inspiration” for The Aeneid. Apolloneus’ Media is almost one and the same as Virgil’s Dido, as well as stylising his text to sound like Jason and the Argonauts. In all fairness though, the version of the Aeneid I read was in the prose form, so it was rewritten from a poem form; and also had been translated from Latin into English. Maybe in Latin the Aeneid is a beautiful poem, and had earned its right to be classed a classic (other than please the emperor). The fact the book reads really badly maybe the fault of the translators. If you are still thinking of reading The Aeneid, get the non-prose version, and that way it may still be a beautiful piece of very long poetry which if you are a poetry lover will probably either love it or detest it. But it’s the reason the Aeneid was written that annoys me, that it was written to toady up to the Emperor and gain prestige in needlessly praising him, and basing Aeneas’ character on the Emperor Augustus. The book tries to

Jen Walker takes a look at the prose version of Virgil’s classic, something that in her eyes is “so infuriating and unoriginal it makes me want to puke!”
“praise” in two ways, one is by praising the lineage of the Caesar’s (as they believed to be descended from Aeneas) with Aeneas being the founder of Rome (Augustus saw himself as being the third founder of Rome) and secondly by the direct allusions to the Emperor Augustus in the visions and prophecies that occur in the book. It’s a book that would have earned its title as a good piece of literature if it was written as a story without using it as a way of climbing up the social ladder, and showing off too much. If you want a Greek tale, read the Odyssey.

Become a UniS Ambassador
The University’s Marketing & Public Affairs Department are seeking to recruit students to work on a range of marketing and liaison activities. Benefits • Get involved with your University and meet new people. • Gain valuable transferable skills to add to your CV. • Get paid for your time (£5 per hr; plus subsistence) plus commitment bonus • Travel expenses; clothing (UniS t-shirts; fleece) The Job • Conducting campus tours (students/parents) • Presentations and talks to prospective students / parents / schools • Attending Higher Education Fairs • Guiding VIP visitors Training • Full training on all aspects of the job will be given, including: - Key facts about UniS - Presentation skills - Customer care - Health & safety - Database skills PLUS Receive a ‘Record of Achievement’ when you finish, detailing your involvement, achievements and particular skills and qualities. Contact For an application form and job description please contact Pauline Elliott (Marketing Manager): Tel: 01483 683933; e-mail: p.elliott@surrey.ac.uk

5 February 2004

THEATRE

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G u i l d f o r d
Trap for a
Whatever your taste in theatre may be, Guildford and Woking have got something for you this semester! From comedy to musical, fairytale to Shakespeare, as well as one-off shows, Daisy Clay takes a look at what’s on offer in the following weeks…

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Lonely Man
Stomp, the award winning sensation has wowed audiences around the world with its unique combination of theatre, dance, comedy and percussion. Described as “Sizzling energy, insanely talented, utterly infectious” (Time Out) this show is “Not to be missed” (What’s On). The Times says of Stomp “Pure stage magic, you’ll be dancing in your seats”. Stomp finds beauty and music in the mundane. It turns a broom into an instrument and handclapping into a conversation: the junk and clutter of urban life becomes the source of infectious rhythm. Madonna, Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Steven Spielberg, Bruce Willis, Jodie Foster, Denzel Washington, Aretha Franklin and Fatboy Slim are just a few of the celebrities who have enjoyed this unique and amazing show. Add your name to this exclusive list! Tickets start at just £10 .

Showing from Monday 9th to Saturday 14th February at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford, comes a gripping psychological thriller with a cast including Peter Amory, Geoffrey Davies, Michael Tudor-Barnes, and Sally-Ann Matthews, Trap For a Lonely Man. Set in an isolated chalet in the French Alps, Trap for a Lonely Man is a gripping psychological thriller concerning a man who has apparently lost his wife, and is rapidly losing his mind. After having reported her disappearance to the police, Daniel Corban is visited by a young priest who claims he has found a repentant Madam Corban, although Daniel knows that she is an impostor. It becomes increasingly apparent that this is a conspiracy as witnesses testify to the identity of Madam Corban and insist they have seen the two of them together. When the police fail to believe his story he can only conclude that they might be trying to drive him mad - or worse to his death. There is a considerable inheritance at stake, which is reason enough for such a conspiracy but who is responsible and to what lengths can a person go to distort the facts?

How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking
By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive from Guildford, and parking is free in the Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks Centre in central Woking, easily accessible from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and A3. By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute train journey from Guildford, with trains going every 5-20 minutes between Guildford and Woking. Box Office (01483) 545 900 www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/

Notice From the Union....
Unfortunately, due to a conspiracy of circumstance, Arts and Culture Week will now not be taking place next week as originally planned. Though it is unfortunate that it has had to be postponed, we emphasise that it has not been cancelled, and will still go ahead, although later in the semester. In the meantime, we would like to express our thanks to all those involved with its organisation for their enthusiasm and patience, and look forward to bringing you news of the re-scheduled dates in the near future. Catherine Lee & Chris Hunter

How to get to... Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford
By foot from campus: Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue along Millbrook past Debenhams. The Theatre is just past this large building on the right. Box Office (01483) 440000 www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/

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THE BLUESKINS CHANGE MY MIND Domino 2003 saw the Blueskins touring extensively, and gaining exposure through MTV2’s Gonzo tour. The new single ‘Change my mind’ is very much in the mould of the bands’ ‘Magic Road’ EP released at the end of last year. Fast and furious, ‘The Blueskins’ stick to what they know best – trying to project the raw energy of a live set through your stereo. As admirable as this may be, this single fails to stand out from much of their other stuff. Not bad, but not amazing either – perhaps the long muted debut album will offer more scope of the bands’ obvious talent. m.f

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CLARKESVILLE SPINNING Wildstar My first impression of this song was that it has been released at the wrong time of year. The catchy chorus and indie feel surely make this a summer anthem! Despite the attention-grabbing gaiety of the chorus, the lyrics portray nostalgia and sadness (‘I wonder how your world is spinning without me’), creating a sense of irony. The acoustic version that is currently circulating the airwaves is certainly worth a listen. L.O’N

5 February 2004

BRAND NEW SIC TRANSIT GLORIA… GLORY FADES Triple Crown Records

PILOT TO GUNNER GET SAVED Arena Rock Records Maintaining the same tempo, and same instruments throughout, Get Saved manages to sound like one long basement demo. Although the musicians are obviously talented, they seem criminally underused, and almost on the edge of boredom themselves. When the vocals are understandable, they are poorly mixed, rounding off every track as indistinguishable amongst the last song of indescribable noise. The group are clearly trying to purvey a punk rock image, trying at every turn to show their ‘attitude’, with the album sleeve strangely portraying the band with painted on cuts. Luckily, the album is short, and despite it being listenable, I didn’t find it enjoyable. If middle of the road, angst ridden, boy band-style faux rock is your type of cake, then pick this up. c.d.

These guys have received rave reviews from most who come into contact with them. This is a powerful single with a great base line, which is what keeps you listening, it then cracks into the chorus with powerful screaming and hectic guitars. The B-sides show a much mellower side but still keeping to the sad life lyrics. It’s a decent single which any guitar loving, emo style rock punk fan would appreciate. d.m.

RAM FOR YOUR LOVE Headwrecker Sounding like a monotonously long dream, the For Your Love E.P, manages to induce lethargy, despite its up-tempo rhythms. All of the 4 tracks are generic, providing a forgettable listen. There are some highlights, including the instrumentation on Dream Away, but the computerenhanced vocals ruin the relaxed guitars. The Fink remix of the title track makes this slightly more bearable. c.d.

KELIS TASTY Virgin Four years after her man-hating anthem ‘I hate you so much right now’, Kelis returns with an album already boasting one smash hit in ‘Milkshake’. With ‘Tasty’, Kelis keeps collaborations with long time partners ‘The Neptunes’ to a minimum. However, this allows for a fresher mix of ideas by which Kelis expresses a range of sounds and styles. The risk of this is that the album could sounds merely like a collection of songs, rather than an album from one artist. However, ‘Tasty’ fulfils all the promise of ‘Milkshake’, with a number of potential singles - highlights including the collaboration with Andre 3000 on ‘Millionaire’ and the rock/funk power track ‘Keep it down’. m.f

RYAN ADAMS SO ALIVE Lost Highway This song is certainly not boring to listen to. The thought-provoking lyrics of the verses (‘Sinking in the past, the things that shouldn’t last, just put to bed and stand beside me’) are complemented nicely by some unique guitar sounds. However, I felt that the song didn’t really go anywhere. Possibly I am alone here, but to me, Adams’ incomprehensible wailing throughout the chorus bordered on annoying and ruined what would have otherwise been a good tune. L O’N

ENGERICA THE SMELL Kennel Records The song starts off slow and then states it’s claim with a nice ‘n’ chunky riff which stomps along nicely before moving into a rather calmer chorus, then leaves that for a little bit of near screamy vocals. The Bside stays more to the screamy side of things and increases the pace at least two-fold. Lyrically and vocally it reminds me of the Butthole Surfers, both being rather random at times… I think this is wonderful.n.b.

I AM KLOOT FROM YOUR FAVOURITE SKY Echo On any other week I would perhaps feel more sympathetic towards I Am Kloot’s wistful contemplation, but the rigours of listening to Easyworld have taken their toll, and my capacity to endure faceless Britpop-revivalism is waning. I can’t pinpoint any major faults with From Your Favourite Sky, it’s just wholly unengaging in a manner befitting a genre that is deservedly slipping almost unnoticeably between minimalist retro garage and raging bombastic rock. j.d.

DAVID & THE CITIZENS SONG AGAINST LIFE Adrian recordings This has to be the cheapest looking promo I have ever seen! However, once in my stereo the music exceeds anything I was expecting. Although compared to ‘Pulp’, ‘David & The Citizens’ are remarkably similar to ‘Idlewild’ – not a bad thing in anyone’s book surely! Already massive in the musical hotbed of Scandinavia, I can see that this song could break the band into semi-recognition in the UK. Utilising the lyrical skills of their ‘professional poet’ lead singer and an uncompromising drum beat throughout; this is a rip-roaring track which leaves you gasping for more! m.f

THE JEEVAS HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN? Cowboy Musik The voice may be recognisable to most as Crispian Mills of Kula Shaker fame. This is a cover of a 70’s hit and is taken from their second album - Cowboys and Indians. The whole song travels with an upbeat feel, and has a catchy chorus which enables an instant sing a long. Although not an original sound, it is still worth a listen. n.t

OCEANSIZE CATALYST Beggars Banquet This is more like it. As their name suggests, magnitude is important to Oceansize – their commitment to satisfying the public’s lust for enlarged slabs of guitar is such that every riff undergoes a strict vetting procedure, with only those conforming to the desired specifications being allowed to enter into production. All this and they remembered to write a song to go along with it as well. If only everyone could exercise a similar degree of quality control… j.d.

SUFJAN STEVENS SEVEN SWANS Rough Trade I’m not quit sure what to make of this album. It is not offensive to the ears, but not particularly enticing either. The vocals by Sufjan have a whispery airy feel to them and are accompanied by banjo and guitar with the addition of various other sounds on each track. The lyrics are unusual ranging from clapping trees, to pretty dresses and then taking text from the bible and talking of the lord and the devil. These are like old folk tales or creepy nursery rhymes, not aimed at children but rather at adults with a taste for the more unusual side of the music spectrum. Like the track listing I’m not quit sure if its good or plain strange. d.m.

t h ese p ages we r e b ro ug ht to yo u by: j o n at h a n d a r z i, n e i l bo u lto n, l o uise o ’ n e i l l , n e i l ta l l ac k , m at t f is h e r, d i n a my s t ris, co ri n d o uieb, a n d r e w m a l e k , j o n a l l e n, a n d m at t b ad co c k w i t h des ig n by ic k l e sa r ah

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5 February 2004

MUSIC

Since the release of Elephant rocketed Jack and Meg White into the world of rock superstardom, it seems they have rarely been out of the limelight. Not that it’s been a particularly quiet year for Jack – car crashes, aggravated assault charges, new celebrity partners and so on. Finally they made their first big appearance in London since said release, supported by fellow Detroit inhabitants Blanche, who failed to dazzle an expectant crowd with a quirky brand of dark, apocalyptic country which I really enjoyed, although that particular opinion was shared by very few. All was forgotten, however, as The White Stripes took to the stage and the massive blues-rawk guitar scrunch of Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground and Black Math thundered through the Great Hall. The set, much to my surprise, contained a huge amount of early material including the simply incredible version of Dolly Parton’s Jolene which flitted from heartfelt, soulful ballad in the verse to the ear-splittingly mighty rock ‘n’ roll beast of a chorus. During all this, Meg somehow managed to retain her adorable, cutesy persona whilst belting the living bejeebers out of her drums, and Jack’s god-like wanky guitar solos screeched out across the manic crowd. Unexpectedly devoid of Fell In Love With A Girl, the set still maintained its crowd-pleasability with the high tempo Hotel Yorba, the positively huge Seven Nation Army and of course The Hardest Button To Button, the musical equivalent of a juggernaut driving through a plate-glass window. As the set drew to a close with Let’s Build A Home, they stepped forward to take their bow with Jack declaring that he and his ‘sister’ were very happy to have had us. Whether one believes that or not makes no difference, but as long as they keep their wonderful ability to rock crowds of all ages such as this one, who really cares? j.a.
Haven @ ULU Monday 26th January 2004 Currently there are a number of bands crawling out of the woodwork who all play heartfelt indie power-ballads, including the likes of Thirteen Senses, Keane, Delays, Easyworld and Longview, but Haven have already established themselves as a competitive force to be reckoned with, following their 2002 debut Between The Senses. The follow up was originally due for release last year, but after an awkward illness for one of the band members, have only just started gigging their new material now. Playing, strangely, to a less than sold out ULU, they opened tonight’s show with the soaring Let It Live, followed by Til The End. They continued through the best songs off their debut, but the new tracks they played just seemed to have that extra bite provided by some slightly rockier guitars. Unfortunately, I was unable to work out the names of the tracks, but any new material from these guys is well worth looking out for. Anyway, the show continued through the excellent Say Something, and they finally closed with the self describing Beautiful Thing. A very welcome return from a band that should gain a lot more popularity this year… j.a.

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The White Stripes @ Alexandra Palace Wednesday 21st January 2004

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KINOBE WIDE OPEN Jive Records Ah yes its coming nearer the summer and with that comes chill out music. This is Kinobe’s third album and have gone with the theory, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, as its pretty much the same as the last two. Its trendy bars, summer days and the usual car advert sound. They are definitely one of the more accomplished in their field and usually have one of the biggest crowds at the ever important Big Chill. They blend styles of hip hop and jazzy beats with electronic beeps and the sound of the sea very well and it is a seamless transition between the tracks. If we do get any of this snow they keep talking about then this may brighten your day. d.m.

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SUBHUMANS LIVE IN A DIVE Fat Wreck Chords

MICHAEL ANDREWS DONNIE DARKO (ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SCORE) Sanctuary Behold - the soundtrack which fathered last years Christmas no.1. Not the normal sort of thing you’d probably listen to though, as only Mad World (2 versions included herein, it’s the kind of song you like when you first hear it then get progressively more annoyed with…) is a song in the conventional ‘pop’ sense. The rest is all very ambient orchestration, the handy blurb inside the CD cover describes it best: ‘Retrofuturistic’, the sound of the older, more traditional, instruments being used to create the score to science fiction film, without sounding overly synthetic. It’s rather similar to the score for Being John Malkovich by Carter Burwell (Although the score’s faster in places). The haunting sounds while good but seem distant without the context of the film. If you’re not paying attention they have a habit of fading too far back into the background / subconscious. n.b.

68 minutes and 26 tracks of live punk from British group the Subhumans in this, the fifth instalment of Fat Wreck Chords ‘Live In A Dive’ series. Originally rising to popularity in the early eighties, they have all that shouty, early anarchopunk energy. The Queens of the Stone Age have covered one of their songs in the past as well (‘Wake Up Screaming’). The energy rarely seems to drop from beginning to end and the crowd seem only too happy about it and while they’re playing songs written back in the early eighties (Except the prerequisite new song - ‘This Year’s War’…) all the social and political commentary contained within seems to have retained it’s relevance. While musically there are very few deviations in style during the set it sounds great and there are some quality stand out tracks (‘Apathy’, ‘Can’t Hear The Words’ and ‘No’ are my favourites), twenty years on and it’s still good stuff. n.b.

Jive Records

EASYWORLD KILL THE LAST ROMANTIC

The Starting Line / Motion City Soundtrack / Hidden in Plain View / The Prize Fight Philadelphia, PA, USA Sunday 28th December 2003 This 2-night residency sold out almost immediately in pop punk heroes The Starting Line’s hometown. Christmas decorations adorn the stage, and The Prize Fight kick off the party atmosphere with trumpet-infused pop punk (NOT ska!) Despite borrowing heavily from the likes of New Found Glory and TSL, the horns certainly add another dimension to their sound. They are energetic and keep the capacity crowd bouncing throughout. Don’t miss them at USSU on their debut UK tour (February 10th). Hidden in Plain View and Motion City Soundtrack both give great performances, with the latter inexplicably inciting a hardcore pit to their fairly tame old-skool Weezer/Get Up Kids emo sound. They will be supporting Blink 182 on their forthcoming mega-tour of Europe, and on the strength of this performance it’s safe to say that they will be a household name by the end of 2004. The Starting Line are going from strength to strength; their popularity bolstered by heavy MTV rotation with recent hit “Best of Me”. The only flaw in their set is their choice of fantastic supports, which detracts slightly from their own performance. Tracks from the new album go down a storm, as well as old favourites like “Leaving” being belted out by the entire crowd without exception. a.m.

Regular readers of these pages would be forgiven for assuming I suffer from some form of middling indie fixation, compelling me to endlessly analyse the latest releases from the UK’s dwindling neo-shoegazing community. In reality, though, I find the anodyne mediocrity of Easyworld and similar outfits – until recently, an integral part of our buoyant music scene – only marginally more appealing today than in their prime. That’s not to say that Kill The Last Romantic is in any way unlistenable, nor that Easyworld are bereft of either passion or ability; in truth, this album is quite difficult to dislike, with tracks such as the Stipe-tinged Drive and pulsating album closer Goodnight hinting at hidden songwriting strengths. But while it is suitable as pleasant background listening, it would take a saintly patience or an unremitting obsession with the less enduring artists of the mid-‘90s to tolerate more than a few uninterrupted spins. j.d.

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INTERACTIVE

5 February 2004

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Continuing the picture theme of last week’s quiz, this week Matt Adams brings you a special character quiz, where all you have to do is, well, guess the characters from Street Figher! Easy peasy....

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In a departure from the much loved wordsearch, this week barefacts presents something rather different - cut out and play shapes! It’s actually rather harder than it seems at first, so give it a go. The Which Which Sea is so shallow that it has no tides? aim of the game is to rearrange the shapes below (and to the the side) to make a different square. And What is the most common Spanish surname? to spice it up a little, as there’s no answer to this in the paper - the first person to come to the Media Centre and demonstrate correctly how they made their Of what is psephology the study? new square wins a piece of limited edition Simpsons barware. Which birds fly in groups called skeins? Exciting stuff! Have you In which year did the evacuation of Dunkirk take place? got any ideas for the Interactive What What computer language was invented by James Backus? page? Then email the From which country did Iceland win its independence in June 1944? normal address What is meant by the latin term ‘a tergo’? with your thoughts, and who In which country did tarot cards originate? knows, they could Who wrote ‘2001, A Space Odyssey’? appear in the paper this time Answers to everything in the Interactive section, are upsidedown next week! at the bottom of page 21 You know the score. In the mood for a challenge? barefacts@ Chancellor’s [bar and] Restaurant at 8.30pm every Thursday night. surrey.ac.uk. Pit your wits against a variety of the top quiz mastery brains

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pub bf quiz 1

By Ben Berryman

around...

5 February 2004

LIFESTYLE

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Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the University of Surrey Students’ Union...
I DON’T KNOW why, but for some bizarre reason I get insanely excited when I find someone born on my birthday. A little weird, I know. An ex boyfriend of mine used to moan at me when I went “oooh, they’re born on the same day as me!”, but then he had a twin brother, so it was completely normal for him! THE other evening I was checking my emails at home, when something made me toddle along to google and pop in “famous birthdays”, bringing me to the rather predictable www.famousbirthdays.com. It looks like there must be people out there who are more obsessed that me about this concept, if they’re hosting websites about it.... My birthday, 8th August, brought up an impressive fifteen people. Even more impressive were the two born on 8/8/81. I wonder if I’m alone in feeling like this, but... these people came out of their Mummy’s tummies on exactly the same day I did, have celebrated all their birthdays on the same day as me... wow! ONE of the two 8/8/81ers was a certain ‘Bradley McIntosh’, whom at first glance I had never heard of at all – but hey, he was born on my birthday, so he must be someone special. So up comes www.imdb.com, one of my favourite websites of the moment, and lo and behold, I discovered that the aforementioned Bradley is in fact..... Bradley from S Club 7!! Now, I’m definitely no fan, unless crazily dancing around whilst singing “reach for the staaaaars” in the Union all those years ago, counts as fan-dom, but I still found it pretty exciting. Another relatively exciting 8/8er (to me, anyway) was Noah Sutherland. I vaguely recognised his name, but couldn’t place him until I ran the name through imdb again, and..... he’s Libby’s baby from Neighbours! IT was late, I was still at work, and I toddled along through the Activities Centre to tell Chris and Chops, the remaining Sabbs at that late hour, my ‘exciting news’. I also added that Dustin Hoffman was born on my birthday, to which Chops replied, in a sarcastic tone “well, that’s slightly more exciting than a member of S Club 7 anyway....” SO, I’ve been thinking about birthdays a lot this week... could be because my half birthday pops up in a few day’s time. I once considered celebrating my half birthday instead of my whole one, as noone’s ever around in August.... maybe now is a good time start... want to come to my 22 1/2 birthday party on the 8th, anyone?! ‘ickle sarah butterworth First of all I want to say a hi and thank you to Janet and Brian at Battersea Court reception. They often get quite a hard time from students, usually when the problem is nothing to do with them, and yet they still make the effort to sort the situation out. This is my 2nd year living in Battersea Court and the reception staff were one of my main reasons for choosing Battersea Court over the other courts for my sabbatical year – (oh, and just to silence the myth once and for all – Sabbatical officers DO NOT get free campus accommodation!!). While we’re on Battersea Court, I’d just like to finally get in a quick hia to the 2003/4 residents of Rawson 3 (mine and Ickle Sarah’s abode for 2002/3, and the origins of this column). There are some really crazy people living on Rawson 3, who keep asking me to mention them in Rawson’s Creek. They dangled Christmas lights across about 3 rooms, visible from the library – you beat us on that one! Anyway, moving on. This week’s column I am having to wring from my head. Last week’s ideas flowed like sloppy cow pooh, but this week’s ideas are taking so much time and energy to expel, that I can sympathise with a constipated tortoise! I have done quite a lot of travelling on trains recently, and it would be really interesting to do a survey of all the train carriages on our rail networks, to see exactly how many have speaker systems where you can actually clearly hear what the train drive or guards are actually saying. They either are too quiet, far too loud, echoy, distorted, intercepted radio transmissions from aliens, or just that the drivers struggle to pronounce station names so much that it actually sounds like your at a completely different station! Once I was travelling from Guildford to Waterloo, and after leaving Guildford the driver made an announcement that went something like “Good afternoon, welcome to the passengers that have got on at Guildford. This is the 16:30 service to London Waterloo. Calling at Wooooooo Rckk Ingh, Clapham Junction and London Waterloo”. The looks on people’s faces round the carriages varied from amusement, disbelief, and panic – as a couple of people asked if they were on the right train. With so many other problems on the train systems I fear that the speaker issue will not get resolved for a long time to come, so when finally it is sorted I would like some credit for flagging up this issue. chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter

This week I am mostly …indulging in the cathartic process of relating horrific stories from my school years in a desperate attempt to expel inner negativity and get in touch with my true self! I have to say, lobbying in Westminster against top-up fees last week made me feel really grown up. Well, perhaps not grown up as such, maybe just old. You see, I had the sudden realisation that fourteen years had lapsed since I last visited the House of Commons. I still have a photo to mark the occasion actually – twenty space-cadet-fringed school children togged out in cagoules and mittens on string, armed with chunky plastic lunchboxes, desperately to get a look at the PM. Our form teacher of the time was a right battleaxe, though you have to admire her determination in trying to encourage her class of nine year-olds to take an active interest in politics – to be honest, we were far more preoccupied with torturing the class frog [a couple of months later, the stench that greeted us on the Monday morning confirmed our suspicions as to just how much pain Freddie could actually withstand… ]. It was the year of a general election and we were all split into groups to write songs for the respective candidates. I was in the group that got lumbered with John Major – I vaguely recollect using the Neighbours theme tune as our campaign ditty [“Ma-jor, everybody needs John Ma-jor…”]. Evidence enough of our enthusiasm for the task. I don’t recall ever liking school much. To be fair, I did my best not to get there in the first place, successfully failing every test I was set at the pre-school-headmistress-meetsparents-and-kid-appointment – but then what was the point in copying the patterns I was given? Much better make up my own. Unfortunately that got me classed as “advanced creative” rather than the intended “downright rebellious” – if I’d had even the slightest inkling my plan would backfire in this way, I would have just gone with the “completely ignorant” approach. Anything but secure a thirteen-year-long place at the local educational establishment nicknamed “whorehouse on the hill”. To say they weren’t the best years of my life would be an understatement – believe it or not, I was a bit of a square kid, the type that gets genuinely excited about Physics projects and long division. I guess I was asking for it. I remember once, I fell over in Dance class, knocked my head quite hard. That in itself was OK - it was the Maths class straight after that was to etch the emotional scars in my inner psyche: “What’s 8 times 9 Catherine?” sneered Sarah, the class bully. “72” I replied confidently [if there was one thing I knew having just turned seven, it was my times tables]. Multiple sniggers and gasps of disgust followed - “don’t be silly, everyone knows its 66”. This bitchy charade continued for a good fifteen minutes [the whole of my table were in on the act – clearly didn’t have minds of their own, sheep] and trust me, at that age, permanent amnesia seemed like the worst thing in the world. The school’s subsequent decision to send me to A&E with suspected concussion only served to confirm my deepest fears… it was all just too much for me to cope with… and on my birthday too. I’ve decided to boycott my birthday this year, few too many candles for my liking. No more hardcore party lifestyle for me - from Saturday I’m hoping to settle comfortably into a comfortable routine of cocoa, slippers and bed before 10. Trust me, it’s for the best – if you ever see me in the morning, you’ll realise just how much beauty sleep this Fruitcake needs these days… Catherine Lee

Lyrics Quiz by Pete Tivers
1. 2. 3. Do anything that you want to do, but uh-uh, Honey, lay off of my shoes. A little voice inside my head said, “Don’t look back. You can never look back.” If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change. 4. I wish you could swim, like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim. 5. Let’s make the best of the situation, before I finally go insane. Please don’t say we’ll never find a way, and tell me all my love’s in vain. 6. It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you, there’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. 7. Under a blood red sky, a crowd has gathered in black and white. 8. I was a high school loser, never made it with a lady, till the boys told me somethin’ I missed. 9. You’re so fine and you’re mine, I’ll be yours ‘till the end of time. 10. Oceans apart day after day, and I slowly go insane, I hear your voice on the line, but it doesn’t stop the pain.

upsidedown answers: street fighter quiz | 1.Balrog - 2.Chun-Li - 3.Dee Jay - 4.Sagat - 5.M Bison - 6.Dhalsim - 7.Cammy - 8.Ryu - 9.Fei Long - 10.Guile - 11.T Hawk - 12.Blanka - 13.Vega 14.Zangief | bf pub quiz | 1.The Mediterranean - 2.Garcia - 3.Elections - 4.Geese - 5.1940 - 6.Fortran - 7.Denmark - 8.From behind - 9.Italy - 10.Arthur C. Clarke | lyrics quiz | 1.Elvis - Blue Suade Shoes - 2.Don Henly - Boys Of Summer - 3.Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror - 4.David Bowie – Heroes - 5.Eric Clapton – Layla - 6.Toto – Africa - 7.U2 - New Years Day - 8.Aerosmith Feat. Run DMC - Walk This Way - 9.Madonna - Like A Virgin - 10.Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting

29

LIFESTYLE

5 February 2004

the

Libra I hear you’ve reached a scary place in your head this week – perhaps even several times. Hmmmm… remedy the issues by playing footsie with that hottie in your lectures. Such junk, such junk! Its not open for discussion so shut up, just shut up shut up. Scorpio Well, well…you have been bitten by the travel bug this week haven’t you? An exciting trip abroad beckons, and you’re going to have a fantastical time! all that glitters is gold, and your definitely glittering lots and lots. Just remember – you’re not the only one having fun this week…

silly Stars
Capricorn You’ve got your head in the clouds this week, especially those who are stood up the top of the Empire State building… Don’t be mean, get a round in, and maybe the favour will be returned…eventually. Aquarius Bring on Wednesday night!! Judging by the past couple of weeks, this particular night of the week has a high rate of success…so put on your gladrags and go mad! You will be looking stooooning all week so make the most of it, and flaunt your sexy self. Tea is the drink this week, so enjoy, especially the funky flavoured ones!

by Psychic Psandy
Cancer Chip butties, chips and gravy, and a deepfried Mars bar…yum. Bowling is fun this week, so get yourself down to Spectrum (though you may have to walk there; thank you Guildford council). Get your tongue pierced – it might hurt but beauty=pain so get over it. Leo You are so beautiful to me…blah blah, yaourt, yaourt, yaourt, etc, and all that. Buy some shoes, it’ll make you feel better. And you can wear them to that party next Wednesday. Woo! Drink coffee, its luvverly. Keep an eye out for my husband, he’s been lurking again… Virgo Woo ooh ooh, I wanna be like you-oo-oo! Don’t get too carried away, though, ‘cos we just like singing the song innit! Flutter your eyelashes to get what you want, especially if your eyes are big and blue! It’ll work miracles for you - just you wait and see! PS. How did the mooning go?

Aries You shall be receiving a much-anticipated visit from a long-lost soulmate on Wednesday, so make sure you have lots of fun! However, don’t plan too far in advance as spontaneity is always the best policy – and we all know that you Arians have fabulous imaginations! Taurus Trev’s on his way, so get geared up for a fabulous Friday night, partake in several alcoholic beverages, and generally cause lots of mayhem! All in a night’s work for you lot, I believe. Say something nice to someone and make their day. And remember - stripy socks are the next big thing! Gemini My, my, you have been busy lately haven’t you? We all know how crap you Geminis are at taking it easy, but you need to stop burning the candle at both ends, even if only for one day… Challenge for the week: make it to at least half your lectures!

Sagittarius For pity’s sake, get rid of the comb-over! Its soooooo not a good look, babe. And while we’re at it, sort out the stripy blusher. Minging! Those major issues aside, you’re doing pretty well for yourself at the mo’, just as long as you don’t get a NICE piece…

Pisces Hopefully, you’ve managed to get through this week without breaking any (major) bones. Tap your toes and have a bit of a jig. Monday’s your lucky day, so spend the day eating shortbread, lovely. Opal fruits, even better. Avoid Tesco’s trolleys, at least if they’re anywhere near the lake...

- Barefacts Personals You know the drill - send an email with the subject line ‘personals’ to barefacts@ussu.co.uk and as if by magic they’ll appear in the next issue of bareafcts. If you#re sending in more than one, pop them in the same email, will you? Cheers!

“Will watch your balls... the Weyside girls are superior!” beware the mind control badges... shall we get them out again?! “Happy birthday Charlie! ...catching up with the rest of us!” Mondays there’s no warm up and Thursday it takes so long your cold by the time you start! Someone tell them to go do a Tuesday class to see how to do it properly! Sorry about that Eveready, but it’s not as if i asked to be handcuffed to you in the first place. Dave: “I read barefacts cover to cover every week.... religiously..... except anything Ben writes..... and anything that isn’t written by me.....” Isn’t that twice that of a fresher?

Cullen I think the suggestion of a new Chairperson warrents a daily fine every day of tour... you haven’t seen me be mean yet!!!! The Wittgenstein society would like to invite some bikini clad oil girls for a night of Backgammon to commence on Feb 7th at 50 Weston Road. 8pm. What’s going on with Circuits??? Two guys go off around the world and the whole thing collapses! Thank God Tuesday guy is still here! Happy Birthday Eveready, how old did you say?????? CHAVSTER!!!! I might be disabled and have pounding bruises but at least I don’t re-cycle my pants, get my knob out in the union and name my daughter after my sister! xxx Gotcha Storm! is it true cullen likes paintbrush????

Because if YOU care, CAT cares! never go out with your housemate - it always ends in tears! RAY’S MADNESS ON GU2 1350AM | OR LISTEN LIVE ON www.gu2.co.uk | SUNDAY MORNINGS AT 11 | PURE SEX COMING OUT OF YOUR SOUND SYSTEM! www.neilandmatt.co.uk. Online weddling list and travel arrangements for the big day. special pasta!!! So there was the guy she really fancied, in the union, walking away, looking at her and.....she sticks a straw up her nose!!! BAAAAAAA!!! wkd & port, mailbu, bitter & black, sherry, s’berry tequilla, cider & blue curaco, wine, snakey b and a soft slow screw (between 4!)......Happy Birthday Debs - hope ur still standing!

Happy Birthday Harry!! Hope you had a fantastic night! x We know the bruise on your leg came from too much action in the bedroom!!! At least, you’re not as bad as “screamer” though!!! And she blamed the broken window on an over-sized piece of fruit!!! house 15 stag hill...will u pls shut the f**K up?dont wanna b a kill joy but sum of us av lectures in the am, n dont need a wake up call at 3am! I’m off to count some busses! 5 times - in one night?! Someone must really like you! So ... who fancies lamb chops? off to the isle of wight again, woo yay! Tedaldi & Bathy - even though you’re not elite, we still love you

5 February 2004

SPORT

23

Fighting Spirit First Session Goes
BY SHEA-MAINE LIM With only one win the whole of last term, which was against Imperial Medics, the University ladies squash team was hoping to do much better this term. With our ladies captain finally being able to play for the first time since the start of last term, we were looking forward to giving our opponents, University of Sussex, a good fight. We indeed gave them a tough time. First on the courts was our numbers one and four. Kirstie, playing for the first time in months due to an injury, played first seeded and gave her opponent a good fight but had to concede in straight sets with her opponents hitting all the way to the back wall. Amanda, playing on the next court, on the other hand, gave our opponents something to think about by winning her game in straight sets and even managing to win her second game 9-0. Next on courts were Magda, our third seed and Pippa, our fifth seed. Pippa had a very experienced opponent which was too much for her to handle and had to bow out in straight sets as well. Magda, even though made her opponent run all around the court still had to fight for a win as she was leading two games to none, was disappointed that her opponent managed to get herself together and won the next two games. Magda, doing us proud and not wanting to lose, trashed her opponent in the final game by winning 9-1 with her superb drop shots and beautiful serves. With the score set at two games a piece it was down to me to play the deciding match. Sadly, my opponent, the Sussex captain was too good for me and I had to admit defeat in straight sets. All in all, we came home feeling quite good, as the final score was not that disappointing.

Swimmingly

BY DAVID ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN The first Sunday swim was a roaring success. 40 people, split between 2 minibuses, a jeep and a car, made the short journey to the pool in Witley. As was expected, the range of ability was considerable. We were joined by about 6 members of the men’s and women’s Waterpolo Clubs and there were a number of other good swimmers. There were lots of reasonably good swimmers (taking up two of the four lanes) and a significant number of inexperienced swimmers. So whatever level you are at, come along some time and join us. Following on from the success of this first session and all the e-mails I received from people who are interested in Monday evenings, we will be offering an hour on Mondays, 8-9pm. As with the Sunday sessions 9-10pm, we will have a minibus leaving from Senate House car park, half an hour early. Due to the popularity of it, for the next couple of weeks, we would like you to e-mail Sports@ussu.co.uk to let us know if you plan to be coming along. Feel free to just turn up, but there is a chance that there will not be space on the bus.

SPORT, FITNESS & DANCE

AT SURREY STUDENT MEMBERSHIP

There has also been a development on the Lifesaving Club front. We have teamed up with Spectrum Leisure Centre to offer National Pool Lifeguard Qualification courses not only at a considerably reduced price, but for free. The course would usually cost £170. We will pay for it all if you agree to cover 6 hours of Waterpolo training (also at the Spectrum Leisure Centre) after passing the course. If you are unable to help provide Lifeguard cover, we will still be able to offer the course for the reduced price of £100. The first available dates are Monday 29th March to 2nd April with the on exam 3rd April and also Monday 12th July to 16th July with the exam on 17th July. The first course is during the first week of Easter, so if you are going to be in Guildford over the holidays, it will give you something to do with yourself. The second course is during the long summer break so if you can’t find time for it then, you never will. If you are interested, e-mail Sports@ussu.co.uk for more details. Keep an eye out in Barefacts for details of Re-Fresher’s Fayre, where Lifesaving will have a stand.

ONLY
MEMBERSHIP

£70

INCLUDES:

Fitness club membership; all dance fitness & aerobic classes free; discount on most taught courses; most casual sports free including badminton, squash, basketball and climbing; Membership lasts for one year

Think your sport is physically or mentally demanding or simply different from all the rest? Then why not Challenge Chops to take part in your sport and show exactly what is involved. sports@ussu.co.uk

BUSA Results | 28 January 2004
Mens Badminton SURREY 2nd vs UCL 2nd Basketball Kings 1st vs SURREY 1st` Football SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st Portsmouth 4th vs SURREY 2nd Brighton 4th vs SURRY 3rd SURREY 4th vs Brighton 5th Portsmouth 5th vs SURREY 5th Womens Basketball SURREY 1st vs Chichester 1st Football Brighton 2nd vs SURREY 1st Netball Kings 1st vs SURREY 1st LSE 2nd vs SURREY 2nd Squash Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st 37-81

BUSA Fixtures | 11 February 2004
Mens Badminton Kingston 1st vs SURREY 1st Surrey 2nd vs Reading 2nd Football St George’s Hops 1st vs SURREY 1st Kingston 3rd vs SURREY 2nd SURREY 3rd vs Sussex 3rd SURREY 4th vs Portsmouth 5th SURREY 5th vs Sussex 4th Golf Exeter 1st vs SURREY 1st Hockey SURREY 1st vs St Mary’s 1st Herts 2nd vs SURREY 2nd Rugby Greenwich 1st SURREY 1st Squash Kent 1st vs SURREY 1st Kingston 1st vs SURREY 1st Womens Badminton SURREY 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st Basketball St Mary’s 1st vs SURREY 1st Football SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st Netball Roehampton 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 2nd vs Imperial Medics 3rd Rugby SURREY 1st vs Brunel 1st

4-5 L-L 1-2 3-2 L-L 2-7 3-2

29-7 3-2

Hockey Imperial Medics 1st vs SURREY 1st 5-4 Squash Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st` 4-1

for more fixtures and results visit: busaresults.org.uk

24

SPORT

5 February 2004

teamsurrey
BY CAZZA DEE

Les Arcs 2004 - “The Bling Tour”
SPORTS PROFILE
Name: Liz Cannon Sport(s): Women’s Rugby & Waterpolo Age: Older than the average student Sporting Idols: Lance Armstrong, Lawernce Dallaglio and Paula Radcliffe this time. Benji’s were kind enough to provide après ski in the form of a stripper, the Red Hot Saloon was the location for the Hawaiian night, school night and Bling Bling night whilst those who really fancied a late morning would move onto the infamous Apocolypse and finally Le Kebab. Congratulations to those who all put in an appearance on all those nights out & still made it onto the slopes by 10. Mustn’t forget the meal on the mountain –a few hundred skiers descend onto a mountain restaurant, have dinner, drink lots and then attempt to ski back to the resort by a torchlit descent. Thanks to everyone who came on the trip and made it so successful. Missed out? There will be the British Universities Snowsports Championships in Easter, the $ummer $ession in July and there will be a Surrey contingent attending both, visit www.surreysnowsports.com for more info. Forthcoming events will also consist of the post-tour party & pub crawl. Best Aspects of your sport: Post match dress codes and bruises Worst aspects of your sport: People thinking you’re butch and gay because you play rugby Best sporting moment: Watching England win the world cup with my team mates in the HRB Most embarrassing sporting moment: The first pub golf I went on having to wear a mini skirt (dress code) in public. Worst injury: Rotated rib

115 of Surrey’s finest packed their thermals and Hawaiian skirts for the annual ski club tour of the French Alps. This is the biggest trip within the university, Les Arcs 1800 was the setting, carnage was the name of the game. Despite the first two days of near- continual rain, the heavens finally opened and it was powder time for the rest of the week. (For non-snowsports enthusiasts, powder snow is very, very good news.) The beginners were perfecting their snowplough turns, intermediates were finding their edges and the more advanced (or stupid among us) ignored the 5 out of 5 avalanche warnings to search for that perfect, untouched area of off-piste. We were woken every morning to the sound of avalanches being triggered by the mountain explosives team. Or it could have been my hangover. We were even lucky enough not to have any serious injuries

The plug: Women’s Rugby training – Monday 6:30-8:30pm at the Varsity Centre

Surrey Rides To Victory
BY KATIE BELL The equestrian club has been very busy this semester. With so many new members, we have this year entered three teams for BUSA competitions. Our extensive training and dedication paid off a couple of Wednesdays ago (the 14th Jan) when our second team won at Southampton. This run of success began before Christmas, when our third team came second whilst competing at Southampton. The second teams competition began with a 7am rainy start, but luckily the rain didn’t manage to dampen any spirits! At a BUSA riding competition each rider must complete a dressage test and a round of show jumping on the home team’s horses. This shows just how hard our team had to work to win, as they were riding totally unknown horses, some of which had us more than a bit worried! To see one of Southampton’s own riders dumped in a puddle before the jumping even began was not a huge confidence booster, especially considering we were down to ride it next! But despite the miserable weather and temperamental horses, our team strolled away with individual 1st, 2nd, 4th and 8th, we easily topped Southampton’s and Brunel’s good efforts. The day ended with a much-needed pint down the pub along with the other teams (It ain’t just you lads that enjoy a pint after matches!). The hard training of all our teams continues, as the next few weeks hold more competitions three of which are at home. Well done again to all involved and may the good luck continue. Special thanks also go to club members and friends for all the help and support they have given, it’s finally paid off!

Are you in a Sports Club? submit your article and pictures for barefacts to Pete Nichols - email cs11pn@surrey.ac.uk by Friday @ 5pm

The Sports Show on GU2

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